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The moon hovered over a cobblestone street. A woman walked slowly down the street and stopped when she reached number 12. She opened the door slowly, yet it creaked loudly in the silent night. She looked around at the moonlit trees before she closed the door.
The coat was left in the hallway and the purse at her table. The woman reached for a cup but turned around in the middle of the movement. Behind her stood a blackclad man. He raised a gun and pointed it at her chest.
Outside the crows flew away from the trees in panic when a gunshot echoed through the silent night.
A few minutes later a man emerged from number 12. The cold air was filled with his whistling. He turned around and strode in the opposite direction that the woman had come earlier, the moon as the only witness.
***
“No, no, no. It can’t be , don’t be an idiot Gwaine. There was no sign of forced entry.”
Sergeant Arthur Pendragon leaned over the table and shook his head, clearly annoyed. His blonde hair fell into his eyes. It was longer than it usually was, he had not yet had time to cut it or comb it for that matter. His tie, usually perfectly ironed without a wrinkle, hung loosely around his neck and a bottom of his shirt was opened.
Well, Gwaine knew he had a reason. This was the third of a row of unsolved murders during a short period of time. They were all stressed but Arthur the most. Their boss pressured the young sergeant on his lack of leads and suspects.
Leon, the oldest in the crew (still only 35), had tried to talk to Uther but he would not hear reason. Get results or Excalibur would be shut down before they could say the word murder. It did not help that they had a 90% clearance rate. They were simply too young and inexperienced, as if that even was a thing. Arthur knew he could not let that happen.
Lancelot, or Lance which he prefered to be called, spoke up. “We have been over this a million times during this last week. No signs of struggle, no broken locks. Just a dead body. And the killer's signature: the symbol painted in blood.”
They all looked to the board next to the dark haired detective. Pictures of all the apartments and victims were displayed in chronological order. News articles and notes sticking out from under crime scene photos. The killer seemed to pick his victims randomly. First a young accountant with light curly hair named Vivian, then an older doctor named Gaius and about a week ago a young basketball player named Gilli. One shot through the heart in each case.
It made no sense. The team was stumped. Elyan, their very own hacker (the best), had run the victims through every algorithm imaginable and still no connection could be made. Except the symbol. It was three spirals tied together in the middle. A triskele, Mordred informed them. Symbolizing the three stages of life: life, death and rebirth. It was obviously not enough that they were chasing a serial killer. The serial killer obviously needed to be obsessed with death and old weird symbols. Just their luck.
The door creaked open. Everyone in the room turned to look at it. Gwaine lit up when he saw who entered. Arthur sighed. It was complicated, to say the least. He tried to smile at the gangly young man who had opened the door. His ears were ridiculously large (perfect for teasing material) and he had short onyx hair over sharp cheekbones. Arthur tried really hard not to think about the amazing blue eyes, as he did every time Merlin was in the room. And like every other time he failed miserably.
But the goofy smile who so often followed the young forensic scientist was gone, replaced with a serious frown. “There has been another murder.”
***
Five hours later they had searched every area in the new victims (female, 50 years old, teacher, name: Finna) apartment three times and checked all the security footage. The team was tired and irritated. Percival and Gwaine were interviewing the neighbours, Elyan and his sister Gwen was huddled over the victim's computer while Leon, Arthur, Lance and Mordred were listening to Merlin’s rapport on the evidence. It was not looking good.
“Just like the other cases. No footprints, no signs of forced entry and no DNA traces except ours and the victims.” Merlin looked at Arthur. “No signs of struggle. Nothing.”
“It is not nothing. It tells us the victim probably knew the killer. Possibly let him in through the front door.” Lance pointed out.
Leon shook his head. “It was the same with all the victims. He could not have known them all. We would have found a connection between them at this point if that were the case.”
“I think Leon is right.” Gwaine said. He had just returned with Percival in tow. “This is not even Finna’s apartment according to the neighbours. She was just watering the plants for the owner once he was away.” He glanced at his notepad. “One Cenred King.”
All colour drained from Lance’s face. He turned to Merlin. “Cenred King. Do you remember? It must have been about 2 years ago.”
Merlin’s eyes widened. “I do remember actually. Quite hard to forget.” Merlin spat out the last words. Arthur had never heard Merlin get mad. Sad? Yes. Irritated? Absolutely. Angry? Never.
“What is it?” Arthur asked. Gwaine’s eyes darted between the two friends, something was not right.
