Archive of Our Own

The autumn leaves danced in the wind as the heavens above opened, the droplets of ice beginning to fall from the sky leaving a path of destruction in their wake, destroying any remaining sight of the sun that had once lit up the summer sky.

The summer had been a vibrant one, a time filled with fresh starts and new beginnings, a time where Jungwoo had learnt how to flourish in his newfound independence. As the days grew longer so did the opportunities for Jungwoo to thrive, and he threw himself into becoming the best version of himself he could. For the first time in his life he had 100% of his energy to give to himself and himself alone, he could live his life striving towards his goals, embracing his passions and he treated every second like it was golden, like every second was fully invested in the results of the rest of his life.

Growing up, he would always look for the crowds, always try to immerse himself into cliques and live by the group’s chosen identity. For the first time ever, Jungwoo worked on bettering himself alone, learning to trust his judgement and realise his capabilities. He spent every day baking and learning and bettering his craft, finally feeling like he was proving the good he could do and he learnt that the best way to heal a broken heart is growth, for something cannot be fixed unless it is worked on.

His heart was broken, broken into tiny little pieces, there was no denying that. There were days where getting out of bed seemed like an impossible task, and he struggled to see the point anyway. Everything he thought he knew, well it turned out he actually had no idea. Life wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows, life wasn’t dripping with overwhelming, life changing love, sometimes life was just a home to his thoughts and it took him months to finally come to terms with that. 

But he did, and he thanked the day he somehow found the strength to carry on, because he learnt way more about himself at rock bottom. The heartache opened his eyes to the pain sometimes laced within the World and taught him how to deal with it without completely falling apart. Luckily, time had healed some of those old wounds and he learnt to wake up seeing the bright side, and he hoped he would never have to return to those dark days, that they were simply a forgotten memory locked away somewhere.

The weather was getting progressively worse as the minutes went on, the ice cold rain landing like tiny punches as Jungwoo huddled under a tree with his arms above his head, desperately trying to find some sort of cover. It really wasn’t the day for him to not have a coat or an umbrella, or anything that could help him from getting the flu. He was never meant to have been in the storm, hence his lack of planning. 

He was meant to get a lift back home in his mum’s car, but he wasn’t up for a car ride filled with rounds of questions, for it would have felt like he was living through some sort of torturous interview, and he didn’t have the energy after a long day. It said a lot about his feelings towards his mum that he chose to suffer through the ever growing flood instead, but even as he felt the rain drops running down his back sending shivers along his spine, he had no regrets, for at least there was no one he had to answer to, at least he wouldn’t be ridiculed.

He was still frustrated however, for it hardly seemed fair to him that he had to trek all the way back home once a week for a lousy meal when they could have all as easily taken a trip to visit him, especially considering his flat is above a literal bakery.

He wasn’t harsh, he’d be more than happy to offer them all mates rates as well, despite their annoying presence, but no, every week he had to trek across town regardless of the weather and he hated every single second. Every week he had to show up and act like someone he wasn’t, he had to act according to their desires, not based on Jungwoo’s own wants and needs.

The only reason he hadn’t started making up crazy excuses to get out of the visits and still turned up was so he could get his hands on the free food on offer. Jungwoo could be 50 years of age and he would still always say yes to a hot meal, he just didn’t want the large portion of pointless chatter he seemed to always end up with as a side meal. 

Have you met anyone yet? 

Feel like using your degree yet? 

He hated all those questions and he always ended up only seconds away from snapping and responding with feel like fucking off and leaving me alone yet?  

Unfortunately for him, however, that wasn’t an option, for then where would he get the free food from? So every week, he had to grin and bear it, always counting down the seconds until he got the chance to escape and hide away for another seven days.

Jungwoo had always been successful in pretending he didn’t care, he had an almost magical ability to laugh it all off, he could always turn everything into some sort of joke, even when the reality was that it was all far from humorous. 

Deep down, under his well constructed facade of laughter and having a non caring attitude, it hurt him somewhere, for it was painful feeling as though his life had always been under constant examination. 

Jungwoo had achieved what so many others never can, he’d managed to find his own path in life, he’d found his passion and he was incredibly gifted at it. At a young age, he managed to achieve his dreams, so why should he waste any time worrying about the thoughts of others? Especially when life is always so short. Happiness had always been his number one, and everything else? Well it should have never even been on the list in the first place, he never should have been forced to care.

The fact that Jungwoo genuinely adored his family had never been in doubt, for he had been brought up with their strong and often relentless values, and that had massive significance within his life. He cared for them like any kind son would do, he never ever wanted to let them down in any way. The idea that his family could look at him and feel some sort of pride always helped him sleep at night, for he wanted to be the son they could proudly post all over facebook, with captions showing the World just how much they loved him. 

Until he knew for definite that he was the child they always wanted, then he was never going to stop trying, regardless of the toll it would take on his own wellbeing. Even when their demeanors seemed judgmental, as though they were questioning his every move, he never doubted they loved him.

Their clashes were only ever caused because they wanted nothing but the best for him, the issue being that they could never agree on what the phrase best actually meant. 

To Jungwoo’s family, best meant finding some high earning job in the city, staying in a penthouse overlooking the night sky with his own personal butler to help with his every need. More than anything, they desperately wanted him to find a partner, and although the gender of that partner never bothered them, their lifestyle did, for they wanted Jungwoo to find a kind and responsible man, one he could start his own family with. Unfortunately for both Jungwoo and his family, he never managed to find that, even when he was convinced for a while that he did.

To Jungwoo, his best meant something completely different, for his best meant having his very own bakery, the place which became his pride and joy. His nan passed away when he was only thirteen, and he saved all of his inheritance there and then, putting the money towards the building deposit, knowing the money was exactly what he needed to finally turn his lifelong dream into reality.

