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Choromatsu had been in a funk lately.
It was obvious to his brothers that he hadn’t been himself in the last several days, but none of them knew why. There didn’t seem to be any clear reason for it--no job interviews lined up to stress over, no recent failed interviews to stew over, no massive arguments among the brothers beyond their usual incessant bickering, nothing that they could think of to explain Choromatsu’s crabby mood.
It wasn’t his usual brand of crankiness, either. On the contrary, it was the opposite of how he usually behaved. Instead of screaming or stomping or nagging like he typically did when agitated, he’d become withdrawn, only speaking when necessary and remaining moodily silent otherwise. This quiet, brooding side of Choromatsu was far more concerning to the sextuplets than if he had been chewing them out for being idiots and berating them in his usual condescending tone. He wasn’t acting like Choromatsu, and much as they hated when he acted all hypocritical and holier-than-thou over them despite not having a job or whatever he was getting on their cases about that day, they hated it even more when he was so out-of-sorts that they could be literally wrestling right in front of him and he wouldn’t even snap out of it long enough to tell them to knock it off.
The worst part was that it was impossible to approach him directly on the issue and get any answers out of him. Whenever anyone tried to ask what was wrong, even when they were being as casual as possible about it and not making it a big deal, Choromatsu would only insist that he was fine and that he wasn’t acting differently at all, even though he wouldn’t be able to meet their gaze when he said it and his tone always sounded faintly strained. He was clearly hiding something, but making it as hard as possible to piece together what. And although it was becoming a source of increasing frustration to the brothers, that he was so stubborn and insistent on dealing with whatever it was alone, they weren’t going to give up on him. Sure, they could be a bunch of jackasses most of the time, but they did care about each other, and none of them liked seeing Choromatsu suffer alone.
Karamatsu was mulling over the situation as he sat by himself in the living room on a quiet Saturday afternoon. Rain pelted heavily against the window, and there was a definite chill in the air even inside the house. Winter would be here in the blink of an eye, and much as Karamatsu mourned the loss of warm days and his beloved Summer Kamen costume that would stay tucked into the darkest corner of their closet until summer rolled around again, he was prepared to embrace the bitingly cold days of the upcoming season in his own unique way. Leather jacket, tight jeans, his signature shades….and the latest addition to his winter wardrobe, accessories knit with his own two hands.
Karamatsu smiled to himself as he pulled out his latest knitting project--a long scarf. It was only half-finished, but Karamatsu was getting to be a pretty fast knitter, and he figured he probably only had two or so hours of work left before he’d be done with it. He’d already made himself a pair of mittens and a hat for winter, and the scarf would tie the whole look together. Best of all, he’d managed to score some yarn at a craft store that matched his aesthetic perfectly-- bright blue, with sparkles woven into the material. As soon as he saw it, he knew he had to have it, and immediately bought as many skeins of it as they had in stock, earning him a curious glance from the cashier who rang him up. It was a soft, cozy yarn at that, sure to keep him warm when snow started to fall. He could hardly wait to debut his new look!
Karamatsu seized his knitting needles, and started knitting the next row. The room was quiet and peaceful, the only sounds to be heard were the continuous pounding of rain against the window and the gentle clink of his knitting needles clicking together as he painstakingly worked away. Once he got into a “zone” though, not having to focus as much on the task at hand, he found his thoughts drifting back to Choromatsu as he knit and purled along the row, watching his scarf slowly but surely take shape.
I wonder what could possibly be going on with him...he won’t open up to anyone, no matter what we try. He’s always so determined to solve all of his problems himself, but that’s not always what’s best for him...I don’t know if we should keep prying or let him work it out on his own. Hmm, maybe he had a job interview in secret that went badly, and he doesn’t want to tell any of us out of humiliation. Or maybe he’s had a falling out with a friend, or perhaps even a secret lover? It wouldn’t be the first time one of us was dating someone and didn’t say anything about it. Ah, but if he WAS seeing someone, I could offer him love advice! Maybe I’ll try to feel him out next time I talk to him, see if I can pick up any clues that he's had his heart broken...
Karamatsu’s imagination was getting away from him, but he was dropped right back into reality when he heard the front door open and slam firmly shut, followed by Choromatsu calling, “I’m home.”
Ah! What impeccable timing!! Karamatsu grinned to himself as he called back, “Welcome back, dearest brother! Why don’t you join me in the living room?”
