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Chapter Text

The corridor Catra marched down was dark and cold, and the sword she held to her chest bit at the fur on her arms, but she didn’t feel it. She didn’t hear the cheering down the hall or the clack of her toenails against the hard metal floor. She couldn’t taste the blood from where she’d been gnawing on her lip, and she couldn’t see more than a foot in front of her.

All she could feel was the pounding of her heart. Her ears rang with one voice, her tongue felt like cotton and her mind’s eye was blocked by a brilliant smile.

“We could, ya know, be happy.”

Happy. What a novel concept.

Catra stopped in front of a large door and slammed a button on the wall. While she waited for the door to open, she forced a smirk, preparing for what waited on the other side.

Catra flung the sword over her shoulder and took in the sight of Adora bound and on her knees. Something about it was incredibly satisfying – if this is what winning felt like she would gladly take more of it. But at the same time the way Adora’s hair was slipping out of its ponytail, the anger in her eyes – Adora wasn’t having fun anymore. And for some reason that bothered Catra.

“Catra,” Adora pulled on her binding, “you can’t do this.”

Catra placed her hand on her hip. “Well, hello to you too.”

She nodded at the tall, thin lizard woman in chaps. The lizard lady left. Catra and Adora were alone.

Catra stepped closer, trying to enjoy the feeling of standing over Adora, holding her sword, holding her captive.

“What can’t I do this time?”

Adora sank lower onto her knees. “Hordak is trying to open a portal,” she explained, but the scowl never left her face. “He wants to bring the rest of the Horde army through to Etheria.” Adora lifted her head. “We can’t let that happen!”

Catra cocked her head. “The rest of the Horde army?”

“Hordak is part of a gigantic evil army from another world—”

Catra bent down, leveling her face with Adora’s. “Never a dull moment with you,” she cackled, and rested her arm on the hilt of the sword. “Why would I be against more Horde?” she asked, genuinely curious as to what Adora thought. Didn’t she realize what this was about? “That means we win and you lose?”

“We all lose if Hordak uses his portal machine!” Adora was emphatic, and Catra wondered what changed. When did Adora stop having fun?

Catra stood and turned away, but Adora just kept going. “Light Hope and Mara both said that opening a portal will endanger everyone.”

Catra glanced back, “You’ll listen to anything weird old holograms tell you, won’t you?” Catra lifted the sword and took a quick look at her reflection in what could only be glass, or maybe crystal? It didn’t matter. She looked good, powerful. She looked better than she ever had.

She smirked back at Adora. “You should really try to get over that.”

“Besides,” Catra turned back to the sword, pulling it down to inspect the tip, the sharp edge that so many times had almost sliced her in half, “how do you know about what Hordak’s doing?”

“Shadow Weaver told me.”

And with that, everything inside Catra shattered.

She dropped the sword to her side and went rigid, but Adora kept talking. There was a time when Adora would’ve noticed the shift, the moment Catra went still and the way her tail had stopped flicking. There was a time when Adora would’ve cared.

And in the back of her mind, Catra couldn’t help but think about that.

“We know all about Hordak’s plan.”

“Shadow Weaver told you?” Catra whispered, turning back with a glare that could melt steel. “How exactly did Shadow Weaver tell you this?”

Adora’s brows pinched together. “You didn’t know?”

Catra stepped forward and grabbed Adora by the collar. She pulled her up to her chest, and bent forward so their faces were close, just a breath apart. “How?” she shouted, her voice ripping out of her chest loud and hot.

Adora didn’t even flinch. “Catra,” she said, her voice almost gentle, “Shadow Weaver is in Bright Moon.”

Catra dropped Adora’s collar, letting her former best friend fall to the floor in a heap. “Shadow Weaver left me,” Catra looked down into Adora’s pleading eyes, “for you.”

“All of this happened,” Catra’s glare shifted then, the corners of her mouth turning up into some dark and twisted smile, “because of you.”

“Catra?” Adora asked, a tone of desperation taking over her voice. “Catra, please,” Adora started pulling on her binding again, fighting to reach out for Catra, to grab her, to shake her, to bring her back. “You have to listen!”

But Catra was gone.

Catra didn’t hear Adora’s cries. She didn’t hear anything but a high-pitched ringing and the quiet assurances of her mind that she’d been right all along.

Shadow Weaver didn’t care. Shadow Weaver had never cared. Shadow Weaver loved Adora, and Catra was no Adora. She couldn’t be. So, Shadow Weaver would never love her. No one would ever love her.

Catra dragged the sword along beside her, scratching up the floor as she went, and tears started to well in her eyes.

Adora would never love her.

Adora had taken everything from Catra. She’d taken every victory, every drop of praise. She’d taken all of Shadow Weaver’s affection, all their peers’ admiration.

Worst of all, she’d taken herself. She was the only person Catra had ever had the courage to love and she took that love and threw it away. She decided it was worthless, that Catra was worthless, and she walked away.

She’d taken Catra’s heart and left nothing in its place.

But then the crushing wave of grief, of anger and bitterness was blocked by the memory of a soft blush on cheeks and a hesitant hopeful smile.

“We could, ya know, be happy.”

Catra came to a stop. She stood in the hall for several seconds just staring blankly ahead, letting the meaning in those words sink into her heart.

Happy. What a novel concept. Maybe there was someone who loved her after all.

Catra lifted the sword to her chest again, holding it tight and closing her eyes. She remembered the way Adora would ruffle her hair or shove her on the arm. She remembered the way she used to laugh, and the tight grip she’d have whenever she held Catra’s hand. She remembered the day Adora held her close and promised she would always be her friend.

Catra turned around, looking back down the corridor and at the large doors she’d just walked through. Always was a long, long time.

Catra took a deep breath and started back for the door. She pressed the button again, but gently this time, and walked through with her head bowed.

“Catra, please listen to me. I know you’re upset—”

“What do you want from me, Adora?”

Catra lifted her head, eyes glazed but stare fixed on the girl who had plagued her every waking hour, every single thought, since before she could remember. She stared at her with wide eyes and desperation dripping from her pores.

“What?” Adora asked, looking up with her eyebrows pinched.

“What,” Catra stepped closer, dropping her arms, and letting the tip of the sword scrape against the ground, “do you want from me?”

Adora huffed. “You can’t take the sword back to Hordak. You can’t let him open a portal—”

“That’s not what I’m asking.”

The furrow in Adora’s brow deepened and her shoulders slumped. “I don’t understand.”

Catra took another step forward. “What do you want from me?”

“I…” Adora sighed, mouth twisting into a pitiful frown. “I just need the sword back, Catra. Let me go, and it’ll all be okay. I promise.”

Catra flinched, closing her eyes as the word “promise” fell from Adora’s lips. She held back a snarl, instead taking one long, deep breath.

Adora would never love her. Adora had never loved her.

Catra wasn’t going to let that ruin her life this time.

She opened her eyes and bit back tears as she was met with a burning blue gaze; a gaze filled with care. A gaze that lied.

Catra dropped the sword to the ground, letting it clatter like the piece of junk it was. And, as Adora watched with wide eyes, she stepped forward, unsheathed a single claw…

And cut her loose.

Catra stepped back as Adora fell forward onto her hands and knees. She stared down at the girl who her life had revolved around since she’d given her a name, and felt the ice begin to creep over her heart.

“Get out.”

Adora looked up, that stupid pinch in her brow again. “Catra…?”

Catra clenched her fists, nails biting into the skin on her hands. “I said get out, so get out!”

Adora reached out, grabbing the sword off the ground, and pulling it to her chest. She fell back on her knees and stared up at Catra again, wide-eyed and almost hopeful.

“Catra, are you—”

“Get.” Catra threw her arm out, pointing at the door, voice rising in pitch and volume, “OUT!”

Adora clambered to her feet and ran for the door, wasting no time. And Catra’s heart clenched. Adora couldn’t wait to get away from there, away from her. Adora never loved her.

When Adora’s footsteps receded and Catra’s finely tuned ears could hear the soft muffle of boots on sand, she fell to her knees and wrapped her arms tight around her torso. This time there was no bed to destroy, or shadowy visage to rip apart. This time Catra was left truly alone, without even something to remember her by.

So Catra screamed, fighting off the sobs that she knew would rack her body otherwise. She wasn’t going to cry over Adora ever again, but she could still scream.

Seconds later Catra heard the stomping of heavy feet and Scorpia appeared in the doorway. She took one glance at Catra’s trembling body and ran to her side. “Catra! Are you okay? What happened?”

Catra laughed mirthlessly, pulling her arms tighter. “She escaped, and she took her stupid sword with her.”

Scorpia pushed a strand of Catra’s hair back behind her mask, her large pincer shockingly gentle. “What are we gonna do?”

Catra turned her head and forced a small smile. “We’re gonna stay here. After all… who’s the strongest in the Crimson Waste?”

Scorpia’s smile was so bright it almost made Catra feel something.

And as she started to go numb, as her heart grew cold and still and the feeling seeped out of her chest, Catra kept on smiling. Because she’d done it, she’d done the right thing. She was going to be happy.

But outside the ship, trudging through the deep sand and fighting against harsh winds, Adora turned, staring back at Mara’s ship.

“I want you to come with me,” she whispered to the wind, like somehow it would carry the message back to her oldest friend. “Why won’t you come with me?”

A tear slid down Adora’s cheek and for a second, she thought about turning back.

“We could be happy…”

But she marched on and fought back sobs when she realized that she was, once again, leaving Catra behind.

Chapter Text

Adora of Etheria

Entrapta has been talking for the last five minutes straight, making gestures at computer screens and the large metal ring in the center of the lab. She’s using big words and it’s all very fast and I’m not really listening. I don’t need to understand how it works, or any of the mechanics, I just need to know what I’m supposed to do. And I do. My job’s easy. It’s Entrapta’s that isn’t. She has to convince everyone else it’s safe. She has to convince my wife to let me go.

Catra’s barely spoken to me all morning. She slept on the far side of the bed, curled away from me and when I reached out to touch her she shifted out from under my hand. She didn’t sit by me at breakfast, and she took Glimmer and Bow’s hands when we teleported to Dryl. I’m not stupid, I can take a hint. She’s angry, angrier than she’s been in a long, long time.

She’s at least standing next to me now, and, even though she’s scowling, she’s close. I wish she would speak to me or look at me. But I’ll take what I can get.

I bump the back of my hand against hers, hoping that she’ll hear my silent plea and have mercy. She doesn’t. Instead, she pulls her hand away and sets it on top of her growing stomach.

“So,” Catra closes her eyes, and I realize that Entrapta has stopped talking, “let me get this straight. We’re going to send Adora through a potentially unstable portal to track down the missing queen, who we aren’t even sure is alive, in some alternate dimension or reality or whatever, that you have triangulated and differentiated from a bunch of others based on… a hair?”

I frown. That can’t be it. A hair? A hair?

“Yes!” Entrapta cries, laughing sort of maniacally. “Isn’t it amazing? Using the DNA coding in a single hair from the queen’s brush I was able to pinpoint her exact location in between realities!”

Glimmer, who is standing on the other side of Catra with her arms crossed, sighs and starts shaking her head. “I have a bad feeling about this.”

“Yeah…” Bow, who’s clutching Glimmer’s shoulder, turns to look at me. His eyes are wide, full of concern. “Are you sure about this Adora?”

I sigh and reach out for Catra again. I wrap my arm around her waist and this time she lets me. Maybe she can feel my fingers shaking. Maybe she knows I just need to hold her. I nestle my nose in the hair just below her ear and take a deep breath. The smell of oil and metal is replaced by the warm sweet scent of Catra and it makes the next words easier to say. “I have to be, Bow.”

Catra stiffens in my arms. I hold her tighter.

“What other choice do I have?”

“Seriously?” Catra seethes, turning out of my grasp. Her glare is cold and actually directed at me now. “You have a choice, Adora. Stop acting like you don’t.”

I know it’s unfair, but I can’t help the glare that I shoot back. “Catra, don’t. You know why I have to do this.”

“No, I don’t.” Catra’s eyes are glassy, and I realize she’s holding back tears. My glare slips and my mouth falls slack. “It’s not your fault she’s lost Adora. I know you think it is but it’s not. So why do you have to do this?”

“Angella sacrificed herself for all of us Catra—”

She shakes her head, and I can hear the words she doesn’t say.

Not me, she’s thinking, Angella didn’t sacrifice herself for me.

I don’t know how to convince her she’s wrong.

“She sacrificed herself to save the world from the portal I opened. I did this, so please,” she takes my hand and pulls it to her chest, “let me do this. For once, let someone else clean up their own damn mess.”

I’m shaking my head before she finishes speaking. “No. No, Catra I won’t—”

She squeezes my hand. “Why?”

“You’re pregnant!” I put my free hand to her stomach. It’s warm, buzzing with the life growing inside it. “You can’t risk it.”

“That’s bullshit.” Catra digs her nails into the back of my hand. They prick at the skin. “You’re going to be a mother, same as I am. If I can’t risk it, you can’t.”

I shake my head. “It’s not the same.”

“Um…” Glimmer pipes up, cocking her head, “it kinda is.”

“Glimmer!” I hiss, and Catra snickers like she’s won something.

“It’s a good point Adora,” Bow says, and with that I’ve lost every ally. “If something goes wrong—”

“Nothing,” I seethe, pulling my hand from Catra’s chest and wrapping it around her arm, “is going to go wrong! Entrapta’s done her research, she’s done the math. This’ll be easy!”

Catra leans forward and presses her forehead against my collar bone. “Just wait. Please? Just a few months until I have the baby. Then I can go with you.” My blood runs cold. “Please. You don’t have to do this alone.”

I grab Catra by both arms and slowly lift her away. A single tear runs down her cheek and I place a gentle kiss over the spot. When I pull back the scowl has returned to her face in full force.

Catra’s always been able to read me. Catra always knows what I’m going to say, and when I’m going to disappoint her.

God, I wish I didn’t have to disappoint her.

“I’m not leaving Angella there a second longer than I have to. We’re doing this.”

Catra’s eyes are cold, and she doesn’t flinch at my words. The only sign that she heard me is the subtle clench in her shoulders. She steps away from me, and my hands fall from the warm fur on her arms to the biting cold air of Entrapta’s lab.

I sigh. “I’m sorry Catra.”

She just continues to glare, and I turn to where Entrapta is standing in front of the portal machine.

Out of the corner of my eye I watch Glimmer walk over to Catra and in the quick second when I glance back, I watch Glimmer wrap her arms around my wife. Glimmer whispers something and the faint hint of a smile ghosts over Catra’s lips.

My heart squeezes hard in my chest at the sight. I could’ve never dreamed all those years ago that Catra would go to Glimmer for comfort, much less that Glimmer would offer it freely, but here we are. Catra and Glimmer are best friends. Catra and I are married. Catra is pregnant with our baby. I have everything I could’ve possibly dreamed of, and more.

But this isn’t just about me – Micah and Glimmer have dreams too. And I can help them.

I turn back to Entrapta. “So how is this gonna work?”

She shrugs, plugging one large cord into another. “We press the button, you step through, find the queen, then step back. Didn’t we go over this already?”

I nod. “Yeah, but the portal’s still gonna be there, right? It won’t, like, collapse or anything?”

Entrapta lifts her head. “It shouldn’t. When the Heart of Etheria was destroyed the restraints the First Ones made for the planet were destroyed with it. We can do all kinds of stuff now! Portals are just the beginning! Theoretically we could get rid of Runestones altogether and—”

“Okay, so portals aren’t ripping apart spacetime anymore. Got it.”

Entrapta frowns. “You’re missing the point.”

“Hey!” Glimmer shouts from behind us. “Can we get this over with?”

She still has her arms around Catra, but now Bow is holding Catra from the other side. Catra’s scowl has lightened, turning into something that almost looks nervous. I remember what she said, asking me to wait so that she could go with me. I remember how that turned my blood to ice.

I turn back to Entrapta. “Let’s do this.”

Entrapta nods and I step over in front of the portal machine. I pace my breathing and line myself up with the center of the ring. Last time I stood in front of one of these things it nearly destroyed everything and sent Catra down such a dark path I never thought I’d find her again.

But that was then. This is now. Things are different now.

Still, I watch Entrapta anxiously as she pulls a large switch and the machine whirs to life. Everything is silent but for the sound of the wind and power building as the room starts to fill with purple light. It’s blinding, and my hair is whipped all around my face and neck. I forget to breathe.

I’m not ready. I don’t want to go through this portal. What if it doesn’t work? What if Entrapta’s wrong? What if it collapses and I never see my friends or family again? I have friends, I have a family! Am I really willing to risk all of that for a harebrained plan? Why am I always risking everything for harebrained plans?

Because you promised you’d take care of them. Micah deserves to have his wife back. Glimmer deserves to have her mom.

There’s a tiny voice in my head, that sounds a lot like Angella, that tells me I deserve to be a wife, to be a mom. I ignore it.  

I take one last moment to look back at my friends and my wife. I shoot them a reassuring smile. “I love you guys.”

I hope Catra knows I love her most.

And then I step into the portal.

Catra’s screaming my name and it scares me. It sends my pulse hammering. Why is she crying? What’s happening? Where is Catra? Is she okay?

Where am I?

I open my eyes and bolt upright. I kick at the blankets wrapped around my legs and when I realize where I am I start to breathe a little easier.

It’s fine. I’m in my bed. I’m back home.  

Well , I cock my head, sort of .

I run my hand over the frame. This is what my bed used to be like, during the war. It’s the flat, twin sized cot that Catra did away with the moment we were back to Bright Moon, saying “I had a bigger bed in the Fright Zone, Adora. The Fright Zone.” So we got a bigger, slightly cushier bed and—

And Catra should be in it.

A chill runs up my spine as I remember the sound of her scream. I stand up, throwing the blankets from my body. I run my eyes over the room. Something is wrong. It doesn’t feel right here. Everything feels like it’s… slightly to the left, or something.

I remember the first time I went through a portal, waking up with memories no one else had and being told everything was perfect… That–that can’t be happening again.

I shake my head. No, this is different. This feels realer than that did. This doesn’t feel like a dream I’m trying to wake up from. This feels like… like my first few days in Bright Moon. This feels like… not belonging.

I press my hands to the sides of my skull, pretty sure I’m going to get a headache, then something shiny tucked underneath my bed catches the faint light from the moonstone. I blink. “No…”

I crouch down and move to my knees, reaching down and wrapping my hands around a long, golden hilt. Slowly I pull it from under the bed and I’m holding a large crystalline sword out in front of my face.

I stare at it for a moment, at the Sword of Protection, then I drop it and scream.   

Chapter Text

Catra of the Waste

Scorpia has been talking for the last ten minutes and I haven’t listened to a word of it. She’s giving me what she calls the “Daily Report” and what I call “Scorpia’s Bullshit Excuse to Talk My Ear Off for a Half an Hour Everyday”.

Which is maybe a little harsh. And makes it sound like I hate it a lot more than I do. But come on, call it what it is for fuck’s sake.

Again, it’s not that I really mind. At this point it’s just kinda white noise. But it does bug me that it’s Scorpia. If it were anyone else, some other lizard goon, I’d be fine, and it’d be even easier to ignore. But it’s Scorpia, and every time I look at her I feel…

Guilty.

I hate it. I hate how it makes my skin itch under my fur and my stomach lurch. And it’s not fair. It was a long time ago and I shouldn’t feel guilty, not this time. I’ve done a lot of questionable shit in my life, but this time I know I did the right thing.

“Scorpia,” I sigh, finally looking at her rather than out the large windows on the opposite side of the room and out over the Valley of the Lost, “is there a point to this?”

I ignore the itch. I ignore the lurch. I focus on everything else I’m feeling. Which is pretty much nothing.

I just feel… nothing.

“Oh!” she nods, “yes. The point. The point is that Huntara was spotted in the valley this morning, and she wasn’t alone. Some have suggested she might be here to take her territory back. And that’s, ya know,” she taps her pincers together, “that’s bad. For us.”

I roll my eyes, pulling myself into an actual sitting position rather than the sprawl I’ve been lying in across the captain’s seat we scavenged from that First Ones’ ship all those years ago. “Yeah, I doubt it. Huntara hasn’t been seen around the Waste in almost seven years. She’s probably running some errand for the princesses or whatever…”

Scorpia nods, crossing her pincers behind her back. “Yup, yup, absolutely. It’s just, isn’t that… also bad?”

I shrug, standing. “What do I care? I’m not a Force Captain anymore. The war’s over. The princesses won.” I pull my bone dagger from my belt and start to pick at the claws on my left hand. “As long as they leave me alone, they can do whatever they damn well please.”

Scorpia sighs, steps forward, and puts a pincer on my shoulder. “What’s troubling you Wildcat?”

I hate when she calls me that. I hate that she still calls me that. People aren’t supposed to be this nice to you after you break their hearts.

“Nothing.” I shake off her touch. “I just don’t think it’s worth worrying about.” I sheathe the dagger. “Are we done? I have actual work to do.”

I pretend not to see Scorpia’s little frown. “Yeah, sure thing boss. See you tonight.”

I nod, walk to the front of the room, and disappear down the hall.

I make my way down the long corridor, following twists and turns and slowly moving deeper and deeper into our base of operations. When Scorpia and I had first taken up in the Waste we’d lived in a tiny little hovel in the lower levels of the Valley. It was cold, pest ridden, and somehow damp, but it didn’t last long. It only took a few weeks for us to gut that First One’s ship, sell off the parts, and start making a name for ourselves. We’d taken over the two largest gangs in the Crimson Waste. That came with a certain level of respect, and I wasn’t going to waste it.

Soon we were true smugglers, moving goods through the waste to different kingdoms around Etheria and scraping just a little off the top for ourselves. We developed a client base, and we moved up in the canyon wall. Now we have a base carved into the southernmost edge of the canyon that overlooks the entire valley. Now we’re on top.

In the meantime, the war ended.

I’m not sure what happened, and I never cared to find out, but Scorpia did. She took a team and traveled all the way back to the Fright Zone. She went there looking for Entrapta, so of course they didn’t find any sign of her. Just a bunch of tired soldiers getting ready to run as far as they could.

Our ranks doubled in size that day.

The way Scorpia tells it, the little I’ve let her tell me, the Horde fell apart without me. When I left, I left them an easy target for the Princesses.

And that should make me proud. I should be so fucking proud. I was the Horde’s greatest strength. I am all but king of the Crimson Waste. That should make me feel something.

But it doesn’t.

I like being on top, I like being up high and in the light of the sun but sometimes… I just want to hide.

Finally, I arrive at the indoor training grounds. It’s a large room, with high ceilings, sand floors, walls lined with weapons, and dozens of dried cactus and sage dummies shoved into the corner just waiting to be demolished. It’s my favorite room in the base.

Well other than my throne room, but I’ll admit that’s a vanity thing.

I stand in the center of the room and scratch at the ground with the claws on my feet, marking the floor. Then I walk over to the dummies and one by one, picking the butt ugliest, drag ten of them to the center of the room. I find my mark in the ground, take ten even, measured steps away, and using all the strength my stupid skinny arms possess drive the post of the first dummy into the ground. Then I turn around, return to my mark, walk ten steps in the exact opposite direction with a new dummy, and do it again.

I repeat this process until all ten dummies are standing in a circle at the center of the room. 

I go back to my mark and pull my whip from my waist. I weigh it in my hand for a moment, trying to keep my breathing even, and clear my head of the messy jumble that has been plaguing it for hours. Then I close my eyes, hold out my arms, and spin around.

I don’t know how many times I spin, but when I come to a stop, I don’t know which way I’m facing and my stomach feels weak.

I take three deep breaths and open my eyes.

CRACK!

I flick out my whip, taking in my surroundings instantly. I slice through the center of the dummy immediately to my right. I turn on my heel, flicking my wrist again and slice off the head of the dummy that had been directly behind me.

I just keep doing this, flicking my wrist, throwing my arm, slicing through dummy after dummy until I’m surrounded by large chunks of dethorned, dehydrated cactus. I stop when the last intact body is broken and falls to the floor.

My chest is heaving, and I drop my whip. I claw my nails down the sides of my face, just enough to scratch but not deep enough to draw blood, and groan.

Nothing. I feel nothing.

I bend forward, picking my whip up off the ground, and start to wind it back up around my hand. I clench my fist around the cord then hang it off my belt. Slowly, I step up to one of the heads that has rolled towards me and pick it up off the floor.

I stare into its lifeless eyes for a moment and then I try to match its wooden smile.

“When did I stop having fun?”

I sigh and let the head fall to the ground. I step over it and move towards the door.

And what is standing at the door but my guilty conscience?

“Catra! There you are!” Scorpia’s shoulders fall in relief. “Been looking for you everywhere boss.”

I roll my eyes. “I saw you maybe an hour ago. What, did something come up immediately after I walked away?”

She taps the tips of her pincers together. “Well not immediately. But you know that Huntara situation I was telling you about?”

I step past her into the hallway. “Yeah, actually, and,” I groan, “you know how much I hate to admit this, but you were probably right. We should send someone out to watch her—scratch that.” I almost smile, fiddling with the end of my whip. “I’ll go out.”

The idea feels sparkly, but not like a princess. Like the kind of thing that just fits. Maybe tracking down a bulking purple meathead is exactly what I need. If Huntara catches me she’ll definitely try to kill me, and maybe that’s what I need, a little bit of risk.

Maybe this will make me feel something.

“Ha, um, well boss, that’s the thing. We just caught Huntara, trying to break in.”

I blink and my heart lurches in disappointment. “Oh. Okay, well,” I tap my chin, “interrogating her should be fun at least. Haven’t done that in a while.”

“See, that’s the other thing.” Scorpia looks anxious, like she’s on the verge of running away. “She’s already telling us everything.”

I narrow my eyes. “What is she telling us?”

Scorpia swallows. “Oh, just that she was on an errand for the Princess Alliance. That she was supposed to help someone else get in.”

I raise a brow. “She wasn’t alone?”

Scorpia shakes her head.

I grit my teeth. “Who was with her?”

Scorpia purses her lips. “Oh, ha, ya know, just some princess…” she trails off.

I cross my arms. “Which princess?”

She sighs, shoulders dropping as she points down the hall. “You should really just come see. She’s… she’s been asking for you.”

I scoff. “She’s been asking for me? What did A—"

My heart stops.

There’s no fucking way…

I bolt down the hallway, barely registering the sound of Scorpia running after me, following every twist and turn until I end up at the entrance to the throne room. I come to a dead stop, scraping my heels, and my eyes burn at the sight.

Kneeling in the center of the room, right before my throne, with her hands bound, her hair pulled up into a little half ponytail, her red jacket replaced with a red and gold vest, and sword nowhere in sight is—

"Adora?"

Chapter Text

Adora of Bright Moon

Today was long and terrible, and honestly, I never want to be She-Ra again, but I’m dreaming my favorite dream so it’s almost okay. But I figured out I’m dreaming, and that always happens right before it ends.

I’m lying on the beach at Mystacor, the sun shining bright and warm, and the pink cloud waves are hitting the rocky shore. I’ve taken off my jacket and boots, and I’ve even let my braid down. I feel good. I’m happy. And pressed to my side, wrapped up in my arms with her face tucked into the crook of my neck is Catra, breathing slow and deep. She’s even purring.

I haven’t heard her purr in a really long time.

I swallow as the corners of my vision start to go dark. The sound of the waves begins to weaken, and I know I’m running out of time. I pull Catra tighter and press a kiss to her head.

“Catra, I…” tears fill my eyes and the soft brush of fur under my hands starts to fade. “Catra, I need to tell you something.”

“Hmm?” She murmurs, not even lifting her head.

“Catra,” I whisper, clutching her as tight as I can while everything around us goes dark, “I’m sorry. Catra I lo—”

And then it’s over. She’s gone and I’m floating in darkness.

I sigh and close my eyes. The dream always ends here, in this void. I don’t know what it’s supposed to mean; I’m sure Glimmer and Perfuma would think it means something, but it ends here, and I just have to wait. Wait until the nothingness of regular sleep comes back.

So I close my eyes and wrap my arms around my chest, ready to wait, when I hear the most beautiful sound.

“Adora?”

I open my eyes wide. I know that voice. I’d know it anywhere.

“Adora, please! You have to wake up!”

Suddenly, a bright light is breaking through the black. It pours down from above, blinding me. I shield my eyes and grit my teeth. What on Etheria…?

I look up and all I see is Catra’s face.

“Please,” she pleads, there are tears in her eyes. “Wake up…”

I haven’t seen her cry since… since I can’t even remember when.

Instinctually I reach for her, but my stupid arm can only reach so far. So I kick and propel myself up, drifting through the darkness towards the light of her face. She grows larger, brighter, until she’s right there.

And she’s everything.

I press my hand to her cheek but it’s wrong. It’s cold, and flat – glass, I realize. There’s a barrier, there’s something keeping me from her.

I won’t be kept from her anymore.

I raise my arm and slam my first into the barrier, cracking the glass. I hit it again, and again, creating more cracks each time. They shimmer in the light but they’re not enough. I turn on my side and ram into the glass with my shoulder. More fissures, but still not enough.

Catra’s calling out for me, her voice desperate, tears running down her cheeks, and my patience is wearing thin.

“Let.” I punch at the glass, shards cutting into my hand. “Me.” I throw my shoulder into it, pieces digging into my jacket. “Out!”

I smash my head into the glass, and everything goes black.

I open my eyes and suck in a deep breath. My heart is pounding in my ears, and everything hurts, like I was just thrown down a flight of stairs. The ceiling above me is purple and vaguely familiar, but I can’t place it and when I try pain shoots through my head. I groan and lift my hand to my head, running my fingers over a forming headache.

“Shhh…” a gentle and raspy voice murmurs, before a soft hand covers my own. “It’s okay.” They choke on a sob. “You’re gonna be okay.”

I open my eyes again and look up into the most beautiful pair of eyes I have ever seen. One brilliant yellow, the other ocean blue, both pinched in the corner with genuine joy like I haven’t seen them in years.

Not that I’ve seen them at all. Except in my dreams. My favorite dreams.

As I come to myself, I realize that I can feel her legs under my head and on the back of my neck, so I’ve got to be resting in her lap. And she’s started brushing my hair out of my face with one hand and the other is wrapped around my jaw.

And she’s looking at me with love in her eyes. So much love that…

I lift my arm, ignoring the ache, and press my palm to her cheek. She smiles at me and I’m even more convinced.

“You’re not real,” I whisper, my throat filling with tears. “This can’t be real.”

I want it to be. I want it to be so badly. But I don’t know how it could be. Catra would never look at me like that. Catra would never hold me like this. Catra hates me. Catra never wants to see me again.

This is just another dream.

Why I’m in so much pain I’m not exactly sure, but my dreams have never made a lot of sense.

Catra’s face falls. “What?”

“You’re not real. Which means I don’t have much time. I never have time once I realize it’s a dream. So, Catra, I’m sorry, and I—”

She shakes her head. “No. No. This is not a dream. Shut up. You—” She looks at me again, running her eyes over the length of me. Then her eyes go wide and she pulls her hands from my face. “You’re not my Adora.”

I frown. “What?”

“Um…” I lift my head and follow the voice to my right where Glimmer and Bow stand, close with their hands clasped. “What does that mean?” Glimmer says, biting her bottom lip.

“Entrapta!” Catra yells, grabbing me roughly by the shoulders and pushing me into a sitting position. I groan. “Who is this? Where the fuck is my wife?”

I blink and ignore the pang in my heart. Catra’s married. Duh. Why wouldn’t Catra be married? I chuckle quietly and mutter, “Scorpia,” under my breath.

“What?” Bow says, and his eyes are all gentle concern.

I shake my head. “Nothing. Just…” I look at him, really look at him, and furrow my brow. His hair is… longer, a little on the top pulled back into a ponytail. And his clothes are weird, much more purple. And the white earring hanging from one ear that looks like a teardrop, kind of like Angella’s…

I look at Glimmer. She looks different too. Her hair is shorter, much shorter. And she’s got a circlet - I think? - tiara thingy on her head, and one of the same earrings on the opposite side.

And they’re holding hands. They’ve been holding hands this whole time. Which isn’t that weird, but the only people I know who hold hands that much are Spinnerella and Netossa and they’re…

“Wait, are you guys a couple?” I shout and both their eyes go wide.

“Wha—yes!” Glimmer stumbles over her words. “We’ve been married almost as long as you and Catra.”

Bow drops Glimmer’s hand and wraps his arm around her shoulder. “We’ve been together since the war ended. Just like you two.”

Catra’s claws curl into my shoulders. “Again, this is not my wife!”

“What do you mean?” Glimmer murmurs, and she looks terrified.

“I mean this,” Catra shakes my shoulder and I wince, “is not the woman who walked into that portal. This is someone else. Look at her! Look at how she’s dressed, and her hair. This may be Adora, but it is not our Adora.”

Bow and Glimmer stiffen. “Where… where is our Adora?” Bow asks.

There’s a clatter on the opposite side of the room, a circuit board or something being thrown, and suddenly a pair of large purple pigtails are propelling a woman I thought was dead, across the room.

I don’t know what this is, a dream or some warped vision – nothing makes sense and I’m not following any of what anyone is saying – but there’s Entrapta and maybe this is one of those visions of prophecy or whatever. Maybe I’m losing my mind for a reason. 

“Entrapta!” I yell, jumping to my feet, ignoring the ache in my legs. “Entrapta we’ve looked for you everywhere!” I run at her, coming to a stop about two feet away. It would feel weird to try and hug her. “Where have you been? I mean…” I rub the back of my neck. “I know we thought you were dead before and then you were working for the Horde but when the war ended and we couldn’t find you I made a promise that I wouldn’t let that happen again and…” I sigh. “Entrapta, where have you been?”

She blinks at me, then cocks her head to look at the people behind me. “What do I say?”

Catra groans. “Nothing! It doesn’t matter what you say, she’s not going to understand you!”

Entrapta nods, then reaches out and grabs my arms with her hair. “Thank you,” she murmurs, “for looking for me. I don’t know where I went in your universe, but it… it means a lot that you’re looking.”

I frown, and she lifts me and sets me to the side. “What do you mean ‘in my universe’?”

Entrapta beams, turning back to her computer and I finally realize where we are. We’re in Entrapta’s lab. We’re in Dryl.

She clacks away at her computer, and I look back at Catra who’s still sitting on the floor. She’s buried her head in her hands and when she lifts her head, she looks furious.

“Hey Sparkles, wanna help me up?”

Glimmer huffs, but she still smiles a little bit at what I guess is a nickname? Then she walks over, holds out her hand, and pulls Catra to her feet.

When I see Catra standing my stomach plunges to my feet and I nearly scream.

“You’re pregnant?"

Chapter Text

Catra of Etheria

Today has barely started and I can already count it as one of the worst days of my life. So, when the woman who looks like my wife but is definitely not my wife screams at me asking if I’m pregnant, I ignore her.

“Entrapta,” I cross my arms, “what the hell happened?”

“I’m not sure,” she scratches the top of her head. “My understanding of portals is still a tad rudimentary. I understand the science but the full breadth of what they’re capable of is still beyond my grasp. Before we were taken out of Despondos I never would’ve imagined that Etheria existed in a different dimension than the rest of the universe. Now what makes a dimension is something I still barely comprehend, but what the existence of this Adora seems to prove goes beyond dimensions into a theory I’ve only speculated on—”

“Which,” I groan, dragging my hands down the side of my face, “is what?”

Entrapta cackles, bending over backwards. “The theory of the multiverse!”

For a second the only sound is a weird incessant dripping that’s gotta be coming off one of the random useless pipes that line the walls of this place. Then Bow speaks up. “Um…” he chuckles nervously, “Entrapta, what’s the multiverse?”

Entrapta’s fingers start flying across keys again and images start popping up on her computer screens. “Well, you see the idea is that we exist here, in our universe,” a little figure shaped surprisingly like Entrapta herself appears on the main screen, pigtails and everything. “But with every decision I make, an ‘other me’ hypothetically exists who chose differently.” A second figure pops up, and underneath both figures little lines appear branching off in opposite directions. “And for every decision that someone else makes that would affect the course of my life another ‘other me’ exists,” two more figures, and two more lines. “And each of these ‘other me’s exists in a different alternate universe – a different place in space and time. And every decision that’s made creates a new universe continuing indefinitely into an infinite number of parallel universes where a whole variety of realities could be taking place!"

Now the screen is flooded with little Entraptas, lines overlapping each other over and over again, and there’s no way to know which one was the one we started with.

Entrapta cackles and my blood goes cold.

“Infinite number of universes?” Glimmer whispers.  

“Yup!” Entrapta beams, but when she turns and sees my face hers falls. “But I’m… I’m sure we’ll be able to find our Adora. I just… don’t know how yet…”

“Don’t be so sure.”

Everyone in the room, save Entrapta and I, because I heard the door open and she’s probably just used to him ghosting around, jump when Hordak walks in.

I feel weird saying he looks better these days, but he’s been looking better these days. Since being away from Prime his “defect” has been rearing its ugly head, so he’s got the bright red eyes with the dark rings around them again. His hair’s black except for the tips, and the skin on his arms and shoulders is dark and splotchy. He looks like the Hordak we all knew and feared back in the good old days.

It's weird but… I’m happy for him. I think.

Adora, or “Other” Adora, is not.

“No,” she cries out, stumbling backwards and falling against the wall. “No, you—you’re… you can’t be here.” She closes her eyes and presses her hands to the sides of her head. “This… this is a dream. This has to be a dream.”

Hordak cocks a brow. “Excuse me?”

“You’re dead!” Adora screams, and it fills the room with a chill.

“Adora,” Glimmer steps forward, and then in a flash of sparkles she’s at “Other” Adora’s side, holding her by the shoulders. “It’s okay,” she murmurs. “Shhh.”

Adora slips to the ground and covers her eyes with her hands. And then she starts to cry.

Bow’s running to her side next. I’m fighting every single one of my instincts to stay where I am.

“I—” Adora chokes on her words, and I lift my hand ever so slightly before I catch myself and lower it. She’s shaking in Glimmer’s arms, “He can’t be here. All of it was for nothing if he’s here.”

Bow runs a hand soothingly down her back. “It’s okay Adora. This Hordak…” Bow glances back at the man who can almost be called our friend at this point, most definitely our ally. “He’s not like yours. He’s…good?” Hordak gives a small nod, like he gets to make that call or something. “He’s Entrapta’s friend.”

I can hear, and feel, Hordak step closer to me. “That, I take it, is not the Adora I know.”

I cross my arms and shake my head.

Adora looks up from behind her hands, but not at Hordak, at me. Her mouth sets in a hard line and she nods. She swallows her tears and runs the back of her hand across her cheeks. “Right. Sorry. I… I’m okay.”

Glimmer and Bow pull back and Adora gives them reassuring smiles as they help pull her to her feet.

“As I was saying,” Hordak says, walking over to the computer where Entrapta stands. Adora tries not to flinch when he passes her. “Differentiating between universes would, in theory, be incredibly complex. Prime,” Hordak winces when he says the name. I do too. “Was never successful in creating a portal into an alternate universe because he was never successful in locating an alternate universe to try and portal into. A portal needs a location, a destination. For a portal across space, or even dimensions, it’s fairly simple to throw out the theoretical string and hope for something to catch, but across universes you need a tether.”

“Why?” I ask. “What makes it different?”

“Because the portal needs to be much stronger,” Hordak explains. He steps up to the keys and another model pops up on the screen. It’s of a portal, surrounded by running numbers and equations. “Much like a bridge that crosses not only a great height, but a great distance, needs to be stronger, a portal crossing into a different universe is battling against space and time.”

He cocks his head. “Or time as matter understands time to be, meaning the differential dispersion of matter. The universal constant itself does not change.”

I pinch the bridge of my nose. “So we need to build a stronger bridge. Great. How do we do that?”

I can feel “Other” Adora watching me, but I refuse to look at her. I refuse to feel anything for her. It will only confuse me, distract me. I just need to get my wife home.

Hordak turns around. “This Adora,” he nods to the blonde huddled between Bow & Glimmer, “she came from an alternate universe?”

And for some reason we all turn to look at her. Like she knows.

She looks from me, to Bow, Glimmer, Entrapta, then finally to Hordak. “I don’t know!” She throws up her arms. “All I know is I went to bed last night after a really, like really, long day, and I woke up here, on the floor.”

Hordak turns to Entrapta. “When did she show up?”

Entrapta drops her head and taps her chin with the tips of her hair. “Well… about ten seconds after Adora walked into the portal it started to lose stability. It looked like it was going to collapse, which it did. But right before it did it spit her back out and onto the floor.” Entrapta frowns and turns on her pigtails to Adora. “Well not her, her. Sorry about that by the way.”

Adora shakes her head, taking the tip of her long braid in between her fingers. “It’s fine.” She starts stroking the hair through her fingers.

Huh. She’s never done that before.

I take a second to look at her, really look. She’s wearing a jacket, which my Adora doesn’t do anymore, but it’s different. It’s still red, and it’s still hideous, but the shoulder pads are toned down, the sleeves are a little longer, and the collar’s tamed so it’s almost flattering. She still wears the belts, and the pin - the pin that three years ago my Adora gave to me rests right at her navel. Her hair’s up in a ponytail, but the ponytail is longer, much longer, going down past her shoulder blades, and it’s braided. Her hair poof is long gone.

Honestly, she looks so different I can’t believe I confused her for my Adora at all.

But I know the expression on her face – that timid determination. I know those eyes, that steely gray blue. I know the furrow of that brow and the set of that mouth. I know the tension in those shoulders, and I know the stance of those legs. I know her because she’s still Adora.

She’s just not my Adora.

“It would seem that whatever Entrapta did when making the portal that our Adora stepped through,” I stiffen– what right does he have to Adora? “My apologies, the portal that your Adora stepped through, was able to create a strong enough bridge. We will simply have to recreate the experiment.”

Glimmer sighs happily. “Oh well that’s easy! We can do that right now, right?”

“Um…” Entrapta rounds the portal machine and comes back with a sheepish grin. “It seems that the hair we were using got… burnt up? I’ll need another one.”

Glimmer nods, clapping her hands. “That’s okay! I have a hairbrush full!”

I decide I’m not going to ask why we still have a hairbrush full of the queen’s hair lying around.

Bow claps “Other” Adora on the shoulder. “See? We’ll have you home in no time.”

She bobs her head, but she doesn’t look at him, instead she just keeps staring at me. I’m tempted to ask her what the hell her problem is, but I’ve decided not to talk to her at all “Awesome,” I start to cross the room, “so Glimmer and I’ll poof back to Bright Moon, grab a hair, poof back here, and then we can get this show on the road.”

Glimmer raises a brow. “You want to come with me? But you hate tele—”

I grab her by the arm. “I’m coming.”

I need to get out of here, if only for a minute. I need space to breathe, space away from those eyes that keep staring at me like I’m the sun and they’ve been in Despondos for centuries. Which, based on everything she’s said so far I wouldn’t be surprised if they had.  

“I am… concerned,” Entrapta admits, and I turn back to see her rolling the strands of her hair over one another.

“What are you concerned about?” I clench Glimmer’s arm harder.

“Ow.” She mutters and I instantly apologize and let go. That doesn’t save me from her gaze, which is deep and concerned.

“Adora.” Entrapta turns to the girl who is leaning into Bow at this point, probably for as much emotional as physical support. “Where you come from, is Angella… well is Angella still queen?”

Adora furrows her brow. “Of course. Why wouldn’t she be?”

All of us drop our heads.

Because of me.

Entrapta nods, then turns back to her computer. “We found Angella, but we didn’t find an Angella locked between realities. We found an Angella in a parallel universe. But, according to my calculations the possibilities of a parallel universe having an Angella is—” Entrapta’s fingers and hair moved at lighting speed and then a little ping sounded through the silent room. “56.78%”

“What?” I scream, running up behind Entrapta and staring at the number that was now on the screen in big and bold type. “How is it so high?”

“Well there’s quite a few variables, but as I understand it many things could’ve kept Angella from closing that portal – if Adora’d closed it, if the first ones restraints had already been broken, if—”

“If it had never been opened in the first place,” I murmur, wrapping my arms around my chest.

Entrapta gave a short nod. “If we’re going to find our Adora, we need something more specific to look for. Something that either makes her very special, or makes that,” she bobbed her head in the direction of the “Other” Adora, “Adora’s universe special so we can triangulate it. And right now, I have no idea what that would be…”

I close my eyes. “So… we’ve got nothing.”

Entrapta sighs. “We’ve got nothing.”

Chapter Text

Adora of Etheria

The sound of the sword clattering to the ground shakes me to my senses and I scramble to my feet. “Catra!” I yell, running for the door and charging out into the hall. “Catra!” I call again, “Catra, where are you?”

I can still hear her screaming in my head. Why was she screaming? Where did she go?

I run down the hall, heading for Glimmer and Bow’s bedroom. Maybe she’s with them. Maybe she’s okay but she’s still angry at me and she’s with them. “Catra!” I’m getting louder. “Catra please! This isn’t funny!”

I slide to a stop outside Glimmer and Bow’s door, nearly toppling over. I throw my fist in the most violent knock of my life. “Glimmer! Bow! Wake up!” I start to smack the door with open palms. “Is Catra with you? ‘Cause she’s not in our room, and I’m freaking out!”

There’s no response. I wait about three seconds out of courtesy before I do what Glimmer would do – throw the door wide open and march inside.

“This is an emergency,” I state plainly, putting my hands on my hips. “Sure, she might be fine, but I woke up alone and I heard her screaming, and after what happened earlier, which I’m sure was bad seeing as I don’t remember it…” I pause, tapping my chin and dropping my gaze. “Crap. I don’t remember it. Oh, she’s furious, isn’t she? The portal must’ve gone terribly. You guys have to get me up to speed. And we have to find her, immediately. I’m not letting my pregnant wife wander off in the middle of the night just because I—” I look up from the floor, expecting to see Glimmer and Bow staring at me blearily from a bed in the middle of the room, but instead there’s just… more floor.

I cock my head. “Glimmer? Bow?”

“Adora?”

I look further up, following the sound of Glimmer’s tired voice and find her in a bed that hangs from the ceiling. It’s the same bed she had during the war – the one she got rid of after saying “I’m not asking Bow to hop on a bunch of floating stones to get into bed every night. I’m not unreasonable.”  

She rubs her eyes and stares down at me. “What are you doing up?”

I blink. “Looking for Catra, like I said. Um… where’s Bow?”

Glimmer shakes her head, her brow creasing. “What? Probably in his room. Did you say you’re looking for Catra?”

I nod, a wave of dread creeping up behind me. “Yes…”

Suddenly with a tinkling of bells Glimmer is standing beside me. She teeters a little, grabbing me by the shoulder. “Whoa,” she mutters, righting herself. “Adora,” she sighs, rubbing her cheek, “did you have that dream again?”

“What dream?”

“You know,” Glimmer sighs, and her eyes that have finally opened all the way are gentle and sad, “the beach dream.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She huffs and crosses her arms. “Well, I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“I’m talking about my wife!” I throw up my arms. “She’s been mad at me for days and I’m sure what happened today just made it worse but—”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, what?” Glimmer scoffs. “Adora, you aren’t married.”

I laugh. Just outright laugh. “Yes I am.”

“No,” she places a hand on my shoulder, “you’re not. You haven’t ever dated anyone. Not even since the war ended…”

I furrow my brow and the wave of dread starts to pick up momentum. “But… I—”

“I don’t know why,” she goes on, ignoring me. “Plenty of women were interested, you just didn’t seem to… reciprocate. Do you want to get married or something? ‘Cause you’ve never mentioned it before….”

I brush her hand away. “This can’t be happening again. Not again…” I look around the room, noting the ways it has and hasn’t changed. “And where the hell is Bow?”

Glimmer groans, dragging her hand down her face. “Probably in his room, sleeping! Like I said!”

My mind starts to run through every possibility that isn’t an unstable portal that has started to rip apart space time and taken me to an alternate reality where my friends have different memories of the past than I do. Or I try to, but there are none that make sense to me. I don’t know anything about portals or science or what could possibly be happening right now. All I know is that I’m on the verge of a panic and I can’t find Catra anywhere.

“Glimmer, where is Catra?”

Glimmer frowns, putting her hand on my arm again like she’s trying to comfort me. “Adora, we haven’t seen Catra in six and a half years – not since she let you go in the Crimson Waste.”

My breath catches in my throat and the wave crashes.

Ten minutes later we’re back in my room and Bow’s with us. We’ve turned the lights on, but the morning birds have started singing and it’ll be light outside soon. Bow and Glimmer are standing in front of me, looking at me with their heads cocked, and I have my fists clenched.

“You don’t look right,” I mutter, running my eyes over them. And they don’t. They look… weird.

They’re not bothered by what I said though, they just nod.

“You look different too,” Bow says.

His hair is shorter, cropped almost to a buzz, and he’s changed from his pajamas into a shirt that looks a lot like what he wore during the war but it’s a solid red with a gold heart now.

Glimmer looks even more different, enough that I can’t believe I didn’t notice before. Her hair’s down past her shoulders and it’s parted in the middle. She’s missing her tiara, and the jumpsuit/cape ensemble she’s changed into is a lot pinker than the one I’m used to. Honestly, I kinda hate it. Not that I’m about to tell her that.

I think I hate everything about it here.

“So,” I push, digging my nails into my thighs, “you’re saying that the war’s over, that we defeated the Horde almost six years ago, but that I haven’t seen or heard anything from Catra in longer than that and the last time I did she was letting me go in the Crimson Waste?”

“Yes,” Glimmer nods, moving forward to take the seat next to me. “When… when do you think the last time you saw Catra was?”

She’s frowning, like she’s disappointed in me. I don’t know why.

I groan, burying my face in my hands. “A few hours ago!”

Bow comes and sits on my other side, putting a hand on my back. “It’s okay Adora. We’ll figure this out. You said you went through a portal right? Maybe that has something to do with it. We can—”

I shoot to my feet. “Entrapta!” I clap my hands. “Entrapta will know what’s going on!” I laugh, a little hysterically. I’m relieved. There’s an answer, something to do. I can fix this.  “I just need to talk to Entrapta. Where is she?”

I look back to Bow and Glimmer. They’re both looking at the floor and frowning. My stomach drops.

“Is she not here?” I press, refusing to let go of the last bit of hope I have. “That’s okay. I’m down for a road trip. Dryl right? Or is she in the Fright Zone with Scorpia? That’d make sense too! Well, I guess it’s called the Scorpion Kingdom now. I always get that wrong…”

Glimmer’s frown puckers. “The Scorpion Kingdom?”

“No one’s seen Entrapta since the war ended,” Bow says, head hanging. “We looked everywhere for her, but we couldn’t find her.”

My heart clenches in my chest, and the last of my hope vanishes. “Everywhere?”

Glimmer nods. “Everywhere.”

I stand for a moment then fall to my knees and bury my head in my hands. “But I just saw her!” I growl.

I don’t know where I am, I barely recognize the people around me, and I keep losing the ones who are supposed to be there. It’s starting to feel like it’s only a matter of time before I lose myself too. 

I wipe at the tear that escaped my eye with the back of my hand. “I’m sorry. I’m just so confused…”

“So are we Adora, but it’s okay, we’re going to figure this out.” Bow tries to smile at me.

“How Bow?” I ask, incredulous. I throw my hands up. “We don’t have Entrapta! We don’t have Catra! The two smartest people I know are missing! And I’m guessing we don’t have a Hordak!” Bow flinches and Glimmer’s eyes go wide. “And he knows the most about portals! How are we going to figure anything out?”

“Well,” Bow rolls his head, “why don’t you tell us what you were doing? You came through a portal. Why were you opening a portal?”

“Yeah…” Glimmer makes a face, “especially after what Mara and Light Hope said about them? Aren’t they, like, super dangerous?”

I sigh, falling from my knees. I grab at the edge of the curtain that hangs over the edges of my bed and start to pick at the fraying edge. “They were yeah. But the restraints the First Ones made are broken and Angella—”

I still, dropping the curtain, and slowly turn to stare at Bow and Glimmer. “Wait. Angella. Is she… is she here?”

Glimmer raises a brow. “Yeah? Where else would she be?”

And then something clicks in my head. I barely understand it, but I know why I’m here.

“Entrapta’s machine found the wrong Angella.”

