Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Sapnap realized he wasn’t a good person.

He realized this when it happened the first time. When he killed that fucking fox. Niki’s fox. It wasn’t even his fault really. He was just messing around. Sapnap never even meant to kill the thing. Never wanted for any of the pet wars to happen.

Sure, he acted like he enjoyed them. Like it was what he wanted to do. Smiling widely and threatening other peoples pets as if it was all part of his plan. Acting as if he was some big bad villain. 

But it wasn’t his role to fill. It was an accident. He apologised . 

Or, maybe he did mean it

He couldn’t remember. 

But he could remember when it finally hit him. 

It wasn’t a nice night. In fact, one could hardly describe it in a positive light at all. The grounds smelled of gunpowder, ashes still raining from the sky since the recent fire. Yet, there they were. Sapnap, Punz, Tubbo, Tommy, and the rest of Manburg.

All stood against the three terrors of the server. Three terrors that his fiancé, Karl, had begged him to stay away from.

He should have listened, really.

They were at war. Technoblade, Philza, and Dream stood on one side. The rest of Manberg on the other. Sapnap couldn’t remember why he was even working for Manburg at the time. All he knew was the axe and shield in his hands and the giddy feeling in his chest.

Sapnap was at the top of the hill, tasked with watching for the enemy. Though, he wasn’t really paying attention. He remembered messing around with Punz and testing his shield's durability for a while.

He should have left the shield as it was.

Techno had come up from the side. He was earlier than he said he would be. Philza was flying overhead, breaking one of the well known rules of the server. It’s almost funny. Dream would allow his teammates to cheat, but he wouldn’t cheat to figure out what was wrong with George. What was wrong with Karl.

He should have stayed home with him.

Anyone else would have been scared for their lives right about now. Especially considering the self proclaimed Blood God was about to wage war on them all.

But Sapnap felt calm. Excited . 

“Welcome to Manburg, Technoblade,” He greeted, ignoring the bug eyed stares from most of his friends. They probably thought he was crazy. 

He was.

Techno huffed. “Sapnap.”

“Philza,” Sapnap acknowledges.

Philza, the Angel of Death, snickered, looking over the land. His expression ranged from false contentment to genuine disgust and there was simply no in between. The blonde finally regarded him with a simple smile, humming, “Sapnap”

Technoblade glanced in Tommy’s direction. He wasn’t conflicted though. He was just sending Tommy a message, an unspoken statement, known only to the two of them. Then, he reached down into his pocket.

It wasn’t much. Honestly, it was really nothing at all. Just a whistle made of bone.

Sapnap wondered distantly if Technoblade had made the whistle himself, because of course the normal whistles were too mundane for him. He tilted his head curiously, asking, “Were the normal whistles too plain for you, Techie?”

He could see the exact moment Technoblade debated killing him. But the piglin only humored him, voice dry as ever, “Yes, Sappy. I made my own. I honestly think you’ll like it.”

And Technoblades lips met the whistle.

Tommy blanched, stuttering out, “Tech- wait-“

And three things happened all at once:

1. Hundreds of dogs swarmed Manburg, all wearing the same red collar indicating they were members of the hound army.
2. Philza charged Quackity with an intensity that strongly implied it was personal.
3. The L’Mantree went up in flames.

Tommy finally shook himself out of his shock. “Techno- leave the dogs out of this. No one wants to kill a fucking dog.”

Techno shot an unamused look at Sapnap, one that was mirrored by both Phil and Dream. Assholes, the lot of them.

Sapnap notes this with a low growl. It wasn’t a secret that he didn’t get along with animals. Let alone ones that were trained to kill him. He hated them. Truly, he did. 

They just got in the way. 

Dogs especially.

“Techno?” Sapnap questioned, eye twitching. “What the fuck is this?”

“Meet the hound army,” Techno grunted. His eyes never left Sapnaps. Red eyes met brown in an odd mixture of emotions. None of which could be deciphered.

The blaze hybrid stared back, unflinching. His fist tightened around the axe handle dangerously. And if to those close enough, a fire seemed to ignite in the man's eyes. Sapnap was no longer seeing this as a fight.

No, this was a game.

“I hate dogs. You know I hate dogs,” Sapnap seethed, ignoring the look he’s given by his entire side in response.

Techno raises a brow. “Correction: You’re scared of dogs, Sapnap. And you could always retreat…”

“Nah. I want a rematch”

“You love making my life hard, don’t you?,” Techno grumbled, narrowing his eyes.

Sapnap nods easily.

“Good luck, mate,” Philza comments flippantly. He wasn’t paying attention to the growing tension between Techno and Sapnap. His eyes were trained solely on the president and his vice. Tubbo and Quackity. “You two are mine.”

The two squirmed uncomfortably under his gaze. Quackity especially. Tubbo just looked resigned. He looked ready to face this. Sapnap found himself wondering what they were fighting over. Why did it involve 15 year olds?

And for the first time that night, Dream spoke up, “I’m getting tired of waiting.”

No one spoke.

War rang out shortly after.

“Oh Technoblade!” 

Sapnaps sword met Technoblades shield with a loud clang. He could feel the adrenaline rushing through his body even when Techno barely broke a sweat.

He just knew this would be fun.

“Punz, you’re with me,” He called, not bothering to actually check and see if Punz was with him. Mostly because he had nothing to worry about. Punz was his brother. He’d help him. He had to.

His sights were on Technoblade alone. 

The piglin grunted, pivoting to the side to avoid an attack from Punz. Then, holding up his shield to block any arrows. “Since when were you two so coordinated?”

Sapnap snorted. “We trained.”

“Even I know that’s a lie.”

“Shut the fuck up please,” Punz interrupts, firing an arrow at Techno’s exposed side.

Techno does not in fact shut up. The arrow embeds into his side with a mission. Causing a panicked ‘heh?!’ to escape the warrior before he’s back to his banter. He hits Punz with the blunt end of his axe, hissing, “My monetization!”

Nobody knows what the fuck he’s saying. Not even Tommy could understand him and Tommy regularly uses the word “pog.”

Sapnap jumped out of the way of a swing, eyes wide. But he wasn’t as lucky as any of the other times. The axe nicked his thigh, cutting a thin line down his leg. The blood beaded at the cut and Sapnap suppressed a cry. 

“Nobody knows what the fuck you’re saying,” he hisses through gritted teeth, swinging at the piglin. His blade meets Techno’s axe halfway. Sapnaps eyes widen before he schools his expression, snickering, “I like this game.”

“Why is everything a game to you?” Techno grunted, pressing firmly against the other hybrid. Not willing to be the one caught in this accident.

Sapnap took a moment to mull it over in his head, letting out a low whistle. “Things hurt less when they’re games.”

The clash of their weapons created light shows of sparks. It illuminated the area around them if only for a second, giving light to the hounds that had patiently waited. For a second, Sapnap wondered if the sparks would turn into a flame. A part of him hoped they would find their way to his skin, sizzling out among it to join the flames coursing in his veins.

Where the fuck was Punz?

Techno quirked his brow at the man, “Not bad. Your talents are being wasted.”

“And yours aren’t?” The blaze couldn’t help but snort. The sword in his hands stuttered a bit at the action. It was the truth though, wasn’t it? Both of their talents are being wasted. Sapnap allows the flames dancing below his skin to envelop the blade. His face contorts from one of concentration to glee.

And Techno responds accordingly, shoving Sapnap back. He didn’t advance at all. Instead he just allowed Sapnap to regain his footing. Honorable if nothing else.

“You’re a nether hybrid,” Techno states.

Sapnap nodded, then explains, “Born in flame.”

“A blaze, then? You’re useful,” a pause, Sapnap feels himself getting antsy. “Go home. I’ll let you. I’d hate to kill you.”

He considers it. Truly, he does. Because home is Karl. Home is being under the blankets and listening to Quackity talk about anything and everything. It was better than a war. Better than possibly watching his friends lose their last lives.

Then he’s lunging, once again meeting Techno in the middle. The only difference is that Techno seems to be genuinely enjoying the fight. Enjoying the flames dancing around them. Sapnap laughs at the thought, flames rising with it. He narrowly dodges another knick from the axe.  “I’m actually a piglin, Techie. Piglin-Blaze cross. I say I’m a blaze because it sounds cooler.”

“Quit calling me that.” Techno scoffs, swinging his axe in mild frustration. It’s like they both forgot they were in a war. “You passed up the chance to call yourself a blazelin? I’m disappointed, Sappy.”

Sapnap realizes his own mistake there. “I’m so sorry.”

“How does that work anyways? Being a blaze and a piglin,” Techno questions, stepping to the side to catch his breath. Then he’s back into the fight.

“I’ve got blaze rods in me and piglin features. Gold and shit. Need to stay warm. The usual.” A pause. “You never noticed the tusks? The ears? Come on, man!”

“Sapnap, you’re like 12 compared to me. You have little baby tusks!”

Sapnap twitches, feeling his entire soul jolt with the insult. He is not 12. Very much an adult, thank you. “I resent that statement.”

And he allows his eyes to wander back to the dogs.

The hounds that sat with glaring eyes, never once looking away from Sapnap. Like they knew something he didn’t. Maybe they did.

Sapnap watched one of them with a wary eye. It didn’t so much as flinch. He could feel its eyes on him even as he swung his axe at Technoblade, leaving way for Punz to fire an arrow.

They should be winning.

But Punz didn’t shoot. Actually, he hadn’t seen Punz in quite some time.

He can hear the sound of Tommys panicked cries from somewhere across the town. The telltale flap of the Angel of Deaths wings. His eyes trail up, watching Phil swoop down and grab one of the other soldiers, hauling him up into the air with him.

The struggle is heard for miles. So are the screams.

“If I win, will you teach me to do that?” Sapnap jests, stepping to the side to avoid a very close call with death herself.

He hears Techno grumble something along the lines of a curse, then, “You know what? Yeah. If you win, we’ll teach you everything we know.”

“Really?!” Sapnap steps back to avoid what would be a fatal blow. He can't help but feel a bit giddy with all the fighting. He felt himself smile, letting out a laugh. “Fuck yeah!”

And maybe if Sapnap had been paying more attention, he would have noticed how close he had gotten to the edge of the first L’Manberg chasm. The one Wilbur left behind for all to fill.

Three things are happening all over again. Except this time, he’s the target of every one.

“You’re not too bad, Sapnap. I would have liked to have you on my side.” Technoblade extends his leg, kicking Sapnap back and watching the man struggle to keep his footing. 

Punz fires an arrow at the same time. An arrow that embeds itself right into Sapnaps shoulder. Sapnap doesn’t even feel it at first. Not the pain at least. First it’s just a pressure building up in his shoulder, pushing him backwards. He raises a hand to feel for whatever’s there, suppressing a shaky scream at the blood that coats his hands in return.

Then he’s slipping. Losing his footing on the cliff and barely able to hang on. Sapnap could see the moment he was done for. Could feel the shame rising in the pit of his stomach. Then the fear. His grip on the edge is slipping, fingers sliding along with the rocks and the dust and the grime. Red mixing with green grass.

Blood. His blood.

“Punz!” Sapnap shouts, voice shaking. Words hanging in the air the same way he was now. Desperation and fear mingling with every letter. “Shit- Punz!”

The panic sets in immediately. He’s never lost a life before. XD, he’s never even died before. He doesn’t even know how many lives he has. Sapnap isn’t sure whether he was betrayed or if it was an accident but he decides it doesn’t matter. He’s weak.

The blood oozes from his shoulder, sending jolts of pain throughout his entire body. It stains his white sweatshirt with its crimson color. Every inch of his body now covered in it. In his blood. 

“Wait-“ Sapnap starts, voice panicky and hoarse. Anyone for miles could hear the fear begin to set in. Could hear his words shake. He’s scared. Scared of dogs. Scared of dying. Scared of the void mostly. “Punz pull me up!”

No response. 

“Someone pull me up! Help me!” Sapnaps arm hung limply at his side, dead weight against him. He’d never wanted to live more in his life. He’d apologise for the wars, make up with Tommy, hell, he’d fucking become a priest for the Holy Lands. “ Somebody help me!”

He allowed his eyes to drift up, staring at Techno as the dogs behind him advanced. Sapnap doesn’t miss the way the piglin scowls at his predicament. It wasn’t hesitant. No, it was just resigned. “I hate to do this, Sapnap… but the voices demand blood.”

And Sapnap doesn’t know whether he was dropped or if he let go himself. All he felt was that sinking feeling in his stomach. The one that floated to the top, near your throat, and threatened to spill. Then dropped completely. Along with the rest of your body.

He registers the sick crunch in his body when he hits the floor. The gasp and the strangled scream that leaves his lips as his armor bends uncomfortably. Shifting into himself instead of over him. Sapnap felt the moment the arrow in his shoulder decided to break, leaving a fragment left.

The clang of his sword as it slid across the ground. Blood mixing into his hair and his headband. Both of which stick to his forehead uncomfortably.

Sapnap wheezes in pain, watching the embers and small flames that left his mouth. Pain shoots up his side. Red hot pain that has Sapnap squeezing his eyes shut, exhaling shakily. He’s never felt pain like this before. His eyes travel around the chasm, looking for any way out, straining to see through the dark and the dust in the air.

And from up above, he could make out Techno’s voice.

“Sick ‘im, hounds.”

Chapter Text

Three words. Three words that had dogs running down the chasm. Some leaping to make their way to him. Others abusing the potion effects they still had. Barking and howling as they made their way to him. Sapnap thought they sounded a lot like death. Marching down the ruins to take him to a void he doesn’t belong to.

Sapnap was never meant to die here. 

He was never meant to die on the Overworld. This wasn’t his home. His home was the Nether. A place where the void would be warm and it would accommodate him. Where he wouldn’t be left among stars but instead among the magma blocks and the lava and he’d join his ancestors.

The Overworld was cold. He was cold. 

And he was scared.

He opened his mouth in a shout, but it fell short. Overtaken by a pained scream as one of the hounds latches onto his arm. Then another on his leg. His armor bent and cracked uncomfortably, metal digging into his skin and worsening his wounds. 

The dogs were everywhere. 

Get it off of me.

Sapnap raises his shield in an attempt to block the rest of the attacks. But it breaks in his hands as soon as the dogs charge forward again. He doesn’t stop the cry that leaves his chest when the shield breaks. Shields are supposed to be safe. All of this was supposed to be safe.

But it’s not. They lied to him.

Help.

Sapnap forces himself to look upwards at the people above. Seeing Technoblade first and not understanding why the man was just staring down. As if he had nothing better to do than watch his hound army completely maul Sapnap to death. Then his eyes settle on Punz. Punz who is still holding the crossbow in his hands.

He can’t remember how he fell. Did he fall or was he dropped? But it didn’t take a genius to know that Punz betrayed him. Sapnap called out to the traitor, desperate, scared. 

Punz just walked away.

Sapnap would have called out again if not for the teeth in his skin and blood on his hands. Nails dig into his chest uncomfortably, almost like they were trying to cave his chest plate in on him. Awful screeching fills the air just from the action. Then a squelch.

He’s suddenly thrown back to when he was younger and seeing the overworld for the first time. Seeing the animals for the first time. Being attacked by something he thought was his friend for the first time. Back to when he found out that fire could kill things on the overworld.

And he’s scared. 

Scared of everything and everyone around him. Scared of the hounds coming towards him. This isn’t fair. None of this is fair. Why is he down here while everyone else is safe?

Sapnap holds his axe in his hands, extending it out as if it were a shield. Eyes widening as a dog clamps its jaw down onto it. Teeth gnashing against the wood, splintering it beyond belief. Sapnap can’t ignore the fear in his stomach.

“Get off of me!” He cried, voice hoarse from his screams. He jerked his arms in an attempt to throw the dog off. Face only falling when the dog persists. “Fuck off!”

Sapnap kicks his leg out from beneath it. Slamming it into the dogs stomach. A yelp fills his ears, followed by a lunge and the telltale snap of wood.

His axe broke.

And the dogs teeth and claws made contact with his face. Ripping and tearing. To the point where Sapnap could hardly see on that side. Vision clouded with a thin red film. He assumed it was his blood. But the motions were so slow. Everything felt so agonizingly slow now that he was the victim.

Dogs coming forward and nails digging beneath his skin. Tearing at a speed that may be perceived as quick for anyone but the one being torn. Because Sapnap could feel every bit of it. His skin was burning with pain and fear.

Get them off of me.

A scream tore through him again. He struggled to keep them in. Not that anyone would blame him.

Not as he could feel the scars writing themselves in real time. Feel the way his flesh was torn and scratched and cut. It wasn’t like he could see the dogs white muzzle being stained red with blood. His blood.

Suddenly, the netherite armor felt more like a cage than a shield. Caving in on him and trapping him in its game. He wanted nothing more than to take it off, feeling the metal burning his skin. Blood seeping through and forcing the garment to stick uncomfortably to his skin. 

They’re gonna kill me.

“Get off of me-“ Sapnap rasped, voice coming up short. He’s dying. He knows he is. The dogs are piling onto his body, clawing and biting at every part of him. He’s being used as a glorified fucking chewtoy, he realizes.

I’m gonna die.

His next actions are questionable to say the least, but god damn did it feel good. So what if people were mad at him? It’s his life on the line. Not theirs. Nobody told them they had to do this. Honestly, he’s sure Techno would have fucking left them of they woke up and decided they didn’t want to kill people. But they didn’t. So was any of this his fault?

He promised he wouldn’t kill pets anymore.

Sapnap never really thought his actions out all the way. It wasn’t his job to think them through. So he didn’t hesitate once as he reached for a discarded sword. He only winced and cried when the other hounds took notice of his movement. It was a war dog. It attacked me first, Sapnap rationalized.

It attacked him first.

They can’t be mad at him. Bad and Skeppy can’t be disappointed if it hurt him first. Dream can’t be mad if the alternative was death. It’s not his fault.

It’s not his fault.

So he didn’t think twice when he brought the sword down unto the dog. He didn’t flinch when he felt it slump off of him. Because another dog quickly replaced it. Another mutt came to take its place in mauling him to death.

[Wolf was slain by Sapnap.]

Because they attacked him first.

And his brain went on auto pilot.

Sapnap spent more time dealing with the seemingly never ending onslaught from the hounds than he did with the actual war itself. Dog after dog met the same fucking fate. Each one being cut down by Sapnap even as his good arm lay limp at his side.

The sound of his own heartbeat filled his ears. Blaring and loud against the sounds of the war around him. Sapnap stood, stance ready, waiting for the next attack. Hearing the faint chants for blood ringing around him. Vision going red.

Communicators around the battlefield went off, signaling Sapnaps descent into madness.

[Wolf was slain by Sapnap.]

[Wolf was slain by Sapnap.]

[Wolf was slain by Sapnap.]

A growl sounded off somewhere behind him, leaving him zero time to react. Teeth sunk into his shoulder, jaw locking with the conviction of gods. The pain was blinding. And for a second he found himself thinking that he should let it do its job. Maybe this was his end.

“Get up.”

Sapnap could feel the adrenaline rise in him again. Filling him with a genuine fight. The dogs never stopped. Techno trained them to fight and to kill. It wasn’t his fault. 

Then he was on fire.

“Stupid fucking-“

Sapnap flung the dog off his shoulder, laughing breathlessly at the whimper it made. That fire from before only seemed to burn brighter behind his eyes. It slithered up his blade, resting there as if he commanded it. Sapnap lifted the sword in his hand, preparing himself to just strike. To kill it.

But he hesitated.

It was pitiful, really. It attacked him first. There was no reason for it to be cowering and pleading for mercy with its pitiful whimpers. 

It hurt me.

Then, alternatively, Blood.

“You attacked me.” Sapnap grounds out, teeth gritting against each other in his rage. “You attacked me!”

“Blood.”

The dog tried to scamper away. 

“Look what you made me do!” The flames swayed dangerously on the sword. It licked at the hounds fur. This was fair… right?

“Give us blood.”

Sapnap grimaced, dropping the sword to the ground. He brought his hands to his face, letting out a muffled scream. The kind of scream that tore straight from his chest. His fire reacted in kind, enveloping him fully as if trying to protect him.

Except it swallowed everything around him as well.

[Wolf went up in flames.]

“I’m sorry,” Sapnap whispered, voice small and unheard over the war around him. Even as he limped to an opening. Climbing ever so slowly up the dirt and debris. His wounds screamed at him, bleeding and garnering soft hisses.

Why is it still growling?

He could hear the crackling of the fire then. It rang in his ears clearer than before. Breaking through even the screams and destruction of the war. Feet finally reaching the top. Sapnap looked down at the pit, renounced to a dog graveyard, frowning.

“I’m sorry.” He wasn’t.

It’s still growling.

He wanted to be home.

Shut up.

The dog was still growling. How was it still growling?

Just die already.

It wasn’t until something grabbed his arm that he realized what he was doing. 

Sapnap jolted, fire diminishing in wake of his fear. He could still feel it beneath his skin. Could hear it begging to be let out. Whatever touched him flinched back. Then it was back and that damn growling filled his ears again. Growling and barking. Barking and growling.

“Good to see you made it out.”

A hand touched him. A gentle touch really. It gripped his shoulder lightly and with a warning squeeze. Sapnap knew it wasn’t a threat. He knew that. Logically, one wouldn’t be so gentle if they wanted to hurt him.

But it hurt. It burned. He was back there in that pit, dogs attacking him. Pouncing on him at every waking second. He was being torn apart and bit and he was in pain. He was being trampled all over again. Armor bending around and into him just like it did before. Dogs growling in his ear. An arrowhead in his shoulder.

Blood. So much fucking blood.

“Get off of me-“ Sapnap managed through grit teeth, ready to lunge for the voice. He’s aware that his voice shakes, coming off as more of a desperate growl than a command. “Get off!”

“Dude- Sap, chill the fuck out man. I’m not gonna kill you or anything,” And that was definitely Punz's voice. He’d know it anywhere.

All that’s running through his mind is the events that went down just minutes before. Where he was screaming his voice raw while everyone ignored him. When Punz had let him fall, watching him plummet.

Because he’s sure the person in front of him is Punz. He can hear his voice. The way that Punz slurs his words and the way he moved. Could tell from the fond way he touched his arm.

He knows it’s Punz. He does.

So when did that change? 

Sapnap doesn’t remember when Punz moved or if he moved at all. Probably because the flames enveloped him too fast for him to ever really discern who it was. Fueled this time by his own desire and not a desperate attempt to live. Though, he wonders how much of this was reslly him.

But he does remember reaching out. Letting his hand connect with the others arm. Flames still prepared to envelop whoever was unfortunate enough to make contact with him. Sapnap didn’t think once about the consequences of this action.

He wants Punz to burn. Wants it more than he’s ever wanted anything else in his life. Distantly, he can hesr the sound of small  voices urging him to burn, to destroy, to kill. Not clear enough to discern but enough for Sapnap to know what they want. They want blood. They want ash.

He can give them that. Even if it’s unlike him. Even if he normally would have just let it go. It was like something had taken the reigns for a bit.

“Sapnap!”

It was screaming. It was screaming and it was awful and familiar. He never meant to. He didn’t want to hurt him. Sapnap could barely make out who the figure was through the fire. The reds and yellows and oranges all blended together. Each one painting the same image. 

He waited for the death message. For anything. 

But all that came was a harsh shove and the blurry sight of Quackity gripping his right arm. Singed and burnt and blackened. The awful scent of burnt flesh filled the air, stinging their noses and revealing the horror of the situation.

Sapnap stares, eyes cloudy from tears. The figure before him slowly began to come to view. Revealing someone he was admittedly quite close with. Someone he planned to marry. To spend the rest of his life with. Reduced to nothing more than a corpse among a warzone.

Quackity fell.

Then a ding resounded around the battlefield.

[Quackity burnt to a crisp fighting Sapnap]

Chapter Text

For a minute, the battle seemed to stop. The fire stopped. The hounds paused in their attacks on his mind. Both sides completely stopped and stared at the hybrid.

And something about it made him sick to his stomach. Standing there and feeling smaller than ever while his friends and allies loom overhead. Both sides sharing a disgust for what he did. 

Sapnap felt his skin crawl at the looks he was getting. Looking down to avoid their gazes, hands coming to scratch the back of his neck absentmindedly. He felt silly, like a little kid again. Except all eyes were on him this time and none of them were happy.

“You killed him. You fucking killed him!” Tommy shouted from his left. The words left a foul taste in his mouth. He could almost see the blonde tripping over the curses as they tumbled from his mouth. “You’re fucking crazy, Sapnap!”

Tubbo looked away. He didn’t have much of a reaction besides that. Choosing to ignore that they were ever associated with him. 

Philza stared with an unreadable expression. “Friendly fire.”

Techno didn’t look at him. Looking at the dogs that made it instead. Unbeknownst to the way Sapnap flinched back from their presence.

Where was Punz?

“I- I didn’t-,“ Sapnap stuttered, holding the sword with a shaky grip. “I thought- I thought he was Punz.”

Sapnap felt the weight of his words in his chest. It was suffocating. Drowning him. Why were they looking at him like that? Like he was evil. Like he meant to kill Quackity. As if he had consciously chosen to torch his fucking fiancé?

Didn’t they hear him? Couldn’t they hear him down there, screaming for them? It couldn’t have been too hard. He wasn’t quiet. Everyone knew he was down there. But none of them helped.

Of all the people watching him, Dream seemed the most disappointed. It was like the air around the man had dissolved into nothing but dissatisfaction. A deep dissatisfaction with Sapnap and how things had turned out. Along with an amusement that brought a chill to his spine. “Nice form, Sapnap. I must say,”

Sapnap looked at him, stumbling forward through the dogs. He tried and failed to blink away the tears that pricked at his eyes. The world around him becomes a blurry mess through his eyes. Dogs bark and growl in his ears, sometimes whining and whimpering and pleading. They were joined by voices. Human voices.

Where were they when you needed their help?

They were gonna let you die.

They don’t deserve you.

They dropped you.

Philza and Technoblade looked at him with expressions varying from disdain to pity. The angel had to look away from the sight. His partner did not. Technoblade watched him as if he knew something. Maybe he did.

