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Donna feels the nervous energy that’s been building and bubbling over the past few weeks reduce to a more manageable simmer as she closes her briefing books, memos, legislative agenda outlines, and rough drafts of various speeches get tucked away her in portfolio and dropped down to the bottom of her carry-on bag. She smiles tiredly as Air Force one begins its descent down meaning that the First Lady’s oversees trip is well and truly over.
Donna’s spent the last month obsessing over every detail—from press access, to scheduling the right visits with dignitaries to get maximum exposure for the First Lady while also ensuring not to step on any toes on the West Wing’s side of things, to the itinerary between meetings but blessedly it’s all over now.
Donna is excited at the prospect of putting away all her planners for the weekend her head filling with images of Josh, her, and Elsa cuddled up on the couch watching the last of the holiday movies before they disappear from cable after the New Year, imagines Josh making Donna breakfast in bed and the two spending lazy mornings under the covers remapping their bodies together.
It sounds perfect to Donna; not that she doesn’t love her job with the First Lady’s office, not that she doesn’t enjoy the rush of an event going off without a hitch thanks to her meticulous planning, not that she’s doesn’t love the adrenaline of color-coding events and planning materials.
Because she loves all those things; they are all things she only ever dreamed of doing when she packed up her rusty Honda Civic held together with luck and lots of duct tape and made her way to New Hampshire over a decade ago.
But she misses being a mom to Elsa, she misses family dinners with Josh, she misses getting to tuck Elsa in at night and being there for bath time. Donna feels her face flush and the tips of her ears pink none of which has anything to do with the warmness of the cabin. Her face falls as she turns her cellphone on and notices there aren’t any missed calls or texts from Josh. Which is unusual because every day of the trip Josh had been checking in almost obsessively—it reminded her of the first overseas trip Donna and the First Lady had taken after Santos had been sworn in.
Donna smiles fondly remembering the way Josh had sent her a good morning text every morning and made sure to call her every night before going to bed, she remembers the way he’d droned on and on about what he’d done that day, things he thought she’d find funny and how each night without fail he’d fall asleep sleepily mumbling “I love you,” not even bothering to disconnect the call before falling soundly asleep.
The sheer domesticity of it had made Donna’s toes curl in pleasure that her and Josh had gotten here—to a point where they could trade “I love you’s,” along with the occasional dirty text message and they didn’t have to worry about anyone saying their closeness was wrong, was forbidden.
That first trip overseas for Donna and Helen everything had been so new and not just on the job front but also between her and Josh. Donna remembers the nervousness that she’d felt leaving Josh that first time—hadn’t really known what to expect from him while she was away given that he had his own new job to grow into, but she’d been pleasantly surprised at all the ways Josh made to carve out time for them.
It wasn’t perfect there were always going to be missed calls, late texts, aborted calls ended early because of one thing or another but it amazed her the way Josh had put in the effort to still be there for her even when she was away.
It is a tradition of theirs that spans countless overseas trips, campaign stops and the like and if Donna is being honest Josh has only got more insufferable about the communication since Elsa was born. Every day Donna has been in Japan Josh has made sure to send her a thousand and one photos of Elsa—Elsa eating breakfast, Elsa reading her favorite book, Elsa playing in the snow at the park near their row house in Georgetown, Elsa helping Josh make dinner, Elsa playing with their dog before bed.
Each text and photo always brings a smile to Donna’s face and while Annabeth and Helen simply roll their eyes with each new ding it is Donna’s favorite sound and part of her day.
Donna pockets her phone and continues to pack up putting Elsa’s blanket Josh had sprinted home to get before takeoff ten days ago on top of her go bag looking out the window trying to get a peek of who was on the tarmac waiting for them, secretly hoping Josh and Elsa will be below waiting for her when she steps off the plane.
“Is everything okay ma’am,” Donna asks getting up noting the raised, hushed, hurried tones from Mrs. Santos a few rows over.
Mrs. Santos smiles tightly hanging up the phone, “it’s Helen Donna,” the First Lady says rolling her eyes before stealing furtive glances out of the planes window.
Donna nods, her ears pinking at the exasperated tone of the First Lady, “Helen is everything okay,” Donna asks again tilting her head slightly to the side while hoisting her bag onto her shoulder.
Helen smiles wanly as Donna fingers the blanket Elsa had given to Donna for the trip, the same blanket Josh had rushed home for barely making it back in time huffing and puffing while his dress shoes clacked loudly on the tarmac asphalt and something uneasy settles in the pit of Donna’s stomach.
