Chapter Text
Standing in the terminal at the airport with Buck in his fatigues, Eddie finally understood the other side of the situation. He’d been the one to leave years ago, but the pain on this side seemed so much worse. Eddie didn’t know how he was going to be able to let Buck go to war without Eddie there to watch his back.
When Buck had gotten the notice a month ago Eddie couldn't believe it.
The innocent little envelope lay torn open on the kitchen table between them as Buck had stumbled through an explanation. He told Eddie about joining the army to get into college and then realizing that it wasn't really for him. But Buck hadn't read the fine print though and he was stuck for the next four years. He left the minute that he could but they’d told him that he could be called back at any time in the next six years.
Buck had almost forgotten that part of his life in the bliss of his present, but when that dreaded letter came in it all came rushing back. Eddie held the shaking, nervous wreck of his husband until he'd come to himself enough to explain the situation that he never thought would arise ever again.
Now, after saying goodbye to the 118 and his crying sister and Chris who had refused to talk to him until the last moment where he’d realized that he wouldn't see Buck for the next ten months, Eddie and Buck stood alone in the airport just minutes before Buck had to leave.
“You have to promise me. You can't leave without promising me.” Eddie held Buck’s hand in a tight grip, and Buck didn’t think he’d be able to pull away if he wanted.
“Sweetheart, you know the rules- never make a promise you don't know if you'll be able to keep.” Buck tried, running his thumbs over Eddie’s hands, trying not to let his own hands tremble.
“I don't care, lie to me if you have to. I need this- we need this.” The pleading look on his face was enough to break Buck’s heart, and he pulled Eddie close, wrapping his arms around him.
“I promise you that I will be completely safe and I will see you when I get back.” Buck swore, praying to whoever was listening that he’d be able to fulfill the faithless promise. “I love you.”
Eddie sniffed, and sounded conspicuously wet as he spoke into Buck’s shoulder, “Was that one a lie too?” he asked petulantly.
“No! I promise you, I swear I love you with every last breath in my body.”
Eddie sighed, settling himself against Buck, “I don't want your last breath, dumbass. I want you here with me.”
Somewhere in the airport, a disembodied voice called boarding on Buck’s plane, a cruel siren’s call pulling away his lover.
“I have to go now, I’m already a little late. I left you something in our bedroom, in case you need to remember how much I love you.” Buck murmured, not pulling away from Eddie just yet.
“I don't need anything to know how much you love me.” Eddie said. The ‘I just need you to come back’ was left unsaid. Eddie didn’t want to make this any harder for Buck than he already had, crying all over him like a baby. Like he didn’t already know how hard this was gonna be.
“Ten months sweetheart. It's just ten months.” Buck pressed a kiss to Eddie’s lips, and they melted into each other. The kiss tasted of tears and desperation and love and them.
When they finally broke apart, they stood there for a second, breathing in each other’s air as they leaned their foreheads together. Eventually, Eddie pushed away from Buck, and they both ignored the wet spot on Buck’s sweatshirt and Eddie’s red eyes.
“It's too long, is what it is…” Another call for his flight. “You need to go, Buck.”
“Goodby-”
“Don't say that.”
“Hah, you always did hate the cheesy cliche nonsense,” Buck laughed lightly as he hiked his bag up, and checked his pockets for all his things.
“I'll see you later, Buck.”
“I'll see you later, Eddie.”
Buck made his way through security, constantly turning around to wave goodbye to Eddie, who stood there watching the whole time. Once he crossed TSA, Buck looked over his shoulder one last time and Eddie was still standing there, arms crossed stoically over his chest, his lip pulled in between his teeth in the way that Buck knew Eddie did when he was trying not to cry. Buck pulled in his own shaky breath and plastered on a wide smile as he waved goodbye for the last time, turning and walking away quickly so the urge to run back into Eddie's arms would somehow lessen.
“Buckley! Call for you!” his CO yelled and Buck left his kit where he'd been restocking for the next mission to run to the command tent where there was a telecommunication setup. It was the same tent in which he called Eddie and Chris as often as he could. He tried to make it once a week but sometimes even that was unmanageable. They played phone tag a lot and eventually just got used to leaving each other heavily detailed emails in which they poured out their hearts between the lines of casual conversation.
