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Vanitas laid awake in the hotel room, staring at the ceiling, his eyes almost unblinking as he tried to connect the patterns of small cracks that decorated the walls above him. The light buzzing of a fly that got caught up inside bothered him, and it was hot, way too hot.
Summer in Paris meant hiding inside buildings with walls as thick as possible, so being stuck in a room closest to the roof was not exactly the most pleasant circumstance to find oneself in.
Most people would probably wear as little as possible and preferably get a water basin nearby to cool their bodies off, but Vanitas was never the type to cater to his body’s needs all that much, half the time this body didn’t even feel like his own, anyway. Also, he needed to be ready to jump out onto the roof at any given time – who knows when something noteworthy might occur, after all.
And so, he decided to stay in his elaborate garments, even though sweat was very bothersome, making his arms feel sticky and uncomfortable inside the gloves.
He could almost feel his mind racing at an incredible speed, convoluted mess of emotions and memories swirling inside his brain. With a groan he tried to keep his eyes focused on the ceiling cracks, but, just like with suffering from the heat, he could not resist the temptation of engaging in a little bit of hateful thoughts towards himself.
Usually, Vanitas tried to not pay much attention to those negative emotions, as he found them a hindrance in daily life. But recently it seemed he’s become more and more susceptible to them, with his past slowly catching up to him.
Especially after... after it all went too far and he ended up hurting one of the only people who stuck around him. And even though he couldn’t, no matter how hard he tried, kill him, it still didn’t change the fact that their relationship became messy, making the human even more resentful towards the kind of person he was...
The gentle snoring which could be heard from across the room only reminded him of it, and certainly didn’t make the situation better, quite the opposite, actually. A part of Vanitas that really, really hated himself wished the other wasn’t there in the room, wasn’t sleeping so peacefully so close to him. After all, he didn’t deserve him staying.
He knew Noé had been angry at him. He wasn’t a fool. Even if part of what’s gotten them fighting was his own hypnotic suggestion placed on himself long ago, his words still were sharp and unkind, hurting Noé’s heart greatly. His knife, his gun, his book, they all hurt the vampire as well... It wasn’t easy to work through that, for either of them; they’ve hurt each other.
And yet, his white-haired companion still stayed, chose to give himself and Vanitas space, yes, but also, he still remained close by the younger teen’s side. When he screamed about never setting Vanitas free he was serious, he really wanted to be next to him… it has been a promise, one that Noé was sure to keep.
Vanitas couldn’t fathom what was going on through Noé’s head when he made that decision. Then again, the human wasn’t able to imagine being in Noé’s shoes at that moment at all, so what did he know.
One thing was clear – that stupid, naive, beautiful vampire still stubbornly stuck by his side, refused to let him fully immerse himself in isolation. And as much as he realized it was probably a bad decision, as much as he wished he didn’t care as much as he did, Vanitas couldn’t bring himself to let go of Noé, either.
Ah.
Finally giving up on pretending he’s focused on anything but his thoughts the human shifted to the side, lifting his tired body up from the bed and quietly, minding every single step, moving towards the window.
He felt his coat dropping to the floor and pooling around his ankles, but decided to pay it no mind as his hands and then head finally touched the cool glass surface in front of him. The flickering lights of night time Paris reflected in it, and they felt as warm as the hot summer air, and so a spontaneous thought appeared in the black-haired teen’s head: Noé would love this sight.
Not fully aware of his own movement, Vanitas glanced at the bed on the side. There he was, the one who caused him such trouble. As usual, Noé laid sprawled out on the bed, clutching the biggest pillow close to his chest. His long eyelashes rested gently atop his cheeks, his mouth open ever-so-slightly; he was deeply asleep, unaware of the human standing so close to him.
Ah, that damn vampire! Even after all that’s happened he was sleeping so peacefully… he amazed the black-haired teen, with the way he genuinely trusted him, despite all the missteps they’ve both made along the way...
...When Noé foolishly tried to be so chivalrous, his stubborn streak, his bluntness, the fact that he always tried to understand his human companion, even when he himself couldn’t fully grasp his own thoughts…
Noé’s laughter, smile, eyes, hell, something as silly as the way his nose wrinkled when he was irritated – they were all on Vanitas’s mind, made his chest feel full, and he did not like it, not one bit.