Donna again glances down at her phone—still no texts or calls—and she mentally breathes in for ten before exhaling because someone would have called her if something was wrong with Elsa.
Josh would have blown up her phone with message after message if something had happened to her.
(Donna remembers the way Josh had given her hourly updates when Elsa got the chicken pox, given her half hour updates the first time she came home with a cold. So, Donna knows Josh would have been equally, if not more overbearing, with Donna halfway across the world.)
Donna worries her bottom lip between her teeth forcing her mind to calm down before trying again, “Is something wrong with the President,” and Donna feels bad almost hoping it’s something wrong with the President’s family.
Feels guilty considering how Helen and Matt have been nothing but welcoming of her, Josh, and now Elsa—feels horrible because of the way Helen has been nothing but gracious as Donna navigates motherhood, marriage, and a hectic job, feels a pang considering that Matt has been adamant about pushing Josh out of the office as long as nothing dire is happening nationally by 6 pm everyday so he can be there for as many bath times, bedtime stories, and dinner dates as he can.
Donna feels even more guilty at the way Helen’s face morphs into a small, sad smile shaking her head minutely and Donna feels the anxiousness settling into the pit of her stomach, can feel bile rising in her throat which she tries to clear with a few short coughs.
Donna lets Annabeth pull her towards the stairs throwing her coat over Donna’s broad shoulders—its Josh’s coat Donna’s mind traitorously supplies. Donna takes a few deep, steadying breaths, pulls the lapels of Josh’s coat closer to her face inhaling the mixture of peppermint, detergent, and Donna’s perfume that permeates the coat before descending the stairs of Air Force One after feeling Helen give her a gentle nudge.
Donna quickly scans the tarmac. She can see Peter and Miranda bouncing on the balls of their feet with their cute homemade signs welcoming their mom home, can see the President quickly shut his cellphone as Peter and Miranda start shouting when Helen and the rest of them reach the bottom step.
Donna watches Sam turn and open the door to one of the black SUV’s and Donna releases a small breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding as Elsa comes bumbling out in her pink pea coat CJ had gifted her last month and her galaxy purple pajama pants Toby had given her last summer as her interest in space had reached critical mass.
Something in the back of Donna’s mind is tingling over the fact that Josh isn’t here but he still sent Sam and Elsa for her, and she quickens her pace over to the car almost dropping her bag over her shoulder, her planners, and Elsa’s blanket.
Donna throws her bag onto the asphalt scooping Elsa into her arms holding her protectively to her chest even though as a toddler she’s heavier than she used to be. She cards her hand through the girls’ brunette curly locks sweeping her bangs out of her eyes laying a gentle kiss to her forehead shifting Elsa to her hip finally looking at Sam.
Sam who is wringing his hands out nervously in front of him, who keeps looking back and forth between Matt, Elsa, and Donna, Sam who keeps opening and clicking his mouth shut seemingly unable to come out and say whatever needs to be said.
Donna squeezes Elsa turning to face the President who at least has the grace to look her in the eyes, “where’s Josh,” Donna asks tightly in a voice barely above a whisper. Almost as if she doesn’t say it too loud the response back can’t wound her as badly.
“I want you to know first and foremost he’s going to be okay,” the President begins before Donna puts up her hand.
Donna tugs Elsa closer, feels the way she burrows her way into Josh’s jacket and Donna can feel the wetness of her tears against her chest, “I didn’t ask that. I asked where Josh was,” Donna says trying again, this time in a higher, controlled voice.
“He’s at George Washington Medical,” Sam says from behind her and Donna whips around picking up her bags pointing her head at the car. She watches as Sam hastily opens the backseat doors throwing their bags in the trunk before grabbing Elsa out of Donna’s hands and buckling her into the car seat.
Donna dabs quickly at her eyes because she needs to be strong if for no one else than Elsa before resolutely nodding her head and getting into the seat next to Elsa. By the time she turns to shut the SUV doors she comes face to face with the President who has a tight, controlled expression on his face.
Donna can hear Peter and Miranda asking their mom about the trip, about Josh and it threatens to break Donna.
“Josh didn’t want us to call you. I really am sorry Donna,” the President says before squeezing her shoulder warmly and shutting the SUV doors before the car speeds off in the direction of the hospital.
