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Shuichi didn’t suspect a thing when Kokichi skipped over and sat right on his lap, winding his arms around his neck. Shuichi was so used to this by now he didn’t even pause in his conversation with Kaito. Ever since he’d been growing closer to Kokichi, it had rather felt like he owned a snooty house cat; Kokichi would come and cling to him whenever he felt like it (particularly when Shuichi happened to be talking with his friends), but if Shuichi ever tried to hug him back, Kokichi would dash away again. Shuichi still wasn’t totally sure whether this weird clinginess was just another way to get under Kaito and Maki’s skin. Though he was growing grudgingly fond of Kokichi, Shuichi still didn’t always trust him.
If this was an inflammatory tactic, it was working. Kaito scowled. “Hey, do you mind? We were having a conversation here. Get lost, Kokichi.”
Kokichi ignored him completely, clinging even tighter. “Poor Shumai… Don’t worry, I’ll save you. You must be bored stiff listening to Space Idiot droning on for so long.”
“What the hell did you say?!”
“Guys, please,” Shuichi sighed tiredly. “Kokichi, you can sit here if you really want, but stop getting at Kaito.”
“He can’t sit here! Fuck off, Kokichi, I’m trying to talk to my sidekick.”
“You don’t own Shumai,” Kokichi said smugly. “He said I can stay. You should watch your mouth, Kaito Momota. I could have you killed in an instant.”
“Oh, shut the hell up. I don’t believe a word,” Kaito scoffed.
“Guys. Both of you, stop it,” Shuichi said, more firmly. He was gradually learning how to stand up for himself now - if he didn’t, Kaito and Kokichi could go on like this for hours. Sometimes Shuichi got the impression that Kokichi did this on purpose, trying to draw him out of his shell… but he couldn’t quite be sure. He couldn’t ever be sure with Kokichi.
“He’s pulling faces at me!” Kaito fumed, looking at Shuichi like he expected him to sit Kokichi in time out or something similar.
“Just ignore it, Kaito,” Shuichi said. He rather felt like a mother to two headstrong toddlers whenever Kokichi and Kaito were in the same room. It was almost easier dealing with Kokichi and Maki, though there was much more animosity there. Kokichi knew Kaito would bluster and argue for ages before he lost his temper - Maki was different. She didn’t hesitate. Kokichi knew to run almost immediately when he goaded her. It was a good job he was so agile; she’d come close to catching him several times.
“Yeah, Kaito,” Kokichi said.
“And you, shut up,” Shuichi told him. “Or I’ll tip you off.”
“Yeah, Kokichi,” Kaito echoed mockingly.
Predictably, nothing was resolved, and they continued to argue as Shuichi tiredly attempted to referee. Shuichi expected this to escalate to Kaito storming off like usual - which was obviously Kokichi’s intention - but gradually Kokichi’s snarky teasing seemed to fade away. Kaito and Shuichi even managed to continue a normal conversation after a while. Shuichi assumed Kokichi was simply bored and would hop off his lap to go terrorise somebody else - but he didn’t. He suddenly seemed to be getting heavier, his head lolling on Shuichi’s shoulder.
“Kokichi,” Shuichi grumbled. He didn’t take it seriously at first; Kokichi had pretended to fall asleep on him several times before, usually when Shuichi had something to do and Kokichi wanted to pin him in place. He’d generally give up the pretence fairly quickly. “Stop it, Kokichi. I’m not doing this again. I know you’re faking.”
Nothing. Not a word from Kokichi. Shuichi could feel the warm whisper of his breath against his neck, deep and even.
“Tell him to stop doing that,” Kaito said, scowling. “He’s committed to his fake sleeping act, I’ll give him that. He’s even drooling on you. Gross. You’ll end up with rabies or something.”
This would’ve definitely prompted some sort of reaction, but Kokichi still didn’t move. Kaito raised an eyebrow, his face clouding with doubt. “Did he seriously fall asleep on you..?”
“I think so… He’s heavier than he looks,” Shuichi said. He didn’t know what to do with his hands - he couldn’t just let them hang by his side or Kokichi would topple off, but it felt weird to cradle him properly. They only cuddled at night - in the dark - when the nightmares came. It was always a battle to get Kokichi to close his eyes at all, even when he was dizzy with fatigue. He’d never once climbed onto Shuichi and fallen asleep just like that before.
