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“Sam.”
“Dean? I thought you went to bed.”
“I did.”
“And...?”
“I laid there like a hot dog for an hour, waiting for your ass to come to bed.”
“Like a hotdog?”
“Chicago-style, baby.”
“Were the finger guns necessary?”
“They're always necessary, Sam. What are you working on that is so much more important than spooning me?”
“First, it's not more important than spooning you. Second, I just have to finish grading these papers.”
“Ah, yes, the Professor's Plight.”
“Take a seat. I'm almost done.”
“I guess I can pop a squat... for a few minutes. We gotta be up early tomorrow.”
“I know.”
“Have I told you how comfortable our bed is? It's got these awesome pillows. It's even got sheets.”
“Sheets, you say? Does it have blankets?”
“Oh, it has luxury blankets. From Macy's.”
“And did you pay full price for these alleged luxury blankets?”
“Fuck no. I never pay full price for anything.”
“Really?”
“Well. Almost anything. I don't go cheap on the important stuff.”
“And what's the ‘important stuff’?”
“Cock rings, vibrators, lube, paletas, and engine oil.”
“Dean—you had that list ready and waiting, didn't you?”
“A man knows what he should spend his money on. And it ain't on full price bedding. I got that set for 30% off. What are you grading, anyway? What torture did you put those kids through now?”
“It's not torture . It's education.”
“Tomato, tomahto.”
“It's for my Ethics class, jerk.”
“Ugh. I saw that syllabus. I can't Kant.”
“Kant was two months ago. This was more of a personal assignment. I asked them what ethics means to them and how they can preserve them.”
“Yikes.”
“I know. I have some regrets.”
“You're doing the nose pinching thing.”
“It's just. I've spent all semester investing in these students and some of them didn't do well on this assignment. It's kind of... disappointing.”
“Hey, it's not your tuition money.”
“No, but it is my responsibility to teach them how to think and behave ethically--in their personal and professional lives.”
“Is it though?”
“Yes...?”
“Sammy. You always put so much on yourself.”
“I... don't have a witty response to that. What are you trying to say?”
“You're gettin' on in your years. It's okay.”
“May I remind you, for the millionth time, that you are older than me?”
“I keep count and it's the two millionth time.”
“The longer you distract me, the longer I'll take to go to bed.”
“Look. My point is—you give them the information, the coordinates of ethics, and it's up to them to be responsible with it. Yeah, you gotta teach it well, be clear about the content, yadda yadda. But you, you Sammy, not Professor, gotta keep your own boundaries and stick to what's in your control. If these 'scholars' don't have the same ethics as you or what you’re teaching, or take the time to understand what you're laying down, then that's on them. Not you.”
“...Dean.”
“What?”
“That's. Just. Wow.”
“I know, right? Fuckin' A.”
“I'm a little turned on.”
“Only a little?”
“The finger guns don't help.”
“Dammit.”
“I guess this assignment just makes me question my own ethics. And what I'm willing to give up for them. I haven't... always had the best record.”
“No one has. Not even me. And we know how adorable I am.”
“Adorable and modest.”
“Don't make me blush, Sammy.”
“I think… What I wanted my students to understand is that ethics are important. They teach us how to treat ourselves and others. If you don't fight to keep them, then you're not being honest with yourself—or anyone else.”
“People fuck up, right? Part of life.”
“Yes, of course.”
“Okay. But there's a difference between fucking up, then learning from it, and fucking up, not learning from it, and choosing to keep fucking up.”
“Can you teach this class next semester? … Maybe without so much swearing.”
“Fuck no, to both of those. You're the Professor. I'm the madman.”
“I wanna watch that on Netflix.”
“News flash: we could start it tonight. If you'd just come to bed.”
“Dean?”
“Yeah, Sam.”
“I'm proud of us. As individuals and as... us.”
“As you should be, dammit. This shit is hard.”
“I don't want to give up anything important to me for the sake of other people.”
“Then don't.”
“Just like that?”
“You give so much of yourself to everything you do and everyone you know, myself included. Put yourself first for once, Sam.”
“Hmm.”
“Don’t do the chin tapping—you know I'm right.”
“Putting myself first isn't that easy to do.”
“I know. It’s a helluva skill to learn. But nothing worth having, ethics too, is ever that easy. Just my two cents.”
“Look at you, Dean. Teaching me things into our fifties.”
“Fifties and beyond, baby. This here? It’s a lifetime deal.”
“Let's go to bed.”
“Finally! Right this way.”
“Is it synthetic or conventional oil for cars?”
“Synthetic. Fewer contaminants. Where’d that come from?”
“I wanna make sure I get your Christmas present right.”
“Aw, ain't that nice. But Christmas is three weeks from now.”
“And I like to be prepared.”
“I won't argue that. You know, my birthday's also coming up.”
“I already got your birthday present.”
“I hope you didn't pay full price for it.”
“It's not something you buy.”
“Sammy, don't tease. And don't hog the blankets.”
“Remind me—are you the big spoon or the little spoon tonight?”
“Little. Because I'm feeling generous.”
“Dean. Thank you.”
“Any time, Professor. Now, tell me what you got me.”
“Nope. That's against my ethics.”
“What?!”