Donna squints out the window seeing bits and pieces of the scenery passing by the tinted windows turning to see Elsa sniffling into her coat. Donna makes quick work of unbuckling Elsa from her car seat and the girl quickly throws her arms around Donna’s neck burying her head in the crook of Donna’s neck.
“What happened,” Donna whispers while patting Elsa’s head, dropping a kiss to the crown of her hair.
Before Sam can say anything, Elsa cries harder, hiccups out “I was so scared mommy,” and Donna looks over to Sam with a horrified expression.
“Elsa was the one that found him,” Donna mutters incredulous tightening her hold on her baby girl.
Sam fishes out his handkerchief and begins cleaning his glasses, “well technically his detail found him, but Elsa was right on their heels,” he says bringing his glasses up to his face once more.
“Honey I’m so sorry,” Donna says running her hands through Elsa’s hair pushing her away from her chest so she can look her baby girl in the eyes.
Elsa sniffles one of her chubby hands coming up to wipe the tears away from her eyes, “daddy promised me,” Elsa starts before dissolving into a new round of fresh tears.
“Garrett said Josh promised Elsa he’d be fine. I guess she wouldn’t leave his side before the paramedics got there. Josh was, Josh was pissed the detail let her stay in the room,” Sam supplies.
Donna momentarily shutters her eyes thinking about how scared Josh must have been, how terrified Elsa but have been. Donna leans back into the backseat and releases a hollow huff of breath, “she’s stubborn like her dad,” Donna warbles out.
“Was it his heart?” Donna asks after a stilted silence envelops the car. Donna can hear Josh’s detail in the front seat, can hear Elsa’s uneven breaths and occasional sob mixed in.
Sam just nods rubbing his hand furiously down his pant leg, “I told Josh to call you, but you know how he is. He didn’t want to worry you,” Sam says chuckling. “Elsa’s been staying with Ainsley and I; Marcus has enjoyed having a tea party partner. I’m sure you’ll want to take her home now,” Sam says gesturing his hands between them “but she’s welcome to stay if you need some time.”
Donna nods, “thanks Sam,” she adds as she watches the hospital come into view before her. Donna waits for the detail to give her the all clear before she grabs Elsa. She goes to grab her bag out of the trunk before Sam waves her off, “I’ll head to your place pack you guys both a bag okay,” Sam says kissing Donna’s cheek and dropping a kiss to a tuft of Elsa’s curls.
Donna just nods before following Josh’s detail into the hospital and over to the banquet of elevators in the corner, watches Rahne punch the button for floor eleven and swallows down the rapidly growing lump in her throat.
Her undoing is seeing Ruth in one of the chairs outside Josh’s room Ruth’s eyes lighting up sadly as Donna gets off the elevator and crosses the floor in a few quick steps.
Donna squeezes Elsa before whispering, “can you stay with Bube for a few minutes while I see daddy,” before passing Elsa to Ruth.
“Take your time dear,” Ruth says squeezing Donna’s shoulder before settling Elsa down in a small, secluded corner of the cardiothoracic unit and starts reading the little girl a story.
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Donna smiles warmly at Garrett before plastering on the biggest, fakest smile she can muster before opening the door. Josh is asleep, Donna notes, while she closes the door softly not wanting to disturb him.
Donna can see the line of IV’s taped to the back of his hand, notes the way his eyes flutter beneath his eyelashes, can see the faint sheen of sweat covering his face. Donna tries not to whine seeing the banquet of monitors hooked up to Josh—one to monitor his oxygen, one to take note of his heart rate, another to watch his cardiac output and it is all too eerily like the way his hospital room looked back on that muggy August night nearly a decade ago now.
A decade but still healing and dealing the aftereffects of one small bullet all these years later Donna thinks bitterly.
Donna walks over to the bed and gently lowers the bedrail hitching her hip up on the side of the bed before grabbing Josh’s hand in her own. She places a gentle kiss to the center of his palm smiling slightly at the way Josh flexes his hand in hers even in his sleep.
Donna cards her fingers gently through Josh’s curls watching a tear splotch onto Josh’s hospital gown and Donna finally allows herself to breakdown. Her hand hovers over his chest, where his heart is, while she lets her head fall next to Josh’s on his pillow. She lets out a small whine when she feels Josh turn his head chasing Donna’s touch even now.
Donna feels Josh begin to wake up clocks the moment he realizes he isn’t alone.
Josh grunts his large warm hand coming up to rest in Donna’s hair and Donna takes a moment to dry her eyes before turning to look at Josh.
