Chapter Text
Hyunjin wants to be a morning person. This is what he tells himself every day after his alarm goes off. He wants to wake up at the ass-crack of dawn to start a day full of productivity and time well managed. Manifestation, as his roommate calls it. Speak into existence what you want for yourself and it will happen.
But today, all Hyunjin wants to speak into existence is four more hours of sleep and an Advil.
Whining feebly, he slaps at his night stand for his phone. After knocking it to the floor and cursing under his breath, he punches 'Dismiss' on the alarm and unlocks the device. The brightness of the screen burns off his corneas as he opens Instagram and tries to find the motivation to get up.
After showering and getting dressed, Hyunjin glances in the large mirror in the foyer. He knows he looks fine, but still fusses with his clothes, retucking his sweater and adjusting his necklace. After ensuring he has his wallet--yes, the Velcro Daffy Duck one Jisung gave him and insists he use--coat, and house key, he leaves.
"If I can see my breath it's too cold to be outside," he grumbles as he jogs down the cracked sidewalk, the cruel wind biting and scratching at his face.
Having forgotten his earbuds, he distracts himself by thinking of warm things; space heaters, asphalt in the summertime, the windows in his apartment on a sunny day, his decrepit old laptop after running Minecraft for 5 hours...
By the time he arrives at Stompin' Grounds, the busy little cafe three blocks from his apartment, he can't feel his fingertips. When he enters, the smell of freshly ground coffee burns his nose and he waves a hand in front of his face. A pointless gesture, really. The aroma has permeated the small building, and if he didn't want to smell coffee, he shouldn't have come to a coffee shop.
Hyunjin's eyes shine in the light of the hanging lamps that illuminate the room. Vines of golden pothos cascade over the edges of their baskets and race each other across the walls, and more potted plants spill around the large brick column in the center of the cafe. He's early, as usual, and the shop is empty except for an elderly couple eating breakfast by the window.
"Hyunjin!" The barista beams, pulling out a large ceramic mug. "What kind of tea do you want?"
"Morning Jeongin! Hibiscus, thanks." The brown haired boy nods, disappearing below the maple countertop before popping back up with a brown paper sack in hand.
He watches in anticipation as Jeongin packs dried petals into a tea ball and hooks it over the lip of the mug. Drinking a hot cup of tea is the highlight of his day (the highlight of his life, he would argue).
As Jeongin fills the cup at the hot water dispenser, he turns to Hyunjin.
"My manager called. She said she liked the drawing you sent us last week", he said, "She wants you to call her apparently. I think she wants you to make a drawing of her niece?"
Hyunjins glows. "Really? It was more introspective than I usually go for, but I decided 'hey why not'. I got some inspiration from these surrealist paintings by this guy in the 1920s…" he babbles on, Jeongin nods along, smiling as if he knows whatever the heck he's going on about.
He places the tea on the counter to steep before cutting a slice of the lemon meringue on display. Hyunjin didn't ask for it, but he didn't need to. He's had a slice of pie with his tea every week morning since he started coming to Stompin' Grounds. Jeongin marveled at how the man didn't have diabetes by now.
Hyunjin takes his order and makes his way to his usual booth against the wall. From there, he can easily see the door at the front of the cafe, and the counter at the back. Perfect for people watching. The brick column in the center of the room obstructs his view of the side with the lounge and sofas, but he doesn't mind.
The perfect cup of hibiscus tea, Hyunjin decides, has steeped for five minutes and is sweetened by two teaspoons of honey. His eyes drift closed as he takes his first sip, savoring the hot liquid as it warms him up from the inside out. He continues to gulp, feeling like a tree pushing out its first buds after a harsh winter. ' Revitalized,' he thinks.
He pulls his plate of pie towards him, unfolding a fork from its neat little napkin cocoon on the table, and cuts off a bite. A strangled moan escapes his throat, and he swears to propose to the baker when he's finished eating. Still chewing, he squirms out of his coat, pulling a small notebook and pen out of an interior pocket and begins writing. He starts out slow at first, pausing to think how to structure his thoughts, but soon gains momentum, words appearing on the page just as fast as they're pouring out of his head.
With a full page complete and a cramping hand, he stops to glance around the coffee shop. It has more patrons now, which according to the comically ornate analog clock mounted above the menu board, is typical of 7:35am. The hum of the busy cafe fills him with a subtle buzz of energy, like anything is just waiting to happen.
He savors the last two bites of his pie and cradles his tea mug in his hands, sipping occasionally from the now warm cup. The door chimes, signaling that another cafe goer has entered the building. This time the sound catches Hyunjin's attention.
And so does the young man who enters. He's dressed casually in tattered Converse, ripped skinny jeans, an oversized Thrasher hoodie, and a black mask. The man scans the cafe curiously, eyes overlooking Hyunjin's as he takes in the black paint, maple wood accents and overabundance of flora and fauna in the room. He strides in, heading for the line of people waiting to order.
Hyunjin looks back down at his journal as he passes, pretending to be busy reading words that aren't registering in his mind. Glancing up again, he sees the man waiting in line. He's closer now, and despite the mask, Hyunjin can see that he's not a regular, he would have remembered another twenty something year old with silver hair.
'Interesting aesthetic,' he muses. The strange man's full black ensemble sharply contrasts with Hyunjin's own style, all champagne colored cardigans, neutral tones and "Grandpa shoes," as Jisung calls them. But Hyunjin is drawn to contrast. Without it, life--and art--would be dull and uneventful. He makes note of this new patron in his journal.
By the time he has finished his tea, the novelty of the strange man has more or less worn off, occupying himself with a small ink sketch of the plants beyond his table. He glances up from his sketch to look at the line, which is much shorter now. The post-breakfast rush will be coming in soon. He's half listening to the conversations at the counter when he hears a deep and accented voice. Listening for a few moments, he ruminates on the words until he places the accent.
"Australian?" He wonders aloud, looking up to see who the intriguing voice belongs to. To Hyunjin's, admittedly mild, surprise, it's the stranger from earlier, already striking up a conversation with an enthusiastic Jeongin.
The barista busies himself behind the counter preparing multiple orders at once while inquiring about the stranger's background. Hyunjin admires the friendly exchange between the two until the stranger accepts his to-go cup and waves to Jeongin before heading out and vanishing around the corner.
Hyunjin scribbles another sentence onto the page. As an afterthought, he adds a single word in the margin. " Friendly?" It reads, with an arrow linking it to the previous observation of the man.
He looks back up at the corner Thrasher Hoodie disappeared around, wondering if he would return one day, having found the same quiet refuge in the cafe as Hyunjin did.
Hyunjin twists the key in the lock and turns it slowly, creeping into the foyer. He slips off his coat, tucks his shoes into the corner, and treads across the concrete floor to the kitchen.