He never actually wanted to go to college, but due to the pressure from his family he felt he had no other choice, he knew it would make things at home a whole lot easier. Luckily, he ended up not hating it as much as he always believed he would and if anything, it was more like the complete opposite, for he ended up having the time of his life, he loved every single second. 

Of course, it would be mad to talk about Jungwoo’s time at college and not consider the person who helped make it so special, for college was where Jungwoo found the love of his life, the person he felt he’d be with forever. 

College was where he finally understood the meaning of companionship, finding someone he was proud to call his partner, to call his person. They spent everyday together, side by side, hand in hand, ready to take on the World for one another. It wasn’t until years after they graduated that the real World became too much, and they were savagely torn apart by life and all the chaos it brings. 

He never let his brain return to that period, for it was just too painful, and there was no other way to explain it. If he could go back, would he change anything? He didn’t know what his answer would be, for if his wish could bring about perfection then of course, but Jungwoo wasn’t naive, he knew there was no such thing. 

That’s the thing about pain, it never really goes anywhere, it always clings to the air like some sort of bad smell that you just can’t get rid of. If his pain was a wound, then he’d successfully managed to put a plaster over the top, keeping the wound safe and dry, but he hadn’t been able to actually mend it just yet, and there were times when it still hurt, even as he tried so hard to push it to the back of his mind along with all the other troubles that were too painful to think about. He would never admit it, but there had been times where he wished he never met that particular individual, for maybe his life would have been a whole lot easier if he hadn’t.

His night had already been ruined by the heavy questioning he received from his mum so he hardly needed the rain to make it any worse and ruin his hair as well. He wanted to book an uber so he could relax in a warm car, but ubers were always expensive, and it had been a tight month. I

n all honesty, it had been a tight two years. The effects of the pandemic were still affecting the hospitality trade and Jungwoo had noticed a clear decline in the amount of customers he was attracting. He tried not to spend all his time worrying about it, for he would if he gave himself the chance. Instead, he chose to throw all his efforts into his baking instead, for worrying was not going to help anything. Afterall, it was hardly like worrying would land a bunch of money in his wallet, the only option he had was to keep going and working hard and hope for the best outcome in the end.

Despite his desperation not to spend, the rain was getting increasingly worse, and he knew it wasn’t going to get any better. He knew he had no other option but to try to get a lift, afterall, he wasn’t going to be able to earn more money if he was stuck in bed with the flu. 

With a heavy sigh, he pulled his phone out from his back pocket, rolling his eyes as the rain began to blur the screen, struggling to keep it dry under his jacket. As he pulled up the uber app he frowned at the prices, for he was right about it costing more than he wanted to spend on anything, let alone a small journey down through the city.

He checked to see if an uberpool would be cheaper, and it was cheaper by a significant amount and as he couldn’t see any other option, that seemed like the best thing to do. 

He booked one, rolling his eyes after seeing he’d have to wait ten minutes in the rain for it to arrive, so he moved under another tree, hoping the branches would bring some sort of comfort. 

Luckily, the ten minutes seemed to fly by and Jungwoo assumed that must have been due to how desperate he was , feeling as though the Universe had suddenly moved on his side, and as he watched the red dot on his screen get closer and closer he felt grateful to say the least. The night was turning so cold he felt himself begin to shiver, his hair struggling to stay in place in the heavy breeze, not that it looked great all wet anyway.

The stars seemed to be laughing at him, for why else would they be wasting their energy shining so bright on a night so horrible? Jungwoo felt they were there solely to ridicule him, to laugh as he struggled to wipe the rain from his eyes. Jungwoo couldn’t look away, for their golden hue seemed almost addictive, it’s ability to break out from the darkness roaming around every corner.

Jungwoo breathed out a sigh of relief when he finally caught sight of his uber driver towards him down the flooded road, the pavement looking battered in the heavy rain. Finally, he thought to himself as he made his way towards the light shining from the vehicle, almost bursting out into fits of laughter as he noticed the way the window wipers were working frantically, desperately trying to get rid of the rain.

He rushed to the back of the car, desperate for the protection of the roof. He briefly considered sitting in the front but he chose instead to avoid any awkward conversations, thinking sitting in the back was a safer idea. It’s fair to say he wasn’t in any sort of mood to make friends with the driver, he instead hoped for both a quiet and peaceful journey all the way back to his apartment.

 All he wanted was to get back safe, hop into bed with a new and cuddly hot water bottle before getting ready for a fresh start in the morning.

If it was at all possible, then he would have happily bribed the driver to get him back in seconds, maybe offer him extra to fly him home, but he knew that sadly, no matter how much he wanted it, it just wasn’t an option. Afterall, turning his car into some sort of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang vehicle hardly seemed likely and neither did the chance of them driving underground. All the driver could do was drive at the limit, maybe even slightly below due to the slippery rain crashing around them. 

Whatever would work, Jungwoo wanted to give it a go, he would have taken any option on hand.

As the driver nodded politely in his direction through the front window he pulled open the door, barely looking up for even a second as he jumped in, desperate for the warmth he could feel through the door. Once he was safely in, he closed the door behind him, sighing heavily as he shook his head, trying to get rid of the excess rain that was clinging to his forehead. He rolled his eyes, for it felt like his feet were practically swimming due to the water at the bottom of his shoes. As the drover spoke he struggled to pay attention, only able to remember his earlier wish for silence, incredibly disappointed that his wish hadn’t been turned into reality.

“Horrible weather, hey mate?”

Jungwoo rolled his eyes sarcastically, “no it’s lovely,” he wanted to shout, feeling the urge to argue back, the rain clearly wiping away any of his remaining social skills, not that he ever had that many to begin with.

He replied with a shake of the head, muttering under his breath, “yeah, it’s not the best.”

He didn’t want to give the driver the opportunity to carry on and say anything else, he hoped that was the end of the conversation as he closed his eyes, moving to rest his head against the side of the window, finding the sound of the rain droplets rather peaceful in comparison to the buzz of the traffic around every corner.