“Okay,” I’m standing at the table in the war room and Bow and Glimmer are sitting in their seats watching me with wide eyes. “Now this is going to sound crazy, and it’s not going to make a lot of sense, but I promise – it’s all true.”

They both nod, and I take a deep breath.

“I don’t know where I’m from, I mean I know I’m from somewhere different from here, some alternate reality or something, but I’m from somewhere different. And where I’m from Catra didn’t let me go in the Crimson Waste. She took me back to the Fright Zone and she opened a portal. Because of a lot of reasons, like the planet being out of balance, and the way the First Ones harvested magic in the first place, that portal created this, like, fake reality where everything was “perfect”, except it wasn’t perfect, and then the portal started ripping apart space and time.

“But I was the only one who realized something was wrong for a long time, but eventually I convinced you two and you helped me try and stop it. But then you disappeared and the only way to stop the portal was to pull the sword, you know the sword, which was actually powering the portal, out. But whoever pulled it out was gonna get stuck inside – forever. Well I was gonna do it, but Queen Angella stopped me and did it herself. So she got… stuck inside?”

I tap the tips of my fingers together and watch as Glimmer’s mouth pops open. But her eyes don’t start to tear up, so I count that as a win.

“Anyway, lots of other stuff happens, we win the war, destroy the Heart of Etheria, which, according to Entrapta, was the reason we couldn’t open portals in the first place, and you know Catra joins the good guys.”

“Wait, wait, wait—Catra what?” Glimmer stands up, slamming her hands on the table.

“Save all questions till the end please.”

Glimmer huffs but sits back down.

“Well fast forward a few years and everyone’s doing great and then Entrapta thinks she’s found a way to save the queen! She took this hair from your mom’s hairbrush and using it was able to track her or something? But I think she found the wrong Angella.” I slam my hands on the table. “I think she tracked down your Angella! And I think when I walked through that portal I ended up here because here, Angella is still… well you know here .” I cover my forehead with my hand. “Does… does that make any sense?”

“Um…” Glimmer’s forehead is pinched.

“Kinda?” Bow shrugs his shoulders. “But I thought portals traveled between different places, sometimes even different dimensions. Not realities.”

“The first portal backfired!” I point at him, “It created a new reality!”

“Did this portal backfire?”

I sigh, falling into my chair. “No. It was fine. But maybe it’s not a different reality. It doesn’t feel like a different reality.” I stare up at the ceiling. “I’ve been in a different reality before and that felt… it felt false. But maybe there’s something else. I don’t know. Are there multiple… Etherias or universes or something?”

“Yes!” I look up to see Bow’s face lit up with a brilliant smile. “Well, actually no one knows for sure, but there are theories about it! And Entrapta herself has some research about it – I found some of it in her lab in Dryl. It didn’t make a lot of sense to me,” he admits, scratching his chin, “but the basic idea was that there are multiple ‘yous’ in multiple universes that all dissect at various points.”

I raise a brow. “Dissect?”

He bobs his head. “Basically, when your path diverges in two or more different directions based on a choice or action a new universe is created where you make a different choice. I think. There were a lot of fancy words. But then there’s a new you, in a new universe, with an entirely new life!”

Glimmer’s mouth twists. “How many ‘yous’ exist?”

Bow shrugs. “In theory an infinite amount.”

I straighten. “So… you’re saying I’m from a different universe?”

Bow smiles. “I mean it makes the most sense of anything so far, right?”

Slowly, I start to nod. And then I’m standing again. “Okay, so now, how do I get back to my own universe?”

Glimmer raises her hand and lets out a little cough. “Um, is it the end? Because I have questions.”

I stop pacing, which I only now realize I had begun to do. “Yes.” I nod at her. “Glimmer?”

She stands, slamming her hands on the table again. “Catra joined the Rebellion?” she nearly shouts. “When did that happen? Is that why you were looking for her earlier? Also – you…” she gasps and covers her mouth. “You said you were looking for your wife! Do you… Did you marry Catra?”

Bow, who’s been watching Glimmer with interest, turns to gape at me with an open mouth.

“I…” I can feel my face turning red. My hands start to sweat and for a moment I’m almost embarrassed.

Then I think about Catra. I think about the beautiful, fierce, magnificent woman I have the honor of calling my wife. I think about waking up next to her every morning and falling asleep with her in my arms every night. I think about the feel of her hand in mine and the gentle press of her lips on my cheek. I think of the way she wraps me in tight hugs and the way she purrs when I hold her. I think of that day at the Heart of Etheria, how she refused to leave my side, how it felt to hear her say, “I love you,” and the magic of that very first kiss.

The kind of magic that saved the world.

I clench my fists and stand up straighter. “Yes, I married Catra. I love Catra. She is my very best friend and the most loyal and devoted partner I could possibly ask for. She—” I swallow. “She did a lot of bad things, but she’s more than made up for them, and she didn’t do them because she’s a bad person, she did them because she was hurting. Catra’s been hurt…” I sigh, “a lot. By people she trusted and people who were supposed to take care of her.”

“You weren’t supposed to take care of me, Adora,” I can almost hear her saying. “We were kids.”

And I know that. I know that I’m not responsible for what Shadow Weaver did, that I couldn’t have protected her from that. But I also know I promised I’d look out for her. I promised to be there.

And when she really needed me, I wasn’t.

I made a promise, and I broke it. But I’ll never break it again.

“Wait,” I hold up a hand, cutting Glimmer off before she can speak. “You said we haven’t seen Catra in six and a half years?”

Glimmer groans. “Yes! Since she let you go in the Crimson Waste!”

I stare hard at the tabletop. “And after the war ended I…” I raise my head. “I never went looking for her?”

Bow’s eyes are soft, sad. “No… you – or our Adora never said anything about wanting to.”

Glimmer looks from me to Bow, confused by the gentle sound of his voice. “Why would she? Here, Catra,” Glimmer turns back on me, “is evil! Maybe where you come from she changes or whatever, but here, she’s just not capable of it!”

I bite back a growl. “You don’t know her Glimmer.”

“Yes, I do! She’s a nightmare!”

“Yeah?” I cross my arms, “Well where I come from, that ‘nightmare’ is your best friend!”

Glimmer gasps, pressing her hand to her chest. “She is not!”

“She is,” I smirk. “Once, she let you braid her hair.”

That seems to catch Glimmer off guard and for a second she’s silent. A strange look comes over her eyes. “She did?”

I shrug. “Yeah… she was incredibly, ya know, drunk. Like so drunk. But, it happened so…”

“Oh.” Glimmer pauses, playing with the ends of her hair. “How…” she takes a deep breath, “how long have you been in love with her?”

I’m taken aback by the question. It’s not one I’ve ever had to answer, not even for Catra, and in all honesty I’m not sure I have an easy answer.

“Since always,” I mutter. I scratch at the back of my neck. “I didn’t realize it for a long time, but I always knew she was the most important person in the world to me. I knew I was waiting for her.”

Glimmer nods and glances down at Bow. “Our Adora… she told me once about this dream she has sometimes… She didn’t say much, just that she’s at the beach in Mystacor with Catra.” Glimmer smiles a little and looks back up to meet my eye. “She told me it was her favorite dream.”

Tears prick at my eyes. “Do your Adora and I really seem that different?”

Glimmer shakes her head and Bow lets out a soft chuckle. “No, you seem just as stubborn and rambly.”

I smile. “I also can’t act.”

They both laugh and I wipe a small tear from the corner of my eye. I take a deep breath and cross my arms. “I’d bet anything your Adora loves Catra too.”

So why didn’t she go back for her?

I can’t believe it. I don’t want to. I’ve done everything to keep Catra. Ever since that portal I’ve fought for her. I’ve begged and pleaded, tackled her to the ground, electrocuted her, kidnapped her, fought tyrants and clones, and faced her death and mine. I promised I wouldn’t leave her behind again, and I made good on it.

So why didn’t I go back for her?

“I have to go to the Crimson Waste.”

“What?” Bow stands. “Why?”

“We need Catra.” I press the button on the table that pulls up the map of Etheria. I stare at the red desert. “She’s the smartest person I know. I need to get home, and we need to get your Adora back. If we have any hope of doing that, we’re going to have to figure out what happened to the portal that brought me here and how to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

“What do you mean?” Bow asks.

“It wasn’t supposed to collapse.” I tap my chin. “Entrapta was certain it wouldn’t collapse. So there has to be a reason it did. And we need to figure out why and fix it so the next one won’t.”

“Um…” Glimmer laughs nervously. “One problem – we don’t know how to open another portal.”

I smile a little. “We don’t have to. My friends will.”

Bow and Glimmer share a look. “How can you be sure?”

I sit down and lean back in my chair. “Because, like you said, Catra can be a real nightmare. And she’s gonna be until I’m home.” I grin. “Catra always finds me.”

And Catra isn’t going to let me go. She promised me that at the Heart of Etheria and she hasn’t broken it yet. A stupid thing like a universe between us isn’t  going to break her word.

“Now,” I scoot my chair in, “when was the last time you guys saw Huntara?”

Chapter Text

Catra of the Waste

I cover my mouth and duck back into the shadows just beyond the doorway. I stare, for several seconds at the girl kneeling in front of my captain’s chair. She isn’t struggling against her ties, but her head isn’t hanging like she’s given up either. She’s holding it high and smiling at the sentries standing on either side of her. 

“So,” she asks one, cocky as ever, “how’s your day been?”

They grunt and she shrugs. “Not much of a talker huh? That’s cool. I’m just relieved I found you guys.” She huffs. “It’s been one hell of a day. I forgot how much I hate it here. The heat, the quicksand, and plant life trying to kill me? No thanks.” She shakes her head. “But uh, how long do you think Catra’s gonna be?” She looks to the sentry on her other side. “‘Cause I really need to talk to her.”

I furrow my brow and Scorpia finally steps up behind me. 

“You,” she pants, “are so… fast…”

I turn on my heel and cross my arms. “Or maybe, you’re just slow.” 

She frowns. “Hey Catra, you don’t have to be—”

“I know, I know,” I wave my hand then press it to my forehead. “I’m just…” I sigh. I reach up and smooth my hair back behind my mask. “Okay,” I whisper, pushing Scorpia back farther into the hall by the shoulders. “This is how it’s going to go—”

I reach for the bindings around my chest and pull at my breasts, so they sit right. I tug at my jacket, brush off my leggings, fiddle with my collar, all the while muttering to Scorpia about making an entrance, an impression, and scaring Adora into never stepping foot inside the Crimson Waste ever again. 

Then I take a deep breath, turn around and walk into the throne room. 

A small crowd has gathered to watch the interrogation. They hang mostly on the edges of the room, but they part for me. And they watch with eager eyes. 

For a moment Adora’s still talking, something about how she thinks she’s got sweat creases behind her knees, but I notice the moment she hears my toenails scraping against the floor. Her entire body straightens and her hands clench into fists. 

But the moment she can see me, the second I step past the sentry by her side into her view her shoulders sag with relief and a smile takes up her entire face.

And fuck, that face… 

It’s caked in dirt and sweat. There’s a scratch down her cheek, another across her forehead, and a scrape on her chin. Her hair is falling out of her ridiculous little poof and her vest is torn on the shoulder. 

She looks like shit. But she’s smiling like she’s never been happier in her damn life.

And she’s smiling at me. Something flutters in my chest. 

“Catra, oh my god it’s actually you.”

I walk right past her and start up the steps to my throne, barely throwing her a sideways glance. “Who else would it be?” I scrape at the underside of my nail and turn to take a seat. I look her over again and smile. I cross my legs and lean back in my chair . “After all,” I look up at everyone who’s come to watch, “who’s the strongest in the Crimson Waste?”

They erupt into cheers and Adora throws her head around, watching my gang in awe. 

See Adora, I think, you were wrong about me. I’m important now.  

I feel a flicker of something warm in my chest, and as the cheers die down I wonder where I’d be without the people in this room. I actually sort of trust and rely on these goons. And I know they’d say the same about me. They need me. And that means something. That’s more than I’ve ever had. 

And that actually makes me feel something. 

Adora turns back to me and instead of a look of fear or disgust she’s smiling. It’s a warm and gushy smile - the worst kind. “Catra I…” She sounds reverent and I stop fiddling with my nails. “I’m so proud of you.” 

My tail goes rigid and my smile falls. I can feel my composure slip through my fingers like sand and everything I said to Scorpia about entrances and impressions is lost. 

“You’re proud of me?” I scoff and rise to my feet. I throw my hand to my side, claws unsheathing as anger starts to boil in my stomach. “What right do you have to be proud of me?” I step down towards her and my tail is lashing now. “You have no part in who I am anymore Adora – none!” I growl. 

I grab her by the chin and her eyes are blown wide. “You left me. You left me for dead and everything I am today is in spite of that – in spite of you! So don’t you dare tell me you’re proud of me. Don’t you dare take credit for what I’ve done. And don’t you dare say you’re sorry.” I pull her close, dropping my voice. “You leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me. Don’t forget that.”

I drop her with a shove and turn away, fury rippling through me.

I expect her to keep quiet. I expect her to have one ounce of self-preservation. But I should know better. This is Adora, right? She never knows when to shut up. 

“But I am,” she murmurs, grunting as she picks herself up. “And Catra, I’m so sorry.” 

I pause at the top of the steps, ready to turn around and give the order to drag her back to her cell, but she won’t fucking shut up!

“I know you’re sick of hearing it. I know my sorry means nothing, but I never meant to hurt you. And that doesn’t count for much, but I swear it’s true. And you’re right…” She sort of laughs, but it’s sad. “I don’t have a right to be proud of you. But I am anyway. Because I always knew you were amazing Catra, and now, so does everyone else.” 

I turn on my heel and cross my arms. For a second I just look at her, bent in half, covered in dirt, expression torn up like she actually feels something. I wonder how she convinced herself that she does. She can’t act to save her life so she’s got to believe it. 

It’s probably just that heroism acting up again. 

“Why are you here Adora?” I ask, perching myself on the arm of my chair. 

She lifts her head and shoots me a nervous smile. “Because I need your help.”

I blink, searching her face for some sign that she’s kidding. When I don’t find one I cackle. 

“What?” The laughter is ripping out of me, squeaking at the ends. “You’re kidding right?”

She shakes her head. “I wouldn’t kid about this.”

“In case you hadn’t noticed, Adora,” I wipe the tears from the corner of my eyes, “I’m not really in the business of helping people.”

A few eyebrows raise around the room, and Scorpia who has come to stand to the left of the sentry at Adora’s side is looking at me with a knowing smile on her face. 

Because that’s not exactly true. As leader of the largest gang in the Crimson Waste I’ve been known to grant… “favors”. Not for free of course, but I’m not exactly gouging people either. I’m not… I’m not a bad person. At least, I don’t think I am. I don’t want to be. 

That’s why I stayed in the Waste wasn’t it? I wanted to be more than Shadow Weaver or Adora would let me be. More than a disappointment, more than a villain. I wanted to be Catra – Strongest in the Crimson Waste. 

But I’m not about to grant Adora any favors. Not for anything. 

“I’ll make it worth your while,” she murmurs, staring me down with an intensity I thought I’d never see in her eyes again. 

Not that I ever thought I’d be looking into them again. I’d rather not be. 

But I’m intrigued. At least enough to hear her out. 

“What are you offering?”

Adora lifts her head high. “The Scorpion Kingdom.” I hear Scorpia let out a tiny gasp. “In its entirety, returned to Scorpia to govern and rule over as its Princess. The Alliance’s help with reconstruction, and…” she turns to Scorpia, a small smile playing at her lips, “we’ll help Scorpia reconnect to the Black Garnet.”

I try to keep my breathing even as I look over at my closest friend, but I know what I’m going to see. Her eyes have lit up and the smile on her face looks so hopeful. She wants this, she wants it so badly she’s never dared to ask for it. 

“Are—you can do that?”

Adora nods. “It’s actually really easy. It’s what you were born for.”

Scorpia’s cheeks turn light pink. “Oh, I don’t know about that…”

Adora turns back to me and smiles. “So, whatdya say?”

I clench my fist then let it go. Scorpia’s tapping her pincers and looking at me shyly. “Don’t even—” she scoffs, finding her bravado, “don’t even think about it Wildcat! I don’t… I don’t want to be a princess! I want to be here! With you! Ruling the Crimson Waste!” She raises her arms. “Who cares about some runestone? Or, ya know, my family’s kingdom. I wouldn’t fit in with the other princesses anyways.”

“I don’t know,” Adora cocks her head, “Princess Perfuma is pretty eager to get to know you better.”

Scorpia blinks rapidly and her face gets even redder than before. “Per—Perfuma?”

Adora nods. “Yup. In fact, after what I told her about you, she’s convinced you’re going to be best friends.”

I narrow my eyes. “And just what did you tell her about Scorpia?”

I don’t like the way Adora’s smirk makes my stomach roll. “Everything I know.”

Whatever the fuck that means!

I look back at Scorpia one more time, at the pink in her cheeks and the way she’s staring at Adora with wide eyes like she’s shiny and exciting. I know that look. She used to look at me like that.

And it’s not that I miss those days – I don’t. I don’t miss the confusion and the frustration I felt knowing that I couldn’t reciprocate the feelings Scorpia had for me. 

But I don’t like seeing her look at Adora like that. 

“And what exactly is it that you want?” I seethe. 

When Scorpia looks up in shock the look on my face must be enough to keep her silent. 

Adora sighs in relief. “Okay, so everything I’m about to say is going to sound crazy, and you’re not going to want to believe me, but I promise you it’s all true.”

I lower myself into my chair and cross my legs. “Sure, whatever, just get on with it.”

She nods, lowers her head, and takes a deep breath. “Okay,” she snaps up, “I’m not Adora. I mean I am Adora, but I’m not the Adora you know. Yesterday I came through a portal from an alternate universe and the Adora from this universe disappeared. We think, I mean Glimmer, Bow and I, think we got switched and that she’s in my universe now. But we can’t be sure. Still, it’s the only explanation that makes sense. Anyway, in my universe things are different, like super different. You didn’t stay in the Waste after you took over the gangs. Instead I told you that Shadow Weaver was in Bright Moon and you got upset and then you went back to the Fright Zone and you opened a portal. And that portal almost destroyed space and time and—that’s not important. But the war lasted another year and a half. And a bunch of other stuff happened like we went to space and you bonded with this alien cat named Melog but up until that moment in the Crimson Waste everything was the same. That’s when things started to be different. And apparently, with multiverse theory—you know what,” she shakes her head, “that’s not important either. What is, is that I need your help to get back home.”

Several seconds pass in silence and I just look at her, the quick rise and fall of her chest as she breathes and the desperation on her face. 

“You’re right,” I mutter, tapping my nails on the arm of my chair, “I don’t want to believe you.”

Her expression crumples. 

“But,” I say, “I remember…” I close my eyes, “that day.” I still my hand. 

I remember being intent on going back to open a portal just to prove you wrong. I remember being so angry, so hurt that I wanted to rip the world apart with my bare hands just to spite everyone that had ever made me feel powerless or weak – just to spite you.

“So…” I groan, running my hand down my face, “I think I believe you.”

Adora’s beaming now, looking at me like I’m the fucking sun or something. “That’s great! Oh, Catra thank you. Thank you so much. Now if you’ll just come with me to Bright Moon we can—”

I hold up a hand, silencing her. “I didn’t say I would help.”

I promised myself I wouldn’t help Adora for anything. And six years ago I promised myself I wouldn’t let her ruin my life again. Something in my gut tells me if I help her now, I’m going to break both of those promises. 

“Catra please,” she leans forward. “I can’t do this without you.”

I scoff and roll my eyes. “You seem to have been doing just fine Princess.”

She raises a brow. “You don’t know that.”

Something about the way she says that and the look on her face gives me pause. “So you give Scorpia a kingdom and some fancy powers. You’re still asking me to help you. And, if I haven’t made it clear, I, don’t like you.”

The set of Adora’s mouth is stern when she shakes her head. “I know that’s not true. I know you care about me Catra.”

I laugh, not hard, but it’s sharp and I can tell by the look on Adora’s face that it hurts. “Maybe I did, but that was a long time ago.”

There’s a second where Adora’s quiet, and I think that maybe she’s done, maybe I should send her to her cell. And maybe I’ll get a moment of peace to think about this. 

Because she could give Scorpia her kingdom. She could give Scorpia her family home and her runestone. She could give her friendship and belonging like I never could. She could give her everything she’s ever wanted. 

And what kind of friend would I be if I didn’t get that for her?

Not the kind of friend Scorpia deserves. 

But it’s Adora. And she abandoned me. She left me in the Fright Zone. She left me in this desert. She never really cared and because of her I never had a chance. She took all of them from me. 

And I’m supposed to just, what? Pretend that never happened and help her?

“I have a family to get back to,” Adora whispers. I look up to see tears brimming in her eyes. “Please Catra, I can’t lose them.”

My heart rings with a pang. Adora has a family. Adora has a family .

I remember wanting that. 

And that feels like the nail in the coffin. That feels like the knowledge that Adora really has forgotten me. And I don’t know why.

I swallow the lump in my throat. “That’s not my problem Princess.”

A tiny smirk pulls at the corner of her mouth. “Yes, it is.”

My stomach rolls. I glance at Scorpia to see her staring at Adora with pinched brows. I look back at Adora and despite the growing smirk on her face a tear is rolling down her cheek. 

The final nail is pried loose. 

“What are you saying?” I breathe. 

She rolls her shoulders back and lifts her chin. “That I want Finn to know both their mothers.”

My heart stops beating in my chest and my claws retract. My tail curls around my waist and everything around me slows down. All I can hear is a loud ringing in my ears. 

I stand and nearly run down the steps of my throne. I shove past Adora and Scorpia, whose muffled voices are calling after me. I pick up speed as I cross the room, pushing past people whose faces I would normally know. 

I feel like I’m trudging through mud, but I know I’m running when I reach the hall, and I run as fast as I can. 

I don’t know when I stop running. I’m barely aware of myself, but when I come to, I'm stuffed in what I think is the kitchen pantry, curled up on the floor. It’s dark and dry and warm and the ringing in my ears has quieted and I can hear the comforting pound of my heart again. 

Gently, I reach up and pull my mask from my face and set it on the floor next to me. I brush my hands through my hair as tears start to streak down my face and my body begins to shake with sobs. 

“That I want Finn to know both their mothers.”

I found Finn when I was seven. I was sneaking around the transport bay, watching the soldiers arrive after a raid of the coastal towns in Salineas. A few of them were carrying boxes, joking about the looting they’d done while they were there, and while one pulled out something that looked like a fancy necklace, a little orange thing fell to the floor. 

No one noticed it but me and after the soldiers had all left, I came out from behind the crates I’d hidden behind and picked it up off the cold metal floor. 

It was a toy fish, made out of some hard alloy with big green marble eyes. It was about the size of my fist and had a little wind up rod on the side that when you twisted it would make it flap its back fin. 

I realized it was a toy pretty quickly, and for some reason I thought it was hysterical to wind it up and set it on the deck of the bay to watch it flop around. I’d never seen anything like it. I’d never had a toy before, and this stupid little fish was my new favorite thing. 

So I hid it. I knew I’d get in a shit ton of trouble for having it so I climbed to the highest shelves in the storage closet right at the edge of the hallway nearest the forge that no one went to because it would get too warm, and I hid my fish there. I didn’t tell anyone about it, not even Adora, because she was such a goody goody people pleaser that I knew she’d tell. And it were the only thing that was mine.  

And I named it Finn, because that was my favorite part about it, the flopping fin. It would always make me smile. 

For the next ten years of my life I always had that storage closet. I’d always have mine and Adora’s overlook, but when I needed to be alone, when I didn’t want to be found, I’d go to that storage closet to play with Finn. 

I only ever cried in front of Finn, and Finn always made me smile. 

I almost told Scorpia about them when the war ended, when she went back to the Fright Zone looking for Entrapta, just to ask if she would look for them in that storage closet and bring them back to me. 

But I didn’t, I couldn’t. I didn’t want anyone to know about Finn. Finn was mine. 

And now apparently Adora’s. 

I scream, throwing my fist against the door. 

I promised myself when I was eleven that if I ever had a kit I’d name them Finn. I used to imagine Adora and me getting married and having a family like I heard people did in the world outside the Fright Zone. It was my deepest, darkest secret. But I would dream about it in my storage closet. I would watch my fish and I would picture a day when Adora and I would be ruling the Horde with our little kit and how they would play with my fish. And things would be different for them. Things would be different for everyone. 

Some of the orphans would talk about their families, how they remembered having mommies and daddies, and for some reason I never got the idea out of my head. Maybe I just wanted someone to love. 

But I would name them Finn, like my little fish, because my fish made me happy, and I was sure my baby would make me happy too.

I can’t imagine having that baby now. I can’t imagine that family I’d dreamed of all those years ago in that closet. What business do I have being a mother? I don’t know why I ever thought I could be. 

But Adora can. Of course Adora can. Because Adora’s good and noble and heroic. And she has a family and gets to be a mother to a child named… Finn.

Which means… it means…

I’m not stupid. I know what it means. Adora all but said it.  

I bury my head in my hands. 

Somewhere, I hear my own voice whisper, there’s another Catra – a Catra who married Adora and had a kit and named them Finn.  

And god I want to hate her for it. 

Instead I just wrap my arms tight around my torso and cry harder. Because I don’t hate her. I want to be her. Still, after all these years I want to be her so badly it hurts. And I can’t fathom the pain I’m feeling right now, how the wounds are still so deep after so long, but here they are. That Catra has everything I’ve ever wanted. 

I take a deep breath and resolve settles over me hard and steady. 

I’m going to help Adora get home.

Because even though I hate her, even though I want to spite her and ruin her life for how she’s ruined mine over and over again, I’m selfish enough to want some other Catra in some other universe to be happy. 

She deserves it dammit. I deserve it. 

I stand, pick my mask up off the ground and place it gently back on my face. I run my fingers under my eyes and step out of the pantry. 

Ten minutes later I’ve made it to the cells and I lean against the bars of Adora’s. She’s curled up in the corner, staring up at the ceiling with tears rolling down the sides of her face. 

I probably should feel something, but luckily for the first time in over an hour, I feel numb again. 

“Hey, idiot.”

She turns to look at me and her face just glows like she’s thrilled or something. “Catra?”

I sigh and cross my arms. “What exactly did you have in mind?”

Chapter Text

Adora of Bright Moon

Glimmer teleports us back to Bright Moon. The Glimmer in my… universe? I don’t know. But, she can’t teleport that far. This Glimmer can. When I ask why she says it’s because she has the full power of the Moonstone now and she can teleport all over Etheria.

“All over?” I ask, shocked.

“Yup!” She smiles at me. “It’s my favorite way to spend the day – going to visit all the Princesses in their kingdoms.” She glances back at Catra whose eyes are pinched shut, and smirks. “Catra hates teleporting. It makes her sick.”

“You’re a sadist.” Catra mutters, her tail lashing. She walks past us to the stairs. “Come on. Let’s go to the war room. We need to call a meeting or whatever.”

I don’t ask Glimmer how she has the full power of the Moonstone. I can figure that one out on my own.

They said Angella was trapped between realities. I don’t know what that means, but I’m desperate to ask. I’m desperate to ask a lot of things.

When we arrive in the war room Bow puts his hand on my shoulder and ushers me to my regular chair. I sigh when I fall into it. At least this hasn’t changed.

Then Catra’s standing right beside me, her arms crossed and a scowl on her face. She’s staring me down and I try not to shrink away.

“What?” I murmur and she sighs.

“What did I do?” She whispers through clenched teeth and I furrow my brow, confused.

“What?”

She closes her eyes. “You said I wasn’t real. You were convinced I was a dream.” Her eyes fly open and they’re lined with unshed tears. “Why? Why wouldn’t I be real? Where is the Catra of your universe? What did she do?”

“Nothing!” I straighten. I want to reach out for her, to take her hands. I want to feel her soft fur against my skin again. “I mean, I don’t think she’s done anything. I don’t really know—”

“Why?”

I stiffen. Catra’s eyes are burning right through me. They’re desperate and full of a fear that I don’t know if I’ll ever understand. And I don’t know what I’m supposed to say.

“I…” I swallow, “I haven’t seen Catra in six and a half years.”

Catra lets out a small gasp. Her eyes are wide, and she takes a tiny step away from me. A single tear slips down her cheek and I can’t help it – I reach for her.

“Catra…”

Her eyes flicker down to my outstretched hand. Then she hardens. Her scowl comes back, her body goes stiff, and her tears dry up. She looks up at Glimmer, Bow and Entrapta who are all watching her with wide eyes and open mouths. “I’ll be in my room,” she says and her voice is tight. “I’ll be back for the meeting.”

Then she’s gone.

I reach behind my head for my braid, taking the end and running it through my fingers. My fingers are shaking and I’m so confused.

I look back at my, or really, the other Adora’s, friends. Entrapta shifts from side to side for a moment, looking out the door before she speaks. “I’m going to go with her. I want her help brainstorming. She knows Adora best after all. She may be able to think of something that makes her unique!”

Glimmer forces a smile and nods. “That’s a good idea. I’ll send you a message on your tracker pad when the meeting’s about to start.”

Entrapta nods and her hair carries her out the door.

I’m not an idiot. I know it’s an excuse. I know that Entrapta’s going so that Catra doesn’t have to be alone. But… it’s Entrapta. And it’s Catra. Last I checked their relationship wasn’t exactly close. Heck, I’ve never seen Entrapta comfort anyone! But there she goes.

Does anything make sense here?

I start twisting my hair around my finger and try to make a list of everything that I know about this universe. I know that Glimmer and Bow are married. I know that Entrapta isn’t missing but  Queen Angella is. I know that Hordak’s… alive.

And Catra’s pregnant. And married. To… me.

I was so confused at first, when they were talking about Catra’s wife and then about how their Adora was missing. I couldn’t believe it. It just… It didn’t seem real. It was like my beach dream – way too good to be true. Catra had to be married to someone else, anyone else.

I’ve wanted Catra too much, for too long to actually get to have her in this or any universe.

But here we are, in a universe where a Catra is married to an Adora. Where she’s in love with an Adora. And it’s real.

I look up to see Bow and Glimmer whispering, their hands moving fast as they probably try to decide what to do with me.

Finally Bow sighs and pulls out his chair so he can face me. He sits down and gives me a gentle smile. “I’m sure you have a lot of questions.”

I bob my head. “So many. Like—” the floodgates open, “why is Catra here? Not that she shouldn’t be, it's just… confusing. And Entrapta? How did you guys find her? And why is Angella trapped between realities? And what does that mean? And how is Hordak even alive? Why didn’t… I mean shouldn’t he be…” I shake my head. “And why is Catra here? Is she a good guy now? Doesn’t she hate me? And is Hordak a good guy? Is everyone just a good guy now? And, again, why is Catra even here?”

Glimmer steps up behind Bow and puts her hand on his shoulder. “Aren’t you… happy that she’s here?”

“I… I don’t know.” I admit. Since the moment I touched Catra’s cheek I’ve been confused. This isn’t like my dreams; there I get to love Catra. I don’t get to do that here, I just have to look at her and know some other version of me does. “Should I be?”

Glimmer frowns and Bow looks up at her with a look that I think is trying to be reassuring but just ends up looking sad. He covers her hand with his and squeezes.

Glimmer meets his gaze, but she doesn’t smile. “I’m gonna go get the others.”

And then she’s gone too, teleporting away with the tinkling of bells.

I reach out and put my hand on Bow’s arm. “Please Bow. I just want to understand.”

He sighs and puts his hand on top of mine. “You said you haven’t seen Catra in six and a half years? What happened?”

I bite my lip. “I… we were in the Crimson Waste. She captured me and took the sword, but Huntara escaped with you and Glimmer.  I was trying to talk to her, convince her not to take the sword to Hordak because he was going to open up a portal to bring the rest of the Horde army through to Etheria. And she wasn’t listening. Then I… I told her that Shadow Weaver was at Bright Moon and she got…” I close my eyes, the memory of her face turning my stomach, “she got so angry. I was sure that I’d lost her.”

Bow bends forward. “But?”

I shrug, and pull back, still as confused as I was the day it happened. “She came back in the room and asked me some stupid question, and then just… let me go.” I pull the end of my braid back between my fingers. “So I took the sword and left. I went back to Bright Moon and a few weeks later we started taking back Horde occupied territory and then a few months after that we stormed the Fright Zone. I… I never saw Catra again.”

I look up and Bow’s frowning. “What did she ask you?”

I sigh. I’ve wondered for a long time if that was important, but I’ve never been able to figure out why it would be.

“She asked me what I wanted from her.”

Bow furrows his brow. “And what did you say?”

I curl further in on myself. “I—”

Glimmer appears then with Perfuma and… Scorpia. My fingers tighten around my hair. There’s Perfuma, standing all willowy in a long light green dress with her hair parted to the side and interwoven with flowers and towering next to her is Scorpia. Scorpia with long white hair that’s still shaved on the sides, and a little black dress with loose wavy sleeves that goes down to her knees. And they’re both beaming.

They wave at me and Bow. “Hello friends!” Perfuma says, walking towards her seat. “Glimmer said this was an emergency, I do hope nothing too terrible has happened.”

I stare at Scorpia as she follows after Perfuma and pulls out her chair for her. “Glimmer already told us the portal didn’t exactly work but she didn’t really give us a lot of details…” She looks up, then her eyes dart around the room. “Hey, where’s Catra?” Her face goes pale and she throws her hands, (pincers?) to the sides of her head. “Did something happen to her? Oh! If something happened to my Wildcat I—I don’t know—"

Glimmer blinks into existence at Scorpia’s side, putting a hand on her arm. “No! No, she’s totally fine Scorpia.”

Out of the corner of my eye I see Bow cock his head to the side. “Well…” he murmurs.

“She’s in her room.” Glimmer goes on. “She’s coming to the meeting, she’s just tired.” She looks around the table at me and Bow, “We all are.”

Scorpia and Perfuma’s shoot each other a loaded look. Something about it makes me ache.

“But, I’ll be back!” Glimmer forces a bright smile. “I have a few more Princesses to wrangle!”

Scorpia returns Glimmer’s smile and places a pincer on the table. “Totally! See you soon.”

Then Glimmer disappears again. And right before I turn back to Bow to ask him if he thinks what Catra asked me in the Waste was important I see Perfuma lift her hand and wrap her fingers around the end of Scorpia’s… I think you’d call it a claw?

My eyes go wide. “What?” I hiss, turning on Bow.  “Scorpia too? And she’s dating Perfuma?”

Bow sighs, putting a hand on my knee. “Remember Adora, things happened differently here.”

“What happened differently?” I cry, throwing up my arms. “Because obviously there was still a war! Obviously, I still left the Horde! What changed?”

Bow reaches up and takes my hand. He pulls it down and sets it on the arm of my chair. “Remember what Entrapta said about the diverging points? And what happens when a decision is made that changes the course of our lives?”

I nod slowly, remembering the screen with the little Entraptas and the lines branching off in different directions. “A new universe is made.”

He nods and grips my hand tight. “You said Catra let you go in the Crimson Waste, that she didn’t go back to the Fright Zone or open a portal, right?”

“Yeah,” I whisper, and I feel like my stomach is falling. “Why?”

“Well,” he gives my hand a squeeze, “in this universe that didn’t happen. Catra took Adora back to the Fright Zone. She opened a portal and it was… bad.”

“Bow,” I whisper, “you have to tell me everything. Everything that happened, everything that’s different. I need to know who I am here.”

He takes a deep breath and lets it out slow. “Yeah. You’re right.”

So he tells me. He tells me about the portal and how the world was disappearing around them. He tells me about Queen Angella’s sacrifice, how she pulled the sword that was powering the portal out and got trapped inside. He tells me about how the war continued, and Glimmer was crowned queen. He tells me about how they traveled to the Crimson Waste to retrieve Mara’s ship. He tells me about how Salineas was attacked, and about the Horde spy Double Trouble. He tells me about the message that Mara left that I only ever saw parts of – about the Heart of Etheria. He tells me about Scorpia joining the rebellion and the mission to save Entrapta.

He tells me they found King Micah. And when my hands start to shake he squeezes them harder.

He tells me about Glimmer setting off the Heart. He tells me about the portal that pulled Etheria out of Despondos.

The portal Hordak spent years trying to create. The portal that Light Hope eventually made for him. Light Hope who betrayed me and lied to me and who, when Adora destroyed the sword, ceased to exist.

He tells me about Horde Prime.

I don’t know when I start crying but eventually Bow is wiping my cheek.

“Glimmer and Catra were beamed up onto Horde Prime’s ship with Hordak,” he explains. “They were gone for weeks, and we didn’t know where they were. We had to fix Mara’s ship, get it ready for space, and figure out where in space they were, but with Entrapta’s help we did.” He sighs. “We didn’t know Catra was there, just Glimmer. I think if we’d known… I think it would’ve been even harder on you.”

I don’t tell him he’s right. He’s being polite pretending he doesn’t know. 

“On our way to Horde Prime’s ship we got a transmission from Catra. She said she couldn’t track our exact location but that she knew what quadrant we were in. She said she was going to teleport Glimmer to us, and we needed to get to the coordinates she was sending. She told us we couldn’t go to Horde Prime’s ship because he was waiting for us. And that…” Bow glances over his shoulder and I follow his gaze to Glimmer. I realize rather quickly that the table has filled up in the time it’s taken Bow to tell me this story. The entire Princess Alliance is here now, and a man I don’t know, a man that must be King Micah.

They’re all watching Bow and me with tight lips.

“And then Catra told you she was sorry, for everything.”

“What?” I breathe, straightening in my chair. “But… Catra doesn’t—I’ve never…”

Bow gives me a sad smile. “She sacrificed herself to save Glimmer. To save all of us. And when you asked Glimmer why she said—”

“She wanted to do one good thing in her life,” Glimmer says, rubbing her arm. “She said she was doing it for you.”

More tears run down my face. “She did?”

Glimmer’s smile is weak, but she nods, and my heart feels like it’s about to burst.

“Um…” Netossa raises her hand and the whole table turns to stare at her, “sorry to interrupt but why exactly are we telling Adora her entire life’s story?”

“Because,” at the sound of that voice I flip around in my chair so fast I get dizzy, “that’s not our Adora.”

I don’t know how long Catra’s been standing in the dark doorway but just seeing her sends my heart racing. She steps forward, and beside her, coming up to her knees is the strangest looking creature I’ve ever seen. It’s a cat… I think. But it’s purple, with sharp features and a glowing blue mane that kind of ripples? Their eyes glow just as bright and immediately I feel the shift, like the air is charged. And just like that I know – they’re magic.

They look at me and cock their head, then let out a long drawn out mewl.

“No,” Catra murmurs, and I realize instantly that she’s talking to the purple leopard thing. “She doesn’t.”

The cat’s eyes droop and they drop their head. I frown. I didn’t know cats could look… sad. Especially ones with such square faces.

Tentatively I stand up and walk towards them, holding out my hand. I don’t know what I’m doing, or why I’m doing it, but for the first time today I feel sure of something. And it’s stupid and reckless but… I need to pet this thing.

I take small steps forward and crouch down. “Hey,” I whisper, “I’m Adora.” I bite my lip. “Not that Adora though. Sorry. I’m guessing that’s why you’re sad, huh?”

They lift their head, and their eyes are a little less droopy. They step forward and press their nose against my palm.  

I smile and brush my hand back over their head. “You’re so pretty,” I coo, running my fingers through their glowing blue mane. It’s surprisingly warm and feels like a misty rain, but thicker, and somehow, dry? It’s amazing. “What’s your name?”

I look up into Catra’s wide, surprised eyes. “Uh… they’re name is Melog.”

I nod, placing a kiss on Melog’s forehead. “Hello Melog. It’s very nice to meet you.”

“I didn’t even get to that part of the story yet!” I can hear Bow whisper behind me and Spinnerella giggles.

“So what does that mean?” Mermista starts, “’Not our Adora’?”

I don’t turn to look at her, I just keep petting Melog. It reminds me of when I was little and I’d curl up with Catra after I’d had a nightmare. I’d run my hands down her arms, over and over again, soothed by the feeling of her warm fur beneath my fingertips.

Melog isn’t exactly furry, but their skin is fuzzy and soft, and that’s close enough.

Catra steps past me. “It means the Adora who went into that portal this morning is not the Adora who came out of it.”

“Um…” Frosta was next to speak, “what happened to her?”

“She went to another universe!” Entrapta bounds through the doorway, pad in hand. “And this Adora switched places with her!”

I expect her to cackle, but for once she seems the right level of concerned.

There are a lot of questions and for a minute it gets really noisy, then Entrapta claps her hands and Emily, at least I think that was her name, the robot bustles into the room and starts projecting calculations and images onto the wall. At one point Entrapta turns on the holoboard over the table and starts to model the type of portal necessary for a universe swap and that’s when I just start to tune everything out.  All I do is think about my breathing and the feel of Melog’s fuzz and mane under my fingers. And when they start to purr I pull their head into my lap.

But I can feel eyes on me, and when I finally turn to find out who’s looking, I catch Catra. And she looks like she’s hurting.

I stop petting and lean down to press my nose to Melog’s cheek. “I think we’re making Catra sad,” I whisper. “Probably a little jealous too. She gets that way sometimes. Maybe you should go sit next to her.”

Melog nods and lifts their head to lick my cheek with a bright blue tongue. I laugh and watch as they run to Catra’s side. When they reach her chair, they shrink down to about the size of a regular old housecat and leap into Catra’s lap.

Immediately Catra’s hands move from the arms of her chair to hold Melog closer.

I sigh and scoot back to rest my head against the wall.

I think about what Bow said, about Catra saving Glimmer, about her apologizing for everything. The Catra I know doesn’t apologize. Ever. She promised me years ago she never would, and she’s kept that promise.

But this Catra did. And this Catra saved Glimmer. This Catra wanted to do something good.

Does that mean my Catra would’ve too?

I wince. She’s not my Catra. And she never will be.

But I’m drawn from my thoughts by the sound of her voice.

“Just wait. Please?” I open my eyes and look up at the wall. Emily’s projecting something else now, a recording. “Just a few months until I have the baby. Then I can go with you.” Catra says. “Please. You don’t have to do this alone.”

She’s leaning on… me. But it’s not me. Her hair is up in a half ponytail with a hairpoof still at the front. She’s wearing a red vest instead of a jacket, and the gold pin I keep on my belt is gone.

Catra’s leaning on her, pressing her forehead into her shoulder, and when this other Adora lifts her away I think I can see a tear on her cheek.

Adora leans forward and kisses her on the cheek, and even from the camera’s warped angle I can tell that Catra’s scowling now.

“I’m not leaving Angella there a second longer than I have to. We’re doing this.”

Then Catra steps away.

“I’m sorry Catra.”

How many times have I said that? I wonder. Does it even mean anything anymore?

Then Adora walks away and starts talking to Entrapta about the portal. But I keep watching Catra. I watch as Glimmer walks over to her and wraps her arms around her. I watch as Bow does too. I watch as they rest their heads on her shoulder and Catra shudders.

It’s funny, to see everything you’ve ever wanted right in front of you and know it belongs to someone else. Especially when that someone else is… you.

“Hey!” Glimmer eventually shouts, “Can we get this over with?”

And then they’re starting up the portal.

I’ve never seen a portal before. I didn’t know it would be purple, or round, or that it would be so windy and bright. I didn’t know it would look so terrifying.

I glance around the room and everyone else looks as tense as I feel. Perfuma is clutching Scorpia’s claw, Sea Hawk has his hand on Mermista’s shoulder, and Frosta’s gripping the edge of the table. Even Glimmer and Bow, who were there, are holding onto each other’s arms like they’re lifelines.

Adora turns back and smiles at Glimmer, Bow and Catra. “I love you guys.”

And then she steps through the portal.

For a second everything is silent. And then an alarm starts to blare.

“What’s happening?” Glimmer cries, pulling Catra closer.

Entrapta starts typing furiously, hands and hair running over keys. “I don’t know! It doesn’t make sense! The First Ones’ restraints are gone! This shouldn’t be happening!”

Then the portal starts to shrink.

“Adora!” Catra screams. She runs at the portal, but Glimmer and Bow hold her back.

“Catra no! You can’t!”

“Adora’s in there! I can’t—” Catra’s voice gets tight. “I can’t lose her!”

“Entrapta!” Bow yells. “What do we need to do?”

“I don’t know!” Entrapta’s voice hikes. “The portal’s destabilizing! I think—”

And then, without any warning, the portal flickers, and I fall out.

I collapse to the floor in an unconscious heap and Catra’s crying out in joy and running towards me. She pulls me into her lap, and cries.

“Wake up baby. Please! Wake up…”

Then the video cuts out.

“Well fuck,” Mermista mutters in the silence that follows.

“I knew something was going to go wrong,” Catra mutters bitterly as Entrapta steps away from the table, the hologram that had been glowing above it dissolving.

“Catra,” Bow reaches across my chair for her, “we couldn’t have predicted—”

“Yes we could’ve,” Catra snaps, slapping away his hand. “I did. I said something would go wrong. I said we should wait. I begged her to wait, but did she listen to me? No. Of course not. Because why would my opinion matter? Why would anything I say or feel matter?”

Glimmer, who’s on Bow’s other side, stands up . “Catra—”

“No. I don’t want to hear it. I don’t care if I have a bad attitude. I’m fucking pissed, okay? And you don’t get to tell me not to be.”

I think I’m the only one who notices Melog hop off her lap and duck behind my chair.

“Hey Catra,” Scorpia says, voice soft, “we understand you’re upset—”

“You don’t understand!” Catra shouts, pushing out her chair and rising to her feet. “You couldn’t possibly understand! Your wife is still here! Your wife loves you enough to stay.”

The room falls into complete silence, but it’s only a beat before Glimmer goes to reach for Catra. Her hands aren’t even an inch away when Catra suddenly turns around and shoves past her. She crosses her arms over her chest and marches towards the door.

And for a second our eyes meet. For a second I look into shiny tear filled ocean blue and sunshine yellow eyes and I feel my heart break. Then they’re gone and Catra along with them.

From behind the chair Melog grows back to their original size and walks up to me. They rub their cheek against my face and follow Catra down the hall.

“What… what am I supposed to do, Bow?” Glimmer whispers. She’s holding back tears and gripping Bow’s shoulder.

He covers her hand with his and stares out the doorway. “I… I don’t know.”

Scorpia stands. “I’ll go talk to her.”

Heat flares in my stomach and I jump to my feet. “No, I will.”

“Uh…” Mermista’s voice chimes up from the other side of the table. “Not to be like, rude or whatever but what are you gonna do?”

What am I going to do?

I’m not her Adora. Catra didn’t save Glimmer for me. Catra didn’t apologize to me. She’s barely been able to look at me since I got here.

But I’m still an Adora. And I still love a Catra. And that’s got to count for something.

So I smile weakly and say “I’m going to ask her to finish the story.”

Chapter Text

Catra of Etheria

I expect to hear Scorpia or Glimmer or Bow any minute. Honestly, I’m surprised I’ve evaded them this long. This isn’t one of my standard hiding spots, but it’s one of the only ones I can fit in now that I’m eight fucking months pregnant.

I’m in the library, deep in the nonfiction section, curled up on one of the cushions tucked in the corners. I think I hide here because it’s like hiding in the hallways of the Fright Zone, ducking behind crates and tucked underneath staircases. And it’s usually dark, and quiet, and no one comes down here.

Except Adora when she can’t find me anywhere else. This is always the last place she looks.

This is where I hide when I don’t want to be found for a while. But it’s nothing compared to that storage closet back in the Fright Zone. God what I wouldn’t do for that closet right now.

Melog is curled around my feet and I’m running my fingers through their rippling mane. They’re purring, trying to calm me down, and it’s working a little. My breathing has slowed down and my hands have stopped shaking. But now the shame and embarrassment are sinking in.

I can’t believe I said that. And in front of everybody. I can’t believe I lost my head.

And now everyone knows – everyone knows that I’m afraid and exactly what scares me.

Melog lifts their head from my lap and looks down the way towards the library’s entrance. I follow their gaze but I don’t see anything. Still, I don’t dare speak in case someone’s close. I still don’t want to be found.

Then Melog’s up and running away, weaving through shelves and out of my sight.

Adora’s here! they mew and I stiffen.

How in the ever-living hell did she find me?

“Catra?” I hear her call out, and then she laughs. “Melog! Hey buddy! Is Catra down here?”

They mew a yes, and Adora pretends she understands. “Can you take me to her?”

They mew again and it’s a matter of seconds before I can see Adora winding through the shelves making her way over to me. When she finally sees me, her eyes light up and a relieved smile takes up her entire face. “Catra! I found you!”

I frown. “Why were you looking?”

She shrugs, coming to sit at the foot of my cushion. Melog climbs into the space in between us, laying their head in my lap and most of their body on Adora’s. “You don’t actually like to be alone when you’re upset. You just pretend you do.”

I narrow my eyes. “Where’d you get that idea?”

She starts to scratch at Melog’s back. “Well, that’s how the Catra of my universe is. I think she wants someone there, but she doesn’t want to ask for it. She wants someone to want to be there, ya know? She wants you to prove it.” She looks up and smirks. “She always runs away but never so far I can’t find her.”

I scoff. “Uh huh. And when was the last time you saw her?”

Her shoulders slump and she doesn’t answer.

I’m not sure I should say anything else – I don’t want her thinking I actually want her here, but I do have a question that I can’t seem to keep down.

“It was the Crimson Waste, wasn’t it?” She looks back up. “That’s where things diverged or whatever? That was six and a half years ago.” I sigh. “That’s why you haven’t seen her and don’t know for sure where she is. She stayed in the Waste.”

Adora slowly begins to nod. Then she purses her lips. “Can we talk? Please. It’s been a really long time since I talked to you.”

I roll my eyes. “You’ve never talked to me.”

“You know what I mean.”

I sigh and start to scratch behind Melog’s ears. I wrap my own tail around my lower thigh, giving my leg a gentle squeeze. “And what would we talk about?”

“I want you to tell me what else happened,” she leans forward. “Bow was telling me everything about this universe, about what happened after we diverged, but we got cut off right where—”

“I know where.” I groan. Reluctantly I look into her eyes, identical to my favorite eyes, the same steely gray blue that have been my grounding sky for decades. I owe those eyes everything. I want to give them everything.

But I can’t.

“Ask Bow,” I say, wrapping my arm around Melog’s neck. “He’s a better storyteller anyway.”

Adora leans back and frowns. She picks up Melog’s tail and starts to run it through her fingers. “You’re a great storyteller.”

I ignore that.

I get the quiet I want for the next five minutes. I can tell that she keeps glancing up at me, but I don’t think about why. Instead I think about the way Melog’s fur feels on my one bare arm, and their mane through my fingers. I think about my breathing, like Perfuma’s always saying, and when Finn starts to roll under Melog’s cheek, I close my eyes and just let myself feel it.

“Why…” she breathes, and I open my eyes. She’s looking up, searching for something in my face, “Why didn’t you stay in the Crimson Waste?”

I purse my lips. “Nope. Not gonna talk about that either.”

She scoffs. “Are you gonna answer any of my questions?”

“Probably not.”

“Why not?”

“You ask bad ones.”

“Uh!” she scowls, and a smile tries to tug at the corner of my mouth. It is unsuccessful. “I do not!”

“Look,” I huff, resting my hand on Melog’s neck, “I have had a really long day. I just want to be left alone to sulk about it, okay?”

She rolls her eyes. “Please. I know that’s not true. I know you Catra.”

I bite back a growl. “No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do.” She’s insistent, leaning forward, eyes narrowed and mouth tight. “I know that your favorite color is red and your favorite ration bars are gray. I know you’re fast and clever, and that you have the prettiest singing voice of anyone in the Horde, and maybe all of Etheria. And I know that growing up when you would cry you used to go to the storage closet at the end of the hall near the forge.”

My breath catches in my throat.

I didn’t think anyone knew about that storage closet. No one was supposed to. How in the fuck did Adora?

Her eyes soften. “I used to… follow you there. I’d sit outside the door and wait for you to stop crying. And—” the steel comes back, “and I never went inside because I was an idiot. Because I was still stupid enough to think it was best to leave you alone. To let you hurt alone.”

