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It was another slow summer night after a slow summer day.
Complete silence filled the Hanamura household, the only noise coming from Yosuke's MP3 player, quietly playing the same exact songs he always listened to. He lay down on his bed, arms behind his head, and stared at the ceiling. He was unsure of what the time was, though the fact that his parents and Teddie were completely asleep says that it's at the least around 11 p.m. To Yosuke, it felt more like 6 or 7, despite the complete darkness of the nighttime filling up his room telling him otherwise.
It's not like he had a problem; quite the contrary, really. The quiet of the night gave Yosuke a break from the noise of the day. It sounds hypocritical—Preferring a time where he's blasting music through his ears when he's had enough noise to deal with a couple of hours ago. The difference was that he could control it. Being able to shut off any noise that may give him a headache the longer he listens to it is something he'd take over getting a headache from hearing the unstoppable bickering of customers Yosuke's tried oh-so-hard to be nice to. He's succeeded, of course, but every day his intrusive thoughts burst in to tell him to punch the insult-shouting hag right in front of him at the register. He wouldn't be surprised if his Shadow came back purely to get revenge on the local Karen just for nearly screwing up his already below average reputation, if it existed.
The MP3 player switched to playing something from Nickelback.
The noise of customers, huh...what happened to the noise of his friends?
They always hung out almost every day, chatting about whatever they wanted to, whether it be the case that they solved or something as trivial as Kanji's animal crackers. Granted, they still do hang out, but nowhere near as often, as far as Yosuke could tell. He's seen them around as often as ever, but commonly in pairs. Chie with Yukiko, Kanji with Naoto, and surprisingly Rise with Teddie. It was as if they made sure that at least one person was with them whenever they wanted to be. With that leaving Yosuke with...
...Whatever. Now's not the time to think about that. He promised himself he wouldn't get that far into his thoughts this time.
Every once in a while, he stays up late just like this to spend some time thinking, alone with his thoughts. It was something he came up with for himself as early as when him and his partner began investigating the murder case. At first it was purely to recollect the information they've gathered at points, and to try putting the info together and come up with something new(to no avail usually), but as the days passed by, he found himself thinking about other things, namely the team he managed to form, and by extension, himself.
Yosuke often wondered how in the world he managed to get a group of friends in the first place. Sure, he wasn't the leader or an integral part of the team(at least, not after Naoto joined later on), but these people treated him like a human being. Like a real friend. And every time he tried to wrap his head around it, he always came to one answer.
Yu.
His first true friend.
The first person to genuinely care about him despite...everything. Yosuke's reputation, his attitude, and even his Shadow. Yu looked past everything and believed in him anyway, unlike everyone else Yosuke knew. Chie and Yukiko didn't hate him, per se, but they did keep wary of him throughout his first year transferring to Yasogami. They were more acquaintances than anything. Nobody he'd hang out with, just a pair of girls who spoke to him every so often. Nobody special, unlike another girl...but he already knew what happened with Saki.
If not for Yu, he'd have promised himself to never get close to anyone after learning the truth about Saki's feelings, along with his own. At least, the feelings he had at the time, but—
No, no, now's not the time. Better think about something else. Like...the case.
Yosuke's mind often wandered back to the events of the murder case he and the Investigation Team solved a year back. Nothing too big, just the moments he and the group shared throughout the year. It was supposed to be serious, they were investigating a murder and everything, but it was all strangely fun to him. Going into the TV world, saving those it held captive, being heroes...it gave him a sense of freedom from all the boredom life in Inaba handed to him. He should've been taking it all a lot more seriously than he did, but damn, killing shadows and helping new friends sounded a lot more exciting than figuring out who killed the girl he once liked.
It was fun. So much fun. It gave him meaning. It gave him friends. It gave him a partner ...
That's all gone now, though. It was over almost a year ago, and the last TV world-related event happened a few months ago. These days and nights became a cycle at some point in the summer. The days go on, school and work pass by like usual, his friends go hang around each other, and he sits at home doing whatever for the rest of the day. So much of it ended up being a ton of thinking about the past year he had. About less boring times. Before, Yosuke had exciting adventures involving personas and shadows, but now? It's all the same, boring days blending into each other. He sometimes had to check the calendar to remember what day it was, as he often had it mistaken. Everything is the same. Nothing new. Only boredom and emptiness. Even the loneliness from his first year made a comeback.
Inaba's back to its boring old self. Yosuke's no longer a shadow-slaying hero, he's just a regular Junes worker having slower, lonelier days than he initially thought he'd get. His friends don't call him up as often as they used to, and they don't seem to try texting him anymore. Except for Yu, at least. Yosuke always made sure to text him at least every other day, and every time, he got a reply. Sometimes it sparks up a conversation, sometimes it doesn't. He'd always treasure the times when it does, though—
No. Stop it. Stop thinking about him.
But he can't.
It's almost every night Yosuke thinks like this now. First about his day, then about the past, then about what that's become, then about-
A cough. The song switched again. Linkin Park.
