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A warm hand holding his own, a small smile and icy blue eyes. Xingqiu had never understood why the children around him had called Chongyun cold and unapproachable, had never understood how they could associate these words with someone like Chongyun.

Chongyun who continuously made him smile when no one else did, made him forget about his lectures and everything going on at home. Everything about the boy had always been so enticing, pulling Xingqiu in even when he knew he should be pulling back. Spending time with him was just so fun, every minute spent with the other something that took Xingqiu’s mind off of things and made him feel at ease, made him feel like just another child, made him feel like this was where he belonged (made him feel like perhaps he wouldn’t have to live up to all the expectations placed on him because perhaps being with Chongyun was enough).

Even years later Xingqiu still remembers how he’d met the exorcist back when he wasn’t even 5 feet tall.

He’d heard rumours about the boy, the son of a renowned family of exorcists. It was hard not to with his family possessing knowledge of close to every citizen residing in Liyue including their business and intentions. But not all rumours he heard came from his family, some he overheard in passing or when other children his age spoke louder than likely deemed appropriate while he made his way to Wanwen Bookhouse, calling him ‘different’ and even ‘strange’. Xingqiu had wanted to find the boy they were talking about, knew to form his own opinion rather than taking over the ones of strangers. He knew he shouldn’t, knew the notion wouldn’t provide any benefit for his studies. And still - he wanted to, wanted to find the exorcist boy around his age who only dressed in whites and light blues and had near catlike eyes. Xingqiu wanted even though he knew he likely shouldn’t, what would he even take from this? He would see, perhaps greet and talk to the boy and then… what? If the rumours were correct Xingqiu doubted the boy would talk to him anyway. Nonetheless, ever since he’d heard the boy’s name in passing; Chongyun, it was even harder to keep his thoughts from straying to the mysterious boy. It was admittedly surprising that Xingqiu hadn’t even met him yet, considering he spent almost every day wandering the streets of Liyue Harbour. Evidently he wouldn’t even know where to start looking if he were to pursue the idea of looking for Chongyun.

It turns out he wouldn’t even have to look for the exorcist as the two of them ended up meeting all on their own - or rather - ended up colliding all on their own. Xingqiu had been in a hurry, something he rarely ended up being as most of his days were carefully planned out (except when he snuck off to obtain a new book). Obtaining the book he’d wanted that day had turned out more complicated than expected. The order had ended up arriving later than usual that day and Xingqiu had decided to wait, even though he knew his next lecture would begin soon.

Ultimately he’d ended up obtaining the book with his lecture starting in only a few minutes. The realisation had actually caused Xingqiu to break into a run, something he knew he shouldn’t be doing nor even think about. Even with his seven years he still had an image to uphold.

There’s a reason why Xingqiu avoided to run when passing Liyue Harbour’s streets, a reason he’d been reminded of when colliding with something that made him stumble back and nearly, nearly caused him to hit the floor, if it weren’t for the hand holding onto his arm. The hand which undoubtedly belonged to the person occupying his thoughts more often than he’d ever admit.

“Uh a-are you alright?” His voice sounds calming, Xingqiu had to realise, something he knew shouldn’t be the first thought crossing his mind upon meeting the boy.

“Fine!” Xingqiu’s voice had been more of a squeak than anything, and yet the reply caused a smile to spread on Chongyun’s face. A small and gentle smile, small enough to easily be overlooked. The sight made Xingqiu’s face heat up for reasons he didn’t understand. It also caused him to pull back his arm which had still been caught in the other’s grip. Very strong grip, he couldn’t help but realise.

Finally Xingqiu had met the person he’d been thinking of finding for weeks now and said person was actually talking to him and all Xingqiu could do was behave like a complete fool.

“I’m glad… you seemed in a hurry.” Chongyun had slightly cocked his head at the remark, something that faintly reminded Xingqiu of a cat.

“I was buying a book.”

Not the words he’d been meaning to say but at least it had been something. Chongyun’s eyes widened slightly at the remark, the boy probably as surprised at the words as Xingqiu was for even saying them. Nobody cared about his books, the only books they cared about involved commerce and wealth. His family didn’t care for works of fiction, works involving heroes and epic quests. Xingqiu knew they didn’t, he never even had to ask to figure as much.

“What kind of book?”

Now here was the thing, people tended to ask loads of questions, most questions simply uttered due to appearing polite and seeming interested. Xingqiu rarely got asked anything because the other was actually interested in his response, not like he tended to receive questions that didn’t involve his family’s business to begin with. But Chongyun had actually seemed interested when he’d asked, not because he intended to be polite, but because it appeared like he cared (for whatever reason).

“It ah… it’s a martial arts novel involving the son of a general who had been wrongly put to death… After his father's death, he was brought to a sect, where he was trained in martial arts by the sect's leader, and once he has grown up, he leaves in search of adventure! He ends up discovering a magical sword and a martial arts manual which once belonged to a long-dead enigmatic swordsman and he inherits his possessions and skills and becomes a powerful swordsman and-“

Xingqiu had interrupted himself. When had the last time been where he’d said this much without pause? He couldn’t remember, and faintly wondered if he had ever talked this much about something that didn’t involve trade or the Feiyun Commerce Guild to begin with.

“So you already read the novel before?”

Chongyun had still looked at him, actually looked at him and even seemed interested, and Xingqiu ended up wondering if he’d hit his head after all. “I have not, I have heard about it though.”

Chongyun hummed in thought, acting as if Xingqiu had answered with something extremely complex he needed to contemplate. “Oh, my name is Chongyun! I don’t think I’ve introduced myself yet.”

He hadn’t, not like it mattered since Xingqiu already knew the other’s name.

Chongyun.

He sent him a smile, his class which had started minutes ago completely forgotten (not once had he ever forgotten one of his lessons before).

“My name is Xingqiu, it’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance!”

(Oh how many times he’d said the exact same words, how many times, and yet this had been the first time he’d actually meant them.)

After that fateful encounter the two of them bad been practically glued together, Xingqiu never straying too far from Chongyun’s side even with all the classes and lectures which had started growing in their amount.

Even in between all of them Xingqiu made sure to seek out the exorcist in training, dropping ominous hints and stories but never staying long enough to finish them (not like he’d thought long enough to come up with an ending anyway). In moments like these you could hear Chongyun’s voice calling for him, demanding for Xingqiu to wait up and finish his tales.

But all Chongyun would receive was Xingqiu’s laughter and a small salute as he kept running ahead, a book in his other hand. “I’ll see you later Chongyun!”

And that’s all the exorcist in training had been given before Xingqiu rushed ahead, heading archons know where. Not a rare occurrence really, and yet, both of them found themselves in the exact same situation as countless times before; Xingqiu dropping something uncanny regarding a few mysterious spirit sightings close to Liyue Harbour, a tale of a certain martial art a clan of exorcist possessed which he’d read about, or something entirely new and deranged regarding Chongyun’s pure yang spirit. Whatever it ended up being, not once did Xingqiu actually finish his sentences or elaborated enough for it to actually be beneficial. Every single time Chongyun had ended up running after his friend, demanding answers to his questions and for him to finish explaining because ‘this could be of grave importance Xingqiu!’, he’d always assumed the exorcist in training must surely be aware that most (if not all) of Xingqiu’s tales were a fluke or something completely made up, especially since he would end up miraculously forgetting them a few hours later, but Xingqiu made sure not to comment on it.

Admittedly he couldn’t bring himself to even if he’d wanted, the sight of Chongyun’s eyes widening at his stories too precious to be tainted. The fact that Xingqiu had an excuse to visit the exorcist more than necessary had simply been an added benefit.

Even years later Xingqiu still hasn’t inquired if the other knew the truth behind his tails.

Neither does he understand how there are still people around him who give Chongyun the appellation of having ‘a face of ice’ or how there are still some who deem him unapproachable. He knows Chongyun’s reputation still precedes him for miles around and that he has become beloved in Liyue for his ‘style and character’, yet the descriptions are far far off from the words Xingqiu would use to describe his dearest friend he’d known since his childhood.

Chongyun had always been someone Xingqiu associated with warmth, contradicting the vision the other donned and used. He’d made his life colourful when it had appeared dull and monotone. Even as a child Xingqiu had never quite felt his home to be his home, had never even understood what home truly felt like until he’d met Chongyun. Chongyun who actually cared about his interests instead of his potential in the trade business and his future work at the commerce guild. Chongyun who cared about how Xingqiu truly felt and what he himself wanted to do with his future, something even his own family had failed to do. Chongyun who never failed to make him smile. Chongyun who had not only managed to become his closest friend but the most important person in Xingqiu’s life, someone he knew he would do anything for just to see them smile.

Chongyun, who Xingqiu had learned to love.

It had taken years for Xingqiu to come to that realisation, but even now he remembers the exact moment clear as day.

A hand had suddenly taken his own one that day, in the morning hours when the sun hadn’t even risen completely. They were alone that day, the only ones within their vicinity being the birds and squirrels hiding in trees and bushes close to them. Xingqiu knows he’d been crying the previous day, something he’d never done in front of anyone else in years, but he’d done so in front of Chongyun, hot tears prickling his skin due to all the expectations placed on him. It had been a moment of weakness, something Xingqiu knew he shouldn’t have let anyone see. Still, he’d done so anyway, and all Chongyun had done had been holding him close, no judgemental words leaving him, even though Xingqiu knew he deserved them.

On this day there had been no crying though. They’d met up at the top of a small hill close to the harbour, Chongyun claiming there had been something he’d been meaning to show the other. He’d demanded for Xingqiu to close his eyes, something he did rather reluctantly. Then there’d been a hand in his own, and suddenly the touch was gone again.

