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***
CHRISTMAS EVE
***
It was Christmas Eve and Sarah’s obsession with all things festive had fully descended upon the Chateau.
After weeks of begging and bribery, the boys had begrudgingly agreed to let Sarah take over their beloved shack for one week only, giving her sole reign over the layout and decor.
They didn’t say a word as the usual junk and clutter was temporarily boxed up and cleared out to make way for strings of warm-toned white lights, an assortment of tasteful decorations and an oversized Christmas tree which had been coaxed into a corner by the window. However, when the fifth set of lights Sarah plugged into the extension blew the power altogether, they were forced to step in and draw the line.
The final touch was a dining table that Sarah had managed to talk Sheriff Shoupe into letting her “borrow” from storage where all the remaining, unseized contents of Tannyhill had been transferred to in the wake of the investigation against her father and brother.
John B had been busy working his final shift before the holidays, so a less than enthusiastic JJ had agreed to help her with it instead. In true Sarah and JJ fashion, there was bickering and stumbling and cursing as they tried to negotiate the too-big table into the too-small living area.
Once all the heavy lifting was done, JJ was - much to his relief - dismissed, and Sarah set about dressing the table with a crisp, white linen tablecloth, placing a poinsettia into a crystal vase to serve as a simple centrepiece.
She had just finished setting out the cutlery and arranging the homemade place cards - each of her friends' names written in gold calligraphy - when Kie arrived, plates of sharing desserts courtesy of her dad balanced in each hand.
“Finally!” Sarah called out when she heard the door creak open and closed, straightening up the the final place card before heading over to take the plates from her.
“Sorry! I know I said I’d be here earlier to help you set up, but my shift ran over at work, and then I couldn’t find my keys and-”
Kie stopped mid-explanation as her eyes landed on the immaculately set table.
“No. Immediately no. I’m out.” Kie protested, hands held up as she backed away from the table and towards the door.
“Don’t be so dramatic, Kie. It’s just a seating plan.” Sarah reasoned, rolling her eyes but not entirely surprised by her friend’s reaction.
“Oh really? Well, in that case…”
Kie reached for the placecard with her name on it, which had been conveniently placed right next to JJ’s.
“Hey!” Sarah yelled, leaping forward and batting Kie’s hand away. “No touching! That took me forever.”
“You can’t be serious. You really expect us to sit beside each other the whole night? After everything that’s happened?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Sarah replied with a subtle shrug of her shoulders, feigning ignorance as she pretended to fuss with the trim of the tablecloth. “I simply laid them out in alphabetical order. It’s not my fault J and K happen to be right next to each other in the alphabet.”
“Hmm, how convenient.” Kie drawled sarcastically, choosing to ignore the fact that by that logic, John B should be sitting between her and JJ and not opposite them, where his card was placed. “Well, I vote for ‘alphabetically by last name’ -” she countered, reaching for the card again.
“Too bad, there’s no time for that now. People are going to be here any second.” Sarah interrupted, swatting Kie’s hand away again and ignoring her sounds of protest as they heard the front door open.
Kie’s heart stilled for a second, until she heard Pope’s voice call out to them as he and Cleo made their way in and over to the table. A few minutes later, it creaked again but this time it was John B brandishing two cases of beer triumphantly.
Pope whooped, Sarah sighed affectionately and Cleo demanded he throw her one as the three of them gathered in the kitchen and began talking amongst themselves.
Kie hovered nervously by the table, her palms beginning to sweat as she realised the next person to come through that door was going to be JJ. She fidgeted with the silver rings around her fingers, twirling and twisting them as her heart began thumping in her chest.
She wasn’t even sure what she was feeling.
It had been two weeks since they broke up, and she’d only seen him from a distance or in passing. They hadn’t spoken a word to each other since that night in the Twinkie - the night when she felt like the only truly good thing in her life had fallen apart.
Kie stretched her fingers out once more before curling them into her palms, nails pressing into the soft skin and she spun around to face her friends, letting go of the breath she’d been holding.
