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It was so cold that Harry couldn't even stand the way that his jeans were touching his skin. His body was aching, and yet there was seeminly nothing that he could do to heat this house. That was the problem with old buildings, he supposed, especially old wizarding properties were they couldn't even install electric heaters or the entire place would go up in a puff of smoke. He wanted to move, but he had no idea where he could possibly move to. He didn't exactly like Grimmauld Place, but it still held sentimental value to him and the thought of moving somewhere else felt like a betrayal to the memory of Sirius - despite him knowing that Sirius hated this place more than any other building in the history of buildings.
Harry was glad that both Hermione and Ron had decided to move in with him, even if he was now feeling guilty that they had to endure this excruciating cold with him. Ron was lucky in that he had his mum's that he could run off to on nights like this. Harry knew that he was more than welcome at the Burrow, but he couldn't seem to find it in himself to abandon ship like that, so instead he made himself put up with it. Hermione didn't have the same excuse, not really. Her parents were off in Australia, continuing with their new lives even though they had their memories restored. Hermione had been to visit a few times, and Harry honestly didn't know why she didn't just stay there when this was what she had to return to, the coldness.Harry sat as close to the fire in the kitchen as he possibly could without burning himself. He wondered, not for the first time, if he should just ask Hermione how she creates her fire, but he somehow doubted that he would have the skills required to keep it going without burning his hands or setting something on fire that they didn't want to be set on fire.
"Harry?" Her voice snapped him out of his thoughts and with a quick glance over his shoulder to see her leaning against the kitchen table he could tell that she had been watching him for a few minutes. He shuffled slightly when he realised how uncomfortable that made him feel but he didn't say anything about it.
"Yes, Mione?" He asked quietly, hoping that she wasn't going to ask him something that required him to do a lot of thinking. He wasn't at all in a position that he would be able to do that today. He was shaking and he knew that if he was asked to use his brain to do anything other than stop him from climbing into the fire then he was very likely to crash and burn - almost quite literally.
"Are you okay?" She asked, the question taking him by surprise, though he supposed that everything about him just now screamed that he was far from okay.
"Oh. Um. Yeah. Just. Cold." He managed to get the words out though they were somewhat stuttery and jagged. "Tired too." He admitted. He wanted to go to bed but he didn't want to leave the fire. A warming charm on his bedding just wasn't good enough.Hermione took a seat next to him and slung her arm around his shoulders. "You sure that's it?" She asked as her head landed gently on his shoulder, though he really wished that she wouldn't touch him at all as his skin quite literally prickled underneath her touch.
Harry nodded. He didn't know what else it could be or what else she might be referring to. He was sitting here, shivering like crazy, was there really anything else that needed to be wrong?
They were silent for a while, just sitting there cuddled up together, and eventually Harry had to admit that he had started to warm up. She was like a miniature heater by his side and he wanted to wrap himself around her entirely so that she could continue to warm him up. This wasn't the first time that he had had these sorts of thoughts, however. He had wanted to entwine their bodies together so many times before now, but he had held himself back because those thoughts were not at all the ones that he thought he should be having. Hermione was his best friend, and for a long time he had thought that they were meant to be like siblings, but now he wasn't so sure about that.
It wasn't normal to want to kiss your sister, after all, so he'd had to push that idea out of his mind. She obviously meant something different to him than being his sister, but he really wasn't ready to explore what that something different was meant to be. She was with Ron, after all, and Ron was his other best friend - Ron was his brother - and he would never want to do anything that might potentially upset or even hurt his best friend. Ron was his rock and he knew how incredibly lucky he was to have Ron there by his side.
He made himself pull away from her to make his thoughts settle down, hoping that he would manage to get them back under control before they had the chance to try to make the way that she was holding him into something more than just her trying to make him feel better."I - uh - I'm going to bed." Harry said quietly as he stood up. He hoped that he hadn't insulted her when he pulled away from her but he knew that putting some distance between the two of them was exactly what they needed today. He couldn't entertain the thoughts of them crossing any sort of line, especially when Ron wasn't here.
"Harry." He could hear the frown in her voice but he didn't let herself look at him. He couldn't let himself do that, he couldn't let himself show her that he was upset or uncomfortable in any way at all.
He continued on his way to his bedroom, though he was dreading getting under the blankets when he knew that they were going to make him colder again now that he had finally warmed up. He only stopped walking when he reached his room. He made to close the door behind him, only to find that Hermione was stood in the doorway, an eyebrow raised at him. She was pissed - he could see that - though what she was pissed at eluded him.
"What..?" He asked slowly. He had told her that he was going to bed so it wasn't as if he had just ditched her and run. "I told you I'm tired." He said quietly, hoping that she wasn't too annoyed at him but also knowing that having her in his bedroom was as far from having distance from her as possible.
"What's going on with you?" She asked slowly as she looked him up and down. "What aren't you telling me?"
Harry let out a small sigh. She had him there. There was something that he was keeping from her, even though he had promised that he would never keep anything from her, but this was something that was for the good of their relationship. He knew that if he dared to tell her everything then she would have to tell Ron and he would lose both his best friends in one fell swoop. He couldn't lie to Hermione though. She was his everything, even if they ignored how he felt about her. He still had no idea what he was supposed to do.
"There... There are some things that are best if I don't tell you." He said quietly as he wrapped his arms around himself. He was still cold, but at least now his bed seemed inviting, if only to get him out of this conversation before he had the chance to screw everything up even more than ever.
"Now you're really worrying me." Hermione said slowly as she stepped through his doorway. She didn't normally intrude on his personal space like this but Harry knew that he was upsetting her. For the second time that evening he found himself wishing that he had somewhere else that he could run away to.
