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Anywhere without a reliable internet connection isn’t Jingyi’s first choice of how to spend the last weekend of his summer vacation, but it’s Zizhen’s birthday and Zizhen has become inexcusably really into Bigfoot. Not because he watched Buzzfeed Unsolved or something like a normal person, but because he got sick in July and binged like 40 episodes of Finding Bigfoot. Zizhen always gets a little too deep into the media he watches, and now Jingyi is paying the price. Zizhen has demanded (requested, a voice in his head that sounds suspiciously like Sizhui corrects) that they go camping and do some “finding” of their own.
So here they are, driving away from everything Jingyi holds dear (cellular towers, KFCs, his Playstation, and broadband internet, to name a few) and towards absolutely nowhere. Technically, a “National Park” but—more practically—nowhere.
For a minute there, Jingyi thought he was going to be saved; Uncle Qiren had insisted that the four teenagers have some adult supervision, and when Uncle Wei had volunteered, he’d just silently fixed him with a thousand-mile stare.
But then.
Then.
One of Jin Ling’s other uncles, Jiang Cheng (normally so cool!) had agreed to go with them with an exasperated sigh. And Uncle Qiren had nodded his approval! Smiled, even! And, in doing so, signed away the remnants of Jingyi’s vacation.
The five of them being crammed into Uncle Jiang’s hatchback with all of their stuff and Fairy in the back for the last hour and a half certainly isn’t doing anything to change Jingyi’s mind about the quality of this trip either. Even though it’s Zizhen’s birthday, Jin Ling is riding shotgun. Sizhui had tried to forestall any further arguments by taking the middle seat, but Jingyi is nevertheless nobly seeking retribution for Zizhen’s honor by occasionally kicking Jin Ling’s seat in front of him.
“Quit it!” Jin Ling hisses, twisting in his seat to glare at Jingyi.
“My legs are long,” Jingyi retorts. “Not my fault you’re still waiting for puberty. Just move your seat up!”
Jin Ling opens his mouth to shoot back some doubtlessly weak comeback, but Uncle Jiang takes his eyes off the road for long enough to fix them with a life-threatening glare.
“All of you, shut the f—shut up,” he demands. “We’re almost at the gate.”
Cool, Jingyi thinks, he’s so cool.
Jin Ling collapses sulkily back into his seat, typing furiously into his phone. Jingyi’s not sure who exactly he’s texting; after all, all of his friends are right here in this car. He doesn’t say anything about it, though, because—and this cannot be stressed enough—Jingyi is a good friend. He’s rewarded for his efforts by Sizhui, who gives his knee a comforting pat. From anyone else it would feel patronizing, but Sizhui has that nice way of just making you feel seen.
As they pull into the park entryway, Uncle Jiang rolls down the car window to hand over the entry fee and campsite paperwork to a park ranger.
“Holy shit,” Jingyi murmurs.
The ranger is… big. Like “he-might-be-part-Bigfoot-himself” big. His thighs strongly resemble tree trunks and he has to bend down a lot to take their documents and peer into the car. He’s wearing the brown collared ranger shirt that always looks a little silly, but his biceps make it look downright stupid for daring to try to contain the bulging muscles there.
Jingyi is sure his eyes are round as saucers, but the ranger (Ranger Nie, if his brass name badge is to be believed) isn’t looking at him, focused instead on the car’s driver.
“Two-night campsite reservation for Jiang Cheng?” Ranger Nie asks, and Uncle Jiang nods.
“Yeah, just—” Uncle Jiang clears his throat, and Jingyi watches the scene unfold with unholy fascination. “Just taking my nephew and his friends for a weekend trip.”
“They’ll love it,” Ranger Nie says, glancing down at where Uncle Jiang’s hands grip the steering wheel and then at the back of the car. Jingyi puts on his most winsome grin. “You’re at campsite 12. I see you’ve got a dog. Some of the trails are dog-friendly, but please make sure to always use a leash.”
“We can do that,” Uncle Jiang agrees. “Fairy’s usually a good girl but we’ll be extra sure she behaves.”
“Well, if you need anything else at all, I’ll be at the ranger site, campsite 6,” the ranger offers, handing over a map. “You and Fairy and the kids are welcome to stop by anytime.”