When Xingqiu had opened his eyes there had been a silk flower made of ice in his hand, so small and delicate he’d been afraid to crush it. Glistening in the faint sunlight, the reflection drawing pretty patterns on his skin. It had admittedly been the prettiest thing someone had ever given him, and all Chongyun said was;

“It’s a replica of a silk flower, these flowers, they remind me of you, Xingqiu.”

The flower made of ice had broken not even a year after, and to say he’d been devastated would be an understatement. When Chongyun had offered to create another one Xingqiu had merely shaken his head though, “It’s quite alright, though I’m perhaps more saddened than I’d like to admit, it simply wouldn’t be the same.”

It wouldn’t, because the silk flower Chongyun had given him that day meant more than the exorcist will likely ever come to know. It hadn’t just been a present, it had been the most precious thing Xingqiu had ever owned, but more importantly it had managed to open his eyes.

•

“This is ludicrous.”

It takes all of Chongyun not to sigh at the remark. Instead he shakes his head, eyes Xingqiu and can’t keep the smile off his face at the sight. Xingqiu looks so nervous, such a rare sight nowadays with the other more than confident in his work and his abilities. Continuously hyper focused with a clear goal in mind, steadfast in his demeanour and doing. It had always been something Chongyun admired the other for; his unshakable confidence, even when arguing with clients or colleagues, even when faced with new problems and challenges. Of course it had taken him years to get there, even now Chongyun can’t get certain nights of holding the other close to him out of his head, of feeling helpless even with Xingqiu’s reassuring that merely holding him close was more than enough. 

Xingqiu brushes a long lock of navy hair behind his ear, heaving a deep breath in order to compose himself. He knew he was acting without reason, knew that his writing abilities were good, excellent, if one were to listen to his readers or publisher. But this was different, this work was different. This wasn’t just some work of fiction and fighting and epic quests, this was about life itself, about the act of living and finding what one might’ve been searching for their entire life. This was partly - mostly - about his life, his experience, and even though it had been months since he’d finished said work and had consequently had more than enough time to rethink, he still ended up doubting everything in this moment.

He could only really thank the archons that even now Chongyun was right here by his side. Precisely because he knew he was being irrational but also because Xingqiu knows better than to believe he would listen to anyone trying to reason with him except for the exorcist. Oh how thankful he truly was for the other, words would never, never, be enough to convey everything Xingqiu wishes to express, but after years of having made that realisation he figures that perhaps it was alright.

“I believe we both know that the only ludicrous thing would be your worrying. I’m not implying that you shouldn’t be allowed to worry, but Xingqiu, trust me when I say there’s nothing to truly worry about.”

I know, is what he wants to say, but Xingqiu ends up whispering something else instead. Something very much foolish which he comes to regret as soon as the words leave him.

“I’ve even worried less on that day nine years ago.”

Chongyun raises an eyebrow at the words, uttered so quietly he might’ve missed them, and cocks an eyebrow at Xingqiu.

“That would be untruth and we both know it.”

•

It hurt.

It hurt yet felt so good, being with Chongyun filling Xingqiu’s stomach with pestering little butterflies which won’t cease to bat their wings and create a turmoil in his heart. At least the countless of romance novels he’d read had merely managed to confirm that yes, Xingqiu was indeed still hopelessly in love with his closest friend.

His closest friend that didn’t return his feelings.

(Not that big of a surprise, not like it made the realisation sting any less though.)

He’d thought maybe his feelings wouldn’t have to remain present, ugly and constantly itching for him to do things he shouldn’t even dare think about. They caused thoughts to rise to the surface Xingqiu so dearly wished to squash like a bug, especially since there was no point in pursuing them anyway. He’d gotten his confirmation days ago and there was simply no reason for him to keep hoping and wishing. It would only make him hurt more.

Xingqiu knew things simply had to return to the way they used to be (how long ago exactly that used to be he doesn’t want to reminisce on), and so he’d set his mind on attaining any sort of knowledge to reach that goal. Since he could hardly talk to anyone close to him about this, he’d figured romance novels would be the only plausible solution. Surely there couldn’t solely be books with happy endings in which two lovers got what they wished for? (It turned out that there were more than expected, and Xingqiu read them all anyway.)

He hadn’t even deemed his excessive reading any more… intense than usual. Fair enough, he managed to barely sleep a few hours every night, but then again it wasn’t as if his thoughts in the dead of the night would grant him a peaceful sleep anyway. So really, it didn’t make that much of a difference.

At least that’s what Xingqiu had kept preaching in his own mind until he’d awoken to startling blue eyes under the shade of a tree in the afternoon sun. Xingqiu isn’t quite sure what exactly had managed to wake him, his mind still hazy from sleep and aiming to figure out where exactly he was right now. When Xingqiu’s eyes land on the face of a certain exorcist they widen in realisation and surprise, and Xingqiu has to reach the conclusion that perhaps Chongyun had woken him. Then again…

His eyes continue taking in their surroundings and he comes to realise that they were both indeed perched under a tree, the same tree Xingqiu had been reading his book under earlier that day (he wonders how long ago that was). 

“I have to assume I... fell asleep?”

All Chongyun does is snort and it’s then that Xingqiu realises that something seemed… off. He can’t place what exactly it is but it appeared as if the exorcist close to him was uncomfortable, perhaps anxious even. It confuses Xingqiu and sends a spike of anxiety through his heart, his lips already parting to ask the other what exactly the issue was. He never gets to ask the question though, Chongyun’s own one cutting through the air.

“Why aren’t you resting properly? Is it because of the books you’ve been reading?”

The words cause Xingqiu to shut his mouth abruptly, his gaze flitting to the tree next to them instead of the other’s face. He doesn’t provide Chongyun with a reply right away, doesn’t know how to with the truth far from a considerable option. “Ah, I fear it is. I’ve just been... immersing myself in a different genre recently. There are quite a lot of books for it! Not a revelation really, if we consider the genre itself...” It’s not exactly a lie, Xingqiu reminds himself. Perhaps just to make himself feel less guilty.

Xingqiu’s gaze flits back in time to catch Chongyun raising an eyebrow at him before his eyes land on something next to him.

“You’ve been... reading romance novels?” he asks disbelievingly, his eyes wide in surprise before laughter spills out of him. Xingqiu hits the other’s forearm with as much force as he can muster, feeling his own cheeks heat up all the while. “D-Do not laugh! Chongyun you-!”

The exorcist’s laughter doesn’t seize though, to Xingqiu’s dismay it only seems to grow in volume. Xingqiu stifles a groan as he shifts into a sitting position, the realisation that he’d been sleeping in Chongyun’s lap only hitting him now. He shakes his head at the thought and scowls at his friend instead, his cheeks still feeling like they’re on fire. “I apologise, it’s just... surprising that’s all,” Chongyun says, one of his hands reaching out towards him. Xingqiu stills automatically at the touch, the ugly revolting thoughts underneath his skin already beginning to rise to the surface. Chongyun pulls back as if seemingly aware of them, and Xingqiu takes a deep breath before replying.

”It’s quite alright, though I do have to wonder why it would appear surprising,” he says while raising an eyebrow at the other. It’s not as if Xingqiu would consider himself mad at Chongyun, but then again it should only appear natural for him to be reading such novels in their current situation. He had been rejected by his closest friend after all.

“You don’t have to read these just to understand me better, I promise I’m alright with how... things turned out to be.”

I’m not reading these to understand you better, I know you don’t feel anything for me in the way I wish for.

The reminder only makes Xingqiu feel uncomfortable and frustrated, him reading romance novels wasn’t about the exorcist’s feelings, the other had it easier than Xingqiu himself after all, Chongyun didn’t have to deal with a broken heart and with the need to burn all the lingering thoughts that constantly yell for something they can’t have. 

“I’m not-“

He cuts himself off to huff in frustration and averts his gaze, knowing that being upset wasn’t anything but pathetic and especially his own fault. He doesn’t expect Chongyun to say anything, knows the current awkwardness was his own fault and his only.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for you to experience any lack of sleep because of me and my behaviour.”

“W-What?!” The reply causes Xingqiu to turn his gaze back onto the exorcist, his eyes wide and his mouth agape in disbelief. The look of utter guilt on Chongyun’s face nearly succeeds in knocking the breath out of him again, and before he can stop himself Xingqiu’s lips already form another lie. “T-That’s not why I’ve been losing sleep! In fact it has nothing to do with you at all!” He knows he’s being a filthy liar and already despises himself for it, but Xingqiu also knows that his pathetic little heart would string up any sort of lie to mask his feelings in order to make the other feel better. 

Chongyun shoots him a confused look at his words which merely causes Xingqiu to sigh. Perhaps he’d have to be a bit more convincing than that.

“It’s ah.. It’s due to- due to the temperature.”

“Due to the... temperature?” Chongyun asks, the suspicion still very evident in his voice. All Xingqiu does is nod in reply before he crosses his arms in front of his chest and averts his gaze.

This could work.

“It’s been way too heated the past couple days. I’ve had trouble sleeping which is why I’ve resorted to reading instead. And I just thought…”

He figures the rest is self explanatory, the past days have indeed been rather hot. Xingqiu is close to patting himself on the back for coming up with something believable, when Chongyun calling his name interrupts him.

“Xingqiu.”

Chongyun takes a deep breath, something that immediately causes Xingqiu to worry again, “If you’ve been experiencing trouble sleeping due to the increase in temperature, maybe I could… help you? It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve used my vision as a way to cool myself down so… it should work, right?”

Help him? Chongyun wants to use his vision in order to cool Xingqiu down and make him rest peacefully? Was the exorcist being genuine about this? Judging by the determined look on his face he was, something that makes Xingqiu’s thoughts reel off track and causes him to stir in contemplation at the proposal. Surely Chongyun couldn’t’ve thought this through fully? If the other did actually plan on helping him sleep he’d have to remain close by Xingqiu’s side throughout the night and…

And this could be Xingqiu’s chance.

