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“Kaoru,” Kanata whispers into a kiss, feeling the other boy's fingers curl further into his hair as Kanata gently pushes him down into the bed. Kaoru's a good kisser, always has been, all soft lips and pleasant warmth. It makes Kanata want to drown in him.
It's easy not to think like this. Easy to lean closer into Kaoru's warmth, to follow where his hands guide him. He presses deeper into the kiss, letting Kaoru steal the breath out of his lungs and it's close enough to drowning on land yet it's still all so easy. He wants to memorize this, the taste on his lips and the feeling spreading through him. When they're like this, it's alright. It's alright.
“Kaoru,” Kanata repeats between kisses, wanting and wanting and wanting. Kaoru lets him take, their kisses growing deeper and longer as Kanata just... does. He doesn't have to think about it. Doesn't have to think about how his chest tightens and his body feels heavy when Kaoru takes all that away, at least until the two of them have to pull out for air because they do still need to breathe.
(But maybe if he can keep holding Kaoru he won’t ever have to think about this awful heaviness clouding his senses.)
“Kanata-kun,” Kaoru whispers, voice tinged with concern. Kanata doesn't want to open his eyes. “Hey. You're crying.”
There's no judgment in his voice, no pressure to explain. Kanata's eyes blink open to see Kaoru's brows scrunched in worry. His partner reaches to wipe the tears from his cheek. That's right. This wetness... He's crying. The gentle act makes more tears threaten to spill out, a whimper escaping him as he bites his lip to stop himself.
He is pulled down to lie on the bed next to Kaoru. “Come here,” Kaoru murmurs, and Kanata listens.
He doesn't ask what's wrong. “I don't know,” Kanata says anyway because he can see the question in the other boy's eyes. Kaoru nods and wraps his arms around Kanata, pulling him close to his chest as the drip-drop of tears continues, trickling on for reasons Kanata cannot understand. These pesky feelings, he has never been the best at handling.
The room is quiet. Kaoru's hand is brushing through his hair and Kanata can smell the softener Kaoru uses on his shirt. Absently, past the aching that won't stop, he wonders if Kaoru minds it getting wet—then he figures Kaoru should be used to that, coming from Kanata. He is troublesome, and Kaoru doesn't shy from saying that even now, but he says it with such fondness that reminds Kanata it is only human to be troublesome.
“Kaoru?” He asks, not quite sure himself what question he is trying to ask. He peers up at Kaoru who, ever the good child, cups his face and starts kissing the tears away from his face. Gentle. Light. It's a little ticklish, though, enough to bring a hint of a smile to Kanata's face. Kaoru smiles back and the strange heaviness seems to lift just the slightest.
Odd. It's usually the other way around for them, isn't it? It must be why this feels so new to Kanata.
“You know, I don't mind if you need to cry around me, but I'm still worried, Kanata-kun,” Kaoru mutters. “'S okay, though. I don't mind,” he adds quickly, brushing Kanata's bangs away. “I can't make it go away for you but I can keep it a secret, if you want.”
Kanata's mouth curls into something more like an actual smile. “Who would I need to keep it a secret from?”
Kaoru raises his eyebrows. His other hand loops around Kanata's waist, pulling him even closer. “Oh, I don't know. Moricchi. The kids. You don't like people seeing you sad, don't you? Because you don't want them to worry about you.”
“Kaoru thinks he knows me very well, doesn't he?” It's a teasing jab, one Kanata can manage as the phantom crashing of waves in his ears seems to subside, little by little. Kaoru does know him very well. It's the same reason Kanata can understand him. They are alike in that way.
Kaoru laughs, though. “C'mon, give me a little more credit! I can say I do, can't I?”
He meets Kanata's eyes, gaze soft, and Kanata takes a moment to marvel at this sweet, lovely boy he's somehow lucky enough to be with. Who would have thought? “It really is okay, though. You said it yourself, right? People get stronger when they cry.”
Kanata hums. He remembers.
“I've seen Rei-kun cry, even, so it's totally fine.”
“I might tell him you said that.”
“Wh—Kanata-kun!”
A small laugh escapes him at last, and it’s only then that Kanata realizes the tears have stopped leaking out. How strange. Kaoru smiles too then, stroking Kanata’s cheek with his thumb. “There we go, that's the smile I wanted to see.”
“Is that one of the lines you like using on girls?” Kanata teases again, the words coming easier this time.
Kaoru sputters a little, the barest hint of redness creeping onto his cheeks. “Kanata-kuuun!” Yup, that's a whine. There's not really any actual hurt behind it though, Kaoru still smiling as he complains, “Here I am trying to take care of you and you keep being mean to me. You know I've stopped that, c’mon.”
“I know. Kaoru is very charming.” Kanata leaves a peck on Kaoru’s cheek before leaning on his chest, snuggling closer to his partner. “I am very lucky that Kaoru is here.”
Kaoru just shakes his head and pulls him close. He understands, Kanata is sure. That's why it's so easy to stay close to him, and for the moment, he feels light again.
“I keep saying you don't have to thank me, right?” There's a teasing tug on that stray lock of hair Kanata has, which makes him pout at Kaoru. Still, he has a good point. “After all, it’s only—”
“—Human to be troublesome, is that correct?” Kanata finishes for him. He knows, of course he does. Kaoru taught him that and Kanata makes sure to remember, whenever he doubts if he should make others worry. He does not want to make Kaoru angry at him again, but there's more than that too.
“I would like to be selfish, then,” Kanata murmurs, inching even closer, one hand clutching Kaoru’s shirt while the other reaches for his face. Their legs have tangled together by now, and Kaoru’s arm wraps comfortably around his waist. It is not a solution, not quite a distraction either, but Kanata wants so he will ask, “Kiss me more?”
Kaoru does.