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“Why me?”
The words slipped past TK’s lips late one evening as his elbows rested on the edge of the countertop, his eyes lazily watching Carlos scoop their leftovers into containers. Music drifted into the empty spaces between them, a quiet voice crooning a Spanish lullaby.
Carlos paused, head turning toward him just a little, “what was that?”
He licked his lips, his heart thumping in his chest with an anxiety even he didn’t understand. Still, it sat heavy on his tongue, a question that’d been circling in his mind for days now like the annoying buzz of a bee.
When he didn’t speak again, Carlos abandoned the food to turn toward him, eyebrow arched and a smirk playing at the corner of his mouth. The whole thing felt achingly domestic, comfortable in a way that set TK on edge – because, well, because he found himself wondering how Carlos could care so much.
Swallowing thickly, he tried again, “it’s just…I just don’t get-” he groaned in frustration, causing Carlos to chuckle. “Why me?”
His partner blinked, “babe, you’re going to have to be more specific. Did something happen at work or with Captain Strand?”
“Owen,” TK corrected automatically. “No, I mean you, why did you choose me?”
Like the flick of a switch, Carlos’ smile vanished, his eyes narrowing as he examined him in a way that left dread spreading through TK’s chest, suddenly unsure if he wanted to hear the answer or not.
“Why does this feel like something other then you fishing for compliments?”
He grimaced, “because I’m not? I just don’t get it. I wasn’t exactly nice to you when we first met but you still-” TK shrugged helplessly. “Talked to me like a person at the police station, sat by my bed in the hospital, texted me, agreed to meet me for boba and I guess I just – don’t know why?”
It was true, he didn’t have much going for him. He’d refused Carlos’ gesture of dinner, had admitted to being a recovering drug addict, had strung him along for so long that he’d been exasperated with himself and still, they’d somehow ended up here. TK was having a hard time believing he was worth the love Carlos had given him so unconditionally.
Carlos sighed, eyes darting away from his for the first time that night and after a moment he tugged the dishtowel off his shoulder and began absently fiddling with it. TK wondered if he pushed too hard, if Carlos even had an answer or if he even had one that TK could live with.
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?” TK said in disbelief.
Carlos winced, “I mean, I know there were things I liked about you, but I was just as blindsided as you were by how…attached I was so quickly.” Something in TK’s expression seemed to upset him because he started talking faster as he moved closer to where he sat. “I knew you were a firefighter, a good one from what I’d heard. I knew your dad was a firefighter too and that you looked up to him. It’s the same way I am with my dad, and I guess I liked that familiarity, you know?” He stopped on the other side of the counter, leaning over the space, dishtowel abandoned. “I knew that I liked your smile and that I liked your sense of humor and how free you were just being yourself and I knew, that when you opened up to me that night at the station…that you trusted me, and it made me feel special.”
TK had fallen still as he let his partner’s words wash over him, the earnest, loving sound of his voice easing something inside his chest – something he hadn’t fully realized was crumbling. He wasn’t entirely sure what it was he’d been searching for when he asked, what could have possibly been enough erase the uncertainty that had been plaguing him but this – Carlos’ wide, intense eyes, felt like more then enough.
“Carlos-” he began only to be cut off by his hand reaching over the space to caress his face.
“I don’t know why I couldn’t let you go after you rejected me at the dinner,” he continued, like he needed to finish speaking. “I’ve done hook ups before and never had a problem walking them out and never seeing them again.” His fingers brushed along TK’s stubbled jaw, unimaginably tender. “But every time I tried to forget you, I’d end up at the same scene with the crew and I’d find myself thinking about you again and again – honestly, it was a bit terrifying.” The last part was said on a whisper, a secret for only them to know. “I’m sorry if I was overbearing-”
“You weren’t,” TK interrupted. “You were exactly what I needed, and I’ve never met a man so fucking patient in my life.”
His lips flickered into a familiar smile, “yeah?”
“Yes,” he replied resolutely. “I don’t know how I got so lucky.”
This time, when Carlos chuckled, TK leaned over the counter and curled a fist in his shirt until he could pull the man into hard kiss. He felt Carlos’ hand shift until he was holding him by the nape of his neck, immovable as their lips parted and it deepened like the most natural thing in the world. TK didn’t have the words to say what that had meant to him, couldn’t quite bring himself to be as vulnerable just yet so he hoped he could tell through this, this simple kiss – and from the way Carlos sighed into his mouth, he thought maybe he did.
When they finally parted, they didn’t go far, their foreheads remained pressed together as they caught their breath, TK struggling to do so with the hard edge of the counter digging into his stomach, but he didn’t have it in him to complain.
“You know,” TK whispered. “That sounded a lot like love at first sight.”
He expected Carlos to make a joke, to pull away with a laugh and let the tension dissipate from between them – instead, the hand on his nape tightened a little, even as he pulled back just enough to rest warm brown eyes on his own, brimming with affection.
“Yeah, it did sound a lot like that, didn’t it?”