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The device flashed and Sheppard crumpled silently to the floor. 

Rodney gaped helplessly for a moment before managing to get to his feet and over to the man as Ronon and Teyla hurried in from the next room. 

"Sheppard?!" Rodney moved the limp man over onto his back with a strained tug, ignoring the sounds of alarm from his teammates. 

Teyla was kneeling beside him, checking Sheppard for injuries and looking worriedly at Ronon. "What happened?"

Rodney realized she was asking him. "I… I don't know. He was standing there and then there was a light and he was on the ground. I told him to stop bothering me and let me work, and I stopped paying attention to him after that."

"McKay," Ronon said, tone irritable. 

"We should get him back to the Jumper and to the infirmary," Teyla suggested, voice calm and patient. Rodney could tell that she wouldn't put up with a fight until Sheppard was seen to and he glanced gratefully at her.

Ronon knelt to pull Sheppard into a carry and Rodney hastily picked up his tools and tablet and hurried ahead to the Jumper. Between him and Teyla, they had cleared room for Ronon to enter and get Sheppard secured onboard.

Rodney hated that he had to fly the Jumper home. He kept stealing worried glances back at the colonel as he flew the shuttle through the gate.

.....

"I'm fine," Sheppard said again, and Rodney shuddered at the wrongness of it.

He had woken up not long after arriving in the infirmary, and though his tests and scans came back normal and healthy, he had seemed off somehow. Too stiff, too impersonal. Until Rodney had entered the space by his bed. Then Sheppard had stared at him and got to his feet and just stood there. Staring.

Carson insisted on keeping Sheppard for observation and Sheppard, still looking too steadily at Rodney, had said, "I'm fine."

Rodney scoffed at him. "What is it with you and Ancient tech? I leave you alone for five seconds and you give yourself a seizure!"

Sheppard didn't say anything. He just kept staring awkwardly. It unnerved McKay and he kept babbling for a bit about how it was the man's own fault for getting himself in the infirmary. When it still produced no response, Rodney shook his head and said, "Fine! If you're going to blame me then I'll just go figure out what you managed to destroy while unsupervised!" He turned to go and Sheppard started to follow him.

"Hold it there, Colonel. I've not cleared you yet." Carson stepped in front of Sheppard, who stepped around him.

Rodney stopped and so did Sheppard. "What are you doing?" He was completely confused by this game Sheppard was playing. "Fine. I'm sorry! I suppose I should have warned you not to touch anything." Maybe the man wanted an apology? 

It elicited no response.

Carson looked increasingly concerned.

Rodney tried again. "At least don't take it out on Carson."

"Okay," Sheppard said. 

Rodney hadn't expected that response. It still sounded off, like the man had none of the usual mischievous tone to his voice. "Good." He glanced at Carson, silently pleading for help.

"Colonel, why don't you lie back down for me. I think it best we run another few tests. Just in case." Carson was using a gentle tone but Rodney could hear the concern laced in it.

Sheppard stared at Rodney.

This was infuriating. "Well, you heard him! Lie down!"

"Okay." Sheppard laid on the bed, looking the model patient.

Rodney stared stupidly at him. Sheppard had only complied when Rodney had told him to. He was a smart guy. He could figure out logical connections, of course. The hypothesis would need to be tested, but it was an insane hypothesis. He was definitely just letting his tired brain get too imaginative. 

Carson glanced at Rodney as he started up another set of scans, using the Ancient tech to image the Colonel's brain. 

Rodney frowned, increasingly upset that some stupid dying Ancient junk had given his leader brain damage. He chewed the inside of his lip for a moment as he thought. Test. That was what he needed to do.

"Sheppard… raise your right hand." 

Sheppard raised his right hand. Those normally bright eyes stared dully back at him.

Carson frowned at Rodney. "Colonel, could you raise your left hand."

Sheppard didn't move, just kept up his stare at Rodney. 

With a shiver, Rodney said, " What's wrong with him?"

"I'm fine," Sheppard insisted again. 

Carson frowned and said, "I'm not rightly sure, to be honest. I'll take a look at the scans, but he seems to be fixated on you." 

"Well it's creepy." Rodney glared at the man and said, "Why are you all weird?"

"I'm fi-"

"Fine. Yes. I got it. If you were fine you would be acting like you. Not this."

Sheppard shrugged in a gesture that was more typical of himself and it startled Rodney to realize that the man seemed to have changed to his normal self in an instant. "McKay, I'm fine. I don't need any tests, doc." He got back up off the bed and smiled at Carson.

Was it just a bad joke? Rodney felt anger surge in him. "Oh ha! That's really not funny to scare us like that. We thought something was really wrong!" 

Carson frowned, eyeing them both skeptically. "You're sure you're alright, John?" 

Sheppard sighed in his usual long suffering way he had in the infirmary. "Yes."

"Fine. Yes, well… Now that you've made me use up more of my adrenaline, I'm feeling a bit light headed. I'm going to go eat. Only bright side of you cutting our mission short is we get real food."

"Great. I'll come with," Sheppard said.

Carson frowned at him. "John, I'd like to see you again in a few hours as a follow up. And tell me if you're not feeling well."

Sheppard smiled at him and followed Rodney out. 

They headed to the cafeteria and Rodney was glad that Sheppard seemed to have forgiven him after his annoying practical joke. He had felt guilty for his injury, even though he knew it wasn't exactly his fault. Sheppard was much too curious for his own good, especially with his super strength Ancient DNA, and it wasn't like Rodney was supposed to babysit him. If anything it was the other way round. But he should have warned the man not to touch anything, since there had been a low current of power running through the Ancient ruins. 

As they ate, Rodney found himself talking out the rest of his nerves at Sheppard. The man must be tired, especially after the pain medication Carson had given him from hitting his head, because Sheppard just let him ramble on. Or maybe Sheppard felt a little guilty about playing a mean prank on Rodney and Carson. Either way, Rodney was glad the man wasn't giving him that intense stare anymore.

"You going to eat your jello?" Rodney asked him as Teyla and Ronon sat down with them, Ronon beside McKay and Teyla beside Sheppard.

Sheppard handed it to him. "Go ahead."

"John, it is good to see you are well. We were sure you were still in the infirmary." Teyla looked relieved, though Rodney was sure she wanted to chide Sheppard for his usual escape of bed rest. She knew better by now.

Ronon nodded. "Glad you're okay."

"Right as rain," Sheppard assured them. "Doesn't even hurt."

They talked a bit more as they worked through lunch and finally decided they would make the most of their free time, now their mission was scrapped. 

"Was heading to the training room. Wanna spar?"

"Ronon," Teyla scolded. "I do not think that is a wise choice after John's head injury."

"Just a suggestion." 

"Colonel, you're more than welcome to join me for meditation." She gave him a welcoming smile.

Rodney was sure Sheppard would end up doing both activities. It wasn't like prescribed rest had ever stopped him from doing what he wanted before. "Well have fun with that. Sounds terrible. I'll be going to the lab and seeing what Radek can make of what little I did get from the ruins." He stood and Sheppard and the others did too. 

"I'll go with you," Sheppard said casually.

Rodney frowned. Occasionally Sheppard did accompany him to the lab, especially if they had found anything of interest. The man found it fun or amusing, for some inane reason Rodney couldn't work out, to hide his intelligence. He supposed he should be relieved he didn't want to spar with Ronon, but something bothered him about the situation.

"We really didn't find anything interesting before you very masculinely passed out. You should probably meditate, considering you did hit your head. And Carson wanted to see you again soon." Rodney supposed he was still a little angry about the prank the man had pulled on him. 

"Nah, I'd rather go with you to the lab." 

Ronon frowned and stepped closer to Sheppard. "Carson thinks there's something wrong?" It still amazed Rodney how caring the big guy was when it came to their team. Even when it came to Rodney. 

Sheppard put up his hands in a very Sheppard gesture. "I'm really fine." 

And that made Rodney feel like he really wasn't. "Maybe you should go see Carson. He’ll probably have your test results in by the time you get there."

"I will walk with you there," Teyla offered with a smile. 

"I'm going to the lab," Sheppard insisted.

"Fine." Rodney was getting increasingly frustrated. "Then I'll go talk to Carson and see if he has something that can make you see reason."

"Great. I'll go with you," Sheppard said.

Rodney frowned, exasperated. "It's really not very funny." At Ronon and Teyla's confused expressions, Rodney explained, "He was playing pranks down in the infirmary. Pretending to be a robot."

That made Teyla frown more deeply. "It is unlike you to be so disrespectful to Dr. Beckett. John, are you sure you are well?"

"He's ‘fine’," Rodney said in time with Sheppard. "We get it. I'm just going to go to my lab."

"Let's go, Sheppard. We'll go to the infirmary with you." 

"Heading to the lab, actually." Sheppard started towards Rodney.

Rodney frowned. "No. No, I think you should go to the infirmary." Something was definitely off. Giving him a command had worked before. Would it work again? "Go with Ronon and Teyla to the infirmary."

"Can't get rid of me that easily," Sheppard smiled with his usual crooked smirk. It seemed so normal and yet so out of place. It gave Rodney the creeps.

"We'll take him," Ronon assured Rodney and reached to pull Sheppard by the shoulder.

Sheppard stepped away and gave Ronon a dangerous, threatening look. "I'm staying with Rodney." 

Ronon, fortunately, was very smart and disciplined, and he slowly pulled his hands back from Sheppard. As soon as the implied threat was gone, Sheppard was back to looking like his usual self. And now Rodney noticed that until Ronon had tried to touch him, Sheppard's gaze had largely been on Rodney. 

"I think we should let John go with Rodney to the lab," Teyla said quickly. 

"Yeah." Ronon was frowning, and Rodney suddenly worried the big guy would think Rodney was somehow to blame for this.

"Rodney, will you be alright?" Did he think Sheppard was a threat to his safety, Teyla meant. 

He didn't know. That look Sheppard had given to Ronon had made him shudder in fear. He knew what both men were capable of. Ronon was a big and strong guy, and he often won the sparring contests between him and Sheppard, but Rodney had seen Sheppard fight too. The man was incredibly lucky, insanely daring, and smarter than people took him for. He suddenly had no doubt that in a real fight, Sheppard could win. 

He tried not to gulp. "We'll be fine. Sheppard, we going to my lab or are you going to just stand around all day?"

Sheppard gave that lopsided smirk again. "Let's go."

.....

Rodney worked as best he could with Sheppard in the lab. He had tried to ignore him when he entered, hoping the man would grow bored and leave on his own. 

He pored over the data he had managed to get from the ruins for a few hours but every time he checked to see if the man had left, he found Sheppard close by.

The last twenty minutes Sheppard had spent leaning against the adjacent wall, watching him. He still acted like his usual self, aside from the stalking, but he did reply to the greetings the other scientists and techs gave him. 

"Are you in danger?" Radek asked.

"Maybe," Rodney muttered, though he hated himself for it instantly. Sheppard wouldn't hurt him. He knew it. But he also knew he wouldn't hurt Ronon or Teyla and look how that turned out. "He's off. I'm trying to figure out what the hell happened in the ruins, but I didn't get enough data onsite. I don't know what he touched."