“This is weird,” Shuichi mumbled.
“You can say that again.”
“No, I mean something isn’t right. He never does this. It’s always super hard to get him to sleep.”
“I thought you two slept together every night? Though I agree, that part is weird as hell, bro. Why do you want to share a bed with him? He’s a pain in the ass,” Kaito said. They’d had this same conversation many times before.
“I told you, it’s easier to wake up with someone else. When you have nightmares.”
“Yes. That part I get. But… Kokichi? He’s hardly going to give you tea and sympathy, is he?”
“You’re saying Maki gives you tea and sympathy?” Shuichi retorted, eyebrows raised.
“That’s different,” Kaito grumbled. His face screwed up as he struggled to think of an argument.
“How is it different? Maki threatens to kill us a dozen times a day.”
“She doesn’t mean it, Shuichi.”
“Kokichi doesn’t mean it either.”
“Stop comparing him to Makiroll!” Kaito snapped. “He’s nothing like her, Shuichi. She doesn’t… doesn’t cause problems on purpose. Kokichi goes out of his way to fuck with us.”
Shuichi thought about it. Kaito was right in a way; Kokichi wasn’t one for coddling when Shuichi woke up gasping and sobbing from the nightmares. He was far more likely to fall back on his lies, promising to have everyone in Team Danganronpa murdered by dawn if that made Shuichi feel better - but the clumsy comfort was still a relief. Somehow Shuichi found listening to Kokichi babble on about outrageous rubbish enough of a distraction to calm himself down. It gave him something to focus on, a voice to cling to through the panic.
Then there was the sleeping itself. Although Kokichi was an adept liar (a professional liar, he called it, though Shuichi didn’t know what that meant) he couldn’t control how he acted when he was sleeping. He was clingy - almost oppressively so. It was practically impossible to pry him off if Shuichi wanted to go get a drink of water or use the bathroom. Kokichi wouldn’t ever admit to cuddling when conscious, and Shuichi truly didn’t know if it was wilful ignorance or genuine disbelief - but Shuichi wasn’t complaining. Feeling those skinny arms wrap around his waist each night, the warm face nuzzle between his shoulder blades like a newborn puppy… it made Shuichi feel better. Calmer. Safer.
“Just shove him off you,” Kaito said carelessly now. “We can finally get away from him. He’s always hanging around you these days. I don’t know how you put up with it.”
Shuichi sighed. “He’s not as bad as you think, you know.”
Kaito snorted derisively.
“Alright, maybe he is. But look, Kaito… You know the simulation…” Shuichi murmured.
Kaito shuddered. He clutched his chest reflexively. “What about it?” he barked out.
“Why did you reach out to Maki? The first time, when nobody else would?”
Kaito paused, then shrugged awkwardly. “I don’t know. She was alone and she needed somebody, I guess. It seemed the right thing to do.”
“Right,” Shuichi agreed. “And I suppose that’s why I wanted to help Kokichi. Because I think he needs somebody too.”
“He’s got a funny way of showing it.”
“I just don’t think he’s used to opening up to other people, Kaito,” Shuichi insisted.
“You’ve got way too much faith in him, Shuichi,” Kaito said. “I’m all for believing in people, but there’s only so many chances you can give someone.”
Shuichi paused. He didn’t really know why he was defending Kokichi so fiercely, why he felt such a sharp pang of irritation when Kaito or Maki acted like he was beyond any redemption. Yes, he’d done some horrible things in the simulation - but then they all had. Kokichi had tried to stop the game too, and had let himself get killed in a gruesomely painful way to do it. Kokichi’s moral compass was skewed, but Shuichi didn’t think he was truly evil. Irritating and infuriating, yes. But not evil.
“You actually like him, don’t you?” Kaito groaned defeatedly. “How do you put up with all his crap? Doesn’t he get on your nerves?”
“Of course he does. Doesn’t Maki get on your nerves sometimes?”
“No, never.”
“Well, I bet you get on her nerves.”
Kaito considered. “Probably.”
