Chapter Text
zzzzzzzxhhh
mmmmh... hm...
oh! i’m dreaming again, aren’t i?
man, everything’s always so dark!
zzzzzzz, i’m so sleepy
hm... usually, uh...
hello?
jaaaaaaaaaade...
oh! there we go
hi! please make yourself known
jaaaaaaade. jaaaaade harrrrrleeeeeeeyyyyyy.
are you just...
saying my name over and over again :?
jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaade...
alright, what! it’s never like this, what do you want?
let me wake up if you aren’t gonna tell me anything!!!
jade.
jade.
jade.
jade.
??????: Jade
??????: Jade
??????: Mechanics Specialist Jade Becquerel Harley
??????: Urrrghh Its Orientation Day You Need To Cease Snoozing
JADE: guuHHHUH???!!!
JADE: oh, uh, hi...
JADE: um, sorry, i didn’t catch your name?
??????: Hi
KANAYA: My Name Is Kanaya
KANAYA: I Am A Slightly Higher Ranked Member Of The Department You Reside In And Was Assigned To Fetch You Because Of What Was Assumed To Be Extenuating Circumstances On Your Part
KANAYA: And Lo And Behold
KANAYA: Extenuation
JADE: i don’t know what that word means, but sure!
JADE: i just woke up u_u
JADE: regardless, it’s nice to meet you, and i hope we get along on the job
KANAYA: Likewise But Right Now We Should Focus On You Hauling Ass Out Of Here Because You Are Terribly Late And I Dont Want To Be Roped Into Whatever Consequence You May Possibly Face Because Of Now My Lack Of Speed As Well
JADE: ok ok ok!!! just wait for me outside, i need to get dressed!
KANAYA: Five Minutes Starting Now Harley
JADE: @_@
kanaya huffs and paces to my door, steps out and slams it shut. i assume for the sake of my feelings that the doors just close that loud on their own. my head swivels to glance at my digital clock.
MARCH 31, 2074
0734
i throw the covers off of my languid body and let out a nice full body stretch. my neck throbs slightly, must’ve slept on it wrong. my feet dangle off of the bed as i wrack my brain for where i left my mechanics jumpsuit. I rightfully assume the metal lockbox tucked in the corner of my room and extract it, palming through the drawers to my right for something to wear beneath the suit. at least, i think you’re supposed to do that? god harley! you can get a 98.5% on your mechatronic engineering exam, but you can’t remember if you need clothes under a goddamn jumpsuit! bluh.
i take a safe guess and just throw on a pair of black tights and a white tank over my underwear before stepping into the jumpsuit. it’s very baggy, thankfully, and bears the crest of our organisation, as well as my name embroidered on a little patch sewed to the breast of the suit. i can hear kanaya tapping her boot impatiently outside, realising i really should not keep her waiting any longer than i need to.
JADE: whew! how’s my time?
kanaya pulls a phone adorned with a jade green transparent case out of her pocket and powers it on.
KANAYA: One Minute Fifty Three Seconds Remaining
KANAYA: Adequate
KANAYA: Now Lets Go Im Not Missing This Because Of Your Sleepy Adventures
JADE: my what?
KANAYA: Oh I Thought You Were Aware You Kick In Your Sleep Fairly Rashly
JADE: i DO?????
KANAYA: Ugh Oh My Gosh Lets Just Go
kanaya takes me by the forearm and leads me down a winding set of corridors. obviously i’ve been down these before, but my surroundings still feel like i’m in some kind of sci-fi film. chalk it up to the fact we’ve only been in space a week and a bit, i suppose. the walls are angled, a spotless clinical white, featuring pipes running in and out of the roof and panels like mazes. we pass a number of doors, each labelled with the name and logo of a certain department on the ship. we even pass the mechatronics and repair department!
eventually she lets go of my arm and just leads me down the final set of corridors. she’s almost half a foot taller than me, so instead of looking at signs, i just have to take her word for the way we’re going while i stare at her back. soon enough we reach an elevator with a rather pitiful two floors to choose from. if you’re gonna have less than three floors, you might as well just build a staircase, right? oh well, architecture is one of the few Ph.D’s i don’t have. kanaya ushers me in, runs a keyring over a small, matte black scanner and palms a rather large button labelled “2”. probably for if someone’s carrying a lot of stuff in the elevator and doesn’t quite have the precision of a singular finger to press the button.