“Alright…” There was a shuffling sound by the front door as Choromatsu stepped out of his shoes and removed his jacket, and a moment later he appeared in the doorway of the living room, his hair damp and clinging to his forehead with rainwater. His expression was neutral, as far as Karamatsu could tell.
“Where did you go today?” Karamatsu asked nonchalantly, or as much so as he could manage. He continued working on his scarf as he spoke, though kept a close watch on Choromatsu out of the corner of his eye. “It’s pouring today, I’m surprised you ventured out.”
“I was at a concert.” Choromatsu’s voice was surprisingly flat--usually he was bubbling over with enthusiasm upon returning home from a concert and babbling giddily to anyone who would listen about the music, the costumes, the atmosphere, on and on. This lack of excitement from the third born was cause for alarm as far as Karamatsu was concerned, knowing how passionate he was about his hobbies, and it definitely sparked his curiosity.
“Oh?” Karamatsu asked. “Anyone good?”
“Some up-and-coming new idol group--I’d never been to one of their concerts before. The music’s pretty good.”
Still a vague, uncharacteristic response coming from Choromatsu. Karamatsu decided to switch tactics, though still tried to keep his tone casual.
“Did you go with anyone? Any of your friends?”
Choromatsu shrugged. “Some of my friends that I’ve gone to other idol concerts with were there. The usual group.”
“Ahh...so no one... special?” Karamatsu pressed, realizing he was probably fishing just a bit too obviously now. Oh well, too late to take it back.
Choromatsu eyed Karamatsu warily. “What do you mean by that? It was just the same friends I always hang out with.”
“So nothing interesting happened? No fights broke out between friends or--” Karamatsu bit his tongue just as the word ‘lovers’ was about to slip out, “--ah, anyone else?”
“...no. Why would they?” Choromatsu sounded utterly baffled, not to mention suspicious.
“Oh, no reason. Just...asking.” Karamatsu feigned innocence, returning his full attention to his scarf, knowing when to give up. Even if it was a relationship issue of some sort, Choromatsu wasn’t likely to reveal anything to Karamatsu now that he’d botched it. Well, that could have gone better...I should have thought this through, been a bit more sly. Perhaps I can plan this out better and try again later.
Choromatsu watched Karamatsu for another minute, a small frown curving down the corners of his mouth, and Karamatsu fully expected him to ask why he’d been grilling him about the concert. So it caught him off guard when the next words out of Choromatsu’s mouth were, “What are you making?”
“Ah, this?” Karamatsu held his half-done project aloft and beamed. “I’m making a scarf! Don’t you think it’ll look dazzling with my favorite pair of bedazzled jeans?”
“It looks nice so far.” Choromatsu paused. “So...you’ve been knitting a lot lately. You seem to be pretty good at it. Do you like it?”
“I love it!” Karamatsu enthused. “I cannot begin to express what a wonderful hobby it is...it’s very satisfying, completing a project and being able to tell yourself that you did that, with your own two hands, and now you have a new hat or scarf or what have you that’s so personally yours. And it’s very relaxing too, once you get the hang of it and fall into a rhythm you don’t even have to think about what you’re doing anymore, it’s like your hands are following the pattern all of their own accord. Sometimes I’ll get so absorbed in a project that I don’t even realize hours have passed, but I’ve enjoyed every minute of it.”
“You make it sound like so much fun,” Choromatsu mused, as he sat on the couch beside Karamatsu. “I wonder…” His voice trailed off, a thoughtful look in his eyes.
“You wonder what, brother?” Karamatsu asked, tilting his head to the side.
“Well...no, nevermind.” Choromatsu shook his head dismissively. “It’s nothing.”
Karamatsu blinked at Choromatsu, and when it clicked together in his brain, his eyes lit up. “Oh! Choromatsu, would you like to learn how to knit, as well?”
“Ah, um. I don’t know…” Choromatsu hedged, fidgeting with his fingers on his lap, but Karamatsu knew that’s what he’d been thinking. “I doubt I’d be very good at it, my hands are probably too clumsy for it.”
“Nonsense! I’m sure you’d be a natural. In fact, I’m positive that having something to do with your hands would help you more than you realize, given your tendency to fidget when anxious...it would give you something to channel that nervous energy into.”
