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Part One: Gon - Connotations
Gon's familiar with the warmth that is nature - it was his second home, back on Whale Island right after the house he shares with Aunt Mito. The island’s naturous creeks were one of his favorite things to do during the long summer holidays was exploring the land for the millionth time - it gets tiring visiting the same spots after a while, no matter how amazing they look, it’s just that new things Gon tends to take to a liking.
That's when Gon discovers flowers. Well, he properly dives into the flower world. He's always thought they were beautiful and captured the seasonal beauty with the extravagant hues ranging all across the color wheel but after overhearing that flowers had meanings off one of the townspeople, it brang a whole new branch of ideas to Gon’s head.
He researches what they mean, he speaks to the people about them. Gon begins to grasp a general gist of it - red roses are I love you, that's one of the few he knew beforehand, sunflowers had connotations of loyalty, ivy symbolized independence and white lilies often were shown as sad or sympathetic flowers, a grief of sorts for mourning. He never knew that such plants most people use for decoration could have such special symbolism and it was absolutely fascinating.
Turns out, luck was on his side since Whale Island is home to an extremely wide variety of wildlife which includes the range of flowers engraved in the soil. He collects them off the higher cliffs, the forests and groves, and the ones that grew in the fields like packs of wolves, they come together or not at all. He replants them in a clearing in the trees and begins making bouquets for people, for events, for friends and family. He saves a collection for Mito; a mixture of natural parakeet-colored plants and pink tulips - care, alstroemerias - friendship and devotion, a sign of a deep bond and lilacs - renewal, this is also just because Gon thought they were beautiful when in a display with the others. This becomes a weekly thing of preparing a vase for her, it takes a while but Gon is more than content to do it. He carefully arranges them, and the first time Mito was given them she cried out of pure happiness.
It becomes a daily thing after school. Gon will collect his flowers, plant new seeds, sell the bouquets to assist Mito in paying for the house - sometimes, the fish and housework she does for others doesn't cut it so Gon is happy he can do something he loves while helping someone he loves equally as much.
---
It’s been three months since Gon has met Killua. Killua, this silent boy with a glare as loud as shouting who didn’t like speaking to anyone, who Gon had somehow made friends with due to his persistent nature. They make a nice duo - like yin and yang, sun and moon, light and dark. It sounds cheesy, light and dark, but that’s what Kurapika had called them and it kind of stuck.
At some point, Gon decides to give Killua his first flower. He deserves affection after the life he and Alluka have run away from and Gon is especially good at two types of that: physical affection with stuff like hugging them and flowers, however Killua isn't exactly comfortable with that type of touch so its decided - flowers it is! Bingo.
He spends a while thinking of what arrangement he'd like to make Killua. It takes him days - it normally doesn't take this long, Gon promises, it's just he wants it to be particularly unique with alot of meaning, even if Killua doesn't know it.
After what seems like a thought train lasting forever he concludes on blue hyacinths, pear blossoms, yellow roses, heathers and sunflowers. They make a beautiful array of color splashed with white and Gon is incredibly proud of himself; it turns out the more thought he puts into something it will turn out even more picturesque then the original idea. He sprints a pinch of translucent glitter to allow them to sparkle while still being healthy and plants them in a white vase designed with golden swirls and silver hoops.
He writes a card for Killua. It's a simple one, a yellow marquile on the front - I come soon. It's a nice meaning.
He writes:
Killua,
You know I love flowers. I think you deserve some of your own to make up for the time lost where you could have been getting them all along so boom, you’re getting your own today!
The hyacinths mean sorrow. I don't mean this in a rude way, trust me, I just thought it was fitting; they're also very pretty! Pear blossoms are lasting friendship because I really hope we'll stay friends forever. Yellow roses? Friendship! Heathers are admiration, kind of cheesy but I don't care if you say something along the lines of 'That's so embarrassing!' because I'm used to it nowadays!! Sunflowers are loyalty; no matter what you want to do, I'll be with you.
A letter is kind of old-fashioned, don’t you think? I put tea bags on it, make it look old like you. You’ve got the white hair to be an old person but you certainly hate them…
I’ve attached a photo that I took of this stray cat I found right by where I was going to take my flowers, the sunlight makes him look beautiful - I’ve named him Sushi cus he looks like Zushi’s cat.
Anyways, I really hope you like the flowers! If you don’t then go throw them at Bisky, she’s got hayfever and I know how much you hate her.
Your best friend,
Gon :)
Seems pretty good! Killua would probably go totally red at the letter but Gon pushes that thought to the back of his head, unnecessary things to think about because it's cute when he does that.
He seals the letter with a fancy red stamp to leave an impression on Killua. He's hoping this, maybe, becomes a weekly thing. It's the thing he loves the most. Giving his best friend flowers. Strangely romantic, isn't it?
The next day, he leaves for school as early as he can and carefully places the bouquet in his locker, card standing up against the vase looking forward to the bland hallway.
Killua shouldn't have given him his locker code. He smiles in triumph and shuts the locker, checking the time. 8:27. Killua normally shows up around 8:30-ish. Gon has the brilliant idea of dashing around the corner and peeking out. He waits a minute or two and there he is: Killua Zoldyck in the flesh, perfectly white hair softer than cotton, eyes like the seasonal blues and illuminated by a special kind of glow when he's happy in this brown sweater that looks really comfy.
Gon shakes his head, that was way too detailed. Killua opens his locker to place his books however is met with a different sight. He looks like a monkey with its mouth open.
He quirked an eyebrow and stares at the flowers - Gon doesn't know what he's thinking, he's hard enough to read as it is but he looks... pleasantly surprised? He begins to carefully tear the letter to the sight of the yellow flower and reads it.