as the elevator dings, i can already start to hear the faint chatter of the captain about protocols and shifts and zoning and the likes. sleeping in is one thing, but i’ll probably get thrown out of the airlock if i doze off during orientation. kanaya swipes her keyring once more at a door and it opens to a large atrium. about ten foldable metal chairs are lined up in rows, a couple left empty. laid in front of the rows sits a lectern on an elevated platform fashioned from the same material as the rest of the hull. i’m too busy inspecting the room to realise that all eyes have fallen on me.
KANAYA: I Have Recovered Miss Jade
KANAYA: She Was Fast Asleep In Her Dorm
CAPTAIN: hrmph.
CAPTAIN: well! i’m not gonna scold you for first day conduct, but that kind of thing can’t run around here, harley!
CAPTAIN: i expect better in the coming days.
JADE: apologies. will do, ma’am.
JADE: so...uh, do i just take a seat?
CAPTAIN: yup, go ahead.
kanaya leaves my side and goes to sit next to someone else - a short, fat girl with sharp conical horns, red glasses and a devious smile. i freeze up for a second before spotting rose at the other end of the chairs, already waving me over.
ROSE: Someone finally got the memo, hm?
JADE: cut me some slack rose!! it’s the first day u_u
ROSE: Not a chance. You will be criticised until I am blue in the face.
JADE: yuh huh. so what did i miss?
ROSE: Miss?
ROSE: Am I being led to believe that you are operating under the assumption you missed something?
JADE: uhhh, yeah?
ROSE: Please. You haven’t missed a thing, Jade. June has just been repeating everything you can find on your timetable at but a glance.
JADE: june!!! thats her name. right! :p
JADE: but yeah hehe, whatser-face over there kinda really rushed me!
JADE: maybe she’s just really anal with punctuality u_u
ROSE: Oh, Kanaya?
ROSE: One hundred percent. She will not stand for being a minute late.
ROSE: I’d posit you got the short end of the stick having her ferry you around to this meeting.
JADE: just my luck huh!
JADE: whatever, i’m here, got my name marked off, and i’m sitting with my bffsie :]
ROSE: Pft.
ROSE: Jade.
ROSE: I love you, you know I do.
ROSE: You can’t possibly be fucking serious about using that in a professional work environment.
JADE: well guess what! I AM.
JADE: i’m gonna figure out who your secret crush is in this crew and use it ONLY when you are around them >:]
ROSE: Heh.
ROSE: Oh, the horror. Woe, woe.
JADE: heehee :]
ROSE: Perhaps I need to get with the times, bffsie.
ROSE: I sure as hell do if I wish for my future love life to remain intact.
JADE: hehe yes you do!
JADE: tread lightly, lalonde
JADE: i’m converting you to bffsieism >:]
ROSE: You win. How could I reject such a thing?
JADE: the answer is you couldn’t ever :]
??????: 2222hhh, 2he2 moving on, now.
JADE: “tttthhhh” yourself buddy >:/
JUNE: ...and that should do it as far as itinerary goes.
JUNE: and that brings me to my next point!
JUNE: aside from a couple here and there, i doubt you all really know each other.
JUNE: so we’re gonna have to fix that before we can get to work.
JUNE: and before you groan your throats out! i’m not proposing icebreakers.
JUNE: you all simply just kinda have to be on a first name basis to get your work done efficiently, y’know? :B
JUNE: make a circle with your chairs and we’ll go around!
JUNE: harley, as last arrival, you’re first.
JADE: oh! uh! okay!
i suddenly become KEENLY aware of everyone’s eyes on me.
JADE: so! uh, hi, hehe
JADE: i’m jade :B
JADE: i’m part of the mechatronics and repair department, and i’m one of the newer recruits here!
JADE: i mean, as new as you can really be on a barely 2 week old team :p
JADE: what else do people say during intros like this?
