Archive of Our Own

Ronan was hosing himself off behind the back porch when he heard the knocking on the front door. He sputtered through a faceful of tepid water to shout “I’m out back” but he didn’t stop the water, thankful that Virginia was hot and humid even in early June.

He’d never admit to losing his balance and falling-sliding-rolling down the hill behind the back pasture, but the grass had been deceptively slippery after the rain the night before. And the mixture of mud and cow shit in the pasture had been particularly messy until he could get his feet back under him.

He wasn’t about to walk through the house leaving a mess that he’d just have to clean up anyway, so he’d stripped down to his underwear and let the hose do all the hard work on the parts still filthy.

Ronan wasn’t expecting anyone so he didn’t know who would be knocking unless maybe Gansey had decided on a surprise visit. He turned to grab the rag he’d found on the porch and wipe his face when he heard a voice say, “Uh, hello?”

Ronan spun at the unfamiliar male voice and dropped the rag. It was a mailman, but not the usual mailman. This was a new mailman, a new and improved mailman because he was really, really hot. He had fair hair and bright blue eyes and he was tan in his little mailman’s uniform, even though it was still the ugly blue one that the other old guy had worn.

And he was standing in front of Ronan who was standing in the backyard naked except for his drenched boxer briefs. The mailman was holding out an envelope but his eyes were focused somewhere south of Ronan’s face and wandering lower. As Ronan watched, he gulped and his arm back fell to his side.

Ronan had never in his life felt bashful or body shy but he found himself suddenly wanting to put his arms across his chest to cover his peaked nipples or over his groin to cover his junk. His twitchy move seemed to spur the mailman back into action.

His eyes moved up to meet Ronan’s. “Sorry to interrupt you,” he said in a strangled tone.

“It’s okay,” Ronan found his hands still hovering between his chest and his groin so he clenched them into fists at his side. “Who the fuck are you?” and Ronan would’ve taken that stupid question back in a second if possible.

The mailman raised an eyebrow and pointedly looked down at his own uniform, brushing a hand along his shirt and moving back up to adjust his official visor. “I’m filling in for your usual mail carrier this summer. I’m Adam.”

“Huh,” was all Ronan could say. “You got my mail?” Another stupid question.

But it seemed to remind Adam of the envelope he was holding. “That’s actually why I stopped to talk to you. The name on the box says Lynch, but they didn’t tell me your first name was Asshole.”

“What the fuck?”’ Ronan almost choked on his own spit then he saw the envelope clearer. “Fuckin’ Sargent. Isn’t it illegal to use swear words on mail?”

Adam seemed to consider the question quite seriously. Ronan took the opportunity to check him out again. It should’ve been impossible for anyone to make the regulation mailman suit look sexy, but this guy did a really damn good job of it. He’d look even better out of it, Ronan fantasized.

“I don’t know if that’s an actual federal law, but I can look into it for you, if you want,” Adam said. “There may be some sort of decency violation.”

“Yeah, do that. Then arrest her for harassment or cursing or something indecency.”

Adam smirked at him. “Yeah, she’s the indecent one.”

Ronan tried to casually cross his arms over his chest. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“So, are you going to accept this despite objecting to the name or do you want it returned to sender?”

Ronan sighed and reached out for the envelope. “I’ll take whatever you give me.” Then he froze, rewound that statement, cleared his throat. “I mean, I’ll take my mail. That you give me.”

“O-kay,” Adam said slowly and handed him the envelope. “It was nice meeting you. Asshole.”

“You too,” Ronan said morosely as the really hot mailman turned and left. Then he facepalmed and swore when he realized that hand was still covered in manure. How could he be so ridiculous. Oh well. It wasn’t like he had to actually see Adam again. Ronan hadn’t seen the old mailman hardly ever. He’d just chucked the mail and any packages down by the box on the main road and Ronan would go pick them when he remembered.

Of course that meant there came a brisk knock on the front door the very next day around the same time. Ronan had been finishing a late lunch so he set down his sandwich and went to answer it.

The hot mailman stood on his porch. Ronan almost slammed the door shut in shock.

But Adam was looking right at him so Ronan cleared his throat and said, “Yeah?”

“Hey, Asshole. I cleared out your box for you,” Adam said, holding out a plastic Walmart bag full of mail. “Don’t you ever collect your mail? It was jammed so full, I couldn’t put any more in.”

“Can’t you just keep stuffing more all up in there?” Ronan made hand motions to go with the suggestion and then realized they were decidedly obscene to someone with a vulgar mind.

Adam’s lips twitched but he kept his face in a professional expression. “I don’t think that’s what they pay me to do,” he said, and Ronan felt his face begin to burn. “I just thought maybe we could start off this summer with a clean box. Aren’t you afraid of missing something important?”

Ronan snorted. “Like I get anything important. It’s just junk.”

“And party invitations from your friends?”

“Only once a year. Makes it easier to ignore shit if I don’t even look at the mail.”

“So you’re an antisocial farmer who likes to roll around in mud but doesn’t like to open his mail?”

Ronan pulled himself up to his full height and sniffed, “Some people would pay good money for a mud bath like that.”

“True,” Adam allowed, “and some people would pay even better money to be hosed off like that.”

Ronan opened his mouth but he was speechless. Then Adam said, “Take it easy, Lynch. Until next time.”

“Yeah,” Ronan grunted and promptly dropped the bag so mail scattered all over the hall.

