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Akira stared at the puppet that laid in his bed. The soulless husk that clung to him with its pretty smile and empty words. Its hands felt as warm as the real thing, its heart beat like any other, the breath in its lungs was indistinguishable from the previous version and yet this one... It lacked something. It lacked the sharp edges that once made up Goro Akechi. The wit, the spite, the challenge.
The puppet readjusted itself. It pulled itself closer to Akira's chest, burying its face as a form of comfort. "I love you," It said with absolute sincerity. Its conviction amounted to nothing at all. Just a reciprocal for all the phrases someone thought Akira wanted to hear. "I'll see you in the morning."
Akira felt the doll's breathing even out. He felt its body grow limp as it returned to its lifeless state. It always left Akira with lingering questions. How much of Goro Akechi was left? Did he dream? Was he trying to claw through the fake sheen set down by Maruki? Did it even matter anymore?
Akira pushed it out of his mind as he turned away. It wouldn't do to ponder such questions, not now when he was so close to sleep. He might not be able to rest his mind if he did. He may never be able to stop once he started.
Akira woke up to the smell of burning food and grimaced. Last week he could cook fine... What was the point in giving him flaws that didn't mean anything? Why try to sharpen sanded edges with foam and say it's the same?
It was about a half hour before Akira finally got up and went to the kitchen in their shared apartment. He watched from the doorway as Goro struggled with a pan of what looked to be eggs before he cleared his throat. Goro's attention was immediately stolen from the failed food. His face absolutely lit up as he dropped his spatula.
"Akira," Akira murmured as Goro said it with full sincerity, completely oblivious to the mockery. "Nice to see you in the land of the living."
Akira frowned as Goro pulled him in for a hug. He could count the number of greetings his doll had been given on one hand. He could probably script their entire morning start to finish and nail it with only minor variation... It was so boring. So unlike the boy who had kept him on constant alert. That Goro had been an endless source of puzzles and cherished knowledge, this one was cobbled together from the scraps that were left behind and had absolutely nothing new to offer.
At least he was alive... If he could even be called that... Was a half life like the one Goro now lived even true? Would it be wrong to call him alive? He certainly wasn't like Akira anymore and was about as far from his old self as he could be... But Akira could never bring himself to leave. He didn't have it in him to march up to Maruki and demand he put the strung up corpse back in the grave to rest.
As much as this Goro wasn't his own, there was still something there that reminded Akira of the boy he fell in love with. A breath of life left over from the beautiful bird whose wings he'd intentionally clipped. Maybe it was just the brainless sentimentality the real Goro had scolded him for.
"You know," Goro suddenly began, Akira's eyes were immediately drawn to him. His pink cheeks, his slightly reddened lips. The real Goro had never looked like this naturally. He never had a healthy glow to him or any real color to his face, years of stress and struggling to survive had robbed him of the effortless youth Akira and the rest of the Thieves had managed to hold onto. "I was thinking we could go out for breakfast," Goro turned back to the pan which was spouting a wave of black smoke. It meant absolutely nothing. The food would be perfectly fine if Akira wanted it to be, Maruki would make sure of that. He wasn't above using his powers for something so petty... One of the perks of being God's favorite he supposed. "I tried something but... It didn't really work out."
"Don't you have work soon?"
Goro's stare emptied of all emotion before he blinked a couple times. Soon, his eternal smile was back in its place. "Of course," He chuckled slightly as he pulled Akira in for a kiss. "How could I forget?"
Akira forced himself to smile. He wasn't entirely sure what the point was but... sometimes it almost felt nice to pretend. "I'll make dinner tonight."
"Mmm," Goro pressed his forehead against Akira's shoulder. "I'm looking forward to it."
At least that made one of them.
Akira stared down at the carrots in front of him. He carefully chopped them into smaller and smaller pieces, not quite caring if they came out edible or not. He couldn't starve, he couldn't die, not while Maruki was watching. Besides, his food would come out perfect.