JADE: my favourite food is steak and i really like the halloween series but pretend 80% of the sequels don’t exist?
KANAYA: Oh I Do That Too
JADE: as you should :]
JUNE: yup, that suffices! keep it going, guys :B
ROSE: I’m next.
ROSE: My name is Rose, and I am situated as one of two nurses in the Medical department.
ROSE: Namely, I am first and foremost this ship’s personal psychiatrist.
ROSE: Don’t say taxpayer dollars didn’t ever do anything for you.
ROSE: On top of that, I am also trained to act as a regular medical practitioner.
ROSE: I’m also gay.
ROSE: Next person.
????: sweet
????: ok so basically im blah blah bluh bluh bluh blah blah blah
JADE: hehe rose was that last part really necessary :p
????: blah blah bluh bluh bluh blah blah blah blah bluh bluh bluh blah bluh blah blah
ROSE: Why, of course it was.
ROSE: The next person has to know it is their turn.
JADE: you know what i meant!!!
????: blah blah bluh bluh small town texas bluh blah blah blah blah bluh bluh bluh blah shitty swords bluh blah blah bluh bluh bluh blah
ROSE: In that case, also yes.
ROSE: I have to be clear about myself. These are introductions, no?
JADE: rose you have black lipstick, black eyeliner and a spiked collar on. i don’t think anyone was that surprised!
????: blah blah bluh bluh to the sun like a fucknig piece of gargbage bluh blah blah blah blah bluh bluh bluh blah weird stonk bluh blah blah bluh bluh bluh blah bluh blah blah bluh bluh bluh blah bluh soft puppet ass bluh blah blah bluh bluh blah blah blah blah obama blah blah bluh bluh bluh bluh bluh
ROSE: I am doing my job, then.
????: so anyways thats why i have trust issues and also why im part of the comms department
JADE: sorry, what was your name again?
DAVE: dave
JADE: cool, hi dave :]
DAVE: sup
ROSE: Nice to meet you for the very first time, Dave.
DAVE: yeah same ive literally never seen you before in my life
DAVE: ok whos next
??????: me.
THOLLUXTH: name2 2ollux.
SOLLUX: and no, iit2 not “tholluxth”, a22hole2. ii have a lii2p.
SOLLUX: a2 for what ii do, ba2iically bluh bluh blah blah blah
JADE: what was that about with dave?
ROSE: Hm?
SOLLUX: bluh blah blah bluh blah blah two bluh blah blah naviigatiion2 and 2hiit liike that bluh blah
JADE: y’know, emphasising that this is your first time meeting?
ROSE: Oh, pff.
ROSE: We’re cousins.
SOLLUX: bluh blah blah bluh blah blah waiit are you motherfucker2 even lii2teniing two me bluh blah blah bluh bluh blah
ROSE: It’s actually rather hilarious how by chance, we ended up on the same shuttle team.
ROSE: At least we have the excuse of studying at the same uni.
JADE: OHHHHHH THAT’S HIM?????
JADE: WOW!
DAVE: whos him
JUNE: shhhh, both of you.
SOLLUX: thank2 june anyway2 bluh blah blah oh my god you 2tiill arent bluh blah blah un-fuckiin beliieveable bluh blah blah bluh bluh blah
JADE: rose i havent seen him since we were like, seven at least???
JADE: no wonder i didnt recognise him! jesus!
ROSE: Yes, Jade. People, in fact, do undergo changes in physical attributes over the span of twenty years.
JADE: shut up :p
SOLLUX: next.
KANAYA: I Will Keep It Short
KANAYA: Much Like How All Of You Are When Compared To Me Heightwise
KANAYA: My Name Is Kanaya Maryam
KANAYA: I Too Am In Mechatronics And Repair
KANAYA: I Like Sewing And Chainsaws
KANAYA: Would Anyone Like To See My Chainsaw
JUNE: corporate let you bringing a chainsaw on board slide?
