Chapter Text
Kaeya makes his way to the emergency meeting in Jean's office with a little skip in his step, humming a tune along the way. Today couldn't have been a more perfect day with the clouds high in the sky and a bouquet of cecelias in hand for Chief Alchemist dearest. Needless to say, Kaeya was in high spirits. He even had the perfect little teasing comment about Jean's gucci eyebags ready on the top of his tongue.
That was, until he opened the door to the Acting Grand Master's office.
Pens and papers were scattered across the floor, books had tumbled off their respective placed on cedas shelves, a bottle of ink had been tipped over where it stood on the table as its contents leaked onto the carpet in a miserable mess.
"Kaeya! Thank Barbatos you're here!"
Violet eye left permenantly stained carpet to look up and see Venti standing high on Jean's table lifting none other than a crying toddler with familiar mop of blonde hair as his colleagues stood around in what had to be fear.
"W-what..." he stuttered, pupil blown wide in shock, "what happened here?"
Sucrose stepped out from the corner she had conveniently tucked herself away in and lowered the hardcover encyclopedia from her head before clearing here throat to speak.
"Well you see, um... I- I-," she groaned and tugged at fistfuls of mint green hair. "Me and Mister Albedo were working on a potion to help me get rid of my- my stupid ears and- and s-something must have gone wrong in my formula and then Klee came running into the lab and ran into the table Albedo was working on and the potion spilled everywhere and then he-"
"As you can see Kaeya, your beloved chief alchemist has turned himself into a wee baby," Venti said from where he was still standing on the table. A childe who looked no more than the age of four was held awkwardly in the air by the armpits by Mondstadt's archon, distress clear in teary teal eyes. Somewhere in the periphery of his vision, Kaeya notices Lisa patting the back of a very guilty looking Sucrose.
"Klee didn't know what to do, so Klee brought big brother to Jean!" the Spark Knight said, pointing a finger enthusiastically towards Jean. Her eyebags looked just a little heavier than usual.
Kaeya's has was spinning with all the information. First of all, there was the overwhelming urge to sink his teeth into one of baby Albedo's fat little cheeks. Secondly, Albedo - the ever calm, ever straight-faced alchemist who rarely moved a muscle if not to adjust a potion or return Kaeya's affectionate cuddles and kisses - had single handedly destroyed any form of order in Jean's office? Thirdly-
"Can we change him back?" he asked, albeit hesitantly - Albedo was looking at him curiously, mouth chewing on one of his little fingers, and Kaeya swore his heart stopped beating for a good five seconds.
"The effects of the potion should wear off anywhere between the second and fifth day," Sucrose said. "Mister Albedo and I were working on a potion that was to be taken at regular intervals in order to keep the effects of it going, so he should return to normal sooner or later."
"Ah, what a shame," Venti voiced Kaeya's thoughts, taking a seat on the edge of the desk instead and squishing baby Albedo's cheeks between his fingers. "Isn't he adorable? Jean, you can do with one less Knight, right? Or you could ask Lisa to take his place! We can let Albedo remain small and chubby forever and squish him to relief stress- ow! Ow ow ow owww stop it! Speak of the devil-"
Albedo has opted to headbutting Venti, effectively freeing himself before his face was permenantly adorned with fish lips and flat cheeks. Then, he reached up with tiny hands and tugged as hard as he could on one of Venti's glowing braids before distressed whines left his mouth.
And that was when Kaeya decided to step in before he melted then and there or he died trying to hold his laughter.
"There there now, I think you've traumatised everyone quite enough for one day, don't you think so, Albedo dearest?" Kaeya scolded teasingly, scooping the baby into his arms - much to the relief of Venti, who flopped backwards on the desk with a sigh. "I think I'll take him off your hands for a bit so you can conduct a little damage control, Acting Grand Master," he said addressing everyone in the room. With another quick glance at Lisa's tangled ponytail, Venti's hat wet with drool and Jean's silent but grateful eyes, Kaeya decided that yes - he would definitely be more than glad to whisk the child away. Totally not to keep the cuteness all to himself. He would never.
Kicking the door closed with the back of his heel, Kaeya lifted a surprisingly tame and smiling child to look him in the eye.
"Kaya!" small Albedo giggled, making grabby hands at him and opting to rest his head on Kaeya's shoulder adorned with the fur coat.
Holy shit.
Kaeya could have passed on right then and he would have died a happy man.
However, he decided that he wouldn't be completely, truly satisfied if he didn't take the opportunity to be a menace to society - more specifically, Diluc - one last time. And with that thought and a child cradled in his arm against his chest, he made his way out of the Ordo Favonius Headquarters.