Chapter Text
Adora was 17 when she met Catra.
It's funny really. They'd gone to the same high school since grade 9, but they never actually met until the beginning of grade 12 when they got sat next to each other in math class.
Adora had always stuck to the sciences, her path was cut to be a woman in STEM since she was a child. While Catra had stuck to the humanities, not caring to learn about molecules that she couldn’t see without a microscope, but apparently had a passion (and talent) for math. (Adora always found that funny)
So, it wasn't until the terrible teacher's picked seating arrangement did they finally meet.
Adora secretly loved seating charts.
It completely got rid of her anxiety on where to sit or who to sit with or if she would find a seat at the back. There was a whole list of anxieties Adora had exclusively about seating.
So when teachers made a seating arrangement for them? It was a holiday miracle in September.
Except maybe this time Adora wasn't as happy about who she was sitting with.
Since Catra Weaver sat in the seat to the left of Adora.
Adora didn't really know Catra to be fair, but last semester Glimmer had a group project with her and she had some not-so-nice things to say about Catra's attitude. But Scorpia was best friends with Catra (she practically told everyone she knew this information so Adora didn't feel like a stalker), and Scorpia was the nicest person she's ever met. Catra couldn't be that bad then, right?
"Here's what's going to happen, Princess," Catra started.
"Princess?" She gasps insulted.
"I said what I said," Catra remarked, moving on, "You’re going to sit there and do your work. You're not going to talk to me, or bug me, or ask for my help. Got it?"
Adora quickly nodded, having a flurry of emotions running through her stomach at the heat in Catra's (gorgeous) heterochromic blue and golden eyes. Not all of the feelings necessarily bad.
"Good." Catra nodded back and went back to scrolling through Twitter boredly.
Adora was really hoping they could have been friends or at least acquaintances, but Catra seemed to want to get through this semester with as little communication as possible.
"Alright, to start off you and your partner are going to solve this problem together!"
While the class groaned, Adora turned to send a bright-eyed smile at Catra, who frowned back at her.
Oh, Adora was going to be her friend whether she liked it or not.
To Adora, it felt like fate.
They clicked well after that first interaction. Even having developed a playful banter by the end of the first week of school. Then to studying at the library together after school, then to hanging out at Adora's house, and soon Catra was being invited over for family dinners.
So what if Catra's laugh made Adora's stomach feel funny? So what if sometimes Adora looked over and thought Catra was so beautiful she could cry? It wasn't a big deal that Adora fell asleep each night thinking about what it would be like to kiss Catra and hold her close.
These were all very normal friendship things.
_____________________
"Adora, those are not normal friendship things."
Adora stops swirling her tea, looking up at Glimmer in annoyance. She should have never told Glimmer what she felt like around Catra. Now Glimmer has got it in her head that Adora likes Catra. And Adora didn't. Couldn't. She didn't like girls like that.
"I know you don't want to hear it, but it's true! Fantasizing about kissing your best friend is not platonic in any sense. That's like the exact definition of a crush."
"You're forgetting that Catra's a girl," Adora points out, returning to swirling her tea so the milk blended perfectly.
Glimmer levels Adora with a blank stare. They've had this discussion several times now, but no matter how much Glimmer lectures about "compulsory heterosexuality" and “oblivious lesbians”, Adora will still say she's being crazy.
Adora's had crushes on boys before, ok? This one time in grade 4, a rumour started around that this boy liked her. It was actually quite annoying but it did make Adora look at him a little differently. She’s sure she had a crush on him. There was a level of nervousness around him and she cared about what he thought of her.
(But then again, she felt the same way about most people back then. It's hard to tell if she was just nervous around this boy cause he liked her or if she actually had a crush on him.)
Glimmer scoffs and rolls her eyes. "I'm not forgetting about Catra's gender here."
"Can we drop it, please?" Adora pleads.
Glimmer sighs, letting this argument go (probably just until tomorrow though). "Alright fine. We can talk about how your brother is bugging my dad again."
Adora rolls her eyes again. Glimmer didn't have any siblings, something Adora was quite jealous overseeing as her twin brother, Adam, was a menace. He was smart but annoying to every single teacher. The stupidly gifted guy could afford to slack off in class and still get a high grade, meanwhile, Adora has to actually study for the same grade, maybe even a lesser one.
As a child, Adam would mock Adora saying she got the dumb gene while he got the smart one. Young Adora brushed it off, but sometimes late at night when present Adora was feeling low, she couldn't help but think that Adam was right.
____________________
Maybe it was the late hour, or maybe Glimmer's words were finally getting to her, but Adora finds herself searching up "How to know if you have a crush?" as she lays in bed that night in the darkness of her room.
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" She mumbles to herself.
Google doesn't do shit. All it talks about are the butterflies, and caring what the other person thinks of you, and being nervous around them. She's never felt these "butterflies" or been more nervous around someone than normal.
