Archive of Our Own

And there’s that loud clatter.

Holy shit.

He’ll probably need a set of wooden dishes next time.

And a bundle of patience.

And maybe… protection when nights with his partner become more intimate. God, he could no longer stand another addition to this chaotic family.

When his figure emerged in the kitchen, two little kids were startled at his unsmiling—or more of menacing presence. They were throwing mud balls at each other, the very last one came too fast to dodge, smacking point-blank onto his face. 

His expression was never kid-friendly. The proverbial "monsters under the bed" would even make better companions. And it gets worse now that his face will also need some scrubbing.

“What did I tell you brats not to do outside after the rain?” Levi asked like he'd interrogate his soldiers. He was seething in anger, sputtering out the filth that got into his mouth. "And look at me… you certainly don’t want to miss a spot, huh?”

“But Mom told us we can play in the mud, right Hanna?” A young boy stuttered, nudging his sister's elbow.

“It’s fun, Dad!” The girl cheered. "We never got hurt..."

Of course, you won't get hurt. The Ackerman genes had barely any nerve responses. 

“It’s not fun when you are all over the house with your mud balls and dirty little feet marking every. Fucking. Pristine. Corner. Of. My. House!” Levi said with feral eyes that could slay a whole army of titans.

"But it's our house..." the boy retorted. "And watch your language, Dad."

Language? Since when did this kiddo get authorization to chastise him and his word choices?

"Oh yeah? Does my language hurt like blades?" Levi asked. "Did you bleed?"

The boy shook his head, wondering.

"Did you even help in building this house?" Levi asked with a vein popping out of his temples.

“He’s mad, Leo..." Hanna said, inching her way behind her brother in fear.

"This house was built before we were born, Dad so technically, we aren't there to help. And I am a hundred percent sure Mom owns half of this house too, and we were told we could do what we want while she's away," Leo said defensively, his brown eyes fiery at the stress of each syllable. It's scary enough that he's very much like Hange when she's lost in her bombastic declamations. "In that case, we are still free to do what we want because Mom said so. We have every right to have fun as children! Besides, she wants us to learn new things outside. We've discovered a lot of insects and plants too! She even said that the world is full..."

The world is full of shit and Hange was the center of it all.

"Listen, little punk, you can do whatever you want as a kid but never come home looking like a walking mudslide ruining the house I've been keeping clean ever since your mother and I settled here!"

Leo's chubby cheeks limped at Levi's castigation. Hanna's tears pooled around her red-rimmed eyes.

"Go wash in the bathroom, or I'll scrub your skin raw until it hurts and you won’t be able to play outside again!” Levi threatened.

The kids straightened up—terrified—and slowly made their way to the bathroom.

“Fucking hell…” Levi sighed. When he heard a creak at the front door, signaling the presence of another person in the house, he knew already there was another trouble coming. 

And just like that, the kids bolted out of the bathroom, still covered in mud to welcome the newly-arrived visitor. Great, more mud around.

Levi jogged to the living room, seeing both his kids swinging and dangling on Erwin Smith's arms as they'd do on a tree. When they sensed Levi's sharp eyes, they untangled themselves from the man, and scurried their way back to the bathroom.

“What happened here?” Erwin asked, eyeing the chaos in its wake.

"Apparently, the kids knew how to blow up a place and turn it into a mud pit," Levi huffed. "Visitors included."

Erwin frowned at his dirty sleeves but chuckled at the sight of Levi’s muddy face. "And what about you?”

“Caught in a mud fight,” Levi deadpanned.

”You seemed to enjoy it.”

“They're Hange's kids, after all. I’m supposed to enjoy their playtime.”

"Are you disowning them now?"

Levi curled his lips. "We're a bad combination of genes, Erwin. You know that."

The blond man laughed. "I don't think so. Can't you see how adorable your kids are?"

"Not adorable when they mess up this big and cake everything in mud." Levi showed Erwin the obvious sorry state of his house. "They're a walking disaster! Feels like I'm dealing with three Hanges and thrice the havoc."

“I see.” Erwin chuckled. "Guess you could use some help. Need a hand?"

“Thank fuck I don't need to ask," Levi said. 

Levi was on his knees, a kerchief on his head, and scrubbing the floor with all his Ackerman strength to get rid of the dirt. He is sweating profusely, concentrating on how to restore the floorboards to their previous spotless condition.