In a selected few of the novels he’d read one of the main characters had successfully gotten rid of their broken heart and moved on through either completely avoiding the other and finding someone else (something out of the question for Xingqiu, he knows ignoring Chongyun indefinitely would do more harm than good on both sides) or spending as much time as possible with them. Admittedly Xingqiu hadn’t been sure how exactly that was supposed to work, but… if he’d agree to Chongyun staying the night he would spend even more time with him than before. Still, if Xingqiu was going to accept Chongyun’s offer he’d have to make sure.

“And you’re… okay with this? Surely you know what such a proposal would entail?”

The exorcist shrugs in response and Xingqiu fixates his eyes on him, trying to figure out any sort of bluff behind the other’s eyes. He doesn’t find anything but genuine determination, and so he closes his eyes before nodding.

“Alright then.”

•

Agreeing to Chongyun’s proposal had proven itself to be a mistake. Xingqiu should’ve known the exorcist would end up uncomfortable with the idea of being so close to him, of even sharing a bed with him. The reminder was definitely making the exorcist anxious and uncomfortable, Xingqiu could tell by the way he’d keep staring off into space and by subtle actions like drawing back when they’d get close enough for their skin to brush. Seeing Chongyun like this only hurt and confused Xingqiu, making him painfully aware of the fact that this hadn’t been the right decision to make. He was almost sure of that now.

“Chongyun, are you feeling unwell?”

The exorcist startles at the question, something that doesn’t go unnoticed by him and only proves his speculations. Chongyun only shakes his head though, the sight causing the guhua disciple’s heart to clench. He knows all Chongyun wants is to help, but to do it at the expense of making himself feel uncomfortable? Xingqiu couldn’t have that.

He hums in reply before getting up from where he’d been seated on the floor of his bedroom, aiming to think of a way to give Chongyun the opportunity to leave without feeling guilty for it. He starts cleaning the floor and rearranging random trinkets he finds spread around in his room. Anything to give himself the excuse to think and for Chongyun to say something himself. Unsurprisingly he doesn’t, and so Xingqiu takes matters in his own hands.

“If you’re uncomfortable you shouldn’t feel pressured to stay. I’m sure I’ll be fine,” he says, causing Chongyun’s gaze to settle on him. The exorcist continues to send him a smile and Xingqiu admittedly doesn’t know what to do.

“I’m just… tired, that’s all.”

Come to think of it, the situation surely must’ve been more draining on the exorcist than initially thought, Xingqiu had assumed not being on the receiving end of an unrequited love confession would be so much easier to handle, but this was Chongyun after all. Kindhearted, warm, caring Chongyun. Naturally he would feel guilty for not requiting Xingqiu’s feelings and then blame his lack of sleep on himself.

Carefully he crouches down in front of Chongyun, their faces close enough for Xingqiu to take note of every single detail on the other’s face. His icy blue eyes adorned by curled lashes, his slightly tinted cheeks… Xingqiu’s hand traces them before he can stop himself, and the reminder that he should get his act together rings inside his head. “Perhaps we should rest then,” is all he says before getting back up, mentally cursing himself for losing his composure.

If anything it shows that he still has a long way ahead of him in his goal of getting over the other.

•

(And when they both lie in bed and strong arms wrap around Xingqiu’s waist so gently he feels the need to sob, he desperately tries not to dwell on it. Desperately tries and fails not to imagine the way it would feel to be this close to Chongyun every day, every night, to be loved and cherished. The only thing he does is pull the exorcist even closer, selfishly, greedily, intertwining their fingers while he imagines something that’s not real. While he imagines that perhaps Chongyun loves him just a bit after all.)

•

Waking up next to someone, waking up next to Chongyun, will definitely be one of the rare things Xingqiu can’t gather enough words for to describe, and he’d proudly describe his own vocabulary as vast. All he knows is that waking next to the exorcist the next morning fills him with an incredible warmth and with the immense urge to stay like this for as long as possible, because Xingqiu knows forever isn’t and never will be an attainable option.

So he closes his eyes, dwelling in the moment he knows isn’t what his heart desires for just a bit longer. He could settle on falling out of love and carefully dismantling his pitiful imaginations later.

•

Xingqiu isn’t quite sure what force had urged him to speak out his thoughts aloud. Maybe it was desperation, maybe his whirlwind of thoughts, desires, wishes, which he had planned on taming - keyword taming because it’s more like the exact opposite took place. At this point they weren’t just a whirlwind, more of a beast that struck him at the most inconvenient times and caused him to act in ways Xingqiu would come to regret not shortly after. But in the moment, oh in the moment it just felt so right. Brushing his fingers through blue locks, along soft rosy skin, letting them dwell for longer than he knows he should. No matter what he does, this disgusting thing inside of him merely seems to grow and the guhua disciple knows there’s no stopping it now.

“Chongyun?”

Xingqiu wishes he could say that he hated it, hated this utterly and completely. But he doesn’t and part of him knows he never will. Even though he knows he should lock it up, not pay it any attention and thus kill it slowly that way, all he ends up doing is feed it anyway. It’s wrong, it’s not what he’d intended to do, and yet this feels so much nicer, letting the beast inside of him wander around freely, letting it influence his actions - actions he’d normally never dare act upon. All this made him happy.

Being so close to Chongyun and continuing to imagine made Xingqiu so incredibly happy.

“I just wanted to thank you, I know it’s a coward’s move to thank one while they’re unable to listen but… I doubt I’d be able to express my gratitude the way I’d truly want to anyway. You’ve made this easier… somehow, and if the books I’ve read are true, then…”

Yet he still has hope. Surely this would have to stop someday? One day the thing inside of him must be satisfied, will refuse to call out for more and that day Xingqiu will finally be able to get closer to his goal. He can’t, admittedly doesn’t want to imagine what will happen if such never occurs. The thought scares him to death and perhaps it’s the actual reason he’s voicing his thoughts to the last person he should ever voice them to. 

“If they aren’t I won’t know what to do my dear Chongyun. I’ve been trying to figure this out but it truly has been harder than initially anticipated… I just- I just wish for you to remain by my side, even if it’s not the way I-“

Even if it’s not the way I wish for.

Because you don’t love me and it is time for me to stop dreaming and wishing.

•

Things don’t go the way you wish for them to go, they don’t just listen to you and suddenly oblige like a skittish dog that proceeds to lay down at your feet nonetheless. Xingqiu knows that more than well, and yet ends up unprepared anyway.

The tears feel hot against his skin, feel disgusting and revolting, and only serve to make Xingqiu wonder where exactly he went wrong, how all this had come to be, when it started, if perhaps he should’ve never accepted the small hand offered to him that day. He knows he’s being foolish because archons know he would’ve accepted the hand offered to him no matter the consequences. Celestia, the hand offered to him had been the sole reason Xingqiu had become who he is now.

Perhaps living the way he had the past few weeks had been why he’d ended up carried away. But living like this, living with Chongyun so close to him had genuinely been the happiest he’d ever felt, even if it had caused him to lose sight of his initial goal.

Which hadn’t been falling more in love with his closest friend and imagining that everything they did, that all the time they spent together meant more than it did, but falling out of love and finally putting an end to that ugly thing wandering around freely inside of him. Instead it had only continued to grow and Xingqiu knew he had to kill it before it threatened to become independent and made him do even more foolish things, things that would end up disgusting his friend and finally drive him away, things such as finally grabbing the exorcist by his white sweater and pulling him close enough for Xingqiu to place his lips on the other’s own ones. 

He feels pathetic like this, archons know he should’ve anticipated this somehow. Pathetic, that’s all Xingqiu was really; secretly hoping for something he can’t have, allowing that hope to spread until it festered into something far more dangerous, and allowing it to cloud his thoughts and judgement. He was really just as pathetic as the tears rolling down his face which he’d so miserably failed to stop.

Xingqiu is so lost in thought that he barely registers the movement next to him, fails to realise that the exorcist had woken up and thus startles at the light touch of fingers grazing his arm. He backs away almost automatically, out of pure shame and refusal to let the exorcist see him this way.

“‘Qiu, are you alright?”

“Ah…”

How could he let it come this far? When had he become so careless?

Xingqiu drags a sleeve across his face, his mind already searching for some sort of made up story. He puts on a hopefully convincing smile as he turns towards Chongyun, Chongyun who looks at him with so much worry and panic it makes Xingqiu’s stomach turn. He shuffles closer towards the guhua disciple, icy blue eyes flitting across his face and arms, seemingly searching for something that would explain the entire situation.

“What happened?” he asks eventually, his voice a panicked whisper and Xingqiu blinks a few times before averting his gaze.

“Ah, do not fret it’s u-uhm…”

It’s awfully quiet as Xingqiu’s reels his head for any sort of explanation that wasn’t the truth, anything that would keep the exorcist from looking at him like this.

Suddenly an idea forms inside his head, causing Xingqiu’s gaze to snap back towards the exorcist.

“I was reading! It was truthfully embarrassing to admit which is why- But I’ve been reading and,” he shifts slightly before taking Chongyun’s hands in his own and squeezing lightly, looking up at him with as much excitement as he can muster for a sequence that doesn’t exist, “I’ve come to read the most heartbreaking sequence in my entire life! It struck me to my core, my poor heart entirely unprepared for such writing! But oh it was truthfully a phenomenal piece of work, I just-“

“Xingqiu, are you lying?”

The question causes Xingqiu’s blood to run cold and for all his thoughts to stagger to a halt. How did he know? Wasn’t Xingqiu’s act convincing enough?

He pulls back abruptly, feeling his eyes widening before narrowing slightly. A bitter chuckle forces its way out of his throat as he pulls back and averts his gaze. “Ah… you’re so silly ‘Yun.”

I need to get away.