Uncle Jiang nods again, putting the car in drive. From the back, Fairy gives a pleased little wuf! and wags her tail, like she knows they’ve been talking about her.
“Cute dog,” Ranger Nie remarks, waving to her, and Uncle Jiang gives him a lopsided smile that Jingyi has never, ever seen before. Right as they’re pulling away, the ranger adds, “cute owner too.”
The words drift through the still-open window, barely audible, and Jingyi’s eyebrows hit his hairline. Did he just— He can’t see Uncle Jiang’s face from the backseat, but the tips of his ears are a shade of red that defies the visible spectrum. Jingyi glances around the car to see if anyone else bore witness to the absolute madness that just went down.
Jin Ling is as oblivious as usual, face still buried in his phone, and Sizhui is completely motionless, expression frozen in an unreadable mask. But Zizhen comes through because he’s the best. His eyes are bulging as they make eye contact, and Jingyi thanks the heavens that someone else is there to confirm he wasn’t having an elaborate fever dream.
They lean back a little to do some communicating via eyebrow behind Sizhui’s back.
Did you see that? Jingyi asks with four enthusiastic eyebrow raises.
Zizhen raises his eyebrows back twice in response and, okay, maybe the eyebrow communication thing isn’t as good as Jingyi would like. He fishes out his phone from his jeans to fire off a series of texts to the group chat, but is immediately thwarted by the lack of cell signal.
Jingyi is absolutely not waiting until they get to the campsite. This is a code red situation.
“Uncle Jiang, we have to use the bathroom!” Jingyi blurts out.
“Wha—all of you?” Uncle Jiang asks. He sounds equal parts suspicious and confused, but he nevertheless pulls the car to a stop by the campground’s bank of restrooms.
“Yes,” Zizhen confirms. “Or at least, Jingyi and I do.”
“I… could go too,” Sizhui says, and Jingyi does a small mental fist pump. Sizhui definitely saw too.
“Well don’t just leave me,” Jin Ling grouses, swinging his door open as well.
“Okay, fine,” Uncle Jiang relents. “We’re at campsite 12, got it? And no wandering off after the bathroom. Don’t expect me to set up your tent for you!”
“Got it,” they dutifully chorus, sliding out of the back seat.
Now that Jingyi isn’t squeezed into the car and has a chance to stretch his limbs, it actually is kind of nice here. The trees are taller than he’s ever seen, and they offer a pleasant shade on what might otherwise be an oppressively hot day.
But there’s no time for that. There are priorities to attend to.
“We have to set them up,” Jingyi announces.
“What?” Jin Ling asks, confused.
“The ranger is in love with your uncle!” Zizhen exclaims, and Jin Ling scrunches his nose up.
“What?” he repeats.
“He basically asked your uncle to fuck him by the campfire,” Jingyi confirms.
"What?" Jin Ling asks for the third time, and this time there’s a hysterical edge to his voice.
“Don’t worry,” Jingyi offers consolingly, “he’s very hot.”
“It’s more than that, though!” Zizhen interjects. “They had a connection!”
Which brings them back to Jingyi’s initial point.
“So,” Jingyi says, “how are we doing this?”
“Wait a minute,” Sizhui cautions. “This is Zizhen’s birthday. Zizhen, I thought you wanted to spend the weekend hunting… for Bigfoot…” Sizhui trails off, like even he can’t believe the words coming out of his mouth. Jingyi scoffs. How is this even a debate?
Zizhen chews on his lip, clearly torn. But the fact that he's pausing means that Jingyi's already won this one. Bigfoot may be Zizhen’s most recent fixation, but romance will always be Zizhen’s true, well, love.
“Think about it,” Jingyi wheedles, dealing the final blow, “if—no, when—they get married, we’ll probably get mentioned in the speeches. We might even be groomsmen!”
“You are not going to be in Jiujiu’s wedding party,” Jin Ling objects, but Jingyi can hear the panic lacing his voice that tells Jingyi he’s legitimately worried about it as a possibility. He shoots Zizhen a look. See?
“You really think so?” Zizhen asks, eyes shining as he envisions it. “…okay, yeah. Let’s do it. For tonight at least. As long as we can spend tomorrow night squatching.”