It meant Noé mattered, that those feelings were something else than just brief fascination, and as much as he tried to tell himself they weren’t, as much as he told the other man they were only work partners, he knew now that wasn’t the case – Noé was the first one, the only one he felt such a connection to; maybe he didn’t get Vanitas per say, but he tried so hard to understand, know him better, and yet he stupidly still insisted he disliked him, silly vampire, his own feelings so transparent…
Vanitas felt that soon enough his own feelings, whatever they were, might also become transparent, as if they weren’t already after his breakdown in front of Noé after their fight. The thought scared him.
Some line was being crossed, it has been crossed already without him noticing, and now it was time to acknowledge it.
Maybe it was after their literal fall from the sky, when Noé surprised him by showing his stubborn nature and defying expectations? Maybe it was during the Bal Masqué, when the vampire asked him, in all seriousness, what on Earth is love? Or maybe in Doctor Moreau’s lab, where all of his trauma came back, and yet Noé was there, giving him hope that they can manage, as long as they’re together. Maybe when he said he believed in him, when he stated he disliked him while affection oozed out of his mouth, or maybe, more recently, when he refused to let go, even though Vanitas has given him all the reason to…
It might as well have been a compilation of all of those little things, combined with Noé’s charm, on which Vanitas was pondering way too often. His own heart betrayed him, speeding up at the mere thought of the other’s infectious grin; it was simple – he cared for Noé Archiviste… cared enough to maybe…
To maybe call it love.
Shifting his gaze from his sleeping companion, having spent way too much time staring, and clicking his tongue between his teeth in disdain, Vanitas slowly pushed the window open, letting some air inside; his tired, sweat-covered skin finally getting some relief after being stuck in a stuffy room for a few hours. Part of him refused to acknowledge it, let that dreadful word into his mind, and yet now that he’s entertained the thought, it wouldn’t leave him. Love.
The annoying fly finally flew out, and the human followed her with his gaze for a second before she disappeared in the darkness of the night. It was pleasant, light breeze on his skin, not cold, but not so hot any more. Making sure once more that Noé was definitely still sleeping, Vanitas sighed in a manner very different from his usual self, resting his elbows on the windowsill.
...Love.
The word whose meaning he didn’t understand for the longest time. The one he’s explained to Noé based on what he thought it was, based on how everyone presented it… The one he’s supposedly felt for Jeanne.
Did Vanitas love her? Did he just want to toy with her? Maybe at first, yes. He found her amusing, the way she got flustered despite being one of the most powerful vampires around…
The whole situation was hysterical; the legendary Hellfire Witch and a descendant of The Vampire of the Blue Moon, once bewitched by her… what a combination.
But then, his feelings shifted. Jeanne surprised him, and then kept pushing, showing multiple sides of herself to him, exposing her fears, wants, even letting him believe he was wanted… The problem was, he didn’t want to be wanted. At least not like that, not by her.
Being with the Hellfire Witch surely excited him, as it was unpredictable, and allowed him to explore the unknown before territory of having one’s blood drunk, kissing, as well as intimate physical touch… things he was curious about, things Noé made him curious about in a way...
But…
Did he really love her?
He insisted on not being interested in anyone who’d fall for him, but there was more to it – not only he found himself inherently unlovable, he was also scared. Scared of letting someone close, scared of deceiving them, disappointing them… he wouldn’t be able to give Jeanne all she wanted, all she deserved, he was sure of that.
The only thing he could give her is a morbid promise of killing her if things go too far. It wasn’t fair, and it felt like he was deceiving both her and himself.
So no, he didn’t love Jeanne, at least not in the romantic sense. He called his feelings love, because that’s what it was supposed to be… that’s what everyone said.
But nothing could change the fact that it was Noé, not Jeanne he’s actually let in close, despite all his fears and self-hatred. He wasn’t afraid to be around him. He subjected himself to the mortifying ordeal of being known, for once.
Sure, the part with the vampire knowing a bit of his past was unwelcome, and he’d much rather forget about what kind of knowledge about him Noé’s had now, but… he still felt way more at ease, way more like himself around the other man, way more than he’s ever felt with anyone. He found himself trusting him, believing his words, wanting to change himself a bit because of how Noé was.