Radek glanced at the screen and then back at Sheppard. "He looks like a bodyguard. Creepy on the colonel."

Rodney snorted. "He also does what I tell him. Well, sort of." He explained his experiences to Radek. 

"More testing is necessary. More data. We should go back to the planet." 

"Yeah, but I need to go and do you think they'll let him go back there when he's acting creepy?"

Radek frowned. "So he stays. Where is the problem?"

Rodney sighed. "There's too many at the moment to tell."

“Rodney?” Carson on the radio.

Rodney tapped his earpiece. "Carson, please tell me he has mild reversible brain damage."

“Well I don't think it's very appropriate to want someone to have a brain injury, but I see your point. Unfortunately, I couldn't find much yet to indicate an obvious issue. He appears to be in perfect health, medically speaking .”

"He is not in perfect health, Carson! He practically threatened to kill Ronon over nothing! And he's just been… watching me. There's definitely something wrong with him."

Radek had been giving him warning signals but Rodney only just noticed as Sheppard came up by his side. "Everything okay, McKay?"

"Yes, yes," Rodney lied. "Everything’s fine."

“Rodney, see if you can get him to come down for another scan. I want to see if we can do some cognitive tests while I have the scanners running.”

"Great, leave me to manage the psychopathic-" Rodney cut off when Radek brought his hands to his face in exasperation and muttered something in Czech. 

Rodney hastily glanced over at Sheppard, sure he'd see that terrifying look in his eyes that had turned on Ronon earlier. But instead, Sheppard just stood relaxed next to him looking almost bored. 

“Rodney? Are you alright?”

"Yeah. Yeah, sorry. Hey, Sheppard, Carson wants to see you. Go head down and I'll meet you there in five minutes." 

"Nah, I'm good here."

Rodney could tell Carson was listening still. Let the man hear what he was having to deal with. "Okay. Then we'll stay here."

"Great. Sounds good to me."

Radek frowned in confusion as Sheppard settled on a stool at the desk, looking relaxed.

"Whelp, I'm going to go see Carson," Rodney said to no one in particular.

Sheppard got to his feet. "I'll come with you."

Radek frowned in understanding now he had seen the issue firsthand. "Yes, more data."

“Oh dear ,” Carson said, the worry obvious in his tone. 

.....

It was infuriating. There was nothing actually wrong with Sheppard. Except for the things obviously wrong with him, of course. 

Carson was at a complete loss. He wanted to keep Sheppard for observation, but of course that had led to Rodney trying to slip out while Sheppard was distracted. Instead, Sheppard had fixed Carson and anyone else in his way with that terrifying glare and Rodney had resigned himself to the fact that for whatever reason, Sheppard was now his permanent shadow.

He had petitioned Dr. Weir to let them return to the ruins, but she was worried about safety issues. Rodney understood but he was also the only one who had to endure the utter lack of privacy from his new unwanted bodyguard.

It disturbed him that Sheppard seemed so willing to follow his commands, well except for the ones that would have separated them. As much as he would have enjoyed some fun pranks at the man's expense, the wrongness of Sheppard's actions was too much. A part of him had entertained the idea of the man paying him extra attention, though Rodney hadn't thought too much about what that might look like. But this was definitely not it. He started to really miss the real John Sheppard and not this strange replacement.

For one, Sheppard talked a lot less. He seemed to only speak in response to Rodney's or someone else's prompts, and even then it was usually in short sentences with only minimal humor. No random references or mockery or dumb jokes. Not even an insult or chastisement. Rodney missed the way Sheppard would roll his eyes at him and say his name in feigned exasperation. 

And this Sheppard followed him everywhere. The real Sheppard would have been busy making sure Atlantis and all its denizens were safe. He would have worried over the two teams that were currently off-world. He would have spent most of his time sparring with Ronon and Teyla or forcing everyone to watch terrible movies he deemed important cultural education for the non-Earthers. Instead, Sheppard seemed to only care about Rodney. 

Rodney was relieved to find out that his right to privacy at least extended to the bathroom, but when he left, Sheppard was always waiting. Worse, Rodney found the man trying to follow him to his quarters when it was close to midnight and Rodney had given in to the need to get some sleep. 

"Out! You're not staying in my room!" Sheppard reluctantly took a step back until he was in the doorway. 

Rodney glared at him. "Go to your own room."

"It's too far," Sheppard said, like it was a reasonable explanation.

"I'm fine. I'm safe. Nothing is going to happen to me except that I'll actually get some privacy and possibly some sleep. Now, go to your room. And stay there." He tried to put force into the words, hoping they would work.

Sheppard frowned at him but he took another step back and the door closed. 

Rodney locked it and sank onto the bed in pure relief. Alone. He was alone. He wouldn't have minded spending time with the real Sheppard, but this stranger was exhausting. 

Where was the real Sheppard? Had he swapped personalities somehow through some zany Ancient device? It didn't seem likely. More likely, Sheppard did have some kind of brain damage or mind control of some kind and Rodney just had to hope it was reversible. He couldn't help thinking that the real Sheppard was in there somewhere, captive, screaming to get out, waiting for them to save him. It disturbed him enough to keep him awake for another hour before he finally passed out from exhaustion.

.....

Rodney woke a few hours later from a dream that his friend was stuck in a cell on the planet with the ruins, begging to be let out. Rodney was sure it was just his anxiety over the situation, but it scared him enough to wake him.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, fine. Just a bad dream." Then a sinking feeling hit him as he realized there shouldn't be anyone asking him if he was okay. He had locked Sheppard out of his room. But the man was crouched down next to his bed.

"Gah!" Rodney flinched away in surprise. "How did you get in here?"

Sheppard smirked that smirk only he could make. "I'm in charge of security around here, McKay."

"I told you to go to your own room!"

"I didn't," Sheppard shrugged. 

"Well, get out!" Rodney was flabbergasted and tired. And this was not making him any less so.

Sheppard frowned but didn't move from beside the bed. "Are you sure you want to be alone? Sounded like you were pretty upset."

Rodney may have blushed. "No, I'm fine and yes, go back to your room."

"It's too far," Sheppard explained again. "I'd better stay here. Make sure you're okay." He sat and leaned against the wall like he was settling in for the night.

"This is torture. What is wrong with you? Why aren't you you ?"

Sheppard looked at him and said, "Rodney, I'm fine. It's you I'm worried about."

Rodney felt something tighten in his chest at that. He knew Sheppard would do anything for his team, but he had seen the way Sheppard had sometimes looked at Weir. He had no illusions that Sheppard might care for him in that way. But the look on the man's face now seemed to suggest otherwise. Except it wasn't real and it upset Rodney more than he'd like to admit.

"I'm fine. A little sleep deprived and being driven crazy by a lack of privacy and respect, but otherwise perfectly good. You, on the other hand, are not fine. Please, just be normal again." 

Sheppard rolled his eyes. "Rodney. I am normal. Just go back to sleep. I'll make sure you're safe."

Rodney stuffed his pillow over his head to scream into it. At the soft chuckle he heard from Sheppard, he suddenly had a realization. "You're not normal, but you're acting like Sheppard other than the whole stalking me thing."

"You told me to," Sheppard said with a shrug.

"I told you to," Rodney said dumbly. Well that made it creepier. "Why are you following me?"

"I just want to make sure you're safe, McKay." Sheppard sounded like he had explained it already and was amused by Rodney's exasperation. Like Rodney was the crazy one here.

"Let me talk to the real Sheppard. He has to be in there." 

He rolled his eyes. "Rodney, you are talking to the 'real' Sheppard." 

Rodney considered the pillow and the logistics of suffocating himself with it. Clearly the man wasn't going to go away. "You just waited outside my room when I locked you out, didn't you?"

"Yep."

With a long sigh, Rodney gave up arguing. He was determined to get some more sleep.

A couple hours of dozing later and Rodney woke to see that Sheppard was still next to his bed. Had the man slept at all? He quietly peeked over at him and saw that Sheppard had his eyes closed, his breathing was slow and even. Asleep. 

Rodney decided to try leaving. But the second he had gotten to his feet, Sheppard had opened his eyes, alert. "You okay?" he asked, snapping to his own feet and looking ready for combat. 

"Gah! Don't do that!" Rodney screamed in surprise at Sheppard's quick reaction.

"Do what?" 

"Ugh, never mind. Just… stay." 

Sheppard frowned but didn't move as Rodney paced around his room, grabbing his clothes and toiletries before heading into the bathroom to shower. Maybe he could tell Sheppard to shower and ditch him after that? Yes, he needed to get some time away from the man to think.

Sheppard hadn't moved from where Rodney had left him when he stepped out of the bathroom. He resisted the urge to say "good boy." "You should take one too."

Sheppard frowned. "You won't try to run off?"

Rodney gulped. "Of course not. Well, go on. We don't have all day." He gestured to the bathroom.

Sheppard kept a suspicious eye on Rodney as he started to strip. 

Rodney gaped, face flushing at the man undressing in front of him. "What are you doing? Not in here! In there!"

Sheppard frowned like he knew what Rodney was up to, but he did as told and moved into the bathroom.

Rodney closed the door. "And keep the door closed!" He heard the shower start up and then made a mad dash out of his room and down the hall. 

He was almost to the transporter when he began to hear gasps of surprise from the other residents in the hallway. Oh no, Rodney thought, and he turned to see an angry Sheppard, dripping wet and wearing only his watch. Rodney kept his gaze focused on Sheppard’s face, his cheeks heating. He didn't really care about the physical aspects of a person as much as the intellectual, but seeing Sheppard like that was threatening to affect him. In public.

"Rodney," Sheppard said, like Rodney was the one being crazy. "You said you wouldn't leave."

People were watching them now and Rodney realized this would be very bad for them both, but especially for Sheppard. "He's got a brain injury," he said loudly. "He's not himself."

The people looked skeptical, but Sheppard was the one naked and wet in the hallway. Though Rodney knew it looked like a much more intimate kind of fight between them.

"I keep telling you I'm fine, McKay."

Rodney gritted his teeth. "You are not fine!" This was making things worse. "Go back! Finish your shower and get dressed. Now!" He had lowered his voice but it came out in a desperate whispered yell. 

"Only if you're coming with me," Sheppard said.

Rodney blushed and this time there was no darkness to hide it. Eyebrows went up from the people watching. "I told you. Brain injury. Move along, people!" He grabbed Sheppard by the arm and hurried them back to his room. He realized with mild surprise that Sheppard went willingly, none of the anger or resistance he had displayed to Ronon the day before.

When they got back in his room, Rodney swore and said, "Just finish your shower!"

Sheppard stared at him suspiciously. "You won't run off again."

"No, I won't. It was humiliating enough already, thank you." He moved over to the bed.

Sheppard seemed satisfied, though he still eyed Rodney like he was sure he would bolt again. And then Rodney made the mistake of sitting down, putting him right at eye level with the parts of Sheppard he’d been avoiding staring at.