Fury rips through my chest and Melog’s mane flashes red. But rather than growl he shrinks down and leaps from mine and Adora’s laps, running to hide behind my legs. I stand and throw my arms wide. “But you never learned did you!” I nearly shout. “You haven’t seen your Catra in six and a half years . And you have no idea where she is! You just left her. Again!”

She pulls away from me and falls back onto her arms. “That’s… that’s different.”

I cackle. I can feel myself coming unhinged. Everything is wrong, everything is breaking, and now I am too.

I feel a little kick in my stomach, and I cover the spot with my hand.

Finn.

I take a deep breath and brush my hair from my eyes. I count to three. I focus on my breathing. I focus on the little kicks in my stomach, hitting the front wall. I try to think about the things that keep me calm, the things that make me happy.

But I can’t, they all feel poisoned and broken now.

Except for Finn.

“If it is,” I mutter, “I don’t see it,” I look up at the ceiling, remembering the little flopping fish toy that I’d play with in that storage closet, and focusing on the little slaps and kicks I can feel inside of me. “I don’t want you acting like you care about me Adora.” I drop my gaze. “I don’t want your pity.”

She looks dejected, and I remember that Adora can’t act. This one must’ve learned how.

“I do care about you Catra,” she whispers.

I can’t help but smile. “No, you don’t. Not anymore.”

Maybe you never have.

I step around her on the floor and head for the library exit while the tears start to pool in my eyes. Melog grows back to their full size and is on my heels in moments.

That was mean , they tell me.

I shrug and say nothing else. But Melog knows, so soon they’re dissolving and I’m invisibly walking through the halls of Bright Moon back to Adora’s and my bedroom.

I push through the door and Melog re-forms by my side. The tears that have been streaking down my face are now visible and I turn and lock the door. I make my way to the bed, and gently lay myself down on the mattress. I curl onto my side and Melog wraps themselves around me, burying their head just under my chin. I curl into them, and then I really let myself sob.

Adora is gone. My wife is gone. And we have no way of getting her back again.

And this “Other” Adora is… she’s… she’s…

She’s everything I’ve ever been afraid of. She’s the fear that nags me in the middle of the night when Adora’s off being She-Ra for some poor little town on the other side of the world. She’s the nightmares I have when Adora goes on missions to other planets and leaves me behind. She’s the dread I felt the night before our wedding knowing full well Adora could back out at any moment, and any day after.

She’s proof that Adora doesn’t want me. Not the way that I want her.

She’s proof that Adora doesn’t love me because she wants to, but because she “has to”.

I knew it the moment I saw tears in her eyes while Bow told her what I did for Glimmer. I could see the look on her face – the gratitude there. And when Bow told her I said sorry, and that I did it for her…

I came back for Adora. I stayed by her side in the heart of Etheria. I joined the rebellion and helped them win the war. And it all started when I did that one good thing. It all started when I saved Glimmer. Which I did for Adora.

So, of course, when I told her I loved her, what was she supposed to say? “Thanks, you’re such a good friend”?

It’s Adora for fuck’s sake. She’s been a people pleaser her whole fucking life. She would set herself on fire just to keep someone else warm, and she’ll never realize we’d rather have her than the heat.

So she said “I love you too,” and she let me kiss her.

If I’d let her go in the Crimson Waste I’d still be there now. I’d probably be leading a gang, causing my fair share of mayhem, and I’d be… fine. I wouldn’t be happy, not like I am now, or was yesterday, but at least my life wouldn’t be a lie.

Because that’s what this whole thing is, isn’t it? A lie. Adora doesn’t love me, not really. She probably thinks she does, but she’d be just as happy without me. She wouldn’t even miss me. She wouldn’t have gone looking.

This morning she went through a portal because she doesn’t care about being here with me, here with Finn. Because she doesn’t really love me, not any more than she loves anyone else. Not enough to stay.

Sobs rack my body and Melog mews quietly, nuzzling my chin.

We’ll find your Adora. Everything will be okay.

“No it won’t,” I whisper into the crown of their head. “It’ll never be okay again.”

Chapter Text

Adora of Etheria

“I can’t believe you losers still walk everywhere,” Catra says as she jumps off the battlefront standard Horde skiff we just rode back to Bright Moon. The skiff that Catra just had because, apparently, Catra’s gang has some of those. And by some, I mean seven. Seven fully functional Horde skiffs. And five transports. And three tanks.

When I asked her where she got them, and all the other Horde stuff lying around her hangar, like armor and random pieces of tech, she just smiled and said, “Come on Adora, you know better than to ask that.”

“So you stole it?”

She clasped her hands behind her back. “Is it really stealing when there’s no one there to claim it?”

“Yes.”

She cocked her head. “Really?”

“…Yes?”

She smirked, walked past me, and climbed onto the nearest skiff. “Come on Princess. It’s a long ride to Bright Moon.”

She was right, it was a long ride, which we passed in complete silence. It gave me plenty of time to think.

I thought about why the portal might’ve collapsed, convinced the answer was right in front of me but that I was just missing it. I thought about where Entrapta might be, if there was anything I could do to help them find her. I thought about Angella, if we’d ever be successful in bringing her back or if it really was impossible. I thought about the Sword of Protection, how I’d have to destroy it to keep my promise to Scorpia, and how the Adora of this universe would have to learn to be She-Ra without it.

I thought about the Other Adora a lot actually – the ways we’re different, the ways we’re the same, the choices she might’ve made differently. I thought about her almost as much as I thought about my wife.

And god I thought about my wife. I miss her. I miss her so much that when I think about it I can’t breathe. I feel like my heart’s been ripped from my chest. I spend most of the journey back trying to guess what she’s thinking, how she’s feeling, and if she’s going to kill me when I get home.

If I get home.

I wonder how she feels about the other Adora. I wonder if Glimmer & Bow are taking care of her, if Melog is helping her sleep at night.

I’m worried about the stress this is probably putting on her and any anxiety she might be feeling. I’m worried about how it’s going to… affect her. 

After the war ended Catra started having dreams – dreams about when she was on Horde Prime’s ship, Shadow Weaver’s death, and what happened at the Heart of Etheria. After a little while, she admitted that she’d been having these kinds of dreams for years – dreams about Shadow Weaver, about sending Entrapta to Beast Island, opening the portal, and… the day I left. She tried to convince me she was fine and that she was used to nightmares, but I didn’t want her to be.

So I begged her to talk to Perfuma, and after weeks of me driving her up the wall, she did.

They started meditating together twice a week and just talking. Then Catra started talking to me.

She told me what happened on Horde Prime’s ship, when he cut her hair and took her mask. And how after I left the Horde, she ripped my bed to pieces. She told me what Shadow Weaver would do to her when I wasn’t around.

I destroyed Shadow Weaver’s garden that day. And then I started hanging out and meditating with Perfuma too.

And even though Catra got better, a lot better, there was still something missing. She’d still go through these weeks where she felt like the world was going to cave in on her, like everyone was just waiting until they could run. She’d still have her moods where she’d snap at every little thing, and then an hour later it was like it never happened. She was still struggling.

And that’s when Perfuma suggested Mystacor’s Healers.

She told us about how there were elixirs and tonics made by Healers in Mystacor that helped with this kinda stuff. She said that some people’s brain chemistry is just a little off, and that it affects their moods and ability to function how they would want to.

Catra… didn’t take that very well.

“What, are you saying that I’m some kind of freak with a broken brain? Fuck you! I’m doing just fine.”

Then Perfuma grabbed Catra’s hand and said, “You’re doing better than fine Catra. You’re doing amazing. And I’m not asking you to do better, I just want to make it easier to do what you’re already doing.”

It says so much about both of them that Catra turned back around and listened to what else Perfuma had to say.

“I take one myself,” Perfuma admitted, with a bright smile on her face. “It helps keep me centered, and happy.”

So we went to Mystacor and Catra met with the Healers. They performed a spell to determine what remedies would be best for her, and when we got home she promised me she’d try.

“Sometimes it’s really… it’s really hard. I know you love me, and I know I belong here, but I don’t feel it. So I have to spend the whole day reminding myself. If this is going to make it easier to remember… I’ll try it.”

Then I kissed her hard and told her how much I loved her. “And if you ever need reminding, just remember because you love me I was strong enough to save the world.”

It took a few days, but soon Catra started to notice a difference. She felt lighter, “like I’m not walking through wet sand anymore.” The hard days weren’t so hard and the good days were just a little bit better. For the first time in her life Catra was finally, really just happy. And I had everything I’d ever wanted.

When we found out Catra was pregnant I realized you could want things and never know you wanted them, but that didn’t mean you wanted them any less.

I was thrilled. The day we figured it out I couldn’t stop glowing – literally. I walked around the castle on the verge of transformation all day. Catra wouldn’t stop making fun of me. She said I looked like a lantern.

For a minute everything was perfect.

Until it wasn’t.

Catra started to get sick, but sicker than she should’ve been. She was throwing up constantly, and dry heaving when she finally stopped trying to eat. She was losing so much weight and it was putting a strain on her heart. When she agreed to see the Healers, they realized that the remedies she’d been taking for the imbalances in her mind were making what should’ve been simple morning sickness worse. She had to stop taking them, and since then she’s been…

I’m worried about my wife.

“Seriously,” this New Catra turns her head, drawing me back to reality, and starting for the steps up to the castle, “how the hell did you win the war?”

God, this woman scares me. 

She’s different. Her snark is angrier, her smirk is more patronizing, and she’s dressed like a desert queen. But I can see my Catra’s still in there. I mean, she agreed to come with me. She’s helping me for Scorpia’s sake and not her own. She called me Princess.

I never thought that nickname would comfort me so much.

I sigh, jumping down from the skiff. “I’m not sure. I wasn’t here, remember?”

She smirks. “Does the Rebellion have skiffs in your universe? Or any kind of transportation that isn’t,” she waves her hands, “sparkles?”

I purse my lips and she laughs at me.

“That’s what I thought.”

We start walking up the steps and the guards at the top stiffen as she approaches. They knew she was coming – Glimmer briefed the entire castle immediately after I left – but I’m not surprised. I know it’s going to be an adjustment. It was an adjustment when my Catra joined the rebellion; it won’t be any different this time.

Actually, that’s ridiculous, it’s gonna be completely different. There’s no Horde Prime, and he was enough to unite any enemies. But Catra hasn’t been the enemy here for years.

Though she has been missing that whole time…

I don’t know this Catra. She’s a wildcard. She’s calmer than my Catra was right after she joined the Rebellion, and sometimes when she smiles at me it’s the same way that my Catra does now. She’s something in between the girl who captured me in the Waste and the woman I married.

Which I guess makes sense.

“So,” she says as we pass the guards, interrupting my thoughts. “What’s the plan here Princess? We’re just gonna walk into Bright Moon, sit in a circle and solve everything with the power of friendship?”

“No,” I turn down the hall towards the war room. “We’re going to come up with a plan.”

She raises an eyebrow. “Okay. Who’s we?”

“The Princess Alliance.”

“What?” Her tail sticks straight out, and all her fur is standing on end. “Are you trying to get me killed?”

I roll my eyes. “No one is going to try to kill you, Catra. Who did you think we were meeting?”

“I don’t know!” She throws up her arms. “Sparkles! Arrow Boy! Maybe the queen if I was really unlucky. I figured they all liked you enough you could convince them I was worth keeping alive. At least for a day or two.”

I smile. “Actually, a lot of people like me here. I convinced everyone not to kill you, for the whole week.”

She tugs at the collar of her jacket and rolls her eyes. “Yeah, yeah whatever Princess. We get it. You’re special. You’re a hero. Don’t get cocky about it.”

“Too late.”

We make it to the war room doors and Catra’s ears start to twitch. I know she can hear what’s going on inside. She stops about a foot away and I stop with her. I watch the expression on her face. It’s pretty blank, except for her wide eyes and the twitch in her lip.

“Are you ready?” I mutter and she looks up into my eyes.

God, she has such beautiful eyes.

“Sure,” she murmurs, turning back to the door and rolling her shoulders back. “’Cause you know, this is totally something you can be ready for – walking into a room full of people who want you dead.”

“Catra—” I start to say, but she ignores me, walks straight ahead, and shoves the door open.

It swings open with a bang and any talking that was happening before stops the second she crosses the threshold. Everyone’s frozen, staring at her like she’s going to attack at any second. But she doesn’t, obviously. She smooths her hair back behind her mask, crosses her arms and looks over the room. I can hear the indifference in her voice when she asks, “So, where’s my chair?”

The door slams closed behind me and I shake my head clear. I step up behind her and put my hand on her shoulder. She flinches a little at my touch, but I know it’s nothing personal, she’s just not used to it anymore. “You’re next to me.” I take a step to my left and grab the back of her chair, pulling it out. “Right here.”

She scowls at me. “You gonna sit me down too?”

I grin. “If necessary.”

Her eyes narrow, but she steps forward and takes a seat. Which I’m gonna count as a win. I have a feeling I’m not going to get many today.

I pull out my own chair and sit down next to Bow. I look around the table at all of my friends, who don’t quite look like my friends, and smile. “Hi guys. Huntara should be back in a few hours, along with Princess Scorpia. They just had to tie up a few loose ends.”

Catra’s picking at her nails. “Yeah, well the largest gang in the Crimson Waste doesn’t exactly run itself.”

“I wasn’t complaining.”

“Sure you weren’t.”

Mermista groans and buries her head in her hands. “This is so weird.”

Across from her Frosta raises her hand. “I have questions. Like, a lot of questions.”

“And,” Glimmer stands up, “Adora’s going to answer them. We just have to wait for—”

At that moment the war room door opens again and this time Queen Angella glides through. The breath slips out of my lungs and I stare as she makes her way to the tallest chair at the table. I think there’s a part of me that really thought I’d never see her again. Even with Entrapta’s research and the portal and all the hours spent hoping, I think I just thought it was impossible – the one thing I’d never be able to fix.

So seeing her now, walking around like it never happened, like her world didn’t end… It hurts. Because this isn’t any better than a fantasy.

The Angella of my universe, the woman who took me into her home, who sacrificed herself so I wouldn’t have to, is still lost. And now I’m even less sure I’ll ever find her.

She takes her seat and clasps her hands together. “Hello all. Thank you for coming. As you know, yesterday morning we had a very unique disturbance here in Bright Moon. You’ve all been briefed, but not on the specifics—”

Mermista scoffs, leaning into her hand. “Yeah uh, all I know is that for some reason Catra’s here, we’re going to give Scorpia the Fright Zone back, and that Adora has a really crazy story to tell us. That’s like, barely a briefing.”

Angella sighs. “Yes, I understand that Mermista. But we all believed it would be better to have Adora explain, and at the time she was… occupied.”

“You mean she was in the Waste?” Perfuma says, raising an eyebrow.

Angella sighs again. “Yes…”

For a second I just take note of how different they all look. Mermista’s hair is shorter now, the length just below her chin, whereas Frosta’s is long, down past her shoulders, and Spinnerella’s hair is braided down her back. Perfuma no longer wears a flower crown, Netossa’s gotten rid of her jacket, and Frosta’s dress isn’t lined with fur. The only one who doesn’t look any different is Angella.

Well, and Swift Wind. But he’s got a giant chair now, seated right next to Perfuma’s. It’s big, and gold and has a little set of rainbow wings at the top. It’s kind of ridiculous if you ask me. But I’m pretty sure no one did. I may not actually know Other Adora, but I have a feeling she’d agree with me on this.

Huh, I realize, if Scorpia joins the Alliance they’re gonna have to get a bigger table.

“So uh,” Swift Wind starts, “Catra… what you been up to? Running any tyrannical dictatorships lately?”

“Swift Wind!” I shout, shooting him a hard look.

He glares right back. “What’s going on Adora? I’m your noble steed! You should’ve told me about this. And are you blocking me out? I can’t feel your emotions! Why can’t I feel your emotions?”

“Adora,” Perfuma murmurs, “are you sure this is wise? I received your message about Scorpia and while I am… intrigued, I don’t want anyone getting hurt.”

“Yeah,” Mermista joins in, “Catra’s tried to kill us all like, multiple times, and you’re just gonna bring her here and tell us ‘Hey she’s cool! Don’t worry!’ That’s bullshit. Why do you just automatically get to make this decision?”

“And what are you wearing?” Frosta asks, getting riled up. “And you haven’t worn your hair like that before ever! Are you like a clone or something? Where’s the real Adora?” she cries.

I mean… close.

In seconds everything devolves, Perfuma, Mermista and Frosta are all talking over each other, Swift Wind's whinnying and soon Netossa joins in, trying to mother them all into shutting up. Spinnerella just sits quietly and watches, along with Bow, Glimmer and Angella, a small frown on her face.

Then Catra snickers, leaning back in her chair and propping her clawed feet on the table. “Oh, this is gonna be fun.”

“That’s it!” I stand up and slam my hands down on the table. “Okay! Look, I’ll explain. As best as I can…” I sigh, pulling at the bottom of my vest. “It’s just… it’s gonna sound crazy, and you’re not going to want to believe me. It would be easier if I was lying or crazy or… something else. But I’m not. I swear I’m telling the truth.”

I look around the table at the faces of my friends. They’ve calmed down, opened up, and they look ready to listen. I look at Glimmer and Bow, at their encouraging subtle smiles. Then I look at Catra. She smirks and waves a hand, leaning back in her chair.

“Do go on, Princess.”

I can’t help but smile a little.

I turn back to the group and take a deep breath. “Okay, so I’m not Adora.” I hold up my hand before Frosta can speak. “I mean, I am, I’m an Adora, but I’m not the Adora you know. I’m an Adora from—"

The doors crash open behind me, and I throw my arm above my head. “This had better be—“ I start to yell, but when I turn around my words catch in my throat.

My heart starts to pound and my stomach drops. I want to fall to my knees and cry. I want to pull out my sword and attack. I want and I want and I want too many things to know what to do. So I stand there, paralyzed, and the only thing I can do is choke out a name.

“Shadow Weaver?”

She’s being escorted by two guards, and she is obviously still powerless, hair lying flat around her face, but seeing her strikes a fear into my heart I haven’t felt in a long time.

She’s stopped in the doorway, and through her voice I can hear her mocking. “Don’t look so surprised to see me, Adora. I do live here after all.”

“You’re a prisoner here,” Angella says, and, for a second, I’m able to break away from Shadow Weaver’s gaze. I look at the Queen and the scowl on her face. It calms me down just a little.

Still a prisoner. Never got near Glimmer. Never got to hurt anyone ever again.

Never got near Catra ever again. 

Catra.

I whip my head. It’s like she’s shrunk. She’s pulled her feet off the table and tucked them underneath her. She’s wrapped her arms around her torso, and she’s hunched her shoulders. Her breathing looks heavier, and instead of smirking she’s scowling at the table.

She doesn’t look like Catra: Strongest in the Crimson Waste anymore. She looks like Catra: The Beaten, Bruised, and Battered. I hate it. I hate it so much.

“What is she doing here?” I growl, turning back to Angella.

I can tell she’s shocked by the look on my face, I’m guessing Other Adora’s never looked at her with this much anger, but she still motions for Shadow Weaver to be led in and seated in the corner. “I thought she could be helpful. She is knowledgeable about many things in Etheria and its magic.”

“We’re not dealing with magic,” I say, crossing my arms and watching Shadow Weaver out of the corner of my eye. I won’t take my eyes off her as long as she’s in this room. “We’re dealing with science and tech.”

“Well,” Bow lifts his hand, drawing my attention, “I’ve told you before, magic and tech aren’t entirely separate things. Entrapta was great at combining them. So if she was the one who opened your portal—”

“What portal?” Frosta asks, but I don’t look at her. I just glare at Bow and watch Shadow Weaver out of the corner of my eye.

Bow withers under my gaze. “Sorry,” he mouths, and I stop glaring.

It’s not Bow’s fault. He’s just trying to be helpful. He doesn’t know yet. I’m sure of that. I was never good at hating Shadow Weaver for hurting me, but the moment she got close to Glimmer, the things she did to Catra…

“The portal I came through,” I say, turning just enough that the others can see my face. “I’m not your Adora, I’m an Adora from a different universe. And when I came through, the Adora from your universe went to mine. Probably.” I grimace. “The portal collapsed, stranding me here, but it wasn’t supposed to. Entrapta was certain it wouldn’t. We need to figure out why it did and how to make sure that won’t happen next time.”

It’s the simplified version, but this is a briefing after all.

“But how are we going to open another portal?” Perfuma asks. She’s leaning forward in her seat, and I’m relieved she’s taking this seriously.

“We don’t have to. My friends will.” My Catra will.

“Um, what do you mean by ‘different universe’?”

I put my hand on Bow’s shoulder. “You wanna explain that one buddy?”

Bow lets out a low little whistle. “Uh, yeah, sure…”

While Bow tries to explain the multiverse theory, answering questions and giving example after example, I watch Shadow Weaver. She’s not said a word since she came in, and she’s sitting with her hands in her lap like she’s polite or something, but I know better. I know it’s just a matter of time.

“This Adora for example, comes from a universe where… well…” Bow trails off and looks back at me. I almost shrug and tell him to go ahead, but then I realize it’s not really my story to tell.

I glance at Catra, and she huffs. “Whatever.” She straightens in her chair. “She comes from a universe where I didn’t stay in the Crimson Waste. I went back to the Fright Zone and opened a portal that almost destroyed all of reality, ya know, for the fuck of it.”

Everyone’s eyes are wide, and though Catra starts to lean back like she’s relaxed, I can see her hug herself a little tighter.

“Well, I wasn’t gonna put it like that,” I hiss.

She shrugs. “Give the people what they want.”

“I'm still gonna need an explanation of why Catra's here again," Swift Wind says, and Perfuma nods.

“Well,” Glimmer lets out a nervous laugh, “this isn’t that Catra…”

I try, I really try, not to, but I glare at Glimmer.

No, but I’m married to that Catra.

“Catra is here because she’s a brilliant strategist.” I put my hand on her shoulder and when I look down into her eyes, they’re wide and soft. “And she understands Entrapta’s tech talk better than anyone other than Bow. And…” 

And I miss my Catra so much I’m almost sick with it, but your Catra eases the ache. “And—”

“I was bribed,” she says, shooting Mermista a toothy grin.

Mermista lets out a little chuckle and for half a second, I feel a flicker of hope.

“But of course!” Shadow Weaver’s voice rings dark and haunting in my ears. “Why else would a worthless creature like you ever do anything decent?”

And that’s all it takes. Before I know it, I’ve thrown my chair aside, I have a sword in my hand, and I’ve grown almost three feet taller. Before I know it, I’m She-Ra.

I turn to face Shadow Weaver and I’m glaring daggers. Even through her mask I can see her eyes are wide. I move towards her slowly, taking deliberate steps so she feels it. Then I reach out and pull her up by the collar of her robes.

“You,” I seethe, “don’t get to talk to her like that. Do you understand?”

“I—I…” She’s shaking, and for once it’s easy.  

The Shadow Weaver of my universe gave her life to save the planet; to save me and Catra. The Shadow Weaver of my universe spent the last hours of her life trying to atone for the sins of it. And that will always confuse me. I will always hurt when I think of the woman who raised me, hurt me, and saved me.

But this Shadow Weaver? She hasn’t done anything worth anything, and I’m not confused.

“You are a prisoner. She is a guest. If you bother her at all I will personally escort you to Beast Island and leave you there to spend the rest of your miserable life alone, with only yourself to ruin.”

She gasps when I drop her to the floor, landing in a crumpled heap. I step back. “Do you understand?”

She raises her head and scowls. “Perfectly.”

“Good.”

I turn back around, close my eyes and exhale slowly. I focus on the glow, the power coursing through my fingertips, and I pull it back in. I pull and pull until it pools in my chest, and then I let it wrap itself around my heart.

When I open my eyes it’s to a table full of shocked faces.

After a second of tense silence Frosta leaps to her feet and throws out her arm to point at me. “What the fuck was that?”

I can feel myself starting to blush. “Um… She-Ra?”

“No shit!” Glimmer cries.

“Glimmer!” Angella yells.

Glimmer throws up her arms. “Mom! She just transformed without saying a word and pulled a sword out of thin air! I think a ‘shit’ is appropriate!”

“Adora,” Bow’s voice is calm, and when I meet his eyes, they’re actually gentle, “how did you do that without the sword?”

I sigh and drop my head. “I don’t need the sword to turn into She-Ra. I haven’t for years.  Actually, the sword is kind of dangerous.” I lift my head. “It’s a weapon, created by the First Ones to set off the Heart of Etheria.”

“Uhh… Okay,” Mermista, who actually looked as shocked as anyone else, says, “and what is the ‘Heart of Etheria’?”

I look at Catra, who’s still staring at me with wide eyes. I’d give anything to know what she’s thinking.

“That’s kind of a long story…”

“Well,” Netossa smiles, then glances at Spinnerella, “we’ve got time.”

I look around the table again, and everyone around it gives me a nod. So I step back up to my chair, pull it out, and take a seat. I peer at Catra once more out of the corner of my eye only to notice that she’s pressed herself into the far side of her chair, as far from me as possible.

Yeah, I’m not getting anymore wins today.

“So in my universe, after Catra captured me in the Crimson Waste—”

Chapter Text

Catra of the Waste

Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy fucking shit.

Adora’s giving some sort of alternate universe history lesson and I’m barely listening. I tried to at first, I seriously did, but I’d already heard the opening line about me fucking up so bad the world almost ended, and I’d rather not dwell on it.

Besides, I’m not in this part. And she just turned into She-Ra. Without the sword. And threatened Shadow Weaver. For… me.

I stare at the smooth tabletop and silently beg my heart to stop pounding.

“—someone had to go into the portal and pull out the sword. But if they did, they would get stuck inside… forever.”

My ear flicks in Adora’s direction and my pounding heart gets faster.  

“I… I was going to,” Adora says and I glance at her out of the corner of my eye. “But… Queen Angella stopped me and—” there’s tears in her eyes, but she swallows, and her voice doesn’t shake. “That’s why we were opening a portal in my universe. We were trying to bring Queen Angella back.”

My stomach drops.

I killed the fucking queen?!

The room is silent, and when I look around, I see everyone casting glances at the Queen, but no one meeting her eye. She looks lost, like she needs someone to tell her it’s okay, but no one is. No one’s giving her… anything.

Not even Sparkles, but I can’t really blame her. She’s clutching Arrow Boy’s hand and a single tear runs down her cheek.

It’s like every good thing I’ve ever done, every decision I’ve ever made that was kind, or nice, or decent has just disappeared and I feel like total shit. I’m sick to my stomach and my skin feels like it’s on fire. But no one else is saying anything, so I have to do it; I have to ask the question on everybody’s mind.

“Adora,” I drag my hand down my face, “why the fuck am I here?”

She frowns. “I already told you. We need your help if—”

“I killed the fucking Queen!” I finally look at her again, a growl building in my chest. “You’re really gonna make her sit in the same room with me? That’s just—” I stop, a memory rolling over me like a tank.

“That’s not my problem Princess.”

“Yes, it is.”

“What are you saying?”

“That I want Finn to know both their mothers.”

“Catra—” Adora reaches out to put her hand on mine. But I yank it away.

“And you married me?” I shout, standing up and digging my nails into the table. “What is wrong with you?”

Her eyes are wide and her mouth agape. I’ve finally shut her up.

I’m pretty sure every single person in the room gasps, except maybe Sparkles & Arrow Boy but it’s too loud for me to tell. My breathing is heavy and I feel like I’m waiting for an attack. It doesn’t come.

Slowly I turn to Queen Angella and bow my head. “Excuse me your majesty, but I’ll be going now. And I won’t return.” I lift my head and glare down at Adora. “I promise.”

I know how to keep those.

I push out my chair and head for the door, desperate to leave this room, Bright Moon, and Adora far behind me. Then I feel a hand wrap around my wrist.

I turn around, ready to scratch Adora’s face off if that’s what it’ll take to get her to leave me the fuck alone, but it’s not Adora who’s holding me back.

“Don’t go,” Sparkles says, squeezing my wrist. “Please.”

I stare at her, incredulous. “Weren’t you listening, Sparkles? I killed your mom!”

She nods silently and slides her hand down to hold mine in a death grip. “I want to hear the rest of the story.”

I blink and try to remember the symptoms of shock. They’re probably different for magicats…

“Just stay for the meeting,” she says, tugging me closer. “After that you can decide what you wanna do. Either way,” she glances behind her at Adora, who’s standing with her hands gripping the back of her chair and Bow, who looks poised to jump, “Scorpia can have the Fright Zone. And her runestone. We should’ve given them back to her a long time ago.”

My hand would be shaking if Sparkles weren’t holding it so tightly. I look around the room, at every face and every pair of eyes. I expect to see anger and hatred, but instead people look confused, curious or, in Perfuma’s case, downright pleased.

What is with these freaks?

When I finally land on Shadow Weaver her mask gives away nothing, but I can feel it, I can hear her voice in my head. What could they possibly need you for? You’ll only slow them down, make them weak.

I clench my jaw and turn back to Glimmer. “One meeting. One. But if it turns out I killed Frosta or something I’m out of here.”

“Awwww,” Bow says, beaming at me. “You care!”

“She’s like 12. Even I think it’s fucked up to kill kids.”

“Fuck you, I’m 19!” Frosta says, crossing her arms, and I crack a smile.

Sparkles rolls her eyes as she leads me back to the table. “Sure, everyone else gets to swear in the war room, but I say ‘shit’ one time…”

I snicker.

She takes me to the chair next to hers, which Bow just got out of. He and Adora must’ve decided to move down one so I could sit next to Sparkles. I have no idea why – it’s not like we’re friends, but she seems happy about it.

“Adora,” she says, looking past me and Arrow Boy, “you were saying?”

Adora tries to smile, but she kinda sucks at acting, and stands up. “The first portal that Hordak opened,” I roll my eyes, “wasn’t stable. The planet wasn’t balanced, so it wasn’t going to work even with the sword being used to power it. Which,” she sighs, “the sword is like the ‘key’ to operating the whole planet. The First Ones made it to control She-Ra, who’s actually basically an Etherian goddess that existed long before the First Ones ever showed up—that doesn’t matter. What matters is that She-Ra was meant to fire the Heart of Etheria. Actually, that’s not the point either. The point is, the planet being balanced was the only way—”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Mermista holds up a hand, “what’s the Heart of Etheria?”

“Yeah…” the talking horse joined in, “it sounds like kind of a big deal.”

Adora sighed, patting her little hair poof. “The First Ones were not… well to be honest they kinda sucked. They came to Etheria to harvest its magic. Specifically, to make a weapon that could destroy their enemies on a massive scale. But it became too powerful; they couldn’t control it, and they abandoned Etheria. But Mara wouldn’t. She opened a portal to Despondos and pulled all of Etheria in. But the Heart never stopped harvesting magic, and it became more deadly with every passing day.”

Adora sighs. “But we disabled it. We returned all of the magic back to Etheria. And, according to Entrapta, when we destroyed the heart all the restraints the First Ones put on the planet were destroyed. It doesn’t have to be ‘balanced’ anymore. Magic flows freely. I mean, Entrapta was even saying that theoretically we could eventually get rid of runestones if—”

“So if the restraints are gone,” Nets speaks up, fiddling with a, you guessed it, net between her fingers, “why do you think the portal collapsed?”

I scoff and everyone turns to stare at me. For a second I wish I was invisible, then Sparkles squeezes my hand.

I didn’t even realize she was still holding it. But it’s… It’s not nice, but I don’t hate it.

“Pretty sure none of you disabled a Heart of Etheria recently, so I’m guessing that’s why.”

“What do you mean?” Perfuma asks, and her voice is so damn kind I start to wonder when Scorpia’s gonna get here. I think they’re gonna get along great.

“Of course!” Bow grabs the free hand I left on the table. “Catra you’re a genius!” He turns to Adora with a big fat smile on his face. “The First Ones restraints still exist in our universe! And if our planet’s not balanced, and the Heart of Etheria hasn’t been destroyed—”

Adora’s eyes go wide. “Then a portal can’t exist here. It collapsed from this side!” She’s beaming. And then she’s beaming at me. I can feel the blood running to my cheeks. I wish it wasn’t, but there it is. “I know exactly what we have to do!”

“Balance the planet?” Angella asks, and immediately Adora’s face darkens.

“No. No we’re not doing that. The minute the planet is balanced Light Hope will try and fire the Heart of Etheria. We can’t let that happen.”

“So we’re, what, destroying this Heart thing?” Mermista asks, looking downright skeptical.

“Exactly.” Adora cocks her head and taps her chin. “And the sword.”

And then the room explodes.

Bow and Glimmer are asking why, Mermista and Frosta are asking if she’s crazy. Swift Wind’s sobbing about their super sacred bond or some shit, and Perfuma’s trying to comfort him. Netossa’s telling Mermista and Frosta to calm down, and Spinnerella is telling Netossa not to yell. And Adora is floundering to come up with an explanation.

The only one not saying anything is Angella. Well, and Shadow Weaver.

Something about Shadow Weaver’s stillness is rubbing me the wrong way. It’s like she’s hiding something.

Angella’s not hiding anything though. The exhaustion is written all over her face.

Not every day you find out you died in a different timeline.

I stand up and rake my nails across the table. They make a horrific screech, and everyone covers their ears and shuts their mouths. I smile, triumphant.

“Less than an hour ago you saw Adora turn into She-Ra without the sword. And she was taller and sparklier than she’s ever been.” I’ve never been more grateful I’m covered in fur – no one can see my relentless blush. “Obviously she doesn’t need it, and if what the idiot’s been saying about it being a tool the first ones made to manipulate She-Ra is true, you’re all a lot better off without it.”

“What about our Adora?” Sparkles asks, “She doesn’t know how to change without the sword. If we destroy it before she learns how—”

“I learned how after I destroyed it,” Adora says, hand on her chest. “She can too.”

“How’d you do it?” Bow asks, looking equally anxious and curious.

But now Adora’s face is turning red and she’s tripping over her words. “Uh that—that’s a story for, ya know, for another meeting. It um… yeah anyway. Heart of Etheria. That needs to be done. So, let’s plan that. We’re going to need a sorcerer, so if Micah’s free—”

Glimmer gasps and Angella’s hand flies to her mouth. Adora looks up from the hallo-table thingy she just turned on and into Glimmer and Angella’s faces.

Then she yelps and puts a hand on either side of her giant forehead. “Oh my God, I forgot about Micah!”

Turns out, the King of Bright Moon isn’t dead – he’s just been vacationing on Beast Island for the last twenty years. I want to make fun of them for not looking there – I mean how many people has the Horde actually killed over the years? More than half our soldiers were former prisoners – but there’s so much crying it feels like the wrong time to be making jokes.

It takes us all of five minutes to realize that we’re going to have to take a bit of a detour on our way to the Heart.

“First, we save King Micah,” Adora starts to list, and I roll my eyes. She always makes lists. “Then we go to Mystacor to get the Failsafe—” she holds up a hand, stopping anyone before they can ask, “we need it to destroy the heart. Then we go to the heart.” She claps her hands. “If all goes well you could have your Adora back in as little as three days! Well, hopefully. The Failsafe’s easy but Beast Island takes a minute to get there, especially by boat, and depending on what we run into – pookas, razor fins, that giant worm thing… But it’s fine. Maybe this is more like a week. But still!” Her eye twitches. “That’s not bad!”

Sparkles, who’s been hugging her mother for the last five minutes and crying, wipes her cheeks. “No, Adora.”

Adora’s entire body deflates. “Glimmer, I promise. This will work—”

“You’re not going to Beast Island.”

“What?” Adora blinks and Glimmer walks towards her, taking her hand. “Why wouldn’t I—”

“I remember now, what you said when you stormed into my bedroom asking where Catra was.” Glimmer’s smile is soft but Adora goes stiff as a board, and she looks terrified. “You said ‘my pregnant wife’.”

Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. My vision starts to tunnel, and I feel my head get light. Holy fucking shit.

“How far along is she?”

Bow steps up behind me and grabs me by the shoulders. I let myself lean into him.

“Eigh—About eight months,” Adora stutters, and now she’s gripping Sparkles’ hand. “But we don’t—we don’t know anything about magicat pregnancies so we’re not sure…”

I’m not sure how everyone else is taking this news, I can’t see beyond the little tunnel that’s got just enough room for Sparkles and Adora at the end, but I’m kinda freaking out.

Finn’s real. Finn is real. Finn’s gonna be born any day now. Somewhere, in a different universe, there’s a Catra pregnant with a kit named Finn.

And I knew this, Adora all but told me, but she wasn’t this clear before. I couldn’t picture it before. But now I can almost see it. Now it’s suffocating me.

“Adora, you need to go home,” Glimmer says. Then she glances at me. “And we need our Adora home too.”

There are tears in Adora’s eyes. “What are you saying?” She’s breathless, hopeful.

“Some of us will go to Beast Island,” Angella cuts in, standing tall behind the only chair that stayed empty. “And some of us will deal with the Heart. We’ll make arrangements and we will all leave first thing tomorrow morning.”

“But,” Adora looks at the queen, then back at Glimmer, “King Micah? I don’t—”

Angella levels a glare at Adora. “We will find and rescue my husband, but you are just as important, and we are going to take care of you.”

Adora covers her mouth with her hand and the tears start to fall. But she nods. “Thank you.”

Sparkles wraps her in a hug, and Adora returns it.

And for some reason Arrow Boy starts hugging me?

“What are you doing?”

“Oh! Sorry. Just caught up in the moment.”

“Well, stop it.” I pull myself away from him. My vision’s cleared up again, and that dizzy gut plummeting feeling is gone. I don’t need his help anymore.

“So,” Netossa stands up, “who’s going where?”

I look at Adora, at her tear-stained cheeks and the lip she’s chewing raw.

I look at her little half ponytail and spunky red vest.

I remember how she looked when I yelled at her for marrying me.

I remember how she looked when she yelled at Shadow Weaver for shitting on me.

And I hate all of it. 

Fuck I wish I could go to Beast Island…

I can’t fucking sleep. But of course I can’t sleep. I’m in Bright Moon. In a sparkly pink castle where all my enemies are sleeping in the next room. Or, more likely, plotting my demise…

Scorpia arrived about five minutes after we started planning our trips, and obviously volunteered to go with Adora’s party to Mystacor, because that’s where I’m stuck. After she volunteered Perfuma hesitantly asked if she could come too.

“Wouldn’t you be helpful on a tropical island, Perfuma?” The queen asked, looking a little anxious.

Adora scoffs. “Yeah, probably, but that’s not what Beast Island is.”

Then we got our second history lesson of the night. I was starting to feel like a Junior Cadet again.

So Perfuma was going with us.

“Are there any rivers or lakes?” the queen asked, still looking anxious. She glanced at Mermista.

And Mermista just smirked. “Uh, it’s an island right? If anything happens, I’ll just flood the whole thing. No biggie.”

I think I kinda like her.

In the end it was Netossa, Spinnerella, Frosta, Mermista, and the queen going to Beast Island, with Bow, Adora, Perfuma, Scorpia and I going to Mystacor. Sparkles was undecided.

Oh, and apparently Swift Wind was… grounded?

“Why can’t I come?” he whined and Adora put her hands on her hips.

“Beast Island was hardest on you. You’re the most sensitive to the corrosive tech there. It’s not safe for you. And the tunnels under Mystacor just aren’t meant for a horse.”

They fought about it for ten minutes, before Adora pulled out the big guns.

“We need you here. I don’t know if the bond can be felt across universes, but I know it can be felt across the galaxy. I need you to be looking for your Adora, feeling for her. We need to know if she’s okay.”

That shut him up real quick.

But Sparkles still wasn’t sure.

“Can… can I sleep on it?” She looked up at her mom with big pleading eyes.

And the queen put a gentle hand on her back. “Of course, darling. We all will. First thing in the morning we meet at the front of the castle and head out. Catra,” I lifted my head, I’d been staring at my claw marks on the table, “will you still be joining us?”

I glanced at Sparkles, at her hopeful expression, at Arrow Boy and his hesitant smile, and then finally at Adora, the hard set of her mouth and the desperation in her eyes.

I sighed and turned back to the queen. “Pretty sure I just said I was. Besides, my job doesn’t even sound that hard.”

Glimmer smiled and Bow full on grinned. I didn’t look at Adora.

But now, tossing and turning in my bed I kinda wish I had.

I’m pretty sure I’m in Arrow Boy’s room, it smells like him and there’s a bunch of hearts on everything. It’s stupid, a castle this big should have at least one spare room so you don’t have to kick someone out of their bed for a former fugitive of war.

I roll over. Scorpia’s lying on a mat on the floor. I tried to give her the bed, but she wouldn’t hear it. She kept saying that I’ve had a really long day or whatever, like she’s not in the same boat I am – forced to hang out with Princesses who hate us.

Well… the Princesses actually seem fine with Scorpia. Especially Perfuma.

What the hell did Adora say to her?

I sit up and turn to put my feet on the floor. I pull the blanket from my bed and wrap it around my arms. I tiptoe around Scorpia on the floor and make my way to the door.

I throw a glance back. Scorpia’s sleeping soundly, her mouth hanging open while she snores. I smile a little and shake my head, then crack the door and slip out into the hall.

I don’t know what I’m looking for, but I just start to walk. If I were still in the Fright Zone I’d go to my lookout, but in the Crimson Waste I got in the habit of meandering through hallways. The spot with the best view was the throne room, but that was always the first place anybody looked for me. So, unless I was bone tired and didn’t have the strength, I’d meander.

I trace my hand along the murals on the walls, but gently so that my claws click against the stone rather than scratch it, and I lose myself to my thoughts.

It’s too much. All of it. Everything I learn about this other Adora’s universe, everything that’s happened since I’ve gotten to Bright Moon… There’s too many pieces falling into my lap and they don’t want to fit. They’re sharp, like glass, and every piece I try to pick up slices deep.

And none of it really matters. None of it belongs to me. Because what’s going to happen to me anyway when this is all over? What’s going to happen when our Adora comes home?

Their Adora. Not ours. Theirs.

I haven’t let myself think about her, but I let myself now. I wonder what she’d think about me being here, about this Adora asking for my help and… everything else.

I’m sure she’d laugh – at all of it.

Because our Adora—their Adora—didn’t need me. She didn’t want anything to do with me.

I hope that for once her debilitating moral compass is doing something useful – I hope she’s being kind to the other Catra.

Tears fill my eyes and I swallow a lump in my throat. I haven’t let myself think much about Other Catra either. I don’t want to think about her. I don’t want to think about how scared she probably is.

I don’t want to think about how she doesn’t deserve any of the things she has.

She opened the portal. She killed the queen. She chose wrong.

But she gets Finn – the baby I didn’t dare dream of anymore. She gets Adora – but not just any Adora, an Adora that stood up to Shadow Weaver for her. She gets friends, plural, who maybe even like her. She gets a family. She gets everything she wants. She gets to be happy.

And she did everything wrong.

It doesn’t make sense. It’s not fair. And I hate her.

Or… I want to.

But she’s me, isn’t she? She’s a me who made a mistake, a mistake I almost made, and if I hadn’t, she would still be me. And I don’t know what choices she made next. Who knows, maybe later she saved the world, so everyone just decided to ignore the whole portal thing.

That sounds like the Princesses. That sounds like Adora.

I’m not the girl who hates blindly anymore. I’m not the girl Shadow Weaver made me to be. And even if I was, even if I still hated myself the way she taught me to, no matter what that bitch did to me, there was no one I protected more fiercely than myself.

Not even Adora.

I turn the corner and stumble over a loose stone in the ground and the blanket slides off my shoulders. Before I can fall though, a hand wraps around my arm and steadies me.

“Are you alright?” someone asks, someone with a gentle, sweet, and elegant voice. I freeze before slowly lifting my head to look into the eyes of the queen.

I right myself and pull back. “I’m fine.” I brush my hand down my arm, smoothing the fur there. I stare for a second at her soft smile and the ball of light glowing right above her hand. “I’ll just be…” I point over my shoulder, “heading back to my room.”

I turn around and stare down a completely unfamiliar hallway. I have no idea where I am.

Fuck.

“Actually,” she says, putting a hand on my shoulder. I almost jump out of my fur. “Would you mind joining me for a moment? I’d like to talk to you.”

“Um…” I look back from the hall to her face then back down the hall again.

She smiles. “I’ll help you back to your room after.”

I sigh. “Yeah sure.” I reach down and pick up the blanket. I start to fiddle with it. “You deserve a chance to get your shot in anyway.”

She laughs and it sounds a bit like bells. “I have no intention of harming you Catra. Or yelling at you.”

I raise an eyebrow. “You should. I would.”

She sighs and almost frowns, but only with her eyes. “How are you feeling?”

I blink. That was not what I was expecting from this conversation, at all. “I’m… fine,” I say, hesitant. Because this must be some sort of trap, right? She’s gonna turn it around on me. She’s going to spit it back in my face. I can already hear it. “You’re fine? You find out you’re a murderer and you’re fine?” And then she’s gonna lock me up in whatever cell Shadow Weaver’s in and then—”

“Please,” she says, bending down to meet my eyes head on. “Tell me, truly. You have had a very long day.”

I laugh, throwing my head back. “Are you kidding? Tell me you’re kidding.”

She finally frowns. “No, Catra, I’m not. I cannot imagine what you must be feeling.”

I clench my fists, and I hear my claws rip through the blanket. Fuck. I destroy everything I touch… “With all due respect, your majesty, today you found out I killed you. Why the fuck do you care what I’m feeling?”

Then she smiles, smiles , and puts her hands on my upper arms. “Catra, today I found out that my husband, whom I have spent the last twenty years thinking I’d killed, is still alive not only in another universe, but in this one. I learned that somewhere I am trapped between realities, but that my daughter and her friends are searching for me. Today I learned that I am loved and can save the people I love. Those are all good things.”

I don’t know when I started shaking, but Angella must’ve noticed because she started rubbing my arms.

“But you? Today I witnessed the woman who raised you call you worthless, and the woman who loves you defend you with vigor. I saw former enemies call you brilliant and beg you to stay. I heard you call yourself a murderer.” She puts her hands on my cheek. “And I watched your face as you learned that in another universe there is a version of you that is pregnant with Adora’s child.”

I swallow, processing her words slowly. “Adora doesn’t love me.”

She smiles. “She loves a version of you, and that love extends to you.”

I close my eyes, trying to fight back tears. “What’s your point?”

She runs her thumb over my cheek. “My point, dear child, is that I cannot imagine a more challenging day than that.”

I nod, and for a second, I lean into the hand on my cheek. “I… I kinda knew about the baby. That’s how Adora got me here. But I didn’t… I didn’t realize that she—that Catra—was pregnant. I thought they were already born. I had no idea everything was still so…”

Angella gives me a sad smile. “Vulnerable?”

I nod. And then I say something I’ve never said out loud to anyone in my entire life.

“I’ve always wanted that – to marry Adora and have a… family. I barely understood what it meant but...” I can’t stop the tears now, and I don’t want to. The pressure building in my chest is too hot, too much. I need to let a little bit out before I explode and tear this stupid blanket to shreds. “When she left the Horde I—I realized she didn’t care, not the way I did. And that broke me for a little while. I just…” I swallow, “I wanted to prove that I didn’t need her either.”

Angella nods, hand still on my cheek, eyes softer than all the cushions in this stupid castle. “Catra, why did you stay in the Crimson Waste?”

A fresh wave of tears pours down my face and I choke down a sob.

“I realized she was never going to love me, and that Shadow Weaver wasn’t going to either. I just—I was ruining my life over them. And none of it was enough to make them care about me.” I take a shaky breath. “I liked winning but it wasn’t what I wanted. I just… I wanted to be important to someone, ya know… to have them love me.”

Angella stands up to her full height and pulls me into her, wrapping her arms around me. “You poor, sweet, girl.” She squeezes. “You are important. You are Catra: Strongest in the Crimson Waste. And you are here, newest member of the Princess Alliance.” She brushes a hand through my hair. “And you are our friend.”

My tears run faster, and I bury my face in her dress.

This is the last place I’d ever thought it’d happen, but I take a steadying breath and I feel safe. 

Chapter Text

Adora of Bright Moon

It’s been over a day, and I haven’t seen Catra once. I haven’t seen the tip of an ear, or the flick of a tail around a corner. I haven’t heard her voice, and no one’s even talked about her with me in the room. If it weren’t for Bow and Glimmer’s constant whispering and side eye, I’d start to think she’d never been here at all.

But I’m not crazy. I know I’m not. Because even in my worst nightmares Catra’s never looked at me like that – she’s never smiled and told me I don’t care.

“Okay!” I slam my fork down, startling both Bow and Glimmer. They look up from their breakfasts, eyes wide. “Where is Catra?”

They share a look, and Bow lowers his cup. “She’s been… around. But she wanted some time to herself.”

I cross my arms. “Seriously? You buy that?”

But maybe it’s true. I don’t know this Catra. I haven’t even known my Catra for six and a half years. People can… change.

Glimmer sighs. “Melog’s with her. Which is probably why we haven’t seen her.” She scowls at her eggs. “Stupid, magic, alien cat.”

I cock my head. “What?”

Bow chuckles, but it doesn’t sound very amused. “Um, Melog can turn themselves, and others, invisible. They’re kinda magic.”

“Oh.” I feel my shoulders slump. I sensed it when I met them, so I’m not surprised, but I didn’t expect that my new friend would use their powers against me.  “So Catra could be anywhere, and we’d never find her?”

Glimmer snorts. “Basically.” She looks me over, eyebrow arching. “Why are you so concerned anyway? I thought you didn’t know how you felt about Catra being here.”

I groan and bury my head in my hands. “I know, I know, I just…” I sigh, “I’m such an idiot.”

Someone reaches out and wraps their hand around my arm. “Adora,” Bow says, “you’re not an idiot.”

“Yes I am,” I say to my palms. “I did it again. I do it every time.”

“Do what?” Glimmer asks, and she sounds skeptical. Like she has any right to be. She doesn’t know me; she knows a different Adora, a better Adora. I don’t even have to know her to know that.   

“Ruin it.” I sigh. “Catra hates me – again. In a universe where she married me!”

Glimmer rolls her eyes. “She doesn’t hate you. She’s just…” Glimmer grimaces, “pregnant.”

I drop my hands and grab at Bow. “Bow, you have to tell me the rest of the story.”

He frowns. “Catra didn’t?”

I shake my head. “She wouldn’t answer any of my questions.” My lips pucker into a pretty pathetic pout. “She said I ask bad ones.”

Glimmer snorts out a laugh and Bow smiles behind his hand.

“Whose side are you on?” I cry.

Glimmer purses her lips and Bow levels his brow. “Sorry,” he says, “but in our defense, she is our best friend.”

I cock my head. “And what am I?”

“A version of our best friend from a different universe,” Glimmer smirks. “I think Catra’s got more of a claim.”

I scowl, but soon it softens, and I squeeze Bow’s hand. “I just want to know what happened.”

Bow nods, then glances at Glimmer. His brow is furrowed, and his mouth is set in a hard line. “Best Friend Squad Sleepover?”

Glimmer rolls her eyes. “Bow, it’s literally nine am. And… I don’t think Catra’s gonna be appearing anytime soon.”

Bow gives her a curt nod. “You’re right. Best Friend Squad Day-Over,” he slips into a frown, “old school style.”

Glimmer grimaces. “Don’t romanticize it like that!”

“What else am I supposed to call it, Glimmer?”

I stand up, feeling a bit invigorated. “Okay! I can do that. So, we need snacks, right?” I smile at them, and they kinda smile back. “Let’s get snacks!”

We pile our arms high with cake, ice cream, chips, and, despite Bow’s protests, wine, then Glimmer teleports us back to her room.

Or, I guess it’s her and Bow’s room now. I’m still not used to that.

“I’m just saying,” Bow sets the cake platter down on one of the two nightstands, along with some forks, “it’s a little early for alcohol.”

“And I’m just saying,” Glimmer pushes the pillows to the edge of the big, round bed, making a little nest in the center, “that if I’m going to relive some of the darkest months of my life, I’m going to drink. Get over it.”

Bow sighs, throwing the chips and ice cream into the center of the bed and climbing onto it. “Just, not the whole bottle please. I don’t want you getting sick.”

Glimmer pulls a bundle of spoons out of her pocket, hands me one, and then climbs in next to her husband. She places a kiss on his cheek then leans her head on his shoulder. “Deal. I am drinking straight from the bottle though.”