“...you might have a point there,” Choromatsu conceded, forcing himself to rest his twitchy hands on his knees. “And I mean...it does sound fun. I think maybe I would like to learn, if you’re willing to teach me. At least, give it a try.”
Karamatsu leaped out of his seat so quickly that it made Choromatsu jump, startled. “Of course! I’d be honored to teach you, Choromatsu. I just know you’re going to love it! Now, when would you like to start?”
“Um...I suppose I’m available at any time…”
“Like right now? Perfect!” Karamatsu eagerly clapped his hands together once, then dashed out of the room and sprinted up the stairs as he shouted over his shoulder, “Don’t move, I’ll be right back!”
In a flash he was in the sextuplets bedroom, and dove for his box of crafting supplies in the closet, sifting past his hot glue gun and several packages of sequins before unearthing his sewing supplies and pulling out a spare pair of needles and skein of soft green yarn. He had purchased yarn in each of his brothers’ respective colors, with the intent of knitting each of them their own scarves for Christmas. Sadly, the green yarn lacked the sparkles of his own treasured blue yarn, but it would have to suffice. He doubted Choromatsu, hardly the flashy type, would mind. With those in hand, he hurried back downstairs to the living room.
“Here you go!” Karamatsu eagerly presented the supplies to Choromatsu, then dropped back onto the couch beside him. “Now, allow me to help you get started. You won’t want to work on anything complicated to start with...I think the best choice would be for you to practice knitting a few rows before deciding on any sort of project. That can be a little overwhelming if you don’t know what you’re doing yet.”
“That makes sense.” Choromatsu nodded slowly, running his fingers gently over the soft yarn in his hands. “So...how do I start then?”
“It’s easy enough to begin. Let me show you.” Karamatsu demonstrated how to tie a knot into one end of the yarn and loop it over the tip of one of the knitting needles, then tighten it into place. “That’s the first step. Would you like to give it a try?”
“Sure.” Choromatsu did as Karamatsu had instructed, looping the yarn neatly onto the needle and securing it in place. “Like that?”
“Perfect!” Karamatsu nodded his approval. Granted, it was only the first step, and a basic one at that...but positive reinforcement couldn’t hurt, right? “So, we’re going to start with the single cast on method. It’s very simple. What you’re going to do is use your thumb to loop the yarn onto the needle, similar to what you just did starting off. As you repeat that step, you’ll start to knit a row. It may not seem like much at first, but it’s a good point for a beginner to go from. That’s what I did. Are you ready to try it?”
Choromatsu met Karamatsu’s gaze then, and with a little smile that Karmatsu felt he hadn’t seen in days, he nodded, a flash of determination in his eyes. “Yes, please. Show me what to do.”
Karamatsu was more than happy to oblige. After all, it was rare he had the chance for such one-on-one bonding with his immediate younger brother, and he was prepared to enjoy every minute of it. Besides, it was nice to see Choromatsu slip even a little out of his funk, expressing interest in something again--something that wasn’t even idols or manga, to boot.
Karamatsu showed Choromatsu how to loop the yarn around his thumb, then bring the needle under and up through the loop, sliding it onto the needle and pulling it in place while sliding his thumb back out. Choromatsu’s tongue poked out of the corner of his mouth as he focused on the task at hand, carefully looping and tugging on the yarn as Karamatsu had taught him, but his expression relaxed into a more genuine smile as he watched a row of stitches slowly but surely take shape.
“See? You’re really getting the hang of this quickly!” Karamatsu praised, and Choromatsu beamed at him, looking happier than he’d been in awhile. “Now, are you ready for me to show you how to cast off a row? That’s how you finish off a row of stitches, you’ll need to know how to do that if you ever want to make anything.”
“Okay...yes, show me.” Choromatsu nodded readily, surprisingly eager. It made Karamatsu happy to see Choromatsu so invested in the project already, and he was more than willing to guide Choromatsu’s hands as he taught him how to start a new row of stitches and then cast off at the end of the row.
For a solid hour, Karamatsu showed Choromatsu what he knew, guiding him through a couple of basic techniques. It was remarkable, how quickly Choromatsu picked up on it—Karamatsu was sure he didn’t have such an easy time of it when he first started out, but it made him happy for his brother. And whenever he accidentally poked himself with a needle or got a tangle in his yarn that caused the row to bunch up, he didn’t get upset. His brow would furrow in mild frustration, before he took a deep breath and patiently followed Karamatsu’s instructions on how to fix it. By the end of the hour he had a few nice and tidy rows of knitting to show for his effort.