“There you are then.” Shuichi checked to make sure Kokichi was still sleeping before he spoke. “Yes, he gets on my nerves sometimes. Lots of times. And he’s incredibly frustrating to talk to, acting all bubbly and extroverted when he really tells us very little. But… I want to try. He intrigues me.” Shuichi saw Kaito’s face and felt his cheeks flush. “As a detective,” he added hastily.
“As a detective!” Kaito echoed scornfully. “Who do you think you’re kidding, Shuichi?”
“Shut up. Don’t go telling everyone,” Shuichi grumbled. He was in the middle of shifting Kokichi’s weight off his arm - he was getting terrible pins and needles, and Kokichi felt oppressively warm and heavy against him. Kokichi made a soft sleepy noise and gripped Shuichi tighter, his face creased with discomfort, but his eyes didn’t open. “God, this is uncomfortable. I wish I could take my jacket off,” Shuichi sighed. “He’s so warm.”
“Just shove him off, Shuichi. You can’t stay anchored to the sofa all afternoon. He’s probably boiling too,” Kaito urged. It seemed he still hadn’t quite given up the hope of a Kokichi-free afternoon. Shuichi hoped he just wanted to have a proper conversation in private and not an extra workout session. He was sore enough from their evening training.
“He does look uncomfortable, doesn’t he?”
“Yes. Come on, let’s go.” Kaito stood up, took hold of Kokichi’s arm and yanked him off Shuichi’s lap with a lot more force than strictly necessary. In one fluid motion Kokichi was dragged to his feet, stumbling into Kaito, eyes jolting open in surprise.
“Kaito!” Shuichi cried. “You didn’t have to do it like that!”
Kaito didn’t get a chance to respond. Kokichi stumbled closer, eyes still sleepy and bewildered. Without a word of warning, he puked copiously all down Kaito’s front - and Shuichi finally realised just why Kokichi had fallen asleep out of the blue, and why he’d felt so uncomfortably warm on Shuichi’s lap.
***
Shuichi had never seen Kaito so angry. He managed to snatch Kokichi away before Kaito could swing at him, standing in front of him protectively.
“He did that on purpose!” Kaito yelled, red in the face.
“Of course he didn’t. How could he? He was asleep,” Shuichi said. “Weren’t you, Kokichi?”
“No,” Kokichi said quickly. “I was just faking. And I totally did it on purpose.”
Shuichi glared at him fiercely. Why did he have to make everything so complicated? “Don’t listen to him, Kaito, he’s lying. I think he has a fever. I should’ve noticed before, he was burning hot on my lap.” He tried to grab hold of Kokichi to check, but he ducked away quickly.
“I don’t have a fever! I’m not sick. It was just Kaito being around, that’s all. He always makes me nauseous,” Kokichi said cheerfully, grinning.
“What the fuck did you say?!”
“Don’t worry, Kaito, it really improves your outfit,” Kokichi added, gesturing to the foul mess.
Shuichi had to step between them hastily to stop Kaito attacking Kokichi this time. “Stop it! And Kokichi, will you shut up!” He grabbed Kokichi by the shoulder and clapped a hand over his mouth. Kokichi started licking his palm immediately. Shuichi grimaced, but didn’t let go. “You can’t beat him up when he’s sick, Kaito. Even if he is being a pain in the ass right this minute.”
“You’re still defending him? I never took you for such an idiot, Shuichi,” Kaito spat. Kokichi tried to say something in retaliation, mumbling behind Shuichi’s hand.
“No, both of you, shut up!” Shuichi yelled it, startling both men into silence. He rarely shouted, rarely even spoke clearly - Shuichi was the type who mumbled everything into his chest, chin down, eyes low. Kokichi and Kaito stared like he’d suddenly grown another head.
“I’m tired of this, all this fighting and taunting and hostility. We’re not fighting for our lives anymore. There’s no need for this. I’m not asking you two to be friends. I’m not even asking you to hang out together. But it’d be great if you could manage to stay civil when you meet, because I don’t want to lose either of you again!” Shuichi cried, eyes burning.
There was another long pause. Kokichi looked very doubtful, but he didn’t disagree verbally when Shuichi removed the hand from his mouth. Shuichi kept hold of Kokichi, feeling his slight shivering, the heat radiating through his clothes. His face was even whiter than usual. He couldn’t possibly be faking this - though if he was totally honest, Shuichi wasn’t truly sure Kokichi didn’t aim for Kaito on purpose when he threw up. Kokichi usually retreated to his room when he needed to do something he deemed vulnerable like getting sick, but perhaps he’d just made the most of an opportunity this time.