Techno knows

He always knows

He’s smart

Sapnap isn’t

And something may have snapped inside of him. Something very small and angry. Bringing every negative thought to the front of his mind. Because Dream, of all fucking people, was not allowed to be disappointed. None of these people had any right to feel any type of way about his actions.

Sapnap spun wildly, ignoring the pain that flared up his legs when he did. He searched the crowd for Punz. The one he fucking meant to kill. Then, with a shaky hand, he pointed at the man, seething, “He fucking dropped me. He dropped me and you all let him!”

No one responded.

They aren’t listening.

Kill them all.

Blood.

Ash.

“He shot me in the fucking shoulder with a crossbow. Twice, ” He finished. Glaring at the blonde with a special mix of betrayal and hatred. Because they were meant to be brothers in arms. “Punz is a fucking rat. ”

The blonde only rolled his eyes, shooting back, “I think the fall rattled your brain, Sapnap.”

He dropped us.

Tried to kill us.

Kill him.

We want blood.

“He tried to kill us!” Sapnap shouted, feeling it tear at his vocal chords. Seeing the way that every person on the field looked away. Including Punz. Us. He’d said ‘us’. As if he were more than one person. He guesses he was now. Subpoena looked up, noticing the concerned glance from Technoblade.

Us.

“Who’s us?” Tommy and Tubbo inquired, looking as if they didn’t actually want an answer at all. Especially not from the way Tubbo was glancing up at the tnt grid in the air. Almost as if he was anticipating its activation. Waiting on its intervention as if he wanted it to happen. The brunette had his hand clasped firmly around Tommy’s, both shaking and cut. 

Then, Tommy continued, “There’s only one of you here. Who the fuck is us, Sapnap?”

Sapnap decided he hated them.

Maybe they think you’re crazy.

You did just kill your boyfriend.

Punz cheated.

You should cheat too.

“ Shut up ! I didn’t fucking kill him. I’m not crazy” Sapnap argued, bringing his hands up to cover his ears. It did nothing to drown out the noises. Because these voices were in his head. They were a part of him now. 

Awful gnashing teeth

Barking

Growling

Black beady eyes

Tags clinking in the wind

“Someone get them out of my head!”

The dogs barked louder in his ears. Sapnap turned, facing Techno now. He walked towards him. Barely able to keep himself steady as he did. His hands met Techno’s cape weakly, staring up at the piglin. 

He’s almost sure he looked pathetic. Blood sticking to his forehead and matting his hair. Tears and snot and grime coating his face. And the most fearful look ever. Sapnap knows Techno won’t help him.

“Kill me,” he said. His voice was shaky but serious. And maybe that scared Techno. Maybe it worried the piglin.

Because Techno moves his hands, not roughly but enough so that he stops. The piglins nose scrunches up in disgust, eyes looking away for a moment. But he doesn’t move away from him. The man took the chance to wipe some of the blood off of Sapnaps face, stating, “You’re a good fighter, Sapnap.”

“Technoblade please.”

“Maybe one day we’ll be allies. The Syndicate could use someone like you” Technoblade states, taking his sword from its hilt and leaving it in Sapnaps hands. The piglin didn’t meet his eye after. Hands coming out to push the man back with his own side. Ignoring the raised brow from Philza and letting Sapnap fall back into the open among the rest of his side. 

Blood god.

Go with him.

We can’t do everything.

Techno has us too.

He couldn’t hear a single thing in the field. Not the screams of both Tommy and Tubbo when Dream decided to activate the tnt grid. Not the panicked shouts for him to move from all around him.

And even as the nation around them exploded and Technoblades cackles filled the gaps in the noise, Sapnap swore he could still hear them.

They were still growling.

They were still mocking him.

He let out a bitter chuckle, silenced almost immediately by a scream and an explosion.

But Sapnap was never one to die by another persons hand. No, he took the sword in his hands, eyes watching the tnt fall and explode around him. His hair blazed wildly along with the rest of New L’manbergs land. 

“Sapnap stop!” Punz voice rang out over an explosion. Desperation clear in his voice. The ravenette thought it was funny. The man who originally tried to kill him was now begging him not to die. What a funny concept.

“It was never meant to be,” Sapnap chuckled dryly, bringing the sword onto himself.

[Sapnap died trying to escape Sapnap.]

————

The void was cold as usual. 

Honestly, he couldn’t remember the last time he had genuinely died. At least, not a canon death like that had been. Sapnap had always stayed out of Deaths grip, more commonly found on the sidelines.

But here he was. 

A dog laid across from him, staring blankly at the stars in the sky. Quackity was beside it, petting its fur gently. Like he cared. 

“You tried to kill me.”

The dog doesn’t answer. Neither does Quackity.

“I thought you were going to push me back down.”

Quackity stands and it’s that moment Sapnap notices the fresh scar on his face. 

“Quackity?”

He’s gone. Leaving only a dog .

----------

They arrested him as soon as he respawned.

Punz had dragged him from his bed, barely giving him enough time to pack his items. He didn’t even look to see if Sapnap was following him as they made their way through L’manburg. The blonde barely even looked at him, focusing on the path and the boats and even the floor. But never Sapnap. He wasn't sure if it was the work of a sudden guilty conscience or if it was all just some new act. Another ploy to get him to trust him. To think he was on Sapnaps side again.

Sapnap tried not to feel too hurt about it.

“I never meant to hurt him,” Sapnap whispered. Even if he knew no one would listen to him. The truth was almost worse. No, he didn’t mean to kill Quackity.

He meant to kill Punz.

Punz shrugged, shoving him forward. It was like he didn’t care. Like he knew everything all along. He probably did. Judging from the simple dismissal of the topic. The blonde carried himself as if he didn't even care about what happened. Like it was just another day for him. Honestly, knowing him, it probably was.

This is your chance.

Punz is a traitor

You could kill him

Kill Punz and run.

Sapnap fell quiet, ignoring the voices in his head and following behind his brother, friend. All up until they made it to the ruins. The entire nation was gone. Blown entirely to bedrock with nothing but splintered wood, broken cobblestone, and a couple of barely standing homes to its name. From this distance he could see the flag laying at the bottom of the rubble. Covered in rocks and block and wood and all sorts of trash. But it was still there. Somehow, after everything, that stupid flag was still in tact.

Dogs filled his mind again. Their teeth tearing at his flesh. Nails digging into his skin. Awful growling and whimpering and whining. Red collars and beady black eyes, circling him like prey. 

He’s back in that pile. Scratches and dents littering his armor. A sword in hand.

And blood. So much blood.

He froze, eyes scanning the destruction. He knew some of it was his fault. He knew he’d fought against them in the beginning. But it was a place he’d grown familiar with. The bakery visits with Eret, Niki, and Puffy. All the early morning bickering with Tommy. Back when they were all just friends.

Now it was just another hole in the ground. Sapnap was tempted to look down at it. If only just to see how far down it goes. But another part of him was cautioning him from the edge. Especially with Punz near him. 

Their noise fills his ears yet again.

It was the place Quackity fought for.

Technoblades laughs echo at the back of his mind.

He’s burning. He’s never burned before.

Quackity was slain by Sapnap.

“Did I… Is he-“ Sapnap starts, almost choking on the words and the possible reality of his actions. He could feel his handle on the fire inside him start to slip. Everything was just too much. “I didn’t kill him, right?”

Punz didn’t answer for a moment. But he seemed to take pity on the man. “No. He respawned. It wasn’t a canon life.” A second passed. “You meant to kill me, right?”

“I did say that, didn’t I?”

And that was that.

He’s lying and you know it

Liar

Punz is a liar

Where is he taking us?

Sapnap tried to feel better about his circumstances. Tried to convince himself that maybe just maybe someone would see that he really hadn’t meant to kill Quackity. 

It worked for a while. But then the time came and he was met with Sam. The warden. Standing before him with a grave expression. As if he was looking at an old friend. A friend who strayed too far. Except he had some company. That being Antfrost and Fran. Antfrost, an old friend of his. Someone who had helped him out during a rough patch enough times that Sapnap would consider him close. 

And Fran: a fucking dog.

TRAITOR

TRAITOR

TRAITOR

KILL THEM.

Sapnap grimaced but didn’t show any signs of listening to them. He’d rather not have to explain the voices in his head that were currently telling him to kill Sam. Even if some part of him wanted to. Especially after seeing the dog next to the man. Fran stared up at him readily, as if expecting him to run or to step out of line. Prime, it made Sapnaps skin crawl, taking a step back out of an odd mix of fear and disgust. He almost shuffled behind Punz in his haste to get away. Breath coming up ragged and short as he recalled his last interaction with the furry creature.

Stupid mutt

It's ok

Get out of there!

Sap? You ok?

Sapnap repressed the urge to answer the voice in his head. It seemed to be the only thing considering his actual feelings at the moment anyways. "Get her away."

The creeper hybrid seemed to look everywhere but at Sapnap. Going so far as to stare at Punz even when directly addressing him. Sam held Frans leash tightly in his hands, flexing his fist as a way to punctuate his words, voice giving no room for discussion. “You’ll come quietly, won’t you?”

Say no. 

No

We have no trial

Don't go.

Sapnap was passed the point of answering stupid fucking questions. He was passed the point of caring. All he wanted was to go home. He wanted to sleep. He wanted to get away from this dog. "Get her the fuck away from me."

And he let himself be hauled off. Ignoring the coiling guilt in his chest. The ever rising hatred for not just himself but everyone else.

Chapter Text

There were many things going through his mind as he was dragged through the halls of the prison. Though the two main ones were ‘Antfrost is going to lose his fucking job’ and ‘it’s not fair.’ Because quite frankly, it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that he was being thrown into jail for an accident.

All you did was kill a couple pooches

And his fiance?

Details Details

Shut up and listen

“I couldn’t have been that fucking awful,” Sapnap protests, struggling against the guards holding him in place. Antfrost was making sure to jab his sides at any chance he got. The guy was just violent apparently. Nothing like he was when Sapnap first met him.

And Sam. Sam was strolling along with Fran. One hand holding Sapnaps arm tightly behind his back. The other loosely gripping a leash. The creeper wasn’t at all fazed by Frans growling.

Unlike Sapnap who was ready to bolt. Feeling his entire body shake just from her proximity. He sent a withering glare at the warden and then another at Punz just to be safe.

It wasn’t fair. 

Dream blew up a nation. Twice. Quackity used to work with Schlatt. Niki burned the fucking L’Mantree down and Phil killed his own damn son. Where were their prison sentences? Why was it fair for him to go to jail? At least he showed remorse.

Unfair.

You were set up.

Worse than Techno honestly.

Butcher army 2.0

“It’s not fair-“ Sapnap starts, feeling his body give out beneath him with the words. He curled up on instinct, knowing what was coming next. The sharp pain in his arms and his sides were unbearable. But Ant and Sam persisted.

It was Fran that he was worried about. The dog had stepped closer then, mouth curling back in a snarl. Nearly pouncing at him and sending Sapnap scrambling back.

Because he couldn't do this again. He couldn’t be hurt by these animals again. He could already feel the phantom pains of their teeth in his skin and their paws on his chest. Gnashing and growling and barking at him from every direction.

Sapnap looked to the guards, not expecting much at all as he frantically repeated, “Get her off of me. Get her off. Get her off , Sam!”

The dog was too close. It was touching him.

Why was it touching him? Why was Sam laughing?? Couldn’t he see what was happening? Sapnap was going to die. He was going to die all over again. It was going to hurt him.

“ Get her off of me.” He was back in that pit. He was back and he was dying and those fucking mutts were everywhere. “Call her back!”

Kill them

Run

This is unethical

It’s not real. You’re not in the pit

And then the dog was gone. Pulled back by Sam for reasons unknown. The creeper grumbled something under his breath. Something related to Quackity and serving him right.

“You can kill your fiance but you’re scared of some little dog?” Antfrost sneered, shoving him a bit rougher than usual. Not that he’d ever been gentle. The cat looked over at Punz, seeing the other nod in agreement.

“I didn’t even mean to kill him. Everyone knows that,” Sapnap rasped, wincing at the pain in his body as the two guards hoisted him up. They approached the lava wall. Sapnap tried his best not to melt at the warmth. “Punz. You know I didn’t.”

The ‘Because you know I meant to kill you,’ was left unsaid.

Punz didn’t answer. His eyes were trained on the slow fall of the lava around the cell. Light illuminating his face and making the scowl on his face clear. He seemed conflicted almost, hands shaking around the axe in his hands. He still hasn't looked at him once. 

“You all know I-“

And Punz finally snapped. “Shut up! Just- Just shut up for a second. I need to think.”

Kill him

He’s not allowed to yell at you

He’s the one jailing us

Blood

His breathing picks up, chest rising and falling rapidly. Punz almost drops the axe in his outburst. Of course, he doesn’t mean to. He’s not trying to be irrational. 

Then Punz turns to look at him, visibly upset for the first time in years. He didn’t usually do this. Always afraid of losing control. Of becoming like the other ghasts in the nether. Like the ones that destroyed without purpose. Which is how Sapnap knew this was all a fucking lie.

What an actor.

Honestly, Punz actor of the year

Someone shut him up!

Kill him

“Jesus, Sapnap! You just had to go and kill him, didn’t you? It was either prison or execution! And I- I couldn’t let them kill you at the fucking stand,” Punz continues, letting loose those ghast tears he hated so dearly. But Sapnap could see the way his lips twitched up into a smile for just a second. Then back into a frown. 

“I wonder who your employer is. Must be loaded if you agreed to kill your fucking brother,” Sapnap growls out. Not caring for the blondes words in the slightest. He’s tired of this game. “And what the fuck are you crying for? I should be the one crying!”

“My employer doesn’t give a fuck about you, Pandas!” Punz yelled so clearly the world seemed to stop. For a second, Sapnap was worried he’d start floating off like actual ghasts do. He didn’t though. “I had nothing to do with your little fall. My boss had other plans.”

And oh. No one called him Pandas unless they were hiding something or they needed something. No one. Especially since its just some dumb childhood nickname. A dumb nickname given to him by Dream. 

Which, honestly, really puts things into perspective.

Traitor

Kill him

Bleed him

Blood.

He really didn’t know what to say. All he could do was let his instincts take over. Fire burned in his veins, collecting in his palms. It was a burn he hadn’t known in a while really. 

Set up

You were set up

Punz is a snitch

Dream payed him more

Sapnap’s voice was low as he talked. Not because he was hurt but because he was mostly responding to the voices. The pain he felt at the moment bled into it and he wondered if Punz could hear it in his voice. If he even noticed what was going on with anyone other than himself. “Dream set me up.”

Punz looks away.

He should have known.

But Sapnap could feel the way that Sam and Ant had heard enough. Could feel the sudden tighten around his limbs. Feet dragging across the floor as the two began to bring him into the cell. 

It wasn’t a gentle toss either. It was the kind that had Sapnap scrambling to a corner, curling in on himself. Because he’d seen the things these guys would do if they thought they were right. He knew how bad things could go for him.

Punz nodded at the door behind him. Signalling for the other two to leave. He held his hand out for Sam to press Fran’s leash into it, fingers curling around it as if it were a weapon. To some degree, it was. And he waited until the other two guards left before wiping his eyes, levelling Sapnap with a glare.

Sapnap could feel fire beneath his skin. He wanted nothing more than to burn it all down. To be free. To go home.

“If you know what’s good for you, you’ll stay in that fucking cell, Pandas.”

Sapnap felt himself choke on his words. “You’re a fucking traitor.”

“Big talk for the guy in a goddamn cell,” Punz spat, eyes narrowing at the man. He nodded his head at the dog sitting next to him, words dripping from his lips like venom, “ And if you somehow manage to leave this place and fuck everything up, I’ll personally hunt you down with every dog, wolf, and hound on this server.”

Kill him.

We want his blood.

His head on a stake.

He’s threatening us.

Sapnap feels his mouth run dry as if he had stuffed it full of cotton balls. His hands shook lightly at his side. Affected only by the way his mind had run with the threat. Knowing that Punz would do it. He would find him and he would make good on this threat.

And Sapnap doesn’t want to die. He doesn’t want to die to these dogs. Doesn’t want to hear them running at him, ripping him apart, growling at him from afar. He doesn’t want to be back. Then the fear is replaced with anger. Red hot anger.

“You make everything so much harder than it needs to be.” Punz continues, “They asked me to kill you. You were supposed to die in that fucking pit. It was supposed to be an accident. It would have been so easy. ”

“So you were willing to let me die?” He waits. The normal fire, the aggression rises up in him once again. It’s a warm feeling. One that Sapnap has lived with his entire life. And XD, did it feel good to let it take control. “You were willing to kill me.”

There was a moment of silence. Then, Punz cocks his head to the side, “It’s just business, Sap.”

Sapnap didn’t fight. He just wished for the fire to overtake him, to kill him. “How much was I worth?”

He wishes he hadn’t asked. Not when Punz just laughs at him. Laughs as if this was the funniest joke in the world. As if Sapnaps life was a joke to him. “Holy shit,” Punz manages, “You were worth some diamonds and some emeralds. And the power to have the fucking world at my hand.”

Distant low growls echoed in his ears.

Two pained howls.

He set you up.

He set you up.

Kill him.

He’s XD’s new tribute.

“For that goddamned book?” Sapnap questioned with an incredulous tone. His lips curled up into a crooked smile. One riddled with disbelief and disgust. Then, repeating himself, voices mingling with his shouts. “We’ll kill you!”

Punz ignored him.

KILL HIM

KILL HIM

KILL HIM

KILL HIM

“We’ll kill you Punz. When we get out of here we’ll fucking kill you.”

And Sapnap could only watch, with fire slowly consuming his being, as Punz walked away from him. As the lava slowly filled the opening and left him in the dark. Leaving him in this dark obsidian box with the only light in the entire being a wall of literal lava. 

It almost reminds him of the nether. A home he could never return to.

————

Sapnap tried to escape that same week. If only to throw them off. He dove through the lava and swam all the way down, seeking an exit that never existed. He was getting out and it was fine. He was fine.

Go

Escape

Left

Uh oh

It was easy, he thought. Sapnap navigated through the lava just fine. His entire body screamed to stay there. To live the rest of his days in this familiar heat. Letting himself enjoy the warmth it surrounded him in. If he pulled this off, he’d go back to the nether. He’d go home . Not back with Karl or with George. Home.

Until it wasn’t.

Until Sapnap had finally reached the end of the lava. His feet had just barely hit the ground before he was overcome with the sound of dogs and voices and war. Hands coming up to cover his ears, tugging at the raven locks as the noise just got louder.

Each step felt just like the pit. The ground crunching beneath him. Howling being heard in the distance. Paws hitting the floor in packs, loud against the otherwise silent room. Noises that shouldn’t be possible.

You’re not there

The dogs aren’t real

Holy shit they traumatized him

You’re in Pandoras Box, Sapnap

He’s in Pandoras Box. He knows that. The voices told him that. And the obsidian halls were telling. A shaky breath left his lips, nearly turning into a shuddering cry when yet another dog haunted his mine.

But there are no dogs, he reminded himself. Listening to the voices and using them as comfort. 

YEAH

ATTA BOY

TELL EM TO FUCK OFF !!!

Yay!

“Get out of my head,” He mutters, pushing the dogs to the back of his mind. He keeps his steps light, fully intending to get out of the prison today. He’d go to the nether. Back to where he was born and where he was abandoned. It’s better that way.

The voices have other plans.

Run 

Run

Run

It’s him.

They were so insistent. So… scared.

Go now

Get out of there

He can hear us.

Don’t let him lie to you.

Because Dream was there. Dream is there and he’s waiting. Waiting for Sapnap to walk past or to talk. He doesn’t know which. All he knows is that the voices don’t speak from that point on.

“Sapnap, I knew you’d try on the first week,” Dream drawled, sitting on the steps to the cell. He wasn’t even interested. He was bored . Bored of Sapnap. “But that’s just because you’re smart.”

It took everything in him not to completely melt at the praise. At the approval. “Are you gonna take me back?” He asks, already knowing the answer. Sapnap bundles the bandana in his hands, ready to at least knock him out. Even if every part of him was screaming. He continues, voice firm, “I’m sorry but I can’t let you do that.”

It’s not a lie. He can’t go back to the cell. It’s cold and it’s odd and he’s sorry. He’s so fucking sorry. But he wasn’t going to sit and rot here.

There was nothing here other than pain and dogs. Dogs that were allowed in by the warden himself. Someone who knew what happened. And Sapnap had no doubt that he’d die if he stayed here.

He’d just be another blaze killed for its rods.

Dream doesn’t react much. His body remains facing forward, away from Sapnap. It’s only then that he notices the mask on the floor. Meaning Dream came here for business. Nice. Great. Sapnap etched closer to him, hand still raised. 

“Are you gonna kill me, Sapnap?” Dream asks, amusement in his tone.

Sapnap paused, waiting for the man to say anything else. Because he didn’t want to kill him.

“It’s alright if you are. I’ll even let you, Pandas,” Dream tilts his head curiously, then stands. He makes his way over to Sapnap without so much as a word. Kneeling in front of him when he notices the cloth. “Strangling me? I didn’t know that type of thing was your style.”

Sapnaps hands trembled around the cloth. Realizing now that he was going to kill his best friend. He planned to strangle the man and run. The thought made him sick. Like there was something weighing down on his chest. But Dream betrayed him. This was just payback.

You hurt me, Sapnap wants to say. He wants to wrap the bandana around Dreams throat and pull until the mans skin turned blue. Until he was coughing and sputtering for air. He wants to scream at him and ask him why he betrayed him.

But he’s never been able to hurt Dream. So instead of the questions and the spite, Sapnap murmurs, “It’s not my type of thing.”

The other just hums amusedly, looking up at Sapnap with a fake adoration. Knowing that Sapnap was nothing without it. Then, he reassures, “Just kill me. I’ll respawn. I’m letting you.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.” It’s smaller this time. For a second, Sapnap doesn’t even register it as his own voice. “I don’t want to kill anyone.”

Dream rises to his feet, putting a hand over Sapnaps. Nearly covering them entirely. He clicks his tongue in disappointment. “If you weren’t going to hurt me, why’d you come here ready for a fight? Actually, why did you try to escape?”

Sapnap squirms under his gaze. An uncomfortable kind. He didn’t like it when Dream got like this. When the man asked too many questions with that look in his eyes. The one that meant he was analyzing your every move. Picking apart every word he said and every move he made. But he still responded, “I don’t-“

The blonde takes this as a sign to continue, tone cool and level, “Go on.”

“I was just- I don’t know,” Sapnap whispered, leaning his head forward and letting it rest on Dreams shoulder. He didn’t cry no matter how much he wanted to in the moment. Though, he was hyper aware of Dream adjusting his hands, combing his fingers through Sapnaps hair.

“You don’t know much, do you?” Dream teased. “That’s why it’s better for you in here. You don’t have to think. You just have to listen.”

“I’ll go back to the nether. You won’t see me again.” Sapnap reasons, suddenly afraid of the man in front of him. His supposed best friend. He’s not even sure why. Maybe it was the fact that Dream wanted to keep him here. Or the fact that he was putting him down. That Dream wasn’t being a friend, he was lying to him. The same way he lied to every other poor soul on this fucking server.

“I don’t want you to leave. I want you to learn,” Dream remarks. His voice is low, it’s probably the same one he used for Tommy. No one would guess that he used it for Sapnap first. “You know I love you, Pandas. So believe me when I say that prison is the best place for you right now.”

Sapnap feels like he’s been doused in water. Like a fire being snuffed out. He wants to burn. He needs to burn. But he can’t. Instead he’s stuck frozen, a sitting duck to anything Dream could possible say or do.

Maybe he just wanted to pretend for a bit. Just for a little while.

Dream purses his lips at the silence, combing some of the lava from Sapnaps hair. Picking soot and embers from the black locks. His touch is gentle, almost fond in a way. Even his voice is soft, murmuring, “You’ll be fine. You’re my best friend, why would I lie to you?”

And he isn’t sure what to say. Honestly, Sapnap can’t remember the last time Dream was his friend. Not as some weird allyship for a war. Not as a mediator for some silly disagreement. A friend.

When had Dream ever loved him? Maybe back when they were both 11 and dumb as rocks. That was when Dream would call him Pandas and actually mean it. He’d ask him to go to a new server and Sapnap would jump at the chance because they were friends. They were all each other had ever had outside of Bad and Skeppy and Sam.

Because back then, Pandas would have burned the entire world if Dream asked. He’d have taken a sword to any army or mob or king or queen. Pandas would have followed Dream to the ends of the fucking world.

Sometimes he wondered if Dream would have done the same.

“Are we friends, Dream?” Sapnap asks, eyes searching the mask on the mans face. Knowing he can’t see through it but still wishing he could. Wishing he could understand his childhood friend again. 

A pause.

Then, “I’d say so.”

“I almost died down there. You were gonna let me die down there.”

Another long pause.

“XD, you’re so fucking annoying,” Dream hisses, nothing but contempt in his voice. The venom surrounding the words hangs thick in the air, suffocating Sapnap in the gravity of it all. “Why can’t you be like Tommy? Tommy’s annoying and useful. You’re just unbearable on a good day.”

Sapnap tries to shove him back to no avail. Because the hand in his hair is pulling and his head is being tilted back. There’s a sword at his throat and a blinding pain running across his body. Mingling with all the other pain. From the war. From the scars, the arguments, the abandonment, and the betrayal.

His voice comes out short and fearful, words shaking as if they were hesitant to come out at all. “Wait-“

Dream presses the sword closer to his throat, enough to put pressure without cutting it. “No, Sapnap. You had your chance. I tried to be nice.”

He misses the voices. They didn’t hurt like other people did. They just spoke. They didn’t lie to him or manipulate him. Sapnap wants them to speak now. Wants to hear them say anything at all. Even if he knows they won’t. 

Because the voices were scared of Dream. For whatever reason, they weren’t going to come back to speak to him while Dream was here. He didn’t know if they were reacting to his fear or if they were always like that.

