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Sometimes, some things aren’t meant to last.
Sometimes it’s okay to let a good thing go, Erwin figured.
He stared at the floor, clean with the faintest hint of bleach. Evident that Levi had been there earlier that day.
When the blond entered his boots left dirt trails on the floor. Evident that now Levi wasn’t coming back.
He remembers hearing about it. Seeing cadet Arlert with tears streaming down his face and sobs pouring out of his throat, Mikasa standing next to him with a grim face and a look of terror.
“C-Commander…” Armin sobbed. “Captain Levi he-“ he sucked in a shaky breath. “He’s dead.”
It wasn’t cliche. Erwin didn’t feel everything stop suddenly, he didn’t feel his heart pounding in his chest immediately. Instead he stood with a blank face, slowly feeling the blood rush to his ears. Everything around him grew quiet second by second.
He stepped forward and marched to where the body was. He saw Levis squad crying close by, not bearing to look at him in the eyes.
Erwin looked at the crumpled form on the floor, patches of blood coating the grass beneath and around it. He took tentative steps forwards, hands in fist in fear of them shaking.
The form was still, laying and unmoving. No breathing. It was small. Levi had always been small. But now it looked too small in a pool of blood too big.
Kneeling in front of his body, Erwin turned his body towards the sky. His eyes were opened and blank, skin pale as a ghost and lips tinged with a blue tint. Tear tracks stained the face in front of him and Erwin felt his stomach twist.
Levi was alone when he died. Scared and in pain and no one was there. How cruel was it that the strongest soldier who’d been at his dying comrades sides, now passed silently alone in a forest so big and quiet. No one at his side to at least ease the fear and pain, absolutely no one.
Oh how many soldiers the raven had seen pass, the soldiers who looked at Levi helplessly in fear because they didn’t want to die, not there and not yet. Life is unfair.
The shorter male even went as far to hold the hands of is dying comrades, one last reassurance that yes they’re okay, they can let go, they’ve done enough.
But no one was there to shut out Levis doubts. Did he die thinking he didn’t do enough? Thinking he could’ve been a better man? Maybe he wasted his life too quickly when he had this burning passion just waiting to be released? Was he good enough?
Erwins stomach twists at the thought that no one was at his side easing away his doubts and letting him go in peace. Instead he bled out painfully alone in silence with doubts swirling in his head.
The taller man wishes he could’ve held his warm hand one last time, it was too cold now, stiff yet limp and icy cold to the touch.
He brushed away Levis stray locks of hair out of his face, his hand resting on his cheek for a slight second. The raven had always fit so perfectly in his hands, almost as if they were made just for each other to hold and no one else.
Distantly Erwin hopes Levi is happy and has reunited with his fallen comrades and deceased family.
Selfishly Erwin wishes Levi was still here because he was just so good and humanity needed him a little bit longer.
But he understands he was tired. He could see it in the Levi carried himself. He could see it in the dark bags under his eyes and how he jumped into battle a little too quickly and was too willingly to put himself at risk.
He understood Levi thought of himself less than. He was insecure and small. A grown man consumed by his fear while being driven by it.
Yet Erwin will always respect him for continuing. For always pushing forward. For deciding to follow him even despite everything that occurred between the two.
Deep down Erwin knows he was in love, and maybe it’s his heart speaking but he’s sure Levi was too. But in a world too big and too much deaths surrounding their lives they were afraid to love. Two burning stars knowing they’d explode if they touched. They both burned bright and now only one light remained.
If he knew this would be the outcome he would’ve confessed. They were both cowards when it came to their feelings but god dammit he loved him and he just wanted one chance to hold him in arms.
For some peculiar reason both men were convinced if one were to die first it would be Erwin. Levi was too skilled and too much of an asset to die. But here he was staring at the younger male’s body in front of him, hollow eyes and still chest.
He stood up. I’m sorry, Levi.
He can still remember the faces of shock of the crowd as they rode back into the walls. One distinct soldier was missing. He can almost hear the whispers.
“What happened to Captain Levi?”
“Where’s humanities strongest soldier?”
“If even their strongest couldn’t make it, do we have hope?”
“Where is he?”
“We need him”
Erwin held his breath as someone yelled “Where’s Captain Levi?!” his heart stilled.
He took a deep breath. “Unfortunately today we lost an amazing soldier. However we will continue to fight for the cause and honor him in every way we can.” He said, his voice sounding foreign to his own ears.
Gasps resonated in the area. Some cried, and some bowed their heads in respect.
-
He sat down on their bed. Now just his. But before he could think, someone knocked on the door and let themselves in.
“Hey Erwin” Hange greeted him quietly. Taking a seat next to him. “I…” they stuttered. “I cant believe it” they whispered.
Tears sprung in his eyes. “I know”.
“He was a great soldier”
“I know”
“Erwin I-…what are we going to do” their voice shook.