He always thought of Yu as special, in several ways, even. The fact that he can summon a persona from the get-go, no shadow confrontation needed, how he can wield multiple personas, how he supposedly could fuse some together(at least, that's what he told the team before they all brushed him off as being weird again), and how he managed to defeat Izanami. A god . You can't do a feat like that and not be considered special.
There were other things that made Yu special, too, though. His dashing looks, his wonderful personality, oh man, his personality—
No. Quit it.
—how he stands up for everyone, no matter what. Never doubting anyone, even in their worst moments...Yu was nothing special, but at the same time, so special. He might as well have been perfection in Yosuke's eyes.
Another cough. Yosuke shifted his position to lying on his side, arms lazily splayed out in front of him. It felt mildly uncomfortable, given the headphones he kept on over his ears. The music gradually drowned out and became nothing but white noise to him as his mind wandered.
He didn't deserve Yu. He didn't deserve someone so kind, so considerate. It sounds like the bare minimum, but...dammit, to him it wasn't. Giving the ever-so-unpopular Disappointment of Yasogami the time of day alone was giving him too much. Yosuke's existence on its own was practically—if not literally—ruining peoples' lives. How the hell can someone be so kind?
He never could wrap his head around why. The only close to plausible answer he came to was either ignorance or stupidity. But Yu was neither of those. He's smart. He always knows exactly what he's doing. So for someone like him to give someone like Yosuke a chance...Yu was a blessing. A savior. A reason to live. It sounded ridiculous, but that's how it felt to Yosuke, looking back.
Yet another cough. Nausea.
No point in trying to stop his thoughts from reaching this point again. It wouldn't work.
He could replay that vivid memory of the riverbank over and over again. The boy's heart fluttered every time he thought about it.
It was around September, when the summer heat was beginning to fade into the autumn wind. The atmosphere around him and his partner felt pressuring as they spoke with each other. Yosuke could feel his throat tightening the more he talked about Saki, all up until he broke down crying for the first time in years. The grief-stricken mistake of a boy cried, cried his lungs out, and then cried even more, until there was nothing left. His tear ducts must've ran out, or something—no more tears could form. His eyes stung, silently crying out in pain themselves.
He felt ashamed of himself, unable to look his partner in the eye. What a dumbass, letting himself cry like a little girl in front of his best friend. He shouldn't have brought him here in the first place; crying to himself would be much less embarrassing than the shameful display he brought upon his own partner. Yosuke's not a failure for nothing, he supposed. Of course Junes's Prince of Disappointment would act like a complete crybaby. He'd never keep it inside like he should. Like a real man should, according to his father.
Cmon, look him in the eye, you coward, the failure thought to himself at that moment. It's the least you could do after that disaster of a talk.
Hell, it was less of a talk and more of just a public meltdown. Yu barely said anything; he just stood there while his friend cried a waterfall in front of him.
And yet, Yu stayed with him. Wearing that same, sweet and comforting smile he always does, making Yosuke feel like he's right at home somehow. Why..? Why!? He just saw one of the most shameful and embarrassing acts a guy could do, and he's still there!? With a smile, no less!? With those kind, caring eyes, forming a stare that strikes his soul, yet not in a cold, cruel way, but rather, a comforting one. One that can melt his heart—
"It's okay, Yosuke."
Yosuke felt cold from all the crying. He was shaky, either shivering from that cold feeling, or shaking from all the emotional drain he felt. God, the bastard was such a nervous wreck—but the smooth, calming sound of Yu's voice eased him. It was like a warm hug in a strange sense, wrapping the emotional boy in pure warmth. For a split second or two, he wondered, what would a real hug would do if this already soothed him into feeling better?
"Let it out."
He could even more vividly remember the way those exact words sounded. And just like that, the waterworks flowed again. At one point, Yosuke thought he could fill a bucket with the tears he shed. By the end of it, his throat burned like a wildfire, his eyes reddened more than they did before, and he could feel a bad headache coming on. He coughed once or twice the second he looked his partner in the eyes again. It felt like something formed in his chest. Or maybe his throat. Phlegm, or some other kind of mucus, perhaps? Either way, it burned like hell.
He felt cold again. Freezing, even. Part of him wondered if sugary sweet words would warm him up again. Another part doubted that, instead yearning for physical touch. Anything would work: A hand on the shoulder, a pat on the back, a pat on the head, preferably a hug—anything. The shaking wasn't because of his emotions. Okay, most of it was. But some of it...it came from his yearning for some form of affection; A strange feeling of wanting to be squeezed tightly enough so the shaking would stop. Only then would he feel completely okay, he thought.
"...I think I'm all cried out..." was all Yosuke could rasp. The thought of just reaching his arms out to politely ask for a hug came to him, but he distracted himself from it immediately after. Guys don't hug guys. That's wrong. He's wrong for wanting it. Even if he wasn't, there was nothing that said he was deserving of any form of affection, whether it be from guys or girls...But dammit, it's what he wants. Selfish bastard.
Even if Yosuke could afford to speak another word, he wouldn't be able to get it out before Yu wrapped his arms around him, enveloping him in what he could only describe as pure warmth. What a coincidence, the disappointment got exactly what he wanted, like the blessing could read his mind.