“Sapnap you’re going back to the fucking cell or I’m going to pay a certain little bird a visit.”

Sapnap doesn’t answer. But he doesn’t move either. Not until the blade slides across his throat. He wasn’t able to scream or even struggle. Unable to so much as cry when Dream just left him there.

…

….

And as he was slipping into the void, he heard the voices speak. As if they were there in that room. Even though he knew he was now alone. It comforted him in a way. He wasn’t alone.

HANG ON

STOP DYING ON US

HE’S NOT ANSWERING

go to sleep. we’ll follow you to the void

[Sapnap was killed by Dream]

—————

Sapnap wasn’t sure how but the voices had kept their promise. Sticking with him until he faced judgement in the void. A void that was still too cold for his liking. Still freezing his core and leaving him to wrap his arms around himself.

He sat, watching the stars twinkle in the sky. Hoping that somehow he’d wake up outside of the Pandoras Box. That his respawn would send him to a time where things were easier. A shiver ran up his spine, pulling a noise from his lips.

And maybe he was crazy, because in the moments that followed, he swore he could feel the presence of others around him. A warm presence that managed to chase the cold straight out of his bones. 

“Thank you,” Sapnap whispered to nothing but air. Leaning into the presence next to him. Allowing himself to believe it was the voices there beside him. Even if maybe it wasn’t. Then again, voice barely audible to anyone but the souls of the void. “Thank you so much.”

The goddess behind him didn’t say a word. She only sent him on his way, smiling sadly beneath her veil.

—————

Chapter Text

He was in the void for 2 years, 3 months, and 19 days. 2 years, 3 months, and 19 days of rowing across the ocean in a thick fog. A fog that took the shapes of his friends and people he’d known. Except his friends weren’t there. They were just echos and shadows.

Echos of people who used to care about him.

“Wake up, Sapnap! Dream doesn’t give a fuck about us!” A voice reverberated through the fog, joined by yet another shadow. This one standing off to his side with its hands balled into fists. 

And Sapnap ignored it, long past the point of chasing after them. Maybe he had the first day. He remembered rowing after George’s shadow and calling for him to turn around. George would tease him for staying in the boat.

But he always disappeared when Sapnap had him within arms reach. 

And Sapnap can’t swim after him. He’ll sink. He’s not sure he’s ready to sink.

“At least Tommy puts up a fight. You just submit at the slightest little push,” It’s just a vague silhouette of Dream, crude mask staring daggers into his face. The Dream doesn’t waver at his attention, only continuing, “Don’t you have a cell to go to?”

Sapnap clasped his hands over his ears, trying to drown out the sound. He didn’t want to hear them. Didn’t want to be reminded of his last words to them.

“Did you just call me…. dad? Yes, son?” The mist reshapes itself, showing a shadow kneeling in front of another. It’s smiling warmly down at the other figure, holding its hand.

His dad.

It took the form of his dad.

Sapnap lowered his gaze, unwilling to see any of it. No longer wanting to hear what the mist had to say. Tears pooled in his eyes, sizzling against his hot skin. Leaving marks in their wake. The same way it would scar an enderman.

His heart raced with every passing second, filling his mind with any solution to the problem. Whether that be dying again or begging to respawn. Even if his actual respawn would be worse. 

“It’s just business, Sapnap.” 

And he almost wished he had the courage to enter the water beneath him. Wanting to sink to the bottom of it. To cool and set. Becoming nothing more than the obsidian statue of a man long forgotten.

He missed the voices.

At least they were nice.

“Sick ‘im hounds”

Sapnap waited for the mist to get bored of its game. Retreating to the back of his mind once again, unconsciously searching for the voices. Needing their company in this moment. But they were faint and nothing more than a whisper.

Then a train came skidding through the water, elevated by a half sunken railroad.

And the conductor looked all too pleased to see him.

————

Sapnap wasn’t too surprised to find that Sam got rid of the lava surrounding his cell, replacing it with more fucking obsidian. Said it had something to do with his first escape. He didn’t care that Sapnap needed it. That he needed warmth to live. He’s from the nether. A blaze and a piglin. A double fucking mix. It was a targeted punishment for just one escape attempt.

Sapnap spent the next three weeks banging his fists against the obsidian walls. Voice going hoarse from screaming at a warden who would never answer. Hands coming out bruised and bloody from trying to claw his way out. After a while he even stopped trying to create a fire and burn his way out, letting himself stay in the piglin form. 

The first few times were just out of defiance. He was hurt . They betrayed him. Everyone fucking betrayed him. And for what? For a book? A nation? A literal 16 year old?

When had any of that been Sapnaps responsibility? Sapnap wasn’t a warrior for no reason. Dream was. All Sapnap did was follow. It was all he could do. Even if sometimes the wars didn't make sense or they weren’t worth it. He did it for Dream.

His best friend.

Or maybe it was to prove that he was a human. Even though he wasn’t and he never would be. The small tusks were enough to prove that. Not to mention the piglin markings or the affinity for all things gold. The fire could easily be passed off as pyromania. 

But fire was always easier to him. It was something he could get. Something he connected to more than being a piglin. He chalked it up to being adopted by a demon. 

L

L

L

L

Sapnap suppressed a snort. Sometimes his voices were just a little bit funny. When they weren’t victim blaming and sucking Technoblades dick, that is. It was a 50/50 chance honestly. But if he had to hear one more story about the ‘Blood God’ he’s sure he’ll just jump off the cell platform.

Your loss

The blood god is cool

He’s a good fighter

You don’t have a cell platform. This is a fucking box

The blaze chose to ignore the box comment. So what if he couldn’t see? The voices couldn’t either! What the hell were they being smart about?

Sometimes he wondered if the people even knew he was arrested. If Karl had forgotten about him in the time he’d been gone. Or if Tommy had just given up on him. Even though Sapnap risked everything for the both of them.

Sure, he messed up. But he deserved help.

He didn’t have to go against his best friend since diapers. Sapnap didn’t have to fight in a war he didn’t even fucking belong in. None of that had to happen. That was by choice. Because Tommy asked for help and Sapnap wanted to be the good guy for once.

He helped because it was the right thing to do. Because even though Dream was his best friend and Tommy was his enemy , he could recognize that it was wrong.

That Tommy needed help. He needed support and people to be willing to give that. Even if that meant going against his best friend.

Why was no one willing to help him when he needed it?

Didn’t you hear Techno’s hero speech?

L

I think you need… therapy?

L

“I missed it,” He shrugs, “Couldn’t hear it under the fucking dogs and the tnt and the sound of my own flesh being ripped apart.”

Ok.

…oh my god??

Okay, yeah that was my bad.

He wins

But not all the days were bleak. Some days, Sapnap would write to the people outside. Most of which were labeled to his parents. Some were to Dream. One was to Karl and Quackity. He used himself as a candle to write them in the first place. With no light coming in from any point of the cell. Courtesy of a very kind warden.

The voices thought it was abuse. Sapnap didn’t agree.

Of course, most of his paper was used on things he would never send. Words scribbled angrily onto a page with no second thought about. It was like Sapnap had done it with the flames in his blood, burning the words into the paper and scorching the sides with things he would never be able to say out loud.

Letters to Skeppy and to Bad. To Karl and to Quackity. To everyone. Those who watched him fall and did nothing. Those who continued to fight as if he was expendable.

And sometimes these words, this anger, would wrap around his throat like a leash, tightening until he couldn’t breath and pulling him towards the paper yet again. Until every thought on his mind was the fear, betrayal, and the spite that came with being dropped for all to see. 

Some days it would suffocate him. Snuffing out the flames pooling in his gut. Other days it would manifest in the form of dogs that always followed him.

Today, the letter that stared back at him was addressed to Bad. Though it was more of a vent than anything else.

“Dear Bad,

Hey Bad, it’s Sapnap! You know, your fucking son. The one you left. I’m writing to you from the prison! Surprise!

I’m not actually sure if this will reach you at all. Or if it would matter if it did. It’s not like you’ve been much of a dad recently anyways. But I wanted to see you! There’s a big day coming up, y’know? Don’t tell me you forgot me already. I’m sure Sam would let you visit me if you asked! 

So… maybe you could come visit me? You visited Tommy that one time, right? He’s not even your fucking son. Tommy, Ranboo, Tubbo. None of them are your sons. IM YOUR SON. Me.

You don’t even care. You didn’t even see me off.

You’re such a great dad to everyone else but what about me?? Your actual fucking kid. 

You should have left me in the fucking bastion where you found me.

From,

Sapnap”

It took 2 weeks for Sam to stop coming by with the new paper and quills. But by then, he’d already written what he wanted to. Sam said they were too much. Too generous. That a killer like Sapnap didn’t deserve good food or visits. That’s when the automated system was put in place. Meaning he never needed the company anymore. He couldn’t ask Sam to give him food or to answer or to just come and see him.

He didn’t have that privilege anymore.

Sam said he was a killer. That monsters didn’t deserve to be seen. That killing Quackity and causing all of the wars and supporting Dream was enough to put him here. He deserved it. 

Company was a luxury.

And at that point, Sapnap believed him. Because it was true. What did he need it for? He was a monster.

So he would spend his days pacing his cell. Hands planted firmly in his hair, tugging at it with each thought. He made a point to ignore the growing clumps of hair in his hands and on the floor. The stray strands that littered every inch of his cell.

“Sam?” He asked, staring at the camera.

Sapnap waited for the telltale screech of the microphone turning on. Then, “What do you need?”

“Could you send my letters? I have three to send. Just one to my dads and the other two are for Quackity and Karl.” 

He waited.

And he waited, crossing his fingers and squeezing his eyes shut. He’s about ready to pray to XD as well.

Pray to the blood god instead

He’s being nice

Warden Sam knows he’s wrong 

Sam’s a prick

The camera went off again. A beep filled the air. Sapnap only stared at it, waiting. Even though his ears twitched at the noise.

“Leave them by the edge of the cell. I’ll come collect them in a moment,” Sam responded. Sounding tired of the games.

A response that had Sapnap nearly doing a victory dance. Because it wasn’t everyday that Sam actually responded to him. Usually he just stared or told him to shut up. Honestly, Sapnap couldn’t remember the last time he actually saw the man.

He’s sure he’s still as cool as ever though. 

Even if he took away his warmth and beat Sapnap down, took away his freedom, and threw him in a jail.

Kill Sam

You deserve this

Writing is for nerds

Prison break

Sapnap felt his eye twitch, brows furrowing, as he now addressed the voices, “I’m not killing Sam and I don’t- I don’t deserve this.”

Boring

Why not? You had no problem with killing before

Admit it

You’re a killer

Laaaame

“I’m not a killer!” He almost screams. Eyes flitting around the room in a nervous glance. His hands shook, still ripping at his hair. “Dream- Dream’s a killer! I was helping Tommy.”

But will Tommy help you?

Will any of them help you?

Did they even try?

They left you here to rot.

Don’t trust him

“They’re coming back for me. I know they are.” He knows he must look crazy. Talking to himself after only a month in the prison. Voices filling his ears and making a home in his mind as if they’d been there since the beginning. Then, lower as if he was reassuring himself, “They have to.”

And the voices screamed.

TOMMY LEFT YOU

YOU WERE BETRAYED

ITS BEEN MONTHS SAPNAP

THEY FORGOT YOU

WE WANT BLOOD.

WE WANT ASH.

The noise was blaring. Sapnap couldn’t even hear his own voice against them. The blaze stumbles blindly to the edge of the cell. Setting down his letters. He took a few steps back from it after, hoping that Sam would just come by immediately. The voices were quieter when other people were around.

”They’re going to help me. They have to!” Sapnap’s voice wavered, shaking with his growing uncertainty. He was no longer convinced they were coming for him. “They promised they’d stay.”

Nothing you did mattered.

Dream still won.

Tommy betrayed you

They LIED. GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD

You are ALONE. And you have been alone since doomsday.

So he waited. 

Dream would kill you again EASILY.

You’re only alive because of us.

You should have ran when you had the chance.

Anything would have been better than this.

And waited.

Punz dropped you.

Dream killed you.

George isn’t waking up.

AND KARL DOESNT REMEMBER YOU.

YOU’RE ON ONE LIFE. AND ITS HARDLY A FULL ONE

And waited.

A FOOL.

YOU COULD WIN THIS FIGHT

WHY DO YOU INSIST ON BEING KIND

NO ONE HAS EVER SPARED YOU. WHY SHOULD YOU SPARE THEM?

And waited. Though he never blamed the voices, never once holding it against them. They were stuck with him. They were right.

Chapter Text

The voices went quiet as Sam came from the other side of the prison. The obsidian wall was lowered, allowing Sapnap to see more than his cell for the first time in months. Slivers of light peeked through the new opening. Still not nearly enough for him to adjust. He didn’t want to miss Sam coming across on the mechanisms. But he knew the possibility was too high. 

Sapnap couldn’t fucking see. Having to resort to squinting at the blurred form on the walkway. It wasn’t until he noticed another smaller form peeking out behind the man, that he realized what was going on.

Fran was coming.

The creeper didn’t address him fully until he had stepped foot in the cell, ordering, “Step back please, Sapnap.”

“You brought her, didn’t you?” Sapnap rasped, betrayal evident in his tone. He’d rather just be left here to rot.

Unfortunately, Warden Sam was not taking any opposition this time around, letting out a warning hiss. “Sapnap.”

“No! Fuck you. Get her out of here!”

“Sapnap, move. Now.” The hiss cut through the air easily. Closer to an actual creeper than a man. And somehow, Sapnap knew he’d blow.

So he obeyed. It’s not like it was hard to. It was always easy for him to obey. That’s why Dream liked him so much. He was naive. Always quick to listen. Obedient. Easy. Just like Dream said he was. 

Just like Dream wanted him to be. A loyal friend. An ally.

Something at the back of his mind tells him to watch the warden come across but he can’t. He could hardly see the walkway coming across. Everything was too dark. Like a black screen.

But the trip over is short and quiet. The only noise being Frans collar moving along with the wind and the sound of the mechanism whirring. Sam said nothing and Sapnap found no reason to either.

The two set foot in his cell with little issue. Sam stepping in first and then tugging the leash for Fran to follow. The creeper doesn’t so much as look back to see if the dog had obeyed before stepping forward once again. Motioning for Sapnap to speak.

Still, something about seeing the dog near him is enough to make him sick. He can feel bile rise in his throat, reaching out to hold the wall. Sapnap hunches over with a gag, watching the contents of his lunch spew over the obsidian floor. Potatoes. Raw fucking potatoes.

Sam quirks a brow at the action, asking, “Is this what you called me here for?”

He can’t breathe. He can’t even see. It’s just that dog. The same dog that escorted him here. The same dog that attacked him down in that fucking hole in the ground. The same ones that had made their marks on his skin and forever claimed him as their victim.

Sapnap hated them. No. He hates them.

“Fuck you and fuck that mutt too-” Sapnap coughs, wiping his chin with his sleeve. Eyeing the man with nothing less than contempt. 

And Sam seems to lose his fucking mind. Storming over to the pilw of letters and leavinf Fran to wander. Ignoring Sapnap’s scuffling in the background as the dog proceeds to approach him.

Kill it

Kill it

Burn it

All in flames

Sapnap ignores the voice, stepping away from the dog as she tries to sniff his pant leg. His face scrunches up in both fear and disgust. He almost felt silly looking at her now. Because she’s just a dog. A dog that hurt him.

The blaze turns his gaze, watching Sam sort through the letters. His face falls when Sams eyes linger on one particular letter for too long. The one to his dads. “Sam- wait wait wait.”

But Sam bulldozes over him, reading the letter back to him. Voice completely devoid of emotion, “Hey, big day coming up and I think Sam would let you come visit if you asked about it. You don’t have to but I’d like to see you.”

It would have been fine. If only Sam hadn't prepared like he was going to rip it. Like he was going to destroy the letter and Sapnaps hope with it. 

Sapnap steps forward, stopping only when Fran growls. Hands clamming up at his sides and throat running dry. He wasn’t really in a cell at all then. No, he was under the hounds. He was stuck and they were everywhere. With a dogs jaw locked around his throat and a low growl reaching his ears. 

“Sam-“

The creepers fingers tightened around the edges of the paper, threatening to rip. “What do you think I am?”

The blaze didn’t lunge or burst into flame like Sam expected. Instead he just stewed in the flame. A cool blue flame instead of the normal oranges and reds and yellows. Sapnap’s voice broke as he tried to force more words out of it, croaking, “ Please don’t rip it!”

He knows it’s stupid. Asking is the best way to be hurt. It’s the best way to get the entire privilege taken away. He shouldn’t even really be complaining, he realises. Because the warden treats him well. The warden doesn’t beat him or hurt him.

He was in the wrong. This was his fault.

“Do you think I’m stupid, Sapnap?” Sam- no, Warden , growled out. The man gripped Sapnap’s arm in his hand, pulling him towards him and forcing him to read the letter. He didn’t care for any of the flinching or the way that Sapnap quickly put his fire out. Fran quickly followed suit, barking at the blaze as he was hauled upwards. “Is that what you take me for? An idiot!”

And up until now, Sam had never hurt him. He would never hurt him. That wasn’t why the prison was here. It was to stop people from being hurt. And Sapnap was a person, wasn’t he? He looked up to hold Sam’s gaze, not seeing the gentle giant he used to know.

This wasn’t the Sam who would always let him stay over when he was younger. It wasn’t the Sam who took Sap and Dream out camping. This Sam wasn’t looking at him like he was family anymore. Because that Sam was dead. He would never show that to Sapnap again.

The eyes looking back at him now were harsh. They were cold and biting and chilling his blood to ice. Sam is looking at him as if he hates him. As if he would dance on his grave the second the opportunity arose. If looks could kill, Sapnap would be on his 8th permadeath. Though, at this point, he’s sure Dream and Punz would just revive him. 

And distantly, Sapnap could hear the sound of a creeper hissing. Magnified by thousands. Like they were all around him. Hissing ringing in his ears and drowning out the sound of Fran’s barking. He could vaguely feel Sam shaking him, bruising his arm and screaming in his face.

“Do you take me for a fucking idiot!” Sam shouted, spit flying from his lips from the volume.

Sapnap was too busy thinking of the last time someone had come to visit him at all. When the last time anyone had so much as looked at him, let alone touched him. 

But none of this mattered.

Because Sapnap didn’t like this touch. He wanted to send the letters off. Being a piglin and a blaze meant being warm and having a pack. Warm touches were when Karl would comb his fingers through Sapnap’s hair, both of them watching Quackity play a song. It was George waking up for the first time in months and coming to see him. 

The wardens touch wasn’t warm. It was cold and awful. Like packed ice over a lake. It was falling into the soft lies of the powdered snow, feeling yourself sink into the cold and freeze. The warden was similar in a way. He’s like the powdered snow, looking like something soft and safe, something fun and comforting for a change.

Then he watches you sink.

“I’m not trying to fucking escape-” Sapnap choked out, voice small.

“Why else would any of these people visit you? To break you out? They don’t care, Sapnap! If they cared, they would have visited you earlier!”

He doesn’t know what he did wrong. He’s been good. Hasn’t he been good?

Sapnap could hear his voice break as he retorted, not sure if he’s angry or upset. He didn’t realize he was speaking until he saw Sam’s face contort, “You weren’t supposed to read them. They weren’t for you. They were mine .”

“What does it mean!”

Kill him.

Kill him.

Kill him.

That’s OUR letter.

“It’s my fucking birthday. I just wanted them to visit,” The blaze shakes himself out of the Warden's grip and takes a cautious step back. Almost betrayed in a sense. His eyes widened a fraction as if he expected the warden to just agree. So what if he did? “Fuck you, Sam!”

Fran turns her head to face him, growling low in her throat. She stepped forward once and that was enough. Sapnap swept his leg at her, prepared to just hit her. To hit both of them. “Shut the fuck up!”

The dog scampers back, then resumes her growling. Teeth bared and fully ready to tear him apart. Eyeing him like he was just another piece of meat. Sapnap notices that there’s already dried blood on her fur, the question is where it came from.

And honestly he doesn’t want to know. 

It’s not fair

It’s not fair

It’s never fair

Kill them

The creepers eyes flick up to look at him. They hold many different emotions at once. Anger, sadness, guilt , and even disgust. Sapnap wonders what he did to make Sam hate him so much. What did he do to make Sam look at him with disgust? 

“Back. Now,” Sam ordered, a hand on the Wardens Will.

“You care more about this goddamn mutt than me. Is that not fucked up to you? That you set her on me after they literally mauled me!” 

“The hounds didn’t kill you, Sapnap. You killed yourself.”

Sapnap’s face fell. Fight almost leaving him. Even as he glared at Fran like she was the reason he was like this. “I only wanted then to come to my birthday. That was all.”

No one talks for a while. The only noises in the cell being Sapnaps soft pants as he struggles to calm himself down and Sams armor relaxing.

“How old?”

“19.”

And Sam faltered. His entire demeanor changed, almost folding in on himself. The man took a step back and looked Sapnap over again. Eyes narrowing for just a second. Like he’s realizing something new. Something he didn’t consider before. The same fucking way he looked at Tommy.  

Sapnap doesn’t like this look. The pity, that is. Attention is always nice. Conversation and company is nice but not like this. Not when Sam is looking at him like he’s some kid. Because Sapnap has fought wars. He’ll be 19 next week. He’s a perfectly capable adult. 

He doesn’t want to be considered as anything else. Because anything else is bullshit. Being younger than others isn’t being a kid. Kids play games and go to school. No one on this server was a kid.

But certainly not him.

“Cut that shit out. I’m an adult. I’m not one of your little pet projects, okay? I’m not gonna be your next fucking Tommy,” He spits, knowing full well that it’s uncalled for. Tommy’s not a bad kid. Sapnap knows that. He does. 

Sam doesn’t look away. Instead, his gaze narrows ever so slightly. “No, you’re not like Tommy. You’re just a murderer.”

”I’m-“ His mouth goes dry, fire running deep. “I’m not a murderer.”

”Really?” Sam asks, an amused tilt to his tone, as if he were mocking him. “Because I’m sure Quackity would say differently. So would the 27 hounds lying dead in a fucking pit-“ Fran growls low in her throat- “Hell, even Dream would say otherwise!”

Sapnap flinches back, shouting, “Everyone kills people,  Sam! Everyone on this server has killed someone else! So why am I the only one here!”

And Sam’s in his face now, a hiss leaving the wardens lips and a dog nipping at his hand, ”Because you’re a monster. A Murderer. Dreams loyal little dog.” 

That one hit a nerve. A highly sensitive nerve at that. Sending Sapnap back to his previous quiet state. Cowering in a corner of his cell and ignoring any and all attempts to talk. He even managed to ignore Frans attempts at checking on him. Batting at the wet nose as it nudges his arms.

It feels like hours go by between them. With Sam reading every letter and sometimes making a comment on how he wishes Sapnap had just gone home like Techno said. With Sapnap edging closer and closer to the corner of his cell, just wanting to be left alone. Fidgeting with a tuft of hair on the floor, suddenly painfully aware of how cold he is. But the tuft was comforting. A constant.

“Sapnap,” Sam called, sitting at the edge of the cell. He’d gone through the letter by now. Having read them over and over. Taunting him. “I treat you well, don’t I? You have meals, pens and paper, and visiting rights.”

Sapnap didn’t bother to mention the fact that his meals are raw potatoes and he hasn't had pen and paper for weeks. He didn’t bother to talk at all. Letting Sam talk for him instead.

“I wouldn’t have to yell or argue or fight with you if you were good,” Sam explains, hands still petting the dog. “Maybe if you’re good, I’ll bring you something nice. You like steak, don’t you? How about cake? Pens and paper?”

Sapnap didn’t respond, eyes still focused on the hair, shifting it around between his fingers. Zero tell that he heard any of what Sam had said to him.

”Sapnap, you’ll be good, won’t you?” 

He nods.

”Use your words, Sap,” Sam drawls, hands loosening around Fran’s collar. “I’ll just leave her here if you don’t. XD knows you need the company.”

He wasn’t going to move. He wasn’t. Sapnap was ready to call the wardens bluff and sit there defiantly. But then Fran was let go and Sam was standing. Fran was stalking closer to him with an eerily still stare. And Sam did nothing but step towards the walkway.

And no one could blame him for his near scream. A shrill, desperate noise that would haunt him for years. Partially because it didn’t sound like him at all. Sapnap couldn’t recognize his own voice, let alone register that he was speaking, “No! Sam wait-“

He doesn’t stop.

”Don’t leave me here.”

He’s still walking away.

”I’ll be good! I won’t fight or scream, I swear. I don’t want to die here,” Sapnap admits, cursing the part of himself that’s screaming about betrayal and pain and cowardice. He’s tired. Tired of fighting. And he’s not ashamed to give in anymore.

Because it’s been so long. So fucking long. So forgive him if he had finally decided that he was tired of fighting. If he was maybe just a bit tired of scratching tally marks into the walls. Of ripping his hair out.

Warden calls Fran back, stepping onto the mechanism with his dog at his side. Disappearing from Sapnaps already blurry view. Though, Sapnap can still hear the man cooing at his dog even when they leave his line of sight.

 And if the blazelin cries himself to sleep that night, then it’s no ones business but his own.

—————

Sleeping was harder than it should have been that night.

They were all around him. The hounds were back for him and he had nothing. He was stuck in a fucking obsidian box, illuminated by nothing but the purple glow of the crying obsidian. Black eyes stared at him from the spot where the door should be.

“What do you want?” Sapnap asks, ignoring the way his voice shakes.

But dogs can't talk.

It blinked at him slowly. Once. Then twice.

Then it jumped at him, garnering a scream from the hybrid. Flames shooting up and flaring wildly. He fell back to the ground, tripping over himself as his breath began to quicken. It tried to kill him. It had tried to kill him.

And it wasn’t real. It couldn’t be.

But the growl sounding off in his ear was so real. Sapnap felt a scream bubble in his throat, being reminded of the pit yet again. Feeling phantom paws on his skin and the faint feeling of jaw locking around his throat. 

He scrambles back against the cell wall. “You’re dead! You’re supposed to be dead .”