KANAYA: Yes
JUNE: O_O
DAVE: maryam are you fucking kidding me
DAVE: hell fucking yes i wanna see a 6’8 woman wield a goddamn chainsaw that sounds badass as fuck
KANAYA: Ok
KANAYA: Unfortunately I Think June Would Actually Throw Me Out Of The Airlock If I Were To Do That In The Atrium So Come To The Communal Workshop After Orientation And I Will Show You Dave
JUNE: uh, yeah, now that i know you have a fucking chainsaw on board, i think i’d prefer if you didn’t out here!
DAVE: dude i will so fucking be there it isnt even funny
ROSE: I think I’d like to come as well.
DAVE: rose arent you scared of power tommffFFHhfhhhhhffffhh
DAVE: lwtgo yu bwtch ngjmfmfffhhhfhf
ROSE: I would like to see as well.
KANAYA: Im Unsure Why You Needed To Assault Dave To Voice Your Interest But Yeah Sure You Can Absolutely Come Along If You Wish
DAVE: PFFFHUH
DAVE: god i legit couldnt breathe what the hell man
ROSE: Sounds like a you problem. Photosynthesise.
DAVE: with what fucking sunlight might i ask
ROSE: See the first part of my previous sentence.
DAVE: you know rose
DAVE: you have not changed one fucking bit and i promise i mean that in the best way possible
ROSE: Why, thank you, Dave. You too have not matured a single second since I last saw you.
DAVE: tight
JADE: O_O
JUNE: ...so! who’s after kanaya?
??????: ME.
KARKAT: MY NAME IS KARKAT. AS MISS LAVENDER INSTIGATOR OVER HERE STATED PREVIOUSLY, I’M ALSO A NURSE.
KARKAT: THAT DOES NOT MEAN YOU SHOULD FUCKING TEST ME.
KARKAT: I’M NOT ABOVE INTENTIONAL MEDICAL MALPRACTICE.
KARKAT: THAT WAS A JOKE, FOR THE RECORD. I’D BE FUCKING STUPID TO ACTUALLY DO THAT.
KARKAT: BUT STILL DON’T TEST ME. I HAVE A MEAN RIGHT HOOK.
KARKAT: BUT YEAH. IF YOU NEED AN ARM SEWN BACK ON OR SOMETHING BECAUSE YOU’RE TOO FUCKING THICK-PANNED TO HEED MECHANICAL WARNING SIGNS,
KARKAT: OR YOU WANT A LOLLIPOP, HIT ME UP IN THE WARD.
KARKAT: NEXT, SO I CAN FUCKING MAYBE GET OUT OF THIS GOG DAMN ATRIUM BY NEXT SWEEP.
??????: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3
??????: 4H4H4H4H4H4H4H44H4
??????: H3H3H3H3H3H3 >:]
TEREZI: H3Y LOS3RS 1’M T3R3Z1
TEREZI: 1 H4NDL3 M41NLY CUSTOD14N SH1T 4ND SOM3T1M3S M41NT3N4NC3 >:]
TEREZI: B4S1C4LLY 1 CL34N UP 4LL TH3 TR4SH YOU LOS3RS L34V3 B3H1ND 4ND F1X YOUR STUP1D SH1TTY T3CH!
TEREZI: 4LSO 1 K33P T4LLY OF WHO’S TH3 B1GG3ST L1TT3R3R >:]
TEREZI: WORST ON3 BY TH3 3ND OF TH3 P3R1G33 G3TS 4 PR1Z3!
KANAYA: She Isnt Joking She Actually Does That
KANAYA: No Idea What The Prize Is Though
TEREZI: H3H3
JUNE: alright, well we’re back at jade! which means orientation is officially dismissed :B
JUNE: you should all now be heading to your first quarter shifts and positions.
JUNE: we have a big mission ahead! don’t slack on preparations now.
MARCH 31, 2074
1512
KANAYA: Jade Pass Me The Wrench
JADE: i’ll trade you for that bucket of #8 screws
KANAYA: Deal But Purely In The Spirit Of Completing Our Work
i palm for the wrench behind me as kanaya kneels to retrieve her side of the “deal.” the engine room is stuffy and filled with thousands of ambient little beeps, whines and blows of the machinery around us. what appears to be windows dotted at each end of the main engine dock are covered with motorised panels. no controls to be found, either. the exhaust vent in front of my face shoots another wave of hot air, washing over me like a horrifically thick blanket. kanaya has already unzipped her jumpsuit about half way and tied the arms around her hips, and i’m heavily considering doing the same. shooting another sideward glance towards kanaya reveals she too has a white tank top under her jumpsuit - complete with the odd oil stain here and there. guess i made a good call, huh? maybe it’s even uniform. who knows.
if it is, i’d better get to spilling oil on myself.
kanaya jimmies the wrench to test the tightness of the final nut on one of many control panels, drops the tool to the floor and huffs.
