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December 1975
Maybe it wasn’t so bad by now. He couldn’t even really feel anything. His face was pretty much totally numb by this point, and after spending a while sitting and staring at the lake, which had surely swallowed his old coat into its depths by now, he didn’t feel much of anything about the whole situation either. Just hollow.
Of course, earlier, that hadn’t been the case. It had actually been sort of a nice day. Cold, certainly, but the first snow of the season always brought a certain cheer to the student body that was too contagious to not want to go outside and feel the fairy-light touches of snowflakes dusting your face—too contagious for even never-smiling Severus Snape to avoid catching.
He had just wanted a quick walk around the lake before he went back to studying for end-of-term exams—just to fill his lungs with the crisp, fresh air outside the castle walls and listen to the soft crunching of his boots against the packed snow on the ground. And the glistening white of the Hogwarts grounds had reinvigorated him, reminding him that there were good things in this world, and it wasn’t always bleak all the time. Even if it seemed like his life had been falling apart, thread by thread, since before he could even remember, there was still the first snow of winter in the Scottish Highlands, and maybe that was enough.
Of course, Potter’s gang wouldn’t stand for Severus having something that didn’t make him miserable.
Severus hadn’t even noticed himself wandering into their “territory,” having been staring at the flecks of sunlight reflecting off the frosty surface of the frozen lake, until it was too late. Although, really anything could be considered their “territory;” it was totally arbitrary. Their “territory” was just wherever Severus happened to be when Potter and his little crew wanted some cheap entertainment. Whatever their “territory” happened to be that day, the long and the short of it was that Severus crossed their lines, and, as they were wont to do, they decided to make a little game out of it. A game which they were, of course, set up to win. It was four versus one—how was it meant to end any other way?
Either way, the whole ordeal ended with Severus’s coat being yanked off and thrown into the lake, by none other than Potter himself, of course. Black had thawed the ice covering the lake with a spell, and just as quickly frozen it back over as soon as the coat hit the surface of the water. Severus almost thought he could see the flash of a tentacle coming up to inspect the foreign object before the surface of the water froze over again and it was impossible to see beneath it. It didn’t matter either way—nothing that entered the Black Lake ever came back out again, what with the mermaids, the grindylows, the giant squid, and who knows what other creatures always lurking, looking for new entertainment, below the surface.
Potter and his smug little gang went off in the direction of Hogsmeade, satisfied with themselves, and Severus had just decided to sit by the lake and think about how he was meant to survive the harsh Scottish winter without a coat. It wasn’t like he had another one lying around, much less the money for a new one. Even the one he had just lost had been fairly old, one of his father’s from decades ago, and more than a little too big for him, but it kept him warm, and that was what mattered, right?
Its importance became even more clear to Severus by the minute as he sat and felt the winter wind bite him all over every time it blew. The snowflakes that continued to fall went from the light, refreshing dusting they had been before to a flurry of stinging pinpricks assaulting his already utterly frozen skin. His ears burned and he could see his fingers slowly reddening as the time ticked by, eventually deciding to shove them under his arms as he drew into himself to conserve warmth. It eventually got to the point where everything went numb and he couldn’t really feel the cold much anymore, other than noticing that he continued to shake uncontrollably even after that, and although he knew that it was probably a bad sign, he still couldn’t bring himself to go inside and warm up. It felt shameful, somehow. Like admitting defeat. Admitting weakness.
In all honesty, he probably would have frozen to death outside if Lily hadn’t come across him when she did.
As he continued sitting by the lake, shivering violently, Severus began to hear the indistinct din of a whole chorus of female voices approaching from afar, but as they got closer, he could easily distinguish Lily’s from the rest.
“Well, then I told him-” She paused. “Is that…?” Another pause, and the other girls seemed to get quieter too. “I’ll see you later.”
That last bit was in a firm enough tone that the other girls didn’t seem to question her, and thank God for that—Severus didn’t like dealing with Lily’s other friends much, and they seemed to like him even less. He heard the chorus of voices deflect away from his direction and disappear towards the castle, while Lily’s footsteps, crunching on top of the snow-covered ground, came closer and closer as she ran towards him.
“Sev! What are you doing out here?! You must be freezing!” Lily cried, kneeling down next to him and immediately beginning to rub his shoulders, desperately trying, futile as it may have been, to generate warmth. Still, her touch was a small comfort, at least.
Severus only shrugged in response, although he wasn’t sure if the motion was even distinguishable from his constant shivering.
“Where’s your coat?!”
To that, Severus simply pointed at the lake, and Lily momentarily stopped her rubbing to sit across from him and look at him with a sorrowful look in her eyes. Really, Severus knew it was a look of pity, and it embarrassed him. But at the same time, at least she cared about him enough to pity him in the first place.
“Potter, I’m guessing?”
Severus nodded.
Lily rolled her eyes.
“What a fucking prick. Can’t just enjoy the snow like a normal- Wait, are you crying?”