Everything always came out perfect.
Perfect.
Flawless.
Bland.
Lifeless.
"Akira!" Akira didn't bother looking up at the smiling puppet that walked through the door. He didn't bother sorting out the tangled possessiveness that rose in his chest along with the apathy and disgust. As much as he hated it, Goro was his puppet. His wish. His burden. "Akira, are you awake?"
"I'm in the kitchen!" He called out, returning to the carrots which were half mush at this point. He continued to chop and chop until there was nothing left. He kept cutting, pretending like he was Maruki taking out all the parts of Goro that made him whole.
"There you are..." Akira fought the urge to look back. He fought the urge to lean into Goro's warm grasp. There was some old part of his brain telling him to savor the opportunity, that it might never happen again. But he knew better. He knew this was the rest of his life, the rest of their lives. "How was your day today?"
"Fine."
"Just fine?" Goro pulled him closer, held him tighter. It felt like Azathoth's tentacles closing in on him, squeezing and choking the life out of him. When Akira finally turned back he saw a puppet with a painted smile. He didn't see Goro, he didn't even see Akechi. All he saw was something that never should have existed. Something he couldn't live without. Something that bored him. Something that terrified him to his very core... "Akira, what's wrong? You look pale, are you feeling-"
Goro's words were cut off when Akira plunged the knife in his stomach. He watched wide red eyes dart between Akira and the blade. A gut wrenching look of betrayal ran through those eyes, one which Akira hadn't seen since the previous reality. One which he'd been trying to forget.
Back then, it had twisted his insides and torn him apart. Now though, it still twisted him, just in a different way.
Excitement ran through Akira's veins. His hands shook with pent up energy as the weight of what he'd just done hit him. Raw laughter bubbled from his throat. It was absolutely exhilerating. For a moment, he felt powerful as he held Goro's life in his hands. For a moment, he could fool himself into thinking he was in charge instead of Maruki.
"A...Akira..." Goro's voice was strange and strangled, something new. Akira had never heard it sound like that. He'd never heard anything more beautiful in his life. He wanted more.
Akira grabbed the handle of the knife and pulled. A beautiful wave of red spilled out along with the weapon as Goro's skin quickly paled. It wasn't enough. Akira watched Goro's reaction and found hope. Hope that he might have done this on accident. Hope that he would call for help... It was Goro. Goro didn't dare to give himself hope. It was still all wrong!
So he plunged the knife in. Again and again and again and again until Goro's insides were spilling onto the floor, half mush from how much he'd mutilated them. He didn't stop until the light faded from Goro's eyes. He didn't stop until Goro's face was contorted in an unrecognizable look of abject horror and pain, one that didn't suit the former detective at all.
When it was all over, Akira couldn't help the laughter that spilled from his throat. He couldn't stop the tears that streamed down his face. His shaking hands dropped the deep red knife onto the bloodstained floor, his knees quickly followed suit.
Once he was on Goro's level, he closed his eyes. He pulled the still warm body close and tried not to think about what he'd done. He tried not to think about losing Goro again. He tried not to think that maybe he'd lost him long before today... If he did, the thoughts would never stop...
"Akira?" Goro's near angelic voice rang through Akira's ears. Akira squeezed his eyes closed as the cold tiles beneath him came into focus. "Akira, what are you doing on the floor?"
There was an amused confusion in Goro's voice. The kind that a ghost seeking revenge likely wouldn't have. A warm hand made its way to his back.
"Akira?" Light shakes finally persuaded Akira to open his eyes. He looked up at Goro's smiling face. Bright eyes that held no hint of remebering what happened the night before. Unless he just didn't care but... That seemed fairly unlikely. "How'd you get here?"
"Goro..." Akira stood, somehow feeling no pain in his back from his night on the floor. He supposed it was more believable than Goro reappearing after what had happened the previous night. "How..."