In a way, Noé was similar to Jeanne, Vanitas supposed. Both kind, both have been through hell and back, and yet still remained hopeful. Both looked for the best in people, and both gave Vanitas a chance… both stuck around him, despite his mistakes.
He hated himself, and he hated the fact these two apparently chose him despite all he was. He also hated the fact that even though they were so similar, he felt such different things towards each of them.
Of course he couldn’t be like everyone and get romantically involved with a pretty girl who makes his heart race and his body want, and be simply supported by his friend, and lead a conventional life. His life wasn’t following any conventions from the start, after all, and it wasn’t going to end conventionally either, with The Vampire of the Blue Moon’s mark pulsing at his wrist.
Even so, he tried really hard to have this one thing that’s “normal” by everyone else’s standards, at least. Fall for a pretty girl, have a fun, exciting romance. He tried, and he was failing badly, fooling himself, all while falling for his best friend…
…
Ah, Vanitas’s head was spinning, his thoughts racing and all over the place.
Did he love Noé, then?
He gripped the windowsill he almost forgot he was leaning on, and inhaled the warm summer night air, trying to sort his thoughts into a more coherent stream. Once again, he’s spent too much time thinking – that couldn’t have been healthy for him. His brain wasn’t done, however. He’s already exercised his mind that far...
While Jeanne’s advances scared him, Noé voicing his obviously fake dislike for him warmed his heart, made his chest feel full.
Being with her made him think about how he wouldn’t be able to make her happy, being with Noé… mostly made him feel frustrated and exasperated over how the vampire was, with his endlessly surprising personality. But it also made him more open to the world around, and as much as he’d hate to admit, it brought him joy.
Nothing was ever boring with Noé, but at the same time Vanitas felt that he could truly relax around him, that he was safe with him – something he hasn’t felt in a long, long time.
Noé was special, he was different. He could safely say he was his best friend.
With hands trembling and his teeth biting on his bottom lip so hard he was sure it’ll leave a bruise later, he finally allowed himself to think that one thing that he deemed unthinkable before, the thing that was glaring obvious right in front of him from the moment he’s made a decision not to kill the vampire, but sob into his chest instead.
He loved Noé.
He loved Noé, a different kind of love from the one for Jeanne, different from anything else he’s experienced before, and it terrified him.
He felt a shiver run down his spine just acknowledging it, as if his body was scared that a mere thought, finally fully formulated, was going to be heard by someone, becoming no longer private and intimate, reserved for his own mind.
At the same time, the feeling of fullness in his chest came back, warming his already overheated body. It wasn’t unpleasant, however. It reminded him of words almost forgotten, words of someone lost, whispering that someday he’d find warmth in another person, someone who will make him feel like he’s not alone any more.
He once thought that person was Jeanne. But the one keeping him warm all this time was no other than his vampire companion. Noé.
He sighed for what it felt like a millionth time that night, shifting slightly, adjusting himself against the windowsill. His gaze wandered to the sleeping figure on the bed next to him once more, now with his mind much clearer, but still unsure. It was one thing to finally acknowledge his feelings for what they really were, and another to decide what to do about them. Or rather, what not to do. Either way it was hard, as Noé’s presence made it all feel way too real, way too close. Touchable.
Noé’s hair was messy, and Vanitas felt an enormous urge to run his hand through them. Truth be told, he was fostering a want to touch Noé for a while now, to see if his cheeks were as soft as they looked, to run his thumb along the other’s mouth and maybe press it against a small dent of the vampire’s bottom lip, a detail he was sure not many people had a chance to notice...
But it felt forbidden. He didn’t want to ruin… whatever it was they had right now. He already almost did, he was sure Noé would leave him after all… he couldn’t risk it. Besides…
As if anyone could fall for someone like me...
Even with his own feelings finally acknowledge in the dark of the night, he was sure Noé didn’t think about him that way. Noé didn’t love him, he liked him, that was sure from his attempts to voice out his dislike, and he was a fool for feeling even as much as that, but… love was such a strong emotion.
Jeanne’s feelings came from a misguided place, they were a result of her lacking knowledge about real relationships – that’s what Vanitas suspected, at least. Noé meanwhile… he certainly had people in his life that loved him before, and continued loving him now, enough to want to die for him.