His chest started burning again. He felt nauseous. Something's in there, that's for sure, but what? And why did it burn so much? He could feel butterflies dancing around in his stomach; are they dancing more furiously in his chest?
"It's okay," Yu spoke, that damn smooth voice surrounding Yosuke in pure sweetness again. "I'm here for you."
What if somebody saw this? So many rumors would flood the school...Both their reputations would be ruined forever.
"You dumbass...That's for girls..." Yosuke's throat hurt more with every word he sorely spoke.
Guys don't hug guys. It's wrong. That's what he's been taught all his life. Guys can't like other guys. They can't do anything more than pat each other on the back. His father would kill him if he knew about this. Something so intimate as a hug...if hell were real, he'd go straight to it for something like this. Both of them would.
"Like I care."
Yosuke hesitated for a moment before gradually returning the hug with a sigh. He couldn't believe he was internally fighting with himself over this. It felt like heaven. Was he selfish for going along with something so clearly wrong? Yes. Did he care at the moment? No. Even more selfish, but dammit, he never felt so whole and okay his entire life. He wished time would slow down enough for this short, sweet, fleeting moment to last for an eternity...
...And then the coughing fit came.
Out of nowhere, in fact. Or maybe it didn't, since all the almost literal fire inside the dense failure was acting as a warning. It did happen at an instant, however—Yosuke's coughing got him to let go of Yu(who let him go at the same time) to cover up his mouth and its coughing and hacking. Gagging, too, possibly.
"Are you okay?" Yu asked him, despite the answer being more obvious than a pitch-black cat in a field of snow-white flowers.
"Yeah, I'm fine-" Yosuke's voice was muffled by his hand, let alone almost incomprehensible because of the fit, and he could only barely get the words out. What was going on with him? Wait, did he cough something up just then? "I gotta go!"
He wouldn't have wanted to repeat the memory of the rest of that day, but it always came along uninvited.
And just like that, he dashed off, ignoring his friend calling for him to come back. He felt bad for it, but figuring out what's going on with him was his top priority. Where at? His own home, obviously. It wasn't too far away from the riverbank...okay, that was a lie, it was pretty far away, but it's close enough for him to get the rest of the coughing fit—All the coughing, hacking, gagging, and nausea—out in the restroom sink.
On one hand, Yosuke didn't end up vomiting, but he did spit out some mucus. On the other hand, he also ended up coughing and spitting out red flower petals. He wasn't sure of what kind of flower they're from, but from the look and soft, albeit nasty feel of them, he could easily tell that they're the real deal. The type of flower petals they are aren't what's important, anyway. How the hell did he manage to cough up flower petals of all things!? It shouldn't be physically possible, and yet there they were, flowing down the sink drain as Yosuke turned the water on.
He could only stare in pure shock and disbelief. The shaking returned, but not from the cold, nor the longing for the warmth of another's touch—but from fear. Fear that came from uncertainty.
That day faded to fogginess in Yosuke's memory after that moment. Whatever kind of condition he suddenly developed was not only freakish, but unmistakably unnatural. Nobody would believe him if he told or even asked them about it, let alone care. So the local mistake of a human being is throwing up flower petals now, so what? Hell, knowing them, they'd probably be happy thinking he'd die sometime soon. Everyone outside the team, at least. The worst they'd do is give him weird looks and ask him if he's doing okay, which he clearly isn't, but they probably wouldn't have anything better to say. How could one react if their friend abruptly developed a flower-vomiting condition?
They'd probably try to connect it to the TV world in some way, since that's the only other unnatural occurrence going on in Inaba at the time. In that case, however, they wouldn't be able to draw up any conclusions.
The days blended together for him since then, all Yosuke's focus going into what in the world happened. Flower Petal Syndrome, he called it for the time being. He took mental notes of every case of a trademark flower petal attack hitting him: when they happened, what was going on at the time, how severe they were, etc. Thinking about it distracted him during meetings when he was supposed to be providing his ideas for what's going on with the longer, more important ongoing case.
Luckily for him, however, right after Naoto joined the team, he got more time to think as she took over his deduction role. He would've been annoyed by it in any other case, but the fact that he's got something else more personal to worry over relieved him, if anything. One less thing to stress over, okay, good. Means he can focus on the Syndrome.
The mental notes started off with when the Syndrome first developed: that day at the riverbank. Yosuke felt a burning in his lungs and throat, and faintly recalled slight trouble breathing occurring at the same time. It wasn't difficult to connect those two symptoms to the Syndrome; A burning feeling inside of his chest and throat that comes with trouble breathing meant an attack was likely to occur.