Shuichi turned to Kaito. “Please?”
Kaito sighed heavily. “You really know how to make a guy feel guilty, Shuichi,” he grumbled. He looked hard at Kokichi, scowling. Kokichi smiled back, and Kaito’s lip twitched with irritation - but he managed not to say anything. “I’ll try to be civil,” he said to Shuichi. “For you, bro. I still don’t trust him, but I’ll be cool.”
“I won’t,” Kokichi piped up.
“Thank you, Kaito,” Shuichi said, ignoring Kokichi completely. He’d found that was the best strategy when it came to dealing with him; Kokichi hated being ignored.
Kaito shot a final glare at Kokichi, then nodded towards Shuichi. “I guess you’re stuck playing nurse then. Well, rather you than me, Shuichi. I wish you luck.” He turned on his heel and went to clean up, plucking at his stained clothes in disgust.
“Wow, I feel loads better now!” Kokichi said as soon as Kaito had closed the door behind him. “It really was Kaito all along.”
“Shut up,” Shuichi said weakly. He grabbed Kokichi by the collar and dragged him to the bathroom, standing him at the sink. “Why didn’t you tell me you felt ill?”
“I don’t. I’m fine.”
“You just vomited all over Kaito,” Shuichi reminded him.
“I know, I have great aim, don’t I?”
It was impossible trying to get answers out of Kokichi when he was in this mood. Shuichi gave up on the conversation, running a cloth under the tap and trying to mop Kokichi’s face. He’d intended to be gentle - Kokichi was sick, after all, no matter how annoying he was - but Kokichi kept ducking away and turning his head to the side, avoiding the cloth. Shuichi eventually lost his temper and slapped the wet cloth angrily on Kokichi’s face, scrubbing hard, like he was washing stubborn food stains off a plate.
Shuichi knew it hadn’t hurt him - he’d seen Kirumi hold Kokichi in a headlock to keep him still while she brushed his hair, for God’s sake - but the fake tears started pouring. “That hurt! You’re so mean to me, Shumai,” he bawled. “And I’m sick too!”
“You said you were fine two minutes ago,” Shuichi sighed.
“That was a lie. Duh!”
“Being sick evidently doesn’t lower your volume,” Shuichi grumbled. “Now come on, you should be in bed. I need to find a thermometer, but you feel like you’re burning up.”
“No way! I’m not going to bed during the day. Boring!” Kokichi suddenly ducked under Shuichi’s arm and made a dash for the door, escaping into the hallway before Shuichi could react.
“Kokichi!” Shuichi tore after him, irritation coiling across his chest like barbed wire. “Why do you make everything so difficult!”
Shuichi knew Kokichi was faster than him, and he knew about all sorts of random hiding places around the building that the others hadn’t noticed before - but thankfully they saw Gonta at the far end of the corridor, staring at them, bewildered.
“Gonta! Grab Kokichi please!” Shuichi yelled.
Gonta did as he was told at once, catching Kokichi’s wrist as he dashed by. Shuichi could’ve kissed him - at least somebody listened to instructions. But then Kokichi immediately started up his dramatic wailing. “Shuichi’s gonna beat me up, Gonta!” he sobbed.
Gonta, as always, believed every word, every fake melodramatic tear. He stared at Shuichi in shock. “Beat up Kokichi? That not very nice, Shuichi! You not act like gentleman!”
“I’m not going to beat him up, Gonta,” Shuichi explained. “He’s lying to you. He’s sick and I was trying to make him rest.” Shuichi grabbed hold of Kokichi’s shirt collar.
“No, he’s lying, Gonta,” Kokichi insisted.
Gonta looked between them helplessly, not sure who to side with.
“Would you stop messing with him!” Shuichi said fiercely. “Now hurry up. You’re coming to rest even if I have to sit on you to keep you in bed.”
Shuichi tugged at Kokichi. He didn’t pull hard at all, but Kokichi stumbled, bumping right into Shuichi. His face was suddenly blank, though his cheeks were still stained with fake tears. “Wait…” he mumbled.
“What now?”
“Dizzy.”