There was no way that someone who experienced love from many people like Noé had would be foolish enough to fall for someone like Vanitas. Besides, most of the time the vampire acted as if he was content with how things were, not concerning himself with matters like relationships. The most Vanitas’s gotten out of him was his curiosity about kissing and love.
The black-haired human was certain that if he confessed his feelings, said them to the other’s face, Noé would be surprised, shocked, maybe disgusted even, and most definitely not ready to respond, and even if he did say something, it would be laced with rejection. A thought of telling him activated alarm sirens in Vanitas’s brain.
They were fine now, for an unfathomable reason they managed to get back on track, both with their daily life and their friendship, it’d be a suicide move to try and mess it up now…
And yet, Vanitas still yearned. Still selfishly wanted something more. He almost stumbled backwards, overwhelmed by the realization – wasn’t one big epiphany enough for a single night?
The black-haired teen chuckled, and then slapped a hand over his mouth. He couldn’t risk waking Noé… ah, he really felt so messed up inside. There he was, hating himself, deceiving others, loving his best friend, finally calling it out for what it was, wanting to act on it all of sudden… if anyone asked him what were his plans for that hot summer night, he’d never answer full blown existential crisis with a dose of unrequited love.
More than ever, he felt bare, left wide open, but also full of feelings that filled his entire self to the point of him almost exploding with how intense they were. Now, after allowing himself to call them love, to let the thought flow through him, he felt like there was no going back.
He wanted to be selfish, just for a bit.
He always criticized Noé for not being cautious enough, and yet here he was, entertaining the whims of his pounding heart.
...
His thoughts still raced as he lowered himself to a kneeling position by Noé’s bed. He was playing with the devil, he knew, as any wrong move could lead to the vampire waking up. But the air was hot, and his heart was full. It was too late for him to change his mind about this.
Carefully, he observed the sleeping vampire’s face, trying not to think about how weird it was to watch someone sleep. Still, he convinced himself he might not have a chance like that when his companion’s awake – he wanted to at least memorize as much of Noé’s features as he could, without the awkwardness or some major threat hanging between them.
Did Noé ever kiss anyone, Vanitas wondered. There was Dominique, maybe when they were children they kissed, their relationship felt pretty intimate after all… or maybe that mysterious Louis, whom Noé lost, whom he still grieved and whose name he sometimes cried out in the dark of the night…
Or maybe, just like the Noé Vanitas currently knew, he was never all that interested in romance and didn’t lock lips with anyone yet?
How would his kisses feel like?
... No, no, that was way too far, it was one thing to look at No é while he’s asleep, and the other to think of kissing him all the while. Vanitas mentally slapped himself and tried to focus back on the present time.
His treacherous eyes decided to focus on Noé’s slightly parted lips. They were chapped, hot air not very good for them, and yet Vanitas had a feeling he’d love for them to touch his own right about now. To feel the dent in Noé’s full bottom lip fitting against his thin lips...
Once again snapping himself out of the very much inappropriate thoughts, Vanitas’s gaze slowly moved to Noé’s nose, then the curve of his eyebrows and long, pale, pretty eyelashes. The vampire really was beautiful. Noticing the loose strand of hair dangling in the middle of his forehead, Vanitas reached out, not paying much thought to what he was doing, all the previous warnings his brain’s given him long forgotten.
He gently brushed the hair out of Noé’s face, and then proceeded to slide his hand onto his cheek, cupping it softly. It was as round as he expected, and only now his blue gaze, much more used to the night light than others’, spotted faint markings (freckles?) dusting his friend’s face.
Thoughtlessly, he moved his thumb, rubbing against the darkest spots decorating his friend’s face. As soon as he’s done that, he felt Noé’s body shifting, and before he knew it, his eyes met brilliant violet of the vampire’s own stare. His mind begun reeling.
“Vani… tas?” mumbled Noé, still not fully aware of his surroundings, it seemed. Meanwhile, the black-haired teen jumped back as if he was burned, hitting his back painfully against the cupboard by the wall. Grunting in pain, he quickly looked away and gritted his teeth. There goes his self preservation instinct and everything he worked for. All lost thanks to his treacherous heart and too many thoughts late at night.
