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“What if we grew our family?” Will asked, laying on Connor’s chest, staring at his wedding ring glimmering in the sunlight.
“What? Do you want me to get you a uterus?” Connor asked half-asleep.
“What? No? I was thinking we could adopt. Why would you think I wanted a uterus?”
“I dunno. I’m trying to be asleep, like you should be. It’s not wake up time when we’re on our honeymoon.”
“I don’t want to miss a second of this,” Will said and Connor let out a soft chuckle. “I warned you that I was going to get sentimental and sappy after we got married.”
“I know, and I love you so much.”
“I love you,” Will replied, touching his chest with small circles. “So, how do you feel about maybe having another baby?”
“We’re going to need a house in the suburbs if you want a big family,” Connor said. “And you’re going to have to let me buy that house.”
“Deal,” Will said.
“You really want another kid?”
“I want to give you so many babies, Connor, because our family lives historically sucked, and you deserve, we both deserve a big, loving family.”
“You have enough love to give for a whole hockey team,” Connor muttered, squeezing his hip.
“That’s the goal. I want to have enough Halstead-Rhodes to fill out the Blackhawks team,” Will laughed. “Thank you, Con.”
“You don’t have to thank me.”
“Yeah, I do. I only have such a good life because of you, and that doesn’t have anything to do with your wealth. I have a loving, welcoming home to come home to at the end of the day, and I don’t have to worry about if you’re going to go away, or leave me, or pick a fight about something small. I don’t have to worry about anything, because I have you, and our family, and our lives together.”
“You really don’t have to thank me for that, baby,” Connor said. “That’s how it’s supposed to be.”
“I can’t wait to have a whole gaggle of children with you,” Will said, and Connor rolled him onto his back underneath him. “You’re going to look so good with a baby, our baby in your arms.”
“Keep talking like that, Doctor Rhodes-Halstead, and I’m going to find a way to put a baby inside of you.”
Will laughed, and it was bright, full of that sunshine that Connor always said he embodied, and he grinned as he challenged, “well, then, we might as well get started.”
“We should adopt,” Will said, Theo asleep on his chest after their first night home. She’d had a good week with her uncles, Jay and Mouse spoiling the hell out of her, but she’d missed them. They’d missed her just as much, so it matched.
“We should,” Connor agreed.
“I think we should adopt because there’s so many kids in the system, and we have the means to give them a loving, healthy home,” Will continued as if Connor hadn’t spoken and agreed with him. “We also have the means of surrogacy and everything if you want biological children, but I would like to adopt, and -”
“Will.”
“What?”
“We should adopt, I agree.”
“You do?”
“Of course, I do. You’re right, we have room, and love, and money and there are kids who need those.”
“Oh.”
He looked down at Theo, and Will smiled gently.
“I just don’t want you to feel like you’re missing out because they’re not yours , or whatever.”
“Theo is my daughter, right?”
“Yeah.”
“She’s not my biological daughter, but she is my daughter, too. That doesn’t change, you know, even when they’re not your biological child, either. I will love them no matter what, just like I love Theo. So, I want to adopt, as many kids as you want, until we’ve filled an entire hockey team.”
“I love you.”
“I love you,” Connor replied, leaning over to kiss Will gently and then pressed a kiss to Theo’s hair. “I can’t wait for this new step with you.”
Her name was Jacey Lynn and she was in Theo’s grade, albeit she was a year older.
“She was held back because she was struggling in kindergarten, so the teachers felt she wasn’t ready yet. Now, I suspect her home situation is at fault here because she is a bright girl. She just couldn’t focus because she hadn’t eaten breakfast and she wasn’t bathed for days,” their social worker, Casey said. “She was removed from her home when it was found that she was being neglected, and she’s been living with a foster family. However, I don’t believe she’s truly recovering because she can’t get the full attention she needs with the other kids there. That’s why I thought you would be perfect for her. I know you had a preference for a newborn, but Jacey needs a loving family, and I can’t think of anyone better equipped than the two of you.”
How could they say no to that?
Theo was practically vibrating in her booster seat the entire way to the foster home where Jacey had been staying since she'd been removed from her home.
“Do you think she’ll like me, Papa?” Theo asked.
“Oh, of course, sun drop,” Connor said, glancing in the rearview mirror at her. “But remember what we said. She’s been through a lot and might need some space and time to warm up.”