But the wanting to be with them all the time? The need to have them be the first to know any good news? The thinking about what they like while out shopping for yourself? Maybe Adora felt those things all the time about Catra.
"These can't be crush things." Adora tries to convince herself.
They couldn't. Catra is a girl. A girl Adora is best friends with. That's why she thinks about her a lot (all the time) and wants to hang out with her (again, all the time). That's something all besties feel.
Maybe it would crush her just a tiny bit if Catra didn't feel that same way. But that's because her friendship wasn't reciprocated! Not because she had a crush on her!
Feeling satisfied that she definitely doesn’t have a crush on Catra, Adora turns off her phone and rolls over.
She doesn't have a crush on her.
She can't.
____________________
When Adora was 8, her family went on a day trip to the beach.
It was a reward for doing so well in school that year. Her brother had gotten an award for "demonstrating excellent learning capabilities", basically the best in class; in both grades and moral character. So this trip wasn't so much as a reward for Adora as much as a reward for Adam.
But nevertheless, Adora was brought along.
She loved the beach.
The salty sea, the grainy sand, the sound of the waves crashing down. All of it. Even the discomfort of the sand in her bathing suit and shoes, the knots in her hair from the untameable waves, and the loss of her perfectly built sandcastle.
She had a good hour of fun before her mother ruined it.
A couple had set up their stuff next to her family that day. They weren't very close despite it being a particularly busy day at the beach, but they were close enough for her mother to judge.
Adora remembers her mother huffing and sharing tense whispers with her father as she rebuilt her sandcastle.
"It's just wrong, Micheal. A lifestyle like that. Displayed in a family place, of course! The kids shouldn't be seeing that."
Adora frowned down at her pile of wet sand sitting in front of her. She didn't like when her mother threw a fuss in public, it always made her more antsy and uncomfortable. She got jittery just thinking about the attention her mother was going to cause her today.
She kept her head down as her parents blatantly packed up their stuff, making as much of a fuss as they could. She kept it down as her brother was dragged away from the sea complaining about them leaving so soon. She kept it down as her mother held her hand and looked pointedly away from the 2 women sitting next to them, muttering under her breath about how the country was going to shit with these types of people "displaying their disgusting lifestyles in public like that".
Adora no longer loved the beach after that.
____________________
The next day at school Adora was more anxious than usual, for no reason at all.
She did have class with Catra that day, but it wasn't because of that. There was no reason to be nervous to see Catra. They were friends. She just had a bad feeling about today.
And it was right.
She was working on a particularly hard math problem with Catra, losing a great amount of focus being distracted at how smart and capable Catra was, until some random boy burst into the class.
Not a random boy, she recognized him from Adams soccer team, but she's never actually talked to the guy before. She’s not even sure what his name is. So there was no reason for him to feel as though he could burst into her math class and publicly ask her on a date. With a sign. And a boombox blasting music.
She could feel her sweat run down her neck, her hands were shaking slightly as she held on tight to her pencil. She sat there, wide-eyed, at the display in front of her.
"So? Come on, Adora," The guy confidently persuaded.
Adora was going to kill Adam, after she came back to Earth that is. Her body no longer felt like her own. Her heart was racing, her palms were dripping in sweat, and she felt like she was either going to pass out or vomit right on the floor.
She could feel hot tears burning behind her eyes, hotter than the stares her classmates were laying on her back. She felt too aware of their eyes, their judgemental thoughts, their expectations.
"Could I be excused?" Adora squeaks out.
"Really Adora? You're going to be like this?" The guy impatiently huffs lowering his sign, completely oblivious to the mental spiral Adora was going through.
Her poor teacher, who at first was cooing at the display, nodded quickly with a worried look. Adora waited no more seconds, grabbing her backpack and rushing out of the class; not giving that display another glance.
She didn't care about what the teachers or passing students thought of her running down the hallway with tears streaming down her face. They'd hear about the display and rejection soon enough to put the puzzle pieces together.
Thankfully the hall monitor isn't around when Adora dashes out of the school in search of her car, frantically clicking unlock on her key as she approaches.
She's never been more thankful for an empty parking lot, no one can see her completely break down.
Her heaving breaths are louder in the small confinements of her car. She can feel the collection of tears on her lap from them soaking through her pants. She closes her eyes and just tries to focus on managing her breathing. Her throat burns with a raw intensity and she lets that pain ground her. Slowly, she starts to feel her body again. From the clench of her toes in her shoes, to the stinging of the nails digging into her palm that'll surely leave a mark for later.
Adora finally feels her body relax again. She's still riding the last waves of her panic attack, but now she feels like she can at least breathe again.
She lays her head against the steering wheel with a deep exhale, praying that she can block out this entire afternoon for the rest of her life.