And there it is, his face heats up so his normally pale skin is red, so red Gon can't help but snicker as quietly as he can not to alert his friend.
Killua twirls around quickly to try, small smile on his face and he looks like he's about to murder Gon and hug him to death at the same time.
Gon can't contain his laughter. Killua's head snaps right in his direction and he marches over there.
"Gon, I swear..." He sighs, "Come with me." He says, clasping his wrist and dragging Gon up the stairs to the roof quickly. Killua doesn’t speak but he takes Gon behind a small wall on the roof, nobody can see you unless you’re looking for them. Killua looks down, swallows the embarrassment in his throat and wraps his arms around Gon softly.
Gon tenses slightly however soon melts into the affection, tucking his arms around Killua's torso. He can smell his musky cologne and the contrasting smell of his vanilla shampoo which weirdly works together. He doesn't want to move. A shiver runs down his spine as Killua's head droops slightly onto his shoulder but he doesn't complain.
"You liked my gift, huh?" He murmurs quietly, the only sound being Killua's shallow breathing and the wind dancing slowly.
"...Nobody's ever done that for me." He whispers, his voice cracking.
"I know." They stay like that for a while. It's too intimate for a casual hug, Gon doesn't know what this pulling feeling in his chest is, why is Killua being so affectionate, is something wrong, there's a million thoughts going through his head when the bell violently rings.
Killua jumps away from him, eyes wide and then his eyes tremble down, slightly ashamed?
"I...I needed that. I've been having a really shit day so far, thank you, Gon." He admits, running a hand through his hair. I'm glad this makes him happier.
Gon simply smiles and begins walking to the stairs. "You deserve it. You remember what I wrote? Oh, did you like the flowers? Well, I kind of guessed you did but I like checking?"
Killua grins. "'Course I did! They're beautiful. How do you know what they all mean?"
"What can I say, I'm a flower expert." He laughs, turning the corner. Killua jumps down the last stair and is at his side again.
"I think they were very nice."
"Can I give you them weekly?" Pleading.
"...Sure but..." His eyes widen. "Not at school! How am I going to take these home? Gon!"
While Killua complains, Gon smirks and runs off, yelling "That's for you to figure out!" He doesn't stop running long after Killua's already silent footsteps have left.
And just like that, they're back to normal. Neither of the two boys mention the strangely intimate hug they’d just shared but it holds its special place in Gon’s memory. Gon holds his promise, every week on a Monday after school he gives Killua the flowers as promised, however he doesn't explain the meanings. Killua always looks so happy when he receives them, he doesn't hug Gon like the first time but there's no ignoring the way his eyes light up ever so slightly and his mood brightens.
Over time, it becomes a routine. They become closer - Killua's boundaries fall, he and Gon will watch movies where he falls asleep on Gon's shoulder and ends up with his head on his chest and feet on Kurapika's lap and the unsightly image of Leorio snoring in his head. Killua, get your feet off my lap. No! You're weirdly comfy, Kurapika. Snore. Was that Leorio? Mmm… morning. Hi, Gon. And you complain about me and Leorio…..
Soon after that, all four of them come to register certain things. Killua has finally got the idea Alluka can manage without him and he comes out with them late more often, though he still fits the overprotective older brother stereotype because he texts Alluka every half hour. Leorio realized that alcohol and then studying is not a good combination - good for him, it really isn't. Kurapika gradually is healing from his family's death over time with the help of his friends. He deserves to heal.
That leaves Gon. Gon begins to realize his crush on Killua. It was painstakingly obvious, looking back, but the moment he realized he was sat on the roof, late at night, staring at the stars and it all came crashing down at once - an explanation for these feelings. Finally.
It seems like the stars are laughing at him for his stupidity - Hah, this kid has realized he's got a crush on his totally unattainable best friend. How ridiculous!. The Cancer star stares straight at him. That was Killua's star sign. The moon looks like his hair. This sky seems biased.
This is totally unfair! He can't outright tell Killua, that would be just... no! He needs a solution.
So Gon racks his brain for something, anything. What could I do? There's got to be a solution, something to convey his love subtly that Killua won't figure out.
Flowers.
That would work. Flowers, with hidden meanings Killua wouldn't place a second thought on and will simply thank Gon as he always does and space out in front of them in secret.
Maybe. He'll change his flower arrangement this week.
--
His heart is pumping loudly, hands shaky, his ears are ringing because Gon is way too nervous to hand Killua different flowers which he probably would comment on the color and that's it. This is probably the most nervous I've been in years.
Since his night up on his roof, he's changed the flowers. Pink camellias, primroses, an assortment of yellow pansies, purple lilac that seems abnormally bright, small showy sunflowers and red chrysanthemums. Not roses. It's too soon for them. Chrysanthemums, on the other hand, they'll work.
Gon made an effort to include his favorite flower - yellow carnations. They have a sad meaning, bitter in a way. The bouquet sits in Gon's sweaty palm, he's nervous, stupidly nervous, waiting for the vase Killua always returns on Mondays. It looks like something you'd give your boyfriend on Valentine's Day. It's perfect. He nervously checks the time - 3.56. Killua leaves his final period in around four minutes…
Gon leans against the wall where he waits for Killua - on the roof, they stay up there every day but Mondays are special. He hears the door open and snaps his head to the side, a peak of blue appearing.
"Gon?"
Gon smiles, trying to ignore his shaking hand. "Hey! I got you something different this week." Different in more ways than one.