Buck and Eddie didn't have any calls scheduled for right now but sometimes family members would ring up soldiers on the off chance that they had a moment to spare and command was usually pretty good about letting people have the time to talk. Everyone understood the pain of missing family something fierce.
From the other end of a long distance phone call, Buck heard a tinny voice tell him the one thing he never wanted to hear.
“Hello? Hello? I can barely hear you, can you speak up please?
I- what do you mean there's been an accident?
Where is he right now? How is he doing? What's going on?
Why did you call me if you don't have any answers!
I'll be there as fast as I can, don't- don't stop.
Do whatever you have to.”
Being someone's first emergency contact and ending up halfway across the world really sucked.
Buck was vibrating out of his skin as the cab finally pulled into the hospital and he ran into the building looking like a bat escaped from hell. In the waiting room he saw Bobby sitting alone, likely waiting for him or for someone who had the rights to make decisions for Eddie. To make decisions for an Eddie who was unconscious, hurt, worse- and unable to make decisions for himself.
“I got here as fast as I could, Bobby,” Buck panted lightly, breathless, partly because of the run from the parking lot, partly because the nerves sat like a knot on top of his throat and refused to let him draw a full breath.
Bobby patted a rough hand against Buck’s stiff shoulder. “Kid, I'm so sorry.”
“What happened?!”
“There was an incident-” he started carefully, but Buck, wound like a spring, exploded.
“Can you stop sugarcoating this for me? I just flew 20 hours in the bottom of a cargo plane because someone told me my husband had been in an accident and nothing else , I don't have time to fuck around- What. Happened.” Buck let out a rough swear of frustration, but Bobby took none of it to heart.
“There was a sniper and-”
Buck laughed, a nervous, frantic, crazed laugh.
“There was a sniper ? I was the one in the war zone- where the hell did the sniper come from in the middle of downtown LA?”
“We don't have information on the attacker yet-” Buck was not getting any of the actual answers right now, and he really wasn’t in the right headspace to find the words to make it happen. All he cared about was-
“Fuck the sniper- where's Eddie?” There, five easy words to get him the information he wanted, and that he’d probably regret once his head came back on straight.
“He's in the ICU right now and he's been stabilized. He lost a lot of blood and they were having some trouble finding a match but they managed to get him back and-”
“...Back from what?” Buck asked slowly.
Bobby watched Buck carefully as he spoke, “He coded a couple times. Once in the ambulance on the way there, once on the table.”
Since the phone call that had summoned him here, Buck had been running on pure nerves and adrenaline. He hadn’t slept for even a second, and hadn’t eaten since breakfast almost a day ago. He was barely holding himself together, but when Buck heard that, he froze for a single second before he completely shattered.
Buck fell to the ground, collapsing to his knees right in the middle of the hospital. Bobby dropped after him, pulling Buck close into his arms, and the younger man let himself be handled. Bobby heard a small whimper, and bent close to hear Buck whisper.
“My husband died and I wasn't here.”
Bobby knew that Buck wasn’t going to be able to process anymore than that at the moment, and he gently guided Buck up and to a stiff plastic chair, gripping him tight the entire way.
When Buck finally came back to himself, Bobby handed him a bottle of water, and resumed his explanation, knowing that Buck needed to hear all the details.
“They stabilized him a couple hours ago and he was put under a medically induced coma because they wanted him to heal as much as he could before he started to exert himself. The doctors are going to try and pull him out of it, maybe even tomorrow, depending on what his vitals are looking like,” Bobby recited methodically. He had memorized the information as soon as it was given to him, the only person available on Eddie’s emergency contact list. He’d done it for Buck, back before he’d found himself a family, and it was a painful throwback for him.
With each fact that Bobby gave him, Buck felt more and more settled, and he pushed the grief aside to let the focus take charge.
“Where's uh, where are Chris and Abuela and Pepa?” Buck asked and he scrubbed a hand over his tired face.