Ronan did make an effort to get the mail every day or two to save Adam the trouble of bringing it back the lane to the farmhouse. He thought he could just forget about the embarrassing encounters and the hot mailman and keep to himself.

So of course that’s when Declan decided Ronan needed some papers immediately.

“Hi, Asshole, I need a signature for this,” Adam said offering Ronan a little smile and an electronic gizmo when he opened the door.

“What is it?” Ronan asked suspiciously. “I didn’t order anything.”

“No? It’s actually receipt requested so they want proof that you accepted it. From a D. Lynch in D.C.?” Adam read off the return address.

Ronan swore and crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t accept.”

“Really?” Adam seemed to realize that Ronan was actually going to refuse the priority mail envelope and the smile dropped off his face. “Don’t you know who it’s from?”

“Of course I fucking know who it’s from. It’s from Dickbag Lynch, my brother. But if I don’t accept it, you have to send it back to him, right?”

“You seem to have deep issues with accepting mail. Have you had some bad experiences? Is this something that requires therapy?” Adam leaned against the doorway, looking like he was getting ready to settle in for an explanation.

“No,” Ronan said shortly. “It’s just that he’s all up my ass about signing some papers for … something.” Ronan really hadn’t been paying attention any of the times that he’d actually picked up the phone and listened to Declan tell him what to do. Seemed like Declan now wanted proof it was delivered so Ronan would have no one to blame but himself when Ronan invariably ignored it.

“I just have to know: how the hell do you pay your bills and conduct business? I mean, I know a lot of things can be done online nowadays but surely you have to receive some documents through the mail.”

Ronan just shrugged. “I don’t have to do jackshit. The farm is in some kind of trust that my brother administers so I just take care of things here and he takes care of things there,” he waved vaguely down the drive even though it was entirely the wrong direction for D.C.

“That’s Dickbag, your brother?”

“The same.”

“And you trust him to take care of everything without any oversight even though he’s a bag of dicks?”

“He just got a big, fancy degree. I’m only a farmer.”

“The only farmer I ever met who’s not overly worried about keeping afloat in this economy.”

Ronan shrugged. “I do all right. It’s not like I’m actually trying to make money.”

Adam rolled his eyes so hard Ronan worried they might get stuck. “Of course not. You’re a trust fund baby. What do you care about making a profit or being self-sufficient?”

“I care,” Ronan said, pushing himself off the doorframe and leaning closer to Adam. “I just care more about day-to-day things here than I do about the taxes and electricity bill and, and shit.”

“Okay, okay,” Adam said and his tone of voice was so patronizing Ronan just had to snap his teeth like he was taking a bite out of the tense air between them. The move made Adam take a step back then glare. “Disregarding your blatant lack of interest in your own business, some of us do care about our professional jobs. So, sign this and take your damn mail.”

“No,” Ronan said, pulling himself up and trying to look intimidating. From Adam’s unimpressed expression, it didn’t work.

“Then I’m making the executive decision to mark this delivered, left with addressee who refused to sign,” and he whipped the hard cardboard envelope underhand past Ronan down the hall. Something crashed but neither man looked around. “Go fetch,” Adam said, turning and leaving without another word, Ronan’s curses following him.

Ronan stewed over the interaction for several days, every free moment his mind drifting back to Adam. He didn’t know what it said about him and his psyche that being talked to that way had only made him crush harder. Even Declan’s irate call about the papers in the envelope which had taken out a vase before sliding near the stairs didn’t distract Ronan for long.

He figured he had two choices when it came to the new mailman: he could either totally and utterly ignore him, pretend that his mail just magically appeared, and hide if Adam ever made another personal delivery; or he could man up, admit he was growing feelings, and ask Adam to go out.

So, Ronan made sure he was never in the house between 1 and 2 p.m. and stayed out of sight so Adam would stay out of his mind.

It worked about as well as expected until Ronan forgot he ordered a bunch of shit from Amazon one night when he couldn’t sleep and the packages began to arrive.

Instead of them being thrown in the grass under the mailbox along the main road like before, ever-vigilant Adam brought them right to Ronan’s door. Ronan heard the knock from the nearby barn where he’d been definitely not hiding, but he didn’t leave his safe place out of sight either.

After a couple minutes, he peeked out the door to see Adam had made himself at home on the porch steps and was drinking from a large water bottle. Ronan didn’t know what to do. If he was smart, he’d just stay hidden in the barn until Adam took off.

So he stepped out and slouched his way down to the porch, Adam’s eyes locked on and watching him the entire way.

“Got some things for you, Asshole. Hope you don’t mind I’m taking a little break here.”

“Nah, help yourself. You’re hot.”

Ronan realized he said it as soon as the words left his mouth.

Adam realized it and his water bottle stopped partway to his lips. “Uh. Thanks.”

Ronan squeezed his eyes shut. “I mean, you look hot. Like you’re hot. It’s hot out and you need a drink.”

Adam cleared his throat. “Yeah, exactly. The old truck doesn’t have AC so it’s cooler sitting out here than in there.”

“Yeah,” Ronan didn’t know why he was agreeing but he didn’t know what else to say.

“Look, I should probably apologize for acting the way I did the last time I saw you.”

“Nah, it’s okay. I’m used to pissing people off. It’s sort of what I do.” That won Ronan a little bemused smile from Adam and he swore his heart skipped a beat.

“You’ve obviously got some real talent for it.”

“It’s a gift,” Ronan shrugged and the smile briefly reappeared.

“Just wanted to make sure there’s no hard feelings.”

