Archive of Our Own ^beta

JayJay: i need a favor – 8:46pm

Kie-wi: It’s 4am why are you awake – 8:46pm

JayJay: its not 4 yet also isnt it tmrw nite 4u – 8:47pm

Kie-wi: why are you texting me in the middle of the night – 8:47pm

JayJay: i need u 2 b my gf – 8:49pm

Kie-wi: WHAT? – 8:49pm

??????? – 8:50pm

Hello??? - 8:51pm

MAYBANK WTF??????? - 8:51pm

UR NOT LEAVING ME ON READ LIKE THAT - 8:51pm

JayJay: just pretend 4 popes party – 8:52pm

Kie-wi: wtf JJ – 8:52pm

JayJay: ill explain tmrw just pls say yes – 8:53pm

Kie-wi: Fine. – 8:53pm

“No, Sarah. For the thirteenth time, JJ did not ask me out.”

Despite the unholy amount of towels she’s currently holding, Kiara pauses in the middle of her tiny apartment, soon to be her former apartment, to glare at her best friend/flatmate/business partner.

How does one pack up a whole year of their life while making sure they don’t forget a single item they need because they are very unlikely to ever come back?

Kiara would like to say she has an answer and a system, but the truth is she and Sarah have approached packing the same way they do everything else – with a semi-formed objective in mind and next to no idea how to get there.

Their methods have proved largely different, too: Sarah is attacking the furniture one piece at a time, emptying every single drawer and nook and cranny and throwing contents with alarming force into the nearest suitcase. Kiara, on the other hand, has decided to go about this one item at a time. Right now, her mission is to pack up every single towel they have in the apartment. Which, she is now realizing is way too many. Why do they have so many different sized towels? And why has Kiara never used or even seen half of them before?

She shakes her head, standing over the suitcase and dumping the colorful array of towels in it. She sits down on the floor to start folding them up, eyes trailing Sarah as she pulls a green bong with a turtle-shaped base from the bottom drawer of the cabinet she’s currently mauling.

Sarah holds the offending item up, turning to look at her. “What the fuck is this?”

“What does it look like? It’s a present for JJ.”

Sarah rolls her eyes as she locates a stray piece of bubble wrap on the floor and hastily envelops the glass bong with it, tucking into one of the suitcases next to her.

“JJ. Who did not ask you out.” She straightens back up before she touches a finger to her chin, squinting her eyes at the ceiling. “But who is your date to Pope’s graduation party?”

Kiara groans. “Fake date, Sarah. I told you he just needs someone to go with him so that Yvonne can stop trying to set him up with people. She’s been on a mission since he and Alice broke up.”

Sarah blinks a couple of times, her mouth setting in a thin line like she doesn’t believe a word coming out of Kiara’s mouth. She hums non-committedly after a moment, turns to grab more things from behind her.

Her voice echoes distantly as she half-disappears inside the cabinet like she just found the doors to Narnia. “I still can’t believe JJ had a semi-serious, long-term girlfriend for a whole nine months, and we were not there to see it.”

Kiara feels something twist in her stomach. Folds the towel in her hand a little too aggressively.

It’s not because JJ had a girlfriend, okay? It’s not.

It’s a perfectly justified, albeit mildly selfish reaction, due to knowing that her friends’ lives didn’t stop when she moved out of Kildare at 18 years of age. It was knowing that John B and Sarah and JJ lived together at the chateau for a whole two years while she was gallivanting in the Arctic; or that Pope reapplied for the scholarship while she was cleaning beaches in The Philippines, and got it this time; or that she left and JJ stayed, and their surf trip turned out to be nothing more than a pipe dream.

Okay, so, maybe it’s also a little bit about JJ going and getting himself a girlfriend. But only because she wasn’t there to see it. That’s all.

“We’ve been away for a year, Sarah.”

It’s been seven years for her, actually.

She’s done a lot of shit during those years. Been places. Watched and studied and learned. Protested and toed picket lines and started environmental petitions that helped successfully overturn laws. Founded a conservation initiative with Sarah. Almost got engaged to her ex, one stupid, drunken night in Tulum.

It had nothing to do with her being in Yucatán without the one person who always wanted to go there.

And it’s been a full year that she hasn’t visited the Outer Banks. At all.

Not for lack of wanting, really, but she and Sarah had been so consumed with their research in New Zealand, and how to actually get their project off the ground, that they didn’t really have time to go back. John B visited for Christmas, instead, with Cleo and Robin in tow. And then alone for Easter. Pope was busy killing his last year, and JJ… well. He was busy having a girlfriend.

Kiara isn’t bitter, exactly. Just feels dumb that she thought calling him to ask him to come with John B for Easter would make a difference. That offering to split the flight fare, or promising they’d go surfing like they dreamed they would all those years ago, would make him change his mind.

It used to, is the thing. She knew how to talk to him when they were young, loved that he actually listened to her and wanted her advice.

This time, though, it didn’t. Because this time, Alice was the most important factor in his decision, and there was no way she was coming down to New Zealand with them.

So he stayed behind, and did his own thing, and things haven’t been awkward, exactly, but something’s shifted for Kiara since she last saw him. She’s missed him. And not in the I-haven’t-seen-my-best-friend-in-a-year-and-I-kind-of-really-want-to-hang-out-with-him kind of way. Rather, it’s more like JJ is constantly on her mind now. And excited as she is to actually see him, she’s very much dreading it because she doesn’t know what it means that she can’t stop thinking about him at all, despite not having seen him for a full year.

Sarah resurfaces from Batman’s cave, scrunching her nose in disgust at the jar of blackened, dried herbs she’s holding. “What the hell is this?”

Kiara pushes JJ to the back of her mind as she looks up from her towels, grimacing immediately. “That’s that thing John B kept burning when he visited. The one he got from that shady guru in Wellington.”

Sarah shivers violently. “The thing that smells like feet?”

She dumps the herbs in the trash before Kiara can say a word, closing the top behind her and pressing her foot against it like the jar might jump back out of it if she loosens her reins on it.

“If it helps, JJ says he’s officially done with his saging era.”

So much for not thinking about JJ.

Sarah wipes her hands on her sweatpants, shuddering again, her whole body convulsing. “I fucking hope so.” She straightens up, smiles brightly. “Cabinet’s done,” she singsongs. Kiara hums, watching her saunter over to the next piece of furniture she’s picking apart, a coffee table with a storage compartment, this time. “You still haven’t told anyone you’re moving back?”

Kiara shakes her head. “I mean, it’s not like I’m keeping it a secret. I just don’t wanna make a big deal until I know that I’m staying for sure.”

Sarah pulls out approximately 16 pairs of goggles from the table, huffing as she struggles to detangle a bright pink pair from an overhanging screw. She yanks it out so violently, she tears the elastic strap in half. “And that depends on what, exactly?”

Here’s the thing. Kiara is excited about moving back. She really is. It’s just that when she tried to tell her parents, her dad hung up on her before she could say anything, because of some emergency at The Wreck or something. And when she wanted to tell Pope, he was sprinting across campus, trying not to miss his bus. JJ didn’t even bother answering the phone, texted her that he was at work and that he’d call her after. He didn’t.

She stopped trying after that. Has been plagued by nightmares, ever since, of going back and finding out that her friends and family don’t have space for her in their lives anymore.

“I don’t know… I don’t want my parents to get all excited and then be disappointed again if I change my mind, I guess.”

Sarah’s eyebrows shoot up. “Should I be worried you’re going to bail on me?”

Kiara stands up, propping her hands on her waist and looking around. Her eyes narrow at a lonely charging cable discarded in the corner of the living room. New target located.

“I won’t.” She starts walking around the small flat, collecting random charging cables, earphones, power banks, external hard disks, and a bunch of wires she has no idea what to do with. “And anyway, the Pogues probably know already. You told John B, didn’t you?”

“I mentioned that we got the funding for our conservation project and the habitat, and he knows I’m moving back home. I don’t even know how he hasn’t made the connection yet.”

Kiara snorts, standing over the towel suitcase and dropping the mess of cables and wires on top. “God, he really lives in his own little world, doesn’t he?”

Sarah scoffs, looks quite appalled. “Hey! That’s my husband you’re talking about.” She deflates after a moment, chuckles lightly, affection rolling off her in waves. “Yeah, he does.”

Kiara laughs, thinks about John B’s face when he finds out they’re both moving back to Kildare.

Yeah, it’ll be worth it.

JJ doesn’t tell her he’s picking her up from the airport.

He cleared it up with Mike as soon as he made up his mind, made sure there was someone available to cover his shift. Not that Mike was never going to say no to JJ taking the morning off to pick Kiara and Sarah up from the airport, especially considering neither he nor Anna could make the trip.