“Chris is at home with them. They haven't quite told him yet- we didn't know how to.”
“I- I'll take care of that. I'll take care of him, just- just let me see Eddie first. Just let me know he's okay.” There was a desperate plea in Buck’s voice, and Bobby didn’t hesitate to point Buck in the right direction.
In a haze, Buck made it to Eddie's hospital room and as he looked upon the face of his husband, pale and withdrawn, shoulder wrapped in gauze, machines strung up all around him, Buck nearly collapsed again. He staggered forward, falling into the chair next to Eddie's bed and he gingerly reached to take his husband's hand.
“Sweetheart, I was the one who promised to make it back okay. Why are you- how- please, please, I can't do this without you. Please wake up, Eddie, please.” Buck gave himself a strict fifteen minutes to sit there and cry next to Eddie, gripping his wrist to feel for his pulse the whole time before he pulled himself together and left Eddie's room with a kiss on his forehead goodbye.
“I'm coming back and I need you to wake up. Chris needs you to wake up. I love you.”
He strode out of the room, locking everything behind a wall, probably scaring a nurse or two with the way he looked. He pushed closed the bathroom door and gripped the sink tightly, looking up into the mirror. His eyes were red, his whole face tear stained and Buck shook his head once, easily plastering on that perfect smile. It was out of place after such a near-tragedy, but knowing his mask was unbroken was a relief he clung to.
He washed his face and let out one deep breath, collecting himself, ready to head back into action.
Bobby was still outside when Buck walked out of the bathroom and he offered to drive him back to their house. Buck nodded wordlessly and followed his captain out to the parking lot.
Too soon they were pulling into Abuela's driveway and Bobby watched as Buck’s hand trembled as he reached for the handle.
“Do you want me to come with you?” Bobby asked quietly.
“No, I can do this. I need to do this.” Buck shook his head, and Bobby left it, knowing that he would drop everything to be here the minute Buck needed him.
With a promise to be there if they needed anything, Bobby drove off watching the figure frozen in front of the door in his rear view mirror.
For a second, Buck just stood there at the door, hesitating as he reached for the knob. Before he could make the decision to walk in, however, the door was thrown open and an excited voice shouted, “Daddy!”
Buck snapped out of his indecision immediately and bent down to grab his son in a hug. He pulled Chris close to his chest, pressing kisses into his hair trying to make up for 5 months of missed affection. He heard Abuela and then Pepa come into the front entrance, both gasping in shock.
He looked up at them behind Chris's back and Buck could see the pain and sympathy in their eyes.
“Daddy, are you finally back? You weren't supposed to be here for another 5 months!” Chris asked, still pressed to Buck, wrapping his arms around his neck in a hold that Buck wouldn't want to break for anything in the world.
“I'm not exactly back yet. They just decided to let me take a quick break to see my favorite people in the world.” Buck explained lightly, running a hand through Christopher’s hair.
“Oh, daddy's not here right now. Tia Pepa said that he got hurt at work so he needed to rest in a hospital where it was quiet and I wouldn't jump into the bed with him,” Chris rambled happily.
Buck choked back the tears that threatened to flood again, “I know, but I was just there to see him and he's okay, he's fine. He's just sleeping, like the lazy bones that he is.” Buck wondered how he was going to keep a strong face when he had to tell Chris the real truth of the situation, but right now he was just glad he could confirm this much.
“Can you take me to go see him? Maybe I could make him a card! I was gonna make you a card when you came back, but you came back early so I didn't have time.” Buck stood, Chris still talking in his arms.
“Maybe not tomorrow, but soon. You can see him soon, and I'm sure I would have loved your card.”
Buck didn’t know how to do this. He didn’t know how to tell their son that his father might not wake up, might not come back, but Buck just bit back all explanation in the face of Chris's excited chattering.
He'd figure out how to do it later. He'd figure out how to break his kid’s heart.
When they’d situated Chris with his lunch in the other room, Buck sat down to talk to Pepa and Abuela.