Too focused on his own failure, he didn’t notice Noé’s eyebrows raising up in concern, his eyes blinking, adjusting to the darkness of the room, the vampire raising from his bed and moving to the floor, slowly shifting closer to the human.
“Vanitas, is everything alright? You look pale.” the taller man tilted his head, worry and slight curiosity mixed together in his voice.
“I’m fine, go back to sleep.” Vanitas barked back, still refusing to look at him.
He felt stupid, sweat trickling down his back uncomfortably, his legs drawing together and closer to his chest almost instinctually. He really wanted Noé to go back to bed and forget about this, and about him right now, and just never mention anything about this, ever.
Noé, as always, didn’t do as Vanitas wanted him to.
“What were you doing up so late?” the human felt a hysterical laughter raising in his throat. This was such a Noé-like question. He wasn’t asking why Vanitas was kneeling by his bed, or staring at him, or touching his face while he was asleep like some creep, no, Noé only asked why was he up so late.
The black-haired teen found the situation hilarious enough to make him shift from his defensive position and give the other a small stare accompanied by an ugly smirk.
“Really Noé, if you haven’t noticed yet, I usually stay up so late. Insomnia doesn’t spare its victims.”
“But… what were you doing by my bed?” another tilt of the vampire’s head. He looked comically deep in thought.
“Oh, you just looked like you weren’t breathing. I was wondering if maybe our time together has reached its end, that’s all.” a wider smirk on his face, Vanitas decided on a sarcastic approach; maybe that’d annoy Noé enough to get him out of the situation quicker, to let go of the topic sooner.
The vampire, betraying all expectations again, shifted even closer, unfazed by Vanitas’s words.
Vanitas once again moved away slightly, huffing in annoyance and keeping his gaze fixated on the open window. He was getting ready to flee.
“You’re lying, Vanitas. Why were you… touching me?” oh, that was too much for Vanitas’s heart, and his brain. Noé clearly had no idea about anything, and Vanitas certainly didn’t feel like being his teacher, not this time, not with him as the main cause of the vampire’s curiosity.
Paying the other teen no mind, he quickly moved to his feet and jumped out the window, getting a hold of the water pipe hanging above the frame, making his way to the rooftop. He could hear Noé’s surprised yell, but he didn’t care. All he knew was to run, hide, wait until the other went back to sleep and only then sneak back in, hoping that maybe the vampire will think it was all just a dream in the morning.
Luck clearly wasn’t on his side, however, as he’s felt a strong hand take a hold of his arm when he was already halfway through the roof; Noé chased after him. He was always so persistent, curse him.
“Why are you running? What’s wrong?” Vanitas faltered against the vampire’s grip. Stupid Noé, concerned for him, even though he did nothing but hurt him, and now he just…
“None of your business, Noé.” he hissed back, although the tension in his body evaporated, already admitting defeat. He couldn’t compare to the other teen’s strength, after all.
“It clearly is my business, since you’ve been touching my face in the middle of the night.”
“Shut up.” still refusing to look Noé in the eye, Vanitas’s thoughts raced as he tried to come up with an excuse, or somehow twist it around so he’d be able to quickly leave the situation with as little damage as possible… No right solution came to him.
Noé was correct after all, he was the one touching him, staring at him, all because of some stupid feelings that weren’t even reciprocated...And now he was pretty much admitting his guilt by fleeing from the scene.
The night air felt hot and heavy around them; once inviting, now it seemed more stifling than the inside of the room has been for the black-haired teen.
“...do you want to sit down, Vanitas?” asked Noé, his voice laced with… concern?
That surprised Vanitas. Noé wasn’t pressing him further, at least not yet. He supposed it was very much like the older man to be considerate… that’s how he’s always been, after all. Still, the fact that he’s managed to hold back on his curiosity, despite chasing Vanitas onto the roof in the middle of the night… it was unexpected.
Vanitas lifted his eyes and briefly regarded Noé – the other looked concerned indeed, brows drawn together, mouth twisted, lips firmly closed and pressed together. It reminded Vanitas a little too much about their still recent fight, and so he gave in, nodding and allowing the vampire to guide him down onto the edge of the roof, still slightly warm from the summer sun which has been shining for the entire day.