He even took JJ’s truck over to Heyward’s the night before, filled up his tank while JJ was working his shift at The Wreck. Argued that it’s a long ride to Norfolk, when JJ tried to protest.

And Mike’s not wrong, exactly. It takes JJ a couple of hours to get to the airport, but he doesn’t care.

He’s missed Kiara, is the thing. Kind of feels bad that he didn’t visit when she wanted him to, and blew off her calls a lot more than strictly necessarily for a while there. He never thought he’d be one of those people, who got wrapped up in whoever they were dating and blew off the rest of the world. And he wasn’t, for the most part. Stayed the same with most people.

But Kiara wasn’t most people. She never was, and Alice saw that, even though she’d never met her.

So, when Alice asked him to put her first, and stop blowing off parties because he’s supposed to facetime with Kiara, and stop finding excuses not to introduce her to John B, and actually go on that trip with her instead of going to New Zealand, JJ didn’t object. Kiara had only stayed for a couple of months during the summer and then packed her shit again and moved away again. Was halfway across the world, now.

And he’d long gotten over her, anyway.

So he went to Yucatán, tried to pretend he didn’t wish it was New Zealand.

He beats traffic and gets there a little early. It’s a slow morning, not many flights coming in, so people watching gets very boring very quick. He paces around the arrivals zone for a bit, plays every game he’s downloaded on his phone ever, pulls his zippo out of his pocket and fiddles with it until he’s burned nearly all his fingers.

Finally, what feels like hours later, a small army of people trickle past the arrivals doors and make their way out all at once. It’s absolute chaos after that, people crying and yelling and embracing all over the place.

JJ cranes his neck over the masses, tries to locate his friends in the throng of people, but they’re nowhere to be found.

He groans, twists to look behind him, when he spots a very familiar head of dark curls wrapped in a bright orange scarf. He grins as his eyes flicker to the backpack with the “save the turtles” patch, then to the shorter girl next to her, blond hair tucked in a messy bun on her head. Yeah, that’s definitely them.

They’ve got their backs to him, are walking the opposite way, so he panics slightly, starts running and pushing past all the hugging and the kissing and the tears to catch up to them.

“Kie! Kiara!” She doesn’t hear him, makes her way out the doors. JJ can still them past the glass windows, walking across the parking lot towards the bus stop, while he’s still stuck inside. How the fuck did that plane fit so many people? And why is everyone on the East Coast at Norfolk Airport right now? “Kie! Sarah!” He finally manages to push the door open, shoving past a couple kissing in the middle of the doorway and running after them in the parking lot. “HEY, CARRERA! WAIT UP!”

He watches as Kiara stops in her tracks, close enough to hear her tell Sarah “I swear that’s JJ” before she’s turning to look at him, eyes widening when they meet his.

He holds up a finger and presses a hand to his side, sticking his tongue out as he tries to catch his breath. He straightens up after a moment, grins. “Still making me chase after you after all these years, huh?”

Kiara’s face melts into a blinding smile and JJ thinks, fuck. She laughs and finally crosses the short distance between them, throwing her arms around him with such force, they nearly tumble to the floor. JJ laughs as he struggles to keep his balance, curves his arms around her waist and doesn’t let go for a long moment.

His eyes meet Sarah’s over Kiara’s shoulder, eventually, and she smiles brightly. Walks slowly over to them. “JJ Maybank picking his fake girlfriend up from the airport? Must be real love.”

Kiara lets go of JJ long enough to kick at Sarah’s shin, not even bothering to act annoyed when she misses.

JJ ruffles Sarah’s hair, pulls her in for a hug. “Yeah, I missed you too, girl Jombee.”

Must be real love plays on a loop in his head the entire drive back to Kildare.

Kiara’s worries fly out the window the minute she spots JJ at the airport.

It’s like she never left.

He tugs on her braids, flatters and insults her in the same breath. He’s still flirty, and annoying, and he gets all defensive whenever she says New Zealand is one of the most beautiful places she’s ever lived in.

They lie close together in the hammock, and share joints, and end up pressed together shoulders to ankles, always a little touchier and a lot less inhibited when they’re high. They tease John B and Sarah mercilessly, pick Pope up in JJ’s truck when he finally makes it back to Kildare, play a very intense game of chicken fight with Cleo and Robin.

Things have changed, though.

JJ is already at The Wreck when she shows up there on the third morning, balancing trays and making drinks and checking that everyone is getting their order on time. He’s not supposed to be doing the first two, her dad tells her. Got promoted to manager in record time. But he still insists on bussing tables during rush hour and will mix up drinks behind the bar more often than not. He’s even started joining Mike in the kitchen, is trying to hone his cooking skills. Which apparently is code for chopping vegetables and doing knife tricks with Jorge that he should absolutely not be doing.

And there’s gaps in his stories now. People she doesn’t know, and places she hasn’t been, and life events she wasn’t around for. Like when he moved out of the chateau and into his first apartment, which she never got to see. Or when he drove with John B to California because Pope was having a shit time in school. Or when he got his first truck and Mike and Heyward went with him to make sure Old Man Willie didn’t rip him off.

Or when he went to Yucatán instead of going to New Zealand.

With Alice.

He doesn’t talk about her a lot. Waves Kiara off when she asks him why they broke up. Tells her she wasn’t what he was looking for and changes the subject far too quickly.

She wonders what he’s looking for. If it’s the same thing she wants.

She doesn’t ask.

Sometimes it scares him, how fast he and Kiara are able to pick up where they left off. Literally keeps him up at night the day after they pick Pope up, wondering if it means he’ll fall again.

He hopes not. He likes how they are now, and she will leave again.

She always leaves.

Three days after Pope’s back, Kiara and JJ drive over to Heyward’s to drag Pope and Dae to the chateau for what JJ and John B have decided is Pope’s actual graduation party.

They spent the morning and much of the afternoon decorating for the occasion. Dug out the old string lights and hung them around the chateau’s yard the way they used to be. They all pretended not to notice that most of the lights weren’t working, or that the surviving few were flickering in and out so erratically, they were basically a migraine trigger, or that one of the bulbs was shining brighter than the sun itself.

Kiara had waited until JJ, Sarah and John B got busy changing the hot tub’s water to make sure that particular string was hanging far away from anything flammable. She was 100% certain that thing was going blow up at some point tonight, and they really did not need a fire display for Pope’s party.

Robin and Cleo are already at the chateau when they get there with Pope and Dae, desecrating a particularly sturdy branch on John B’s memorial tree. Kiara takes full credit for that, by the way. Knew the second she met Robin at a beach cleanup in Virginia that she needed to introduce her to Cleo. She convinced Cleo to tag along on the next beach cleanup, made sure Robin signed up for it, too. The two have been making out in increasingly weird places ever since.

They light a fire because it’s tradition, put it out immediately because it’s 90 degrees outside. They jump in the Cat’s Ass instead, shotgun beers and watch Pope try - and fail - to rap. He doesn’t sing about being smooth as lotion, this time, which is a miracle in and of itself, but he does attempt a head dive in the hot tub, at which point Dae rightly decides it’s time they climb out of the water they’re essentially stewing in.

John B disappears after that, emerges on the HMS Pogue after about half an hour, shouting something that none of them can hear over JJ’s playlist.

Kiara looks around as she tries to figure out what’s going on, but everyone seems just as clueless as her.

Except JJ.

She narrows her eyes at the shit-eating grin that spreads slowly on his face when he helps her out of her lawn chair.

She tries to get him to spill, attempts to tickle it out of him, but he just swats her hands away, tugging on her braid and promising it’s going to be good before he’s running to the end of the dock.

John B’s glowing, Kiara notices as she walks to the end of the dock. Like, literally. She realizes with mild terror that every single surface on the Pogue is covered with an alarming number of lit candles.

Oh no.

“What the fuck,” Pope mutters next to her.

Dae runs a hand through his hand, looks paler and paler by the second. “This is…not good.”

“Sarah Cameron,” John B starts, looking at Sarah with eyes that are as sickeningly in love as they were when he was 16. “Nine years ago today, in front of the moon and the stars and the sea, you and I exchanged vows and became man and wife. Today, I’m here—“

“Wait, what?”

John B turns to Sarah like he just got hit in the side of the head with a frying pan. She’s frowning.

“What?”

“John B, that was in September. We’re still in July.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

John B’s mouth drops open, looking like the human embodiment of the confused math lady meme.

“Sarah Cameron,” he starts again after a moment, “eight years and 11 months ago today,” Kiara is honestly impressed he was able to do the math that fast, “in front of the moon and the stars and the sea, you and I exchanged vows and became man and wife.”

Sarah laughs, hands coming up to cup her mouth in surprise. “Oh my god.”