“Cenred King.” Merlin said, as if it explained everything. To him maybe it did. “It was my first case, fresh out from school. I was partnered with Lance and a new officer named Freya. My… One of my first friends in the force.” He began to tremble.” There was a mugging and when I tested the blood of the victim we found traces of a new dangerous drug.” A tear trickled down Merlin’s cheek.
Lancelot looked over at his red eyed friend with sad eyes and continued Merlin’s story. “I began an investigation that led us to a cartel. Led by Cenred. We, Fr-Freya and I, entered. It was dark. I guess they got scared. There was shooting and suddenly Freya was there on the floor bl-bleeding out.”
Merlin took a deep breath, tears now freely flowing down his cheeks. “I never got to say goodbye.” He rose slowly, steadying himself against the wall. “We could never prove who did it. She never got the justice she deserved.”
Gwaine tenderly put an arm around his shoulder. “Bastards.”
Rage flowed through Arthur. Not directed at Merlin, never at Merlin, but at the cartel and at the world for doing this to his friend. To Merlin, of all people. The kindest, brightest and most compassionate person he knew, even if he would deny it to his dying day.
“Could he have any connections to the murders?” Mordred asked Lancelot.
“It’s possible.” Lance confirmed.
Arthur nodded. “It is our first lead. We will look into it first thing tomorrow.”
He turned around to say something to Merlin, what he did not know, but the raven haired man was already gone.
***
The next morning they all gathered around the table in Arthur Pendragon’s office. Gwaine was the last to enter through the door with a huge yawn.
“Why did we have to do this so early?” Gwaine asked as he sat down on one of the chairs.
Arthur was used to that question after working with Gwaine for so many years. “Do you think the cartel bosses sleep in?”
“They should.” Percival chipped in from the other side of the room.
“They don’t.” Arthur sighed.
“Guys!” Leon said. He was always the only reasonable one. He was going to get grey hairs at the tender age of 35 after dealing with this bunch.
Lance raised an eyebrow. “Cenred King is currently in Liverpool. We do not know why but he is staying at the main hotel.”
Arthur’s head snapped up. “Why would he be there?”
“Does it matter?” Leon asked.
Arthur shook his head. “I don’t know. It doesn’t make sense. I’m just trying to think.”
“I know how hard that is for you.” Merlin answered brightly.
Arthur made a face in Merlin’s general direction. “Shut up, cabbage head.”
Merlin looked deeply offended. “That’s my word! You can’t use my words.”
“I am your sergeant. I can and I will.” He hesitated. “Clotpole.”
“Oh, very mature.” Merlin stuck out his tongue.
Leon turned to the rest of the team. They had learnt to ignore the two friends. “The car is ready. We can go.”
Merlin sobered immediately and stood hestaly up from his spot on the floor. “What are we waiting for? Let’s go.”
“Woah, easy there tiger.” Arthur put a hand on Merlin’s chest and manhandled him back to his place on the floor. “You are not coming. He is dangerous. You aren’t even a detective.”
Merlin crossed his arms and looked up at Arthur with defiance in his eyes. “I am coming.”
Arthur shook his head stubbornly. “You are not coming!”
***
Merlin came and got to pick the music. How that had happened Arthur had no idea. Percival drove. The clotpole himself was happily talking to Gwaine and Lancelot while Arthur sat in the corner of the van, thinking about a million reasons that this was a bad idea when they arrived at the hotel.
“Okay, just stay behind us Merlin.” Arthur sighed. He had noticed that he had done that a lot recently. Mostly around Merlin.
Merlin nodded eagerly. “I promise. Cross my heart and hope to die and all that.”
Lance shuddered.
“Sorry, bad choice of words.”
There was nothing particular with the hotel. Merlin thought it should have been. A murderer walked free inside of those yellow coloured walls and people moved past it as if nothing was wrong. As if his life hadn’t been turned upside down by a man inside of there.
It was a wednesday in early November so not many people stayed at the hotel. Arthur simply crossed the almost empty hall and went up to the reception. The girl behind the disc gasped when she saw his gun.
“It is okay.” Arthur said with a low voice. “We are the police. We are looking for a man. Cenred King.” He showed her a picture of the man in question. “We think he is staying here. Have you seen him?”
The girl nodded and pointed to a corridor in the far end of the hall. “He is eating breakfast alone. Second door on the right down that corridor.”