At first, he figured it happened at random, as no normal illness chose very specific and circumstantial times to affect its victim. Flower Petal Syndrome wasn't normal. There was a correlation between it and the aforementioned circumstances. It only ever affected Yosuke whenever he hung around Yu. When he's with the whole group, the Syndrome was less intense and the worst he experienced was a cough or two, and that was only after catching himself staring at Yu for a few seconds too long. It wasn't entirely his fault, it's just that his partner's really really pretty sometimes and his smile is the cutest thing Yosuke's ever seen and oh man his voice can put him to sleep at night if not at any time—
—Yosuke had a problem. That problem being not only his weird crush- obsession with his best friend, but also coughing up flower petals any time they hang out alone together. Every time he took note of an attack, it was always connected to Yu. His conclusion? As much as he despised the idea, he had to stop hanging around him until he could figure out what's really going on with Flower Petal Syndrome.
...Damn, it hurts him to think about it even now. Doesn't help that he coughed, blinked, and immediately saw another petal on his bed. The MP3 player finished up with its playlist-turned-white-noise, bringing pure silence back into Yosuke's room. It was probably around 1 or 2 a.m. by now.
In reality, it wasn't that difficult for him to drift away from Yu. In fact, Yu practically began avoiding him in favor of everyone else the day after their final heart-to-heart by the riverbank. The ill boy remembers that November day giving him one of the worst attacks he had early on. Before, flower petal attacks involved a coughing fit causing him to cough up a couple of petals, but this time? He threw up a whole flower. Not complete with a stem, but the flower, by itself, every cursed petal still intact. A red tulip, to be exact.
He almost freaked out at the sight of it, but he had to keep his calm so that his partner doesn’t get any suspicious of him. He was fortunately able to hide said flower beside him, making sure Yu couldn't see it. As much as he wanted to talk about it, he knew it'd only worry his friend more than the case already does.
"Another coughing fit?" the silver-haired boy asked with a concerned look. "Is something wrong? You can tell me, you know."
Yeah, no, I can't tell you this, bud, Yosuke thought, flicking the flower away from him.
"I dunno what's going on with it. Might be a cold, or something," he lied with a forced smile.
"Nothing to worry about?"
"Nothing to worry about."
And it was nothing to worry about for a while. Yosuke began to wear a medical mask outside and at school, to catch any petals he coughs up just in case. He was asked about it(only by team members), and his only answer/lie was that he had a cold. Him and Yu drifted apart, as painful as it felt, and Yu spent more of his time with everyone else. Especially with Marie, Yosuke noticed. Any time he found his partner outside with someone, it was almost always her. It was a weird sight for him to see, since before then, Marie was nothing more than an acquaintance of Yu's, or maybe a friend, but he wasn't sure which, considering the way she acted. He didn't want to think of the possibility of her being anything more, for some unknown reason. Any thought of it caused the chest and throat burning and breath shortening symptoms of the Syndrome, so he could tell it had something to do with Yu, but what?
Even now, he coughs at the thought of those two. He blinked again and noticed a few more tulip petals on the bed along with two other red petals: one a paler color, and the other a deeper red. Carnation petals, he recognized them to be. He only began spitting them out around December.
Wonder what time it is now, he thought.
The symptoms got better as time went on, and Yosuke almost completely forgot about them by February...And then they got worse all of a sudden once he realized his best friend would be leaving town soon. He was ridden with coughing fits that worsened almost every day, and even wound up staying home from school on Valentine's Day, of all days. Hiding the tulips he coughed up—stem and all this time—along with other red petals—a carnation—away from his parents and Teddie proved to be a difficult but doable feat, especially with how concerned yet curious the foreign-looking bear-turned-boy was. Yosuke had to lock himself up in the restroom for a good ten minutes to not only avoid his roommate, but also to throw up another whole flower. Then another. Then another. Then more pale red carnation petals. The blood mixed in with them dyed the petals to a deeper red. Sounds poetic, but if anything, it was a disgusting sight for Yosuke to see in the toilet. He wanted to throw up for real just to cover up those filthy flowers.
The holiday didn't matter to him; he already knew he wasn't going to get any chocolate from any girls, and strangely enough, he didn't mind it. He couldn't care any less about the girls at school. He'd rather get chocolate from—
—Yu. That's probably why the sickness was attacking him again. He wanted some attention from his partner again, since said partner was hanging with the weird part goddess lady they saved not too long ago a little too much more than he should. No, no, why should he be any mad about it? He's not his friend's boss, it's not his job to tell him what to do.
Maybe it was jealousy. But why specifically when it came to Yu being with Marie? They weren't dating or anything like that, right? And if they were, why would it matter? So what if she has him all to herself, taking away bits and chunks of time he could've been using to spend with Yosuke?
If it weren't for that actually mattering, the boy green with envy wouldn't be sitting on his bed, staring at the flower petals he coughed up, going over these memories in his head right now.
Yosuke finally caved in and looked up the illness's symptoms a few days after Valentine's, once he convinced everyone that he's still completely fine. He still had the medical mask with him, and he still coughed once or twice every time he looked at Yu's pretty face, but he was able to convince them, even though they still seemed a little skeptical of his condition...which they should be, but he'd explain everything to them when hell freezes over.
