Work Text:
Take me out tonight
Where there's music and there's people
And they're young and alive
Me: come pick me up?
Percy lives a twenty minute drive away. Within fifteen minutes, I get a response.
Percy: outside x
I don’t ask how quickly he got here. I don’t really care. If he ran every red light and he’s being actively pursued by the police, I don’t give a shit. All that matters is that he’s here.
I shove my phone and charger and a change of clothes into my backpack and throw it over my shoulder. I briefly consider climbing out of the window like I’m in some nineties romantic comedy (and I’ve certainly not been above asking some of my visitors to do the same), but I’m the clumsy sort— so I come to the conclusion that a broken ankle will only make my day even worse.
After checking to the best of my ability that the coast is clear, I book it down the stairs, my footsteps as quiet as I can manage. I open the front door with barely a sound— and then I’m out. And he’s here. Percy is here. His beloved little Toyota is at the end of my drive (engine and lights off— very stealth) and I’ve never been so happy to see that piece of shit car in my entire life.
“Hello, darling,” I greet him as I open the door and shuffle into the passenger seat.
He leans over immediately, planting a quick kiss on my cheek, and it’s all I can do to not immediately melt into the faux leather interior.
“Everything okay?” He asks, trying to get a good look at me, his brow furrowed in concern. .
I shrug. “Of course! Why wouldn’t it be?”
“Well, it’s nearly 1am for a start…”
“The night’s just begun.” I pull on my seatbelt. “Let’s go somewhere. Let’s go out out.”
He frowns. “Really?”
“Yeah!” I reach over and poke his arm. “Come on, you’re the student. You’re supposed to be the wild one.”
He smirks. “When I got your text, I was studying.”
“All the more reason to go out. You’re doing the university experience all wrong.”
He gives me a look and I know what he wants to say; ‘What’s the correct university experience, Monts? Getting blackout drunk, never showing up to classes, losing your days in a blur of poppers and one night stands, then getting kicked out for poor attendance?’
But he’s far too nice to say that out loud.
“Mmm,” is what he actually says. “Maybe. Could we maybe just… drive around for a bit first?”
I can’t help but sink back in my seat, slightly relieved. “That sounds fucking amazing. Can we listen to—“
“We’re not listening to Doja Cat.”
I look at him. He starts the car, avoiding looking back at me.
“Percyyyyy….”
“Nope.”
I take a breath. Then put on my best Doja voice. “Damn papi, you a rare breed. No comparing. And it’s motherfucking scary—“
“Please stop.”
“Tryna keep him cos I found em, let a ho know, I ain’t motherfuckin sharing…”
Driving in your car
I never, never want to go home
Because I haven't got one anymore
We settle for The Smiths. We’ve loved them since we were twelve and saw Morissey waving flowers around on TV and thought we’d never seen anything gayer.
Percy drives, and we listen, and I watch the streetlights blur out of the window. The roads are quiet, just as we like them, and we weave through residential streets until we meet the windier rural roads, and then Percy really relaxes. He’s not built for the city like I am.
Today had been a bad day. I have many bad days. Today had been a particularly bad day.
I’ve been seeing this boy. Sinjon. He’s sweet. He sends me memes and gorgeous selfies and replies to my texts almost immediately. Really, I think he might be more into me than I am into him, but that’s pretty much been my default position with everyone I sleep with since I realised I was desperately, painfully in love with my best friend.
Sinjon’s a sensible boy, but I’m not, and I somehow managed to convince him to climb into my bedroom window this afternoon. I then got so invested in what we were doing that I didn’t notice one of the maids coming up the stairs, and she got quite the eyeful.
Then she told my father.
At least Sinjon got to make his hastened exit down the stairs, and didn’t have to shimmy down the drainpipe. And at least he didn’t get to see my father teach me a thorough lesson, before I’d even had a chance to put my trousers back on.
I crawled into bed after that— sore and bruised (and not in the fun way), and slept fitfully for hours. Jolting awake whenever I imagined the door swinging open and my father’s face bearing down on me.
You’d think I’d be used to it by now.
I turn my head, watching Percy as he drums his lovely musician's fingers against the steering wheel in time to the music. Picturing those fingers running through my hair, dragging up my spine.
I take a deep breath, then turn the music up even louder.
Take me out tonight
Because I want to see people
And I want to see life
There's a bar, out in the sticks, where we go when we don’t want to run into anyone from school. It’s not my favourite, a little quiet for my tastes, but Percy loves it. And I love when Percy loves things.
We pull up nearby and I immediately step out of the car. But then I pause. Percy gets out too, locking the car and starting to walk towards the bar when he notices I’ve stopped moving. He pauses and turns to me.
“Monts?”