“I’m just gonna-” she started, gesturing to the door. “Just need some air.”
Pope and John B nodded obliviously, and Cleo and Sarah shared a look before smiling back at her gently. The sympathy was practically rolling off of them and it made Kie feel nauseous.
She headed for the door, swiping a can of beer from the counter on her way. Her eyes were still looking down, focusing on the can that was particularly slippery with condensation as she tugged at the pull tab, when she collided with someone out on the porch.
“Shit!” Kie exclaimed, the can slipping from her hand just as JJ reached to catch it.
They were standing inches apart, eyes fixed on each other and both breathing slightly heavier than usual from being startled.
“Hi,” Kie breathed out, after what felt like an entirely too long silence.
“Hey,” JJ replied, clearing his throat.
They stood for a second or two in an awkward sort of limbo, neither of them making a move closer to the other, but also not backing away.
JJ seemed to suddenly notice the can in his hand, and he dragged his eyes from Kie’s briefly to pull back the tab until it cracked and hissed before handing it to her.
“Thanks,” she said, dropping her eyes to focus on the can again as she took it from him, her brain not quite able to form full sentences yet.
JJ rolled his lips together and pressed, nodding his head and rocking awkwardly back and forth on his heels for a second.
“So, uh, where were you headed?” he asked, taking her by surprise.
Kie’s eyes immediately darted up to meet his gaze, which was shaky at best.
“Uh, nowhere, really. Just had to get out, y’know? There’s a lot going on in there and-”
She was rambling and fidgeting with the can in her hand and JJ couldn’t stand to watch her feel so nervous.
“I get it,” He said, mercifully cutting her off, and she was grateful for the interruption because she honestly had no idea what she was saying anymore.
“You know, if this is too weird… I can just go.” JJ offered, gesturing back over his shoulder in the direction he’d just come from.
“This whole fucking mess - how things are between us now? It’s my fault, and I know that. So if you want me to go, I’ll go.”
‘If you want ’
Something about those words lit a fire inside of her, and before she even realised she was doing it, a dry laugh of disbelief pushed its way out of her chest. Suddenly, all the apprehension and nervousness she’d been feeling about seeing him melted away and she was left with a different kind of pit in her stomach, a different type of burning in her chest.
“If I want? Right. Because you're all about considering what I want.” Kie scoffed with a half-roll of her eyes, her tone laced with sarcasm. She took a swig from the can before placing it down on the ledge and moving to step around him.
JJ’s brow furrowed, confused by the sudden shift in her attitude to him, and he stepped to the side to block her path. It worked a little too well, and with her first step she was immediately up against him.
Her hands instinctively went to his chest to steady herself, but she was all too aware of how he felt beneath her touch and it caused a flush to run up her throat into her cheeks. His blonde hair was in it’s usual state of disarray - messy and soft as if he’d just got out of bed - and as much as she hated to admit to herself, he’d never looked better.
Fuck.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” He asked, blue eyes staring down at her and it took Kie all of her willpower to stop an entirely different wave of feeling from washing over her at the sight.
“It doesn’t matter. Forget about it.” She huffed, not trusting herself to be this close to him for much longer. She stepped to the side again, and again he blocked her. Only this time, he didn’t move, just reached out with one arm and snaked it around her waist until she was pressing into his side.
“JJ-” Kie breathed out in a feeble and unconvincing protest, turning her face from him as her eyes fluttered closed for a second at the pressure of his hand against her waist.
“It matters to me.” His voice was barely above a whisper as he persisted, his lips ghosting against her temple as his head dipped forward instinctively.
Ignoring the scattering of goosebumps that tingled across her skin and the thrill that ran up and down her spine at the feeling of his breath against her, she strengthened her resolve and took hold of his wrist, pushing gently but firmly until he dropped his hold against her waist.
She finally stepped around him, putting a few feet of space between them so she could think more clearly without his touch and his warmth and his smell clouding her head.
JJ turned so his gaze could follow her, but she kept her back to him.
Once she was sure her voice wouldn’t crack and the words wouldn’t get stuck in her throat, she spoke.