“Not from me. Nothing hard here,” and Ronan was right back to shutting up, squeezing his eyes shut again and squeezing his hands into fists so hard his fingernails left marks.

“Oh, I don’t know about that,” Adam drawled and Ronan’s eyes popped open in time to see him do a quick once-over from Ronan’s feet to head. “Thanks for the step. And the water. I took it from your spigot.” He gestured toward the outside faucet.

“Sure, anytime,” Ronan said weakly and then stepped aside for Adam to brush past him on the walk and head to his truck. Adam waved and left.

Ronan would have fallen into even more embarrassed despondency if Adam hadn’t had more boxes to deliver the next day. Ronan didn’t even bother trying to hide, just left the front door open so he could hear the rough putter of the mail truck’s old engine when it approached.

He was waiting at the screen door when Adam carried two more boxes up and smiled at him. “You know, if you select a Prime Day, you could get all these delivered at once. Save some boxes and some gas plus you get a couple dollar credit.”

“Maybe I like the attention,” again Ronan’s voice spoke without his mind getting involved. But although he was embarrassed, he didn’t mind the little grin that Adam gave him. Ronan tried to come back with “I’m told that I don’t interact with real people enough.”

“Real people? You usually only talk to imaginary ones?”

“My friend always tells me that I’m not being properly socialized and that’s why I am the way I am.”

“I don’t know. You don’t seem so bad to me.”

Ronan’s face turned hot and red and he had no way of stopping his pale Irish skin from showing how that statement pleased him. Adam tactfully turned away and looked out over the fields. “You know, you’re one of the few farmers I know who doesn’t have a dog. You could maybe use the companionship.”

“I have Chainsaw,” Ronan said and then realized he’d need to explain when he saw Adam’s face. “Chainsaw’s a raven. I raised her from a fledgling. But she’s out doing whatever shit ravens do during the day. She doesn’t need me much anymore.”

“Wow, that’s pretty cool,” Adam said. “At least it makes deliveries easier that you don’t have a dog. I’ve been chased a bunch of times already this summer.”

“I don’t blame them,” Ronan said. “I mean—”

But Adam just held up a hand to make Ronan thankfully shut up. “Take your boxes and have a nice day. Asshole.”

Ronan decided some work would have to go into rectifying this situation. He even checked his email to make sure that one more package was scheduled for delivery the next day by the USPS. He practiced a couple comments that in no way whatsoever sounded dirty or suggestive or rude. He set out two icy cold bottles of water on the porch railing for a gift.

And that’s when he saw that the calves had broken out of the pasture. It wasn’t all of them, thankfully, and the cows had stayed in the enclosure although several were watching the calves’ antics with careful motherly attention.

Ronan tried jogging at them, swinging his arms and swearing soundly. None of them were afraid of him in the least since they’d known him from birth. A couple trotted up, nosing him for pets and treats. He had no trouble leading them back to the gate and almost all of the rest followed, curious or hopeful for something fun or tasty.

Ronan grabbed a piece of plywood and leaned it against the hole in fence next to the post, then got back to chasing the last calf. She was wily and ornery, and that’s why she’d been Ronan’s favorite, but now he was cursing her as he sweated and tripped and sweated more.

When he heard the knocking noise of the mail truck’s engine, he turned to run down the lane. Although he was sure Adam wouldn’t drive fast, he didn’t want to risk him hitting the calf. He heard a noise and looked back to see the very calf running close on his heels.

He stopped quickly and whirled, trying to catch her, but she also stopped and turned in the opposite direction so Ronan caught only air and then went tumbling ass over teakettle into the long grass along the drive.

That’s where he was when Adam brought the truck to a sputtering halt. He got out and offered Ronan a hand up. Ronan wasn’t too proud not to take it.

Then Adam dropped it with very nearly a giggle when a calf nose poked at his back then tickled his side.

“You know, when I said I was glad you didn’t have any attack dogs, I didn’t mean that you should train an attack cow instead,” he said as he rubbed at her eager head and neck. She butted him again.

“She’s a menace,” Ronan said, not sure if he was jealous that the calf favored Adam or jealous of the fact that Adam’s hands were all over the calf and not him. “They got loose and she’s the last one out. Little shit just won’t let me catch her.”

He demonstrated, lunging at her, but she tore away from Adam and raced around the truck. Ronan sighed.

Adam laughed again. “Can I try?”

Ronan gestured wildly. Adam made a little clucking noise that was utterly unlike any made by any animal in nature, but it caught the calf’s attention. She poked her head around the side of the truck, and Adam cooed at her, holding his arms out loosely like he was going in for a hug. She hurried to him eagerly, and he put his arms loosely around her neck, running his hands over her.

Ronan bit down on his jealousy when Adam looked up and said, “She likes me.”

Ronan only nodded. It made sense that anything of Ronan’s would like Adam just as much as he did. Hell, Chainsaw would probably nest in his hair if she ever met Adam.

“You just want me to walk back to the pasture? See if she’ll follow me?”

Ronan grunted and started walking. Adam kept his body between him and the calf who skipped along beside Adam, apparently thrilled she’d made a new friend. It seemed like no time that Ronan moved the plywood and Adam escorted her into the field, talking to her in delighted baby talk the entire time.

Then Ronan left out an exasperated sigh. “You gonna add cowboy to your resume now?”

Adam looked even more delighted. “I never knew I was a cow whisperer. Maybe I have undiscovered talents.”

“I bet you do,” Ronan managed to turn it into a mumble so that Adam asked, “What?”