They sat on the flat surface in a heavy silence for a while, the white-haired teen still gripping the human’s arm. He was making sure Vanitas wouldn’t run off, but there seemed to be more to it. His hold was tight, for sure, but not hurtful, as if Noé treated him like someone fragile, someone to look out for.
Vanitas hated that part of him, that gentlemanly part, and yet right at that moment he felt like his heart would burst out of his chest, fragile and fickle little thing, simply over the fact that someone viewed him as a person worthy of being held so gently. No bursting occurred, and he once again averted his gaze from his companion.
He looked ahead at the city spread in front of them; it was darker now, most people having gone to sleep at this hour, the lights in their homes off. Still, one could spot the faint glow of airships floating above the buildings, which could almost be mistaken for stars.
“Vanitas.” the human startled as he heard his name spoken so quietly, thoughtfully. He could feel Noé’s gaze on him. He still refused to look at the vampire.
“Vanitas” Noé repeated and shifted his hand a little bit, moving it lower on the human’s arm, touching the top of his glove. Vanitas normally would’ve pulled away violently from such touch, but tonight, with everything that’s happened and everything he’s realized still fresh in his mind, he stayed still.
“Aren’t you hot? Can I… take these off for you?” his gloves. His barrier against the unforgiving world, one of them at least.
Noé truly was weird. Where did this come from? Weren’t there more pressing issues in the vampire’s mind? Things he actually wanted to ask about?
“Suit yourself.” Vanitas felt himself saying, almost as if it were someone else speaking. At that point he felt like he’s been possessed. Still, he couldn’t help but flinch when he felt both of Noé’s hands touching his arm, slowly sliding his glove down, exposing his bare skin to the night air.
That hand was easy enough. He didn’t have The Vampire of the Blue Moon’s mark on it. Even so, the situation was very unfamiliar, it was intimate, going into the territory neither of them explored with each other yet.
“Give me your other hand.” it wasn’t a question. Nevertheless, he listened, letting Noé take off his other glove, exposing the scarred and bumpy skin to the world. But at that moment, the world was just the two of them, so it wasn’t that terrifying of a thing.
They remained still for a while longer, the white-haired teen holding both of Vanitas’s hands, the human still looking away, his hair obscuring his face.
The atmosphere still felt tense, but it was a little bit better than before, with Noé’s hands grounding Vanitas on the rooftop, next to Noé; they were soft, although the vampire doctor could feel a few irregular shapes underneath his fingers – scars. It somehow made the whole experience feel even more real. There truly was a living, breathing person holding Vanitas’s hands right at that moment.
“I think I’m curious about something, Vanitas.” Noé stated, still holding his hands, absentmindedly running his thumb over the other teen’s palm.
Vanitas moved his head, blinking once, twice, finally meeting Noé’s gaze which, he found out with a startle, was already on him. The vampire seemed determined, his eyes shining with something the human couldn’t identify.
“What could that be, dear Noé?” forcing himself to smirk and keeping eye contact, Vanitas felt his whole body brace for… something… he didn’t know what yet, though. He didn’t know anything any more, the whole situation was weird and unusual and completely unexpected, too tender, he wasn’t someone who deserved something this tender...
“What you’ve been doing…” there it was, Noé wasn’t letting the prior events go after all, Vanitas should’ve known…
“...can you do it again?” Noé asked with a tilt of his head.
“Do what, exactly?” the human could feel his body tense once more; he completely didn’t anticipate Noé asking him for something like that.
“Touch my face. I need to… check something.”
Noé, Noé, Noé, he just wouldn’t stop surprising him, would he? Vanitas swallowed, then exhaled slowly, his breathing a bit shaky, although he’d never admit how nervous he truly was.
He could decline, he could pretend to get angry, or try to wiggle out of the vampire’s grasp, avoiding his intense stare once more, but…
Was it really what he wanted? After he agonized about Noé for a good while back in their room?
Noé, surprisingly enough, didn’t seem to be angry at him, moreover, he was requesting Vanitas to touch him again… even with all of the self-hatred swarming inside him, the human would be the biggest fool if he didn’t take him up on that opportunity, to touch the one he... loved... when said person was the one inviting him to do so.
His hand twitched, and he could feel Noé slowly moving his own palm away, allowing Vanitas to change the position of his arm.