Percival thanked the receptionist while Arthur, Lance and Gwaine advanced towards the door with Merlin in tow.
Gwaine entered first with his gun raised. He pointed it first at the left wall and then at the right. His brow shot up to his hairline as he entered.
All Merlin could hear for a while was silent until he heard Gwaine’s distant voice. “All clear.”
Arthur swore. “Search the house. We need to find him.” He reached for his police radio. “Elyan, this is Arthur. We request immediate backup. We need to search the house and we are only four people.”
“Five!” Merlin shouted.
“Four.” Arthur repeated.
“Confirmed, Leon and his team are on their way. Be careful.” Elyan’s voice was distorted through the radio.
“I am helping you search, Arthur. You need all the help you can get.” said Merlin.
Arthur shook his head. “No, you’re staying here. I let you come but this is as far as it goes.”
“No, I-I can’t accept that. I need to come.”
“No.” Arthur could not let him come. Merlin could not get hurt. He wanted Merlin to be okay, needed him to be okay.
Lancelot put a hand on Merlin’s shoulder. “Merlin, I think you should stay here.”
Merlin looked at Lance and for a few seconds there was a total silence. “Okay.”
It was all they needed. A moment later they were all gone and Merlin slumped against the wall outside the empty dining room.
After a few minutes he once again heard echoing footsteps through the hallway. He did not even bother to rise as he called out to the person. “Back already? Did you realize that you needed my help after all? I always tell you that but you never listen. I mean once in a while I…”
He stopped his rant because he did not recognize the footsteps. A layer of ice formed around his heart. He could not breathe. The footsteps stopped. Merlin wished he did not recognize the voice that spoke beside him, almost directly in his ear, but he did. The breath caressed his cheek, cold as ice.
Cenred King's voice was almost nothing but an exhale. It did not need to be louder. “They don’t need your help. I do though.”
“I will never help you.” It was the truth.
Cenred smiled and Merlin had never seen something so unsettling. “I know you think that, but you see. You do not have much of a choice.”
That was when Merlin felt something cold pressed against his collarbone, right over his vest. He looked down and saw Cenred’s hand and the knife in it. Cenred laughed at the fear and defiance that filled the young man’s eyes.
“I know you killed them.” Keep him talking until someone comes back for him. That was his only choice.
A shadow passed through Cenred’s eyes. “Killed who if I may ask?”
Rage flowed through Merlin. The coward didn’t even know who he was talking about. “Gaius, Gilli, Vivian and Finna. We have been hunting you for months!”
Then something strange happened. Cenred looked surprised, just for a second. If Merlin had not been sitting so close to him he would not have seen it.
“I did not kill them, you imbecile. And I do not take lightly on people accusing me of things I did not do.”
Cenred shifted his weight so his thighs pressed down on Merlin’s legs so he could not move. The knife continued pressing into his skin. He could feel the moment it penetrated the skin and ruby red blood began to flow down to the edge of his blue skirt. The red colour contrasted the blue perfectly. A weird thing to focus on when you were going to die. Merlin tried to fight but Cenred’s iron grip wouldn’t budge.
That was when he heard Gwaine’s cheery voice. “Merlin, mate. It is clear, we couldn’t find him. He must have ghosted when he saw us coming.”
Cenred moved his hand to cover Merlin’s mouth. “This is not over. Til next time, Merlin.”
Just as Gwaine rounded the corner and came into view Cenred released Merlin and removed the knife. On his way up he brought the knife to Merlin’s face. He could feel the edge kiss his cheek as Gwaine shouted in surprise.
Cenred was gone before they could do anything. Merlin exhaled as Gwaine sprinted towards him. He would make sure there was a next time, and Cenred would not be the one walking away.
***
“For the hundredth time, I am fine!”
Arthur was not convinced. He could not get the memory out of his head. He had been on the second floor when he had heard Gwaine shout. It had taken him mere seconds to reach the two men. He had left Merlin so the maniac could get to him. It was his job to make sure none of this happened and he had failed miserably. Whenever he closed his eyes he could still see the blood, Merlin’s blood, all over Gwaine’s hand and Merlin’s shirt.
At the moment Merlin sat beside Gwen, the only one of them with any sort of medical education, and stubbornly insisted that he was fine and ready to fight crime. Everyone else was there too, except Mordred who was stuck with paperwork at the precinct.