“I've got 30 days and then I have to go back. 30 days to do- to deal with whatever is going to happen next. I'm so sorry I wasn't here, I'm sorry I couldn't watch his back. I'm sorry-”
“Evanito, stop. You didn't do anything wrong. This wasn't something you could have helped.” Abuela interrupted, placing a soft hand on his shaking arm.
“I left him- I left him alone.” Buck’s voice broke, and he clapped a hand over his mouth, trying not to let his voice carry.
“You were doing your job and so was he.” Pepa soothed from across him, and Buck didn’t know how they were being so sweet, so understanding, so understanding in the face of Buck’s biggest nightmare.
“I promised that I would take care of him and I didn't-”
“Buck-”
“I don't know, I don't know how I’m supposed to do anything. How am I supposed to go on?” he asked brokenly, muffling a sob into his hands.
“Don't speak like that.” Abuela said sharply, her tone full of reproach. “Don't sound like you've absolutely lost hope. Buck, you know better than anyone that our Eddie is a fighter. He's not going to give up yet, and you can’t either.”
Buck gave himself a few more minutes before sitting up with a huff, “I know, you're right. He's going to be fine, everything is going to be fine.”
Telling Chris was one of the most painful things Buck had ever done. Buck felt like he’d tricked Chris into false happiness with his early arrival, and then broken Chris’s heart all over again when he had to admit that Eddie had gotten more than just a little hurt that day, that he wasn’t even conscious yet, and that Buck had no idea how soon Eddie would wake up.
“You know everything, Daddy. Are you sure you don’t know when Dad’s gonna wake up?” Chris asked, once the tears had finally subsided.
It broke Buck's heart to let Chris down, again.
“I'm sorry kiddo, this time, I really don’t know. But I promise you, he’s going to be okay. Your dad’s gonna be fine, eventually.”
Please, Eddie, Buck begged as Chris burrowed into his arms, soft sniffling coming from his son, don't make a liar out of me to our son.
Eddie was asleep for a week. It was the longest week of Buck’s life.
Every day, he’d wake up and check his phone, praying for an update, and had to take a moment to readjust to the disappointment before moving on with his day, getting ready to wake Chris for his day. Every day, he had to let down Christopher’s hopes again, and every day, he sent a prayer to whoever was listening that Buck wouldn’t have to bury his husband before-
Abuela’s voice usually tore that thought away from him, and Buck tried to stay positive. As much as neither of them wanted to, Chris still had to go to school, and Buck found himself with too much time on his hands in his absence. He made the rounds with the 118’s crew, met up with Maddie, hugged her to death, and held his brand new niece close as she squirmed in his arms.
When Buck had told Maddie he was leaving, the siblings held each other close and cried, because they knew that Buck wouldn’t be there for Maddie’s biggest day, and he’d begged her for forgiveness. Maddie had just hugged him tight, and sent him off with a soft kiss on his forehead, and a promise that he would come back to see his niece or nephew as soon as he could.
But for every other spare moment Buck had, he could be found perched at Eddie’s bedside, stroking his hair and whispering promises, prayers, pleas, into the hand that he grabbed the minute he came in and didn’t let go until he had to leave.
It was that hand that twitched in Buck’s, that had him freezing in the middle of a story, staring in shock and raw hope at Eddie’s face as his husband finally blinked his eyes open slowly. Buck’s mouth fell open, eyes immediately welling with tears as he finally saw his husband’s eyes focus on him, and his hand was squeezed softly.
Eddie opened his mouth, presumably to speak, but instead he coughed, and Buck quickly turned to the table to grab a water bottle he’d brought for himself, giving Eddie only the smallest of sips before pressing the call button to summon the nurses.
The two stared at each other, in varying levels of awe and disbelief and relief, and their hands squeezed tightly to each other, as if trying not to let the other get away (as if either of them would be anywhere else right then- not even under the pain of torture.)
The nurses bustled in and out, measuring vitals and checking reactions and asking Eddie more questions than he really had answers to. Half the time, he was more distracted by what clearly had to be a hallucination of his husband in the corner of his room, biting at his lip in that nervous way he always did.