“So, I wanted to ask if you wanted to renew our vows, tonight. In front of the moon and the stars and the sea, and mostly in front of all our friends and family.”

And look, Kiara might be a stone-cold bitch most of the time, but she’s not actually made of stone.

As cheesy as this whole thing is, the way her dumb friends are looking at each other kind of makes her cold, dead heart beat a little faster.

Unfortunately, that lasts for approximately 45 seconds, because the moment Sarah screams yes, John B gets so excited he loses his balance and flails around, knocking over four candles in the process.

And then Kiara’s heart is racing for an entirely different reason.

All at once, several things happen: JJ yells “JOHN B I’M COMING TO SAVE YOU!” and immediately jumps on the boat, tipping it precariously and knocking over every single remaining candle on board. While most of the flames die out in the saltwater on the floor, the leather seat catches fire – because John B even propped candles on the fucking seat, the idiot. Ever a sea of calm in the face of real danger, Pope grabs the nearest bottle and sprays the boat with it, positively blanching when he realizes it’s wine. The small fire grows into a big fire and Robin jumps towards the boat but ends up missing completely, crashing in the water and proceeding to swim in the complete opposite direction.

Finally, exasperated, Cleo yells at John B to “jump before you’re barbecue, bro!”, and he does, thankfully, at the same time as Kiara flings herself after JJ, nearly drowning him to keep him off the boat.

Cleo grabs the hose they used to fill the hot tub and throws it in Dae’s arms before she’s running to turn the water on, and it takes him some time to get his aim right, but he’s putting the literal fire out in the next few minutes, before there’s any irreversible damage. 

Amidst the chaos, Sarah continues to stands on the dock with her hands pressed to her mouth, looking at John B like he is the most charming creature to have ever graced the earth.

Kiara tries to catch her breath as she reaches the dock and latches on to the ladder, making sure JJ is following her. JJ reaches around her to grab a hold of something, ends up pressed to her back as he tries to control his breathing too.

“John B, you’re okay bro?”

John B holds his thumb up as he swims over to them. “She said yes!”

Kiara glares at him, splashes water right into his eyes when he’s close enough. “What the fuck JB, you almost just sent yourself on a Viking funeral!”

John B looks completely unphased as he rubs at his eyes, grin unyielding. “But she said yes!”

Kiara rolls her eyes, turns to JJ. “Please tell me you didn’t know he was gonna set the Pogue on fire.”

“I knew he was gonna do something, I just didn’t know what.”

She shakes her head, takes Pope and Dae’s offered hands and allows them to pull her up on the dock. Once she’s up and on her feet, she turns back to JJ. “And your first thought, when you saw the open flame, was to jump towards it?”

He’s pushing himself up on the dock, dripping wet, hair plastered all over his face, clothes clinging to his body in a way that makes Kiara’s mouth go dry. She tries her hardest to keep her eyes from wandering, but then the bastard’s pushing his bangs back before he’s peeling his shirt off to squeeze the excess water out. Like that’s going to do anything other than make Kiara squirm. “I wasn’t gonna let my best friend fry on his own.”

Pope, forever Kiara’s favorite Pogue, chooses that exact moment to intervene. Which is really lucky, because she cannot for the life of her remember what point she was trying to make before JJ decided to start stripping.

“You’re talking like you didn’t jump right after him.”

There’s a moment of awkward silence before Kiara realizes he’s talking to her. The tips of her ears turn pink as she registers Pope’s words, turning to look at him.

Fucking traitor.

“What?”

“You jumped after JJ—”

Thankfully, Sarah chooses that exact moment to squeal and hurl herself in John B’s arms, clinging to him like a Koala and effectively capturing Pope’s – and everyone else’s – attention. “Y’all, we’re gonna renew our vows!”

Dae winces, waves his hand in the general direction of the HMS Pogue. “Maybe not in the actual pits of hell?”

Kiara turns a pair of mournful eyes at the boat. So much for no fire displays tonight.

The boat looks mostly intact, save for the army of unlit candles that have now collected in the one corner where the boards are especially tilted, and the lingering cloud of smoke that has yet to stop growing out of the cinched leather seats.

John B’s eyes light up. “Can we do it in the hot tub?”

Sarah lets go of John B to raise a pointed eyebrow at him. “You want me to renew my vows in something called the Cat’s Ass?” John B blanches, gets ready to plead his case, when Sarah breaks into a blinding grin, giggling uncontrollably, the way she does when she’s crossfaded. “I thought you’d never ask.”

Cleo helps Robin out of the water and they start making their way up. Kiara’s about to follow when she feels a pair of eyes on her. She pauses and turns to find JJ still standing on the dock, looking at her in a way that makes the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

She swallows thickly, taking a lone step towards him. She’s always gravitated to him, even when they were little, to this boy who was golden like the sun. Always tried to stop herself, because if he was the sun then she was Icarus, and she was not going to let him singe her wings off so she could crash and burn by herself.

She undoes her braid for something to do, tucks her hair behind her ear. He’s still looking at her like he’s trying to figure something out. “What?”

JJ shakes his head, walks over to her.

“Nothing,” he says, but then he slows down when he’s next to her. “It’s nothing.” Bites the inside of his cheek like he wants to say more. Kiara holds her breath. “You think John B will let me pronounce them man and wife?”

Kiara exhales, something sharp settling in the pit of her stomach. Plasters a small smile and keeps her hands to herself. “I think it’s Sarah you need to convince.”

JJ nods. Smiles. Walks away. “Yo! Cameron, wait up!”

It’s not disappointment that Kiara’s feeling. It’s not.

“So, you and Kie are going together?”

JJ looks up from his spot on Pope’s bed, tossing a baseball he found in the corner of the room against the wall. A baseball that is most definitely not Pope’s.

He shrugs, watching Pope struggle to knot the tie around his neck as he stares at his reflection in the mirror, trying to figure out which end goes where. “I mean, the official story is we are.” He tosses the baseball again, straightens up because he’s very close to passing out on the bed, and he can’t do that. Kiara’s picking him up to go change at the chateau. Maybe pre-game a little, because they’re definitely going to need it. “I need to get Yvonne off my back.” Pope groans, tugging on the tie and turning to stare exasperatedly at JJ. JJ hold his hands up immediately, shaking his head. “Don’t look at me, ain’t no way I know how to tie that shit.”

“You’re both useless,” Dae’s voice comes from the bathroom, before he makes his way into the room, walking over to Pope and reaching for the tie around his neck.

Pope throws JJ a look over Dae’s shoulder, a small smile tugging on his lips. “And the unofficial story?”

JJ’s eyebrows shoot up as he tries to follow Pope’s train of thought, his face immediately falling into a confused frown when he catches on. “Dude, it’s Kie.” When Pope doesn’t do anything other than continue to stare at him with a blank look on his face, JJ feels obliged to verbalize what should be obvious. “‘Course we’re not together.”

Dae finishes Pope’s tie, backs up and runs a hand over his shoulders to make sure his shirt’s not clinging weirdly in places. Pope’s eyes flicker to his face, features softening.

Any other day, JJ would smile at his best friend, maybe tease him about how whipped he is. But right now, he’s a little too fixated on their conversation.

As if on cue, Pope’s gaze turns to him again. “But if you were, that’s totally fine.”

Dae step away from Pope, shooting a curt look at JJ before he’s moving back to the bathroom, possibly to give them some privacy. Not that JJ understands why they would need it.

It’s not that he hasn’t thought about it before. A long time ago, when he was young and stupid enough to think that maybe, just maybe, she could feel the same—But no. He nipped that idea in the bud very early on in their friendship. Locked it away completely after she skipped town without a care in the world. Has tried his best not to look back ever since.

JJ’s eyebrows push together. “It’s Kie,” he says, because he doesn’t know what else to say. The fact that Pope is broaching this subject, let alone expecting a different answer out of him, is mind-boggling.

Pope’s face is weirdly calm. “I know.”

JJ shakes his head, stands up. “We’re not anything.”

Pope’s mouth sets in a thin line, forehead wrinkling as he leans down to pick his shoes up. “Right. But if you were, I’d be fine with it.”

“Good for you, Pope,” he blurts out because he feels cornered and doesn’t know what to say. Deflection and sarcasm are all he knows, especially when his best friend is looking at him in a way that is more than mildly unsettling. Like he knows him, or some shit. “What even are you sayin—”

“JJ, where the fuck is your phone, I’ve texted you four times to come down already!” JJ startles at the sound of Kiara’s voice, breath stuttering in his chest when she pushes the door open and barges into Pope’s room, looking at him expectantly. He fishes his phone out of his pocket, taps the screen a few times, but it’s dead. Kiara sighs. “Why am I even surprised?”