She sees his eyes clouded in pain, can feel the faint tremor of his hand resting in her hair still, can hear the faint wheeze deep in his chest.
“Josh,” Donna says lifting her head and taking Josh’s hand in her own bringing it up to just above her heart.
Josh smiles wanly disrupting his nasal canula in the process. “I’m okay,” Josh finally manages to say though the effort and location would suggest otherwise.
“That’s why you’re in the hospital hmm,” Donna says rolling her eyes, “you don’t, Josh, you don’t have to be strong for me.”
Josh coughs feeling his chest seize up stealing his breath away for a minute and is grateful to Donna who rubs her warm hands up and down his chest and shoulders gripping them warmly after the worst of the cough passes.
“I hear everyone who starts the year in the hospital gets good health for the rest of the coming year,” Josh replies cheekily.
Donna playfully swats his shoulders leaning in for a quick kiss feeling Josh’s chapped lips against hers. Breaking away Donna grabs the pitcher of water and fills up a cup bringing the straw to Josh’s lips.
Josh takes a few quick sips using the excess moisture to coat his lips before muttering, “thanks,” and grabbing one of Donna’s hands in his own. Josh traces idle patterns across her hand stopping every few minutes to gently play with her wedding band, “you should go home.”
“I was thinking of grabbing Elsa in a few minutes to bring her in to see you,” Donna says ignoring Josh’s comment busying herself with tidying up his bedside.
Josh’s hands still Donna’s ministrations and he hooks his hand under her chin forcing her to look at him and Josh worries his bottom lip between his teeth, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Josh she’s your,” Donna starts before Josh barrels over her.
“I don’t want her to see me like this,” Josh says gesturing to his unshaven face, greasy hair, and general unkempt appearance, “at least wait for them to clean me up a bit.”
Donna feels a warmness pool in her belly at how thoughtful Josh is that he doesn’t want Elsa to see him like this, but Donna is a woman on a mission and won’t be deterred, “she’s your daughter Josh. You’ve seen her look worse trust me,” Donna says laughing and remembering all the nights Josh had woken up with Elsa when she was sick staying with her until she fell back asleep, “she misses her dad,” Donna adds.
Josh closes his eyes briefly and Donna knows she’s won, “okay but go home first okay. Go change, I’m sure Elsa is still in the same pajamas she had on when they brought me in. Then, when you get back you can bring her in okay?”
Smiling Donna kisses the side of Josh’s face, “I’ll bring you a few things later okay,” she says squeezing his shoulder warmly.
“I’ll have your mom sit with you until we get back alright,” Donna says before opening the door.
Donna crouches down where Elsa is reading taking the book and gently closing it, “how about we go back home and change before seeing daddy,” Donna asks.
“Daddy’s okay right?” Elsa says in a small voice.
Donna nods holding her hand out reaching for Elsa’s before turning to Ruth, “we’ll be back in an hour or two do you mind sitting with Josh?”
“It’s no trouble dear,” Ruth says helping Elsa get into her coat.
Donna nods watching Josh’s detail line up in formation in front of her perching Elsa on her hip using the pad of her thumb to gently brush away the drying tear tracks under her eyes.
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“How about we have a sleepover in dad’s hospital room hmm? We can grab some of the artwork you made at school before and tape it up in his room and watch the ball drop on his hospital tv would you like that?” Donna asks fishing out Elsa’s mittens and gloves while Rahne pulls the car around.
Elsa’s eyes light up the more Donna talks nodding her head excitedly, “daddy promised me a bedtime story before….” Elsa says trailing off.
“I’m sure he’ll read you a story tonight baby, but you might have to help him he’s still pretty tired,” Donna says hugging Elsa one last time before buckling her into her car seat.
Donna’s hands rub idle patterns up and down Elsa’s arm mentally preparing a list of things to grab before going back to the hospital—she’ll have to grab Josh’s electric razor for when they finally get him up and moving around secretly happy she’ll get to see his silver beard grow in a bit more something Josh never indulges in even though Donna thinks it makes him look distinguished, she’ll have to pack Elsa a new pair of pajamas and clothes to change into, makes a note to grab an extra blanket or two for Josh because he’s always found the hospital to be too cold and chilly, while also adding to the list a pillow for herself and Elsa.
Donna smiles briefly at Kelly once she finishes clearing their home saying, “we’ll be heading back to the hospital in an hour or so and we’ll spend the night,” before closing the door and pulling the lock taut in place.