They told him that he’d been out of it for a week, they told him that he was taken out of the medicated coma on day three, and that his body had taken four more days to finally deem itself rebuilt enough. They told him that he’d had a long trail of visitors, that his son had even come to sit with him for a couple hours, and that he was very adorable. They finally told him that he was very lucky to have his husband, who’d burst into the hospital six days ago, still dusty from the desert, and who’d been by his side ever since. Eddie let his eyes go back to Evan, who was still standing unobtrusively in the corner, watching him carefully.
Eddie put out a weak hand, reaching in Buck’s direction, and Buck nearly fell over as he threw himself in toward Eddie, falling to his knees with a heavy thud and grabbing Eddie’s hand so hard it almost hurt.
The nurses took the hint and stepped out, murmuring something that Buck and Eddie didn’t hear about the doctor coming in later.
“You- you’re really here?” Eddie asked, voice still raspy with disuse.
“I’m here, and you’re here, and you’re okay-” Buck rambled, cupping his other hand on Eddie's face, caressing him so softly with a thumb that Eddie could barely feel it.
“God, I leave you alone for a couple months and you go and get yourself shot.” Buck teased in a choked voice, bending his head to rest against their joined hands. Eddie looked over the hunched form of his husband, the man that was still supposed to be overseas, completing the last of his contract to the army. He’d dreamed of Buck while he was gone, often imagining him coming home, and their joyful reunion. Eddie hadn't quite imagined that they would meet again in a hospital bed, but from what he could see of Buck, the man was unhurt, and that was more than Eddie could ask for.
“I’m sorry Buck, I just couldn’t wait to see you,” Eddie tried, but when Buck looked up with a glare, eyes red and pained, Eddie winced apologetically.
“That is absolutely not funny, Edmundo.” Oh, the full name, Buck really was upset. “I thought that you- that I- god.” Buck cut himself off with a sharp inhale, and he looked away. “You can not do that to me Eddie, I’m pretty sure I lost like 10 years right off my life, asshole. What am I supposed to do without you? What is Christopher supposed to do?”
“You’d move on, you’re strong Buck, and I left Christopher in the best hands that could possibly care for him: yours.”
“You can’t - Eddie, you, you’re my everything. I can’t go on without you. I couldn’t- how can you say that?”
A sob tore its way out of Buck, and Eddie nearly lurched forward to pull him close, before he tugged on his stitches, and Eddie fell back with a hiss and Buck looked up in panic. Suddenly, the need to care for Eddie outweighed the panic still coursing through him, and Buck busied himself with readjusting Eddie’s pillows and patting him down to his own satisfaction to check for any more injuries that a week of constant observation at a hospital would have somehow missed.
“Buck, please, sweetheart, just come here?” Eddie asked softly.
“I- I need to get the doctor and - and call everyone, and y-you need clothes-”
“Buck,” the gentle voice calling for him cut him deep, a wrecking ball coming through the walls he was trying to put up, and Buck let himself fall. He sank into the chair he’d occupied for the past week, draping himself across Eddie’s legs to hide his face, and then he broke. Heavy sobs and tears poured out of him like he hadn’t let himself since that first day, and Eddie felt his own heart break with Buck’s. For what felt like hours, Buck let his heart shatter into pieces in Eddie’s lap, but with every soothing stroke through his hair, with every whispered word of comfort, Eddie was determined to put it back together.
Eddie felt Buck’s crying taper off, and eventually his breaths evened out too, but Eddie didn’t let his one working arm stop, trying to effuse his love into Buck as best as he could. Soon enough, he’d dozed as well.
A commotion at the door woke them and they jerked awake, vigilance and training kicking in.
“I really am sorry to wake you two. I know you both need as much rest as you can get, but you’ve got a string of visitors waiting outside, and I need to run evaluations, just some post-medical coma protocols.” The doctor ran Eddie through a series of mental and physical tests, and Buck looked on carefully the whole time, asking careful questions where he felt the need to. By the end of it all, the doctor happily cleared Eddie.
“Beyond another day of observation, just for our satisfaction, you look to be in good health. Well, as good a man can be after he’s been shot in the shoulder. I see you’ve got some experience with this kind of injury, so I hope I don't have to specifically tell you about the things that you need to avoid.” He looked meaningfully over his board at them, and Eddie flushed slightly. “Now, I think that as long as nothing goes disastrously wrong in the next day, I can release you into the care of your loving husband to rest and recover at home.”
