Chapter Text
“Honestly, Maggie, if you fuck me up you’re gonna--- Ow! Shit!” Standing up from the couch was too much for Alex's back. Quick movement was just not possible. Trying to keep herself from falling on the ground, she grabbed Maggie's bed. She couldn’t give Maggie the satisfaction of seeing her that weak. “You’re gonna fuck up our whole country. Jesus. Fuck Fuck.”
There was another sharp stabbing in her back, turning the ache into a sharp throbbing sensation. The trembling in her legs made her want to sit down, but she didn't want Maggie to see her weakness.
“Alex do you maybe want to...lie down for a little bit?”
Alex closed her eyes, forcing the pain into the back of her mind. She had to be strong. Her hair fell out of her face as she stood up, breathing deeply as she compartmentalized the pain. “Mitch.” She swallowed. “You spoke to Mitch. Did he tell you that?”
“I did.” Maggie was slightly unimpressed by Alex’s panic, and she didn’t enjoy it as much as she thought she would. But she couldn’t lie to herself. In her imagination, the moment had tasted so much better than it actually did. However, seeing Alex in actual pain was a very different experience. “Briefly. All off the record. I can quote him to you.” She sighed. She had meetings tomorrow and didn’t really want to deal with this right now. “He said, ‘Fuck off.’”
In response, Alex furrowed her eyebrows and lowered her mouth at the corners. Maggie stared back at her, her face icy, but her eyes worried.
“I- I think I’m going to go,” the blonde murmured. Stumbling past Maggie, she tried to maintain her gait despite her back pain.
“Alex.” Maggie stopped her just as she reached the door. “I think you should lay down.”
She tried to keep her eyes from watering as she said, "I don't need anything from you."
There was something wrong with her. Both women knew that she probably wouldn't be able to make it back to her room without crawling.
“Please.” Maggie’s voice was softer than her usual tired disdain. “You’re going to seriously injure yourself.”
Alex gritted her teeth. She had been running on adrenaline since confronting Maggie. Having done that, the pain and weight of the world were once again settling on her. She needed to retreat back to her room, where she felt more in control of the situation. She needed to gather her thoughts, re-compartmentalize the pain, and make a plan. “I need to go.”
Using a gentle touch, Maggie's hand touched the other woman's shoulder. “I know we aren’t friends, Alex.”
There was a bitter laugh in Alex's voice. “You think?”
“I did not do it to hurt you.” Maggie countered.
“Didn’t you?”
“Alex, believe it or not, it's not all about you.”
Tears pricked at the corner of Alex's eyes as she looked at the older woman. It felt as if an ice pick was being stabbed between her vertebrae as she turned. “Yet, I’m on the cover.”
“Just lie down, Alex. I am not the monster you think I am.”
Alex snorted. “No, that’s me, isn’t it? The monster.”
Stepping closer to Alex, Maggie grasped the hand of the younger woman in hers and guided her to the bed, not acknowledging the comment. Alex tried to resist, but the pain was too much for her. She really needed to get off her feet. She felt pain from her back all the way down to her toes. It hurt everywhere.
“Just breathe.”
Her foot caught on the carpet as she stumbled. Her body screamed in pain at the jolt. Her knees could no longer support her weight. She expected the impact of the floor, but Maggie’s arms were around her, keeping her from hitting the ground.
“I’ve got you,” Maggie assured. She looped her arms around Alex's waist. The woman was so slight of frame that she was barely a burden on her arms. “I need to put you on the bed. Are you okay with me helping you move?”
Alex's lip trembled. This was embarrassing. This was a woman she had come to confront. A woman that had just admitted to hating her was literally the only thing holding her up. She breathed out a defeated, “Fine, just -ow! Fuck! Stop- STOP!”
Maggie had only moved Alex a little bit, just enough to make her a little more upright and easier to move. It was still too much for her back. Although tears were welling up in her eyes before, they had not fallen until now.
“Alex,” Maggie murmured softly. The blonde's robe had slipped open slightly, revealing her breastbone and flushed chest. Taking a step closer to the bed, she guided Alex to straighten up slowly. “Just take it slowly, alright?”
Alex hissed in pain as she took another staggering step forward. “Fuck! Oh fuck!”