Killua's smile falters but as soon as he sees the flowers he immediately grins, "My god, Gon, you always outdo yourself! This is super cool…" He says, graciously taking them off Gon's hands and luckily not noticing the sweat marks left.
Gon chuckles. "Thank you. Hey, do you know what your favorite flower is?" He points to the flowers in Killua's hands, hiding amongst the colorful blast.
"I don't really have a name for them but… they're called… uhh… hyacinth? They're blue, y'know? Oh, and also those bluebells you see in the spring. They're pretty as hell."
Kind of like you. Blue, pretty as hell. "Oo… didn't I get you hyacinths the first time I got you flowers?" Gon's mouth is slightly open, surprised that Killua remembers something like that and an amused look on his face.
His face heats up. "Maybe. I liked - I liked them, okay? Not my fault nobody got me flowers before you, idiot!"
Gon laughs. He loves this boy. Love? When did his crush turn into love?
The flowers ended up being the best idea of his life because he can put as much meaning as needed into them, confessing his every feeling, and Killua will never know. Not until Gon's ready; which may take a while.
Yeah, he definitely loves Killua.
Part Two: Leorio & Kurapika - Laughability
Leorio’s lifelong goal was to be a doctor. It’s not a bad dream, persay, it’ll just take alot of effort, motivation and hard work to earn the degrees necessary. In the end, it’ll all be worth it. When his friend died at a young age, he knew he had to help people because the pain and grief of it all were far beyond a child’s understanding of why illness could take innocent lives - and Leorio wanted to prevent that. By becoming a doctor and a Hunter Graduate from the medical area of the school, he could provide enough money to set up funds. He’ll have the skills necessary to perform serious surgery with little risk to the patient.
Kurapika, on the other hand, had a slightly different idea in his mind. Revenge. When the infamous serial killing of The Kurta had murdered his whole village for the sole purpose of money and selling their flaming red eyes, it made him mad - to see red, he supposes, quite literally seeing red. Apparently, it was organized by a famous killer who sold off the eyes to gangs for them to sell for more, to get the status of gangs nationwide up.
So when Kurapika and Leorio met in their Physics class, as partners, it was instantly a clash. Leorio’s whole mindset was focused on money and Kurapika’s ideal of revenge was based on avenging what was sold off. Leorio thought this guy was too serious about hating the idea of being absolutely loaded and Kurapika just wanted to move somewhere else, anywhere else.
The lesson ends and Kurapika is about 97% sure he’s never sprinted out of something faster, he quickly turns the corner just to get away from this Leorio Palasomething guy and-
“Ow… That hurt!” The guy says, rubbing his head. He looks up at Kurapika and his red eyes are met with a kind of yellow hue that seemed extremely friendly. Kurapika bows his head.
“I’m so sorry. I wasn’t paying attention. Are you okay?” Kurapika asks, concerned. He looks okay- Jesus Christ, how much hair gel does he use?
“Yeah! I’m fine. What’s your name?”
“Kurapika. Why?”
“Gon! I’m not sure, you just seem like a nice person. Would you like to join me and my friends for lunch?” This ‘Gon’ asks, completely unaware of how he appeared like a total weirdo, offering a lunch spot for bumping into a guy?
“...” Kurapika falls silent, contemplating the offer. It’s not like he had anywhere else to sit, right? “Sure. Go on then.”
Kurapika follows Gon down the staircase from the Physics block, he presumes Gon had just had some kind of science lesson, where he gets a glimpse of something he probably shouldn’t of.
“...What’s your price for an ounce of weed?” This guy is tall, crouching down under the staircase.
“$230. Take it or leave it.” The other one, slightly smaller but his presence is infinitely more terrifying.
Green hair nods and pulls out a handful of notes, “I can pay you half today. I don’t have that much on me, mind me giving you the rest tomorrow?”
“You’re lucky you’re a frequent customer, King. Watch where you step. I’m trusting you. Same place, same time, tomorrow. You better be there or you know what happens.”
King? That sounds awfully familiar.
“You know I’ll pay up, Chrollo. See you tomorrow.” Kurapika steps back on the stairs, pulling Gon back and hushing him just to watch Meruem King of all people walk out. Meruem did drugs?
Wait. Wasn’t Chrollo the leader of that gang that hung out downtown? The Phantom Troupe? Oh shit, this is really something he did not want to get involved with.
He and Gon stay silent until they watch Chrollo cautiously look around before leaving, hands in his pockets and black hair covering his eyes.
“What was that?” Gon whispers.
“Chrollo Lucilfer.”
Gon’s eyebrows shoot up. “Isn’t he like, a gang leader?”
“Yeah. I’ve been… involved with him before. He sold off something very precious to me and I hate his guts.” Kurapika admits, his voice hushed.
“I… I won’t pry, don’t worry, it’s just, why was he selling drugs to Meruem?” It’s a question everyone would ask. Why were two of the school’s top dogs doing drug business together?
“You never know, I guess. His whole group is kinda… y’know?” Kurapika explains, motioning with his hand. “Youpi goes crazy for alcohol, literally speak to him and he’ll get you hooked up with some.”
“His friends are kind of elite in a way…” Gon mutters as they pass Machi in the hallway, she’s talking to someone who looks absolutely terrified of her whole existence, sending a shiver down Kurapika’s spine. She - no, the whole group, they were like these packs of wolves that you did not mess with.
“Yep. Pitou is your go-to for shitty services like stealing, heard she stole a whole car for Phinks once. Pouf has some weird links to some murder services although most people aren’t supposed to know about that... so I’m not really surprised Meruem takes drugs frequently. They’re all a bit fucked up in their own ways.” Kurapika sighs, explaining what he knows about them. He isn’t supposed to be this intrigued but crime has always interested him, what can he say. He’s going to take law in the future.