“This isn’t going to help my mom believe you two are a thing,” Pope comments, tying his laces.

He straightens up as Kiara turns to him, her face immediately softening with a grin. JJ tries not to stare.

“Pope, you look hot,” she comments. She jumps when Dae comes out of the bathroom and throws an arm around her, hand flying to her heart before she dissolves in a fit of giggles. She stares him up and down. “Okay, I’ll ignore the mini heart attack you just gave me because you both look hot.”

Pope smiles. “Thanks.”

She looks at him for another moment before she turns her attention back to JJ. Who still has not moved, breathed or said a word since she got here. Her brows dip together, eyes flickering back to Pope, then to JJ, then to Dae, then to JJ, then to Pope again. “What are y’all talking about?” Then, back to JJ. “Why are you being weird?”

JJ shakes himself out of his stupor.

“Nothing,” he blurts out, reaching a hand out towards her as he steps closer, and realizing halfway through that he has no real reason to do that. His hand hangs limply in the air for a moment, before he snatches it back, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “I’m not being weird. You’re being weird. I’m just congratulating Pope on becoming an official nerd now.”

Kiara’s frown deepens, eyes flickering to Pope for confirmation.

Pope throws JJ another one of those looks he keeps giving him today, like he knows something JJ doesn’t. JJ hates it.

Pope shakes his head after a moment, picks a pillow off the bed and smacks JJ in the face with it. “That’s Professor Nerd, to you.”

All things considered, Kiara is not at all mad at the way she looks when he checks her reflection in the mirror. She’s wearing a dress, which she’s a lot more comfortable with these days, especially one as colorful, short and loose as the one she chose. It’s a bright orange oversized mini she came across at a street market in New Zealand, complete with spaghetti straps, a cute ruffled hem, and pockets. Sarah tried to coerce her into a pair of heels earlier, but Kiara just threw them back in her closet and slipped her favorite canvas sneakers on instead, layering her growing collections of necklaces, bracelets and rings.

“Hey, Kie. Do you think Yvonne will kill me for not wearing p—” Kiara looks up in the mirror to see JJ’s reflection freeze in the doorway, brows drawing together. She turns around in time to catch his eyes flicker from her face to her dress to her legs to her shoes. “You’re wearing a dress.”

He swallows thickly, still looking at her in a way that makes heat pool in the pit of her stomach.

She clears her throat, tries not to look too ruffled by it. “You’ve seen me in a dress before.”

“Yeah,” JJ says, nodding his head a little dumbly. “Yeah, but…” he trails off, eyes flickering to her legs again. Yeah, okay, so it’s a very short dress. He shakes his head, walks into the room, lips curving up on one side. “Nevermind, it’s good. You look good. I have excellent taste in fake dates.”

Kiara grimaces, looks him up and down. “I don’t. That’s what you’re wearing?”

He looks good, actually. In a very JJ way, wearing his go-to combat boots that he refuses to let die, and shorts that have fewer pockets than usual. Only two in the front and two in the back, in fact, and they look clean, and have no holes, and are a soft olive color. He’s paired those with a soft, off-white button-down with a front pocket and thin, red pinstripes, short sleeves cuffed around his biceps. Kiara tries not to stare.

JJ looks completely offended. Points at his chest and says: “Hey, that’s a clean shirt.”

Kiara’s eyebrows shoot up. “I can see your knees.”

“I can see yours, too.”

“Yeah, but I’m wearing a dress.” Kiara taps her chin pensively, looks JJ up and down. “Maybe you should wear a dress too.”

He relaxes his shoulders, grin sliding into place.

“You’d love that, wouldn’t you? A chance to break gender norms and check out my legs?”

It’s easy to fall back into this dynamic. Easy not to think about the consequences of flirting back when JJ’s looking at her like that.

So she bites the inside of her cheek, takes a step closer, peering up at him from under her lashes. “Are you saying you can check out my legs just because I’m in a dress?”

JJ’s eyes widen in alarm. “No!” He splutters for a moment, opens and closes his mouth, not unlike a fish out of water. “What? No, I’m—” He cuts himself off, swallows thickly. “That’s not what I meant.”

Kiara’s face softens at his expression. She walks forward, stepping into his personal space. When he doesn’t pull away immediately, she takes it as a good sign. Curves a hand around his shark tooth necklace and twists it so the clasp is on the back. Lets her fingers linger on his neck. “Relax, dumbass. I’m kidding.” She tugs on his collar, fixing it into place. “You look good.”

She realizes how close they are when she feels his breath fanning her cheek. Looks up to find JJ watching her with eyes the color of the ocean on a sunny day, taking in every inch of her face, lips pink and parted and cheeks flushed.

If he was someone else, maybe she’d think the way he’s looking at her means something. Maybe she’d allow her fingers to follow her gaze. Maybe she’d step even closer, until there’s no space left between them, and maybe she would run a hand through his hair, and touch her fingers to his cheek, and chase those pink, parted lips. See if his kiss is as golden as his smile, if he feels as warm as he looks, if he can breathe sun and light and ocean into her bones, until she feels as vital as he feels to her. If he would let her imprint a small piece of herself into his heart, like he’s done in hers.

But he’s not, and she’s not, so she drops her hands from his shoulder. Steps back and grabs her phone off the bed, tucking it into her pocket.

When she turns back to JJ, his smile looks off. “We make a pretty hot fake couple.”

She tries to ignore the sudden ache in her palms. “Yeah, we do.”

The party is at Tanny Hill, because Sarah technically owns it now, even if she refuses to live there. But it’s the perfect place to have Pope’s big party, especially considering the house historically belongs to his family.

They get there a little early, find her parents already in the backyard, her dad manning a barbecue in the corner with Heyward.

She stops walking then, curling her fingers around JJ’s elbow to catch his attention. He pauses and turns back with a puzzled look on his face, eyes flickering to her hand around his arm for a moment, before it’s back on her face.

“We’re not going to have to act very couple-y, right?”

JJ frowns in confusion, clearly not following up at all. “Huh?”

“The whole fake date thing?”

“Oh, that. Uh, no, we don’t…” JJ’s words die out in his throat as he looks over her shoulder, rubbing his nose. “You don’t need to. Mostly I just need you to save me from Yvonne when she comes looking for me.”

“What if she doesn’t come looking for you?”

JJ rolls his eyes. “Trust me, she will.”

She nods slowly, finally dropping her hand.

Something churns in her stomach. Disappointment, maybe. She tries to ignore it.

It’s better, this way. She didn’t exactly tell her parents she was coming as JJ’s date. Didn’t think she’d need to, since her parents won’t think too much if they see her with him. Will assume she’s just here with a friend.

Which, she is. Just a friend. Nothing more.

Except that he doesn’t leave her side at all. He finds them drinks and stands close to her, rolls his eyes when she and Robin go on a rant about capitalism and the dumb social divide on this island, asks her to dance and makes her laugh and charms her mom when she walks over to talk to them.

Tucks his arms around her when the music slows down, callused palms pressed against her lower back, lips skimming her bare shoulder.

It makes her shiver, and not want to let go.

And sure, they’re technically pretending to be on a date, and this is how dates should be. But Yvonne hasn’t really looked their way at all since they got here, barely had any time to wave at them from a distance. JJ could’ve easily snuck away.

So she hopes. Dumb as it may be. She thinks that maybe this time it’s different. That there’s nothing holding her back. That she can shoot her shot, because JJ feels it too, whatever’s been bubbling between them for years now.

She nibbles on her bottom lip as she watches him dance with Sarah, sips on her drink and makes up her mind. She’s going for it. She’s going to make her move.

Kiara Carrera is finally admitting to herself that she has a thing for JJ Maybank. A very big thing, really. One that she’s been pushing to the back of her mind and her heart and her bones since she was 15.

And she’s finally ready to do something about it.

And if he rejects her, he rejects her. She’s had her heart broken before, she can handle it. And if he doesn’t, then maybe she can be more than JJ Maybank’s fake date at the next party.

“Kiara! There you are, sweetheart.”

Kiara smiles when she spots Yvonne making her way over to them. “Hi, Mrs. H.”

“It’s so good to see you.”

Yvonne pulls her into a hug, immediately enveloping her in the sort of warmth that only Pope’s mom can make her feel. She smiles as she wraps her arms around the older woman, laughs when Yvonne squeezes her a little extra tight.

When they pull apart, JJ is back by her side, so close that their arms brush. She remembers her decision. Allows herself to lean in a little closer. Her skin feels like it’s on fire.

She’s going to tell him. As soon as they’re alone again, she’s going to tell him.

“It’s good to be back,” she manages, her voice hoarser than she intends. Her eyes flicker to JJ’s face for a long moment. Much longer than necessary.