“I knew you’d be a natural at this, Choromatsu!” Karamatsu praised. “You’re really doing great so far. I’m sure it won’t take long for you to surpass my skills!”
“Do you really think so?” Choromatsu asked, an oddly hopeful tone underlying his voice.
“I’m positive! You’ve got such a good handle of it already,” Karamatsu replied with a firm nod. “See how neat your rows turned out? I kept having to redo mine when I first started off. Aside from poking yourself with the needle a couple times, you’re already advancing really well.”
“Well...thank you. I’m really enjoying it so far...it’s easy to not give up on something when you’re enjoying it. Even if I got hurt a couple times.” Choromatsu rubbed absently at one of the bandages wrapped around his finger where he’d accidentally jabbed himself. “And...it’s kind of nice, being good at something right away. Or good at something at all...um, I mean, you know.”
Karamatsu furrowed his brow at Choromatsu curiously. “Er...what do you mean by that, brother?”
“It’s...nothing. It means nothing. I was just rambling, I guess.” But Choromatsu’s cheeks reddened as he cast his gaze back down to his lap, realizing he had said something he hadn’t intended to. “Just...forget that, okay?”
Karamatsu, of course, could not just forget a comment like that. “I doubt that...is there something on your mind, Choromatsu? You know you can talk to me if something is bothering you.”
“I just, I don’t know…” Choromatsu clenched his fingers, then unclenched them, sighing to himself. “...I feel like it’s stupid. I mean, it is stupid. I don’t have to make you listen to me ramble about something petty.”
“Brother, if it’s bothering you so much, it certainly isn’t petty...whatever it is,” Karamatsu insisted, placing a hand on Choromatsu’s shoulder and squeezing lightly. Choromatsu tensed at first, but he didn’t pull away. “Whatever is burdening you, I’m sure there’s a valid reason for it...and either way, you don’t have to deal with it alone. I’ll listen to you, no matter what it is.”
Choromatsu glanced up at Karamatsu, noting nothing but sincerity in his expression, then cast his gaze back down at a spot on the carpet, his shoulders sagging. “I guess...I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately...that I’m just not really, well, good at anything. I don’t really have any special skills, any talents, nothing remarkable.” He gave a small, hollow laugh that didn’t sound at all amused. “That’s pretty silly, isn’t it?”
“Ah...is this anything like that ‘sparkle’ kick you were on awhile ago?” Karamatsu asked, crossing his fingers behind his back that it wasn’t. “Or is this about padding your resume again?”
“Neither...or maybe a little, maybe both…? Or...I don’t know.” Choromatsu shook his head to himself. “I just know that lately, I’ve been self-conscious that I really don’t have any sort of, for lack of a better word, sparkle. Like, do I really have anything going for me beyond idols and light novels and all that? Those are fun, but they aren’t special. It’s not like being an otaku is a talent.” He kicked his sock-covered foot against the floor. “It really sounds dumb, now that I’ve said it out loud, but...I’ve just been feeling really low about that lately. Feeling like there’s nothing about me that stands out, that I’m good at.”
“Oh, Choro...is that why you’ve been so, how to put this...moody, lately?” Karamatsu asked, as the pieces snapped into place.
“Am I really that obvious?” Choromatsu groaned.
“Ah...pretty much. We’ve thought something seemed off with you recently, but none of us could figure out what...and you weren’t exactly opening up, until now.”
“Yeah...I guess I got tired of keeping it bottled up to myself.” Choromatsu gave Karamatsu a pointed look then. “Please don’t go blabbing to everyone else though, alright? I don’t want everyone else talking to me about it, I feel pathetic enough as it is. I’m confiding in you because I feel like I can trust you to keep that secret.”
“I won’t tell a soul, I promise,” Karamatsu vowed, and meant it. “But, Choromatsu...you know that’s not true, don’t you? Of course you have talent, of course you sparkle! Much more than you realize!”