He breathed. “The same things we did without him”
“Erwin that’s-“ Hange started, not liking what Erwin had said.
“We won’t replace him. Never. But we need to keep going. That’s what he would’ve wanted” Erwin said trying to not let the tears fall.
Hange sighed. “What about his…the special operations squad?” they asked.
“We’ll make Arlert in charge. He seems promising. Levi told me about him”
“Will he be-“
“No” Erwin interrupted. “He will not be named Captain. Just a squad leader like anyone else.”
Hange broke the silence. “Yeah..no one can take Levi’s title” they agreed. “What about the MP’s and the courts-“
“Levi gave us leverage and will continue to do so regardless. I will speak to them. I can and will not let them stop us” Erwin replied.
Hange sucked in a quick breath. “I miss him already” they cried quietly.
Erwins tears fell. “Me too Hange. God…me too” he bowed his head.
“Who will keep this place clean now?” Hange joked as they laughed slightly through the tears.
Erwin chuckled and sniffled. “Yeah” he said. “It’ll become a shit hole without him here”.
The blond tensed up a bit and let out a quiet breath. “Do you know how he…?”
Hanges breath hitched. “Not exactly. But I heard that he pushed Mikasa away from an oncoming titan and apparently his gear broke after the titan bit his leg. He fell but…no one was there. Ten minutes later Armin and Sasha went back for him and…” they cried. “It was too late. The blood loss and the fall just-“.
“He was alone” Erwin croaked out, voice heavy with emotion. “He was afraid of dying alone and he- that’s what-“ he cut himself off with a silent sob. He then felt Hange rub his back.
“I should’ve been there” Erwin admitted. “I sent them there I shouldn’t have, I-“
“Don’t you dare blame yourself Erwin” Hange said tone heavy. “That’s the last thing he would’ve wanted. It’s not you fault.” they sighed.
“He loved you so much, you know that? He would talk to me about you all the time. He really….and i mean really loved you Erwin. He cared about you, and us, and his squad so much.” Hange admitted.
“I love him too. I should’ve told him. But now it’s too late. I’m a coward” Erwin cried as Hange pulled him into a hug.
They both cried, mourning the loss of someone so special.
-
As Erwin laid in that rooftop, his hearing going in and out as he heard Hange talking about giving him the serum, he couldn’t help but silently pray that they wouldn’t.
He was ready. This was his time. This was his end. He had fought all he could and given it his all. His time was up and it was time for someone else to step up.
As he heard Hange give the serum, he felt grateful and relieved that he could let go.
~
“Wake up Eyebrows” he felt a kick on his side.
He groaned quietly trying to open his eyes.
“Now come on Ive been waiting you sack of shit” a fond voice said.
He managed to open his eyes all the way and tried to blink the blurriness away.
“There we go. I thought you were making up for all the sleep you lost crouched over your desk giving yourself forehead wrinkles”
He recognized that voice. He shot straight up and turned himself to find where that voice was coming from.
He stared and the figure standing in front of him in awe and surprised. Feeling his eyes grow wet.
“Yes it’s me in the flesh- well you know what I mean” the person joked.
“Levi…” Erwin said in shock. “You’re…-“
“Here. Yes. Now bring it in Smith Ive been waiting for years” Levi smiled.
Erwin stood up and embraced Levi as hard as he could, openly crying into his shoulder. He felt his own shirt getting slightly damp.
“I missed you too. So much. I’m sorry for-“ Levi started but soon was stopped.
“No. Don’t apologize. God, if anything i’m sorry for not being there I-“
Levi grinned. “You don’t apologize either okay” he wiped his tears as he stepped back.
“You know how stupid you looked saluting with your left arm. I was borderline pissing myself up here watching you” Levi joked, instantly lightening up the mood. “Thank god you got your arm back in here”.
Erwin laughed, strong and loud. Sighing in content. “I’m glad you’re here”.
“We are all here, stupid” Levi smiled. “Mike and Nana have been waiting for you to wake up and go visit them”
“They’re here??!” Erwin asked in surprise.
“Of course Erwin. Everyone is here. I’ve been here…”
“Mike and Nanaba…” The taller man started.
“Are living together. You should pay them a visit soon. Mike really misses you. But for now…I want you here even if just for a while” Levi said.
“This whole time i’ve been watching you Erwin. I’m proud of you. I’ve been waiting for you but…you don’t have to stay here with me you can probably move somewhere-“ Levi rambled.
The raven was cut off by a kiss on his lips.
And as they both parted for air Erwin said “I’ve been waiting for you too. I want to live the rest of my l- uhm the rest of whatever with you. Always” He smiled brightly.
Levi blushed, looking away. “I would like to stay with you too” and this time he went back in for the kiss.
“I love you. I always have”
“I love you too. Forever”