“…sure. If we’re done by then,” Jingyi agrees. He can think of something else by tomorrow night.
“No one’s going to ask how I feel about this?” Jin Ling sulks.
“Weren’t you saying it would be good if your uncle could find someone the other day?” Sizhui gently nudges. “I thought you were worried about him, what with you going to college soon?”
Jin Ling scowls, looking deeply betrayed that Sizhui’s bringing it up even though the rest of them were all there when he said it.
“He did manage to go on a first date recently,” Jin Ling confesses, “but the guy was… ugh, how am I supposed to say this nicely?” Jin Ling casts around for the right word.
Our little princess is all grown up, Jingyi thinks proudly as they wait for him to finish. He’s really been working on himself.
“…boring,” Jin Ling declares.
They pause.
“I guess I didn’t say it that nicely.” Jin Ling admits.
“But you did say it quickly,” Sizhui offers soothingly.
“And relatively quietly,” Zizhen chimes in.
“Good enough,” Jingyi concludes.
“Okay,” Jin Ling relents. “We can do this, but no one’s doing any fu... anything weird! Jiujiu deserves someone who will treat him well.”
Jingyi lets out a victorious whoop, ignoring the small flock of stupid birds that abandons the bush next to him. With the size of Ranger Nie’s arms, Jingyi is certain Jin Ling has nothing to worry about. Uncle Jiang can just have that mountain of a man carry him around wherever he wants. He is going to be set for life.
Now that everyone’s on board, Zizhen leans in eagerly. “So how are we doing this?”
Having anticipated this question, Jingyi has already formulated a brilliant plan. “Okay, hear me out,” he says, ignoring Jin Ling’s preemptive eye roll. “Jealousy.”
“…jealousy?” Sizhui asks, forehead wrinkling in confusion.
“One of the most powerful human motivators,” Jingyi nods sagely. “So. What if we pretend that your uncle has a boyfriend, say, some hot young thing who—”
Jingyi’s painstakingly thought-out strategy is met with a chorus of groans.
“You are not allowed to pretend to flirt with my uncle, Jingyi,” Jin Ling orders, spoilsport that he is.
“Like it would be pretend,” Zizhen smirks.
“Okay, fine,” Jingyi says, deeply offended. He hadn’t even said it was going to be him, necessarily, even though he’s clearly the best pick. “What’s your better idea then?”
“Picture this,” Zizhen says, throwing an arm around Jin Ling and using the other to gesture broadly at the canopy of trees above them. “Your uncle is sleeping in his tent, peaceful, if a bit lonely. Ranger Nie, a responsible man, decides to do one last check around the campgrounds. It’s night already, but the full moon bathes everything in its soft silvery glow. The air is crisp and quiet, nothing but the sounds of the forest. Ranger Nie looks around, looks down—not for any particular reason, just surveying his surroundings. Only instead of the expected dirt path, what does he see?”
The other three hold their breath.
“Rose petals,” Zizhen sighs.
This time Jingyi joins Sizhui and Jin Ling as they groan. They all lean back, spell broken.
“Where the fuck are we going to get rose petals?” Jin Ling asks skeptically, crossing his arms.
“It doesn’t have to be roses. Just any sort of path of flowers to his beloved! From Ranger Nie’s tent to Uncle Jiang’s!” Zizhen exclaims. “Who wouldn’t be moved?”
“Wait a second,” Jin Ling pauses, “what’s he going to do once he gets to the tent with my sleeping uncle?”
“I don’t think we’re supposed to pick any sort of flowers in these parks,” Sizhui intervenes.
“Well, colorful leaves then,” Zizhen relents. “It’s the thought that counts.”
“It could work,” Jingyi says, loathe as he is to admit it. “Let’s go check in with Uncle Jiang and the campsite and then start gathering them.”
“No one answered my question,” Jin Ling says glumly as they trudge to their campsite, Sizhui running a consoling hand down his back.