“You don’t have to try and make me feel better about myself, Karamatsu,” Choromatsu replied glumly, his gaze returning to the floor. “It’s not like I don’t know the truth. There’s nothing outstanding about me. Everyone else has something they’re good at. You and your crafts, Jyushimatsu and his baseball, Ichimatsu is basically a cat whisperer...hell, even Osomatsu when he puts his mind to it is a good artist. The only thing I’m really good at is overthinking.”
“I don’t think that,” Karamatsu said lightly. “You’re limiting your definition of talent a little, don’t you think? You have plenty of skills, you just need to be reminded of them.”
“Like what?” Choromatsu asked, doubt ringing clear in his voice.
“Well, like...you’re responsible and organized, and very good at taking charge when you need to. We look up to you for that.”
Choromatsu scoffed. “Yeah, right.”
“No, I mean it,” Karamatsu insisted, taking Choromatsu by the shoulders and forcibly turning him so Choromatsu had no choice but to meet his eyes. “You might be quick-tempered and we accuse you of nagging at us a lot, but you do have a good head on your shoulders and everyone’s best interests at heart. You're better than you think at taking charge and making sure everyone’s taken care of than you might think. Everyone notices it, even if we don’t always voice our appreciation the way we should.”
Choromatsu squirmed a little under Karamatsu’s tight grip. “But that’s not really a talent…”
“Of course it is!” Karamatsu persisted adamantly. “And an important one, at that. Who else keeps us all in line the way you do? Who else is as good at organizing a schedule and planning the perfect family outing as you? Who else is willing to take care of the rest of us when we’re sick, and somehow knows just how to handle it when one of us gets injured? You take good care of your brothers, and know how to keep things running in an orderly fashion. And that, my dear little brother, takes more talent than you might think.”
Choromatsu was quiet for a moment, as if letting that sink in. “I...guess I never thought about any of it that way. I still don’t really know though...is any of that really so special? Does any of that really stand out?”
“Would I have been able to tell you all of that if it didn’t stand out?” Karamatsu countered, which gave Choromatsu pause again. Karamatsu seized his opportunity to go on. “I wouldn’t kid you about that, Choromatsu. That’s really what I think. None of us likes seeing you be so down on yourself. And you have so much more to offer than you realize, even if you don’t believe it.”
“...you really mean all of that?” Choromatsu asked, at last.
“Really, truly mean it.” Karamatsu gave a single, affirming nod.
Choromatsu said nothing for a few seconds, then gave a small sigh and smiled slightly. “Well...I guess I am pretty good at writing up a good trip itinerary and managing you guys when I need to. I’m still not sure it’s an amazing talent or anything, but...it feels nice, knowing that it’s recognized. I guess I really needed to hear that.”
Karamatsu smiled back at his little brother, finally letting go of his shoulders. “So do you feel a little better now?”
“Yeah...yeah, I think I do. Thank you, Karamatsu. And thanks for teaching me a little about knitting. It was nice spending the afternoon together, we haven’t done that in awhile.”
“My pleasure, dear brother!” Now Karamatsu was beaming. “And I’m not exaggerating when I say that you are really a natural at it, you got a hang of it so quickly. It’s nice that we can share that talent, isn’t it?”
“It is.” Choromatsu scratched at his cheek, still smiling a little. “I’d love to keep learning more, actually. You're right, it really does help you forget things and relax while you’re doing it. For awhile I wasn’t even thinking about what was bothering me, it was really nice.”
“Oh! I’d be more than happy to continue showing you new skills!” Karamatsu said enthusiastically. “If you’d like, I can show you the cable knit method right now, I think you’re ready for it...ah, unless you want to take a break now.”
“I think I’d like to try that now, if you’re up for it too.” Choromatsu’s smile widened as renewed determination flashed in his eyes. “I want to work up to making a scarf too.”
Karamatsu’s eyes sparkled. “I’m happy to hear that, I just know you’ll be ready for it in no time! Okay, so for this next stitch, here’s how you’re going to want to start…”
And that’s how they spent the rest of the afternoon--knitting and talking together. A rare, but very welcome bonding moment between the two of them. And by the end of the afternoon, both of them had gained something valuable--for Karamatsu, it had been the simple pleasure of spending some quality time with his brother, and being able to help him through a dilemma when he was feeling down; and for Choromatsu, being reminded that he had more to offer than he realized, and discovering a possible new talent that he really enjoyed.
What had started as an ordinary, rainy day had become something meaningful for both of them, and they couldn’t have been happier for that.