Ronan just shook his head in disgust—with himself, with his traitorous calf, with Adam’s frankly beautiful hands still playing with the calf’s flickering ears. “Where’s my shit?” he asked instead of what he really wanted to know—will you touch me all over too?

“Dammit I almost forgot!” Adam slid out of the hole in the fence, brushing up against Ronan who didn’t move back an inch, and took off back down the lane.

Ronan glared sternly at the calf, “You lucky little fuck.”

She batted her eyelashes, turned and passed gas loudly, before running back to frolic with the others.

Ronan made it to the porch by the time Adam had coaxed the truck there. When Adam handed him the box, Ronan handed him the sweating bottle of water.

“This a bribe, Asshole?” he asked.

“Consider it a thank you for getting her back into the field.”

“You’re welcome.” Adam opened the water and chugged it eagerly. Ronan wanted to look away but his eyes laser focused in on the water running down Adam’s chin, flowing down his neck and nearly making a pool in between his collarbones.

Then Ronan had to grunt inquiringly because Adam had asked him something that he totally missed.

“I said, do you have any more packages coming tomorrow? I have the day off, but I can tell Phyllis to make sure she brings it back here so it doesn’t get stolen from your box or something.”

“No, I only want your package. I mean, there’s no more packages.”

“All right,” was all Adam said before finishing the water, handing the empty bottle to Ronan and heading back to his truck.

Ronan smashed the bottle to his head with a groan.

It was a problem. He had to admit it. He had some sort of feelings for Adam that he didn’t want to examine too closely, and he didn’t know how to act on them. So all that happened was him opening his mouth and humiliating himself with every fucking thing he said.

A few days passed without anything mortifying happening because he didn’t see Adam. He did see his brothers who visited for church on Sunday, and he did have to accept the papers that Declan insisted he had to read, sign and mail back ASAP. He even stopped by Monmouth to see Gansey after he and Declan had stopped yelling at each other.

“Where have you been hiding away? I haven’t seen you in weeks,” Gansey said.

“It’s been two weeks. Maybe,” Ronan said, slouching onto the couch beside him and loosening his tie.

“Blue said you still haven’t RSVPed for her Fourth of July party. I told her to assume you’d be joining us anyway.”

Ronan grunted. “Why is she holding her lame-ass Fourth party on the third this year?”

“She’s getting home on the second from her internship in New York. And it’s Parrish’s birthday on the third, so she wants to celebrate both as soon as possible.”

“La-di-fuckin’-da,” he said into the bottle of beer Gansey handed him.

Gansey pursed his mouth in a disapproving expression Ronan was all too familiar with. “It won’t hurt you to actually attend a party and enjoy some socialization for once with living, breathing human beings.”

Ronan almost blurted out that he wished Adam was there to hear that admonition for himself, but he stopped himself. See, he still had something of a brain-to-mouth filter. It just didn’t function around Adam.

“So this Parrish you keep talking about? He’s the one you’re spending every night in town with? Your bff from Harvard.”

“We aren’t eighth-grade girls, Ronan,” Gansey said, then his face lit up. “But Parrish is something special. I met him on our very first day of classes and he’s truly gifted. Blue was enamored with him immediately, as soon as she met him. He agreed to come back to Virginia for work this summer when I told him Blue and I always return to Henrietta. He was going to take an unpaid internship in Washington but he had absolutely nowhere to stay, and was planning to sleep in his car. I tried to reason with him…”

Ronan let his attention drift away as he usually did when Gansey talked about his Ivy League friends and their little problems. It had started out as jealousy that all those stuck-up dickheads got to spend nine months of the year with his Dick, but once Gansey proved he was a faithful, forever friend, Ronan tuned out because he just didn’t fucking care. He only tuned back in when Gansey poked him and said, “I still can’t believe you haven’t met Parrish yet. I hesitate to say it, but I think your personalities might actually be rather compatible.”

“Yeah, we’d get along like a house on fire. A lot of screaming and flames,” Ronan’s grin was sharp but Gansey had developed thick skin.

“Just make sure you don’t miss Blue’s party. She promises you’ll see fireworks. And we all know how much you love them.”

Ronan rolled his eyes so Gansey wouldn’t be able to tell Blue how much it pleased him.

Ronan got himself in trouble the very next day. He’d taken the papers from Declan out of his suit’s pocket and put them conspicuously on the hall table. That way he remembered to scrawl out his signature on the places beside the helpful stickers. He refolded them and crammed them into the envelope Declan had even provided and helpfully addressed. He cursed when licking the envelope gave him a little paper cut on his tongue.

Then he felt like he was missing something. He drove down the lane and waited in the shade of the trees until he heard the mail truck coming around the curve from the nearest house about a quarter mile away.

Adam pulled it off the road and Ronan got out and met him beside the truck.

“Asshole, what are you doing out here?” Adam sounded almost pleased to see Ronan.

“I gotta send this to my brother.” He held out the envelope to Adam who glanced down but didn’t take it.

“You don’t have postage on it,” Adam said, then seeing Ronan’s blank look added, “A stamp. You need a stamp on it.”

“Why?”

“It’s the law,” Adam said dryly. “You’ll have to go into town, to the post office, buy a stamp, put it on the corner and mail it.”

“Why can’t you give me a stamp?” Ronan demanded.

“Because I’m not a post office,” Adam explained helpfully.

“Don’t they trust you to sell their stamps and shit?”

“My job isn’t to carry money and sell stamps and shit.”