Instead of the enthusiastic agreement and promises that Eddie expected from Buck, there was a moment of tense silence, and Eddie looked over to see tension etched on Buck’s features.
“How long will he need mobility support, physical assistance and the like?” Buck asked carefully.
“For the first couple weeks, pretty much all the time, and then as support needed up until 6-8 weeks from now. Someone will have to help change bandages in the next couple weeks, but after that it’s just a matter of not over exerting yourself,” the doctor explained.
Buck nodded stiffly. “Okay, thank you doctor, we appreciate it.”
As the doctor left, Eddie watched Buck’s face closely. There was something he was hiding from him, but the waves of pain medication coursing through his veins were not helpful as Eddie tried to figure out what it was.
“Buck-” Eddie started.
“Christopher, we need to- he needs to know you’re awake,” Buck muttered, not looking at Eddie. He patted down his pockets, looking for his phone, and spotted it in the corner of the room where he’d left it charging.
Eddie sighed as Buck avoided him, but he was no less excited to see his son after so long.
“Dad!” A bright voice said from the phone, and all of Eddie’s worries melted away into,
“ Christopher.”
“Dad, how are you? Are you better now? You’ve been asleep for so long!” Christopher rambled, questions bubbling out of him, “I missed you,” he added softly.
A sharp pain cut into Eddie's chest, and he knew that it wasn’t from the gunshot. “I missed you too mijo, I'm so sorry I’ve been gone so long.”
“Your daddy’s been taking great care of me, and we’ll be home soon, I promise,'' Eddie soothed, reaching for the Buck’s free hand.
“Daddy’s been moping all week, and Abuela had to make some of her special sopa so he would feel better. Tia Pepa said that he just needed you to feel better though. Are you feeling better now, Bucky?”
“I-” Buck had to clear his throat to speak properly, “I’m just fine buddy, your dad's here, and I’m all good now.”
There was a scrabbling on the other end of the phone, and the camera waved around before finally settling on a low surface, Abuela and Tia Pepa, on the sofa, with Christopher snuggled between them.
“Oh there he is, gracias a dios, I knew he was going to be okay.” Abuela said, hugging Christopher close, almost as a proxy to her grandson.
“He was just being stubborn and needed a kiss from his Prince Charming to wake him up,” Tia Pepa teased, and Eddie protested with a blush, but it broke into a big yawn.
“Okay, I think it’s time for your dad to rest so he can come home as soon as possible now.”
They said their goodbyes, Christopher and Eddie blowing each other kisses and promises to be good before they hung up.
There had been a faraway look in Buck’s eyes the whole time, but even before Eddie could try to bring it up again, Buck dropped a quick kiss onto Eddie’s head, and then stepped out, promising to be right back.
In the inpatient waiting room, Buck saw Chim and Hen, who were likely off shift, and waiting to sit with Eddie. He pushed the doors open, and they stood up, scanning his face for any hint of news.
“He’s awake,” Buck said tiredly, but a smile stretched over his face anyways.
“Oh thank god!” Hen exclaimed, tightly hugging Buck.
Chim cheered and joined their hug, squeezing Buck in between them in a squish of affection that left Buck feeling lighter.
“You can go in to see him, I need to make a few phone calls,” Buck finally pulled away, and Hen nodded.
“You take care of whatever you need to, we’ve got your boy,” she said softly.
Outside the hospital, Buck flopped down onto a curb, and flipped his phone between his hands. After a week of holding it together, of feeling completely helpless as he watched his husband lying in bed, Buck could finally do something, and he was nearly jittery with the urge to make things better.
His first priority was making sure that Eddie and Chris were taken care of.
“Hi Carla, we need to talk.”
The next day, Eddie and Buck waited with bated breath as the doctor flipped through Eddie’s chart, scanning through the numbers and tests that the nurses had taken in a whirlwind an hour ago.