He was relieved that he was able to relax so easily, feeling weirdly at home in the back of the car, his mind finally slowing down for a few minutes. He smiled to himself as he realised that every second was a second closer to his bed, knowing he didn’t have much further to travel.

The peace only ended when he heard a voice from beside him, a voice that sent shivers down his spine. 

He jumped at a low pitch tone he hadn’t heard in years, one he swore he never wanted to hear ever again. The voice caused his blood to run cold, for it began to bring back memories he thought he’d finally succeeded in moving on from, but judging from the sinking feeling in his stomach, maybe he’d failed to move on as much as he would have liked.

In one simple second he was thrown back to his younger self, the poor naive and innocent figure that one stood in his shoes seemed to have returned at the sound of the man to his right. His heartbeat began to rapidly increase as his worst memories flooded his mind, the nights filled with pain and anger seeming closer than they had been in a long time. 

This couldn’t be happening, surely it wasn’t real.

Suddenly, it was as though he was glued in one position as he struggled to move, eyes glued to one specific drop of rain on the window as he wished he could click his fingers and disappear and forget that anything had ever happened. He felt two familiar eyes staring deep into his soul but he refused to react, he refused to admit he was stuck in a car with the one person he had never wished to see again.

“Didn’t you hear me? I said-”

“I don’t want to hear what you said, Jaehyun. ” 

Jungwoo found it hard to even say his name, finding that painful enough, hearing it made him want to be sick there and then, let alone having to speak it into existence.

It couldn’t be real right? 

Surely not, for there was no way that life could be so unfair, especially when he’d done nothing to deserve it. 

How on Earth had he ended up sharing an uber with the one person he wanted the least in the whole World. 

Last time Jungwoo had heard anything about him, he was told that Jaehyun had moved abroad, finding some new job opportunity in America, and he was convinced that must have been part of the reason they’d broken up. He shuddered, not wanting to ever think about the break up again, he wanted to think about nothing from that time, for it was just too painful for him. Sat next to him was the person who was meant to be his happily ever after, the one true love of his life, yet his eyes were suddenly clouded with regret.

It wasn’t that he regretted their relationship, for that was impossible considering some days were filled with nothing but joy and love and some of Jungwoo’s most treasured memories had been with Jaehyun. All he did regret was the time he’d spent believing they’d end up spending forever together, when life eventually tore them apart in the worst way. The break up was the worst time of Jungwoo’s whole life, it was his rock bottom, his secret that he never wanted to tell. It was the moment that made him question everything, made him consider whether the World was one he wanted to be a part of.

Jaehyun didn’t even get the chance to argue or to say anything else because Jungwoo reacted first, leaning forward and staring deeply at the driver, begging for him to help. He urged him to stop the car, hoping he’d be able to escape, “excuse me, sir? I need to get out now.”

The driver shook his head sympathetically, “no can do I’m afraid, there’s nowhere to pull over down this road, you’ll have to wait till our first stop.”

Jungwoo pleaded desperately, “please, I need to get out!”

The driver shook his head again, “it’s company policy I’m afraid, nothing to do with me mate.”

Jungwoo gritted his teeth, it will be something to do with you when I make it, he thought to his self, regretting the second he ever booked the stupid uber in the first place. He’d take any storm over a ride with his ex, for nothing could be more painful. Just don’t look at him, he said to himself, for if he didn’t have to see Jaehyun’s face it would be easier to pretend he didn’t exist.

“I’m not that bad to sit next to, am I?”

Jungwoo turned to see Jaehyun smirking in his direction, looking incredibly proud of himself. Even though he desperately wanted to, Jungwoo couldn’t tear away his gaze for he’d always found Jaehyun rather addictive. He was confused, he felt somewhat strange for he wasn’t looking at the young boy he once knew, he was staring at a man.

Jaehyun was dressed in a suit, he looked smarter than Jungwoo had ever seen. 

Jungwoo glanced down, eyes drawn to the expensive attire, then realising he must have been staring into the eyes of someone incredibly successful. It seemed to J

ungwoo that Jaehyun’s hopes and dreams must have all become reality at some point, for it seemed he’d gotten all he’d ever wanted. 

Jaehyun was always someone who desired greatness, especially in the way he looked. He always wanted to be seen as dropping with status and authority, desperate to prove to the World all he could do and achieve, and Jungwoo himself had once been his biggest cheerleader. Things only went wrong between the two of them when Jaehyun couldn’t see past his desire to prove things to the World, forgetting to prove anything to the one he should have. He struggled to see the bigger picture, and he ignored his boyfriend to the point where Jungwoo felt invisible, feeling as though Jaehyun no longer cared, that maybe he never really did. Before they could both stop their downfall, their relationship was no more.

“I’d rather not sit next to you, I’d rather not sit anywhere near you to be honest.” Jungwoo said bitterly.

Jaehyun gasped, throwing a hand to his heart in fake pain as Jungwoo glared, “how dare you! I’m hurt.”

Jungwoo rolled his eyes, “good.”

The eye roll was the last thing Jungwoo wanted to do, what he really wanted was to smash the window wide open with his bare hands and throw himself out of it and right onto the moving traffic, for even that sounded less painful than being stuck in the uber. 

He hated that even though it had only been a few minutes, he already felt his well built barriers crashing down into tiny little pieces floating around in the air. With every second that passed he could feel himself losing his bite, losing the anger he thought he’d always have to live with. His biggest fear was that he’d lose his frostiness, that he'd be kind to someone who really didn’t deserve it.

“You know, Zeus, I’m really not that bad.”

He gasped at the familiar nickname, a name he hadn’t heard in a very long time. 