“How can you stand there and tell me that what I want matters? That any of this matters to you when you’re the one who said you didn’t want to be with me anymore?”
“I never said that, Kie.” JJ argued with a groan, dragging his hands down his face.
“Oh, so I just imagined the whole conversation that night in the Twinkie when you broke up with me?”
“I-,” JJ began, but he cut himself off and ran a hand through his hair. “Can we not do this right now? Please?”
“So when would you like to do it, JJ? Because you haven’t spoken to me at all for two weeks, and the first time we see each other, you want my permission to run away.”
“That’s not fair.”
“Not fair?” Kie laughed, her eyes glassy and searing as she looked at him.
“Tell me, JJ, what was fair about breaking up with me without so much as an explanation? What was fair about disappearing for days at a time to help your cousin run drugs along the coast without even calling to let us know you were okay? What was fair about telling me I was the most important person in your life and then cutting me out of it? What is fair about showing up to fucking Christmas Eve dinner and telling me that you’ll leave ‘if I want’ when all I want is to be with yo-”
All of the fight leaves her body the second his mouth meets her. His hands are on her face, thumbs skimming her jaw, palms pressed to her neck holding her in place as his fingers push into her hair. Her hands grab at his wrists, thumbs grazing his knuckles before sliding down his forearms as she melts against him.
She’s dizzy by the time he pulls back, forehead resting against hers and his breath quick against her mouth.
“You can’t do that anymore, Jay. We’re not together. It’s too confusing…”
“I know. And I’m sorry. About everything.”
“I just,” Kie sighs, and for the first time her voice shakes. “I just need to know why.”
***
TWO WEEKS EARLIER
***
JJ and Kie had been together for 2 and half months, and Kie was pretty sure it was the happiest she'd ever been.
They had spent two weeks stranded on the island, trying to avoid what had been becoming more and more obvious to them and everyone around them as the days went on.
It wasn’t until the night they arrived back in Kildare on the recovery boat and the reality that they wouldn’t be spending every day and night together anymore sunk in that JJ made his move.
They had been standing on the dock, her parents impatiently waiting to load her into the back of her mom’s SUV. Her face had been buried in the crook of his neck, her hands gripping his shoulders as his arms wound around her waist to hold her against him. He whispered comforting words into her ear, his fingers toying with the ends of her hair and it was only when she pulled back and stared up at him - her dark eyes glassy with tears that she wouldn’t let fall - that he did what he’d wanted to do since he was 14 years old.
He kissed Kiara Carrera.
Given the circumstances and the audience around them, the kiss itself was simple and understated - a gentle but firm push of his lips against hers - but it was a promise of something more, and it stole the breath from her lungs.
She wished she could stay in that moment forever with his hands on her waist and their friends cheering embarrassingly in the distance behind them. However, she caught one look at her mother’s expression and chose to get going before she could barge over and ruin it.
They’d been inseparable since, despite her Anna's protests.
They did all the same things they used to do - hung out at the Chateau, spent days out on the water, ate dinner at The Wreck.
Only now, they would lace their fingers together as they walked.
Kie would drop herself onto JJ’s lap instead of sitting beside him, winding her arms around his neck as he traced his fingertips across the bare skin beneath the hem of her t-shirt.
JJ would scale the trellis outside her window, climb into her bed and watch conservation documentaries or badly produced horror movies whilst playing with her hair as she ran her hand up and down his chest absentmindedly.
That was until she noticed a shift. He seemed preoccupied, like his mind was somewhere else. And not just with her, but with the rest of their friends too. John B had brought it up a few times, and he got the same response she did.
“I’m good, just tired, that’s all.”
JJ still seemed kind of distracted when he picked her up for their date that night, and didn’t say much the whole drive to the beach.
When they arrived, he laid out the blanket and Kie set out the food she’d brought in takeaway containers from The Wreck. She settled next to him and cracked open a beer, taking a sip before setting it down and reaching back inside her bag. JJ stretched across her to take hold of her hand in his, kissing her knuckles before dropping her hand back onto her thigh and saying he didn’t want one. She smiled, and reached into the bag anyway, pulling out a bottle of Mountain Dew.