As always, an empty stainless steel watering can is perched on the counter top. He ducks under the sink for one of the gallon sized jugs he keeps for watering plants. Hyunjin adores plants. Potting, trimming, watering, propagating. It touches a part of him that loves to enrich and uplift those around him. He wanders throughout the open floor plan, weighing pots, scratching at dirt, inspecting leaves. Some plants prefer to dry out completely and then get saturated with water, so he takes those to the bathroom and waters them in the sink and clawfoot tub, leaving them to drain for a few hours. The thought of Jisung waking up to plants in the sink again makes Hyunjin's shoulders quiver with quiet laughter.
Once finished, he shuffles back to the living room and allows himself to collapse onto the worn, cabbage scented cushions of the World's Most Hideous Sofa.
The atrocity was a gracious donation from Jisung's mother. It had resided in their basement for years, and when Jisung moved out, she took it as an opportunity to finally get rid of the eye sore. Jisung loves the thing, saying it warms the house with an atmosphere that reminds him of home. Hyunjin promises not to push it off of the roof as long as he's allowed to disguise it with throw blankets and pillows.
Hyunjin fishes his phone out of his pants pocket and scrolls through YouTube, his habit of procrastination already manifesting itself before he even thinks about starting work.
Above him, the click of a door resonates throughout the silent apartment. Turning his head, a smile spreads across his face as he watches Jisung's hunched and stiff figure shuffle, half naked, across the landing towards the bathroom.
"Good morning, sunshine," he trills, laughter threatening to bubble up into his voice.
Jisung doesn't respond. Instead, he groggily flips Hyunjin the middle finger before clicking the bathroom door shut behind him.
"Dude, quit leaving plants in the sink!"
Hyunjin chortles, his phone slipping out of his hand and onto the rug with a thud.
Hyunjin hears shuffling (likely Jisung placing the flower pots on the floor) and leans back on the sofa, waiting in anticipation. The shower curtain rings rattle on the rod, and then…
"Plants! Again!"
Hyunjin laughs and retrieves his phone before pulling a chair up to his paint desk and setting to work. He takes out his supplies, plugs in his earbuds, and tunes out the outside world.. Several minutes later, a freshly showered Jisung hops down the stairs, clothed in the same sweatpants and t-shirt he wore the day before. Hyunjin swivels around to acknowledge him.
"Our bathroom is a jungle," he says flatly.
"Your shirt's on backwards," Hyunjin responds.
"It's called a fashion statement."
"You need style to make a fashion statement."
"I have style." Jisung's voice fades as he moves into the kitchen. "It's just too sophisticated for you to understand."
"You shop in the five dollar t-shirt bin at Target," Hyunjin tosses back, popping in his earbud and returning to his drawing. What Jisung says next is lost in the music playing in his ears.
Jisung taps him on the shoulder, a plate of freshly sliced fruit balanced in his other hand. Hyunjin sets the food behind him on the desk, but before the other boy can step away, he takes Jisung's hands and wraps him in a hug.
He presses his face into Jisung's lean stomach, inhaling the smell of the food he had just prepared that lingered on the fabric.
He feels arms cradle his head and he loses the ability to form a coherent thought. Gentle fingers trace his face as Jisung smooths back the blonde strands that have loosened from Hyunjin's ponytail. The sensation makes his skin tingle.
He squeezes tightly before letting go and sliding the plate off of the desk, head still spinning from the contact. Sticking a juicy orange wedge into his mouth, he gives Jisung an enthusiastic thumbs up.
"Thank you," he says between chews.
Jisung nods, amused, and turns back to the kitchen.
Saying Hyunjin enjoys hugs would be a massive understatement. He's most content when he's wrapped around a close friend or family member. As happy as a mouse in a grain silo, as his mom likes to say.
He swivels around to face his desk, wiping a hand on his sweater and picking up his pencil once again. The drawing is mostly complete, but he's teetering in that phase of wanting to add finishing touches, and not knowing when to stop. Another hour could pass and he would still be tweaking miniscule imperfections that no one will notice.
Once he's satisfied (he forces himself to put down the pencil before he screws something up) he carefully places the artwork inside of a frame that the client selected. He loves this part of selling his art. It feels personal, almost like giving away a piece of himself. Encasing each work in a sleeve of bubble wrap, slipping in his business card and a printed thank you note, packing, sealing, and stamping the box. He leaves the box by the front door to remind himself to go to the post office before heading to Stompin' Grounds.
After clearing off his desk he joins Jisung in the kitchen, the aroma of cinnamon drawing him in.
"It can't possibly be that diffi--I know what I'm talking about, and I'm telling you--no, I'm saying to just check to see if it's plugged in."
"Changbin?" Hyunjin mouthes to Jisung, who's stirring a pot while arguing on the phone.
Jisung nods, eyebrows furrowed in exasperation. "See? Not hard. 'Kay, I'll text you later. Yeah. Bye." Jisung taps the 'End Call' button and sets his phone down on the counter.
"What's wrong?" Hyunjin asks, taking a seat at the small dining table and staring at the graphic printed on the back--that should actually be the front--of Jisung's t-shirt.
"Changbin and Chan were moving the sound equipment into their new place, and they couldn't figure out why one of the studio monitors wasn't working."
"And it wasn't plugged in?" Hyunjin guesses, grinning.
"It wasn't plugged in! And Changbin called me the dumbass for even suggesting it," Jisung criticizes, turning off the flame under the oatmeal and opening a cupboard to take out two bowls. "I swear to God," he chuckles, his irritated mood already breaking into something lighter.
"I'm going over there in a bit to help them. Wanna come?" He asks, placing the steaming bowls on the table and opening the utensil drawer.
"I would, but I need to get started on a painting of this elderly couple's dog," Hyunjin replies flippantly. "They want a massive canvas. Like, fireplace mantel size." He spreads his arms to emphasize. "I'll have to buy a lot more paint." This doesn't annoy him though, he lives for trips to the craft store.
"Why do they need such a big picture of their dog?" Jisung inquires between spoonfuls of oatmeal.
"No idea, but they're paying a lot for it. I was actually surprised. Especially since there are a few other artists in town that have more experience they could have gone with," Hyunjin explains. Even after years of drawing and painting, he still has moments where he doubts the quality of his art, particularly in comparison to other artists.
"They're probably worth billions but with no children to inherit it, so they're searching for a suitable post grad kid in hella student loan debt to pass their fortune on to when they die."
"Why is that so specific?" Hyunjin snorts.
Jisung shakes his head, continuing the joke. "It's my biggest goal in life. Get crazy rich off of doing nothing but looking this handsome." He gestures to himself, in all his damp haired, backwards Pac-Man t-shirt and stained Nike sweatpants clad glory. "And being the adopted grandson of billionaires."
Hyunjin stares at him, skeptical, but amused.
"Yeah okay, doubt me all you want, but when you see me on a fifty foot yacht don't act surprised." Jisung huffs, his lips twitching as he tries to conceal the big goofy grin threatening to break his composure.
Hyunjin nods, exaggerating his apology. "Right, of course," he says solemnly, "I'm so sorry."
They eat in silence for a few moments, only the sound of spoons clinking against ceramic bowls is heard.
Hyunjin lifts his head and sneaks a cautious peek at Jisung.
Jisung sneaks a peek at Hyunjin.
The two make eye contact and explode into laughter. Spoons clatter to the floor, the hands that once held them now slack from fits of giggles.