“I knew they were a bit...messed up but Pitou stole a whole car?” Gon casually asks as they enter the lunchroom.
“Mh. You might wanna stop talking now.” Kurapika taps him, his eyes leading right upon Pitou herself. She’s sat on the table, her fingers intertwined in her white hair and she’s talking to… Knuckle Bine? This day keeps on getting weirder and weirder.
Gon stares at her, gulps, and nods, grabbing Kurapika and leading him to where he normally sits near the corner of the room. Sitting there is this boy with snowy hair and a blue sweater on, curious look on his face of who Gon had brang along with him and…
Leorio Paradiknight.
What the hell?
“What- what are you doing here?” Kurapika asks rather aggressively, staring right at Leorio.
Other guy responds, leaning on his elbow, “He’s our friend. Leorio - you know him?”
Gon speaks up. “I brought him here because he looked lonely, he’s really nice, trust me! That’s Killua.” He sits down next to Killua, shoving his bag on the floor and bringing out his lunch.
“... We sit together in Physics.” Both Kurapika and Leorio say at the same time and Kurapika sighs.
“Hello. I’m Kurapika Kurta, it’s nice to meet you. Sorry I was… sorry I was so rude to you.” Kurapika reintroduces himself, if he’s going to actually have friends he’d like to get along with the whole group.
“Leorio. You already know that, though. And… same here, I guess.” He apologizes, rubbing the back of his head. Kurapika lowly smiles and sits down next to Gon, eating his lunch. The conversation appears surprisingly easy, these people are a fun group to be around even if they were all slightly hesitant at first.
Over many weeks, Kurapika finds himself gradually growing used to the presence of Leorio and enjoying the company of him, Killua and Gon. He warms up to Leorio’s antics and even finds him being the favorite out of their friend group. There are a few things Kurapika doesn't understand like why they do not dare to speak badly around Bisky, she can't be that bad, right?
He also doesn't understand how Killua does not notice Gon's… extreme feelings.He literally gives him love flowers every week, for god’s sake. He's also pretty certain Leorio knows too as he's talked to Kurapika about it before. Since Leorio was studying to become a doctor, he knew all about herbs and therefore - flowers. Leorio’s the type of guy to know the most useless things like the meanings of flowers. This one time, Killua came to lunch with a gardenia in his hair, looking super embarrassed and shoving Kurapika away when he teased him about it. Gon responds with his usual response which makes Killua even redder and he’s got his head in his hands, moaning about why they do this to him.
So one day, Kurapika tells Leorio to try to subtly ask Killua if he knows.
Easier said than done. Leorio was an idiot.
--
The next day, Leorio stops Killua as he’s about to leave for his next class with Gon.
"Oi, Killua, wait for me after school." He asks, tapping him on the shoulder.
"Huh?” He shares a curious glance with Gon before looking back. “Sure, I guess. I was gonna hang out with Gon but…" Killua goes slightly red in embarrassment.
"Oh, it'll be quick. Don't worry. You guys can still hang out." Leorio reassures as Killua slings his bag over his shoulder, muttering something about ‘damn old man taking away my precious time,’ which makes Leorio laugh because they’re a year apart.
Leorio goes to his business lesson - his favorite, for a reason, he’s gotta learn to make money somehow and he does love his medical lessons, yes, but the business aspect of life has always interested him. The bell rings and he leaves, slouching against the gate wall to wait for Killua.
Checking his phone idly to look if he has any new messages, he’s instead met with a kick to the shin.
“Ow- that fucking hur- Oh. Killua.” Leorio snaps, glaring at the laughing boy in front of him.
“What did you wanna talk to me about then?” Killua mutters, sounding annoyed as he starts to walk, Leorio following his steps.
“You know that Gon gives you flowers?” Killua goes red at this but nods, mutely. “Do you know about flower meanings?”
Killua contemplates this for a second. “I’ve… heard of them? Gon told me the meanings the first time he gave me some. Friendship and loyalty or something like that.”
Leorio grins. “Bingo! You know what any of the ones he’s giving you means?”
“...No? What are you on about? I mean, he changed up the colors from cooler colors to warmer colors one time but I think they’re still just… pretty flowers?”
Leorio can’t stop himself from laughing, shaking his head. “Oh Killua, you’re awfully dumb for such a smart kid!”
“Hey! You’re only one year older than me! Plus, why do I need to know these flower meanings? They’re pretty and that’s all that matters!” Killua pouts, crossing his arms, “plus, they’re from Gon. Why wouldn’t I like them?” The last part is quieter than the rest.
“Pfft- Nevermind then. If you don’t know the meanings or names, there’s no point in me telling you!”
“Yeah, but you pulled me aside for this? Not worth my time, idiot! I could of been doing better things instead of talking to you about shit I don’t even understand!”
“Maybe my words have more meaning, get it?” Leorio laughs.
“I do not get it! He gives you and Kurapika flowers, he gives you… uh… peonies and Kurapika those pomegranate flowers! What’s the difference?”
“He doesn’t give us full bouquets full with a proper display that could cost alot for free every week, Killua.”
“So? He gives his aunt the same as me!”
“No, he doesn’t. He gives his aunt ones with different meanings, yours have way more… connotations to them.” Leorio points at him as they start turning the corner. “Well, this is where I leave you to think about everything! Good luck, google exists, figure it out!” He says, leaving Killua stood completely and utterly confused, his eyebrows furrowed in thought.
Why couldn’t Leorio just spit it out?