Yvonne nods before she turns her attention to JJ.

“JJ, honey, I know you’re excited to have this one back, but I was actually looking for you. There’s someone I want you to meet.”

JJ groans, snatching a look at Kiara. She can practically hear him screaming told you.

“Yvonne, I told you I’m here with someone.”

Yvonne tuts. “Bringing your best friend as your date doesn’t count, JJ.” And Kiara knows that Yvonne doesn’t really mean any harm by it, but it still makes her heart sink to her stomach. “She’s just over there with Heyward, it’ll only be a few minutes.”

Kiara’s curious, okay? So she cranes her neck, looks over Yvonne’s shoulder to where Heyward is standing with Dae and a girl in a blood red slip dress, long, straight, blond hair flowing down her back. Her perfectly manicured fingernails are wrapped around a champagne flute, and her makeup doesn’t look like it was done by a 14-year-old.

She chances a look at JJ, but he’s busy looking at the girl, brows drawn together.

“Is that Isabel?”

Yvonne’s face lights up. “You know her?”

Kiara’s face doesn’t.

JJ nods. “Isabel Hawkins, right?” Yvonne nods and Kiara feels something lodge itself in the back of her throat. “I kinda had a crush on her freshman year in high school.”

Yeah, Kiara’s definitely not going to tell JJ anything today. Or ever, really.

“Well, there you go,” Yvonne says gleefully, looking for all the world like she’s just won the lottery. “You don’t mind, do you, sweetheart?” She adds, turning her attention to Kiara.

Kiara minds. A lot, actually.

She can feel JJ’s eyes on her. Doesn’t look at him, keeping her gaze firmly on Yvonne’s face as she leans away from him so they’re not touching anymore.

Fuck, this hurts.

She plasters a smile on her face and shakes her head.

“He’s all yours.”

When JJ was 8 years old, his cousin Ricky dragged him to the boneyard to hang out with his friends. JJ doesn’t know why, but that day, he didn’t want to go. Any other day, he would’ve been the first one out the door, but when Ricky stopped by his house that afternoon and asked him to tag along, something in JJ’s gut told him not to go. But Ricky insisted, wouldn’t take no for an answer, begged him to come and be his wingman because Abigail would be there and Ricky needed support. JJ was too young to really understand why Ricky was so obsessed with Abigail, or why they couldn’t just stay in and play video games on the old console he nicked from their cousin Tommy. But eventually he got sick of Ricky’s whining, so he told him to shut up, slipped his too-big combat boots on – also nicked from Tommy’s place - and stomped his way to the boneyard.

When he got home that night, his dad was passed out on the couch and his mother’s truck was gone. He never saw her again.

That was the last time JJ didn’t listen to his instincts. He’s clung tightly to his gut feeling ever since, always going with it, very rarely questioning it. Even when nine times out of ten it got him in trouble.

When Yvonne wraps an arm around his shoulder at Pope’s party, gently guiding him away from Kiara and towards Isabel Hawkins, something in the pit of his stomach tells him he’s making a terrible mistake.

He has no idea why he ignores every instinct in his body this time, allows Yvonne to steal him away and whisk him over to a girl who is not Kiara.

Maybe it’s because he trusts Yvonne. She’s been the only real mother figure in his life for the past ten years, is the reason he doesn’t believe that all parents are inherently shit anymore. Or maybe it’s because it scares him, the way Kiara was looking at him when they were at the chateau. And the way she’s been in his orbit all afternoon, all bright smiles and loud laughter, like she wants to be there. And the way she let him hold her when they were dancing, looked at him from under long, dark lashes before she tucked her head against his shoulder, hand ghosting over his heart and hair tickling his neck.

Maybe he should go back.

He throws a look over his shoulder, sees her being whisked away to dance with Cleo and Sarah, smile wide and carefree. He wills her to look at him, give him any sign that he should listen to his gut feeling, but she doesn’t even glance his way.

That’s all the sign he needs.

He plasters a smile on his face when Yvonne introduces him to Isabel. Stands close to her, and listens to her when she talks, and finds her a drink when hers is empty, and makes sure she has his undivided attention.

She doesn’t.

Fake it ‘til you make it, Maybank.

Kiara tries to ignore JJ. Like, really, really tries.

But sneaking off with John B to pile food on their plates only serves to remind her that JJ won’t be stealing any of it. And making fun of Pope because there’s a two-tier cake with his face on it is a lot less fun when JJ isn’t there to laugh with her. And dancing with Cleo and Sarah only works until one of JJ’s favorite songs starts playing and he’s not immediately beside her making an ass of himself. And listening to Pope tell Robin and Dae about the time the Pogues got chased by square troopers through a graveyard only makes her think about JJ and his stupid headlamp, and his dumb smile, and his impossibly blue eyes, and his infuriatingly long lashes.

So she had a moment of complete insanity when she thought about telling him that she maybe, possibly, has feelings for him. So what?

It was a stupid idea, she knows that now, because JJ basically ditched her for another girl.

She should probably thank him for it, really, because it reminded her of how batshit insane she was to even think about telling him something like that.

Especially considering it’s probably not true. It was probably just the heat of the moment, and being so close to him for the past few days. She hasn’t really been with anyone in a while, so it probably had to do with that, too. And also the general weather too; it’s been unseasonably humid, the heat must’ve messed with her head or something. Yeah, that’s probably it.

It’s definitely not because his hair looks especially good today, silky strands falling on his face and brushing his forehead, or because it felt like his eyes were trying to catch hers all afternoon, or because of that damn dimple that didn’t leave his face the entire time they were together.

Which, again, stupid. Because right now, he’s smiling at another girl, in another dress, his dimple denting his cheek and his eyes never leaving her face.

Thank God. Or Yvonne, really. Who Kiara suspects are one in the same, anyway.

The point is, crisis averted.

“Why are you chewing on that thing like it has very personally offended you?”

Kiara glances to her left, finds Cleo and Robin sharing a piece of cake with what looks like Pope’s deformed eyebrow on it.

“It’s plastic, it deserves to die,” she mutters, turning her attention back to the pair of blondes flirting obnoxiously in the corner.

She watches as the girl throws a hand on JJ’s shoulder, closing the space between them and whispering something in his ear. JJ just nods before he sets his drink on the nearest surface and drags her towards the dance floor.

What the hell are they being so loud for?

She squints her eyes at them, swirling the straw aggressively in her drink, ice cubes clattering loudly at the bottom of the glass. “She looks like she’s evil, right?”

Robin’s brows come crashing together when she looks at her, a piece of cake half-hanging from her mouth.

Cleo frowns. “Watchu on about, girl?”

“The girl JJ’s with,” Kiara says, unclenching her teeth around the straw long enough to wave her drink in the general direction of the couple. “At least secretly. Like she’s actually really mean to birds for no reason.”

“Birds are fucking evil,” Robin mutters. “And she’s pretty hot, actually.”

Kiara glances at Robin, scrunching her nose in annoyance. “You think every girl is hot.”

“That’s because girls are hot,” she says simply, turning to look at her girlfriend for confirmation. Cleo just blinks at her. “But you’re the hottest, of course.”

“Uh huh, nice save.”

“That girl is not hot,” Kiara argues, ignoring the sickeningly happy girlfriends next to her and keeping her eyes on JJ and the evil girl with him. “She looks like she at least has a secret lair where she hides jars of preserved body parts.”

“She looks a little bit like Alice, actually,” Robin comments. “Blonde. A little preppy. On the shorter side.” 

Great. What a great day for Kiara to learn that JJ has a type in girls, and it’s very much the opposite of her.

She swallows thicky, looking down at her feet.

She can feel Cleo’s eyes on her, hears her hum under her breath.

“I don’t like her,” Cleo declares after a moment. “I agree, she looks like she has a supervillain streak in her. Probably tortures rabbits and squirrels and other woodland creatures for fun.”

Kiara’s head whips lightning-fast to look at Cleo, who just raises her eyebrows like she’s saying yeah, I just said that. I got your back, girl. Kiara could hug her.

Kiara grins. “You were always my favorite Pogue.”

Cleo snorts. “That’s a blatant fucking lie, but I’ll take it.”

With renewed vigor, Kiara turns her attention back to the blonds. Swirls the ice at the bottom of her glass again, head falling to the side as she looks on pensively. “I should go save him from her, right?”

“No, Kie, that’s not what I meant. That’s literally the worst idea you’ve ever ha—“

But Kiara’s already walking away from her friends, eyes laser-focused on JJ and the evil girl.

She’s just going to talk to him, because he’s her best friend, she can’t possibly leave him alone with someone like that. He has to know that his new girlfriend has a secret underground lair where she tortures animals and collects severed toes.