"That's what I want to know," Goro said with an empty laugh. Akira's chest began to ache. Even last night hadn't mattered. Nothing mattered... But then, didn't that mean a few things?
Nothing mattered.
Goro reached out a hand, Akira took it. Goro smiled, not knowing what was about to come. He gasped in delighted surprise when Akira grabbed a handful of hair. Delight turned into horror when Akira threw him against the counter. Winced in pain as his back collided with the sharp corner.
"Akira-"
"Goro," Akira lovingly caressed his cheek with his free hand. He watched the conflicting emotions bloom in his eyes. The urge to reciprocate any positive emotions mixed with the "normal" impulses Maruki had programmed into him. Akira couldn't stand it. None of this was Akechi. None of this was the boy he loved...
He was too predictable. Too boring.
His screams weren't though. They were a beautiful melody coaxed out of him as Akira smashed his head down on the counter again and again. He didn't stop until Goro stopped struggling and the counter was painted in beautiful red.
When Goro fell to the ground, Akira smiled at the broken doll. Would it be fixed again? Would Maruki take away his toy? Probably not. Maruki wanted him to be happy and without Goro... Well, where would he be without his wish?
"Goro," Akira kneeled down. He felt blood soak his clothes. Today, though the sharp ache in his chest was less pronounced, his hands still shook and his heart still raced. "Goro..." He ran his hands through the doll's perfect hair. It was as soft as he remembered from the cafe back in the old reality...
Akira closed his eyes as he laid with the broken husk. It was probably early in the morning, he was sure there was time to go back to bed...
Akira woke up on the couch rather than the floor this time. The sound of the Featherman theme reached his ears as he became aware of something comfortable under his head. When he opened his eyes, he saw Goro looking at the tv.
"Goro..."
"Oh, Akira..." His voice seemed less peppy than usual. If he really tried, he might have been able to fool himself for a moment that this was the real thing. "I didn't think you were waking up anytime soon."
"Yeah..?" He sat up, removing his head from Goro's lap. "What time is it?"
"Around seven... I was going to get up and make dinner but you seemed so comfortable," Goro's eyes grew soft... Far too soft. It wasn't like him. It was just the fake again. "I just couldn't disturb you."
"Couldn't..." Akira turned away from Goro. How much truth was there in that?
"Dinner should be here anytime though." Goro suddenly pulled Akira closer. He felt the puppet press kisses to his cheek. Guided hands played with his hair, oblivious to the lack of reaction from Akira.
Then, he felt something against his neck. Goro's lips pressed all too gentle kisses to the area as his hands began to explore... It felt wrong. He felt sick allowing this to go on. He couldn't do this anymore. He couldn't do this anymore!
Before he knew what he was doing, he pushed Goro back. Confusion filled his face but before he could ask why, Akira pounced. He put his full weight on Goro as he grabbed at his neck. To his credit, Goro did fight back. Unfortunately, it wasn't as vicious or brutal as the real Goro would have been. It wasn't anything like him... He was trying harder not to hurt Akira than to save his own life.
It didn't take long for Goro's grip to fade. His eyes lost their shine as the fight quickly died. When Akira felt his hands slide off of him, when he felt his heart stop beating, he finally let go.
It was strange... As he looked down at his puppet, he felt nothing. Despite how much closer this one was to the Goro from his memories, there was no pain or ache. No longing or regret. Just a dark void filled with apathy.
"What seems to be the matter?" Akira blinked at Maruki as he sat across from him. He looked around, unsure of where he was or how he'd gotten there... "Ah, I'm sorry, you're probably confused, aren't you?" Akira felt himself nod without any real input from his brain. "You're sleeping at the moment, we're in your mind at the moment while I... Rebuild."
Akira slowly nodded. He leaned back on a plush white couch while Maruki simply smiled at him. "So," He tried once more. "What seems to be the problem?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Akechi-kun," Akira turned away with a frown. Ah. Of course. "Recently I've noticed... a pattern."