“Right,” she said. “I’ll be the best sister.”
“Yes, you will,” Connor agreed.
“So, what did we practice?” Will asked, looking over his shoulder at her.
“My name is Theo, it’s short for Theodora, but you can call me Theo if you’d like. If you need anything, let me know! It’s glad to meet you!”
Will chuckled and said, “yeah, baby, that’s so good.”
“Yeah?” she asked softly. “I did good?”
“Yeah, you did so good.”
She beamed at him, and Connor could see the way Will’s eyes went soft looking at their daughter. It was a daily look in his eyes, and Connor would never get over that. The way Will loved Theo was one of the reasons that he loved Will to begin with, his open heart, the softness in everything he did. He was capable of sharpness, of course, wielding his intelligence like a weapon, edged and dangerous, but underneath that armor, Will had so much love for the world, and that spilled out in everything he did. He deserved the biggest family, and if Connor had any say in it, which he did, he was going to get one.
When they pulled up to the foster home, Theo let out a quiet squeal.
“Sister!”
“Theo, relax, baby,” Will said. “You have to be calm, remember?”
“Right! Calm,” she said.
“Like Uncle Jay,” Connor added.
“Yeah, like Uncle Jay,” she repeated. “Uncle Jay, I can be like Uncle Jay.”
Will glanced at Connor, and there was a smile on his face of affection.
“Yeah, baby, you can absolutely be Uncle Jay. I bet Jay would be very, very proud of you,” Will said. Even Connor could tell that pleased Theo, who idolized her uncles and had once gone as Uncle Mouse for Halloween. It had been adorable, Theo and Mouse wearing matching plaid shirts and cuffed jeans over Doc Martens. Will had even styled Theo’s little bob to look like Mouse’s. The photo was still Jay’s background on his phone, from what Connor could remember.
“Okay, let’s go see her,” Theo said, and it was as calm and collected as Connor had ever heard her. Will parked and Theo waited, patiently, until Connor got out and opened her door before she unbuckled and hopped out of her booster seat. “We should have pizza for dinner tonight. Everyone loves pizza. Unless she lacks toes and tolerant.”
“Unless she’s what ?” Will asked.
“Lacks toe and tolerant,” Theo replied.
“Oh, uh, lactose intolerant, Theo.”
“Lactose intolerant,” she echoed. “That’s what I said.”
"We'll ask her what she wants. How about that?" Connor asked.
"Yeah, okay," Theo conceded. "Maybe she'll want pizza."
"Yeah, maybe."
Connor held Theo's hand as they crossed the front yard and climbed the porch. The door opened before they got there, and their case worker, Casey, was waiting on the other side of the door. She was a tall, curvy woman with a big smile and a curly red ponytail.
"Connor, Will, hello!" she greeted. "Oh, and hello Theodora. I've heard a lot about you. Come on in, sweetheart."
"You can call me Theo," Theo replied. "Please."
"Oh, of course. I'm sorry. Welcome, Theo ."
"Thank you," she said with a bright smile. Connor had never been so in love before.
"Right this way," Casey said, and led them into the kitchen where the foster parents were waiting with Jacey sitting at the counter. "Well, some introductions are due. Martin, Leah, this is Connor and Will Halstead-Rhodes, and their daughter, Theo. And this is Martin and Leah Radcliffe, and of course, Jacey."
Theo slipped her hand out of Connor's and bounced over to where Jacey was sitting. She stuck her hand out to Jacey, and said confidently, “my name is Theo, it’s short for Theodora, but you can call me Theo if you’d like. If you need anything, let me know! It’s glad to meet you!”
Jacey was small, about Theo's size for being over a year older than her, and a little skittish, immediately shying away from Theo, watching her with wide brown eyes. She could pass as Theo's biological sister, her hair a few shades darker and without the red tint Theo hadn't grown out of yet, eyes a matching brown. The only real difference was that Theo's face was rounder while Jacey's face was thin and angular. Of course, that could be from lack of nutrition growing up and could change as they gave her the proper care she needed.
"Hey Theo," Will said gently. "Easy, baby girl."
"Oh. Right. Sorry. Calm like Uncle Jay." She stepped back and dropped her hand. "I'm Theo. I know this is really scary, but I'm really happy you're here. Can we be friends?"
Jacey looked at her for a moment, and Connor could see the hesitation in her eyes start to reflect in Theo's shoulders.
