Chapter Text
"Alison, Alison, Alison"
If Kitty hadn't died 300+ years ago, she would have barrelled straight into Alison, knocking the other woman's phone to the hard, stony floor, then cried for approximately 3 days about the breakage.
Alas, she was marginally less dead than the Dodo, so instead ran excitedly through the woman in question and then retched noisily. But at least the phone was okay.
"What now Kitty?"
"What's a lesbian?"
Oh so it was one of those days.
Alison had an inkling who may have started that particular topic and considered the non-existent sensitivity that may have come with it.
"Ah right, so you remember Sam and Claire..."
....
"It be my turns now Thomas, to sings to the dancing words."
Karaoke Club had started as a treat, several months ago, as an apology of sorts for having to spend a whole week away from Button House due to Mike's Mum winding up in hospital with a hip fracture. Followed in a matter of minutes by his Dad, who had broken his wrist falling over the same cracked step that had taken the older woman out of pilates action for several weeks.
Coopers cooped up, Mike and Alison had taken charge of getting said step repaired and organised a rota to drive Mike's Dad to hospital to visit his wife each day for as long as visiting hours would allow (and if the nurse on duty was extra kind, even 10-15 minutes beyond that).
They came back to Thomas belting out 'Like a Virgin' and Julian making wisecracks at the poet's expense. £59.99 well spent then.
At Pat's (and Kitty's) insistence, karaoke became a once a month club and, after the third one, even Fanny had started to tap her foot rhythmically as one of her deceased counterparts warbled their way through yet another Abba song. 'The Winner Takes It All', to paraphrase Thomas, "spoke to her".
Now, Mary and Thomas were squabbling over a microphone that neither of them could actually pick up and Julian was sat on the sofa looking both bemused and slightly in shock.
Had Robin or one of the others even cared to have looked at the laptop teetering on the coffee table, they would have seen Julian's latest search results plastered across the page.
....
"Oh and there are also people who like men and women, so could have a husband or a wife."
Alison finished her explanation with a little smile to indicate that Kitty was welcome to leave now, and she could get back to the important jobs she'd listed as 'Complete Today!!!' in her phone's notes app instead of explaining human sexuality to a woman barely a few years younger than her. God, her life was weird.
She loved her ghost friends, dearly, but having to explain every little modernisation or correct their now-unsavoury language wasn't in her plans when she inherited the crumbling mansion. Though, neither was being almost murdered by a dead Tory, but she'd made a family sized jug of lemonade out of those particular lemons. And in all truth, she'd miss them if they weren't in her life any more.
Kitty was still stood smiling at her. Pondering their 'little chat' before her nose screwed up slightly and she cautiously asked "But why not both?"
Great now today's lesson was monogamy. "Thanks a bunch Robin." She muttered.
....
"Never gonna makes you crys, Never gonna says goodbyes."
Mary bowed shyly, before pointing at Robin who was absentmindedly picking at his furs, though the fleas that resided there had died centuries ago.
"Song please Juu-lian"
The caveman pouted at his friend, who had his finger hovering over the karaoke machine's remote ready to select the next song.
It had taken them a while to find a song that Robin could both sing, though the word was used loosely, and actually liked. Then Pat mentioned Carol's mate talking about some band called Duran Duran, and 'Hungry Like The Wolf' became Robin's go-to at Karaoke Club. The fact the lyrics also mentioned moonah, was a big selling point for the Neanderthal.
It was at this point that Kitty walked back into the room, followed closely by Alison who crept up next to Julian and swiped the laptop from his reach.
It took several seconds of the politician's thoughtless jabbing at thin air before he realised that he really was trying to press his finger into nothing. The laptop was gone, his privileges revoked, even after Alison had promised him 1 full hour with the internet provided he stuck to the rules: "No dodgy websites, no buying anything and no smear campaigns via social media." The latter came after he'd been caught attempting to report a Lib Dem's tweet for 'misinformation', the fact that the particular politician was standing in the same seat as a Miss Rachel Fawcett was merely a coincidence.
For once in his life death, Julian was trying to behave.Which made the sudden loss even more galling.
"Woah, what do you think you are doing Al-i-son?" He enunciated each syllable for dramatic effect, poking his finger in her general direction.
"Oh okay, you really did just google her name."
Alison looked almost apologetically at Julian before placing the laptop back on the table.
"Well yes, I wasn't expecting to find Foxy's a paid up member of the 'Dwellers of Lesbos' club", the fingers were up in the air doing the classic 'Julian's making a euphemism' signal that tended to attract the attention his ego craved. "Though now that I do, I may find some more interesting material."
He leered slightly and Alison was re-reminded that killing the already dead was a futile operation.
"It's a joke." He held up his hands in mock-surrender, another attention grabbing tactic. This one worked, as one or two of the others had ceased their activity and were staring at the scene being played out.
"Right, okay. I'll leave you to it, 38 minutes left." She was just about to head back to her own task, when Julian just had to have the last word.
"It's a shame really, I bet I could have changed her mind."
It was at that point that Alison ever so slightly lost it.
"She's a bloody lesbian Julian, she likes women, not men and definitely not you!"
Okay, so maybe the separation between 'men' and Julian may have been a tad harsh, but she was spending valuable business time on arguing (was this an argument?) with a dead, oversexed posho.
Kitty decided at that point to unhelpfully pipe up, "or maybe she is one of those who likes both". Which sent Fanny into a disapproving squawk about monogamy and the sacredness of marriage vows.
Humphrey, well his head, was the only one who saw Pat uncomfortably adjusting his neckerchief.