Chapter Text
“My lord, it has been three days.” Erestor’s voice was firm. “You must leave the wine cellar before you drink yourself to death.”
There was a vague shuffling sound from somewhere in the darkness.
“Elrond.” Erestor dropped his formalities, adopting the voice of an irritated parent. “Get over here immediately. This is out of control. There is nothing wrong with pain and grief, but crawling into a barrel is not what Celebrian would have wanted for you and you know it. Come. I will give you food, and drink that is not alcoholic.”
A quiet sniffling sound echoed from the inky void. “... The world… is spinning…”
Erestor rolled his eyes. He turned. Glorfindel stood behind him, his golden brow furrowed in concern. “We shall have to carry him.”
“Poor Elrond,” Glorfindel cooed softly. “My poor Lord, and his poor wife.”
Erestor nodded. He lit a lantern, not daring to bring a fully exposed flame into a basement full of flammable liquors, and descended down into the darkness with Glorfindel behind him. “Stay still, Elrond, we are coming for you. Where are you?”
“... Ungh…”
“Please, stay with me. Glorfindel and I will be right there. Just stay awake until we get there. You can rest once we find you.” Erestor tried to keep his voice neutral, for Glorfindel’s sake as well as Elrond’s, but a slight quaver emerged nonetheless. Elrond almost dying of grief was something Erestor had seen once already, after the death of Elros, and he had no desire to see Elrond in that much pain ever again.
They rounded a shelf of barrels and saw their target. Elrond was face down next to a barrel, wine dripping from the spigot into a small puddle on the floor. “My lord!” Glorfindel exclaimed, grabbing Elrond and pulling him against his chest.
“... Don’... touch me…” Elrond grumbled.
Glorfindel lay Elrond’s head on his lap, pillowed on his muscular thighs. “Come, my lord. We will get you back to your room, you can rest there. Much more dignified than sleeping on the floor.”
A quiet sob escaped from Elrond’s throat. His eyes became unfocused, tears streaking down his temples.
“My room, then,” Erestor said. “He can use my bed. It may be better for him to sleep in a bed that doesn’t hold so many memories.”
Elrond nodded. Glorfindel and Erestor hauled Elrond up between their bodies, Elrond limp between them. Elrond rested his head on Erestor’s shoulder. They silently ascended out of the wine cellar and up a back stairway to Erestor’s private chambers, laying Elrond in Erestor’s bed, just big enough for one. Erestor pulled up two wooden stools and he and Glorfindel sat by Elrond’s bedside.
“... What of the children?” Elrond murmured.
Glorfindel took Elrond’s hand, which trembled inside his larger one. “I have been assisting Arwen in swordsmanship. She is taking to it well. I am sorry to do such a thing without consulting you, but I thought it would be wise if she learned self-defense. I know not of the boys, they have been keeping their plans close to heart.”
“They confided in me that they had plans to go hunt Orc, I believe more as a coping mechanism than anything. They want to clear the path between here and Lothlorien.”
Elrond’s eyes were unfocused. He trained them on the pale wood of the ceiling above them. “... How sad it is, that we live in a time where little ones have to take on the evils of the world. Do they need me to come with them? Keep them safe?”
Glorfindel stroked Elrond’s knuckles softly. “Who would rule in your stead? Erestor and I? We would not do nearly as good of a job, my lord.”
“Besides, Arwen and Elladan and Elrohir are adults now. They are hardly little ones,” Erestor soothed. “And Elladan and Elrohir are not leaving soon. I will stall them until you three can talk of this alone. This I can promise.”
“... They are still my little ones.” Elrond’s voice broke, his brow contorting in pain.
“And they always will be,” Glorfindel soothed.
A sob escaped Elrond’s throat. “... It hurts…”
“‘Tis because you have done nothing but drink for three days,” Erestor said, in his typical very reasonable tone. “I shall summon a servant to bring water and something for the headache I am assuming you now have.” He stood up, walking to the door. “I shall return momentarily.”
Elrond was quiet for a few beats. His head lolled, his unfocused eyes landing on Glorfindel. “... Why did she have to leave?” He heaved a hiccuping sob. “... Why did this have to happen?” Tears dribbled into the pillow. “... Why’s it always me who has to lose the ones he loves?”
