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It had been smooth sailing for far too long. Diego was gone, and for a while, everyone had been much nicer to each other after realizing how much worse things could be. Or just from sheer relief that they were back to the normal number of Dios, which was still higher than anybody but Pucci wanted it to be. Eventually this gave way to a feeling of unease. Things were too easy for the rest of the villains and it was unsettling since they had taken L after L after meeting each other. Does this make any sense if you haven’t read any of my other stuff? Probably not. But now I understand why every Baby-Sitter’s Club book opened with the same goddamn paragraph about Claudia never getting pimples even though she ate a lot of chocolate. You gotta establish the important things.
The important thing being everyone was on edge and waiting for someone to break the peace when Wamuu went missing. They were off edge and back at each other's throats when Wamuu came back two days later, covered in blood. Not his, obviously.
Wamuu didn't walk through the front door - literally or otherwise - but instead climbed up the side of the house to the room he shared with Kars and Esidisi. Because he was seven feet tall it took like two seconds, even though Wamuu was awkwardly carrying what looked like a small boulder. Or a large rock, take your pick, Wamuu sure had. The only one who saw this was Tooru, who was outside tending to his beehives. Wamuu had rudely ignored him. Not that Tooru cared, but it would have been nice, you know? They were like some kind of weird half rock brothers now or some shit, according to Kars. Tooru just shrugged and went back to working on his hives.
When he reached the second story, Wamuu politely opened the window and tried to wiggle through it, his huge shoulders breaking through the frame and scattering glass and wood everywhere. After he made a sufficiently Wamuu shaped hole in the wall, he bowed in front of a bewildered Esidisi and Kars, presenting the rock.
“Where have you been?” Esidisi asked, concerned.
“What...is that?” Kars asked. He glanced at the rock. “Hmm, it has a face… oh come on , Wamuu? This again? This is what you disappeared for?”
“Lord Kars,” Wamuu started.
“What are you talking about?” Esidisi asked, talking over Wamuu. He leaned down and picked up the rock. “Oh! You picked up Santana? You could have told us that’s where you were going. We were worried after Switzerland.”
“You were worried,” Kars corrected. “I had faith in Wamuu’s abilities, but it seems I shouldn’t have if he’s been wasting them on this.”
“Lord Kars, if I may-”
“Oh that’s not fair, Kars.”
“It’s completely fair! He’s brought up Santana how many times now? Instead of focusing on getting revenge, he’s using his strength to do what ? Take pity on another weakling? Wamuu, explain yourself!”
“I’ve been trying to, Lord Kars,” Wamuu said, trying to hold himself back from saying more biting words. Kars had never stopped blaming him for respecting Caesar’s and Joseph’s abilities, saying that was the root of their failures.
“Get on with it.”
“I wanted my brother back,” Wamuu explained.
“Sparring partner. But whatever you want to call him, you have a better brother now,” Kars said, exasperated. They had this conversation every few months or so and Kars never budged. Wamuu had finally taken matters into his own hands.
“Tooru isn’t my brother.”
“You’re adopted Wamuu, Santana wasn’t related to you either. Why are you so opposed to Tooru?”
“I could snap Tooru like a twig,” Wamuu said.
“You could try,” Kars said seriously. He knew just how powerful Wonder of U really was. It was what had pulled him out of space, after all. Kars had woken up and defrosted after falling on top of Dio, who had been splattered all over the walls by the impact. Kars was acknowledging how nice it was to have something new happen, finally , as Dio’s re-severed head and Tooru argued over whether romantically pursuing someone should activate Wonder of U. Pointless conversation really, Kars was proof you should wait until Tooru initiated.
“Santana is stronger than Tooru,” Wamuu protested.
“If Santana was stronger he would have killed Joseph and we wouldn’t be reduced to living like this,” Kars spat out. Sure, never ending boredom in space may be a fate worse than death, but living in the suburbs for an eternity was a close second.
“You couldn’t kill Joseph either,” Esidisi interrupted.
Kars growled. “My point is that Tooru could kill Joseph. Why are you taking his side, Esidisi?”
“Well,” Esidisi said, tossing Santana up and down a few times. “It would be nice to have the four of us back together. And don’t scowl like that, I know you think that too. That’s why you’re so adamant about Tooru.”
“Tooru is a powerful ally, there’s no other reason,” Kars said, glaring at Esidisi.
“Kars.”
“Esidisi. I’m not having this conversation.” Kars got up from the makeshift throne he and Esidisi had slapped together one night and moved towards the door.
“Wait, Lord Kars!” Wamuu pleaded. He turned towards Esidisi and spoke without thinking. “Dad, you tell him!”
Kars froze, his hand just reaching for the doorknob. “What did he call you?” he asked, whipping around and marching up to Esidisi.
“Dad.” Esidisi said nonchalantly.
“He’s putting you above me!”
“Are you jealous?”
“It’s about rank! Not emotions! You both listen to me! ”
“You’re jealous.”
Kars and Esidisi continued squabbling with each other for some time. When you’re immortal, you can really devote yourself to yelling at each other for days or months. For Pillar Men, it was really only a bad fight if it lasted decades. Wamuu was stunned. It was like he had been completely forgotten. In some ways, he had won. He had no idea what it was like to witness his parents fighting, and now he was getting the chance to see it.
“Lord Kars? Lord Esidisi?” Wamuu asked repeatedly, trying to get the focus back on Santana. “Lord Kars? Dad? Father?” Kars and Esidisi turned to look at him.
“See?” Kars pointed at Wamuu while still up in Esidisi’s face. “He’s still putting you above me. Kira’s the only one who says dad and he’s the only one with a passable relationship to his father!”
“So you’re admitting you’re a dad?” Esidisi asked, grinning.
“No!”
“You’re admitting you want to be a dad?”
“I-” Kars paused.
"I know you, Kars. You're too driven to go on like this,” Esidisi gestured to the room around them, “You need a new goal. If you’re not working on something you start stewing like this. And you have a new goal right in front of you . You've become the ultimate being… Now you should try and become the ultimate dad.”
Kars narrowed his eyes. “Go on, Esidisi.”
“The first step is taking Santana back.”
“But-”
Esidisi slapped Santana into Kars’ arms. “Care for our son, Kars. Or I’m going to outrank you forever.”
Kars scowled, but sat back down with Santana in his arms. “I’m feeding Dio to Santana the first chance I get.”
“That’s the spirit,” Esidisi said, sitting next to Kars and wrapping an arm around him.
Kars turned to Wamuu, still knelt in front of them and now smiling. “Now fix the window, Wa-” Kars stopped himself, “son.”