It would have been kind of cute, Arthur decided, if he had not been bleeding out a quarter of an hour ago (it really wasn’t that serious but Arthur was not taking any chances). Merlin looked like an angry puppy.
Arthur could have lost him. “I need to know. What he did, what he said. I am sorry Merlin.”
“It is okay. I-I..” Merlin trailed off.
Arthur looked at the around ten people swarming them. Merlin probably needed a moment to breathe. “Leave us. I will fill you in later. It is just easier if we are only two.”
Their team understood immediately and left the room without any protests, thankfully. Merlin looked at Arthur. He looked really small in his ruined blue shirt and slumped in the chair.
“Thank you.” He whispered.
“In your own time, Merlin.” Arthur said. Merlin just looked funnily at him, this was not like him.
“We don’t have all day! Get started, cabbage head.” At that Merlin smiled. That was more like it.
Merlin started to tell him slowly but suddenly all came out. He couldn’t stop it even if he wanted to, not that he did. It felt good sitting there with Arthur. When he came to the about that Merlin was convinced that Cenred was not the serial killer Arthur protested.
“It has to be him!”
Merlin shook his head. “I saw his eyes. He had no idea what I was talking about.”
“Yes, he did! He just didn’t want you to find out.”
“It wasn’t him. You can’t fake that reaction!” Merlin practically shouted.
Arthur took a step closer to Merlin and raised his voice. “He hurt you!”
Merlin didn’t even flinch. He stayed silent, just watching Arthur.
“He hurt you.” He repeated, just a whisper this time. “And I wasn’t there.”
Merlin stood up slowly. “It is okay. You couldn’t know.”
They were mere inches from each other now. Arthur placed a hand on Merlin cheek, just a little bit under the cut from the knife. “I should have been there. I can’t lose you.”
Merlin was so alive under Arthur’s hand, his eyes so vibrant and beautiful. And so close. Arthur crossed the last couple inches between their faces.
He closed his eyes. His lips touched Merlin’s impossible soft ones.
What was he doing? Suddenly he jerked back and inhaled sharply. Merlin looked at him questionably. “What is it?”
Arthur felt his face go red. “I am not gay!”
It was his fault that Merlin was hurt. He could still see the blood. He did not deserve to be near Merlin, to touch him, kiss him.
Merlin looked at his feet, shifting from foot to foot. “You kissed me.”
“I did not. My father would never allow this!”
Merlin couldn’t believe his ears. “Screw your father!”
“I am not gay!” Arthur was really angry. At himself. At Merlin.
“Arthur I…”
“Don’t you get it! I can’t be gay. This is all your fault!”
It was not. It was Arthur’s fault. If he hadn’t brought Merlin he wouldn’t have been hurt. It was dangerous to be around Arthur. Everyone died. His mother, Morgana and now Merlin were hurt. It was better if he stayed away.
Merlin tried to step closer to Arthur but Arthur stepped away. “It is okay.”
“It is not! You turned my whole life upside down the day you waltzed into my office with your ridiculous ears and cheeky smile. Nothing has been the same since. I want you gone! Out of my life!”
His father would never forgive him if he was gay. And he would never forgive himself for putting this amazing, cheeky and extraordinary person in danger. To put his Merlin in danger. No not his, never his.
Merlin tried once again to grab Arthur’s hand. “Arthur, wait.”
“I never want to see you again. I wish I had never met you.” It was not the truth and his heart ached when he saw Merlin’s hurt gaze. It was better this way. This way he was not gay and not a dissapointment and Merlin would not get hurt. He turned around and reached for the door.
Arthur was gone before Merlin could even begin to form a response. The only sign he was ever there was the door which swung slightly back and forth.
***
Stupid Pendragon pride. Stupid case. Stupid feelings. Stupid smooth bright hair. Stupid smile that made him want to fall over in hapineess. Stupid, stupid, stupid. How could he have been so stupid to think Arthur really cared.
He was so deep into his own thoughts that almost fell over a box on the way down to the storage in the basement of the precinct. Stupid box. Stupid world. Merlin kicked the box. It sent a wave of pain up his leg. That he deserved. He had not even bothered to change his shirt before going to the precinct.
When he got down to the storage he began pulling out boxes with old cases aggressively, hunting for the casefiles on Cenred King. Even if he was hurt he could still do some work. Well, Pendragon acting like a prat did not stop the bad guys from doing crime. And unfortunately it was his job to stop them. One of the boxes tipped over and files scattered all over the floor. Great. Now he needed to clean that up. He would do that later.