She thinks she hears Cleo call her name, thinks she and Robin might even be following her, but she doesn’t look back to check. Keep her eyes fixated on JJ as she beelines for the dance floor.

She doesn’t make it to her target, unfortunately, crashing into something that vaguely resembles a chest just as she’s about to call JJ’s name. She pulls back, ready to yell murder at the person who just derailed her mission, but when she looks up from the purple button-down, she finds her dad peering down at her with an amused smile and a pair of brown eyes that look so much like hers, soft and warm in a way she doesn’t think hers can ever be.

Mike squeezes her shoulders affectionately. “Watch where you’re going, kiddo.”

Something in her falters at her father’s touch, the anger and rage coiling in her stomach softening into something less sharp and more bitter. Like the disappointment is not threatening to claw its way out of her skin anymore, but settling into her bones.

It’s on instinct that she clamps her eyes shut and reaches for her dad, wrapping her arms around his middle, the way she used to when she was a kid.

She sags against him, allows him to gather her in the brace of his arms. “Sorry, dad.”

It’s not always been this easy, with her dad. They’ve had bad days and big fights, said words that she didn’t think they could ever take back.

But they did, and his warmth has remained a constant throughout. And so is the way he’s holding her now, keeping the pieces of her together so she doesn’t crumble completely.

A small band-aid until she can pull herself together.

Mike rests his chin over her head. “It’s okay, baby.” He rubs her back softly, doesn’t let go of her. Tears prickle at the corner of her eyes, but she refuses to let them spill. Hides her face in his shirt, instead.

She feels him lean back and look down at her. “Hey. You’re okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” she reassures immediately, voice muffled. “Just…” got my hopes up again, for nothing. “A little overwhelmed, I guess. With everything, and Pope, and being back in Kildare.”

She feels her dad nod against her head, tightening his grip on her again and running a hand through her hair. “Good overwhelmed or bad overwhelmed?”

She bites her lower lip. Thinks about it for a minute. “I haven’t decided yet.”

He pulls away but keeps his arms on her shoulders. “Well, do you wanna dance it out with your old man? It’s been a while since you’ve twirled me on the dance floor.”

She swallows past the lump in her throat, smiles. It’s not all forced. “Yeah, dad. I’d love that.”

She does twirl him on the dance floor, and then even her mom, when she joins them. And then Pope, because he’s there whisking her away, and John B and Dae, for good measure.

And JJ doesn’t leave Isabel’s side the entire time.

She’s contemplating going over to him again, hasn’t decided yet if she should punch him for ditching her or find an excuse why he really needs to come with her, when Sarah walks up to her with a girl Kiara has never seen in her life before.

“Kie, there’s someone I want you to meet,” Sarah says grandly. “This is Vee. Vee, this is my very best friend in the world, Kiara. Or Kie.” Sarah’s eyes light up, and Kiara can tell she’s half on her way to drunk. “Oh my god, Kie and Vee. I didn’t even think of that! It’s meant to be!”

Kiara wrenches her gaze away from JJ to frown at Sarah. Her eyes find the girl next to her, long enough to notice she’s cute. Pretty even, with short blue hair, and big blue eyes, and a spray of freckles across her nose.

Any other day, Kiara might lean into the way she’s looking at her, and the small smile that’s playing on her lips.

But today’s not any other day.

“Nice to meet you,” she says curtly. “Sorry, I was actually leaving.”

She turns away from Sarah and the cute girl and JJ and the party, makes a beeline for the nearest exit. 

She hears Sarah scrambling behind her. “Kie! Kie, wait up!”

She stops, exasperated. Turns to face her best friend. “What do you want, Sarah?”

Sarah looks confused. “Did I do something?”

“You’re setting me up!”

Sarah just frowns harder. “You’re single. And cute. And Vee’s great.”

”You were telling me I should go for JJ, like, a week ago.”

“And you said there was nothing there, so I believed you.”

Kiara sighs, dragging a palm across her face. Her thumb comes out covered in shimmers. Great, she probably smudged her makeup.

“There’s nothing there,” she says in a small voice. Swallows thickly, and tries not to let the bitterness taint her words. “He’s with someone else.”

“Okay, so what’s the problem?”

A part of her wants to tell Sarah that she actually likes JJ. Admit that she has for a while, that she’s just never really felt brave enough to take that leap.

But Sarah’s drunk, and Kiara doesn’t really want to talk right now. Just wants to go home, wherever that is, and think about where she’s going to go next. Because she can’t stay in Kildare. It was dumb of her to think moving back was a good idea.

“The problem is I don’t want someone else,” she says, deflated. She thinks she may have admitted to too much, judging by the way Sarah looks at her, like she’s putting two and two together. “Forget it, Sarah. Tell Vee I’m sorry.”

She doesn’t wait for Sarah to say anything else. Doesn’t stop when she hears her call her name again.

She doesn’t see JJ’s eyes trailing her, either, before he whispers something in Isabel’s ear and leaves the party to run after Kiara.

Fuck, Kiara’s fast.

It’s not that JJ doesn’t know that. She always used to beat his ass at track in school. Was always yelling at the Pogues to hurry the hell up when they were running wild around Kildare.

It’s just that it feels like he’s done nothing but chase after her since he stepped in that airport.

A part of him’s been chasing after her for a lot longer than that, he thinks.

He catches up to her before she’s jumps over the hedge that leads to the shortcut to her parents’ place.

“Kie!” She slows down to a walk, steps faltering, but doesn’t look back. JJ can’t tell if she didn’t hear him or is just ignoring him. He’s close enough that he doesn’t have to say her name very loud. “Kiara.”

She comes to a stop, turns to look at him, eyes big and brown and beautiful.

It reminds him of that day he picked her and Sarah up at the airport, but the look on her face is foreign to him now, blank and unfamiliar.

He’s always been able to read Kiara, even when she didn’t want him to. Even when he himself didn’t want to. But he can’t tell what she’s thinking right now, guarded in a way she’s never been before. It’s like looking at her through a filter.

“JJ?”

“You were just gonna leave without saying goodbye?”

Her eyebrows disappear in her hairline for just a moment, but then she’s frowning. “You looked a little busy.”

He shrugs, shoves his hands in his pockets and walks forward until he’s right in front of her. “Still. At least let your date know you’re ditching him?”

She scoffs bitterly, frowning harder, and JJ can tell she’s furious now. And okay, he doesn’t like to see her upset or angry, never have, but at least this is something he can work with. This is the Kie he knows, fire in her belly and words sharp on her tongue. “I’m ditching you? Really, JJ?”

Contrary to popular belief, JJ is not a complete dumbass. He understands why she’s upset, knows it was a crappy move to ditch his friend when she was doing him a favor. But he thought she would understand. She’s always been the first to tell him to go for someone when she thought he was into them.

And he was into Isabel. Is. Kind of.

But seeing Kiara just leave like that, it stirred something in him. She’s always running away from him, it seems. This time, the thought leaves a bitter taste in his mouth.

“What the fuck, Kie?”

“You fucked off like an hour ago. Left me alone and have not emerged since.”

His brows crash together. “Left you alone—Kie, you were with our friends. John B, and Sarah, and Pope—”

“That’s right,” she interrupts. “John B and Sarah, Pope and Dae, Cleo and Robin… You—you left me alone, with a bunch of couples and—you’re my date, you’re…”

His breath stutters in his chest, because there’s no way she’s implying what he thinks she’s implying. “Kie—?”

“I thought you had a crush on me freshman year?”

That’s certainly unexpected.

He looks at her.

At her eyes, red-rimmed and missing their usual spark. At her makeup, and the way it’s smudged, that gold powder thing she’d applied in the corner of her eyes completely gone on one side, a patch of shimmers dusting her chin instead. At her pink pout, and her dark hair, sunlight haloing her face in a way that makes her look almost ethereal.

She’s fucking beautiful, but that’s something he’s always known. Kept locked away for himself and called her hot and fun and a good time, instead, because it was easier to let people think she was just like anyone else.

None of this makes her question any less confusing.

“What?”

Kiara shakes her head. “Nothing…” she trails off, tucks her hair behind her ear. “Just, forget about it.”

Except that his gut’s telling him not to forget about it, and he’s already ignored his gut once today. It’s exactly why he’s standing in the parking lot of Tanny Hill, arguing with Kiara over something he can’t quite wrap his head around.

So, he doesn’t drop it. Answers her question, instead, even though he doesn’t quite understand the point of it.

“I did. Freshman year. And junior year. And senior year.” Her lips part, breath coming out in shallow puffs, and JJ thinks that maybe he does understand the point of the question after all. It’s terrifying. “Kie, what’s this about?”

“It’s about us,” she blurts out. Seems to regret it almost immediately.

But it’s too late, because hope flares in JJ’s chest.