Everything was bright.

Sapnap held his hands up to shield his face, feeling the same dread he did back then. Because he could hear the dogs coming closer. Even if he couldn’t pinpoint where they were coming from. His voice came out as a ragged scream, “Sam! Sam! ”

They were closing in. 

More screams left his lips, tearing at his throat as if they were knives. “ I’m sorry!” The sobs left his body before he could stop them, crawling back to his bed in the corner. Back pressed firmly against the wall and eyes never once leaving the wolves.

The wolves with blood stained fur. The once white coats now matted and murky. Some being singed and ashen while others were cut and ragged. Dripping blood and rain and sludge all over the obsidian floors.

“I won’t try to escape anymore. I swear to XD I won’t!” He managed, choking on the words as they left his mouth. Hardly able to breathe as they stalked closer. As he was faced with what he’d done. “You promised I wouldn’t die in here!”

Barking 

Paws hitting the ground

Whining

Tags clinking in the wind

Quackity shouting at him

He waited for it to be over. Wanted it to be over. 

It’s not real

Sapnap it’s not real

The dogs are in your mind

Call Sam

The intercom crackles to life, spewing words that held no meaning.

Because Sapnap couldn’t hear it over his own terror. His mind only registered it as noise, words sounding more like individual letters and sounds. Much like the sounds of an enderman warbling. Blaring and then nothing.

From the nonsense, he could hear one specific sentence. “There’s nothing there.”

It’s lying, he concludes. It has to be. He could clearly see the dogs advancing. He could smell the fur and the blood and the gunpowder. These dogs were here. 

“I’m gonna die,” his shoulders wrack with a shuddering sob, “I don’t want to die. I was good. I’ll be good. I promise.”

He couldn’t hear the intercom crackling.

”Sam I can’t go back there. I can’t go backto that fucking place!”

None of it made sense. Even the dogs were mocking him now. Circling him and disappearing and reappearing. Growling and barking and overtaking every sense in his body.

ITS NOT REAL

ITS NOT REAL

YOU’RE FINE

SAMS COMING

The blazelin took a shaky breath, dragging his blunt fingernails across his skin. Feeling them tear the skin. Voice hoarse from the screams, “Sam!”

Neither Sam or the wolves came.

Chapter Text

It’s been a week-probably longer,  since Sam decided he had a heart. A week since Sapnap had last seen a person. A week since Sapnap was haunted by dogs. Well, until today. His birthday. His face scrunches up in confusion, brows furrowing as he stares at the marks on the wall. According to the tallys, it should be his birthday.

Oh Sap

He doesn’t know

Shhhh nobody tell him

Happy birthday!

A birthday that Sapnap fully intended to spend in his bed with his voices. Curled up in the farthest corner of it, trying to stay warm. No one was coming. He accepted that. Raising a hand to mark the wall with another tally. Finger heating up with a small flame. Flames that were slowly diminishing.

“Don’t tell me what?” Sapnap turns his head to the side, facing nothing but air. “You’re in my head, what the fuck could you hide?”

We are not in your head actually.

Yes we are?? 

Shut the fuck up immediately.

Nothing

“I’m gonna trade you guys for a steak one day.” Turning his head back to the wall and making yet another mark with a small flame. This time he attempts to make a racoon. It doesn’t go great.

It looks more like a lump of coal actually. Sapnap squints at it as if trying really hard to find anything good about it. He pushes his finger closer to it and examines it further with the flame. Adding a small little bandana. Sapnap stares.The drawing stares back. Then he smiles, “It’s perfect.”

That looks like shit

No genuinely what is that

Be nice to him.

No. It looks like a pile of shit.

…I think it’s very charming

“It’s Tommy! Look he’s a little raccoon. It even has a bandana.” He points at a very crudely drawn bandana around the “racoons” neck. It looks more like a tumor. 

.

Nevermind.

We need to get you out of here IMMEDIATELY

If no one gets him out soon, I’m gonna fucking riot.

It’s the crying obsidian. The fumes are getting to him.

Sapnap ignores the insults. His racooninnit is fucking amazing. He’s an artist, goddamnit. Tommy better watch out because Sapnap’s taking his place as resident artist. Granted, he was the one who bought Tommy the paintbrushes and the canvas. Having brought it back from a ridiculously long manhunt.

The blazelin sits back on his heels, listening to the voices talk. Enjoying listening to their conversations more than anything at the moment. He’s found that they always know what’s going on outside the prison. So they’re a nice source of information.

They’d told him a lot. Like how Ranboo and Tubbo adopted a kid. That Niki was back to her bakery, smiling more than she had in the last few years. That Dream and Punz were planning something that involved Tommy. Which wasn’t really news. It was more like a common occurrence at this point. As common as seeing fish in the lakes or clouds in the sky. 

A small part of Sapnap couldn’t help but feel disinterested in the topic. Don’t get him wrong, he loves Tommy. He’s a funny kid. He’d drop anything for him and any of the other kids. But another part of himself will never get rid of the resentment that sits at the bottom of his stomach anytime he has to save the kid.

Because even now, as Sapnap lay in prison for prime knows how long, Tommy is getting all the help he could ever want. Whether that be just a distraction or company or a healthy fucking friendship. It’s great that Tommy is getting help. He just wishes someone would help him too.

Though, apparently, Karl and Quackity were closer than before. ‘Friends’ rather than enemies. They’d fixed their relationship after his arrest. Probably bonding over their joint disappointment in how Sapnap turned out.

Sapnap hated it. He thinks he hates them as well. Because he never would have moved on so easily. Sure, he fucked up. But none of them were saints. 

None of them.

I think someones coming…

I heard Techno talk about it

Hey! It’s his birthday

No it isn’t. You know it isn’t.

Sapnap tilted his head in question. Not understanding the current dilemma. It was his birthday. It had to be his birthday. He let his eyes flicker to the obsidian wall, staring at the marks on the wall. Scanning them for anything wrong.

It couldn’t have been that long. It’s only been a month.

“It’s only been a month. I marked every day,” he mutters, not believing himself either. “It’s been… a month.”

His gaze is caught on something else entirely. Staring directly at faint scratch marks in the walls. Not quite tally marks but more of a sign of fear. Like he’d clawed them out of the wall himself.

Counting the tallies and scratches, he could clearly see the way they encompassed almost the entirety of a wall. He couldn’t tell if something was trying to get out or if they lost count. Feeling his chest constrict at the sight of them. Sapnap blinks, eyes moving back to the tally he just etched into the wall. 

We were joking

You had a nightmare, remember?

Don’t look at that

It’s not too important. it’s your birthday, remember???

And it was like his brain immediately shoved the possibilities to the back of his mind. The wall and the horrifying scratches being thrown far in the corner of his memories. As if it never happened. Brought back to the topic of his birthday.

Happy Birthday !!!

you’re right

hey man we’re in your head

we get confused too

Damn right they do. 

“You all tried to convince me that I was madly in love with George Lore of all people,” he grumbles, reminiscing the entire conversation. Having spent upwards of an hour braiding all that remained of his now white hair while simultaneously engaging in a heated debate with the voices in his head.

Sam watched the entire thing from the cameras. He even sent a slice of pumpkin pie over! It was stale but it worked. It was better than raw potatoes at least.

Draw us!

Yeah draw us.

PLEASE???

I think it’d be fun!!

The blazelin let himself think it over. On one hand, he’d be perfectly ok with drawing them. On the other hand, they were disembodied voices in his head. They didn’t exactly have any point of reference for him to go off of.

“How?” He asked hesitantly, not wanting to offend them in any way. They were his only friends.

How do you see us?

Phil sees us as crows!

Techno calls us chat and he hates our guts

Ranboo sees us as particles!

Jack thinks we’re like… sentient server parts? or an interface

“Is Jack a robot or something?”

It’s a long story

He clawed his way out of hell and damaged himself in the process

But you can’t stop the Manifold grind so he fixed his body

You guys would’ve liked each other

He can tell there’s something else going on there. Something a lot bigger than what they mentioned, but he can’t bring himself to ask. He only hums in response, lifting an alit finger and singing the obsidian yet again.

This time he takes more time to fully formulate the little figures. Deciding that his voices were warm. They deserved to be netherborn. A part of him was sure they were.

“Tada!” Sapnap feeds the flames in his hand, forcing them to grow tall enough for the voices to see his drawing. The little figures on the wall were sat at a table with a cake. Upon closer inspection, the figures were smooth but jagged in some areas. Almost like he’d stuttered in his movements. The voices were unsure if the jagged edges were intentional or if Sapnap’s hands had just grown shaky from lack of use.

At the end of the little table was a piglin. The piglin was wearing what they assumed to be a headband, but honestly it could have been a hatchet. 

Magma cubes??

Striders???

…fireballs?

You’re gonna make him cry

And it was if the voice had called it, because within seconds, Sapnap was looking at the wall with a pitiful gaze. “I don’t like you guys. It’s fire! Like y’know when it crackles and shit?”

…

Now.

How were we supposed to know that?? THOSE WERE HARDLY SHAPES

shut up. it’s really nice Sapnap

Sapnap nodded along with the last voices words, very much agreeing with the sentiment. “Thank you. You’re my favorite voice. I’ll call you… Venus.”

WHY DONT WE GET A NAME???? 

WE’RE HELPFUL!!!

THIS IS EVIL

i’m just better than you guys.

He quickly tuned out the rest of the voices. Calmly waiting for the sudden screams in his head to silence. Drama queens, Sapnap thought, shaking his head in mock disappointment. 

He’s surrounded by nerds.

Speaking of nerds!

We got someone to visit you

Not sure if you’ll like it at all but we tried

He’s cool. He not evil

“Who is it?”

He’s really such a great guy

Coming all this way just for our resident jailbird

Not much to visit honestly

Sapnap sucked in a hiss, lowering his gaze. He’s almost sure Dream said something similar. Feeling his gut clench uncomfortable. Coiling in his stomach and nearly dragging him down into the floor. 

They sounded like Dream. 

Dream is his friend. They’ve always been friends. The blonde was just looking out for him. Because Sapnap was dangerous. He had to be. Sam said it. Dream said it. Hell, he’s sure Bad felt the same.

“I’m good,” Sapnap mutters, feeling the need to reassure himself. Wanting nothing more than to be good and to be treated well as a result. “I’m good.”

Soft

I want to wrap him up in bubble wrap

HE’S HERE

BLOOD GOD

What.

THE BLOOD GODS HERE

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD

um.

BLOOD.

The intercom crackled to life overhead, Sam's voice ringing out. “Sapnap, get up. You have… you have a visitor.”

“Who is it?” Sapnap’s voice carried across the room, hopeful and disbelieving all at once. He thought no one would come. He really thought no one could come. “Is it dad? Skeppy?”

“No it’s-“

The sound of obsidian walls coming down for the first time in months, a week, silencing any further words from Sam. It creaked and groaned at first. Almost as if it didn’t want to fall. It wanted to keep him inside. The room flooded with a light that Sapnap was no longer accustomed to. 

Sapnap covered his eyes with his palms outstretched to the sudden light from across the hall. He could see the bridge appear before him, carrying a man he never thought he’d see again. Eyes squinting more and more. And for a second he wondered if he was just sleeping.

That probably would have been better than seeing who came to visit.

“Theseus suits you better than it suits Tommy ,” They called from the other end of the walkway. Voices the same as always, as if they weren’t coming to visit a prisoner. For everything in the world, Sapnap couldn’t bring himself to feel much more than dread. “The voices wouldn’t shut up about your birthday.”

No.

His mind was screaming. Skin crawling with the urge to hide or to scream. To run. Escape all of his issues and join the voices in the void once more. Though, a smaller part of himself had already laid its claim on their decision.

He wanted company, didn’t he? Technoblade’s not the worst and the voices trusted him! Plus, he came for his birthday when no one else did. Then there was the fact that Technoblade was a piglin. He was just like him. 

That meant he had that natural warmth that Sapnao craved so deeply.

Sapnap lifts his hand in a small wave, uttering, “Technoblade.”

The piglin is quick to return it, making his way over the bridge. He takes a quick look around the place. Crimson eyes scanning over every inch of the walls. From the scratches to the blood to the ink and paper. Pausing at the sight of half eaten potatoes in a corner.

”This is… definitely not a violation of every human right out there. No, definitely not,” Techno jokes, looking back to Sapnap now. Eyes narrowing at the mess of hair on Sapnaps head. His tone is nothing short of disgusted and affronted, “What the hell is that?”

Sapnap tilted his head in confusion, looking around the room once, then twice. Then he squints and follows Techno’s gaze upon finding nothing wrong. A frown etching it’s way on his face, brows furrowing. He brings his hand up and picks up the braid, murmuring despite the scratchy undertones of his voice, “My braid?”

”It’s atrocious. I think it just got me demonitized.”

All the fear and hesitation in Sapnaps body melted away. Replaced by annoyance and a slight hurt. Nearly torching the mans cape in retaliation. “You’re a prick. I didn’t grow up with piglins like you did. I grew up with a fucking demon.”

”It’s still awful, Sapnap. And wasn’t it black before this?”

”I don’t care for your input,” Sapnap huffs, turning back to his drawings on the wall. Hands tracing over the faint marks he made. Feeling the slightest bit offput from Technoblade’s appearance and how the guy went from calling him Theseus to insulting his hair. Because who the fuck does that?

A silence falls between them. Neither of them wanting to break it and ruin things any further. Which was the voices cue.

I-

Wow this was a terrible idea

We should have just invited Ranboo

Techno knows how to braid, doesn’t he? He can fix it then

Sapnap sends the last voice, Venus, a mental thanks, eyes still scanning the little drawings. His voice nearly wobbles when he speaks, asking, “Could you fix it for me?”

And Sapnap’s suddenly uncomfortably aware of how broken his voice sounds. It comes out like a croak or an endermans warble. As if he hadn’t properly used his voice for a while. In a way, that was correct. Because like the nether, the afterlife progressed faster than the overworld. He didn’t speak for two years in that world. 

Of course the lack of use would bleed into his respawn.

Technblade says nothing in response. For a second, Sapnap fears he may have left. But soon enough he’s feeling rough fingers card through his hair. The braid must have been genuinely awful because it comes apart within seconds. Leaving Techno to methodically weave his fingers through the stress bleached locks, feeding in strands of golden thread as he does.

And Sapnap practically melts from the sudden touch. A pleased sound escaping his throat and out of his lips. Entire body leaning back into Technoblades hands, feeling the older piglins body rumble as he chuckled. Being alone has its effects on normal people. On humans. But it’s always harder for mobs. Especially ones made for large groups or packs or partners. It’s been too long since another piglin braided his hair.

”Are the dogs okay?” Sapnap questions, voice almost low wnough to be a whisper. Though he couldn’t bring himself to look at dogs or think of them most nights. Now felt like as good a time as any to show remorse. Even if it wasn’t completely truthful. He continues, stammering this time, “I didn’t- I never… Did I kill them all?”

The hands in his hair pause, then after a moment they resume their work. Technoblades voice is heard soon after, nearly a scoff, “You wish. Nice try though.”

”I fell.”

”Punz broke the dirt,” comes Techno’s short response, punctuated by the him finishing the braid. But his hands don’t move from Sapnaps hair. Instead he focuses his attention to the wall, letting out a low whistle. “The months haven’t done you well, have they?”

Months. Techno said months.

And Sapnap doesn’t want to address the time. He wants to address his birthday. “Did you bring me anything? It’d be shitty if you didn’t. It is my birthday after all and I’m spending it in a cold dark cell.”

A snort.

”Well, Techie?”

”Fuck off, Sappy. I got you gold. Every piglins favorite thing.”

”I’m a blaze.”

”Not with those baby tusks you’re not.”

The rest of the visit went by smoothly. With Technoblade mocking his cell and nearly killing him in disgust over the amount of hair and blood on the floor. Then cleaning it up because he really just lives for drama. He left with the promise of visiting again and getting Sam to renew the lava gate.

Sapnap would be lying if he said he didn’t add another small figure to his drawing. The voices made fun of him for it and some even told Techno about it. 

And that night, he dreamt about all the things he’d do when he got out of the prison.

Chapter Text

The next month passed by in what could only be described as a blur. The voices were uncharacteristically quiet and Sapnap’s entire body ached. Wracking with full body shudders even with the newly implemented lava. 

He crawled towards it unconsciously, allowing his side to rest underneath it. Feeling the heat wrap around him and almost pull him in. A part of him wanted to sink into it. Wanted to slide off into the lava and sink to the floor. Not as an escape attempt but as a sense of comfort.

“It’s so fucking warm,” he sighed contentedly. Eyes fluttering shut as he curled up near the warmth. It reminded him of the nether in a way. Of running around aimlessly with his sounder and hunting the hoglins they came across. Of guarding fortresses with the other blaze, occasionally losing himself to the fire and joining the ghasts in the sky.

Hey buddy

Maybe step away from it a little

We have a bad feeling about this one

Yeah… step back a bit

Sapnap ignored them, soaking in the warmth as if it would go away if he didn’t. A part of him was still convinced it would. That Sam would take it back if he got the slightest idea that Sapnap was ungrateful.

And Sapnap would rather die a second time than be forced to live in the cold. 

Don’t say that 

Yeah don’t

No dying! That was awful

I’m glad you’re happy

He sent another thanks to ‘Venus’. Noting that they’re the only voice that doesn’t seem to be driven by its own desires. They’re Sapnap’s friend before a bloodthirsty voice.

Or maybe he was finally losing his mind.

Yeah…

Venus is a buzzkill

And a teachers pet

Hey!

Sapnap listened to them bicker, lowering himself to lay on his side. Arms tucked underneath his head and legs curled up go his chest. He’s sure this is weird. No, he knows it’s weird. 

It was one thing to use the voices to fall asleep when the room was dark and cold. It’s a completely different thing to have to force himself to remember they weren’t real people because of the warmth around him. At least then he had an excuse to be relying purely on instincts. Now he finds it harder. Now he’s using their arguing and mindless chatter as a lullaby.

Venus sucks anyways

Sap’s playing favorites like always

He’s just mad no one could tell what his ugly drawing was

You’re just mad you guys don’t get names like I do

Because now they’re his only company and he almost prefers it. He likes to hear them. Likes to feel like they’re in the room with him. Believing wholeheartedly that the voices are there and they care. 

It’s just not fair??

Yeah we literally saved his life

Exactly!

You all scream ‘Blood’ and ‘Ash’ at him when he’s having panic attacks.

He wants them to be people. Wants to feel them and see them. The same way he used to see and feel his old friends. Like Dream or George or Punz. 

And sometimes he let himself believe it was them. Associating the voices with people who by all means had no interest in him. Lying to himself for some semblance of comfort or reassurance that he was still worth company. That maybe, just maybe, he was stuck in some limbo. That this was all some nightmare. 

A nightmare he couldn’t wake up from even if he tried. No matter how hard he clawed at the walls or ripped at his hair. No matter if the blood and skin under his nails only grew. He’d still be here, stuck in a cell behind barriers of lava and obsidian and dogs that hide in the walls.

Sapnap blinks once, then twice, then allows his eyes to flutter shut. Sighing deeply to himself as if he knew what a nap would have in store. But it was better than nothing. Except the consequences are immediate.

Barking and whining. Teeth sinking into his flesh. The sounds of tearing and crying and Sapnap’s own screams echoing off of obsidian walls. The grating sound of metal armor  bending beneath a wolf's jaw, impaling the flesh of the man wearing it.

And he’s dying. He can feel that he’s dying.

But the wolves are too.

Then everything shifts.

There’s a hand on his shoulder. He looks up to see a familiar piglin standing over him. Eyes narrowed as if he knew what Sapnap did. The piglin removes his hand, pointing now at a figure laying on the floor.

And Sapnap can feel the tears welling in his eyes before they start. Knowing who the figure is. Seeing the way they’re fighting off wolves and hounds as if their life depended on it.

He knew it did.

But he said nothing. Sobbing with each shaky step he took towards the figure. 

Sapnap turned in his sleep, face scrunching up. He didn’t want to see this. His eyes shot open for nothing more than a second, struggling to stay open past the waves of exhaustion hitting him. But he was asleep before he even had the chance to fight it. 

He was straddling their waist now, setting a dagger to the floor next to their head. Not understanding when he had made the move to straddle his replica, or if he had done so at all. None of his choices were his own. 

Sapnap stared down at himself, taking in every difference. His newly bleached hair stood hanging over his replica's face, swaying with Sapnaps movements. Then his eyes scanned over every scar on his copies face. Hands coming down to trace over one of the marks, spanning from their cheek to his lip. Sapnap wiped the blood and the mud from their face with a gentle swipe.

His copy trembled with his touch. They didn’t seem to register Sapnap’s hands shaking or the tears that rolled off the mans cheeks and onto their own. And if Sapnap looked closely into their eyes, he’d see a dog in their reflection.

And he wanted to hurt them.

Wanted to help them.

Because this Sapnap didn’t deserve to go to prison. No one deserved the prison.

His copies lips parted as they tried to protest. Maybe they screamed or cried. Sapnap would never know. The words seemed to die out as soon as they were uttered, fizzing out into more sobs or hiccups. 

Gentle touches turned to bruising holds. Nails digging into the others face and tearing. Feeling nothing but blood and skin under his nails. Dragging them down, giving them matching scars. 

Why does he want to hurt them so bad?

They thrashed beneath him, kicking and struggling with all of their strength. Reaching for a weapon to their side. Or bringing their hands up to claw at Sapnap’s face.

But Sapnap’s stronger. Digging his palms into their sides and their chest. Their arms and their stomach. Their neck. Ignoring the way they choke and sputter at the pain. He couldn’t help but notice the clear adoration in their eyes. As if they somehow understood.

Did they know he just wanted to help them? Did they know he loved them? That he was saving them?

And he continues to tear and cut and hurt. No longer feeling human. Overtaken by something he couldn’t describe. His copy was unrecognizable. They were nothing but a stain on the ground or a pile of scars and flesh and blood.

Blood that seemed to boil on the ground and stain their face. What was left of it, at least. Sapnap tilted his head down at them, scanning the scars and cuts and the red that now adorned them. Then to their eyes, noticing the dog in his place. 

Sapnap was never any better than the wolves. He felt his stomach shift, gaze traveling down to it. Feeling movement or disruption somewhere inside but he couldn’t place it. A growl resounds within his stomach and he’s overcome with the feeling of paws clawing at his insides. Digging and tearing at his organs and nearly ripping him apart.

It’s hungry and it’s eating him alive.

He wonders how long it will take before he’s just the same as his copy beneath him. 

Sapnap shifted, arms shooting down to cover his stomach as it erupted into a growl. Reminding him of exactly what he had given up in order to have this lava. Along with just how long it’d been since he had eaten anything other than potatoes. Or how long it had been since he was given potatoes in the first place.

Sam was persistent about this condition. Even though he promised to give him food as long as he was good. Sometimes Sapnap found it easier to just agree. Asking for lava was selfish and being selfish is bad. Implying that he, by nature, is as bad as the action

But he could never bring himself to actually ask for food instead. Starving was the least of his worries. It was the venom dripping from Sam’s lips whenever he spoke to him. It was the scorn that burned in the warden's eyes when he was faced with Sapnap. He found that it hurt more than the actual dogs had. More than the sword that he plunged into his chest, far worse than the fall itself, as well. 

Sapnap doesn’t want to disappoint him. He doesn’t think he could take it if he did. He curled further into himself, bringing his legs to his chest and ignoring the way his hands shook. Another rumble went through his body. Worse than the last.

His eyes glanced over to the potatoes floating in his water. Green and yellow and with eyes all over. Bringing another wave of hunger. Then bile and disgust at the sight of the rot evident on them. Yet a part of him was still hungry. Hungry enough to risk a bite.

Do not.

Absolutely not.

You’re gonna die, Sapnap

And a small part of him was willing to die for this. Sapnap was willing to die if it meant his cell was warm and his skin didn’t crawl. He needed it. Craved it. 

Just hang on

Go back to sleep

It’ll be fine

Close your eyes

He didn’t want to listen to them. Nothing could have made him listen to the voices then. Not even the promise of safety and warmth. Sapnap made a move to crawl towards the small pool of water, pushing himself up on his elbows. The movement was shaky and hardly worked, instead sending him right back to the floor with a grunt. He tried again, this time only dragging himself across the floor and reaching out to them. Hands finally grasping one and pulling it towards himself.

It was green. It was green and yellow and some parts of it jutted out at him the same way a cactus would. But he wasn’t too afraid of it. Sapnap picked it at it, hardly in the right mind as he scraped off the mold and the black spots. SImply discarded them on the already dirty floor. His fingers curled around the eye of the potato, tugging at it in a ditch attempt to save himself the disgust.  

But he couldn’t wait. He brought it to his lips with a shaky hand, opening his mouth. He hesitates only for a second before taking a bite of the rot infested potato. Instantly, he feels an awful mush enter his mouth. It’s sour and tangy in taste and mushy in interior. And he feels nothing but dread entering his system. But he continues, swallowing the bite and wincing at the feeling of it slinking down his throat. 

He hated it. 

And he’s sure it hated him. He’s sure this was a punishment for his greed. Sam’s voice echoed in his mind, taunting him, ‘ Food is a luxury that criminals don’t deserve.’

But he was hungry. He was so hungry.

What did you do?!

SAPNAP???

Ohm y god he’s gonna die

Throw it up now.

And his body rejects the “food”. Gagging and choking around the intrusion. His throat constricts, sending his brain the signal to stop him from swallowing any further. Restricting his breath as quickly as it could. A signal he tries to counteract, sputtering and staggering back across the prison floor. Sapnap writhes, feeling bile rise in his throat, swallowing against it until he couldn’t anymore. 

Only able to watch it spill from his mouth and onto the floor. His eyes didn’t linger for long. They quickly turned to anything else in the room. Like the countless marks on the wall. If he was capable of counting them, he would see a total of 138 tallies on the walls. If his gaze lingered any longer he’d see the points where he would claw at the walls, screaming for food or a trial or a second chance.

