Chapter Text
Kris couldn’t sleep.
And it wasn’t because they weren’t tired. They were. For months they had been consistently very very tired by everything around them. Especially after a day like today.
And it wasn’t because they were scared. They weren’t. Kris had lived their entire life not being scared, and after staring down The King they knew they wouldn’t have reason to be scared ever again.
And it wasn’t because they weren’t happy. They were. Today had been one of the best days of their life. Made new friends, got to wield a cool sword, and skip class. What was there to possibly be unhappy about?
No. The reason that Kris couldn’t sleep was as simple as that. They couldn’t sleep. You wouldn’t let them.
For the past few weeks, Kris’s mind had been their own. But their body? That was a different story. Because you had been there. Moving for them, speaking for them, doing everything that Kris usually would have done themself.
Kris wondered why they weren’t more scared about this. Any of their classmates would have been. Someone like Noelle or Berdly would have probably cracked in a day. It was doubtful that even Susie had the mental strength to accept it. But being relatively silent all their life had uniquely prepared Kris for this scenario.
They had learned to see the positives in this situation. Although it could be more succinctly described as the lack of negatives. It wasn’t like Kris was committing any crimes. Or, any more crimes. And everything that you did was something that Kris imagined they would have done themselves.
Along with that, it made danger a lot simpler to deal with. Mentally. Kris could relax when, say, an assignment was turned in late, or a bully was threatening to eat their face, or an evil king was about to throw them off a tower. They had no control anyway, so it was pointless to worry. And you were always pretty good at getting Kris through those scrapes unharmed.
Possibly better than myself. Hmm.
Kris ignored that, and tried to relax, curled up under the covers. As a mindcatcher they tried to hear through the thin walls, listening for nothing in particular. Yet, they were still disappointed when they heard nothing. Not even the rustling of leaves, or Toriel’s surprisingly quiet footsteps, or the late night coding of a college-bound brother.
Maybe their ears weren’t working right tonight. Or maybe it really was just that quiet with Azzy gone.
Maybe it was always that quiet. Maybe I was that quiet.
Like I didn’t even matter.
…
Kris decided that this was a bad line of thinking. It was going nowhere, and just creating unhappiness. They decided that they needed to think of something else to distract them until you finally let them rest.
Kris focused the second beating heart in their chest. How it was just a little out of rhythm to the first one. Sometimes you felt so close to the surface, that Kris thought they could just dig around under their shirt and yank you out. But, of course that could never truly happen.
On that topic, Kris tried to figure out where you came from. It wasn’t a new thought for them, it was one they’d considered quite a bit in fact. But seeing as an answer had never been came to, it continued to be rerun.
Their first idea had been that it might be the bunker. When strange things happened in Hometown, kids at school would usually blame it first. But this thought never progressed beyond an idle wonder. That bunker wasn’t anything special. Just leftover garbage from the human-monster war.
Hmm…
Kris decided that they didn’t wanna think about this either.
The second idea, and sort of a new one, was that it might be connected to the dark world somehow. It was certainly the idea with the most evidence. Both had sprung up from nowhere around the same time, and they both clearly had some sort of unknown magic-esque feel to them. But that didn’t really hold water either.
The dark world seemed to be a place of more choice than the light. Not less. And nobody there seemed to have the means or motive to do such a thing to them anyway. Except maybe the king. But he was defeated, and yet you remained.
And then the third idea. Everytime Kris focused too hard on your presence, they’d get some visions. Flashes of memory perhaps. A cracked smiling face, a gaming figure above all, and a… character creation screen? Kris didn’t know how it all fit together, but surely it did. Kris could likely have toiled over these factors for a while, but something else came along to interrupt the thought. Something surprising.
I’m really hungry.
Ok, maybe it wasn’t that surprising. They hadn’t eaten breakfast… or lunch… or even dinner. All they’d had to eat all day were the various treats they’d picked up in the dark world. And arguing for the nutritional value of a lancer cookie was probably a losing game. Especially since Susie had, probably correctly, ascertained that it ‘didn’t count’ anyway.
Almost on impulse, Kris attempted to get up and go grab a midnight snack of sorts, before realizing the obvious roadblock in front of them. Or, inside of them? It was you.
Despite learning to accept their reality, Kris could still be insanely annoyed by it. Like when they couldn’t play the piano back at the hospital, or all the times that they’d wanted, nay, needed to say something and found themself unable to.
Or the fact that they had to stay here.
Kris dwelled on these facts, as another one came to the surface. Why’d they have to sleep so curled up? You had pulled the covers all the way up, and over their head. It was suffocating. Yet another irritation that Kris was unable to solve by themself. Just another thing to silently live with. In a huff of irritation, they rolled all the way over in bed.
…
Wait.
They had rolled over in bed. By themself. You hadn’t done it for them.