Hyunjin hustles out of his apartment, locking the door behind him and taking the stairs two at a time. He's late this morning, and although he's had worse inconveniences, it's still annoying.
It snowed a few nights ago, a detail apparent in the way rooftops and awnings are painted white, and the rock salt on the pavement crunches under his brisk footsteps.
Out of breath and losing the feeling in his flushed face, he pushes open the door to Stompin' Grounds. The familiar aroma of coffee grounds greets him, and the heat from the building draws him in and chases away the frost from outside.
He stomps his feet on the welcome mat, hoping to avoid tracking sludge and rock salt into the shop, and feels the first tingle of giddiness for the day. There's something almost magical about this sliver of paradise squished between a pharmacy and a watch repair shop.
He joins the end of the lengthy line, the chatter of the cafe goers bubbling up around him. College kids clutch to-go cups and backpacks, middle aged women unwrap knit scarves and unzip their coats, and high schoolers proudly swing new driver's licenses from their lanyards.
Amid the activity, Hyunjin fails to find the one person in particular that comes in at around this time.
Thrasher Hoodie.
Disappointed at the possibility that he missed him, Hyunjin returns his gaze to the counter, where Jeongin and another barista are busy creating orders.
Over the past few weeks, the stranger had become a regular at the cafe. Hyunjin always finds himself waiting for his appearance, feeling a burst of happiness whenever the boy enters the shop. Although he isn't always wearing that particular hoodie, the nickname stuck since Hyunjin has yet to learn his real name. The boy has a casual yet well put together look, consisting of black, white, and grey clothing. He's handsome as well, his silver bangs framing a V-shaped face with high cheekbones.
He also has really nice thighs, but you didn't hear that from Hyunjin.
As the weeks pass, Hyunjin feels more and more drawn to the boy. He has a beautiful smile that lights up his eyes whenever he speaks to the baristas, and a cheerful and friendly demeanor. He would nod enthusiastically when chatting with Jeongin, or even when making small talk with the other customers in line.
More often than he would comfortably admit, Hyunjin imagines greeting him and starting a conversation, impressing the boy with witty remarks. He imagines what it would be like to have a cup of tea with him, or chat over slices of pie. Even go for a walk together.
Does he enjoy documentaries? What kind of music does he listen to? What does he do for a living? What is he so passionate about that when given the opportunity, he will talk the ear off of whoever is willing to hear about it?
Hyunjin steps forward in line as another customer approaches the counter. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and taps through it, keeping himself occupied as he waits.
The bell above the front door jangles, and Hyunjin glances over his shoulder to see who it is.
His finger freezes over his phone screen.
His head whips back to the front of the line and he swallows, his mouth dry.
It's Thrasher Hoodie.
There's a flash of nervousness in his belly. He wets his lips. His mind is a flurry of thoughts.
If Hyunjin wants to become friends with him, he'll have to actually look at him, right? So that's the first step. Look at him and smile. Show him that he's not jumpy and reclusive.
Hyunjin turns part of the way around and gives the boy a timid smile and nod. The boy takes notice and smiles back, his eyes crinkling.
Hyunjin turns back around, a feeling of accomplishment lifting his chin a little higher.
"I thought you weren't going to make it this morning, what happened?" Jeongin inquires once he approaches the counter.
Hyunjin chuckles, "Yeah, I woke up late. I practically ran here."
Jeongin pumps vanilla into a cup, covers it with whipped cream, and sets it on the far left counter. A man shuffles up to collect it. "Was it a rough night?"
Hyunjin inspects the dessert rack. "For me? No. But for the characters in the show I was watching, absolutely." He looks back up at Jeongin, who is reaching for a mug and eyeing him expectantly.
"I'll have peppermint tea, thank you."
The barista nods and gets to work, packing a tea ball with mint leaves, filling the cup at the hot water dispenser, and letting it steep on the counter.
As Jeongin busies himself, Hyunjin twists the cuff of his sleeve around in his hand. His neck is hot underneath the collar of his coat.
"And Jeongin?"
The boy glances up from the pie platter.
"I'd like to pay for the order of the person behind me."
Jeongin looks over Hyunjin's shoulder at Thrasher Hoodie, who's scrolling through his phone.
"Okay, sure." Jeongin nods, setting the slice next to the steaming mug of tea.
Hyunjin floats to his table along the right wall, a feeling of pride threatening to burst through his chest. He shrugs off his coat, folding it in half on the booth seat and turning to look at the counter, where Jeongin is speaking to Thrasher Hoodie. He takes a seat, his ears on fire as Jeongin and the boy look over at him. As nonchalantly as possible, he takes a sip of tea and opens his journal. The first sentence he scrawls out is shaky and the letters are too large, but as he continues writing they become steadier. His breathing evens out, his mind settles, and the world fades out around him.
"Excuse me."
His pen halts on the page, an ink blot forming and growing larger and larger as his stomach turns backflips.
He knows that voice.
Swallowing, he paints a friendly smile on his face and looks up.
Okay, wow, yes. He's attractive.
And, he has freckles. Hyunjin stares at the dusting of flecks across the boy's cheeks and nose. Since when?
"Hi, I wanted to thank you for paying for my coffee. I'm Felix." Thrasher Hoodie sticks his hand out for a handshake, and Hyunjin accepts.
"Hyunjin. And you're welcome, it was no problem." Felix's hand is small and warm, and Hyunjin's large yet slender hand almost completely envelops it.
"Do you come here everyday?" Felix asks after letting go.
Hyunjin swallows, trying to calm the twisting in his stomach. "Yeah. It's my favorite cafe, and I don't live very far from here."
"Ah, I see. I moved across town last month and started coming here." He brushes a lock of hair over his ear, revealing the piercings lining it. Hyunjin's stomach does a floor routine. "The coffee's delicious, and I like all the plants." Felix grins, looking around at the foliage in the room.
"Me too, it's like a jungle, or a greenhouse." ' Can you please learn how to have a conversation like a normal person??' Hyunjin pleads with himself. "You should try their peach cobbler sometime, it's heavenly."
"I have tried it! It's honestly one of the best desserts I've ever had," Felix cheers, "Their lemon meringue is really tasty too."
"Right?" Hyunjin laughs, and a slow realization sinks into his stomach. He wets his lips and forces himself to look up at Felix's shining eyes.
"Well, I have to go work now, but it was nice meeting you, Hyunjin. I'll see you around." Felix turns to go, sending a wave over his shoulder. "Bye!"
"You too! Goodbye." Hyunjin watches him walk towards the door, pulling up his coat collar to brace himself against the icy wind.
"Felix." He murmurs, tossing the name back and forth in his mind, letting it roll off of his tongue. It was fitting for him. He seemed like a Felix.
Hyunjin's smile falters before he slumps on to the table, causing his tea to slosh in its mug. He feels a spark igniting and crackling to life inside of him.