Erwin was lounging on the sofa with fresh new covers and freshly-bathed brats dozed off on both sides of his lap.

“You can make a better parent,” Levi told Erwin. "And I'm better off cleaning the floor my entire life..."

“But I guess both you and Hange did your best…”

“My job is to keep those twins alive when I’m always tempted to hurl them into the river.”

Erwin laughed. “Easy there, Levi! If Hange ever heard you…”

“Don’t care. She’ll be the very first to hit the water anyway.”

Erwin’s laughter ensued. Levi would never fail to throw dark humor, even in the presence of his children.

“I really should’ve used protection that night…” Levi said. “Who would’ve thought the twins would take after their mother, who'd die by taking a bath.”

“They’re just five, Levi. It takes time. Who knows when they turn seven, you won't have to scrub vigorously over the smallest dirt you can find.”

“I could only hope…” Levi droned out. He was gaping at Erwin who can expertly make the kids sleep in no time.

“What kind of sorcery is that? I can’t even put them to sleep,” Levi said in disappointment.

“Well, there's a trick to being gentle. Just like this…” Erwin demonstrated this by threading his hand on Hanna’s dark hair. She was unmoved and sleeping soundly.

Levi was uncharacteristically grossed out. “I can't even with a cat.”

Erwin chuckled. “You sure are rough in all places. I wonder how it was with Hange…”

“Oh please… you know how it was with four-eyes,” Levi said, indicating their chaotic relationship ever since.

“Could be really rough. You got twins as firstborn.”

Two peas in a pod. Double trouble in one go.

Levi scoffed at Erwin's teasing tone. The twins, Leo and Hanna were apparently unplanned. An accident—Hange would always say. It was one of those nights when one crashed into the other's room, either buzzed or looking for comfort. But “comfort” would stretch into something more intimate… or rough when done just a few more times. And by roughness means clothes torn apart, red marks on the skin, clashing bodies, lewd noises in the room, and eventually, a knock on the door—the gullible person on the other side asking if somebody’s all right. When the burden of the world rests on their shoulders, the pressure is released behind closed doors in a classic push and pull dance. Levi could be a very unwilling and unfeeling person, but Hange unravels a part of him who craves some flesh. It all started with silly jokes and soft jabs, stemming into midnight conversations, foot massages, nips, and kisses. Finally, when two lifeforms sprouted inside Hange, it only denotes that Levi Ackerman had sprinted past some boundaries.

Just when the day came her belly had grown rounder like a titan's, and people started asking, she’d say nonchalantly: It was an accident. Got run over by a raging boner.

Levi watched absent-mindedly as his twins snored on Erwin's lap. "Can you keep them asleep for 24 hours?"

“Are you getting rid of your kids now?” Erwin asked in amusement. “When is Hange coming back?”

“Hell knows,” Levi said. “She’s been staying at her parents’ place for two weeks now. You shouldn’t have sent her to her hometown for an assignment because once she stepped into their house, her folks would refuse to send her back to us.”

"Or back to you..." Erwin corrected, one brow raised. "How're you and her father?"

"Tch. Maybe he just wanted someone taller for his daughter. Not a big deal." Levi's eyes rolled.

"That falls below standards for getting a taller son-in-law in exchange for humanity's strongest," Erwin chuckled. 

"Who was raised in the Underground as a thug," Levi said with a little hurt in his chest.

"But now reformed. You are in the front lines, Levi. Keeping people safe behind these walls. Hange was probably raised in an upper-class family, but she chose to be in the military to be of use to humanity... and eventually, choosing you to be her better half. You're surviving each other across the dangers of being the best soldiers," Erwin said. "As human beings dedicated to serving humanity, you are exemplary. But I don't know why keeping up with your kids was the hardest task." 

"What can I say? I survived the titans, I survived my wife, but these brats are gonna be the death of me," Levi drawled. "It's not all about being humanity's strongest."

Erwin ran his other hand over Leo's back. "This world is all about surviving, huh?"

“Yeah. But I’m winging it....”

"Wait until Hange wanted more kids in the family."

"If she wanted another kid, she's gonna have it with a titan!" Levi sneered and resumed scrubbing the floor, cheeks a deeper shade of red.

"Eat your spinach, brats." 

Levi was commanding--in an attempt to mimic Erwin in his scouting formation battle cry. It was his chance to make his laughable height a bit more intimidating--looming over the table where his shorter kids sat, disdainfully pouting at the sight of uneaten greens laid on their plates he meticulously prepared for dinner.