Bow rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling. “I know.”

Then they both look at me, and I realize I’m still standing on the edge of the bed, fiddling with my jacket. “Oh!” I bend down, pulling off my boots, then climb into the bed. I situate myself across from them and pull my knees to my chest. “Okay,” I breathe, “I’m ready.”

Bow nods, lacing his fingers with Glimmer’s. “Right. So, after we got Glimmer we had to stop on a planet to refuel. And I’m pretty sure the entire time you were thinking about Catra. As soon as we were ready to leave you… well you did the first selfish thing I think you’ve ever done. Which was still, you know, pretty selfless but, you asked us if we would go back for Catra. You said you couldn’t just leave her there – that you had to try.”

I haven’t even eaten anything yet and I feel sick.

“You haven’t seen your Catra in six and a half years! And you have no idea where she is! You just left her. Again!”

I reach into the center of the bed, grab a quart of ice cream and rip off the lid. I don’t even care what flavor it is; I need to fill the hole that just appeared in my gut.

“So we made a plan to go to Horde Prime’s ship. Glimmer was going to find the cell that she’d been kept in, because that was where we were pretty sure Catra was going to be. Entrapta and I were going to look for the server room. We were hoping to hack Horde Prime’s network and take out his bots, or even his entire operation. Whatever we could do to slow him down. And you went to distract Horde Prime.”

I shovel a spoonful of ice cream into my mouth. “Yeah, that sounds like something I would do.”

Because I’m an idiot.

Bow smiles. “Then… well then everything kinda fell apart. Glimmer found the cell, but it was empty. And Entrapta and I eventually found the server room, but only after we found a clone and fried his brain. We basically adopted him after that, and he still lives in Dryl with Entrapta – we call him Wrong Hordak but he’s been thinking about giving himself his own name lately. And you found Horde Prime.”

I barely understand a word coming out of Bow’s mouth – Wrong Hordak? Who the hell came up with that name? - and I can’t stop shoveling ice cream down my throat. I just keep thinking about what Catra said, about leaving her behind, and about what Bow said, about the first selfish thing I’ve ever done. And how he said it, like… like he was proud of me.

“Then our earpieces started wigging out so I’m not sure what happened, and you’ve, well really our Adora, never really talked about it, but I know that Horde Prime had Catra with him. And she was… chipped.”

I swallow, glancing back and forth between him and Glimmer. The look they’re sharing makes my stomach turn. “What does that mean?”

Glimmer straightens, pulling her head off Bow’s shoulder. “Horde Prime’s clones are all connected to a hive mind, and with it he can hear their thoughts and control their actions. Well, he put a chip on the back of Catra’s neck that connected her to the hive mind, that let him control her and made her think and act like a clone. She… she wasn’t herself. She couldn’t be.”

“He made you fight her,” Bow says, wrapping an arm around Glimmer’s waist. “And the chip got damaged, which helped you get through to Catra. But before you could—”

“We don’t know what happened,” Glimmer cuts him off. “Adora won’t talk about it, and I can’t bring myself to ask Catra, but we know that Horde Prime… killed her.”

My breath catches and the spoon in my hand bends.

I can’t think straight. No. No, Catra can’t—there’s no… if Catra—what would I even…

“But she—she was here. She was here two days ago. She’s not dead. Why—you’re lying. Why are you—”

Bow reaches forward and puts his hand on my arm. “Shhh, Adora, it’s okay. You saved her.”

My heart starts to beat again.

“How?” I choke, and I realize there are tears on my face.

“She-Ra.” He smiles. “You hadn’t been able to turn since you broke the sword but when Catra was in danger you ‘just felt her again’.” He rubs my arm. “You transformed all on your own, lightyears away from Etheria, and you were more powerful than you’d ever been before.”

I blink away tears. “And Catra?”

His smile gets wider. “The moment we were flying away safe, you used your magic to heal her. And she was fine.” He cocks his head. “Yeah, a little sore, but she was alive and the chip didn’t have any control over her anymore.”

“Not entirely true.”

We all jump at the sound of Catra’s voice. She fades into visibility at the head of the bed, fork in hand, bite of chocolate cake inches from her mouth. Melog leaps into the bed and comes up beside me. They rest their head in my lap and start to dip their neon blue tongue into the almost empty carton of ice cream.

“Catra!” Glimmer cries. “How long have you been here?”

She shrugs, shoving the cake into her mouth. “A minute.”

Glimmer groans, rubbing her temples. “You’re eating all the cake!”

Catra digs the fork back into the cake and pats her stomach. “Eating for two, remember.”

“We have a kitchen.”

“Yeah and you took all the cake.”

Bow puts his hands on Glimmer’s shoulders and starts to rub. “Good morning Catra! Did you sleep well?”

Catra puts the full fork back in her mouth and raises an eyebrow. Then she glances at me.

“I have a question for you.” She pulls the fork from between her lips and points it at me. “What was the craziest part of that story?”

You mean besides the part where you died?! I want to scream.

She must be able to tell from my face I’m not going to give her the answer she wants.

“Let me rephrase that.” She puts the fork down on the nightstand. “Can you turn into She-Ra without the sword?”

I laugh. I just throw my head back and laugh. “Seriously? That’s what you want to talk about right now?”

She drops her chin and arches an eyebrow. “Can you?”

I scoff, cross my arms, and roll my eyes. “No! Obviously. I didn’t even know it was possible!”

She nods, then throws her legs over the edge of the bed and moves to stand. “Thank you Adora. That is all I needed to know.”

She starts for the door, and I jump to my feet, following after her.

“You’re kidding right?” She reaches the door and I rush forward to slam it shut. She startles, taking a step back. “I haven’t seen you in well over a day and you just show up, after you’ve obviously been spying on me, ask one cryptic question, and then leave. No. That’s not fair, Catra.” I slip in between her and the door and cross my arms. “I deserve to know what’s going on.”

She glares at me and crosses her own arms. “It has nothing to do with you.”

I narrow my eyes. “Whether I can turn into She-Ra without the sword has everything to do with me.”

Her glare darkens and for several seconds we stand in silence. This feels familiar, this feels like the Catra I know – refusing to give me anything, refusing to let me in. But I’m not letting it go anymore. I’m not letting her run away.

“Fine.” She drops her arms. “Come with me for all I care. It’s not like you’ll be any help, but whatever.”

I smile, but it doesn’t reach my eyes, and step out of the way of the door. She doesn’t move for a moment, and I sweep my hands, gesturing for her to go through. She scoffs and shoves past me.

I look back at Bow and Glimmer. “You coming?”

They’re staring at me with wide eyes and furrowed brows. Glimmer puts her hands on Bow’s shoulders and a moment later they’re beside me. I shoot them a genuine smile, and then we take off down the hall after Catra.

Entrapta’s been at the castle the last few days, in a basement room that she’s repurposed as her “lab away from home”, trying to figure out how to get me home.

Or, how to get their Adora back. But hopefully get me home too.

We walk into the lab a few steps behind Catra, who’s walking pretty fast for someone as pregnant as she is, but she’s always been fast.

Then she comes to an abrupt stop and I stumble, trying not to run into her.

“Entrapta,” she starts, then turns her head to level a glare at me, obviously asking me to step back. I grin sheepishly and take a few steps towards Bow and Glimmer, who are standing near a large metal arch that's pressed up against the wall opposite Entrapta’s computer monitors.

Then I trip over what looks like a robot’s arm.

Entrapta turns around at the sound and notices us all for the first time. “Oh! Hello!” She flips up her visor. “Sorry, we had a little mishap this morning with a few of the bots. But it’s fine! No one got hurt! Well, no one who can’t be put back together again… Anyway, what are you doing here?”

“Entrapta,” Catra’s voice is patient, but she’s obviously anxious; she starts rubbing soothing circles into her lower stomach, “I think we have something.” She points at me with her thumb. “This Adora here can’t change into She-Ra without the sword.”

Entrapta blinks, turning from Catra to look at me. And then she bursts into a cackle and claps her hands. “That’s it! Of course!” She whips around, typing away at her computer. “When Adora was using the sword, she was so much more limited. The energy signature she was giving off was so much weaker, more sterile! But She-Ra in her true form is much more powerful!” Her hair fans out around her head. “The magical energy signature she produces is bound to be different than it was, and that’s got to be something we can track!”

Glimmer lets out a light, nervous laugh. “Uh, one problem. Won’t there be other universes where Adora doesn’t need the sword?”

Catra nods, but she’s smirking. “Yes, but…” and then the smirk’s gone, and she takes a deep breath, “how many of those universes will also have Queen Angella?”

Glimmer’s eyes go wide. “Are you saying…” she trails off and Bow grips her hand.

“Yes!” Entrapta cries. “We can track both the hair and She-Ra’s energy signature and that should narrow down our results!”

“How narrow?” Bow asks, eyeing Entrapta skeptically.

“The likelihood of a universe having both a free Queen Angella and an Adora who doesn’t need the sword is…” her fingers and hair move furiously, and numbers fly across the screen. Then she laughs. “3.6%”

“That’s still so high!” Glimmer yelps, and Catra’s eyes go wide. She keeps rubbing circles.

“Mathematically that is actually a really low percentage.” Entrapta remarks, frowning while she fiddles with her visor. It’s subtle but I can tell she feels bad. She feels like she’s disappointing everyone.

But I’m not disappointed, and I won’t let her think I am.

“Well, this is great!” I clap, and smile at her. “How’s it work? I just… walk through?”

Entrapta’s smile is back. She turns back to her keyboard, and all of the monitors come to life. “Yes! According to my analysis of the last portal’s data, it would seem that only one version of a person can exist in a universe at a time, because the matter to create that person can only exist in one place in that universe! So if you walk through, our Adora should be forced back out!” She turns back and grins. “It’ll be easy!”

“And now that we know what to track,” the excitement has finally leaked into Glimmer’s voice, “if we open a portal to the wrong universe we can just send that Adora back in! And get you back until we find your universe and our Adora!”

Now Bow is smiling. “You’re right! It’s just a bit of trial and error! And that’s what all scientific experimentation is based on, right Entrapta?” He turns to smile at her, but she’s grimacing now and tapping the tips of her gloves together.

I’ve never seen her do that before.

“There is… one small problem.”

“What problem?” Catra, who’d had a light in her eyes only seconds ago, nearly growls.  

“I don’t have any readings or records of She-Ra’s energy signatures.” Entrapta pouts. “Adora would never let me take any. She didn’t think I… needed them. She said it was rude that I even asked.”

There’s a beat of broken silence.

Then Catra’s yelling. “Ahhhhhh!” She screams, ripping something off her shirt and throwing it across the room. She drags her hands down the sides of her face and her shoulders start to shake with silent sobs. Then she’s bent over, and she starts to cough.

It’s violent, and her entire body’s trembling. It sounds like she can’t breathe, and I’m terrified.

Glimmer’s by her side in a second, rubbing her back and whispering. Before I know it, I’m beside her too.

“Catra!” I grab her arm. “Catra, what’s wrong?” I brush her hair from her face as she convulses, and coughs, clutching her hands to her stomach. “Catra!”

Bow steps up behind me and gently pries me away, wrapping his hands around my shoulders. “Come on Adora. Give her space. She’s gonna be okay.”

“What’s happening?” I ask, my lungs growing tight. How are Bow and Glimmer so calm? Catra is choking! Catra is shaking! She’s bent over in pain, and I can’t help her. How am I supposed to just walk away from her?

Again.

“Sometimes Catra gets sick.” Bow’s voice is patient, his hands firm as he pulls me back. “She’s gonna be okay though, I promise.”

I relax under his grip. And then something black as tar pours out of Catra’s mouth and onto the floor.

Bow wraps his arms around my waist before I can bolt to her side. “It’s just the cake. Remember? She was eating chocolate cake earlier.”

I nod, and I try to relax, I really do, but I can’t even start until the coughing stops, Catra stands up straight, and she’s breathing a little normally again.

Glimmer has a hand on either of her shoulders now. She squeezes. “You, okay?”

Catra gives her a small smile and nods. “I’m okay.” Catra turns and grimaces at Entrapta. “I’m sorry I threw up on your floor.”

Entrapta turns back from her computer. “You did? Oh!” She looks at the floor. “You did. Sorry. I didn’t want to intrude. That’s fine. Wrong Hordak will clean it up! He’s…” she props herself up on her hair and turns to look around the large monitors, “around here… somewhere…”

Catra takes a deep breath. “Okay. So tracking She-Ra isn’t going to work. We’ll come up with something else. It’s fi—”

“Why won’t it work?” Entrapta asks, a look of real confusion on her face.

“Uh,” Glimmer laughs again, that little nervous one she does. I’m only just starting to notice how often she does that. “Because we don’t have an energy signature?”

Entrapta blinks. “Well, it should be the same no matter what universe the Adora is from. As long as she’s She-Ra, the magic’s going to produce the same signature. That is if it’s not being tampered with by the sword.”

I slowly raise my hand and Entrapta smiles at me. “Yes, Wrong Adora?”

“But I can’t turn into She-Ra without the sword.”

“Well, then learn!”

Catra laughs, and it’s not a fun laugh. It’s kind of a mean laugh. “Learn? The first time it happened was an accident! She got pissed off at an evil alien overlord. Can’t exactly recreate that experience.”

“No,” Bow agrees, but he puts his hand to his chin, “but there is someone who knows more about She-Ra than any of us who may be able to help.”

Catra stares at him for a second before groaning. She presses a hand to her forehead. “Great. Fine. That’s just… guess we’re going on a field trip then!”

She turns on her heel and marches out of the lab. “Be prepared to eat pie!” she hollers and Glimmer, who’s walked up to stand by Bow’s side again, cocks her head.

He smiles at her, and then at me, squeezing my shoulders. “I think it’s about time we visit Madam Razz.”

A few minutes later, after Glimmer’s teleported us all back upstairs to pack for a trip through the whispering woods the next day, I tell her and Bow that I want to ask Entrapta more questions about the sword and exactly what it’s doing to inhibit She-Ra’s magic.

I can’t tell if they buy it, but I think they believe all I want to do is talk to Entrapta, and that’s good enough for me.

When I get back to the lab, Entrapta doesn’t seem shocked to see me.

She sticks out her hair and points to the corner of the lab, behind a couch and a large pipe. “It’s back there.”

I blink, but after a moment just nod. “Thanks Entrapta.”

“You’re welcome!”

I reach the corner and pull back the couch and fall to my knees. I don’t know what I’m looking for, but it takes me all of two seconds to find it. Even in the dim light it shines gold and I’d recognize it anywhere.

I reach out with shaky hands and pick it up. I cup it in my hands and trace my finger over the edges.

I wonder why I gave it to Catra. I wonder how I didn’t notice her wearing it. I wonder if she wears it often.

I wonder why it hurts so much that she threw it away.

I reach down and touch the matching pin that hangs on my belt.

I wonder if it’s my fault. I wonder if after all of this she’s still going to love her Adora, or if I’m going to ruin that too.

God, I hope I don’t ruin that too.

Chapter Text

Catra of Etheria

When we leave for Razz’s the next morning, Glimmer and Bow act like we’re going on some great expedition. I don’t have the heart to tell them it’s not going to be nearly that exciting. We’re going to stumble around the Whispering Woods for a few hours until eventually we find a little old lady with a broom. And sure, she’s eccentric, and she makes great pie, but it’s not like we’re going to another world or anything. We’re just going to see Razz.

I rub my eyes. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I love Razz. I love how crazy she is, and the way she’s always hitting Adora on the head with that stupid broom. I just… I have never gone to see her without Adora before.

I try not to think about the fact that even after today, I’ll still have never gone to see her without Adora before.

I stare at the winding path ahead of me, the trees hanging low, the bushes pushing in, and I let Bow, Glimmer, and Other Adora’s chatter fall into the quiet hum of the forest. I press forward through the woods, and I remember.

“On the count of three. One… two…”

I laughed, standing a little behind Adora, hunched over with her hand on the ground in a runner’s stance, beside Melog. Her brow was arched, concentrated, and her smile was hard and smug.

“You know they’re a magic space cat right?” I smirked, crossing my arms. “You can’t even beat me.”

She scoffed, shifting her legs. “Yeah, but that’s because you always cheat. Melog,” she smiled at them, “is honest.”

They chuffed, a happy little laugh, and I rolled my eyes. “Sure they are. Wouldn’t you have a much better shot here as She-Ra?”

She shot me a smirk. “What? You got something to prove?”

I shook my head. “Not a chance Princess. You have fun.”

She pouted, sticking out her lower lip. “Come on. Race us.”

I smirked. “I think I’d rather watch you lose.”

Her pout shifted into a light little scowl. “Well, you won’t.” She turned her head back, digging one hand into the dirt and throwing the other behind her back. “Ready Melog?”

They trilled, Yes, of course, and lowered their head.

“Okay,” Adora said, “we’ll see you at Razz’s.”

I stepped around them and continued down the path. “Uh huh.”

“Are you really gonna walk right there?” Adora called as I sauntered away.

I looked over my shoulder and grinned. “What? I’m not doing anything.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Whatever. Melog, on the count of three. One… two… three!”

They took off running. In seconds they both overtook me, dipping around the bend and disappearing into the trees.

I sighed, smiling. Idiots.

My idiots. 

I continued walking, pretty damn leisurely, not in any hurry to deal with a butt hurt Adora demanding a rematch from a magical space cat, when I heard someone groan.

I recognized the sound immediately and started to run. “Adora!” I cried, pushing myself, “Adora are you—”

I found her on the side of the path, legs hanging from a bush, arms sprawled out on either side. I ran up to her side and dropped to my knees. “Adora!” I brushed the hair from her face. “What happened?”

She sighed and shook her head. “No…” She pouted, pulling her legs down. “You’re gonna laugh at me.”

I pressed a hand to the side of her head. “What? No I…” I looked over her, sprawled out like a dead fish, dazed, and I had to reconsider. “I’ll… what happened?”

She groaned again, lifting herself up by her elbows and grimacing. She met my eyes and pursed her lips. “I fell.”

I bit my lip. “How did you fall?”

Her pursed lips turned into the cutest little pout. “I tripped…”

I clenched my jaw. I didn’t know what was funnier, that the mighty She-Ra, Savior of Etheria had tripped running through the woods, or the little pout on her lips. But I knew what was cuter. “On?”

She dropped her head. “My boots.”

I covered my mouth with my hand to hold back my laughter. I’d been telling Adora for months she needed new boots. The soles were peeling off, the laces were frayed to hell, and they were so caked in dirt that Glimmer wouldn’t let her wear them in the castle. But she wouldn’t listen. She told me every damn fucking day that they were perfectly fine. She’d even say shit like “If it ain’t broke don’t fix it,” and I had to keep from clawing my eyes out.

Now she was gonna eat her words.

But I swallowed my I told you so’s and nodded as solemnly as I could. “Are you okay?”

Adora rolled her eyes and grabbed at her foot. “Don’t pretend with me, Catra.” She yanked her boot off and held it out in front of my face. “Just say it – say I told you so.”

Oh, I wanted to. The entire sole had been ripped off, barely hanging on by the heel. It was destroyed. But I was going to be a grown up about this, and I fought to hold back my smile.

I stood up, reaching my hand down to help her up. “Why would I say that?”

She scowled, taking my hand. “Fuck off, Catra. I landed in a puddle.”

And that broke me.

I dropped her hand, clutching at my stomach, as the laughter I’d been holding back exploded out of me. And I couldn’t stop. I just kept laughing. I nearly toppled over. It was everything – it was the cute little scowl on her face, the way “fuck” sounded when she said it, the state of her boot, and of course—

“Oh my God! Is your back wet? Let me see. Please? Oh—” I said between snickers, as I finally got control of myself. “I’m sorry, that’s just—it’s too much. I can’t—”

Adora was scowling at me, and then she held up her hand.

I reached down, trying to catch my breath, and grasped it firmly in mine.

And then she pulled, dragging me down with her.  

I screamed, toppling on top of her as her laughter filled the air around us. She sounded triumphant as she wrapped her arms around me, rolling over and pressing her cheek to my chest.

“Gah!” I cried. “It’s wet!”

She snickered. “I told you.”

I groaned, trapped underneath her weight. “You’re a menace.” I muttered, resigning myself to my fate.

She wiggled up my body, reaching out to place a kiss on the underside of my jaw. “But you love me,” she murmured. Then, nuzzling into my neck, she breathed, “And I love you too.”

I sighed, wrapping my arms around her back. “Maybe.”

I felt her lips turn up in a smile when she pressed them against me. “I can work with maybe.”

“I can work with maybe…”

“You’re avoiding her…”

I look up from my feet and into Glimmer’s eyes. She’s stepped up beside me, and now she’s looping her arm through mine.

Glimmer’s like that. She’s touchy. I think she got it from Bow, I can’t imagine she was always like this. She’s too much like me to have always been like this.  

“Great observation there, Sparkles,” I say, rolling my eyes.

She glances behind us, back at Bow and Adora who are talking about some bird or something. Bow took up birding about two years ago, and now he spends his entire time in the Whispering Woods looking for pearl finches and speckle winged something or others. It’s ridiculous.

I still got him binoculars for his birthday. Because I’ve been working on being a good friend.

“It’s really hurting her feelings, you know?” Glimmer squeezes my arm and looks back at me. “Like… really bad.”

I sigh and take a quick glance over my shoulder. I turn back quickly when Adora’s searching steel blue gaze meets mine. “She looks fine.”

Glimmer leans into me. “She looks fine, but Adora always looks fine. Until she doesn’t. And then she looks like hell. Don’t push her that far. Please?”

I scowl at the ground. “Why do you care anyway? That’s not our Adora.”

Glimmer sighs. “She’s still Adora. And I’d care about any Adora.” Her look is pointed, sharp. “At least enough to treat her like a person.”  

I turn my glare on Glimmer. “I haven’t—”

Glimmer raises a brow. “Really?”

My tail that’s been lashing behind me wilts and wraps around my calf. “I just…” I sigh and tighten my hold on Glimmer’s arm. “I miss her. And every time I look at,” I nod back at the dorks behind us who are still going on about birds, “ her , I feel…”

Glimmer pats my hand. “I know. I don’t love what she has to say either.” She frowns. “Bow and I aren’t… well we just aren’t in her universe. I don’t know what that means, but I know it hurts.”

I nod and tears prick at the corners of my eyes. “In her universe I don’t know who I am. I don’t know if I’m happy, and it makes everything here feel… fragile. I feel like I’m going to lose it. Like I’m going to lose everything I’ve spent the last five years building.”

Glimmer leans forward, catching my eye. “You’re not. You have me, you have Bow,” she puts her hand on my stomach, “and you have Finn. You have the entire alliance, especially Scorpia and Entrapta. You have your home, here, in Bright Moon. And you’re going to have Adora. We’re getting her back Catra. I promise.”

I nod, but I still feel anxiety buzzing under my skin. Because it’s not enough. I’m selfish and needy. It’s not enough to have them now, I have to have them forever. And when tomorrow comes, where will they be? What if I make the wrong choice? What if someone else does? And Adora… well it’s not up to Glimmer whether Adora comes home. It’s up to this other Adora. This stranger from another universe who only knows me as Catra – fugitive of war.  

But Glimmer doesn't need to deal with all that.

I take a deep breath. “Yeah… okay.”

“And,” she smiles, and it’s mischievous, “you’re wrong. This Adora never forgot you. I’m pretty sure Catra is all she ever thinks about. That’s probably why she thought she was dreaming – she probably dreams about you pretty often…”

I shoot her a glare out of the corner of my eye, but her smile doesn’t go away.

“Hey Glimmer!” We both turn our heads to see Bow waving his arm, and Adora flushing red. “I want to show you this! It’s a Purple Spotted Camelpecker!”

Glimmer sighs. “You had to buy him binoculars…”

I put a hand to my chest, feigning shock. “I was just trying to be a good friend!”

She rolls her eyes, then poofs out of existence and right to Bow’s side.

For a second Adora just stands there in the space halfway between Bow and Glimmer, who are staring up into some tree, and me. Then I roll my eyes and beckon her with my hand. “You coming Princess?”

She gets redder, if that’s possible, then bumbles out a yes and jogs to catch up with me. We start to walk again and she fiddles with the end of her braid.

“So,” she asks, breaking what I thought was a pretty damn worthy silence, “where’s Melog?”

I shrug. “Somewhere. They usually run ahead when we go to Razz’s.”

She nods and is quiet for another few seconds. “Do you go to Razz’s a lot?”

“Yup,” I pop the p, hoping she’ll shut up.  

She doesn’t. Apparently, to her, that means keep on talking.

“Oh. I’ve only ever stumbled there on accident. I don’t think I could find the way if I tried.”

“That’s why I’m here,” I mutter, pushing a branch out of the way. “But,” I sigh, “to be honest it’s more of a feeling than anything. With the shifting landscape you kinda just have to follow your gut.”

She chuckles, but it’s nervous. “Yeah, I don’t really, uh, trust my gut much anymore.”

I look at her, the way she’s still fiddling with her hair and how she’s watching the ground as she steps. “Why?”

She looks up and into my eyes, startled. Then a slow smile spreads over her face. “So, you get to ask questions, but I don’t?”

I take a deep breath.

“Please Catra, just… talk to me.”

“Please Catra, just… talk to me. About anything. It doesn’t even have to be about the nightmares. I just want to know what’s going on in your head!”

“Why?” I cried, curling tighter around the pillow I held in my arms.

And Adora brushed the short strands of hair out of my face. “Because I love you, and I missed you. I want to know you the way I used to. All of you.”

“All of you…”

“I’m not her you know,” I whisper. “I can’t answer questions about her.”

I look at her and she drops her head. “I… I know. I just… I have questions about you. And… about your Adora.”

I nod, rubbing the fur on my biceps. “Okay. Then a question for a question. I answer one of yours and you answer one of mine.”

She beams. “Really?”

I narrow my eyes. “Do you want me to take it back or do you want to ask a question?”

“Question! Definitely question!” Her smile is big and bright and stupid, and it reminds me of my Adora.

It hurts.

“Okay,” I dip my hand, gesturing to the open air, “then go ahead.”

She nods, and then her brow furrows, a little pucker appearing on her forehead. She bites her lip, then sticks out her tongue, and I can’t help it – I laugh.

“Don’t hurt yourself, Princess.”

Her tongue slips back into her mouth and the wrinkle in her forehead smooths out. She’s smiling at me again. “You haven’t called me that before. Is that something you call your Adora?”

“Is that your question?”

“Sure!”

I roll my eyes. “Yeah, it is. Doesn’t your Catra call you Princess?”

Adora scoffs. “Not with a smile on her face. Well… okay, sometimes she’s smiling but it’s like a mean smile. Like she’s gonna slice me in half.”

I frown and rest my arm on my stomach. I feel Finn turn over and I wince a little as they kick at my bladder. “Yeah,” I mutter, “it’s something I call her. I tried to stop, after the war, but one day she told me she missed it.” I bite back a smile. “Of course, Adora’s the kind of person who would miss reminders of the days I was trying to kill her, but she said it wasn’t like that…” I trail off, and purse my lips, remembering that morning.

We’d been curled up in bed, with the sun warming our bare skin, and Adora was carding her fingers through my growing hair. She’d kissed my nose, and my cheeks, my forehead, and my jaw. She’d whispered how much she loved me in my ear and told me all the ways I’d made her feel loved.

“It made me feel special – the way you’d say ‘Hey Adora,’ or call me Princess. Because even when there was a war going on all around us, you were looking at me and calling for me. It made me hope.”

“What was it like?”

I lift my head from the ground and meet Other Adora’s gaze. “Well,” I straighten, “you tell me. What’s it feel like when your Catra calls you Princess?”

Her face turns red, and her hands start to play with the edge of her jacket. “I—well that’s—I’m…” She brushes a strand of hair from her face and takes a deep breath, steadying herself. Finally, she says, “I don’t dislike it.”

I laugh, throwing my head back. When I meet her gaze again she’s grinning.

“Okay, despite that pathetic excuse of an answer, it’s your turn..”

She nods, taking the end of her braid between her fingers again. But this time she doesn’t look anxious, just thoughtful.

“Where’d you find Melog?”

I blow out a breath. “That’s um… kind of a weird story. But remember how Bow told you that Adora saved me from Prime’s ship and I died and all that?”

The way she’s looking at me, you’d think I was telling her I killed someone. Which I didn’t. I just died. And she already knew that.

“Calm down,” I say, waving my hand, “I lived.”

“You also died!”

I roll my eyes. “Well, after that we ended up taking a quick detour to this planet called Krytis. We found out that Horde Prime failed to conquer the planet and we were trying to find out why. Then we found Melog. And they told us about the magic of Krytis being too wild for Prime to control, and how they drove Prime off, but they were the last of their kind.” I chuckle. “And Adora, being the idiot she is, just offered to let Melog come home with us.”

“They seem…” Adora pauses, biting her lip, “pretty attached to you. Why is that?”

I raise a brow. “Is it your turn to ask a question, Princess?”

She purses her lips, and I snicker, shaking my head.

“Fine. Yeah, Melog imprinted on me pretty soon after we first met. I don’t know why, but they decided they trust me. I’m the only one who can understand what they’re saying.”

Her eyes go wide. “You can understand what they’re saying?”

“You’ve definitely asked your fair share of questions.”

“Oh, yeah—sure, sorry. Go—you go ahead.”

I hold back a laugh. It’s too easy to talk to her. It’s too much like being home.

I think for a second, trying to remember everything I know about her and her universe. I have plenty of questions, things I need to know if I’m ever going to sleep at night, but I don’t really want the answers. I’m too afraid of them.

But I can find out the truth for Sparkles.

“So,” I drape my arm over my stomach, letting my hand fall right over Finn’s kicking foot, “are Sparkles & Arrow Boy really not a couple in your universe?”

Her brow furrows for a second and she silently repeats the nicknames. Then her eyes light up. “Oh! Bow and Glimmer. Sorry, it’s… it’s been a while since anyone’s called them that.” She frowns for half a second before she shakes herself out of it. “But no, they’re not. I didn’t… I didn’t even realize they felt that way.”

I frown and my stomach turns. I glance back at my friends. Glimmer’s jumped onto Bow’s back and is resting her head on his shoulder. He’s going on about something, face lit up like it gets when he’s talking about something he loves, and Glimmer’s wearing that little smile she does whenever she listens to him talk about something he loves – the smile that means she doesn’t want to be anywhere else.

“Maybe they don’t…” I breathe, fisting the fabric of my shirt.

“No.” Adora shakes her head, her mouth set in a hard line. “I didn’t see it before, but now that I know, it’s—it’s so obvious!” She throws up her arms. “I mean Glimmer is jealous all the time and Bow worries about everything she does! I just… I can’t believe I missed it.”

I scoff. “Yeah, well you aren’t exactly known for picking up on these things.”

She frowns and turns her head to look at me. “I’m not that bad…”

I roll my eyes. “Whatever you say, Princess.”

She narrows her eyes. “I know about Mermista and Seahawk. And I figured out Perfuma and Scorpia were together right after I got here! And Bow & Glimmer!”

“Yeah, because they were holding hands,” I argue, pushing against the spot where Finn is shoving their little foot. “But when someone has feelings and those feelings haven’t become a relationship yet, you have no idea.” I sigh. “Not even your own feelings…”

She doesn’t respond for a long time.

“Is it my turn again?”

“Sure,” I murmur, kicking at a pebble in my way.

I hear her swallow and out of the corner of my eye I see her fiddle with the end of her braid again. “When we got back to Bright Moon you asked me what you did?” Her voice is hesitant, nervous, and my entire body goes tense. “Or… what the Catra of my universe did? What… what did you mean?”

I don't look at her, I just stare straight ahead at the trees and the bushes and the little scurrying creatures that she can’t see or hear. “I’ve done…” I pause, sliding my hand down to the base of my rounded stomach, “a lot of bad things.”

Understatement.

I knowingly fought for an evil army. I ordered the destruction of cities, towns, and nations. I repeatedly tried to kill the woman I love. I pledged allegiance to an intergalactic tyrant hellbent on destroying the universe. And I, personally, tried to rip the world apart.

I’ve done a lot of terrible shit, and I still got everything I ever wanted.

So what on Etheria did she do?

“I just…” I sigh, “I figured that if you haven’t seen your Catra in such a long time it must’ve been because she did something unforgivable.” I scoff. “More unforgivable than trying to end the world.” I look up into her face, and even though her gaze is far off, it’s open, like Adora’s face always is.

“But she didn’t, did she?” I whisper. “She just… chose different.”

Adora meets my gaze and her eyes are kinda glassy. “I… I guess so.”

I nod, solemn. “And what did you choose, Adora?”

She swallows and closes her eyes. “I don’t know,” she whispers, but the sound carries and it reverbs in my chest.

“Yeah,” I mutter, “that’s what I thought.”

I take several large steps forward, moving past her on the path. It’s only a matter of seconds before Melog’s beside me, rubbing their head against my leg. I run my fingers through their mane and take a steadying breath.

This time, Catra would be the one leaving her behind.

Chapter Text

Adora of Etheria

No. No. No. No. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no—  

The word repeats over and over again in my head while I stare down at the piece of paper in front of me – the blank piece of paper. That I’ve been staring at all night.

I remember the room used in the eclipse ceremony, with the fountain and the sacred writings that for some reason are kept in crystals on the wall.  I remember the hallway with the wall of pictographs depicting the Crystal of Arxia and the Spell of Obtainment. I remember the glyph on the floor and the tunnels surrounded by fire.

But I can’t remember where we turned. I can’t remember how long the passageways were, or if they ended in forks, let alone which ones we took. I can’t even remember where the door was upstairs!

Cartography, that was how I’d been spending all my free time since the war. I draw maps. I took my militarized brain and reprogrammed it to chart the night sky, plot the Scorpion Kingdom, track the changing landscape of the Whispering Woods. But what good is it if I can’t make one lousy map of a stupid, glorified, hallway?

And I have no idea what spell Castaspella used to open the door.

I yell and throw my pen across the room.

It smacks against the door and bounces back almost all the way to my bed. I breathe heavily, and  stare at the pen as it rolls under the curtains. Then I groan and bury my head in my hands. “No, no, no, no, no, no…”

I know what I have to do, I don’t have a choice, but I don’t want to do it. Not again.

It drove Catra and I apart the first time, and I don’t want to risk that. Not here, not in a universe where she still hates me. I don’t want to ruin this for the Other Adora. That was not a part of the plan. I want to put her in the best possible position for success, and that means bringing Catra back into her life. It means fixing things.

But I can’t fix this. Not if I want to get home. I don’t have a choice.

I take a deep breath and shove the paper away. The sun’s going to rise any minute, and I need to be ready.

Ready to ruin everybody’s day.

“You have got to be kidding me.”

I expected Catra to be angrier. She’s not exactly angry, she’s definitely not happy, but she’s just rolling her eyes and groaning, not clawing my eyes out and shrieking.

“Honestly,” she sighs, turning away from Angella and me and walking towards the large double doors that are opened onto the front lawn, “what did I expect?”

I look back up into Queen Angella’s face; she’s watching Catra and frowning. “Are you sure about this, Adora?”

I sigh, dropping my head to stare at my boots; the dark brown boots my Catra picked out for me last year.

“I know you don’t like change,” she joked while I put them on, “but Horde issue red & white are just not a thing. So you get brown. But now, look!” She pulled down the zipper on the side and laughed at the confusion on my face. “Have fun with that one dummy.”

“No, but she knows the way in,” I lift my head, “and through. She’s been before, and there’s a spell that you have to perform to open the door. I don’t know what it is. Even if I could find the way after that, we need her to get in.”

Angella puts a hand on my shoulder. “Is she not powerless?”

I turn to glare at her where she stands at the edge of the lawn, bent down in a rose bush with her shears and guards standing over her.

“She has more power than she’s letting on.” I look up to see Angella’s been staring at her too. “She’ll need Castaspella’s help, but she knows how to get in.”

Angella nods, and she looks sad, sadder than I expected, especially for someone who let Shadow Weaver into our meeting yesterday. “And you’re sure you’ll be alright? That she won’t… bother anyone?”

I blink, and glance down at Catra who’s sitting at the bottom of the steps, picking at her claws. She looks calm, maybe a little annoyed, but I can see the tension in her shoulders. “I won’t let her.”

Angella nods, then wraps me in her arms. “Be careful dear.”

I return the hug as not awkwardly as I can, which is probably still pretty awkward, and then when I pull away run down the steps to my group.

I stop beside Catra, so she doesn’t have to get up, and clap my hands. “Okay team! I have some news!”

Scorpia & Perfuma, who were chatting on the lawn, come up to the foot of the stairs, and Bow, who was on the other side of the steps, finagling with his arrows, slides over. He smiles at Catra and she rolls her eyes.

“Yeah,” she mutters, “such great news!”

I grimace. “Okay, yeah it sucks but—”

Glimmer pops into existence behind Catra’s head with a scowl on her face. “Are you kidding me?” she yells, throwing her arms in the air. “After the scene you made yesterday, Shadow Weaver’s going with us?”

I wince, and glance around to see Scorpia, Perfuma and Bow all staring at me with wide eyes and open mouths.

“Glimmer!” I force a smile through my teeth. “You’re coming with us?”

She crosses her arms. “Well I have to now! I can’t leave you alone with Shadow Weaver!”

“Uh,” Catra tips her head back, “she’s not exactly alone Sparkles.”

Glimmer’s smile is tight. “You,” she bends forward and taps Catra on the nose, “need just as much protection as she does, Horde Scum.”

Catra’s ears flatten and she lifts her hand to furiously rub at her nose. Scorpia starts to coo.

“Aww Wildcat—”

“Shut it, Scorpia.”

Scorpia purses her lips, but it’s easy to see she’s fighting a smile. And maybe so am I.  

“We’re happy to have you Glimmer,” I say, straightening my stance. “But are you sure? It’s… your dad.”

She nods, crossing her arms. “I’m sure. I thought about it, and I don’t want to see my dad for the first time in almost twenty years on some scary island while I’m running from something called a pooka. That sounds…” she deflates, “terrible. So, I’m going with you. I’ll meet him when they get back. Besides, based on what you told us yesterday, he’s gonna think I’m like twelve and I don’t want to freak him out too bad right away, ya know?”

Bow slides his arrow back into its quiver. “Makes sense to me.”

I nod, but I also wonder how I would feel if I were Micah.

What if it takes years for me to get home? What if Finn is all grown up by the time I do? Wouldn’t I want to see them the very first second I could?

“So,” Catra stands up and steps to the side, allowing Glimmer to see, “are we like… walking to Mystacor?”

I smile at her. “Why would we? We have a skiff now!”

Catra cocks her head, and her left ear twitches. “Uh, you didn’t ask?”

“Oh!” Scorpia raises her claw. “And a transport! We have a transport too!”

Catra turns her head slowly, lips pursed. “Thank you Scorpia.” She sighs. “Fine. Skiff, or transport?”

Perfuma frowns, “Could we all fit on a skiff?”

“Excellent point Perfuma,” I say. “Transport it is!”

Catra groans, probably at the finger guns I’m shooting her, and tosses her head back. “Scorpia, you better not have brought the nice one.”

“She did,” Catra says, climbing into the front seat, tail wrapped around her leg, “she brought the nice one.

I climb in beside her and slam the door shut. “How can you tell?”

Catra scoots into the middle while Bow climbs in on her opposite side. “The floor,” she taps it with her foot, “it’s not covered in molted lizard skin.” She sighs, pressing into the seat. “Which means the screen in the back still works and isn’t discolored or anything. And no claw marks.”

I don’t ask about the claw marks, even though I want to. But I have theories.

“Hey!” We all look over to see Glimmer standing on the ground by the door on Bow’s side. “You gonna move over?”

Catra snorts as we all scoot over again, putting me on the very edge of the seat and her in front of the wheel. “Is anyone gonna sit back there with Shadow Weaver?”

Glimmer poofs into place beside Bow. “Yes, Perfuma and Scorpia. I thought they might like some time alone. And Scorpia strikes me as a good bodyguard.”

They’re not exactly alone…

“We don’t need a bodyguard,” Catra says, as Glimmer reaches to close the door, “we need a guard. If someone tries to take Shadow Weaver out, I don’t want Scorpia anywhere near her…”

I smile a little bit and have to fight the instinct to wrap my arm around her waist. “Don’t worry. Perfuma will protect Scorpia from her own worst instincts. And Scorpia will sting Shadow Weaver at the first sign of trouble. She promised.”

Catra grumbles and glances back through the little red window that lets you see into the carriage. Shadow Weaver is sitting next to Scorpia, hands wrapped in vines, and across from Perfuma on a thin little bench. Perfuma and Scorpia are talking, and they’re smiling.

I grin. At least I’ve done one thing right.

I turn back around and Catra’s turning the key to start the transport. She shifts gears and with a lurch we start moving.

“One of you better know where the hell we’re going,” she mutters, shifting gears again as we enter the woods.

Bow kicks up his feet onto the dash, leaning back. “Oh, for sure. But the woods will help. Look, they’re even clearing a path for you.”

Catra’s eyebrow arches. “What do you mean?”

Glimmer leans forward and points out the front window. “Look. Have you ever seen a path that wide in the Whispering Woods?”

Catra shrugs, trying to act unimpressed, but I can see the wonder in her eyes. “Guess not.”

Bow puts his arms behind his head. “Is there a lot of magic in the Crimson Waste?”

Catra’s shoulders hunch and she scowls. “What, you wanna hear my life story now?”

Bow shrugs. “Sure! Adora says that in her universe Glimmer and I are your best friends—”

“That doesn’t mean we have to be best friends here, Arrow Boy.” Catra growls. I’ve never seen Bow’s heartbreak so clear on his face.  

Glimmer huffs. “Maybe. But good luck getting us to stop trying.”

Bow’s smile returns, and he takes Glimmer’s hand. She looks up into his face and her cheeks turn pink.

He turns back to Catra, reinvigorated. “Can I ask,” he pinches his fingers together, “one little question?”

Catra rolls her eyes, shifting gears again as we begin to climb. “Fine. One. And I’m not promising I’ll answer.”

That’s good enough for him. He beams. “How’d you and Adora meet?”

I can feel myself flush, and I hope that I’m wrong, that it’s just gotten really warm in here, but Glimmer’s eyes land on my face for just a second, and then she’s grinning.

“Oh my God, what happened?” She leans forward, still clutching Bow’s hand. “Catra, please. Adora’s as red as her vest. You have to tell us.”

Catra looks up from the path and into my face. A smirk slowly starts to grow on her face and my stomach sinks.

My Glimmer and Bow never asked this. Why did these two have to?

Catra turns to look back at the road. “Well, ya see, Adora here was found as a newborn. Hordak found her in a field or something after trying to open a portal—”

My jaw drops, “How do you know that?”

She shrugs. “I listen.”

“You mean eavesdrop.”

“Maybe.”

“Adora!” Glimmer hollers, the sound ringing in the cabin. “Stop interrupting!”

I cross my arms and turn to look out the window to my left.

“Anyway,” Catra goes on, “Adora was found as a baby, and Shadow Weaver basically took her in right away. Well, a couple years later they find me, and before Shadow Weaver can, you know, ‘throw me out with the garbage’, Adora finds me. She picks me up, screams, and tells Shadow Weaver that she’s keeping me. When Shadow Weaver says no, that I’m a mangy, dirty, animal Adora just yells, ‘No! My kitty! My Catra!’”

Glimmer laughs and Bow coos. “Wait, are you saying that Adora named you Catra?”

I frown and Catra snickers. “Yeah! She basically named me after herself!”

Bow covers his mouth with his hand. “Oh my gosh. Cat-ra, Ado-ra. She did! That’s so cute.”

Glimmer smirks at me, leaning forward and resting her arm on the dash. “Narcissistic much?”

I think about playing dumb and pretending that in my universe it was different – that a four-year-old me didn’t pull a three-year-old Catra out of a box and basically name her “kitty”. But I won’t, because as embarrassing as our story is, it’s ours.

“I grew up in the Fright Zone!” I throw up my hands. “It’s amazing I even knew what a cat was!”

Bow raises his hand, looking at Catra’s face again, at the smile on it. “Can I ask another question?” He rubs his forearm. “It’s… probably a little more sensitive.”

She keeps on smiling. “Sure Arrow Boy, why not?”

“How did you get to the Fright Zone? Were you like one of the orphan prisoners?”

I cut in, shooting Bow a glare. “How is she supposed to remember that, Bow? She was three.”

“She remembers meeting you!” Bow replies, but he still shrinks a little under my glare. “I just thought—”

“I remember,” Catra says, sitting up a little straighter. “I wasn’t taken prisoner. I was just kinda left by one of the entrances to the main barracks. Best they figure is I was dropped off during the guards shift change.” She shrugs. “No big deal.”

Bow and Glimmer’s faces say it’s a very big deal. “You didn’t just… run off?”

Catra laughs, laughs . “I was asleep, dummies. And, yah know, in a cardboard box.”

I purse my lips and bite my tongue. Bow and Glimmer’s mouths fall open.

“Someone left you… in a cardboard box?” Bow murmurs, and actually, this, this is the clearest Bow’s heartbreak has ever been on his face. I don’t want to look at him anymore.   

Catra glances at him and Glimmer and rolls her eyes. Then her focus is back on the road. “Don’t make a thing out of it.”

Bow and Glimmer look up and at me, gauging my reaction, and when they realize I knew, Glimmer’s eyes fill with rage.

“How could—who could—why would someone—aghhh!” She throws up her hands. “And then Shadow Weaver raised you?” she all but screams. “No wonder you’re unhinged!”

Catra narrows her eyes and bites her upper lip. “Watch it, Sparkles—”

I put my hand on Catra’s shoulder, and this time her flinch is less violent. She turns to look at me. “Hey, it’s okay. She doesn’t mean it. She’s just upset. But not at you,” I squeeze, “for you.”

Catra’s expression is, for a second, soft and open, and her mismatched eyes seem to sparkle. Then, almost as quickly, it’s closed off again and she’s turning away.

I pull my hand away, but I let it trail down her arm.

I wish she wasn’t wearing the jacket. I just want to feel her fur under my hands again… I just want to remember what it feels like to be home.

Bow puts his hand on Catra’s forearm. “I’m so sorry, Catra.”

I can’t see the face she makes, but I can hear the frustration in her voice. “For what?”

“I’m sorry that happened to you. You didn’t deserve it.”

“Oh,” Catra’s voice is quiet, and when she turns back to look at the road the eye that I can see, brilliant, bright and gold, is shiny.

I put my hand on her shoulder again and squeeze. This time, she doesn’t flinch.

When we arrive in Mystacor, Castaspella is less than thrilled to see we brought Shadow Weaver with us. I try to explain the situation, but she takes it personally. Apparently, it means I don’t trust her to get us there and I think she’s a mediocre sorceress. Shadow Weaver doesn’t help with this.

“You are,” she says, breaking the silence she’s managed to keep until now. “It’s truly a wonder you and Micah come from the same family line, let alone the same household. He’s always been such a brilliant sorcerer and you—”

“Hey!” I yell, pulling my sword out of the air and holding it out towards Shadow Weaver’s throat. Scorpia and Perfuma shiver on either side of her. “Shut. It.” I glare at her, at the mask of the woman who haunted my childhood and convinced me I was only worth something if I was great. I’m not going to let her convince anyone else of that ever again.

“Castaspella,” I turn back, letting the sword dissipate, “I would never ask you to do this if it weren’t the only option. Please,” I pick up her hands and hold them tight, “I can’t risk this not working.”

Castaspella takes a deep look into my eyes before sighing and dropping my hands. “Fine. But she’s going to stay…” she glances at the vines wrapped around Shadow Weaver’s wrists, “bound the whole way, right?”

I smile a little. “The whole way.” Then I wince. “Almost the whole way. We need her to help you open the door.”

Castaspella rolls her eyes. “Alright… I suppose, if it’s the only way.”

Catra steps up beside me and shoots Castaspella a toothy grin. “Don’t worry. If she tries anything Scorpia will sting her and I’ll rip out her throat.”

Casta purses her lips and looks over Catra, head to tail. Then she points at her and turns to me. “And when did she join us exactly?”

Bow comes up beside Casta, smiling. “Yesterday. But she’s great. You’re gonna love her.”

Catra narrows her eyes. “Arrow Boy’s exaggerating. You’ll tolerate me.”

Glimmer pops up on Casta’s other side. “Nope. Bow’s right. Love. Almost as much as Adora does. Right, Adora?”

I drop my head so no one can see the blush I can feel all over my face. “We’re going now!” I holler, and start to walk up toward Shadow Weaver, ready to shove her in the direction of the ceremonial fountain room. I can hear Glimmer and Bow laughing behind me.

Shadow Weaver, with Perfuma and Scorpia on either side of her, leads us down the Hall of Sorcerers, and I start to feel like an idiot. Sure, the first time we had to sneak around Mystacor like it was some elaborate maze but that’s because we were sneaking around . This time we’d just walked right in the front door. And the Hall of Sorcerers? How did I forget that?

Shadow Weaver stops in front of the wall directly to the right of the last statue and turns to Perfuma. She holds up her hands and Perfuma retracts the vines that she’d wrapped around them when we’d left Bright Moon.

I open my hand, ready to pull the sword from the ether at any moment.

“Follow my lead,” Shadow Weaver says.

Castaspella grumbles but steps up to her side and when Shadow Weaver lifts her hands, she follows. Soon a diamond sigil appears in the air and goes flying towards the wall.

Something clicks into place and the door shudders open.

Perfuma steps forward, and with a wave of her hand a new set of vines have wrapped themselves around Shadow Weaver’s wrists.

It’s weird. Everything’s so different from the last time I was here. It’s the middle of the day. Perfuma’s not waiting for us back in the Whispering Woods and Scorpia’s not chipped. Shadow Weaver’s in… well not chains, but vines, which is pretty close. And no one’s chasing us. This time, I’m not terrified.

“Shall I lead?” Shadow Weaver asks, dipping her head to the side.

“No.” I step forward. “I know the way.”

“Um,” Catra furrows her brow, “wasn’t that the reason we brought her? Because you don’t know the way?”

I sigh, and roll my shoulders back. “I should be able to remember. She,” I glare at Shadow Weaver, “is a last resort.”

Catra scoffs and shoves past me. “Whatever. Let’s just go.”

Casta and Glimmer follow quickly after her. Bow steps in beside me and Perfuma, Scorpia, and Shadow Weaver take up the rear.

Then the door shudders shut behind us.

“We’re on the right path,” Casta starts, running her hand over the wall of pictographs. “The Crystal of Arxia was rumored to be the key to reaching deep magic within Etheria. Many have tried, and failed, to find it.”

A chill runs up my spine. That hadn’t happened yet. No one had gone and said something I’d heard them say before, not exactly anyway. No one had been exactly as they were.

Glimmer asks another question about the Crystal of Arxia and Casta answers, but I’m not paying attention. I’m just staring at Catra’s back, remembering the last time I took this same journey.

“So…” Bow starts, jogging me out of my thoughts, pulling one of his arrows out of his quiver. He starts to spin it around between his fingers. “You and Catra, huh?”

I glance behind us to see Shadow Weaver, flanked on either side by Scorpia and Perfuma. They’re close. Too close. I grab Bow by the shoulders and pull him a few steps farther ahead.

“Yes!” I hiss, when I’m sure they won’t be able to hear us. I look forward. Glimmer and her aunt seem to be talking about something, and Catra looks like she’s listening too. She doesn’t look annoyed; her shoulders are relaxed and her tail is dragging lazily. I doubt she’ll be listening for me. I drop my arm from Bow’s shoulder.

“How’d that happen anyway?” Bow prods, and I tug at the bottom of my vest.  

I stare straight ahead at Catra’s back, at the weird snake circle thingy on the back of her jacket, and the three claw marks in the center. “I told you. I’ve always felt this way.”

“Well yeah,” Bow puts his arrow away, and frowns, “but sometimes, no matter how you feel, it just… doesn’t happen?”

I look over and catch Bow staring right at Glimmer with the saddest look on his face.

I sigh. “I know. I… I was terrified to tell Catra how I felt about her. The one time I tried, she…”

“Catra, please. I need you.”

“No, you don’t. You never have.”

“She didn’t believe me.”