One quick search of basic symptoms(coughing up blood, trouble breathing, burning feeling in the chest and throat) yielded nothing but unrelated illnesses. He was already close to giving up, and felt stupid adding the symptom of coughing up flowers into the search. He opened up the first result, and...was presented with a fatal but completely fictional disease. "Hanahaki Disease," it was called. Definitely a better name than "Flower Petal Syndrome," Yosuke thought to himself as he scrolled through the text describing the disease. All the symptoms matched up: The burning(which was described as simply pain), the breathing issues, and especially the flowers. For a second, Yosuke thought he finally figured out what kind of disease he caught, but then he reminded himself of how it's strictly fictitious. The one thing completely accurately describing his situation wasn't real. He had no reason to believe the info he’s reading was correct.
Another factor of his denial was the listed cause of Hanahaki's development: unrequited love. Yosuke didn't have any feelings for anyone; he didn't even want to give the idea of love any attention until the case was over, and while it technically was over by then, he couldn't think of anyone he would've liked at the time, much less during the disease's supposed development, unless—
Oh.
Oh, hell no.
No, no, no, no. That can't be the case. It made perfect sense, but...no. No, it'd be wrong. What happened at the time of Yosuke's first coughing attack courtesy of the disease was wrong, too, and there's no way that was the cause of it. There's no way that while symptoms got worse any time he was around or thought of his best friend, they're happening purely because of his views toward said best friend. No, no, that can't be right. It's impossible.
There's no way he fell in love with his partner...right?
It made perfect sense, it connected every piece, it tied every loose end he could think of...but that can't be. Guys can't so much as crush on other guys, much less fall in love so hard they cough up flowers for said other guys. That's...that's wrong, it's unhealthy, it's some kind of mental disorder, it's...just wrong.
Yosuke shut his laptop off in frustration at the thought of it. Hanahaki was completely fictional, anyway. Just something for people to write stories about, nothing more. It's not real, and he's not going to die from having feelings for Yu that he definitely doesn't have. Even if he did have romantic feelings he still absolutely does not have, how the hell would he go about telling them, if at all? If he said anything about at the very least the possibility of liking another guy, he'd be thrown into the nearest lake attached to something heavy, like some huge rock or something. Or maybe his head would be shoved into the river, held down until the bubbles stop popping up...
...Okay, that's much too dark a topic to think about. He definitely didn't have Hanahaki Disease. Nope. He doesn't like Yu in that way. Not at all. He's coughing up flowers and it has been painful for him, making it harder to breathe, but it's definitely not because of romantic feelings for his best friend he absolutely does not have. Not at all. The disease isn't real, and neither were the feelings it assumes he has.
However...the fact that Hanahaki Disease was fatal did tug at the back of his mind. Flowers constantly growing in his lungs, eventually overtaking them and suffocating him to death...it sounded horrific, like something you'd only see out of a horror manga. Judging by how he began coughing up full flowers complete with blood by February, he was entering the final stages of the illness, and he'd likely die within a few months at most.
If what he found out was true...this was a situation of life and death.
It's not, he reassured himself. Remember, dumbass, it's a fictional disease. It's not real.
But what if it was...?
He forced the thoughts of it out of his mind by putting on his headphones and putting whatever song his MP3 player was set to on blast. The nights featuring exactly that occurred more and more often since then. The disease's symptoms have been quiet the past months, save for when Yu left town in March. Yosuke suffered a really bad coughing fit that day, and the feeling of nausea along with a painful headache persisted throughout it. He felt especially uncomfortable with the mask on, since at some points it was full of petals and probably full flowers he coughed up. The constant feeling of flowers pressing up against his face bugged him for hours on end.
Since then, though, the disease was quiet. The victim almost forgot it existed at times, give or take a coughing fit or two at times, usually during the other two "cases" concerning the TV world. As far as he could tell, it was getting better. The symptoms died down, and he was starting to breathe a little more easily.
But this week, they suddenly got worse after he got word of Yu visiting for summer break. It was nothing big, just a small text saying he'll be there, yet not 10 minutes later, Yosuke was throwing up pale red carnations in the toilet again. He gagged at the sight of it, wishing he actually could throw something else up. Anything would work as long as it covers up the sickening sight of the flower floating on the pink-tinted toilet water.
That was a couple of days ago...and here he is now, pathetically thinking about it all over again for the hundredth time. It was probably around 4 a.m. by now, and he doesn't feel any tired from it. If anything, the constant thinking and looking back upon things kept him more awake than usual. He usually went to sleep around this time to be awoken with a bad headache the next morning since he had to get up early. It's a Saturday night, though, and break starts the upcoming week, so why not stay up for longer? Maybe wander around a little? He could take a walk and get his mind off of things.
And take a walk Yosuke did. He took his headphones off, cleared his bed of flower petals, sneaked his way out of his house, and stepped outside. The cold of the night's breeze hit him faster than lightning, causing a shiver up his spine. The air was cold, but refreshing, like the feel of having a sip of cool, fresh water after only drinking soda all day. He took in a deep breath, let it out, and began wandering around town.
Inaba's not as dangerous at night as it would've been the year before. After the murder case was resolved, there have been next to no signs of crime around the small town. The last time one was reported was about a month ago. It's pretty much completely safe to go out at night, as long as you know what you're doing.