"Dad, we don't like the taste," Leo whined begrudgingly.

"It's bitter...ew..." Hanna chimed.

"Look, brats, I don't like the taste too but I eat it!" Levi's eyes shot daggers at their resistance. "Your mother eats it, that's why she's smart. And I eat it, that's why I'm strong. Got it?!"

His natural growl never worked on them. Ever. And not unless it's Hange's coaxing tactics, the twins would never give Levi a chance to win them over.

"Eat it, or you're not gonna eat anything on the table for the next few days."

But the ever-smart Leo had his ways to counteract. "It's okay, Dad. Uncle Erwin will surely cook for us then!"

Hanna chirped. "He cooks better than you and Mom!"

That did it.

"Well, maybe your Uncle Erwin makes a better dad, don't you think?" Levi asked, a little anxious that his own kids would both nod at his query. All this time, he hasn't convinced himself that he's been a good father. He was not prepared when the twins were born anyway, and Hange had been very willing to keep them despite the demands of military duties. He was never good with children, and to have his own made it more complicated. Sure, he cared and loved them, but he couldn't express the affection openly in a more softened manner. A manner that doesn't need him to growl and chase them away like birds in a cornfield.

"We love Uncle Erwin's cooking!" Leo said. "But we love you because you're our Dad!"

There's a flutter in his chest. Hearing his five-year-old brat mumble something out of childhood innocence was a little... touching. He was brimming with pride that Leo took after Hange's intelligence and bigheartedness and it wasn't a bad thing at all. The permanent scowl on his forehead ironed out. 

"But we still hate spinach..." Leo added in distaste.

Much too soon, knocks on the door startled them, and Levi knew Hange must have summoned another batch of reinforcements in this warfare. Yeah, he needs all the help he can get just not to let his little Ackermans starve.

Mikasa and Armin took turns cooking, fumbling with the utensils or whatever they can find useful because obviously, the house owners are no experts in the kitchen. When Levi checked the living room, Eren busied himself with the twins, keeping them occupied for the time being.

Levi hasn't even prayed for rescue and backup at times like this, but he was a little relieved to keep the weather calm while Hange was away. 

"Those brats hated my cooking," Levi groused by the countertop, watching Armin slice vegetables and meat on the table. "They would refuse every damn meal I prepared for them."

"I think it's the spinach, Captain. Children hated vegetables," Armin told him.

"It's Hange's fault that she fed the kids with Erwin's cooking ever since they started crawling, whereas I suffer her good-as-poison recipes."

Armin laughed softly. "One of you should learn how to cook. Kids are picky with what they eat..."  

"My cooking ain't that bad. I ate it myself and had a good fill," Levi said. "These kids didn't know how it was if they grew up in the Underground. Tch, they were lucky enough they didn't starve like me..."

Mikasa looked over her shoulder at her captain's sentiments. He rarely had his complaints, but clearly, his frustrations at Hange's absence get the best of him. 

"Maybe you could try to incorporate vegetables with other ingredients to make it look delish," Armin suggested brightly, pointing at the basket of buns on the table. "Like the spinach buns I made earlier. It's just a matter of creativity. Doesn't have to be fancy, but it wouldn't hurt to give a little effort. Would you have a taste, Captain?"

Levi obliged. He took a  bite of the freshly-baked bread and hummed in satisfaction. "Not bad..."

"When is Hange-san coming back anyway?" Armin asked.

"Hell knows, maybe her father locked her up in their house," Levi muttered. "Nobody approves of their daughter ending up with an underground rat."

"Seems like it..." Mikasa interrupted, carrying a hot pot and placing it on the table.

"Mikasa..." Armin shushed her.

Levi ignored her. The gloomy brat knows what she's saying, but he'd rather focus on learning about new recipes and not let her get under his skin. He's way past his self-depreciation, anyway.

"Hange-san told us to help you with the kids, drop by during our free time. She knows you couldn't handle them..." Mikasa droned out. "Eren does a better job in keeping them behaved and entertained."

They all turned their heads at the playful scene in the living room; both the twins were straddling Eren's back. Squeals of joy and laughter grated into Levi's ears. It was a noise he usually could not stand, and yet why did it sound like something he could get used to?

Shit. Levi hasn't even made his kids squeal in delight like that. He cringed internally, evaluating himself.