“I knew you wouldn’t take the beer. You never do when you’re driving me.”
JJ smiled, the widest he had the whole night and for a moment, she felt hopeful that whatever was up with him was passing when he leaned down a pressed a kiss to her lips.
***
It was a little before Kie’s 11pm curfew that night when they pulled up in the Twinkie across from the Carrera’s.
The street was dimly lit but her house sat illuminated at the end of the dark lawn by the light from the downstairs window, the flickering glow of the TV indicating that her dad was still up.
As JJ cut the engine, she sat back against her seat and tilted her head to the side slightly to look at him.
“What’s wrong, Jay?” She asked softly, and the sincerity in her voice made his heart feel like it could split open.
“Nothing, I’m all good. I told you, I’m just tired.”
He reached across the space between them, his thumb coming to rest on her chin as he tilted her face more upwards and toward him. He had just wanted to look at her face - take in the shape of her features, the length of her lashes, the curve of her bottom lip - when suddenly Kie was leaning forward to kiss him.
It was soft and slow to start with, his hand cradling her face as though she were of made delicate China. After a minute or two, Kie needed more, and she found herself reaching for his t-shirt and pulling on it to bring them closer. She shifted in her seat, desperately trying to reduce the space between them without breaking the kiss. When JJ’s teeth grazed her bottom lip and tugged gently, she groaned into his mouth and less than a second later his hands were gripping her waist and lifting her into his lap.
The kiss was became more desperate as JJ’s hands ran beneath her top and up her sides until his thumbs brushed against the material of her bikini top. Kie found herself reaching for the hem of his t-shirt, pulling at it impatiently as her hips began to shift on top of his, eliciting a moan from each of them that set her insides alight.
“Kie, wait,” JJ groaned against her lips, breaking the kiss properly for the first time since it began.
“Wha- what is it?” Kie asked, breathless and sitting back on his lap as she ran a hand through her loose hair.
Her lips were rosy and kiss bitten, eyes cloudy and cheeks flushed, and JJ swore she’d never looked more beautiful in her life.
“Nothing, it’s just…” he pulled his shirt back down and shifted in his seat. “We’re literally right outside your house. I don’t think this is the best place to do this.”
“Well then we’ll move.” She stated simply, as if it were obvious.
“What d’you mean?” JJ asked, all the blood having not quite returned to his brain yet.
“Last I checked, this thing has four wheels and a running engine, Jay.” Kie clarified, knocking her knuckles against the door. “Just drive us someplace else.”
“Like where?”
“I don’t know, and honestly? Right now I don’t really care. Just anywhere that isn’t here .” Kie replied, her mouth coming back to meet his as she began to grind down into his lap again.
“Fucking hell, Kie,” JJ groaned, and she’s sure it was supposed to sound a lot more like a reprimand than it came out. She smiled smugly against his lips, and then his hands pulled her hips forward and Kie rolled them on instinct, causing JJ’s mouth to fall open as her hand came down hard on the back of his seat with a curse.
Her other hand was flat against his chest in an attempt to brace herself on top of him, and as her mouth dropped to his jaw and down his throat, kissing and sucking his favourite spot just below his ear, she began to pull at his shirt again.
“Off, JJ.” She all but begged against his neck. “Please.”
As the shirt began to slide up his abdomen for a second time, his hand came down from where it had been tangled in her hair and took hold of her wrist.
She pulled back slightly to look up at him, her brow furrowed slightly in confusion as she tried to steady her breath.
“It’s getting late. Maybe you should just head inside.”
“JJ- I- What?”
“It’s almost 11 o’clock, Kie. I don’t need your dad storming out here and giving me a hard time about bringing you home late again.”
“Okay, what is wrong with you?” Kie asked, instantly annoyed at his tone. “And don’t lie to me this time. There’s been something off with you for days now, especially tonight.”