"Yeah," Jacey finally replied. "Do you want to see my rock collection?"
"Yeah!" Theo said excitedly, and Jacey hopped down off her stool.
"It's the last thing I have to pack. Can you help me?"
The two took off into a room off the hallway and Will chuckled.
"That's the most Theo Halstead thing I've ever seen happen."
"That's the most Halstead thing Theo has ever done," Connor commented.
"Well, looks like the girls are going to get along, so that's good," Casey said, as they listened for a moment. Connor could hear Theo's excited chattering, ever the sun drop he'd always known her to be.
"She's allergic to shellfish," Leah said suddenly. Connor turned his eyes towards the foster parents. "And she doesn't like celery."
"Okay," Will said softly.
"And she gets scared of the dark. She needs a night light. She pretends she doesn't mind, but she needs one."
"Leah," Martin said gently.
"And she loves snow, and snowflakes, and glitter, and obviously rocks, and -."
"Leah, stop," Martin muttered. "You have to let her go."
Connor took Will's hand, and felt his heart squeeze. He could never foster a child because he couldn't let them leave his house to some mystery place. It would kill him to let them go once he got attached. He could not imagine Theo leaving their home and becoming someone else's daughter.
"I'm so sorry," Leah said. "I'm so happy that Jacey has a loving and warm home to go to, and she will be happy with you. She's a good girl. You'll love her."
Connor wanted to say he already did. He wanted to say that he loved her the moment Casey told them they had a daughter waiting for them.
"We'll take very good care of her, I promise," Connor said.
"Yeah. We know. Thank you," Martin said. "She's a good girl, like Leah said, and she deserves the best."
Connor couldn't agree more, and they were planning on giving her exactly that and so much more.
"Okay, so, Daddy and Papa are really cool, and you'll meet Uncle Jay and Uncle Mouse soon. They're so nice, and like, okay, they're a little weird, but you'll love them."
"Did you say Uncle Mouse ?"
"Oh! Yeah! His name isn't actually Mouse, but it is. That's what he wants to be called, so we call him Mouse. And not Greg ."
Connor stifled his chuckle at her tone. Sometimes Theo spoke and everything that came out of her mouth was pure Mouse.
"Greg?"
"Yeah, but he's not Greg. He's Mouse. You'll see. Anyway, so, it's very cool at home. I think you'll like it. Oh! Did you want pizza for dinner? Papa gets the best pizza!"
"Oh, uh, yeah. Pizza. Pizza sounds good," Jacey said.
Theo paused and said gently to her, "sorry if I'm a lot."
Connor shifted in his seat and looked at her in the rearview. Theo was so sweet, and she already was too aware of her own presence in the world. She already knew that people felt she was too much, that she was loud, and she was obnoxious. Connor hated that. She truly was a sun drop in the world, and she deserved to feel loved and cared for. Theo was perfect the way she was, but she didn't want to be herself already to save others and that hurt him in such a deep way that he wasn't sure he had words for, because nothing could describe that helpless feeling. They couldn't protect her from that. They could make her feel loved at home, yes, but when she stepped outside of their door, they had no control. They had no say in who Theo came into contact with, and what they did. All they could do was take care of her when she came home to them, and that was terrifying to him.
“Theo, you’re not a lot,” Will said, and Theo huffed.
“Mrs. Nan says that I need to use my inside voice, and that sometimes people don’t want to be my friend ‘cause I’m ‘noxious.”
Will and Connor glanced at each other, and then Connor twisted in his seat so he could look right at Theo and Jacey.
“She called you obnoxious, sun drop?” he asked.
“Yeah?”
“Okay, first of all, she should not be speaking to you like that, and I’m very glad that you told us. I will be speaking with her on Monday. Secondly, and I want both of you to listen to me here, this is very important. You are allowed to be whoever you want, and no one should try and push you into what they want you to be. Mrs. Nan calling you too loud and obnoxious is rude, and unacceptable, and I want you to remember that. You are not obnoxious. You are not too much or a lot . You are absolutely perfect the way that you are. I want you to remind yourself of that every day, and every time someone thinks that they know who you need to be. You are perfect, and you don’t have to change anything about yourself for them. Okay?”
“Okay,” Jacey said first with a solemn nod.
His eyes turned to Theo who was frowning.
“Theo?”
“Okay.”
“Good girl. Now, do you two want pizza for dinner?” he asked.