“Oh no, I’m not falling for that crap again,” Shuichi said, unmoved. Kokichi had faked light-headedness several times when he wanted Shuichi to be distracted, had even managed to fake bouts of fainting. As soon as Shuichi went running to help, Kokichi would bob up again and laugh his annoying little ass off at Shuichi’s face. Shuichi had vowed never to be taken in again.
So he didn’t react when Kokichi went limp and fell backwards. He was used to the dramatics; Kokichi even knew how to roll his eyes back very convincingly. He’d always caught himself before he reached the floor, his hands zipping to break the fall - but this time was different. Kokichi dropped like a stone, his head hitting the floor with a sickening thud. He lay there, unmoving, his white face almost the same shade as the scrubbed tiles on the floor.
Shuichi froze. “Kokichi..?”
No response. If Kokichi was faking it, he was unusually committed this time.
Gonta stared, eyes wide. “Is Kokichi hurt or pretending?” he whispered. He bent over Kokichi, his strong, rough hands suddenly gentle as he prodded him. He shook Kokichi’s shoulder very carefully, like he thought his arm might break off as easily as a butterfly wing. “Kokichi?”
Kokichi’s eyelids fluttered. Somehow it stirred Shuichi into action; at least now he could see Kokichi hadn’t died on the spot. “Gonta, could you help me carry him to my bedroom, please?” he gabbled, doing his best to stay calm and squash the thick guilt pooling in his stomach.
Gonta agreed at once, looking far more distressed about the situation than Kokichi himself. He scooped Kokichi up carefully and carried him back down the corridor to Shuichi’s bedroom. Kokichi’s eyes were open now, but his face remained carefully blank.
Shuichi caught Kokichi’s eyes only once, glad to see they still sparkled with life even after that bang on the head. He didn’t speak, but he mouthed three little words that made Shuichi feel guiltier than ever: told you so.
***
“You’re bleeding,” Shuichi concluded, his pale fingers probing through Kokichi’s messy hair. He found a bump on his scalp, the hair around it damp and stained. “It’s not a big cut, but you should still get it cleaned. And maybe some put ice on it for the swelling. That would help your fever too.”
“Your fault, Shumai,” Kokichi mumbled, face-down on Shuichi’s bed. It had been a struggle to get him to stay there, even when he was sick and weak. Shuichi still kept his hand clamped to Kokichi’s shoulder, scared he might leap up and try to run again.
“No, it was your fault, Kokichi. You shouldn’t have gone sprinting off when you’re sick, that’s why you fainted. And maybe I’d believe you more often if you didn’t lie all the damn time,” Shuichi snapped.
“Wow… Victim blaming. I expected better from you, Shumai.”
Shuichi rolled his eyes and decided not to bite. He could feel how tense Kokichi was under his hand, the burning heat scorching through his clothes. He was in pain, Shuichi could tell, no matter how much he tried to act like everything was normal. Shuichi’s voice softened slightly. “I’m getting the first aid kit and some medicine.” He paused. “And I’m sorry I didn’t believe you. Can you please stay here? You won’t go running off?”
“Maybe,” Kokichi mumbled, his face still in the pillow - but he was still there when Shuichi returned with supplies.
Of course, any medical intervention with Kokichi was an unbelievable battle and a huge pain. Shuichi had to sit on Kokichi to clean the wound on the back of his head, while Kokichi protested loudly and kicked up his legs, bashing his heels against Shuichi’s back. Taking Kokichi’s temperature took another ten whole minutes of arguing and bargaining too, and even then Shuichi wasn’t totally sure they’d got an accurate reading. Oh well. He could tell Kokichi was feverish the second he touched him anyway.
“Do you want any pain killers? Something to settle your stomach?” Shuichi asked. Kokichi didn’t respond, scowling up at the ceiling. His cheeks were flushed after all the tussling with Shuichi. He was doing his best to keep his expression blank, but Shuichi could see his eyes twitch with pain whenever he moved. He looked so… vulnerable. Like a little kid with a skinned knee trying not to cry - though Shuichi knew not to say that aloud. Kokichi would be deeply offended.
Shuichi moved to the bedside and placed the back of his hand on Kokichi’s forehead, wincing at the burning heat. Kokichi didn’t even look at him - but he accepted the painkillers now when Shuichi held them out.
