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Breathing was hard.
Swallowing was hard.
Hell, existing was hard.
Poe shifted on the bed at the edge of the infirmary. The second degree burns that trailed down both arms to his midsection was the least of his worries. The smoke that he had taken in had scorched his esophagus and lungs, drastically affecting his voice and capability to breathe, which was why he had a cannula under his nose feeding him the oxygen that his body wasn’t taking it from the air on its own. It was frustrating to say the least, yet there was nothing that he could do about it.
A soft knock on the door had Poe lifting his head and looking to the side. He gave a weak smile when he saw Finn standing there, a small bundle of flowers that he had picked in the forest just outside held out in front of him. Fear shone in his eyes that he desperately tried to hide as he looked to Poe’s face so he didn’t have to focus on his arms.
Poe opened his mouth to speak, but all that came out was a couple harsh coughs.
Finn was at his side in a moment, flowers set aside on the small side table beside his bed. He pulled a desk chair under him and sat down so that he could sit right next to Poe’s bed.
“Shh, don’t try and talk,” chided Finn, already bringing up a hand to pull at Poe’s pillows to help him sit upright. That’s what one of the medical droids said that he could try to help Poe breathe easier and avoid the painful coughing fits. “I gotcha. I gotcha.”
Poe continued to cough as Finn reached under his armpits and pulled him up, whispering when Finn accidentally grazed a burned portion of his left arm.
“Shit! Sorry.” Finn readjusted himself to avoid that, not wanting to bring anymore pain to Poe. “I guess I don’t make a very good nurse, do I?”
Poe’s eyes rounded as he shook his head firmly. His mouth opened and closed, but no sound could be made. His mouth snapped closed forcefully as he began to cough again.
Finn reached over and began to fill a glass with water from a pitcher. He lifted it to Poe’s lips to offer him a drink, but Poe forcefully thrust his head to the side, eyes narrowed.
“Poe, what are you doing,” Finn asked in confusion. “You have to drink. That’ll help with your coughing.”
Poe shook his head once more and reached out a trembling hand to point at the PADD that was laying beside the water pitcher. He made a couple more sporadic points at it, lips still pressed deliberately shut so that no water seeped into his mouth.
Reluctantly, Finn set the water down and grabbed the PADD instead. He handed it over cautiously to Poe, watching his burned and trembling fingers hold it against his stretched out legs and began to draw on the screen.
ICE CHIPS
Poe pointed at the two words over and over, a pleading look in his eyes.
“Oh, okay. Yeah, I can do that.” Finn looked around the room until he located a small container at the corner of the room. He rose to his feet and rushed over. He kneeled by the large box and pressed a button on the side, a cup filled with chips of ice rising out of the top, appearing frozen to the touch.
Finn grasped the class and sped back over to Poe. He sat beside him and grasped a metal spoon that was left on the side table probably from Poe’s last meal. It clanked as it moved the ice around until Finn was able to scoop up a small piece and bring it up to Poe’s lips.
“Careful,” Finn chided.
Poe raised an eyebrow pointedly at Finn before taken the piece of ice in his mouth. He kept it there for a few moments, allowing the coldness to flood his mouth. He brought his teeth down gingerly, the ice breaking into tiny pieces. He swallowed it down, moaning in pleasure. His hand stretched out once more, fingers bound together and wrapped in gauze, to point back at the cold glass and opened his mouth partially.
Finn couldn’t help but chuckle. “Alright, alright. A little bit more.” He scooped up two small pieces this time. The last thing that he needed was for Poe to choke on them.
He brought it up to Poe’s mouth and Poe nearly bit the spoon in the process. He savored the coolness and allowed the ice to melt, pooling into his mouth for as long as tolerable before swallowing.
“Who knew ice could be such a coveted item, huh?” Finn swirled the glass around, listening to the ice chunks collide with one another. He stared down at it, still unable to glance up in Poe’s direction for too long or he feared he may start to cry. It had already happened in their shared General’s quarters when he so much as thought about what had happened and seeing Poe being brought in, burned to hell and with a tube down his throat to stop it from closing in and to help him breathe. It had been one of the scariest moments of Finn’s life and he was still struggling to process it.
Poe noticed Finn looking down, jaw clenched and shoulders hunched. He knew that look from the time that they had spent together and it broke his heart each time.
He raised his PADD, knowing that opening his mouth to speak would just send him on another endless coughing fit. Talking would have to wait until his tissue regenerated itself and then they would see the extent of the damage from smoke inhalation. For now he would have to write down what he felt.
Poe scribbled down something quickly on his PADD, barely pausing to check what he was saying. This was far too important to wait.
He tilted it around and pushed it in Finn’s direction so he could better read it.
DON’T CRY. NOT YOUR FAULT.
Finn’s eyes blazed after he read it, lip curling as he glared at Poe. “I was supposed to be the one mission, not you. How can you sit there and say that it’s not my fault?”
Poe scribbled something more on his PADD.
THIS WAS MY FAULT. I WASN’T CAREFUL AND NOW I’M PAYING THE PRICE. NOT YOU.
Finn looked away again. “I hate seeing you like this, Poe. You’re hurt and you can’t talk and the medical droid doesn’t know how long your recovery will take. I just hate to see you in pain.”
Despite the cannula in his nostrils, Poe managed to pull the corners of his mouth upwards in a slight smile. The PADD was slightly forgotten as Poe leaned slightly forward, careful not to apply any pressure to the worst charred areas of his body.
“I......love......you.......Finn.”
Finn grasped the ice chips as Poe began to cough, the meager words aggravating his already temperamental throat. He attempted to aim the cough against his chest as his arms were wrapped and bound, restricting his movements. Any and all movement was at the mercy to someone else and there was no saying how long that would be the case.
The spoon of ice was brought up to Poe’s lips again and Poe didn’t hesitate to swallow them without even chewing. They slid down his throat like shards of glass, and it took everything in his power not to begin coughing again. The more he coughed, the more painful it was, and he was often left struggling for breath.
Finn was there to refill his cup with ice and bring it back up to Poe’s lips. Poe chewed on the tiny chips, swallowing it down slowly. He eagerly opened his mouth for more, and they continued on until the glass was empty, leaving cold water at the bottom.
“Do you want some more,” Finn questioned when he saw the still pleading look in Poe’s eyes when he looked at the empty ice cup.
Poe nodded feverishly, eagerly shifting as much as he could so he didn’t cause himself discomfort. The promise of ice, which was the only thing that was even touching the soreness in his throat, made his heart jump in his chest. There wasn’t much that brought that sort of reaction out of him anymore when he was confined to his bed, just waiting for his body to recover so that he no longer had to deal with the pain he felt. He had been told numerous times it would be a slow recovery, but he hadn’t anticipated that it would be this slow.
Before Finn rose to his feet to grab another glass of ice, he leaned over and kissed Poe on top of his head. “I love you, Poe, and I’m going to take care of you. Just relax and everything will be okay.”