It was one he used to love, one he used to smile at whenever he heard the sound. When he first heard it, he thought it was silly, thought it was childish, hating the way Jaehyun’s eyes sparkled every time he said it. But with time, he grew to love it, he grew to wish he could hear it every second of every day. That nickname was what Jaehyun wrote in every birthday card, what he whispered during their nights together. Jungwoo hadn’t heard that name since the last time he saw his ex love, and he thought he’d never hear it again. As soon as Jaehyun said it, Jungwoo felt himself start slipping into his old self, the overwhelming love he once felt flooding back into his mind.

Jungwoo snapped, his eyes seeming cold, “don’t call me that!”

Jaehyun’s face slipped for a second, suddenly looking hurt until he cleared his throat before regaining control once more, “that’s what I always called you..”

Jungwoo laughed, “exactly, you used to, you don’t have the right anymore,” he paused for a second, “not after you called me that for the last time.”

Jaehyun paused, clearly taken aback by Jungwoo’s attitude, not used to such coldness coming from the warmest person he knew whilst Jungwoo bit at a piece of loose skin on his lips, his attitude scaring even himself. He hadn’t meant to sound so cruel, but he guessed it was just his way of dealing with the way his heart was thudding incredibly fast. It was his protection.

“I didn’t know things were that bad.”

Jungwoo laughed, taken aback at Jaehyun’s cluelessness, “well did you think they were that good?”

Jaehyun paused, “is some sort of middle ground not an option?”

Jungwoo shook his head at Jaehyun’s voice, “is leaving this uber an option?”

Jaehyun smirked, even if it was just to try and wind Jungwoo up, “well no, the driver said it’s not company policy.”

“You’re not company policy,” Jungwoo said despairingly.

“Is that the best you’ve got?” Jaehyun raised his eyebrows.

Jungwoo sighed, “oh piss off Jaehyun.”

“Charming.”

The atmosphere couldn’t have been more uncomfortable if they tried, especially for the driver who’d gone to work simply wanting a quiet night yet had been left driving around in a flood with two childish exes. The tension was visible in the air for all to see and it didn’t seem to be going anywhere, much to their disappointment.

Jungwoo knew he was overreacting, for he wasn’t really mad, he was just dealing with a lot of hurt he thought he’d managed to say goodbye to. He had no idea where the anger had suddenly come from, so it made sense to him that it had always been hidden deep within him. 

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t keep his eyes away from his former lover, his gaze focusing on the rosy hue on the tips of Jaehyun’s cheeks, his dimples sitting perfectly. Maybe it was the street lights reflecting through the car windows, but even through the anger running through his veins he was blown away by Jaehyun’s beauty. Even after years, he still had this effect on Jungwoo that no one ever had, he knew that he’d do anything for Jaehyun, anything he asked. All he wanted was to make him happy, but it seemed he never truly could.

Jungwoo ran a wary hand through his hair, taking a deep breath before finding the nerve to continue, “I’m sorry…” he said quietly, “I guess I just wasn’t expecting to bump into you, especially not like this.”

Jaehyun nodded sympathetically, “I wasn’t either, but…” he smiled gently if maybe also slightly nervously, “I’m rather glad that I have... I’ve missed that pretty face of yours over the past few years.”

Jungwoo paused, unsure of how to respond, his heart beating faster and faster as Jaehyun stared deep into his soul. Hearing the person he loved speak about him in that way, well it was hard to respond. If he responded with his heart he would have kissed Jaehyun there and then, begging for them to never spend another day apart, but he knew his head was the most sensible option, for his head was telling him to remain calm until he could escape.

He paused the words staying stuck on his tongue for a second, “Jaehyun…”

Jaehyun rolled his eyes, “Jungwoo, I’m not proposing, you know,” he said with a smirk, “I’m simply stating a fact, for you’ve always had the prettiest face.”

Proposing?  

Jungwoo laughed, for he could still remember the days when that felt like a genuine possibility. Everything seemed like a genuine possibility at one point, like they had the whole World at their feet. Jungwoo was convinced that if he’d stared through a crystal ball he would have seen marriage, a family, a house, everything. There was part of him that wanted it all, even with Jaehyun.

“So you still do that then?”

Jungwoo’s eyes widened, the noise making him jump, “still do what?”

Jaehyun smiled, “you zone out when you hear something you’d rather not, when you want to hide away but can’t escape.”

Jungwoo gulped, he wasn’t expecting to be called out like that, especially from the person who’d run away the most over the years. Who was Jaehyun to be such a hypocrite? Who was Jaehyun to analyse his behaviour? Jungwoo had no idea.

Jungwoo shook his head firmly, refusing to back down, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Jaehyun smirked, “of course you don’t, you never did.” Jaehyun smiled sadly at the last part, and Jungwoo knew it meant more than just about him zoning out.

“That’s not fair!” Jungwoo glared, “and if you’re gonna make comments like that then I’d rather we sit in silence.” He was angry, for who was Jaehyun to say Jungwoo didn’t know something, it had always been the other way round, it was just Jaehyun being the master manipulator he always was.

“I thought you’d rather not be here at all?” Jaehyun said with a wink.

Jungwoo raised his voice, glaring at the man he once knew as he felt blood rushing to his head, “why are you doing this? Is it not painful enough Jaehyun?” He asked as he tried to stop tears from forming in his eyes, “does this not hurt you, being here with me?”

He took a deep breath, “because just looking at you is hurting me Jaehyun..”

It was only when Jungwoo heard the driver gasp that he realised how harsh he’d sounded, and he knew even if he apologised that he couldn’t take back what he’d just said. 

It wasn’t a lie, for just the sight of Jaehyun did reignite feelings he wanted to hide from but it still sounded hurtful out loud. There was a tiny part of him somewhere that liked seeing Jaehyun again, for even though they’d been through Hell together, seeing him right there told Jungwoo for the first time in years that he was okay, that he was still around, and he was grateful for that.