Looking at the vampire and forcing himself to keep his expression as neutral as he could, the black-haired man reached out, upwards, grazing the skin of the vampire’s cheek with his fingertips.
It felt different without his glove. Experimentally, he cupped the other’s face, and then slid his hand lower, running it along the curve of his chin, then back up, almost touching his nose, resting back on the roundness of the white-haired teen’s cheek. He couldn’t help letting out a small sigh as his thumb brushed against the faint freckles on Noé’s face once more. His friend’s skin was soft.
The moment felt fragile, as if they were getting to know each other all over again, with Vanitas’s tentative touches and Noé’s gaze, studying the human’s face intently.
The vampire, for the most part, remained still, His eyes, however, glistened with an undefined feeling, and his mouth parted slightly as Vanitas’s hand moved closer to it.
The vampire doctor could swear he saw the tip of the vampire’s tongue lick his upper lip for a brief second. At that point, Vanitas was really struggling not to blush and to resist touching those full lips of Noé’s.
What a ridiculous circumstance he’s found himself in – and he’s only got himself to blame for it. The minutes dragged out painfully, but at the same time they were going by way too fast as he continued touching Noé’s face, his chin, then the area right under his ear and his neck even. He wasn’t sure if the other wanted him to stop, so he did not. It was his only chance, after all. He wished for time to slow down and stop for a while, so that he could truly savour the feeling of Noé’s skin underneath his palm.
“I think I get it now.” Noé broke the silence, startling Vanitas once more. He quickly moved his hand away, but the vampire stopped him, putting his own hand over Vanitas’s, pressing it back to his cheek.
“W-what… what is it that you get, huh?” curse him for stuttering. Now his companion would surely see right through him, if he hadn’t already, with all the tenderness in Vanitas’s touch… Noé was perceptive after all and could put two and two together easily...
It was the end, Vanitas would be exposed and done for.
What came right after, though, was completely unexpected.
“I want to kiss you.” said Noé quickly, his voice barely a whisper.
What.
Vanitas froze, his expression changing from shocked to surprised to shocked again. He was stunned, all of his efforts to keep a straight face fell apart; what Noé said was completely out of any realm of possibility Vanitas’s imagined.
“What?” he asked out loud, not even trying to hide his surprise any more. His hand was still on the other’s cheek, his other hand was being held by Noé, and it was all so impossible, and Noé would never, he wasn’t supposed to be interested in him, and…
“I… would like to kiss you, Vanitas. Is that okay?” Vanitas recalled Noé’s averted gaze and blushing face when he asked him about kissing, soon after they’ve met each other.
It was so different from the Noé in front of him, decisive, determined, his eyes focused on Vanitas, shining in the moonlight, captivating…
“Why?” he quickly breathed out, his heart hammering in his chest. Noé tilted his head a bit and scooted closer to the human, their knees touching.
“Because… I think I’d like to. And I think you’d like to, too.” the vampire shrugged, and Vanitas couldn’t help but gape at him, eyes unblinking.
“What kind of answer is that supposed to be?” he paused, studying Noé’s face for a while longer “Weren’t you uninterested in stuff like that?” he tried, hoping his voice doesn’t betray the glimmer of hope that started flickering in his chest.
“I… I’m interested in you.” answered Noé, oh, Noé, he’s really like that…
“I’ve been thinking about it a lot, ever since we’ve met, but you… you’ve said you’re not interested in anyone who would... And also there’s Jeanne, so I decided to just drop it… but tonight… you got me thinking about it again. And now… I’m sure about it.” the vampire’s voice felt steady, but he started to ramble a bit, betraying his nervousness.
He gazed at Vanitas, his expression unreadable, and lowered his voice to a whisper “Am I wrong?”
Vanitas, for most part, tried to process Noé’s words as they left the vampire’s mouth. He… was thinking about… kissing him? A lot? Ever since they’ve met? What sort of comedic theatre play did Vanitas found himself in, huh?
Noé’s words felt like a joke, and yet the glimmer of hope that appeared in the human’s chest earlier was now a full blown bonfire, its flames licking at every part of Vanitas’s insides. His palms felt sweaty in Noé’s grasp, reminding him that this indeed was real, and it were his ridiculous foolish night thoughts that lead to this…
Ah , Noé was waiting for an answer, his grip on the other’s hands weakening. Vanitas took a breath and made a quick decision – this wasn’t the time to be deceiving. He really, truly wanted this.