“Well, Mr. Buckley-Diaz, it looks like you’re good to go! Keep all pressure away from your arm and don't exert it whatsoever. The nurse will give you the documents and instructions for care of injury. I'm sure you'll have all the help you need to recuperate soon enough. I wish you the best of luck.” The doctor flipped his foder closed, and patted Eddie's leg as he left.
Eddie pulled Buck down with his good arm into a firm kiss, relieved to finally confirm the good news.
“Let's go home, sweetheart.” Buck smiled down at Eddie, finally feeling like he could breathe again.
“Take me home, Buck.”
When they’d gotten home, their entire family had been there to celebrate Eddie’s recovery. Abuela and Tia Pepa had cooked too much food, but no one was complaining about the abundance of delicious dishes. Maddie and Chim had brought Jee, who was happy to gurgle happily in her travel bassinet. Hen was on duty pulling a 24, but she and Karen had sent her love, and a tray of cookies that Denny and Nia had decorated. Athena had dropped in on her break, giving Eddie her best wishes and promising that the sniper had been taken down, that there was no more danger to them.
After the party had cleared out, full of laughter and love and family, Buck helped Eddie into bed. Clothes changed, bandages redressed, and lights turned low, Buck fluffed the pillows carefully around Eddie’s shoulder. They hadn’t said a word to each other, nothing substantial at least, but Buck knew he wouldn't be able to avoid the conversation forever.
His plans to escape for the night however, were ruined, when Eddie asked, “Where are you going?”
“I don’t want to hurt you on accident- I’ll sleep on the couch. Shout if you need me, but I'll probably check in all night anyways.” Buck said quickly, grabbing his pajamas and cellphone from the side table, his side table, the one that had been empty for far too long.
As Buck brushed by the bed, Eddie reached across and tried to grab for Buck’s wrist, but he dropped his arm with a pained grunt.
“Eddie! What- you can’t do that!” Buck dropped his things, and gently pushed Eddie’s arm back to the position he’d set him up in. “What do you need?”
Eddie turned his right hand to face up slowly, and Buck held his fingers in his own grip.
“You, Buck, I need you.” Buck’s face fell at that, and Eddie held on tighter with the fear that Buck would try and leave again.
“Buck just, just come up here, please? It’s my right side that's the problem, and you can sleep here on the left, like you always do. It’s not gonna hurt me, you’re not gonna hurt me. Please just, come lie with me.” Eddie pleaded, and Buck finally gave in.
“God I can’t say no to you, not with that little upset face you’re making. I’ll be right back,” he sighed and waited for Eddie to let go of his hand before he rushed through his night routine, just as desperate as Eddie to curl up next to his husband.
Hesitantly, Buck climbed onto his side of the bed, as close to the edge as possible. Eddie swung his left hand out patting around for Buck and let out what was definitely not a whine when he couldn’t reach him.
“Buck, come on.”
Buck pushed closer, knowing that Eddie wouldn’t give up until he’d gotten what he wanted, or hurt himself trying to get it. He stayed a full foot away from Eddie, but reached for Eddie’s hand and held on with a firm grip.
For a while, they just lay there, soaking in each other's presence.
Buck was just happy to see that his husband was well enough to be up and about on his own even if he needed some help getting settled.It had been a long day for both of them and Buck was sure that Eddie would be exhausted from the pain and social interaction he'd sat through all day, so it was a surprise to Buck when Eddie was the first one to speak up again.
“Are we ever going to talk about what's wrong?”
“There's nothing wrong, Eddie,” Buck said, glad for the fact that Eddie couldn't roll over and look him in the eyes. He could always tell when Buck was lying when Eddie looked into his eyes.
“Don't give me that bullshit. Something's been bothering you and I don't know why you refuse to talk to me about it.” Eddie huffed, knowing his husband all too well to take that statement at face value.
“Eddie, it's been a long day. You shouldn't worry yourself like this, with all my baggage.” Buck mumbled, sighing heavily as he stared up at the ceiling
“Buck, are you kidding me? Baggage? Are you listening to yourself? I married you! I love you! Buck, whatever is your problem is my problem and I want to help you carry it. It's not baggage, or, or a burden- Buck, please talk to me.” Buck could hear the frustration and worry ramp up in Eddie’s voice and he wished that for once, Eddie wouldn’t know him so well.
