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“You can do some real good with us.” Agent Barton had said, and somehow, against everything she was ever taught she believed him. She’d been looking for a way out for months at this point, knowing that one day there would be something she couldn’t come back from.
“I’d like that,” She’d agreed. She walked away from the red room; from the life she’d lived since she was three. She walked away from Yelena, and the other widows.
“You have to prove you want this.” Fury had said. “I’m not stupid enough to trust a black widow.” This is familiar, fighting for her life against someone who holds it in their hands.
“What do you need?” She asked, what is my mission? A question asked a thousand times of a thousand different handlers.
“Dreykov’s head.” Fury said, and she smiled, because that was something she could do, something that could save Yelena. She hadn’t expected the deadline, or the impersonal nature of the planned attack.
In the end she couldn’t deliver Dreykov’s head, only watch as they brought a building down to kill the man. She stared at his daughter in the window as the building went down, and pretended her escape didn’t feel as empty as it did.
She spent two days huddled with Clint Barton in a crawl space. Listened to his story, how he was recruited, what he used to do. A mercenary, with a specific skill set, and a black widow. Heroes.
“It’s nice, knowing I’m doing something good.” He said, while carving his initials into the wall with the tip of an arrow. Good, such a grand concept. She closed her eyes, and saw Antonia’s face. She almost ask’s how he knows, but stops. She’s new to shield, her footing is still unsteady.
“Yeah,” She agreed. They make it out of Bucharest, and she doesn’t look back. Doesn’t watch the news reports of what happened. Doesn’t want to know how many she killed in her escape.
41 dead.
They send the two of them on another mission the moment they return to Shield. She thought about Yelena, thought about the life she might be living free of Dreykov. She thought about looking for her.
The idea of Shield finding Yelena makes her stomach twist in a way she doesn’t want to think about. She doesn’t look.
They send them out on another mission, with barely any time to breathe between. They’re being kept busy, prevented from thinking too hard.
“She’s a dangerous mutant.” Coulson said, when he gave them their orders. Clint didn’t bat an eye at the dossier on an elementary school teacher. “We’ve got you a position as her classroom assistant.”
Natasha does what she was trained to do, lies and smiles, and nods. Melissa is a nice lady, but incredibly powerful. In the end, their orders are to eliminate her. Natasha does her job.
“You lie, and kill in the name of liars and killers.” Melissa spit, as Natasha’s knife sunk into her gut. She can feel Clint’s eyes on her. Can feel him watching to make sure she confirms the kill. She crouches down, careful to block his vision.
“She down?” Clint asked, and Nat was careful to make sure he couldn’t see, when she applied the spray on bandage shield used to melissa’s wound.
“Target’s down.” Natasha replied, as she stared into Melissa’s eyes. ‘You have to run.’ She mouths, and Melissa is smart enough not to nod. Natasha can see the spark in her eyes, the spark of a fighter. “Kill confirmed.” She lied.
Melissa motivated her to ask the question. What had changed?
“Your next mission,” Coulson gave them their orders, and the voice of her previous handlers echoed with him.
“Eliminate.” The word haunted her nightmares. Antonia’s face haunted her nightmares. She began doing what she was trained to do, she stayed in the shadow’s, worked hard to appear compliant, and investigated.
“For the greater good.” They said, and all she could hear was Dreykov.
She sabotaged missions, as much as she could, and she searched for an answer.
“Heil Hydra.” The words spoken by an agent she’d worked with on three missions already. At first, she thought it was the answer she was looking for. Knowing Hydra was inside of Shield kicked her investigation into high gear.
She considered telling Clint.
She considered the way he watched her on Fury’s orders.
She kept her mouth shut.
She searched.
She didn’t like what she found.
At the end of the day, the things she did for the red room, were indistinguishable from the things she did for Hydra, and the things she did for Shield were exactly the same.
“I want a civilian life.” She lied, testing the waters. Clint laughed.
“Don’t we all,” He smiled at her, friendly. “Gotta finish out your service though, or it’s straight to prison.” She still didn’t know if he was naïve, or if he just didn’t care.
She tried to make a run for it, but there he was, sitting in her safe house, asking if she needed a vacation. She was trapped, and there was no one to turn to.
She spent her time trying her best to foil Shield’s plans. Trying to help people. She met Charles Xavier, learned how to slip away from Clint. She did her best to protect the innocent ones, made sure the children got away.
She tried not to think about Antonia.
She waited for Shield to slip up.
She heard the whispers from Hydra about Dreykov, and she forced herself to wait, to hold back.
They would slip up eventually.
Then, one day, they sent her on a mission alone. No Clint watching her back. They sent her into the home of the one-man Shield was afraid of, and they didn’t send anyone to watch her.
“Mr. Stark, it’s a pleasure to meet you,” She smiles at the man. With Tony Stark’s help, she could do it. She could take down Shield, and free herself to go find Yelena.