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The hallway was loud. Just after lunch, cadets were rushing back and forth. Some shouting at their friends to grab their scourge. Others laughing loudly at some joke they overheard told by one of the War College soldiers walking by the other day as their unit jogged past in formation. Boots pounded out an incoherent rhythm and jackets swished as they were tugged on by tired hands. Whispers mixed with idle chatter. Doors opened and closed. Furniture squeaked and gear rattled. The hustle and bustle was mindless and draining. Background noise that could drive a person crazy or calm them down with the familiar beats. Be as loud as a jet taking off or easily ignorable to the point of not even existing in a person’s mind.
Raelle huddled close to the telephone, shoulder dipped and turned in a desperate attempt to block out whatever bit of sound she could. The receiver was pressed hard to her ear, and she clung to the mouthpiece inches from her slightly quivering lips. Her tongue darted out to wet them, tasting the remnants of coffee and the ham sandwich served in the mess hall, and she peeked around before turning to fully face the wall the public phone was hooked to.
Tally and Abigail were in their room, grabbing their gear for the upcoming training session out by the obstacle courses. Tally offered to get Raelle’s after the blonde mentioned making a quick call. The redhead rolled her eyes as Abigail started spouting off about being on time and not dropping even further in the rankings before dragging the Bellweather away, the tall blaster shooting Raelle a stern glare as they rounded the corner.
Don’t be late! We have training in twenty!
Raelle didn’t give a damn what Abigail thought.
Not at that moment.
She didn’t really care about training or anything either.
That wasn’t necessarily true.
She was starting to.
Starting to actually try. Tally’s doe eyes and Abigail’s random jokes were getting to her. Same as Anacostia’s rare quirk of an eyebrow and proud grin. Glory’s friendly nudge. Even Libba’s insults.
Not that Raelle would tell them that outright.
Tell them that she was…
That she cared.
About her unit.
About the witches she met.
That Anacostia sometimes made her so damn mad she wanted to punch something. Was ready to yell and get in the older woman’s face.
Sometimes she…she felt little threads run through her and hook inside, grounding her, steadying her. When Anacostia’s voice boomed as they practiced hand to hand combat. When she saw the regal posture watching as they raced through drills. When a quick nod or tilt of the head accompanied a Well done, Collar or the sergeant hand delivered a letter from her dad that would normally go through mail call. When the officer made a point of witnessing someone spouting off about Raelle being a half breed that first week and, afterward, not one person, cadet, soldier, or officer, said one word about Raelle’s heritage ever again.
Sometimes, she felt friendship, affection, when Tally curled up in the blonde’s bunk and cheerfully told stories. When Abigail rolled her eyes and bumped shoulders with Raelle after dinner.
Raelle cared.
She’d always cared.
Whether she said it or not.
And, her plan…her plan wasn’t really a thing anymore.
Not since she met Scylla.
Raelle sighed and closed her eyes. Turned her face into the receiver. Her free hand snuck out and tangled in the phone cord. Twisted and twirled.
Scylla was…
A tiny grin formed.
She was amazing.
Smart. Beautiful. Funny.
Mysterious.
Raelle couldn’t help but like her.
The first moment they met, Raelle felt something. Like waking up. Being in a deep sleep and having the alarm go off.
She was intrigued.
Scylla proved to be everything Raelle could want.
Kept her on her toes.
Was a hell of a kisser.
Raelle bit her bottom lip.
It hadn’t been easy.
The way Scylla acted sometimes.
Closed off.
Cold.
Was open and warm one second and walking away the next.
Running.
Which, considering Raelle was accused of her fair share of running and hiding, it was something that Scylla could outdo her at it.
Raelle, though, she didn’t mind.
Not if…if there was a chance.
She knew what it was like to be hurt. To want to curl up inside yourself and block out the world. Not be a part of it anymore. To have so much pain bouncing around in her mind and body it felt like she couldn’t move. Couldn’t move yet all she wanted to do was run. Let her feet go and see how far and fast she could move. Go on and on forever. To want it all to stop but not know how. Not trust the world anymore. A world that could be so cruel. Harsh. A world where, in one second, all her dreams and hopes could be dashed. Shattered. Ripped apart. Torn to pieces.