By the time they get back, the tents are set up and Fairy is happily chewing on her bone by the picnic table. Uncle Jiang is readying the fire pit, and Jingyi is delighted to note that there’s s’mores ingredients already laid out. Uncle Qiren never lets him eat marshmallows, even though they’re fucking delicious. He dances over, shoving one into his mouth raw. Jin Ling’s lip curls in disgust, and Jingyi sticks his tongue out at him, even though it’s still half-coated in marshmallow bits. It has the desired effect on Jin Ling, who gags and leaves Jingyi alone.
“Oh, wait a second,” Uncle Jiang says, starting to get up from his crouch by the fire, “the vegetarian marshmallows are still in the trunk.”
“Thanks, Uncle Jiang! I can get them,” Sizhui says, like the suck-up he is, and heads for the car.
“I’m good,” Jingyi says, like the badass he is, and pops another raw marshmallow into his mouth.
Uncle Jiang just shakes his head and squats by the firepit once more, pulling out a lighter and some firestarter. He pauses again when he notices Zizhen has his phone out and pointed at him.
“Do not… ‘tik tok’ this,” he orders, pointing a menacing branch at Zizhen.
“I’m not, Uncle, I swear!” Zizhen promises, but Jingyi notices he puts his phone away fast.
They get the fire going and Jingyi eats s’mores until he thinks he’s going to be sick and has to lie down (worth it). Even Sizhui manages to finish a quarter of the bag of the weird vegetarian marshmallows. They eat some pasta for nutritional content like responsible adults, and stay up until the fire is down to a sputtering flicker and all their clothes smell like smoke.
Jingyi doesn’t know what time it is when they finally crawl into the three room tent that Jin Ling supplied. He’s already yawning, though. For as much fun as he made of Jin Ling earlier for insisting on packing the hefty air mattresses now inflated inside, he’s more than happy to flop onto one now. Camping might be okay after all.
He’s about to drift off when he remembers.
“Wait!” he half-whispers, half-yells, sitting straight up in his sleeping bag, “the plan!”
“Go to sleep, Jingyi,” Sizhui mumbles, burrowing his face in his pillow, but Jingyi ignores him, crawling into Zizhen’s section of the tent to shake him by his shoulder.
Zizhen, the nerd, is buried in some book, curled on his side in his sleeping bag and using his headlamp to read.
“The plan!” Jingyi insists again. “With the flower—leaves—thing!”
“We can do it tomorrow,” Sizhui groans, but that only has the effect of getting Zizhen to sit up too.
“No,” Zizhen insists, “we’re squatching tomorrow. You all agreed.”
Sizhui lets out a sigh that’s just short enough that he can plausibly deny it’s long-suffering, but he gets up too. Jingyi unzips the partition to the tent’s third room to get Jin Ling up, but he’s surprisingly already awake and on his phone.
“Oh good, you’re still up,” Jingyi says.
“First of all,” Jin Ling says waspishly, holding up a finger, “I heard you, because you are not quiet. And second of all,” he continues, raising another finger, “of course I’m still up. It’s like 10pm. We can do your stupid plan.”
“It’s actually Zizhen’s stupid plan,” Jingyi points out, “and it’s his birthday, so you’re a dick for saying that.”
After the ensuing scuffle, they finally manage to wriggle into some hoodies and sneak out of the tent. Unfortunately, gathering the necessary colorful leaves is a little trickier than Jingyi anticipated; most of the leaves turn out to be needles, it’s too dark to tell color well, and it isn’t late enough in the year that the fallen leaves are guaranteed to be red. The things they do for love.
It takes them what feels like an hour, but they manage to accumulate a decent number of what Jingyi is 80% sure are red, or at least red-adjacent leaves. They create makeshift baskets by holding the stomach fabric of their hoodies in front of them and divide the pile of leaves into them. From time-to-time, Jingyi finds himself casting nervous glances at Uncle Jiang’s considerably more spartan one-person tent, but it remains mercifully quiet and dark.
“Okay,” Sizhui whispers to Zizhen, “where do we start?”
“Ranger Nie’s,” Zizhen whispers back confidently. “That way if he starts his campground check before we’re totally finished we still have a head start.”
It’s a smart strategy, Jingyi has to admit. With Fairy dutifully trotting at their heels, they start to creep their way over to campsite 6, careful not to spill their hard-earned cargo.
They’re almost there when Jingyi stops abruptly, noticing the ranger campsite is illuminated by a fire.