KANAYA: Now I Duly Acknowledge That This May Be An Unpopular Opinion
KANAYA: But It Is So Fucking Hot In Here
JADE: pfffft. what!
JADE: im freezing! how do you even have your jumpsuit partially unzipped? you’re gonna get frostbite kanaya :B
KANAYA: I Am Being Attacked For Presenting New Ideas
JADE: heehee
KANAYA: So How Are You Faring With That New Radiator
JADE: it’s just about screwed on now! some of the hoses were fucked too, so i had to run off to the supply closet to grab a couple more
JADE: it’s kinda insane how this ship was just allowed to like, launch??? in this kind of condition???
KANAYA: I Mean It Wasnt Exactly Poor Quality
KANAYA: Just Not Very Robust I Suppose
KANAYA: Potentially Something Something Planned Obsolescence
JADE: either that or funding, i guess.
KANAYA: Also Do Not Forget That We Have Not Even Embarked On Our Collective Mission Yet And That These Are Merely Preparations
KANAYA: No Matter However
JADE: yeah, that makes sense
JADE: i mean, it barely even had any coolant in it!
KANAYA: Oh?
kanaya crosses her arms and quirks a brow. her eyes, piercing yellow and wide, motion to the conglomerate of tools and materials beside me, and the now aching lack of a coolant bottle anywhere.
KANAYA: And I Dont Suppose You Retrieved Bottles Of Coolant As Well Upon Venturing To Said Supply Closet
JADE: >_>
JADE: uh... woopsie?
JADE: it was kinda an ordeal to get the hoses so i guess i forgot.
KANAYA: Sigh
KANAYA: Well Dear I Believe You Are Going To Have To Fetch Some Then
KANAYA: I Have To Remain Here And Monitor This Panel So It Doesnt Blow Off Or Otherwise Malfunction From The Now Accumulating Heat Pressure As Well As The Fact That Blah Bluh Bluh Blah Bluh Blah Blah Blah
...dear?
KANAYA: Did You Get All That
JADE: uh yeah!
JADE: will do :]
KANAYA: Lovely
i hop off the ground in one motion, leaning against the mechanism casing for balance. pacing off towards the direction of the supply closet, i can hear kanaya mutter something under her breath. i can’t really make a word out, but it’s got the makings of a hiss towards the end of the sentence.
i scan my keyring and pull open the supply closet door, and with my luck being how it is, it’s completely devoid of coolant. as i kneel down to palm through the contents of the bottom shelf, i notice a couple of cool blue droplets leading from outside of the engine bay to the corridors. most coolants are that shade of blue, yeah?
sliding the door to the hallway open, the drips lead towards the residential wing. the liquid trails in extremely irregular frequency, as well as irregular volume. it must have leaked onto the outside of the bottle and have been oozing during this whole journey to... wherever the hell this coolant has been taken.
as i start to silently worry a bit over kanaya probably wondering where i am, i notice the splats of liquid have stopped at a door. i squint at the plaque just to the side of the door.
TEREZI R. PYROPE
S/N 88 1939413 9940
for fuck’s sake.
knock knock knock
TEREZI: Y34H?
TEREZI: WHO 1S 1T
JADE: it’s jade!
TEREZI: Y34H GIMM3 4 S3C
i wait with my arms folded. i can hear some kind of frantic movement, the kind of frantic movement where you can also tell someone’s trying to be as quiet as possible. why the hell would terezi even need coolant? sure, she may be in maintenance, but if refueling is left to mechatronics and repair, i’d assume coolant-ueling is left to us as well.
eventually, the noises behind the door stop, and i am greeted to the same puckish, toothy grin i saw in orientation this morning.