“I know. I know,” Maggie murmured. She could feel Alex trembling. Maggie hadn't completely let go of the other woman. Though her arm was not as firmly around her waist, her hand still rested on her hip and upper bicep, afraid if she fell again she wouldn’t be quick enough to catch her. “Just a little further.”
Grumbling, Alex sighed. “Why did I even come here?”
Suddenly, Maggie stiffened up. It was obvious what Alex Levy was doing. It was what she always did. Come in head first, making demands. She'd lived on top too long. However, Maggie didn't live under her. She wasn't a UBA employee scrambling to get her coffee order right, despite how Alex spoke to her. “It’ll be okay.”
“Oh, sure it will be.” Hysterical laughter bubbled up from Alex.
Maggie had long since shut off any feelings other than dislike for the other woman. Maggie had told the woman she did not like her. Maggie did not always hate this woman. They hadn't always been on opposite sides of the table, but holding Alex as she literally couldn’t move on her own, humanized the woman, tugging at parts Maggie hadn’t realized still existed. Let's just get you on the bed, okay?”
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Alex hissed as Maggie guided her forward slowly. “How the fuck am I supposed to moderate a fucking debate tomorrow if I can’t even move?”
“Did you call a doctor?” Maggie asked gently. “The hotel’s concierge should be able to send someone up to take a look.”
“I’m fine,” the blonde snapped, staggering forward and pulling away from Maggie as she tried to walk by herself. “I just need Advil and I’ll be fine.”
“Alex, you can barely stand,” Maggie chastised softly. She took a step closer to Alex, placing her hand on the blonde’s hip and guided her closer to the bed. “Let me help you.”
“Fuck,” Alex groaned as Maggie helped her sit down, wincing at each slight movement. “I have to be fine. There’s a massive fucking debate tomorrow, and I have to be fine. I have to represent all of womankind, fuck. I have to be fine.”
“You don’t have to do anything.” Maggie’s eyes were sharp. She knew she had shaken this woman to her core. She could see it in the way she had pleaded with her earlier. She could see Alex Levy like this, but the world couldn’t. “The more you stress, the worse it will be. You have to relax your muscles.”
Alex glared at the other woman, but it looked more like the glare of a wet kitten. Her face was etched with pain. Furrowing her brows, she was clearly trying to deal with the sheer agony she was going through. “I can do the debate.”
As soon as her back was turned to Alex, Maggie rolled her eyes. “Have you already taken Advil today?”
“In the plane,” Alex begrudgingly replied, her hand going to her face. She wanted to hide from Maggie, to not be seen in this state. Massaging her forehead, she tried to relieve the tension there. “And like two hours ago.”
Maggie was on her way to the ensuite, knowing she had medicine in her bag, but she stopped at Alex's response. “You can’t have more then.”
“What?” Alex snapped, her head snapping up as she glared at Maggie. She struggled to push herself to her feet as her back spasmed. “Maggie, I can have fucking Advil.”
“Alex, sit down,” Maggie said exasperatedly. In an instant she was back at the cohost's side, making sure she didn't go anywhere. “You need to wait a little longer before you take more. Or do you want liver damage?”
“I’m not a child.” Despite the fact that he was moving more slowly this time, Alex still tried to move. It was Maggie's hand that kept her from getting up. The older woman was infuriating. “If you aren’t going to help me, then I should go back to my own room.”
Maggie snorted. “You’ll be lying in the middle of the hallway if not my floor before you get there.”
“Want to bet?” Alex tried to move again, this time managing to stop herself from cursing as her back spasmed, though just barely. The pain, though, was written plainly on her face.
Maggie sighed. She never made things easy for her. “Alex, not everything is a challenge. Can you please just try to relax for once?”
“I can’t relax!” The injured woman snapped. “Can’t you see that! I can’t trust anyone, least of all you.”
Maggie frowned, cold indifference once again masking her face, hiding the true hurt she felt tug at her heart at Alex’s words. “Then do it. Go and see how far you can get.”
As the older woman stepped away from the bed, she stared expectantly at Alex.
Alex didn’t move.
“Good, so you’ll stop acting like a child and let me help you?”
Alex glared but said nothing.
“Alex?”
“Fine!”
The other woman hissed through clenched teeth. Maggie wasn't sure what bothered Alex more: the pain in the other woman's back or having to admit that she needed help. “Just, God, can you just grab some pillows. I need to elevate my legs.”