"Ever tried giving them a horseback ride, Captain?" Mikasa asked.

Levi blanked out. No. Never.

"The only job I'm good at was to keep this house clean," Levi drawled, suddenly self-loathing.

”I’d guess they were bored since Hange-san left,” Mikasa said accusingly. “And I’m guessing you never played with them either.”

Levi glared at Mikasa, then stared back at Eren who was now giving them a leg swing. Their wide grins are unchanging, leaving Levi more and more guilty.

"Try being a cool dad sometimes," Mikasa said in a neutral but very concerned tone. "All the dirt you can clean could wait, but children grow up… they’re gonna break your bones if you give them a piggyback at fifteen.”

Levi clicked a tongue and said nothing. Mikasa makes a good point.

“But don't worry, you still make a good father. While you're out there keeping the titans out of our lives, your kids will grow in a safe world." And it will always be like that, Mikasa placates him faster than she could throw a punch. "Soup's ready."

"Dad! Dad!!!!" Hanna's voice sounded all over the house, nearly causing Levi to stumble a few steps on the stairs as his daughter came rushing in by the front door. She was panting and red, that he had to brace himself for the bad news.

"What the hell happened?!" Levi asked alarmingly.

Hanna straightened up after regaining her breath. She looked up at her father and flashed him a toothy grin.

"Look, Dad! Look at me! Am I pretty?!" His daughter twirled around gracefully. It's when Levi noticed what was so good about her mood: A garland of flowers adorned her tiny head, and neat braids of dark hair hung over her shoulders. "Sasha did this! And look, she made this flower crown!"

A loud sigh of relief escaped Levi's drying throat. For fuck's sake, that almost gave him a heart attack! 

"What do you say, Dad? Am I pretty like Mom?"

Levi hung his head. His daughter obviously vied attention and compliment. Her eyes searched for his validation, yet his ever-awkward self was not one for throwing huge compliments. Hell, he never even told Hange forthrightly about his feelings.

The little girl was unquestionably adorable and pretty, but he was spacing out to sit with the right words as if flattery could set him on fire.

"Dad?" Hanna’s head cocked to one side, waiting for an answer. In seconds that Levi hadn’t said anything yet, her bright eyes dulled, her lips smirked, and the signature frown she got from him started to paint her face. 

There it was. That kind of scowl signals impending doom. She can be a human wreck like her mother—even scarier. And that was the last thing he needed to witness again. It's not too late for preventive measures.

"Y-you're prettier than any... than..." He tried. "Than your mother, of course!"

"Huh?" 

Sasha barged into the house right on time, looking for Hanna. "Oh! Hi Captain!"

Levi stood there with a sour look on his face.

"Came here to fetch Hanna!" Sasha said abashedly, scooping up the girl. "I'm not done yet with your hair. We're putting more flowers so butterflies will surround you like a fairy!"

"Fairy?" The little girl gasped excitedly.

"Yes! You'll be the prettiest fairy in Paradis! Come on now... Krista was already done with your wings! We're putting it on your back so you can fly!" Sasha cooed.

"Oi, oi, watch it! You're not letting her fly!" Levi said. "And you're not tying her up in ODM gear!"

Sasha winked at him. "On a figurative sense, Captain!" 

Levi breathed. "Where's Leo?"

"See for yourself!" Sasha giggled and bolted out the door with Hanna dangling by her side.

Levi stepped towards the door to have a look outside. His other kid was playing with Jean, imitating the moves of a sword-wielding soldier, and Connie playing as an awfully overacting titan. When Sasha put Hanna down, Krista made her turn around to fix a pair of wings--made out of leaves on her back.

Levi was astounded at the carefree sight—particularly at those smiling faces like their world is not infested by titans. He swore he'd give anything not to let a single titan encounter put fear on those smiles—especially on his children whom he only spared so little of his parental time as they grew up because he's been constantly sidelined by his duties as a soldier. 

By then, he hoped Hange was beside him, hearing all kinds of laughter that broke into the air because children are meant to enjoy life in their early days, playing all day, savoring their childhood years because it will never be the same at some point in their adult life.

And it hurts to reminisce his past as the undernourished kid who was left to fend on his own, watch over his mother’s corpse for days, and be fostered by violence as he grew up. 

And Levi swore again: his children will never experience the kind of life he had as a child.