But all he could think about was the growing pit in his stomach as the stench of his own vomit filled the room. Sapnap’s hands shook, feeling the poison take effect in his body. His breathing picked up as he felt his time running out. He would die, he realized. Coughing deeply into the crook of his shoulder, feeling a liquid he had grown far too accustomed to in the past couple of months. Blood, Sapnap noted, he had gotten to the point of coughing up blood.

Stop

Stop now

Stop freaking out

Are you okay???

“Sam,” He called weakly, searching desperately for the camera in the corner of the room. But the walls only seemed to blur and his sight only worsened. Going from distinguished spots and figures to nothing more than dots on a small horizon. The orange glow of the lava did nothing to aid this, only adding to the mess of colors and figures. 

HE DOESNT CARE

STOP CALLING HIM

HES NOT GONNA DO ANYTHING FOR YOU

Stop yelling at him! Stop it.

Sapnap spins wildly, not understanding why his eyes were failing him now when he needed them the most. His voice cracks, shredding at his vocal chords as he calls out, desperate and scared, “Sam, I can’t- .”

Why couldn’t he see?

“I can’t see! Sam, I can’t see!” His eyes blurred again, painting the world in nothing but an orange and purple hue, mixing together in some fucked up canvas. “ You promised.”

But he wasn’t good. He didn’t deserve the food. He killed them. They wanted his help and he killed them. And the more he worried, the easier it was to see them in his cell, laying there on the floor next to the potatoes. His copy was dead. They were dead and they were in the room.

YOUR FAULT

YOUR FAULT

THIS IS ALL YOU FAULT

“You fucking poisoned me-,” Sapnap rasps, struggling to get to his feet once more, staggering as he stands. And it feels as if a gust of wind has knocked him over as wave after wave of pain hit him. Headaches, bodyaches, cramps, hunger, thirst, and general sickness. He stumbles back, tripping over himself and falling straight back into the lava.

And he sinks. Choking on the fiery substance and feeling it flood his lungs. It burns. It burns more than anything he’s ever felt. Even though he can’t place why it feels like that or why he’s dying. He’s a blaze. He was born in fire. It shouldn’t take him out. He shouldn’t sink or burn or drown.

Sapnap opens his mouth in a scream or a cry for help, but it only serves to fill his lungs even more. Flooding his entire being and invading his body. Filling him with an intense heat that he’s sure he’s never felt before. He feels the lava sludge down his throat with the consistency of slime, stinging his tongue and scorching his pharynx. Traveling down his larynx and into his trachea as if the path had been readily made for it.

And Sapnap can barely help the scream he lets out. Gagging on the fluid as it continues to force its way down his throat. Hands coming up with burns still emerging, clawing at his neck in an attempt to force the liquid out. He can hear the voices screaming curses and threats at Sam, at Dream, at him, and at the world.

He’s scared.

He’s so damn scared.

His body jolts, finally hitting the floor and laying there. Feeling every part of his body twitch and writhe in an attempt to rid him of the fire in his lungs. Legs kicking out to drag himself back to the surface. Hands leaving his throat to claw aimlessly at the lava, trying desperately to swim back up. Needing to make it to the surface. To make it back to his cell and maybe survive this. All he wanted was to survive. But his limbs weren’t strong enough to cut through the pain and deliver himself back to that dark cell. He’s sure some part of him didn’t even want to.

YOU SHOULD HAVE LISTENED
WEAK
THE BLOOD GOD CHOSE WRONG

…sapnap?

And everything is screaming at him but they’re all saying different things. This was his fault for being greedy. This was his fault for killing the dogs. It was his fault for being thrown in the prison in the first place. It was his fault Venus was scared. Then other parts of him would scream in his defense. That he couldn’t have known. 

That he wants to live. He was lying when he said he didn’t. The lava wasn’t worth it if it meant he’d be in the void again. He couldn’t be in the void again. He couldn’t take that.

[Sapnap tried to swim in lava]

—---------------

Sapnap shoots up in his bed, chest heaving and eyes watering. He died again. He died again and it was all his fault. It wasn’t anyones fault but his own. Not the voices. Not the dogs. Not Techno’s or Sams or Dreams.

It was his fault.

And the only thing the intercom had to announce was a visitor coming the next day.

Chapter Text

It’s visitor day!

Every prisoners favorite day. That meant people would come and see him. He’d get to see again. He’d be okay! Maybe it’d be Techno.

Sapnap paused, hands tracing over the wall absently. Feeling the bumps and curves of the obsidian under his palms. He squints, eyes seeing blurs of movement beyond the wall. Though he’s sure they don’t exist. No one can just walk through lava the way the figures did.

He wonders if he’s only seeing things. If the figures were yet another apparition of his guilt. 

Can you even see anymore?

I don’t think he can

Sapnap… buddy… it’s just the lava moving

Sapnap felt his face shift into a scowl, removing his hand from the wall. He brings both of his arms out in front of him, turning them this way and that. Trying to check his own sight somehow. His lips part, counting every scar or mark in a quiet murmur. He only got to 5 before he had to pull his arms closer to his face.

He could see, he reassured himself. He could. It was just difficult because the cell had bad lighting. Yeah… that was it.

You literally can’t

Maybe we should go easy on him…

You sound like Venus.

Speaking of Venus, Sapnap tilted his hand, humming out with a question to his words, “They’re not here.”

Haven’t been for a while buddy

Yeah you’re stuck with us

Venus died in the lava

“That’s not true.”

How the hell would you know?

Guys

Can’t see, Can’t do his own hair, Can’t even handle a couple dogs

“What did I even do? What the fuck did I do?” He asked, hoping they couldn't hear the growing edge to his voice. Because he could certainly feel it. His words slurred together for a moment as they were interrupted by a desperate little sound. “I’m doing everything right.”

Dying hurts, Sapnap.

We share that hurt.

It’s all you ever do. You just die and sit here feeling sorry for yourself. The blood god chose wrong. Technoblade chose wrong.

That one struck a cord. But Sapnap had already learned his lesson when it came to speaking out of turn. Sam made sure of that. The voices made sure of it as well. Ridiculing him any time he showed any type of emotion.

Sometimes he wondered if they hated him. They probably did.

So instead of lashing out or rising to the bait, Sapnap turns back to scanning his palm. He picked at his hands absently as he continued to stare at the lava. The warmth had finally settled into his bones, no longer feeling like a saving grace. Sapnap wondered how long he’d have it. Would it be here with him forever?

Would he die the same way he was born? Submerged in flames and magma, and encased in obsidian. The thought excited and scared him. Dying the way his species found honorable was easily an appealing idea. But there was also the fact that he didn’t want to die.

He just wanted to leave.

Same thing honestly

Sap, you’re so optimistic, it’s depressing

It’s only honorable if they’re aware of your death.

Sapnap considered that last point. He genuinely considered it. His sonder would never know he was dead. Hell, they didn’t even know he was alive. He spiraled, picking at his skin with an intensity that wasn’t there before, and muttered, “They’ll know. They have to.”

Piglins can’t read communicators

They’ll never know

Techno is the only piglin who will ever know.

“Shut up.”

It’s just the truth

I’m sorry Sap 

You’re not the most memorable piglin. More of a blaze than a piglin anyways

His fist hit the wall with a thud and the sound of a small crack. If he fractured or broke anything, he didn’t make a single mention or sign of it. Sapnap pushed the voices to the back of his mind once more. Hating the feeling of bugs crawling across his skin when he does. It’s like they were tired of being shut out.

Which, decidedly, isn’t his fucking problem. It’s his head.

Then he pauses, suddenly remembering what he was thinking of before. The visitor, that is. He was going to clean up the cell for his visitor. 

And he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t the slightest bit excited for a visit. Maybe it was Technoblade. He liked him. Techno wouldn’t hurt him. So he pushes himself to his feet, slowly moving around the room and cleaning up all that he could.

First, he got rid of the stray hair on the floor. Strands that were black and grey and white. Some sloppily chopped off at the hand of The Wardens Will, and others ripped out by his own hands. He gathered it all into a pile, carefully disposing of it into the lava. Sapnap’s hand traveled to his own hair for a second, checking to ensure the braid was still there.

He didn’t mess with it after Techno left. Not even when the Warden threatened to chop it all off or when he almost had. The creeper probably knew of their importance and knew he would have been committing a crime. 

He’d come into the cell and threatened to cut the entire braid off if Sapnap continued to be “disobedient”. Claimed Sapnap was breaking the rules. All he did was light a flame so he could see. That was all. But the blazelin had resisted, probably for the first time in his entire stay, and held his arms protectively around his braid.

Because braids were something of a sense of honor. Especially when done by an older piglin. They symbolize strength, honor, and family. The gold thread that Techno had weaved into it only added to the meaning. Older piglins would do it as a sign of protection. 

Sapnap would be damned if he ruined it. 

And maybe he should have cleaned earlier instead of arguing with the voices in his head. Granted, they were insensitive assholes who only cared about their own entertainment(except Venus). Maybe he should have taken more time to sleep in or stay dead. Because this visitor was different.

He could tell by the way the lava fell and the walls stayed dark. By the way the figure on the walkway stood, as if they held the entire world in their hands. And honestly, they might. They really fucking might.

Sapnap stands, shocked as all hell with his eyes trained on them. Not able to find any distinguishable features through the awkward blur but still able to feel the way the air shifted. Like something was going to happen.

“Uh- voices? Who the fuck is that?” He whispered harshly. Then again, “Hello??”

There was no answer. 

They left him.

The warden says nothing as he sends the visitor over. Hell, he doesn’t even announce who the visitor is. Leaving Sapnap to figure that out himself. And he’s not sure he wants to.

Sapnap finds himself blanking as the figure comes closer and closer to his cell. Overcome with the desire to leave or cry or scream. Wanting to hug them and push them off the edge of the cell all at one. A smaller part of him was back in that war. Back to the wolves and the pit, facing all of his friends while he begged them to understand.

And the smell. God, the smell of burnt flesh weighed heavily on his senses. Even though he knew it wasn’t real.

He wasn’t back in the war or the pit. There was no flesh being burned. He was in a cell. He was in jail and he wasn’t leaving.

He brought his eyes up to face the visitors, managing to make out a couple of scars. Burn scars and the sign of Technoblades pickaxe ripping through their skin. Quackity, he deduced. His visitor was Quackity.

Quackity who looked far too excited to be visiting the man who scarred him. The same man who burned him alive. His ex- fiance. 

“Q- Quackity?” Sapnap stuttered, throat going completely dry and hands becoming clammy. His mind seemed to pause, desperately searching for the voices. He needed to know if this was real. 

Quackity wasn’t looking at him. Not really, at least. His eyes seemed to be clouded over with something that Sapnap could only describe as hateful. Vengeful, if you will.

And Sapnap knew something was up. Because nothing good ever came out of interactions with Quackity while he was like this. “Sapnap! Long time no see,” he announced, stepping into the cell. “Did you miss me?”

“Quackity? You- You’re here,” Sapnap doesn’t bother to hide the surprise in his town. He missed Quackity. Sort of. He missed the soft looks and the sweet words. Not the man. Not really. Not after being plagued with visions of his charred corpse. Or nightmares of the man screaming his name and begging him to put him out, gripping him with scorched hands.

The other man only smiled, stepping into the cell. He didn’t flinch away from Sapnap at all when the man pulled him into a hug. It was like he didn’t care in the slightest. Like this was just a business interaction for him.

Some part of Sapnap wondered if this was all just some dream. Scars becoming increasingly obvious on Quackity’s skin. One bloomed from his arm to his blind eye. Like the flames that Sapnap had killed him with that night.

Another part of him was relishing in the embrace. Melting into it without a second thought. His entire body seemed to cool, a smile making its way to his lips. Sapnap let out a content hum, low enough that it could be passed off as a noise of surprise. Though, Quackity knew him better than that.

It was nice, he thought. It’s been a while since he’s had a hug. Hell, it’s been a while since Quackity was willing to give him a hug.

“Sapnap! Happy belated birthday,” Quackity chuckled, squeezing the man tight. “It’s been a while.” And then he pulled away.

It’s a trap

It’s a trap

This is a fucking trap

They’re right

But Sapnap wasn’t listening. He just wasn’t. Because the love of his life was right here. The man he would kill for was right in front of him.

“I missed you,” he breathes out, a dopey smile on his face. Why wouldn’t it be? Quackity was here. 

“Did you, now?” Quackity hummed out, reaching a hand out to rest on Sapnap’s cheek. His face almost went blank as Sapnap leaned into the touch. “The hair is new. So is the braid.”

And Sapnap can really see the scar now. He can see every detail of it. From the start to where it connects with the others. He could see the parts that looked the most painful and even the ones he knew wouldn’t heal. Where the scars would twist around his body and form ugly jagged lines. It was his fault.

This was all his fault.

Tears pooled in his eyes and suddenly he couldn’t look at Quackity anymore. He looked away, averting his gaze to anything else in the room. Not able to face what he did. Stray strands of hair fell in his face, brushed away by Quackity’s fingers in a small gesture that he didn’t deserve. Sapnap didn’t deserve this.

He didn’t deserve any of this. Not the visit or the food. Or the hands on his face. He definitely didn’t deserve Quackity’s presence either.

He hurt him. Sapnap hurt him so badly.

Quackity’s voice brought him out of his thoughts, low and almost distant despite being so close to him, “What are you crying about?”

“I’m sorry. I never meant to- It’s all my fault,” the words are small, so small that Sapnap wonders if he said them. Voice crackling and hoarse, “I hurt you.”

The hands on his face begin to tighten, then they shift. One moving to trace over his scars and the other going to examine his braid. Quackity didn’t comment on any of them, face contorting into a sad gaze. “Am I still pretty to you? Could you still love me with a face like this?”

Sapnap didn’t even have to think about an answer, blurting out, “I’ll always love you.”

He meant it. He still loves Quackity. He still thinks Quackity is one of the prettiest people he’s ever met. Even through the scars and the brick wall the man has put up around him. Sapnap loves him. He’d die for him if he asked. Because that’s what Quackity deserves.

He loves Quackity so much that the mere thought of the man makes his heart scream. Even now, he feels himself beginning to lose control. He’s sure he’d do anything the man wanted. Whether that be killing someone, dying, leaving the server, ect. That’s what Quackity deserved.

The ravenette pauses, and Sapnap can feel his hands moving back to cup his face. Their eyes meet. Sapnap feels as if he could get lost in them, watching the way his ex lovers face contorts. Scanning his face for the features that he’s grown used to over the years. Like the moles that littered the man's body, ones that Sapnap would kiss so gently every night. Or the way Quackity’s nose always turned red when he lied. A convenient tell that led to many gentle kisses to the tip of his nose from Sapnap.

“This cell hasn’t been kind to you, has it?” Quackity questions, sounding far away even though he was right here. He was right fucking here. “It hurts, doesn’t it? Being alone all of the time. Getting hurt by people you trusted.”

Sapnap nods.

“Use your words, Sap. I shouldn’t have to tell you that you should speak when spoken to like you’re some untrained dog.” The words are accentuated by a harsh tug to the braid.

“I’m sorry-“ Sapnap stutters out, hardly being able to stop himself from pushing Quackity’s hands away. It comes out lower than he’d like. For a second, he wonders why it hurts when Quackity scolds him. He didn’t want to disappoint him. He wanted to fix things and be better. This was his fault. The least he could do is be obedient. “I’m sorry.”

The other huffs, then his voice shifts once again to something softer, “I hate hurting you, but you make it so hard not to. You always get so confused when I do. It’s adorable. I could just eat you up.”

He thinks I’m adorable, Sapnap notes, contrasting greatly with the voices.

Quackity’s a cannibal

He ate Schlatt’s heart

Dude.

He’s going to hurt you.

Sapnap knew he probably looked and sounded crazy. Knew he was going against everything he'd come to learn. Especially by ignoring Venus, his voice of reason. But he couldn’t help but look at Quackity with nothing but adoration in his eyes. He’s past the point of reason or listening to the voices in his head. He loved him. His chest ached and the voices screamed, but he still loved him. He couldn’t see that changing anytime soon. 

He’s gonna hurt you

Run

Fight back

Do something!!

Quackity strokes his thumb across Sapnap’s cheek. Acting just like he had before. Before everything went wrong. The ravenette leans in, waiting for Sapnap to reciprocate, before stopping inches away from his face. Sapnap furrows his brows, hoping his face could convey just how confused the entire action had made him.

“There it is,” Quackity hummed, “There’s that look I love. Tell me, did you really think you deserved to kiss me?”

…what?

The hand on his face tightens once again, gripping his jaw in a bruising hold. The other hand wrapped tightly around his braid. And Quackity yanks so hard that Sapnap can feel his brain rattling around in his skull.

“Get off-'' He cries out, hands coming up to claw at the hands to no avail. He doesn’t understand. He doesn’t get it. Quackity’s tugging his hair with a force that Sapnap just can’t match at the current moment, dragging it down until he’s sure he’ll break. It feels like the dogs all over again.

“Did you really think I’d believe that bullshit?” Nails digging into his skin and drawing blood. An evil look in Quackity’s eyes, followed by another sneer, “You’re lucky I even let you talk to me. I should cut your fucking tongue out.”

“I’m not lying! I promise- I swear-“

Then he’s on the floor.

And he’s not sure what happened. He’s not sure of how he got there. All he knows is that he’s in pain. He’s in so much fucking pain. The world is spinning in his eyes. His body feels like it’s gone up in flames. Like he’s being ripped apart.

His ribs hurt and his head is throbbing and he’s sure he’s sobbing. Even if he can’t hear it through the ringing of his ears. He doesn’t understand. He doesn’t fucking understand.

Quackity’s above him now, straddling his waist. One hand is still wrapped in Sapnaps braid while the other digs through his pockets. The ravenette is shouting at him. Mouth moving and vocalizing words that Sapnap cannot hear. Though, judging from the way his lips move, Sapnap assumes he’s telling him to stop crying.

There’s a moment where Quackity’s hand stops moving in his pockets. A split second where Sapnap can see exactly what he was looking for. First all he can make out is a handle. Then another. Then the two pointed ends of the small object. 

Shears, he realizes. Quackity had shears.

He finds himself thrashing with a newfound energy. Legs kicking out and wiggling the rest of his body. Because he didn’t want to see what those were. He didn’t need to. 

“Get off of me,” Sapnap sobs, hardly able to hear himself over the ringing. “Get off of me! ”

The shears are brought closer to his braid. The sight of the tool so close to his hair brought a new wave of sobs. Wracking through his entire body in the form of thrashing and struggling that would make anyone's heart drop. There’s an awful moment where the ravenette looks down at him, tugging the braid into his view. Forcing him to watch as the shears closed down around it.

“Not my braid! Anything but the braid!” He shook his head weakly against the grip. Pain erupted around his entire body as he did so. He could vaguely make out the sound of Quackity telling him to shut up. To stop crying and just take it like a good prisoner would. He deserved it.  Sapnap believes every word of it. He wants to shut up for Quackity. Wants to be good for him like his lover wanted. Sapnap wanted to be held and forgiven and loved, but the braid wasn't Quackity's to ruin. Hell, it wasn't even Sapnaps to ruin. It was Techno's.

“It’s only fair. This is your sentence. You deserve this shit. You deserve to be hurt.” 

Sapnap says nothing.

“I should be the one crying after the shit you did to me. I built you a nation, I fought with you, I tried to save your fucking life and this is how you repay me.” He’s pointing at his scar. Forcing Sapnap to stare at what he’d done as if he didn’t already know. “I’m doing this because it’s the only way you’ll ever learn. I wouldn’t have to hurt you if you would just fucking listen to me.”

Sapnap couldn’t remember a single time that he didn’t listen to Quackity. But he had to be right. Sapnap wouldn’t be in here otherwise. He wouldn’t be here. “Anything else. It’s different- Take anything else .” 

There’s a beat. Then, Quackity leans down, lips nearly pressed completely against Sapnap’s skin. He chuckles airily directly next to Sapnap’s ear, and utters an order to the man, “Tell me you love me and I’ll take something else.”

It hurts. “I love you.”

“Again, Sapnap. Don’t stop.” 

“I love you.”

And he keeps saying it. He repeats it over and over again. 

Not that it mattered. Not that anything mattered. It didn’t take long for Sapnap to wish he had just gone back to the cell. Everything in him was screaming. The voices were like a choir in his ears. His face was being pressed against the floor, mouth open in one of the loudest screams he’d ever let out. Sapnap could vaguely register the sound of his own voice begging, pleading , for Quackity to just kill him.

His head is lifted up from the ground and slammed back down. Over and over and over again. Until he’s sure he’s died and come back. Revived by some cruel twist of luck. Until all he can feel is that familiar sensation of blood oozing out of him, soaking his hair and his clothes. White locks now a deep red, mixing with obsidian dust and stray golden feathers.

Sapnap couldn’t think. All he felt was pain and all he heard was ringing and the faint sound of Quackity taunting him. Tasting nothing but iron and salty tears in his mouth. No longer able to hear his sobs over the ringing.

His vision began to blur, mixing the world around him into wonderful swirls of color. His eyes focused on the tally marks in the wall. Ears straining to hear Quackity’s laughter or the distant voice of the Warden. And no matter how hard he tried to hate him, he couldn’t. 

He could vaguely make out the feeling of shears piercing his skin. Cutting him open with no care for his life. Then hands dipping within the cut they made, fingers brushing past his guts, searching for something within him. If Sapnap tried really hard, he could convince himself it was out of love. That Quackity was fixing some part of him.

“I can’t hear you, Sapnap,” a voice rings out, sounding more like they were singing a song than threatening his life.

“I love you,” Sapnap rasps out, feeling nothing but blood pool in his mouth. 

He does. There was no doubt in his mind that he loved Quackity. He’s sure that he’d kiss the man if he'd allow it. The purples and oranges of the cell mixed together, bathing Quackity in a new light. One that Sapnap had grown all too familiar with. His eyes struggle to focus on Quackity’s face despite his best efforts.

“Louder.”

“I love you-“ Sapnap sobs, meaning every bit of it. He really fucking means it.

And suddenly, the hands found their purchase. Curling into a fist around whatever they’d found and yanking. Sapnap lurched against the feeling, small flames lighting in his hair. The hands yanked again. Allowing him to see the amount of red they possessed. Stained in his blood and his guts. For a moment, he wonders if he'll end up like Schlatt did. Devoured by everyone he ever hurt and left to be eaten by the worms. Sapnap thrashed harder against the hold. Ignoring the pain in his skull and the blood in his eyes and his hair. Even if some small, twisted part of himself wanted to let Quackity eat him. Wanted the man to take a bite of his heart and swallow. 

Then, something inside of him finally gave way. Something small but meaningful snapped. He was being ripped apart. Every part of his body clenched in complete fear. Then, gut wrenching pain bloomed across his body. Fire being ripped away and replaced with an emptiness. An emptiness that felt frighteningly similar to the cold draft in the void. He was missing something. Something was taken from. And he didn't know what.

But everything felt wrong. He felt wrong.

And Sapnap sobbed and he screamed, and he wouldn’t stop. He couldn’t stop. Not when Quackity carelessly pulls the rest out of his body, misusing the shears in every way. Not when Quackity holds the objects over his eyes, forcing him to look at it. Tan hands clenched tightly around two flaming rods. They scorched his skin, if the smell and the growing burns were anything to go by, but Quackity didn't seem to mind. He didn't mind much of anything really.

Another scream tore through his throat as the reality of what just happened kicked in. The rod was pressed against his skin then, burning him where he was once resistant. Quackity said something along the lines of 'shut up' or 'isn't this what you wanted'. The sensation of fire singing his skin was slow to rise, rivaled only by Sapnap's mind carrying him far away. Washing over him in a numb feeling and leaving him to watch himself be hurt. No longer attached to the body in any way. It felt more like phantom pains.

"Tell me you love me," Quackity whispered low enough for Sapnap to think he imagined it. "Please?"

The words "I love you" felt like ash on his tongue. And he said them anyways. He said them until he couldn't feel his tongue. Until he felt Quackity taking his face into his hands and pressing their foreheads together. Sapnap felt the blood on the others hands smear onto his face, bringing him back to himself. He felt the tears drop onto his face within seconds, unsure of what Quackity could possibly have to cry about. Sapnap lifts a hand weakly to rub at Quackity's back, muttering low and struggling to stay awake with every word, "It's okay. I- I love you."

Because it was then that something became abundantly clear to him, Sapnap was no longer a blaze.

And somewhere in the tundra, a piglin writhed in pain in his bed, hands clutching at his chest, feeling the sonders pain.

————————

Fanart by Mook_cornerhold !!!!

Chapter Text

Sam came by to clean him up after Quackity left. At least, he thinks he did. Nothing feels real after what happened. Sapnap doesn’t feel real. Especially given the fact that Sam wasn’t wearing the prison armor, and he wasn’t holding Fran’s leash.

None of it was right. It felt like some hazy dream that Sapnap could only remember in parts.

He remembers pushing himself to sit upright, hugging his knees to his chest. He could still feel the blood dribbling from his forehead and down the back of his neck. Staining his hair and his skin and his clothes with a crimson red. And the smell alone was enough to make him gag. 

Sapnap sniffled, not understanding what he did wrong. He was sure he did everything right. That he was still doing everything right. But everything still hurts. Why did it still hurt? He did everything right.

Nothing made sense. The overworld didn’t make sense. Sapnap sank further into himself, digging his nails into his skin as a way to ground himself. Feeling smaller than he’d ever been. 

“Sapnap?” 

He didn’t answer in anything more than a distressed squeal. It’s not human or normal by any means, but it’s all he knows how to do. It stayed that way for a bit. With Sam standing in the opening of the cell, calling Sapnaps name to no avail. His voice became increasingly concerned as Sapnap continued to slip further and further into the comfort of being a piglin.

What the fuck

I forgot he could do that

Techno doesn’t do that??? What the hell is he??

Techno did say he was like 12

“You’re… you’re a full piglin,” Sam whispered, sounding taken aback by the sudden change. He didn’t look directly at Sapnap when he said it, either. His eyes  trained on the bloody rods floating in the water hole and the amount of blood that littered the floor. “You... This could have been avoided if you had just-“

“Techno made it.”