____________________
Deciding not to return to class after that mess, Adora drives to a Subway for a snack before returning to school to pick up Adam at the end of his practice.
Usually, she stays behind and studies in the library with Catra during his practice time, but the thought of re-entering the school and coming face to face with Catra threatens another panic attack.
She waits on a nearby road for Adam instead of in the parking lot like usual. She doesn't know if the boy from before will be leaving practice at the same time as Adam, but she doesn't want to take any chances. She puts her seat all the way down and lies back so that a passerby wouldn't be able to see her, just in case.
"What are you doing?" Adam yells through the window as he pulls on the passenger car door.
Adora hastily unlocks it and pulls her seat back up. "Nothing."
Adam throws his bag into the back seat and then just stares at Adora.
"What?" Adora tries to play it casual, maybe Adam will ignore the situation and they can both pretend it never happened.
Adam raises his eyebrows. That's not going to happen then.
"I don't know what you want me to say," Adora says defiantly looking determinately away from Adam. "I don't know the guy! I've never talked to the guy! I don't even know his name!"
"You get to know him by going on a date!"
"Why would I go on a date with a person I don't know!"
"That's how you get to know them! Why do you always shoot all these guys down?"
Adora stays silent. She doesn't know what Adam wants to hear. She doesn't want to date any of the guys Adam gives false hope to. It just feels so...wrong.
"You know mom and dad don't care if you–is that a Subway wrapper?" Adam derails.
Adora cringes. Busted.
"Maybe."
"You only crave Subway after panic attacks." Adam points out. "Adora."
"It was just a small one!" She tries to defend.
"But it was one!" Adam fights back.
Adora huffs.
"We should tell mom."
"We should definitely not do that."
Adam rolls his eyes at her, but he doesn't get it. No one gets it. He isn't plagued with anxiety and panic attacks. He doesn't have to take medication just to get through the day. Medication that's hidden from his parents.
Adora suffered until she was 16 and could make her own medical decisions without her parents knowing. The day after turning 16, she was sitting in her doctor's office begging for something to help her anxiety.
She wasn't that dumb, she knew she had it. But her mother was never one to "believe" in mental illness, if you could even do that. She believed all mental problems could be solved with a good diet and exercise, something she reminded Adora of constantly.
So, Adora keeps her medication a secret from her parents, only having told Adam in case of some horrible side effect. She would keep it from him too if she could.
____________________
Going back to school the next is certainly harder than Adora anticipated. She was terrified that people would come up and ask her about that dude (who she learned was named Nick). And seeing Catra again after she ran out from their shared math class was going to be awkward at best.
But to her pleasant surprise, no one really bothers her. Sure, she's on the receiving end of some stares, but no one actually asks her about yesterday's events.
Catra on the other hand...
"So what the fuck was up with yesterday?"
Adora commends her on at least waiting until they were alone in the study room to ask her but still, why'd she have to ask?
"Uhhhhh" Adora drags out.
"I mean" Catra huffs, "I mean what happened? Is everything okay?"
She sounds so uncertain phrasing her question in a nice way that Adora can't help but let out a truly horrible snort at the sight.
"What?" Catra whines.
"Nothing, nothing. You're just funny. It's cute." Adora says without thinking.
Catra's face blanks, her mouth popping open just so that Adora can see the tip of her teeth peeking through. Her face lights up just wonderfully with a small red blush.
Adora swallows thickly. She didn't mean to let that out. "I was just overwhelmed yesterday, ya know? Uh-yeah I didn't want to be in class after that so I went to Subway. Did you know Subway tuna actually doesn't have any tuna? Gross huh." Adora rambles out so quickly she doubts Catra comprehended any of it. "So, math?" She whips out her book and starts straight away at the questions.
Catra follows her, after she's gotten her brain back in her head of course.
"I'm trying to be nicer." She mumbles after 30 minutes of grueling math questions.
"Why? Well, I know why but like why now?" Adora fumbles. Way to sound like an asshole to your friend Adora, she mentally scolds.
Catra shrugs, embarrassed, "Scorpia said something and it got me thinking."
"Scorpia?"
"Yeah, my friend," Catra rolls her eyes.
The way that she said it made it sound like they weren't just friends though.
An ugly heat rumbles to life in her stomach at the idea of Catra dating someone else. Or holding hands. Or hugging. Or kissing. This is some pure hot jealousy swirling in her stomach.
Not that Adora’s jealous. Or cares. Why would she care? She doesn't have a crush on Catra. Or want to be the one that's more than just friends with her. But if she was...then she'd be able to hold Catra like she so badly wants to deep deep down. Finally, find out what Catra's hair feels like carding through her fingers. She could finally see if Catra's lips are as soft as she dreams they are. Wait.
"Don't expect me to turn into a saint though," Catra jokes going back to her math questions.
Adora gives a weak laugh.
Holy fuck.
She has a crush on Catra.