“Hmm oh you see, my father asked for my attendance so I’ll unfortunately have to leave soon as it’s rather urgent. I can’t believe I forgot! Oh these romance novels must be getting to my head,” Xingqiu forces another laugh out of himself as he gets up from the bed and walks away, aiming to make himself sound as natural as possible though a part of him knew none of this was even close to it.
“I shall go dress now, I’m sure we’ll see eachother again soon. I apologise for the haste, I-”

He isn’t even sure what he was going to say, with telling the truth being way off from a considerable option. Xingqiu just needed to get away, to leave, to not let Chongyun see him like this.

“No, nevermind.” With that he shuts the door behind him, a hand already on his lips to prevent any noises from leaving him. He’d already done enough, had already destroyed so much and he needed to fix this, needed to fix this as soon as possible.

Possibly today.

•

Xingqiu isn’t sure for how long exactly he’d been wandering around when he quite literally stumbles into Xiangling.

Why he’s here out of all places he doesn’t know, simply had let his thoughts wander and his feet guide him. He just needed time to think, to process everything that transpired this morning and to come up with a way to fix it. (If such was even possible.) Coherent thoughts wouldn’t really end up forming though, if anything Xingqiu just felt empty and lost. The plan he’d set up didn’t work, only succeeded in leaving him feeling more miserable than before, something he hadn’t even deemed possible.

The fact that he’s been wandering around aimlessly for what must’ve been hours only hits him (literally) when he suddenly ends up on the ground, staring directly into the evening sun which seemed to already be way past its highest point.

“X-Xingqiu?! What in the seven’s name are you doing out here alone?”

Alone. The reminder of the fact that he was indeed alone really shouldn’t make him feel this pathetic.

He dusts off his clothing as he gets back up, aiming to compose himself mentally best he could before answering his friend’s questions. It doesn’t work, he still feels pathetic and incredibly empty and the fact that he can’t even remember how Xiangling had even managed to tackle him to the ground only speaks for it. He knew he couldn’t lie to her, Xiangling had become as good as Chongyun at detecting his lies and Xingqiu figured lying to her would only aggravate her and serve in making this situation so much worse. He scoffs at the thought, as if he could handle his situation getting even worse. All Xiangling does is shoot him a puzzled look, but doesn’t proceed to prod.

“I was…”

He couldn’t lie to her, but he could twist the truth a bit.

“I was merely looking for a place to think.”

Xingqiu does that a lot, wander around aimlessly to mull things over, only that ‘things’ usually involved his books and not the fact that he’d likely destroyed his most valuable friendship. Whatever it must’ve been that gave him away - because there surely must’ve been something by the way Xiangling looks at him now - he doesn’t have the time to curse himself for it because suddenly his friend is right up in his face and Xingqiu swears he has never been this scared of something-

“Xingqiu… do not lie to me!”

“I-I wasn’t lying…”

Xiangling huffs as she pulls back and stems her hands on her hips, shooting the guhua disciple a disbelieving frown. “Perhaps you weren’t, but we all know that merely ‘thinking about stuff’ isn’t the only reason you’re here.”

Xingqiu does not question what ‘we all’ entails and simply shakes his head, already resigning himself to the fact that anything but the truth wouldn’t get him far. Perhaps simply telling the truth for once would even manage to make him feel better. Ready to talk he opens his mouth, only for a finger to land on his lips.

“Okay, okay, I wasn’t expecting you to crack this easily! I genuinely thought I’d have to pull the truth out of you or something… Anyways, we’re discussing this at Wanmin! I figure you haven’t eaten yet and by the looks of it this might end up being a longer conversation.”

She smiles at him, all soft and genuine, and Xingqiu appreciates the thought. Admittedly, it’s only now that he realises he hadn’t eaten all day, too concerned with distancing himself from a certain exorcist instead of consuming any food. Before he can actually agree, Xiangling pulls him along, quick on her feet and humming some sort of tune Xingqiu believes he’s heard Hu Tao sing before. Not that he mentions it to the cook, archons know how Xiangling would react to the mention of the Funeral Parlour director.

“To think I’d run into you out of everyone! I was just planning on collecting some ingredients and there you were. I was actually considering paying you a visit, to congratulate you and all.”

Congratulate him..?

“Anyways, not that it matters now.”

Perhaps it doesn’t, but Xingqiu will make sure to ask anyway. Not now though, for now he’s mostly concerned with following suit without stumbling over some rocks and making sure his friend doesn’t stumble over them either with how clumsy she could be at times. It was a distraction and took his thoughts off everything, perhaps exactly what Xingqiu needed right now. 

•

Their walk back to the harbour ends up shorter than expected and without either of them tripping over some rocks, something Xingqiu silently thanks the seven for. During the course of it the sun had started to dip lower and lower, tinting the harbour in hues of red and pink. The sight was beautiful and on any other day Xingqiu would’ve likely taken his time to admire the sight properly. For now he was occupied with consuming the noodles placed in front of him and willing his racing heart to calm down. Xingqiu knew he should tell her the truth, was planning on actually doing so at this point, if only to get everything off his chest for once. The question currently swirling inside his head would be where to begin; there was simply too much on his mind and the guhua disciple is more than sure that simply starting somewhere would just result in chaos and confusion. At least Xiangling already knew of his feelings, a small relief.

“So, I know I was going to let you talk and everything - and I will - but I really did expect you to tell me the big news earlier! Not that I expected you to tell me in detail, although I kind of did, but you could’ve at least mentioned in passing! Archons know how many times you and Chongyun have visited Wanmin the past days so it really wouldn’t’ve been too hard-“

“Xiangling, what is it that you’re talking about?” He fails to keep the confusion out of his voice, the question from earlier when she’d mentioned having to ‘congratulate him’, prodding at his mind ever since they began their walk back to the harbour. The cook furrows her eyebrow at the question, glancing up from her soup to shoot Xingqiu a… look. He can’t even describe the expression on her face, a mix of confusion and… disappointment?

“I thought- Never mind, I’m so foolish, of course you two would never manage to figure things out on your own!”

The remark sends a slight sting through his heart, and results in Xingqiu mentally deciding to talk about this right now. If not now, he’ll probably never muster up the courage to do so. He takes a deep breath before slipping off his stool. “Xiangling can we perhaps talk about this somewhere… farther away from the other customers?”

“Y-Yes of course!” She waves her hands around uselessly for a split second, before straightening her posture and taking Xingqiu’s hand in her own to drag him away from the customers. He can feel his heart starting to beat louder and more erratically as soon as they come to a stop next to some fir crates behind Wanmin restaurant. Xiangling lets go off his hand tentatively, as if scared he’d run off, and takes a deep breath. “Okay, I think no one should be able to listen in now.”

Xingqiu just nods in reply, not really knowing what to say. Archons, he didn’t even know where to start. Xiangling just keeps standing in front of him, the expression on her face warm yet careful. As if a part of her was already expecting the worst. Xingqiu can’t bring himself to blame her for it.

“I admittedly do not know where to start… There has just been too much, too much happening, too many thoughts, too many feelings, it just- They are no good, I know they aren’t and I’m also aware that you might not be able to understand. I would never expect you to, I just-“

Xingqiu takes a deep breath, only now realising how shaky his voice currently was.

“Xiangling, how do you fall out of love?”

And there it was, the big ugly question plaguing his mind. Attempts of reading literature and following said literature had failed and Xingqiu had admittedly forgotten how to act on his feelings in order to make them go away long ago, archons, he admittedly never even had a proper plan.

“I truthfully can’t handle this anymore, I thought- I thought that if I read and listen to what novels in this expertise had to say it would eventually lead me to my goal but- None of it did! While it did make things easier at first, the reminder of the truth just… I just simply wish to not feel like this anymore, I wish to be around Chongyun without feeling this stabbing pain in my chest, without constantly wishing for something I know I cannot have, so archons, if even these books can’t seem to help me, I just wish to know from you…

”How do I fall out of love with Chongyun?”

Xingqiu swears he heard the sound of a quiet gasp at his last words but he doesn’t pay it any mind, the sound likely just something his mind had spun together. As if he currently weren’t enough of a mess.

The sight of Xiangling’s eyes softening with what must be pity only furthers his point. “Oh Xingqiu… I didn’t expect for it to end like this, archons, how are you both even so blind? Can’t you see that-“

“Ah teh teh teh! Xiangling my dear, oh look who it is! Master Xingqiu what great pleasure! Oh, I fear there must be something I need help with ehehe, Xiangling won’t you help assist?” With that Hu Tao grabs Xiangling’s arm and drags her away, disappearing just as fast as she’d appeared and thus leaving Xingqiu on his own. 

On his… own?

Where had she even come from?

Xingqiu turns in the direction of which the funeral parlour director had suddenly ascended from seconds ago, and although Xingqiu isn’t quite sure which sight he’d expected to be greeted with, it certainly wasn’t this one.

“…Chongyun?”

No, this couldn’t be real. Surely he was imagining things at this point. Perhaps it was the food Xiangling had given him? Or maybe even-

“Xingqiu, I-“

No, no, this was no image his mind had conjured, this was real. Chongyun was actually in front of him and he’d listened, had heard all the shameful things leaving Xingqiu’s lips, of how pathetic he was, of how he’d lost control, of the way his heart kept aching for more even though Xingqiu knew he should’ve shut it down the moment Chongyun had confessed he didn’t feel the same.

Xingqiu only realises he’d started crying when there’s the achingly familiar touch of fingers ghosting across his face, of a chest close to his heart and that of a strong arm slung around his waist. It feels like home, the same way Chongyun had always felt like home, ever since he’d met him, and it’s all too much right now.

He rips himself away from the exorcist even when every fibre of his being yells at him not to, and takes a step backwards. He shouldn’t feel like this, none of this was appropriate nor did it come close to relieving him. If Chongyun had listened, if he’d overheard all the words leaving Xingqiu’s lips then-

“How can you be so selfish? How can you do this to me when you’re aware of how much it pains me? I know you don’t love me, you don’t long for me the way I pathetically long for you every time I come to even breathe next to you, so why-“

So why do you keep treating me as if you did?