TEREZI: SUP LOS3R >:]
TEREZI: WH4T BR1NGS YOU TO MY DORM?
TEREZI: 1 DON’T W4NN4 GO FOR 4 LONG W4LK ON TH3 OBS3RV4T1ON D3CK 1F TH4T’S WH4T YOU’R3 GONN4 4SK! H3H3H3H3H3 >:]
JADE: har har!
JADE: believe it or not, i’m not here because you ensnared me within your wiles
JADE: i’m here because you have our fucking coolant!
terezi looks like as if i just insulted her lusus.
TEREZI: WH4T????
TEREZI: NO 1 DON’T YOU C4N’T PROV3 SH1T
TEREZI: WHO 3V3N TOLD YOU TH4T >:?
TEREZI: WH4T 4N 4SSHOL3 WHO3V3R 1T W4S
TEREZI: 1T W4S PROB4BLY C4PTOR! TH4T STUP1D FUCK1NG N3RD >:[
JADE: ugh, no, it was and is me! you literally left a trail from the engine bay to your dorm!
JADE: which, might i add
JADE: is mechatronics and repair jurisdiction!!
TEREZI: OHHHHHHHHHHHH
TEREZI: N4H TH4T’S NOT COOL4NT H4H4
TEREZI: DUMMY TH4T’S JUST 4 BLU3 POPS1CL3 >:]
TEREZI: TH3Y’R3 SUP3R M3SSY!!!
TEREZI: BUT 1 4M 4 S1MPL3 WOM4N
TEREZI: 4ND S1MPL3 WOM3N C4NNOT R3S1ST TH3 T4ST3 OF BLU3 >:]
JADE: sigh
JADE: do you seriously not have the coolant?
TEREZI: N4H
TEREZI: JUST 4 W31RD CO1NC1D3NCE 1 GU3SS!
TEREZI: NOW RUN OFF B4CK TO TH3 3NG1N3 B4Y B3FOR3 PR1SSY M1SS M4RY4M BLOWS 4 FUS3 >:]
JADE: bluh
my hands fall into my pockets as terezi closes the door lightly. well, fuck! now wha
CRASH
TEREZI: FUCK
i’m so glad these doors don’t automatically lock.
terezi is crouched on the floor trying to shove a pile of near full, half empty and empty coolant bottles beneath her cot.
JADE: oh for fuck’s sake terezi! what the hell???
JADE: WHY are you hoarding coolant???
TEREZI: CORPOR4T3 K33PS BUY1NG TH3 GODD4MN T4ST13ST BR4ND OK4Y 1 C4N’T H3LP MYS3LF
TEREZI: 1T’S JUST R34LLY FUCK1NG GOOD OK4Y?
JADE: excuse me?
JADE: TASTY?
TEREZI: 4M 1 SP34K1NG 4 D1FF3R3NT L4NGU4G3?
JADE: as a matter of fact! technically yes! now hand over any bottle that’s still got liquid left in it!!!!!
TEREZI: BL444444RRRR
TEREZI: F1N3 >:/
terezi extremely reluctantly takes an armful of coolant bottles, lids haphazardly screwed back on, and shoves them into my arms. i cannot WAIT to tell kanaya about this.
KANAYA: Oh Yeah Terezi Just Does That Every Now And Then Dont Mind Her
KANAYA: Im Actually Surprised You Managed To Pry The Bottles From Her Grasp Usually She Puts Up A Much More Formidable Fight
KANAYA: Perhaps Her Taste For The Succulent And Saccharine Blue Is Waning
KANAYA: Regardless That Completely Explains Why You Were Gone For Such Time
JADE: ??????????????????????????????????????
KANAYA: She Is Kind Of Quirky Yes
MARCH 31, 2074
2243
ROSE: So, how was your first true day?
rose sits across from me in one of a handful of booths arranged in a row across the left side of the cafeteria. the upholstery is a candy red, similarly shaded buttons holding the material down to the cushioning. when viewed in tandem with the rest of the cafeteria - designed to resemble a 1950s diner - it’s actually extremely quaint. there’s a (non-functional) jukebox near the entrance, a handful of hopefully fake records nailed to the wall above it. the cafeteria is pretty empty, save for dave and karkat chatting up a storm on the opposite side of the booth row. on rose’s tray sits a cup of black coffee for her, a peppermint tea for me, and four everything bagels to share. rose’s lipstick has basically completely smudged off, and her eyeliner has gone just a little bit patchy.