Merlin put a particularly heavy box down when his eyes landed on a file that had almost slid behind one of the bookshelves. Name: Gilli. A burglary that Mordred had worked on a couple of years ago. Nothing serious. A TV was stolen and a window smashed. Nothing particular except the name.
Something tugged at Merlin’s mind. It could be nothing, probably just a coincidence. But then again…
He walked across the room and pulled out another box before he could change his mind. Merlin scanned through the files. Nothing. He opened another box and pulled out a file. This was it. Gaius Wright, breakin last year. Investigation led by Gwen.
The evidence was starting to fit together. He had stumbled onto something. He could not wait to tell Arthur about this breakthrough, if only to rub it in his face. Merlin grinned. Practically sprinting through the room he looked through the case files. It took him a quarter of an hour before he found it. Suspected abuse of one Vivian Olafson. The detective, Mordred again this time, couldn’t prove it but the apartment was turned into a crime scene nevertheless.
There was no connection between the victims. There was a connection between the locations! The murderer killed people in old crime scenes. That would explain why Finna was murdered. He lay all the files on the floor, turning his back to the door to see better. The only lightsource was the golden light that flowed through the door. It hit Merlin from behind so his silhouette hovered over the scattered files on the floor before him.
There was still something missing. Everything did not fit. How did the killer access these apartments? The realization hit him one second later, the codes to the locks stood on the reports and in some rare cases keys were sent into evidence. He would bet a good sum of money that if he looked through these files he would find them.
Something turned over in his stomach. Cold dread spread through his body like wildfire. Only the police had access to these files. Some of these files were only accessible for the people on his team.
Nausea overwhelmed him. He shook his head, not willing it to be true. The serial killer was a cop, and not just any cop. Someone on Excalibur.
He started to tremble. His team was in danger. He needed to warn his team. To warn Arthur! It did not even for a second occur to him that it could be Arthur. It was not possible.
Merlin turned around to grab his phone but before he could call Arthur a cold voice spoke from beside him. A very familiar voice. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you. Drop the phone”
Merlin froze. The only sound in the room was the sound of his phone hitting the ground. He closed his eyes and turned around slowly.
A gun was pointed at him, mere inches from his face. A blackclad finger rested impatiently against the trigger. He should have known.
“Hello Mordred.”
***
Arthur sat in the passenger seat next to Leon, who drove the car. It had taken him about a full hour to calm down after the misunderstanding with Merlin. Yes, that was what he referred to it as. It was possible he could have handled it better.
He had panicked. At first when he had met Merlin they had hated each other. They had screamed at each other and argued all the time. Time and time again he had begged his father for another forensic expert but his father wouldn’t budge. Over time they had come to a mutual understanding, you don’t bother me and I will ot bother you.
After burying the hatchet everything had been calm for a couple of months. Sometimes he had even found himself quietly laughing at the odd antics of the clumsy forensic. Without even knowing it he even enjoyed Merlin’s wit and happily played along with his jokes. He started to appreciate his friend, and that was what they were. Friends. It was wonderful and terrifying at the same time.
But not anymore. He had ruined every chance they had. He punched the car door. Pain flooded up from his hand through his arm. Some dark corner of his mind whispered that he deserved it for what he did to Merlin.
“Is it Merlin again, sir?” Leon asked.
Arthur nodded numbly. “I did something stupid.” Leon didn’t look surprised in the least. Arthur tried not to take it personally. “He will never talk to me again.”
Leon kept his eyes on the road. “I don’t think so. I have seen how he looks at you. A misunderstanding can’t change that. Merlin knew full well what he was getting into when he opened up to you. He isn’t going to back out now.”
Arthur closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. “How do you know?”
“He knows your heart. Behind all that clumsiness and wit he hides something that is really hard to achieve at such a young age.”
Arthur nodded. “I know. That is one of the reasons I fell in love with him.” Ooh, no. He was in love with Merlin. He had refused to believe it before. Now he could not deny it.
Arthur put his head between his hands. “I am in love with Merlin.”
Leon just angled his head slightly as if to say ‘duh’. He didn’t say anything though. He was much to refined to do something so stupid.
“I must talk to him! Turn around.”
Leon put a hand over Arthur’s chest. “No. He needs time to calm down. We will go to Cenred’s estate in London and then we will drive back to the precinct.”