"That isn't my intention." Harry whispered as he took a step backwards, his arms wrapping around himself as he rubbed his arms. It wasn't just physically cold here but the atmosphere was even more chilly.
"What is your intention, Harry? Because right now it feels like you don't want to be here with me at all." Hermione looked as if she was about to throw up and Harry could feel his heart tightening in his chest. He was hurting her and that was the very last thing that he wanted to do.
He pulled in a deep breath as he realised that he needed to just come out and say it, and if it meant that his relationships with his friends suffered for it then it had to be better than the way that he was feeling around her now. "I felt too comfortable around you." He admitted, swallowing thickly as he tried to think about how exactly he was going to phrase this without coming across as a complete and utter freak.
"Too comfortable?" Hermione repeated, an eyebrow raised as she observed him in a way that made Harry's skin crawl but he also just wanted to wrap his arms around her at the same time and make her feel better. He hated that he had hurt her, he hated that he was the one making her feel like this when all he wanted to do was to hold her close to him.
"I... Hermione. I think I have a crush on you." He told her before he took another step back and ending up sitting on his bed, his fingers twisting into his bedsheets. This was the most honest that he had been with Hermione for a long time, though he wouldn't admit that. She didn't need to know how long he had had these feelings for, but it was at least out there in the world that he had the feelings in the first place. "And its not fair on you or Ron for me to even be contemplating acting on that crush. You're my best friend. He's my best friend."
"Oh." Hermione whispered, her hands disappearing into her opposite sleeves as she hugged herself much in the way that he had been hugging himself all this time. She looked him up and down again before she moved to sit on the bed beside him. "It's okay."
Harry let out a dry laugh. It was far from okay but he appreciated that she was trying to make him feel better, even if he was the one who had basically ruined everything all on his own. He didn't deserve her sympathy and he knew that if Ron got wind of this, and how Hermione had stayed with Harry rather than vacating the room then he wouldn't exactly be pleased. Ron had sought help for his jealousy issues after the war but that didn't mean that they had vanished entirely.
"You should leave." He said simply but Hermione's arm wound its way around his shoulders again and the two of them leaned against each other. Harry's eyes closed as he allowed himself to take the comfort and the heat that he needed from her. He wanted her to leave but at the same time he wanted her to stay right here. "Are you kicking me out?" Hermione's question hurt more than he could even begin to explain.
He shook his head feverently. "I only said that you should leave, not that I want you to." In all honesty he never wanted her to leave him ever again, but he knew that it wasn't about him. It was about her and it was about Ron.
"And if I don't want to?" Hermione asked, though this baffled Harry. She had to know why it was a bad idea that she stay here in his bedroom. He wouldn't act on the way he felt but that didn't mean that Ron would believe that. If there was one thing about Ronald Weasley that was predictable it was his jealous streak.
"I..." Harry began before he trailed off with a slight shake of his head. He couldn't argue with her and he couldn't deny her something that made her happy. If being here with him was what she wanted then he would just have to let it be.
"That's what I thought." She hummed before she let her head fully rest on his shoulder. "Besides," Her voice was a whisper and her breath tickled his skin as she spoke bur he made sure to listen to every single one of her words. "I think I have a crush on you too."
Harry tensed. He couldn't help it, he just knew that she couldn't have a crush on him when she was with Ron. It just wasn't done. Why was she saying these things to him? Why was she trying to mess with his head? And why was he going to continue to let her?
He said nothing - there was nothing that he could say that should be said. He was all too aware of the situation he was now in and he refused to be the reason that Ron- who had sacrificed so much for him - ended up getting hurt. He wished that Hermione would say something else, perhaps that she would even come to her senses and understand why her being here in his room, in his house even, was a bad idea. He knew how much she lived Ron and he knew that she would not - or should not- at all be willing to throw her whole relationship with him away just because of a silly crush that they may or may not have had on each other. "Have you heard of an open relationship before?" Hermione asked after several beats of silence that made him want to throw up. He couldn't fill it and yet when she did he wished that she would stop.
"As in cheating on each other but you both know about it?" Harry wasn't sure if that was the best solution for anyone because surely if Ron was willing to allow Hermione to cheat on him then he was unhappy? He was possessive, after all. Sharing wasn't something that came naturally to him, and yet…
"It's not cheating." Hermione's tone was sharp, almost angry and Harry flinched away from her, turning to face her as he tried to figure her out. He couldn't quite understand what she was saying or where she was coming from. "We have an agreement, Ron and I, but we haven't told anyone yet, because of reactions like that." Hermiome took a breath as she shuffled in her seat on the bed, turning so that she was facing him too and their knees were touching.
"I didn't mean to-" Harry began to apologise but she cut him off as she lifted her hand.
"I know." She said with a sigh. "But you did. And while I know you don't mean to judge us, you are." Hermione rubbed a hand over the back of her neck before she continued. "He's not even at his mum's tonight - he's at Seamus'."
Harry's eyes widened but he made an effort not to say anything that she wouldn't want to hear. He didn't mean to even be shocked that Ron was seeing a man, but shocked was exactly what he was.
"I'm not going to kiss you tonight." Hermione told him as she took his hand into her own and twisted their fingers together, "Not before speaking to Ron first. That's one of the big differences between open relationships and cheating. Honestly communication."
Harry swallowed thickly before he gave a small nod. "Thank you for being honest with me." He whispered as he squeezed her hand gently. That was all that he could ask for and all that he could hope for, though he wouls continue to hope that she was going to stay in bed with him and keep him warm tonight.