Sam doesn’t respond at first, only pursing his lips. He scans the cell once more. Eyes locking onto the splatters  and the growing pool beneath Sapnap’s head. He delivers the news to Sapnap as if it physically hurts him to say, taking a sharp inhale, “Techno’s not here. He’s not coming back.”

“Why not?” Sapnap asked, looking up at Sam for the first time since he arrived, eyes wide and curious. He thought Techno was coming back. He thought they were friends. His voice rose in pitch and his hands shook. “You said I was good.”

It’s not like that

Hey come on now

Techno’s not your friend?

I’m sure he has a reason

“You were very good, but we agreed that Quackity would be visiting you from now on.”

And that brought nothing but tears to the piglins eyes. Sapnap could barely feel himself moving his head through all the pain. It felt like a simple pin in his skin rather than a conscious movement.

Because he didn’t want Quackity to come anymore. He didn’t want to be hurt by him anymore. All he wanted was to fix everything. Sapnap wanted to be wrapped in warm flames and be welcomed by piglins. He wants someone to fix the braid in his hair and not tug at the strands until they were ripped from his scalp.

Sapnap couldn’t stop the squeal that left his throat. His chest rose and fell rapidly with his growing panic. He couldn’t be hurt again.

He can see it already. Can see Quackity getting sick of his crying and finally finishing him off. He could already feel the ravenettes hands all over him, digging his nails into his skin and tugging at his hair. Killing him .

The creeper kneeled next to him, carding a hand over his blood soaked braid. His hand twitched slightly, as if Sam was holding himself back from something. Then, he settled his hand on Sapnap’s face, procuring a wet rag from seemingly nowhere, voice void of emotion, “I can barely recognize you through all this.”

The hand on his face moves gently, wiping away the tears and the grime. Sam winces as his hand goes over an open wound. Yet, he says nothing. He dabs the wounds with the rag, but Sapnap can feel the tremble in his hands. Mindful of the ears and the tusks. Though, he did chuckle lightly when Sapnap’s snout twitched.

“I forgot you could do this. You’re smaller like this. Younger . Like a little piglet,” Sam adds, fingers tracing over a particularly nasty scar. “Talk to me. It’s too quiet in here.”

Why is he talking to you like that?

Because Sapnaps piglin form is as close as he’ll ever get to Tommy.

‘Little piglet’ shut the fuck up

I think he feels guilty

Sapnap doesn’t say anything in response.

And for a second, Sapnap allowed himself to believe that Sam was a good guy. That Sam would help him or show any type of remorse. That he would recognize how fucked up this entire thing was. He shook his head weakly, voice barely above a whisper, “M’not a blaze.”

“I know, Sap. I know,” Sam mutters, feigning comfort for the sake of Sapnap’s sanity. “It’s for the better. He’s gonna make you better.”

Make you better?

You’re already better

He let Quackity.

Quackity hurt you.

And maybe his brain was finally clearing up from the shift because Sapnap felt himself explode with anger, seething, “ I begged, and I screamed at the top of my lungs for hours . He was going to kill me.”

“He wouldn’t have killed you. I wouldn’t have let that happen. I’m still the warden.” A pause. “I would have stepped in if I thought you were in real danger.”

“You let him,” Sapnap cries, burying his face into Sam’s chest and finally, finally, allowing himself to cry over his injuries. “You let him! He slammed my head into the floor, and he cut open my chest and he- he took it from me.” And you let him. You watched.”

His fists curl around Sam’s shirt, screaming into the fabric. He screams until his throat is raw, and his eyes have dried. Because it’s so stupid. He brought it upon himself. He knows that. But it’s so much easier to beat at Sam’s chest and scream until nothing else made sense.

Sam lets him, placing a hand on the piglins back and rubbing it soothingly. He ignores the burns in his skin and the blood seeping through the shirt. It’s the least he could do to quell his guilty conscience. “We’re helping you, Sapnap. Fixing you.”

And Sapnap knows he doesn’t believe the bullshit he’s preaching. He knows Sam is just being vindictive. He’s doing all the things he wants to do to Dream. So, what if Sapnap is hurt in the process? It’s not like he’s a saint, either.

“Don’t wanna be fixed,” Sapnap huffs, feeling the adrenaline drain from his body. He failed to remind himself that he was still a piglin. He still had something connecting him to the nether. Eyes prickling with more tears as he admits, “ It hurts. Everything hurts.”

“I know, piglet,” Sam answered, running a hand over the wounds on his back. Seeing marks from Quackity forcing Sapnap down or nicking his skin with the shears. The point where Quackity took the time to carve a special little message on Sapnap's shoulder. 

‘Piglet’ was a common tease in the Halo household. That’s what Sam used to call him when he would shift. Back when Sapnap, Punz, and Dream were smaller and less of a hassle. Before they all came to this server and Dream decided to become a whole other person.

“I hated it when you called me that.”

The creeper moves a single hand to Sapnap’s neck, noticing a hand mark across it. Like someone had tried to strangle him. “That’s what you are.”

When did we get that?

Sapnap can’t hear us like this, can he?

Where the hell did that come from

I think he blanked

“I’m tired, Sammy,” Sapnap whispers, no longer fighting the dull pain in his head.

“Go to sleep. You’ll feel better when you wake up.”

It’s a lie. Sapnap isn’t dumb enough to fall for it. Not even with his hybrid instincts prioritized. Yet, he can’t bring himself to call him out on it. He’d rather stay here with Sam’s arms around him, keeping him warm. So, he does. Sapnap grunts softly, poking at the man with his snout. He doesn’t bother fighting the instinct to sleep, succumbing to the pain of his injuries.

Sam waited a minute before setting him in the bed and slipping a potion of healing in his mouth. He’d never admit it, but something about the encounter made his stomach churn. He wasn’t sure if it was because Sapnap was unmistakably younger like this or if it was because Sapnap was lighter than Tommy and Tubbo combined. Maybe it was the blood on the walls or the little drawings he saw etched into the obsidian.

Or maybe he just knew he was wrong.

—————

Quackity was back the next day. Starting off Sapnap's morning by loudly announcing that he would be here every day. He didn’t tell him why.

And Sapnap didn’t want to know. He was content in believing that Quackity loved him. That he came every day to see him. So, what if the voices nagged at the back of his mind, telling him this was wrong. 

They were wrong. Quackity cared about him. He had to.

You were scared of him last night

Sam said he’d come back every day

You cried, Sap

Quackity doesn’t love you.

He ignored them.

He doesn’t love you.

Not only that, but he’s going to kill you.

You’re blanking. You’re forgetting things.

Stop shutting us out. We’re trying to help.

Sapnap ignored the voices, and he ignored Venus, and he allowed himself to wallow in the lies. Planting a fake smile on his face and assuring himself that they were all wrong. Quackity visited because he loved him and Sapnap loved him too. 

He wasn’t scared. That was… that was the piglin . That wasn’t him.

Sapnap could never be scared of Quackity or his punishments. He needed them. They kept him grounded against isolation.

He’s going to kill you.

We can’t help you if you don’t want to be helped.

You’re pathetic.

Just listen to us!

But Quackity was nicer that day. He took Sapnaps face in his hands and wiped away the tears and the blood with the pad of his thumb. He even kissed the scar he’d etched into Sapnap’s forehead, muttering sweet little nothing's. Sapnap tried his hardest to ignore his blood under Quackity’s nails or the scratch on the man's face.

And so what if Quackity sliced him open again that day, delving into the man's insides and carefully identifying every organ. So, what if Sapnap spoke out of turn and got Quackity’s bloody fingers shoved down his throat until vomit spilled from his mouth. If he was shoved down, face grinding against the obsidian floor, words seared into his skin.

It’s better this way anyway. Because Quackity loves him, he reminds himself. Quackity is fixing him, and all he needed to do was listen. So Sapnap would play along, he’d pretend . Because that was easy.

He wouldn’t be here if he wasn’t good at pretending.

————-

Months passed since the first visit. The days blurred together until they were all just one big nightmare. He heard the voices less and less, pushing them to the back of his mind. Then, with time, he forgot more and more. He thought less of the nether and of Technoblade, and eventually, he forgot them. His voice was hardly used by the 6th month of his stay in the prison. Three months of torture of all kinds had finally gotten to him.

But Quackity liked him better when he was obedient. He actually talked to him, and he didn’t mind the shifting as long as Sapnap was still good. 

So Sapnap loved him. He was the only one who was honest with him. The only one willing to fix him. At times, he was sure Quackity loved him more than anyone in the world.

Even if, it was hard to keep that mindset when the person he “loved” insisted on hurting him. Bringing dogs into the cell to “teach him how good dogs act”. Digging his nails into Sapnap’s skin and tearing at the flesh. Forcing him to shift all, so he could see if the piglin could burn. So much so that Sapnap was beginning to think he wouldn't have any left.

————-

Quackity declared it their last visit for a while. So, he’d be nicer and Sapnap would be able to talk. He didn’t bring much other than an axe, but Sapnap knew he’d find some way to use it. One way or another, this would be the visit he remembered the most.

Sapnap was kneeling in front of him, brown eyes staring up at Quackity. They drifted from time to time, unable to fully focus or make out more than blurry shapes on the ravenettes face. His hands and knees trembled from overuse and lack of use simultaneously. Nearly buckling underneath him, but he had to be good.

He could hear the voices faintly at the back of his mind. It felt almost comforting to hear them again. He hadn’t heard from them in a while. Even if he couldn't quite remember who they were or what they represented for that matter.

Sapnap?

He’s back

He’s alive too

He wasn’t conscious before now

“You’re much prettier like this, Sapnap,” Quackity murmurs, trailing the back of his palm over one of the jagged scars. He looked at it the same way he looked at Karl. Clear interest and something dangerously close to desire. The ravenette’s lips parted in awe, going over it once again. Tracing the scar from Sapnap’s eye to his jaw. 

“How long will you be gone?”

“I don’t know. Karl needs me,” Quackity answers, chuckling lightly at the thought of Sapnap not wanting him to leave. Then, he falters, noticing the look of confusion on Sapnap’s face. “You… you remember Karl, don’t you?”

He doesn’t. Sapnap doesn’t remember much of anything. He can’t even think of a time when he wasn’t in the cell. Everything else is fuzzy, like the memories are underneath a bed and his arm is just too short to reach it. His head rings as if daring him to delve further.

Instead, he shakes his head mutely. White locks falling into his face as he does. It’d been too long since he last touched his hair. Sapnap was starting to wonder why he never did.

What the fuck?

What’s wrong with him?

Why is he so quiet?

He doesn’t remember.

Quackity purses his lips, cursing under his breath. He addresses Sapnap suddenly, hooking a hand under his chin and forcing him to look up. “You’ll have a cellmate until I come back.”

Absolutely not.

“I don’t- I don’t want anyone else.”

Quackity’s eyes narrowed into slits, voice filling with venom as he spat, “I thought you knew better than to question me, Sapnap.”

He couldn’t stop himself from flinching away from the hand. Truthfully, he could have been smarter about his actions. He could have let Quackity do whatever he wanted. 

He can’t hear us

How long have been gone

Sapnap???

SAPNAP

But he didn’t, and now he’ll face the consequences of forgetting what he was taught.

The hand in his hair gives a sharp tug, hard enough to be more than a warning but less than a threat. Then the hand on his scar dug, nails sinking into the tissue and drawing blood. Sapnap would be lying if he said he didn’t immediately freeze up. There was a protest on his mind, but it never came out.

Instead, he just let it happen with nothing but a few tears and a bit back scream. “I’m sorry-“

The words easily fell on deaf ears. Met with more punishment than before. Quackity made quick work of him. Easily dragging him to the floor once more and berating him for all the things he’d done wrong.

“Dogs don’t talk, Sapnap,” He sneered, delivering a swift kick to Sapnap’s side. 

The piglin curls in on himself in an attempt to protect his stomach. Leaving his head unprotected in the meantime. Sapnap doesn’t scream, but he takes it. He takes every blow. 

“Dogs don’t cry or scream either,” Quackity stated once more, now reaching towards a bag. One that Sapnap could now see was full of tools and weapons that he’d never even heard of before. He settled on an axe, taking it out with little fanfare.

YOU’RE NOT A DOG

YOU’RE NOT A DOG

RUN

NONONO

And Sapnap couldn’t help but scramble away. Hands struggling to keep up with his brain while he crawled back against the wall. Shaking his head firmly and uttering a desperate “no” under his breath. His fear took over his mind almost immediately. Going back to that sword sliding across his throat and the axe lodging itself into his side.

“I’m sorry!,” he tried to reason, watching him warily through wide eyes. Voice desperate and wrecked from lack of use. Sounding more like a record scratch at times. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry! I’ll be better!”

“I know you will,” Quackity laughed, stalking closer to him with the axe. His hands tighten around the base, and Sapnap knows it’s too late to reason with him. Then, the blunt end of the axe is colliding with his face.

Sapnap doesn’t remember much about what happened next outside of screaming with his face plunged underwater. He wasn’t there. He was never there. The body in the cell was just that, a body. That didn’t mean Sapnap was ever present. 

——-

Sam wrapped his wounds again that night, but he didn’t look at him. Sapnap got the feeling it was because he wasn’t shifted. But he wanted Sam to look at him. He wanted the creeper to hold his face in his hands and brush the blood from his face. He didn’t care if he would be vulnerable in the process.

So Sapnap shifted, and he waited for Sam’s reaction. He waited for Sam to see the scars on his body. And see them he did.

“That’s not fair, Sapnap.”

“ I’m sorry. It’s bad, I know. But-“

His words are cut off by Sam wrapping his arms around the younger. Ignoring the feeling of water, blood, and snot seeping into his shirt. One hand rested on the back of Sapnap's head and the other on the small of his back. 

“ I heard voices, but I don’t- I can’t remember them,” Sapnap croaked, body shuddering as he forced the words from his throat. “ I know you hate me, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Sam shushes him gently, planting a kiss to the piglins forehead and tucking Sapnap's face into the crook of his neck. The smell of gunpowder wafted in the air, and filled Sapnap's nostrils. Though, he couldn't bring himself to mind much when he heard Sam mutter, low and sincere, “I’ll get you out of here.”

---------

ART BY : Sleepy_Kuro

Chapter Text

The other Sapnap was here again. He decided to call them ‘S’ for now. It was easier than trying to differentiate himself with the same name.

S didn’t even notice him at first. They were focused on something else. A puppy, from the looks of it. S wasn’t scared though, at least, not visibly. They didn’t even flinch when the dog got bored with being pet, and resorted to playful growls.

“Max! Watch the ears!” They squealed, and it was then that Sapnap noticed the marks beneath their eyes and the fire in their eyes. The puppy barked again, pouncing on them, only to lick their face. And S was hardly happy about the development, complaining, “Ew- Max, that’s gross!”

And Sapnap was content to just watch. He’s fine with the idea of watching his other. Protecting him just by looking out. S was young, and they didn’t deserve this. Sapnap never wanted them to worry about looking over their shoulder.

After a minute, S looks up to face him. They cock their head to the side, giggling softly when Max copies the action. Black hair falls into their face, and it’s a miracle how they didn’t sneeze. Yet all they do is sit in an awe filled stare. Hair suddenly swaying behind them, flickering like fire.

“Your hair‘s funny. Why’s it all knotted and white?” S pointed out, sitting up straighter in their spot on the floor. Their hair lit up along with the words. Almost like it was responding to their excitement for the “insult”. Sapnap wondered distantly if S was capable of shifting, or if this was a manifestation of his blaze.

“Are you jealous?” Sapnap teased, picking at the ground beneath them.

The blaze’s face scrunched up almost immediately after the admission. As if it wasn’t obvious that Sapnap had white hair. Their face quickly fell into a pout as they muttered under their breath. S turned to Max, leaning down and cupping their fingers to mutter angrily to the dog as well.

Max reacted as if he was genuinely affronted as well. Huffing and turning away. Joining S in their newfound disappointment.

Sapnap felt his face soften as he watched the two. He smiled, calling out gently, “Do you want your hair braided like mine?”

“…yes.”

But then the room was filled with the sound of a sword dragging across the floor. The grating noise echoes around them, sparks flying in the air. Max is standing immediately, growling at a threat that doesn’t exist. Yapping and biting at thin air. He twists then, pulling at the piglins sleeves in a warning.

“S, come here,” Sapnap bit out, pushing himself to his feet. “S!”

S scrambles to their feet, taking a grand total of 2 steps toward him. Then a hand shot out at them. It wrapped around their ankle and yanked, pulling the young blaze back down to the floor. Their nails scrape across the floor, heat pooling from them and melting the ground beneath them. “Let go! Get off of me!”

Max runs into the darkness after the force. He’s still barking, and if Sapnap strains his eyes, he can see the dog age within the shadows. Could see the dog tackle figures and protecting S without being able to see a thing. Then he falls through the floor, and the smoke that elevates from the chasm is telling enough.

And Sapnap must have screamed louder than S did. Struggling to move against binds he couldn’t see. He tore at them in a panic. Trudging through figures he couldn’t see, wrapping his arms around the younger blaze and pulling them towards himself.

“Let them go. Let go!” He pleads, feeling the resistance from the figure. Max’s barks echo in his ears. It’s like he’s watching himself lose everything all over again. 

The blaze buries their face in Sapnap’s chest at the earliest convenience. Their legs kick out and their mouth widens in a scream. Begging and pleading to be let go or for Sapnap to save them. Their hair has lost its liveliness, falling flat with their sobs. But Sapnap can still make out the silent cries of, “Don’t let him take me. I’ll be good. I’ll be quiet.”

The boy looked up at him, snot and tears running from their face. Some make small sizzling noises on their skin, and it’s then that Sapnap notices the cracks in their skin. Cracks that carry a light he’d only ever seen in the magma from the nether. 

But all Sapnap can see is blaze rods being ripped from his chest. Flames receding back into his skin and leaving his body along with the rods. A hand playing with his insides, poking at his lungs with the flaming rod. Burning him for the first time in his life. Fear creeps up his spine in the time it takes for him to make the connection.

He’s scared, he realizes. They’re both scared.

He watches S shake in his grasp, small hands trembling behind his back, and he notices things he’d never seen before. Like the nearly gold coloring of their eye, and the reds and yellows that joined it. They carry the familiar coloring of magma. Much like the play they came from. 

Sapnap feels his hand move completely on its own, rising to wipe the tears from their face. He rests his hand on the boy's cheek, brushing the tears from their face with the pad of his thumb. 

“I-“ He starts, finding it hard to finish. Because all he wants to do is let go. He wants to save S the pain of being ripped apart. But the boy is so small and Sapnap can protect them. He can protect them this time. “I won’t. I’ll never let him get you again.”

“I’m sorry,” S sobs, words slurring together as they hiccup. Nearly hysterical in their cries. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

And his hands itch with the urge to let the kid go. To allow the shadows to drag them in and free Sapnap of the burden. 

He blinks, unaware of the consequences of such an action. His eyes open to the sight of a man that looks just like him holdint onto him. Except now he’s the smaller mirror version and S is the older. Sapnap pauses, breath hit hing at the idea of his life being in this mans hands, and he can see the moment they realise this.

“Don’t do it,” Sapnap pleads, voice trembling, “I didn’t drop you. I didn’t. I helped you!”

S remains unnaffected.

”I don’t wanna die.”

Nothing.

”I’m scared.”

S falls with him, muttering apologies the entire way down. And they burn.

Neither of them scream. They’ve grown used to it.

—————

Sapnap woke slowly for the first time since his arrival. His eyes flit around the room, noticing the almost disturbing cleanliness. It was like someone had scrubbed the walls clean and mopped away the blood on the floor. He sat up in his bed, pushing himself up on shaky arms.

The cell was… clean. It wasn’t bloody or dirty. There were no boot tracks across the floor or chipped sword edges in the walls. There was nothing but his tally marks and his drawings. 

Sapnap blinked, once then twice, whispering under his breath, “What the fuck?”

He looks over the cell again. Trying to find what’s different about the obsidian walls. Sapnap tried to recall even the smallest details about the cell, unable to quell his nerves. Because something about this was wrong. He didn’t feel like he was alone in this box anymore.

His gaze settled on a certain lump near the water hole. The figure quivers and shakes, letting out small sniffles as they cry. Sapnap can vaguely make out the horns and the purple coat surrounding them. The way their ears were long and pointed, paired with the messy two toned hair. Sill, he wanted to believe he was wrong about whatever was in his cell.

i think your cellmates here

they’re hiding

be nice

they won’t hurt you. you’re safe Sap

He nodded mutely, taking in the words of the voices. For a second, he’s more than grateful for them and all they’ve said. Only for a second, though.

What the fuck are you waiting for

dear god, he's slow

I know right??

Guys….

Never mind, Sapnap scowled. They all suck, well, most of them did. Venus was okay. All the voices were a bunch of assholes anyway. He lifted a hand, feeling the snout instead of the normal nose, sneezing upon contact. He shook his head with a huff, making a small noise at the back of his throat. 

The figure only trembles and curls in on themself. The coat hanging off of them seems to shit, revealing burns and rashes that Sapnap can’t place. He’s almost worried about them. His mind begins to spin, brain  bringing forth the idea of Quackity or Sam walking in. Quackity hated when he hid. It meant he would be punished.

Sapnap didn’t want to see them get punished.

“Hello?” He calls out, tail swaying slowly behind him. “He doesn’t like it when we hide.”

Why would you say that?

He’s going to cry

We were supposed to be watching them

Introduce yourself.

Sapnap obeys easily, moving off of the bed and feeling his tail whip gently behind him. His hooves ached as they hit the floor, cracked and bleeding from Quackity’s last visit. But he was sure being a human would be worse. He held his arms out to steady himself, letting out a soft huff. He hopes it works and serves its purpose in calming the other.

His cellmate doesn’t respond. Instead, they pull the coat over their head and wait. It’s like they’re waiting for Sapnap to hurt them. The realization stings, but he can’t blame them.

Instead, he reaches out to them. His hand connects with their shoulder, and he nearly jumps when they flinch back.

They reel back from him, eyes wide with terror, and it’s then that Sapnap catches more about them. Hetechromatic eyes stare back at him, welling with tears as every second passes. Their hands come up to shove him back, jaw unhinging in a scream that resembled an Endermans. Either side of their face seems to light up with vibrant purple marks beneath their skin. They have the markings of a younger hybrid, purple markings beneath their eyes and white spots littering their horns.

Sapnap’s hands shoot up to cover his ears, squealing from the pain and stumbling back. His ears are ringing, and his eyes are bloodshot. Darting around the room as he tries to gather his bearings. Because he can’t hear. Everything looks and sounds so distant, and the enderman in the corner of his cell is still hissing at him. All he wants is to take the enderling into his arms. He just wants to stop the crying. Wants to help them.

Because only children would lash out this way. Only a kid would screech in warning but stay hidden. And the realisation churns in his stomach, tugging at his resolve until all he can do is mutter apologies.

And he knows this kid. He knows them. The memory is hazy but this was his friend. This is the kid who was too scared to ask him for help so he just made himself look pitiful until Sapnap eventually caught on. This is the kid that Tommy ranted about for fucking hours, screaming over him ‘stealing Tubbo’.

The enderman screeches, long slender fingers ripping at their hair and rocking in their spot. They shudder and take a shaky inhale, “He looks. He looked. ”

“I’m sorry-” Sapnap repeats under his breath, eyes squeezed shut, “I’m sorry.”

“ LOOKER.”  

And Sapnap calls for Sam. He turns to the camera, voice hoarse and shaky, “Sam! Sammy!”

Shit

Sapnap he doesn’t care

He can’t help you here

Please god just calm down

But the world is still spinning and the enderman is still fucking screaming. The calls become increasingly frantic with each second. Even though Sam never really responds. At first, the intercom crackles to life and only the rushed assurances were heard, but the noise only sets the other off.

The enderling thrashes, lashing out at Sapnap violently for the first time that day.

And he’s not strong enough to counter it. He’s not sure if he wants to either. Some part of him just knew that death would be easier than whatever Quackity had planned for him.

[Sapnap was slain by Enderman]

—-----------

Sapnaps not sure why he thought this death would be easier. Like, maybe this time it’d be permanent. But here he was in the void again, waiting to be thrust back into the world.

The void was always cold. Not a shivering kind of cold but just cold. It was a feeling. A vague chill in the air. One that Sapnap could never get used to.

Sometimes he wondered why they wouldn’t just kill him. Obviously, he was too dangerous to be with his friends. And the exile was only making matters worse.

Except, he wasn’t alone with the stars of the void this time. Instead he was met with a woman, one he’s sure he’s seen before. Her face is obscured by her hat but he can just make out her eyes.

A kind grey. 

Maybe she’d give him the rest he wanted.

But she never took him. Instead she spoke to him softly, murmuring, “You still have more to do.”

“I’m tired of respawning.”

“I know.”

“...”

“Tomorrow is another day.”

Chapter Text

A muzzle, he noticed when he respawned. The Enderman had a muzzle and multiple new scars. Tear tracks burned their way down the two toned face, scarring them forever. Their hair looked like it’d been chopped off by an axe. The cuts were choppy and crooked, and it was clear the kid had no say in the matter.

He muzzled our kid.

THATS RANBOO

HE HURT RANBOO

Holy shit

Ranboo…

“Ranboo?” Sapnap repeated, the native language of the nether feeling almost foreign on his tongue, but it was the only way to communicate. 

Oh. He remembers this name. He remembers watching Quackity leave just the day before. Not only that, but he’d just taken more blaze rods from the man's chest, and grounded them into blaze powder right before him. He said Sapnap was good. He said he thought he deserved a reward, so with one hand petting Sapnap’s hair, he’d hummed, “You get to train Ranboo tomorrow. It’ll be like having your own little puppy.”

He couldn’t help the confused grunt that had left him then, nearly shifting from the surprise, “What?”

“Ranboo’s going to be yours and you’re going to be mine.”