Rodney sat dumbly for a moment. He should curse Sheppard, tell him he should have at least put a towel on. But the shock had gotten to him. Sheppard started up the shower again, this time leaving the door open. Rodney put his head in his hands.

The sound of the shower stopped and Sheppard strode out of the bathroom, to Rodney's relief, with a towel wrapped around his waist. 

Rodney didn't move from his position until he heard the ruffling of fabric that meant Sheppard had hopefully put on some clothes. He looked to see a clothed Colonel Sheppard standing before him, arms crossed in irritation.

"Don't even think about being mad at me!" Rodney began. To his horror, Sheppard dropped his hands to his pockets and smiled. 

"Okay." It was like all of the anger Sheppard had displayed was gone. Rodney had told him… He shuddered. 

"We're going to the infirmary. There's something Carson is missing. There has to be."

"Infirmary. Got it." Sheppard moved to the door like he was waiting for Rodney to go first. 

This was really starting to drive Rodney mad.

.....

"There's something wrong! Obviously! You don't know what it's like! He was in my room last night, Carson! He used my shower this morning and chased me out into the hall completely naked!"

"Nobody saw," Sheppard offered helpfully.

"Well, nothing is coming up on the scans, Rodney. I don't know how to help."

"What did you do?" Ronon had appeared in the infirmary, staring daggers at Rodney. By now the rumors of a naked Sheppard running after Rodney in the living quarters must have spread.

Rodney gulped, swallowing the fear rising in his gut. "Nothing! I just tried to leave while he took a shower and he freaked out and came running out after me!"

"You said you wouldn't leave," Sheppard pointed out, again unhelpfully. 

"You shut up," Rodney said, patience lost. Sheppard stared back at him, silent. Rodney swore.

Carson watched in shock. "Rodney, are you alright?"

"No. No I am not. And neither is he. We need to go back to the planet and figure out what evil Ancient device warped his brain."

Ronon was still glaring at Rodney but it wasn't like Rodney had done anything wrong! It was this not-Sheppard that had caused all his problems.

"I'm afraid I agree. I can't think of anything else we can do here to treat Colonel Sheppard." Carson looked defeated. He put a hand on Sheppard's shoulder and said, "I'm sorry, lad. Are you okay with going back there?"

Sheppard looked at Rodney and nodded. The color drained from Rodney's face. "You can talk." 

"I'll go where McKay goes."

Ronon made a disgusted sound. "He does what you tell him?" 

"Sort of," Rodney said. "It's not like I'm enjoying it. He won't do the thing I want him to, which is leave me alone."

Ronon looked at Sheppard. "That true, Sheppard?"

Sheppard said, "I go where McKay goes," like it was a normal thing to say.

"You see what I'm dealing with?"

"Colonel, what if we kept you here while Rodney went off-world?" Carson asked, voice calm and gentle.

Sheppard's eyes flashed in that dangerous look again. "I go where McKay goes." The threat was clear. Rodney again felt that strange stirring in his chest at it, which he knew was wrong. This wasn't the real Sheppard. 

"What if something happened to McKay?" Ronon asked.

Sheppard growled. Rodney was sure he had actually growled. "I'll keep Rodney safe."

"Okay, stop. Enough. Please. It's already creepy without the Terminator here." Sheppard grinned at him as if appreciating the reference. Rodney knew it was only because he had told the man to act normal. He shuddered. "I'd better go talk to Elizabeth."

Sheppard got to his feet. "So, going back to the Ancient ruins?"

"Don't you want to fix you?" Rodney asked.

"If that's what you want," Sheppard said, completely serious.

Ronon grunted in disgust. "Better get there fast."

"At least I'm wearing clothes, right, McKay?" Sheppard winked.

Rodney blushed. "Fast," he agreed with Ronon.

.....

“There’s nothing here!” Rodney didn’t understand what he was seeing, which was a pile of dead Ancient tech and not a “return Sheppard to normal” button. “There has to be something.”

Sheppard was leaning over him and studying his tablet. “Is that what you found before we left?”

“No. There was a low level of power before, but now it’s gone. Just like…” Just like Sheppard. He looked up at him almost desperately. He had to find something here that could help him get the real Sheppard back. 

There had been an argument before going through the gate about whether Sheppard could have his usual weapons and armor. Rodney had had to tell the man to promise not to use them on their team, which Sheppard had happily agreed to. He knew that Sheppard would break that promise if it meant protecting Rodney, though. He just hoped Weir hadn’t realized it. Carson had probably helped downplay the severity of Sheppard’s predicament, else she wouldn’t have let them return at all, he was sure. 

“You sure it’s actually plugged in?” Sheppard asked with that crooked smile of his. Rodney couldn’t help but give a small laugh at it, despite knowing it wasn’t real. Sometimes the man seemed so normal. 

“Very funny. I can see why they kept you off the science team.” He considered Sheppard’s words, though. Maybe if they did use a power source of their own… But that raised another problem. Whatever changed Sheppard was likely still here. What if it affected more people? It was too risky. 

“You’re not gonna find any answers unless you turn it on again, right?”

Rodney glared at him. “Are you actually helping?”

“I’m helpful,” Sheppard argued, feigning offense. 

Rodney gave an amused snort. “Well, I suppose it’s worth a try, considering the state of things. What could possibly go wrong that is worse than what we’ve got?”

“I’m getting the feeling you don’t like me,” Sheppard said. 

Rodney glanced up at him, concerned he would find that same threatening glare Sheppard was good at directing at others who threatened to separate them. But instead he found Sheppard grinning at him. Rodney’s chest constricted and he coughed to clear his suddenly dry throat. Stupid fake Sheppard. “I just want you fixed.”

Sheppard frowned and looked genuinely curious. “What’s wrong with me?”

“What’s wrong with--” Rodney started incredulously as he paused in trying to set up the generator. But he could tell Sheppard looked hurt. No, no it was fake. Just because he had told the man to act normal. “You’re… you’re not you.”

Sheppard was quiet for a long moment, watching Rodney connect the generator and hook everything up to his tablet. “What am I like then? I’ll change.”

Rodney looked at him, horrified. “No!”

“So… I’m fine the way I am.” Sheppard looked confused. 

“Yes! No! No, that’s not what I mean. You’re fine. You’re just...not Sheppard.” 

Sheppard frowned and walked off. Rodney didn’t realize he had gotten so used to having the man close that now it felt strange to not see him in his peripheral vision. He looked up, just to check where Sheppard had gone. 

The tablet beeped, detecting a power source. It was much more than the building had displayed before, and Rodney quickly limited the power to the building, just in case he turned on something more horrible. 

Perfect, at least something was now working right. Rodney checked the diagnostics and started scanning the data. 

“I was standing over here.” Sheppard was standing at a half melted device towards the opposite side of the room. “There was a light and then that’s all I remember.”

Rodney frowned. “You remember it happening?” He hadn’t even considered asking him before. That was dumb and obvious and Rodney felt embarrassed for not even doing the bare minimum of questioning. He had just been so worried about Sheppard and then creeped out by the changes in him that it hadn’t occurred to him. At Sheppard’s nod, Rodney narrowed his eyes. “Wait, you’re being helpful.”

“You said you wanted me fixed, right?” 

Rodney frowned at him and then picked up his tablet and met Sheppard at the device. “Just don’t touch it again. I assume you touched it the first time? You’re always touching things when I tell you not to.”

Sheppard laughed. “Said the overeager scientist.” Rodney continued to glare at him. “Okay, so I did maybe touch it a little.”

“I knew it!” Rodney gloated. Then he remembered that Sheppard was fake and he went back to fiddling with his tablet. “Okay I just need to run a scan of this brain-washing machine.”

“It looks a little broken.”

“It worked before, didn’t it?” Rodney looked at the panels on the thing, trying to find the guts to plug into. 

“Maybe I can--”

“No touching!” Rodney yelled without even bothering to look. 

Sheppard pulled his hand back, though he looked mildly amused. It really did look like him. Whatever had happened to Sheppard, he knew enough about himself to know how he interacted with Rodney. 

Rodney finally plugged into the machine after some crystal replacement and started up a scan. Whatever it was, his database had no clue how to process it. “I’ll have to send this back to the lab. You’re sure all you did was touch it the first time?”

Sheppard nodded. “You were over there, and I was bored. I walked over here and wiped some dust off this thing to lean on it and then the light flashed.” 

“That’s it? Just a flash? You don’t remember anything else?”

“I’m pretty sure I passed out after that,” Sheppard said. 

“Well, yes, I mean, before you passed out, or after you woke up. You didn’t feel...different?”

Sheppard frowned as he thought about it. “Hmm, nope. I don’t think so.”

“But you were all robotic! You only started acting like this after I told you to.”

Sheppard just gave a very unhelpful shrug. 

“Well, why do you only do what I say?”

“Because you say it,” Sheppard offered, like it was an obvious answer. 

Rodney cursed silently and made sure to get an image scan of the device for Zelenka to analyse. “And that’s completely normal, of course. You always did what I told you before you got zapped by an Ancient brainwashing machine.”

“If you say so,” Sheppard said, as if he knew it would annoy Rodney. 

“So if I told you to jump off a cliff…” Rodney said, suddenly worried. He didn’t want that kind of power over anyone. Well, maybe the Wraith. 

“Hmm. Are you also jumping off the cliff?” Sheppard asked. 

“You’re not joking, are you,” Rodney said in resignation. “No, of course not.” But at least he couldn’t order Sheppard to his death. That made him feel a little better. 

Sheppard suddenly straightened and pushed Rodney behind him, almost into the brainwashing machine. Rodney struggled to not actually touch it. “What are you--”

The sound of clicking footsteps quieted Rodney and he tensed in sudden fear. Ronon and Teyla, along with Lorne, were supposed to be outside, making sure the place was safe from unwanted visitors, should there be any. 

Sheppard tensed, gripping his gun and getting that dangerous look back in his eyes. 

“McKay? Sheppard?” Ronon’s voice called over the radio. 

Rodney heaved a sigh of relief. “We’re here.”

“Some wildlife got in the building. Just a heads up. They’re big bird things. Seem to be harmless.”  

“So no shooting necessary?” Rodney asked over the radio, but more to get Sheppard to put his gun down. 

“No shooting necessary,” Teyla said. 

Rodney relaxed and started to turn back to the device and his tablet. “Alright, well we’re almost done here anyway.” He looked at Sheppard. “Sheppard?”

The man hadn’t moved. He was still looking ready to fight. The giant bird thing came around the corner and Rodney stared at it. It was a crimson color with a long, curved beak that had a pouch like a pelican’s, and it strutted around on stilted legs. It looked like a cross between a giant flamingo and an egret, and it eyed them with mild interest before continuing its path to the next corridor.  Sheppard's eyes followed it the entire time, his gun at the ready.

“Uh, Sheppard?” Rodney tried again. 

“Yeah?” 

“It’s a bird. It’s not going to hurt us.”

