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Caleb watched them dance with a twisting mix of fondness and jealousy in his gut. Fjord was wearing the softly indulgent smile that he always wore when Jester pulled him into something that he wouldn’t usually do. Jester's cheeks had taken on a fetching purple blush, reminiscent of Mollymauks back when they were still around, her lavender eyes warm and soft in the candlelight. The band was playing something that shifted between slower moments and little upswings in tempo, and it had a strangely comforting charm. He sighed, taking another deep drink from the large goblet of probably-very-expensive wine that the Ruby had sent to their table a few hours earlier.
Beauregard had also somehow managed to convince Yasha to join her on the floor, and now they were both trying their best to keep up with the other dancers. Albeit through a very clear fog of alcohol, he wasn’t the only one indulging heavily this evening after all. They deserved it, all of them, after the danger they had faced... and considering how much more they were going to be facing soon. They would leave for the frozen north soon, but he didn’t need to think of that tonight.
Veth... Veth was gone, for now, she was with Yezza and Luc. And Caduceus had long since slipped away to bed, not being one for alcohol or dancing. Which left Caleb at the large empty table with nothing but the wine to keep him company. He scanned the room again, trying to ignore the cruel tug under his ribs when his eyes met Fjord’s across the dancefloor. He had no claim to Fjord, he knew that. What they had been doing... their arrangement, had been clear from the beginning. Friends helping each other out on the road, sometimes with sex, sometimes (more often) with a shoulder to lean on, someone to sit with after the hard days... someone to hold in the night.
For Caleb, it had shifted. He knew now just how far his wretched excuse for a heart had shifted over their time together. That beautiful pain deep in the core of him. He told himself, lied to himself, that it wasn’t love. It couldn’t be, he didn’t have that kind of claim, didn’t have the right to it. It wasn’t allowed to be love.
But oh, how he ached with it.
He watched them for as long as he could stand, digging the image into his brain the same way one might press on a wound to remind themselves of the pain. A way to remind themselves of the consequences of whatever action led to it being there. Then he stood, downing the rest of his most recent refill in one long pull and wiping the excess on his sleeve. He made for the stairs, stumbling slightly up the first few, and was surprised to feel a warm hand on his elbow. He looked down and inhaled sharply as amber eyes sent another stab under his ribs.
“Cay? You alright?”
“ Ja, just—I have had enough for the night I think”
He was only half thinking of the wine, as he spoke, but Fjord nodded and stepped up the stairs, reaching to wipe a missed drop of wine from his cheek.
“Want me to come with you?”
“I would not spoil your evening,” he said, his tone maybe a bit too sharp “go and enjoy yourself”
Fjord’s head tilted to the side; brows furrowed in confusion as he seemed to search Caleb’s face.
“What--”
“Fjord!” Jester flounced over, smiling brightly “this song is totally awesome, come da—” she cut off, eyes going from Fjord to Caleb uncertainly “are--is everything okay?”
“ Ja Jester, do not fret” Caleb forced a smile onto his face, and was rewarded with a tentative one from her “I am just a bit clumsy, too much wine I think”
She giggled, nodding “yeah, Momma always has the best wine, which probably means it’s like, super strong right?”
“Probably” he smiled for real this time, she was so sweet, of course Fjord would love her “I will just—”
He made to pull away, only to feel Fjord’s hand tighten slightly on his elbow.
“I’m going to walk Cay up, make sure he’s alright” Fjord smiled at her, that same fond-indulgent smile “go dance for a bit”
“Awww alright, I guess Caleb is pretty squishy”
“ Danke , both of you, for your concern, but I am fine”
He could feel the guiltpanicwant in his chest now, he couldn’t pull Fjord from her, he didn’t have the right to do it. But Fjord would not be dissuaded, he waved Jester off with another smile and then turned and gave Caleb’s elbow a gentle tug. Caleb allowed himself to be steered up the stairs and into his room without any more argument. How could he not? When Fjords hand was so warm on his arm, his chest so sturdy against Caleb’s back. The smell of him, sea air and leather and fresh soil, so familiar and only adding to the wine-induced fuzz in Caleb’s usually sharp mind.
Fjord paused as the door clicked shut, locking it behind them out of habit before turning to look down at Caleb with concern clear on his face. Caleb, coward that he was, backed away until his legs hit the edge of the couch and he could drop onto it. The air around him felt cold as soon as he was out of Fjord’s reach, and he only barely resisted a contented sigh when Fjord followed a moment later, settling next to him on the couch.
“Something’s wrong, talk to me Cay”
“It is—”
“Don’t say it’s just the wine” Fjord reached over and cupped his jaw gently “Darlin’ please, talk to me”
And how could he resist that? Fjord’s ever-warm skin on his, a calloused thumb pressed so softly to his cheek. Those eyes ...
“I...” he pulled his eyes from Fjords, focusing on the Melora pendant at his chest instead “I only—I need you to know that I will not get in the way”
“In the way of what?”
“You and Jester”
“Me and— what? ”
They sat there, and Caleb found himself drawn back up to Fjord's face, desperate to try and read his expression. The way he always had, the only way he knew how.
Fjord was staring back, brow furrowed, and bottom lip tugged between his teeth. He was looking at Caleb the way he always did when he was trying to figure something out, uncertain but oh so determined to understand. Caleb sat, blood rushing in his ears as he tried to memorize as much of Fjords' expression as he could. Who knew how much longer he would get to be this close? Who knew when Fjord would end it all. It wasn’t love; it had never been allowed to be love. Finally, the tenuous string of his patience snapped, the air was too heavy, too cloying with its temptation.