Despite his familiar behavior, Hyunjin isn't falling in love with Felix. Hyunjin is aromantic. Which means he doesn’t feel romantic attraction. Unlike most people, he lacks the desire to pursue romantic relationships. The thought of even doing so makes him uncomfortable. Instead, he finds the most emotional fulfillment in his friendships. They're the most important relationships in the world to him, and he loves them dearly.
Still, Hyunjin finds himself drawn towards Felix.
Hyunjin has a squish.
"Hold on, a what?"
"A squish," Hyunjin sighs dramatically, draping himself over the side of the sofa.
"What's that?" Jisung asks, eyes trained on his phone screen. The two are lounging on the sofa, Hyunjin's Netflix show paused and long forgotten on the TV. Jisung isn't paying attention to the television, but instead is occupied with a video on YouTube.
"It's a platonic crush," Hyunjin clarifies. "You find the person interesting and want to get to know them, but only as friends." He dips his hand into the bag of Sour Patch Kids on the cushions between them. "You're still really happy to see them and you like being around them, but the end goal isn't to date them or have sex. It's just to be close friends." He drops three sour patches into his mouth and chews.
"Oh!" A look of recognition brightens Jisung's face. "It's like that scene from Finding Nemo where Dory says 'I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine, and he shall be my Squishy!' right?"
Hyunjin scrunches his face in confusion. "What?"
"'Cause she finds this tiny jellyfish that's super cute and she likes it and names it Squishy."
Hyunjin eats another sour patch. "In a way, that makes sense, but it's also weird, so no."
Jisung exits the video to find another. "So who do you have a squish on?"
Hyunjin sighs. "This new guy at the cafe. He started going a few weeks ago."
"Describe him, I've probably seen him around."
"Um...he's about this tall." Hyunjin waves a hand next to his face to indicate the top of the boy's head. "He has dyed silver hair, wears black all the time, has a bunch of ear piercings, freckles, and has a really deep voice and an Australian accent." He blinks, recalling the key new detail that he learned just that morning. "And his name is Felix."
Jisung chews, nodding. "Mhm, yep, I know him. He comes in for lunch everyday. He's pretty cute actually. Really good at makeup too."
Hyunjin pauses at this new piece of information. "Wait, he does? How come you've never said anything?"
Jisung looks up at him. "Why would I talk about the customers that pass through? Besides, you've never said anything until now. How would I know you're simping for him?"
Hyunjin's face grows warm. "I'm not simping for him! He just seems cool, is all," Hyunjin murmurs, fiddling with the edge of the blanket. "He has really small hands," he adds, more to himself than Jisung.
"Hm?" Jisung asks.
"He has really small hands," Hyunjin says louder.
"How do you know that?" Jisung questions, puzzled.
"I paid for his coffee today and when he thanked me he shook my hand," Hyunjin explains, gesturing with his own. "And his hands were really small. And he wore rings."
"You paid for his coffee?! You are a simp!" Jisung guffaws, shoving Hyunjin's shoulder. "He's not doing anything but existing and you're doing stuff for him."
"It's called being generous!" Hyunjin protests, pushing Jisung's arm off of him.
"It's not being generous if you have a motive!"
"I don't have a motive!"
"Yeah you do, you want to…" Jisung trails off, struggling to find the right words.
"What? What?" Hyunjin taunts. Jisung glares at him, and he grins, victorious. "Exactly."
"You want to be his friend," Jisung admits, defeated. "But it's still a motive."
"It's a wholesome one." Hyunjin leans back, reaching into the bag for more candy.
They sit in silence for several minutes before Hyunjin speaks up again.
"I don't know if I should try to talk to him again, or just let it be. He didn't ask to exchange numbers or hang out or anything. Which I guess would be asking for too much. I only paid for his coffee. Should I have asked for it? What if he feels uncomfortable giving his number out to a stranger? Do you think I should have said something?"
Jisung doesn't respond, his eyes fixated on his phone. Hyunjin nudges him with his foot.
"What?" Jisung asks distractedly.
"Hey!" Hyunjin kicks him. "Are you listening? What are you even doing anyway??"
"Chill, I'm watching Family Guy," Jisung grabs his foot and throws it off of the sofa. His face crumples, and he begins fanning at his eyes. Hyunjin freezes, and is about to ask what's wrong when Jisung begins talking.
"It's just like," he whimpers in falsetto. "I'm just so afraid of falling for another guy that's emotionally unavailable, you know?" He dabs at the corner of his eyes and sniffles.
Hyunjin is unimpressed.
"That's what you sound like," Jisung says in his normal voice, dropping the soap opera act.
"You're the world's worst listener."
"Quit acting like a 7th grade girl and talk to him."
"I want to, it's just-"
"Just do it. The worst thing that could happen is he says no."
"I know, I just...I don't want to give him the wrong idea, you know?" Hyunjin goes back to the blanket, twisting the fleece back and forth in his hand. "If a guy bought you coffee and then asked for your number so you could hang out, what would you think?"
Jisung is quiet for a moment. "I would wonder if he's asking me out," he replies honestly.
"Right, and that's the kind of miscommunication that I'm trying to avoid." Hyunjin leans his head over the armrest and stares up at the cracks in the ceiling. One is shaped like a giraffe.
Jisung pats his leg. "I'm sure you're overthinking it. It'll work out. Just do what you think is best for you in this situation."
"Yeah," he agrees. But that's the issue. Hyunjin isn't sure what the best thing to do is. On one hand, if he approaches Felix he might have different expectations of what 'hanging out' might lead to. On the other hand, if he stays silent he'll just continue to pine over the boy until the squish either dies off or consumes him alive. Neither is a very appealing option.
"Besides, you can just let him know, 'I'm not looking for anything, but my roommate is, and he's single...' Eh?" Jisung suggests, waggling his eyebrows and grinning.
"Go screw yourself," Hyunjin says, shaking his head and picking up the remote.
"That's all I do, that's the problem."
Hyunjin's face twists into one of disgust and he rolls his eyes, then clicks play.
Throughout the following week, Hyunjin sits at his usual booth, repeatedly checking the time, bouncing his leg up and down, and flicking his eyes towards the door each time the bell chimes.
Each morning, Felix hustles in from the cold, stomps off his shoes, and gives Hyunjin a bright smile and wave as he passes his table.
And each morning, Hyunjin's heart drops into his stomach when he sees him, and Felix's sweet smile makes his entire body catch on fire.
After further reassurance from Jisung, Hyunjin is positive that he and Felix will become fast friends and spend their weekends playing Smash Bros and Genshin Impact together. But the days tick by, and Felix doesn't make a single attempt to start a conversation. To be fair, neither does Hyunjin, but Felix approached him to talk last time, that has to mean something. Was he such a terrible conversationalist that Felix decided never to speak to him again?
Hyunjin is ashamed that he messed up his one good shot with him, and by the second week, he avoids eye contact when Felix walks in. He pretends to be so absorbed in writing that he doesn't notice him. It burns him up inside to ignore Felix when he sees him waving out of his peripheral view, but the feeling of rejection hurts. It's easier to ignore him and endure the prickling heat clawing up his neck than to talk to him first and risk being rejected for real.