“It’s not,” Sheppard agreed. He dropped his weapon, letting it rest back on the shoulder strap and hook of his vest, but Rodney knew he was still tensed, ready for a fight. He hated that he actually kind of enjoyed the feeling of Sheppard so willing to protect him. Sheppard had protected him lots of times, of course, but this was different. It wasn’t about the team, wasn’t part of Sheppard’s “no man left behind” self-sacrifice policy. It was about Rodney. 

Rodney hastily gathered his things and disconnected the generator. “Let’s go.” He had to get Sheppard back to normal. He was starting to like certain things about this version and it made him feel incredibly guilty. Sheppard wouldn’t want to be like this. He would expect Rodney to fix him. He couldn’t let him down. 

.....

Later on in the lab, Sheppard was sitting patiently in an office chair, holding a random piece of harmless Ancient junk. "Find anything yet?"

Rodney huffed. "No. It takes time, you know. And it's not like it's as easy as my genius makes it look." 

"Rodney," Sheppard said, rolling his eyes just like the real Sheppard would have. Except the real Sheppard wouldn't have been stuck in the lab the whole time. He'd have been off doing his security things or whatever else he did. 

"Look, I'm sorry but it's really difficult to work with you pestering me all the time."

"You like it when I pester you," Sheppard challenged. 

Rodney refused to blush. "Just… just be quiet." He looked up as Sheppard fell silent instantly. "No! I mean… don't do that."

"What do you want me to do, exactly?" Sheppard asked, looking genuinely curious.

"Go back to being you! The real you!"

"I am the real me," Sheppard insisted.

They had had this conversation several times now and Rodney knew it was pointless. The man followed his orders, but not if it would mean separating from Rodney. Infuriating. 

Zelenka found it amusing. He had been the one to give Sheppard the chair and the Ancient junk, making it easier for him to annoy Rodney. Sheppard had seemed to get better at conversation with people other than Rodney, at least. Zelenka was actually being helpful by distracting him. Rodney just wished he would do it a little further away.

The data was so far indecipherable. He just didn’t know enough about what the ruins even were to begin understanding all the things in that room. And even if he had known, it still didn’t explain what the original purpose of the device was, if it had indeed been the cause of Stepford Sheppard. And if it was the source, what had it done and could it even be reversed? So many variables and just not enough answers. And Carson had said there was nothing wrong with Sheppard’s brain. Again, Rodney wished it had been something medical - fixable, of course - so that they could have resolved the issue already. 

“You’re sure you can’t go back to being, you know, you?” Rodney asked Sheppard, who had managed to get the junk he was holding to light up. “I mean, there isn’t another Sheppard in your head that’s screaming to be let out or anything, is there?”

Sheppard cocked his head to one side as though he was straining to hear something. After a moment, he said, “Nope. Don’t hear anything in there.”

“Oh this is impossible.” 

“You always say that and then you manage to figure it out,” Sheppard said. He pressed a random button on the piece of junk he was holding and it gave off a humming noise. Sheppard frowned at it. 

“Well, it’s not that simple. I don’t have the faintest idea of what’s actually wrong with you. It’s like you’re a close copy of you, but you’re not the same you.” Rodney frowned as the blue light was shined into his eyes when Sheppard tilted the junk in his hands. “Can you shut that thing off?”

Sheppard frowned at it. “I’m trying.” He pressed another button, but this time the light disappeared and another tone began to hum. Sheppard was scowling now, his eyebrows drawn down, his face pale. 

“Just put it down. It’s probably activated by your gene.” 

Sheppard looked like he didn’t want to put it down, but he did so, letting it rest on the desk. The tones continued to hum quietly. Of course Sheppard would add another irritation to his workplace. 

“You know, I used to enjoy being in here,” Rodney muttered.

“No, you didn’t,” Zelenka helpfully said as he walked past. 

Sheppard was still scowling at the garbage he had set on the desk. “I really think I should turn it off.” He reached for it again. 

“Just leave it alone,” Rodney said, exasperated now. “That’s how we got into this mess in the first place. You’re always touching things! One of these days you’re going to touch something dangerous and it’ll do something like, oh I don’t know, brainwash you.”

Sheppard winced and his hands fell back to his lap. He was looking decidedly pale now, his jaw clenched as he stared at the noisy junk. 

Rodney hoped the thing would turn off after being separated from Sheppard and his unfairly strong ATA gene; the low humming was starting to grate on his nerves. He just needed to start at the device itself, he decided. Maybe see how it was activated and what it had done. Then he could figure out how to reverse the process or even replicate it. Not that he wanted more people randomly following him around. That was all he needed. 

“Rodney.” Sheppard’s voice was low and strained, but Rodney was busy. He felt like he might have figured out how the machine’s usage was recorded and he was tired of talking in circles with fake Sheppard. 

Rodney grinned as he ordered the data by usage date. That was much more helpful. And he could see the power outputs now and what other systems it had connected to in the ruins. “Finally! See what a little peace and quiet can do?” He looked over at Sheppard at hearing no response. 

Sheppard had sweat beading on his forehead now and he was clutching the arms of the desk chair. His eyes were focused entirely on the humming device on the desk that Rodney had ordered him to not touch. “What’s wrong with you? I mean other than the obvious things.” 

Sheppard didn’t reply. He didn’t even look at him. Rodney felt a slight sense of loss at not being Sheppard’s center of attention, which made him feel guilty. He pushed it away with elation and curiosity. Whatever those humming tones were, they had all of Sheppard’s attention. Rodney grinned and slowly backed away, putting more distance between them than he had had in two days. 

Slowly, he continued to back towards the door. Sheppard’s eyes swung over to him as quick as lightning, full of alarm. 

Just try and stop me, Rodney thought. Freedom at last! “Keep an eye on him,” he told Zelenka as he hurried out. 

It was wonderful to be alone. No John Sheppard following him through the halls. No pointless conversations between them. Just quiet. He ignored the sudden loneliness he felt and the guilt at leaving Sheppard behind. He was going to get some food. And he was going to eat it all by himself. 

So of course, Zelenka had to spoil his victory. 

“Rodney! You should come back now!” The voice crackled through his comm.

“Did you find something in the data? I’m heading to the cafeteria.” 

“Rodney, please. Now.”

With a loud curse, he turned back in the direction of the lab. Stupid fake Sheppard. Stupid Zelenka. Why couldn’t he just enjoy this for a tiny moment?

He had expected the lab to be on fire with the urgency in Zelenka’s voice, but it was exactly how he left it. Well, except for Sheppard. He was sitting in the desk chair, still as a statue, eyes locked onto the device, and he looked absolutely terrible. He was even paler now, his knuckles white on the armrests. 

“He was shaking when you left. Much worse than he looks now. How to turn it off?” Zelenka asked him, gesturing to the device. “I did not want to try with you gone. I did not know what he might do.”

Rodney suddenly realized that he could have done something really recklessly terrible to everyone that might have been in Sheppard’s path if the device had suddenly stopped. And Sheppard looked like any longer and he would burst a blood vessel. 

With a shaky breath, Rodney approached the colonel. “Sheppard?” It was like the man couldn’t hear him, he was so focused on the device. He tried pressing a few of the buttons but it only let out a third humming tone. A whimper came from the desk chair and Rodney suddenly wanted nothing more than to turn it off. Whatever it was doing, it was hurting Sheppard. “Damn it. Turn off!” He struggled, but if anything the tones grew louder.

The noise abruptly stopped as Zelenka finally hurried over with a large hammer and began beating the thing. 

Sheppard slumped into the chair. Rodney frowned as he checked on him. “Water. Water would probably help.” He didn’t want to call Carson because then it could get them in trouble with Weir and besides, Sheppard was fine, just a little pale. There was a water cooler in the hall outside the lab and he turned to hurry to it. He stopped as he heard a strained shudder and saw Sheppard wobbling on his feet, attempting to come after him.

“What are you doing? Sit down!” Rodney said in alarm. Sheppard shuddered and then sank to the floor, clearly too out of it to step back to the desk chair. 

One of the other lab techs came over to Rodney with a cup of water, which Rodney hurriedly brought over to Sheppard. “What’s the matter with you now?” He wanted to project his irritation to hide his anxiety and fear. 

Sheppard stared at him, the same way he had stared at him in the infirmary when he had woken up after the incident in the ruins. 

“Well, say something!” 

“Something.” Rodney hoped that was sarcasm, but he had a feeling the robot version of fake Sheppard was back. 

“Sheppard? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

Rodney sighed. They were definitely going in circles. He should tell him to act like himself again, but he hesitated. It was harder to remember the urgency to solve this when Sheppard was “normal”. Maybe the robotic version of him was actually for the best. “Infirmary. We need to go to the infirmary.”

Sheppard looked at him for a long moment. “I stay with you.”

And somehow, Rodney was sure that the real Sheppard was in there somewhere, telling him something important. It wasn’t that Sheppard insisted on following Rodney around. It was that Sheppard had to follow him around. And Rodney had just tried to leave him. “With me,” Rodney promised. 

.....

“Rodney, if you don’t stop your pacing I swear I’ll stick you with a sedative,” Carson said in a long-suffering way. 

“Look, Carson, I know that you can’t see it, but there’s something wrong with him. And we need to fix it. I don’t want to find out what happens if we get separated. And you know how it is in this galaxy. Something always goes wrong and we get separated!” Rodney knew he was spiraling into deep anxiety, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself. 

The cot Rodney was pacing around contained a very pale-looking Sheppard, who was looking marginally better than he had in the lab, but not well enough to get back up. The walk down to the infirmary had been hard, but at least it had been short. The lab wasn’t far from a transporter and neither was the infirmary, but Rodney had had to half carry, half drag Sheppard all the way there. Zelenka did help, but Rodney was certain the man hadn’t been pulling his weight - or rather, Sheppard’s. Then again, Sheppard was surprisingly heavy for someone who looked so thin. 

“Rodney, I know something is wrong with him. I’m just telling you what current and Ancient science can figure out, and according to those fields of medicine, I haven’t any clue what’s afflicting him. You haven’t found anything in your data?”

“Well, I was working on it, but it was kind of hard to concentrate when Mr. Ancient Gene here kept touching random things and nearly got himself killed!” He glanced again at Sheppard in the bed. “Is he alright? He stills looks awful.”

“Fine,” Sheppard insisted in a strained voice. 

Carson sighed. “I’m not rightly sure what to do to treat him, other than maybe give him some fluids. Far as I can see, he fainted--”

“Passed out,” Rodney automatically amended. 

“--and managed miraculously not to further injure himself, for once. But he likely just needs rest. I know he’s been following you. You’ll have to make sure he eats and ah, takes care of himself, and all that.” Carson looked at him skeptically, as if he doubted Rodney could take care of someone other than himself. 

“I know how to do all that. I had a cat.”

“I can say even without my medical training that he is not a cat, Rodney,” Carson said meaningfully. 