Arthur nodded. Right, the case. “Okay. Let’s go catch a serial killer.”
They would go look for Cenred then he would deal with a cute and cheeky forensic expert that held the key to his heart.
He took up his phone and found Merlin’s contact. The dark haired man who smiled at him from the screen made his heart ache.
***
“Let me see your hands.” Mordred’s voice was the same as it always had been but at the same time there was something fundamentally wrong with it.
Merlin raised his arms slowly, dropping the file as he did so. The file landed at the floor with the first page open. During a moment both of them stood frozen just looking at Mordred’s name in the report. The moment disappeared however when Mordred’s foot closed the report, forever concealing the name.
“You don’t have to do this.” Merlin said quietly.
Mordred raised the gun an inch higher. “I think we both know I do.” His hand squeezed the trigger. “I am sorry. I always liked you the most.”
Merlin refused to close his eyes. He would not miss what was maybe his last chance to see the world. A cherry sound filled the dark room. It seemed so out of place and Merlin had an odd urge to laugh at the bizarre and alien sound. It took Merlin a couple of seconds to realize it had come from his phone.
“They are looking for me.” Merlin said to try to buy some time.
Mordred tilted his head towards the phone. “Show me.”
Merlin walked slowly towards the phone and picked it up from where he had dropped it before. The background showed all of the people from their precinct, happy and laughing, at a football game some months back. He had taken it just after Gwaine had spilled some ketchup in Arthur's blonde hair (they never found out if it was intentional or not). Arthur had not yet noticed but he had looked so cute that Merlin had had to take the picture.
The light from the phone illuminated Mordred’s face when he showed him the message.
Arthur: Are you all right? We need to talk. Currently on our way back to London.
“You must answer it.” Mordred insisted.
Merlin had a bad feeling about this. “Why should I?”
Mordred smiled. “Because if you don’t I will just have to kill him too.”
“Okay… Sure. What do you want me to say?” Merlin was careful not to mention their fight. He could use this to his advantage.
“Tell him that you are fine. Make up an excuse so he won’t come here.”
He fumbled with the phone before he started writing, his fingers were shaking slightly. He had to rewrite it a couple of times but when he was done he showed the message to Mordred. When Mordred nodded approvingly he pressed sent.
Merlin: I’m fine. I looked at the files. Cenred has another apartment in Glasgow. I think he might be there.
“Good boy. Now where were we?”
***
They were just a few miles from Cenred’s estate when Arthur got a text from Merlin. When he read it he frowned.
“What is it?” Leon asked from behind the wheel.
Arthur read the text out loud to him. “It is weird. It doesn’t really sound like Merlin. Not a word about our fight.”
“He is probably just hurt and wants to deal with the job like professionals.” Leon tried to reassure him.
It was probably true, Arthur thought. He just needed to make sure.
Arthur: You weren’t fine last time I saw you. You were, in fact, bleeding quite badly. Are you sure I shouldn’t come?
He was probably just overreacting. He could almost hear Merlin calling him an overprotective mother hen.
Merlin: You don’t need to worry, hon. Just check out Cenred’s apartment. I’m sure you can get him. He will not know you are coming.
A storm raged in his mind that wouldn’t stop. He could not even hear his own thoughts. His heart leaped into his throat. Merlin would never call him hon. And he definitely knew that Cenred never would return to his apartment with them hunting for him.
“What is it Arthur? You look pale. Are you all right?” He could now see the estate in the distance. They were so close and the precinct, and Merlin, was on the other side of town. The raging storm stopped abruptly and left only one thing in his head. He needed to get to Merlin.
“Turn the car around.”
Leon’s eyes became almost comically large. “Wha..”
Arthur was panicking. “Turn the car around. Now!”
Leon hit the brakes and made an U-turn. Arthur never believed in god but now he prayed that it would not be too late.
***
Had he done the right thing? Texting Arthur might have been a mistake because now they were both in danger and possibly the team. If Arthur had gotten his clues, that is. But Arthur would never forgive him if he didn’t at least try. They had gotten so far since their first meeting. Sure, Arthur was still a prat sometimes but he could be kind and compassionate sometimes too. Merlin was proud of him. And he knew -without a doubt- that all that progress would be reversed if he died and Arthur found out he had had the chance to tell him but didn’t. Arthur would retreat so far into himself that he would never get out again. But was it worth it? Merlin didn’t know.
“Any last words?” Mordred asked.