JADE: well, before i even get into that, check out this cafeteria!
JADE: i definitely know where the budget went now @_@
ROSE: Hehe. So lurid, isn’t it?
ROSE: This is a style of architecture from literally over a century ago.
ROSE: I cannot possibly fathom why they would choose to revive this out of all designs.
JADE: well i think it’s cool rose >:/
ROSE: Easily amused, mm?
JADE: oh be quiet!!! xO
JADE: being a psychiatrist has turned you into a huge bitch!!!!!
ROSE: You’d actually be correct.
ROSE: Do you know how many quips I go through during the average session?
ROSE: I’m overworked, Jade.
JADE: heehee i can never tell when you’re being sarcastic!
JADE: that’s gotta be sarcasm right?
JADE: you’d lose your practicing licence for that!
ROSE: Perhaps I am just too funny to let go.
rose takes a torpid sip of her coffee, grimacing ever so slightly.
ROSE: Maybe I’ve gone off black coffee.
ROSE: No matter, how was your first day on the job with Miss Maryam?
JADE: it was a fucking circus, that’s what it was!
JADE: it went pretty well to begin with
JADE: well, i mean
JADE: i’m pretty sure she hates me? haha
JADE: or at least is pretty fucking irritated by me!
ROSE: Oh dear.
ROSE: I suppose sleeping in on Orientation day would make for a rather dismal first impression.
ROSE: I’m sure she doesn’t hate you, though. That’s a strong word.
JADE: whatever! i’m not here to debate what kanaya thinks of me
ROSE: Of course. Go on.
JADE: so basically we were working on one of the propulsion drives when she sent me off to get some coolant!
JADE: the MR department’s closet had none though!
JADE: but there was a trail of coolant leading to someone’s dorm, and guess whose it was
ROSE: Uhm.
ROSE: Not a clue. Tell me.
JADE: TEREZI!
JADE: AND GUESS WHAT SHE WAS DOING WITH IT!
ROSE: Something related to maintenance, I’d hope.
JADE: SHE WAS FUCKING DRINKING IT!!!!!!!!!!
i can see karkat swivel his head in my peripheral vision. he stands up from the booth, beckoning dave to follow, and they both stand at our table.
KARKAT: YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT TEREZI?
ROSE: Whatever could have tipped you off?
ROSE: Jade was very reserved.
JADE: >_>
KARKAT: HEH.
KARKAT: I MEAN, THAT AND WHO THE FUCK ELSE WOULD DRINK COOLING FLUID ON THIS SHIP.
KARKAT: HONESTLY, ROSE? WE ARE SO FUCKING LUCKY IT’S TEREZI CONSUMING DUBIOUS SUBSTANCES AND NOT LIKE, JUNE OR SOMETHING.
KARKAT: OUR WARD WOULD PERPETUALLY BE AT CAPACITY.
ROSE: Don’t have to tell me twice.
JADE: wait, karkat
JADE: is this just a thing terezi does???
JADE: like, kanaya told me that she does but she kinda hates me so maybe she was just trying to rile me up?
KARKAT: OH, NO. KANAYA’S TOTALLY RIGHT.
KARKAT: TEREZI WILL LITERALLY EAT FUCKING ANYTHING. TRUST ME.
KARKAT: I’D CRITICISE THE HABIT IF SHE LITERALLY WASN’T HEALTHY AS FUCK REGARDLESS.
KARKAT: LITERAL IRON STOMACH. I HAVEN’T THE FOGGIEST FUCKING CLUE HOW SHE MANAGES IT.
ROSE: Nice triple use of "literally."
KARKAT: SHUT UP.
JADE: i... really don’t know what to say! haha
JADE: i’m just surprised i guess
JADE: moving on!