Donna smiles at the bags packed near the door mentally reminding herself to call Sam later and thank him for everything he’s done in the past two days—keeping Josh’s office running, taking care of Elsa, being there for Josh.
“How about we take a quick bath,” Donna asks hanging Elsa’s coat up alongside her mittens and scarf.
“Can we add bubbles,” Elsa asks shyly.
Donna smiles bopping her nose with her finger, “one bubble bath coming right up,” she says racing Elsa up the stairs warmed by the laughter of her baby girl ricocheting off the home’s walls.
She leaves Elsa in the bathroom while pulling out their toothbrushes and Josh’s razor and packing them in their to go toiletries bag and grabbing some pillows and blankets from the hall closet and putting them in a tote near the two other packed bags.
Donna grabs some of the artwork Elsa had brought home before the holidays—the picture she’d drawn of Josh, her, and Donna out in the snow, a watercolor painting of their dog, along with a picture she’d drawn of her and Marcus playing tea party. She also grabs the happy new year’s banner Donna had picked up at the party store a few weeks prior before winding her way back towards the bathroom and Elsa.
“Just a few more minutes okay hunny. Then I must shower before we go back,” Donna says knocking on the door and opening it waiting for Elsa to get out of the tub.
Donna makes quick work of getting Elsa dried off and smiles at the velvet heart pants she chose along with her “I love dolphins” shirt she’d conned Josh into buying the last time they went to the aquarium.
“Why don’t you go play in your room I’ll come grab you when we are ready to head out okay,” Donna says throwing Elsa’s hair into a loose bun before starting her shower.
Donna makes quick work in the shower—she has missed Josh acutely before even knowing he was sick—they both become a bit clingy in the days leading up to and after away trips and she’s anxious to get back to Josh. She’s anxious to see with her own eyes that he’s okay, wants to talk to the doctors about the steps ahead. Mostly she wants to be in the same room with her two favorite people Elsa and Josh.
Donna wipes the steam away from the bathroom mirror her eyes catching on a sticky note hanging in the corner of the vanity. Donna grabs the note unfolding it to see “welcome home” written in Josh’s messy scrawl and Donna sticks the note in her jeans pocket smiling slightly.
“You ready to go see daddy Elsa,” Donna asks throwing their bags over her shoulder and reaching for her daughter’s hand.
Elsa nods, “I’m bringing him Oscar, he always makes me feel better.”
Donna throws a knitted beanie over her wet hair opening the door to their townhouse and ushering Elsa into the SUV silently wondering how her life ended up like this—with such a precious, thoughtful daughter who reminds her more and more of Josh every day and don’t even get her started on how she ended up with Josh.
It’s everything she envisioned when she made her way back to the Bartlett campaign after failing to make things work with Alan a second time—Josh there waiting at his desk with nothing but a tight smile and a warm hug.
No “I told you so’s” or “we found someone else,” even though he’d been well within his right to use either. No, Josh had simply welcomed her back with a tight hug, a check covering her time she was gone, and a room key at their latest stop.
Sure a lot had happened in the intervening years—there was mutual pining, they both left the other leading to months of radio silence, stilted conversation, and aching on both their parts.
But there were also good times mixed in from a vacation to Hawaii, a proposal and wedding surrounded by friends, and now there was Elsa. So, no Donna wouldn’t change their trajectory for anything because in the end they’d made it back to each other.
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Donna breezes into Josh’s room Elsa in tow smiling at the sight of Josh sitting up, his legs dangling over the edge of his bed.
“Daddy,” Elsa screams dropping Oscar to the ground and Donna’s hand at the same time rushing over and attaching her tiny hands to Josh’s leg.
Josh grunts his face scrunching up momentarily in pain before recovering quickly and leaning down to scoop Elsa up guiding her arms around his neck. He buries his face in her hair smiling at the faint smell of her shampoo wafting up to him leaning down to lay a gentle kiss to the crown of her head.
“I missed you baby girl,” Josh says laughing as Elsa squeezes his neck tighter adding, “I’m sorry I scared you,” in a whisper.
Josh hears Elsa’s shuddering breath, and he brings his hand up to gently pat the top of her head whispering a mantra of “I’m okay,” and “I love you,” over and over again until he feels the shudders subside.
“Why don’t you keep my bed warm while I get changed okay,” Josh asks ruffling her hair while gently laying her in the bed and bringing the covers up to her face.