There’s silence, and somehow it’s even worse than everything that had transpired so far. Somehow it’s confirmation, proving that Xingqiu should’ve done what he’s about to do months ago. Confirmation that he simply should’ve left.

“I figured as much.” It’s barely a whisper, and he isn’t sure whether Chongyun even heard, but then again it didn’t matter. None of this did. Not anymore. It hurts too much to look, and so Xingqiu closes his eyes as he turns around, ready to just leave and walk away. He never should’ve let it come this far and all he needed right now was to be alone.

The sudden touch of fingers closing around his arm surprises him less than anticipated, of course Chongyun would aim to try and fix things when all was already broken. The touch doesn’t surprise him much, and thus makes it easy to shake off, would’ve been in any case if it weren’t for the sudden force pulling him back and all but twirling him around, as if Xingqiu were a mere doll. The sudden touch of lips on his own surprises him, but even more so does the hand on his back, because Chongyun’s hand was shaking, something it only did when-

“Xingqiu? Are you there?”

All he does is hum in reply, the book in front of him admittedly taking most of his attention. It had just gotten to an exhilarating part, the hero of the book close to solving the mystery the entire story revolved around.

“Xingqiu, please…”

He was so close to finally unraveling everything and seeing the young soldier succeed, if only he’d just keep on reading…

Xingqiu ends up sighing in defeat. “Fine, but this better be-“ His eyes go wide. “Are you well? Chongyun, your hands are shaking.”

He’d never seen Chongyun like this, and a part of him was genuinely growing worried. The exorcist just shakes his head, taking Xingqiu’s free hand in his own. “I know, but i’m quite alright. Xingqiu, I think I found a spirit in the small village next to the small lake yesterday!”

This was about a spirit sighting? He knew of Chongyun’s quest of finding one that would end up immune against his condition, but quite so soon?

He can feel himself cocking an eyebrow in question. “So… now you’re afraid of it?”

“Huh?”

“Is that not why you’re acting the way you are?” he asks, only growing more confused. Judging by the way his friend acted, it only seemed logical to reach the conclusion that he was simply… scared, right?

Chongyun shakes his head and icy blue eyes stare into Xingqiu’s own, the guhua disciple now wondering whether he’s imagining the sparkle in them. “I’m well I promise, I apologise for the way I am acting, I’m just excited… My hands start to shake when I end up feeling like this, usually when I finally get to act on something I’ve been meaning to do for a long time.”

The shaking hands were an indication for… that? Oh how peculiar the exorcist boy he’d come to befriend around a year ago was.

“I’ll join you if you do plan on finding that spirit, if that’s what you’re meaning to ask.”

Xingqiu would truthfully join Chongyun anywhere, not like he’d actually let the other know though.

He pulls back as if burnt, the thoughts inside his head whirling as the pieces slowly fit together. No, surely this couldn’t be it, surely he must be mistaken. Chongyun had confessed right? He’d said they didn’t feel the same and-

Wait.

“Just- Archons, Xingqiu after that medicine you were so affectionate, and it hurt you know? I’m aware we don’t feel the same and I won’t ever pressure you to change, I’m already trying to accept your feelings and I... I think I’m doing fairly well so far. You mean so much to me and I don’t wish to lose you, I can get over this if that’s alright with you. I don’t want us to end our friendship because of something as s-silly as this... I can’t change the way I feel but... I can try to accept the way you feel and… a-and I can learn to live with them if that’s what you want.”

Chongyun hadn’t confessed that he knew of Xingqiu’s feelings and didn’t reciprocate them, he had been confessing his own.

All Xingqiu can do is gape up at the exorcist as the realisation hits him full force, staring into icy blue eyes filled with tears. Was Chongyun sad? No, he was smiling at him, surely that couldn’t be it.

“Xingqiu, I believe there has been a misunderstanding.”

A misunderstanding.

“Archons I cannot believe it has come this far, that we let it come this far, I- I am so sorry, if I had known-“

The guilty look on the exorcist’s face finally gets Xingqiu’s lips to work again. “No! No, I’m at fault I just- I never could’ve imagined you felt the same way…”

Xingqiu only realises he’d shut his eyes again when warm hands frame his face, causing his eyes to snap open. “You’re the most intelligent, witty, beautiful and alluring person I know. How could I not fall for someone like you? I-I never thought you’d feel the same… Just all the time we spent together and the way you acted made me think and made me confess, and I know now I shouldn’t’ve assumed, it made my words seem like the exact opposite and I’m so sorry, please stop crying I can’t stand to see you like this…”

He was crying?

Chongyun huffs out a quiet laugh, one of his thumbs stroking along Xingqiu’s cheekbone. “Yes, you are, and it makes me do things I normally wouldn’t.”

“L-Like?”

Xingqiu nearly anticipates the lips on his own, slowly moving against his own, warm and still as soft as he remembers. The kiss is light and soft, yet full of emotion and confirmation that yes, Chongyun did feel the same. Archons, Chongyun was likely just as in love with him as Xingqiu was.

In love with him. Chongyun loved him.

“I think it is adequate to assume that we can both be described as incredibly foolish.”

“Foolish and… what had been the title of the book you’d been suggesting to read to me?”

Was Chongyun serious? That had been over a year ago, normally something that would’ve completely slipped his mind by now. ‘Normally’ because Xingqiu was indeed hopelessly smitten and so he naturally remembers the entire encounter.

“‘Young and hopelessly smitten.’”

Chongyun hums quietly. “Yeah, that.”

•

“So you believe I’m alluring, hm? In fact the most alluring person you know?”

Chongyun heaves a sigh, contemplating where to simply drop Xingqiu from where he’s draped across his back. “I knew you’d tease me for this…”

“Naturally! Oh dearest, how those words are now engraved in my mind, never to leave! ‘Xingqiu you are the most alluring, beautiful, witty and intelligent person I know’, oh how my heart came to beat faster at the sound!”

“Eleven years and you still behave like a child, and didn’t you celebrate your eighteenth birthday last month?”

Xingqiu whines from his position on Chongyun’s back, one of his slender fingers poking the other’s cheek. “Chongyun, you know precisely on which day my birthday is!”

Of course Chongyun does, just like he knows nearly everything regarding the guhua disciple and Xingqiu knows, but he also loves to act like a bit of a fool sometimes. It’s something he doesn’t get to do at home, isn’t allowed to do, and doesn’t feel comfortable doing. But with Chongyun it’s different, with Chongyun he knows he can act like himself without boundaries and restrictions. 

“Xingqiu. Please, you know you can be honest with me, right? No pretending, just us.”

Just them. The reminder causes Xingqiu to pull the other even closer.

They continue their walk, the sun hanging bright above them as the sky ends up clear and brilliantly blue next to it. The weather was nice and warm, as if even the sky had decided that the clearing of misunderstandings was a fitting enough occasion. In any case either of them don’t pay it much mind, too busy enjoying the presence of the other, now aware of the other’s feelings and that everything had turned out the way it was supposed to be.

“Xingqiu, could you get off? I don’t think crossing the stream with you on my back is a sane nor safe idea.”

The guhua disciple knew it wasn’t but it’s not as if he’d simply act the way Chongyun expected him to. “Hmm… but you’re so comfortable and warm,” he whines, making sure to kiss the other’s cheek the way he knew would end up making him all flustered.

“Xingqiu… do you want us to fall the way you did the first time?” Chongyun replies, aiming to sound as sincere as possible.

Xingqiu slides off his back to shoot Chongyun an aggravated scowl. “You-! That was entirely your fault and you know that!”

The exorcist hums in thought. “Maybe you truly aren’t as alluring as I thought, everything considered you can be pretty irritating at times.”

Now Xingqiu gapes at him and it takes all of Chongyun not to burst out laughing at the sight. “I apologise, I was just tricking you.”

“Chongyun, when did you get so bold?”

He pretends to actually consider the question. “I assume it must be due to me spending too much time with you.”

“I don’t believe it is possible to spend too much time with me,” Xingqiu huffs, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“Oh, it definitely is, and if you don’t hurry Xiangling will likely refuse to give either of you any food.”

“Yun Jin, who knew you could be so bold! I mean I totally did, but you know…”

“Oh, hello Yun Jin and Xinyan!” Chongyun waves at the two of them, aiming to seem as casual as possible but the grin on his face betrays him.

“Yun Jin you wound me, and I believed us to be friends!” Xingqiu whines, raising a hand to his chest in emphasis.

She simply laughs at the words, walking over to engulf the guhua disciple in a hug. “Precisely because I believe us to be such I simply deem it appropriate to make comments like these.”

Xingqiu just huffs in response before waving at Xinyan from where she’s currently talking to Chongyun. The musician waves back enthusiastically, slinging an arm around the exorcist’s back to drag him along.

“Alright, let’s get going, shall we? I really do crave Xiangling’s food…”

All three nod enthusiastically in response at Xinyan’s words, Xingqiu making sure to stay as far way as possible from Chongyun when crossing the small stream on their way to the clearing. After that it doesn’t take long for them to reach their destination, Xiangling and Hu Tao already sat on the grass of the all too familiar meadow. Various food is spread out around them, the smell so rich and fragrant it nearly causes all four of them to stop in their tracks. “Oh look, there they are! What took you so long? Was it a spirit sighting? Something exciting?”