Merlin considered his options but in the end there was really just one thing Merlin needed to know. The eternal question. “Why?”
Mordred frowned as he considered what to answer. “Morgana.”
Merlin had heard the story about Arthur’s sister and their former secretary one time before. Arthur had been drunk when he had told him, crying. Morgana had died in an arrest gone wrong. The police were shooting at a bankrobber and the bullet missed the shooter and got her instead. Right in the heart. There had been nothing to be done.
“You loved her.” It was not a question.
Mordred’s hand began to shake and also the gun which was pointed at Merlin. “They killed her. Took her from me. And I was a part of it for so long. But no more.”
“You’re avenging her.” Merlin realized. “It was not the police’s fault, you know. Everyone makes mistakes.”
“It was, a bit to the right or a second later and she would have lived. It is not fair. That I am left alive when she’s dead. That I am left to live this miserable life without her.”
Without the one he loved. Remorse coursed through Merlin’s body. He needed to talk to Arthur, say the things he never said. Now he may never get the chance.
“We are still here.”
People have years left to live and all they do is wait for the right opportunity, the right second, the right moment where everything is perfect. Where they will be happy while life passes by unnoticed. Strange how death changes your perspective on things, Merlin thought.
“Shut up.” Mordred screamed. “SHUT UP!”
He raised the gun.
It is weird how a gun focuses your thoughts. The edges get blurry and your eyes are drawn to one black hole like it is a magnet. All your focus narrowed down to that moment, that black dot, that determines if you live or die. A life gone, just like that. Nothing more than a squeeze of a trigger. All these years of life, all the people you care about, ended in nothing but a second. Like the snap of a finger.
Mordred squeezed the trigger. Merlin’s last thought was about Arthur, his smile and his laugh. The thought was so vivid that he almost thought that he could hear Arthur’s voice calling out his name when a bang cleaved through the silence. Pain coursed through his body, burning him from the inside and out.
The force of the bullet knocked him backwards. The last thing he felt before everything went black was a cruciating pain in his head.
***
Arthur had never run so fast in his entire life. Down, down, down the stairs to the precinct basement. It was the only place he hadn’t looked yet. Merlin had to be there. There was no other possibility, and if there were Arthur couldn’t dare to think about it.
Miraculously Arthur got down the stairs without falling and breaking his neck. Halfways down he thought he could hear a trembling voice. He would know that voice anywhere. He ran even faster and pulled out his gun.
When he descended the stairs he stopped dead in his tracks. There was Merlin, still alive Arthur had never felt such knee-weakening relief in his life, but also Mordred who was pointing a gun at Merlin and squeezing the trigger.
“Merlin!” Someone shouted and after a second Arthur realized that it had been him.
Two shots were fired at the same time. Arthur’s bullet hit home perfectly but he didn’t even notice. All his focus was on Merlin and Mordred’s bullet. He saw almost in slow motion how the bullet hit Merlin square in the chest and how Merlin fell backward. The fall lasted an eternity. Arthur didn’t want the fall to end because that would mean he had to watch Merlin’s lifeless body lying on the cold hard ground in a world where Merlin would no longer exist. What a worthless world that would be, Arthur decided. But all he wished for was it to stop because he couldn’t take another moment of watching the love of his life die in front of his eyes.
Finally Merlin’s body hit the floor. He looked so cold and lifeless and tiny. Not at all as the energetic and lively man that had melted his cold Pendragon heart.
He ran to Merlin’s side and fell to the ground beside him. The crack of his knees against the concrete was barely audible over the roaring in his head. He reached across Merlin’s chest and threw his arms around him.
Sobs shook his body. He had not cried since he was five years old. But in the cold basement of the precinct with the only man he had ever loved dead in his arms he finally let himself be vulnerable. It was not like anyone was alive in here to see him anyways.
After a while he placed his head on chest and just breathed at the same rate as Merlin’s heartbeat. In and out and...
Wait a second-heartbeat? Dead people didn’t have a heartbeat.
That’s when he felt it, a twitch of a finger under his hand. It was small but it meant everything to Arthur.
Merlin groaned.
Arthur sat up and pulled Merlin’s shirt apart. There it was. A bulletproof vest with a single bullet stuck in it right over Merlin’s heart. Arthur exhaled. Merlin hadn’t even bothered to change from the vest and bloodstained blue shirt he had worn earlier that day. He felt an urge to laugh at how absurd and absolutely like Merlin that was.