Glorfindel gently wiped the tears from Elrond’s cheek. “I know not, my lord.”
“... I want my wife… everything is so cold here now…”
“I can get you another blanket and stoke up the fire, or a thicker robe. Would you like your winter cloak?”
“The cold is in my heart. I am doomed to suffer it until my death.”
Glorfindel took Elrond’s other hand, not knowing what to say. He kissed Elrond’s knuckles.
“‘Tis searing.” Elrond half-gasped, but did not fully catch his breath. “Deep and unreal… it just feels like a bad dream, like I will wake up at any moment and she will still be beside me. But it will not happen, will it? This is real, is it not? No, do not answer that. It is real and it will never go away.”
“... Perhaps it will fade a bit with time,” Glorfindel murmured, “like a wound that scabs and scars. Eventually, it will stop radiating searing pain and become just a tender spot.”
“I am naught but tender spots,” Elrond whispered. “Everything will hurt me someday, if it does not already.”
Glorfindel leaned in, placing soft kisses onto Elrond’s brow. “Oh, my lord.”
Erestor returned then, carrying a pitcher of cold clean water. “My lord? Glorfindel?”
Glorfindel eased Elrond up so he was leaning against the headboard. “Take some water, my lord. It will help with the physical pain, at least.”
The condensation glimmered against the side of the cup as it was presented to Elrond, who drank it deeply before flopping down and curling up into a ball. Glorfindel rubbed up and down his back, softly.
“How can I ease the pain?”
Elrond shook his head. “Go to Mandos, ask him to turn back time so I can hold her close and never let go? No, you cannot do that. I cannot follow her, lest Rivendell fall, and I could not save her either. Do I choose my love or my people? My wife or my kids?” He stifled a sob. “I hate this, I hate this, and I need… I don’t know what I need. For none of this to have happened. To get my wife back.”
“I think you need to sober up, my lord,” Erestor said gently. “I think once you get some rest and your head is a bit clearer, we can focus on doing more things that will help ease the pain.”
“But how can I sleep if she is not here?”
Glorfindel and Erestor met eyes. Finally, Glorfindel took a breath. “... I can warm a blanket for you in front of the fire, it may help you feel less cold and alone.”
Elrond breathed out. “... That might be nice.”
“Yes, my lord. Just rest, I will prepare you a blanket.” Glorfindel swept from the room.
A single tear caught itself in Elrond’s dark lashes. “... Erestor, am… am I a bad husband? A bad father?”
Erestor folded his hands in his lap. “You do your best, my lord. I do not think you are a bad husband or father. You are under unimaginable strain, a strain most ellons never have to deal with. I shall tell you what, once you sleep off the drink, you can worry about your children. Until then, I promise Glorfindel and I will keep them safe.”
“... They need their Ada, not his advisors.”
“That is true, but they need their Ada to be sober above all. Care for yourself, then care for them. If you break, it shall only hurt them more.”
Elrond looked at the ceiling. Finally, he nodded. “... Okay.” He flopped down on his side, curling up.
Erestor studied Elrond’s hand, the way it trembled slightly on the blanket. Erestor’s stomach twisted. Elrond’s hands were very steady, Elrond himself was very steady. To see him weak and shaky made Erestor feel his heartstrings physically pulling.
He did not touch his superiors unless it was absolutely necessary, especially not without their consent, but he could not help it anymore. He took Elrond’s quivering hands in his own and held them tight.
Glorfindel returned a moment later, a quilt in his arms. “I warmed it by the big fireplace in the main hall, my lord.”
Elrond did not respond, but the furrow of his brow smoothed slightly as Glorfindel draped the warm blanket over him. with only the dark crown of his head poking out, as well as a little bit of his hand where he still clung to Erestor.
“He is thankful,” Erestor said calmly.
Glorfindel gently stroked the top of Elrond’s head. “Good.” He lowered his voice. “Elrond, my lord, would you like us to leave so you can sleep?”
Elrond was quiet. Finally, he nodded.
“Of course, my good ellon. Rest. I shall see you when you wake.” Glorfindel kissed Elrond’s covered shoulder.
Erestor tucked Elrond’s hand under the blanket and stood up. “Goodnight, Lord Elrond.”
They slipped from Erestor’s room, leaving Elrond to rest. He was snoring softly before they had even left the room.