Sometimes that still hurt, that Catra was so easily convinced I didn’t care. I’d tell her over and over that I didn’t want to leave her, but it didn’t matter, because I still left. It didn’t matter that all of my good memories were of her, because I still left. It didn’t matter that I went back for her. It didn’t matter that I turned into She-Ra to save her. It didn’t matter that I was always with her and that I begged her on my knees to stay. Choosing to save the world meant I didn’t want her, because once, when I had no other choice, I left.

Catra sees me better than anyone I’ve ever met, but she can’t see how much I love her.

“So then,” Bow scratches the back of his neck, “how’d you guys figure it out?”

I try to smile, but my heart hurts. I run my hand over my forehead, like I can feel She-Ra’s crown there. “I was… it was at the Heart of Etheria. Horde Prime infected the planet with a virus, and it was keeping me from becoming She-Ra. Actually, it was… killing me.” I take a deep breath and brush a strand of hair behind my ear. “I’d given up. I didn’t think I could do it, but Catra wouldn’t let me go. She told me I wasn’t allowed to give up, because I’d never given up on anything in my life. Then she said she loved me.” I finally manage a smile, but it doesn’t last long. “And that she always had. Then she… she asked me to stay.”

I sigh. “And that time, I got to.” I tip my head back and stare at the pictographs on the walls.

I wish I had this time.

We reach the end of the hall and come to a fork with two sets of stairs, one going up and one going down. Casta, Glimmer, and Catra are in between, waiting for us.

“Which way?” Catra asks, arms crossed.

I look between the two sets of stairs and dig into my long discarded memories.

“Left,” I say, “down the stairs.” I glance back at Shadow Weaver, and for a second I wait for her confirmation, but before she can give it I turn away. I don’t need her validation anymore.

Catra turns on her heel and leads us all down the steps, Glimmer and Casta right on her heels. I hurry up, and Bow tries to keep up, not wanting to lose sight of Catra in a place like this. But honestly, I don’t want to lose sight of her ever again.

We pass through an arch into a new room, but it’s too dark to see anything. Glimmer holds up her hand and a new ball of sparkling purple light hangs in the air. Catra steps off the bottom step and looks around.

“Well, this is anticlimactic,” she mutters, moving further into the room. “Seriously, another room of infinite darkness? Adora you really—”

And then she’s engulfed in flames.

She screams and I shove past everyone to reach the foot of the stairs. About five feet away is a raging column of fire, and without thinking I dive through it.

But I don’t have to think. Even if I didn’t know it wouldn’t hurt me, even if I hadn’t already been here before, I would’ve gone in for Catra.

“Catra!” I cry out, running through the flames.

As soon as I’m on the other side, I’m wrapping my arms around her and pulling her to my chest. Her breathing is hard and she’s shaking. I brush through her hair and pull her closer.

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s alright. It’s just an illusion.” She lifts her head and I pull my hand from her back. I stick it into the flames. It doesn’t burn, it barely even tickles. I smile at her and her breathing starts to slow down.

“It’s gonna be okay Catra. I promise. We’re just gonna walk out, okay?”

She nods, lifting her head from where it was buried in my chest and takes a step back. I drop my hand from her hair, but trail down her arm and take her hand.

She doesn’t shake me off.

I step through the flames to the other side, never letting go of her hand, and she holds on tight. I pull and she follows after me, coming to stand close to my side.

“It’s an illusion?” Castaspella asks, holding her hand to the flames.

“Some of it,” I say, not letting go of Catra’s hand, “but some of it’s real. I think. We should be careful at least.”

Catra slips her hand out of mind and scoffs. “Jumping into fire isn’t exactly careful, Princess.”

I shrug, dropping my hand to my side. “I’m not good at taking my own advice.”

“No kidding.”

Chapter Text

Catra of the Waste

I can still feel it, the warmth of Adora’s hand around mine, and it’s scalding. It’s already a fucking furnace in here, with these stupid hallways surrounded by fire that’s apparently real and also not real. God, I hate magic. But then Adora had to go and basically brand me? I keep shaking my hand out, like it’ll cool down or something, but it’s not. It just keeps on burning.

Adora’s about five feet ahead of me, leading us through twists and turns, past other hallways she swears aren’t the right ones. She seems awful confident for someone who made us bring the witch with us.

I keep glancing back at Shadow Weaver, waiting for her to give something away. A twitch or a flinch is all I’ll need to know we’re going the wrong way, but I’m starting to think she wouldn’t let that happen.

Sure, let me walk into a raging fire, but let her precious Adora get lost? Not a chance.

I turn my head back around to catch Adora looking at me again. She’s been doing it since the mini fake inferno, and she’s always got this dopey little smile on her face like she’s just so happy I’m here. But every time I’ve caught her, she’s ducked her head and gone back to staring down the hall.  

This time she doesn’t look away.

“What?” I hiss and she slows to a stop, like she’s waiting for me. Which apparently, she is because when I reach her, she starts walking again.

“Are you okay?” she asks, putting her hand on my shoulder. She keeps doing that. It feels… it feels, and I kind of hate it. But I can’t bring myself to ask her to stop.

I didn’t think I’d ever crave the numbness that led me to decapitate ten cactus dummies at a time, but here we are!

“I’m fine,” I bristle, and she frowns.

“You don’t have to lie, Catra.”

I grit my teeth. “I’m not lying.”

Her frown turns to a scowl. “Yes, you are. I know you are.”

I pull myself out from underneath her hand. “Stop talking to me like you know me.”

Her voice is quiet when she responds, gentle. “But I do. You’re… you’re Catra.”

I don’t fight the growl that rips out of my throat. “I’m not the Catra you know, okay? I’m nothing like her.” The claws on my feet dig into the ground, and the ones on my hand dig into my palms. But my tail wraps around my leg, like I’m nervous, and I can’t meet Adora’s eye.

Who am I trying to convince?

She sighs, and I hear the rustle of fabric as she rubs her arm. “I’m sorry. I know you’re not my Catra. But…” she pauses, and I look down to see her clench her fists, determined. “You’re still Catra, and that means some things are still true. If they weren’t, I wouldn’t have been able to get you to come.”

I straighten and throw her a sideways glance. Of course she’s watching me, so I cross my arms and look away.

She’s obviously talking about Finn; or, worse, me caring about her. Which I don’t. She’s delusional. Which isn’t surprising, Adora’s always been delusional. She thought the Horde were the good guys for fuck’s sake. She thought Shadow Weaver was sincere and caring. She thought I… I don’t know what she thought about me, but I know she was wrong.

“I’m sorry about bringing Shadow Weaver,” she says, and I shoot her another glance. “I know it’s hard for you.”

I scoff. “I’m fine, Princess. Believe it or not, I’ve spent my fair share of time with her.”

“I… I know.”

Adora’s voice sounds thick and choked. When I look at her, she looks sick and angry, and there are tears brimming in her eyes.

“What the hell?” I breathe.

She turns her head away and swallows. “Sorry,” she murmurs, and when she turns back, she brushes her hair off her shoulder. “I just… I feel like I’m breaking a promise.” She sighs. “Again.”

I narrow my eyes. “What promise?”

She bites her lower lip and stairs down at her boots. “I promised to look out for you and bringing her feels like…” she shakes her head. “It’s simple - you shouldn’t have to be around her.”

I face forward again, staring at the end of the fiery hall, and the upcoming turn. There’s something about Adora’s tone, about the way she said, “I know.” I’ve never seen her grimace like that. It wasn’t just that she looked sick, she looked violent and hateful. Adora doesn’t hate. Adora isn’t capable of it. She can’t even hate me right. So what the fuck was that?

What does she “know”?

“I’ve spent my fair share of time with her.”

I blink and my breath leaves my lungs in a rush. I grab Adora by the sleeve and pull her to a stop. I don’t look at her, and I don’t look behind us, but my ears flick back to listen, and I know we’re pretty far ahead of everyone else. Still, I keep my voice low and tight.

“What did she tell you?”

Adora grabs my hand with hers. “Catra, claws…”

“What did she tell you?” I cry, shaking her. I finally look up into her face and I can feel the tears pricking my eyes.

For a second, she just stares, with her mouth open and her eyes a little wide. Then she clicks her mouth shut and lifts her hand from her arm to brush her thumb over the edge of my mask.

I flinch away from her hand and drop her arm.

She stands up a little taller, but she doesn’t try to touch me again. “She’s my wife, Catra. She told me everything.” She glances behind us and sees what I hear, our band of merry men getting closer, and her next words are whispered. “She told me about Finn, about my pillow, about the scratching… and about how Shadow Weaver used to punish her when I wasn’t around.”

I can’t look away from those steely blue eyes, I want to claw them out of Adora’s face, but my hands are shaking. I want to scream. How could she do this to me?

How could I do this to me?

This Other Catra had given away everything – everything that was mine. Every secret precious thing and every dark and shameful part didn’t belong to me anymore. It was Adora’s now. Adora knows about Finn. She knows that after she left I tore her bed to pieces but kept her pillow and slept with it under my head every night long after it stopped smelling like her. She knows that after Shadow Weaver escaped I would scratch myself until I bled and the water in the shower ran red.

Adora knows that all our lives, whenever Shadow Weaver got mad at me, when I’d done something really bad, or Adora’d done something really bad, she’d take me into the black garnet chamber and strike me with lighting, over and over again, until I’d admit that it was all my fault.

“I’m sorry Shadow Weaver,” I would say, on my knees, curled up and crying. “It’s my fault Adora lost the simulation/left her bunk after curfew/ran away. I’ll stay out of her way/never do it again/find her. I promise. I’ll be good.”

Then she’d pat my cheek, brush through the tuft of hair by my ear, and tell me. “I know you will. You wouldn’t want to disappoint me, would you?”

But I always did, and I always ended up curled up on the floor again.

“Shadow Weaver didn’t touch me,” I lie, and Adora sighs, shoulders falling.

“Catra,” she reaches down and takes my shaking hand. “Please. It’s me…”

And for a second, I’m tempted. I want to wrap my hand around hers and grip it tight and lean into her and cry. I want to tell her how much I hate that Shadow Weaver is less than fifty feet behind us now, and that I haven’t felt really safe since the moment I saw her again. I want to let myself have Adora back.

But I can’t. I won’t.

I won’t let myself have Adora back only to lose her again.

Because I will. As soon as their–Glimmer and Bow and the queen and all the other fuckers in that stupid Alliance–Adora comes back, I’ll run home to the Waste. It’ll be like this whole thing never happened, no matter what the queen said. No matter how much this Adora loves her Catra, and no matter how much of that love she can convince herself extends to me for also being a Catra, my Adora – their Adora – doesn’t.

Besides, I don’t even like Adora. She’s the fucking worst.

I rip my hand away and turn on my heel to face the group of princesses and sorceresses approaching.

And yeah, Bow’s a princess.

“Why are we stopped?” Glimmer asks, and I cross my arms and start tapping my foot. I hope it looks like irritation instead of whatever the hell it really is.

“Hair poof here forgot if we’re supposed to turn left at that hallway there,” I point behind me with my thumb, “or continue straight. So, which is it?”

I can hear Adora’s quiet little huff, which tells me she didn’t forget. But that’s good, because that means we’ll be able to test whether the wicked witch would lead us in the wrong direction.

Shadow Weaver cocks her head to the side. “We continue straight,” she says. “I’m surprised Adora didn’t remember that. There are no turns from this point forward.”

Adora nods, turning back around to lead us on. “I thought there might be one more,” her voice is a little stiff, “but I was wrong. That’s fine.” She shoots everyone a forced smile. “Let’s go.”

Still can’t act.

I sigh a little and follow after her.

Adora doesn’t talk to me the rest of the way, though Sparkles eventually joins her. Arrow Boy tries to keep up a conversation with me but when he realizes I’m not in a talking mood he doesn’t go to walk with someone else. He just sticks by my side and starts whistling some song I don’t recognize.

“I like your ears,” he says at one point, and I shoot him a glare.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

He shrugs. “They’re just kind of adorable.”

I narrow my eyes. “I am not adorable.”

He smiles. “Tell that to your ears.”

I choose not to respond after that.

About five minutes later we see the blue light, and ten minutes after that, we’re walking through a wall of fire under an arched doorway into a large chamber that seems to be lit solely by this giant rock sitting on a pedestal on the far wall.

“That’s the failsafe?” Bow asks when we walk in, staring it up and down. “It’s bigger than I thought…”

And he has a point. The Crystal of Arxia, if what Castaspella was saying is correct, is about fifty feet tall and made out of three separate pieces of crystal all joined together in the center with one big cubic chunk sitting on top.

Actually, it looks like it’s levitating on top.

I really fucking hate magic.

“Yeah, uh…” Scorpia laughs nervously, “I don’t know where this Heart of Etheria is, but it better be close, because I don’t know how else you’re going to get this there.”

Adora turns around and smiles at all of us, hands on her hips. “It’s not the crystal. The failsafe is a code stored inside the crystal. That’s what we’re taking to the Heart.”

I arch an eyebrow. “Uh huh. And how does one take a code from a crystal to a… superweapon?”

Adora’s smile gets a little bigger, like she’s holding back a laugh. “Someone, well, me actually, has to go inside the crystal, take the failsafe, and then carry it to the heart. It’s—”

“Oh, Adora,” Perfuma’s frowning, “that doesn’t sound safe.”

Adora holds up her hands and shakes her head. “It’s fine. I know what I’m doing. I’ve done it before.”

Then, before anyone can say another word, Adora climbs the steps to the crystal, places her hand on the nearest column, and says, “We’re friends of Mara.”

With a shudder, the crystal begins to separate, the three columns pulling apart and the large cubic chunk on top rising higher in the air. The whole structure begins to glow brighter, light coursing through it like an electric current, and when it does the First Ones’ writing all over it becomes visible. The light shudders for a second and a ring appears around the levitating diamond, cube, thingy, and lightning cracks and courses through the columns.

I swallow, and my stomach rolls. I glance back at everyone’s faces. All of them are pinched with worry. Except for Shadow Weaver. She looks… smug.

The woman’s been wearing a mask my entire life, but I’ve come to read the set of her shoulders, the twitch of her ears, the tapping of her fingers, and right now, they all seem deeply satisfied. And I will never trust that.

I run up the stairs and grab Adora’s hand.

“Wait!” I pull her to the edge of the platform, and she looks at me with total surprise on her face.

Yeah, I want to tell her, me too.

I clench my jaw and squeeze her hand. “You said, ‘someone, well, me actually,’” I take a step down the stairs and pull her with me, “why you ‘actually’?”

She tries to shrug casually, but I can see the tension in her neck. “I’ve just done it before, seems easier for me to do it again, ya know?”

“Well, if you’ve done it before,” Glimmer steps forward, “then maybe someone else should?”

Adora makes a face that turns into a grimace. “Pshh, why? I—I can do it.”

“We aren’t saying you can’t Adora,” Bow crosses his arms, “we’re saying you don’t have to. You already did it in your universe. Maybe one of us should do it in ours.”

Adora’s eyes are getting wide with anxiety and her mouth is getting tight. She looks at me, and I think she’s looking for help, but when she realizes she isn’t going to get it, she does something I never thought I’d see her do again, especially after her display in the hallway.

She looks to Shadow Weaver.

She must be really fucking desperate.

“If Adora is determined to carry the failsafe, who are we to deny her?” Shadow Weaver says, raising her bound hands. “She is the one so very desperate to get home after all.”

That’s when I know – this is fucking She-Ra related. This is hero related.

I grab Adora by the collar and drag her down the stairs. I force her to her knees then grab her by the chin and lift her face up to mine.

“Tell me.” I growl. “Now!”

She glares at me. “Catra—”

“I did not leave the Waste and everything I built to watch you die Adora!”

She scoffs. “I want to go home Catra! Not die!”

“Then why, ” I lean in closer, “are you playing hero ? What are you protecting us from?”

She takes a deep breath, and finally her defenses crack. Her shoulders slump and she closes her eyes. “When the Heart is destroyed, whoever deploys the failsafe will absorb all the magical energy of the Heart.” She opens her eyes, and they’re pleading. “It’s been absorbing magic for thousands of years. With that much magic it—”

“It’ll kill you,” Glimmer whispers.

There’s a collective gasp around the chamber and my grip on Adora’s collar just gets tighter.

“It would kill any of you,” Adora says, and her eyes are still locked on mine, “but She-Ra can survive. She-Ra did survive. I’ll be fine. And once I have that magic I’ll restore it all to Etheria, I promise.”

It feels like she’s been making a lot of those lately.

“Is that what you did?” I ask, loosening my grip a bit. “You restored all the magic to Etheria? All of it?”

She blinks a couple times. “Um, a lot of it. Why?”

Surprisingly, it was Castaspella who spoke up next.

“What are you thinking Catra?”

“How much magic do you think She-Ra can take?” I ask, dropping Adora entirely. “Is it ever gonna be too much? Our Etheria has five more years of magic in the Heart than yours, right? And you still have some magic left in you from your Heart. So what if it gets to be too much? When does it get to be too much? Would you even know?”

Adora rolls her eyes. “I’m gonna be fine Catra.”

“How do you know that?”

She stands, brushing off her legs and straightening her vest and shirt. “Because I am. I’m She-Ra. And even if I’m not,” she looks up, looks at all of us individually for a moment, and then gives me a sad little smile, “then I know you’ll all be safe, that the Heart of Etheria was destroyed, and that you got your Adora back.”

I hold back a snarl. “I thought you wanted Finn to grow up knowing both their mothers?”

She stills, and for a second it looks like she’s actually gonna think about what she’s saying, what she’s giving up. But who are we kidding? This is Adora. She’ll walk away from anyone if it’s the right thing.

“I do. And this is the only way that’s going to happen.” She lifts her head. “And I’m going to be okay.”

I don’t know what’s happening but in seconds I’ve crossed the room and I’ve leapt on top of Shadow Weaver. I’ve shoved her to the ground on her back and I have my hand wrapped around her throat. My claws are extended, my teeth are barred…

And I’ve ripped her mask away.

I’ve only seen her face once, and it haunted my nightmares. But I’m not afraid anymore. I’m angry. I’m so angry I can’t think.

“This is your fault!” I scream, and I wish there was fear in her eyes. But they’re blank. “You made her like this!” I tighten my grip on her neck and there’s a twitch in her lip. It’s the only sign that she’s scared but it’s all I need. It satisfies something dark and angry inside me.

“My whole life you treated me like I was nothing,” I seethe. “And then you abandoned me, but I blamed her . I hated her. But you don’t care about her either, do you? She can’t even care about herself! And that’s because of you . You have done nothing but hurt and destroy everything you’ve ever touched,” I raise my hand, claws extended, “and all of Etheria would be better off without you in it.”

But before I can slash out her throat, a hand grabs my wrist, and the grip is like iron. A second later an arm is wrapping around my waist and dragging me off Shadow Weaver’s chest. Whoever the fuck it is pulls my arm down and lifts me to my feet. Together we stumble backwards until we back into the platform. Then they pull me firmly against them, my back flush against their front, and wrap their second arm around my waist.

They bury their face in my hair and their breath is hot and heavy against my neck.

“It’s okay Catra,” Adora breathes, and I realize in that moment there are tears running down my cheeks and drying in my fur. “It’s okay,” she whispers, squeezing me tight.

I clutch onto her arms and stare vacantly ahead. “Make her do it,” I whisper. “Make her take the failsafe to the Heart.”

Adora shakes her head. “I can’t. I… I can’t.”

“Why?”

“I’ve seen her die before,” she breathes deep, “and I can’t be the one to kill her.”

I close my eyes and let myself fall into Adora. “If you die, I’ll never forgive you.”

She takes a few deep and shaky breaths. “Aww,” I can hear the smile in her voice, “you like me. That’s so embarrassing for you.”

I sigh, standing up straight and letting up on the vice grip I have on her arms. “I do not like you.”

Slowly she unwraps her arms from my waist. “It’s okay. My wife likes me. And she’s a lot like you.”

I roll my eyes and step away from her. I finally focus in enough to see what everyone else is doing. Scorpia and Perfuma have helped Shadow Weaver back up and are trying to get her mask in place. Castaspella is standing off to their side, watching them and, from what I can hear, mocking Shadow Weaver a bit. And Bow and Glimmer are kind of just standing there, looking up, pretending they weren’t just watching Adora and me.

I don’t even flinch when Adora puts her hand on my shoulder this time.

“I’m gonna be okay Catra.” She smiles at me. “Just… stay, please?”

I sigh, straighten my mask and cover Adora’s hand with my own. “I’m not going anywhere.”

I’m really fucking sick and tired of this not being able to sleep thing.

It was quite the light show, Adora taking the failsafe, and apparently it was also very painful. She tried not to scream, but she can’t fool me. I could see it written all over her face and even though I was the only one who could hear it she was on the verge of sobs.

I didn’t like watching, and I hated the walk back.

It didn’t look like I expected it to, not that I expected it to look like anything. Maybe I just thought she’d be glowy or something, but instead she’s got this weird heart shaped symbol on her chest that’s all shiny and colorful. She kept running her hand over it, or through it really, it kinda floats. And she just kept staring vacantly ahead.

I think it was finally hitting her. I don’t know what drove Adora to the Heart the first time, and I’m not gonna ask, not now, but something drove her to destroying the sword. Something happened in her universe, something big, and if she’s going to keep secrets about it, maybe this time I’ll let her.

At least for a little while.

But I could hear Bow and Glimmer whispering about it.

Turns out Adora said something about a Horde Prime and as far as Sparkles and Arrow Boy could figure that must be the leader of the space Horde that Hordak wanted to bring through to Etheria with his portal.

Which means other universe me brought them through to Etheria with my portal.

Great.

At one point I looked over and saw that Adora’s hands were clasped over her chest and shaking. So, without saying a word, I reached up, pulled one down, and held it in my own.

I’m going so fucking soft.

I pull my pillow out from under my head, press it to my face, and scream.

It doesn’t matter. No matter what I do here, no matter how kind or gentle I am, it doesn’t matter. I can show Sparkles and Arrow Boy and Flower Girl that I’m all grown up, that I do more than hurt people now, but it doesn’t matter, because she’ll never see it.

This Other Adora will, but she’s already seen it. She expects it. Because her Catra’s just like that. I mean… she’s gotta be.

Otherwise, why would Adora love her?

I growl and sit up. I throw the pillow across the room, and it lands with a gentle pffft . I sigh and push myself up.

At least Mystacor has enough rooms I got my own.

I pull on the robe they have hanging on a hook near the door and slip into the hallway.

Apparently, there’s a beach here somewhere.

It is not hard to find the beach, but it is very difficult to find peace of mind.

I keep thinking in circles – what am I going to do when our—their Adora comes back? Could I move to Bright Moon? Would I ever leave the Crimson Waste? What would my gang do without me? How can I abandon them after everything they’ve done for me? Would they even feel abandoned? Could I leave Scorpia in charge? Or is Scorpia really going to get the Fright Zone back? Is Scorpia really going to be a Princess? And what about this Perfuma chick, is that actually happening? How do I even feel about that? I broke Scorpia’s heart, and she deserves the world but she was all I had for so long, how am I supposed to let her go? Don’t I have to, though? And if I did, will I really be alone? Sparkles and Arrow boy seem weirdly eager to be my friends, will they still want to when they get Adora back?

And why the fuck am I even thinking about this? Adora’s not gonna want me around. I can’t move to Bright Moon – I don’t want to move to Bright Moon, or be friends with Arrow Boy and Sparkles. I don’t want to leave the Crimson Waste or my gang. Scorpia can do whatever she damn well pleases, but I know where I’ll be. I’ll be ruling that red desert wasteland with a whip in my hand and a smile on my face.  

Right where Adora left me.

“Hey, Catra.”

I look up from the gentle pink waves to blonde hair painted almost bronze in the moonlight, steely blue eyes and a gentle smile. Oh yeah, and that weird glowy heart thing.

Motherfucking hell.

She dips her chin. “Can I sit here?”

I turn back to the waves. “Do what you want, Princess.”

I hear her faint sigh, but she sits down beside me, close enough that our arms brush. I glance at her out of the corner of my eye and see her legs crossed in front of her, with her hands on either knee.

I have my knees pulled to my chest.

She turns her head to look at me. “Thanks for today by the way. I really appreciate it.

I want to tell her I did nothing but threaten an evil maternal figure and hold her hand for five minutes, but instead I just shrug and say, “Whatever.”

She sighs again.

For a beautiful, peaceful second all I hear is the brush of clouds on the shore, but then she’s talking again.

“Shadow Weaver’s going back to Bright Moon tomorrow.”

Right. She lives there.

Yeah, I’m definitely never moving to Bright Moon. I can’t even vacation there. Angella was being stupid when she said I was gonna be a member of the Princess Alliance. But it’s fine. I didn’t really want to anyway.

“Great.” I say, tightening my grip on my legs.

Another moment passes quietly and I’m hoping that Adora’s just gonna stand up and leave, but you know that one’s really on me. I should be smarter than that.

“Can I ask you a question?”

I sigh. “Can I stop you?”

“So,” I can hear the smile in her voice, “’Strongest in the Crimson Waste’, that’s pretty impressive.”

I finally turn my head to meet her eye. “And that’s not a question.” It’s funny how the glow of the failsafe lights up the underside of her face, and the tip of her nose.

She huffs out a laugh. “I know I just…” her eyes get soft and she frowns a little pouty frown. “What happened that day?”

I don’t have to ask her what day she’s talking about – there’s only one day, the day I let my Adora go – and she doesn’t actually want to hear about it. So I immediately turn away. “Would you just leave it alone?”

But of course, she won’t.

“I just can’t figure it out.” She leans forward. “What changed? What made you stay while my Catra—”

“I’m not your Catra!” I yell, right in her face. “I am no one’s Catra!”

I clamber to my feet, ready to walk all the way back to the Waste, but at the last second, I change my mind. I want her to know. And I hope it hurts.

“You wanna know what happened?” I yell, fists clenched, tail thrashing and ears pinned back. “I woke up!” I throw my arms wide. “I realized that nothing I could do was ever gonna be good enough for you, or Shadow Weaver. I gave you everything! And you threw it away, like it was nothing. Like I was nothing. But Scorpia—” I take a deep breath.

I don’t want to think about Scorpia. For five fucking minutes I don’t want to be the bad guy.

I swallow. “I didn’t have to prove myself. I wasn’t playing sidekick. I wasn’t hated, or beaten, or forgotten, and I was finally, finally , on top! So I made the first healthy decision of my life and I stayed where I was wanted.”

Adora’s leaning back on her arms, staring up at me with something like shock in her eyes, and then she swallows. “You’ve always been good enough, Catra.”

It’s then that I realize my heart is pounding, my chest is heaving, and I have tears in my eyes.

And it’s not her fault.

It is – sort of. She’s Adora, she’s still Adora, but she’s not the Adora that broke my heart. She’s the Adora that even after I killed the queen and tried to destroy the world, and probably brought an evil alien army through, loved me and married me.

So I’m going to give her the truth, because I think I actually trust her with it.

“I asked,” I heave, and the tears start to fall. “I asked Adora what she wanted and it sure as hell wasn’t me.” I wrap my arms around my stomach, like I’m holding myself together. “All she cared about was that stupid sword and getting back to her real friends.”

Adora straightens, putting her hands in her lap and a strange look comes over her face. She bites her lip and furrows her brow. “Is… is that what you wanted her to say? You?”

I turn to look at the clouds again. “I–I don’t know. Yes? Maybe. I just…” I bury my head in my hands, “something.”

I hear a gentle thud and lift my head to see Adora sprawled on her back, staring at the sky. “I’m an idiot.”

She closes her eyes and lifts a fist to her forehead. I expect her to start pounding, like she sometimes did when she was in the Horde, but she doesn’t. She just lets it sit there, like it’s pinning her down.

“Yeah,” I breathe, wiping the tears from under my eye. “I know.”

She opens her eyes and they’re lined with tears, but she smiles. “You’re right though,” she sits up and taps the gold bracer with the blue stone I’m only now just noticing on her arm. “It is a stupid sword.”

She pulls her hand away from her arm and suddenly the sword appears in her grip. I take a step back and hiss.

I can’t help it. I don’t like that thing. It took so much from me, and with it Adora had tried to take my life.

She sighs, pulling her legs back under her and setting it on top of them. “And it needs to be destroyed.” She looks up at me and her mouth is pressed in a hard line but her eyes are wide and pleading. “Will you… hold it for me until then?”

I hold back a laugh. “What?”

She looks back at the sword and taps the blade. “I’ve been keeping it in a case since we left Bright Moon, but when we go to the Heart we’ll have to carry it with us.”

I scowl and realize I’ve lowered myself into a slightly defensive crouch. “So you carry it.”

She purses her lips and looks over me. She smiles a little at my stance. “I’m worried that if I’m She-Ra and I’m holding this sword it’ll affect her somehow. Maybe Light Hope will be able to control me or… something. I don’t know, but I’d feel more comfortable if you were holding it.”

Slowly, with Adora’s eyes glued to me the entire time ‘cause she’s a freak, I lower myself back to the rocky ground. “Why me?”

She smiles gently. “I trust you.”

“You shouldn’t.”

She laughs, and shrugs. “Well, I do. Deal with it.”

I think about it for a second longer, then I nod and Adora’s shoulders sag in relief. She smiles a little brighter and reaches out for my arm.

I hold it out for her and she raises the sword above it, then, in a flash of light, the bracer that was on Adora’s arm only a few minutes before is on mine.

She releases my hand and I raise my arm to my chest. I trace my hand over the gold, letting my claws tickle the surface.

Adora giggles a little and I look up.

“What?”

She shrugs. “I just… you’re happy. I’m happy you’re happy.”

I raise an eyebrow. “What makes you think I’m happy, Princess?”

She cocks her chin. “Your tail.” I glance behind me to see my tail flicking lazily back and forth. “You don’t purr very often, but I’ve always been able to tell how you felt by your tail.”

I scowl, and grab at the traitorous thing. I shove it to the ground and Adora laughs.

I watch her laugh and I feel my cheeks warm.

And I have no control over what I say next.

“What’s she like?” I blurt, releasing my tail. “Um… you know, your Catra.”

Adora’s cheeks get a little pink themselves, and then she starts to smile.

“She’s…” she sighs, leaning back on her hands and a far off look takes over her eyes. “She’s brilliant and snarky and passionate and strong and beautiful and…” Adora swallows, and her eyes get shiny. “Devoted to a fault. She’s the most loving and resilient person I know.” Her gaze falls to me and she smiles. “She’s a lot like you.”

I take a shaky breath. “I’m… I’m not like that.”

Adora sits up and rolls her eyes. “Yes, you are. You’re Catra. And Catra’s always been those things, even at her darkest. And I…” she sighs, shoulders slumping, “I want to be what she deserves.”

I blink, and then I scoff. “Adora, you’re what she wants. Who gives a fuck about deserve?”

She furrows her brow. “What do you mean?”

I shrug, suddenly feeling brash and brilliant. I may not be Adora’s Catra, but to hell if I don’t know how she thinks. “Adora, what do you want from Catra?”

Adora frowns, but she doesn’t hesitate. I wish my Adora were more like that.

Their .

“I want to love her and… for her to love me.”

“Then that’s it.” I rise to my knees. “You don’t have to earn everything, Adora. Sometimes you’re allowed to just have.”

A small smile plays at the corner of her lips. “Where’d you learn that?”

I shrug. “I made a healthy choice, remember?”

I’m a much better liar than Adora.

She smiles at me and I smile back.

I’m not going to tell her how I really learned that deserve meant fuck all. I don’t want to make her sad.

God, I’m going soft.

We stand and she leads me back to my room and when I go to lay down, I think about Scorpia. Scorpia who deserves the world. Scorpia who loved me when I didn’t deserve it and deserved to be loved back just as fiercely. Scorpia who I just…

Didn’t she try to give me everything I wanted? Didn’t I just want to love and be loved? Wasn’t that the point of the fish, and the kit, and every dream I’d ever had? So why is it that when I finally got it I had the audacity to turn it down? What is wrong with me?

I curl up on my side and gnaw on my lip.

Something must be, because here I am, almost eight years after Adora left me behind, still willing to come when she calls.

None of us deserved this, but this is what we got.

Chapter Text

Adora of Bright Moon

I’ve been staring at the back of Catra’s head for the last twenty minutes, like I’m trying to account for every flyaway curl in her messy bun, and fiddling with the pin on my belt. I can feel the same pin in my pocket, pressed up against my leg, and I wonder again why I gave it to her. Or, not me, but Other Adora – her Adora.

Queen Angella gave me this pin when I first joined the rebellion, to replace the Horde buckle I’d always had on my belt. She’d held it out in her hand, smiled and said, “Welcome home dear.”

This pin means so much to me. I wear it every day. It reminds me that I have a place somewhere, a place in Bright Moon. Even… even when I’m far, far away and think about running farther. Even when I don’t want to go back.

I sigh, drop the pin, and reach for the end of my braid.

There are only a few things I keep from Bow and Glimmer, but how I’ve been feeling about Bright Moon lately is one of them. I don’t want them to know that it feels stuffy, and suffocating, and lonely. I don’t think they’d get it. I know they wouldn’t understand if I said I didn’t feel like I belonged there.

Swift Wind said once, when Glimmer and Bow were fighting off a bunch of giant spiders at the Beacon, that they weren’t risking their lives to save me because I’m She-Ra but because I’m their friend. And I wanted to believe him. I want to look into my friend’s eyes and trust that they really care about me but…

The only reason they’re my friends at all, is because I’m She-Ra. It’s the only reason Bright Moon is my home, the only reason they let me join the rebellion. And the only reason I’m She-Ra is I found a stupid sword in the woods. And the only reason I found that sword is because Light Hope opened a portal and stole me from somewhere else in the universe so she could use some giant planet size weapon.

I’m just a part of a machine. A tool meant to accomplish a task.

Something about it reminds me of Shadow Weaver and makes my stomach hurt.

Worst of all though, it was random. I thought, for at least a little while, I was special. That maybe being She-Ra meant… something. But it was random. I was just some baby, and the only thing special about me is that I’m a First One.

Which is not something I want to be. Not anymore.

I wouldn’t have even been in the Whispering Woods that night if I hadn’t been promoted to Force Captain and Catra hadn’t been pissy about it. And who knows where I’d be now then?

Probably not with the Horde – I think I would’ve figured out we were the bad guys eventually, I’m not that dumb – but maybe it would’ve gone differently. Maybe it would’ve been gradual, and maybe… maybe I could’ve convinced Catra to run away with me.

I don’t know where we would’ve run to, probably not Bright Moon. If I wasn’t She-Ra I probably wouldn’t have been welcomed there. Glimmer barely let She-Ra through the gates, she wouldn’t trust any other Horde soldier as far as she could throw them. 

I look up to see Glimmer and Bow poof into existence at Catra’s shoulder.

Okay… maybe she would.

Something must’ve happened on that spaceship. Okay, a lot must have happened on that ship. But… there’s gotta be something else, something I’m missing.

It wouldn’t be the first time.

“But when someone has feelings and those feelings haven’t become a relationship yet, you have no idea. Not even your own feelings…”

I scoff, and kick at a rock on the ground. “Well, that’s just… that’s not true.” I mutter. I’m not stupid. I know how I feel. Especially how I feel about Catra. I’ve known for… for…

… How long have I known?

I grab at the pin on my belt again, letting the sharp end dig into my palm.

“She asked me what I wanted from her.”

“And what did you say?”

I tighten my grip.

“What did you choose, Adora?”

What did I choose? I don’t get to choose. I’m She-Ra. I’m responsible for too many people, and too many things. And maybe it was random, but it’s what I am now.

But if I got to choose?

“Catra…” I murmur, looking up at her back, at the backs of the three most important people in this and any universe. “Catra!” I get louder and start to run after them. “Catra I—” I reach out for her and grab her shoulder.

She turns her head, her brow furrowed. “Calm down Princess, we’re here.”

She pushes aside a low hanging branch and steps out into the sunlight past the tree line. Glimmer and Bow give me a sideways glance before following after her.

For a second I stand there, staring at their backs and how the sun hits them, and the shadows they cast on the ground, before I take a deep breath and walk out into the clearing.

The grass beneath my feet gives way to dirt and just ahead there’s a little house dug into the side of a hill. The walls are the roots of a massive tree, and the roof is covered in thick grass. The door is a curtain hanging from a branch and a little chimney of roots bent and bound together puffs out gray smoke. Standing out front is a little old woman with pink skin and hair the size of her body. And she’s sweeping.

Dirt. She’s sweeping dirt.

Razz.

Catra calls out to her and lifts her hand to wave. At the exact moment Razz lifts her head. “Who is—oh! C’yra deary!” Razz sets her broom against the wall and runs to meet Catra. “How are you?” she cries, grabbing Catra’s face in both hands.

Catra sighs but allows Razz to kiss her excitedly on both cheeks. “Catra, Razz, my name is Catra.”

“Of course it is, that’s what I said.” Her eyes shoot to Glimmer and Bow. “Oh! Glimmer! And…” her brow furrows, and she reaches out, grabbing Bow by the cheek, “you’re not Bow.”

“Yes,” he says, forcing the words out between tight lips as she pulls his mouth in different directions, “I am! My hair’s just longer now.”

Razz narrows her eyes. “Hmm… maybe.” She gives Bow one final pat on the cheek then lets him go and looks up at me. “Oh! Mara dear! You’re all just in time! I was going to make a pie today, but I haven’t picked the berries or the apples—” she cuts herself off and narrows her eyes. “No, you’re not Mara.”

I sigh. “No, I’ve never been Mara. I’m—”

“Adora, yes, yes I know, I know.” She waves her hand. “But you’re the wrong one!”

My breath catches. I meet Catra’s eyes. They’re wide, almost excited, but the way she’s chewing on her lip tells me she’s nervous. Catra’s never been one to let herself hope.

“Exactly,” I breathe, and I smile at Razz. “That’s why we’re here! I’m Adora, but I’m from a different universe and I need your help learning how to access She-Ra without the sword so we can open a portal and—”

Out of nowhere a broom comes and whacks me on the head.

“Ow!”

Glimmer and Bow cover their mouths to keep from snickering, but Catra throws her head back and laughs.

I rub the top of my head, but honestly, it’s worth it to hear Catra laugh.

“You talk too much Wrong Adora,” Razz says, turning back and opening the curtain that leads into her house. She steps inside for a second, but before we can follow, is throwing baskets out onto the ground. “Besides! We have berries and apples to pick!”

“Um…” Glimmer laughs her little nervous laugh, “I don’t think—”

Razz steps out, picks up a basket and shoves it into Glimmer’s arms. “You, pick berries.” She picks up another basket and thrusts it at Bow. “And you too.”

Bow straightens and nods.

Then she turns to me, handing me a small sack. “Wrong Adora, you pick apples with me.”

“Umm,” Bow raises his hand, “what about Catra?”

Razz scoffs and reaches out to whack Bow on the head with her broom. “She’s pregnant! She cannot climb for berries!”

“Climb?” Glimmer’s eyes go wide.

Catra crosses her arms over her stomach. “Sparkles, you can teleport.”

Glimmer laughs, “Oh… yeah, sorry. So berries. Where are these berries?”

Razz rolls her eyes and turns to walk away. “I swear C’yra, your friends are so silly.”

Catra smiles, and steps behind Glimmer, grabbing her by the shoulders. “I know. Come on Sparkles, I’ll show you.” She throws me one last glance. “Have fun, Wrong Adora.”

I frown and she snickers as she leads Glimmer and Bow away.

“Come on Adora, we have to hurry.” Razz grabs me by the hand and starts to drag me in the opposite direction. “We do not want you to be late.”

“Um,” I try to pull my hand back, but her grip is too tight. “Be late for what?”

“You know!” she replies, dragging me along, broom in her hand. “The baby!”

My eyes go wide and I pull Razz to a stop. “What do you mean the baby?” I look back. “Is Catra okay? Is she going to go into labor? We need to head back Razz! We can’t—”

And then Razz hits me with her broom again.

“Calm down Adora! C’yra is fine. She isn’t going to have the baby. Not in the woods.” She laughs. “That would be insane!”

My breathing comes a little easier. “I don’t understand then.”

“You don’t have to understand. You just have to trust Madame Razz.”

She holds out her hand and after a moment of hesitating, I take it.

We start walking, and for a while I’m able to keep my mind quiet, the way I know Razz would want me to. But then we keep walking, and keep walking, and we’re walking forever, long enough that Razz lets go of my hand and my feet start to hurt. And I can’t help it, I start thinking. I have too much to worry about. Too many things to do.

Like, what did she mean about being late for the baby? Is Catra going to be okay? How long has she been pregnant anyway? How long do magicat pregnancies last? She looks pregnant. Like, really pregnant. Not—not in a bad way! She looks… she looks good.

I can feel myself blushing and I reach to grab for the end of my braid.

I can’t remember when I picked up the habit of fiddling with it, but I know I didn’t always play with my hair. I used to be more… confident than that.

It must’ve started sometime after the war ended. Maybe when I started wearing the braid instead of the ponytail? When was that? It had to be after the war. It wasn’t long enough before that.

It felt significant though – like it means something. Not just the quirk, but the whole hairstyle change. I’d always worn a ponytail, my whole life. Why’d I just change that? What was I trying to do?

I’m brought out of my thoughts when I trip over an apple.

“Oh!” I nearly stumble to the ground but catch myself by grabbing a low hanging branch. I straighten and check in on my surroundings for the first time in a long time.

I also used to be better at that too. What kind of soldier have I become?

Razz is just ahead of me, jumping over a particularly large root, and to my left is a small town. It looks familiar, full of stucco houses with tile roofs and a large… beacon in the center of town.

“Oh,” I smile, “I’ve been here before. This is Alwin.”

Razz glances back and tosses her hand over her shoulder. “Bah! Maybe. We are going for apples.”

I glance at the ground beneath my feet that happens to be littered with apples. “Um… okay?” But I follow after Razz without another question.

We make our way deeper into the forest, and for a while we’re actually in an apple orchard, but Razz doesn’t stop or pick a single apple or ask me to pick any, and eventually the apple trees are gone.

The woods are different though, at least different from my universe. And now that I think about it, they’ve been a little different all day. They’ve been thicker, more colorful, more… alive. And as we walk I start to… see things.

At first I think my mind is playing tricks on me, but when one of the little balls of light bounces off my hand only to swirl around my thumb and I feel its warmth, I know it’s real.

“The woods,” I murmur, falling into step with Razz, “they’re… different.”

She bobs her head, smiling. “Yes, deary. When Catra and Adora destroyed the Heart it released all the magic the First Ones stole from Etheria. It was crazy.” Razz waves her hand. “But the magic healed Etheria!” She turns to me and pokes me hard in the chest. “And it can heal you too.”

“Ow!” I rub at the center of my chest and furrow my brow. “Razz, I don’t need any healing. I’m not sick.”

“Yes you are!” She exclaims, jumping down from the root she’s been standing on, “In here.” And she pokes me in the chest again.

I bite back a snarl. “I’m fine.”

“Bah!” Razz shakes her head and runs ahead. “You are not fine Mara.”

I cup my hands around my mouth. “My name is Adora!”

“That’s what I said!” she yells back and I groan as I chase after her.

When I finally catch up to her, I find her stopped in a small clearing petting a large pink boar, of all things, that’s sleeping on its side. She smiles at me and gestures for me to join her. But I shake my head.

“Come on Adora!” she whispers, waving her hand.

I shake my head again.

“Yes!”

“No!” I hiss. And as I look around, I see that there are more than just the one pink boar in the clearing. There are six, and even though they’re all sleeping, my skin crawls at the idea of them waking up.

“Razz,” I clench my jaw and my fists, “there aren’t any apple trees here!”

“Well of course not Mara!” She continues to stroke the boar’s neck. “We aren’t picking apples yet!”

I throw my hands up. “Then what are we doing?”

“We are… we are…” she furrows her brow and taps her chin. Then she shrugs. “It is not important what we are doing. What’s important is that we’re doing it.”

And that’s it. I’ve reached my limit. I collapse to the ground, falling on my back with my arms and legs sprawled around me.

Let the boars crush me. I’m done.

I’m wasting my time. I’m always wasting my time. Razz is just some crazy old lady in the woods who managed to say something wise once or twice when I needed to hear something wise. But honestly, what made me think, what made any of us think, she’d be able to help me with this?

This is just something else I’m going to have to figure out by myself. And I’m running out of time.

Every day I’m here I make things worse – for Catra, for the baby, for their Adora. And every day I’m gone my universe is in danger. The Heart of Etheria is just getting stronger. I need to get home, I need to destroy the sword, and I need to learn how to be She-Ra without the sword so I can still protect everyone anyway!

“Adora?” Razz appears directly above me, frowning. “What’s wrong, deary?”

I sit up and wipe at the tears that I almost started crying. “Nothing. I’m fine.”

For a second Razz is quiet, and she just looks at me with a sad smile on her face. “You are a lot like my Adora, but you are lonely, and afraid. What are you afraid of, Wrong Adora?”

I swallow and stare at the ground between my legs. “I…” I look up into Razz’s eyes and my hand falls to my pocket. “I’m hurting her.”

“Who deary?”

I pull the pin out and hold it out for Razz to see. “Catra.” I choke on her name, and the tears I thought I wiped away start to fall.

“Oh deary…” Razz steps forward, reaching out and gripping me by the shoulders. “You are not hurting Catra. Catra’s wounds are old.” She brushes a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “Sometimes they flare up a bit, but you are one of the few people who can help!”

I shake my head. “That’s just it Razz, I can’t. I’ve just been making it worse. She needs her Adora back.” I take a deep breath. “Which is why I have to learn how to turn into She-Ra without the sword, so that they can open a portal so they can get her back and I don’t ruin their lives more than I already have.”

Razz takes my chin in her hand. “But what about you, deary?”

“I have to get back to destroy the sword! And I have to face Light Hope, and now that I know about the Heart of Etheria—”

Razz groans, throwing her hands up in the air. “That is not you Adora!”

“I don’t understand!” She starts to shuffle away, picking up her broom, and heads back to the boar. For a second I lose all sense, and even though I know I should be quiet, I yell, “What do you want from me?”

She comes to a stop. Then slowly she turns around, and there’s a smile on her face.

“What I want is not important! What do you want?”

“I want to go home.” The words come out of my mouth before I can stop them, and after they do my eyes go wide. Because even though I do mean my universe, I don’t mean Bright Moon.

I unclench my fist and look at the pin in my hand – the pin that some version of me gave to Catra.

Welcome home…

“But how am I supposed to do that,” I look back up at Razz’s giddy smile, “if I can’t turn into She-Ra without the sword?”

And then Razz laughs. “Oh Adora, She-Ra is not the sword! She-Ra is you !”

I shake my head and sigh, shoving the pin back in my pocket. “No, she’s not. It was random, Razz. Light Hope pulled me through to use the Heart of Etheria, it didn’t matter who I was. I’m just some girl who found a sword…”

Razz tsks, coming back to me and putting her hand on my head. “She-Ra existed long before the sword. She-Ra protects Etheria and Etheria chose you.”

I look up and my voice is breathless, weak. “Why?”

She laughs, and throws out her arms. “Madame Razz doesn’t know! But I trust Etheria. And so should you.”

Then she holds out her hand, reaching down to take mine. “Now come, we have apples to pick.”

Chapter Text

Catra of Etheria

I’m sitting on the stone path that leads up to the entrance of the Crystal Castle, legs crossed under me, watching Glimmer and Bow blink around from the top of the building to the base of some crumbled rocky side structure or whatever, scouring berry bushes. The air’s warm, the breeze is light, and even though my ass should be killing me, everything feels… nice. For once.

I raise my hand to cup my mouth. “Looking good guys!”

Glimmer shoots me a glare from the top of the castle. “Shut it!” she hollers, “you useless, pregnant woman!”

I laugh, throwing my head back. I lean back on my arms. I kind of like being a useless pregnant woman. No chipped claws, no scraped elbows, or knees. I’ve scaled that beacon for berries before, and I’ve fallen off – right into Adora’s waiting arms. This is better.

Well, mostly. I liked the being in Adora’s arms part…

I feel the air beside me sort of shimmer and in seconds Melog’s there. They trill a little hello, nuzzle up against my belly, like they’re saying hi to Finn too, and then rest their head in what’s left of my lap.

I pick at the grass that has started to poke through the stone – crystal? – after a thousand or so years without a gardener.  “You disappeared again,” I mutter. I pull out a blade of the grass and start to rip it to pieces.

Melog rolls their shoulders, getting comfortable. Bow and Glimmer wanted to comfort you. I thought I’d give them the chance.

I scoff. “Sure.” I throw away the last of the grass. So, where’d you go?”

They don’t answer, but they do start to purr when I straighten up and lift my hand to start running my fingers over the top of their head, then down through their flowing blue mane.

I swallow. Their silence is loud. “You followed her, didn’t you?”

Again, they don’t respond, but their purr stops for just a second. They try to burrow deeper into my lap, like they’re afraid I’d send them away or something. But I won’t. I’m not even going to stop petting them. But I’m gonna ask a lot of questions. “Did Razz ask you to?”

This time they sigh. Razz thought it was important that someone see.

I furrow my brow, and stare down at the patterns in the cracks in the ground. “Someone see what?”

Melog lifts their head on top of my stomach and looks down to meet my eyes. That this Adora is much like our Adora was – lost to herself.

My hand stills and for a second, I just… think. Slowly I fall onto my back, but I let my head hit the ground with a thud. I let it hurt. “Fuck.”

Melog whines.

I keep running my fingers through their mane and my mind starts to spin in tight little circles. I run from the moment of Double Trouble’s betrayal to the Heart of Etheria, and every moment before, after or in between that made me feel worthless and weak. But I get stuck on the moment I basically begged Adora not to take the Failsafe and she barely cast me a glance.

“Adora, it doesn’t always have to be you!”

She wasn’t going to listen to me then. Maybe she will now.  

“I need to talk to her.”

Melog rubs their cheek against my stomach again. It would be good. She won’t believe anyone else. But you’ve never been ‘nice’ to her.

I lift my head. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

You do not pretend or save face. You speak your mind. She trusts you.

I close my eyes and nod. “Right. I’m a bitch.” I lift my hands and rub them over my face. “When are they gonna be back at Razz’s?”

She’s coming here to fetch you. She should be here any minute.

I sigh, wrapping my arms around Melog’s neck and pulling their head to my chest. “Okay, I’ll talk to her.”

Melog lifts their head to lick my cheek. I roll my eyes then bury my head in their neck. “Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

Then, in a flash of pink, Glimmer and Bow are standing over us. Glimmer opens her mouth but whatever she was gonna say gets stuck in there when she looks at me. Her smug smile disappears and Bow’s brow furrows in concern.

“Hey,” Bow pulls his arm from Glimmer’s waist and crouches beside me, “you okay?”

I sigh, letting go of Melog and nudging him so I can sit up. “I’m fine. Just, ya know, stressed.”

Bow puts his hand on my shoulder. “It’s okay if you aren’t Catra.”

I sigh, shooting a glance at Glimmer. She looks almost as worried as her husband. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten this kind of sympathy and attention in my life. I would love it under any other circumstances.

I smile a little. “I’m fine.” I pull Bow’s hand from my shoulder and he reads my unspoken signal. He stands and pulls me up. “Did you get the berries?”

He beams at me, holding out a full basket. “Yes! I also happened to get more than Glimmer.”

“Uhh,” Glimmer steps up next to him, holding out her basket for me to look at too, “he did not.”

I look into the baskets. “I don’t know Sparkles, he might’ve…”

She scoffs. “Well he kept eating mine!”

I turn to Bow and cross my arms. His grin is sheepish. “Seriously?”

“She just had so many!” Bow admits and my ear twitches at the sound of a new set of boots stepping onto the stone/crystal pavement. “Besides, teleporting is cheating.”

“What?” Glimmer shrieks and I can smell Adora now. She almost smells exactly the same as my Adora, but she’s just the tiniest bit softer, more rounded. “You did not say that before!”

“I shouldn’t have to Glimmer! It’s obvious—"

And then Adora is with us.

“Hey,” she breathes, and I turn around to fine her standing, anxious as hell, about five feet to my left and fiddling with that stupid braid again.

“Oh!” Bow smiles. “Hey Adora.”