"Am I in trouble or something?" Was he getting sick of replacing him? Was he finally going to abandon him like-
"No, not at all," Maruki's gentle smile radiated a warmth that Akira couldn't quite latch on to. It didn't necessarily feel fake... maybe strained. His patience was probably wearing thin. "In fact, I was wondering if I was doing something wrong... You've been so unhappy lately and even Akechi-kun hasn't been enough, how can I help?"
Akira remained silent. As much as he wanted things to improve, he didn't want to give Maruki anymore ammunition.
"You act like we're on different sides Kurusu-kun," Maruki let a soft smile cross his face as he tried his best to look harmless. Akira remembered that smile, he remembered that look. It was the same one he'd been given the day Goro's life was dangled in front of him. The day he betrayed the boy he loved most... "I assure you, I only want to help. I'd let you go on and keep breaking Akechi-kun if I thought that would make you happy but... clearly that's not the case."
"...He's not right..." Akira suddenly mumbled. He turned his eyes to the ground, stubbornly keeping them away from Maruki's face.
"What do you mean?"
"Goro. He's too... nice."
"I... I'm a little confused, wouldn't you want him to be nice to you?"
"No! I mean- It's all wrong. I just... I want him to be himself."
Maruki frowned for a moment. He looked at Akira with something but he couldn't quite identify it. "I see but... You need to understand, there are certain... problems that come with that Kurusu-kun." He leaned forward, his gaze sympathetic if he didn't look too hard. "When Akechi-kun is his angry self, the version you're claiming to want, he has a hard time adjusting."
"I don't care-"
"So you would be okay with him resenting you?" Maruki tilted his head in a gesture that looked almost harmless. Maybe if he didn't know him as well, he could have brushed it off as such... but he knew better. He saw something sharp beneath the inoffensive exterior. "Akechi-kun made it very clear he wouldn't forgive you for accepting my deal, you'd prefer he's aware that you betrayed his wishes?"
"I-"
"I'm sympathetic with wanting him back but... would it really make you happy to hear him say he hates you all the time?" Maruki's smile returned as he continued. "Because we both know how abrasive Akechi-kun can be..."
"I... I don't want that..." Akira turned his gaze to the ground. He clasped his hands tightly together until they turned white.
"And being angry all the time, not just at you but at the world itself, imagine how exhausting that would be for both of you to deal with," Akira shrunk back in his seat. "I wouldn't want either of you to have to go through that."
"Y-Yeah... I just..."
"You want him to be happy, don't you?" Maruki stood from his chair and took a step forward. "You want him to feel loved and cherished." Another step. "But you also don't want to feel like you're sharing your life with a fake..." Suddenly there was a hand on Akira's shoulder. "I can assure you, there's nothing fake about this Akechi, his emotions, his thoughts... his pain." Akira's eyes widened in absolute horror as he looked up at Maruki. His smile remained firmly in place. "He's plenty real for you Kurusu-kun, so don't worry about that. Just worry about being happy with your wish, okay?"
Akira tried to swallow the lump in his throat but couldn't. He couldn't speak, he could hardly even breathe. All he could do was nod and watch Maruki's smile grow wider.
"Good. Akechi-kun should be ready for you by now... And I understand that your situation is stressful but... Please think about the work that goes into rebuilding his body and consciousness every time you take out your agressions on him." Akira looked away, feeling like a scolded child. "He's your wish and you can feel free to do what you'd like with him but... It would be much easier on my end if you did this less often."
Before Akira could respond, the world faded away in a mix of whites and blues...
Akira woke up in bed with Goro at his side. The puppet His lover was still sleeping and was unlikely to wake up anytime soon. Akira pulled him close. He pulled him as close as he possibly could, fighting the overwhelming urge to destroy taking in the sound of his beating heart as he pressed his head against his chest.
The hollow sound rang through his ears... Or maybe that was the beating of his own useless heart. It didn't matter much either way, neither of them were truly alive anymore, were they?