I look over at the bar, there’s a steady stream of people walking in and out, some people gathering in the smoking area outside. I suddenly feel very aware of the thick layer of foundation on my jaw, and the broken blood vessel in my left eye. I thought wanted to be amongst people, dancing, sweating, but now—
“Can we just… stay here for a bit?” I motion to the hood of the car. “People watch with me?”
He smiles, and walks back, hopping onto the car and leaving a space for me. I join him, letting out a breath I didn’t know I was holding and leaning back on my elbows.
Then we just… watch.
There’s a couple in the middle of an argument. She has her arms folded and he’s pleading with her to look at him but she’s staring at the ground, mascara streaked on her cheeks. Another couple are having a much better time— two women, one with pink hair and one with blue, pressed up against a wall in the smoking area and kissing each other senseless. I nudge Percy with my elbow, motioning my head towards them. He looks, then rolls his eyes.
“Pervert.”
I laugh. “Hardly voyeurism when they’re practically eating each other in public.”
“Doesn’t mean you have to look.”
“Oh, you’re such a saint.”
He scoffs, and I look at him, tilting my head slightly. He’s home for Christmas break, back at his aunt and uncle’s house. I’ve missed him. So fucking much.
“So.” I say, raising an eyebrow. Then flinching slightly when I remember the cut above my eye. “Still no action at uni?”
“You’re obsessed.”
“I’m interested.”
“I’m busy, Monty. Doing actual university things.”
“So that’s a no.”
With that, he blushes, looking away. Percy never talks about his love life. Either because he doesn’t have one (unlikely, given his face, personality and well… everything), or he’s embarrassed about something. I don’t push. Mainly because hearing about whoever he’s shagging that isn’t me may just finally tip me over the edge.
“Tell me about university things,” I say. Because I just want to hear him. I don’t care what he talks about, just as long as I hear his voice.
He looks at me, as if to see if I actually mean it. When I raise my eyebrows, he smiles. And he starts to talk.
Ramble, really. I’d call it rambling.
Percy is so quiet around everyone but me, so when we get together, it’s like he’s saved up weeks of conversation just for my ears. I grin and let it wash over me— anecdotes about the dining hall, drunk noisy roommates, rumours about which lecturers are sleeping with their students. I watch the way his mouth twitches, trying not to laugh when he tells me about something funny. The way the little line between his eyebrows deepens when he’s trying to be serious.
I commit it all to my memory, like I always do whenever he’s around.
“And of course that’s when I….” He trails off, then frowns at me. “Are you even listening?”
I realise I’ve been watching his throat move for the last couple of minutes, picturing resting my mouth against it. My eyes quickly shoot back to his face. “Hmm? Yes! Yes of course.”
He rolls his eyes. “Come on.” He hops off of the car. “Let’s keep driving if you don’t want to go in. It’s cold.”
I glance back at the bar, and I think of all the people inside. Full of life and energy that I am trying my best to emulate. Then I look back at him and I’m just far, far too tired. “Okay.”
And if a double-decker bus crashes into us
To die by your side is such a heavenly way to die
And if a ten-tonne truck kills the both of us
To die by your side, well, the pleasure, the privilege is mine
“It was Sinjon,” I blurt out half an hour later, when we’re driving back towards the city centre.
He keeps looking at the road, but I don’t miss the tiny scowl that flickers over his face. That’s odd. “What was Sinjon?”
“Today. He was…” I wave vaguely. “He was in my room.”
“Right.”
“Father found out.”
He nods, his shoulders tense, but he doesn’t say anything else. I never used to tell Percy when this happened, and to his credit, he never pried when I used to show up at his house with badly covered bruises, begging for a distraction. Then, one day a year or so ago, I was drunk, and my ribs were so sore I could barely sit, and it all came out in a barrage of tears (and probably a fair amount of snot).
Now, he still never asks. But when I do decide to talk about it, he listens.
“That new maid. The blonde one. She walked in on us. And immediately told him.” I force a smile. “Someone’s getting a pay rise.”
“Fuck her, Monty. And fuck him.”
I shrug. “You know what would be nice, though?” I reach up, delicately touching the cut on my eyebrow. “If he could take off those bloody rings first.”
Percy flinches. It’s not funny. None of this is. But, as ever, I don’t know how else to handle it.
“I’m not going back.”
He glances at me. I’ve said those words before. Many times. He knows as well as I do that I have nowhere else to go.
“We don’t have to go back yet.”
“I’m not going back ever, Perce.”
I’m not going home. I can’t go home. If Percy wants to leave, he can leave me on the side of the road. Maybe I’d get robbed, or kidnapped, or worse. That’s fine. Maybe a drunk driver would swerve into me and put me out of my misery. That’s even finer.
Or perhaps I’ll luck out and a truck will hit us both. I can’t think of a better way to go, right here with the boy I love, never having to go home again.