“Look, Kie, I’m tired, alright? Just because there’s one night I don’t feel like hooking up with you, doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with me.”
That comment felt like a blade straight into her chest and - although he was trying to hide it - she could tell by the look on his face that he regretted it, but she was too mad to care.
She pulled herself off of his lap with one swift swing of her leg and grabbed her bag that was in the footwell.
“That was a really fucking shitty thing to say to me, Jay.”
“Well it’s not like no one warned you I’d make a shitty boyfriend. I’m sure your mom told you plenty of times.”
“What are you even talking about?!”
“I’m saying that I’m a fucking Maybank, Kiara. We’re shitty people by nature, sorry if you didn’t get the newsletter.”
“Why are you being such an asshole right now?”
“You know, we never fought like this when we were just friends.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realise your life had become such a hardship since I became your girlfriend.”
“That’s not what I’m saying.”
“Then what are you saying? Because I’m really fucking confused right now.”
“I’m saying-” JJ began, stopping for a breath as he let his head fall back against his seat again with his eyes closed.
“I’m saying that a lot has happened over the last six months, and that maybe us being together…”
Kie was hanging onto his every word now, heart thumping in anticipation of what he was going to day next.
“Maybe it’s not right… right now, I mean.”
Kie let out a choked breath, her hand slipping from where it had been gripping the door handle.
“You’re breaking up with me? Is that what’s happening right now?”
“I just think it’s the best thing for right now-”
“For who?!”
“For you! For both of us - my head is all over the place right now, Kie. I don’t wanna spend our days fighting and making you unhappy.”
“We’ve had one fight, JJ! In fact, this isn’t even a fight, okay? It's an argument. People have them all the time. We don’t need to break up because of one argument.”
Kie reached out for his hand that was gripping the steering wheel, knuckles white with tension, but he shifted away from her touch.
Her eyes were brimming now with tears that she was refusing to let fall, blinking wildly to keep them at bay.
“I’m sorry, Kie. I just think it’s for the best.”
He turned away from her, and started the engine, the Twinkie roaring to life around her. She sat bewildered for a second, before realising she actually had to move. She grabbed blindly at her bag, moving almost as if she were on auto-pilot and had no control over her movements. She was aware of her feet hitting the cool, hard road and the slam of the door as she closed it. She stood and watched as the red brake lights - blurry through her bleary eyes - disappeared around the corner and the end of her street, and her whole body felt numb.
***
CHRISTMAS EVE
***
“You deserve an explanation, Kie. I know that. But I honestly don’t know if it’ll make any sense.”
They were still standing out on the porch, the faint sound of their friends voices mingling with the Christmas music Sarah was playing through an old record player in John B's room.
“Then try, JJ. Please try to make it make sense because I’ve been going out of my mind for the last two weeks trying to work out what the hell happened that night.”
“Come here,” JJ said, extending his hand out to her. She looked down at his open palm, desperate to have it wrapped around hers and to feel the comforting, familiar brush of his thumb across her knuckles.
After a few seconds she reached across to him, taking his hand in hers and he let out a breath, lacing their fingers together and pulling her towards him. Their hands stayed joined between them, and his free hand came up to cradle her face and Kie found herself leaning into unintentionally.
“I wanna start with I’m sorry, okay? I’m really fucking sorry for hurting you like that, but you've gotta believe me when I say that at the time, I thought I was doing the right thing.”
Kie nodded and JJ tugged gently on her hand, gesturing for her to follow him. They walked down to the dock, sat on the end and stared out at the orange tinted sky, feet dangling just above the water.
“That night in the Twinkie, I was trying to hide something from you. I’d been hiding it for a couple of days, actually-"
“JJ, you’re really freaking me out right now, please just tell me.”
“My dad came back.”
“ What ?”
“Luke. He ran into some trouble down in Florida, and ended back in Kildare.”
“That good for nothing asshole. I swear to God, JJ, if he thinks for even a second-”
“Hey, it's okay. Everything’s fine now, he’s gone."
“Does this have anything to do with you running drugs for your cousin?”