Hyunjin has almost convinced himself that he simply isn't destined to mean more to Felix than a friendly face in his neighborhood cafe when Jisung texts him one day at noon.
Jisu-🤢🤮😷
Fri
I left my work badge on the kitchen
counter, can you bring it to SG
12:04 PM
Sure, but you owe me a muffin
12:06 PM
I don't owe you 💩
12:06 PM
Hyunjin giggles, sets down his paintbrush, and takes off his headphones. He spritzes his palette with water to keep the paint wet for longer, and covers it with plastic cling wrap.
He walks barefoot into the kitchen and scans the counter tops for Jisung's badge. His eyes pass the sink full of dirty dishes (that he knows he reminded Jisung to do before he left for work) and lands on the badge next to the toaster.
Three blocks later, he pulls open the door to Stompin' Grounds and steps in, taking a moment for his eyes to adjust to the light inside. He makes his way toward the left counter to ask the baristas for Jisung.
"Hey, Hyunjin!" A husky, accented voice calls out to him. Hyunjin stops mid-stride, frozen from disbelief at the fact that he actually forgot that Felix eats lunch at the cafe. His brain short circuits, because even though Hyunjin fantasized about talking to Felix again a thousand times, he never actually figured out what he would say.
He pivots slowly, bracing himself.
Felix is sitting at a table, with a large salad and a plastic cup of lemonade in front of him. Hyunjin approaches his table and gives him a weak smile.
"Hey, it's been a while, how've you been?" Felix asks after swallowing a bite of lettuce. He sets down his fork and gives Hyunjin his full attention, eyes sparkling in the overhead lamps.
"Good," he croaks out. He clears his throat and wipes his hands on his pants. "Busy," he adds, in case Felix wants to ask why he's been blatantly ignoring him for the past week.
Felix nods. "I've never seen you come in at lunch time, what are you doing here?"
Hyunjin glances at the counter where Jisung is staring at him in confusion.
"Um, my roommate works here? And he forgot his badge and wanted me to bring it in," he says. "I should probably give it to him now." His feet ache to turn and sprint away as fast as possible.
"Wait, which barista is he?" Felix inquires, leaning forward to peer past a table of patrons.
He glances back at the counter. "The one with brown hair, glasses…and is staring at me like he was the one who took time out of his day to hand deliver someone's stuff," he finishes.
Felix tries and fails to cover up his laugh with a cough. "Oh yeah, I know Jisung. He's really funny," he adds.
Hyunjin raises his eyebrows. "Really? I would beg to differ, but you're entitled to your own opinion."
Felix doesn't hide his laugh this time. "You two seem close."
Hyunjin nods, smiling. "Yeah, he's my best friend. I should probably get this to him, though." He waves the badge. "Before he comes over and demands that I stop flirting with the customers."
It's Felix's turn to raise his eyebrows. "Oh?" He looks surprised. "Are you flirting with the customers?"
Hyunjin's blood turns to ice in his veins. How could he screw up this badly already? If he was worried about giving Felix the wrong impression before, he had arranged his own funeral now.
"NO! No! I'm not--I wouldn't--I didn't mean it like that. I was just joking, I promise," Hyunjin stutters, praying to God that Felix doesn't take the line seriously.
"You're good, don't worry." Felix giggles. "If you have the time after you give him his badge, would you like to join me for the rest of my lunch break?"
Hyunjin feels something relax inside of him. "Yes," he breathes. "I would like that. I'll be back." He floats away, dumbstruck that the conversation ended so well. Before he realizes it, he's at the counter and Jisung is reaching for his badge.
"It sure took you long enough. What were you doing over there? Proposing?"
A flash of irritance is enough to snap Hyunjin out of his daze. "No." He frowns, but almost immediately brightens up again. He twists the string of his hoodie around his finger. "I talked to him. Like, had a real conversation. And then he asked me to eat lunch with him, even though I made a stupid joke about flirting with him."
Jisung looks puzzled. "Why would you do that? Isn't that exactly what you didn't want him to think?" He asks, clipping on his badge and straightening his apron.
Hyunjin slumps on to the counter. "I know, I know, but I wasn't thinking and just said whatever. He took it really well though, now we're having lunch." He smiles feebly.
"I suppose," Jisung says slowly. "Unless he thinks you meant it and asked you to eat with him because he likes you."
Hyunjin whips his head up, doubt twisting in his chest. "You don't think he does, does he?" Hyunjin looks across the shop at Felix's table, where the boy is typing away on his phone.
"It's a possibility, but I wouldn't worry about it too much," Jisung replies, following his gaze.
Hyunjin is relieved. "I mean really," Jisung coos, cupping Hyunjin's cheek. "Who could ever love this face?"
Hyunjin swats his hand away. "I'll take my muffin now, thank you," he says, his words clipped. "And a cup of chamomile citrus tea."
Hyunjin returns to Felix's table with the tea in one hand and a banana nut muffin in the other. Felix moves his things to make room for him, and the two smile at each other as he takes a seat.
"I want to apologize for blowing you off in the mornings," Felix begins. "I noticed you don't really look at me anymore and figured it was about that."
Hyunjin pauses mid-sip. He wasn't expecting the topic to come up this early in the conversation. He swallows and opens his mouth to speak.
"No, don't apologize. You're allowed to feel how you feel. I just wanted to let you know that it's not entirely intentional. I would stop to talk if I could, but work starts at 7:50 for me, and I usually get here at like, 7:40."
"Ah," Hyunjin says, as if this wasn't the answer to the question that had been eating him alive for the past two weeks. "To be completely honest, I thought you just decided 'Ew Hyunjin stinky' and bailed."
"No, not stinky. Minty." Felix stabs a leaf of lettuce before realizing what he said sounded odd. "You were drinking peppermint tea, and it smelled really good so I tried to order it the next morning," he clarifies.
Hyunjin looks at him, surprised.
"But I've never had it before," he continues. "And I didn't know what it was called, so I was there asking the barista: 'Do you have any minty drinks? Like a...minty hot beverage?' It was so embarrassing." Felix laughs through his next mouthful of food.
Hyunjin laughs too, and the fist of doubt clamped around his heart loosens a bit. "Did you ever try it?" He asks.
"I did," he nods. "After Jeongin said, 'Uhh, we have peppermint tea?' It was pretty good. I liked it. But I have to admit, I'm more of a coffee person."
Hyunjin shakes his head in mock disappointment. "I've failed to convert another one."
Felix tilts his head. "You prefer tea?"
"Mhm. And my all time favorite is peppermint."
"Ohh."
"I have a collection at home that takes up two shelves in the kitchen. Jisung teases me about it, but sometimes I see him drinking chamomile before bed." Hyunjin smiles. There's a moment of silence, and Hyunjin tenses, afraid he killed the conversation by going on another tea rant.
"What kind of tea are you drinking now?" Felix points at Hyunjin's mug with his fork.
"Chamomile citrus," he responds proudly. "Smell it." He holds the cup out to Felix, and the boy leans toward the aromatic beverage. His small, freckled nose sniffs a few inches away from the mug. With him so close, Hyunjin can't help but take those few moments to appreciate his appearance.