“Why not? How much can one cost? A dollar?” Adam’s mouth fell open so Ronan grasped for understanding. “Five dollars? Fuck, ten dollars?”

“Are you fucking serious right now?”

Ronan shrugged. “My brother takes care of the business shit. Why do I have to send letters? I’m not some Jane Austen heroine writing letters to all the other maids in the village.”

Adam shook his head and muttered something under his breath. Then he took a deep, slow breath and said, “Twelve dollars.”

“To send this back to DC?” Ronan shrugged again. “Seems fair.” He shimmied his wallet out of his back pocket and pulled out a credit card.

Adam gave him a look so full of “Really Bitch?” that Ronan was surprised he didn’t burst into flames. “And where, exactly, does it look like I’m going to swipe that?” Adam asked flatly.

“I don’t know! Why do I have to do your job? Maybe you should stick it up your ass.”

Adam opened his mouth then snapped it shut and mumbled. He took another breath like he was searching for elusive calm. “So you don’t have cash?”

“Do I look the type of guy that carries cash?”

Adam muttered louder as he turned to reach into the truck and Ronan wasn’t sure but it sounded like “Rich kids, fucking spoiled, ridiculous bastard, how do you survive,” but Ronan shied away when Adam dug in his wallet and pulled something out.

“What’s that?” he sneered. “You can’t fool me, I’ve seen stamps before.”

Adam slammed it down on the hood of the truck. “Yes, Ronan, this is not one stamp. This is called a sheet of stamps, also known as a book of stamps.”

Adam grabbed the envelope from Ronan and slapped it down beside the stamps. “Now look here. Peel one off, they’re already scored for your convenience, and then you attach it, sticky side down, on this corner.” Adam demonstrated with big, exaggerated gestures, making sure Ronan was watching him the entire time. “It only takes one stamp for the regular mail, so long as it’s not too heavy. If you have questions about the weight, take it to the damn post office.”

Adam picked up the envelope and said, “Normally, you’d put this in your mailbox and raise the flag—see that little flag on the side there? Good—but you’re lucky enough to already be talking to a mail carrier. So I’ll take this; that’s my job. Your job is to keep the rest of the sheet so the next time you have mail, you can do what we just did, all by yourself. If you can’t remember how, Google it.”

Adam shoved the stamps into Ronan’s chest and held them there until Ronan reluctantly raised a hand to take them.

“I know you’re being sarcastic. But what the fuck am I going to do with these?” he held them by one corner as if he were still suspicious of an unknown organism.

This time he actually heard Adam trying to count to ten very quickly under his breath. “I would say stick them up your ass, but I’m not that petty. Put them somewhere safe that you’ll remember. They’re forever stamps so they won’t expire even if postage rates go up.”

“You know a lot of shit,” Ronan said, with just a hint of the admiration that he felt for Adam.

“You don’t know a lot of shit,” Adam said bluntly. “That sheet costs 12 dollars. Pay me back, in cash, next time. God, you’re dumb.”

“I’m not dumb. I just never had to learn this bullshit.”

“Well, I’m not here to be your teacher.”

“But you do it so well,” Ronan said, a little more earnestly than he meant to, and it made Adam glare at him appraisingly.

Adam reached back into the truck and slapped Ronan’s mail into his chest where he’d put the stamps. “Take your mail and go. Asshole.”

Ronan gave him a weird little salute and took off across the road to his car, cursing himself under his breath the whole way.

None of his ideas for seduction were working, and yes, Ronan was at long last willing to admit that was what he wanted to do to Adam, with Adam. In the vicinity of Adam. But he only fucked it up. Every damn time Ronan opened his mouth, some ridiculously stupid came out. He couldn’t help it. He’d said vaguely sexual, downright rude, and just dumb things and he didn’t know how to stop.

His defenses were down so he actually answered his phone when Gansey called and invited himself to bring pizza out for dinner. Ronan spent the evening moping so obviously that Gansey finally sighed and asked him what was wrong.

“How do you talk to someone when all that comes out of your mouth is bullshit?”

Gansey looked taken aback and then hurt. Ronan realized he could’ve put that better.

“I don’t mean you you, I mean me. Or anyone.” Ronan sighed heavily when Gansey still looked lost. “How in the hell did you ever snag Sargent anyway? I remember the night you two met and you called her a prostitute. How the fuck did you come back from that?”

“I never called her a prostitute!” Gansey had to argue for the thousandth time. Then he rubbed at his bottom lip and eyed Ronan speculatively. “Are you suggesting that you’ve finally found someone you’re interested in?”

“I’m not suggesting shit.”

But Gansey was brightening anyway, his face beaming like the sun rising over the mountains. “You did find someone! Who is he? What’s he like? How’d you meet?”

Ronan wasn’t about to admit to anything. “I’m just asking hypothetically. Like, if I ever did find someone I thought was really hot. And nice. And smart. Then how could I talk to him without him thinking I’m a fucking moron?”

“Oh Ronan,” Gansey practically sparkled with joy. “You’re not a moron.”

“I know that,” Ronan snapped. “But, let’s just say, hypothetically, I acted like a moron around him. How could I show him that I’m not? How did you get Sargent to talk to you the second time?”

Gansey answered with the casual, oblivious confidence of a man who had gotten a woman so far out of his league that he didn’t even realize how it happened but he was smart enough to know he’d better appreciate it every damn day. Not that Ronan would ever let Sargent know it.

“You just have to be yourself. And flirt. Tease a little, in a playful way. Oh, make sure you compliment her, I mean, him a lot.”