“I don’t… really love her. Jeanne.”
Now it’s Noé’s turn to be asking “what”, and so Vanitas had to take another deep breath and tell him at least a bit of his earlier thought process – about what he felt towards Jeanne, about how he’s been trying to fool himself into believing he loved her…
He always hated being honest, and tried to omit as many details as possible, but it was Noé, and he knew, didn’t he? He knew what kind of person Vanitas used to be, he saw it in Misha’s memories, he also knew the present him, he’s stayed by his side despite everything… there was no use trying to pretend he wouldn’t understand the human, or that he’d resent him for being like that, for not loving the Hellfire Witch – hell, the man wanted to kiss him, so why was Vanitas still afraid?
His voice was shaky, uncharacteristically so, but he managed to say it all. And Noé listened politely, not interrupting him, only nodding along.
“…You’ve said you’ll never let me free.” Vanitas’s tone was serious, his voice finally stabilized as blue eyes met the vampire’s violet ones. Noé nodded once more.
“I won’t. You’re not alone anymore, Vanitas.” stated the white-haired man, and that was enough.
“…You’re right.” said Vanitas with an exhale, his knees shifting uncomfortably, still tense, still ready to flee, even though he no longer wanted them to. “About that… and about the…” he cut off, glancing down at the vampire’s lips.
Noé started leaning closer before Vanitas stopped talking, his face freezing a few centimetres away from the human’s face, his warm breath tickling the black-haired teen’s lips, mingling with his own.
“About the?” said Noé, and Vanitas couldn’t decide if he was teasing him or if he was just that dense. Either way, he didn’t give his friend a verbal answer, leaning in and closing the gap between them, pressing his warm lips to Noé’s chapped ones. He’s had enough talking about his feelings for one night.
When their lips touched, he felt his body truly, fully relax. He angled his head with precision he’s practised enough before, and yet now it felt different, now he was aware of Noé’s breathing, his hands covering Vanitas’s, a small sound in the back of his throat… Their eyes fluttered shut and Vanitas pressed onto the other’s lips a bit more firmly, disconnecting them and connecting again, establishing a rhythm of sorts.
Noé, at first, remained still. Then, as if testing the waters, he also angled his head, mimicking Vanitas’s movement; as the black-haired man deepened their kisses, he’s let out a low grunt from the back of his throat – it felt good, and unlike any physical contact Noé’s experienced before. His lips, chapped just a moment ago, now were moist and soft and full of Vanitas.
The human pulled away before his mind completely melted, but still stayed close to Noé’s face, not moving away. The kisses they’ve shared were all chaste, just simple presses of lips, but still he felt like he’s experienced something truly gentle, reserved just for them, special.
Noé kept his eyes closed for a while longer, and Vanitas could almost count his pale eyelashes as they caught the moonlight above them.
“…how is your curiosity? Satisfied?” Vanitas asked, feeling his usual energy return to him, a smirk tugging at the edges of his lips. The vampire opened his eyes slowly; they were unfocused, and so he blinked a few times, staring at the human in front of him.
“I… about what a kiss feels like, yes.” came the answer, and Vanitas almost choked on his own saliva. He was Noé’s first…? With the vampire’s looks…?
He didn’t have much time to be surprised, however, as a smile spread on his friend’s face and he teased, voice low.
“…but… I think I would like some more, to fully satisfy it. Would you?”
The summer night was hot, and sweat trickled down their backs. But with how crazy it’s been, and with how unexpected the developments turned out to be, Vanitas couldn’t find an ounce of strength in himself to refuse Noé’s question. Besides, it’s not like he wanted to.
“Yeah, I’d like that.” he said, and met the vampire halfway, moving one of his hands to the other’s neck, while Noé’s found its way onto Vanitas’s shoulder, pulling him closer.
In the morning, they’ll have some more talking to do.
In the morning, Vanitas will probably shift back to being snappy and secretive.
In the morning, the events of the night will become even more real, and their relationship will never be the same again – changed first in the eerie amusement park, changed again by a few spontaneous touches.
But they were going to figure it out, as long as they were together.