It was Hange’s habit to come home unannounced after an indefinite vacation. She knows she’s in trouble when she has an extended vacation and comes home late in the evening with a probably agitated husband in the house. She had a spare key to the front door, so she shouldn’t need to wake Levi up and be reprimanded. She does her best to be undetected inside the house, tiptoeing into the living room with her luggage and almost jumping in surprise to see her little family sleeping and huddled together on the sofa. 

Oh.

She wants to squeal in delight seeing Levi sandwiched between their twins, both buried under his arms, snuggling close to the man who never had initiated this sweet act before.

It was gold. Too precious.

Hange stepped a little closer, the lamp in the room giving a soft glow to Levi's peaceful sleeping face, and she couldn't help but gawk and smile at the rare sight. She missed him. Missed their bickering and the chaos each morning whenever she fucks up their breakfast, and she will be forced to go to Erwin's place with her twins for free meals. Three weeks had been long enough and it was the first time in years she had taken a break from motherhood since giving birth. She felt the guilt of leaving Levi behind, who had little to no knowledge of parenting, fully aware that he had zero tolerance for mess and noise, and yet he'd been keeping a straight face and calm demeanor just to live up to such responsibility. 

She leaned closer, attempting to press a feather-light kiss on Levi's forehead.

But humanity's strongest had sharp instincts and could sense very well if something stealthily invaded his personal space. He jerked at the brush of her breath, and his head banged against her jaw. The sudden impact could scatter her brains out, and Hange had to suppress tearing up at the jolt of pain. 

"Ouch!!!!" she howled, yet Levi was fast enough to seize her head and clamp her mouth shut to shush her.

"You idiot! What do you think you're doing?! Gonna paint something funny on my face again?!" Levi growled in a whisper, trying not to stir the kids in their sleep. He roughly shoved Hange aside and checked the crumpled kids on his lap. Seeing both were still sound, he gently patted their heads and rearranged their sleeping position.

"Was just about to give you a kiss!” Hange said hurtfully, rubbing her jaw. "Not happy that I'm finally back, huh? Not even a greeting. Welcome back, self!”

Levi was too tired to fire back at her sarcasm. Although he’d been meaning to actually get mad at her for being away for too long, it didn’t seem to be a good idea.

"We'll talk in the kitchen," Levi straightened, giving Hange a deadly glare. "Don't you ever come breaking into your own house like a thief in the night. Your walking surprise skit can get you killed."

"Geez... sounds like you wanna do that for real."

"Would you keep your voice down? Go ahead now, I'll tuck the brats back in their beds."

"I'll help you..." Hange whispered.

"No, you'll just wake them up," Levi chided.

"Some mother I am, huh? Fine then..." Hange said. "Got anything for dinner?"

"Help yourself. Eat whatever you can find," Levi droned out, cradling Leo in his arms and heading upstairs.

"I hope you're not talking about soaps and detergents..." Hange called and went straight to the kitchen anyway. She was impressed at the always excellent condition of their kitchen before she left. Unsurprisingly, Levi will never leave a spot in their house unattended. She rummaged through the food storage and saw a bunch of leftovers that looked like those served in banquets. 

Did Levi cook all these?

It was even unusual that a few added utensils were lined up at the counter. Either Levi had hired a housewife over the weeks of her absence, or he just realized he needed to buy all the essentials in the kitchen.

Grabbing a plate and sets of cutlery, Hange willed herself not to let Levi see how starving she got during her whole trip. It didn't help that the food was very appetizing that she could shovel a spoonful into her mouth one after another without the idea of choking hazards.

And she did. 

She gagged and coughed at her gluttonous display of manners.

A solid hand suddenly ran up her back. Levi was already behind her, giving a soothing rub during her violent coughing fit.

"Did your parents starve you?" Levi asked, handing her a glass of water.

"Of course not! In fact, I gained some weight," Hange chirped. "And they were asking about you."

"I'm guessing you brought them the bad news that you haven't left me yet," Levi said, sitting across the table from her. "And marrying me got you underweight."

"And you still think they hated you that much?" Hange frowned. "Come on, we're over that thing. It just happened I didn't marry the childhood friend they wanted for me. I have a surprise though, Dad bought you a nice selection of tea from town. That's a good one-year supply of tea for you!"

Levi blew a whistle. "That's new... and here I thought you were not coming back because they locked you up in the dungeon or something..."

"Silly, Levi! Are you really worried that I'm not coming back? Oh, someone misses me..." Hange wriggled her brows.