--
Killua returns home to his and Alluka’s small flat on the outskirts of town; she welcomes her brother in as he throws his bag down and shouts to Alluka about he’ll sort it out later. He quickly opens his laptop and researches the meanings of flowers.
flower meanings
https://www.flowerpower.com/flower-meanings-language-flowers
What do certain flowers mean? A list of the top 50 meaningful flowers!
What does each flower symbolize? Which flowers represent love, hope, healing, loss, and good luck? See the Almanac’s complete list of Flower Meanings. Whether you are picking out a flower bouquet for Mother’s Day or a wedding or planting a garden, discover the secret language of flowers!
Killua rolls his eyes, scrolling down to the actual meanings and scanning over them briefly.
Roses - Love
White Lilies - Sadness, grief
Amaryllis - Pride
Alstroemeria - Friendship
Belladonna - Silence
Lemon Balm - Sympathy
He’s been scrolling for ages now and barely recognizes any of these, they all look similar! This list was so long, what the hell? Killua scrolls past a few, checking briefly until...
Apple Blossom - Preference
Bluebell - Humility
Pink Camellias - I’ll never forget you
Purple Lilac - First Love
Marigold - Jealousy
Wait, that one looks very similar to one of the ones Gon gave him. He clicks on the image of the purple lilac and stares back at his weekly bunch of flowers. He looks at the photo of the pink camellia on the screen and there it is, with the lilac in that stupidly nice gold vase.
Oh.
Oh.
Part Three: Killua - Denial
Killua Zoldyck has always been a calm, rational guy who gets easily embarrassed in front of Gon, Kurapika or Leorio and when seen through his ever-cold persona, he’s actually pretty nice.
Killua Zoldyck is not a calm, rational guy when he’s just realized that his best friend of the past few years has been essentially giving him love flowers for the past seven months, every week, twenty-eight bouquets, a whole lot of flowers, a shit ton of meaning that Killua does not understand.
His eyes rush back to the screen - that cannot physically be right. It says first love, for god’s sake, and I’ll never forget you? This site has got to be wrong because if this was true, it changed everything.
Slightly in shock, he exits the site and types in his search bar in desperation.
purple lilac meaning
Spirituality and Love
Violet lilacs symbolize spirituality - blue lilacs symbolize happiness and tranquility. Magenta lilacs symbolize love and passion. Lilac, the color for which this flower is named, is a light purple that symbolizes a first love.
No, no, no! This seems unreal. Symbolizes a first love? Thats- what?
“Alluka! Come here!” Killua shouts, footsteps coming into hearing distance.
“Mh? What do you need?” Alluka replies brightly, entering his room.
“...What do you think of the flowers I bring back every week?” He asks, subtly clicking onto another tab so Alluka couldn’t see what he’s researching.
Alluka hums. “I think they’re very pretty, my favorite is the anemones, those purple ones, but the ones you get are very... lovey-dovey, brother.”
Killua’s eyes fleet down, his mouth agape. “You really think so?”
“Yeah! Why, are you thinking about them?” She raises her eyebrows. “Oh- don’t tell me, you want to give someone flowers back! Ooo, brother, do you have a-”
“No!” Killua sighs, “No, Alluka, that’s not it… thank you, though. Hey, go check what food we have, please?”
Alluka giggles yet nods anyways, leaving his room and shutting the door. The only sound heard is her shouting names of a few foods they have in stock and Killua replying with slick ‘alrights’ and ‘thanks’. He puts his head in his hands, brings his knees up and grabs his hair; a million thoughts going through his head at once.
Why is Gon in love with… me?
That’s the question: why him? He could have someone much better, right?
How the hell didn’t I notice? Why did Leorio and Kurapika know? Even Alluka had her suspicions, she literally was about to ask if I had a boyfriend!
Was his flowers really that obvious?
What should I do in response? Oh god, I’m gonna freak out when I next see Gon. Maybe I’m thinking too far into it. I think he just thinks the flowers are pretty and they look nice?
He’s not wrong. The flowers are breathtakingly beautiful just like a certain someone with these gorgeous hazelnut eyes, the wide smile that illuminates the room with beauty, his built form with those muscles-
No, no, we are not going there.
Holy shit, if he actually likes me, how would I even say it back? I’m too scared for that, pfft, stupid me. But then why would he give me them for months and he looks super shy while doing it if he wasn’t… in love with me?
Not like Killua minds, he looks super cute while giving him them and it makes his day go amazing after that.
And just to make his situation worse, on the side of the website an ad pops up. Killua looks back up at the dreadful sight of the computer that’s began all his sufferings when-
Are you gay? Take this quiz with ten easy questions and you might discover -
Killua slams his laptop and falls flat onto his head, feeling like the world was on his shoulders and feeling a slight relief at the fact he’s not alone in his stupid crush on his best friend.
--
Killua can get things off his mind pretty easily. Exams? Psh, he’s smart, he doesn’t need to think too much into it as long as he studies well every night.
Friends? Well, they either stay or they go and Killua can’t help if they don’t want to be friends with him because they can’t handle how cool he is.
Gon? That’s a different case because Gon Fucking Freecss has been on his mind all weekend from his stupid hair style which somehow makes him look so good and when it’s down there’s a whole different string of thoughts to his adorably cute smile which makes him look like a thousand angels have blessed him with the best genes possible (Killua doesn’t give Ging the credit) and somehow, when he finally gets out of that hideous green from time to time Killua can’t seem to take his eyes off his best friend.
It’s not healthy to longingly stare at the back of his head in class thinking about what it would be like to kiss him, to curl over to him in the morning and be woken by his blinding smile, how it would feel to be brave enough to get Gon’s attention properly, as more than a friend?