His hair is longer now than it was when Hyunjin first saw him. He cut it into a mullet, and the ends curl over his collar and under his ear. It looks light and soft.
There's foundation that covers most of his fainter freckles, champagne colored eyeshadow, and orangey pink lip lint. The most noticeable thing however, are the rhinestones placed under his eyes. They glint in the light of the lamps, giving him a fairy-like aura.
He is so pretty.
Felix leans back in his seat, breaking Hyunjin's trance. "That does smell really good." Hyunjin swallows and nods, bringing the cup to his lips and hoping it's large enough to obscure the view of his warm cheeks.
"What do you do for a living?" Felix asks, reaching for his lemonade and taking a delicate sip.
Hyunjin smiles to himself. Another topic that he'll gladly talk about till the sun goes down. "I'm an artist," he says simply.
"What kind of artist?" Felix presses. He leans back and studies Hyunjin for a few moments. "You kinda look like the type to spend hours in front of a massive canvas with one of those palettes with the thumb hole."
Hyunjin laughs. "That's not too far from the truth, actually," he explains. "I'm a freelance artist. Clients email me and ask if I can draw or paint something for them." Hyunjin peels the plastic wrap off of his muffin and takes a bite. After swallowing, he adds, "I usually start working on commissions at around 9:00am and finish anywhere between 5 and 8. Maybe later if I'm feeling motivated."
As he's speaking, Felix is scraping up the last of his salad, listening intently. "I really admire artists," he says wistfully when Hyunjin finishes. "They're able to imagine anything and bring it into existence. Or look at anything and find the beauty in it. It's something that's so deeply personal, yet they choose to share it with the world. It's beautiful. And brave."
Hyunjin gawks at him, speechless. He never thought of it that way.
"That’s…really profound. Now I have to ask what you do for a living. Are you a poet?"
"Haha, no, I wish I was that good with words," Felix wipes his mouth with a napkin and drops it, crumpled up, into his bowl. "Don't laugh," he begins. His eyes flick up to meet Hyunjin's expectant ones before drifting down and lingering on the words on his hoodie. With a flash of embarrassment Hyunjin remembers he's wearing his hoodie that says 'platonic affection' in slanted red lettering.
"I'm a singer and actor. I do musical theater," he finishes, meeting Hyunjin's eyes again.
"Wait, why would I laugh?" he replies enthusiastically. "That's really cool! I love theater. I go to see a play a few times each year."
"I don't know," Felix laughs, tucking his hair behind his ear. The simple action causes Hyunjin's heart to stutter. "A lot of people think musical theater is dorky."
"Who cares? A lot of people also really like musical theater," Hyunjin debates. "I really admire actors because they're able to adopt the persona of a completely different person. They memorize hundreds of lines and perform in front of an auditorium full of people. I think that's brave."
A smile spreads across Felix's face.
Hyunjin caused that. That knowledge makes his entire body tingle.
"I've never actually seen a musical for myself, but I can imagine it's even more impressive because you have to know how to dance and sing as well."
Felix's entire aura brightens. "We'll have to watch one together sometime then, you're missing out."
"I'll have to take you to a fine art museum, so I can show you that not all art is profoundly meaningful. Sometimes it's just paint thrown at a canvas."
The two regard each other for a few moments, eyes shining, and drinking in the comfortable silence.
Hunjin breaks it first.
"Can I have your number?” He blurts.
Felix blinks. “Of course.”
“You can text me whenever you want and we can set up a time." With shaking hands he pulls out his phone and opens a new contact, then hands it to Felix. The boy taps in his information, then hands it back.
"I texted myself so I have yours," he confirms. His phone dings, and he unlocks it to save Hyunjin's number. His eyes pop open. "Oh shi--crap! I have to go!" He scrambles to his feet. "Thank you Hyunjin, I really enjoyed this, see you soon."
Hyunjin nods, startled by his outburst. "Leave your trash," he says after he recovers. "I'll throw it away for you. Go," he tips his head in the direction of the door.
Felix smiles again, gratitude shining in his eyes. Hyunjin's heart squeezes. "Thank you. And I'm looking forward to that museum tour."
He turns on his heel and hurries out of the door and disappears around the corner, the bell clanging behind him.
Jisung was right after all, Hyunjin decides.
He and Felix did become fast friends. Sure, the first few days of small talk were awkward, and composing an interesting enough message to send to Felix took him ten minutes, but Hyunjin warmed up, and conversations became natural. Felix even sent photos of him and friends in their costumes. His morning greetings became a wink and a smile, and Hyunjin gave up pretending that it didn't make his heart flutter.
Hyunjin taps his colored pencil on his drawing, zoning in and out of focus. The music in his headphones is paused, and he hears the muffled sound of pots clanging as Jisung fixes breakfast in the kitchen.
He lifts his phone from the desk and opens iMessage. He stares through the window at the dark and overcast sky as he mentally composes his text.
He should have sent this days ago, people can't just drop plans on a whim to make time for him, but asking any earlier would have been too soon. He thinks about it for a few more moments before pulling off his headphones and swiveling around in his chair.
"Jisung! What are you doing tonight?"
"Going to Chan's, why?"
"When do you think you'll be back?"
"I'll probably just spend the night. Why are you asking?" Jisung's head pops out from around the doorway, suspicion in his eyes.
"Reasons." Hyunjin turns to his phone, mind made up.
Theater Nerd🤓
Fri
I know this is last minute, but
would you want to come over
tonight and hang out?
I could cook dinner and we could
watch Demon Slayer or
something
9:57 AM
Hyunjin ignores the rapid beating of his heart and places the phone back on the desk. He might not receive a text back until Felix's lunch break, but that won't stop him from obsessively checking his phone until then. He busies himself by answering emails until Jisung calls him to eat.
"The fairy lights and Command hooks we ordered came," Jisung says after swallowing a bite of food. "We'll need to get the ladder from the superintendent today."
Hyunjin nods and Jisung continues. "Let's set up the ladder tonight and hang them tomorrow, since I won't be here and you said, "Jisung if you make me hang them by myself and I fall and break my neck, I'm coming back to haunt our toilet like Moaning Myrtle so you won't ever be able to poop in peace."
Hyunjin shakes his head. "Don't worry about it, I might not need you."
"You're going to risk your neck and hang them yourself?"
"No. One of my friends might be coming over and he can help me set up." The fried egg in his bowl is suddenly fascinating as he senses Jisung staring at him.
"You have friends?" Jisung asks. The note of surprise in his voice offends Hyunjin, though he doesn't blame him. "Wait, is it-"
"Felix? Yeah, hopefully."
Jisung still doesn't move his gaze from the top of Hyunjin's head. "I assume things are going really well?"
"I think so." Hyunjin finally looks up to meet his eyes. "He wouldn't still be talking to me if he thought I was a creep, right?" He mulls it over for a moment. "I guess we'll see what he says when he responds."
"Ohhh. That's why you were asking what my plans are, you want the apartment to yourself so you two can be alone."
"Oh my gosh." Hyunjin exclaims, dropping his chopsticks and pressing his face into his hands. "Don't say it like that."