JADE: dave what’s up with you :]
DAVE: jack fucking dick bro thats what
DAVE: whyd i pick comms man im just sitting in a god damn radio room monitoring empty space
DAVE: its kinda relaxing i wont lie but god DAMN if it isnt boring
DAVE: i just hung out in the atrium all day and chilled with sollux for a bit
DAVE: dudes real nice if you get to know him btw
DAVE: but yeah not really much on the comms front
DAVE: there were a couple signals but i think its just stray radiation
DAVE: no biggie
ROSE: Glad to know we have such a thorough, observant person as our communications officer.
DAVE: you seriously gonna bust my ass about this rose
ROSE: No. Gross.
DAVE: oh my god shut up you know what i meant we’re literally cousins
DAVE: it is for real just nothing
DAVE: space is chock full to the goddamned brim of random ass radiation
DAVE: like this shit is a quadruple big mac of radiation its dense as fuck and the radiation is the ketchup dripping onto your sensors or in this case your pants
DAVE: GCR from like supernovae and stars and shit
DAVE: stray UV and visible light
DAVE: SPE from suns who wanna beat your ass
DAVE: hell man you ever heard of the cosmic microwave background
DAVE: shits everywhere i promise you it isnt anything
DAVE: ill eat my goddamn shoe if something comes out of this
DAVE: we’re mostly looking out for like infrared and radio and shit anyways
ROSE: Well, if you say so.
ROSE: As for my day, well,
ROSE: It’s actually rather convenient you heard Jade’s hysteria, Karkat.
ROSE: Why don’t you tell us how exactly my day was spent in the ward?
KARKAT: FUCK OFF, LALONDE.
KARKAT: IT WAS ONE FUCKING TIME!
ROSE: I’m sensing a distinct lack of cooperation from Karkat here, so I will simply just tell myself.
ROSE: He was polishing our surgery equipment when, as all accomplished doctors with PhD’s should do,
ROSE: He accidentally cut himself with a scalpel.
ROSE: Deep.
DAVE: bahahahahahah are you fucking serious
DAVE: karkat is she telling the truth
karkat shifts uncomfortably where he’s standing. he turns his head and holds his ring finger up. you can clearly see fresh stitches holding a wound closed.
DAVE: DUDE LITERALLY HOW PFFFFHHAAAHAHA
KARKAT: THANKS FOR THE FUCKING SYMPATHY, DICKWEED!
KARKAT: IT WAS LITERALLY ONLY TWO STITCHES! TEREZI HAD MOPPED NOT TOO LONG AGO AND I SLIPPED, OKAY???
ROSE: Regardless, I’m glad to know my suturing skills are still more than adequate.
JADE: hehe, yeah, that’s pretty funny :B
KARKAT: YOU PEOPLE BETTER HOPE AND FUCKING PRAY I’M NOT THE ONE ATTENDING TO YOU THE NEXT TIME YOU’RE INJURED.
DAVE: dude i cant fucking breathe holy shit hahaha
DAVE: whew holy fuck
DAVE: thanks vantas literally the hardest i have laughed on this whole trip
DAVE: you're a goddam doctor dude how the hell do you do that
KARKAT: YOU KNOW WHAT? I’M FUCKING DONE TALKING ABOUT THIS! I’M OUT OF HERE.
karkat walks off at speed and rashly pulls the door open.
DAVE: dont worry about him he cools off easy
DAVE: he’ll be fine by morning
DAVE: speaking of morning its getting late as dick so idk about yall but im heading off to bed
DAVE: oh wait shit before i go rose
ROSE: Mm?
DAVE: where the fuck were you after orientation today maryam and i were waiting for you
DAVE: yknow
DAVE: for the chainsaw demonstration
DAVE: its fucking sick btw
DAVE: but yeah where were you
ROSE: ...
ROSE: FUCK.
JADE: O_O
DAVE:
DAVE: ok
DAVE: well peace
JADE: see you dave :]
JADE: uhhh
JADE: you ok rose you’re kinda
JADE: >_>
JADE:
JADE: okay well! i’ll get out of your hair hehe its late :]
JADE: bye!!
APRIL 1, 2074
0232
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respiration
propagation
spread
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