“Yeah,” Theo said, and glanced at Jacey who was looking at her.
“Yeah!” Jacey said excitedly.
“Perfect. We’re going to pick some up on our way home, and then we’ll get you moved in to your new room!” Will said from beside Connor.
“My room?” Jacey asked. “I get my own room?”
“Yeah, of course!” Connor said. “You and Theo will have separate rooms, because you deserve your own spaces. It’s good to be alone sometimes.”
Even he needed alone time sometimes. As much as he loved Will, it was nice to be apart for a little bit occasionally.
"I've never had my own room before," Jacey admitted. "I've always had to share. Or I slept in the living room."
Connor didn't whimper but he wanted to. He wanted to curse the world for giving this beautiful little girl, and all kids like her, such a rough lot already.
"Well, that's the last time you'll have to sleep in the living room. You'll have your own room, and you can decorate it however you want, and arrange it however you like. It'll be your own space to do whatever you want with."
Jacey looked at him with big eyes, a child’s wonder mixed with an adult’s paranoia, since she’d seen so many horrible things already. He was sure his eyes had looked like that after his mom's death, and maybe that's why he wanted her so desperately. He wanted to be for her the person he needed when he was young, even before his mom died and his father made himself scarce. If nothing else, he could at least give her a warm home, a place to be safe, and never having to worry where her next meal was coming from.
“Thank you,” she said softly. “Pizza sounds really good. Can we get pepperoni and mushrooms?”
“We absolutely can get pepperoni and mushrooms! That sounds so good, Jacey.”
She smiled at him, and he smiled back.
“Papa, will you get the cheese sticks with the maninana sauce?” Theo asked.
“That sounds perfect, too. I absolutely will get the cheese sticks. Any dessert requests?”
“Cookies!” Theo answered quickly. "Gooey, chocolately cookies!"
"Okay, we can get some cookies. And what about you, Jacey? Do you want some cookies, or brownies, or cake?"
"Brownie, please."
"Perfect, a dozen cookies and some brownies."
“I’d like a tiramisu, if we’re ordering individual desserts,” Will said, and Connor leaned over to him to kiss his cheek. Then, as Will leaned into it in return, Connor blew a raspberry into his skin. Will shrieked and pulled away, careful to keep the car steady. “ Connor Francis .”
“Oooh, Papa’s in trouble,” Theo said with a giggle. “Daddy called him both names!”
“I don’t see why the Francis was necessary, William Michael.”
Will opened his mouth to argue, and Connor smiled to himself, listening to the way their daughter giggled, watching them bicker playfully, and his husband’s little smirk as he started in. He glanced over his shoulder, and caught his eyes on Jacey’s gaze. He was scared that their play bickering might be triggering to Jacey, unsure of exactly what she’d been through before them, but she was laughing with Theo, and he was glad all at once that Jacey had Theo, and now Theo had Jacey, to guide her through, to be a gauge of how to respond, how to take them. They could hold each other’s hands, the way Claire and Connor should have while growing up if they hadn’t been pitted against each other for Cornelius’s attention. They could count on each other, vines growing alongside each other, around each other, weaving like rope, around and around until they were unbreakable, strengthening each other, and Connor couldn’t wait to see them grow tall and strong together.
Will pulled into the parking lot of their apartment building, and Jacey leaned forward to look up at the building in front of them.
“Oh, this is where you live?”
“Yeah! We used to live with Uncle Jay and Uncle Mouse, before Papa and Daddy met,” Theo said, “and then we moved in with Papa!”
“Huh?” Jacey asked.
“Yeah, this is where we live,” Connor said. “Will, can you take Theo up first?”
“Sure can,” Will said, leaning over to kiss Connor on the lips, a brush of lips against his own, and then he was sliding out of the car.
“Did I do something wrong?”
“Oh! No. No, I just wanted to talk to you. So, Daddy is going to go inside with Theo, and they’re going to order dinner, while you and I go get dinner, and pick up some stuff from the store.”
“What kind of stuff?”
“Well, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” Connor said. “Leah said that you need a night light?”
“I don’t need a night light. I’m not a baby ,” she grumbled.
“Okay. Then, would you like a night light in your room? We only have one in the hall right now, but we can pick one out at the store for you, whatever design you want. I have to get some stuff for the house, so it wouldn’t be a problem if you do want one.”