“I hate flirting,” Ronan sulked. “It feels like lying. I don’t lie.”

“No, no, with good flirting, you don’t have to lie. You have to be sincere so they can tell you really mean it. Like ‘You look very pretty today. I love your hair. Your dress is lovely. Your eyes hold the untold stories of the universe.’” Gansey trailed off as his thoughts obviously went away to Blue.

Ronan fleetingly imagined himself saying any of those things to Adam and he gagged. “Thanks but no thanks. I can’t say that shit.”

Gansey came back from his Blue fantasy to level him with a look. “You need to let him know how you feel about him, and if you aren’t ready to come out and say ‘I like you’ then you need to say it in other ways.”

Ronan huffed and looked away but he couldn’t disagree with the theory.

“Have you asked him out yet? Do you think he likes you? What am I saying, of course he likes you.”

“I don’t know about that. I’ve been… I haven’t always been the nicest to him.”

Gansey waved that off. “So you have been yourself around him, that’s good. He’ll know what he’s dealing with, right off the bat.”

“Dick,” Ronan said, but affectionately.

“You need to compliment him. That’s the best way to let him know that you’re interested. And that you find him attractive.”

“Maybe. We’ll see.”

The thoughts swirled in Ronan’s mind for a couple more days, but even though he hadn’t collected the mail since Adam had given him the stamps, Adam didn’t bring any to the house. Ronan really didn’t want to accost him at the mailbox again since that’d gone terribly wrong.

Instead he ordered a bunch more shit from Amazon and made sure it would be delivered in two days via the USPS.

Ronan had already peeked out the side window to make sure it was actually Adam driving the truck, he wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans, and he stood at the door waiting for the knock.

Then he swung the door open and all his prepared statements went right out of his head. Adam was wearing shorts. They were the bland gray, shapeless, long shorts of the official postal service uniform, but they showed off his tan, lean-muscled calves with a light cover of fair hair. Ronan whimpered.

He looked up into Adam’s eyes and thought: Compliment = “I like your knees.” Or playful teasing = “Your knees are knobby.”

But what came out was “I like your knob.”

Ronan shut his mouth and prayed for his death to be swift and all-encompassing.

Adam bit his bottom lip and made a face that looked urgently constipated but was probably him trying really hard not to burst out laughing.

Ronan took a deep breath and tried to explain, “You have nice knees. For a dude. They’re knobby.”

Adam’s expression hadn’t changed much but he managed to say, “Thanks. They work pretty good for walking.”

Ronan nodded then Adam nodded then Ronan slowly and deliberately shut the door.

Then he reopened it right as Adam had his fist raised to knock again because of fucking course Ronan forgot to take the box which Adam was now extending to him.

“Thank you,” Ronan said solemnly and then he shut the door and banged his forehead off it. He thought he heard Adam guffaw loudly just once before the mail truck started up.

Obviously the only way back from this was clear, in Ronan’s opinion. He was out of the house every afternoon for the next week, just in case Adam got it in his head to visit for another laugh, courtesy of Ronan’s destroyed ego.

He made it to Saturday and thought he was home free for the week. Ronan even drove to Henrietta for some good beer and groceries that he couldn’t get from the convenience store in Singer’s Falls. Gansey called and Ronan answered while he was idling at a red light. Gansey insisted he go to Monmouth that night for a boy’s night with him and Parrish, but Ronan was actually looking forward to relaxing that night boy-free and without embarrassment.

He was in the BMW with the windows down, staring down at the phone on his lap because he’d be damned if he’d figure out how to hook up the hand-free system and have to actually use the phone all the time in his car.

In the back of his mind, he thought he could hear the distinctive coughing-wheezing of a mail truck coming nearer. But Gansey was being very obnoxious and Ronan just wanted to be left alone, and even with the phone on speaker he could hear Gansey’s persistent invitation.

Ronan shouted down at the phone, “I love you, Dick, but I can’t do this right now! No! Not now! I’ll come later! Another time! Go away, Dick! I’ll come again!”

He looked up to see Adam in his little truck in the lane next to him. Staring. Open-mouthed. Gaping at Ronan through their open windows.

The light turned green. Adam gave Ronan a thumbs up. He drove off.

Ronan played back the conversation in his head, glanced down at his lap and swore violently. He bounced his head off the steering wheel and winced when the horn blew.

On Monday, he forgot to shut the front door after noon but figured it didn’t matter anymore. He wouldn’t see Adam again. There would be no more half-assed flirting. There was nothing left in Ronan’s life but humiliation and loneliness.

He was shocked when the familiar knock came, but he shrank back instinctively into the kitchen. As long as he stayed out of sight of the hallway, Adam couldn’t see him. And he wouldn’t have to see Adam.

Ronan counted the seconds, but Adam just knocked again. The he called out, “Hey, Asshole.” Ronan counted faster. Finally Adam said, “Lynch. You home?”

And still Ronan stayed around the corner. He heard one last fist on the screen door then heavy treads going slowly down the porch steps. He risked a glance around the corner and could just make out Adam’s back headed to the truck.

Ronan took a couple steps forward and cowered behind the hall table, just to watch Adam get in the truck and look in at the house one last time.

In the dim coolness of the hallway, Ronan swore Adam was looking directly into his eyes. Then Adam raised a hand in a wave and Ronan slowly did the same. Adam started the truck and drove away.

Ronan was numb. He couldn’t even hide from his stupid embarrassment of a crush with any success. When he was younger the humiliation and futility would have set him off into a spiral of self-destructive behavior. Now, he had responsibilities that he had to get out of bed for. But once he met those needs, he fucked off to hide at Monmouth for the week.