Us.

“Kie, you’re gonna have to dumb this way down for me, because I’ve gotten it wrong too many times. I can’t deal with my head getting fucked with again.”

She looks at him from under thick, long lashes.

“What if you’re not?”

“Kie…”

She swallows thickly. “I’m not you, JJ. I don’t just meet someone and know five minutes into it. And even if I do, I don’t jump in head first. I gotta think and plan and weigh in every option and every scenario. And most times that comes back to bite me in the ass, because no one waits long enough for me to get my shit together.”

JJ thinks he may never breathe again. “What are you saying?”

“I— I don’t know, I’m… just.” Kiara pauses, looking at the ground. “Just forget it, go back to Isabel. You deserve your shot with her.”

And JJ laughs, because it feels easier than the alternative. He should know better by now.

“Every single fucking time,” he mutters.

Kiara narrows her eyes at him. “What?”

“You start something, bail before you finish it, and I’m left here picking up the pieces.”

It feels like he’s saying too much, but he can’t stop. Not when it’s been eating up at him for years.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Your kook year, you and Pope, our surf trip,” he starts listing on his fingers. “Shit gets hard, or confusing, or too much, and you bail.”

He takes a sick sense of pleasure in seeing the guilt on her face. He’s a fucking asshole.

“We never found the cross,” she whispers breathlessly. “We didn’t get the money.”

JJ shakes his head, smiles without a trace of humor. “Yeah, well. I guess it was my fault for thinking it was about more than the gold.”

He kicks the toe of his boot against the pavement, looks down at his feet, trying to figure out what to say next.

What is there to say? He thought she wanted something, but she doesn’t. And he’s too grown to let it wreck him again.

Kiara shuffles in front of him, and when he finally looks up at her, he finds that she’s stepped into his space. Blue eyes lock on brown, gaze unwavering when she looks at him.

And JJ isn’t always the best at reading the situation. Doesn’t always know what’s going to happen before it does.

But he does, this time.

So he leans forward, palms her cheek, thumb brushing her lips and eyes fluttering closed.

And then she’s kissing him.

*

Kiara’s not really big on things like destiny, or grand gestures, or fate, or soulmates, or any of that bullshit, really. People meet, and they either like each other or they don’t, and they either have chemistry or they don’t. Sometimes they kiss and it’s nice, sometimes they fuck and it’s nice. Sometimes it’s not, and it’s just how things are.

But even she can admit that as far as kisses go, this feels pretty big. And if she were less pragmatic and cynical, she might even think that everything she’s ever done and said and thought in her life was all just so it could get her here. That the stars are finally aligning, and she was always going to end up here, in JJ’s arms.

But she’s not, so she fists JJ’s shirt into one of her hands and runs her fingers through his cornsilk hair like she’s always wanted to do, using her grip on him to pull herself closer, until she’s on the tip of her toes, wrapped entirely around the boy in front of her.

Her skin burns everywhere his fingers touch, flecks of gold that turn into gooseflesh trailing on her on her skin. JJ pulls away for a moment, probably to catch his breath, possibly to say something, but she shakes her head, chases his mouth until she can taste the pink of his lips again.

He whispers her name against her mouth, and she feels it in every inch of her body. It makes her want to press herself closer, mold herself around him and into him, lose herself in the feel of his fingers on her cheek, callused thumb brushing her lips in a way that makes her vision blur and her mind go all foggy.

“JJ?”

It takes a moment for them to register the voice of the intruder, but they jump apart at the same time. When she manages to wrench her eyes away from JJ’s face, she finds Isabel standing there.

Inexplicably, Kiara feels like a thief. Like she stole something that wasn’t hers; a moment that should’ve belonged to this girl and never to her, but one she took anyway.

“Isabel,” JJ says.

He doesn’t move away from Kiara, and it’s the only thing that keeps Kiara on her feet.

“I thought you said this was fake?”

The words aren’t meant to hurt her the way they do, Kiara thinks, but it feels like she’s been punched right in the gut.

JJ takes a step forward, but then he’s stopping, eyes flickering to Kiara. The way he’s looking at her isn’t exactly familiar, because she doesn’t think he’s ever looked at her like that. But it makes something well in her chest, constellations and starbursts and sparks colliding in her stomach in a way that should be uncomfortable, but is not. It makes her smile.

“Uh, yeah, I was wrong,” JJ says, gaze lingering on her for a long moment, before he finally turns to look at Isabel. “I think this might be, uh, pretty real.”

He looks at Kiara for another second, and it’s inconvenient as hell. Not because she doesn’t want him looking at her. In fact, she thinks she never wants him to look away. But because he’s out there basically breaking up with a girl before they’ve even had their shot, and Kiara feels like she might actually physically break if she stops smiling.

So she looks to the ground, scratches the back of her head, tries to hide behind her hand. She doesn’t think she’s very successful.

To Isabel’s credit, she doesn’t look too upset. Just nods at him, smiling lightly. “Gotcha.”

“Sorry.”

Isabel shrugs. “I’ll live. See you around, JJ.” She starts walking away before she stops, looks back at Kiara. “That was not an attempt at flirting, by the way. I know it came across as one, but…” she trails off and Kiara snorts, thankful that she finally has an excuse to smile.

She waves her hand around vaguely, shakes her head. “You’re good.”

Isabel nods before she turns away and makes her way back to the party.

Kiara’s gaze flickers to JJ immediately, something catching in her throat when she realizes he’s already walking back to her. She tries not to fixate on how blue his eyes look, or the way he sucks on his lower lip, or the way his lashes brush his cheeks when he blinks.

She’s allowed to that now, she realizes. Allowed to look at him like she wants to memorize every freckle and curve and line on his face. Maybe.

She notices the way his hand twitches by his side, thinks he might still be looking for confirmation that what he happened moments ago wasn’t a mistake.

So she smiles up at him, biting the inside of her cheek as she cocks her head to the side. “So, this is pretty real, huh?”

She steps into his space again. Likes the way his arms immediately come up to circle her waist, palms pressed against her hips, featherlight touch grounding.

Her fingers come up to fiddle with his collar, thumb brushing his jaw.

He shrugs, looks over her shoulder. “Nah, I just told her that so she’d leave us alone.”

She knows he’s teasing her, is the problem. But she’s been wrong about this too many times, so a small part of her thinks maybe. Maybe he means it.

“Oh.”

JJ shakes his head, eyes incredulous. His hands tighten around her, pulling her closer. “You’re an idiot. I can’t believe I ever thought you had game.”

And she laughs, even though she thinks she should to be offended, trailing her fingers up to palm his cheek. She shoves him away lightly, because she still needs to make a point, but she doesn’t let his hands slip away from her waist, keeping him close and tugging on his collar again.

“Shut up.” She pauses, swallows thickly. Decides to be honest, because she thinks if she isn’t now, she’s never going to be. “This is just a little bit scary.”

JJ looks down as he exhales, breath shaky, forehead almost touching hers as he tugs her closer.

“It’s a lot scary,” he agrees, and Kiara feels herself go soft at the admission. Saltwater eyes peer down at her, and there’s something hesitant there, a little uncertain. “Good scary though, right? Like surfing the surge kinda scary?”

She doesn’t know how to put into words the way she feels, and how much she wants this. Is not sure she knows how to show it, either.

But she tries. Nods and allows her thumb to trail over his cheek, brush the shell of his ear, and the hair at the back of his neck.

“Great scary,” she reassures. “Like asking your favorite person in the world to go on a surf trip with you kinda scary.”

JJ’s smile is blinding. “Okay, okay. Good. Hold on, am I your favorite person in this scenario? Are we going on a surf trip, Carrera?”

“Maybe? I don’t know. Not right now, anyway, because I’ve just moved back, and—”

“Wait.” JJ stills completely around her. “Moved back? You’re not…” he trails off, breath stuttering. “You’re not leaving again.”

“No,” Kiara says. “This one feels pretty permanent,” she admits, and she hopes he understands what she’s saying. She thinks he does, judging by the way his smile grows impossibly wider, and fuck, she kind of has a really, really big thing for JJ Maybank. “Can we talk about this later? I kinda just really wanna kiss you.”

JJ doesn’t need to be told twice.

“Thank fuck.”

“I fucking called it!”

JJ groans as he manages to wrench himself away from Kiara’s lips, long enough to look at the intruder. Intruders, apparently. Because while it might be Sarah Cameron’s unholy high screech that interrupted the greatest macking JJ has ever done in his life, she’s not alone, all their other friends right there next to her, staring at him and Kiara in varying degrees of shocked, proud and confused.

At least they didn’t walk in on them when he had her up on the kitchen counter, and they’re wearing enough layers that they’re not accidentally flashing their best friends, so it’s all roses, as far as he’s concerned.