Most of them just shake their head fondly as they sit down, already used to the Funeral Parlour director’s antics. Xingqiu shoots her a smile as he seats himself next to her, already occupied with asking the other whether her newest poem was already finished or still in the making. Meanwhile Chongyun seats himself next to Xiangling, having made it his goal to overlook what exactly the cook would add to various dishes and to inquire what exactly those dishes even entailed. Best to make sure. Yun Jin and Xinyan are already engulfed in conversation, likely concerning the later’s music. The sun keeps shining down on all six of them, the warmth pleasant even for Chongyun who had made sure to bring his parasol along. Speaking of…

“Chongyun, isn’t your parasol quite similar to the Feiyun Commerce Guild’s own ones or am I simply mistaken?” Yun Jin actually seems genuinely interested when asking the question, perhaps that’s why Xingqiu ends up blushing despite himself. He doesn’t give Chongyun or even Xiangling the opportunity to reply, instead raising his own voice as soon as the question is asked. “Well,” he clears his throat, “that is, because it is in fact my family’s.”

It’s quiet after that, four sets of eyes regarding him expectantly, but he makes sure to keep quiet and prays to the seven for no further inquiries. He should’ve known that prayers would just end up providing themselves useless.

“Actually, it was a gift from Xingqiu himself.”

Chongyun hums in confirmation at Xiangling’s words, the realisation that he isn’t quite sure why Xingqiu had even gifted him the parasol hitting him. He’d been so uncanny about it as well, even now Chongyun remembers the awkward silence and the other’s reddened cheeks. “Xingqiu, why did you even gift the parasol to me?”

It’s silent again and Xingqiu silently wishes for the ground to simply swallow him whole. He knows he’s expected to answer though and he should finally say something before Xiangling ends up beating him to it.

“Ah… I felt guilty for you fainting that day…”

“You felt guilty? Didn’t you have to carry me all the way back though?“

The air ends up getting stuck in Xingqiu’s throat, he couldn’t lie about this! Did Chongyun really remember nothing? Alright, this wouldn’t be too aggravating as long as Xiangling doesn’t-

“He didn’t tell you?”

Chongyun frowns in confusion, what in the seven was Xiangling referring to? “No?” he asks carefully, a part of him already steeling itself for the reply. Xiangling all but gapes at him, the other three girls regarding him with different levels of confused looks.

“Very well, I believe this is enough!”

Xingqiu scrambles to his feet, rushing towards Chongyun to pull him up by his arm, the exorcist following along more easily than expected. The guhua disciple all but drags him off, away from the clearing and closer to the little stream they had to cross earlier. Slowly they come to a stop, Xingqiu inhaling and exhaling deeply while aiming to think of a way to tell Chongyun of all… that.

“So…”

“So..?”

“Ah… you see, the very same day you fainted, the heat must’ve been a bit too much for you to bear, even before… losing your consciousness. I believe we are both aware that when your pure yang spirit comes to act up you act on urges you usually would not, something I do not blame you for-“

Chongyun cocks an eyebrow. “Especially when you’re the sole reason it comes to act up.” 

“Ah… yes, in any case… That day… you, well, how do I put this-“

“Xingqiu…”

“Mmm?”

“Please get to the point.”

“Well, you see, you might’ve…”

“Yes?”

“You might have ended up, ah…”

“Xingqiu!”

The guhua disciple heaves a deep sigh as he makes a step towards the exorcist and thus closes the distance between them. He takes the other’s hands in his own, aiming to put on the most convincing smile he can muster.

“Listen Chongyun, I don’t believe it would be wise to-“

Xiangling’s sigh cuts through the air, her unbothered expression bordering on aggravated.

“You ended up kissing him, Chongyun.”

He ended up what-

•

“Well aren’t you two incredibly silly?”

Both Chongyun and Xingqiu come to share a look at the statement, obvious confusion etched into both their faces. Xinyan merely groans at the statement, the musician regarding both of them with a silly look on her face. “I’m just saying, everything considered why did it even take this long for you two to get together? I mean, Chongyun even kissed you, and all the silly little lovesick glances you two have been sharing for years should usually be enough of an indication that-“

“Xinyan, I believe that’s enough.” Still Yun Jin comes to laugh as she interrupts the musician and Xingqiu can tell by the look on her face that she’d love if the other kept going. Perhaps it’s his burning face, which surely must resemble a Jueyun chili at this point, that keeps her from it. Traitor, is what he mouthes at the singer to which she just laughs brightly in response, simply lifting her cup of tea to her lips.

Chongyun comes to sigh next to him, the sound already causing a wave of guilt to wash over him. “I still cannot believe that I don’t recall a single moment of it.”

“Maybe it’s for the best…”

The exorcist whips his around to shoot Xingqiu a look, to which the other simply sends him a lopsided smile. Really, how had he even come to handle the guhua disciple for this long…

“Obviously because you’re too in looooove~”

Chongyun simply sighs at that and the realisation that he’d voiced his thoughts aloud, “Thank you Hu Tao.” He would love to say the Funeral Parlour director’s silly comment went right over his head but the words were true, nothing but the truth in fact, which is perhaps why his cheeks feel like they’re currently being set on fire.

“And now you two are back to blushing again! Seriously, Yun Jin, isn’t this entire thing like something straight out of a novel?”

The singer puts her cup down and sighs, a fond smile on her lips as she spares a glance to the both of them. “If I’m being quite honest it wouldn’t surprise me to see something akin to this being written in an actual novel.”

Glorious, so now Chongyun had to live with the realisation that his life was novel worthy.

“Well too bad it’ll never be one!” Xinyan laughs at the statement, raising her chopsticks to take another bite out of her dumpling. “Mmm, your cooking really is excellent Xiangling!”

The cook smiles in response, already going on about explaining the way she’d prepared the dish. Chongyun can’t help but let his eyes wander to the person next to him, only to find Xingqiu already looking at him - or more precisely - his lips. 

“Ugghhh really now? This is supposed to be a picnic, not master Xingqiu’s bedroom!”

“Hu Tao!”

“What?! It’s true!”

•

Lithe fingers come to draw various patterns across his back, the touch incredibly calming and effectively taking his mind off things. The setting sun shines weakly through familiar silk curtains, tinting the room in dark hues of red and purple. Chongyun knows it wouldn’t take a lot of effort to fall asleep like this, with Xingqiu’s hands roaming across his back as the sun sets on the horizon.

“You know, I’ve been doing some thinking…”

“When do you not?”

Xingqiu lightly swats his shoulder blade, huffing before raising his voice once more. “I’ve been thinking about what Xinyan said to us.”

“She’s been saying quite a lot of things Xingqiu. Especially the last couple of days.”

“I meant the day we met at the clearing.”

That causes Chongyun to shift into a sitting position, his eyes roaming across Xingqiu’s features. He comes to realise the other’s hair had gotten longer.

“That was months ago.”

Xingqiu sighs, navy strands of hair moving slightly at the motion. “I’m aware. It’s just… something she said that wouldn’t come to leave my thoughts.”

Chongyun can feel his eyebrows furrow as he tries to remember as much as possible of said day, aiming to figure out what exactly it was that had Xingqiu feeling like this. As soon as he thinks the answer might be within reach, Xingqiu sighs again and thus successfully interrupts Chongyun’s thought process. “Perhaps I’m just being foolish…”

“Xingqiu,” the exorcist guides a hand to the other’s cheek, “anything that occupies your mind is more than worthy of talking about.”

Xingqiu can feel his cheeks heat up at the exorcist’s words. He opens his mouth only to close it again shortly after, faintly reminding Chongyun of a fish without water. He clears his throat, willing to get his flushed face under control. “One of her remarks… She mentioned our, well, ‘history’ so to say, reminded her of something out of a novel. Perhaps that’s not what she meant, not as if it matters, I just…”

It is now that the guhua disciple feels incredibly foolish, he’s not sure where he’d planned on going with this nor why he mentioned it in the first place.

“You wish to… write? About us?”

Xingqiu’s mouth falls open, but no sounds escape. Wasn’t this the exact reason why the remark hadn’t left his mind? Because it was possible, because it was something he could make happen, perhaps even wanted to make happen? “I am not entirely sure… I doubt there would be people interested in reading it anyway.”

Chongyun hums quietly at the remark, his eyes distant as he raises a hand to his chin. Xingqiu knows he’s thinking about this, and just the sight makes him feel slightly anxious. “Maybe that is what you would suspect at first. But perhaps you don’t have to make this about us, perhaps… you could try and make this more about yourself.”

About… himself?

He shakes his head. “I don’t believe I quite follow… Why should I choose to mostly write about myself?”

Chongyun snorts quietly, as if Xingqiu had just asked him why the fish in Liyue Harbour live underwater and not on land.

“I thought the answer would be obvious? Apart from the fact that you’re the second son of Liyue’s most successful commerce guild, you’re the author of one of the most popular works of fiction. And yes, I’m aware you don’t plan on revealing your identity for now, but I believe we both know that you will sooner or later. Xingqiu, your writing has already inspired so many, and you… especially you inspired them. You don’t have to publish it anytime soon if you do plan on writing something like this, especially since there’s still so much ahead of us, but,” Chongyun takes a lock of navy hair between his fingers, twirling it slightly before tucking it behind Xingqiu’s ear, “I believe your future - our future - but especially yours, will only shine brighter and brighter as time passes. I also believe you will fulfil and achieve great things, greater than an exorcist from Liyue could ever think of, and if I already believe publishing a work revolving around you on this day is more than worth it, you can only imagine what my thoughts would be if you did so in some years time.”

Now Xingqiu all but gapes at him, his cheeks rosy and flushed and it takes all of Chongyun not to- Although, there was no reason to hold back anymore, was there?

Gently the exorcist cups Xingqiu’s face, before leaning closer just a bit and connecting their lips. The kiss is soft and light, and causes pesky little butterflies to rise in Xingqiu’s stomach. This time he knows not to push them down and cage them, knows that he could let them flutter around freely, because falling in love with his best friend was perhaps the one thing Xingqiu had always been meant to do.