She forces a smile, but she keeps glancing at me. “Razz sent me to lead you guys back.” She kinda laughs. “Not that I know how. I’m shocked I found you guys at all. I can never find this place without Swift Wind.”

“It’s the woods,” Glimmer says, her smile gentle. “It’ll lead you where you need to go if you ask nicely.”

Adora chuckles nervously and scratches at the back of her neck. “Good to know.”

I take a deep breath and glance between my wife’s likeness and my best friends. Now’s as good a time as any.

“Hey,” I purse my lips, “why don’t you two go ahead. Adora and I will catch up.”

Glimmer’s eyes get a little big, but Bow’s smile is huge. “Sounds perfect! Razz’ll need these berries sooner rather than later, I’m sure!”

“Oh!” Adora takes a step closer, arms outstretched. “But how will you—”

Glimmer waves a hand. “Now that I’ve seen Razz recently enough I can teleport right to her. It’s easier to teleport to specific people, but I have to have a feel for them, ya know? Your Glimmer’s the same, right?”

Adora frowns. “I don’t know. I’ve never asked.”

I smirk. “Technically you didn’t now either, Sparkles here just loves talking about her power to anyone that will listen.”

Glimmer sticks out her tongue at me. Then she wraps her arm around Bow’s waist.

“See you at Razz’s!” Bow says, and in a burst of sparkles, they’re gone.

For a second we’re silent and Adora shuffles her feet, obviously waiting for me to say something. Which is, ya know, fair since I asked her to stay so I could talk to her, but I need to get my thoughts together.

“Are you—”

I hold up my hand. “Just… just give me a sec. Kay?”

She nods, clasping her hands behind her back. But, of course, her feet don’t stop moving, because Adora never stops moving, not even in her sleep.

“Adora can’t even relax when she’s asleep.”

And just like that I’m back on that ship, sitting back-to-back with Glimmer, trying to fight off loneliness that threatened to drown me. I’m wandering long and empty corridors, alone, looking for any way out. I’m lost in my own memories and fear and all I can think of is Adora.

Adora, young and brave, running down the hall with my ghost chasing after, laughing as I tackle her to the ground. Adora, looking up and into my adult eyes, smile soft and sweet, promising to always be my friend. Adora, scar across the bridge of her nose, because she was stupid enough to come back.

I look back at the Crystal Castle, the horrible, cursed, godawful place where I made the choice to give up on the one thing I really wanted for the recognition and praise I hoped would ease the ache of never having it.

And I’d made that choice while staring into my own large two-toned eyes. All I could think, the only words in my head, were, “she promised”. I was so focused on how she failed me I didn’t stop to consider whether I should keep up my end of the bargain. Or whether I ever had.

“I’m—I’m sorry,” I murmur, finally looking up into Adora’s eyes. They’re wide, like she can’t believe her ears, and I hate that. But honestly, what can I expect? “I’ve been taking my own shit out on you and that’s not fair. You haven’t done anything…” I grimace, “wrong. I mean you’re annoying—” her eyes narrow. I cross my arms and smirk a little, “but so’s my Adora so… yeah, I’m sorry.”

She doesn’t say anything for a second but her face softens and she searches mine. I feel a blush burn under my fur and push some hair out of my face. I turn away from her and sit down on the cold hard ground again. I hope she follows.

A few seconds later she’s sitting next to me.

“Thank you,” she basically whispers, and I watch her out of the corner of my eye. “And I’m sorry too.”

I scoff. “Yeah? For what?”

She kinda laughs, and I turn to see her shrug. “Everything?”

I roll my eyes. “You haven’t done anything.”

Right or wrong.

And maybe that’s why I’m angry. Maybe that’s why I look at her and my stomach turns and my heart starts to pound. She’s not the little girl who came back and tried to drag me to dinner anymore. She didn’t bother with that. Honestly it sounds like she hasn’t bothered doing much of anything.

“It’s not like you chose to come through that portal,” I say, my words slipping out without thought. “And since you did you’ve just wanted to understand what’s going on. Harmless.”

She bites her lip and scratches the back of her head, just like my Adora would. “Some of it was more… selfish than that.”

I’m pulled from my trance, and a soft smile slips onto my face. “Good.”

After a second, she smiles back.

“What part?”

She looks down at her hands; they’re sitting in her lap, one picking at the other. “I wanted to know how you and your Adora…” she trails off and purses her lips.

My heart starts to flutter. “How Adora and I what?”

Her cheeks are pink and when she looks up her eyes are shiny. “How you figured it out.”

The fluttering grows stronger. “Figured out what?”

She sighs and lifts her chin, jaw set and firm. “Your relationship.”

I can’t help that the fluttering has turned to throbbing or the smile that breaks out across my face. “Why would you want to know about that?”

She scowls at me, but her cheeks are red now, and the throbbing feels a lot like hope. Maybe… just maybe…

Maybe Catra is going to get what she really wants.

She rolls her eyes and turns her head. She starts to pick at the grass beneath her crossed legs. “Bow never got to finish the story. Would… would you?” She turns back and smirks. “You know since you’re answering questions now.”

I purse my lips. “What’s the question exactly?”

She narrows her eyes. “What happened after Adora saved you from Horde Prime’s ship and brought you back?”

“That’s a really loaded question,” I smile a little. “Feels kinda like cheating.”

Adora smiles back. “Since when do you play fair?”

Without thinking I press my finger to the center of her forehead. “But you’re supposed to.”

She blinks a couple times and I realize what I’ve done. But I don’t pull away. I lean in. I’m not afraid of Adora, any Adora, and I’m not running away anymore.

Her devious little smile comes back. “I’m learning.”

I groan and pull away, but I let my nail trace gently down her nose as I do. I don’t know why, but I hope she finds the gesture comforting rather than confusing.

I’m working on being a better friend. I’m always working on that.

So I tell her about the chips, how Horde Prime started chipping Etherians and Entrapta removed what was left of mine. I tell her about the blockade and finding Melog on Krytis. I tell her about losing half the rebellion, Netossa’s quest to save Spinnerella and being tricked to go back to the Fright Zone. I tell her about the Failsafe, about how I left that night, and then Adora’s journey to the Heart.

Or I’m about to, when Adora interrupts me. It’s the only time she does.

“I guess it’s fair.”

I pause and realize that I’ve been picking at my nail beds for who knows how long and that my thumbs are red and irritated. “What do you mean?”

She shrugs. “That you’d leave.”

I frown. “How is that fair?”

“I left you.” Her voice is flat, matter of fact. “Only fair you leave me too.”

I don’t know what to say to that. I should probably say something though. So I try.

“You left the Horde; you didn’t leave me.” My fingers twitch and I fight the urge to take her hands in mine. “I just happened to be a part of the Horde.”

Her eyes get tight. “Great. So you’re collateral damage now? Just another casualty of war?”

My lungs get tight. “I didn’t die Adora.”

She clenches her jaw. “But you did.”

I swallow. “And she came back for me.”

Adora deflates and drops her head, but she doesn’t talk anymore, so I go on.

I tell her about Adora’s journey to the Heart, about seeing the clones with their “drill”, and going back to warn Adora. I tell her about what I said to Shadow Weaver, about finding Bow and Glimmer and fighting the elemental. I tell her about Shadow Weaver’s sacrifice, making it to the Heart and watching Adora slowly fade in my arms.

Then I tell her how I said “I love you”. I tell her that we kissed.

I can feel myself blushing while I do, and really, I’ve been blushing a lot. I tried to be honest, completely honest, and that means I’ve said things I’ve almost never said to anyone. I told her about fighting with Adora on Darla and how I gripped Adora’s hand and asked her to stay. I told her about Perfuma berating me for how I treated Scorpia – how that made me feel. I told her what I heard Adora and Shadow Weaver say on our way to get the Failsafe, and how I threw those exact words in Adora’s face as I ran away. I told her everything. I think she deserves to know.

God knows why.

“Then you went back up. You turned Horde Prime’s ship into a tree, restored the magic to Etheria, and like,” I hold my hands out in front of me, shaking an imaginary head, “exorcised Horde Prime out of Hordak’s mind. And you know you…” I drop my hands and furrow my brow, “you were standing there just looking out at what used to be the desert and I came up to you and you took my hand and pulled me close…”

I focus in on Adora’s face again and she has tears in the corner of her eyes. I wonder what they’re for.

“And yeah… we won. You saved the world.”

One of the tears rolls down Adora’s cheek and she takes a shaky breath. “Then what?”

I blink, surprised. Weren’t those the parts that mattered? “Well,” I start, brushing a strand of hair out of my eyes, “we went back to rebuild Bright Moon. We rebuilt Salineas. Honestly,” I scoff, “we basically rebuilt the entire goddamn planet.”

I shrug. “We went back to space. We met people on other planets, formed interplanetary alliances, and She-Ra started to save more worlds.”

Adora furrows her brow. “But what about you and Adora?”

I sigh and fall back on my hands. “I don’t know – we were together. I moved into her room at Bright Moon, I became a royal advisor, I threw away her old jacket,” I glance pointedly at the one Adora wore, “and we got a bigger bed.”

Adora bit her lower lip. “What else?”

“I don’t know, a lot of little things. I grew my hair back, Adora started wearing hers down sometimes. Adora picked up cartography and I picked up reading. We got married. We decided we wanted to have a baby. Just… life happened.” I frown, looking down at my giant stomach. “A good life.”

Adora nods slowly, then reaches into her pocket. She holds up the little gold wing pin that I ripped from my shirt and threw across Entrapta’s lab the day before; Adora’s pin.  “When did she give you this?”

My breath catches in my throat. I take the pin from between her fingers. “When she proposed to me.” I cradle it in my hand and close my eyes. I feel sick. I ripped this pin off of me and threw it away. I got angry and threw away every promise Adora had ever made me. Everything the pin stood for I just decided didn’t matter, didn’t mean anything. I close my fist around it tight.

Six and a half years ago I opened a portal because all I wanted was to win – not a war, not the girl, not a game, but the fight for my own fucking pride. I wanted so badly to prove that I was smarter, faster, stronger, and better off without anyone. I didn’t need Adora, I didn’t need Shadow Weaver, I was better than them. They couldn’t take my worth away from me again.

But I don’t want that anymore.

Fuck my stupid pride. Fighting for it never got me anywhere. But fighting for Adora, fighting for my friends? That when I learned I could love myself. And the moment Adora gave me this pin, that was the moment I realized I did it. Because when Adora told me she loved me I believed her, and when she asked me to marry her, I felt good enough to say yes.

“Why would she do that?”

I look up. Adora’s brows are pinched, and her lips are pouty.

I smile a little. “Because that’s what you do? You know, married couples exchange tokens.”

The little lines on her forehead just pinched tighter.

I roll my shoulders back. “You know how Spinnerella and Netossa have those necklaces they always wear? And Spinnerella’s is silver with a blue stone in the center and Netossa’s is pink?”

Adora cocked her head. “Yeah. I always thought that was weird. It’s like their wearing each other’s necklaces.”

My smiles grows. “They are. That’s what you do. You give something important like that to your partner. It’s supposed to represent like giving yourself to your partner and also your bond, or whatever.”

“Oh.” Her eyes are shiny again.

I take the pin in my hand fasten it to my shirt, right over my heart.

“Catra,” Adora shook my shoulder. “Catra wake up.”

I rolled away from her, burying my head in the pillow. “The sun isn’t even up Adora.”

“The day moon will be in twenty minutes,” she whispered, pressing her lips against the base of my ear. “That’s basically the same thing.”

I groaned, turning into her, and burying my head into her chest. “I’ll never forgive you for that by the way.”

Ever since we’d come out of Despondos days and nights had to be completely rethought. Now we didn’t just have a day moon, we had a sun, and sometimes they would shine one after the other for days on end without break. The astronomers from Mystacor were only just starting to get a handle on it, and enchanted black out curtains were a must.

“It’s not my fault!” she hissed but still wrapped her arms around me. “That was Glimmer!”

“Whatever,” I grumbled, nuzzling deeper. “She’s your friend.”

Adora chuckled and lifted a hand to scratch the top of my head, just behind the ears. “Having fun in there?”

I nodded, my head basically smooshed in between her boobs, and she laughed again. She grabbed the hair at the back of my neck and pulled me away and I whined. She smiled while she placed a gentle kiss on my mouth.

Then she rolled on top of me and started to kiss my eyelids, my cheeks, my jaw, and then down onto my neck, my collarbone, and shoulders. “I love you,” she started to whisper, and then repeat, over and over again until they were the only words I could remember ever hearing and the press of her lips was all I’d ever felt.

I wrapped my arms around her neck, pulling her flush against me and forcing her still. “I love you too,” I whispered and pressed a kiss against her temple.

She wiggled against me, pulling herself out of my grasp. “Wait! I have something I have to ask you.”

I raised an eyebrow at the smile on her face. It was way too chipper for the hour. “Like what? Can’t this wait ‘til breakfast?”

Her lips pushed out in that stupid pout of hers. “Catra…”

I sighed. “Fine. What is it?”

She pulled away from me again and now I was the one pouting. She sat up on her knees and reached around me into the bedside drawer. I didn’t see what she pulled out, but I ran my hands up and down her legs while I waited, trying to ground myself in the moment.

She pulled back, grin bright and big, and hands clasped together in front of her chest. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes into mine.

“Catra,” her voice was soft but serious, and it stilled my racing heart. “You are my very best friend. No matter what Glimmer says, it’s you.”

I smiled. “Well thanks, that’s—”

She reached down and covered my mouth.

“You’re a brat,” she went on and my brow furrowed. “You’re too stubborn for your own good, and you never admit when you’re wrong.”

I wanted to bite at her hand so I could defend myself but her eyes were still so soft I just let her keep talking.

“You’re funny, and clever, and beautiful, and brilliant, and brash, and bold, and a bunch of other words I can’t think of right now because I didn’t write them down like I probably should have. And you’re devoted. You commit your whole self to something and that day at the Heart I know you committed your whole self to me.”

She moved her hand from my mouth, brushing a loose strand of my hair from my eyes.

“I want to do that for you too. And I want everyone else to know.”

She finally opened up her hand to reveal the small, winged pin that she’d received when she’d first joined the rebellion. She’d told me what it meant to her – that it meant she’d always have a home. I knew it was significant that she was presenting it now.

“Catra, will you marry me?”

I looked up, but her smile didn’t waver and her eyes were filled with nothing but hope. I looked back at the pin she was offering me – asking me to carry her home – and something started to swell in my throat.

I took ahold of her forearm and covered my mouth with my free hand. I swallowed my tears but managed a nod and her smile got wider. “Yes?” she asked, covering my hand with hers. “Is that a yes?”

I nodded again and she laughed. “Come on Catra,” she pressed her nose into my neck, nuzzling me, “say it. Say yes…”

I wrapped my arms around her neck and pulled her down on top of me with a “hmph!” She laughed again and I held her flush against me while she peppered my face and neck with kisses.

“Yes,” I finally breathed, getting past the lump, “yes, yes, yes, yes.”

She pulled back again, rubbing her nose along the bridge of mine. “I love you Catra, and wherever you are – that’s my home.”

“I love you Catra, and wherever you are – that’s my home.”

“I kinda freaked out,” I admit, smoothing my shirt down, “because I had nothing to give her back. Then she told me she already wears my mask in She-Ra form.” I chuckle. “Then I threw a fit because that’s only sometimes and it’s not good enough.”

Adora laughs and her eyes are still shiny with tears. “Of course you did.”

I smile at her and shrug. “Yeah… but I still haven’t come up with something better.”

Adora’s smiling and she leans back on her arms. She’s looking not at the Beacon but at the tree line and I wonder for a second what she’s thinking about.

“Hey,” I whisper and she looks up, “can I ask you something now?”

“Of course.”

I wait a second, not to build suspense but because I want to say this a lot nicer than I’m going to. “Did you kill Hordak?”

Adora’s entire body basically crumples. I reach out and put a hand on her shoulder. “Hey!” I squeeze and but she still doesn’t look up. “It’s okay,” I laugh half-heartedly. “I almost did!”

She closes her eyes tight and when she finally speaks, her voice breaks. “I thought I had to.”

A tear trails down her nose.

I scoot closer to her. “What do you mean?”

Adora meets my eye again, and her look is pained, frantic. “Everyone kept saying he was too dangerous – that as long as he was around some faction of the Horde would be. And Shadow Weaver—”

I can’t help it. I growl.

Adora’s eyes get a little wide, but instead of pulling away from me, she covers my hand, that is still gripping her shoulder, with her own.

“Sorry,” I mutter. “I… I’m okay.”

She nods, and I give her shoulder another squeeze. “Go on.”

Without looking away Adora swallows and says “Shadow Weaver said Hordak would kill us all before take a single prisoner.”

I frown. “Adora…”

Adora’s eyes fill with tears. “But she lied, and they were wrong. She always lied and everyone is always wrong and—” she takes a deep and shaky breath. Then she starts to gnaw on her lip. “There are so many things I thought I had to do.”

I brush a loose strand of hair out of her eyes and a thought clicks into place. “That’s why you don’t trust your gut anymore…”

She laughs, but it’s not a good laugh. It’s dark and unhappy. “Uh, yeah! Would you? My gut told me Light Hope was right about Mara! It told me that I needed to kill Hordak!” Her eyes narrow. “My gut has kept me from going to find Catra for years! Why should I trust it?”

I take a deep breath and close my eyes. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it…

“Did you want to kill Hordak?” I finally ask.

Her brow furrows. “What? No, of course not.”

I nod. “How did it make you feel?”

She grimaces. “Terrible. Obviously. Catra, I don’t—”

“That,” I poke her in the forehead, and she blinks to look up at my finger. “That is your gut Adora. Sometimes the things we want, or don’t, are the right things. Especially when you’re good. Like you.”

Her frown puckers and a single tear slips down her cheek. “Then why did I do it?”

I lean back and shrug. “Probably a lot of reasons. But you can’t destroy yourself over it. You ask for forgiveness, and you move forward. You taught me that.”

She rolls her eyes. “No I didn’t.”

I grab her second shoulder. “Another version of you did. And I know she believes it, so you can too.”

For a second she’s quiet, but she searches my face like she’s looking for a fault in my words. But I mean every one of them.

“Do you like the beach at Mystacor?” she finally murmurs, and I stiffen.

“Um…” I let my hands slide from her shoulders, “yeah? A sandless, waterless beach? What’s not to love?”

The smile that grows on her face then is so damn warm and hopeful it’s like the day moon just came out. “I knew it.”

I crack a small smile. “Come on idiot. There’s probably pie waiting for us by now.”

Chapter Text

Adora of Etheria

I hate sleeping alone.

That was one of the hardest, and honestly more ridiculous, parts of getting used to life outside of the Horde. I’d never slept in a room alone before – I’d never slept in a bed alone before. Since the day we found her Catra had been either curled up in my arms or at my feet, and I liked it that way.

Eventually I got used to it. Having your own room can be kinda nice. It’s quiet, and private. Having your own bed means you can spread out, that you don’t have to fight for covers or space, and you don’t end up accidentally breaking your best friend’s nose…

But it’s cold.

Catra isn’t cold, she’s a furnace. She’s warm and soft she’s always let me touch her. As a little kid I’d wrap her in my arms and bury my fingers in her fur. As a cadet I’d press my feet to her back to keep them from freezing. And now, no matter how we fall asleep, I’m holding her. Even if it’s just her hand, I hold her tight and I don’t let go.

And I’m never cold.

Last night I thought I was going to lose my toes.

I sigh and grab my vest off the foot of the bed. I push my arms through the sleeves and fasten the buttons. I think about all the nights Catra and I’ve spent apart since the war. It’s been too many. 

I grab my belt off the dresser and boots from their spot behind the door. I wrap the belt around my waist and buckle it. I wonder how Catra feels sleeping without me. What would she miss anyway? She’s the one that keeps me warm.

I bend down and slip my boots onto my feet. I bite my lip and zip them on. I wonder if it scares her when I’m not there. Maybe it reminds her of when I left. I wonder if she spends the night holding my pillow.

I reach up and pull back the half of my hair that grows above my ears into a ponytail, leaving the rest down, and twisting the shorter broken hairs from the front into a “dumb hair poof” on top.

I stare at my reflection in the mirror on the wall by the door and wonder what Catra sees when she looks at me. Because, it doesn’t make a lot of sense, but I see her.

I see her in the vest she spent four hours helping me pick out after she “accidentally” destroyed my jacket. I see her in the hair poof she relentlessly mocks but helps me do most mornings, and in the boots she bought me so she “wouldn’t have to watch [me] try to make a decision again”. 

But most of all I see her in the generic gold buckle that replaced the pin I gave her when I asked her to marry me.

She’s all over me. She always has been.

I wanted to wear something other than a basic red and white Horde t-shirt like everyone else, Catra found an old box of discontinued Horde uniforms in some closet somewhere that Shadow Weaver actually let us wear. I tried and failed to give myself bangs, Catra invented the hair poof. I told Catra that I wanted arms like Octavia and that lady with the big red claws, Catra balanced on barbells while I lifted them and sat on my back while I did pushups.

Catra defines me. She makes up so much of who I am.

And neither of them have any idea.  

“What do you want Adora?”

“I have to do this Catra.”

But what if I’d actually answered her question? What if this other Adora had?

I remember being tied up on Mara’s ship. I remember what I wanted. It’s the same thing I wanted that night in the whispering woods when Catra ran away.

“Come with me,” I would’ve said, for the hundredth time, and I would’ve been on my knees as usual. “I don’t want to do this without you.”

And I know exactly what Catra would’ve said, both times.

“I didn’t ask what you don’t want Adora. Ugh! You can’t even answer the simplest question…”

She would’ve been right, but I didn’t have a better answer.

No matter what, when Catra asked me to pick her, I was always going to break her heart.

“I asked Adora what she wanted and it sure as hell wasn’t me…”

I stare into my own eyes and in seconds they’re glowing a brilliant light blue. I shift quickly, and soon it’s She-Ra standing in front of the floor-length mirror on the wall in a bright white jumpsuit with a long platinum blonde ponytail reaching down almost to the floor.

I break my own gaze and glance at my forehead. Slowly, gingerly, I reach to trace my fingers over the crown that wraps around my face. I glide my middle finger from the top to the jagged curve that runs under my cheekbone.

Catra is all over me.

And if I’d known how, I would’ve said, “You. I want you Catra. I’ve always wanted you.”

Breakfast is pretty quiet. I think we’re all tired, but I guess there isn’t really a lot of fun and easy conversation topics after yesterday and what we’re going to do today.

Today. We’re going to destroy the Heart of Etheria today.

It doesn’t seem real. It’s too… simple. Last time I was preparing for this mission Prime was attacking and getting closer to taking the Heart of Etheria every day. But now, there’s no threat like that. It feels kind of like it did when we rebuilt the Salineas Sea Gate after the war. It only took a week or two, there were a plenty of people helping, it was just the one time, we just had to get it done. It was just… tedious.

Not for Catra though. For her it was hell.

This shouldn’t be. This should be easy.

After saying goodbye to Scorpia, Perfuma, and Castaspella, who is using a transportation spell to take Scorpia, Perfuma, and Shadow Weaver back to Bright Moon, Glimmer, Bow, Catra and I head back to regular not floating rock ground and the transport we left there.

Scorpia was not happy that she wouldn’t be joining us on our trip to the Heart. Specifically, she said, “I don’t know Wildcat. I’m not sure you should be alone with… you know who.”

And yeah, Catra didn’t like that much.

“I’ll be fine,” she basically growled. “I’m not gonna be alone with anyone. There are four of us.”

Then Scorpia basically glared at me. “Just… be careful.”

I’m not sure what she was implying, but I had a few things I wanted to say back. Things like, “I’m a married woman!” and “We were alone last night, so ha!” and, of course, “Catra’s not your girlfriend or wife or partner and she can do whatever she damn well pleases. Remember that.”

I feel the need to stake a claim for the other Adora. If I know my wife, and I have to believe I do, and if I know myself at all, then I know that after spending five minutes with my Catra Adora’s going to be desperate to come home for hers. She’s going to see what’s possible and she’s going to want it so bad it hurts.

Catra’s gonna knock some sense into her. Just like she did me.

“So,” Glimmer starts as we all pile into the transport. “What’s the plan?”

I scoot all the way across the seat and press against the far door, just like last time, and Catra comes in behind me. It puts her behind the wheel again but honestly I don’t think she’d trust any of us to drive one of her transports. Especially the good one.

“We go to the Beacon, we destroy the sword, then we going to the Heart of Etheria, and we gonna destroy that too.”

Bow settles into his seat and Glimmer blinks into hers. She nods her head and I see her steal a glance at Catra’s arm. She purses her lips. “That’s a pretty basic plan.”

I cross my arms and lean my head back against the wall. “Yup.”

I hear the door close and Catra turns on the transport.

“There’s… nothing more to it?”

I lift my head. Glimmer looks stressed. I glance at Bow and see him glance first at his not wife and then the bracer on Catra’s arm. His glance is more subtle than Glimmer’s was but I bet Catra still noticed.

“It’s just…” Bow kinda grimaces, “our Adora’s a little more… plan-y.”

I chuckle and lean my head back again. “Yeah, I gave that up a while ago. Catra’s the one who makes plans now, and there a lot better than mine.”

Catra doesn’t breathe for a second and then the transport lurches forward.

“What do you mean by that?” Glimmer asks.

I shrug. “She just… she gets it? I don’t know.” I bite the inside of my cheek. “I try to plan for every contingency, and I always miss one. I think of stuff too linearly. I get hung up on details, and face everything head on. Catra thinks different. She keeps a ton of stuff that seems totally unrelated in her head at once, and she comes at things from angles. It’s all instinct for her.” I sigh. “She’s just… brilliant.”

Catra’s shoulders are hunched and she’s scowling. “We get it, you love your wife. You can stop talking about it now.”

I frown. She’s acting different this morning – cranky. But I’m not going to let her push me around. “Sorry,” I say, not all that sincerely. I straighten in my seat. “I didn’t realize it bothered you so much. Next time maybe you should say something sooner.”

She lets out a low growl. “Pretty sure I did Princess, you just don’t listen to anyone but yourself.”

I close my eyes and take two deep breaths. “Maybe you aren’t as good of a communicator as you think you are.”

“Hey guys,” Bow leans forward, grabbing both Catra and my attention with the snap of our heads. “If talking about the other Catra makes you uncomfortable I’m sure Adora’s willing to stop, you just have to ask. Right Adora?”

My shoulders fall and I kinda deflate. “Fine,” I mutter, turning to glare out the window. “But only if Catra agrees to stop freaking out whenever I mention something that’s different about my life.”

Catra scoffs. “Didn’t you just agree to stop talking about your life?”

I narrow my eyes, and something ripples inside of me. “There’s some stuff I’ll have to talk about. Things are about to get… complicated.”

Less complicated than they were the first time, but still complicated.

She huffs. “Fine. But can we just—” she tenses and I expect her to slam her hand against the steering wheel or for her claws to come out, but she doesn’t and they don’t. “Can we have one little transport ride where it doesn’t feel like an emotional bomb is about to go off? Please?”

After a second I nod, propping my elbow on the windowsill and resting my head in my hand. “Yeah. I can do that.”

“Thank you,” she breathes and leans back in her seat.

A minute or so goes by in silence, but Glimmer and Bow aren’t really the type to sit around pondering.

“So,” Bow starts, shooting Catra a big smile, “Adora says you’re a really good singer.”

She turns on me immediately, barring her teeth. I barely give her a glance. “I said nothing,” I mutter, and her scowl slips away. Something soft and scared takes its place, something that looks like wavering hope.

“When…” slowly she turns her head, “when did she tell you that?”

“Oh years ago!” Bow throws his feet up onto the dash. “We were at a party, after the war, and Sea Hawk spent the whole night singing shanties. When we were leaving Adora was singing this song under her breath I’d never heard before. I asked her what it was and she said you taught it to her, and that it sounded a lot better when you sang it.”

Glimmer rolls her eyes. “She still sang the whole song though, loudly after Bow asked about it, and danced all around her bedroom when we got home.”

Catra was still, staring out at the path the woods were making for us. “What was the song?”

Glimmer shrugs. “I think she said it was a lullaby. I don’t remember anything else.”

“Oh!” Bow chirped. “There was this kinda sad line that has something about the day moon. I…” he taps his chin, “I can’t remember how it went but I remember really liking it.”

I glance at Catra’s tail; all of the hair is standing on end.

I remember how the line goes.

My heart beats out of time for my girl I left behind. She glows brighter than the day moon, but still, she’s hard to find.

“I know the song,” Catra mutters, her grip on the wheel tightening. “Surprised she remembered it.”

I bite my tongue. Literally. Of course Adora remembers that song. I remembered that song! I would sing it to myself on the nights I couldn’t sleep and try not to cry as words that were just sad and pretty as a kid became heartbreaking and real as an adult.

I don’t know how I’m going to get it through her head, and maybe I can’t, but I have to try. I’m going to convince Catra Adora loves her. Because if I can’t—if I can’t…

I just have to.

But Catra’s never been the best listener.

Bow says something to Catra and her shoulders relax. Then Glimmer says something I don’t really process and I turn my head to look out the window again.

I close my eyes and let the day moonlight warm my face. I let my thoughts drift past things like the Heart we’re going to destroy, the Failsafe glowing on my chest, and the things that are coming, but back to the things I left undone.

Catra could have the baby any day now and she’ll be all alone. We had a plan. I was gonna be there. I was gonna hold her hand and brush her hair out of her face. I knew how she needed to breathe and how to massage her sore muscles. I was ready. Who knows if that’s matters anymore.

And the others, here, all other Adora’s friends are off trying to rescue Micah from Beast Island and I didn’t go with them. I’m the only one who’s ever been there before. None of them are prepared for what they’ll find there. Someone is going to get hurt.

And Angella’s still missing. I didn’t save her – I didn’t even find her. How are we supposed to? If Entrapta is making portals that cut through to new universes, is she even going to be able to find something missing in ours?

“Adora?”

My eyes shoot open and I turn to face Catra, Bow and Glimmer. Glimmer and Bow are looking at me with soft smiles on their faces. Catra is just looking.

“We’re here,” Glimmer says.

I look out the windshield to see the Beacon standing proud in the midday light. “Oh.” I mutter and turn to push open the door on my side.

“Oh?” Catra snorts, following behind me. “Thought you’d be a little more enthusiastic.”

I shrug and stare at the ruin for a second as Glimmer and Bow tumble out and doors are closed behind us. “I just have a lot on my mind.”

“Like what?” Bow asks, coming up beside me and putting a hand on my shoulder.

I shrug. “Um…” I glance at Catra, “things in my universe, stuff I was supposed to do, stuff I need to do. And, you know, everyone else is on Beast Island…” I take a deep breath. “I’m worried about them. They don’t know what they’re getting into and I could’ve helped.”

Catra scoffs, crossing in front of Bow and I and heading for the entrance. “Of course. You know you have a wife and kid Adora. You can justify skipping out on a few adventures every once in a while.”

My brow furrows and my lips pucker. “I—what do you mean?”

Bow squeezes my shoulder and I look into his face. He frowns. “Are… are you serious?”

Glimmer steps up behind him and reaches out to put a hand on my arm. “Adora, your family relies on you. They need you there.”

“I know that.” I mutter, pulling my arms tighter around myself. “But so does Etheria. I’m She-Ra, remember?”

“Yeah?” I lift my head to see Catra standing about ten feet away, hip cocked, hand on her waist, and eyebrow arched. “Well whose hero would you rather be – Etheria’s? Or Finn’s?”

My heart falls into my stomach.

The answer is easy, its instinct, but it feels… it’s wrong. I’m not allowed to feel that way, am I? Not that much. I can’t be that selfish. There’s got to be a line.

Where’s the line?

“It’s… this isn’t about what I want.” I finally manage to say. But Catra’s ready for it – Catra is always ready.

She crosses her arms. “Why not?”

My heart rate picks up and anger starts to burn through me. “There are more important things!”

Catra throws her head back and cackles. “Than your child? Wow Adora, guess you’re taking after—”

“You know that’s not what I meant!” I yell, and she narrows her eyes, smirk falling away.

“You’re so concerned with whether you deserve your crazy wife, but maybe you should consider that you don’t deserve to be a mother.”

My heart stops beating, and I lose all the air in my lungs. She drudged it up, the fear I hadn’t even let myself think, and she threw it out in the open like it means nothing. I clench my fists and grit my teeth. Everything is red.

“That’s it.”

I think the only reason I’m able to tackle her to the ground is because she really doesn’t expect it.

There’s a dark and terrible part of me that wants to punch her right in the nose, or pull her hair, or something, anything. But I won’t. I would never. Not again. But I’m angry. I’m so, so angry. I grab her wrists and pin them above her head. She tries to push me off and maneuver herself out from under me, but I’m stronger than she is, and I won’t let her go. “Listen to me, you little brat! I—”

She hisses, and pain surges across the back of both my hands. I drop her wrists and pull back to see deep claw marks on the backs of my hands and bright red blood. Then, before I have even a second to think, Catra’s sitting up and shoving me with all her strength. I fall onto my back and she jumps on my chest, knocking all the air out of me.

I should’ve known better; I think to myself as I wrestle for air. Just because I won’t really hurt her doesn’t mean she won’t hurt me. She’s not my Catra.

Tears prick at my eyes as she grabs my hands and pulls them apart, pinning them down on either side of my head.

“Do you feel bad at all?” she seethes, leaning down over my face, teeth barred. “You left her, all alone, with a baby on the way, so you could go and risk your life trying to out save someone who already saved the world. You left her to play bigger, better hero. Again.”

Anger surges within me and I feel She-Ra’s strength course through my body. “Do I feel bad?” I shout, and wrap my hand around Catra’s unsheathed claws, their points barely pinpricks now. Her eyes go wide, and I shove her off gracelessly. She tumbles to the ground and I rise to my feet.

“I’m in hell!”

My yell echoes and the silence that comes after is so thick I can barely breathe.

“I—” the word comes out broken and I realize I’m crying. I clench my jaw. “I need you Catra, but I can’t…” I swallow hard and close my eyes. “I can’t take this. I am sorry that I keep screwing up and that all I do anymore is disappoint you but I’m…” I take a deep breath and open my eyes to stare into hers, shiny yellow and blue, “I’m trying. Can’t you see that?”

I wipe at the tears under my eyes with my fist. “I just wanna go home. Then you’ll never have to see me again.” I sigh, but it’s shaky. “I promise.”

Several seconds pass in silence, and Catra doesn’t move, I don’t think she even breathes. She just stares at me like she’s never seen me before.

“Okay,” she finally says. Slowly, she stands, dusting off her leggings and running a hand through her hair. She turns her head, looking to the Beacon with her hand on her hip. “Let’s just… get this over with.”

She starts walking towards the entrance and I stare after her, my heart pounding in my ears.

Glimmer and Bow step up beside me, one on either side, and put their hands on my shoulders.

“Are you okay?” Glimmer whispers and Bow squeezes.

After a second I nod, and shoot Glimmer a soft smile. “Yeah. I…” I look back at Catra, her tail’s stiff and puffed up, “I’m okay.”

I’m still angry – hurt – by what Catra said, but more than anything I’m afraid. I’m afraid she’s right.

I take a step forward. “Come on. We have a lot to do.”

I raise my hand above my head. “For the honor of Grayskull!”

We’re standing in front of the door that opens into the main chamber of the Beacon and I hold my sword in front of me like it can protect us from what’s on the other side. I’m pretty sure it’s useless against holograms, and I’m not gonna be able to hold it much longer, but it makes me feel a little better right now.

“Okay,” I turn to Glimmer and Bow on my left, “Light Hope is going to be right on the other side of this door. And she won’t be happy to see you guys.”

Bow laughs nervously. “And there’s no way to avoid her?”

I purse my lips. “She’s a hologram. She’s always here. But destroying the sword should…” I swallow and lower my sword. “She won’t be a problem after that.”

When I first destroyed the sword Light Hope’s program went offline too. Something about her being Etheria’s facilitator and the sword being the key to the planet must be linked. I don’t really get it, but I’m pretty sure it’ll happen again.

“So why haven’t we destroyed the sword already?” Glimmer asks.

My mouth pops open, but I don’t have a good answer. There wasn’t a time that seemed right, or, I’m not sure I could break it anywhere else, don’t seem honest. Sure, they aren’t lies, but they aren’t why.

I haven’t destroyed the sword because I want to see Light Hope one last time. I want to confront her and tell her everything I never had the chance to before. I want closure.

And I want to say goodbye.

It’s selfish. It’s really selfish, and risky, but it just kinda… happened.

“Be kind of a dick move to just completely wreck this lady without telling her, don’t you think?” Catra says, hand on her hip. “Aren’t you heroes supposed to be honorable or something?”

Glimmer rolls her eyes. “It just seems dangerous.”

Catra smirks. “What, are you scared?”

Glimmer narrows her eyes. “Never.”

“Good.”

I sigh. “Look, I’m gonna go in first.” I turn back to the door and tighten my grip on my sword. “You follow when I signal. Then, Catra, I’m going to take the sword and destroy it. Light Hope might fight back. Be prepared for that.”

“How will she do that?” Bow asks, pulling his bow from his back.

“Spiders,” Catra says, crossing her arms. “Giant, robot, spiders.”

Glimmer and Bow’s eyes go wide.

“Yeah,” I sigh, “most likely.”

“Great!” Bow chirps, his voice cracking “and what’s the signal?”

I shrug. “I’ll improvise.”

Then, before they can say anything else, I step forward, and the door lifts to let me through.

I step into the large room that makes up the bulk of the Crystal Castle and lower my sword. It only takes a second, but in that second my heart starts to ache. I don’t want to do this. I have to, for Scorpia, for the other Adora, for the safety of all of Etheria really, but I don’t want to. I want Light Hope to have another chance.

In a flicker Light Hope is standing in the center of the room. She looks the same – tall, imposing, serious, but her eyes light up with surprise.

“Adora, I am surprised to see you.” She starts to float forward. “We do not have a training session planned for today, and as of late you have been resistant to putting extra time in towards your training.” She stops a few yards away. “This uptick in dedication is encouraging. Should I expect to see you more often?”

I take a second to answer, and I kinda just look at her. I’m surprised how sad it makes me. “I wouldn’t get your hopes up.”

She nods. “Noted.” Her brow furrows and she looks me up and down. “Your appearance seems to have undergone a significant change. You are still She-Ra, but you are almost a foot taller, and your clothes and hairstyle are different than they have been. Why is this?”

I swallow. “I’m not the Adora you know.”

She frowns. “I… I do not understand.” She glances down and her eyebrows shoot up. “That is not the Sword of Protection.” She moves closer and I take a step back. “Adora, what is going on?”

I smile, but it feels fake. I’m not a good actress. “I’ve brought some friends.”

I don’t turn to watch, but I hear Catra, Glimmer, and Bow step into the room and come up to flank me on either side. Light Hope’s eyes go wide and then they get angry. “Adora, what is the meaning of this? The Crystal Castle is intended only for She-Ra and her steed.”

“Light Hope—”

“Why—” she gasps, and I follow her eyes to Catra’s arm, “why does Catra have the sword?”

“Oh look at that,” Catra crosses her arms, “the hologram lady does remember me.”

Light Hope blinks. A blank and calm expression takes over her face. “We’ve never met, but I know you to be Force Captain Catra of the fallen Horde army.”

Catra barely holds in a snarl. Instinctually I reach out and put my hand on her shoulder.

She doesn’t flinch, and her scowl falls away.

“I know you’ve been lying to me,” I say, turning back to face Light Hope head on. “About balancing the planet, about my purpose. I know about the Heart of Etheria.” I tighten my grip on Catra’s shoulder. “And I won’t let you use me or anyone else ever again.”

It’s almost everything I wanted to say, and so much I never got to.

This is so much worse than last time, I realize, pulling my hand from Catra’s shoulder. This time I know what’s going to happen and it feels like I’m killing her.

But I have to. I have to for Glimmer, who Light Hope used to activate the Heart of Etheria. I have to for Scorpia, who will never have the life she deserves while the sword still exists. I have to for Catra, who Light Hope manipulated into hurting me so I’d buy into her ideals. But most importantly I have to for the other me, who is still giving up everything for a lie.

Light Hope is more than a program, and I’m killing her.

My hands start to shake.

I let go of my sword, letting it disappear into nothingness, and bite my lip. “Catra?”

She doesn’t need any more than that. She holds out her arm and I wave my hand over it, willing the sword of protection into its original form, and into my hand.

“Adora.” Light Hope’s expression goes dark. “You’re making a mistake.”

I close my eyes. “I’m sorry.”

Her voice changes. It gets hard, sharp, and it fills me with fear. “So be it.”

I open my eyes as she waves her hand and the room is filled with spiders.

“Oh fuck!” Glimmer cries, her hands now glowing. My eyes dart around, like I’m trying to count them all or something. Bow pulls an arrow from his quiver and Catra unsheathes her claws.

“I’m sorry Adora,” Light Hope says, drawing my attention back to her. She lifts her hand and the sword starts to pull away. “I cannot let you do this.”

The spiders start to move then, and Glimmer and Bow immediately begin their assault. I can hear Bow’s arrows and Glimmer lets out a war cry, but Catra stays by my side. She grabs my arm. “Adora…?” Her voice wavers. “You’re… flickering.”

The sword continues to rise and I tighten my grip on the hilt. “What?” I cry, grunting as I try to pull it back down.

“You’re flickering!” She shouts, and I look down at my feet. My long white pants and conjoined shoes disappear, a pair of heavy white boots and tight white shorts taking their place. But just as quickly my pants are back again. My hair whips against my neck and face, and I feel my magic pulsing.  

I look back at Light Hope and realize that every second or so my perspective changes. My height’s changing.

I’m flickering between She-Ra forms.

“Gah!” I cry, pulling down on the sword, dragging it down to my chin. “It won’t work Light Hope! The planet’s not balanced. You can’t activate the heart. And I won’t give in.” I meet her gaze with a hard glare. “Ever.”

“I will find another way.” She sounds calm, but I can see the fear in her eyes. She lifts her hand higher. “But you cannot carry the sword any longer.”

I scream. The muscles in my arms burn. I hear Glimmer and Bow behind me, grunting and groaning as they tear through and blast spider after spider. I see Light Hope’s angry eyes, determined to rip the sword from my hands. I feel weak.

And then I feel soft hands wrap around mine and a small, lithe body press against my front.

I look down to see Catra gripping the hilt of the sword and her muscles straining with mine to pull it down.

She meets my gaze, and her eyes are on fire.

I feel stronger.

I look back at Light Hope, slowly pulling the sword down to my chest. Her eyes get wide and she tries to lift her hand. But it’s no use. I have Catra now.

“I’m so sorry.” I whisper, and with one final burst of force, I flip the sword around and drive it into the ground, shattering it.

Catra and I fall back with the force of it, and everything goes dark.

I open my eyes just in time to see Light Hope slowly dissolve. She meets my eyes one last time, but she looks different – softer, sadder. “Goodbye Adora,” she says, falling to her knees. “I’m sorry.”

Tears prick at my eyes and then she’s gone.

For a second everything is quiet. Catra is still between my legs, leaning back against my chest. The spiders are gone and Bow and Glimmer are breathing heavy behind us. I look down to see my red vest and realize I’m not She-Ra anymore.

The room fills with a soft, pink light and I glance back to see Bow hook his bow onto his back and Glimmer brush her hair out of her eyes. “So,” Bow sighs, “now what?”

Catra climbs out of my lap and moves to sit next to me. I look over her face, but I can’t read it. “Um, I think we wait for things to reboot?” I look around the chamber. “The other hologram lady should be here soon.”

Bow nods and comes to sit next to me. Glimmer sits down on his other side. “Cool.” He breathes out in a little woosh. “Man, that was intense. Haven’t done anything like that since the war.”

“No kidding,” Glimmer says, lying down on her back. “I’m exhausted. Do I need to work out?”

Bow lies down beside her and presses into her side. “We’ll do it together. Maybe we can convince Adora to let us join her once in a while…”

Glimmer sighs, tipping her head so it rests against Bow’s. “I don’t wanna work out with Adora. She’s a beast.”

I smile a little.

“Okay, no Adora then.” Bow yawns and closes his eyes. “Nap?”

Glimmer nods, closing her eyes too. “Wake us up when hologram lady shows up.”

“Sure thing,” I mutter. I drop my shoulders and turn to stare at the spot Light Hope had been only a minute ago. I clench my fist and grief washes over me.

I killed her.

Light Hope lied. Light Hope tricked me, manipulated me, just like Shadow Weaver, but she… she was broken. The First Ones reprogrammed her. They took her love for Mara out of her head and gave her one cruel objective that she couldn’t fight against. They tried to ruin her.

But I know she was still in there. And I killed her anyway.

Tears roll down my cheeks and I listen to the steady rhythm of Glimmer and Bow’s snores.

Catra coughs. “I um…” I wipe at my face, “I didn’t realize you cared so much about the hologram lady.”

I roll my shoulders back and swallow the lump in my throat. “She… she was my friend.” I frown. “Kinda. It’s complicated.”

Catra nods, pursing her lips. “Seems like your whole life is.”

I sigh, hunching forward again. “It wasn’t always…”

She scoffs, but it’s not mean. “Yeah, back when you were a naïve little Horde soldier who did everything she was told.”

There’s a pause while I think. It still surprises me how much Catra seemed to willfully ignore.

“Not everything,” I murmur, and Catra leans forward, hands gripping her ankles.

“Oh, do tell. What rule did goody two shoes Adora break?”

I meet her gaze and give her a hesitant smile. “I spent all my time with you.”

Her smirk falls away and she’s silent. She turns forward again and lifts her knees to her chest. She wraps her arms around them and after several seconds speaks. “What I said earlier – about you deserving to be a mom…”

I turn forward too. “It’s okay.”

“I shouldn’t have said it,” she says, and she sounds so sincere. It’s basically an apology. My heart flutters a little.

Then it drops. “But you were right,” I mutter. “I don’t deserve it. Finn isn’t even born yet and I’m already screwing it up.”

I’m screwing everything up.

I don’t know what I expect her to say but she says something completely different.

“Adora, there are a lot of parents who don’t deserve to be parents.” She chuckles. “Most of them, probably.”

I bite my lip. “Well, they shouldn’t be.”

“But they are.” Hesitant, I glance at her again. She stares down at her feet. “And it doesn’t matter. What matters is what you do with what you get.”

I stare at her for a long moment, at the way her golden eye reflects the soft pink light. “What did you do?”

She shrugs. “I built an empire.”

I nod slowly. “And you’re… happy?”

I want her to say no as much as I want her to say yes. All I want is for Catra to be happy, in mine or any universe. But I don’t want her to be happy without me, or some version of me. I belong with Catra, and being without her, imagining that, devastates me.

“As can be,” she murmurs.

I try to smile.

I feel heavy, like there’s a boulder strapped to my back, and it’s just gonna get worse. I don’t know what’s coming next, not exactly, but it’ll probably be projected memories. Painful ones.

Maybe I’ll have to relive the last twenty minutes. Maybe I’ll have to relive losing Angella.

How many people am I supposed to sacrifice just so I can be happy?

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do,” I whisper, leaning forward and resting my head on my knees. “I owe Angella everything. If it hadn’t been her, it would’ve been me. But coming here… It’s so much. Everything is too much.” I duck my head. “How… how can I just leave her behind?”

Catra lets out a slow sigh. “I don’t know.”

I turn my head to look at her, and she actually looks back. “I know you won’t believe me, but I didn’t want to be a hero,” I whisper. “I don’t want to be a hero, not really. I just wanted to have a purpose,” I grip my legs tighter, “and keep the people I love safe. But I’ve…” I start to choke on my words, and I’m fighting against tears “I’ve never been able to keep anyone safe. Not Bow, Glimmer, Entrapta, Angella…” I take a shuddery breath, “you.” I choke back a sob. “I’m always the one hurting you.”

Catra’s eyes are soft and wide as she scoots closer and holds out a hand. She presses it to my cheek. “Shhh,” I choke on the tears that are threatening to tear me apart. “Shhh. Hey, I’m okay,” she whispers. “I’m fine Adora. I promise.”

I hate that word. I hate how much it means, and that I’ve ruined it.

“I…” my voice is quiet, on the verge of breaking, “I left her again.”

Catra forces a gentle smile. “But this time you’re coming back.” Her eyes start to shine. “And you’re not gonna leave her behind again.”

I bite my lip and nod, meeting blue and gold eyes with a set jaw. “Never again.”

Chapter Text

Catra of the Waste

I’m an asshole.

No, I’m worse than that. I’m a fucking monster.

I know I’m broken, that Shadow Weaver and the Horde and all that other bullshit ruined me. I get it, I’m never gonna work right. I’ll never be nice, or gentle, or good , but how fucked up do you have to be to say what I did?

“You’re so concerned with whether you deserve to be with your crazy wife, but maybe you should consider that you don’t deserve to be a mother.”

I rub my thumb over Adora’s cheek. She holds my hand to her face and lets herself cry.

And this is what I do to the people I love…

I swallow, pushing down the tears I want to cry. If I was a better person, I’d tell her I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can. She wouldn’t believe me anyway.

I close my eyes. I could’ve just dealt with it – with Adora rambling about her perfect Catra who, even though she basically tore the world apart, is good and happy and loved. But I didn’t. Because I can’t stand to see Adora so happy, not when I’m… not.

Which is bad. That’s not what love is supposed to be like. But I ruined that too.

God I hate myself.

“Shhh…” I whisper. “It’s okay. I…” I swallow, and she looks up into my eyes. “We’re gonna get you home.”

She tries to smile, but it’s wet and tired. Without thinking I brush my hand through the ends of her hair. She closes her eyes and sighs.

I go to pull my hand away and her grip tightens.

“Not yet,” she breathes. “Please.”

And what am I gonna do? Say no?

“Okay.”

I move my legs out from under me, but keep my hand on her cheek, and scoot closer to her. I keep rubbing with my thumb.

“Can I ask you a question?” I whisper, and her eyes flutter open.

“Yes.”

I square my shoulders. “Sparkles and Arrow Boy are fucking right?”

She laughs, and the sound rings around the cavern. “No!” she snorts. “It’s ridiculous! They want to.” She sighs and her laughter dies away. “They’re just… scared, I guess? At least,” she glances at her friends snoozing on the floor, “Bow is.”

I nod, kinda distracted by how soft her skin feels under my fingers. “How do you know they want to?”

She stiffens and looks off to the side. “Bow um… said something to me about it.”

I narrow my eyes. Her shoulders are tight, and she’s looking away. She’s never been able to look me in the eye when she lies.

“That’s not it,” I say and our gazes lock. “Not all of it.”

She sighs and slowly pulls my hand down to her lap. “You told me to stop talking about my life.”

I purse my lips. “Whatever. That was stupid. Go on about it all day for all I care! Just…” I take a deep breath, “don’t lie to me?”

She bites inside her lip and nods. “Okay.” She starts to fiddle with my fingers and rolls her shoulders. “In my universe, Glimmer and Bow are married. They’ve been together since the war.”

I lean back on my free hand. “Married huh?”

She nods. “When I got here I was so confused… A life without Catra made more sense to me than one where Bow and Glimmer aren’t together.”

My gut lurches, and right before I go to pull my hand away she tightens her grip.

“That came out wrong.” She lifts her head. “What I mean is… Bow and Glimmer were just taking their time. I think they always knew where they were gonna end up. But Catra and I—” she takes a shuddery breath, “for a while we lost each other, and what if we never found each other again?”

She traces her finger down the center of my palm. “I think that’s scared me for a long time. I’m scared to lose her like that again.”

My breathing is even but my heart is loud in my ears. “Oh.”

She chuckles quietly and lets go of my hand. In the dark the failsafe on her chest casts a faint glow on her jaw and cheekbones. She looks… pretty.

Get a grip.

She leans back on her hands and sighs loudly. “I didn’t have to do this all in one day last time,” she mutters, looking around the room like she can see anything. “But the next part should be easy.”

I narrow my eyes. “Anything I should be ready for?”

She grimaces. “Well… yeah. Do you remember how—”

“Warning!” A tall holographic woman pops into existence right next to us. Adora flinches and squeaks. “Planetary facilitator Light Hope Protocol is offline. Manual administrator access is not recommended at the time.”