Desiring the most that he’ll probably never get because Gon’s been giving him flowers for ages and Killua’s self-esteem levels of confessing are almost zero, his minds has been at it for hours.
He begins to notice the little things - how Gon looks at him through his eyelashes, how his eyes crinkle in laughter even if Killua says the most unfunny thing in the world, how when they went ice-skating he took his hand and spun him around like he was some kind of Disney princess?
Gon isn’t exactly subtle, maybe that’s why Leorio pointed it out, but then again Killua isn’t doing the best of hiding his realizations either; he makes more touch with Gon, it’s small but there, they brush shoulders and Killua doesn’t flinch and pull away, he lets his swinging hand make contact with Gon’s and tries his hardest not to swallow all of his fears, how Gon literally made him a whole playlist which most of taken ages and Killua loved every single song.
He hangs out with Gon many times, like the usual, occasionally Kurapika and Leorio will join them; he and Gon make fun of how they act so lovey-dovey with each other and bicker like a married couple. One time, Gon follows up.
“Do you think they’ve kissed yet?” He murmurs, watching Leorio lightly smack Kurapika’s arm.
“Mm, probably. That’s what couples do, yeah?” Killua lightly responds, crouching next to Gon out of their line of view.
“But do we know if they’re actually together?”
“... I dunno, you ask Leorio, he’ll probably answer!” Killua mutters, glaring in their general direction.
“He’ll kill me!” Gon exclaims, Killua hushing him so Kurapika’s stupidly sharp ears won’t notice them.
“I dunno about that Go-”
“Have you ever kissed anyone?”
“...I- What?” Killua splutters, falling off where he was crouching on his knees. “N-No! Of course - of course not! What makes you ask!?”
“I don’t know, it just kinda… sprang to mind, I guess. Would you want to kiss someone?”
“Gon!” Killua hisses, “not the time, not the place! They’re gonna notice!”
“Just answer me, please?”
“Maybe! Maybe, yes, I don’t know, alright!” Killua says slightly too loudly and Kurapika’s head snaps in their direction, his red eyes staring right at the exact bush Killua was freaking out in. The two younger boys share a glance; an ‘oh shit’ kind of glance and sprint off out of the bushes as fast as they can and the only sound is Leorio’s incoherent groaning and Gon’s footsteps.
They return to normal after that, out of breath, huffing desperately to inhale the air they desperately need and laughing with each other when they are out of Kurapika and Leorio’s dangerous grasp.
“Oh my - oh my god… How the hell did we not get caught?” Gon laughs, bending over, hands on his knees.
Killua laughs, punching his arm, “They’re too busy flirting with each other!” Gon smirks and moves closer to him.
“Ooo… Kurapika… I love you!” He gets out through gasps of laughter, going on one knee and opening his hand, “Marry me Kurapika… you’re so pretty…”
Killua bursts out laughing and bows, “I cannot accept your marriage proposal, you see, I’m already married.”
Gon fake gasps, “Oh my! Who, my dear, has stolen your heart from me?”
“I’m ashamed to say… I’m married to Meruem…” Killua replies and Gon absolutely looses it, laughing so hard his stomach hurts and Killua roars with laughter and they’re both cackling at their stupid roleplaying so loudly that Gon falls on the floor and he’s gasping for air, Killua’s laughing is silent because he physically will combust from this sheer amount of funniness.
“Oh my god, Killua, Meruem?!” He slaps a hand over his mouth, kicking his best friend’s heel.
“Of course! Who else?” Killua snarkily replies and he is not ready for the response.
“...Bisky?”
They laugh the rest of the way home that Kurapika and Leorio legitimately find them through their loud antics and they fall into a fit of laughter once again.
--
“Killua, if we got married, whose surname would we take? Gon Zoldyck? Killua Freecss? Gon Freecss-Zoldyck? Killua Zoldyck-Freecss?”
It’s totally out of the blue and Killua ends up spitting out his chocolate milkshake.
“G-Gon! You can’t just… you can’t just ask things like that!” His face heats up to scarlet, his eyes wide.
“Why not? You’re my best friend! Personally, I think Gon Zoldyck sounds better…” Gon ponders.
“Nope. No way, if we did I’m taking your name because otherwise you’d be associated with my family.” Killua rejects his idea, shaking his head.
“Oh yeah. Killua Freecss. I like that! Wouldn’t your family get like, super mad you changed it?”
Killua blushes furiously, “I-Idiot, why would we get married anyway? And for the record, I don’t care about them!”
“I… Maybe we will one day if we’re both lonely and then just host a wedding for the fun of it.” He suggest, laying back.
“Actually sounds like a good idea for once. Killua Freecss…”
“Not so bad, is it?”
“Maybe not.” Killua pauses. “Oh my god, imagine Hisoka Zoldyck.”
“Hah! You think he’s gonna marry Illumi?” Gon laughs, turning to face Killua directly.
“They already are married - for the benefits, not for the love! Illumi has this really shitty wedding ring and Hisoka has this one made of 24k diamond because Illumi never spends his money and I think Hisoka nicks like, most of his income from his jobs.” Killua explains, running his hand through his hair.
“Do you think they-”
“I do not want to imagine that right now, Freecss!”
“Who’re you talking to? Me or you? We’re both gonna be Freecss.”
“I- What- You- You know Freecss sounds like freak? That’s what you are, freak.” Killua grins as Gon stares at him, reaches his arm back to grab a pillow and throws it right at Killua’s pretty face.
“Hey, you’re the freak here!” Killua throws it back just as hard.