“Not that this surprise isn’t unwanted, but I’m beginning to believe you have an ulterior motive for spending every afternoon with me,” Gansey finally said on Friday.

“When does your mail usually come?” Ronan asked instead of dealing with the emotional fallout.

“In the morning. Why?”

“Just wondered. Come on, are we playing this or not?”

Ronan distracted Gansey for the next hour until Gansey was tired of video games and went back to flipping through his antique books while Ronan flipped through the television channels. Gansey had just gone into the bathroom when the downstairs front door banged.

“Ronan, can you get that?”

Ronan grunted but not in annoyance. It brought back memories of his days of living with Gansey and being the reluctant errand boy. “Yes, your majesty,” he called back.

The banging started again while he clambered down the steps and threw open the door.

Adam’s face broke into a grin. “Asshole.”

Ronan floundered in shock. “I’m not a creep. I’m not stalking you,” he hastened to assure Adam whose grin got bigger.

“I don’t think you’re stalking me,” he reassured. “So this is where you’ve been hiding? I’ve missed you all week.”

“Oh,” Ronan said and turned bright red.

“I’ve got Gansey’s mail and what feels like yet another godforsaken tome of Welsh kings,” Adam said as he handed over the box.

“Just what he needs,” Ronan said. “I thought he had the entire set by now.”

Adam smiled again at him. “You doing okay?”

Ronan just nodded, not trusting himself to say anything.

“Well, all right then. Take care, Lynch. See you tomorrow?”

Ronan nodded again, not sure where he’d hide then but sure that he would. Adam nodded back and walked away.

Ronan took the mail upstairs, dropped it on the couch as he shouted, “Your shit’s here. Gotta go,” and fled before Gansey could come out of the bathroom and ask what happened.

Ronan spent the rest of the night alone at the Barns, sitting on the porch drinking and deciding that he’d be alone the rest of his life and that would have to be okay. He always figured he’d meet an attractive guy somewhere, say something smooth, flirt a little and boom: relationship. Love, marriage, kids. Simple. Nearly everyone everywhere in the world did it.

Now, he knew it was all bullshit. He’d never be able to manage to even flirt with a guy he found attractive. He’d be alone forever and all because he was an awkward fucking mess around a guy he thought was pretty damn near perfect.

It was with the greatest reluctance that he got ready for Blue’s party the next evening. He would’ve refused to go and wallowed in his own misery for another night, but he didn’t trust that Blue wouldn’t march into the Barns and drag him out by the ear, kicking and screaming. She’d done similar things often enough to make him believe it.

He grabbed the wine he’d bought for the ladies of Fox Way and the box of spectacularly ugly clothes he’d been collecting at thrift stores for Blue’s welcome home present. He didn’t get her and Gansey’s friend Parrish anything for his birthday because fuck him. He’d have to be content with Ronan’s very presence there.

The din of the house assaulted him as he stepped up on the porch, only slightly louder than its normal volume. He didn’t bother knocking, just let himself in. Blue grabbed him not ten seconds later.

“You didn’t RSVP, dickwad,” she said as she hugged him tightly and then slapped his shoulder.

“I didn’t know if I wanted to even attend this shindig. Why do we always party when you finally get home for the summer?” he asked as he hugged her back with one long arm.

“Because you’re happy to see me!”

“Lies and slander,” he said but he squeezed her again. Then she swatted at him until he handed her the gifts which she immediately took to the kitchen to sort through.

Ronan followed with his thoughts on getting a cold drink when a happy voice called out, “There he is! Ronan!” followed by another voice saying, “Hey, Asshole.”

Ronan stopped and stared at Adam leaning on the counter, surrounded by Blue’s bustling family, and Gansey who waved.

“Adam,” he breathed out.

“Parrish, this is Ronan Lynch, my oldest and dearest friend. Lynch, this is Adam Parrish,” Gansey was saying.

“I didn’t recognize you with clothes on,” Ronan interrupted, and much of the noise of the kitchen came to a sudden silence as everyone turned to stare at him. “I mean, with normal clothes on, not your uniform. You’re always in your mailman uniform.”

“Oh,” Gansey said and looked from Ronan’s pole-axed face to Adam’s grinning one and said an “Oh” that lasted at least five seconds. Blue was staring from one to the other and back again, her face screwed up in a confused expression.

Ronan said, “I’m just gonna. Yeah.” He grabbed a beer off the table and fled.

Orla was coming down the stairs by the front door and waved so he swerved to the back door and escaped onto the deck. The beer wasn’t as cold as he liked it, but even so the glass bottle felt cooler than his blazing cheek when he pressed it in.

He was drinking the beer, leaning over the railing when the back door slid open and a voice near him breathed out “Hey Asshole.”

Ronan’s shoulders went up tightly. “You again? Seriously?”

Adam bumped his shoulder into Ronan’s as he stood close to him. “I thought you might be happier to see me out of work. No knobby knees in sight.”

Ronan winced. “How come you’re working here anyway? Why would one of Gansey’s Harvard buddies need to work for the dumbass post office in Henrietta?”

Adam sighed. “It’s a long story.”

“I’ve got time. I mean, if you want to tell the story.”

“I don’t. Not right now. Let’s just say it ends with Gansey rushing in to try and save me. And I hate having to depend on Gansey for anything.”

“I get it. But I guess I’ve been depending on him for things for years.”