She missed her mama so damn much.
Missed her family. The way her dad used to look before he stood in her bedroom doorway, on the verge, the precipice, of destruction. Of death. Of being overwhelmed and beaten down. Before he told her Willa Collar was never coming home.
Her dad.
She could remember the look he had when she enlisted. Took the oath.
His eyes. His voice. His trembling arms.
She knew what it was like to lose. Lose so much.
Have her mom slowly taken away until she was completely gone.
Her family.
Her way of life.
The Cession.
She knew what it felt like to be desperate. To feel consumed. Chewed up and spit out.
She got it.
So, she got that there was stuff Scylla couldn’t talk about. Not yet.
Raelle could wait. Be patient. Give her all the time in the world.
Because she liked Scylla.
A lot.
Might even…
Well.
She wasn’t going to say it, yet.
Not yet.
Once it was said, it was real. Couldn’t be taken back.
Raelle wanted it to be real.
She wanted everything with Scylla to be real.
So, she’d wait.
Because, while she cared about Scylla, she couldn’t always tell how Scylla felt about her.
She thought she knew. Thought Scylla felt the same. Was on the same page. Them. Together.
But, trust was hard sometimes. She trusted the world to not crush her family.
It still did.
She found herself trusting, Scylla.
She couldn’t quite trust herself, though.
Not with this.
A little bit longer.
Figure out everything.
Trust herself. Trust Scylla. Trust them.
Have Scylla do the same.
She wasn’t sure Scylla felt she could trust Raelle.
Raelle would prove to her she could.
Every day.
Would be there for her. With her. Hold her hand. Kiss her cheek. Listen to whatever she had to say.
Raelle blinked open her eyes. Let the blues drift up to stare at the ceiling.
A lot was happening.
Enlistment. Basic. Life. Death. Training. The Spree.
It made sense that Scylla didn’t tell her everything.
Tell her about Porter.
That was…
Raelle had never been jealous. Not of a lover.
She wasn’t jealous.
She was…
Porter said a lot of stuff.
Stuff that…that niggled in the back of Raelle’s mind. Poked and prodded.
Scylla didn’t trust her.
Kept stuff from her.
Porter said she would leave. Couldn’t be counted on.
A person Scylla dated.
Never mentioned before.
It wasn’t that Scylla had to tell her all her secrets. All her relationships. But…
She hadn’t told Raelle anything.
Porter made sure Raelle knew that.
Except…
Now, she had.
Raelle lowered her gaze.
Scylla talked to Raelle.
Opened up.
About her parents. About being a dodger.
Raelle snorted.
Of course, Raelle forgot being a dodger was illegal.
It wasn’t talked about that way back home.
Not with most of the town made up of dodgers.
Dodgers were people. That’s all. Folks around town. Neighbors.
Raelle never grew up thinking about them any differently.
Same as they didn’t treat her differently for having a civilian dad.
Most of them, at least.
Raelle pursed her lips.
But…Scylla’s parents died.
Were killed.
And, fuck, if Raelle didn’t know what to say.
To do.
Her heart clenched as she thought of Scylla’s voice as she said it.
How she wanted to hold her. Comfort her.
Protect her.
Fix it.
Raelle was a fixer.
But, she couldn’t.
Couldn’t fix the pain Scylla felt.
The words Porter said still rattled in her head. Raelle couldn’t fix that.
Couldn't fix the confusion and pain and affection and frustration roiling and churning.
The jumbled mess that got worse and better only when Raelle was in Scylla’s arms.
Making love to Scylla was easy.
Touching her.
Kissing her.
Moving inside her.
It was easy and right.
Raelle wanted more than easy.
She wanted right.
But, she wanted complicated. Messy. Hard.
She could do complicated.
If Scylla could, too.
Shaking her head, Raelle reached up and quickly tapped a sequence of numbers on the keypad.
She couldn’t fix everything.
Couldn’t get Scylla to fully trust her in that minute.
Couldn’t get her mind to stop reminding her about Porter and how he showed Raelle that the blonde knew next to nothing about Scylla.
About Scylla’s past.
A past that, to Porter, meant Scylla would leave Raelle.
