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It was late.
The alarm clock on the bedside table read two in the morning and outside, the moon hung high in the sky, it’s ethereal light casting faint rays across their room. The space was cluttered with what few meagre belongings TK had left behind when moving into Carlos’ home and the miscellaneous items their friends gifted them in the aftermath.
The bed was too small, the sheets too thin, and bags dotted the room where their new clothing had yet to be hung into the crowded closet. TK’s dad wasn’t a hoarder, not by a long shot but this room had seen the slow accumulation of stuff that always happened as time dragged on. They were never supposed to end up back here after all.
TK was awake, had managed to doze on and off for a few hours before he found himself holding a silent bedside vigil. He propped himself up with a few too many pillows, the bulk of him casting its own shadow over the covered figure next to him. It seemed this was slowly becoming a habit, one which left him dreary-eyed most mornings and perhaps a little too snappish.
It didn’t matter, TK certainly wasn’t the only one.
He let his eyes drift over Carlos’ face, the man’s body stiff with the unfamiliarity of the bed, instinct forcing him to sleep more lightly than he would normally. When they’d been offered the room at his dad’s house, Carlos had been kind, gracious even in a way that was pure southern boy breeding and TK hadn’t really thought about how foreign it must feel to him.
Afterwards, when Carlos had struggled awake for the third night in a row, quiet pleas dying in his throat, TK considered that maybe they should have gone back to his parent’s home instead. He’d probably feel more comfortable among his family, his childhood room in a way that he never could here in TK’s home.
He’d tried bringing it up that morning, only for Carlos to shut him down with little to no consideration. It was true that his dad’s house was closer to both of their workplaces, was as familiar as any, but something still felt…delicate about their circumstances here and TK can’t quite put his finger on why, would be willing to do just about anything to fix it.
A small noise drew his attention from his wandering thoughts. There was the slightest furrow between Carlos’ brows, lips parting in his sleep as his next breath slipped out a little heavier and TK felt dread roll through him. Gentle as can be, he reached over and ran a soothing touch down Carlos’ bared arm, keeping his touch light.
For several long moments, it worked, and he seemed to settle back into sleep – but as was becoming the norm, it didn’t last. This time, the sound that escaped his partner’s lips was far more heart-wrenching – the edge of a whimper. On instinct, TK began to hum, a tuneless noise from deep in his chest, a strange sense of desperation clawing at his throat.
He just wanted to Carlos to have one good night’s rest, that didn’t seem like too much to ask.
Carlos’ chest rose and fell more rapidly, his limbs beginning to twitch a bit, like he wanted to move but couldn’t and TK sighed before leaning in close to press a kiss to his temple. This was not delicate, this was intentional and firm, before shifting to his ear, “wake up,” he whispered. “I’m here, it’s just a nightmare Carlos.”
It took a long moment of Carlos’ face twisting and TK’s soft coaxing for him to wake up, a pained gasp spilling from his lips. He was breathing harshly now, eyes wide in the darkness as he stared at the ceiling, clearly trying to remind himself where he was. Without a word, TK curled himself around his partner’s form, hooking their legs together and resting his head in silence on his chest.
Eventually, when Carlos’ heart had slowed beneath TK’s ear and the panic had seeped from his breath, he felt an arm tighten around his waist, trying to drag him impossibly closer. Lips found his head, a kiss, followed by another and another pressed into his hair.
“I’m sorry,” TK murmured, eyes steady in front of him.
He felt Carlos swallow, his voice raspy as exhaustion dripped from every word, “for what babe? I’m the one who woke you up.”
“You didn’t, I was already awake.”
Another kiss to his head told him Carlos wasn’t anymore happy with that answer then if he’d been the reason TK was awake. It was hard not to find their worry for each other tiresome, the way it bounced back and forth, neither of them quite sure how to let the other take care of them.
“Nightmare?” Carlos asked softly.
“No,” he didn’t elaborate, wasn’t sure how to explain how on edge he’d been for these past few days, just waiting on the effects of the fire to really shine through – for Carlos to let him in. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
The answer was automatic, not the least bit surprising and TK hated the way it made his eyes sting, “it’s okay, you know…if you’re not.”
“TK-”
“Alright,” TK murmured, pressing a kiss to Carlos’ chest. “Alright, we don’t have to talk about it.”
“I just-” A shudder went through him. “It was-”
“I know,” he soothed, running a hand over his partner’s side. “I know - it was your home.”
A stifled sob echoed around the room, his chest heaving, and TK closed his eyes, tightening his arms around the man he loved, listening to him try and keep himself together. He didn’t push, didn’t demand he say more then he already had, no he just quietly began to hum again – this time a familiar song.
It was the same one they’d make dinner to in the kitchen countless times, Carlos easily singing along with the Spanish words while TK hummed the tune, a smile pulling at his lips. The warmth of the kitchen light always seemed to bring with it a sense of home and comfort that he’d missed every day he wasn’t there. It had almost become a tradition for them, Carlos’ phone sitting quietly on the counter, that song always the first on every playlist.
Carlos buried his face in his hair and cried until he couldn’t anymore, until there were no more words tumbling from his lips, nothing but the ache of a man who’d lost something truly beloved, something that not even memories could hold onto forever.
TK filled the space with their song until eventually, long after his own throat had gone dry - he felt his partner go still and his arms loosen, until his breathing evened out and the tension fled from his body. He continued to hum, his eyes settled on the window while Carlos slept, truly slept until the sky began to lighten with the approaching dawn.
Its warmth reminded TK of happier times.