“That- that can’t be right. He’s just a kid. He’s- he’s never even done anything wrong.” He didn’t want to do this. He didn’t want to hurt anyone. “He’s as young as Tommy!”

“He’s also the kid Technoblade chose over you. He left you to take Ranboo. Told me to do what I wanted with you, XD knows you’d need the discipline.” Quackity pauses in his petting, eyeing up every part of his prisoner. Then lowly, “Remember, mutt, you’re my dog. I can bring the kid, and I can fucking take him away.”

And he’s not proud of the sick thoughts that entered his head. The ones that told him he should make Ranboo hurt the same way he had. The thoughts of hurting him or killing him. Of dunking him into the water and enjoying the screams that would follow. Because Ranboo took everything from him, and Sapnap would make him regret it.

He hated it. He hated the part of him that had wanted to hurt this kid. It was the same part that wanted to drop S. But now, all he could see was a scared kid. 

Sapnap looks at the boy with nothing but pity in his eyes. He lets out a soft grunt at the younger, kneeling to come off as less of a threat. His hands stay planted firmly to his ears. The pressure irritates them in ways he can’t describe, but it’s worth it. He grunts again, waiting for the other to calm down.

Ranboo doesn’t calm immediately. His eyes droop and his jaw relaxes. The purple ender blood stops bulging in his veins, and he stares up at Sapnap. His muscles relax with every soft grunt until even starts to mimic the noise. Unconsciously, the enderman allows himself to crawl closer to the piglin. He’s not sure if it’s because of his resemblance to Technoblade in this form or because he’s desperate.

It sounds weird and warped on Ranboo’s tongue, but it’s helping. Sapnap finds that he doesn’t mind the butchered attempts to speak with him. He finds it to be soothing and almost childish. The enderman makes a strangled little grunt, face scrunching up when it doesn’t sound exactly correct.

Sapnap lowers himself to the floor completely, sitting cross-legged in front of the boy. He brings his hand up to his chest, pointing a small claw at the spot where his heart should be. Then, he grunts, beckoning the boy to follow along. He pulls the younger into his arms, willing to ignore the fear crawling up his spine.

This kid wouldn’t hurt him. He was too small.

He was just scared. Scared just like him.

They were… the same.

How is this working?

It’s what piglins do

They usually do this to calm the younger ones down

Ranboo’s close enough to a nether hybrid

After a moment, the cell is filled with the sound of soft sniffling and small grunts of comfort. The two are in a world of their own. All until Ranboo breaks the pattern, apologies muffled by the muzzle. He looks towards Sapnap expectantly, begging the man to release the metal contraption with his eyes.

He shouldn’t. He knows he shouldn’t, because that would mean disobeying. But Ranboo tries to teleport out of the muzzle, only causing it to dig deeper into his skin. Sapnap can’t quite tell if the feeling in his chest is disgust with Quackity or if he’s genuinely just concerned. Another sob fills his ears, this time more desperate than the last.

get it off.

now.

look at him :(

sapnap are u ok?

And Sapnap is a very weak man. His hands make their way to unhook the clasp behind the muzzle, feeling the cold metal against his skin. It irritates him at first. Feeling like ice against a scthing wound, but Sapnap persisted. His tail whipped against Ranboo’s side, trying to pull the enderlings attention from the peel of the metal.

“Almost got it,” He grunts soothingly, shushing him gently. The sight beneath the muzzle isn’t pleasant. The metal had dug into the endermans skin and cut through it. The leather strap had successfully bruised the kids skin, and there was just so much blood. “I- I can fix it”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you- I’m so sorry.”

He has nothing to be sorry for. Ranboo has nothing to apologize for. It was Sapnaps fault for looking. But it felt so good to hear an apology. Even if it was misplaced. So the piglin nudges the boy with his snout, “You’re fine. You’re just a piglet. Don’t apologize.”

“I’m an Enderman,” Ranboo corrects.

“You’re still a kid. Enderling, Piglet, Ember, whatever. You’re a kid.”

The kids face scrunches up in distaste, responding, “I’m 16.”

“16 is tiny. See,” Sapnap nudges at his Ranboo’s horns, “Small. Patches mean you’re young.”

His skin crawls with each sniffle. He doesn’t know much about Enderlings. So he focuses on what he does know. He knows Ranboo has a bad memory because Quackity told him. He also knows Ranboo seems to like the nudging and the surrounding arms. The last one is attributed to the soft purrs the Enderman lets off. 

“Am I…” Ranboo starts, pausing before leaning into the touch. “Am I gonna die here?”

Bitch.

If you lie to him

Don’t hurt him

Sapnap?

“No.” There is no hesitation in his words. For a second, Sapnap surprises himself with the sure tone of his voice. Then he reminds himself that this is a kid. Ranboo is a kid, and he’s so young. Way too young to have scar filled skin. 

Hooved hands rub at the scars on the endermans body, careful not to split the skin. There are burns and scars and cuts. Some recent and others dating back to as far as a couple of weeks. Sapnap stares at them with unwavering eyes, recognizing the effect of water burns. The way they spread and festered, and never seemed to go away. He hated it. Hated that someone had dared to hurt this kid.

Maybe it was the piglin talking, but he hated to see someone so young hurt in such a way

Ranboo nearly sobs at the familiarity of a snout grounding him, admitting, “I was going home. I was trying to go home. He took my son and he- he-” he chokes on his words, tears welling in his eyes, “He said he’d kill me, and he threw me in the lake and- there was a collar.”

Sapnap said nothing, allowing the other to continue. Mostly because he saw nothing out of the ordinary here. Sure, Ranboo was nothing but a kid, but that only meant he should have more time to train.

This wasn’t wrong. It couldn’t be wrong. Except… it felt sickening to listen to. Because Ranboo was innocent and Sapnap wasn’t. 

“ He called me a puppy. Like I was a dog and you weren’t respawning. I thought I killed you.”

“I didn’t want to come back.”

He doesn’t believe the words himself. But for Ranboo’s sake, he was willing to play the protector. He’ll play pretend for him. It’s what he wishes Sam had done for him.

What.

No because what?

That’s so dehumanizing?

You guys are picking and choosing what to listen to

“ I don’t want that! I want to go home! He kept saying I killed you, and you wouldn’t wake up. He hurt me and you wouldn’t wake up!” Ranboo’s sobs pick up then, shaking his head weakly against Sapnaps embrace. His hands come up to push at the piglins chest, ignoring the warning chuffs escaping him. And Sapnap knows he’s scared. He knows that this kid is scared beyond his mind, and all he can do is hold him. 

And maybe he knows he’s lying to himself. Maybe he knows that deep deep down, he’s just a pawn to Quackity. Just a dog to listen and obey. 

But he couldn’t stop himself from letting the kid push him away. Even if all he wanted was to help. Sapnap pushes the rejected feeling down to the back of his mind, offering, “You have to listen to Quackity.”

“I’m not doing anything until he lets Micheal go.“

“ No! You can’t-,” his voice cracks pathetically, but he only repeats his words. “You’ll get hurt. So so hurt. He’ll kill you!” Sapnap points at his chest where the gash still lies, exclaiming, “This is what happens when you don’t listen!”

Ranboo isn’t listening. He’s rambling on about some plan and some pig and none of it makes any sense. And Sapnap can’t hear any of it. His ears are ringing with a new intensity. One that rattles his skull, shaking his brain around like maracas. His hands trembled, clutching at the space above the scar.

And he doesn’t know he’s yelling until he hears his words bounce off the walls, “He will kill you over and over and over again. Do you want to see your son again?”

Ranboo nods.

“Do you want to go home?”

Another nod, but he can visibly see the enderman tearing up, skin sizzling from the sensation, and Sapnap feels awful. He wonders if that’s what he looked like the first time. Then he realizes that no, he never had someone to warn him. His “warning” was the consequences.

So Sapnap doesn’t bother to hide the crack in his voice as he finishes, “Then you will be a dog. You will be the puppy like I will train you to be,” he moves his scar littered hands to cup Ranboo’s face, voice softening, “All you need to do is listen.”

“What about you?”

“I don’t need help! I’m fine. Things are easy here and Quackity loves me and Sam is fixing me. I like it here, but I- I’ll get you out.”

Because Ranboo is wrong. That can’t be right. Quackity loves him. He does. All Sapnap needs to do is obey. Then no one will get hurt and Ranboo can go home.

Dude

Holy shit

Did they really break him

I think they did

“What is wrong with you!” Ranboo cries, but he can’t tell if it’s because Sapnap thinks he’s okay here or if it’s because Sapnap looks at him like he’d do anything to keep him from ending up like this. Like he’d kill Quackity himself if it meant Ranboo wouldn’t end up like him.

The worry in Ranboo’s voice only increases with Sapnaps silence, shouting, “He doesn’t love you! He hates you. He is hurting you and he’s going to hurt me too.”

”You’re wrong.“ This is wrong. Everything about this was wrong. 

“You don’t know what he says about you. You’ve been stuck here for a year. He’s hurt you for a year.”

Sapnap knows he sounds unsure, he can hear it in the cracks of his voice. “It’s only been a couple months. I- I counted… and he’s not hurting me. He’s my sounder and you will be too.”

“Techno’s your sounder.”

His head goes fuzzy for a moment, straining itself to remember Techno. Memories seem to fly past him faster than he can catch on. Until one in particular stays around. It’s when his hair was first braided by the other, even though it’s since been rebraided by Quackity and cut by Sam. But the part that really sticks is Techno leaving, it’s Sam confirming that Techno would never come back.

Sapnap blinks slowly and carefully, retracting his hands, “Techno doesn’t want me. He told Quackity to hurt me. He did. He- he hates me… but he doesn’t hate you. He’ll come for you when he realizes you’re here.”

No he didnt

When.

Fucking liar. He would never

We weren’t here. We don’t know

Ranboo pauses, looking at him pitifully, like he knows there’s nothing to be said or done, hiccuping, “You don’t know, do you?”

And deep deep down, Sapnaps beating at the walls of his mind, trying desperately to understand what he said wrong. This was easier. Being good was easy. All they had to do was be good. Except everything else told him this was wrong.

Because he didn’t leave you

He would never

You know he would never

I want Quackity’s blood.

It told him that he and Ranboo were the same. That Quackity trusted him to train the kid because he knew Sapnap could. It’s a scary conclusion to make, because he doesn’t want to. All he wants to do is help him. 

Ranboo’s stuck too

My little parallels

Can’t believe Quackity would stoop so low

I can.

“What’s it like out there?” he asks instead, slowly shifting back to the human form. 

So Ranboo answers with as much detail as he can muster. He talks about new nations and new people. Of the alliance between Snowchester and Greater SMP. He talks about Dream’s ‘redemption’ with Punz by his side. Then, he talks about Tommy, Tubbo, and Micheal. About Dream and Tommy forming a truce of sorts, allowing the server to progress. Ranboo can tell Sapnap doesn’t remember them. He knows just by the squint anytime a new name is mentioned, but he still talks for as long as he can.

Sapnap listens for as long as he can, feeling a phantom heat begin to take over his body as it relaxes. Hooved feet and clawed hands quickly regressing to fingers and toes. His snout receded until it was it’s normal state, aching as soon as the transformation is done. The pain floods him like a dam had held it back before. Scars, bruises, and brandings littered the tan skin, making it appear ugly and discolored.

It is

You are ugly

Why are you showing him this? He doesn’t need to see this.

Guys. We are SAPNAPS voices. START VOICING FOR HIM.

And Sapnap can feel his body begin to break and shatter like glass. It’s like he’s collapsing in on himself. His eyes widen and his mouth opens in a broken gasp as the pain blooms around his body. He can’t breathe. 

“Sapnap?”

He can’t understand who that is. That’s not right… is it? He’s mutt. That’s what Quackity calls him.

“Shift back!”

He can’t understand anything anymore. He’s just here? He’s dying. There’s blood seeping from the wounds he never bothered to heal. Half of which didn’t even make themselves known until he shifted. 

And he couldn’t talk. His mouth moved open and close as if miming to the other, but not a single thing came out. 

So he shifted, and he felt his tail shift across the ground . Ranboo lunged forward, engulfing him in a hug that Sapnap was too weak to resist. Distantly, he could hear the kid sobbing, and every instinct in his body told him to calm him in the same way a brute would calm a shoat.

Pathetic.

God this is boring

Ranboo’s ok though

Goodnight Sapnap

But he couldn’t. So they slept. 

Still, the first two weeks consisted of nothing other than Sapnap giving Ranboo his share of the food. The piglin couldn’t stand by and watch him starve. So any potato that wasn’t riddled with eyes and mold was given to Ranboo.

Ranboo deserves good food

Quackity won’t let you die anyways

You’ll just respawn. Ranboo needs it more than you

What is wrong with you guys?

Sapnap quickly realized that Ranboo wouldn’t eat a single thing unless Sapnap took a bite first. Not because he thought it was poisoned, they were. But because he wanted to know Sapnap was eating something at the very least. Even if it was only a bite.

The enderman would simply nudge the food toward him, watching with owlish eyes until Sapnap took a bite. Then he’d take it back and finish the rest. The boy would never actually ask him how he was or if he was hungry at all. It seemed that he’d figured out that Sapnap would eat as long as the food was put in front of him.

And the cell was still as dark and cold as ever. Not even the lava was enough to quell the icy chill surrounding the two. At times, Sapnap would crawl towards the boy, wrapping an arm around him and pulling him close. They’d share grunts and warbles as a way to speak without Sam’s interference.

But the creeper still came every night. Begging Sapnap to talk to him while ignoring Ranboo’s existence. “I’m trying my best, Sappy,” he says. “Just be good for a little longer, Sapnap”.

Sapnap was tired of being good. He was tired of being. Honestly, Sapnap was just tired. The only thing keeping him going was braiding Ranboo’s hair or listening to soft stories about Tubbo and Micheal. It was Sam’s presence in the prison at night and gunpowder riddled fingers raking through his hair. He’d even grown to think of Ranboo as his family, his sounder, even if he had no memory of the people the boy mentioned.

———

Quackity came back after being gone for only a month. With him was the warden and two other guards, Bad and Antfrost. Sapnap ignored the fuzzy sting of pain he felt when Bad looked at him. Instead he shifted closer to Ranboo, hiding the boy behind him. Except it wasn’t enough. He wasn’t enough.

Sapnap felt a hand ruffle his hair as if mocking him. Though he’d be lying if he said he didn’t lean into the touch with a low hum. Not for genuine enjoyment but because he missed it. His eyes fluttered open, looking up at Quackity for the first time. His love was here at last.

“Did you train him like I wanted?” Quackity questioned, continuing the petting motion with an amusement in his gaze. A second passes between them and he can see Quackity waiting for him to nod. So he does, ignoring the noise from Ranboo behind him. “It’s a shame I never trained you to lie.”

And Quackity’s hands burned on his skin and in his hair. It felt like he was being clawed alive or scratched. Sapnap couldn’t tell whether he was being held or hurt. Though, he supposed it didn’t matter. Then the hands in his hair twisted and they tugged, ripping at the locks of hair. 

Sapnap must have squealed in pain, because for the next few seconds it was all he felt. Nothing but a stinging pain in his scalp and a boot on his tail. He threw his head back, hands coming up to pull himself out of Quackity’s grip. All while grunts and squeals escaped him, unable to use his voice in any other way.

Because he was scared. He was scared of the so called “love of his life.” He was absolutely fucking terrified of the duck standing above him with that glint in his eyes. But Quackity loved him. He did, didn’t he? 

This wasn’t love , Sapnap realized a moment too late. 

“That won’t do,” Quackity commented, reaching for the hilt of his sword. “Ranboo, come here.”

The piglin turned back to look at Ranboo briefly, catching the look of utter fear on the boys face. And something seemed to twist inside of him. Like he hadn’t thought Ranboo could ever look at him like that. 

The boys lips parted, eyes watering and sizzling upon impact. Then, slowly, “Let him go.”

Why would he

Do something

Distract Quackity so he doesn’t hurt him

why are you all throwing him under the bus 

He saw the way Ranboo’s eyes flicked towards him, meeting his eyes immediately. The piglin felt his breath catch in his throat at the sight. All he wanted was to get the boy out. That’s… that’s why Quackity was here.

This was almost worse.

Tears fell freely down the teens face, making an awful sizzling noise as they burned into Ranboo’s skin. Leaving scars in their wake before falling to the floor. Yet he looked resigned. Like this was the best course of action. Like he knew Sapnap would be hurt as soon as he saw Quackity again.  “Let him go! He was good!”

And Quackity was speaking again, tongue clicking in disappointment, “Oh? I guess you didn’t train him as well as you thought.”

No.

“Wait-” Sapnap struggled through underused vocal chords, not quite recognizIng his own voice as he did. It was too high. Too fearful. Not like him at all. He felt a hand wrap around his arm then, pulling him back. He didn’t want to go. He couldn’t.

And for a second, Ranboo looked like him. With scar free skin and black hair fit in a braid. It’s the fear on his face because he knew what was about to happen.

Sapnap help him

help him

that’s Techno’s kid

what about sapnap huh. 

Because Ranboo had been right behind him. Sapnap was protecting him. He was. And then… and then he blinked, and suddenly he wasn’t. All he could feel were arms holding him back and the wet feeling of tears streaming down his face. He was screaming, voice hoarse and broken and cracked, but he couldn’t remember how he got here. 

“Shut him up!” Someone- no - Quackity, hissed, bringing the shears closer and closer to the Endermans eyes.

“He’s-“

 “I said shut him the fuck up or I will, Bad!”

His own fathers arms held him back. The voices of everyone around them seemed to bounce off the walls. It was disorienting and loud and Sapnap couldn’t focus. All he could make out was the blurry image of Ranboo struggling in Quackitys hold.

“I’m sorry! I’ll listen, I swear!” Ranboo pleaded through Quackity’s hand on his throat, but no one listened. 

“Pl… e ase-“ Sapnap croaked, vocal chords shredding as he spoke. His hand splayed out in front of him, reaching towards Ranboo. “D’nt”

And immediately, there was the handle of an axe colliding with his face. Antfrost stood over him, blocking his view of Ranboo and Quackity. And all he heard were screams and cries and pleading. He heard skin against skin and metal cutting into skin. 

Sapnap saw things fall to the floor, bouncing on impact, followed by Ranboo falling as well. And his own screams were deaf even to him. 

Quackity knelt down, sneering, “Ant, Bad, you know what to do.”

And it only took seconds for Sapnap to feel that same axe handle hit his head. He collided with the floor with a sickening thud, forcing himself to keep his eyes open to little avail. Sapnap grunted in a small call to Ranboo.

Blood oozed from his forehead, pooling beneath him as he reached out. Sapnap looked at the boy, wiping some blood from his face, letting out a gruff noise. He waited a moment, listening for the soft warble he’d grown fond of. Ranboo only stared back at him with a wide eyed stare, and Sapnap doesn’t think he imagined the boys low warble back.

But he waited.

And he waited.

And he waited.

“won’t let ‘im hurt you,” Sapnap sniffled, pulling the enderman as close as he could and nuzzling his cheek with his snout. “You c- can… rest.”

And he swore he felt Ranboo’s tail thwap against his wrist. 

Chapter Text

A day.

He guarded Ranboo for a day. Most of which was spent listening to the voices scream. Every single word they spoke was a curse or a slight. After the first hour, Sapnap had reduced them to the barking he was used to.

The cell was cold that day. Well, it was cold for the night. 

Sapnap felt himself shifting closer and closer to Ranboo with every growing second. Burying his snout further into the endermans neck and huffing softly. Because he’d never been more worried for the shoat in his life.

He’ll freeze, Sapnap reasoned while pulling him closer. The shoat will freeze if he doesn’t do something.

But he trusted no one in the prison. Not the warden, not the voices, and certainly not him.

make fire

fire

make it

he cant.

Still, Sapnap tried. He willed his body to create fire, unsure of how to do it by force. For a second, he felt something ignite within him. Though it was gone before he could make it any bigger. He tries again, thinking more of how warm he’d be if he could create fire.

Once again, something ignites.

And he reaches for it. Reaches for the soul fire inside of himself. But then he hears a warble from beneath him and all of his previous efforts are thrown to the side. Sapnap grunts at the enderman, waiting for the familiar warble.

What the fuck is happening

i can hear him but he’s

im sure he’s gone

oh sapnap

Sapnap nudges the boy again, rewarded by even the softest of noises back. His reaction is immediate. Letting out the closest a piglin could possibly get to a purr. Because his kid is still awake. The enderling is alive and awake and he’ll protect it better this time. Sapnap huffs, and runs his fingers through the endermans two toned hair. He braids it, then unbraids, then braids it again. And he waits.

Every couple of hours he’ll take a potato and break a piece off. Then he’d break it again so it would be easy to eat. Not for himself, of course. No, every piece goes to Ranboo. It goes to Sapnap steadily nudging the endermans lips with the food in the hopes that he’ll eat.

Enderlings need food. He knows that for sure. Because enderman are thinner than most other hybrids. Their metabolisms work faster so they can teleport. So Sapnap can’t understand why the boy won’t eat. He doesn’t get it.

Doesn’t he want food? Doesn’t he understand that Sapnap is trying to help him?

He just wants him to be okay. That’s all? Was that too much to ask?

Sapnap stared down at Ranboo’s huddled form, fear clouding his mind. There were dark spots beginning to cloud his vision and tears welling in his eyes. His hands trembled on Ranboo’s body with an emotion he couldn’t describe if he tried. 

Because this was all his fault. Everything was all his fault. If Sapnap had just died down there in the chasm, none of this would have happened. Ranboo wouldn’t be in this prison. He might still love him, and Sam wouldn’t hate him. 

And the dogs are back. He’s not sure where they came from but he can see their beady eyes surrounding him. He can hear their nails dragging across the obsidian floors. Drool steadily dripping and creating a constant melody aside from the growling.

Sapnap pulls Ranboo closer, trying to shield him from the dogs that were closing in. Except he was scared too. Some of the dogs were bloody and others were charred. Some were mere bones to haunt him. He tried to open his mouth but nothing other than a growl made it out.

Stay back, he tried to say. Don’t take him from me. Sapnap tightened his grip on Ranboo, glaring at the hounds as they advanced. He could feel the hair on his arms begin to stand. He heard a whine from beneath him, driving him to turn his attention back to the enderling.

Our enderling , his instincts claimed. Ranboo is our enderling now.

And honestly, he was doing a better job at protecting him here. Better that anyone outside of their cell had. Better than… Technoblade had. Because at least he was here. That’s more than could be said for the rest of them.

Sapnap would never abandoned anyone like they abandoned him. Not even if it meant being here with the hounds that killed him. He’d never leave someone to suffer so badly their hair bleaches from the stress. 

A dog steps towards him on singed paws. Its collar lays in ribbons around its throat, tattered and muddied from its many battles. Blood is visible beneath its belly, dripping from an unseen wound. Yet it only stares at him without making a single noise. 

“Are you real?” Sapnap speaks up for the first time that evening. His voice is weary and his eyes are tired. He just wants his enderman to speak again. He wants the kid who could talk for hours about the different textures of every block he’s ever held. He wants Ranboo to get up and finish the little mural on the cell wall. Truthfully, Sapnap’s not used to the cell being quiet.

The dog shakes its head. The other wolves in the cell quickly follow suit. Upon further inspection, Sapnap notices a tag on the dogs shredded collar. Max, it reads. He squints his eyes in an attempt to read further. 

‘ Max, Lead Dog of the Hound Army’

Sapnap blinks at the tag, trying and failing to understand where he’s heard the name before. It’s not like he had much of a chance anyways. Everyone knew he didn’t know anything more than this cell. “ Come to take me?”

He’s resigned when the words leave him. There’s no point in denying the truth. He’s almost ready to go anyway. Almost.

It shakes its head again. Then it steps forward, nudging Ranboo with it’s nose and letting out a whine. 

“To take… R- Ranboo?”

Max nods, walking towards him then and holding his gaze. The dog waits until Sapnap has fully connected the dots before nudging his face with its muzzle in an almost soothing gesture. Max whines gently and leans all of his body weight onto the man, effectively caging him there.

“No. No! ”

And all of them step forward. Every dog in the room lunges for the boy. Not even with the intent to harm but with the intent to capture. To drag him away. One by one they manage to overpower Sapnap, covering the cell floors in a sea of translucent horrors. All Sapnap could do is claw and swipe at thin air, still using his body to shield the other.

———-

“You’re a year late, Technoblade,” Sam commented, leading the piglin down the hall. A soft hiss accompanied his words in a way that made it hard to tell if it was natural or if the creeper was warning him. He didn’t look at Techno when he said it at all.

Instead his eyes were planted firmly on the mechanisms on the walls. One hand holding the guard dogs leash and the other holding a torch. For a moment, Techno wondered how Sam was doing any of it at the same time. From deciphering the puzzles behind every button to keeping himself from exploding from frustration.

Which was yet another thing to add to his list of worries. That being Sam as a whole. Because unlike anyone else on the server, Sam just knew things. He knew everything going on with everyone at all times. Even the things going on at Techno’s cabin that no one should have access to. He knew that Techno was coming and he knew that the only way to get Techno here would be to take Ranboo. Everything else wasn’t his doing.

But Technoblade couldn’t help but respect the man. Not enough to tell the truth but enough to at least try. Except the moment he tried to explain, Sam had already started putting on his armor. 

And Techno’s ear flicked at the observation, making a soft noise as it breaks through wind. Nothing higher than a small thwack in the air. It was like his body moved without thinking, completely against his will. Most people wouldn’t even notice, but somehow he knew Sam would. He knew it’d come up but he’d have rather avoided it. There was no point in addressing it. Especially not now. “I was laying low. Quackity said not to come back. So I didn’t.”

“You flick your ear when you lie.” It was such a casual statement as well. Like Sam didn’t see it as important. He didn’t see Techno as a threat to consider. It was almost like the creeper was looking down on him. 

And even without the voices, Techno knew this just wouldn’t do. His skin was crawling with the desire to be right about this. To be seen as the good guy. Because at least he’s still coming to the prison. It might not be for Sapnap but he’ll still be getting out. Technoblade will still be the reason he’s free.

