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It’s a warm afternoon, and it’s quiet. An’s dorm room isn’t seeing as much interference from other residents like usual, whether via playing bassy music or talking too loud. It’s just a pleasant, mellow day, made all the sweeter by the presence of her favourite girl in the world. Even just spending their time cuddled up together on An’s single-size bed feels somehow significant, the magic of a calm day making the time pass slowly like a lazy river.
“God, these go so far back.” An scrolls all the way to the bottom of her phone’s gallery, starting from the earliest years. She’d opened her phone to check her texts (there were none), but had gotten quickly distracted by the prospect of indulging her nostalgia with her girlfriend. “What year is this? 2009?”
“Holy shit, we were five .” Haruka giggles in awe, her head resting comfortably on An’s shoulder. She rarely swears, even at 20, but a sort of relaxed playfulness always returns to her when she’s alone with An. “Wait, is that…?”
She doesn’t even need to clarify the one she means; An’s on it already, having spotted it before her. She enlarges the photo, and they both cackle. The two girls are posing very dramatically in what’s definitely their mothers’ clothes, putting on a silly fashion show in Haruka’s bedroom.
“Ohh, my mom chewed me out for this one.” An laughs. “I hadn’t asked to borrow any of her stuff, and when she realised I’d taken Grandma’s necklace…” She hisses, and Haruka giggles.
“You got grounded, didn’t you? Deserved.”
“Deserved! Ha. It was worth it though. See how great I look in this one?” An says smugly, zooming into the picture until she took up the whole screen. “That colour combo definitely complimented my eyes. I look so fierce.”
Haruka suppresses a laugh. “You certainly look…” She trails off, almost intending that to be the entire sentence.
An shoves her lightly, looking down at her girlfriend with a look that said ‘oh, you’re going there?’ . “Care to finish your sentence, Ms Kiritani?”
“Not particularly.” Haruka replies, her laughter finally bursting forth from her. An lets out an ‘oh, that's it ’ before casting her phone aside to land somewhere on the bed, now focused on ribbing the shorter girl and tickling her sides.
“A-An, wait!” she cries, the smile on her face wide even under the ‘attack’. “You can’t, haha, silence me!”
“How dare you insult my fashion sense at nine years old!” An gasps, clearly playing up her reactions for humour’s sake. She can’t wipe the grin off her face as she watches Haruka laugh uncontrollably, cheeks flushed, her hair messy, beautiful. “I’ll have to teach you a lesson”. True to her threat, she dives in and starts peppering her cheeks with kisses, and Haruka lets her.
Eventually, she stops tickling her all together, and their lips find each other as they melt into a slow, soft rhythm. They exchange pecks back and forth, taking the time to pull back and gaze at each other before diving back in. After a while, An gives in, letting her head rest on Haruka’s chest, feeling the rise and fall of it. It’s comforting. It’s peaceful. If only it would last forever.
“I can’t believe you have to fly back south on Friday.” she laments, mumbling it into Haruka’s hoodie. (It’s An’s hoodie, actually, but she has a funny feeling she’s never going to get it back.)
“Mm. And I can’t believe that you ,” She punctuates it with a squeeze of An’s shoulder. “Are going to America next month. America! Without me.”
An smiles, not her usual grin but a soft, proud thing. She wants to point out that it’s only for two weeks, but she doesn’t want to play down her success. “Well. Me and my squad are gettin’ pretty big, you know.”
“Don’t I just. You might even be half as popular as me and my girls.”
She doesn’t miss the subtle dig. “Oh, haha, Miss two-time world tourer.” she says, and she knows Haruka is smiling even if she can’t see her face. Her hand balls up in Haruka’s hoodie, gripping her tight. “I’m gonna miss you, babe.” she says, much more somber.
She hears Haruka sigh, and feels herself being pulled in closer. “I know. It’s going to be maddening not being able to see you.” She presses a kiss so the top of An’s head, and her heart aches.
“But we’ve still got tomorrow.” An reminds them both. “And then Friday you’re away. But I’m sure we could squeeze in another visit before I fly out. Maybe I could come down to you next time?”
“Yeah. Yeah.” She repeats it like she’s trying to convince herself more than anything. “That sounds great.”
“I love you, Haruka.” says An, the words falling from her lips like they have a thousand times before.
“I love you too.” comes Haruka’s response, and it makes An’s heart race like they’re highschool sweethearts all over again. They lapse into silence, content with simply being together, curled up on the small space the bed afforded them.
It’s nice to live in the idea that they can always be together like this, without anything that could tear them apart. But come next week, Haruka will be back to fan-meets and interviews, livestreams and concerts, and An will be packing her bags to chase her dreams together with the closest friends she’s ever had. It’s all they both ever wanted for themselves. It’s just a shame that it has to come at the cost of each other.
Perhaps it’s selfish of her to cling to Haruka like she does. The idea of breaking up has crossed her mind in the past, but every time she hears Haruka calling her name, she melts all over again, unable to bring herself to do what’s probably best for them both. But she knows Haruka, and if she hasn’t brought it up to An either, then maybe they can keep on going like this for now. It’s cowardly, but she doesn’t want to lose her. Not yet.
She feels like she could fall asleep, warm and happy in Haruka’s arms. But no; They’ll share this cramped bed together tonight, so she’ll save the sleeping until then. For now, she wants to savour every moment with Haruka, until their precious time is up.