Something Raelle couldn’t discount because…because hadn’t Scylla already done that?
Everytime Raelle opened up and got a wall in response.
When Raelle asked a question and didn’t get an answer.
Sure, Scylla said it was hard to open up. Raelle respected that.
But…was a relationship even what Scylla wanted?
It felt like it. Most of the time.
Raelle wasn’t reading that all wrong. She couldn’t be.
Could Scylla trust her, though? Without Raelle having to cajole and beg?
To act like she’d leave?
The phone rang.
Raelle planted her palm against the phone next to the keypad.
Raelle was falling.
Hard.
For a girl who…who made her feel so much yet forced her to ask so many questions. To wonder. To question.
Who Raelle wanted, needed, to believe in.
Who Raelle found herself being carefree with.
Scylla made Raelle feel like she could fly.
Raelle wanted to make Scylla feel like she could stay.
There was a quick click followed by, “Hello?”
“Hey,” Raelle swallowed back her thoughts and clutched the phone, “It’s Raelle.”
“Ah, my favorite troublemaker.” Quinn’s voice laughed down the line, “Was wondering when you’d give me a call. Your dad’s been giving me updates. Said you settled in just fine. He sent you some of your mother’s letters.”
“Yeah, I got them.” Raelle tugged at the cord, “I’m sorry I haven’t called till now.”
“Don’t worry yourself about it.” Quinn assured her, “I remember what it was like. Not easy making that change. How is your drill sergeant?”
“She’s…she’s alright.”
“Riding your ass?”
“Like you wouldn’t believe.”
Quinn chuckled, “Sounds about right. Your mom told stories about hers. Mine was a hardass. Made us all clean every bathroom on base once because someone didn’t tie their boots right. Got yourself any demerits yet?”
Raelle leaned her head against the base of the phone, “Got one my first day.”
“Can’t say I’m surprised. Keep your head up. Are you shooting for War College or…”
“My unit is.” Raelle shrugged, “Collars don’t get in War College.”
“You could do it. You’re a good kid, Raelle. I’ve seen what your mama taught you. You could be an officer.”
Raelle twisted around and leaned her shoulder against the wall, not answering.
There was a lot she was accepting now. That weren’t part of her original plan when she hopped on the bus bound for Fort Salem.
Dreams. Hopes. Wants.
War College?
Maybe if Abigail dragged her ass along behind her.
“What’s on your mind, trouble?” Quinn broke the quiet, “I know you didn’t just call me to talk about all those demerits you’re racking up and don’t want me to tell your pop about.”
Raelle smirked, but it quickly fell away.
Her heart hammered in her chest and her belly churned.
This was it.
Something that ate at her, plagued her, from the second Scylla said it.
Raelle couldn’t fix much.
A fixer unable to fix.
But, she could try.
Try to find out…something.
Something that might help, maybe.
“Do you remember the name Ramshorn?”
“Ramshorn?” Quinn repeated.
Raelle lowered her voice, “Dodger family. A few years ago? A couple, mom and dad, and a daughter. She was probably about my age. A year or two older.”
The line went silent.
And stayed silent.
Raelle gulped, “I know it’s a longshot. They…uh…”
“I remember them.” Quinn cut her off.
Raelle blinked.
There was steel in Quinn’s tone.
The other witch sighed, “Everyone remembers the Ramshorns.”
Raelle’s eyes narrowed and her brow furrowed.
She didn’t.
As if reading her mind, Quinn continued, “You didn’t hear about them. I think your mama was home around that time. And, a lot of folks didn’t want to talk about it. It caused…it caused some problems.”
“Why?”
“They were killed.”
Raelle clenched her jaw.
“Military police raided the home they were in. It was a few towns away. They weren’t part of our community, but close to it. Their daughter might have signed up to go to your school, though.” Quinn took a beat, “I can’t say much about it, since it wasn’t our community. Thought is that someone turned them in.”
“Do they know who?” Raelle grit her teeth.
Someone turned in Scylla’s parents. Her. Her family.
Something sank inside Raelle.
Sank deep down and roared back with a vengeance.
Burst in her chest and snarled up her throat.
