Chapter Text
Nothing lasts forever. Arthur knew that. He just wished that this could have lasted a little longer.
It had been 4 hours and 19 minutes since it all had gone wrong. 259 long, agonizing minutes since some terrorist group had broken Cenred King out of the most secure prison on the planet. No one knew how it had happened, he had disappeared just like magic, and Seargent Arthur Pendragon was not happy.
Neither was his fiancé, Merlin Emrys. “I don’t need a police escort! I can take care of myself. Tell them Lancelot!”
The man in question, who had been the unlucky guy to train the forensic scientist to defend himself, shook his head. “Six months of training self defense is not enough to take on a terrorist organization and a dangerous man who has murdred at least a dozen people so far.”
“And most certainly wants to kill you slowly and painfully, mate.” Gwaine told them helpfully.
Merlin turned to the handsome detective. “Thank you, Gwaine.”
Gwaine winked at Merlin. “Anytime.”
Arthur groaned. “Merlin, listen…”
“I’m done listening!” Merlin walked to the middle of the room the team was currently sitting in. “It’s all I have ever done. Listening to you guys.” He deepened his voice at a poor attempt to replicate Arthur’s. “We are trained detectives, we know best, Merlin. Do that Merlin. Sit there Merlin so you don’t get a papercut while we storm into this building, guns drawn into the nests of the bad guys.”
The other’s faces portrayed the guilt they were feeling. They knew that they could have done that better. It was just that last time they had left Merlin unsupervised he had ended up getting shot.
“It’s my life.”
Arthur lowered his gaze. “I know love.”
He got out of his chair to wrap his arms around Merlin’s shaking shoulders. “I know.”
Merlin looked at Arthur. “I’m sorry. I love you.”
Arthur nodded. “I know.” He repeated as he kissed Merlin passionately. The other people in the room looked away awkwardly. Except Gwaine because he was… you know… Gwaine. Instead he wolf whistled which caused the couple to break apart.
Merlin cheeks were red when he looked at Arthur. “I guess, it would not be the worst thing if we walked home together from now on. Just to be sure.”
Arthur nodded. It was not long between their apartment and the precinct because they both often got called into work on short notice. But Arthur would take anything Merlin could give right now.
***
Two days later both Merlin and Arthur had stayed late working on a case together. It was only when Merlin practically had fallen asleep in Arthur's lap, despite drinking tons of coffee, that Arthur had kissed the raven haired man’s brow and announced that they both needed some sleep.
The clock was just after midnight when they exited the precinct’s door and stepped out into the cold winter night. During the day a layer of glistering and featherlight snow had come to cover the road. Footprints ran to the left and right along the street where the couple walked hand in hand. The moon hovered over them watching them silently.
After a hundred meters of walking in silence, just enjoying each other's company, Merlin stopped causing Arthur to bump into him.
Merlin’s cheeks were stained with two rose-coloured spots below his cheekbones and his eyes sparkled in the starlight. His wild dark hair was full white snowflakes and he grinned at Arthur mischievously. Arthur thought that he had never been more beautiful than in that moment.
Unfortunately for him, he was too distracted by the thought of kissing those red lips to see the snowball that hit him square in the face a second later. When he shook the snow out of his eyes he heard the bright laugh that followed. It left him with a feeling of happiness he would remember for a long time to come. Later he would wish that he could have just stayed there in the moment forever. Appreciated it. Maybe run up to Merlin with the turquoise eyes filled with starlight he remembered so well and hug him and never let go.
But in that moment all he did was let the moment pass to find the most fitting pile of snow to make a snowball. The snowball fight lasted for a couple of minutes before a round object came flying out of an alley and landed at Merlin’s feet with a metallic clank.
Nothing lasts forever except the moment when you see the love of your life die in front of you. During the months to come Arthur would replay that second a thousand times. He would play out different scenarios every time. If he had seen it earlier, been more alert, he could have warned Merlin. If he had been a few meters to the left he could have tackled Merlin and saved him. He could have run and thrown away the grenade instead of just standing there. He could have done a million things to prevent his death before that moment.
But that time, the only time that really mattered, there was just the snow-covered street bathed in moonlight and the two of them just looking at each other across the distance. Not a sound could be heard. It was like the world passed for a second before it became an inferno.
***
Countless doctors had told him that he had been lucky. Lucky to be alive. Lucky to escape with minimal scarring. Arthur was not so sure.
It had been four months since the day Merlin had been murdered. It had been 122 days since he had failed him and he had felt remorse every day since.
The team was not much better. Arthur did not think that he had seen Gwaine sober one time since that day. He could not remember one day that Lancelot had smiled since the funeral, despite Gwen’s efforts. But none of them knew how he felt. None of them knew how it was to have seen it happen.
They had all drenched themselves in work. Case after case had been cleared with a tempo like none before. It was like not one of them would rest before justice had been served. For Merlin it hadn’t. They had no leads, no places to search and no suspects. But every one of them knew who had done it.
Finally they had had to accept that the trail behind Cenred had turned cold. Some were more accepting than others. On the day after new years eve Arthur was for the first time working on a case not connected to Cenred. New year, new opportunities right? What a crapload of bullshit.
But Leon had finally told him that if he didn’t stop the self pitying he would tell his father. So what choice did he have?
The case itself was boring. A breakin at a grocery store. Some things were stolen but nothing serious. Some cleaning supplies, some cloth, a bucket…
He refused to visit the crime scene and instead a forensic scientist, that was not Merlin, had swiped the scene. Arthut would get the results any minute now from Leon and in the meantime he was looking through the security tapes from outside the store. There was nothing interesting yet but there was still hope.
Leon entered quietly through the door. The only sound that could be heard was his shoes hitting the floor.
“I got the results, sir.” Leon handed him the papers.
Arthur studied them closely. Finally they had a lead because the non-Merlin guy had found a set of fingerprints belonging to a guy named Daegal.
“Thanks Leon. This is good news.” He tried to smile at his second in command.
Leon saw right through it. “Merlin would be proud of you, Arthur.” He added softly.
Leon never called him Arthur. He had not since they were kids. Once again his mind was filled with pictures and memories of that smile. The smile that made his heart ache.
“It hurts, Leon.” He admitted. “So much.”
Leon sat down at the chair next to him. “I know.”
“Why?” Arthur demanded.
“Because it mattered.”
Arthur didn’t answer. What was there left to say anyway? Instead he turned back and resumed the tape. They sat for a few minutes just looking at it.
Suddenly Arthur stopped the tape. He frowned.
“What is it?” Leon asked, suddenly alert.
Arthur leaned forward and rewound the tape. It was in the middle of the day at the video and people rushed past the store. Arthur did not say a word and instead just pointed at a woman who came out of the store with the back to the camera. She had long, well kept and black hair flowing freely down her back and a long grey coat. Just before she walked out of frame she briefly turned around so they could see her face.
It was not a face Leon had ever expected to see again. Especially because she was supposed to be dead. You know, rotting-in-a-grave-100-miles-from-there-dead. Not walking around in high heels. But there was no one else it could be. It must be her.
Leon looked over at her brother as he spoke. “Morgana.”
Arthur just nodded numbly.