“Kie-”
“Please, JJ. Just tell me the truth.”
“Okay... yes.” JJ admitted, and Kie dropped her head into her hands.
“My cousin hooked Luke up with a dealer he knows down in Florida. Luke, being the dumbass that he is, skipped out owing this guy a whole bunch of money. Naturally, the dealer came to my cousin looking for him, and my cousin hauled his ass back to Kildare.”
“What did any of this have to do with you? Luke Maybank used up his one and only favour from us last time when we helped him take that boat. You don’t owe that asshole anything, Jay.”
“I know, but it killed me having to involve you in his bullshit last time. I couldn’t risk having him around and anyone else coming looking for him. Those guys were not fucking around, alright? I needed to get rid of them, and I needed to make sure you weren't me around until I did.”
“I still wish you would’ve told me.”
“If I’d told you, you would’ve told Pope and JB and before you know it we’re all getting the shit beat out of us.”
“What do you mean?” Kie asked, her posture suddenly straightening, worry lacing her voice.
“That night, that’s what I was trying to hide from you.”
“You were hurt?”
“The day before, I dipped for a bit, remember?”
Kie nodded, her grasp on his hand tightening.
“Long story short, Luke managed to mess up one of the drops. Apparently he was a little light on the product when he got there. Anyway, they called me and I went down to handle it, and my dad started running his mouth as usual and they kinda kicked our asses."
“JJ!”
“It was dumb to go, I know. I just wanted to get it over and done with. Anyway, I was bruised as fuck that night and I’m pretty sure at least two of my ribs were broken-”
“You should’ve told me.”
“I know. But I didn’t wanna upset you-”
“So you thought breaking up with me and leaving me with zero explanation for two weeks was the way to go to avoid upsetting me?”
“It made a lot more sense in my head, alright? I didn’t know how this whole thing with the dealers was gonna pan out, but I knew I didn’t want you involved and I figured that in case I had to take off, it was better to just to end things. Rip off the bandaid, you know?”
“Um, not to interrupt whatever is happening out here…” John B called from the other end of the dock, and they turned to face him. “But dinner’s ready and Sarah is gonna lose her shit if you make us wait any longer.”
Kie laughed, her head dropping to JJ’s shoulder as he pressed a kiss to her temple with a smile, gesturing to John B that they’d be two minutes.
“I really missed you,” she sighed into the crook of his neck.
“Me too. So fucking much, you have no idea.” He breathed against the shell of her ear, and Kie squeezed his hand before sitting up to look him in the eye.
“Just please don’t do that to me again, okay? This has literally been the worst two weeks of my life.”
“Are you guys coming or what?” John B hollered again, and JJ rolled his rolled.
“Alright, alright! We’re coming!”
***
JJ and Kie made their way back along the dock and into the Chateau to a chorus of cheers and wolf whistles.
“Okay, you can all shut up now, thank you.” Kie scolded them lightheartedly, taking her seat across from Sarah as JJ sat down next to her.
“I don’t hear any complaints about the seating plan now.” Sarah commented, kicking Kie under the table.
JJ looked confused before his eyes landed on the place cards.
“You didn’t wanna sit next to me, huh? I’m kinda offended.” JJ joked, but he stopped smiling when he reached for the basket full of warm bread rolls and Sarah batted his hand away with a Christmas Cracker.
“I didn’t even wanna think about you an hour ago nevermind sit next to you for Christmas dinner,” Kie replied, swiping him a roll from the basket and earning a glare from Sarah who had been too busy topping up the champagne flutes to stop her.
“Speaking of which,” Sarah interjected, clinking her knife gently off the side of her glass to get their attention.
They both turned to look at her, and then followed her gaze to the beam above their head. Kie’s eyes fell back to Sarah instantly, who was grinning wide and trying to stifle a giggle.
It took JJ a little longer to recognise the mistletoe dangling above their heads before shooting a questioning glance at Kie.
“I mean, it is tradition-” JJ began, but he was cut off by Kie’s lips against his.