“No, you are!” The two continue throwing various soft objects onto each other.
“You!”
“You!”
“Boys! Be quiet!” A yell comes from downstairs belonging to Mito and they fall silent, laughing into the pillows.
Killua really loves him, and it's the small moments like this that gets him caught up in memory lane with just how much Gon means to him, without Gon he would be a totally different person, a shell of the real Killua.
I love you, Gon.
Part Four: Gon and Killua - Confrontation
“Killua, wanna go somewhere today?” Gon asks on a warm Saturday where the sun is bright, the leaves fly easily and the breeze is calm when they are in the store, buying chocolate for Killua.
“I mean, sure, I haven’t got anything planned.” Killua agrees, paying for his strangely big supply of chocolate as they walk out.
“I can’t tell you where we’re going, though!” Gon sings as Killua stuffs pure cocoa into his mouth.
“Nghh- fine! That’s kinda annoying, please can you tell me?” Killua draws out the please in hopes to get Gon to agree.
“Nope!”
“Tch.” Conversation flows easily between the two as they walk to the bus stop and get on, Killua’s occasional munching of the chocolate bar. Gon pays for a duo ticket to somewhere Killua doesn’t listen to what the name of the place is, he’s focused on how pretty Gon looks under the midday sunlight. They take the trek upto the top level and they sit at the front. Killua sits at the side, Gon near the row and watches as Killua puts his feet up on the front of the bus.
“I love going to the top deck so I can put my feet up like this.”
“Isn’t that like, illegal? Damaging property or something?”
“Nah.” The bus starts and Gon watches as Killua yawns, closing his eyes for longer than normal.
“You tired? You can sleep, I won’t mind.” Gon assures, shrugging.
“Oh… I mean, it can’t hurt.” I’m not in the Zoldyck estate. Here is safe, with Gon.
Killua nods and closes his eyes as they continue moving, the green trees blurring as they go out of ther corner of Gon’s eyes. After a while, Killua fully nods off and they make a sharp turn and Gon gets thrown to the side, but so does Killua. He doesn’t wake, weirdly, instead his head is just on Gon’s shoulder.
Gon smiles to himself and releases control of his head so it falls atop of Killua’s soft hair; he joins their hands quietly, clasping Killua’s and shutting his eyes himself. He doesn’t seem to notice, rather, he relaxes - his shoulders rest and you can hear a small sigh of relief out of his mouth. They have a little over an hour so Gon has Killua all to himself for the time he’s allowed.
--
Killua wakes up with a strange weight on his head and his palm stupidly sweaty.
He’s asleep on Gon and they’re holding hands.
Oh God.
He internally freaks out for a moment and then realizes - holy shit, Gon must have done this. So he smiles to himself and closes his eyes, staying awake to enjoy the warmth and the affection he’s so long overdue.
--
After a while, Gon wakes up to find Killua asleep - ‘asleep’ - on him as he slowly raises his head and lets go of his hand, rubbing at his eyes as Killua wakes up. His eyes fawn open and he smiles groggily at Gon. They talk idly, neither of them bringing up the ride there as they come to their stop.
They get off as Gon takes Killua’s hand, runs his thumb over his palm and begins to run.
“Gon? Where are- where are we going?” Killua breathes, flushed cheeks.
“We’re going somewhere special.” Is all he says, and they run for what seems like forever. Killua can’t wait this long.
Footsteps silent in comparison to light ones, they go through the streets with lit streetlights as the sky begins to grow dark and the stars begin to light up, they run farther and farther up a hill somewhere on the outskirts of town where the lights end and they’re guided by Gon’s judgment, Killua’s never been over here before when his eyes widen.
Gon has brought him to a flower field. It’s full of life, flowers everywhere and the never-ending splash of color staining Killua’s eyes. For acres of land, it’s purely nature - as pure as it can be in the free form that is beauty.
It stretches for as far as Killua’s sight can go and it’s a vibrant display of them, the sweet aroma of flora in the air and the soft hum of bees taking the pollen away from their sacred spot. Killua can tell, even with his shoes on, that the flowers are soft like velvet. It’s like Mother Earth herself has stepped over every spot of this land, her touch lingering everywhere.
Gon huffs, “What- what do you think of it? I only discovered it the other day, could you believe that?” He admits, turning bashful as they both look forward.
“I’m…” Killua stares at the sight in awe, he can’t fathom words, “It’s beautiful.”
Gon nods. “Come, I wanna show you my favorite flower.” He says. Killua sighs, it's a good sigh, and follows him, still hand in hand and Killua can tell how sweaty Gon’s hand is.
Gon stops at a spot somewhere and sits down among the flowers, beckoning Killua to sit next to him. He points to a yellow one; smile faltering slightly. “They’re called yellow carnations. Disappointment, rejection.” Killua moves in front of him to look at them. They’re very pretty, but these were Gon’s favorite?
Killua looks up at him and laughs a little. “Bit depressing for someone like you, no?” That’s a lie. It makes sense. Disappointment, it kind of fits him in a weird way that only Killua knows when he’s derived from his usual persona.
“Mh.” He lays down, staring up at the night sky. Killua brings his knees up in front of him and looks up at the full moon in all of its glory. They sit like that for a while - in this array of color that’s barricading them in, staining them green, under the moonlight and the stars watchful stare.
Killua looks gorgeous under the moon, he looks great under the sunrise, the sunset, the morning light. The shadows seem to curve against him perfectly every time, the highlights perfecting his already perfect features in a way that doesn’t seem humanly possible, the skyline always seems to line up just above him - he looks like he’s in a picture all the time, fully edited and ready to post.