Jaehyun had turned to face the window, the confidence he was radiating had suddenly disappeared and he looked like a shadow of the man who was there only seconds prior. Jungwoo heard him take a deep breath and he wanted to reach out, to grab his hand and tell him it was okay, but he knew that wasn’t right. Jungwoo watched him carefully, giving him the patience he’d always wanted, waiting for Jaehyun to respond.

Eventually he did, Jaehyun took a deep breath before mumbling so quietly Jungwoo struggled to hear every word, after Jungwoo heard it, then he wished he'd heard nothing.

“I’ve been hurting since the last time I saw you, since that last night we spent together. I’ve been hurting everyday since then, Jungwoo. I still am”

Jungwoo’s mouth dropped open, hearing a sudden vulnerability in Jaehyun’s voice, one he’d never heard before. 

He turned to see where the voice was coming from but Jaehyun still hadn’t turned around. He went to speak again, but before he was given the chance he felt the car begin to slow down as if they’d arrived somewhere. 

The months had past and Jungwoo never once was able to find out whether Jaehyun was also spending those months hurting, for sometimes, he felt he was the only one. He felt as though Jaehyun didn’t care, that maybe he never did, for otherwise, how could he leave so easily? Anyone who cares could never just walk away and that’s exactly what Jaehyun did. To hear that Jaehyun was genuinely bothered, that he still was, well that meant a lot to Jungwoo, it meant more than Jaehyun would ever be able to understand.

Jungwoo had assumed they were nowhere close yet, for the surroundings seemed so unfamiliar, and not just the location but the type of houses he was seeing. The apartments were all so large he felt he was looking into the sky when searching for the tops of the buildings. There were large gates outside every block, like they were stopping people from entering if they didn’t fit the criteria needed, almost like some strange sort of cult.

He couldn’t stop himself from gasping as he realised what he was seeing, for he felt he was looking at all of Jaehyun’s dreams, and it was obvious that they’d clearly all come true. 

For so long, Jungwoo had heard about how Jaehyun wanted to be successful enough to have a large house, to have a place to call his own for the first time, to find somewhere where he’d feel safe, where he’d finally feel at home and despite everything, Jungwoo couldn’t help but feel proud at how successful Jaehyun had clearly become, for they’d spoken about it so much, Jungwoo felt it was his dream too. 

He’d never wished anything but happiness for Jaehyun and it brought him some sort of comfort that he seemed to have found it. It proved to him that he’d been doing okay.

As the uber came to a halt Jungwoo saw Jaehyun rush to pick up his bag almost as if he couldn’t wait to get out, as though he couldn’t wait to leave Jungwoo behind once more. It was like he was running away from his guilt, for seeing Jungwoo seemed to bring it all back. 

Jungwoo frowned, was he that bad? Did Jaehyun really need to run away quite so viciously?

“Is just here okay for you mate?” The driver asked, turning to face Jaehyun, clearly excited for the tension in the back of his car to stop.

Jungwoo’s eyes widened, for he didn’t want Jaehyun to leave, especially not how things were in that second. They didn’t need to be friends, but so much tension wasn’t necessary either, couldn’t they just be civil? Like normal people who still love each other very much, despite their difficulties.

Jaehyun nodded, not even speaking as he opened the car door, scared if he was to say something then it would only be wrong. 

Jungwoo wanted to yell at him to stop but it felt like his mouth was glued shut for he couldn’t find the words. 

He was suddenly thrown back to the moment years ago when Jaehyun had last walked away, and the deja vu made him feel sick to his stomach. He wasn’t ready to say goodbye the first time, and nothing had changed, for it still cut him deep within. Why wasn’t Jaehyun willing to simply look him in the eyes? That was what hurt the most, that even after everything a simple bit of eye contact was too much to ask. Jungwoo was furious, there was Jaehyun with his fancy clothes and fancy house, a pocket full of money yet not willing to give just a simple glance. 

Pathetic, that’s what Jungwoo thought to himself as the person he loved began to move away.

Before Jungwoo had the chance to despise him anymore, Jaehyun nodded one last time at the driver before climbing out, looking like he was run by a stopwatch for he was rushing so much. 

Jungwoo wanted for him to turn around, begging him through his mind to stay and talk, something they should have done a long time ago, but like that dreaded night years ago, Jaehyun didn’t. 

There was part of Jungwoo that wanted to let him walk away, for he knew that was the easiest thing to do, but he’d never really been a huge fan of the easy option in life, or in love. He’d always been a believer that everything happens for a reason, even when that reason seems impossible to understand. Someone somewhere must have put them in that uber together, someone somewhere must have wanted them to be reunited, wanted them to meet once more. What Jungwoo couldn’t work out was whether they were meant to meet again one last time, or did it mean something more, did it mean that between the two of them, there should never be a last time?

As Jungwoo watched Jaehyun’s figure get smaller and smaller, watching him carefully as he walked away, he noticed the driver put the key back in the ignition, meaning they were about to leave, that he was leaving Jaehyun behind.

Something bit Jungwoo at the back of his throat, something telling him that he’d be an idiot if he let Jaehyun walk away, for maybe he was looking at his last chance. He’d achieved everything else, he’d got the degree, the job, the bakery, he had everything apart from someone to share it with, and maybe that was because his search for someone new was mistaken, maybe it wasn’t new he needed, maybe he was someone he already had, someone who already had a part of his heart.

Before he knew what he was doing, Jungwoo undid his seatbelt, raising his voice to a high pitched yell, begging the driver to stop.

“Excuse me!” He said desperately, “I need to get out here too!”

The driver frowned, “but, sir? I have your address here as downtown?”

 “Yes, I know,” Jungwoo said frustratedly, “but the plan has changed, I need to get out here now, I’ll still pay the full amount, I just have to get out.”

Jungwoo tried to smile one last time at the driver, he knew it looked slightly more like a grimace, but at least he tried. He brushed his bangs behind his ears, opening the door and jumping out, dragging his bag along with him. He could no longer see Jaehyun, all he could see were all the large buildings looking like they were about to fall on top of him as the rain dripped down his back.

