Work Text:
If you’d asked Chifuyu about 2 years ago what he’d be up to now, he would have never said this. He may have guessed the pet shop, the apartment, but his friendship with Kazutora would’ve never been a guess.
They’d started talking over a year ago, but the past 364 days had been something of a ride.
“No,” Chifuyu didn’t like him at all at that point. Hate probably was a bit too strong of a word, but the distaste still lingered, a bitterness in the back of his mouth and a feeling like everything Kazutora did kinda hit him the wrong way. “That’s the easy way out and we both know it.”
Currently, he felt maybe those words had been a bit harsh, but maybe they needed to be at the time. Kazutora needed some type of shock to keep him from doing it, from ending it. Chifuyu didn’t exactly know how to do that or even how to address it at all at the time and that definitely showed.
“You have to live,” Chifuyu asked the guards for a paper and scribbled something on it.
1. Baji
Reason one had been obvious; It brought Kazutora to tears, something Chifuyu didn’t expect. It made him feel bitterness, pity, remorse, and a cyclone of emotions he couldn’t name but he’d figure out later. “I’ll give you reason two tomorrow.”
“Huh?” Kazutora met his eyes with surprise, tears still there but less prevalent after he’d forced himself to stop crying.
“Do I need to repeat myself?” Chifuyu asked.
“No,” Kazutora replied. “I- Just- You’re coming tomorrow too?”
“That said number 1. Logically that means I have to give you number 2 and so on, don’t I?” Chifuyu reasoned, as he left.
Reasons to live; Chifuyu had been giving him reasons to live every day for 365 days. The reasons had varied from peoples names, to things they could go do, to reasons Kazutora deserved to live and why he was a good person. At some point it seemed like Kazutora didn’t need these as much as he enjoyed them and seemed to enjoy the time he spent with Chifuyu.
But at first, the list was very necessary; some reasons he sent into jail as a note and didn’t see Kazutora get- others he visited him for. It stayed a daily thing though. For a while, even as he sent the reasons he’d been angry- furious even. Baji was no longer there to talk to and he felt that absence every day, but maybe that was part of why he felt so passionate about keeping Kazutora with him. Alive.
’ 4. You deserve to live.
As much as things are very tense between us, you deserve life, love, and everything the world has to offer. If I’m being honest, I don’t know what I’d do or how I’d feel if you gave up and I didn’t have the chance to truly get to know you. Life is so fragile, fleeting, easily stolen- I’d like a moment of it to try to understand you, if anything.’
He’d found himself tearing up as he wrote it. ‘Dumb’, he’d thought, ’It’s so dumb’. It was even dumber that it was raining outside, like some cliche movie. It read like he was begging him to be friends, to be something. This whole thing shouldn’t upset him and yet he had to go sit down because he was crying too hard to work on anything.
If he read the letter again today though, his eyes would water just the same as before. He really did at the time, somewhere deep down, want to know Kazutora, beyond the feelings of anger. Today, he knew Kazutora, almost like the back of his hand. He could tell when he was anxious, when he was sad… What he meant when he went to interrupt someone and got cut off. Kazutora was a very awkward person, a very caring person, a very irreplaceable person; especially to Chifuyu.
He’d gotten a response to that letter, one he wouldn’t forget.
‘I’d like to get to know you as well.’
73. Ramen
154. Pancakes
210. Cats
- You’re getting out in a week.
So you should stick around so we can go out to get food and you can pet the cats at the shop… I can also redye your hair ( if you want)
When Kazutora did get out he was for some reason surprised to see Chifuyu there waiting for him. He’d said he was going to be there right? “Are you coming?”
“Oh,” Kazutora seemed to snap back into the present moment, “Yeah.” He was a bit clumsy using things and walking around. When they went out he looked at everything.
“Reason 265?” Chifuyu asked as they walked into a park. A huge body of water surrounded by cherry trees, with leaves falling all around them.
“It’s pretty,” Kazutora observed, before looking over to him and laughing.
Chifuyu was surprised by it, he’d never really seen Kazutora laugh and wow it was something he wanted to see more. For a long time he’d blame his lack of words on a momentary lapse or something, “Huh?”
“There's a petal right on the center of your head-“ Kazutora explained.
Chifuyu looked up stupidly (because he definitely couldn’t see the top of his head) and then went back to the still smiling Kazutora who went to get the petal off him. “Actually, reason 265 is your laugh. Your laugh is nice and your smile.”