Severus felt so empty about the whole incident that he wasn’t even sure he could cry at this point, but he was sure it was cold enough outside that it looked like he was—he could feel tears pooling at the corners of his eyes and streaking his face only because the freezing wind had forced them out. He’d have to clear that up before Lily thought he was lying about it; he couldn’t have her, of all people, think he was a crybaby. Men—at least not the kind of men that women like Lily Evans deserved, anyway—didn’t cry.
“No,” he finally spoke, his voice trembling almost as much as his body was, “just cold.”
Ironically enough, having Lily come over and restore the smallest bit of warmth to his body had only taken away the cover of numbness and made it clear just how cold he was. He knew the jig was up now; he’d have to go inside. He rubbed the tears out of his eyes and wiped his nose on his sleeve, which seemed to prompt Lily to open her mouth to chide him until she apparently decided that now wasn’t the time for that.
“Right, yeah. Let’s get you warmed up, then,” she offered instead, standing up and getting into action.
She offered Severus a hand to stand up, and he gladly took it, taking some comfort in the softness of her gray woolen mittens, as little as he could really feel it at this point.
“Sev, your hands! Oh, this is not good.” Lily stared at Severus’s hands, beet red after being out in the elements for so long. “Here.”
Lily took off her mittens and forced them over Severus’s fingers, frozen in place by the sheer cold. It was then that she began to unbutton her coat—very purple, very girly. Severus shook his head as she held it out to him.
“It’s a girls’ coat.”
Severus knew he didn’t sound very strong or manly with his voice quivering the way it did, but at least maybe he could save some of his pride.
“Well, it’s either wear the girls’ coat or get hypothermia. You choose.”
Neither seemed like a particularly appealing option.
“Well, I know my choice,” Lily said. “I prefer my friends at their normal temperatures.”
With that, she draped the coat around Severus’s shoulders, and he obediently put his arms through the sleeves and stood there as she did up the buttons. But he made sure his scowl let her know that he wasn’t happy about it.
Upon finishing, Lily sighed when she saw his expression, but softened after a moment.
“I think I know what will do the trick.” She pulled her wand out from its usual place, tucked snugly under her belt. “Colovaria!”
Severus looked down, and the coat had changed in an instant from purple to black.
“Happy?” Lily asked, a playful look in her eyes.
Of course he was. She knew his favorite color—knew everything about him, really. God, Severus knew he didn’t deserve her, but he was more than happy to have her nonetheless.
He couldn’t say all that, though. Not right now, not right here. So instead, he just nodded.
“Good. Now let’s get you inside. I think I know a place.”
—
Severus wasn’t sure how Lily had managed to get access to Professor Slughorn’s office, but he supposed when you were the teacher’s favorite like she was, you could do just about anything. It was small, but it had a little fireplace in the corner behind the desk, and it was certainly better than the freezing outdoors—especially with Lily in there with him.
Lily took the thick green blanket draped over Slughorn’s desk chair and wrapped it around Severus’s shoulders, giving them one last little rub and a pat for good measure before setting him down on the armchair in front of the fireplace.
“I’ve got to go upstairs for a few things, but I’ll be right back. You stay here and stay warm.”
“Should I wait to light the fireplace until you come back?” Severus asked.
A mischievous smile spread across Lily’s face.
“Yeah. I think I’ve got something that’ll help start it.”
As Lily disappeared upstairs, Severus obediently pulled the blanket tightly around himself and tried his best to stay warm. Even just being inside had already restored some feeling to his extremities, and his hands were slowly returning to their usual color. Lily had probably, at the very least, saved him from getting frostbite. Severus didn’t know what he would do without her, truly.
It wasn’t too long before he heard Lily’s footsteps approaching, and he turned to greet her. In one hand, she was carrying a tin of tea leaves. In the other, a roll of parchment.
“What’s that for?” Severus asked.
“This?” Lily held up the parchment, a wicked grin on her face. “Oh, just kindling for the fire.”
Severus gave her a quizzical look.
“Potter’s Charms essay,” Lily continued, an impish glint in her eyes. “He’s already late turning it in, and Flitwick isn’t too happy about it. I would know, Potter’s been griping about it all week.”
“How’d you get it?”
Lily rolled her eyes.
“Potter’s a pillock. He and the others left all their work out on the table in the common room. He should know better than anyone else that you’ve got to keep a close watch on your property, or something might happen to it!”
With that, she let the parchment go, and Severus watched it flutter down into the fireplace, right on top of the logs Slughorn had left there. Severus’s heart felt a little bit lighter as Lily set the parchment ablaze with a quick Incendio, and whatever words had been written there faded into the smoke. Sure, it wouldn’t bring his coat back, and he still wasn’t sure what he was going to do about that, but for now, Severus had to admit it felt good.
More than that, with the reflection of the flames playing out across them, Severus thought that Lily’s eyes looked even more beautiful than usual—he sat mesmerized by the flickers of light dancing atop a sea of green. Even if there was nothing else that was good in the world, and even less after today, there were still those eyes. There was still Lily, and maybe that was enough.