There were lights everywhere, harsh lights, ones blinding his eyes as he tried to find his bearings. All Jungwoo could do was follow the path he saw Jaehyun walk down a few minutes ago and hope it would lead him the right way. He knew he was looking for Jaehyun, but even then, what was he going to say when he found him? What was he going to do, what was even the point?

Jungwoo didn’t know, he had no idea, all he wanted was to be able to sleep that night and know he’d done all he could, that he’d left nothing behind. If there was one thing he’d learnt over the years it was that nothing hurts like regret, and Jaehyun was his, his memory had always been like a thorn in his spine.

He sped up, walking as quick as he could without breaking into a sprint, hating the way he felt like he’d just been for a swim as the rain was so heavy. The droplets were freezing him, causing his hands to shake as he shivered along the road, and even his eye sight was blocked by droplets that sat on his lid. 

Where was Jaehyun? 

How had he managed to disappear so easily? 

It was the same as the past. For one minute, he had been there, then suddenly another minute passed, and he’s gone like the wind. It had happened again, just like before and Jungwoo had once again been left chasing. Luckily, practise makes perfect, and Jungwoo’s practise was about to pay off, because he spotted a figure in the corner of his eye, the figure that before that night, he never imagined he’d see again.

“Jaehyun!” He yelled as loudly as he could, begging for the figure to turn around.

He began to run, not sure whether he was trying so hard to get to Jaehyun or simply to get out of the pouring rain. Jaehyun wasn’t turning around, no matter how loudly Jungwoo yelled, and he didn’t know why. Jungwoo had no reason to follow him, he was allowing himself to be vulnerable solely for Jaehyun and he couldn’t even appreciate it enough to look at him.

He sprinted as fast as he could, trying to get to Jaehyun before he found the door, meaning Jungwoo wouldn’t get another chance. He was succeeding, he was getting closer and closer and he swore if he reached out he’d be able to grab him there and then, but he didn’t want to do that. He wanted to give Jaehyun one last chance, one last chance to prove he still cared before Jungwoo left that book behind, knowing there was nothing else he could do. He stopped running, gasping for air as he wiped the rain off his forehead, grateful to be under the shelter of the doorway.

He took a deep breath, trying to slow his breathing down as Jaehyun stood only metres away, Jungwoo staring at the back of his head, desperately wanting to stroke his neck, feel his skin one last time. 

He could hear Jaehyun’s breath, feeling as though they’d never been so close even though they were still far apart. He took a step closer, only stopping when he was centimetres away from Jaehyun who still was too frightened to turn around, rain falling off the both of them.

“I don’t want to be hurt anymore…”

Jungwoo jumped, not expecting to hear Jaehyun speak, especially with a voice that sounded so small, so vulnerable, like despite his adult exterior, deep down he was still just a child struggling to deal with heartbreak. He turned around slowly, finally meeting Jungwoo’s eyes, his own eyes looking weary and sore.

Jungwoo paused, “I don’t want you to be hurt either, Jaehyun,” he shook his head, “Jaehyun, I never did…”

Jaehyun cut him off before he could say another word, “yes it was all me, I know. I caused this, I ended this, I didn’t treat you right, I get that, but it’s still allowed to hurt. I’m still allowed to hurt.” He said bitterly.

Jungwoo frowned, “I never said you weren’t, I just meant that you hurting, well that was never what I wanted, I hurt too, remember? I hurt when you…” he took a deep breath, “when you left me.”

Jaehyun winced, looking around, aware that anyone could have been listening. 

He looked at Jungwoo before pulling out his key, “let’s not do this out here, we can talk inside?” He asked nervously, like he was waiting for Jungwoo to savagely reject him.

Luckily for Jaehyun, Jungwoo would never dream of such a thing, instead, he nodded, smiling slightly, “okay.”

Jaehyun smiled, relief clear on his face as he unlocked the door, clearly in some sort of disbelief.

As the door opened, Jungwoo gasped, for he had never seen a house quite like it before. The word house hardly seemed appropriate, for it seemed much more like a mansion. Everything was just so large, so bright. The ceilings were six metres high, the walls covered in antiques, the windows large and surrounded by gold. Everything just looked so expensive, like it had been taken straight out of a designer interior catalogue. What struck him the most was the difference between the house he was standing in and the one he had left behind. How had only a few years brought around such a difference between the two, where they used to save every penny together, desperately trying to make ends meet, yet suddenly, Jaehyun was in a league of his own.

Jaehyun looked uncomfortable, clearly unaware that his life had changed so significantly. He watched Jungwoo walking around and felt as though he was being judged, as though Jungwoo was questioning where he’d suddenly found success from. He knew that wasn’t the case, for he knew Jungwoo better than that, but he still felt one edge all the same.

Jungwoo stopped walking around, turning to face Jaehyun with wide eyes, “wow,” he exclaimed, “so I see all your dreams must have come true.”

Jaehyun nodded slowly, “work was all I had after…well, after you, I threw myself into it, doing all the hours I could and I guess, well I guess it worked out in the end.”

Jungwoo paused for a second, thinking back on forgotten times, “sometimes I think work was all you had even when we were together..”

Jaehyun frowned uncomfortably, “what?”

Jungwoo smirked to himself, for smiling at the memories hurt less than crying at them, “well those last few months...well you were hardly there.. Always working, always busy, I always just assumed if it was something I did, I never knew it was you loving your job so much,” he winced, the final part sounding harder than he had hoped.

Jaehyun’s eyes fell sadly, “I never wanted you to feel like that..”

“And I never wanted us to break up, but things happen sometimes Jaehyun, things happen and there’s nothing we can do to stop it.” Jungwoo bit his lip, curiously waiting for Jaehyun’s response.

“Did all your dreams come true Jungwoo? Did you get your bakery like you wanted?” Jaehyun asked softly.