I snicker a little as Glimmer bolts upright. “Wha—what is happening?”

Bow moves a lot slower, rubbing at his eyes as he sits up. “Are we there already?”

Adora kinda laughs and moves to stand. “No, but we can head in now.” She reaches a hand out to me and for a second I just stare at it. Then I take it, careful not to let my claws dig into the scratches on the back of her hands, and let her pull me up.

I let go as soon as I can.

Glimmer yawns. “Oh. Yeah. We’ve gotta go destroy this Heart thingy still.”

Bow stands up then reaches down and grasps Glimmer’s arm. “Yup,” he says, voice thick with sleep. “But Adora said that should be easy.” He helps Glimmer stand then turns to Adora. “Right Adora?”

She bites her lower lip. “It should be.”

I cross my arms. “And what exactly does that mean?”

She sighs and her shoulders slump. “I was trying to tell you. Remember how this place can, like, project memories?”

I narrow my eyes. “Yeah?”

She bows her head. “Well we basically broke everything in here when we… when we broke the sword. But that might still work. Sort of. It did last time.”

Bow smiles. “That’s not so bad!”

Glimmer looks a lot more skeptical. “What kind of memories?”

“All kinds,” Adora says, scratching at the back of her head. “And the system was glitching. It was like it was lifting things right from my thoughts. I think the first time Catra and I were here Light Hope was controlling what memories were being shown, but without her I think the system just takes whatever’s right there.”

“Okay,” I say, dragging the word out. “So think nice thoughts. Sunshine and rainbows. Got it.”

Adora frowns. “That might work.” She doesn’t look too confident.

“It’ll be okay!” Bow says, putting a hand on Adora’s shoulder. “We’re the Best Friend Squad.” He smiles directly at me. “There’s nothing we can’t handle together.”

Glimmer beams. “Yeah! Let’s do this!”

Adora smiles but it’s nervous. She turns to me, like I’m gonna comfort her or something, and I roll my eyes. “Whatever,” I sigh, stepping closer to them all. “Let’s just get this over with.”

Adora’s smile grows a little, then she lifts her hand high in the air. “For the honor of Grayskull!”

The halls under the Crystal Castle, or Beacon or whatever the hell this place is called, aren’t exactly like the ones I remember but they’re kinda the same. There’s a bunch of lines with sharp angles all over the walls and everything looks like it’s made out of some weird alloy that kinda glows.

And it’s quiet. Really quiet. The only sound is our footsteps and the soft rustle of fabric.

But something is putting my hair on end and making my ears twitch.

I listen harder, closing my eyes tight, and then I hear it. It’s a quiet, kinda swishy, ringing or very gentle buzzing. And it’s coming from everywhere.

I guess First Ones tech has a sound?

Then there’s a new sound. I look up and Adora’s tracing the lines in the wall with her hand. She’s staring at the floor like she wants it to swallow her whole.

“So!” Glimmer chirps from my other side, “What memories did you see the first time you were down here Adora?”

Adora lifts her head, but her eyes are still glassy. She’s not looking at us, but through us, and I wonder if this is really the best thing to start talking about.

“Um…” she blinks a bunch, like she’s waking up, and throws a quick glance at me. I roll my eyes and shrug my shoulders just a little. After a second she gives me a small nod.

I feel something in me pull. She knew exactly what I meant.

“That’s what was so weird,” she starts, letting her hand drop. “I saw the sword in the woods where I first found it, and I saw Mara who I’ve never actually met.” Her eyebrows furrow. “But I was thinking about her, and Light Hope knew her, so maybe that means something.”

Bow leans forward. “That’s all? That doesn’t sound too bad!”

Adora frowns, and she drops her chin. “I guess not. But the first thing I saw was… Catra.”

“Oh really?” Glimmer asks, and she and Bow have these weird grins on their faces. It takes a lot, but I manage not to shove them into the wall.

“Yeah,” Adora breathes, looking up at the ceiling. “She wasn’t with us at first. But…” her gaze flickers to my face. I’m biting the inside of my lip and my tail is wrapping around my calf. She keeps talking anyway. “I heard her laughing. Then I ran back to this hallway and she was just standing and smiling at me. But when she started walking towards me and everything…” Adora sighs, holding her hands to her chest. “Well after about thirty seconds she disappeared.”

I tighten my tail.

“So,” I try and keep my breathing even, “basically this place just fucks with your head?”

Adora smiles a little. “Yeah.”

“We’ll be fine!” Glimmer waves her hand. “We’re the Best Friend Squad and we’re great at this stuff.”

Adora’s breath catches.

“Yeah!” Bow throws his fist in the air. “We’ve got this!”

I am not a member of the Best Friend Squad, whatever that is, and I’m not so sure we’ve got this.

I throw a quick glance back at Adora. How is this place gonna fuck with my head?

I cross my arms and dig my claws into my fur. I’ll admit, there’s a lot of material. My mind’s been fucked for a long time and it won’t be hard to pull out the right stuff to mess with me. I’m no open book, but it’s pretty easy to see that I’m angry and it wouldn’t take a genius to figure out why.

Right now? Right now I’m angry because Adora said Catra wasn’t there when they left for the Heart. Where was she? Did Adora leave her back at Bright Moon or something? Did she try to tell me it was too dangerous or some other bullshit?

Did she leave me behind?

It stings, this stupid, little, useless, thought and I gently scratch my arm. Once again Adora had chosen some grand purpose over me. But she took Bow and Glimmer. She wanted them around, wanted their help. But me? I wasn’t important.

Worse, I was in the way. Just like I’d been in the Waste. She needed the sword and all I was, was the one holding it out of reach.

The glowing blue light of the walls flicker, and then they’re entirely different – warmer, and brighter. And everything sounds different. The humming got louder, but now it’s tinny, and I can hear the heavy breathing of… another person? And the floor under my feet is metal, but it’s softer, and my toenails are threatening to tear right through it. “What the—”

I look up at the same time Glimmer gasps and stop dead in my tracks.  

We’re not in a tunnel anymore. We’re in a large room with high ceilings, metal walls, and patches of sand on the floor. We’re on a ship – Mara’s ship. And Adora’s here, tied to a post thing, head down, shoulders shaking, tugging at the rope around her wrists. She lifts her head to stare at the door to her left and she looks like she’s about to cry.

“No,” I breathe, taking a step back. “Why—that’s not—”

I look to my side to see Bow and Glimmer staring at everything with big eyes. I turn and look at Adora, the She-Ra Adora who’s standing tall and right next to me. I have to know that she’s still there.

She is. And she’s staring at herself in the middle of the floor with wide, frightened eyes.

“Adora—” I breathe, but she doesn’t look at me. She looks up, because now the door the other her was just staring at is opening.

And I’m walking through.

I have the sword propped on my shoulder and I’m walking towards Adora with intent. But this—this isn’t a memory I want it to be. I’m not about to taunt Adora and swing the sword around like I won. I… my head is down, my eyes are tight, and I look hopeless.

Adora lifts her head. Her shoulders come up and she sits a little taller. She’s not giving up.

“Catra, please listen to me. I know you’re upset—”

“What do you want from me, Adora?”

I lift my head and stare down at her. She’s staring back and she looks more desperate than I’ve ever seen her.

Over a sword.

Her eyebrows pinch together. “What?”

I step closer to her, dropping my hand and letting the tip of that stupid sword scrape against the ground. “What do you want from me?”

Adora huffs, a strand of her hair flying out of her face. “You can’t take the sword back to Hordak. You can’t let him open a portal—”

I clench my jaw. “That’s not what I’m asking.”

Her shoulders drop and she just looks more confused. “I don’t understand.”

I take another step forward. “What do you want from me?”

“I…” she sighs, and her mouth twists into a frown. “I just need the sword back, Catra. Let me go, and it’ll all be okay. I promise.”

As soon as the word falls out of her mouth I flinch and close my eyes. I want to snarl, to scratch her on the face. I want to scream. When was the last time anything was okay? Since when does she keep promises?

But I don’t do any of that. I just take a breath.

Adora doesn’t love me. Adora has never loved me. And she’s not going to anytime soon.

I’m not going to let her ruin my life anymore.

I open my eyes and bite back tears. Adora’s eyes are bright and blue and sad. I have no fucking clue why.

“I… I just need the sword back, Catra. Let me go, and it’ll all be okay. I promise.”

Yeah. I’m not buying that this time.

Adora doesn’t keep promises. But I do. And if I just let her go, if I can just let her go…

I’ll be free.

So I drop the sword. It’s made my life hell. It’s taken everything from me. But having it now isn’t going to get me any of that shit back.

It clatters to the ground and the sound echoes around the room. I clench my fist and I can feel my claws tearing at my skin. Adora watches me with wide eyes and a slack jaw.

Then I step forward. Adora tenses as I get closer, but I don’t hesitate. I raise my hand high, then bring it down and slice right through the ropes on her wrists.

I cut her loose.

I step back and Adora falls forward. My chest hurts and burns like it’s cold, colder than the Northern Reach, but I don’t show it. I retract my claw, unclench my fists and stare down at Adora with every ounce of hatred I have.

“Get out.” I growl.

Adora looks up and she’s got that stupid expression on her face – the one that makes it look like she cares. “Catra…”

I re-clench my fists, trying to keep my claws from ripping into my flesh. I wasn’t going to do that anymore. I wasn’t going to let myself hurt anymore. “I said get out, so get out!”

Adora grabs at the sword and pulls it to her chest. Then she’s back on her knees and looking at me like I mean something.

“Catra, are you—”

“Get.” I throw my hand to point at the door, a yell building in my chest. “Out!”

Adora stumbles to her feet and runs to the door. The cold in my chest gets tighter.

Adora is running away. Adora can’t wait to get away from me. Adora never wanted me.

The sound of footsteps fades and I turn to stare at the pillar she’d been tied to. After a second of total quiet, I fall to my knees, hug myself tight, and then…

Then I scream.

I’m fighting off sobs, letting the anger and the hurt and the grief out in bursts of violent scream. I’m not going to cry. Not again. But I can scream.

It doesn’t take thirty seconds before Scorpia’s running in and I’m catching my breath. “Catra!” She kneels down beside me. “Are you okay? What happened?”

I… I laugh. I squeeze myself and laugh, hysteria taking my head into some floaty safe space where nothing hurts anymore and the cold burn starts to prickle. “She escaped, and she took her stupid sword with her.”

Scorpia pushes my hair out of my eyes and back behind my mask. “What are we gonna do?”

I turn my head and force a wicked smile. “We’re gonna stay here. After all… who’s the strongest in the Crimson Waste?”

Scorpia smiles like I just made her entire life, and then she’s gone.

And I’m kneeling on something cold, and everything’s blue, and glowing and the hum is soft again. I take a ragged breath and look down at the floor, at the lines running through it and I’m clutching my own arms.

I look up and right across from me, eyes big and full of tears, is Adora.

I growl.

“Catra…” she whispers, stepping forward with an arm outstretched, “I—I didn’t—”

I don’t let her finish. I push myself up off the floor, turn away, and run.

“Catra!” she yells, but I ignore her. I keep running. My toenails scrape the weird metal floor and I’m shaking. My breathing’s rough and all of my thoughts are too damn loud.

I never wanted to live that moment again, but I just did. And with an audience.

Fuck.

I wish I could just brush it off. I wish it didn’t mean anything. I hate how much it hurt. I don’t want Arrow Boy to know I begged. I don’t want Sparkles to know I basically sobbed. I just… I want to forget. And I can’t, not when she’s right there, every day, looking at me like I mean something.

But that’s not her. That’s some Other Adora who, God knows why, chose to love some Other Catra. And she’s wrong about me – about her. That Other Catra and I… we’re broken. We got ruined. I can blame bad parenting, or a toxic environment, or whatever shit I want to, but it won’t change anything. I still won’t work right. I’m not good , and Adora deserves good. She deserves everything.

And I keep making her feel awful. I’m ruining her too.

Shadow Weaver always knew I would, and Adora was right to run away when she did.

Other Adora should’ve kept running.

“Catra!”

With a tinkle and a grunt I fall to the floor, a heavy weight landing on my back. It only takes me a second before I realize that it’s Glimmer. I don’t know how the hell she found me, but now we’re both on the ground and she’s trying to wrap her arms around me while I writhe.

“Get off of me!” I hiss.

I thrust my elbow back and into her ribs. She cries out and her hands slip from my arms. I push up on my elbows and knees and she rolls off my back. She curses as she lands hard on the floor and I scramble to my feet, kicking her away. When I’m steady I throw out my claws and glare down into her lilac eyes. “What the hell, Sparkles!”

She grabs at my ankle and I try to yank it out of her grip, but she’s stronger than she looks and I just drag her close enough to get a better grip on my leg.

“You can’t—” she grunts as I start to drag her with me, wrapping both arms around my leg in a chokehold, “just run off Catra!”

“Watch me,” I seethe, raising my hand high in the air, ready to free myself by any means necessary, when a chill runs up my spine and the ground beneath my feet turns to ice. 

I lift my head and my entire body freezes up. The walls, the roof, the tables, and staircase are all made of ice that sparkles like glass. There’s music, and lights, and food. And, of course, the room is full of dozens of people, every single one a princess or something just as bad.

“Princess Prom?” Glimmer squeaks, dropping my leg and pulling herself into a sitting position. She covers her mouth. “Oh no.”

I glower down at her. “What the hell were you thinking about?”

“I—” her eyes get wide. “Just—”

I follow her gaze to see her, younger, and softer, leaning back against the buffet table while Scorpia scarfs down on cupcakes and one hors d'oeuvre after the other. Glimmer watches Scorpia with sad eyes for a long, drawn-out minute, until something happens and her whole damn face lights up and looks away.

I follow her gaze to the “something.”

It’s Bow.

I straighten and cross my arms.

She takes just a second, then she sets down her drink, holds up two fingers like she’s asking Scorpia not to go anywhere, and hurries after Arrow Boy.

“Bow, wait up!”

He stops and turns. He looks… surprised, which surprises me.

Aren’t you two like attached at the hip or something?

I glance down at the real Glimmer, who’s still on the floor, and she’s clutching her hands nervously to her chest. I turn back to watch the show.

“Glimmer. Hi,” Bow says, with none of his usual enthusiasm. He’s not even smiling. It’s like he doesn’t want to see her, or… deal with her or whatever.

My claws dig into the skin of my arms.

“There’s something I need to tell you,” Glimmer starts, and it’s clear she’s nervous. Really nervous. Like she’s gonna start shaking. “I know things between us have been weird all night.” She closes her eyes and drops her head. “So I just wanted to say—” she takes Bow’s hands and his entire face brightens.

“It’s alright, I accept your—"

“I forgive you.”

I try not to laugh, but it comes out as a snort, and I cover my mouth with my hands.

“Wow, you read that one wrong,” I look back at my feet, “didn’t you Spar—”

Glimmer’s not there.

I sigh. “Fuck.”

Bow’s dropped Glimmer’s hands and he’s looking at her with the angriest face I think he’s actually capable of. “You forgive me?”

He puts his hand to his chest. “Glimmer, I’m allowed to hang out with other people.”

Glimmer grabs at his hand and holds it between them. “Bow, don’t you see? That’s how it starts!” She starts to rub her thumb over the back of his hand and I blink.

Oh.

She looks down at their hands, eyes tight. “Then suddenly, everybody has new friends and nobody needs me anymore, and then I’m all alone!”

For half a second Bow’s face softens. “What are you talking about?” He points at his chest. “You have me, plus Adora, and everyone who joined the Rebellion.”

Glimmer pulls Bow’s hand closer. “That’s what I’m talking about!”

Bow pulls his hand away.

Glimmer’s shoulders fall. “It used to be just the two of us, and now everything’s changing…” She drops her head. “I don’t want you to leave me behind.”

My stomach flips.

Oh.

“No one is leaving you behind!” Bow sighs. “I wanted to hang out with you, Adora, and Perfuma tonight,” he throws out his hands, “but you’re the one who keeps being weird and leaving. I know change is scary, Glimmer, but you don’t get to take it out on me.”

Bow pulls back and turns away, crossing his arm over his stomach while Glimmer does the same with hers. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to get my cummerbund because it is freezing in here. We’ll talk later okay?”

And then he just… walks away.

Two separate tears run down Glimmer’s face, and then the frozen castle fades.

Glimmer is older again. Her hair’s longer, her clothes are less ridiculous, despite being pinker, and she’s just a little bit taller. But she’s got the same look on her face. She looks just as broken.

For a second we just stand there in silence. She stares ahead at the wall, and I stare at her. And then it all makes sense. She just lived one of her moments – a moment she never wanted to live again. With an audience.

“You’re in love with him,” I mutter. And I’m not even trying to be an ass about it.   

She turns her head with a snap, and her voice is hoarse. “What?”

I cross my arms. “You’re in love with him.”

Her brow furrows and she clenches her fist. “Well… you’re in love with Adora!”

Now I feel like being an ass. I narrow my eyes. “Watch it, Sparkles.”

“No,” she marches towards me, sticking out a finger like I’m some kid and she’s my mom going on about my “unacceptable behavior.” “You don’t get to lecture me about this. You have no right!”

I scoff, “What, afraid I’ll say what you already know?”

She stops right in front of me and crosses her arms. We match. “Not as afraid as you.”

I snicker. “I’m not afraid of anything.”

She smirks. “Except Adora, right?”

I stiffen.

“Admit it,” Glimmer says, leaning forward, “you’re just as pathetic as I am.”

And it’s that word – pathetic – that pushes me over. I grab her by the collar of her shirt. “I am nothing like you.”

She looks up at me with fire in her eyes. “You’re worse.” She grits her teeth. “You’re a coward.”

My claws cut right through her shirt and into the palm of my hand. I growl.

She doesn’t even flinch.

“All this time I thought Adora left you behind, but you told her to leave!” she spits, grabbing onto my wrist. “You ran away!”

I’m shaking now, but I don’t think it’s from rage. “What else was I supposed to do?” I shout, right in the little pink bitch’s face. “Adora—” my voice breaks on her name and I feel the tears start to burn in my eyes, “—doesn’t want me!”

Glimmer tightens her grip. “How do you know?” She shakes my arm. “You never even told her how you feel! You asked her a dumb cryptic question, then kicked her out! You,” she’s seething, “didn’t give her a chance!”

I swallow and I stare hard into her lilac eyes. She stares back.

And I break.

A tear rolls down my cheek. “I…” I pull away, “I couldn’t…”

“That’s right! Run away! It’s the only thing you’ve ever been good at!”

My hands start to shake and I choke down a sob. What else was I supposed to do? I couldn’t go home – the Fright Zone was never really home. It was just a pile of junk without Adora there. I couldn’t go to Bright Moon – no matter what bullshit Angella was spewing now, the rebellion wasn’t going to take the Force Captain that nearly destroyed them in just because she had a thing for She-Ra. There wasn’t a kingdom in the Alliance that would have let me in. The Crimson Waste was my only option. They actually wanted me.

And that was where I wanted to be.

Right?

And Adora… if Adora felt like that about me she would’ve said it by now. She would’ve said it the first time she asked me to go with her. And if she’d said it then… well… I actually might’ve gone.

Glimmer’s face softens. “Neither could I.”

I loosen my grip and retract my claws. I can feel the blood on my hands, and I know it’ll soak Glimmer’s clothes. It’s just another reminder, for me and Sparkles, and Arrow Boy, but especially Adora, a reminder that when I don’t run I ruin.

Glimmer slides her hand down my arm and covers my hand. “Catra,” she drops her gaze, “I’m—”

My ears turn to the side and I pick up the sound of heavy footfall, and it’s moving fast.

“Can it, Sparkles.”

Glimmer pouts a little and opens her mouth to argue but then she hears them too and snaps it shut.

Seconds later Adora and Bow are rounding the corner. They skid to a stop about twenty feet away. The look on their faces is straight relief.

“Catra! Glimmer!” Adora, still eight feet tall and with arms as thick as my thigh, says, stepping forward, and she looks like she’s gonna hug us.

Then she seems to pick up on the fact that I’m holding Glimmer basically by the throat.

She stops, dropping her arms, and glances back at Bow. “Um…” Bow bites his lip. “You guys okay?”

I take a deep breath through my nose. “We’re fine,” I mutter, letting go of Glimmer completely, and grimacing when her shirt falls back to her chest. I can see the holes and blood I left behind.

Glimmer looks down and runs her finger over the damage. “Oh…”

“Yeah,” I murmur, crossing my arm over my stomach. I glance back at Adora and Bow, at our audience. Gah, I’m really sick of having one of those. “Look…” I drop my gaze to the floor. I don’t want to look at her while I say this. I don’t know if I can. It’s gonna be hard enough to say it at all. “I’m so—”

I don’t even get the chance. Sparkles knocks the air out of me. She wraps me up tight and puts her head on my shoulder. “I’m sorry,” she whispers, and my ears twitch. “For what I said, and… everything else.”

Well, that’s cryptic. What the fuck is everything else? But, and I hate this, I know exactly what she means.

“I’m sorry you’re scared.” “I’m sorry you’re lonely.” “I’m sorry you got hurt.”

“I’m sorry you’re in love with her.”

“Okay,” Bow puts his hand on his hip. “What’d we miss?”

Glimmer pulls away from me and smiles. It’s hesitant and anxious, but it’s also… empathetic? And it’s for me. I’ve never really had someone smile at me like that. “Just a memory. It was stupid. I’ll tell you about it later.”

“Glimmer…” Adora starts, hesitant, “why… why do you have blood on your shirt?”

I roll my eyes and Glimmer snickers. I lift my hand up in the air, showing Bow and Adora the little puncture marks in my hand. “I cut myself.” I hear them both gasp quietly, but shrug and catch Glimmer’s eye. She’s smirking a little. “No big deal.”

“No big deal?” Adora’s voice is tight. “Catra—"

“I’m fine.” I wave her off and turn around. “It was an accident, okay?”

“Catra—”

“Let’s get going.” I glance behind me and meet Glimmer’s gaze again.

She gives me a small nod and steps up beside me. Then we start walking. After a few seconds we can hear Bow and Adora following.

I can feel Bow’s eyes jumping back and forth between Sparkles and me, but I do my best to ignore it. I’m not going to explain it. I don’t owe him anything.

I’m pretty sure Adora’s only looking at me. I owe her even less.

The unpredictable beat of our footsteps, the buzz of First Ones tech and the quiet huffs of our breathing are the only sounds. None of us are daring to make a sound, waiting for the next memory, the next attack. I’m trying to keep my mind blank, a white wall. I’m literally imagining painting a brick wall white. Which, sure I’ve never done, but that’s gotta make it harder to project. Right?

Then, without any warning, Adora comes to a halt. “Do you hear that?”

Sparkles and I turn around and Adora is looking all around the passageway, her shoulders tense and the sword suddenly in her hand.

“Hear what?” Bow asks, putting a hand on Adora’s forearm.

Adora’s brow furrows. “There was… I thought I heard a…”

The brick wall disappears and my ear twitches, picking up a faint little cry.

My stomach drops and my heart stops. It’s a baby, and they’re crying.

I take a step towards Adora, holding out a hand and whispering her name, “Adora—”

But the sound gets louder, loud enough for everyone to hear, and her head snaps back to look behind us. The sword vanishes and she breaks out in a run.

“Adora!” I yell, chasing after her. She’s moving so fast, and dammit with those long ass She-Ra legs and her single mindedness, I can’t catch up. “Adora! It’s a hologram!”

She stumbles, and after a few seconds, comes to a complete stop. “But… how? I’ve never—”

I stumble to her side and listen to Bow and Glimmer coming up behind us. I put a hand on Adora’s arm, but she doesn’t look at me. She just stares despondently ahead. “Adora, this place is fucked up. It can do—”

Adora catches her breath and presses a hand to her mouth. Bow and Glimmer come to a stop and I follow Adora’s gaze.

Are you fucking kidding me?

“Oh!” Glimmer’s next to me now, and she puts her hand on my back. “Wow.”

I think she’s trying to comfort me. And I think I need it.

Across from us, about fifteen feet away, is me. My hair is up in a ponytail, and I’m wearing a loose-fitting white shirt over a pair of burgundy leggings with gold wraps around my knees and a little gold winged pin over my heart. My face is rounder, and my hair looks shinier, but those are my eyes. Those are my stripes peeking out on the forearm, and that is my canine, sticking out over my lip.

But that is not my pregnant belly.

My tail wraps around my calf and I drop my hand from Adora’s arm.

The other Catra frowns. “Adora?” She takes a step towards us and I glance up to see tears in Adora’s eyes. “What’s wrong?”

Then there’s a… I don’t know, glitch? And everything changes. We’re in Bright Moon’s ballroom. Everything is bright and covered in flowers. And Catra’s standing there, in a white suit with gold trim and a loose red bow tie. On her lapel, the same gold winged pin.

She keeps walking towards us until she can take Adora’s hand and wrap her tail around Adora’s calf. “Adora?”

“Ca—” Adora starts to say, and then everything glitches and the ceiling and walls are black with tiny pin pricks of light and several of the moons shining high in the sky. My eyes fall down from what I know are called stars into Adora’s piercing gaze.

I squeeze Adora’s hands. Adora’s, not She-Ra’s.

I’m not sure what I’m wearing, or how I did my hair, it’s been a long day, but I know the gold winged pin Adora gave me just this morning is attached to my belt just like it was to Adora’s the entire war. “Hey, it’s okay,” I whisper, reaching up to trace my hand over her cheek. “I’m here.” I push up on my toes and press my forehead to hers. “And I’m not letting go.”

Then we’re in a bedroom, with pale pink walls and crystal lights hanging from the ceiling. I know we’re in Bright Moon even though I’ve never seen this room before, and I know it’s Adora’s and my bedroom. I know it’s where I wake up every morning and go to bed every night. With my wife.

“Oof!” I groan, stumbling forward into Adora’s chest, as something solid and warm lands on my back.

I step away from her, chuckling a little. Then I grunt as little claws prick into my shoulder blades and dig deeper as whatever, or whoever, just jumped on me starts to move. They tug at my mane, pulling themselves up until I feel something heavy and pointed, like a chin, rests on my head. A set of legs comes up and drape themselves over my shoulders.

Instinctually I grab onto them, holding them in place so they don’t fall, and I look up.

I see the edges of a face, the tip of a nose, a crop of blonde hair and tawny fur. And then an arm reaching out towards Adora.

“Mommy!”

And I return to myself.

I look back at Adora. She’s in her stupid vest, and her hair’s half up, and she’s normal sized and… she’s sobbing. She has her hands covering her mouth and tears are running down her face so fast. She takes a step back and shakes her head, her shoulders shuddering. She looks so human, so scared, and so…

Gah, she looks beautiful, and I just want to hold her and tell her it’s gonna be okay.

“Mama?” The kit stands on my shoulders and taps me on the head. I look up into a pair of gray blue eyes. Just like their mommy’s. “Why is Mommy sad?”

My heart seizes in my chest.

“I…” I close my eyes and shake my head. It’s just a hologram. It’s just a hologram. “I can’t—”

This is mean. No, this is cruel. This is… this is…

I feel a small, soft hand rub a tear off my cheek.

I realize I’m crying. The tears are hot and fast and I’m gonna choke on them. Great.

“Are you sad too?” the child whispers in a small voice, brushing their tiny claws through my hair. “Did I…” their voice hitches, “did I do something wrong?”

And I break.

I don’t care that they’re a hologram. I don’t care that they’re not real and that I’ll never have them. For this moment I do.

I reach onto my back, pull them down and to my chest, and fall to my knees. I wrap them tight in my arms and bury my head in the crook of their shoulder. “No baby,” I sob, “no, you’re perfect.” We’re shaking, me and this Finn from Adora’s and my imaginations, shaking with a grief that they will never really understand. “Mommy and I just missed you.”

I take a steadying breath, cording my hands through their crop of thick blonde hair. “I love you,” I whisper, so quiet that no one will hear but the hologram I clutch so tight I can barely breathe. “I always have. I’m sorry.”

And then… I’m holding nothing.

I drop my hands to my knees and stare hard at the crystalline floor.

What… have I done?

Slowly I look up. Adora’s across from me, fallen to the ground, with her head buried in her hands, shoulders shaking as she cries. Something in me twists at the sight and immediately I twitch to go to her, to pull her hands from her face, wipe her tears, and promise to get her home.

But it hurts. Everything hurts so much.

Bow and Glimmer are standing awkwardly between the two of us, looking back and forth like they're trying to decide what to do – who to comfort. They give one another a look and a nod and Bow moves to Adora’s side and Glimmer rushes to mine.

She crouches beside me and puts a hand on my shoulder, but when I wince, she pulls it away.

“Sorry,” she whispers, and I shake my head. Under any other circumstances it would be fine, even, well, kinda nice, but right now my entire body feels like it’s been scorched.

“Are you okay?” she asks, and I finally meet her eyes. They’re soft, and sincere, and god what did I do to deserve Sparkles’ friendship? Or Bow’s? Why do these people care about me?

I grit my teeth. “What do you think?”

Glimmer is quiet for a really long drawn-out moment. All I can hear is Adora crying and Bow’s soothing muttering and the guilt is building up inside of me when she finally decides to speak.

“She dreams about you, you know?” I lift my head. “Our Adora.” Glimmer tries to smile. “All the time. I—I don’t know a lot of details, but you’re on the beach at Mystacor. And…” she sighs and risks putting a hand on my cheek, “they’re her favorite dreams.”

My intake of breath is sharp and cold through my teeth.

Glimmer pulls her hand away and tries to smile. “You and Adora… you still have time.”

I can tell by the soft and stern look in her eyes that she means it.

I stand up, wrapping an arm around my torso. “I—I need a minute.”

Three sets of eyes fall on me, and just a tiny glimpse of Adora’s nearly kills me.

“Catra—” Adora goes to stand and I shake my head, taking a measured step back.

“I’m okay. I just… I need a minute. I’ll… I’ll wait for you.”

I turn on my heel and run.

I don’t run far, but I run until I can’t hear Adora crying anymore.

I stop, kinda suddenly, and fall against a wall. I press my forehead against the cool metal and take a couple deep breaths. After a minute or two I turn around and look at the little piece of hallway I’ve found myself in.

It’s blue, glowy, and covered in First Ones writing. Just like all the rest.

Until it isn’t.

I groan. “Seriously!”  Everything flickers, again, and the wall I’m leaning against turns into cold stone. I look up behind me to see a large mural of some scorpion person, who isn’t Scorpia, on the wall, and flowers hanging from the ceiling. I glance around the walls of the whole room and there seems to be flowers and vines and leaves everywhere. And more murals of more scorpion people.

On the left side of the room is a set of stairs leading to a dais where a large throne sits, and on that throne is—

“Scorpia.” I breathe.

She looks great, in a dark gray dress with large orange and red flowers all over it. Her hair’s longer, all pulled to one side and curled. And she’s smiling. Brighter than I’ve ever seen her smile before.

And I’m pretty sure that’s the plant princess next to her.

This is good, this is what I wanted for her.

But what… what about me?

I close my eyes. Who gives a flying fuck about you? You don’t deserve—

And then I hear it. It’s loud and peals like bells. It fills the hole in my chest that hasn’t known warmth since I was eighteen. It’s my favorite sound.

I turn and stare at the edge of the crowd where she’s dancing. She’s in a long white dress that’s cinched around the waist, with gold clasps at the shoulders. Starting at those clasps, vines of embroidered gold travel down the dress until it hits the ground, accumulating in a gold hem that wraps all around her like a low halo. Her long blonde hair is in a loose braid that wraps around her head and down the one side, and she wears a tiny little tiara with a simple gold band and a single red stone.

She shimmers when she moves.

That’s my Adora, I can feel it in the sound of her laughter and the light of her smile. That’s not some copycat from another universe, that’s her, that’s the girl I love. I never want to look away.

She spins around again and this time I get to see. I get to see who she’s dancing with and I’ll get to hate them.

But I see… me.

I’m wearing a tight red shirt, the collar coming halfway up my neck, and the sleeves all the way down my arms. It’s tucked into tight black pants that have gold vines running up the sides. Over one shoulder I have a white cape, with a large gold leaf at the shoulder. There’s a gold winged pin over my heart. My mask is gone. My hair is pulled back into a high ponytail, and loose hairs fall around my face.

And I’m wearing… shoes. Boots. Big boots that reach up to almost my knee.

And I’m smiling. I’m laughing. I look happier than I’ve ever felt.

Adora dips me, wrapping an arm around my waist and throwing me back. We both laugh harder, and then she’s pulling me up and pulling me close again.

“Hey,” she whispers, pressing her forehead to mine, and breaking out into a smile.

“Hey, Adora,” I say, closing my eyes and breathing her in.

She lifts her head then presses the tip of her nose to the bridge of mine, running it down until her lips ghost over my mouth.

She tightens the grip she has on my waist, digging her fingers into my shirt, and pulls our joined hands to her chest.

“I love you,” she whispers, and my heart hammers in my chest.

“You…” I swallow, “you love me?”

She chuckles, but it’s sweet and soft. “Now who’s the idiot?”

I blink back tears. “Adora—”

She leans in, pressing her lips to mine in a quick, chaste kiss that sends electricity straight to my heart.

“I know,” she smiles, her eyes closed, “you love me too.”

I can’t take it anymore. I pull my one hand from hers, and the other from her shoulder, and I reach up, taking her face in my hands, and pull her lips back to mine in a violent kiss.

She doesn’t fight me. I think for a second she’s surprised, but soon her arm’s around my back, pulling me against her, and her lips are moving over mine with heat. I wrap my arms around her neck and part my lips. For a second I’m nervous I’ve gone too far, but then she opens her mouth into mine and there’s tongue and teeth and I feel like I’m flying.

Too soon she starts to slow us down, her movements against my mouth firm, but intentional, and her hands ghosting over the skin on my neck. Finally, she breaks the kiss, and I refrain from chasing after her.

She snickers and rubs circles into the fur just below my jaw with her thumb. “We’re in public babe. But when we get to our room—”

I grip the sides of her face again, staring deep into those steel blue eyes. “I’m sorry. I—” Glimmer was right. I never gave Adora a choice, I decided what she would choose. I was just as bad as the rest of them, expecting her to be She-Ra, expecting her to give up everything for the sake of her cause. But she’d said it herself – she never wanted to leave me. Maybe if I’d given her the chance she would’ve…

She never would’ve stayed, not while the Horde was still destroying everything. She had to be a hero.

But why was I so damn set on staying?

Maybe… maybe she would’ve come to visit or something?

It doesn’t matter. None of it mattered. What does is that I have this chance, this chance to say it. I can pretend for one moment that I’m not a coward and that Adora would’ve taken me any way she could’ve had me. That would’ve been better than this nothing.

“I should’ve told you,” I breathe and Adora’s brow puckers. “I know I was just an afterthought – that I wasn’t important in that big picture you always have rattling around in your head, but…” I swallow, “you were important to mine. And maybe if you knew that… things would’ve been different.”

“Catra—” Adora covers one of my hands with hers. “You were—”

“It’s okay. I’m—I’m okay with it now. I just—” I drop my head and shake it, trying to give myself some fucking nerve. “Adora I… I lo—”

“Catra!”

And then she’s gone.

I stand, frozen in place, and look at the space between my hands where her face was seconds ago, my blood roaring in my ears.

Then someone’s grabbing my shoulders and flipping me around.

It’s Adora, the Other Adora, and she looks angry. I blink and watch her mouth move. She’s repeating my name, asking me if I’m okay, what I was thinking, and slowly I start to hear it too.

“Catra!” She shakes me. “You can’t just leave us like that! The elemental could be around any corner!”

I drop my head a little, feeling my body flush with disappointment.

This isn’t my Adora. My Adora doesn’t care. My Adora isn’t mine.

Then I hear Glimmer laugh. It’s nervous and strained. “Elemental? What Elemental?”

My left ear twitches and I hear the sound of scuttling and slithering across the floor.

And then the brief silence is broken by a violent shriek and the dark side of the room is illuminated by several large green eyes.

Adora swallows. “That elemental.”

Chapter Text

Adora of Bright Moon

“Ommm,” I murmur and crack my right eye open. Perfuma’s sitting across from me with her legs crossed and her arms held out at her sides with her fingers pinched to make these little circles. And her eyes are closed.

“Ommm,” she repeats and I snap my eye shut and join in.

I feel kind of like a pretzel. A pretzel who can’t feel her legs and whose arms are screaming at her. But Perfuma said this would help – that if I’m going to get to know the part of me that is She-Ra I need to start here.

I’m not exactly sure where “here” is, but I didn’t expect it to be this uncomfortable.

“This isn’t working Perfuma,” Catra says, and my eyes blink open. She’s on a bench about four feet away, laying on her back and staring at the sky. “Adora’s never been good at meditating, you know that. Not the normal way.”

Perfuma sighs. “I suppose we could try yoga, but I worry that won’t be as effective at helping her tap into her psyche.”

Catra sits up, rolling her legs underneath her so she’s a pretzel too. “Adora, what were you thinking about just now?”

“Um…” I grin sheepishly. “Pretzels?”

Catra snickers, and Perfuma groans. “Fine! We’ll try the yoga.” Perfuma crosses her arms and raises an eyebrow at Catra. “Why are you here anyway? Don’t you think you’re a bit of a… distraction?”

It’s only for half a second, but Catra freezes up when Perfuma says that. And then she’s back to normal, like it never happened. But I know, I saw. Something about what Perfuma said hurt her.

I bite my lip. Distraction.

“Hey,” Catra holds up her hands, “this was the Princess’s idea.”

Perfuma turns on me, and she almost looks hurt. “Oh?”

I flounder for a second, then drop my arms. And, I don’t know what it is but the rush of blood to my fingertips clears my head. “She was there the first time your Adora changed into She-Ra without the sword. And again at the Heart of Etheria. I just think…” I glance at Catra, who’s dropped her head and turned away, “she’ll help.”

“Hmmm…” Perfuma nods, tapping her chin. “Adora,” she scoots forward and puts a hand on either of my shoulders, “what do you think our Adora was thinking when she transformed that first time?”

I blink and I hear Catra almost gasp.

What do I think Adora was thinking when Catra died?

“I-I…”

I don’t know.

I don’t know her! Maybe she was scared, or—or heartbroken. Maybe all she could think about was how she was losing everything – the one person she promised herself she’d be good enough for one day. Or maybe she couldn’t think at all and it felt like the grief shattered her into a million pieces that would never come back together again. Maybe she felt exactly like I would’ve.

Maybe… maybe she was angry.

Something inside me burns.

She spent years of her life fighting a war only to lose the best of what she was fighting it for – her friends. She waited years for Catra, with open arms, only to have her ripped away right before she could hold her again. She’d done everything, everything , she possibly could, for the rebellion, for Catra, for her friends – she’d done everything right and here, in this moment it wasn’t enough?

And Catra? Catra who’d been so lost and so alone for so long, was just what? Doomed? After the fight she fought, she didn’t get the chance at something better? Something happy?

No. That is not how this is going to play out.

I can feel something warm in my chest start to build and I watch as Perfuma’s eyes get a little wider.

“I think…” I look at Catra, whose eyes are even bigger and brighter than Perfuma’s. And then the feeling of warmth slips away and I’m just confused. “Why are you guys looking at me like that?”

Catra drops her head and groans.

“Adora,” Perfuma sounds patient, but I can see her eyebrow twitching, “what were you—”

“Enough meditating!” Glimmer yells, appearing, as she always does, without any warning. “It’s time!”

Perfuma squeals, and I jump so bad I nearly fall over. Catra of course doesn’t even flinch. But she does scratch her nose.

Glimmer looks around our little circle, eyebrows furrowing. “Come on!” She claps. “No time to waste!”

Catra lifts herself up and cocks an eyebrow. “Seriously, Sparkles?”

Glimmer levels Catra with a smirk-y glare. “Deadly serious, Horde Scum.”

Catra huffs, rolls her eyes, and collapses back onto the bench.

It’s so… strange, to see them like this. To see them laughing together, playing and poking at one another. It’s something I didn’t even really know I wanted, or, could dream was possible. But here it is, and it just… is. Glimmer and Catra have nicknames that they use as jokes. Glimmer and Catra are friends.

“Um…” Perfuma raises her hand, “what is it time for, exactly?”

Glimmer puts her curled fists on her hips. “It’s time to get ready! Obviously.”

There’s a pause, where, Perfuma and I at least, are waiting for Glimmer to explain. She doesn’t.

“For?” Perfuma presses, and Glimmer’s jaw and arms drop.

Catra just sighs. “For Mermista’s Birthday Party.” She scoffs. “Obviously.”

“Oh!” Perfuma pulls her legs from their pretzel to her side. “I’m surprised Mermista is still holding the party. Circumstances…” she glances at me, “being what they are, I mean.”

Catra laughs, rolling over so she’s on her side, facing us. “It’s Mermista. And it’s her birthday. She’s not gonna let a silly thing like my wife’s disappearance get in the way of that.”

Glimmer huffs. “This party took months of planning! And it’s not like it’s some inconsequential birthday. She’s turning thirty!” Glimmer straightens, putting her hands to her hips again. “Besides, a party is good for morale. And it’s not like Adora can spend every second of every day meditating. She’s not a monk.”

“Hm…” Perfuma starts chewing on her lip. “I guess not…” She meets my gaze. “What do you think, Adora?”

I blink. I didn’t expect to have a say. It seems kind of ridiculous, to stop so everyone else can go to a birthday party when so much is riding on me figuring out this She-Ra thing. But I guess I can’t just meditate the whole time I’m here. I mean I could, maybe, but I think after a while I’d completely lose focus. I barely have any now. Besides, Catra and Perfuma deserve a break from watching me fail. But I know I’m making progress. I can feel it. She-Ra’s there and if I could just—

I scrunch my nose. None of that matters, I realize, because I’m not going to make this decision.

I turn to Catra. “I’ll do whatever Catra wants,” I say, and her eyes get a little wide. I try to give her a reassuring smile, but it probably comes out really nervous.

Slowly, she sits up, crossing one leg over the other, eyes never leaving my face. “I mean,” she pushes her bangs out of her eyes and finally breaks contact to look up at Glimmer, “we’ve been at this all day.” She sighs and drops her gaze to the ground. “And we made some good progress. So it’s probably a good idea to take a break and…” she rolls her eyes, “boost our morale.”

Glimmer squeals and drops down onto the bench next to Catra to give her a tight hug. Which Catra accepts but does not return. I look back at Perfuma to see she’s smiling, and that her fingers are laced together.

“Oh! I have the perfect dress!”

Glimmer releases Catra. “Good! Okay! Perfuma, you and Scorpia are going to have to help Catra get ready.”

Catra grimaces. “Excuse me? I am perfectly capable of dressing myself.”

“Really? When was the last time you put on a dress?”

I perk up. Catra? In a dress?

“You’re not wearing a suit?” I ask, picking at the laces on my boots.

Catra turns to me. “No. This thing,” she straightens and gestures to her rounded stomach, “doesn’t fit in a suit. So I’m wearing a curtain.”

“It is not a curtain!” Glimmer cries, whacking Catra on the arm. “You actually like this dress, and you know it.”

“And I’ll never admit it.” Catra smirks, winking.

I smile. “Have fun!”

Glimmer turns on me, cocking her head like she’s confused. “Adora, you’re coming too.”

My jaw drops a little. “Oh! Um… yeah I don’t think that’s the best idea.” I laugh nervously. “I mean, I won’t know anyone, and—really I should just stay here, take a nap or relax or—”

“You’ve never relaxed a day in your life,” Catra says, leveling me with just her eyes.

I stick out my lower lip. “I could.”

Glimmer rolls her eyes and groans. “Don’t be ridiculous, Adora.” She stands, walks up to me, and holds out a hand. Tentatively I take it.

Then she’s yanking me to my feet. “You’re coming. I’m helping you get ready!” she beams. Then she points at Perfuma. “I’m trusting you and your wife with this one.” She points at Catra. “Do not let her escape. She’s trouble.”

Catra sighs, falling back onto the bench. “I’m not gonna run away Sparkles, calm down.”

But Perfuma puts her hand to her head in a little salute. “Aye, aye, Captain!”

Glimmer smirks. “Good. I will see you all in an hour.”

“You know Captain’s a downgrade from Queen, right?”

Then in a poof of pink we’re in my bedroom.

Well, the Other Adora’s bedroom. Which is also Catra’s bedroom. And now I feel anxious.

“Um, shouldn’t we be somewhere else?”

Glimmer shakes her head, pushing me towards the vanity. “Scorpia and Perfuma are getting ready in the spare room you were staying in. So I moved Catra’s dress and everything else she needs in there, which means we get to use this room.”

“Why couldn’t they use this room?” I ask, pushing back against Glimmer’s hands.

Glimmer is, apparently, freakishly strong. “Well ya see, the spare room it’s… bigger than this one.”

I grab at the vanity tabletop and force us to a stop. “Wait, seriously?”

“Yes…”

I cock my head. “How have I never noticed that before?”

“You’re not always the most observant,” Glimmer says, and with a final shove she forces me into the chair.

“Now,” she starts, pulling the hair tie out of the end of my braid, “do you have any ideas for your hair? Our Adora doesn’t let me do anything fun, so I have tons of ideas, but I don’t want to force you into anything.”

I raise a brow. “Like you’re forcing me into going?”

Glimmer pulls her fingers through my braid and separates the strands. “Exactly.”

I can’t help it, I laugh. “Come on Glimmer! I’m not your Adora. I don’t even know these people!”

Glimmer pulls out the hair tie at the crown of my head and my hair falls down around my shoulders. “Yes, you do. Maybe we’re a little different, but at our core we’re the same. And that’s what matters, right?”

She sighs, reaching around me to pick up a hairbrush. “And… Catra wants you there.”

I grip the arms of the chair. “She said that?”

Glimmer presses the brush to my head and pauses. “Well, no, but I know Catra. And I know how she thinks.”

I look at Glimmer’s reflection in the mirror. “Well, according to your logic, I know Catra too and unless she’s changed a whole lot in last six and a half years—"

“She misses Adora,” Glimmer goes on. “And you… well, she’s being nicer to you. She spent the whole day meditating with you! Which is huge. I think she’s finally realized that you can make it hurt a little less.”

I frown. “I don’t…” I drop my chin and move my hands from the arms of the chair to my lap, “I don’t think I’m making it hurt less.”

I feel Glimmer’s warm fingers under my chin, lifting it so I can see her, and myself I guess, in the mirror. “You are. You’re giving her hope.”

Her fingers pull away and I stare at Glimmer’s small smile while she starts to brush through my hair.

Hope? How am I giving Catra hope?

“When you first got here,” Glimmer murmurs, dragging the brush through my hair slowly and sticking out her tongue, like she’s thinking about too many things at once, “Catra was terrified.”

She pushes the bulk of my hair over my left shoulder. “You were like if her very worst fear was a person.”

I start to chew on my lower lip. “What’s her very worst fear?”

Glimmer starts to brush all my hair to the one side. “That’s… kinda complicated. But…” she sighs, “I think, sometimes, Catra just can’t believe Adora loves her – like maybe it’s another thing Adora’s doing ‘cause she ‘has to’.”

I stiffen in the chair. “ There are so many things I thought I had to do.”

But loving Catra has never been one of them. That is something I get to do.

I chose her. And in spite of the lies Shadow Weaver would tell me, the scratches on Lonnie’s and my faces, and how far Catra would run away to hide, I never stopped loving her. I don’t want to. Loving Catra is the best thing I can do. It makes me feel so much better than anything else does. She-Ra, glowing and tall and full of magic, doesn't have anything on dreaming about Catra curled into my side on the beach at Mystacor. There is nothing I want to do more than love Catra.

So, of course, I’ve never done it right. And it’s my own fault.

“And,” Glimmer continues, setting the brush down, “you don’t love your Catra. So—”

“That is not true!” I spit, pulling myself out from under Glimmer’s hands and turning to glare at her. “How dare—”

Glimmer holds up her hands. “Whoa, whoa, whoa! Calm down!”

I fall back, lowering myself into the seat. But I don’t turn around, and I don’t soften my glare.

Glimmer slowly lowers her hands and steps up behind me, grabbing the back of my chair. “I didn’t realize…”

I lift my leg to my chest and cast my eyes to the ground.

“Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

I narrow my eyes. “Well I thought it was obvious, and you didn’t ask.”

Glimmer crouches down in front of me, trying to grab my eyes. “Obvious? Come on Adora. You said it yourself, you haven’t seen her in six and a half years—”

I lift my head. “That’s not my fault!”

Glimmer puts a hand on my leg, obviously trying to calm me down, or console me or whatever. “I’m not saying it is but… did you ever go looking for her?”

I close my eyes, my chest getting tight and my stomach turning. “I wanted to… but…”

Glimmer crosses her legs underneath her, preparing herself for a long conversation. “But what?”

I huff, tapping my leg, “Promise me you won’t hate me?”

Her smile is soft and probably too understanding. “I could never hate Adora.”

I’m finally starting to understand how that kind of love extends to me.

“Adora, stop being such a buzzkill!”

"Adora, stop being such a buzzkill!"

I sighed and pulled off my belts, setting them on the edge of my bed. “Glimmer—”

“I don’t agree with Glimmer’s words,” Bow said, holding up a single finger, “but I do agree with her cause. Come on Adora! You love the steam grotto!”

I shook my head, stripping off my jacket. I held it in my hand as I turned to my two best friends. “Guys, come on, I’m tired! I had a long day. I just want to kick back, relax, and drift off into a sweet, blissful, sleep.”

Glimmer threw up her hands. “All of which can be done in the steam grotto!”

“She’s got a point. Besides, when have you ever relaxed in your life?”

I chose not to answer that. Instead, I tossed my jacket on the bed and sat down beside it. “Next time, I promise. But right now, I just want to sleep. And not get wet.”

“Fine!” Glimmer dropped her arms in defeat and turned on her heel, headed for the door. “Come on Bow, let’s go!”

Bow skipped after her. “If you change your mind,” he said, right before closing the door behind them, “you’re obviously welcome!”

And then the door shuddered shut and I breathed a sigh of relief.

I fell onto my back and stared hard at the ceiling above me. I was quiet and still for a minute, but it didn’t take long before I broke and started to cry.

I was so tired, and I was so angry, and sad, and scared, and every feeling you could possibly feel at once. We’d spent the whole week in what was left of the Fright Zone, dismantling it, scavenging it, taking prisoners, and looking for wayward friends. I’d revisited so many things, so many places tainted by the memories of Lonnie, Kyle, Rogelio, Shadow Weaver…

Catra.

Catra was everywhere, because Catra had been everything. And it hurt. God it hurt so much.

I just wanted her back – in any way I could have her. I would have even taken rival at that point. At least then I’d see her. At least then I’d know she was okay.

I steadied my breathing and wiped at my eyes. Then rolled onto my side to look out the window and see how much light I had left. But I couldn’t see the window. Instead, I saw a toothy grin and a pair of mismatched eyes. One ocean blue, the other sunshine gold.

My heart leapt into my throat. “Catra!”

I jumped to my feet and reached for the foot of the bed where I’d stored the sword. She laughed, and I kinda melted when it got high and squeaky.

“Hey, Adora,” she said, sitting up and running her eyes over me with… interest? I don’t know but that’s what it looked like. “Relax, Princess, I’m not here for a fight.”

I held the sword up, pointing it at her squarely. “Yeah, like I believe that.”

Then she… she frowned. “What? Not happy to see me?” she asked, leaning back and crossing her legs. She grinned, and she tried to look relaxed, but I could see the tightness in her eyes. Catra was nervous. Catra was… she was afraid I didn’t want her there. 

I lowered the sword. “Of course I’m happy to see you, Catra,” I said, and my voice was softer. Catra’s smile slipped away and she looked genuinely surprised. I could hear her little trill and my aching heart started to feel a different kind of pain. A better kind.

Then I did something really stupid. I took the sword and propped it up against the end of the bed again. Catra watched me with wide eyes as I did, like she didn’t actually believe me, until I pulled my hand away from the sword.

I turned back to her and took a step towards where she sat on the bed.

“Hey, Catra. I’ve missed you.”

She blinked several times. “You… you did?”

I nod, turning and sitting down next to her. “Everyday.”

Several seconds after I sat down, the hand she had resting on her right leg started to twitch, inching closer to me. Without thinking I reached for it, intertwining our fingers, and holding her hand tight in mine.