"Of course not..." Levi said.

Hange's eyes gleamed in amusement. "Okay. So maybe I could use a longer break than that?"

"Go try. That long and you're never allowed in the house anymore."

Typical banter. But both knew by heart that one couldn't live without the other.

"How are the kids?" Hange asked in a mellowed tone. 

"Your kids act like mud tornadoes--coming home looking like mud in the shape of a human and wrecking the whole house. Said about discovering ‘things’ outside because you allowed it. They don't even tire out and Erwin does his magic to lull them to sleep, got them dormant for the time being so I can have some peace and quiet.”

Hange was giggling at the narrative. She put her fork down to listen to her partner’s rant because he’d barely talked this much.

“They would pull a face at every meal I prepared for them that I needed Armin and Mikasa's help to get them to eat something," Levi recounted. “My empty threats don’t work anymore because they say Erwin can provide their meals and cooks better than us. The audacity…”

"What can I say, they state the facts," Hange laughed. "Which makes them honest."

"And that honesty implied that we are useless as parents," Levi said grouchily. 

"But looking around, it seems you managed to be a single parent for weeks, nonetheless,” Hange said casually. "And you stepped up your game. Tell me something..."

"Tell you what?" 

"That during my absence, you learned a lot of things..." Hange said with a knowing look on her face. "I thought I was just seeing things when I caught you and the kids huddled together in the living room. Looks like they're exhausted from a long, fun day..." 

"Every single day..."

"Tell me more."

"Hanna forces me to braid her hair as Sasha does. Leo made me carve a blunt sword out of wood. They rode me like a horse when Eren wasn't around and made me chase them outside. They are far more energetic than all the sprinting titans combined.”

”It’s your Ackerman blood flowing through their veins,” Hange said giddily. “No wonder they never tire out. Ohh, and what about this food? You a chef for military events now?”

Levi chuckled at the compliment. “Got some cooking lessons from Erwin, Armin, and Mikasa…”

"So that explains the good food.  And for a while, I thought you'd brought yourself a new housewife."

"I'm already tempted to..." Levi said. "And I realized I sleep better when you're not around."

“Hah! I see, at least your eye bags didn’t grow a shade darker from lack of sleep. Do you need me to sleep in the kids’ bedroom from now on?” Hange scoffed.

Levi chuckled lightly. “But you just got back..."

"I know you've spent three weeks of cold nights, Levi. Never say you didn't miss me!"

"I didn't." 

"So you wanna sleep alone tonight?" Hange challenged. "May I remind you that I can sleep without you for weeks..."

Levi paused and then smirked. "I could use some company tonight..."

Mike and Moblit arrived early the following day and caught Levi preparing breakfast.

"You're early..." Levi said. "Thanks for coming over, but Hange just got back last night. Your babysitting assistance is over.”

”Oh, so I lost the bet!” Mike exclaimed, slumping on the nearest chair with a loud thud.

“Are you morons having a bet she’s not coming back?” Levi asked with an incredulous look on his face. 

”Well… I don’t know anything about that!” Moblit said alarmingly, waving a hand in front of his face.

"Well... I don't see the reason to leave my very incredible husband and my adorable kids." Hange came suddenly into the kitchen, overhearing the conversation and letting out a long stretch. "Morning, you two! It's good to be finally back! I'll give you your presents in a while because I know you're very hands-on with my kids! And thanks for keeping Levi alive, sane, and very much intact!"

Levi scoffed. "Well, bribery always does the job."

"Wow, Hange, you looked..." Mike gave her a once-over, earning a scowl from Levi. "Sated."

"Well... it's been a while.” Hange winked at Levi. "Good morning, grump! Getting the hang of cooking, huh?"

Levi clicked his tongue and turned back to frying his eggs. Mike's nose keeps twitching.

"I think I want a fried nose for breakfast," Levi said. "You can live without your nose, right Mike?"

Mike laughed. "How evil. I just lost a bet, and now you wanted me to lose my nose?"

"If you wanna say something, better keep it to yourself!" Levi snarled.

"Well... what's ever new? I just want to say you guys looked happy being back in each other's arms!" Mike said gleefully. "Is it bad to notice?" 

Moblit watched the malicious exchange and sighed while Hange prepared tea.

When the twins entered the scene, Hange threw her arms to gather them into a hug. "Oh, there you are! Good morning, my sweet peas! Surprise! Did you miss Mommy?!"