“Naw, you seem like you’re doing just fine for yourself,” Adam nudged him in the ribs.

Ronan shook his head. “Can’t you see what I mess I am? Every time I open my damn mouth, something stupid comes out. How have you not gotten tired of it?”

Adam huffed a little laugh and nudged Ronan again then just left his arm pressed against Ronan’s side. “I did notice, but I thought maybe you had social anxiety or something. I wasn’t about to draw more attention to it. And then I wasn’t sure that you were even aware that you were doing it.”

Ronan took a long drink of his beer before saying, “Oh, I am very aware. I just can’t fucking stop.”

“I actually thought it was kinda cute,” Adam admitted. “And it gave me some hilarious stories to share at the office.”

“Great. I’m a laughing stock at the post office.”

“I didn’t use names. Your secret is safe with me,” Adam assured him. “I didn’t even tell Gansey. I don’t want you to feel humiliated.”

“Fuck,” Ronan hung his head. “I just can’t talk to you because you are so… so hot. You came out of nowhere that first day. Just boom, hottest guy I’ve ever seen standing in my backyard talking to me.”

“How do you think I felt? I mosey around the house of Gansey’s best friend to find out why Blue calls you Asshole and there you are, naked, hosing yourself off like something out of a sexy car wash in a music video.”

“Wasn’t naked,” Ronan argued even as he felt his face grow bright enough to scorch. “I had underpants on.”

Adam snorted. “Barely. They hide nothing when they’re soaked. I wasn’t convinced that you weren’t some kind of mystical forest creature trying to seduce me. I had to steel myself to not just jump you.”

“You thought I was hot?” Ronan’s voice was small.

“I thought you looked like a wet dream.”

“Cool,” Ronan said and he was pretty sure the red heat of his face would set the deck on fire soon.

“I just couldn’t figure out how to flirt with you. No matter what I said, it didn’t seem like you noticed.”

All Ronan could notice at that moment was Adam’s hand cautiously finding his lower back and gently rubbing.

“I didn’t notice the flirting because I was too busy making an ass out of myself. Every fucking time I open my mouth, I say the wrong thing to you. I just don’t know how not to be awkward.”

It seemed to take Adam a moment to parse that difficult thought but then his hand grasped the back of Ronan’s shirt and he asked, “So, are you going to be awkward if I kiss you?”

Ronan squeezed his eyes closed. “Probably. But you should do it anyway.”

“Cool,” Adam said and leaned up and kissed his cheek.

Ronan was turning his head right at that instant so Adam’s lips smeared across his face to his nose. Adam pulled back with a snicker and Ronan groaned, “Are you fucking kidding me? I managed to even fuck up a kiss.”

“No. We can do this. I have faith in us.” And Adam manhandled him with Ronan’s awkward assistance until Ronan’s back was against the railing, Adam between his legs. Adam grabbed Ronan’s face and tilted his head; Ronan’s hands froze into claws around Adam’s ribs.

When Adam leaned in, Ronan met him halfway.

And it was good. A very good first kiss, Ronan thought dreamily. The second was even better. Followed quickly by numbers three through whatever because Ronan soon lost track under the influence of Adam’s lips and tongue and clever hands.

When a loud burst of laughter from the house startled them, Ronan swore under his breath but he didn’t release his hands from where they’d migrated to Adam’s hip and shoulder, holding him close.

“Told you we could do it,” Adam said proudly.

Ronan rested his forehead against his and smiled back. “Your competence beats my awkwardness, finally.”

“What would you say to getting out of here? Going someplace quieter?”

Ronan kissed him, carefully and slowly, then said, “But it’s your birthday. You can’t leave your own party.”

“Shit. That’s right,” and Ronan had the pleasure of seeing Adam blush for once.

“What’re you doing tomorrow night?” Ronan asked.

“Nothing. I figure Gansey’s going to dump me now that Blue’s back.”

“Good. Not you getting dumped, but for you having your evenings free.”

“Actually tomorrow’s a holiday. I have all day free.”

“You wanna spend the day with me? We can fuck around the farm. I mean, not fuck fuck, just, you know, fuck around,” Ronan knew he was spiraling again so he took a deep breath. “I’m not suggesting you come over for sex. I’m inviting you over to eat and look around the farm. I can show you where I go mudding. And the calves’ve been missing you.”

Adam was grinning at him. “It really is adorable when you do that.”

“’M not fucking adorable,” Ronan dropped his head to Adam’s shoulder.

Adam kissed his ear and Ronan gave a full-body shiver. “Yeah, you kinda are. But lucky for you, I’m getting pretty good at translating. And I’d love to spend the day with you. Just fucking around.”

Ronan sighed when Adam kissed his ear again. Then Gansey threw the back door open and called, “There’s the birthday boy! Adam, you’re about to miss your cake and song!”

“Not now, Dick. Go away,” Ronan lifted his head to growl and Adam gasped.

“Oh my god, you were talking to Gansey! That makes so much more sense!”

And he broke down laughing and Ronan started to laugh and Gansey tried to join in laughing but since he had no idea what was so hilarious, it didn’t last long. He finally had to take Adam’s elbow and let him wipe the tears off his face before he escorted him inside, Ronan following with a ridiculous grin on his face.

When Adam returned to college in the fall, he received a notification from the student post office to come collect his mail. When he got there, everyone was laughing, and he was handed an envelope whose front was absolutely covered in stamps except for the addresses.

“Looks like I finally found a good use for these” was written on the enclosed empty stamp sheet along with a ❤️Ronan.