Jisung resumes eating. "You're the one who said it, I was just stating facts."
Once again, Hyunjin rolls his eyes and goes back to his food.
Hyunjin spends the rest of the morning throwing himself into his work, using it as both a distractor and as a stress reliever. The less he panics about Felix coming over, the less likely he is to say something stupid.
By noon his hand is cramping and the stiffness and dull ache in his neck is becoming bothersome. He takes a break to drink water and fix himself a simple lunch, and on his way to the kitchen he checks his phone.
While standing in front of the fridge he scrolls through some of the notifications that came in while he was working. His heart picks up when he sees that Felix responded to his message.
"That would be fun! What time?" It reads. Thank God. That's loads better than "Ew no". He releases the breath he's holding and taps out his response.
"6 is good :)" He hits send and sags against the kitchen counter, the tension releasing from his shoulders like a hot air balloon from sandbags. Once he finishes a meal of leftover rice and kimchi, he returns to his desk to continue drawing.
At 5:30 he puts away his supplies, freshens up, and begins dinner preparations, opting for ramen since there's a low chance of him messing it up. But he's restless, and constantly checking the time doesn't help, so he busies himself by unraveling lights from their packages.
Bzzzt!
Hyunjin's eyes widen. "Coming!" He shouts, and jumps to his feet, stepping over the tangle of copper wires. He pauses with his hand on the door knob, reminding himself to remain calm and take deep breaths.
Breathe in.
He opens the door.
Breathe ou-
"Hey!"
The air is snatched from Hyunjin’s lungs. Felix's hair is styled, his bangs swept up and out of face. That alone could have been enough for Hyunjin to handle, but the black leather jacket Felix has on suddenly makes it difficult for him to string words together in a coherent thought.
He's also soaking wet.
"It started raining on the way here," Felix laughs. "I knew I should have brought an umbrella. But I figured that it hasn't rained all day, surely it'll hold out for a few more minutes?"
Hyunjin gapes at him for a moment more before pulling the door open to let him in.
Felix continues talking as he removes his shoes. "I got you cookies from the bakery by your building, but they're in like a cardboard box, and it got rained on." He proudly presents the water logged pastries.
Hyunjin can't tear his eyes away from the water glistening on his face and neck, and how his wet jeans cling to his thighs. Why did he have to have a squish on someone so nice to look at?
He accepts the box of cookies and places them on the table. "Thank you," he says finally. "I'll get you a towel." A puddle collects at his feet as Hyunjin hunts through their linen closet. When he returns, the boy is looking around the home with curious eyes.
"You have a lot of plants," he notes.
"Yeah," Hyunjin agrees, wrapping him up in the fluffy white cloth. "Jisung complains about it, but I like them."
"I like them too." With Hyunjin so close, Felix can't help but to admire his face and the long blonde pieces that frame it. "They remind me of Stompin' Grounds."
The two share a smile, and Hyunjin feels the uncertainty from before melt away like frost at sunrise.
He points at Felix's shirt. "Do you want to change?"
Felix looks down at the material sticking to his chest. "Yeah that'd be best."
"I can get you some clothes, c'mon."
The two go upstairs and Hyunjin gives him a hoodie, a t-shirt, and sweatpants and directs him to the bathroom. Felix emerges, peering down at the pink material.
"You were wearing this the other day," Felix says. "'Platonic Affection'. I really like that."
A bubble of hope floats through Hyunjin's heart.
“Suck on that!” Felix crows, pumping his fist in the air.
“This game is rigged,” Hyunjin huffs, tossing his controller into the sofa and reclining against the cushions.
The room is lit by the soft glow of the fairy lights above and the screen of the TV, which displays Felix and Hyunjin's Mario Kart characters, cheering and shaking their heads respectively.
“Nah, you just can’t play,” he decides while checking his phone for the time. The jab makes Hyunjin giggle.
“Ooh, it’s really late. I should get home.” Felix says, pulling himself off of the floor. He rolls his eyes. “By now my roommates probably think I’m spending the night.”
“Would that be a bad thing?” Hyunjin inquires through a yawn. The implication of his question hits him moments after, and according to the pause in his movement, Felix as well.
“Well, um, yeah, kind of?” Felix fidgets. “‘Cause they--not that spending the night with you would be a bad thing!” he adds. “--but because-”
A look of horror crosses his face. “Oh my God, I don’t mean that I want to!" His ears catch on fire. “I mean, I wouldn’t not want to! You’re very attractive!" He runs a hand through his hair and looks at the ceiling. "My roommates think I’m going through a dry spell is all...” Felix’s voice lowers to a whisper, praying a wormhole will open up and yoink him out of this dimension. "I don't know why I'm telling you all this."
The absurd conversation and the look of discomfort on Felix's face makes Hyunjin burst out laughing.
Felix laughs uneasily with him, feeling as though he ruined the easy going mood of the evening.
“Please,” Hyunjin squeaks out. “Don’t worry about it. You’re fine.” He turns away to wipe the tears in his eyes.
“I’ll just see myself out,” Felix says miserably.
“No,” he struggles to catch his breath. “I’ll walk you.”
By the time he reaches Felix's position by the hallway, the laughter has replaced itself with a smug grin.
"So you think I'm attractive?"
"Oh my God." Felix turns away and pulls on his shoes. "I'm leaving now."
"Wait." Hyunjin moves to block the door. "Don't leave while you're mad."
"I'm not mad." Felix looks everywhere but his eyes. "Just embarrassed."
"Well, don't be. 'Cause I had a lot of fun with you. Maybe you'll want to come by again soon?"
"Yeah." Felix nods, finally looking. "I do."
From this proximity Hyunjin can see all of the freckles scattered over his nose and cheeks. His hair falls in pieces over one eye, determined to still maintain the side part he gave it.
"Good. Okay, Goodbye."
"Bye."
Hyunjin moves to the side and opens the door for him. After Felix's footsteps fade, Hyunjin turns away and muffles a squeal of happiness with his hand.
Hyunjin is curled up on the sofa watching cartoons when he hears keys jangle in the front door. It creaks open. There's shuffling, the thud of sneakers, then footsteps that enter the living room.
"Huh." Jisung stares at the ceiling. Or rather, the string lights that zigzag across it. "You guys got busy last night."
"Why are you here?" He groans from the sofa, clicking pause on the episode of American Dad.
"Tu casa es mi casa, compadre." Jisung dismisses as he tosses his keys onto the foyer table and climbs onto the sofa to invade Hyunjin's personal space. He throws a leg over his hips and snuggles into his chest. "How did last night go?"
Hyunjin doesn't bother trying to hide his smile. "Really well. We had dinner and hung the lights. Then watched Demon Slayer." His hand begins roaming through Jisung's hair as he talks.
"And we played, like, every game we have. He's really good." He grazes his fingers over Jisung's forehead. "So it was actually a challenge for once."
"Rude," Jisung mumbles.
The moments tick by, stretching and blurring together.
"We should go see Chan and Changbin today," Hyunjin says after a while.
"I just got back from them."