“Fine! Fine, you want me to talk to you? I left you alone- I didn't have your back. I let you get hurt and now I can't even stay long enough to make sure that you get better after, Eddie. I can't take care of you and cherish you like I promised I would because I made a stupid mistake when I was young and I'm still suffering for it. You're suffering for it.” Buck’s voice was harsh and angry, but they both knew that the intent was only self-directed.
There was so much wrong with that for Eddie to unpack, but he started off slow.
“First off Buck, you didn't leave me. You had a job to do, you had a duty, and you're fulfilling it. You didn't leave me alone. Buck, you can't always be around anyway, that's just not realistic-” Eddie tries.
“But I should! I promised you! I-”
“Buck we promised each other, didn't we?” Buck fell back into silence, and Eddie wondered if both their thoughts were in the same place, back to the vows they’d made each other in front of their loved ones.
There wasn't a response from Buck and Eddie finally made up his mind and slowly turned onto his good shoulder to face Buck, who let out a shout of alarm, “What-? Eddie, stop!”
“Nope, I need to see your face while we have this absolutely mind-boggling conversation, bud.”
Eddie was panting a bit as he lay propped up on his side, but he was stable and the pain didn't seem to be that bad so Buck let him be, looking down at their joined hands instead of Eddie's face.
“Buck, this was a freak accident. There was nothing you could have done. And you had my back. You were here as soon as you found out, you took care of Christopher and Abuela and Pepa the whole time, and you were with me the minute I woke up- Buck, you had my back.”
Eddie could see the minute that Buck’s defenses finally gave in and his face crumpled
“I thought you were dead. Eddie, I heard them tell me there was an accident and that you were being rushed to the hospital and that was all I knew and Eddie I swear to God I thought you were dead -
I couldn't- I can't- I- I didn't know how to go on.”
Buck had turned on his side, and he pressed his face into Eddie’s chest carefully. Eddie’s arm came around him to pull him closer, neither of them wanting even an inch of space between them. “Buck, I'm here, I'm fine, I promise everything's okay. You're here, we're together. No matter what happens, we can handle it together.” Eddie promised, trying to make sure that Buck didn’t spiral any further.
“Eddie, I'm only here for a month . One week of that is already gone. I can't even be here long enough to make sure you get back on your feet before I have to go and spend another five months in the god forsaken desert where I can only hear your voice maybe twice a month.” The words tumbled out of him painfully.
“God, Eddie, I can't do this anymore. I don’t want to go.” Buck confessed, voice small and empty.
The realization sent a shock of cold through Eddie as well. In all the chaos, Eddie hadn't stopped to think how it was that Buck was here in LA five months earlier than he was supposed to be.
He must have taken the same emergency leave that Eddie had all those years ago for Shannon.
Buck would have to go back in 3 weeks.
It wasn't enough.
“I love you cariño, you'll be okay. We'll figure it out. I love you.”
Three weeks later, Buck and Eddie were back at the airport.
“You have to promise me. I’m not gonna leave until you promise me.”
“Sweetheart, you know the rules- never make a promise you don't know if you'll be able to keep- ow!” Eddie rubbed lightly at the swat that Buck had given him.
“Don’t get smart babe, I don’t trust you to keep yourself in one piece anymore.” Buck said fake-angrily, and Eddie pulled him in for an apologetic kiss.
“I promise that I will stay out of trouble and try not to get hurt anymore.”
“I guess that’s the best I’m gonna get out of you, huh?”
They’d waited until the last minute again, and out of the corner of his eye, Eddie saw the departure board flashing with Buck’s flight. Buck clearly saw the same, because the two reluctantly pulled apart.
“I’ll see you soon, sweetheart.” Buck said, imbuing the words with a promise he intended to keep. There was nothing that was going to keep Buck from coming back to his husband and son.
His smile was small and tremulous, but it was there. Like a vow, he answered, “I’ll see you soon, Buck.”