Our future, Chongyun had said, and although the future had always been something Xingqiu had been afraid of, it was now something he looked forward to.

Because no matter what decisions he’d end up making, he knew Chongyun would remain by his side throughout it all.

Meanwhile the exorcist knew that there was really nothing in the entirety of Teyvat he’d rather do. Watching the person he loves most grow and shine brighter year for year, because Chongyun knows with utmost certainty that Xingqiu will do just that.

•

Xingqiu isn’t quite sure how exactly this entire predicament had come to happen, how it had managed to sneak up on him and catch him by surprise, leaving him utterly helpless and without any sort of defense.

The day had actually started off well enough, he’d finally managed to wrap his head around how he’d bring it to life, even if it was still a mere idea, a distant idea. A distant yet still unbelievably scary one. Xingqiu knew Chongyun would encourage him every step along the way though, a fact that motivated the guhua disciple more than he’d ever admit. So the day had started of good, well even, the sun was shining pleasantly and Xingqiu had plans of meeting with Yun Jin for tea later. Perhaps he’d even gift his favourite exorcist with a surprise visit.

The first forming cloud on the seemingly spotless sky that had been Xingqiu’s day, had been his brother paying him a visit. He’d just finished putting various scrolls with freshly dried ink away, when there’d been a knock on his door, followed by the sound of said door swinging open. The sight of his brother entering had been the first sign of rain,  something that caused the alarm bells inside Xingqiu’s mind to start ringing. It was currently still early in the day, and Xingqiu was acutely aware of how the last time his brother had come to enter his room at this time of day had ended.

“Xingqiu, father wishes to speak with you.”

Naturally Xingqiu had simply thanked the other for letting him know, too aware of the fact that this must be of grave importance as his father hadn’t sent a servant for him but his own brother.

When he’d come to merely see his mother standing next to his father, a slightly pained expression on her face, the one thing that had crossed Xingqiu’s mind had been that he wanted to leave.

Now, standing in front of them, the words ‘marriage’ and soon’ spilling from their lips, Xingqiu wonders how he hadn’t realised. He would be turning twenty years of age this year, he should’ve read the signs and known this would be coming. Xingqiu hadn’t told them of Chongyun yet, though he’s certain they must’ve heard rumours. They weren’t exactly hiding their relationship. Which either meant they didn’t care to listen or they didn’t care at all.

Xingqiu isn’t quite sure which one is worse.

He knows that there’s no talking himself out of this, he’d known the moment he’d descended the stairs into his father’s office. Now that he’s done talking his father regards him with an expectant look on his face, anticipating an answer Xingqiu is incapable of giving. How exactly he finds his voice he doesn’t know, but it doesn’t sound like him. It sounds afraid.

“Father, I apologise indefinitely, but… Such request is one I am afraid I will not be able to fulfil. Chongyun is the one I have fallen for, and there is nothing I would be willing to do to change that.”

It’s quiet then, the expression on his father’s as well as his mother’s face shifting into one of disappointment. The one expression Xingqiu had always been afraid of from the moment he’d been born. The sight terrifies him and causes his own heart beat to ring inside his ears, ugly and loud, a reminder of what he’d done, a sign of what he was.

“You’re a disappointment, Xingqiu.”

Neither of them have to tell him to leave, it’s the one thing Xingqiu knows he should be doing anyway. He feels empty as he pushes various doors open, as he wanders the streets of Liyue Harbour, as he eventually comes to a stop in front of a familiar wooden door with various carvings engraved into it. The first time he’d come to stand in front of it had been less than a year ago. Xingqiu knew his father was right, had received the confirmation for all his greatest fears from him. Had his own words been the wrong thing to say? No, Xingqiu knows they hadn’t, because they’d been the truth. Had this been a mistake? Perhaps Xingqiu’s greatest joy had never been one he should’ve been granted in the first place? What would come to happen now anyway?

Suddenly said door swings open, revealing icy locks and bright blue eyes. “Xingqiu..? Aren’t you supposed to meet with- H-Hey are you alright?”

Xingqiu hadn’t cried in nearly two years. He did not cry a lot in general, always in control of his emotions. The ability something he usually prided himself with, so perhaps it only seemed fitting that the one person he’d ended up crying in front of the last time it happened, would be the exact same the following time. 

Chongyun had known that something was off the moment he’d opened the door to his home, and to have his confirmation with Xingqiu breaking into tears didn’t fill him with satisfaction, only dread and hurt. He doesn’t know what exactly to do, only holds Xingqiu as close as possible as tears stain the fabric of his shirt. He doesn’t know how long they stay like that either, both of them sitting on the exorcist’s bed, Xingqiu holding onto Chongyun as if his life depended on it. The other’s tears only stop flowing when silent snores leave him, the realisation that Xingqiu had cried himself to sleep filling Chongyun with hurt.

He sighs softly as he picks the other up and places him on top of his blanket, unanswered questions of what might’ve happened still floating inside his mind. He’s almost sure Xingqiu will tell him once he’s ready, perhaps once he’s healed enough. For now all Chongyun can do is lay down next to him, protectively wrapping the other in his arms as quiet snores continue to leave him. It’s an illusion, Chongyun knows he’s incapable of protecting Xingqiu at all times. The realisation hurts but the exorcist tries to pay it no mind, instead only pulls the other closer.

•

“Mmmnn it’s such a sultry day…”

Chongyun looks up from the pages he’d been reading to give Xingqiu a quick once over. “You look fine to me.”

The guhua disciple groans exasperatedly, rolling his eyes before pouting slightly at the exorcist. Meanwhile Chongyun stifles a fond sigh, instead settling on putting the work he’d been reading aside to look at the other properly. In all honesty Xingqiu didn’t look different from the way he usually did, he wore the light blue silk blouse he’d acquired a year ago (Chongyun isn’t exactly sure why he remembers so well), the material all clean and soft looking, the brooch adorned to it looks expensive and extravagant, likely a recent gift from Xingqiu’s family. Sure, his cheeks are slightly tinted, and-

“I-Is that-?”

Xingqiu just smiles at him while tilting his head slightly, the item that had caught the exorcist’s attention swaying slightly due to the movement. He reaches out almost automatically before pulling back, feeling a frown forming on his forehead. “But… how? I gifted it to you when we were thirteen years of age, and didn’t it-“

Xingqiu cuts him off with a sigh. “It broke, yes. That doesn’t mean I never suspected such would come to happen though. I got a replica of glass made the same day.”

Chongyun’s voice is a near whisper. “The same… day?”

Xingqiu hums quietly. “Of course it didn’t mean half as much as the one you made, but when the original broke, it gave me solace, to know that the replica was still there. A replica of the gift you’d made, one that hadn’t come to shatter.”

“Then, why..?”

“Why I’ve decided to wear it now?” Xingqiu smiles. “Perhaps because I’ve realised I should stop being so afraid, scared that just as the gift you made me, the thing we have will come to shatter one day.“

“Xingqiu…” The exorcist wants nothing more than to finally reach out and touch the other, he knows the other’s speech is likely connected to last week, and even now Chongyun can’t seem to get the image of Xingqiu on that particular day out of his head. He doesn’t though, instead keeps still and lets the other talk.

“Maybe… maybe because I’ve also realised that I should not be afraid at all, instead that I should aim to trust. What we have isn’t as fragile as ice or glass Chongyun, and to realise such took me longer than I’d like to admit.” The smile on Xingqiu’s face is so bright and genuine it nearly causes the exorcist to tear up. Archons, how amazing Xingqiu truly was. So strong and beautiful, yet somehow so delicate as well… Even though the exorcist knows there’s no need to, he wants to reach out and protect, keep Xingqiu unharmed and safe.

“But if there is someone I need to trust the most, it is myself. I need to trust that- that I’m enough.”

A foolish thought, especially because he knows now more than ever how strong Xingqiu is, and that the other is more than capable of protecting himself.

“I love you.”

He only realises what he’d just blurted out when Xingqiu’s cheeks start to tint, one of his hands reaching out to twirl the earring dangling from his ear as the other tucks a navy lock behind the other. Xingqiu bites his lip, aiming to keep the smile on his face from spreading. He knows he’s failing miserably.

“I love you too ‘Yun…”

Though speaking them out loud still seemed foreign at times, even roughly two years after they’d managed to finally separate illusions from the truth, Xingqiu knows those exact words are the most genuine he’ll ever come to speak and no one will ever convince him to take them back. Not even his own family. To realise that Chongyun knows it as well only causes the joy inside of him to grow even more, and before Xingqiu knows it he’s kissing Chongyun like his life depended on it, which, in a certain sense, it might.

•

Xingqiu can say with utmost certainly that Chongyun was currently standing behind him. Of course he doesn’t voice his speculations directly though, only heaves an exaggerated sigh before whirling around to fix the other with a frown.

“I believe I made it more than clear that you were not intended to look.”

The exorcist just huffs slightly, crossing his arms in front of his chest as he averts his gaze to the wooden floor. “As if I would be able to make out your writing anyway… Although, it’s more something akin to scribbles than actual letters.”

“You-!”

Yes, it was true. Even now Xingqiu’s handwriting couldn’t be called anything but illegible. He’d tried working on it, Hu Tao aiming to teach him how to write ‘neatly’ around a year ago. Unsurprisingly she’d failed miserably, the disappointed look on her face something Xingqiu won’t forget all too easily. When Xinyan had spotted them she’d only laughed, running off not shortly after to tell Yun Jin and Xiangling. If not even Hu Tao could help, Xingqiu was officially a lost cause. (As if he didn’t know already.)

“I’ll have you know that my publisher can read my ‘scribbles’ just fine.”

“That’s merely because you’ve been working with her for over four years now…” Xingqiu can all but hear the exorcist’s smile in his voice.

Chongyun was right, of course he was. Not as if Xingqiu would ever admit to it though. “Why do you seem to care anyway? Do you require my aid once again at your exorcising?”