Jungwoo jumped, for he thought Jaehyun must have forgotten, especially after so much time. 

He looked up, Jaehyun’s eyes looking warm and genuine, like he really cared, like he really wanted to know whether Jungwoo’s childhood dreams had turned into his reality. 

He smiled to himself, for he knew that Jaehyun had become invested in them too at some point, their dreams eventually became each other’s, for everything they did felt like a team effort.

Jungwoo nodded, proud that he had something to show too, “I did, I still have it now, my own special place, like the kind we’d always speak about.”

Jaehyun smiled to himself as Jungwoo continued, “it’s not massive or anything, but it is mine. I’m there every day, I make the cakes, I sell the cakes, always the same customers coming in for coffee and a chat. I love every second, even when it’s really tough, it just feels magical inside.”

He cleared his throat, realising he’d been talking for longer than planned, “oh..sorry.”

Jaehyun shook his head, “don’t be, I like listening to you.,” he took a seat, resting on the arm of the chair, looking at Jungwoo with sad eyes, like the colour had been worn out of his face, “do you ever think about…you know, if we hadn’t broken up?”

Jungwoo paused, all the time, he thought to himself, even though he knew he would never say it out loud, especially not to Jaehyun. There hadn’t been a single day since the break up that he hadn’t thought about how he believed it was the biggest mistake of his life. He knew it was necessary, for he and Jaehyun wouldn’t have worked out, but that didn’t stop it being the most painful thing he had ever experienced.

Jungwoo used to tell himself that it was simply just the right person, but at the completely wrong time, that somewhere, in some other Universe, he and Jaehyun managed to make things work. Strangely, that brought him some sort of comfort, that they were happy somewhere else, that in another World, his heart wasn’t lying on the floor in a million broken tiny pieces. He knew he’d never find something like what they had again, for their love was one in a million, one in a billion maybe, it was impossible to recreate. Jungwoo knew he had found his one in a lifetime, he guessed he’d have to wait until the next lifetime to experience something like it again.

If they had never broken up, then they wouldn’t have been happy, and Jungwoo knew that deep down. 

Jaehyun was so focused on his career that he had no time for anything or anyone else, he was never there for Jungwoo, not like a boyfriend should be. 

Jungwoo was starting the most important chapter of his life, starting the job he’d always dreamt of, starting his bakery with all the hopes and dreams he could have wished for and he wanted someone to celebrate with. Jungwoo wanted someone to settle with, to know that their love was enough, that they didn’t need to dedicate their lives for materialistic things that wouldn’t really make them happy. Jungwoo just wanted someone to love him for who he was, and for him to be able to return that love wholeheartedly, and Jaehyun wasn’t willing to give him that.

So yes, Jungwoo did think about what would happen if they had never broken up, and he still did, he always did, he always would. And Jungwoo knew his face was making that clear, he knew Jaehyun had always been able to see right through him.

“So you do…” Jaehyun nodded slowly, “well I’m glad because, well I do too,” he stood up, walking closer to where Jungwoo was standing, “and I always have. I think about it all the time..”

Jungwoo was frozen, his mouth opened as Jaehyun continued, “I will regret that moment we broke up for the rest of my life Zeus, for I lost the best thing in my life that night, I lost the thing that made me happy, the thing that helped me get out of bed in the morning, Jungwoo that thing was you, that thing is you.”

Jungwoo whispered, “So why did you leave me? I never asked you too, I never wanted you to, not even for a second. You left all by yourself and because you wanted to, not me, you.”

“Because I was young!” Jaehyun yelled,”I was stupid, I was so caught up in work and money and making something of myself that I forgot that for me to truly be me, I need you,” Jaehyun reached out, grabbing Jungwoo’s hand and stroking it gently, “I’m not me without you, and not being able to be myself is getting really lonely.”

Jungwoo looked down at their hands, for he hadn’t felt so at home in a long time, eyes glued to the way they seemed to intertwine so perfectly.

“What are you saying?” Jungwoo asked, almost too scared to listen for an answer, struggling to look Jaehyun in the eyes.

“I’m saying,” Jaehyun took a deep breath, “I’m saying I’m sorry” his eyes were wide, he looked like every word was coming straight from the heart.

“I’m sorry for ruining everything and making you feel like you weren’t enough, I’m sorry for making you feel as though I didn’t adore every tiny part of you,” he moved again, suddenly standing as close to Jungwoo as he could be without standing on top of him, “I’m saying I want to try again, I’m asking for the chance to put things right.”

Jungwoo gasped, finally breathing after what felt like forever, unsure what to say. He wanted to say yes, he wanted to throw himself into Jaehyun’s arms, to kiss him there and then, but he was also terrified. What if he said yes and opened his heart for it to be slammed shut again? What if he said yes and gave his all to someone who wasn’t willing to give any back?

He had finally got his life on track, he finally felt like he was succeeding, was he willing to give Jaehyun the chance to ruin that?

“But what if you can’t?” He asked, “what if you can’t put things right, Jaehyun? What if we had our moment and that was all we were meant to have? What if that was it for us?”

Jaehyun placed a hand on Jungwoo’s face, stroking it gently, cupping his hand around Jungwoo’s chin as Jungwoo’s eyes widened, “well can you at least let us try?”

Jungwoo lifted his hand, placing it on top of Jaehyun’s as he felt relief at his touch, for it had been so long since he’d last experienced it. It felt like home, like he was drowning in nostalgia, memories of a forgotten place flooding his mind at the speed of light, “I’m scared.”

Jaehyun frowned, desperation clear as day on his face, he whispered, “don’t be, just be happy.”

He leant in, closer and closer until he could feel Jungwoo’s breath on his, “be happy with me...”

He moved again until their foreheads touched, electricity running through them both as Jungwoo closed his eyes, feeling comfort in their closeness. Of course Jaehyun would make him happy, for looking at his face alone made him feel like he was flying through the sky.