“See, was that so hard?”
“And I’m already regretting it,” Alex said, rolling her own eyes. She regretted coming here. What good had it done her? Essentially, the only thing this accomplished was to confirm her fears and give her mortal enemy Maggie Brener a good look at how far she had fallen.
“Alex,” Maggie sighed as she grabbed pillows to elevate the blonde’s legs. "I've already told you that none of this will appear in my book. What you say tonight and what happens tonight are completely off the record."
While Maggie carefully lifted her legs to slide the pillows underneath them, Alex let out a low, muffled whine. Her robe slid up on her thighs as her face rested on the stacks of pillows. “Fuck me.”
“I’m going to have the concierge call a doctor,” Maggie said gently as Alex winced in pain again.
“No! You can’t,” Alex struggled to sit up, half formed curses falling from her lips as she glared at Maggie. “No one can know. And if I’m here there’s going to be questions.”
“Alex, someone needs to take a look at your back. You could be seriously injured,” the older woman objected softly.
“My back is fucked up, my life is fucked up.” Alex let out a humorless chuckle. “I’ll be fine Maggie. I just need Advil and a bottle of vodka to wash it down.”
“Is that your usual method of coping,” the journalist quipped, unable to help the snark in her tone.
“Maggie,” Alex half-growled, half-moaned in frustration. She wished she could be somewhere else. To stop her hands from shaking, she balled the rough fabric of the comforter in her hands, inadvertently exposing more of her skin beneath the thin robe.
The other woman gulped. Alex Levy was laying on her bed, moaning her name with way too much skin showing to be anywhere near modest. Black stockings held up by a garter on top could just be seen. She could just see the soft curve of her breast peeking out from under the silk material at the top of the robe. The hardness that had been surrounding Maggie slipped. Whispering, she stood next to Alex; “How about a heating pad?”
Alex looked up, tears that she refused to let fall sparkling in her eyes. “Why are you being so nice to me?”
“You’re in pain,” Maggie reminded her. "And maybe I don't hate you quite so much as you think."
Snorting, Alex immediately regretted the action as her back spasmed. “Fuck. Shit!”
“Relax,” Maggie ordered. "I am calling the concierge to have a few heating pads delivered."
As she listened to Maggie on the phone, the blonde let her eyes close, trying to breathe through the pain that was overwhelming her.
Soon after, someone knocked on the door. Maggie quietly greeted the attendant, taking the heating pads without letting anyone into the room to see that Alex Levy was there.
“I have heating pads,” Maggie said softly. “What’s the best way to do this?”
“I don’t think I can move.” It hurt Alex to admit. A tear ran down her cheek as she avoided looking at Maggie.
The journalist’s heart clenched. It wasn't until just that moment that she realized how bad the pain was for the other woman. “Okay, if I can help you up a little, then I can slip the heating pads under where your back will be.”
Alex nodded, but didn't say anything. She sucked in a deep breath. Despite the fact that she hated the idea of accepting help, she was more afraid of the pain. When Maggie answered the door, she tried shifting positions, but it was too painful for her to do much except lift her feet.
The older woman plugged in the heating pads to ensure they were ready for Alex. There was no doubt whatsoever that any movement would result in excruciating pain. Any relief she could provide afterward would be much appreciated.
“I will try to do as much of this as I can without you moving your back, okay, Al?” The nickname slipped out. They had been on friendly terms once.
“Yes, just do it,” Alex hissed, through gritted teeth already bracing herself for the onslaught of pain. It was her firm belief that if Maggie stuck a knife into her back right then, she would be less painful.
Maggie placed one hand on Alex's upper thigh and the other on her hip. There was a heating pad sitting on the bedding next to her, ready to be slid underneath the blonde's aching body. “Ready?”
"Just fuck doing it," Alex moaned through clenched teeth. She let out a muffled scream as Maggie gently lifted and rolled her enough to slide the heating pad under her left side, panting with exertion and pain as the older woman looked at her worriedly.
“Alex?” Maggie questioned softly. Her hand was still on the anchor’s thigh, thumb rubbing slow circles as Alex tried to breathe through the mind numbing pain.