“Yes, yes, I know.” He did know, too. He frowned at Sheppard and the now empty robotic stare the man was giving him. He had always felt concerned for the guy when he was injured. He knew it wasn’t any of that “he’s on my team” nonsense that Sheppard ascribed to. Rodney didn’t like most people because they were disappointing or boring or dumb. But he did care about Sheppard, who was certainly none of those things. He wanted him to be alright. He wanted him to be back to normal. But as much as this robot version made him realize his friend needed help - and soon - he also couldn’t stand it. It was just wrong, somehow, to see this empty version of the man. And at least there had been something of the original in the other version. 

With his heart pounding, he stepped closer to the cot, finally quitting his frantic pacing to face Sheppard. Those blank eyes stared back at him. “Sheppard. Please act like yourself again.”

Sheppard gave him a pained smile, like he was trying especially hard to act like he was perfectly fine. So, completely like Sheppard after any injury. “Hey Rodney. You alright?”

Rodney managed a shaky nod.

Carson shook his head at the sudden and obvious change in Sheppard’s demeanor. “It’s really quite an abrupt change.” He made a quick note. “How are you feeling, Colonel?”

“Little worse for wear, doc,” Sheppard said, causing Rodney to start up his pacing again.

“Well, it’s certainly more honest than your usual answer as of late. Well, when you’re feeling better, I want you two to go straight to the cafeteria to eat something.”

“If it’s okay with Rodney.”

Rodney froze and then turned to him. “Oh. Oh yeah. Sure.”

The cafeteria was largely empty, since it was an off hour for most people on Atlantis. That was fine by Rodney, since it gave Sheppard a chance to go along at a slower pace without people watching him. Rodney told him to sit at one of the tables. “I’m just going to get us food. I’m not leaving, okay? Just stay there. You can do that, right?”

“I don’t know, the instructions were pretty hard to follow,” Sheppard joked. 

Rodney humored him with a slight laugh but kept an eye on the man while he went to get their food. Sheppard watched him from the table, but didn’t move. There was one blessing. Rodney was farther away from him than he had been before, except when he had left him alone. Don’t think about that, he scolded himself, afraid to see Sheppard like that again. He made sure to hurry back to the table. 

With food in front of them, Rodney started to feel less on edge and more like himself. And Sheppard looked a lot less pale. 

“So are you going to tell me why you have to follow me around?” Rodney asked him as he took a spoonful of jello. 

“Just gotta stay close,” Sheppard said with one of those irritating shrugs. 

“Yes, but why?” 

Sheppard frowned, clearly thinking about the question. “Why do we need to eat?”

“Uh, because we’ll die without-- Oh. Oh .”

“I think you’re overthinking it,” Sheppard said. 

“No, I am certainly not overthinking it. You just heavily implied that you would… you know, if I left you behind, and I’m overthinking it? ” And he had almost left Sheppard and now he knew he would have killed him!

“Definitely overthinking it,” Sheppard muttered. “I don’t know what would happen. Doesn’t matter though. I’ll stay with you.”

No, he was definitely much better as a robot, Rodney decided. 

“Hey, McKay,” Ronon said over the radio. “We’re back. ”

Back? 

“You didn’t know they were gone, did you?” Sheppard smirked. 

“Of course I did.” He toggled his comm. “Just to make sure you haven’t also turned into zombie clones, where were you?”

“I knew it,” Sheppard said. 

“Quiet,” Rodney glared. 

“Rodney, were you unaware that we were off-world again? Radek had asked us to return to the ruins,” Teyla said, forcing Rodney back to the radio conversation. 

“You told us to go, too,” Ronon added. He sounded angrier than usual. That wasn’t a good sign. 

“Alright, alright. Well, did you find anything?” 

“Perhaps you should come to the gate,” replied Teyla. 

That couldn’t be a good sign. Rodney looked at Sheppard, satisfied he looked well enough now to move normally again. “Well, let’s go see what they found. Hopefully a way to get you back to normal.”

Sheppard nodded and waited for Rodney to lead the way. 

“You’re being unusually quiet,” Rodney said. Sheppard shrugged. Oh. He had told Sheppard to be quiet again, hadn’t he? “Sorry. I’m just used to you not listening to me tell you to shut up.” At another shrug, Rodney realized he hadn’t actually told him to talk again. This was so tiring. “You can talk if you want.”

“How generous of you,” Sheppard said. 

In the gate room stood Ronon and Teyla. Teyla was covered in dust and dirt and crimson feathers, scratches all over her and tears in her clothes. Both of his teammates looked like they wanted to strangle Rodney. And next to Ronon was a big red bird like the one they had seen in the ruins. “Um,” Rodney said, pointing. 

Sheppard crossed his arms, clearly highly amused by the situation. Though Rodney noticed the way Sheppard had stepped firmly in front of him so he was between Rodney and the bird. And he absolutely refused to blush at the feeling it gave him to be protected by him. 

Finally, Rodney figured out how to speak again. “What is that?”

Ronon grunted, “A bird.”

“Yes, I can see that. What is it doing here?”

Teyla attempted to free one of the bright feathers from her hair. Rodney wasn’t great at recognizing other people’s emotions, and Teyla was harder to read than others, but he was sure she was angry. “We were in the ruins where John was affected and saw a bright flash. We did not see what caused it, but as we left, this creature began following us. It was very insistent on following us aboard the Jumper.”

“I told you to be careful in that room,” Rodney said, his anxiety reaching new levels. What was he supposed to do with a bright red bird almost as tall as Teyla? Elizabeth was going to ban them from ever going through a gate again after this. 

“We were not intending on going through it,” Teyla said, and this time her angry gaze was directed at Ronon. 

“Looked like it would be a good snack,” Ronon said, and Rodney thought he looked a little contrite. 

“So you chased it all the way through the ruins?!”

“Figured it had a nest,” Ronon said. 

“Don’t tell me you brought the eggs, too!” 

Ronon frowned as though he had just considered the fact that he did not in fact have the eggs and Teyla only intensified her glare.

Rodney was sure he would have a hysterical panic attack or that Teyla would murder Ronon or the bird would start attacking them, until the tension broke with the sound of laughter. 

John Sheppard was laughing at them. 

.....

“It’s hilarious,” Sheppard insisted as he watched one of the biologists gently settle the last of the eggs in the incubator. 

“Elizabeth is never going to let us on another mission again,” Rodney said, glaring at Ronon. “You are insane! How could you--” he stopped at the look in Ronon’s eyes and then turned to Teyla. “And you! How could you let him do this? I expect this kind of thing from Sheppard, but not you!”

“Hey!” protested Sheppard. 

Teyla glared at Rodney as she finished pulling the final feather from her hair. The bird stood behind Ronon and began plucking several of the newly discarded feathers from Teyla's pile to attach them to Ronon’s hair. The bird simply refused to be left apart from Ronon. It had abandoned its nest after the flash of light in the ruins, and was now following Ronon around as faithfully as Sheppard was following Rodney. And now Ronon was refusing to eat it. 

Teyla sighed and gave up trying to remove the feathers. “It is good that we have another example of the device’s ability, is it not, Rodney?”

“Well, I suppose. It does tell us that whatever it does works on animals, too. Unless you’re just one of these birds in disguise, Sheppard.”

“Hair’s about the same,” Ronon grunted. 

Sheppard’s hand went up to his hair protectively. “Hey! What is this, make fun of Sheppard day? What did my hair ever do to you?”

“I think we are off topic,” Teyla interrupted. She gave a careful look over Sheppard. “He seems more himself. Were you able to do anything to reverse whatever affected him?”

“He seems to get more interactive when I tell him to act like himself,” Rodney said. “Ronon, if you want to not eat that bird, don’t let it get far from you. It could possibly kill it. Maybe. Sheppard wasn’t exactly helpful in that area.”

“You’re too negative, McKay,” Sheppard said. 

“So Sheppard has to stay near you or he’ll die?” Ronon asked, looking deeply concerned. At least Rodney thought he looked deeply concerned. It was really hard to tell with Ronon. 

“Maybe,” Sheppard answered. 

“That would explain the bird’s insistence on entering the Jumper,” Teyla added. 

“Let’s just work under the assumption that it would be very bad and should be avoided at all costs,” Rodney interjected. “Okay, well, now we have a bird and a birdbrain. So two things that both saw a flash of light and are now following us around. So why are they following us ?”

“Birdbrain?” Sheppard objected. 

“Only thing in the room with the flash was the bird. Then I came in and then Teyla,” Ronon said. 

“You were in the room with me,” Sheppard said to Rodney. 

Rodney didn’t want to admit that he felt disappointed, but it weighed on him. Maybe a part of him had been happy to assume that Sheppard had been following Rodney specifically for some other reason, like Rodney was special. But it had been pure chance instead. It certainly made more sense, but still, it bothered him. “But you passed out when you saw the flash. You told me you didn’t remember anything after it.”

Sheppard nodded. “Yeah, but when I saw the flash, I was looking at you.”

Rodney’s cheeks heated. You aren’t special, McKay. Well, you are, but not special to Sheppard. Well, you are because you’re on his team and he gets weirdly protective of his team, but you aren’t more special than Ronon or Teyla. 

“Well, that’s just great. One mystery solved and we’re still stuck at the problem of having two stalkers with bad hair days following us around.”

“Can we not make fun of my hair?” Sheppard said.

Teyla sighed. “Rodney, it is late and I would very much like to clean up. Perhaps we can discuss this in the morning? That is, unless you are concerned there is greater risk in delaying solving this?”

“Oh. No, no, go ahead. Carson said he’s fine. He shouldn’t explode or anything. Well, goodnight then." He started to walk past Ronon and the bird surged forward protectively, wings wide. It raised a sharply taloned foot to strike and Sheppard suddenly pushed him out of the way, fending off the attack with a binder from one of the biologists’ desks. Sheppard let out an actual growl as he backed up, forcing Rodney behind him. The bird pulled back, wings outstretched as it stood between Sheppard and Ronon. 

Rodney felt his heart thudding wildly. He’d almost been killed by the Pegasus equivalent of a cassowary and Sheppard had saved him. 

Ronon looked concerned as he wrestled the bird back. “You okay, Sheppard?”

“John, are you hurt?” Teyla asked. 

“I’m fine, by the way, in case anyone wants to know!” Rodney shouted, his pulse loud in his ears. 

Sheppard growled in warning again at the bird, possibly at Ronon too. 

“We’ll just be going now,” Rodney said, sensing trouble. “Come on, Sheppard. No fighting the deadly alien velociraptor.”

Sheppard let Rodney tug him from the room, Rodney being careful to skirt as far around the bird as possible. 

As they left and started walking towards Rodney’s room, Sheppard looked him over carefully. “Are you okay, Rodney?”

“Um, yes. Sort of. Thank you. You know, for… I’m fine.” It’s not really him, Rodney tried to remind himself as they walked through Atlantis. Sheppard was in there somewhere, but this wasn’t him. Still, he didn’t see the harm in letting himself pretend, just for a moment, that the real Sheppard might have done the same thing back there, or that he would be looking at Rodney the way he was right now. Just for a little bit. 

.....

The night had passed uneventfully and Rodney had managed to avoid another embarrassing public scene stemming from their turns in the shower. He wished he could say he wasn’t a little bit disappointed that nothing had happened. 