“I’m here now,” Techno manages through gritted teeth. “You were here the whole time and you didn’t do shit.”

“I’m not the one claiming to be a hero. And it’s not like it was hard for you to get in. I wonder why…”

Technoblade would never be proud of how easy it was to get into the prison. Seconds. It took seconds, and that was without Sam’s explicit help.

All Sam did was tell him the cell and give him the key to it. Technoblade was already in the prison by the time that had happened. It was easy. Comically easy and yet it took him a year to ever actually try for Sapnap. Even now he wasn’t here for the man. He was here entirely for his kid.

He never forgot him. How could he? Sapnap was the only other piglin hybrid on the server. In all honesty, he thought the guy was dead. Maybe he would be better off dead.

“What do you want, Sam? Is it potions? Enchantments? Gold?” Techno forces the words theough gritted teeth. It’s not everyday you get seen through by a shitty prison warden. But this was just his luck. The piglin shoved the warden forward, daring him to speak out again. “Was Quackity’s money not enough to keep you quiet anymore?”

“What do you want, Technoblade?” Sam sneers, whirling around to face the piglin. They’re close now, with Sam towering over the other, forcing Techno to look up at him. “It took me taking Ranboo for you to get here and even then you were late.”

He relishes in the way Techno struggles to respond. Lips curling up into a sneer of their own as he stares up at Sam with nothing but ire in his gaze. It’s amusing really, how he tries to hide the slight tremor in his hands. 

A small part of him hoped the man would lash out at him or spit venom laced insults. Then he’d have an excuse to act out. To get some sort of ill placed revenge for daring to act like he was here for both prisoners and not just one.

Sam tilts his head to the side, watching with amused eyes as Technoblade opens his mouth, then closes it. He leans down, gripping Techno’s jaw in his hand and forces the piglin to look at him directly. A mocking smile makes its way to his lips, venom dripping from his every word, “Creeper got your tongue?”

The piglin struggles against his grip for a moment. Hands coming up to push the creeper away. And from the fresh wash of terror on the mans face for a second, Sam assumes he knows he wouldn’t win. The little realization comes at the cost of Sam squeezing until Techno flinched from the force.

“Quackity’s not after me or you or Sapnap and especially not Ranboo. He’s after the dragon. They just so happened to have what he needs.”

Techno shoves away from the other. Eyes narrowing with an anger that Sam could quite easily place. Seeing as he was the cause of it. The piglin nods towards the gate, “Open it.”

And Sam complies easily. Hands methodically undoing every ward and every precaution set in place. From the alarm to the notices to the lava wall that divided the prisoner from the rest of the world. Then, the creeper turned to him, eyes flashing red for a split second, sneering low and dangerously, “Ranboo’s been dying to see you, Techno.”

He takes a step back, hands reaching for a sword that’s no longer there. Techno wonders briefly if this was the wardens plan all along. If all he wanted was to trick Techno into walking in here with nothing. The piglins eyes dart around the room, looking for some sort of escape or for a way out. Only to see the lava wall begin to fall.

The first thing he noticed was the smell. It was rancid and hot, filling up the newly emptied space it was given and suffocating all within it. But the part that scared him the most was that it was the smell of death and decay. 

“Sam?” Techno called, voice wavering as he staggered forward. “What’s in there?”

Sam doesn’t dignify the words with a response. He’s still staring at him blankly. Like he wants Technoblade to see for himself. He wants him to understand. The creepers hands tighten around Fran’s leash, reaching down to scratch behind her ear gently.

“What did you do?” 

Sam only stands there. He doesn’t comment when Technoblade runs into the cell as soon as the walkway appears. He ignores the hiss stuck in his throat as the screams reach his ears. They’re hardly screams, really. More like growls and sobs.

His stomach churns as they continue, because he knows its Sapnap. He knows the man has been broken beyond repair. Sam also knows that he’s the reason for that, and the guilt seems to swallow him for a moment. Because he knows exactly what’s in that cell. 

He knows that Sapnap is stuck as a piglin and defending a corpse. That Ranboo has been dead for longer than he was a prisoner now, rotting in that cell and serving no purpose other than fear. Sam’s tried his hardest to separate Sapnap from it but he only ever tries to go back.

A bond. Sapnap formed a bond with him, and he talks to the kid as if he’s still there. So Sam knows exactly what Techno is seeing, and he knows that it’s going to be difficult to get him out of there.

Fran whines at his side, wanting to help. She doesn’t know that she’d only make things worse. She’s only a dog. 

“Just get him out of there, Techno,” Sam orders, clearing his throat before talking again. “Just take him out of there!”

No response. The screaming reaches his ears once again and all Sam can do is cover his ears. Hands scrambling to block out the screams and the cries that never seem to stop. His mouth opens, only managing to repeat his previous words, hoarse and pleading. 

He’s guilty. He’s guilty and he’s a dead man for it. Quackity will kill him. He won’t get away with betraying the man.

But he did the right thing? Right?

Sam lifts his head in time to see the two exit the cell through its walls. It’s easier that way. Because if they had passed him directly, he’s not sure if he would have been able to stop himself from leaving as well. Still, his eyes lock onto Sapnap’s flailing form on Technoblades shoulder. Watching as he tries to get back to Ranboo, calling out in strangled attempts to say both Ranboo and Sams names.

And just as the alarm begins to blare, Sam feels an overwhelming sense of unease. He can’t understand why it bothers him that Sapnap is reaching for him now. It’s not the first time he has. 

Still, he can’t remember when his eyes started to water or when his cheeks began to dampen. He’s only made aware when the guards show up. He raises a hand to his cheek, feeling the sudden moisture on his face. Sam brings the hand to his view, tilting his head at the sight. 

Sam doesn’t have the right to mourn. He had only himself to blame.

“Fran, watch him for me.”

————-

“Enough!” 

Those were the first clear words Sapnap heard before being thrown unceremoniously to the snow. The piglin that was previously holding him only glared down at him. It donned the many claw and teeth marks that Sapnap had given it. Serves it right honestly.

Still, the younger scrambled back even though it pained him. He didn’t know where he was. Everything was cold. Colder than usual. And it was bright. Too bright for a man who’d been in a cell for the past year of his life. He lifted his snout to the air, squinting at the light that intruded his vision. Only to flinch away when an unfamiliar scent hit his nose.

This didn’t smell like his room. It smelled like spruce trees and wet fur and blood. 

”Why did it have to be you?” they seethed, looming over him with a promise in their voice. He couldn’t understand why they hated him so much.

“None of that, thank you. We did what we could.” Then another seemed to join them at that moment. A blonde with wings. Wings just like Quackitys. The sight alone sent Sapnap right back to his room. To the cold and the hot all at once. Waiting to be punished for something he probably had no involvement in. The blonde reached out towards him, and he couldn’t help but flinch. He clicked his tongue, muttering, “What did they do to you and Ranboo in there?”

Ranboo. Where was his shoat? 

Sapnap whipped his head from side to side, searching for the two toned enderman. Eyes squinting and struggling to attune to the new atmosphere. Not that it would need much adjustment anyways. It’s not like he would ever see normally again.

His eyes landed on the taller piglin. One that nearly towered over him in size. He locked gazes with it, tilting his head curiously and watching as the piglin did the same. The clinking of gold caught his ears first. Then the almost familiar scar stemming from the piglins head to its snout. Like it had been ripped apart.

Sapnap let out a questioning snort at the other. This was not his enderling, but it smelled like him. Shoat? he seemed to say.

The blonde from earlier only looked away from his question. Eyes darkening for only a second before they hardened once more. He shook his head deeply then, answering, “No, mate. Ranboo’s not here.”

Where? Sapnap snorted once again. ‘ Who?’

“It’s me… it’s Techno. Technoblade,” the piglin said. “He’s gone. I should have come sooner.”

Sapnap doesn’t understand. There’s a small part of him that’s screaming the answer. That’s trying desperately to claw its way back to the control center of his mind, but it never quite reaches him. The piglin, Technoblade, scooped him up into his arms once again, and sets off towards lantern lights in the distance.

Of course, he fought and he bit and he screamed. He bit the piglin so hard he could feel its blood on his tongue, but still nothing worked. All he got was a hand on the back of his head, pushing him down into the crook of Techno’s neck. Then the sad little smile with the sorrowful green eyed gaze he got from the man with wings. He can hear the piglin, Technoblade, shushing him gently from where he’s held down.

And no, Sapnap is not scared. He’s pissed. Pissed at the man with wings and Quackity and Technoblade, but he’s tired. He’s tired and the piglin still smells like Ranboo. And the blondes green eyes remind him so much of Sam.

So he sleeps and he hopes it’s all a nightmare. 

[Awesamdude was slain by Quackity using Wardens Will ]

Chapter Text

“Ranboo?”

Ranboo stays silently wrapping his wounds. Hands occasionally coming up to pull at his lips up into a crude smile. His braid had gone undone, strands of hair flowing wildly in the air. 

“Is that you?” Sapnap asks.

But Ranboo only whipped his head around, hands clawing at the ground as he searched for the voice. Mouth widening into a scream. It’s shrill and hoarse and painful, and Ranboo is sure it’s tearing him apart. Sapnap can feel it in his own chest, but there’s nothing he can do. He tries to stumble towards the enderman, hands outstretched only to be forced to cover his own ears.

Because his ears are ringing and Ranboo’s sobs are only getting louder.

“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I’ll kill him,” he yells, nearly tripping over himself as his legs sway. “I’ll fucking kill him!”

Ranboo’s holding his face in his hands now, forehead against the floor. His shoulders wracked with sobs and his tail thrash wildly in the air. He was saying something. Something Sapnap couldn’t make out. 

“I promise!”

And Ranboo’s head lifts, peeking through splayed fingers, boring into Sapnap’s eyes with empty sockets. 

Sapnap flinches back at the contact, tripping over his own feet and down into a cavern. 

He falls.

And falls.

And falls.

And then there’s a crunch.

————-

Soft.

The new bed was soft and comfortable. Fur blankets and silk pillows littered its surface. Coming in the many shades of the artic, and nearly drowning Sapnap in their warmth. So much so that it almost mimicked the feeling of fire coursing through him.

He hummed, nearly purring in delight from the warm sensation. Sapnap nuzzled his face into the heap of blankets, grinning contentedly.  His face lit up further as the time went past, laughing softly. He’d missed warmth.

At some point, he began to wonder if he’d died. If the warden had killed him. Or maybe he was asleep the entire time and all of it was just a bad dream. Maybe all of the angry faces in his mind were fake. All of this was fake. But then all of his scars would be gone, he realised. He flexed his fingers beneath the blankets, feeling the way his body tensed. Feeling the wounds begin to reopen.

And then it all came flooding back to him. All of it. The torture, the cold, Ranboo.

Ranboo.

‘Shoat’ his instincts screamed. Begging him to look for the boy. Because surely the green man and his friend had saved him. Surely.

Sapnap pulls himself up to his feet, ignoring the way his knees nearly buckle. Hands clenching tightly around the fur blankets and wrapping them around himself. He can almost feel the heat rushing to his cheeks, exhaling a content sigh. Sapnap eyes the room he’s in for the first time that day.

There’s a window overlooking a small home in a hill behind the cabin. Small slivers of light peak through it, illuminating the floor in tiny spots. They almost remind him of the small purple freckles that used to litter his friends face. Though he doesn’t dwell on it, instead moving on to look over the rest of the room. His eyes settle on the bookshelf almost immediately. But not because of the books.

No, Sapnap’s focused on the small trinkets on its shelves. Though he finds that they’re mostly just blurs from afar. He squints to try to get a better grasp, only coming up unimpressed when he can’t identify a single thing. Sapnap begrudgingly shuffles across the room, tail flicking in slight frustration.

There are only two things that catch his eye. One that is dull and one that is shiny. Of course, his eyes wandered towards the shiny one first, but he felt a pull towards the other. He glanced towards it, seeing it was small and white but it carried an atmosphere larger than its weight. 

A whistle , he noticed. A whistle made of bone. His head tilts curiously, winding his shoulders as to bring the blankets closer and feeling his tail twitch slightly. 

And he feels fuzzy. He feels as if his mouth has been stuffed with cotton balls and his brain has been swaddled. He tries to reach into his mind for an answer to why, but can’t get past the dogs that haunt it. He can feel them even now. Watching him. Rubbing against him. Growling and howling and dying . 

‘ Bad time,’ he rationalizes, feeling his brows furrow. Because he knows this somehow. He recognizes this from somewhere but he can’t grasp the memory. All he can understand is that it’s bad. Still, he pockets it, ignoring the tremor in his hands and the ringing in his ears as he does.

The next item on the shelves is nothing but a hairclip. It’s golden and emerald infused, and Sapnap couldn’t leave it even if he wanted to. It’s pretty, he tells himself. He’ll give it back later. He won’t. But no one else needs to know, he decided. Because he doesn’t plan to stay for long. He’s got an enderman to rescue. An enderman that would look quite well in a sounders braid with a gold clip to match, because that’s what he deserved.

That, Sapnap was sure of.

 Then he’s padding out of the room. Feeling the cold wooden floors on his bare hooves, tail barely grazing it as well. It feels good to be barefoot on floors that won’t render him incapable of standing.

Sapnap moves swiftly and silently. Not wanting to wake either of the others. He’s got a mission after all. The blankets drag across the floors like a veil, held up by only his two hands and his desire to be warm again. He doesn’t know what he looks like beneath it. He would never know. 

“Ranboo?” he called softly. The piglin quickly moved to the next room when his calls went unanswered. Every once in a while he’d turn his snout to the air, trying to find the enderman by scent alone. But Ranboo was everywhere. The entire cabin smelled like him, of him, almost like it was just another part of himself. 

You failed. He’s gone, a voice at the back of his mind sounds out. It’s louder than the rest of his thoughts, but still separate from the voices. He wonders briefly if the other voices left him now that he was free.

He also wondered if he was free or if this was just another prison. Was it worth it? Did he deserve freedom? Did Ranboo get freedom as well?

Sapnap flinched at the answers his mind created. Because everything smelled like him. Everything he touched and saw was somewhere Ranboo had already been. His face scrunched up in something like pain. Hands coming up to pull at his hair, not bothering to smother the cry building up inside of him. Pain.

“Ranboo?” Sapnap croaked, and something small gave way once again. Voice echoing around the room in the same way Ranboo’s presence did. He strained his ears to listen for an answer, feeling dread slowly take hold. “Ranboo!”

Somehow this was worse than smelling nothing at all. Because that would mean that Ranboo had a home. He had a home and a family, and the warden took him from that.  Sapnap follows every single lingering area, tears prickling his eyes and phantoms following in stride. From the living room to the basement to the kitchen. He wanted his room.

All he wants is his room. 

Sapnap wanders through the halls for what feels like hours. Most of his wandering is just him exploring. Though some of it is attributed to the places Ranboo’s been the most. He almost feels like a prince with the blankets dragging behind him like a robe. A prince on the search for a friend.

And then something catches his eye. Something tall and severely out of place. And for a second, Sapnap can’t decide whether he wants to chase after it or run away from it. He chooses the former, racing down the halls with his hands held firmly on the sheets. He trips over them at times, not able to fully see where he’s going through teary eyes.

Still, the figure runs. It disappears through doors and hides in cupboards and Sapnap has half a mind to think it’s leading him somewhere. It leads him past the man with wings who jumps and tries to stop him. The piglin easily maneuvers out of the mans way, calling out, “Wait!”

He could hear the man yelling after him. Telling him not to go out the door. It wasn’t safe.

Still, Sapnap needed to follow him. He had to. So he pushed his body up against the door, stumbling out into the cold. Except he almost immediately regret his decision. The figure did not stop. It ran and ducked and jumped through the yard, forcing Sapnap to follow it. He was freezing. Dying. He didn’t wanna die anymore. He didn’t want to go.

But it was cold and the snow obstructed his vision and his ears rang. Everything was too bright. He squinted against the light, only succeeding in burning his eyes further. His hands shook as the blankets fell off of his body, exposing him to the cold. Tail tucking beneath his body and ears twitching with every snowflake that brushes by.

Fuck. He was going to die again. Right after these people helped him.

He can hear dogs in the distance. Could hear the whining and barking that came with them. Shaking his head at the noise, losing his balance with the action. Sapnap trips, nearly falling face first onto the snow. Instead he simply falls to his knees. Hands coming up to cover his ears.

But the dogs only got louder. Taunting him. For a moment he could feel them around him. Brushing against his skin and nuzzling his face. They weren’t hurting him but they were. Their touch burned. 

And he knew they were real. That these were the hounds that haunted him. The ones that lived and the ones he’d slaughtered. They were surrounding him now.

Sapnap burned. He wants Sam. He wants Ranboo.

“Shut up!” Sapnap yells over the snow, hands pressed so firmly over his ears that it began to hurt. There’s a wetness to his face that he didn’t notice before and he knows he’s crying. Because this was a punishment. It had to be. “Just shut up!”

The dogs don’t quiet. Instead they get louder and closer. Surrounding him entirely and drowning his voice out. He feels teeth graze his hands, light enough to be considered an accident. But Sapnap knew better by now.

“It’s not your fault, you know.”

“Ranboo?” The piglin peeks through his closed eyes, getting his first real look at what he was following. From the dual toned skin to the dull purple eyes beneath a thin veil. Except now he can see that their skin is nearly translucent, and there are dogs both alive and dead parted around him. 

The ghost shakes his head, correcting him, “I’m boo. Ran’s dead.”

“I let him hurt you,” he mutters, words heavy with guilt and too exhausted to celebrate the fact that Ranboo was here. “I let him leave you. You shouldn’t have- Quackity wouldn’t have-”

“Killed you like he killed Ran?”

“ He loved me and I-“

“Quackity ripped our eyes out. Your dad and your best friend held you down while he took a pickaxe and murdered us. He branded you. And you still-“ Boo cuts himself off at the sight of Sapnaps hands shaking. He didn’t mean for that to happen. He was trying to help. Why couldn’t Sapnap see that he was trying to help. Boo inhales sharply, waiting until he was calm enough to speak. 

There’s a beat.

And they aren’t having the same conversation anymore. They weren’t conversing. They were just talking in each other's presence. 

“It’s not your fault,” Boo says with enough conviction that it must be true. It has to be, but there’s some part of Sapnap that doesn’t agree.

“He loved me, right? I could have-.” It hurts to get out. Because love doesn’t warrant being cut open with shears. Loving someone meant never hurting them. It didn’t mean holding their heart in your hand and squeezing, threatening to kill. Quackity didn’t love him. Hell, he hardly liked him. But Sapnap needs this to be true. He wants it to be true so badly. His voice cracks as he chokes on his own words, “He did.”

“I don’t blame you for what happened, Sapnap.” Boo admits. 

Sapnap’s expression goes sour, “Quackity loved me and… and Karl did- does too. They love me.”

“We’re safer this way. He wouldn’t have survived this. Dying was the best thing to happen to him.”

The blazelin flinches at the words. Head whipping to face Boo with the clearest look of hurt he could muster. He convinced himself that the sniffle he let out was because he was cold. Not because he knew Boo was right. Sapnap wiped his sleeve across his face, nearly whispering, “That’s not fair.”

But the tears fell anyways. They streamed down his face like they’d been waiting for years. It was like a dam had burst or a pot had overflowed. And Sapnap could hardly wipe them from his face fast enough between his hiccups.

And Boo brought his hands to Sapnap’s face, fingers brushing the tears away despite the soft sizzle that rewarded him. Much like those of someone he used to know. “You cry a lot.”

Sapnap answers easily. “No I don’t.”

“ Sam said you cry a lot too.”

“Liar. Sam never talked to you. He only talked to me.”

“That’s because he felt bad for you.” Ran- Boo snorts with a flick of his tail. He pulls a hand away to catch a dog by the collar, pulling it back gently. His fingers move to scratch behind its ear with a small smile, humming, “Plus, how would you know? You’ve been blind for longer than me and Ran.”

Sapnap chokes on the laughter bubbling in his chest and the sob building, sputtering out, “That is not funny. You are not funny.”

“I’m fucking hilarious actually.”

“I’m not even blind!”

“You’re squinting right now.”

Sapnap opens his mouth to deny it, but finds that he can’t. Because his eyes are definitely narrowed. He really is squinting. He tries to open them wider only to find that Boo’s image only blurs further. Then, “I’m cold.”

Boo doesn’t respond verbally. Instead cocking his head to the side, eyes crinkling as he chuckles. Then he lets out a low warble. He reaches over, pulling the blankets back over the piglin beneath him. Not even flinching when the dog seems to fade away. When half of the dogs fade and the other half bounds back out of the wood.

Sapnap mimicks the noise to the best of his ability. Leaning forward to nudge Boo with his snout, huffing gently. Because the enderman was warm. Warmer than the blankets he was currently wrapped in. He wondered if it was because of the obsidian and lava that encased their cell.

“Your hair looks nice like this. The white is nice,” the ghost states, combing through it with his fingers. It’s then that Sapnap notices how slow all of Boo’s movements are. Like he’s looking through someone elses eyes. And after the dogs and the weird influx of owls and foxes around them, Sapnap can only assume that he really is.

“We’re almost twins.”

“…Someone’s coming,” Ranboo mutters with a flick of his ears and just like that he’s alert. Like he’s prepared for a danger he can’t see.

Sapnap hardly has a chance to respond as the sound of gold clanking sounds behind him and a shadow looms overhead. Honestly he’s too scared to look. He feels his body tense, bringing the furs closer to himself as if wearing them would make the figure disappear. Maybe it’ll move on, he thinks. Except the figure speaks, voice familiar, “I can still see you, y’know?”

“No you can’t.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

Then a hand settles on both his blankets and shirt, and Sapnap can’t help but look up. Though he doesn’t have much of a chance either, because within seconds he’s being lifted from the floor. He doesn’t bother trying to stop the yelp that escapes him. 

Sapnap whips his head to look at them, scrambling to grab the blankets before they fall. They’re a piglin. Much bigger than him and with more defined tusks. The piglin snorts in the same way a brute would when calling one of the younger piglins. The realization makes Sapnap wonder how long it's been since a piglin looked at him this way. He notices the large scar running from their head, snout twitching at the sight. 

And for a minute, all he can do is stare at them through his bangs. It’s Technoblade. He knows this face. He drew it on his walls every day for a month until he realized he wasn’t coming back.

“Trying to escape after I so graciously rescued you?” Techno asks, jostling the piglin in his grip and sneering at the small shouts that escape him. “Do you want to die?”

“Fuck off! I was-” He stops himself with a hand over his mouth. Nearly biting his hand to keep from screaming when Technoblade only shook him harder. He’s gonna fucking puke. “Enough!”

Techno raises a brow.

“I was with Ranboo,” Sapnap admits, voice almost as small as he felt. “He kept running.”

There’s a pause. Then, “You gave Phil a fucking heart attack.”

“Awww did I scare you, Techie?”

Techno blinks, nose scrunching up and then he relaxes, teasing, “No, Sappy, you didn’t. Because your dumbass left a trail in the snow and you didn’t close a single door.”

“I was hoping you’d freeze.” Sapnap doesn’t need to look to know that Boo’s gone. He knew the kid would disappear again. He just wished he’d said goodbye this time. Somehow, he figured that saying goodbye was the least of his worries. “When is Sam coming to get me?”

No answer.

“He promised.”

The snow falls a little harder, drowning out any words either of them share. Not that there were any words to begin with.

———-

The man with wings is still in the living room when he gets back. A fact that Sapnap is made painfully aware of when Techno practically throws him onto the couch next to him. The smaller lets out a huff but otherwise doesn’t react past pressing himself as far from Wings as possible.

“I’m glad to see you’re doing better,” The man says, in the same way Sam used to tell him he’d be ok. Then he turns on Techno. “Quit throwing him around like a sack of potatoes.”

“He’s just about as useless as one,” Techno comments under his breath. Shutting the door behind him with a heavy thud. The piglin sighs as the cold air is shut out, leveling Sapnap with a look. “Said he was looking for Ranboo.”

“I’m not useless.” Sapnap feels his eye twitch, muttering, “And I fucking found him.”

“Then where was he? Tell me where he went when I showed up, Sapnap?”

And it’s not his name. His name isn’t Sapnap. He hasn’t been Sapnap in months. Sapnap died in that fucking prison. He died more times than anyone on this server combined and by prime did he have the scars to prove it.

Sapnap burned to death in lava.

Sapnap drowned.

Sapnap starved to death.

Sapnap got thrown down a chasm by his own brother while his “friends” watched.

Sapnap was gutted like a goddamn fish by one of the only people he’d ever loved.

Sapnap lied to himself for an entire year, forcing himself to believe that someone would save him and he died doing it.

“He went out! Away! He fucking left! Maybe he just doesn’t like you.”

Technoblade shoots to his feet, held back only by a wing. Still the look on his face was almost murderous. Much different from the first time Techno looked at him. Last time it was just pity filled eyes. And oh how Sapnap hated pity. 

But this time… this time it was anger. 

“What? Gonna hit me?” He taunted through stutters, trying to ignore the genuine fear coursing through him. It’s more of a tingling sensation this time around. Like his entire body is rooted to this one spot and that’s where he’ll stay. Because Sapnap is small. Technoblade could kill him and Wings would probably let him. “You’re just like Quackity.”

No one says anything for a bit, and Sapnap takes this time to stare out the window. He avoids any and all eye contact because knowing him he’d rat himself out. So he thinks of the last real conversation he had with Ranboo. About the bunnies as white as snow and the foxes that would burrow and jump out at him. He just wishes Ranboo could have shown him himself.

He sneaks a glance at the two, mouth setting into a thin line. They’re both staring at him. Wing man at least has the decency to look worried. Technoblade looks like he’s ready to kill someone. Wings is muttering things that Sapnap doesn’t care to know. Mostly things about where he’s staying and one thing about Sam.

But what the hell does he know about Sam? Nothing. Because Sam is his friend. Everyone else left or died. Even the voices.

Sometimes he wondered when it would be his turn to leave.