“Already undressing me are we?” Came Merlin’s weak voice from under him. “I would have suggested a few dates first but whatever you feel comfortable with.”
Arthur couldn’t believe his ears. Merlin had the nerve to crack a joke when he had just been...Oh, nevermind. It was Merlin they were talking about. “You utter...Idiot! I-I thought you were dead.”
“Sorry.” He answered unapologetically.
Merlin tried to sit up. “Ooow.” He raised his hand to the back of his head. “I must have hit my head when I fell.” He stated. It was unnecessary.
Arthur helped him sit up, half leaning against the wall and half against Arthur. They sat like that for a few minutes. None of them ready to say something just yet.
Finally Merlin broke the silence. “Wait, were you...crying?”
Arthur shook his head. “Over you? Absolutely not.” His tone couldn’t even convince himself.
“You were!” Merlin’s eyes lit up.
“No.”
“Yes. You thought I was dead and that made you cry.” Merlin teased. He had all right to.
“Okay! My best friend and the person I love over anything was dead. I cried.” Arthur shouted the last words.
Merlin stilled. “You love me?”
“Yes.”
Merlin’s eyes sparkled. “What are you waiting for Pendragon? Ask me out on a date.”
Arthur sighed. Merlin wouldn’t make it easy for him ever. “Will you go on a date with me?” He asked slowly.
Merlin shook his head and grinned while moving his hand to cover Arthur’s. “I know you can do better than that.” Ooh, Merlin was going to regret those words.
Arthur left his spot against the wall to sit right across from Merlin. “Merlin.” He began. “My best friend.” He leaned in closer. “My rock on a stormy night.” Their brows were almost touching. “My moon, my stars.” Skin touched skin and Arthur opened his eyes to see a pair of brilliant blue coloured eyes staring back, the iris almost nonexistent because of the adrenaline and maybe something more. “Me everything.” Merlin shuddered involuntarily under him when Arthur’s soft breath hit his lips. “Will you do me the honour of going on a date with me?”
Merlin was speechless for a couple of seconds. He just opened and closed his mouth without a sound escaping his lips. Their eyes met.
“Yes.”
***
It took them almost exactly one months to track down Cenred. Twenty minutes after getting the text from Arthur that said that Merlin should hall his ass over here the young forensic ducked under the yellow tape that covered the area outside the building.
A cold stone settled in the pit of his stomach. It was the same building that Freya had been shot in a few years earlier. Cenred had been an idiot to come back here, but it would be his last mistake.
In front of the yellow-painted mansion stood Arthur in the middle of the police taskforce. Even at this distance Merlin could see his golden hair and his utter confidence while talking, or rather ordering around, to the other policemen. All that was missing was a cape and a crown and Merlin could almost imagine him as a medieval king preparing his knights for battle.
Arthur turned around and saw Merlin. He raised his hand and waved at him. Merlin smiled tenderly at Arthur's huge grin. It was wonderful how easy it was for him to smile nowadays.
When he reached Arthur Lance came out of the building pushing an angry-looking Cenred before him in handcuffs. Arthur put a hand around Merlin's waist and for that he was forever grateful.
When Cenred and Lance walked past them Cenred spat on the ground before them. “This is not over! I will come back and I will kill everyone you love in front of you and then when you beg for mercy kill you slowly, Merlin. Mark my words. Just you wait.”
Arthur looked murderous but Merlin just answered calmly. “I would wait but unfortunately for you you're going to prison for life, soooo…bye”
Cenred’s reply was muffled because Lance pushed him into a car and shut the door. Cenred’s head may or may not have bumped against the car door on the way in causing him to swear loudly. Lance was way too honourable for taking revenge in such petty ways. If someone saw him grinning smugly when he heard the thump they never said anything.
Lance walked up to Arthur and Merlin when the car had driven away. “Merlin, are you afraid?”
“No.” He answered simply and looked over at Arthur. He would not be afraid again. He had Arthur. Lance smiled knowingly when he saw Merlin’s gaze. “And now if you will excuse us I believe Sergeant Pendragon and I are going to get lunch.”
He took Arthur’s hand and started dragging him away. Arthur held up the police tape so Merlin could duck under once they excited the scene while holding Merlin’s hand in the other. When they could no longer hear the police sirens Arthur smiled at Merlin and pressed a gentle kiss to his temple.
No, Merlin was not afraid at all.