Josh turns to Donna and reaches a trembling hand out which Donna grasps easily throwing her hand around Josh’s waist bearing most of Josh’s weight as they navigate their way towards the bathroom.
“Sorry,” Josh grunts leaning heavily against the wall where they had to stop mid treck but Donna just bats his words away.
Donna deposits Josh on the toilet while she rummages around his bag grabbing out a pair of sweatpants holding them up to Josh, “these okay?” she asks.
Josh just nods reaching out for Donna’s arm pulling her into his arms, “I love you and I’m sorry I didn’t have anyone call you. It was selfish and I can’t imagine what you must have felt on the tarmac.” Josh grabs ahold of the ponytail tugging it out of Donna’s hair smiling as her wet hair cascades down her back.
“I thought something was wrong with Elsa at first,” Donna shudders as Josh buries his hands in her wet hair slowly detangling the mini knots.
Josh squeezes her midsection saying, “I would have…if it was Elsa I’d have called you,” but it comes out more as a warble than anything else.
Donna nods, “I know we’re okay Josh,” she says leaning down and planting a quick kiss to Josh’s hair.
“Can you help me,” Josh says pointing to the boxers and sweatpants on the counter, “I already had a nurse help me with the shower,” Josh says shuddering.
Laughing Donna helps Josh negotiate his legs through the boxers and then sweatpants, “I can bring in the shaver if you want,” Donna adds once they finish sliding the sweatpants all the way up.
“We can leave it for now,” Josh says rubbing the stubble enjoying the smirk that graces Donna’s face.
“I knew you’d come around and enjoy it as much as me,” Donna says hoisting Josh us once again shouldering most of his weight.
Josh simply rolls his eyes, “I just enjoy that you think its sexy; there isn’t much sexy about me right now so I have to play up my advantages where I can.”
“Oh, stop Josh I still think you’re sexy. I’ll always find you sexy,” she says with such sincerity it bowls Josh over for a minute.
Josh nudges Elsa gently, “think I can get in there squirt,” laughing at the way Elsa throws the covers back and moves over to make space for Josh. Josh’s eyes slip closed the minute his head hits the pillow but opens his arms for Elsa to burrow into.
“Will you braid my hair dad?” Elsa asks a few minutes later looking up at Josh with her impossibly wide eyes and Josh can see her dimples threatening to overtake her face. Josh idly wonders if this was what Joanie looked like when she was little.
Josh grabs the hair ties and brush and gently places them on his bedside table turning over in the bed as much as the tubing and wiring will allow, “how about we nap first and then I’ll braid your hair okay,” Josh says ruffling Elsa’s hair pulling her close to his chest.
“You guys nap I’ll finish setting up,” Donna says wringing out one of the blankets she brought from home tucking it around Elsa and Josh.
Josh lazily opens his eyes kissing Donna’s palm, “do I even want to know,” before his eyes slip closed.
“It’s good I promise dad,” Elsa says snuggling closer to Josh.
Donna waits until she hears Josh’s breath even out before digging out the tote full of supplies, she brought from the house. She peaks her head outside beckoning Ruth inside, “want to help me decorate,” she asks smiling widely as she starts to take the decorations out and rations them across various chairs and tables in the room.
Ruth smiles grabbing some of the artwork and taping it near the tv on the opposite wall and to the bedside table closet to Josh’s bed, “I’m sure she’ll love the paint set I got her,” Ruth says breaking the silence admiring the various pictures Elsa had created.
“She’s already used up most of the blue and pink in the set,” Donna mumbles taping up one half of the happy new year’s banner and thrusting the other side out to Ruth.
Ruth takes the banner and finishes taping up the banner and streamers, “Joanie loved to draw. We used to save everything in a little scrapbook,” Ruth says wistfully.
Donna smiles looking at Josh and Elsa snuggled up together and for a blissful moment looking at the room Donna can imagine they are at home the hospital nothing but a distant memory, “Josh has a scrapbook of her art at the office he even shows the Joint Chiefs the latest drawings between briefings.”
“He reminds me so much of Noah both the good and bad,” Ruth says running her hands gently through her son’s hair smiling at the slight snuffle he lets out.
Donna nods slipping out of her jeans and into a faded pair of sweatpants from the first Bartlett campaign stuffing the sticky note onto Josh’s bedside. Donna grabs a sticky note from her work tote writing in her neat cursive, “love you,” and sticking it to the other side of the bed railing so it will be the first thing Josh sees when he wakes up, “he’s a great dad,” Donna hums making herself comfortable in the recliner by Josh’s bed.