Still, he can’t help but worry as he glances at Kiara, trying to gauge her reaction. He doesn’t know where she stands on this yet - it’s only been a couple of hours since Kiara kissed him – Kiara fucking Carrera kissed him!!! – and they haven’t really had time to discuss this or what it means or where it’s going.

He’s pretty sure she doesn’t mind; she hasn’t jumped off the couch yet, or pulled away from him, really. Just straightened up slightly on the couch and pulled her shirt down so it’s covering her ass. She piles her hair messily on top of her head as she tries to make herself comfortable, legs still sprawled across his lap.

JJ sits up too, breath stuttering in his chest when Kiara looks at him. Her eyes are calm, if a little worried, and he think that she’s checking in with him, making sure that he’s okay with this. The irony makes him want to laugh.

He shoots her a smile, nods lightly at her silent question. Throws his arms over her legs, one hand squeezing her knee. He allows his fingers to wander to the hem of her – his – shirt, shifting his eyes to the merry band of idiots still standing in the doorway.

He cocks an eyebrow up at his friends, challenging.

Pope rolls his eyes. “We’re not together, they said. This is just a fake thing, they said.”

“We’re not,” Kiara protests immediately, and JJ’s hands still on her legs. Part of him knows it’s just her reflex. They’re the same, that way, always going on the defensive, her more so than him. But the other part of him, the one that saw her choose John B and Pope and the world over him, thinks it might be more than that. He can feel her looking at him, but he keeps his eyes firmly on their friends, lips set in a thin line. She touches the tips of her fingers to his jaw, catching his attention. “Or weren’t the last time you asked,” she amends, lips curling slightly.

JJ finally allows himself to breathe, leaning ever-so-slightly into her.

“Wait, how long have you two been together, exactly?” Dae asks, as everyone else starts milling around the room. Sarah practically skips to sit next to Kiara on the couch, while Cleo walks into the kitchen to find a drink and Pope disappears in John B’s room.

“Uh… three hours?”

“Ask them how long they’ve been into each other,” John B says, nudging Dae as he undoes his shirt, leaving only one button clasped. Like that’s going to do anything to keep his nipples from flashing everyone. Dae turns a pair of curious eyes to JJ and Kiara, but John B doesn’t allow anyone to get a word out. “Fifth grade.” Everyone turns to look at him, Pope’s head peeking from the doorway to the bedroom. “What? I know my best friend. First day back, Kie walked into class and I had to pick JJ’s jaw off the floor.”

JJ would like to deny that accusation, but why would he? First of all, John B’s not wrong. And second of all, Kiara’s currently half in his lap. This is not the time to pretend he’s ever been anything but whipped.

So he smiles, fingers brushing Kiara’s thigh as he keeps his eyes on John B. “Not like yours didn’t drop either.”

“Oh, no, it definitely did,” John B says as he takes the offered beer from Cleo, winking at her. “She got tall over the summer,” he adds after a moment, eyeing Sarah apologetically.

When JJ turns to Sarah, he finds her and Kiara sharing a look.

Sarah bites her lower lip. “You don’t judge me, I don’t judge you, John B.”

It takes him a few seconds, but eventually John B’s eyes widen as he puts two and two together.

Kiara wiggles her legs in JJ’s lap, frowns when he looks at her. “You were horrible to me in fifth grade.”

John B snorts. “Come on, Kie. You know it’s his love language.”

“Could’ve spared us all a lot of drama if I’d realized it sooner,” Pope mutters, walking out of John B’s room in a somewhat clean t-shirt and a pair of JJ’s old shorts.

Dae looks around the room, undoing his tie as he toes his shoes off and accepts the shirt Pope offers him. “I’m sorry, did you all have a crush on Kiara at some point?”

“I think it’s a rite of passage for a Pogue,” Cleo says, holding her beer up and winking at Kiara.

Robin shrugs. “Guess I’m an honorary Pogue, then.”

JJ grins triumphantly. “And that makes me the ultimate Pogue.” Seven pairs of eyes turn to look at him. JJ’s gaze flickers around the room erratically. “What? She chose me, I won.”

Kiara glares at him. “I’m not some trophy for you to parade around.”

“Absolutely not,” JJ says, shaking his head profusely. “I am the trophy husband in this and any scenario, feel free to objectify me.”

“Simp,” Sarah mutters under her breath.

JJ laughs and Kiara’s feature soften, eyes full of something that should scare him. Terrify him, really, but somehow doesn’t.

Robin taps a finger to her chin. “So, in the bedroom, is he like a power bottom, or—"

“NO!” John B flings himself across the room, pressing a hand to Robin’s mouth, eyes widened in terror. “There will be no talking about JJ and Kiara’s sex life—I can’t even believe I’m saying these words, and—wait.” He gasps, pressing a hand to his heart and approaching them carefully. Starts waving a menacing finger between the two of them when he’s close enough. “Were you two doing it on my couch? What are you even doing here? Don’t you have your own apartment now, JJ? Where you can do unholy things in places that are not my pull-out?”

“Pull-out,” Sarah parrots in a low voice, and this time both JJ and Kiara snort.

“But then we wouldn’t get to see you making this face when you walk in on us,” JJ teases, reaching a hand to ruffle John B’s hair.

John B scoffs in offense.

“Also, his apartment’s, like, really far away,” Kiara adds.

“It’s a 20-minute drive!”

Kiara shakes her head. “What can I tell you, John B, we couldn’t wait that long. It was either this or the side of the road, and he drives stick, so…”

Robin snorts loudly as Sarah laughs gleefully, clapping her hands together.

JJ thinks he’s never been more attracted to Kiara Carrera in his whole entire life.

John B looks like he may never know happiness ever again.

“I SAID NO!”

“You’re really staying?”

It should feel scary. For someone like Kiara, who’s always found an excuse to run. Always found a reason why she and JJ couldn’t do this. Why he doesn’t actually like her. Why it was better for her not to tell him. Why they were just meant to be friends.

And it is, but not in a way that makes her run. In a way that makes her want to stay, and try.

So that night, when JJ slips into the hammock next to her, nearly toppling them over and curving an arm around her, she doesn’t have to think too hard about her answer. Only nods as she pulls at a thread in his shirt before she curls her fingers around the fabric to tug him down and press a small kiss to his jaw.

She looks up at him. “We’re really doing this?”

JJ smiles, twirls a curl around his finger. “Fuck, yeah.”

The first time Pope brought back those two delinquents he called friends to their home, Heyward did not think it would mean he would unofficially be fostering those kids, or that they would still be in his life 15 years later.

And yet somehow, he got roped out of his house to go to The Wreck today, a Sunday, all because Sarah and Kiara had some big announcement they wanted to share with everyone.

“What do you think it’s about this time?”

Heyward looks at his wife, but she’s barely paying him any attention, eyes trained on something behind the counter. He follows her gaze, finds Kiara helping Mike with some plates piled with food.

JJ sidles up to her, steals a fry off the plate. Heyward shakes his head. That’s JJ Maybank, alright. Always hungry, the little hound dog. Heyward watches as Kiara puts the plate down, turning to pinch JJ in the side, but he’s laughing and jumping back before she can do any real damage.

He walks forward again, after a moment, and the way he looks at Kiara reminds Heyward of the way Yvonne used to look at him when they were young. Still does, when she thinks no one’s looking.

JJ steps into Kiara’s space, but doesn’t do anything other than peer down at her with a fond smile on his face. She touches the back of her hand to his chin softly, smiling when he weaves his hands around her waist. She pushes herself up on her toes to smack a kiss to his lips, before she’s grabbing the plate off the counter again and shoving it into JJ’s arms, along with a pitcher of margaritas. JJ groans but walks dutifully towards their table.

Yvonne smiles. Heyward stares, raises his eyebrows.

“Is JJ with Kiara, now?”

“Damn right, he is. And about damn time, too.”

JJ sets the pitcher on the table, the plate of fries on the other side, and Heyward waits until he’s out of earshot before he looks at his wife. “Weren’t you trying to set him up with Sam’s girl?”

Yvonne looks at him like he’s just about the dumbest man she’s ever encountered. “Heyward, are you out of your mind?”

“Weren’t you?”

“Of course not,” Yvonne says incredulously. “That boy’s been head over damn heels gone for Kiara since I’ve known him.”

Heyward frowns. “Now, how the hell would you know that?”

Yvonne considers him, her eyebrows disappearing under her bangs. “I know my boys, Heyward. I know who they’re in love with.”

Heyward rolls his eyes, scoffing. Looks away in time to see Kiara and JJ walking over to the table together.

“A modern-day cupid, you are,” he mutters under his breath.

“And don’t you dare forget it.”