The town's completely empty, giving off a lonely atmosphere. Yosuke didn't pay it any mind, just letting himself wander around with no thought. Isolation was what he wanted, after all. There was nothing but pure silence that was interrupted by the chirping of crickets at times. It felt nice; just being outside, taking in the night air, and getting his mind off of things.
His wandering eventually led him to the riverbank he visited so often. More flowers grew around the river than they did the year before. The river itself appeared as peaceful as the night itself, camly flowing along with the breeze. He felt like he may have made a mistake coming here, as it was associated with memories that would bring up the topic of the disease again, but...It was all something he was running away from.
While Hanahaki Disease is fictional and supposedly not real, only something to be written of in tragic short stories, Yosuke couldn't ignore that it matched every symptom he has. He could deny it all he wanted, but it wouldn't change the fact that he most definitely has come down with Hanahaki. Meaning that it's a surprise that he survived what was meant to be the final stage of the illness up until now...but also meaning that the source of its development...
Shit.
Looking back, it does make sense—Getting distracted just staring at Yu, thinking about how much he loved to be around him, his reaction to suddenly being hugged by him in this exact spot a couple of months ago, his rose-colored-glasses-like view of him, getting jealous of him hanging out with Marie so often—it put all the pieces together.
He couldn't deny or run away from it any longer.
He really did fall in love with his partner.
And said partner didn't love him back, that part was obvious. Why else would Yosuke have a fatal flower-vomiting disease related to unrequited love? Staying outside in a garden for too long? Of course his feelings were completely one-sided; that might as well have been made clear since November. It was almost like Yu stopped caring for him, favoring everyone else, especially Marie. He began to hate her out of pure jealousy. She got to have his partner all to herself, getting him to leave Yosuke in the dust. It wasn't fair. Why did she get to butt in and take his one-sided-beloved away?
As he approached the river, the bastard green with envy could feel the flowers burning up inside him again, clogging up his lungs. It hurt him, yes, but that pain is incomparable to the anguish he felt for the past couple of months. Pain and anguish...all just from thinking about one issue that only mattered to him. He really was just some idiot failure of a human being, cursed with a love that was never meant to be, doomed to be left alone to die. Yu was all he had left, as everyone else more or less forgot about him, and yet what Yosuke didn't realize was that he already lost him, a long time ago. But why...?
It's because she's a girl, isn't it? She got all the attention because she's a girl, and girls are what guys are supposed to like, not other guys. Maybe things would've been different if Yosuke was a girl. Maybe then he'd actually get some goddamn attention from the guy he loves. But no, that's not how things are meant to be. Life chose this fate to bring upon him, and he must suffer through it to the end.
He almost collapsed, falling to the ground as he suffered yet another bloody and painful coughing fit, throwing up tulip after tulip, carnation after carnation, and even a rose or two. All red, whether that be natural, or from the blood that came with them. One by one, they floated away in the river, endlessly carried off by its peaceful flow. It was almost beautiful, in some strange, messed up way, like they were representative of the cursed boy losing himself over something he couldn't stop.
He couldn't feel his throat. It felt numb from the constant coughing, hacking, and wheezing it went through. Can pain do that? Maybe. He doesn't care to know. He's going to die soon, and he can't stop it. There's no point in trying...or maybe there was. Maybe he was wrong about everything. Maybe he could confess to Yu, realize his feelings aren't as one-sided as he thought they were, and live happily with the disease gone...But that's all wishful thinking. He knew that scenario was impossible.
Yosuke wiped away tears that began to flow from his eyes. He really was going to die. He really was just cursed for no reason other than for some god's amusement.
One last cough. A single, small flower fell onto the river's surface. It was a cone-like shape, similar to that of a trumpet, with a pure white color, tipped with pink. It was a flower Yosuke didn't recognize, appearing foreign to him, the alabaster color directly contrasting against the shades of red he was so used to seeing.
He sluggishly stood up, turning to face toward the flowers that were growing on the grass behind him. All red tulips and carnations, causing him to panic. He blinked. Lavender. He blinked again. Still lavender. No tulips or carnations or anything else he was throwing up earlier. He must be going insane by this point.
He shook his head. No, he's not going insane. It's just really late, and he's tired. Plus, he's stuck with a fatal disease that's been plaguing his thoughts along with his lungs for almost the past year now. He'd be surprised if he wasn't seeing things. It was just a sign that he should head home and sleep.
So he did, making sure to sneak back inside as quietly as possible. He checked the clock set on the kitchen counter. 5:00 a.m. He should've known. His parents are gonna kill him once he wakes up in the afternoon. Heh, maybe that'll be a more peaceful death than what Hanahaki has in store for him.
The next few days went on with as many issues as Yosuke would expect. Being forced to get up early, having to hide the flowers he threw up from his parents and roommate, putting his medical mask back on, much to their worry...It was a monotonous, tedious routine of sorts, but he couldn't complain. It's what he's stuck with for the rest of his now shortened life, so the poor bastard might as well deal with it.