“Killua?” Gon sits up. Killua realizes the rainbow dots of flowers look like Gon’s freckles.
Killua replies slowly, enamored with this absolutely gorgeous atmosphere. “Hm?”
“Lay back.” He pleads. “Please?”
Killua’s glad he’s got his back to Gon because he goes completely bright red and covers his face with his hands. “Wha- what? Why?”
He’d very much like to.
“I… please?” He begs ever so slightly, his eyes are probably pleading for a change because Killua knows what he wants, of course he knows, he had a freak out over it, so he complies.
“...of course, Gon.” Killua breathes, laying into Gon’s chest and it’s like a puzzle has just been completed, they fall perfectly into each other’s grasp and Gon lets out a breath, smiling to himself as Killua’s head is on him, his eyes closed. They sit there in silence, perfectly content, for not enough time.
Gon does something on the side, Killua can't tell what he's doing until he feels weight on his head. His eyes open and he can see Gon's smiling face.
"See what you've got on your head."
Killua's hand reaches his head as he pulls down carefully a flower crown - it's been woven quickly but with Gon's hands it doesn't look bad, the colors all go harmoniously like it took hours in comparison and most of all, he knows some of the meanings.
Killua smiles softly, oh so softly. "I love it." He puts it on Gon's head. "It looks better on you."
Gon laughs quietly, "Thank you, Killua." Killua smiles, God, he can't stop doing that recently, can he, and lowers his head down as he can hear Gon's happy smile, it makes sound. He hums quietly for a while and stops to play with Killua's hair..
Gon reaches to the side and picks a flower from its stem, individually dividing the color and bringing into Killua’s dull aesthetic consisting of blue, and carefully places it in Killua’s hair, running his hands through the white strands calmly. Killua’s heart is going to beat out of his chest.
“You know, Killua, I realized something under a night like this.”
Killua knows what he’s going to say. Gon brings up another flower and tucks his hair behind his air and places a primrose behind his ear. Gon’s warm and Killua can hear his heart beating faster and faster as he talks more but Gon’s chest is comforting yet it terrifies him, firm but so soft at the same time and Killua doesn’t want to move, yet at the same time he urgently wants to do something. So he does. He sits up slightly and picks up a honeysuckle hesitantly.
“I realized something, too.” He says, facing Gon and placing the honeysuckle behind his ear. Gon blushes, looking down and the light from the moon on his face makes him look beautiful. Killua smiles softly, gaining confidence as he knows they’re alone, he knows Gon will most likely accept and there’s no better circumstances than now and he knows what he wants to do. Finally.
“I think… I think I know what you were gonna say.” Killua continues.
“Oh?” Gon smiles softly, “Go on then, tell me what I was going to say.” He teases and Killua grins.
“I have to say it?” He blushes, playing with the flower on the floor in a pathetic attempt to look away from his stare.
“Of course, you’re the one who knows everything.”
“What if I don’t want to say it?”
“Hmm…Well then, I’ll have to-”
“You know something, Gon?” I love you. He reaches behind Gon, arms wrapped around him temporarily, the first proper form of contact he’s given Gon and it feels great yet he has to pull away, and brings up a chrysanthemum, red as the blood that’s pumping through his veins, red like the sunset they watched as they came here.
He reaches for Gon’s hand and places it around it, his hand lingering and deciding to stay there. He looks up at Gon to see he’s gotten closer and Killua knows it's the right time, come on, he’s survived the Zoldycks for fucks sake, he can do this.
So he does do ‘this’. Gon’s hazel eyes are bright with permission and he’s leaning in and suddenly Killua’s kissing him. Maybe time stopped when their lips met each other but the moment was spectacular. Killua’s heart pounded in his chest, his knees growing weaker as he could only focus on how soft Gon felt against him.
It wasn’t clear if this was how Gon intended it to go, but the raw emotion in the way Gon clasped his hand. Every breath he took he could smell floral, jasmine, vanilla, pine, a mix of their scents because it was perfect. Glued to one another under the watchful eyes of the moon, as if nobody exists apart from them and the night sky. As if Killua was never shy to begin with. Delicate, gentle, young. Gon kisses him, soft-lipped, not nervous at all, and strokes his hair with his remaining, scarred hand and it’s perfect.
Killua wants nothing more to stay in the moment yet he pulls away, grinning like an idiot and his spitting image is in front of him - Gon’s blush runs through his sun-kissed skin, he looks like he’s in a slight shock but he looks happy. Content.
Gon jumps onto him and they fall onto the ground, rolling over onto the flowers and down the hill, tumbling, falling, into the pit that was the two alone.
“I love - I love you, Killua.” He says, laughter in his voice, they're clinging onto each other.
“Me - me too, Gon. I love you more- more than I can describe.” Killua says in between kisses, his stomach fluttering because this seemed so unreal; they’re slowing down as Gon kisses his head through his hair.
Gon holds him tightly as they come to a stop, Gon’s head on Killua’s chest, legs tangled and they’re both breathing heavily. Gon pushes himself up ever so slightly to face Killua, his breath smells like mint - shit, he knew.
Killua laughs wholeheartedly. “I think this is the best thing that I’ve ever decided to do.”
“Heh… I think so, too. I haven’t finished giving you the affection you need. You missed years of it, I’ve got to make up for it.” Gon smiles, kissing him again.
“Oh stop it, you.”
“I really do love you.”
“I- I can’t say how much I do, but Gon please, while we are here, promise you won’t leave because I love you so much and I don’t think I can deal with anything else.”
“I swear, Killua. I never will.”
Sealed with a kiss - an actual one.