Hanna squealed at Hange's presence and lunged at her in a bear hug. "Mommy!"

Hange looked at Leo, who didn't move one bit. "Where's my hug, Leo-boo?"

"Are you and Dad fighting?" Leo prompted. That quieted the room.

Hange blinked her eyes thrice. "Oh... we never fight. What are you saying? I just visited your grandparents in my hometown, that's why I've been away for weeks..."

Leo gave her a pensive look. Hange knew well that he was a very perceptive kid. Mike, on the other hand, had other things on his mind, sniffing the thick air in the room and snickering at what was about to come. 

"Not that," Leo said with slight indignation. "You were fighting..."

"Oi Leo, your mother and I never fight," Levi said in a hardened resonance.

"This is interesting..." Mike said giddily. "Kid knows what's going on."

Hange's face darkened. "W-what made you think we are fighting, honey?" She looked at Levi wearily.

"You're fighting last night," Leo said. "In your room. I was knocking at the door, and you didn't open it!"

Mike exploded in a fit of laughter. Moblit was beet-red.

"W-what?" Hange cocked her head, trying to feign innocence. "I... we didn't hear anything last night."

"I was knocking, Mom," Leo repeated impatiently. "But you probably didn't hear because..."

"Oh, because someone's screaming?" Mike guessed wickedly. "What does it sound like?"

Levi throws a wet kitchen towel at Mike's face. "Shut up, you giant!"

"I think it was Mom," Leo said thoughtfully. "Like she's crying and whining and..."

Moblit was faster than a lightning bolt and clamped a hand over Leo's mouth. "Nobody's fighting, Leo. Maybe you're just dreaming... or sleepwalking!"

"I'm very much awake!" Leo whined dramatically. 

"Cries of pleasure!" Mike said animatedly. "A wilted petal needs a little rain. Kid, I can assure you that your parents aren’t fighting. They’re just… talking.”

"I have a very hot pan to hit your face right now, Mike!" Levi threatened. "Watch it!"

Mike shushed himself, but his stupid grin didn't leave his face. "Baby number three is in the works!"

"Leo, Hanna, why not play with Uncle Mike and Moblit outside while Dad and I prepare your breakfast?" Hange suggested, motioning for Moblit to take the kids away.

Leo's eyes lit up, suddenly forgetting about his insistence. "Uncle Mike, can we ride your back like a horse?"

Mike gulped. "Ugh, Daddy never gave you a ride on his back?"

Leo frowned thoughtfully, side-eyeing his father. "He did but... we can only ride one at a time because..."

Mike was about to burst into laughter again. "Yeah, yeah I got it. Daddy needs to grow a length, and to do that, you shouldn't knock in their room at night."

"Why?" Leo asked.

A ripe tomato soars in the air and hits Mike's face. Levi's dark expression intensified. "Alright! Alright! You guys can both straddle my back together..."

Moblit took both the twins' hands and led them outside. "Let's go, kids!"

Mike stood up and wiped the squashed fruit off his nose. "Okay, kids can ride me today and you, Hange, can ride Levi all you want."

"Mike!" Hange shot him a glare, her face heating up.

"The pan, Mike. The pan!" Levi reminded with venom.

"Later, stallion!" Mike winked and bolted out of the kitchen before a burning pan flies right into his face and breaks his nose.

When the couple was left alone, Hange sank into the chair. "Kids need a room far from us..."

Levi has just started to regain his composure. "Your fault. You can't keep yourself quiet..."

Hange shrugged helplessly. "I can't keep it down when you're just too... good." She said it breathlessly, and Levi had goosebumps trailing across his arms.

"Shut up."

Hange laughed out loud. "I'm thinking of another addition to the family. What do you think?”

"Better learn how to cook first," Levi said. "And impose some house rules!"

"So you're not totally against it?"

Levi just hummed.

"Well... at least I'll no longer call it an accident..." Hange said teasingly. "So, what are your plans for tonight, stallion?"

"Gag that sinful, loud mouth..." 

"Oooh... interesting!" Hange chirped delightfully, sliding a cup of tea across the table for Levi. "That’s Dad’s tea."

Levi took a sip, a small smile on his face. "You should take the brats to your parents sometime."

"Yes, and you're coming along..." Hange said cheekily, taking a sip from her own cup.

"I'll see about that..." Levi said halfheartedly, but very much game to that idea.