Has that happened before?
Kris thought about this. The roll over had not knocked the covers off their head. So, logically, they should try again. See if it was repeatable.
Kris tried with all their might to move their arm, to push those covers off, but nothing happened. Not even the lightest twitch. They just didn’t have any control there. But, they had rolled over. Somehow it was possible. How had they done it?
No thought was put into the roll. Kris had done it practically on instinct. So maybe the trick was to not think about it too hard. They just had to distract themself. Think about something else really hard.
Come on Kris. Something else. Something else. Something that evokes strong emotion, happiness, fear, resentment, anything.
Well, they’d had a fun day in the dark world. Made a new friend. Two, no, three even. Possibly more. Got to be the hero. Got to experience a world that was better than their own. One where they were accepted, not ostrichsized. One where they could go on fun adventures and nearly avoid certain doom and hold, again, a really cool sword .
But how much of that had been them? Really? After all, it wasn’t like they were in control of their actions at any point during it. They hadn’t made new friends, you had. They hadn’t grazed past whizzing bullets, you had. They hadn’t even got to swing the sword!
And at the end of the day, they didn’t get to choose whether to seal the fountain. They had to sit and watch as you did it, right before their eyes. Tossing them back into the stupid light world where nobody respected them and they had no friends and they couldn’t even move the stupid blanket off their stupid goddamn head.
So yeah! Someone like Susie or Noelle wouldn’t have accepted this! Because this is so stupid and unhealthy that they would have dealt with it by now! Even Berdly probably would have fixed this! The only reason I haven’t, is because I’m too cowardly and quiet to even handle the lightest of situations on my own! I’ll always need Susie, or Azzy, or whatever this is to solve my problems for me!
And by now they were rolling over and tossing and turning like a pro, probably causing quite a racket and Kris saw this and it was an opportunity now’s their chance just get out of bed get out of bed get outofbedgetoutofbedgetoutof
Crash.
Kris got up off the ground slowly, blinking their eyes. Moving was slow and tedious, their whole body felt sore. But regardless, it was their body. Taking some tentative steps, Kris moved to the center of the room.
They raised their left arm up, flexing their fingers a little. It felt weird to do it after all this time. They hadn’t realized quite how trapped they felt. The second heart beat faster now. Stronger. Kris could hear you much more clearly, like you were getting panicked. They found some excitement in that. Maybe, they could go the full distance. Get rid of you.
Screw it, I’m goin for it.
They flexed their fingers again, took a deep breath, and without thinking of anything at all plunged their hand into their chest. They opened their mouth wide to shout, but no sound came. The moment was deathly silent, just your pounding heartbeat to keep time. Kris’s hand came like a dagger, grasping you, yanking and pulling in every which way.
It was an effort, they seemed to have to snap the viney tendrils that connected you to their soul one by one. An inconsistent yanking that threatened to snap you in half. Or Kris’s spine. Or both.
But finally, the deed was done, and Kris raised their hand high to the ceiling. In it, a bright red soul was grasped. It shimmered with a before unknown light, and sat completely still.
The sensation burned for Kris. A deep seething pain unlike any they had felt before or since. Like a vital organ had been forcibly removed. But the pain wasn’t real. There was no puncture wound at all. If they weren’t literally holding you, they might have thought they’d done nothing at all.
Kris looked at you, so small. Yet they could feel the radiating power. Part of them was happy to know that they weren’t crazy. That there had truly been something, someONE, controlling them all this time. But that raised the question.
What the hell do I do with this?
Kris glanced around the room until they saw the wagon and birdcage. They used to play with Asriel in that all the time, back before he even got into high school. The old birdcage they’d grabbed from an alleyway, the dried blood from a few,,, unsavory crashes, good memories really.
And then you twitched. And Kris remembered this was not exactly a great time to reminisce on the past.
Stumbling towards it somewhat haphazardly, Kris quickly tossed you into the confines of the birdcage and locked the grate before moving back to the center of the room. They stared at it, as you moved around your containment. The holes were just barely too small to fit through. You were truly trapped. And they truly felt free.
For the first time in a long time, actually.
Great. I’m free. Now what? Go back to bed?
Kris stood there in the center of the room, still a little off balance, for some time. Then they felt their stomach rumble a little, and remembered what started this. They drew their knife from their pocket and held it high in the air, as a single thought came to their mind.
I’m going to eat that whole pie.
They smiled, looking at the ceiling. Nothing could ruin this moment for them.
*Well. Isn’t this interesting?
Kris dropped the knife, it clattered to the ground. That voice was unlike any they had ever heard before, and they knew exactly where it was coming from.
It was your voice.
They looked over to the birdcage, the heart staying perfectly still now. You had no eyes and yet, you saw them. No mouth yet you spoke.
And Kris thought that maybe, they did have something to fear after all.