Yu came back as promised, getting the gang to meet back up again. They all had a surprise celebration prepared for him. It was fun, seeing how everyone changed and grew since he last left. Yosuke felt truly happy for the first time in a while. It was almost like the good old days, when they would all meet up just to chit-chat or to hang out or even to go along with a really stupid idea one of them came up with.
It hurt him a little, having such a fun time while the fact that he's going to die keeps nagging at the back of his mind. That pain only grew every time he looked at Yu, the visitor's usually blank expression brightened up with an adorable, cheerful smile and lively laughter. Just knowing he won't be able to see that joyful look anymore soon struck Yosuke through his heart. He could feel the flowers stirring again, almost spreading under his skin, begging to break out—
Wait, what? They never did that. They just resided in the lungs, right?
The feeling went away as quickly as it arrived. Damn, what was going on with him this week? First seeing the flowers he threw up growing at the riverbank, now feeling like the flowers spread past his lungs? That was never listed as a symptom...
Ah, whatever. It didn't matter. He still hated seeing the sight of his love, and hell, everyone so happy and content with the knowledge that he won't ever see them again in just a matter of weeks, if not days.
His first thought was that he should confess. If he was going to die, he should do it with no regrets. If it ends up somehow curing his disease with his feelings returned, then good. If not, then he at least would be able to get everything off his chest.
His second thought was that it might actually end well. A drop of optimism in the sea of despair and hopelessness that his mind has become. Maybe he really was wrong about everything, and Yu really does love him back, and they could be happy together. The thought of it gave Yosuke butterflies in his stomach, which he welcomed, as they're a breath of fresh air compared to the burning flames of flowers he grew accustomed to.
He waited until the group took their photo together to pull his partner aside, away from everyone else, making sure they wouldn't be able to hear what he was about to say.
"So...this might sound weird, but..." Yosuke muttered, nervously taking off his mask. It didn't have any flowers stuck in it, since he made sure to clear it of them a couple of moments ago. "There's something I was wondering about."
He continued, "I've been meaning to ask you this for awhile, and again, it sounds really weird, but-"
"Why would it sound weird?" the perfect boy asked with a smile. "After what we went through, you'll have to say something really bizarre for me to think it's weird."
"I-I don't mean anything crazy, just—uh—weird for someone like me to say," Yosuke stammered, doing a terrible job at looking his best friend in the eyes. Dammit, why is eye contact so hard!? "What I mean is..."
He took a deep breath. You can do this.
"How would you feel...if another guy had feelings for you?"
You know, like myself, he thought, the flowers coming back to eat away at his chest.
"Another guy?" Yu stared blankly.
"Another guy." Yosuke could feel small beads of sweat dripping down his face as he did his best to retain eye contact. "'Cuz I've been thinking about that sort of thing. Like...ever since what happened with Kanji, the thought never went away."
"Really now?"
"I-I don't mean I have that..sort of..thing..going on with me, I just mean, uh, if that's okay, and normal, because all my life I was told that's wrong, and guys should only like girls, and-"
Shit, shit, shit, it wasn't supposed to go like this, he criticized himself. Now look at what you're doing, you're messing up your words like the idiot you are, those damn flowers are rising up in your stupid throat again-
"Yosuke." His friend's smile had faltered into a frown.
"...Yeah?" His voice went soft, almost hoarse. He couldn't force himself to make eye contact anymore, letting himself stare at the ground. Roses popped up from the grass beside his feet, taunting him. He blinked and they were gone.
"Is there something you're not telling me?"
"No, I just-" he stopped in his tracks. Taking in another deep breath, choking back the flowers and bile rising up in his throat, he continued, "I was just wondering...about your thoughts on that kind of thing." Liar. Idiot. Can't even say what he wanted to say. Can't get his words right.
Just say it already! he internally yelled at himself. What the hell are you waiting for? Are you scared? Coward. No wonder Saki hated you.
He put his mask back on, just in case.
Say it.
"I was wondering that because I-" he began, before immediately being cut off by that godforsaken disease forcing another coughing fit upon him. It was a miracle he could hide the roses and unknown white flower he threw up in his mask.
Yu was about to say something himself, but Yosuke put a finger up, telling him to wait. He wasn't sure of how long the fit lasted for, but it felt like hours, long, painful hours of nothing but the flowers he despised looking at, the flowers he absolutely detested the feel of.
Once that fit finally settled, Yosuke said, "You know what? Ignore that last part."
"...Alright then..." Yu quietly replied, crossing his arms. "A hypothetical situation in which another guy liked me...in that way."
"Y-yeah. That way," the disease-stricken boy coughed.
"Well...I wouldn't mind it."
"Really?" Yosuke's eyes brightened with hope.
"...But it'd be kind of awkward."
"Awkward? How?"
"Did I not already tell you?" Yu asked, uncrossing his arms. "I'm dating Marie."
You stupid piece of shit.
He should've known. He should've fucking known.