Then I screw my eyes shut. Wishing that on myself is one thing, but wishing that on Percy? What is wrong with me?
Percy hasn’t answered. He looks like he’s considering what to say. Instead of saying anything, he skips a couple of songs on his phone which is propped up against the dashboard, until he lands on what he’s looking for. He smiles slightly and cranks up the volume.
We sing along until our voices are sore. I’m half aware this song is technically sad, but something about it lifts me up and drops me on this cloud, this Percy and I cloud, until I can no longer feel the pain.
He grins at me. One of his huge, all-encompassing smiles that makes his entire face crinkle. I smile back, then I glance down at his hand on the gearstick. Fuck it. Why not.
I drop my hand on to his, and he doesn’t even flinch, widening his fingers until mine are slotted through his. We stay like that for what seems like forever, though it’s only the duration of a song. Our hands entwined, stupid smiles on our faces, lost to the night and the music and the escape of it all.
When the song ends, another slower one starts. Percy squeezes my fingers slightly, then moves his hand away, and just like that, at least for him, the moment is over.
And in the darkened underpass
I thought "Oh God, my chance has come at last"
But then a strange fear gripped me and I just couldn't ask
I want to kiss him. Well, I always want to kiss him.
I’m always one second away from just leaning over and just… doing it. Like I’m standing on a precipice, wobbling dangerously on the edge. Just one step away from upturning my life.
Because it would. Turn everything upside down. Ruin everything. He doesn’t want me. Why would he want me? Best case scenario, he turns me down gently and my stupid attempt at a kiss hangs over us forever.
I’ve kissed many, many people. Kissing is easy. Two mouths moving against each other. As long as no one has terrible breath, or is too aggressive with their tongue, there’s not a lot that can go wrong. But with Percy it would be more than that and I know it.
I wonder if he’s ever thought about kissing me.
I daydream about it sometimes— that I won’t have to kiss him. One day, he’ll put me out of my mystery, lean over and kiss me senseless. Sometimes I feel like he might. I’m not a terrible catch. Am I? I’m very handsome. I’ve been told I’m above average in the sack. Plus, he must somewhat enjoy my company, seeing as we’ve been best friends since we were still in pull-up nappies. I’m very kissable, dammit.
Although… if I’m so kissable, why hasn’t he kissed me?
Could it be the fact that I text him in the middle of the night, a total wreck, and he picks me up and has to politely ignore the bruises and the tears in my eyes? Or the fact that I can’t stop falling into bed with strangers to distract myself? Or the fact that when I can’t find anyone to shag, I drink myself to sleep instead?
Christ. Of course I’m not a catch. He’s here for two weeks and I immediately drag him into my messy family drama. No amount of handsome dimples can change what a shitty, terrible friend I’ve been the last few years.
If I were Percy, and someone like me leaned in for a kiss, I’d throw him out of my car and run him over for good measure. Some nerve I have, thinking I’m in anywhere near his league.
I watch him some more. The street lights bouncing off the freckles under his eyes. The way he’s trying to sing along but only knows half the words, so he keeps laughing to himself when he gets it wrong.
I won’t kiss him. I don’t want to ruin his night.
Oh, there is a light and it never goes out
There is a light and it never goes out
I wake up to a sunset through the windscreen. I wasn’t aware I’d fallen asleep. I rub my eyes and look over to see Percy on his phone, frowning at something. I clear my throat and he jumps, looking at me.
“Browsing Tinder, darling?”
He rolls his eyes, putting his phone away. “Studying, actually.”
“Of course you are.”
He puts on a voice which I think is meant to represent mine. “Thank you for taking me out, Percy. I appreciate you letting me sleep, Percy.”
I laugh slightly. “You’re an angel. That goes without saying.” I stretch my arms, yawning. “How long have I been out?”
“Just a couple of hours.”
I frown. “You’ve just been driving around with me asleep in your car for a couple of hours? Why does that make me feel like a toddler?”
He laughs. “I don’t mind. It’s just nice to be with you.”
Oh, and I wish he wouldn’t say things like that. When you’re as reckless as I am, it makes me want to say things back. Things I’d regret.
I open my mouth to say something, then change my mind. Percy gives me a sad smile.
“You know you can’t stay at mine. Right?”
I do know that. Percy’s guardians despise me, and even if they didn’t, their house has no room for me. Percy’s too polite to tell me that I have to go home, whether I want to or not. But we both know it’s the truth.
“We could run away together,” I say with a smirk. “Move to the countryside and raise some sheep.”
“That would be a great use for my music history degree.”
I laugh. “I love you, Perce.”
He swallows, then gives me a smile that doesn’t quite reach my eyes. “I love you, too.”
I sit up straighter, then notice the window on my side is all steamed up from my nap. I drag my finger through the condensation, drawing a heart.
“Time to go.”