Alex’s eyes remained closed, her teeth clenched as she tried to breathe through her nose. If she looked up at the other woman now, the sympathy and no doubt worry written on Maggie’s face would break her teetering hold on everything. If she looked up, the tears would break loose.
A broken “hurts” grunted between clenched teeth made its way from Alex’s throat.
Maggie’s hand gently stroked the trembling skin under her hand. She could feel the way every muscle in the other woman was clenched. “You need to relax. Breathe, Alex.”
The blonde let out a shaky exhale as she tried to breathe. She clenched her hands tightly in the bedding beneath her and tried to focus on the sensation of Maggie's hand resting on her thigh, on the sound of her voice, anything other than the pain throbbing in her back.
Maggie placed her other hand on Alex’s shoulder, trying in vain to calm the other woman down. “Breathe with me Alex. Breathe through the pain.” Alex let out a short bark of laughter through clenched teeth, her hands not releasing their white knuckled grip from the bedding.
The older woman squeezed Alex’s shoulder gently as she focused on her face, trying to avoid looking at the blonde’s body from where her robe had slipped open revealing an expanse of silky smooth skin.
The robe rested against Alex’s sides, the lace of her bra doing nothing to hide the skin underneath. Every breath thrust her chest upward, the flush there making normally porcelain skin a soft pink. It was obvious that Alex had not finished getting ready for the night before storming into the other woman's suite.
"That's it," Maggie encouraged, watching the tension between Alex's brows ease. Maggie's thumb rubbed the soft exposed flesh above her stockings. “You’re going to be okay.”
Alex’s eyes opened, looking deep into Maggie’s own. She reached out and touched the hand on her shoulder. Holding the other woman's hand tightly in her own, she began to speak. “Do you promise that?”
It was a loaded question. Maggie wanted to be angry that she was still worried about the damn book, but she couldn’t be. Alex was very prominently featured, but she would weather the storm. She always did. “You will be fine.”
And for Alex’s sake. For this woman, quaking in agony on her bed, she really hoped everything would be okay. This fragile woman was so much more broken than the world saw, than even Maggie had guessed. “I’ve got you.”
The few tears that had been building in Alex's eyes softly fell as she nodded. “Thank you.”
Maggie smiled. The hand still in Alex’s squeezed in answer. Clearly this was not the same woman who had stormed into Maggie's room acting as if she owed her something. This was a woman that recognized that someone else for once was going out of their way to care for her, not because it was their job or even wanted to, but because no matter what Maggie actually didn’t hate her deep down.
“I’m going to call down for a blanket for you,” Maggie murmured, her eyes roving over Alex’s body.
“You don’t need to do that,” Alex protested. “I’m going to go back to my room in a minute here. Fuck! Ow, ow, ow!”
"Alex," the older woman chided. Putting her hand on Alex's shoulder, she gently pushed her back on the bed. “You can barely move. Just lie back down.”
"I won't kick you out of your bed, Maggie."
“This bed is huge, Alex.” The brunette rolled her eyes as Alex protested. “I’ll be fine. But you’re not exactly wearing much.”
As Maggie went about her routine, she allowed Alex some space as she waited for the blankets she called up. Even as she went about her tasks, her mind was on the woman in the other room. She had spent so long hating the Alex Levy that had barged into her room. The woman on her bed wasn’t that Alex Levy.
Her mind marveled around that fact. She hadn't hated Alex when they first met. There had been an air of genuineness about the woman. The Alex Levy she had grown into seemed fake. That was the person she wrote about in her book. The woman in her bed, pulled at her heart strings. That woman was the one she hadn’t hated all those years ago.
By the time she was done with her nightly routine, the blankets had arrived and she was ready to call it a night. It was not only Alex who had been through a lot. She too had experienced her own emotional upheaval seeing the other woman in such pain. Taking care of Alex had melted some of the ice around her heart.
"The blank-" she began to say, but stopped. As she lay on her back with her eyes closed and mouth open, Maggie could hear a small wheeze coming from between her lips. She had never heard anyone snore more tenderly.
The blonde's hair was disheveled, tossed around her head like a golden halo, and her robe had slipped open, revealing tasteful lingerie that Maggie had only caught glimpses of earlier.
Gently the older woman draped the soft blankets over Alex, setting out Advil and a glass of water on the nightstand next to her. In an effort not to disturb her exhausted bed partner, she carefully slid under the covers next to her.