“I- Uh, thanks?” Kazutora replied. Chifuyu didn’t know how to feel about that- maybe he overstepped? but Kazutora continued, “Thanks for everything, I mean.”
Chifuyu wasn’t sure when his feelings changed. When they moved in together he’d felt a very warm feeling regarding the whole thing, but he didn’t really feel… that , until a while later. It hit him like bricks, or like one of those big pianos that falls on top of someone from out of nowhere. The thing is, he’d seen it coming; he’d just buried the feelings like a dead body he was trying to avoid for as long as possible. He’d thrown them in a lake and let them sink to the bottom, but eventually they floated back to the top.
- Cookies
“I’m going to take a wild guess…” Kazutora started, covered in flour, “This isn’t in the recipe anywhere.” He was cute, even when he was being a smartass.
Chifuyu took a deep breath before faking a smile, “No we’re definitely supposed to cover ourselves in flour.”
“You missed a spot then,” Kazutora wiped some flour on the side of his neck below his ear, making Chifuyu jump.
A part of him wanted to just kiss Kazutora, flour be damned. but instead he wiped flour right over his lips, “You’re missing a spot too.”
Somehow this ended in them running around the kitchen, throwing flour and eventually Chifuyu being pinned against the counter. His heart was beating out of his chest, from both the running and the proximity- something inside him just snapped. He leaned in and the smoke alarm went off…
How did something that cliche even happen?
They were at 365, the last day today and Chifuyu had saved one reason specifically for today. His most selfish reason and the one he had to sit on the most to figure out how he wanted to say it, how he wanted to present it..
Kazutora hadn’t really mentioned anything specific he wanted to do, nowhere specifically he wanted to go. So Chifuyu decided to do what they did best: wing it. With most people, Chifuyu always felt like he had to plan things to the dot or t, but with Kazutora he didn’t feel the need to be so punctual. They just were.
“Lets go out,” he said to Kazutora, who was petting their cat on the stairs.
“Mkay,” He replied, thankfully . “Where were you thinking of going?”
“A walk?” Chifuyu asked, “I’m not really sure of an exact place.”
“We can grab dinner while we’re out,” Kazutora suggested. Chifuyu really felt at home when talking with Kazutora. It was like breathing easy after being stuck underwater. There were times though when the fact he had so many feelings for Kazutora it felt like he was being pulled back underwater, but that was very much the fault of him and his cowardice.
They got ramen, of course. Kazutora had tried ramen for the first time with Kazutora- well restaurant ramen, he’d had the cup ramen before. They went out to get ramen occasionally at a local place that was close to their apartment.
“You get such spicy food-“
“Not this again!”
They bickered and brushed shoulders as they walked down the street, a comfortable atmosphere falling over them. As if no one else was there. Chifuyu didn’t stop walking as he said, “Reason 365; Me. I’m in love with you… so you can’t die.”
Kazutora stopped short, “Huh?”
Chifuyu stopped walking and turned with an unsure smile, “That’s the final reason.”
“You-“ Kazutora started and stopped, opening and closing his mouth a couple times before presumably grabbing the words he wanted, “How could you love me after what happened?”
“You’re more than one part of your life,” Chifuyu responded. “People do many different things in their lives, good and bad- to define someone by their worst or best is stripping them of their whole identity.”
Kazutora seemed to chew on the sentiment, “I just-“
“Do you need another 365 reasons?” Chifuyu gave him a half smile. “365 reasons I love you.”
Kazutora gave him a look, “Which shoujo manga is that from?” It broke the tension, making them both smile a bit. Kazutora sighed, “I don’t need that. I trust you; I just don’t understand you sometimes.”
“I don’t understand you either sometimes,” Chifuyu replied. He felt the need to add on, “Especially your taste in food.”
Kazutora ignored the comment in favor of walking up and grabbing his hand. Chifuyu was twirled around by their connected hands as Kazutora said, “Let's go home.”
They continued to walk in silence, holding hands as they continued down the street. It felt natural- like something they'd been doing forever, like they fit together. A couple minutes passed before Chifuyu heard, “I love you too.”
365 may seem like a large number, but in the grand scheme of things Chifuyu felt it was pretty small. He planned on spending many more years with Kazutora, so he decided it’d be best to stop counting and just have a good time. Maybe he’d count years, or days until important events, but he’d really done enough of it for a while.