Chapter Text
It's the morning after New Year's, and Nougat de Montélimar lingers on his tongue.
He enjoys it, even if it's another reminder of his brother.
No bombs or traps, this time.
Not yet.
The stupidly gaudy blazer reappeared in his new closet, which was annoying, but nothing by Kusuke's standards. He can't relax, but he can't be anxious all the time either.
He can't give Kusuke the satisfaction of affecting him, because he escalates. His ego inflates. How irritating, to be stuck in the middle.
Whatever, it's not like he needs to prepare for his plans. His reaction time is fast enough.
Just not fast enough to counter his mom.
"Are you going out? Please spend your New Year's money as Ku-kun intended~!"
She doesn't look up from the mail she's sifting through. The letter-opener lies next to her. Unusually sharp.
With his telepathy-blocking device, how could Saiki conceivably know Kusuke's intentions? The writing on the envelope? What envelope?
[It seems that loitering cat has left shreds of paper outside,] he says. [I'll clean it up.]
"Oh dear, is Amp being naughty again?" She holds out a can of luxury tuna. Already opened. It's too good for that freeloader, but Saiki takes it anyway. "Papa must've forgotten to feed him. Ku-chan, can you do it for me?"
[We wouldn't have this problem if he didn't get attached.]
"But Papa is the cutest when he's conflicted," she answers dreamily, as easy as breathing. His dad, cute? Gross. "He loves me, so he tries to hide his love for Amp, because I'm allergic... he isn't sneaky at all." Oh no, is Amp the mistress that Papa's seeing on the sly? How awful. Hehe, it's like I'm the heroine of that one drama. What was it called again... "Ku-chan, please help me out? My memory isn't like what it used to be."
[There's at least a hundred dramas with that exact plotline.]
"So it's 'A Hundred Ways to Love You!' Thank you." Mm-hm, it isn't as fun when the answer is given to me outright. Good thing that Ku-chan and Ku-kun love their riddles. That brings back memories. "You're already so sweet, so don't buy too many sweets! Spend at least three-quarters of your money on clothes, or else I'll be sad for Ku-kun."
She doesn't say that Kusuke would be sad. Even if it was true, Saiki wouldn't care.
She knows them too well.
[Don't you want to come with me? You've always wanted a mother-daughter shopping trip.]
"Do you want one?"
[...Not really.]
"Then I don't want one either." Her declaration is simple, straightforward. Her thoughts are quieter. It sounds nice, but I never liked the trips with my mama. Too much walking. Who needs a gym card membership when you can window-shop? Ahh, it wasn't fun at all. It's good that my babies are so independent. "You're always so polite. Oh, where do you get it from? It certainly isn't Papa~!"
He smiles at that, just slightly. [I'm not really a daughter, either.]
"You are." Seeing an argument when there's none. Seeing things that don't exist. Seeing him. "You're a daughter and a son. So don't look so sad. Smile~" You're everything, even when you don't feel like being Ku-chan, or anything at all.
[I'm already smiling, though.]
She pats his cheek, twice, gently, almost like an admonishing slap into reality. One, two.
Between them, there's a pause that doesn't mean anything, but feels like it should. It should be meaningful. It should be.
[I'll be going, then.]
"Have a safe trip!"
It's the morning after New Year's, and Nougat de Montélimar lingers on his tongue.
It's sweet.
During her previous transformations as Kuriko, she wore the school uniform.
She's smarter this time, coaxing her clothes to be as indistinguishable as possible. The last thing she needs is to bump into someone from school. No thanks. Even if she has Teruhashi to thank for indirectly causing the events that led to her new knowledge—blissful normalcy!—she won't do anything about it.
Other than psychically nudge LGBTQ+ acceptance around the world. Only a little. Saiki didn't want to warp reality, but before she knew what happened, it was already done while she was asleep.
Euphoric highs are a scary existence that can defy limiters.
Today's purpose, along with buying clothes, is to access the unintended side-effects.
Everything seems to be the same—
"Yo, partner!"
She doesn't react. She's Kuriko, there's no reason for her to know him. Carefully telegraphing her movements to be unaware of Nendo's confused calls, she extracts herself from the situation.
Success.
If her motorcycle happens to splash dirty water on the thugs harassing Satou Hiroshi—that's just a bonus.
The icing on top of the cake, if you will.
She deserves cake.
Flowers bloom around her mom when she returns home. This is why a middle-aged housewife gets mistaken for a teenage girl.
Once, a classmate hit on her mom. Saiki liquified his spine. It was very awkward for all parties involved.
She plucks the errant flowers in the background. Disturbingly solid, but not out of the norm. Saiki places them in a vase, replacing the cheap plastic tulips that her dad bought. With her mom around, there's no need to visit the florist, but it's still stingy of him. She doesn't throw them in the trash, though. The tulips can go on the windowsill, to block Warp's third-favorite view. Or rather, her spying brother's view.
It goes without saying that the second-favorite is their dad or Saiki being inconvenienced, and the ultimate favorite is their mom existing.
Warp's behavioral patterns are extremely obvious.
"Did you have fun shopping? I can't wait to see my charming daughter in her new clothes~"
While double-checking the balance of the world and her wallet, Saiki might've forgotten a thing or two. Like buying clothes.
It can wait till she's done with her cake.
Eating at home is the best.
"What do you mean, it can't wait until tomorrow? Man, you're so weird."
"I'd rather be weird than..." He clears his throat. "Look, you don't understand, she helped me. I have to thank her."
"By plastering her face all over the streets? This chick isn't a lost cat."
"Yeah, just hand her license over to the police. It's their job, not yours. If she's smart, she'll swing by the lost-and-found box."
"Don't tell me, love at first sight?"
There was a suspicious silence.
"I was joking, but damn. Sha-la-la-la, springtime is here."
"It's winter."
"She's outta your league. Even if her ID screams, 'Hello world, I'm pissed.' But who am I to obstruct true love?"
"Ooh, obstruct. Big words from such a small guy."
"The only thing that's small is Hiroshi's—"
"Shut up."
"No appreciation for baseball puns, I see. You gotta step up your game if you wanna get the girl."
"Judging from the uniform and her birthday, she must be a first-year."
"Since school starts in four days, you might have a real chance. Don't spend too much of your winter break daydreaming about her... Haha, just kidding! Good luck."
Absorbed in a crappy video game, Saiki doesn't notice it at first. The images of her face. On posters. Everywhere.
People thinking about her. Her appearance. Why are people thinking about her? She hates it.
[Finally, he's made his move.]
Miraculously, it isn't Kusuke's fault this time, but she doesn't know that yet.
Just this once, he'll let her off.
Watching Kuriko struggle by herself is prime entertainment. He's already completed his work, cancelling his meetings with those inconsequential buzzing, balding flies.
Family emergency and all that.
Heh, his drones and Warp can take pictures to commemorate his little sister's arrival in the world. Kuriko grows up so fast. Making new friends, causing sexual crises for girls and boys, swearing vengeance on him for the nth time...
"A photo album sounds nice for her next gift."
And as many restraining orders as her heart desires! Discreet sites, too, for burying dead bodies. Anything she wants.
His eyes curve up into happy crescents.