It was obvious. It was already so, so obvious , and yet the disappointment didn't realize it until it was plainly explained right in front of him like the complete and utter fool he is. How can he be that stupid? Of course Yu was dating Marie; there was a reason they hung out so often. Hell, he even knew that she was the reason why his partner stopped hanging around him. It was her fault. That bitch.
No, no, it wasn't her fault. She didn't do anything. That was his jealousy talking. How moronic, putting the blame on someone else when it was clearly his own fault for not trying to spend time with him more. Hey wait, wasn't it also his own idea to be around him less? Stupid. Idiot. Loser. Failure. Mistake—
"Are you okay?"
Great, now his friend is looking at him weird again. Look at what you did, you fucking piece of trash . You worried him.
"You look kind of sad."
"N-no, it's nothing, I-" Yosuke choked back more flowers, this time with tears as well. "I have to go."
He ran. He ran like the coward he was. He ran despite his partner's calls for him to come back, just like the first time that accursed disease struck him. History repeats itself, he supposed. And those who don't learn from history fail to repeat it. He tore his mask away and ran, tears flowing from his eyes, abandoned in the wind. He ran, ran until his legs practically screamed in pain from pressure, from overwork. He ran despite the pain coming from yet another coughing fit, despite the blood, the petals, the flowers that flew from his lips.
The sights around him changed in the blink of an eye, quite literally. One second there's tulips, carnations, roses, even that other flower growing all around him, sometimes small, sometimes larger than himself. A blink, and they're gone. Another second, and vines were growing on the small buildings surrounding him, all flowering with those same atrocious flowers he couldn't bear to even think about anymore—
He tripped and fell.
Yosuke couldn't tell where he was. Still some part of Inaba, as far as he knows. He lay on his back, arms outstretched, looking toward what appeared to be the backside of a building. He felt numb, unable to move a single limb. He couldn't breathe, yet hyperventilated, failing to take in breath after breath.
He blinked.
A vine was growing on the cursed boy's arm, blooming only the white, trumpet-shaped flower. His eyes went wide at the mere sight of it, and he began to panic. He attempted to scream, but all that came out was an incomprehensible hoarse noise that sounded like an animal dying, if anything. That noise was followed up by a cough. And another. Then another. Then yet another fit, complete with flowers once more. A blink, and there was suddenly a garden of carnations around him. Another blink, and the only thing that changed was the type of flowers growing around him. He can't feel the vines and flowers growing and breaking through his skin, yet he could see it. He was bleeding everywhere, yet he couldn't feel the pain. He really was going insane. A fitting sight for a painful yet peaceful death.
He looked up. It was sunset by now, judging from the reddish-pinkish color of the sky.
He blinked once more.
And he saw Yu, sitting by his side, looking down upon him, giving him that same old heartwarming smile he always did.
"You idiot," he said in an ironically sweet tone.
"Why...are...you here?" Yosuke rasped, though his words only sounded more like the noises a dying cat would make. Maybe it's another crazy illusion he's seeing.
"Why wouldn't I be? I was worried about you." He kept that smile plastered on his face. It almost looked fake. "Did you think I'd want to leave you behind?"
There's no way this Yu was real.
"...I..."
It can't be real, but he wishes it is.
"Shh..It's okay. I'm here now. You're okay." The supposed illusion placed his hand on Yosuke's cheek, caressing him. He could feel it. "I'm here for you, Yosuke."
In a sense, it could be real. Yosuke was seeing it with his own two eyes. He felt warm inside, as if the flowers had finally come to rest. The tears stopped flowing. He wished he could just get up and embrace his partner, showering him with all the love and affection he has stored inside himself for so long, but he doesn't have the strength to move a muscle. It was frustrating, but...he'll take what he can get.
"Partner..." He could barely speak, his breath leaving him. "...I..."
He smiled, forcing himself to place his own hand on his beloved's cheek, before letting his arm fall limp to the ground. He felt loved, truly loved, in this moment.
"I love you," he said, letting out his last breath, darkness taking over his vision.
The Dojima family TV switched on in the morning, defaulting to the local news.
"...A dead body was discovered today, found outside the back of the town's Junes store building. This body was soon revealed to be that of Yosuke Hanamura, the son of the store's manager, and it was found by a worker on break. Flowers were found on and beside the body, supposedly coming from the boy's mouth as if they were a result of vomiting. While blood was found on it, it appeared to have been coughed up..."
Nanako stared at the screen in horror, pointing at the photo of Yosuke displayed on the TV. Yu, sitting beside her, couldn't form any words to describe his own terror. Thousands upon thousands of thoughts ran through his head, most simply asking things like "What?", "How?", and most prominently, "Why!?" What was going on? How did this happen? Why did he let it happen, if he were able to stop it?
None of it made any sense to him.
The reporter continued, "While the victim appears to have passed away, the body found, according to the witness, 'Had a weirdly content look, as if he happily died in his sleep while dreaming.' There is no exact cause of death at the moment, and the only possible cause is that of some kind of unknown illness. More info about this may come about at a later date..."
"Big Bro..." The girl mumbled, her voice wavering in fear. "Isn't that...isn't that your best friend?"