“He was so worried when you first got pregnant that he wouldn’t be a good dad, that he wouldn’t be there enough. And I think having a girl specifically, not that he would ever love her any less, it just reminds him so much of Joanie which he never really got over,” Ruth says smiling slightly at the way Josh has a protective hand thrown over Elsa’s body.
Donna bites her bottom lip worrying her lip between her teeth not wanting to break the silence that’s enveloped the room because it’s so rare, so tender whenever Josh or Ruth talks about Joanie and Donna selfishly wants to know all she can about what the family was like before the fire.
“I’m proud of how much he’s grown into fatherhood. I’m happy that he’s making such an effort to be there,” Ruth adds dabbing a bit at her eyes.
“He loves Elsa. I know there are moments he must miss but he really has tried to be there as much as he can. He made sure to send me a thousand pictures while I was away keeping me updated on Elsa, he’s a great father,” Donna replies laughing at the yawn Josh lets out.
Ruth reaches down to grab her bag laying a gentle kiss to a tuft of Elsa’s curls before enveloping Donna in a warm embrace, “you call if you need anything. I’ll try and stop by tomorrow.”
“Text Donna when you get home, so we know you got home alright,” Josh mumbles slowly blinking the sleep from his eyes.
Ruth just laughs before quietly slipping out of the room. Josh sits up a bit in his bed grabbing the sticky note and bringing it closer to his face to read it his lips curling upwards before reaching his hand out for Donna’s and slipping his warm hand into her slightly smaller one squeezing their locked hands three times.
“You didn’t have to do all this,” Josh says looking at the various decorations and drawings adorning the walls.
Donna gently lowers the bedrail and slips into the bed, it’s a tight squeeze with all three of them, but Donna releases her first deep breath since touching down and realizing Josh was missing laying her head on Josh’s shoulder, “just wanted to make it homier. The doctors say you’ll probably have to be here a week didn’t want you to forget about us.”
“As if I could ever forget my girls,” Josh says and he means for it to come out funnier, a joke almost but it misses the mark and sounds more reverent. “Sorry it’s such a crappy new year,” Josh adds rubbing his hand up and down Elsa’s arm while turning his head to look at Donna.
Donna just shrugs, “I’m home and we’re together that’s enough. Being here with you Josh it’s enough.”
“Yea,” Josh whispers in a raw, painful voice the statement coming out more like a question.
Donna sits up one of her hands coming to rest on Josh’s cheek, “trust me Josh, I wish you were home but my home, Elsa’s home is wherever you are.”
“Love you,” Josh whispers leaning into Donna’s touch almost purring in contentment as she starts scratching patterns across his scalp.
“Why don’t you rest some more Elsa will be up soon and you owe her braids and a bedtime story,” Donna says laying back down her eyes slipping closed as Josh starts to trace idle patterns across her hipbone.
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When Donna wakes up its to Josh shushing their daughter, trying in vain to keep her quiet, and Donna hears Josh whisper, “mommy’s trying to sleep.”
“Mom’s awake,” Donna groans turning over startled to see the sun has disappeared behind the horizon frantically looking at her watch to see it was already eight o’clock, “you should have woken me up Josh.”
Josh just shrugs, “we were fine weren’t we squirt,” he says tickling Elsa before reaching behind Donna to grab the hairbrush and abandoned hair ties, “I think I owe one little girl a pair of braids.”
Elsa squeals rocketing up in the hospital bed and Josh throws out his hand to steady her before patting the area between his legs.
“Pigtail braids sound good,” Josh asks as he starts to brush her unruly curls into something more manageable.
“I’m going to grab something quick to eat you both be good,” Donna says laying a sweet kiss on Josh’s cheek enjoying the adorable way his tongue peeks out just a bit, his forehead scrunched up in concentration as he wraps the elastic around the first pigtail.
“Daddy yesterday Marcus let me play tea party with him..” Elsa says launching into her story of her adventures with Sam and Ainsley’s son Marcus and Donna smiles at the way both Josh’s and Elsa’s laughs ricochet off the hospital walls as she slips out.
Donna passes Garrett and Rahne two cups of coffee on her way back smiling gratefully at them both before pressing back into the hospital room dropping the snacks on the bedside table twisting the cap off her water bottle passing it to Josh.