“What are you thinking?” He whispered into the quiet of the room, just barely resisting the urge to reach out, to touch.
“You smell like wine” Fjord’s voice was hushed, even in the quiet, as his thumb traced feather-light over Caleb’s bottom lip.
“ Ja , well, I am sure I taste like it too” he let out a laugh that sounded just a bit too tight “It was not exactly a weak beverage”
“I--” Fjord paused as his claw caught lightly on the seam of Caleb’s lip “I--I’m sorry Cay, you’re upset and clearly not in a headspace to talk yet, I should...”
Caleb's hands shot out of their own accord, gripping the front of Fjords shirt. He leaned into Fjord’s palm as he began to pull away, rejoicing silently when Fjord paused and pressed his thumb back against his lip.
“Don’t go, bitte”
“We--the wine, I don’t want to cross any lines here” Fjord's brow furrowed in clear concern, amber eyes searching Caleb’s face “Tomorrow we can talk and—”
“If everything needs to change tomorrow” he breathed, leaning closer “I would be selfish for just one more night Schatz, if you will let me”
“Darlin’...” the word came out as a sigh against Caleb’s mouth a second before Fjords lips pressed in for a kiss.
It was slow at first, a warm slide of dry lips mingled with the taste of wine and honey on their breath. Caleb moved his hands, sliding them up Fjords chest and resting his forearms on the broad shoulders, hands dangling in the air. Fjord hummed against him, using the gentle grip on his jaw to tilt his head slightly as his free hand wrapped around his waist and pulled him in closer. Caleb followed the tug, sliding one leg up over Fjord’s lap and shivering when the hand on his jaw moved to grip his thigh. Fjord's other hand moved from his waist up into his hair, and Caleb couldn’t resist the needy little noise the bubbled from the back of his throat.
“Cay” Fjord broke the kiss with his voice low and rough “ damn it, Cay”
Claws, still filed down but not as rounded as they had once been, dug a little into the meat of his thigh at the same time as Fjord gave a light tug on his hair. Whatever had been left of his common sense was gone in that instant as he gripped the back of Fjords neck and pulled him closer.
“ Yes...” he heard himself nearly whine as Fjord scraped his teeth over the delicate skin of his throat “ Fjord-- please ”
“Anything you want Caleb, anything”
Fjord's voice sent a jolt through his chest, desperate and wanting in a way that it seemed only Fjord could manage. The near-painful ache where the heart he thought he had lost must have been, the honey-sweet poison of it washing through his veins at every touch. This hadn’t been the plan; they weren’t supposed to— Caleb wasn’t supposed to fall this hard. But Fjord was here, Fjord was here, and he was warm and sharp, and his voice was vibrating into Caleb’s skin and oh how it just fed the ache.
“ You” he gasped, Fjords tusks pressing just so into the skin over his leaping pulse “I want you”
“You have me”
Fjord shifted them on the couch, pushing Caleb’s leg up and over as he leaned forward so that they were laying back against the plush cushions, Fjord hovering over him. One large hand stayed in Caleb’s hair while the other moved to his thigh again and gripped securely to keep it from falling over the edge of the couch. Caleb shivered as Fjord pulled back to look at him, eyes dark and expression gone utterly serious. His thumb brushed gently back and forth against the base of Caleb’s skull and something heavy and warm settled in his chest.
“You’ve had me since the start Cay, all of me, I thought you knew”
“Fjord” he breathed the name like a prayer as the weight of his words washed over him “You do not mean—”
“Yeah, I do” Fjord pressed his forehead to Calebs, looking at him through dark lashes “all of me, Cay. Whatever way you want me, for however long”
“But...Jester—”
“I don’t want Jester, Cay” Fjord’s voice was a growl before it softened again “It’s always been you, for me”
“Always? I— Fjord”
His heart leapt in his chest as Fjord’s hand tightened on his thigh, his expression so open and earnest and honest and so so full of love that Caleb’s breath caught in his chest. He could feel the sting of tears at the back of his eyes, and he dug his fingers into Fjords shoulders as he tried to catch his breath. He couldn’t make himself speak, disbelief and hope choking him as Fjord's expression softened, a gentle smile tugging at the scarred corner of his lips.
“I know sweetheart, I know”
Caleb believed him.
Fjords lips were on his again, deep and lingering and so so perfect. Wine and honey, sea salt and whiskey, and love . Absolute, undeniable love pressed to his lips with every lingering kiss, trailed down his neck, whispered into his hair.
Things would change the next morning, but not in the way Caleb had feared. Instead of sitting with his family and enduring the bittersweet ache of watching Fjord with someone who wasn’t him, he would endure the near explosion of shocked teasing they would throw his way. He would sit, pressed tight to Fjord’s side, with one of Fjord’s hands in his and the other tangled gently in his hair while they made plans for the next terrifying leg of their journey. Hands like firebrands on his skin, like silk on his cheeks. The ache, sharp and poignant, wouldn’t go away, but it would shift from something so close to fear to something so much kinder. Flaring to life every time Fjord caught his eye, or pressed warm lips to his temple, or pulled him close on the frozen nights in the north.
Love; painful and warm and perfect... and his .