“No,” Quinn answered. “There were some rumors, but no one was named. Put everyone on alert. We lost a lot of trust then. Who we could trust. Who might be working for the army. Some even mentioned the Spree. That didn’t make much sense, but some did.”
“The Spree?” The Spree might be fighting a war, but they weren’t fighting against dodgers. Hell, a lot of dodgers went that way.
Wasn’t like the Spree beliefs were wrong.
Their methods were.
“Some folks always blame the Spree, same as they always blame the military. A lot of people around here want no part of either. You know how they talk. Cessions don’t hold back.”
No, they didn’t.
“Why do you ask?” Quinn hummed.
Raelle exhaled.
The image of Scylla, blue eyes and face grim, as they spoke on that stairwell landing appeared in her mind.
Beautiful and almost broken. A survivor.
Her lover.
“I met Scylla.”
“Scylla.”
“It was her parents.”
“Ah.”
“I…”
“You wanted answers.” Quinn sighed, “You’re close with her?”
“Something like that.”
“Rae.”
Raelle twisted around, “She deserves to know.”
“Leave it to you to find yourself mixed up with a dodger.”
“There’s nothing wrong with it.”
“Didn’t say there was.” Quinn paused, then, “You’re being careful?”
“What?”
“I know you, Raelle. Worn your heart on your sleeve and felt everything you pretended not to since the day your mama and papa brought you home. If you’re with this girl, you’re being careful, right?”
“I’m fine.”
“How serious is it? Have you told your dad?”
“It’s…” Raelle didn’t stop the small smile, “I like her. A lot. She’s…she’s really great.”
“Uh huh. You’re not as suave as you think you are, Romeo.” Quinn teased, “You’ve gone and found yourself a girl. Always was the romantic in our community. I remember the first time you had a crush. Cleaned yourself up, put on your best clothes, and picked her a bunch of wildflowers. You were so sad when she took those flowers and threw them in the river.”
“She plucked all the petals off, too.” Raelle grumbled, “And I was five.”
“Tell me about her.”
“Who? Scylla?”
“Yes.”
“Well…she’s…she’s really smart. Top of her class. A necro. She can…the work she can do is amazing. She’s funny. Insightful. Thoughtful. She doesn’t talk about herself much, but you can tell she’s…she’s always thinking. She…she doesn’t have a temper like I do. She’s beautiful. These blue eyes…they’re…they’re more beautiful than the ocean.”
“You’ve always wanted to go to the ocean. Since the day you saw a picture of it.”
Raelle’s voice quieted, “She…she listens to me. Talks to me. Doesn’t treat me differently. Doesn’t make me feel like I have to…to hide or be anything else. She makes me laugh. She reminds me of home.”
“Sounds like you found yourself a good one. You better tell Ed about her, soon. He’d love to know about her.”
“Yeah.”
“Are you going to bring her home when you get a break? I know Ed is planning to come up for your graduation, but I don’t think I can make the trip. I want to meet this girl of yours, though.”
“It’s…I don’t know if we’re…”
“You are.” Quinn assured her. “You sound like your parents when they talked about each other. You’ll be together.”
Raelle let out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding for weeks.
“I know you probably need to go. Phone calls can’t be too long out there. But,” there was some shuffling, “you remember the cemetery out past the old farmers' market heading toward the lake?”
“The one across from Royerson’s Feed Store?”
“That’s it. When the Ramshorns died, we recovered the bodies. The military had no use for them. A few of us made sure they received a proper burial. They’re in that cemetery.”
Raelle’s mouth dropped open slightly.
She knew where Scylla’s parents were buried.
“Did anyone tell Scylla?”
“I don’t think so. Girl disappeared for a bit. Think she ended up with a different dodger community farther east. She wasn’t with us ever. But, if she wants to visit them, they’re out there. We make sure, like all the rest, that their spots are kept up.”
“Thank you, Quinn.”
“You take care of yourself. Remember, I want to meet this Scylla when you come home.”
“Ok.”
“Take care of yourself.”
“You, too.”
A click signaled Quinn had hung up.
Raelle stood there, receiver in hand, for a second.
Then, she hung up.
She needed to talk to Scylla.
Tonight.