"I know, but I haven't seen them in a while."
"That's 'cause you're antisocial."
"I'm not antisocial. Just...introverted."
"Mm."
The two bask in silence for a few more moments.
"Do you remember," Hyunjin begins with a giggle. "It was either the first or second time we all drank together, and Changbin did his impression of you when you get angry?"
He feels Jisung shake a couple of times into his hoodie and takes that as a laugh.
Jisung tilts his face to the side, a look of bliss on his face as he recalls another sweet memory. "That was hardly 'all together'. You took three shots of soju and called it quits for the night." He rolls back to his original position. "Wuss."
"Well, we still had to walk back home," Hyunjin protests. "One of us needed to be sober enough to make sure we got to the right address."
"I've never been that drunk before," Jisung huffs. "And I remember Chan was working on the same bottle for like, the whole night. I don't think he even finished it." His voice softens to a mumble. "He talked a big game about drinking us under the table, then you guys just disappeared for…" he trails off.
Suddenly, Jisung props himself up on one elbow. He studies Hyunjin's face, as if trying to read his mind.
"You and Chan never told us why you guys were gone for so long." He narrows his eyes. "Or why you were looking at each other like that for the rest of the night."
"Like how?" Hyunjin fights to keep his face blank.
"You know how," Jisung prompts. "Like you had a secret that you didn't want us to know about."
Hyunjin looks away, "Well it's not really a secret ," he admits.
"Then what is it?"
Hyunjin shifts. "Well, don't make a big deal about it. 'Cause it's not. We just….kind of, kissed, is all."
"Wait, you what?" Jisung asks, pushing himself up completely. It takes another moment for the information to fully sink in. "How the hell did that happen?"
He laughs, tickled pink by Jisung's reaction.
"No," Jisung insists, shaking Hyunjin's arm. "I mean, how ?"
Hyunjin blinks up at him, not sure if he's understanding him right. "You want me to tell you how it went down?
"Well, no shit."
"Oh. Um," he starts, pushing himself into a sitting position. "We had gone to his room 'cause he wanted to show me that track you guys were working on." He pauses to gauge Jisung's reaction, but the boy's face is still expectant.
"And there was a lip tint on his desk, and I asked to use it." He runs a hand through his hair. "After I put it on he said I have really pretty lips, and I said, 'Yeah, people assume I'm a good kisser but I've never actually kissed anyone. It's kind of ironic.'"
Jisung is still, his full attention on Hyunjin.
"He said 'Really? Never?' And I explained that I don’t feel the need to do that often, so it never really came up. Then he asked if I wanted to try it just to see if I liked it. And I was like 'Here? Right now?' and he said yeah. So I agreed." He finishes, watching Jisung's face.
For a horrible moment when Jisung is silent, Hyunjin feels as though he broke some kind of unspoken code, but he finally speaks. "I never knew that. I feel like I should have."
Oh. He thinks he let him down. Hyunjin shakes his head. "There was no need. It wasn't important. People make way too big a deal about first kisses anyway."
"Fair." He nods. "What did you think?"
Hyunjin reaches over and begin's playing with the hair at the base of Jisung's neck. A wide smile breaks out on Hyunjin's face, creasing his eyes and causing the softest dust of pink to appear on his cheeks.
"Honestly? I really liked it." He glides his fingers through Jisung's soft brown waves. He leans into the touch.
"I didn't expect much, since enjoying kissing can be either hit or miss depending on how I’m feeling. And it was pretty much just pressing our mouths together, but being that close was nice, you know." His eyes get a faraway look in them as he recalls the details of the night. "'Cause I know him and I'm comfortable with him. The gentleness was nice.”
Jisung connects some dots in his mind. "Is that why you ask us for kisses on the cheek or randomly give us one?"
"Mhm."
"Huh," he replies thoughtfully. "I never thought much of it since you hug us so much." He pauses for a few moments longer, a dazed look on his face. "Okay. Keep going."
Hyunjin shifts. He didn't think it would feel so awkward telling Jisung about this part. "I like, trailed my fingers up his arm," he began. "And traced his jaw, and ears, and his eyebrows. Just kind of following the planes of his face. That was nice too. He seemed to like it."
Hyunjin begins to do the same to Jisung as he speaks.
"He ran his thumb over my cheek and cupped my face. His hands were really warm too. His hand on my waist was comforting. And playing with his hair was really fun." To punctuate his statement, Hyunjin styles Jisung's hair by attempting to give it a middle part.
"When he kissed my neck it tickled a little bit." Hyunjin recalls, chuckling and wondering if this is too much information, but Jisung looks too content to care. "And when I kissed him it was, like, exploring a living statue," he muses. "Like a hands on anatomy study."
Hyunjin finishes his story and looks to Jisung. He stares back at him in wonder. "Only you would compare a make out session to art," he mumbles.
"Okay, jeez. If it's that boring I won't talk about the other times after that."
"There were others?? "
Hyunjin's bark of laughter makes the incredulous look on Jisung's face blend with confusion. Jisung is taking this news so much better than Hyunjin could ever dream he would. There's not many ways you can easily say, 'Hey, just so you know, I'm friends with some benefits with one of our closest friends.'
"Yeah. It's just a fun way to pass time or relieve stress or something. It's all platonic."
Jisung nods, still processing the entire idea. "Have you ever kissed Changbin like that?"
Hyunjin looks away, pulling a throw pillow into his lap and fiddling with the tassles a pinch of pink coming back to his cheeks. "No. I didn't know how to ask you and Changbin to do something like that. I figured you guys would look at me like I'm crazy and ask if I'm feeling okay."
Jisung shrugs. "Yeah, you're not wrong. I wouldn't have guessed aromantics or asexuals would like kissing."
Hyunjin nods before adding, "Some do, it really just depends on the person. For me making out falls under sexual attraction, and whether or not I feel sexual attraction, and to what intensity, kind of varies over time. That’s why I use the label aceflux. It fluctuates.”
"Wild," a smile tugs at Jisung's lips. "It's so cool that you know all this. No one ever really talks about the details of attraction or how some people experience it differently."
It's Hyunjin's turn to shrug. "That's how the world works. Most people feel like sexual and romantic attraction are one thing that can only be felt one way. I guess when you've lived your whole life feeling a blend of it, you don't know it's made up of parts." He leans back against the sofa arm to gaze at the lights. "When you live your whole life feeling it in parts, you don't know it's supposed to be a blend."
Then he smiles wryly. "I'm a broken blender."
Beyond their little circle, the TV enters sleep mode, and a slideshow of available movies pass. Hyunjin can see the reflection of the screen in Jisung's eyes.
Jisung moves to hover over Hyunjin and looks at him with the most serious look Hyunjin has seen him make in a long time. "You're not a broken blender," he whispers. Hyunjin nods, and notices Jisung’s eyes dip to his lips.
“Can I kiss you?” he asks in an even softer whisper.
“Of course,” Hyunjin agrees, slightly surprised.
Jisung presses a gentle kiss to his forehead, then an even lighter one to Hyunjin’s lips, before curling back into his position on Hyunjin's chest.