Jungwoo whispered slowly, “okay.”

Jaehyun smiled, his eyes wide in surprise, “okay?”

“Okay.” Jungwoo nodded, smiling widely as he grabbed Jaehyun's face with his hands, “okay, okay, okay!”

‘Well okay then,” Jaehyun giggled, before moving his lips to Jungwoo’s, gasping as he tasted the sweetness he’d craved for so long. 

Jungwoo was smiling, but he kissed back, his eyes closed as he navigated his way around Jaehyun’s mouth. Jaehyun’s mouth softened as Jungwoo used his tongue to trace his lips sending shivers down Jaehyun’s spine, his whole body trembling as he stroked Jungwoo ‘s face, his hands feeling comfort in his soft baby-like flesh.

Jungwoo smiled, feeling butterflies in his stomach as he craved more, lifting his arms around Jaehyun’s neck, pulling them closer and closer, their bodies finally touching. Jungwoo was ravenous, desperate to breathe in the sweet smell of peaches coming from Jaehyun’s hair, his fingers getting lost in his locks as he smiled to himself, feeling safer than he had in a long time.

Their kiss felt so easy, so pure, so right, and Jaehyun struggled to understand why they had waited so long to kiss again, why they ever stopped in the first place, for why would anyone want to stop something so beautiful?

Eventually, Jungwoo broke the kiss, space growing the pair once more, but only this time, it wasn’t permanent, it was comfortable. As he looked up he couldn’t help but smile at Jaehyun’s face, he looked so happy, so satisfied, and it was then that Jungwoo knew for sure he’d done the right thing. He reached over, grabbing Jaehyun’s hand and holding it as though it was his own, circling his thumb around Jaehyun’s knuckle like he was never planning on letting it go again.

“Well that was unexpected,” Jungwoo said through giggles as Jaehyun shook his head, also smiling.

“I never gave up hope that I’d get to hold you again, and in this lifetime. I always said that if there was any fairness in this World, then I’d see you once more.”

Jungwoo smiled, suddenly realising the time, looking at his watch with a shocked face, confused where the hours had suddenly gone. Time didn’t seem real anymore, all that did was the two of them, for nothing else mattered, not even something as consistent as time.

“Shit!” Jungwoo couldn’t help but laugh, for he struggled to care that he needed to get home, being with Jaehyun seemed way more important.

“Do you have to go already?” Jaehyun asked.

“Already? Jaehyun, it's like one in the morning, I have to start work in five hours!” Jungwoo shook his head, laughing at Jaehyun’s sad little pout. He continued, “don’t be like that! This was special enough, right? And you’ll see me again Jaehyun,” he kissed Jaehyun gently on the cheek, “I promise,” he paused, “if that’s definitely what you want..”

Jaehyun nodded sincerely, “it’s all I want.” He paused for a moment, gulping before speaking again, “what if you stay…” Jaehyun winked, willing Jungwoo to leave responsibility behind, just for once.

“Jaehyun…” Jungwoo spoke gently, “if you want this, then we don’t need to rush, because we have forever, let’s not rush our forever, okay?”

Jaehyun nodded, flashing a watery smile as he pulled Jungwoo in for a tight hug, “forever with you sounds like a dream.”

Jungwoo grinned, wrapping his arms around Jaehyun as tight as he could, only sad that he was going to have to let go. He placed a hand on Jaehyun’s head, stroking it slowly as Jaehyun’s hand circled his back. Before pulling away he laughed, causing Jaehyun to jump.

“What?” Jaehyun asked, confused.

“We don’t even have each other’s numbers anymore!” Jungwoo laughed, as Jaehyun shook his head causing Jungwoo to frown, “what?”

“Speak for yourself Zeus, I’ve always had yours.” Jaehyun smiled, pulling out his phone, unlocking it, pointing it towards a confused Jungwoo as he pulled up his contacts page. He laughed to himself as he spotted what he was looking for, a sight that caused Jungwoo to grin so hard the smile covered his whole face, for saved on Jaehyun’s contact list was a name, it said, “my zeus.”

Jungwoo nodded warmly, “I’ll always be your Zeus.”

Even after hours had passed, Jungwoo struggled to fully understand what had just happened. 

He sat with his mouth wide open the whole way home, his mind in overdrive as the rain fell once more. He smiled in the silence of the car, grateful Jaehyun had treated him to an Uber all for himself, not wanting to share with anyone else ever again. 

The only way he could describe what happened that evening with words was by saying he’d witnessed some sort of miracle, that he was a part of that miracle along with Jaehyun of course. 

What had been a disastrous evening had somehow turned into one he’d always be grateful for, one he’d grow to worship, for it gave Jungwoo his whole heart back.

Although he never wanted to, he had gotten used to a life without Jaehyun, for he didn’t see any other possible options. He believed that a life without Jaehyun was what he’d have to deal with until the end of time, meaning he knew that moving on was necessary, for his own sanity if nothing else. 

Life for Jungwoo had always worked in funny ways, things didn’t always make complete sense and he never truly learnt to understand it. Jungwoo never understood why life happened, but he had always been too scared to actively question it. Maybe that was because he always believed his life was simply a product of his own actions, that everything he did, created everything he had, therefore meaning that if he didn’t have enough, then it meant he wasn’t trying hard enough.

That night taught Jungwoo to be grateful for every little thing life has to offer, for what had been the worst evening ended up changing everything, the visit to his family he had been dreading ended with him falling back in love, the rain that ruined his hair made him call that specific uber at that specific time, Jungwoo would never have been able to guess it even if he’d tried.

Life wasn’t perfect, but Jaehyun was as close as it could get, and although Jungwoo knew that it wouldn’t always be easy, that they both still had their flaws, at least they had each other, and he knew that would be enough, for Jaehyun was his Jaehyun, and he was Jaehyun’s Zeus.