Rodney did his best to try to ignore his very inappropriate thoughts as they headed for the lab after breakfast. Sheppard was exactly like himself, other than the obeying commands and refusing to leave Rodney’s side, and Rodney reminded himself several times that until he was sure Sheppard was back to normal, that he needed to remain aware of the fact that Sheppard was very much a captive to his whims. 

Halfway to the lab, the main PA broadcast a message from a very concerned Major Lorne. 

“Colonel Sheppard to the gate room! We have a situation.” 

The comm beeped on Rodney’s private feed. “Rodney, it is the bird. It attacked us in the biology lab and escaped.”

Rodney cursed. The bird had attacked Ronon? He glanced at Sheppard, suddenly wondering if the man would turn on him before dismissing the idea for now. First, solve the bird problem. Then consider a possible Sheppard rampage. “Well? What are you waiting for?”

Sheppard didn’t look at all fazed and stood calmly beside Rodney. “What do you want me to do?” 

“Colonel Sheppard!” Lorne called again and this time Rodney could hear some loud squawking noises, followed by a crash like porcelain breaking in the background static of Lorne’s radio. Distantly, someone shouted, “Not the daffodils!”

“Well, go do your job!” Rodney yelled at Sheppard. 

“I am,” Sheppard said, still not moving or looking the least bit concerned. “You’re safe.”

Rodney wanted to shout, wanted to smack Sheppard until it brought him back to his real self. Instead, he cursed and grabbed Sheppard by the arm. “We’re going to the gate room and you’re going to be you and do your actual job as head of security. And don’t make me explain what that is because I don’t actually know what you do around here.”

Sheppard followed but he had to be pulled. “Sounds like a bad idea, McKay. That bird is dangerous.” His voice was full of worry. “You could get hurt.”

“Exactly why you have to stop it,” Rodney said, stuffing them in the transporter and punching the control that took them to the gateroom. 

The scene the transporter opened onto was only slightly less chaotic than Rodney had anticipated. Lorne and Teyla were on one side of the bird using what looked like computer tablets as shields, and Ronon was on the other side with a large net he had likely taken from the biologists’ lab. A large collection of potting soil, clay pot shards, and the remains of flowers lay strewn over the floor. 

“Rodney, finally!” Teyla called to him. 

“What took you two so long?” Lorne demanded as he dodged a large swipe of talons. 

Rodney hated this part of being on Atlantis, but at least he was used to it by now. Still, he didn’t want to go anywhere near that bird. But if he didn’t… “Sheppard, help them!”

Sheppard moved to stand in front of Rodney, that lethal look in his eyes again, but he just seemed interested in keeping Rodney away from the danger. 

The bird took another swipe at Ronon, this time managing to slice off one of his dreads. 

Rodney felt cold and sweaty as he realized he would have to put himself in danger in order to get Sheppard to do anything to help. Why was this happening to him? 

He pushed past Sheppard and stood on the stairs. “Hey! Big Bird!”

The bird looked at him and let out a loud, ear-piercing screech before charging. He yelped, the reality of his own daring idiocy catching up to him as he realized he was now going to be killed by a giant alien bird. He started further up the steps and bumped into someone hard, knocking them both to the floor. The bird’s wings stretched out, blocking out the overhead lights, and he screamed. And then something barrelled into it so hard, Rodney watched stray red feathers fall through the air where it had been like a scene from a cartoon. 

He raised himself up to see Sheppard grappling with the bird, wrestling it into what Rodney now realized was Weir’s office, slamming the door shut and locking it as the bird squawked and attacked the surprisingly sturdy glass walls in an effort to escape its new prison. 

“What is going on here?!” 

Rodney shook out of his stupor as he realized the person he had run into was a very angry Elizabeth. She got to her feet and straightened her hair angrily. “I want an explanation.” She was staring daggers at Rodney, which really was unfair. It wasn’t like it was his fault. “Now.”

Before Rodney could even start trying to blame it on Ronon, Sheppard was in front of him, growling threateningly at Elizabeth, who looked both shocked and terrified. 

“Sheppard!” Rodney called, amazed that the man thought Elizabeth was a threat. 

Sheppard turned to him and Rodney finally saw what grappling with a big red alien bird monster had cost him. He was scraped and bleeding from various slashes, and more than a few red feathers clung to his hair and clothes. He had a wild look in his eyes and Rodney felt afraid of him for a moment. The bird had turned on Ronon. Was Sheppard about to do the same? Rodney couldn’t help scooting away from him instinctively. 

But when Sheppard stepped closer, it was to say, “Rodney, are you hurt? Are you okay?”

Cool relief flooded Rodney’s veins and he let out a shaky breath. “Uh, yeah. Fine. I’m fine.” 

Sheppard held out his hand and Rodney took it and climbed to his feet. The man’s grip was strong and warm and it made Rodney feel incredibly safe despite everything.

And then Elizabeth cleared her throat, and Rodney remembered they weren’t alone. This bites, he thought. 

.....

After getting Elizabeth completely up to speed with everything that had happened, Rodney was embarrassed to find out that the woman had known most of it already. 

“I’m the director of Atlantis and your team especially always manages to get into trouble. What would make you think I wouldn’t be informed?” Elizabeth had asked Rodney. 

The truth was that Rodney just hadn’t bothered to pay attention. He had been focused on fake Sheppard and getting him back to normal and the data. It was Sheppard’s job to think about things like keeping people informed.

“I thought the bird was attached to Ronon the way Colonel Sheppard is to Dr. McKay,” Elizabeth said, forcing Rodney to pay attention again. 

“It was,” Teyla said. “Until an hour ago, Camilla was very protective of Ronon and would not leave his side, even if it meant leaving her eggs.”

“Camilla? Who’s Camilla?” Rodney asked, completely confused. 

“The bird,” Ronon said. 

“You named it? I thought you were going to eat it!”

“No one’s eating Camilla,” Ronon insisted and flexed his muscles. 

Sheppard growled and Rodney put a hand on his wrist, in case the man tried to make a move. Since he had helped Rodney to his feet, he hadn’t said a word and seemed stuck in threatening protective mode. Rodney told himself that no one else knew that he secretly liked it.

“No one has said anything of the sort.” Teyla put a calming hand on Ronon’s arm. “It would seem that whatever effect the device in the ruins had on Camilla, it has now worn off.” 

Everyone looked at Sheppard, who growled again. 

“Of course we wouldn’t be so lucky,” Rodney muttered. 

“Rodney, does this development bring us any closer to reversing whatever is affecting Colonel Sheppard?” Elizabeth asked. “And to me getting my office back?”

“I need to look at the data. Maybe the bird is resistant to whatever is causing,” he gestured to Sheppard broadly, “this. Or maybe Sheppard’s ATA gene is amplifying it. There are too many variables and it’s incredibly difficult to work when I have Sheppard haunting me and birds destroying the city.”

Elizabeth sighed. “No more trips to the ruins except to return the bird--”

“Camilla,” Ronon insisted.

“--Camilla,” Elizabeth continued like a true diplomat. “And until Colonel Sheppard is well again, Major Lorne is still in charge of Colonel Sheppard’s duties.” She sighed as she watched Camilla tearing into the sofa in her office and dropping her eggs from her beak into it. “Rodney, I recommend you take John to the infirmary.”

“I will go speak with the biologists that were studying Camilla’s eggs. Perhaps they have some information that might prove useful to understanding the purpose of the device or how to return Camilla to her own world,” Teyla offered.

“I’ll come with,” Ronon said, but he glanced over at Sheppard like he was concerned about him. Rodney had a feeling that the big Satedan didn’t like Sheppard considering him a threat.

“Thank you, Teyla. Major Lorne, if you could stay so we could discuss some security matters…”

.....

“You’re supposed to make sure he didn’t get in any trouble, Rodney!” Carson yelled at him as he saw them enter the infirmary. “I’m very concerned for the well-being of your cat if this is how you treat patients under your care.”

“Oh, ha, ha, very funny. I wasn’t the one who brought the devil chicken into the city. You can blame Ronon for that. Sheppard will back me up on that, right Sheppard?”

“Ronon brought it?” Sheppard growled, still looking dangerous. 

Rodney licked his lips nervously as he realized that he had likely just told Sheppard that Ronon was a threat. “No, I mean, well yeah, but he’s our friend. He wouldn’t hurt us.”

Carson had gotten out his supplies and said, “Come sit here for me, Colonel.”

Sheppard sat and let Carson start cleaning up his various wounds. He was starting to look a bit more normal again, though he hadn’t resumed his earlier chattiness. 

“What exactly happened?” Carson asked. Only Sheppard had been injured in the confrontation with Camilla, so they were the only ones in the infirmary. Apparently the scare of being attacked by an alien pelican wasn’t enough to cause the denizens of Atlantis to seek out any sort of counseling either.

“Ronon’s pet bird escaped and tried to kill us.”

“You ran in front of it,” Sheppard muttered unhappily.

“Because you wouldn’t help! You were just standing there like it was perfectly fine to watch our friends get killed! I told you to act like yourself. Why did you just stand there?” Rodney couldn’t help the sudden surge of anger and irritation. He had had to put himself in danger just to get Sheppard involved and it had gotten Sheppard hurt. He hated that he had done it.

“I was keeping you safe,” Sheppard said. “You’re more important.”

Rodney bit off whatever he was going to say, too stunned to even realize his mouth was open. Then he blushed and stammered, “Well… I mean, of course I am, but… but you should have still helped.”

“Sorry,” Sheppard said, not at all sounding like he was sorry. 

Carson cleared his throat and Rodney remembered he was in the room. “Right, the bird. This lunatic decided to wrestle it into Elizabeth’s office by force and now look at him.” 

“That’s...impressive,” Carson said as he realized how Sheppard had gotten injured. “And incredibly reckless, Colonel. Though I can’t exactly say I’m surprised.”

Rodney began pacing again as he had already done several times in the infirmary in the last few days. “He’s alright, right? He’s not going to die or anything? That bird doesn’t have venomous talons or something else that can make this worse?”

 “I don’t think so, Rodney, but I’ll run another scan and do some tests. Though I don’t think it’s anything to worry about. Are you in any pain, Colonel? I can give you something for it if you like.”

“I’m good, doc,” Sheppard said, finally starting to sound normal again. Rodney wasn’t sure if he was relieved. He liked the overprotective Sheppard, and for some reason he really liked the way those growls sounded. 

Carson looked like he had known Sheppard would refuse the painkillers and finished bandaging him up. “There you are. Please try to refrain from incurring any more injuries, Colonel.”

“Yes, do try,” Rodney said. With the various bandages and cuts over Sheppard, he looked like he’d come out the losing end of a rather nasty fight, and the guilt grew in him. Sheppard had thrown himself wholly into protecting Rodney, nearly getting himself killed in the process. And as much as Rodney enjoyed the idea of Sheppard risking his life for him, he wouldn’t be able to deal with the consequences. He couldn’t let him get hurt again. 

.....