“That was once, and it was five years ago. I believe it’s time for you to finally let go.”

Xingqiu hums in thought as he gets out of his seat, only to cut himself off to regard the exorcist with a smug smile of his own. “I don’t believe I will! Also,” he pokes the other’s chest, “when did you get this tall?”

“We both know I haven’t grown since last year when I turned twenty two.”

Xingqiu just dismissively waves a hand at his statement, walking over to their bed to flop down on it rather unceremoniously. The entire day had been nothing but exhausting, filled with ink, scrolls and loads of different conversations. Who knew that writing a book would be this stressful?

(Xingqiu knew, after all it would be his fifth.)

Chongyun spares the other a glance, feeling himself cocking an eyebrow in question. He isn’t exactly sure what he’d been expecting, but to see Xingqiu merely lying on their bed without moving a muscle hadn’t been it. Perhaps he should’ve been expecting it though, Xingqiu always got like this when he was in the process of writing and publishing a new work of his.

The exorcist sits down next to him gently, and before Xingqiu can even lift his head he feels two strong hands touching his shoulders, more precisely massaging them.

“Archons, am I forever grateful you accepted Chu Hua’s offer.”

“You mean you’re glad you forced me to ask her for lessons until she finally caved in?”

“Hmmmnn, something like that…”

Chongyun can’t help but laugh at the other’s antics, the question of how he still put up with all this ringing inside his mind. (He knew exactly why, Hu Tao’s answer that day hadn’t been far from the truth after all.)

“You remember that we were planning on meeting Xiangling at Wanmin later?” He asks, aiming to keep Xingqiu from simply nodding off.

“Sure, sure…”

“Xingqiu.”

The writer sighs. “Oh Chongyun, I love you, but dear seven, either keep on rubbing my shoulder blades, kiss me, or simply stop talking.”

Normally the exorcist would be offended, but he figures Xingqiu has had a stressful enough day. If he did end up actually falling asleep, Chongyun would simply stay awake to wake him later on. “You’re still as vexing as ever Xingqiu.”

The other turns around at that, the flower made of glass dangling from his ear swaying at the motion. “But you adore me for it. I still remember you calling me alluring all too well dear Chongyun.”

“Of course you do.” The exorcist doesn’t wait for another teasing reply, simply leans down to connect their lips instead.

•

Chongyun was a light sleeper, unlike Xingqiu even the smallest noise served in startling him awake, all his senses alert and on the lookout for any sign of danger.

Today was one of such nights where Chongyun gets startled awake. The first thing he usually does is reach for Xingqiu, if only to reassure himself that the other was close by and safe, still breathing and snoring quietly in his sleep. To now find the space next to him vacant only serves in filling the exorcist with dread and for his heart beat to fill his ears. It’s currently dark around him, only the moon’s glow faintly shining into their bedroom. Chongyun all but jumps out of bed, scanning the room for any sign of his partner. Nothing.

He holds his breath as he walks over to the other side, carefully pushing the door open. The brightness he’s greeted with causes Chongyun to raise a hand to his eyes to shield them from the light.

“Chongyun?”

He tentatively lowers his hand, blinking a few times to adjust to the different lighting. “Xingqiu? What are you doing?”

Xingqiu is currently seated on one of their chairs, various papers in his hands. The other’s long dark hair is draped over his shoulders, a stark contrast to the light blue robe he’s wearing, and Chongyun can tell he’d been running his fingers through it by the tangled look of it. A fond smile makes its way in his face, the exorcist knowing exactly what was going on. He walks over to the other, kneeling down in front of him.

“Though I am rather curious regarding how you managed to get out of bed without waking me, I’m afraid it would be better if you told me in the morning.”

Xingqiu’s eyebrows furrow slightly, his teeth slightly gnawing on his bottom lip. He lets out a sigh. “I apologise, I’ve just been-“

“I know. You’ve been overthinking. Trust me when I say there’s no need. Trust yourself that you have not a single reason to worry.” Chongyun takes Xingqiu’s hands in his own, squeezing slightly before standing up and pulling him along.

Xingqiu doesn’t say a word, likely aware of the truth behind Chongyun’s words. Besides, it wasn’t as if nights like these were a first. Chongyun turns off the lights before they step back into their shared bedroom, practically pulling the other under the blanket and into his arms. Xingqiu sighs, a hand reaching out to grab the other’s nightgown.

“Thank you.”

Chongyun doesn’t reply, only kisses the top of Xingqiu’s head, praying to the seven for a good night’s rest. They would be needing it.

Luckily it doesn’t take long for quiet snores to fill the air, the grip on his shirt growing just a bit weaker. Chongyun knows Xingqiu had been startled awake by doubts once again, nagging at him and aiming to convince him that the following day would be a mistake. That he shouldn’t publish the work he’d been working on for more than seven years after all. Even though he’d grown to be more confident over the years, trusting in himself and his abilities at all times, even when times got rough, Xingqiu still came to have these nights filled with doubt whenever the publishing of a new work of his drew close.

Every year convincing Xingqiu that those thoughts were untrue gets a bit easier though, every time Chongyun needs even less convincing to get him back to bed and to trust in himself - just like Xingqiu had always done.

•

“This is ludicrous.”

It takes all of Chongyun not to sigh at the remark. Instead he shakes his head, eyes Xingqiu and can’t keep the smile off his face at the sight. Xingqiu looks so nervous, such a rare sight nowadays with the other more than confident in his work and his abilities. Continuously hyper focused with a clear goal in mind, steadfast in his demeanour and doing. It had always been something Chongyun admired the other for; his unshakable confidence, even when arguing with clients or colleagues, even when faced with new problems and challenges. Of course it had taken him years to get there, even now Chongyun can’t get certain nights of holding the other close to him out of his head, of feeling helpless even with Xingqiu’s reassuring that merely holding him close was more than enough. 

Xingqiu brushes a long lock of navy hair behind his ear, heaving a deep breath in order to compose himself. He knew he was acting without reason, knew that his writing abilities were good, excellent, if one were to listen to his readers or publisher. But this was different, this work was different. This wasn’t just some work of fiction and fighting and epic quests, this was about life itself, about the act of living and finding what one might’ve been searching for their entire life. This was partly - mostly - about his life, his experience, and even though it had been months since he’d finished said work and had consequently had more than enough time to rethink, he still ended up doubting everything in this moment.

He could only really thank the archons that even now Chongyun was right here by his side. Precisely because he knew he was being irrational but also because Xingqiu knows better than to believe he would listen to anyone trying to reason with him except for the exorcist. Oh how thankful he truly was for the other, words would never, never, be enough to convey everything Xingqiu wishes to express, but after years of having made that realisation he figures that perhaps it was alright.

“I believe we both know that the only ludicrous thing would be your worrying. I’m not implying that you shouldn’t be allowed to worry, but Xingqiu, trust me when I say there’s nothing to truly worry about.”

I know, is what he wants to say, but Xingqiu ends up whispering something else instead. Something very much foolish which he comes to regret as soon as the words leave him.

“I’ve even worried less on that day nine years ago.”

Chongyun raises an eyebrow at the words, uttered so quietly he might’ve missed them, and cocks an eyebrow at Xingqiu.

“That would be untruth and we both know it.”

“You’re right, it would be,” he heaves a sigh, “I admittedly don’t even want to begin recalling the events of that day.”

Chongyun cocks his head in question. “I thought you included them in your work?”

Yes, Xingqiu had. Not as detailed of course, but he had mentioned the day. He fiddles with the small piece of glass dangling from his ear, the realisation that something still bothered him hitting him once again.

“Chongyun?”

The exorcist hums in reply, thumbing through the pages of the book placed in his lap. Not one of the actual copies, merely one of previous drafts, back when there hadn’t been an actual cover…

Wait.

“Dear Chongyun, tell me… have I- Have I ever indulged you in the title of the book I’ve written?”

The exorcist stops the motion of flicking through pages to close the book entirely, icy blue eyes averting their gaze to stare into warm amber ones.

“No, you haven’t.”

It feels foolish, to be nervous now of all times. Chongyun had basically already read the entire work, so why did this single detail matter this much?

(Because I picked it with you in mind.)

“Do you wish to know?”

Chongyun nearly huffs at the question, naturally he’d want to know. In fact he’d given the question thought before, the answer to how Xingqiu would be naming his most personal work. It had kept floating inside his mind whenever he’d caught the other writing or sorting through already written pages, but never had he found it in himself to ask. He isn’t quite sure why.

“I’d love to.”

It was foolish to be nervous, this wasn’t his work after all - it was Xingqiu’s. Still, Chongyun knows how much thought and love had flown into this piece of literature, and he also knows that he’s part of it.

Xingqiu nods to himself, his own heart beginning to beat faster as he gets up and walks over to one of the smaller cupboards behind the desk they’re currently sat at. He opens one of the drawers, pulling a finished copy of his work out of it. He’s sure Chyou wouldn’t mind. She was late after all, so he had an excuse.

Chongyun watches as Xingqiu walks back to their wooden chairs, sparing the actual copy of his work another glance before handing it to Chongyun. He’s biting his lip again, the exorcist has to realise, but he can tell by the sparkle in his eyes that Xingqiu isn’t just nervous, he’s proud.

The realisation causes a smile to spread, one that causes Xingqiu to blush. (The fact that he still does that after so many years never fails to secretly delight the exorcist.) He heaves a deep breath, his eyes finally flitting to the book in his hands. Chongyun comes to realise that the cover is dark blue, the embroidery on it gold. It’s beautiful, fitting the person who wrote it. He takes a deep breath and flips the work open eagerly, finally getting the chance to read the title of the work Xingqiu had poured so much love into.

Woven Stories

Dedicated to my dear Chongyun, who I’m forever thankful for.