“I’m only taking them because of you,” Kokichi insisted. “Because you didn’t believe me when I said I felt dizzy. You didn’t care. Just like in the simulation. I fell through the floor and I bled everywhere and you didn’t give a shit. Didn’t even ask if I was okay.” There was a surprising note of bitterness in his tone now.
The guilt was coming back. Shuichi could remember the panic he’d felt when he first saw Kokichi on the floor, thinking he was a third victim… but then he’d been so swept up in the trial and that awful execution that he’d forgotten about it completely. He hadn’t realised Kokichi was still upset about it.
“I’m sorry,” Shuichi mumbled. “It was such a chaotic day. And you were acting totally normally through the trial.”
“Yeah, of course I was. You never could’ve managed to figure it out without me,” Kokichi scoffed. “But I was actually feeling awful. My head hurt so badly I could barely see straight. I thought you might come find me after the trial to check on me. That was pretty dumb of me, wasn’t it?”
Shuichi sighed. “Okay. I’m sorry. But I’m here now, aren’t I?”
“Unfortunately.”
“Look, do you want me to leave?” Shuichi asked, though this was his bedroom.
“Yes. Get lost,” Kokichi said, turning on his side, his back to Shuichi.
Shuichi paused. “Are you lying?”
Another pause, so long this time that Shuichi didn’t think he’d get an answer. “I don’t know,” Kokichi muttered eventually, his voice much quieter. Then he sighed. “If you’re going to stay, turn off the lights. And close the curtains.”
“Why? Is the light hurting your eyes?”
“No. Well, yes, but it’s not that. If you’re staying… it needs to be dark, right?” Kokichi said.
Shuichi understood. They cuddled at night, in the dark, when it was easier to be open and honest and real. Kokichi asking for help at all, even in this weird roundabout way, was so astonishing that Shuichi rushed rapidly around the room turning off lamps and pulling the curtains shut, scared he’d change his mind. He felt his way to the bed in the gloom and slid under the covers, reaching out a hand until he poked at the overly warm skin. Kokichi usually didn’t cuddle properly until he was nearly or completely asleep, but Shuichi heard the sheets rustle as he shuffled a little closer.
“Will you tell me next time you feel ill?” Shuichi asked.
“Probably not,” Kokichi muttered.
“Yeah, I figured,” Shuichi sighed.
“You’re the Ultimate Detective, aren’t you? Figure it out.”
“You’re hard work, Kokichi…”
“But I’m not boring,” Kokichi said.
“That’s true,” Shuichi conceded. It was clearly the right thing to say, because Kokichi moved closer. Shuichi reached for him blindly in the dark, and his fingers brushed the bump on the back of Kokichi’s head.
“Ow!”
“Sorry! Is it still bothering you?” Shuichi asked worriedly.
“Of course it is if you keep stabbing at it!”
“I didn’t stab at it. But I’m sorry anyway.”
“You apologise a lot,” Kokichi pointed out. “Maybe I’ll forgive you. Or maybe I’ll have my minions punish you.”
“Mnn.”
“Of course, it’s different if you wanted to kiss it better, Shumai! There’ll be no hard feelings at all then,” Kokichi said, his voice light and teasing again.
“Oh for God’s sake, shut up and go to sleep,” Shuichi groaned, his cheeks heating up. He was glad it was too dark for Kokichi to see; he’d tease endlessly. “And don’t wake up and puke on me later like you did to poor Kaito.”
“I did great, didn’t I?” Kokichi said proudly.
“You just pissed off Kaito even more.”
“Yeah, exactly. I did great.”
Shuichi rolled his eyes. “You’re supposed to be resting, not gloating.” He paused, then slowly closed the gap between them on the bed, wrapping his arms around Kokichi rather gingerly, like he was a bomb that might go off.
Kokichi didn’t wriggle out of the embrace. He flopped limply against Shuichi, and after a while his teasing and pestering became slow and slurred, the words jumbling together. Shuichi knew Kokichi had fallen asleep when he felt those familiar arms wrapping around him and squeezing tight - and though Shuichi was cramped and wide awake, though Kokichi’s body was like a furnace against him, though he was probably going to end up catching whatever bug Kokichi had, Shuichi still felt comfortable like this. He felt safe.