“I believe the device was a component of some larger musical instrument,” Zelenka was explaining as Rodney struggled to listen. He was trying to read through the biologists’ reports on the bird and was on high alert for words like “cell disintegration” or “deadly neurotoxin.” 

“Rodney, are you listening?” Zelenka snapped at him. 

“Music box. Very interesting,” Rodney replied dismissively. 

“Yes, interesting!” Zelenka glared at him. “It uses the ATA gene for activation and is controlled via mental link. Much like the Chair.”

Rodney frowned. “I already told you you’re not starting a band, Radek. It’s a terrible idea.”

“A mental link, Rodney! Who is best at those here?”

Rodney paused and actually thought about what Zelenka was on about for a moment. The man had been busy trying to analyze the device he had smashed to pieces with a hammer. “A mental link should be easy for you,” he told Sheppard, who was sitting back in the desk chair, this time fiddling with a stack of sticky notes. 

“Yeah, I am pretty good at those, huh,” Sheppard said, bored. He finished folding one of the little squares and handed Zelenka the paper crane he had made. 

“Thank you, Colonel,” Zelenka said, looking like he was especially pleased at the attention. It made Rodney jealous. 

“Why don’t I get one?”

“Because Zelenka’s nice.”

Rodney rolled his eyes. “I’m nice!” No one rushed to defend him. “Oh fine. Thank you for your loyalty,” he shouted to the room. “Would you stop touching everything already?”

Sheppard put the sticky notes down, looking a little chastised. “I was going to make you one, too,” he muttered.

Rodney rubbed his temples in exhaustion. Then he got up and rifled through one of the bins of catalogued Ancient trash they kept in the lab. He picked up the item he was looking for and took it back to his seat in front of Sheppard and Zelenka. As far as they could tell, it was just a flashlight. But it required the ATA gene and a mental link to use. 

Rodney stared at the device for a long moment and it lit faintly, glowing a pale white. Then it flickered and flashed, which was mostly what he wanted it to do, and then it shut off. “Alright, Sheppard. Hold this and think about it being lit up.” He held out the device to him. 

Sheppard looked at it with unease and reluctantly reached out for it. “Rodney, I don’t think I want to do this.” But he picked it up and it immediately began to glow a bright white. 

“He seems fine,” Zelenka muttered as he and Rodney leaned in close to observe. 

“Sheppard? Make it flash,” Rodney suggested and waited expectantly for the light to flash on and off. Instead, the glow grew brighter and Sheppard’s face began to pale as he focused intensely on the thing in his hands. “Sheppard?” Rodney asked in concern. “Put it down. Let go of it,” he commanded hurriedly. 

Sheppard didn’t let go. A soft whimper of pain was all his response. Rodney ripped the device from his grip as quick as he could and turned it off. Zelenka already had his hammer at the ready. Sheppard gasped, hands going up to clutch his head.

“Sheppard?” Rodney asked, bending over him as his heart raced in fear. 

“Hurts,” Sheppard whispered back.

The guilt came back full force and Rodney cursed himself loudly. Why had he done that? Sheppard wasn’t some experiment he could fiddle with. And he was already hurt. One of the remaining stray feathers poked out from his hair as Sheppard held his head in pain and Rodney reached out to remove it. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. Are you okay? Do you need to go to the infirmary?”

Sheppard shook his head. “Stay. With you.” He had his eyes squeezed shut and Rodney sank back into his chair, not wanting to hurt him further. I don’t think I want to do this, he had said, and Rodney had just ignored him. He wouldn’t blame Sheppard if he never wanted to see him again after he was back to normal. Oh no. What if Sheppard didn’t want to see him again after he was normal? 

“Rodney, I think I have idea,” Zelenka said, interrupting his self-pitying. “Dr. Beckett said the colonel did not have any brain injury. But maybe his head is not sending proper signals via the mental link, I think. The Ancient signals try to connect but cannot get through. It confuses Colonel Sheppard and causes him pain.”

“Pain,” Sheppard agreed. 

Rodney frowned as he thought about it. “But his ATA gene is strong enough to activate devices anyway, but since he can’t control them, he can’t shut them off.” Yet another time Sheppard’s super-strength gene was more of a curse than a blessing. “Right, so we have to keep him away from anything Ancient requiring a mental link.” That might be easier said than done on Atlantis. Especially in the lab. “No touching anything like that,” Rodney told him. 

“No touching,” Sheppard promised. He finally opened his eyes, though he was still bent over in his chair, head in his hands and looking too pale. 

Rodney supposed that was as much a guarantee as he could get for the moment and looked back over the biologists’ reports. The eggs had sparked some interest, and Rodney wondered if there was a record of the bird species in any of the Atlantis databases. With their recent spate of bad luck, he was genuinely surprised when he found an immediate result. 

“The birds are in the original Atlantis databases,” Rodney said in surprise. This was the first thing that had gone right so far. He skimmed the information, translating the Ancient as fast as he could. He sent the file to the biology department and told them to compare the data with what they had learned from the bird. 

“Well, what does it say?” Zelenka asked eagerly. 

“It’s a bunch of gibberish about bird stuff and medicine. But it looks like the Ancients have a whole set of files on them.” He clicked through some of the associated data. “This is the ruins! It was an outpost to study the birds and collect their eggs for some medicinal purpose. The birds were…’incredibly dangerous’  and territorial and there’s about fifty warnings in here not to approach them.” He glanced at Sheppard covered in cuts and bandages.

“Perhaps the eggs can cure the Colonel?” Zelenka offered. 

“They’re currently in Dr. Weir’s couch. And I don’t think it’ll help.” He looked up at Sheppard with a deep frown. “I found out what the device was supposed to do.”

.....

“Why didn’t we find records of the ruins before? I thought we searched the database,” Elizabeth said. 

They were in the meeting room. Ronon, Teyla, Lorne and Carson all sat around the table along with Elizabeth while Sheppard lounged in a chair next to Rodney. After the bird attack, Sheppard hadn’t allowed anyone to come close to Rodney except Zelenka. Rodney decided not to bring that up at the moment, though. 

“Because, before we were looking for a ZPM, not a biology research outpost. The stargate was on the list for possible ZPMs but we must have gone to the wrong site. The ruins we found were for harvesting.”

“Harvesting?” Lorne asked, confused. “Harvesting what?”

“The eggs,” Teyla answered. “The biologists that studied Camilla’s eggs while she was here found that they contain a substance with potential curative properties.”

“The Ancients catalogued it in their database,” Rodney continued. “But the birds were endangered and incredibly dangerous. They couldn’t risk harming the birds or causing them any stress, so they found a way to make them cooperative. Any time they needed to approach a nest, they lured one into the room with the device where it caused the bird to imprint on whoever it saw first. This allowed the person to not only get close to the nest, but use the bird as protection in case the nest was guarded.” It was actually a fairly ingenious solution, Rodney had to admit. 

“So Camilla imprinted on me?” Ronon asked. 

“Yes, when she saw you first, she stopped caring about her nest, right? Until it wore off, anyway.”

“Wait, ‘wore off’?” Lorne asked. “That’s why she went crazy and attacked us?”

“Yes,” Rodney said impatiently. Why did it always feel like he was explaining quantum physics to kindergarteners in these briefings? “My estimate is that it took about 15 hours for the effects to disappear.”

“So then why isn’t Colonel Sheppard back to normal?” Elizabeth asked. 

All eyes turned to Sheppard and Rodney frowned. “Ah. Well, that’s because… Actually I have no idea.”

“Well, figure it out,” Ronon growled, leaning forward menacingly. 

Rodney could barely stop Sheppard in time with a hand to his chest as the man started for Ronon. “I’m fine! I’m fine, Sheppard.” Sheppard hesitated, glaring at Ronon. With all his cuts and bruises, the colonel looked terrifying and dangerous. “Can we not threaten me in any sense of the word, please.” Rodney glared at them all. 

Ronon put his hands up and sank back into his seat, eyes not leaving Sheppard’s. 

“Can we replicate the device’s function or reverse it somehow?” Teyla asked, her calm voice helping to ease some of the tension in the room. 

“Well, not exactly,” Rodney said, giving Sheppard one more glance. He didn’t think the man would attack now, but he wasn’t letting down his guard. “The device was half melted. It shouldn’t even have been able to turn on, let alone function. And the database doesn’t have any information on how it worked or how it was constructed.”

“So,” Lorne said, “We’re screwed.”

Ronon glared at him. “McKay. You better fix him.”

“Not helping,” Rodney said defensively, glancing at Sheppard to make sure he wasn’t about to murder Ronon. “I didn’t say we’re screwed. I said I couldn’t figure out the device.”

“Rodney, do you in fact have any ideas that might help Colonel Sheppard?” Elizabeth asked, now also looking irritated. 

“Well. No. Actually, I don’t.” Rodney looked at his feet, feeling miserable. 

“We can’t leave him like this,” Ronon argued. 

“Look, other than the side effects of following me around twenty-four seven and doing what I say, he’s perfectly fine. We just need a little more time to figure out why it hasn’t worn off on him yet. This thing was never meant to be used on humans. We don’t even know for sure how it worked on the birds.”

Elizabeth looked sadly at Sheppard. “Have you tried simply ordering him to ignore the imprinting?”

“Oh, that’s brilliant! Why didn’t I think of that? Yes, of course I’ve already tried it. A dozen times,” Rodney answered wearily. “Usually this is the part where Sheppard comes up with some insane suicidal plan that somehow actually works.” Again, everyone turned to look at Sheppard. 

The colonel looked back at them all and said, “What?”

“Well?” Elizabeth asked. “Any ideas, John?”

Sheppard looked at Rodney for a long moment, long enough that Rodney started to feel like it wasn’t something the man should have done in public. Then he said, “You should put me in the Chair.”

“What?!” Rodney asked, complete incredulity overwhelming him. 

“Absolutely not,” Elizabeth said immediately. 

“It could kill you!” Carson added. 

“What would be the problem?” Teyla asked in that calming tone of hers. It managed to get everyone to be quiet. 

“The last time Rodney gave him a piece of Ancient technology with a mental component, it nearly killed the colonel and he ended up in the infirmary again,” Carson explained. 

“Not to mention that like this, he’s a security risk,” Lorne winced at his own words. Rodney knew the man didn’t exactly relish taking over Sheppard’s job, especially when Sheppard was right in front of him and couldn’t seem to care less. 

“You said you wanted an idea,” Sheppard said, looking a little defensive. He crossed his arms and sank back into his seat. 

“Well, it’s certainly suicidal,” Rodney yelled at him. 

“And it might be your only option to fix me,” Sheppard yelled back.

Ronon interrupted Rodney’s retort this time. “We should try it. If it’s an option, we should try it.”

“Hello, did you miss the part where it’ll likely kill him?” Rodney couldn’t believe Ronon would gamble with Sheppard’s life like that. Well, maybe he could. Ronon was a conundrum to him. 

“And the security risk,” Lorne reminded them. 

Sheppard looked much too relaxed for this situation. “Zelenka said the Ancient stuff doesn’t work anymore because the mental signal can’t get through, right? The Chair is a lot more powerful than that junk in your lab.”