“Good night Alex.”
The bed was large, but she could still feel Alex next to her. Through the shadows, she observed the women.
Exhaustion from the pain had obviously overtaken Alex. Maggie couldn’t help but wonder how long the other woman had been in pain and what she had done to cope when it first started. Despite the reason for it, she was glad to see the human side of Alex. Perhaps Alex Levy wasn’t so bad after all.
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A loud thud echoed from the other side of Maggie's bed, waking her up. Seeing the bright numbers flashing back at her twelve forty three am, she groaned softly. “It’s too early.”
“Maggie,” Alex whispered frantically from the floor. “Maggie, I- I can’t move!”
The older woman’s eyes snapped open at the blonde’s pleas, and she peered over the side of the bed to see Alex lying awkwardly on the floor, trembling. Her robe had fallen off one shoulder, and the pillows and blankets were tangled around her feet.
“What happened?” Maggie asked as she got out of bed and kneeled by the blonde's side.
“I have TMS this morning.” Alex’s voice shook as Maggie gently fixed the blonde’s robe so she was less exposed. “I don’t have my phone or anything with me. I have to prep, and we have to shoot downstairs. I wasn’t thinking last night and- and I tried to get out of bed…”
“And you fell,” Maggie finished softly. “Why didn’t you wake me?”
“I didn’t want to inconvenience you more than I have,” Alex admitted, voice quavering. “Could you?”
The question was left open. Alex's hands trembled. She had simply tried to stand up and found that she couldn’t even manage that. Her own body had betrayed her. Let her down when she needed it.
“I am going to lift you,” Maggie whispered, hand gently wiping a tear that fell from frightened blue eyes. Alex looked broken. Her face wasn't just pain, but also embarrassment and anger at her body's failure. “I’ve got you.”
Alex let out a soft cry as Maggie pulled her to her feet, awkwardly setting her on the bed and wrapping her arm around thin shoulders as she shook uncontrollably. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” the blonde sobbed quietly, wiping roughly at her face. Her robe had slipped off her shoulder again and the tie lay loose around her waist, leaving her completely exposed. Her hand pressed against her chest as she struggled to breathe through the pain.
“Jesus, Alex,” Maggie murmured. “I’m going to call someone. You’re not okay.”
Alex’s eyes flashed wildly as she tried to speak, her chest constricting as she tried to breathe. While she tried to slow her breathing, to calm down, and to do anything, her fingers clawed at her chest, leaving deep scratches on her skin.
Maggie reached for the phone quickly dialing down to the concierge as she rubbed soft circles on Alex’s back. “Hi, this is Maggie Brener in Room 316. I need you to send a doctor and any medics you have available to my room immediately, and please be discreet.”
Maggie glanced over at Alex who was still struggling to breathe, her hands fisting in the bedding as she glared at her. “Yes, immediately. Thank you.”
“They’re on their way up. It should only be about fifteen minutes,” Maggie murmured. “Don’t glare at me Alex, you’re in pain and not okay.”
Alex glared harder at the other woman. The anger gave her something to hold onto other than her own misery. “I can’t do this right now. I have things to do.”
Maggie resisted the overwhelming urge to roll her eyes. Even in the early morning, Alex found a way to annoy her. “You need a doctor and you need rest.”
The younger woman shook her head. Maggie didn’t understand. Maggie wasn’t the one fighting every day just to stay on top. A large part of Alex wished she had never come back. She wished she was in Maine with her dog enjoying the winter. But she wasn’t there. She was here with Maggie Brener looking at her like she wanted to give her a hug. Life didn’t always turn out how you wanted or thought it would.
“Maggie, I can’t. I have to be downstairs in an hour for TMS. Just give me some Advil.”
“Alex, you can’t move.” Maggie arched her eyebrow at the blonde who was attempting to get to her feet again. “A concierge doctor will be here soon. Let them take a look at you and then you can go do TMS.”
Alex rolled her eyes and attempted to get up again, letting out a choked off cry as she made it to her feet. “I’m fine, Maggie.”
“Alex, I don’t want to see you in pain,” the older woman said softly. “Let me help you.”
The blonde let out a derisive snort as she took a wobbling step forward, her hand clutching her back for support. “I’ve always been in pain, Maggie. This is just the first time anyone’s ever noticed.”