“I still don’t know how you can braid her hair like that whenever I try it just comes out lumpy,” Donna says frowning as she opens the bag of chips and shoves a few into her mouth.
Josh reaches for the chips but recoils at the glare Donna sends his way before grabbing the veggie tray she’d put down popping a piece of cucumber into his mouth, “Joanie used to make me play with her hair,” he says shrugging dipping a carrot into dressing before popping it into his mouth.
Smiling Donna tosses some of the vegetables into a salad passing it to Josh before unwrapping a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and passing it to Elsa along with some chips.
“Why can’t I have a peanut butter and jelly,” Josh whines stabbing at the lettuce and veggies.
Donna glares waving her hand around the room as way of response before she unwraps her own sandwich taking a small bite, washing it down with her water “take a guess there Mr. 760 verbal on his SAT.”
Josh’s shoulders hunch up his ears pinking slightly before moving his salad around with his fork dutifully chastised, “what book did you bring for me to read hunny,” Josh says navigating the conversation back to safer ground.
“Where the wild things are,” Elsa says around a mouthful of sandwich.
Josh scrunches his nose up, “don’t talk with your mouth full,” while passing her a cup of juice “once you finish your dinner I’ll read to you okay,” Josh adds yawning putting the salad on the bedside table.
“You should eat more Josh,” Donna asks tilting her head eating a few more chips and finishing off her sandwich.
“I’m not that hungry. The doctors said I probably wouldn’t get much of an appetite back until tomorrow,” Josh replies rifling through Elsa’s bag until he finds the bedtime story.
Donna nods cleaning up the remnants of dinner brushing off the crumbs from Elsa’s sandwich and depositing everything in the trash before laying down in Josh’s bed turning on her side to face Josh and Elsa.
Josh throws his arm around Donna’s shoulder squeezing gently before passing the book to Elsa, “you hold and turn the pages while I read okay?”
Elsa nods opening the book to where Josh had left off a few nights ago and Josh clears his throat, “That very night in Max’s room a forest grew,” Josh began silently tugging on Elsa’s braids, “and grew and grew until his ceiling hung with vines and the walls became the world all around,” Josh finishes tapping the page to get Elsa to turn to the next one.
“Can we make my room look like a jungle,” Elsa asks cocking her head tracing the illustrations on the page.
Josh groans thinking of all the hours him, Toby, and Sam spent painstakingly hanging the star and galaxy lights not even wanting to know how long it would take to cover her room in vines and trees, “don’t you like the stars and galaxy stuff.”
“These vines seem cooler,” Elsa says shrugging before turning the page.
“I don’t think you are winning this one,” Donna stage whispers laughing as Josh’s head hits the pillow.
Josh just pinches the bridge of his nose looking down again at the story, “and an ocean tumbled by with a private boat for Max…” Josh began again making it a few more pages before Elsa’s head dipped beneath the covers and Josh just grabbed the book putting the bookmark in dropping it off on his bedside table.
Donna shifts so she’s beneath the covers being careful to not disturb the myriad of IV’s and machines still attached to Josh, “I can move her to her sleeping bag if you want,” she mumbles voice thick with sleep.
Josh shakes his head, “we’ll be fine,” leaning down to place a gentle kiss to Elsa’s nose before squeezing Donna’s arm wrapped around his stomach.
“I don’t think I’m making it to midnight,” Josh mumbles pulling the covers up closer to his face, “happy new year Donatella.”
Donna squeezes Josh heartily, “happy new year Josh. To health.”
“To health and more memories,” Josh adds.
“And more playdates,” Donna numbles kissing the side of Josh’s cheek.
“And more dinner dates,” Josh adds.
“And to another baby,” Donna adds feeling Josh still next to him.
Josh’s eyes fly open turning his face to Donna’s seeing the slight smile creep across her face, he can feel his cheeks heat up, “Donna are you…” he asks.
Donna nods smiling at the way Josh’s face splits wide open grabbing his hand and placing it on her still flat stomach, “I’m only a few weeks along. I found out while we were overseas.” Donna reaches her hand out to swipe away a few errant tears slipping down Josh’s face, “you ready to be a dad again,” she asks tentatively.
Josh just nods his voice breaking, “and to another baby,” squeezing their locked hands drifting off suddenly energized by another nine months of doting on Donna, another nine months of doctors’ visits, another nine months of weird cravings that Josh will how cow to, but it will be all worth it when he gets to hold his son or daughter for the first time again.
A happy new year indeed Josh thinks as his eyes slip closed.