Chapter Text
it all starts on the first day of the third week of freshman year.
yes, hong jaeyeol has been counting. it's rather dull at this school, and fashion isn't quite what he's after in terms of a future, but anything would be better than those stuffy private schools jaeyeol's father would rather send him to. there, everyone is desperate to try to befriend jaeyeol, desperate to gain his favor and use his influence to their own advantage, even when he tries so hard to go out of his way to avoid them. he'd even been cornered in a toilet once. it was not a fun experience.
here, he can keep his mouth shut and keep his eyes down, and nobody will say a thing. is it them being intimidated by his wealth? awed by his good looks? he doesn't know, and he doesn't particularly need to care either. it's good. he can do his own thing, and nobody will pay him any mind.
good.
certain things have happened in the past that he would rather not think about. he can't talk about it anymore. maybe he'll never be able to. but it doesn't matter anymore, it's all in the past now. he's been turning over a new leaf for the past two weeks. hopefully, the hurt of a heart broken and the terror of a life nearly lost will fade away one day.
he knows jaehye is worried about him. oppa, she had asked him before he left, with anxious eyes and worried hands, are you sure you don't want me to come with you? if you want me to, i'll go, kitae can cope on his own and you'll take care of me if i need it like i'll take care of you, right?
but jaehye is better without him. jaehye shines too bright, joyful and kind like her name suggests. kitae already has so much on his plate, he doesn't need to worry about jaeyeol. kitae rarely spends time with him anyway, the two of them meeting once every few months. jaeyeol had always been closer to his little sister. usually, father couldn't care less about him - second son, not an heir, not a necessity, not really. but jaeyeol would never forget how angry his father became at the scandal he nearly caused at his last school.
he hates it all: the feeling of "all eyes on you, be careful of what you do", the self-hatred bubbling within him every time he as much as looks at another boy with appreciating eyes.
he'll be fine. just keep his head down, keep his heart closed, and everything will be fine. time heals all, right?
maybe he'll find a girl! make his father happy! that probably won't happen. the only girl he could ever really get along with was his own sister. he'd tried, and it didn't work.
the peaceful life jaeyeol had been daydreaming about veers wildly off course with the arrival of the new transfer student.
"i'm park hyungseok," he says, staring straight at nothing, "nice to meet everyone."
jaeyeol blinks the remainders of sleep from his eyes at the sound of the girls' excited whispers and the rising tension in the air at the weight of the boys' glares. so much for starting his day with a nice, long nap. it's too quiet for peace at his apartment, the silence tasting like bitterness in the back of his throat. he could never be at peace there, but it's the only place he knows. park hyungseok, the boy at the front of the classroom, averts his eyes, visibly uncomfortable under so much attention.
stop staring at him, jaeyeol wants to shout out to the rest of the class, can't you see you're making him uncomfortable? people like you always act like good-looking or rich people should be stared at like a zoo animal on exhibit, have you never thought about whether or not we actually want the attention? stop staring at me, girl on the far left, i know you think i can't see you but i can and i hate it.
but where his voice used to be, there is only silence now.
"take that empty seat," the teacher instructs in the background. the older man points to the seat next to lee jinsung, notorious class delinquent. the only other empty seat is next to jaeyeol, but one hard-eyed glance at the teacher at the beginning of the year had been enough to prevent him from assigning anyone to sit next to jaeyeol. how well could you work in a group anyway if you couldn't speak your thoughts in a way people would understand? rather sit next to a wannabe professional boxer prone to punching whoever he disagreed with than sit next to the stoic and silent hong jaeyeol who could ruin your life with a few dollar bills.
if he was braver, bolder with his anger, he could take a leaf out of jinsung's book and punch out his feelings instead. miss sophia had taught him how to fight, but kitae had always warned him against causing a scene.
jaeyeol looks up, chin resting on his hand. he'd always been more of a silent spectator, the faint glimmer of his chrome hearts rings the only sign that he was still there. if you didn't look his way, you wouldn't know he was there. the new boy - hyungseok, the blonde recalls, park hyungseok - looks over in jaeyeol's direction.
for a split second, their eyes meet. dark almond eyes against bleached blond bangs.
hyungseok stares, a little curious, a lot shy. like a newborn fawn learning how to walk. jaeyeol's lips pop open, releasing the breath he hadn't even realized he'd been holding.
it seems like jaeyeol has always had a type.
the line between looking and looking was not a thin one. it seems that all the boys jaeyeol really pays attention to have a habit of staring at him in a way it feels like they're staring right into his soul, through the bangs he uses to hide from the world.
shït, jaeyeol thinks belatedly, stupidly, he's cute. jaeyeol shuts the thought down a moment too late.
as if he was telepathic, hyungseok looks away immediately, the slightest pink on his cheeks as he slides into the seat next to jinsung and makes an attempt at introducing himself.
“hello!” hyungseok greets jinsung with a blinding smile.
jaeyeol doesn't hear jinsung's response over the rapid drumming of his heart, the near-physical squeeze in his chest. his throat clogs up, and he forces his head down.
they say once bitten, twice shy. hanahaki won't strike twice. a puppy crush gone wrong had already stolen jaeyeol's voice from him barely half a year ago.
he shouldn't let this go any further than a passing fancy, but goddamn is park hyungseok cute.
he blinks, eyes suddenly rather dry. perhaps he should invest in eyedrops.
or a haircut, mutters his sister's voice in his head.
nah, he thinks to himself. it's a fashion statement. it's my thing, you know?
he blinks a few more times just for extra measure. what could go wrong?