She looked at him carefully, considering him, probably unfamiliar with this kind of generosity, and said gently, “yeah. Okay. Thank you.”
“Let’s go shopping, then.”
He got out and circled around to the driver’s seat, before he started for the nearest store. She didn’t hold his hand as they crossed the parking lot together, but she did stick close to his side into the store. He let her push the cart, a small one that she could barely see over, while they walked through the aisles. Will had built him a list of things they needed, like dishwasher liquid and coffee filters, so they started there.
“Just between you and me, do you want some candy?”
“Before dinner?”
“Yeah,” he said, “Daddy and Theo don’t have to know if you don’t want, or we can get them some, too.”
“We can do that?”
“We can do whatever we want.”
“Oh. I do want some candy, but we should get some for Theo, and, and Daddy.”
He nodded.
“Alright, let’s grab some candy, then. What’s your favorite?”
“Reese’s.”
“Oh, good choice! That’s Daddy’s favorite, too!”
She beamed at him, and it wasn’t sunshine the way a Halstead smile was, but it was bright, and explosive, like sparklers, like fireworks. There was a full force of personality inside of Jacey, waiting for her comfort, and he was so excited to meet every last part of her.
That night, after pizza and dessert, after Connor, with Theo's assistance, helped Jacey set up her room with her constellation projection night light, Connor stood in the hallway and listened. Will was in the kitchen, loading the dishwasher, singing to the playlist he'd put on to keep himself motivated, and Connor could almost see the way he shook his hips while he danced around, bouncing on his toes. They'd been doing this same routine for years, and the comfort of it was astounding to this day still. Inside her room, Connor could hear Jacey talking about the day, about their family, and Theo being her usual self full of support and joy.
"I've never had a sister before," Theo admitted. "Is it nice? It seems nice."
"I only had a sister when I was with my foster family. She wasn't very nice. She said some mean things I can't repeat."
"Oh," Theo muttered. "Well, I won't be mean to you! I'm excited to have you as my sister! We'll have so much fun together, with sleepovers every night, and we can share all our toys! I'll help you find new rocks!"
Connor sighed, and started to back away when two arms slid around his waist.
"What are you doing?" the soft Chicago accent asked in his ear, Will's warm body against his back as he hugged Connor into his chest. "Are you spying?"
"It's not spying," Connor said quietly, almost a whisper in the hallway. "I was just checking on them."
"By standing silently outside their rooms?"
"Shush. I'm just worried."
"I know you are, sweetheart." Will left a kiss on his cheek and whispered, "you caring so much about Jacey is why I love you. You say that I'm full of love, but you are, too. You are such a good father, and it's incredibly attractive."
"Stop."
"I'm going to make such love to you," Will said into his ear, nipping at his jaw, "the first chance I get. I'm going to ride you like you deserve."
Connor chuckled.
"Hey, do you know what happened at the store today?"
"What's that?"
"She called you Daddy already," Connor said, leaning back into Will's embrace.
"She did?" Will breathed.
Connor could still remember the first time Theo called him Daddy, although they'd talked to her about calling him Papa after to avoid confusion. He had been in Will's spot before, hearing this wonderful little girl choose him as her family, and he'd carried that with him for months. Even now, when Theo called him Papa, he felt a little glow in his chest. She had chosen him, and continued to choose him. She didn't have to ever call him Daddy, or Papa, or think of him as a father. He would have loved her regardless, but here they were, his daughter, playing in their home.
"Mmhm," Connor said. "It's beautiful, isn't it?"
"It really is," Will agreed. "I remember Theo's first word being Dada and I cried for days, I'm pretty sure. Jay made fun of me for a while until she managed Jay and he also cried. Mouse was unconsolable for weeks when she said something close to Mouse."
"It's incredible hearing this little kid you're responsible for and love and want to do amazing things, it's so good hearing them acknowledge that you're important to them, too."
Will tucked his head into Connor's shoulder and said gently, "I love you so much, Connor Rhodes. There's nowhere else I'd rather be than right now, right now, with you, with them. This is the home I dreamed of growing up, and I'm so, so glad we made it."
"Me, too."
The girls burst out in a fit of laughter inside of Jacey's room at something that was entirely their own, bubbling sounds that filled the room and the hall and the apartment, joy made musical. Will squeezed his waist, and Connor sighed, content. The world would keep turning, and this moment would pass, but for just that bit of time, he closed his eyes and listened to the sound of home.