“Oh shit,” he hisses, “I think Ranger Nie might still be by his firepit.”
The four of them peek cautiously around the trunk of a large tree, trying their best to stick to the shadows and remain hidden.
Their efforts are immediately ruined, of course, by Jin Ling.
“YOU!” he bellows, thrusting a finger at Ranger Nie and causing a small cloud of leaves to fly into the air. “WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING WITH JIUJIU?”
The ranger is seated on a log by the fire, one hand wrapped loosely around the waist of Jin Ling’s selfsame jiujiu and the other tucking a loose strand of hair behind Uncle Jiang’s ear. Uncle Jiang looks relaxed, which is maybe the weirdest thing about the entire tableau, and that’s taking into consideration the fact that Jingyi’s still clutching a bunch of dead foliage.
Honestly, Jingyi is impressed. The ranger’s got some game.
Uncle Jiang jerks back a little, but he doesn’t get up from the log.
“What are you—” he starts before sighing and scrubbing a hand down the front of his face. “Oh, for crying out loud. Get out here, all of you. I know Jin Ling didn’t come here alone.”
Chastened, the three of them shuffle out.
“Why aren’t you asleep? I thought you Lans had early bedtimes. And do I even want to know why there are so many leaves?” Uncle Jiang grumbles. “You all better not have been destroying National Park property, I swear, or I’m going to—”
Jin Ling, however, is undeterred, finger still unerringly aimed at Ranger Nie.
“Hey!” Jin Ling orders, “you didn’t answer me! What are your intentions?”
Ranger Nie doesn’t seem remotely threatened or contrite. In fact, it looks a little like he’s trying to tamp down a smile. But Uncle Jiang doesn’t give the ranger a chance to answer, swatting at Jin Ling’s offending digit. “You—stop being rude! All of you tell me what you’re doing right now.”
“We were, um…” Zizhen trails off, when the other three of them look at him expectantly. His plan, his funeral. Jingyi relishes the fact that, for once, this can’t be pinned on him. “Setting you up…”
“And it looks like it… worked?” Sizhui offers.
“Hooray?” Jingyi adds hopefully.
At that, the ranger can’t seem to hold it back anymore, breaking into a loud guffawing laugh that exposes deep dimples and almost certainly wakes the neighboring campsites. It’s honestly kind of unfair to everyone else, in Jingyi’s opinion, that you can be built like that and get dimples. Like, pick a lane.
“What worked, you brats?” Uncle Jiang snaps. “Ranger Nie came to the campsite to ask me out while you were all taking an ungodly amount of time in the bathroom—oh god,” he says with dawning realization, “is that when you hatched this harebrained scheme up? I thought you were just… I’ve changed my mind. I don’t want to know any more details about the leaves.”
Uncle Jiang has never looked so despairing, but Jingyi refuses to feel bad. All this proves is that their intuition about Ranger Nie and Uncle Jiang was correct. Jin Ling, on the other hand, looks like he’s about to cry.
Ranger Nie pats Uncle Jiang’s knee gently and finally stands up.
“You must be Jin Ling. It’s a pleasure to meet you,” he says, offering up his large hand. Jin Ling stares at it for a moment, before reluctantly giving it a weak shake. Ranger Nie nods, pleased, and Jingyi can practically see Jin Ling blooming from the gesture. He’s still got that weird adult approval thing going on apparently.
“And you must be Lan Sizhui, Lan Jingyi, and the birthday boy, Ouyang Zizhen,” he continues, nodding at each of them in turn. Jingyi notes that none of the rest of them get handshakes, though, which is kind of rude.
“Tell you what,” Ranger Nie offers, “since you’re all up already, how would you like to join me on my nightly check-up through the park? If it’s alright with your uncle, of course.”
Uncle Jiang rolls his eyes to the heavens as if asking for mercy, but inevitably gives a defeated, relenting shrug.
“Can we see Bigfoot?” Zizhen asks breathlessly, and Ranger Nie chuckles.
“We should most certainly try,” Ranger Nie agrees.
For some reason, hearing an official ranger say it makes it seem somehow possible, even though that’s obviously stupid (it is stupid, right?) and that’s all it takes for the four of them to drop their leaves and scramble to the truck.