Rodney snapped his fingers excitedly. “Wait, that could actually work.” He frowned at Sheppard, who was now gloating with that crooked smirk of his and looking much too pleased with himself. “Oh don’t look so smug. It could still kill you, you know.”

Sheppard’s smirk dropped and he relaxed in his chair. Rodney had almost managed to forget Sheppard’s weird forced obedience. 

“Rodney, do you really think this is the way to do this?” Elizabeth asked. 

Rodney was now painfully aware that she hadn’t actually said yes. “It could work.”

“Ma’am, the security risk is too--” Lorne started again. 

“So have McKay rig it up so that I can’t fire any drones or access the star drive.” Sheppard gave Elizabeth one of those looks that Rodney was finding himself increasingly jealous of. But it seemed to work because Elizabeth nodded slowly after a long moment. 

“Alright, Rodney. Do it.”

.....

Reconfiguring the Chair wasn’t as big a problem as Rodney had thought it might be. Fortunately, Zelenka had already done a good number of the calculations, most of which they had previously used to get the drones and star drive back online. Now, they were just trying to disable them. Of course, Rodney still had his doubts about that plan too. If it was Carson or Lorne, maybe the restrictions they entered on how much power the Chair could draw from the city would be enough to prevent access to certain functions. But Sheppard? The man seemed to make Ancient technology feel alive. 

“How is it going, Rodney?” Elizabeth asked as she stepped into the room. Rodney didn’t miss the way she glanced at Sheppard, who was leaning nonchalantly against the wall, guarded by a couple of marines. 

“Working on the power restrictions and failsafes now.” 

“Let me know when you’re ready.” She walked over to Sheppard and Rodney found himself wanting to know what she was saying to him. But Elizabeth’s voice was too low, and Sheppard’s posture didn’t change at all, so it could have been anything. 

“I think it will work,” Zelenka said, forcing Rodney to turn his attention back to his tablet. Zelenka pushed up his glasses, the light catching on them briefly before Rodney could see the obvious concern in his eyes. “It will be okay, Rodney.”

For once, Rodney found himself with nothing to say. All he wanted to do was stop this, keep Sheppard far far away from the Chair and any other Ancient tech. The man was already beat up enough and this might kill him. Rodney might kill him. 

“It’s ready,” Zelenka said, his voice louder and coming over the comm. “Colonel.”

Sheppard moved away from the wall and stepped up onto the raised platform that encompassed the Chair.

Rodney swallowed, trying to hold back all the things he wanted to say. Mostly, he wanted to order the man to stay. Step away from the Chair. Don’t touch any Ancient tech ever again. “Are you sure you want to do this, Sheppard? I mean, it’s just a theory, we don’t actually really know if it’ll work. And Zelenka put in most of the calculations, so I should probably give them another go-over before we even think about this. It could be catastrophic--”

“Rodney.” Elizabeth’s voice was kind but firm. “John, when you’re ready.”

Sheppard stepped up to the chair, but he turned to give Rodney one of those puzzling grins that Rodney liked so much. Damn it, he did like the way the man looked at him sometimes. With the cuts and scrapes on his face and his wild hair, Sheppard looked somehow even more charming than usual. Rodney’s heart gave a tight squeeze. “Are you sure about this?” His voice was small and stuttering. “It’s not so bad, the way it is, right? I mean…” He forced his eyes to meet Sheppard’s. He hated how he never knew exactly how to describe the color of them. “It could kill you, John.”

Sheppard grinned at him. “It’ll be fine.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do.”

“There’s no way you could possibly--”

“I trust you.” 

Rodney tried to respond, felt his lips moving, but he couldn’t think of anything to say that wouldn’t spoil those words. He knew it was probably just the imprinting that made Sheppard say them, but they still made him feel better. Damn Sheppard and his ability to make Rodney feel more confident, more capable. This would work. It had to. Because Sheppard trusted him. 

He picked up his tablet and then nodded at Sheppard. “Here we go.”

The Chair reclined and lit with its usual blue glow as Sheppard took a seat. Everything seemed fine.

...and then Sheppard went rigid, his eyes bulging from their sockets, his jaw clenched in pain. Panic flooded Rodney’s chest as he heard the flood of noise grow around him. Zelenka shrieking about power spikes; Elizabeth ordering them to shut it down; Carson calling over the comm, asking what was happening. It was all just background noise to the horror before him as he watched Sheppard die in the Chair. 

“Sheppard!” Rodney didn’t feel his feet moving, but somehow he was right next to the man. “Sheppard. John.” He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t watch him die. But that was exactly what he was doing. All the memories he had of him began to flash through Rodney’s mind. How many times had Sheppard saved his life, saved all their lives? How many horrible movies and football games had he forced Rodney to watch, luring him in with popcorn and beer? How many god-awful horror stories had he tried to teach the Athosian children? All the times he had bothered Rodney in his lab because he was bored. All the times he had won at chess despite Rodney’s best efforts to beat him. The times he had given Rodney that stupid, smug smirk. All the way back to the very first time they had met. 

It had been just like this, with Sheppard in the Chair in Antarctica, Rodney and Elizabeth and Carson standing around him. Sheppard had of course been unable to not touch things he shouldn’t, as usual, and he had sat in the Chair, a shocked and awed expression on his face as it lit up. 

It all ended at the beginning. Rodney lunged forward and gripped Sheppard’s hand. “Think about where we are in the solar system.” 

Just as it had all those years ago, a map erupted into life around them, flooding the room with light, but this time Rodney didn’t even pretend to pay attention to it. The activity and noise around him had frozen. And as he looked back down, he saw Sheppard smiling up at him.

“Did I do that?” 

.....

“You’re sure you don’t have any uncontrollable urges to kill Ronon?” 

“Yes, McKay, I’m sure. I’m starting to have some uncontrollable urges to kill you, though,” Sheppard whined as he sank onto the couch and settled the bowl of popcorn in his lap. 

“And you don’t remember anything at all?” After being released from the clutches of Carson’s infirmary nurses, Sheppard had wanted to immediately be briefed on everything that had happened, which included demanding an explanation as to why there was a large red bird trapped in Elizabeth’s office. 

“Rodney,” Teyla chided as she raised an eyebrow at him in warning. “Perhaps you should let John rest.”

“Yeah, he’s probably tired of being around you by now,” Ronon said. 

“Oh very funny. If he doesn’t remember it then how would he get tired of it?”

“I’m tired of it already,” Ronon grinned and reached over to grab the largest handful of popcorn Rodney had seen. 

“Yes, very clever.”

“Alright, alright. Easy there, Chewie,” Sheppard said. “Save some popcorn for the rest of us.”

Teyla and Ronon shared one of their looks that Rodney was sure meant they were silently cackling with laughter at him. 

“What are we watching?” Ronon asked and this time he took a slightly smaller handful of kernels. 

Sheppard grinned and started up the film. “An Earth classic: Independence Day.”

Teyla rolled her eyes. “Again, John? Really?”

“Excuse you,” Rodney said, “Not everyone on Earth is American.”

“Not everyone here is from Earth,” Ronon added.

“Hey, injured party here. I get to choose.”

They all groaned and Sheppard began a running commentary on why they were all wrong. Rodney never understood why a man as smart as Sheppard enjoyed such horrible drivel. “I could use some of that obeying my commands imprinting now,” he grumbled. 

“Yeah, about that,” Sheppard said. “You didn’t make me do anything I wouldn’t have done, right?”

“No,” Rodney said. “Of course not!” at the same time as Teyla said, “Well…” and Ronon looked pointedly away. 

“Rodney?” Sheppard pressed, his hands clutching the popcorn bowl like he was ready to throw it at Rodney’s head. 

Rodney glared at the other two and said, “That wasn’t my fault!”

Sheppard looked at Teyla and Ronon, leveling his glare at them now. “Guys?”

“It is… nothing,” Teyla smiled and leaned forward, intent on the film. 

It had certainly not been nothing, in Rodney’s memory. Above average, at the least. He felt himself turning red.

Ronon seemed to be heavily invested in the movie. 

“Rodney,” Sheppard warned.

“You yourself said that no one saw,” Rodney insisted, giving Ronon the mightiest death glare he could manage. 

“Saw what, exactly?” Sheppard asked, voice sounding as dangerous as it had when he was imprinted. 

“You were perfectly safe,” Rodney tried. 

“Safe?” Sheppard gestured emphatically at all of himself, still covered in the bandages and various cuts from the bird attack. “This is safe?”

“You were the one who decided the best way to deal with the death flamingo was to wrestle it!”

“It was pretty impressive,” Ronon said with a grin. 

“You were only trying to protect Rodney,” Teyla added. 

Sheppard frowned but leaned back into the couch. “I really wrestled that bird thing? On my own?”

“Yeah,” Ronon said. 

“And you guys together weren’t able to stop it?”

“You did it all on your own,” Teyla gave Rodney a smile as Sheppard appeared successfully distracted. 

“Cool,” Sheppard grinned. 

When the credits rolled, Ronon got up, fingers picking at his teeth. “Think I got some of that stuff stuck. Calling it a night. Glad you’re back, Sheppard.” 

Teyla was the next to go. “I am glad you are well, John. It is good to have you back.” She did her usual Athosian head thing and then she was gone too and Rodney and Sheppard were alone. 

“You really don’t remember it?” 

Sheppard looked over at him and then finished his beer. “I don’t know,” he said, carefully looking anywhere but at Rodney. Sheppard wasn’t good at being vulnerable, Rodney knew, especially when it came to expressing emotions. 

“It’s good to have you back.”

“Is it?” Sheppard asked, and this time he looked straight at Rodney, fixing him with a look that was made of so many layers, Rodney was sure it should be an area of scientific study. 

“Yes,” Rodney answered decisively. “Aside from the plus of having my own personal bodyguard and the occasional joy of being able to order you around, it wasn’t you. And even if it was… You couldn’t use Ancient stuff. Don’t think it didn’t occur to me that you wouldn’t have been able to use the Jumpers anymore. And that definitely would have killed you.”

Sheppard’s carefully guarded expression seemed to drop a layer and his posture relaxed some. “Thanks, Rodney. For getting me back.”

Rodney snorted. “Well, it was actually your idea.”

It took Sheppard a moment to respond, his voice solemn and serious. “At the end. I heard you and…” 

“Thanks for coming back.” He reached out and put a hand on Sheppard’s arm.

Sheppard’s vulnerable moment seemed to have passed and he grinned at Rodney. “Well, I’d better get some sleep. And I’m sure you don’t want me around anymore.”

“Oh, right. I mean, yes, it was awful,” Rodney lied. He got to his feet, leaving the empty beer bottle on the floor and letting Sheppard herd him to the door. 

“But let me know if you have any more bad dreams. I’ll come running,” Sheppard grinned and pushed Rodney out the door. 

“Bad dreams? Wait. You remember? You lying--” Rodney turned and saw Sheppard giving him that awful smug smirk as the door closed and locked. “Sheppard! SHEPPARD!”