“I…” she started, looking down at our hands while I stared at her face, at the curve of her cheek, the lines of her nose, the point of her chin, the bow of her lips, “I maybe missed you too.”

I smiled and gave her hand a squeeze. She looked up into my eyes, and then, she darted forward and placed a scalding hot kiss on my cheek.

When she pulled back her face was pink, which I didn’t even know it could do, and my heart was beating a mile a minute.

“Come on,” I said, then stood up and tugged on her hand. “I think you’ll like the beach here.”

I threw on my jacket and grabbed an extra-large towel out of my bedroom's adjacent bathroom. Then we snuck through the hallways of Mystacor, narrowly avoiding Castaspella, twice. We may’ve gotten lost. But Catra didn’t seem to mind. She called me a dummy, but she was smiling.

Eventually we made it to the beach. I laid out the towel and went to sit down, but Catra grabbed my arm and stopped me.

“Seriously, Adora?” She reached for the belts on my jacket and undid them. “You’re not wearing your jacket to the beach.”

She went to throw the belts on the ground behind the towel but I caught her hand. “Wait!” She raised a brow. I pulled the belts from her hand and held out the pin. “This is… this is important to me. I don’t want it to get scratched or something.”

Catra’s face softened and she nodded. She held out her hand and I placed the belts in her hand. She wound them around her arm, then stepped around and stood behind me.

“Jacket,” she said, placing her clawed hands at my collar bone. I wasn’t sure if she was waiting for my permission, or my help, but reached down and undid the few buttons on the front. Then Catra pulled the jacket down my arms and off.

Then she was by my side and nodding at my feet. “Boots.”

I laughed. “Why?”

“We’re relaxing Adora,” she said, slipping my belts off her arm and wrapping them in the jacket. “That means no shoes.” She looked up at the top of my head.

“And no ponytail braid either.”

Then, quicker than lighting, she sliced through the hair ties at the crown of my head and the end of my braid. My braid sagged against my head and Catra spread her fingers, running them through it slowly.

I took a deep breath. Or I tried to. She was making it hard to breathe.

“Okay Princess, now, boots.” She smirked, pulled her hand away, and stepped around me to set down the jacket.

As quickly as humanly possibly I ripped off my boots.

When Catra turned around I was sitting on the towel, my boots off my feet, my hair hanging down my back, and I was basically in my pajamas, (those were the bad years of the war). But I didn’t feel exposed or vulnerable – at least not in a bad way. I felt giddy and hopeful. Because it was Catra.

She smiled at me, and it wasn’t a cocky smile, or an amused one, but a soft, kind of excited one, and then she knelt down beside me.

I took her hand in mine again and pulled it to my chest. “I’m really happy you’re here, Catra.”

Her smile got brighter. “Don’t get any ideas. I’m not here because I like you.”

I grinned. “Sure you’re not.”

Then I lay down, still holding her hand. And after about twenty seconds she lay down too.

She ended up pressed to my side, wrapped up in my arms, with her face tucked into the crook of my neck. We were both breathing slow and deep, and for the first time in my life I felt relaxed.

Maybe it was the purring. Catra was purring, and I could’ve died, I was so happy to feel the soft rumbling against my chest.

“It’s okay if you like me,” I whispered, pressing my lips to the top of her head, “I probably like you more.”

Her claws dug into my side a little deeper for a second and she nuzzled my neck. “You’re such an idiot.”

We were like that for a while, just lying on the beach, listening to the waves and the sound of one another’s breathing (and purring), and I was happy, really, really happy, for the first time in a long time, but then something happened. I don’t know what it was but my vision started to go dark at the corners. The sound of the waves started to get quiet. And I realized something.

The whole thing was a dream.

So I pulled Catra tighter and pressed a kiss to her head.

“Catra, I…” tears started to fill my eyes and the feeling of her soft fur under my hand started to fade. “Catra, I need to tell you something.”

I was running out of time. I had wasted all that time. Why hadn’t I said it the moment I saw her? Why hadn’t I said it the second we made it to the beach? Or when she kissed my cheek? Or when I started holding her? Why? Whywhywhy—

“Hmm?” she murmured, but she didn’t even lift her head.

“Catra,” I whispered, clutching her as tight as I could while everything around us was going dark, “I’m sorry. Catra I lo—”

And then she was gone, and I was floating in blackness.

I screamed and shot up in my bed. My heart was pounding in my chest, my blood rushing through my ears, and the only thought in my entire head was – “ Where is Catra?”

I was pulling on my boots and my jacket twenty seconds later.

We were supposed to be leaving for Mystacor the next morning, because we had spent the entire week in the Fright Zone and Glimmer and Bow thought we were in need of some “major rejuvenating”. But I couldn’t sit around and hope my dream was prophetic. That’s not who I am.

Or, it’s not who I was.

I was going to find Catra. And I was going to get her back. Tonight.

I grabbed my emergency pack, a tracker pad, the sword, which I turned into a bracer to wear on my arm, something I’d only just thought to do, and took the rope that I kept hidden in my closet out and tied it to one of the posts by the window. Then I rappelled down.

I had a plan. When I landed on the balcony that led out to the gardens, I was going to change into She-Ra and call Swift Wind. He should only take about five minutes to get there. Then after getting his attention, I’d turn back, dash inside, leave a note in the war room, and come back out unseen. Swift Wind would then drop me off in Elberon, which is where I was almost certain Huntara was living at the time. Then Swift Wind would fly home and Huntara and I would head towards the Crimson Waste.

Hopefully. If Huntara wouldn’t help me, I’d go on my own, but it would be really nice if I didn’t have to do that.

Then, with Huntara’s help, I’d find Catra. If she was in the Crimson Waste, that is, we’d find her.

And if she wasn’t there I’d look in Salineas. And Plumeria. The damn Whispering Woods. I would scour every inch of Etheria if I had to.

I was going to find her.

I landed softly on the balcony, just outside the doors to the spare room, and stepped back. I pulled the sword from my arm and whispered, “For the honor of Grayskull!”

In a flash of light that was a little too bright, I was She-Ra.

I turned around, walking out towards the garden and setting my pack on the ground. I closed my eyes and thought hard about Swift Wind. I thought about how I needed his help, and where I was.

It didn’t even take ten seconds. I heard a slight whinny, then the flapping of wings and felt a rush of joy. He was on his way.

“Interesting choice of attire for a midnight excursion.” My eyes popped open and my blood ran cold. “Where might you be going at this hour?”

I whipped around. Shadow Weaver stood in front of the now open door to the spare room, the spare room that hadn’t been empty in over six months since her arrival, arms crossed.

The Catra of my dream was right. I am such an idiot.

I turned back around, lifting the pack onto my shoulders. No note then, Swifty would just have to give everyone a message.

“Adora—”

“That’s none of your business,” I snapped, turning my head just a little to catch a glimpse of the shocked look on her body. I learned to read her through the mask after so many years, and the way she dropped her arms and took a step back – I’d surprised her.

Good.

But she recovered quickly. “Do you really think it’s wise?”

I stared out over the garden path, watching the sky for Swift Wind, and pretended not to hear her.

“She’s never going to understand.” My stomach dropped, and her shoes clicked against the stone ground as she walked closer. “She’s never going to forgive you.”

“I—” I swallowed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, Adora.” She stepped in front of me and lifted her hand to place it gently on my shoulder. “But you do.”

I clenched my jaw.

“She’s always been your weakness. She… distracts you, confuses you. Your attachment to her was always the thing holding you back.”

I narrowed my eyes and grabbed at her hand, wrapping around her wrist, and squeezing tight. “Catra never held me back. That was you.”

Shadow Weaver sighed, pulling her hand back when I finally let it go. “My dear child, I only wanted to mold you into the hero you were born to be. And you were. You defeated the Horde. You saved Etheria. You have fulfilled your purpose.”

My chest started to ache. I didn’t… did that mean I was done? What else was I supposed to do if I had already done everything?

“Catra,” she continued, “was never supposed to be a part of that. And she won’t want to be.”

I squared my jaw. “What makes you so sure?”

Something about Shadow Weaver’s air was smug. “She has no greater purpose, and that you left her for yours will never sit right with her. She is an angry and pathetic little thing. She will always hate you for what you did. You chose your destiny over her. You chose correctly, but she’ll never be able to see that. She’s too self-centered. And,” she sighs, dropping her hand, “she does not want to be found.”

I nearly growled. “You’re wrong,” I said, poking Shadow Weaver in the chest. “You don’t know Catra, not like I do.”

“Oh really?” I could hear the smile in Shadow Weaver’s voice. “Do you know where she is? Or are you just hoping she’s where you left her?”

“I—”

“Catra has only ever had one talent, Adora,” she reached up and put her hand to my cheek. “Running away. If she has chosen to—"

I slapped Shadow Weaver’s hand away and narrowed my eyes. “No.” I clenched my jaw and pushed past her. “Catra is so much more than you ever gave her credit for, and I’m going back for her.” I looked into the sky and saw a bright white horse with rainbow wings coming our way. “That has to mean something.”

“You will return empty handed.”

Swift Wind landed in front of me without saying a word, he just glared at Shadow Weaver like her existence offended him. I appreciated the gesture. I climbed onto his back, tangled my fingers in his hair, and nudged him in the side with my leg and we were off.

He flew high, and after Shadow Weaver was nothing more than a little dark speck on the ground, he finally spoke.

“You okay there Adora? You look a little shook up.”

I nodded, wrapping my arms around his neck and leaning into him. “Yeah, just… tired.”

“Hmm…” He muttered, unbelieving. “Well, where are we going?”

I lifted my head. “Elberon. I think. That’s where Huntara’s been living, right?”

He gave a quick nod but was careful not to jostle me. “To Huntara’s place then?”

“Yes,” I sigh. I was feeling very weak all of a sudden, like my limbs were made of rubber.

“Can I ask why?”

“Hmm?” I blinked. I couldn’t focus on Swift Wind’s words anymore. I was thinking about what Shadow Weaver said. “She will always hate you for what you did. You chose your destiny over her.”

Is that what I did? What did that even mean? I guess I… I liked having a destiny. Light Hope said I wasn’t done though – that I still had so much to do to balance the planet. Not that she was very clear on what that meant. But I was okay with that. Because it meant… It meant…

It meant I was still needed. Still wanted. It meant the world still had some grand plan for me and I was essential. It meant I was important.

Did I choose that over Catra?

I’d always said, always promised myself, that it was never about Catra or She-Ra, it was about the Horde and the Rebellion. That I couldn’t keep fighting on the wrong side of the war. Not after I knew what they really were.

But was that just convenient? If being in the Horde was what it would’ve taken to be She-Ra would the decision have been harder?

Worse, would I have made a completely different one?

“Adora?”

“Yeah?” I sat up straighter. “What’s up Swifty?”

“Why are we going to Huntara’s?”

I bit my lower lip. “I need her help with a little mission I’m going on.”

Swift Wind glanced back at me. “In the Crimson Waste?”

I nodded and turned to look out over the woods.

When I first found that sword, I already had a destiny, and I had it with Catra. What if she had given up on that? Would I be able to forgive her?

Of course I would. But I… I was…

I was in love with her. And after everything I did, everything I’ve done, there wasn’t a chance she felt anything like that for me.

Catra would never want to see me ever again.

Because I left. Because I left again. Because I chose destiny over her.

I felt the golden warmth of She-Ra fade from my limbs as my eyes slid shut and my body slipped off the side of Swift Wind’s broad back.

When Swift Wind woke me up on the forest floor, lying in a mass of ferns I almost broke down in tears. But I held it together, stood up, wrapped my arms around his neck and murmured, “Come on Swifty, let’s go home.”

And then we flew back to Bright Moon, and I never went looking again.

" And then we flew back to Bright Moon, and I never went looking again."

Glimmer’s hand has been on my knee the entire story, rubbing small circles, and now that I’m done she doesn't stop.

“Adora,” she breathes, “I’m so sorry.”

I furrow my brow. “You’re sorry? What are you sorry for?” I straighten in the chair and press my hand to my chest. “I’m the one who fucked up! I’m the one who spent the last six and a half years doing nothing! I’m the one who gave up! And all because Shadow Weaver said…” I grimace and cross my arms.

Glimmer smiles, but it’s kinda pinched. “I know what she’s like. As a… mentor-like figure, ya know?”

My eyes get wide. “How?”

She giggles. “Um, because I kinda let her mentor me?” She shakes her head. “Yeah, Adora was constantly giving me shit for it. She was so upset, and I only started to understand why when I really got to know Catra.” Glimmer pulls her hand away from my knee. “She really messed you two up. Adora… she hides it, but Catra wears it right there on her sleeve.”

I don’t say anything, just watch Glimmer with hesitance.

“She gets in your head. Especially if she sees potential in you like she did in you and me. She convinces you she cares about you and that she’s looking out for you.” Glimmer’s eyes start to shine, and I realize she’s about to cry. “And she does it so she can control you. She wants a hand in who you turn out to be, she wants some of that power.” Glimmer picks at the edge of her dress, which is long and lavender. “And when you step out of line she challenges you, makes you think you’re being ridiculous…”

I frown. “You can’t have anything except the things she wants you to want.”

Glimmer smiles a little and a single tear runs down her cheek. “Shadow Weaver was wrong. Catra would forgive you.”

I close my eyes and bow my head. “You didn’t see her face when I asked for the sword back in the Waste. Even then I knew I was doing something wrong, but I was so… I didn’t know what else I was supposed to do and—”

“She’ll forgive you.” Glimmer stands up, brushing off her dress and picking up the brush. “I may not know your Catra, but I know mine, and I know there hasn’t been a day of her life she didn’t want Adora there. Your Catra’s not gonna be any different.”

My eyes start to sting with tears as Glimmer steps up behind me. “How do you know?”

“Because loving Adora is part of who Catra is - at her core.”

My intake of breath is sharp and quick.

“Now,” Glimmer picks up my hair, “I’m thinking something simple like a teased wrap-around French braid, what do you think?”

It takes a lot less time than I think it will to get me ready, and by the time I’m done, I… I don’t hate how I look.

I actually look kind of great.

Glimmer was very reserved with the makeup, just putting a light shimmer on my eyelids and cheekbones, and some tinted lip balm on my lips.

She did end up braiding my hair, and it wraps around my head, starting at my right ear and falling over my left shoulder. At first I thought it was kind of dumb. I braid my hair every day, how was this gonna be any different? But looking in the mirror now, I look… softer. There’s something about how my hair’s falling around my face that makes me look, I don’t know, less freaked out. Maybe even peaceful.

I like looking like that.

But my favorite part is the outfit. It’s a solid gold jumpsuit, with a crazy deep v-neck that goes almost all the way down to my belly button, and wide flowy pant legs and a dark red lacy belt at the waist. Glimmer forced me into a pair of what she calls “reasonable” red heels, and threw a necklace with a long black chain and a piece of polished tiger’s eye around my neck. And then she says I’m ready.

But apparently Catra’s not.

“Ugh!” Glimmer groans, appearing in front of Bow and I, who are sitting chatting quietly about how much he likes my necklace on the front steps.

Bow reaches out a hand and pulls Glimmer close. “What’s wrong?”

Glimmer pouts. “They’re not ready yet!”

“Who?” I ask, pushing off the railing.

“Catra! And Scorpia and Perfuma,” she quickly adds. Then her eyes narrow. “But I know who’s responsible!”

Bow rolls his eyes but his smile is loving. “We can wait, Glimmer. It’s still very early.”

She sighs, leaning into him. “I know. I just…” Her face lights up, and she jumps, clapping her hands together. “I know! I’ll teleport you and Adora to the party now, then Catra, Scorpia and Perfuma later!”

Bow’s brow furrows. “Glimmer, if you want to get to the party sooner—”

“I need to light a fire under Catra,” she says, giving a stiff nod. “And only I can do that. So, let’s get you two to that party, then I’ll go groom a cat.”

I stifle a laugh. “Groom a cat?”

Glimmer smirks a little. “She doesn’t like getting her hair brushed. But, you know that, don’t you?”

I can feel the blood rush to my cheeks, and I hate it.

“Were we gonna go or…?” I squeak out and Bow and Glimmer snicker. Then Glimmer loops her arms through mine and Bow’s and in a blink of pink we’re in Salineas.

We appear at the top of the staircase that leads into a big ballroom that I’ve only seen once; the last time I went to Mermista’s birthday party. We’re completely surrounded by people and I grab at the banister. I don’t think I’ve ever walked down a staircase in heels. Ever.

“Seriously, Glimmer?” My hands start to shake. “You couldn’t have dropped us off at the bottom?”

She laughs. “Adora! You need to make an entrance!”

I look down at the people at the base of the stairs. They’re gathered around buffet tables, and sitting tables, and dancing underneath a big shiny ball. None of them are looking at me. This will not be an entrance.

“I need to not fall down a flight of stairs.”

She laughs again then reaches up to kiss Bow on the cheek. “I’ll be back soon. Have fun!” And then she’s gone.

I level a glare at Bow, who’s smiling sheepishly. “Your wife is the worst.”

His smile becomes a grin. “She’s my favorite.”

I roll my eyes, but he holds out his arm. “Come on, let’s go see some of our friends.”

After a second I slowly remove one of my hands from the banister and reach out to take his arm. I wrap around him tightly and we start down the stairs.

“You know,” he says, glancing at my hand on the railing, “I’m really proud of you. I know I don’t really have the right to be since I don’t technically know you, but I am, and I just thought you should know that.”

My grip on his arm tightens. “What?”

He shrugs, and waves at some person with light green skin and a long lizard tail. “This has been really hard for you.” He meets my gaze. “I get it. Being around us hurts. But you’ve powered through. You’ve been a better friend than we’ve deserved.”

I can feel the tears in my eyes. “Thanks Bow. That… that means a lot.”

He smiles, eyes crinkling at the corners and everything. “Of course, Adora. Happy to be a friend.”

We reach the bottom of the stairs and I let go of the railing, but I hold onto Bow’s arm. He leads me into the crowd and I feel safe.

We decide that finding Mermista and wishing her a happy birthday is probably what you’re supposed to do first at these kinds of things, so we make our way through the massive group of people looking for any sign of her. And then I hear Sea Hawk’s voice.

“Then! My dearest Mermista, brilliant as she is—”

I pull on Bow’s arm and nod my head in the direction of Sea Hawk’s bellowing. For a second he looks confused, and then he hears it.

“We were surrounded! Clones on every side! Until—”

There was a part of me that wanted to join the small crowd that had gathered to listen, but there was a bigger part of me that wanted to get the hell out of this crowd and run to the buffet table. Or, not run, hobble. Damn these heels.

I shove Bow and me to the front of the audience that looks a little confused, to find Sea Hawk standing on top of a flimsy looking wooden chair, and Mermista standing next to him, her cheeks red, and a hand over her mouth.

But she still looks smitten. Completely smitten.

With Sea Hawk.

Love is a mystery.

“Mermista!” I cry, cutting Sea Hawk off.

He doesn’t seem to mind though. The moment he sees Bow and me, a smile lights up his face and he jumps down from his chair. “Adora! Bow! Lovely to see you old chums!”

He reaches out, grabbing me firmly by the arm and giving it a shake. I smile a little, remembering the first time we met. I expect him to greet Bow the same way, but no. Bow gets a hug.

Sure there’s a lot of masculine back clapping, but it’s still a hug.

I turn back to see Mermista roll her eyes. “I swear if Glimmer and I didn’t exist…”

I lift an eyebrow, and glance back at the two boys. Mermista may have a point. But how am I supposed to know? I don’t pick up on these things. Not even when they’re my own.

Not until it’s too late.

“Hey, Other Adora,” Mermista says, lifting a drink I hadn’t noticed she was holding to her mouth. “What’s been going on with you lately?”

I shrug, “Oh ya know,” Bow and Sea Hawk finish their hug and return to our sides, “just trying to access my inner She-Ra so I can go home. And get your Adora back too, obviously.”

Mermista bobs her head. “But like, what if you can’t?”

Second sentence in and my heart rate is already spiking. “What do you mean?”

Mermista shrugs. “What if you can’t get that She-Ra thing going again. What are you gonna do?”

I hadn’t… I hadn’t even considered that. Which is very unlike me.

What if I can’t access She-Ra ever again? What will I do? Will I just give up? Will I resign myself to live here forever in a world that isn’t my own? Will I just let go of my friends, my family, my entire life?

But I have my friends… kinda. I know these people, just like Glimmer said, at their core. And I love them. They’re my friends.

And Catra—

My blood gets hot. No. I won’t give up. I will never give up.

I want my life. I want my friends. I want to see Bow and Glimmer finally fall in love. I want to befriend Scorpia and watch her become a princess. I want to find Entrapta and Micah, to watch Entrapta make friends, and Micah meet his daughter.

And I want my Catra.

I want the girl who stayed in the Crimson Waste. I want the girl who chose different. There isn’t a Catra in any universe that I wouldn’t love, but there is only one that I want with every beat of my heart.

My heart beats out of time for my girl left behind.

It’s about time I went home.

“I can,” I say, clenching my fists, “And I will. Don’t underestimate me.”

Mermista’s eyebrows shoot up. “Damn, okay. I wasn’t. You can stop glowing now.”

I unclench my fists and step back. “What? I—I was glowing?”

“Adora!” I turn to Bow, who’s beaming. “That’s great! What were you feeling just then?”

“Um…” I put my hand to my head, “I don’t…”

“Oh, Adora,” Sea Hawk croons, and I look up at him with a glare. “She does look lovely doesn’t she?”

“Wha—” I follow his sight line to see Catra, at the top of the stairs. And he’s right… She's lovely.

She’s wearing a dark red dress, with a neckline almost as daring as mine, except her pregnant belly kinda gets in the way. On the shoulders are two heavy gold clasps, and thin lines of gold reach like moonbeams up and down the dress starting at the waistband. It’s long, floor length, and swishes when she moves, made of layers and layers of that fine netty fabric.

Her hair is up in some intricate mess of curls, and she wears a long black chain necklace with a gold winged pin at the end.

And she’s wearing… shoes.

They’re sandals, gold ones with a lot of straps, but they're still shoes.

And my mind starts racing.

I have been to dozens of parties since the war ended, and I can’t imagine how different they would’ve been if they’d had a moment like this. If I’d seen Catra from a distance, looking amazing, and maybe even wearing shoes…

I thought about Princess Prom, the moment I saw Catra then. How my blood ran cold at the same time my stomach filled with butterflies. What if Catra had been there with me, as my plus one?

What if she’d worn shoes?

It means something. I don’t know what it means but it means something.

I stare at Catra as she starts down the stairs, waving off Glimmer’s hand. She shakes her head and takes a few quick steps away from Glimmer’s reach, then turns her head to stick out her tongue and blow a raspberry at one of her closest friends. Perfuma and Scorpia, who are just behind Glimmer, laugh. I can’t hear it, but I can feel it.

And I want it. I want my own.

Then… the world slows down. Catra turns back to watch the stairs, but behind her a man with goat horns and a short little beard hurries down the stairs. And gracelessly, like she’s nothing, he swats at her slowly flicking tail and shoves past her.

For a split second Catra’s face is angry, and I can hear the way she’s going to tear into him. But then anger is gone, and all that’s left is panic.

Catra falls. She holds out her arms and falls down face first, soon rolling onto her side and tumbles down half a flight of stairs.

The entire room falls silent. My heart stops, time stops, the world stops.

And then she screams.

Chapter Text

Catra of Etheria

I thought I knew what pain was. I thought I knew what it meant to hurt. After everything I’ve been through, I should, no one should know better than me.

But it’s not just me I’m hurting for anymore, and it makes the pain so much worse.

Every part of my lower half is screaming, but it’s my baby that’s screaming loudest of all.

I’m in a crumpled heap at the bottom of the stairs and I can feel the tears I’ve already started crying soaking the fur on my face. But I don’t have time to sit here and cry. My baby’s hurting .

I try to push myself up but my arms are shaking and I can barely lift my torso. Then my arms slip out from under me and—

Glimmer appears but I don’t hear any bells. She grips me by the shoulders and holds me up. She opens her mouth and it starts moving but I don’t hear any words come out. My tears run faster and I shake my head.

She presses a hand to my cheek and starts talking again.

“I—I can’t—” I choke out, fear holding a tight grip on my throat. “Glim—!” Pain ripples through my body, starting at my core. I curl in on myself and cross my arms over my chest.

Then I see Bow, and Adora. They shove their way through the crowd and are by our sides in seconds. Bow slides behind me, moving me so that I’m resting my head in his lap, and Adora sits by my side, eyes wide. When she meets my gaze her jaw stiffens and she scoots closer. 

“Catra?” I finally hear, but it’s like I’m underwater. “Catra, where does it hurt?” Bow asks.

Everywhere.

But I remember what’s important.

I lift my hands, they’re shaking like crazy, and I press one against the side of my stomach.

And then I scream again.

My baby is hurting so, so much.

Glimmer gasps and Bow squeezes my arms. “It’s okay Catra,” he says, “it’s gonna be okay.”

“Bow,” Glimmer’s voice is tight, nervous, “what’s going on?”

Bow ignores her. “We’re gonna go to Bright Moon, call a doctor—”

“Um guys…” Adora’s voice is thick, and she’s looking down at my feet with the whitest face I’ve ever seen. “She’s bleeding.”

My heart seizes. “What?”

If I’m bleeding… if I’m… that means… that…

Glimmer appears at my feet. She flips up the skirt of my dress and the sound she makes sends my heart plummeting in my chest.

“Glimmer…?”

When Glimmer looks up her eyes are narrowed, and her jaw is clenched. “We’re going to Mystacor. Now.”

She grabs my ankle and Adora’s arm, then nods quickly at Bow. Bow’s grip on my shoulders tightens and in the blink of an eye we’re in Mystacor.

Or, I think we are. We’re in a room I’ve never seen before, and it's dark. We landed, all of us, on a large circular bed, and there’s a breeze coming in through the large window.

Another wave of pain crashes through me and I cry out.

“Bow,” Glimmer says, standing up, “get her to the end of the bed. Adora, towels and clean water. Catra,” she puts her hand gently on my knee. “It’s gonna be okay?”

They all keep saying that, and the more they do the less I believe them.

Glimmer disappears.

Pain laces through my lower abdomen like a hot pulse, less than a minute after…

Contractions. I’m having contractions.

But they’re too close together, I can’t—that’s—that can only—

And I’m bleeding.

Bow’s pulled me down to the foot of the bed and spread my legs, and I think Adora’s back with the towels and water. Yes, Bow’s helping her lay one underneath me. I think. I don’t know I can’t—I can’t think.

“Adora.”

As soon as I say her name she’s at my side, gripping my hand. “Catra? What is it?”

“You have to get them out. Now.” My voice is cold, and hard. “Do you understand me Adora? Now.”

“I—” Adora stumbles over her words. “I don’t know—”

“Adora!” I shriek, and tears come to my eyes. “They’re dying! That’s what the blood means! They’re drowning! If we aren’t—I can’t—” My chest starts heaving. I don’t care that I’m hurting. I don’t care that the pain burns and pulses through me like lava. I can’t, can’t, lose my kit. Not after everything I—

Adora brushes her hands along the sides of my face. “Shhh, shhh, Catra it’s okay. It’s okay.”

But it’s not. Nothing is okay. Everything is falling apart.

Glimmer blinks back into the room with Micah and Castaspella on either arm, and they rush to my feet, pulling back my shirts, removing my blood-soaked underwear, and calling Glimmer and Bow to their sides. But Adora keeps stroking my hair as I cry.

“Adora, Adora you have to get them out. Now. We don’t have time—”

“Catra they’re—" I don’t hear the rest of what she says when I finally feel the cool caress of a blade against my skin.

I choke back a sob.

Then it starts to glide against the grain of my fur.

And I’ve lost it.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I scream, lifting myself up enough to shoot daggers at my “friends.”

“We have to shave the area, and try to localize the numb—”

“Cut me the fuck open,” I seethe, lifting a clawed hand and letting all fived black claws grow to their full length, “or I will!”

Don’t they get it? My kit is dying!

Bow, Micha, & Casta’s eyes are wide, but Glimmer’s simply narrow.

“Adora,” she says, firm, drawing a small sigil in the air, “hold her down.”

I look at Adora and her eyes have steeled over. She grabs me by the shoulders, forces me down, then takes my forearms into each hand. She pulls them up and to the side then rests as much of her weight on my chest as she can. I try to wiggle. I don’t move an inch. Good.

“I’m sorry Catra,” Glimmer murmurs, and my ear flicks to hear it. Before pain sears through my stomach sharp and salty.

I must be crying out because Adora’s whispering to me. “It’s okay Catra. I’m here. Glimmer’s here. Bow is here. We’re gonna make it okay.”

Are you?

I feel limp, and Adora lifts herself off of me. The pain in my lower abdomen fades into a dull sting to pair with the now dull throbbing coming from my core. My breathing is shallow and when I open my eyes the room looks blurry.

“Adora?” I whisper, but my voice is hoarse and raspy. Still, she’s there, brushing my hair from my eyes and placing a kiss on my forehead.

“You’re doing great Catra.”

“Adora,” Bow says, and she lifts her head from where it was pressed against mine. “We need another set of hands back here.”

She nods, gives me a sad smile, then steps further down the bed. I try to watch as her hands join in the chaos, but I keep blinking. Long blinks that have my head falling off to one side. So, I just kinda decide to close them instead.

It’s dark, but it’s quieter here behind my eyelids. And it hurts less. The hurt seems to be fading actually.

Until my ear twitches and I hear Micah whisper, “I’m not sensing a heartbeat.”

Then the pain is back, full force, ripping through my chest like a sonic boom. I worry I’ll scream, but I can’t seem to find my voice, and when I go to open my eyes, they won’t open.

Oh , I realize, it’s that kind of darkness . I’ve been here before, it’s just… it’s been a long time.

After the war I was certain I was going to lose Adora first – whether to death by some stupid She-Ra nonsense and her own idiocy, or to a different life because I drove her away. In the end I lost her to a different life because of some stupid She-Ra nonsense and her own idiocy. But…

This is better. She’ll never even know I’m gone. She’ll never even know I lost our kit.

I think I’m crying, but I can’t open my eyes, or lift my arms, or bear to move ever again. It doesn’t matter. Nothing does. Not when Finn’s gone.

Years ago Double Trouble pushed against my back and said “We both know this isn’t what you really wanted,” like they had solved some real mystery.

Of course I knew that, anybody with a functioning set of eyes could’ve figured that out. I’ve known what I really wanted since I was 8 years old hiding in a closet playing with a toy fish. But no one asked me what I wanted. No one offered it, and there was no way I was getting it. I know how odds work, I know how karma and justice work. I don’t get to win.

I just wanted Finn. I just wanted Adora. I just wanted to love and be loved. I just wanted my family.

Maybe the other Catra didn’t miss out. Maybe losing what you want, losing the people you love, made having it not worth it.

“Catra?”

At the sound of Adora’s voice my soul swells with light.

Adora! I want to cry out. You’re home?

But that’s got to be bullshit. There’s no way she’s home. She’s too far away. She couldn’t make it back in time. Not even to see me die.

Which is good, I remind myself, I don’t want her to know.

But nothing on Etheria sounds like that voice. Nothing else is as sweet or as warm or tender. I’d end the world for that voice, just to have the speaker near enough to hear. So I guess it makes sense that she’s here at the end of my life.

“Catra!” Adora’s more frantic. “Can you hear me?”

Yes, my mind whispers since my mouth won’t open or move. I hear you, baby.

I feel hands grip my shoulders, but barely. I realize I can’t feel my lips, or my fingers, or toes. Everything is slowly going numb and, like I’m being inked out of a drawing, I am fading into black.

My breathing is slow and the pain is gone now, and all I can think about is what I could’ve had, and for how long I could’ve had it, if I’d just… been honest about what I wanted.

I wasted so much time.

But maybe I had to. Maybe I could only get the ending I wanted the one way.

Other Catra didn’t get what she wanted. Maybe she found something else worth having, but it wasn’t what she wanted. And the Catra Adora left in the Fright Zone was not the same Catra she saved on Prime’s ship. And those differences matter to me. I don’t want to sacrifice them. I don’t want to lose those parts of myself.

When Adora first brought me to Bright Moon, she walked me into our bedroom, held her arms wide and said “Welcome home.” I ran straight into her arms.

I had to find my way home on my own.

Maybe Other Catra made a new home. But I like mine.

“Please! Catra, just this once, listen to me!” Adora’s voice is strained. “I’m coming home! You have to be here when I get home! And Finn—”

Is gone. And so are you.

I nearly am too. I’m just a head and a heart, barely holding on praying to hear the cries of a newborn kitten I know I won’t. And I don’t. I just hear Adora. Which is almost enough to make me fight the dark.

And my heart is fighting, apparently.

It’s slamming against my ribs. Its beating is jagged and violent and I beg it to stop. Give up! I scream at it. We lost!

We lost Finn! Adora’s just… just in our head! Just give up!

By some miracle it keeps beating.

“Adora,” a choked voice whispers, “you can’t—”

“No!” Adora yells, “I am not giving up on you, Catra!”

I try to remember the memory I must be pulling from to supply this delusion, but even the memory of her face is fading. And my heart starts to ache.

I can’t see Adora anymore.

“Did you hear me?” she growls, her voice deeper and closer, “Never.”

My heartbeat gets quiet. It’s still violent and angry, but I can’t hear it anymore.

It’s time.

I concentrate all of my willpower into one little burst, open my mouth and sigh, “Adora…” I want to say so much more, but it’s all I can manage with lungs that are missing and a tongue I can’t feel.

So, I don’t get to say “I’m sorry”. No matter how much I want to, no matter how much it’s deserved, I don’t get to say it. And then my heart is gone too. And I fade and fade until all I am is the ghost of senses. The memory of eyes that saw, hands that held, lips that kissed, a tongue that tasted, and ears that heard her. 

“No!” Adora’s voice rings out one last time. “You’re not going anywhere!”

And the world erupts into blinding light.

Chapter Text

Adora of Etheria

In the two and a half seconds I’d thought about the Elemental earlier, completely forgetting to mention it of course, I’d wondered if its eyes would still be green without Prime’s virus infecting it. They are, but they aren’t quite as bright or glowy. That makes me feel a little better.

A little.

“What the fuck is an ‘Elemental’?” Catra shrieks, ripping her whip from her waist and taking a step away from me.

Bow snaps out his bow and pulls an arrow from his quiver. “They’re First Ones’ tech. And they’re guardians of… well, other First Ones’ tech.”

I stare up at the large screaming tech monster that has haunted my nightmares for years. Its tongues are flailing in the air and its head is thrown back and I feel myself flicker.

“Adora…” I look to Glimmer. Her hands are glowing, but her brows are pinched.

“Right!” I lean into a crouch and the sword materializes in my hand. “Avoid the green tongues. They’re venomous. And that…” I furrow my brow and frown, “is all I know.”

“You’re a big help.” Catra snarks.

A tongue darts out and we all dive apart to avoid it.

“Aim for the eyes, head, and mouth. Try and disorient it. That should help take it down. I’ll stay low, try and throw it off balance. Ready?” I glance at my friends as they return to their feet. “Go!”

Immediately, Glimmer is teleporting behind the creature’s head, blasting pure energy at the crown as she falls through the air. Bow is darting around, drawing the attention of its several tongues, and firing arrow after arrow into its mouth. And Catra…

Catra has her whip wrapped around the crest above its nose and is swinging herself onto its head. Her claws unsheathed, she smashes her hand through its eye, and it lets out the most painful cry. It starts to shake its head in response and Catra crouches, digging her claws into the metal plating of its skin and holding on tight.

And now it’s my turn. I whip my sword through the air in an arc, back and forth and back again, focusing the energy that is burning in my chest and forcing it out through my arm. Then I throw it out at the Elemental’s base. The creature shakes but doesn’t fall.

This is going to be harder than I thought.

Glimmer appears beside me. “How’d you beat it last time?” Glimmer pants.

I sigh, “Shadow Weaver kinda exploded and took the Elemental with her.”

Glimmer purses her lips. “Fuck.”

“Hey!” Catra yells from on top of the Elemental’s head. “A little help here!”

Glimmer gives a stiff nod and teleports to Catra’s side.

Bow pulls another arrow from his quiver. “My goo arrow isn’t going to be able to stop these tongues,” he yells. “They’re too long and there’s too many of them.”

I give him a curt nod. “Try to stun it. Maybe we can get it to stop moving.”

He nods, lifts his bow, and shoots right at the creature’s mouth.

And I run at the base.

Its body is long and snake-like, winding back into the cave behind it, and I swing my sword down as close as I can to the bend in its body, trying to topple it. I slice through layers of metal and wires and crystal, but I don’t make it all the way through.

But I do throw the creature off balance.

“Ah!” Catra cries, and I look up to see her slipping off the top of the creature’s head, her claws dragging through the metal plating beside the last of its shattered eyes. I open my arms and jump back, ready to catch her, but she’s falling too slowly, and something else gets there first.

A thick, green, barbed, tongue reaches out and snags Catra by the leg right as she’s about to land in my arms, and she screams.

My reaction is instinct. I leap into the air and cut through the tongue with my sword, grabbing Catra and pulling her tight against my chest.  

“Catra!” Bow cries, brow creasing. He shoots one more arrow into the creature’s mouth, an exploding arrow, and the Elemental tips back.

It’s almost finished now.

I shake off the tongue that’s wrapped around Catra’s leg and set her, standing, gently on the ground. She winces, and I crouch down to inspect the wound. It’s red and raw, rather than green and glowing, and that has to be better. It has to be.

I put my hands on her shoulders. “Catra, go down that hall,” I point towards the exit and the Heart. “It’ll take you to the Heart. We’ll catch up soon.”

She furrows her brow, but her face is pinched with pain. “I’m not leaving you guys behind.”

“Catra—”

“Adora!” Glimmer yells, and I look up. The Elemental is falling, screeching so loud I can barely hear Glimmer’s next words. But I can assume. “Get out of the way!”

I wrap my arms around Catra and jump.

We land rolling and grunting, finally settling side by side on the far side of the cavern, near the exit. I lift myself up onto my arms, staring at the battered Elemental. I want to cheer. I want to jump to my feet and throw my fists in the air and cry out “We did it! We actually did it!”

But something doesn’t feel right.

I drag myself to my feet then reach down and hold out my hands for Catra. Reluctantly she takes them, and as she settles on two feet Glimmer and Bow appear by our side.

“Hey,” Glimmer pokes me in the sleeve of my compression shirt, “why aren’t you She-Ra anymore?”

I blink, looking down at my body. She’s right. I’m shorter, in my red vest, gray pants, and brown boots. I cross my arms over my chest. “Oh,” I murmur, “I’m more anxious than I thought…”

“What does that have to do with—” Catra starts, but her voice is cut off by a shriek and the darting tongue of the Elemental coming right at us.

I go for the sword immediately, but even wounded Catra’s faster than me. She leaps in front of Bow, Glimmer, and me and the tongue wraps tight around her waist.

The sword flickers out of my hand when I hear her scream.

“Catra!” Glimmer cries.

An arrow flies from Bow’s arrow and hits the Elemental’s tongue right at the base, sending an electric shock all along it, causing it to uncurl. I dive, catching Catra before she can hit the ground.

I hold her to my chest and in a quick second inspect the creature we were so close to destroying. I look at the cut I made at the curve of its tail, and I see sparks of green, and… metal growing?

“It’s regenerating!” I shout, running back to Bow and Glimmer! “The elemental is regenerating. The only way to destroy it is to fry its main circuitry.”

And that… could take a while.

I look at my friends. Glimmer’s hair is a mess and Bow’s brow is covered in sweat. They’re exhausted. I look down at Catra in my arms and I feel my arms strain under her weight because I can’t hold my She-Ra form.

It could take forever.

“Go!” Bow shouts, knocking an arrow. “Go to the Heart! We’ve got this.”

“How?” I cry, looking at a Glimmer who's running out of teleports and a Bow who’s running out of arrows.

Glimmer takes a deep breath, drawing a circle in the air with her hands. My eyes widen. “Just trust us Adora.” She meets my gaze and it’s hopeful. “Please.”

And I do.

So I turn and, with the Elemental screeching behind me and Catra in my arms, run for the Heart.

“You’re really gonna leave them with that thing?” she shouts, squirming, apparently awake. “Are you insane?”

“I trust them.” I say, throwing a quick glance back. “They can do this. If Bow gets an electric arrow in its eye or Glimmer—"

“If!” she cries.

I sigh, tightening my grip on her. “Can’t you just trust someone else to handle something for once in your life!”

“Oh that’s rich coming from you!”

I grit my teeth. “Look, you’re a sitting duck in there and we had to get you out. We’re going to destroy the heart and then we’re going back for them. I’m not leaving without them.”

Her nails prick into my shoulder. “I know.” Her voice is soft now. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Isn’t it?”

She’s finally quiet.

We hurry down the corridor and the farther down we go the quieter the screams of the Elemental get. And then there’s a light.

It’s brilliant, broken into every color of the rainbow and shining so bright it hurts. It’s the Heart of Etheria.

Catra breaks her minutes long silence. “Is that…?” she whispers, and then we cross the threshold, and she gasps.

I look up into the strange triangular, prismatic, shifting shape that is the Heart. It pulses with magic and power. It’s menacing and beautiful and if I’m ever going to get home, if this universe is ever going to really be safe, it has to be destroyed.

Slowly now, Catra and I make our way out onto the little outcropping directly beneath the Heart. I glance down at her stomach and the angry red marks there. “Can you stand?” I ask.

“Yes, dummy, just put me down.”

Gently I pull my arms from around her and set her on her feet. She winces a little as weight is put back on her leg, but her eyes never leave the spectacle above.

“So,” she whispers, keeping a hand on my shoulder, “what happens next?”

“Well, that’s… the weird part,” I mutter. “I’m not sure.”

Catra turns on me. “You’re not sure?”

I shrug. “Last time things were… dire. I was infected; the Failsafe was infected. If Catra wasn’t there it wouldn’t have worked at all. I’m not sure how I… made the connection.”

“What, there’s not a,” Catra waves her hands, “magic word or special dance or something?”

I can’t help but smile. “No. I don’t think so.”

“So what’s your plan exactly?” she growls and throws out her arm. “Just stand here and hope that the Heart just decides to let itself be destroyed?”

My smile widens and I turn to look at her. I really look at her, and the little scowl on her face.

“I’m really glad you’re here.”

I couldn’t do this without her. I couldn’t do this without Bow, or Glimmer, or any of my friends. I would’ve never made it this far without them, but I really couldn’t do this without Catra – or some version of her. Just like I said the night she ran away from me in the Whispering Woods, I need her. I always have.

She blinks, surprised. Then her eyes fall and she looks sick. “What if it doesn’t work,” she whispers, grabbing my arm with her free hand and digging in a little with her claws. “What if the whole world explodes or something?”

I roll my eyes. “Catra, it’ll work.”

Her canine pokes out over her lower lip. “But what if it doesn’t?”

I smile, and it’s sad, I know that, but it’s something. “Then it’ll be you and me, at the end of the world, just like it was always supposed to be.”

She searches my face for a second, and I take a deep breath. “It’ll be okay. I promise.”

She gives me a small nod and I go to raise my right arm. Then she lunges forward, nearly throwing me off balance. “Ca—” I cry as she grabs the side of my face and presses a quick kiss to my cheek.

Her hand is firm but gentle, and her lips are warm and soft, and my heart is pounding.

When she pulls away her face is a bright enough shade of red I can actually see it through her fur.

I blink and I can feel the red in my face too. “Wha—”

“Thank you,” she murmurs, dropping her hand to my arm.  

I exhale slowly. “For what?”

She shrugs, dropping her gaze to her feet. “Coming back for me. I… it’s nice,” she drops her arm, but she still holds on to my shoulder, “knowing that in some other universe out there…” she takes a shaky breath and lifts her gaze back to mine, “you love me too.”

Her lip is trembling, her hand is clenched, and her shoulders are tight. It’s so hard for her to say. I know that. She’s fighting every instinct she has. She’s trying so hard to be brave. And I’m so proud of her.

She starts to pull away from me but I reach out and press my hand to her cheek. I pull her forward and press her forehead against mine. “In every universe Catra.”

She sighs, and it’s shaky again. When she pulls back I can see tears in her eyes and I can feel them in my own. “Yeah,” she scoffs, “okay. Get a move on, Princess.”

I smile and press a gentle kiss to her forehead.

I’m such an idiot.

She-Ra was never my destiny. Saving the world, saving Angella, saving anyone was never what I was meant to do. Those things are good, they’re important, but they aren’t constant. In one universe a portal would open, in another it wouldn’t. In one I’d face Horde Prime, in another he’d never even show up. I have no set path. There is nothing I am meant to do.

But there is one thing I am always going to do.

I am always going to love Catra. I am always going to find her. I am always going to be her friend.  

Finally I pull away and let her slip out of my arms.

It’s time to go home.

I step forward and raise my right arm high. “For the honor of Grayskull!”

Chapter Text

Adora of Bright Moon

“Catra?”

Her eyes are closed and her lips are just a little parted, but she’s too still. Just a minute ago she was heaving, but now… she’s not moving at all.

“Catra!” I run to her side and press my hands to the sides of her face. “Can you hear me?” I pat her cheeks but she doesn’t respond. She’s gone completely limp.

I hear gasps behind me and Bow runs to her other side, he picks up her wrist and I hold my hand over her mouth.

“I—” Bow stutters, “I can barely make out a heartbeat.”

And I can’t feel her breath on my palm.

My heart drops in my chest, and everything goes hazy. Without thinking I pull the pillow from behind Catra’s head and lay her flat on her back. I grab her by her shoulders and grip them tight. “Please! Catra,” my voice is tight, “just this once, listen to me!”

She’s completely still.

I let her go then put my hands over her sternum and give one last look at her face. She looks peaceful, and it’s the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen. Catra isn’t peaceful – Catra never looks peaceful. She is always feeling something and that something is always too loud to be peaceful.

“She’s coming home!” I cry. “You have to be here when she comes home! And Finn—”

I choke on my words. I can’t even think about Finn now. I can’t think of that precious little bundle in Glimmer’s arms growing up without their mother.

I won’t let that happen.

I press down hard on Catra’s chest, again and again, forcing her heart to beat. I know my pace isn’t perfect. I know my hands are shaking, but it’s all I can do. I don’t have the sword. I’m not She-Ra anymore. I can’t heal her. I can’t save her…

But I have to.

I’m going to.

Bow is still holding her wrist and after a minute he reaches out for my arm. I glance up and see the tears in his eyes. “Adora,” he whispers, “you can’t—”

“No!” I yell. He looks devastated, but I won’t do that. I’m not—I won’t—

I glare down at Catra, lying prone on the bed, still and lifele—

I grit my teeth. “I am not giving up on you, Catra!”

I can hear whispering behind me, and the ringing of magic spells being cast. Catra’s still not moving. She’s still not breathing. But I won’t let her heart stop.

I bend down, pressing my lips to her ear. “Did you hear me?” I growl. “Never.”

And then, and I can’t tell if I’m imagining it or not, I hear my name. It’s barely there, but it sounds like Catra, and it feels like the start of a goodbye.

And I feel it. I feel the change in the air and I feel whatever was left of Catra, the forced heartbeat and silent breathing, giving in, and giving up.

“No!” I scream, and something burns inside me. I don’t care if Catra’s ready to leave, I don’t care if she thinks she’s done. She’s not. She doesn’t get to be.

I am not losing another Catra.

She’s going to live. She’s going to be a wife and a mom and a friend and everything she’s ever wanted to be. She’s going to be happy.

And I’m going to figure out this whole She-Ra thing. I’m going to help bring Adora back and I’m going home. I’m going to do all the things I should’ve done years ago and I’m going to be happy.

We’re all going to be happy and it starts right here. Right. Now.

I feel something grow inside me, something hot and bright. And I know it. It’s different, but it’s familiar and right.  

“You’re not going anywhere!”

Then I feel myself explode into a burst of bright white light.

I wake up to singing.

“My heart beats out of time for my girl left behind. She glows bright as the day moon, still she’s not for to find…”

My eyes flutter open and I sit up in my chair. I glance around, trying to remember where I am, and why I am, but the first thing I recognize is the voice, and the last lines of my favorite song.

“But someday I’ll find home, dear someday I’ll be home.”

I turn to my right and rub my eyes, taking in one of the most beautiful sights I’ve ever seen.

Which is just Catra, sitting up in bed, awake, her hair pulled out of her eyes, holding Finn in her arms, and singing them a lullaby while Melog snores at her feet. 

For a second everything is quiet and I just stare. Finn has little beginnings of a blonde mane on top of their head and the cutest little canines poking over their lower lip. They curl into Catra and put a hand in the center of her chest, and press their little claws into her loose white top, pricking tiny little holes in the fabric. She puts her hand over theirs and strokes down from paw to wrist until they loosen their grip and she smiles.

“There ya go, baby…”

Baby. Catra and Adora have a baby. A baby named Finn…

And I can’t look away. I’ve never seen Catra’s eyes so soft and light. I’ve never seen her so happy.

Then she looks up, meets my gaze and gives me a gentle smirk. “Hey, Adora.”

I sigh in relief. I’ve been worried she wouldn’t want me here, that I’d be intruding on something private, but after what happened I didn’t really care.

It’s only been about 12 hours since Finn was born, but Catra spent all 12 of those hours completely unconscious. And I have spent all of them in this chair, waiting for her to wake up.

“How long have you been awake?” I ask.

She shrugs. “Couple hours. Thought for sure you were gonna wake up when Sparkles was in here earlier giving me the play by play. I’ve never seen Adora sleep like that.”

I rub the back of my neck. “Well… yeah,” I can feel my cheeks warm, and I don’t know why I’m blushing but I hate it. “I haven’t been sleeping much. And healing kinda takes a lot out of me…”

There was a lot to heal. Catra lost so much blood. Catra’s heart gave out. Catra died. Again.

Or she got really, really close.

She smiles. “You did it though.” She shakes her head. “Would be kinda neat if I didn’t have to be at death’s door in order to unlock She-Ra’s mega evolution but, ya know, I got nine lives…”

I try to smile but I know I fail, and Catra frowns.

“Adora, it was a joke. I’m…” she glances down at the kit in her arms and taps them on the nose, “ we’re alive because of you.” She lifts her head. “You did something amazing, with no idea how. I’m… I’m proud of you.”

My throat gets tight. “Finn was gonna be fine, they were perfectly healthy.”

She shakes her head. “Did you or did you not help get them out of me, just like I told you to?”

I crack the smallest smile. There’s no point in arguing with her, and I know that. Besides, maybe just for a second, I want to feel like the hero she’s telling me I am. I want to feel like I really did come through and look after her.

Finn makes a quiet little mewing sound and I look down to see them looking at me with large blue-gray eyes.

“They’re beautiful,” I whisper, and smile. “They look just like you.”

Catra scoffs. “They literally have your hair and eyes.”

My smile grows. “Your ears though.” And then, like they can understand me, Finn’s ears swivel out.

“Oh, I gave birth to a magicat. Whoopee.”

I snicker and stand. I slip my hands behind my back and step up to Catra’s side so I can look down at Finn’s little face. 

Catra glances up at me. “I like the braid.”

Immediately my fingers reach for the end of my braid and stroke through it once out of habit. But then the need is gone. I drop my hands. “Yeah?”

She nods.

“It um…” I search for words. “When I finally managed to change into She-Ra my hair was like this,” I gesture to the braid that wraps around my head. “Like… in She-Ra form. And I just… it felt like that meant something.”

She nods again, but this time it’s slow and thoughtful. “What do you think it means?”

I drop my head. “I think… if everything Glimmer said is true, this is my best She-Ra, the one that is the reflection of me. She said that your Adora still wears a hairpoof and so does her She-Ra. So I think it means that, maybe, there’s something about this that kinda braid that…” I purse my lips. “I don’t know. I feel comfortable.”

“You look softer,” she says, cutting through my rambling like she always does. “Kinda more free.”

I bite back a smile. “Yeah… that.”

She doesn’t bite back her smile.

Finn makes another mewing noise, and we’re both completely drawn in. Catra offers up her finger and Finn starts to play with her claw, scraping it against their own, completely fascinated by the little rough sound it makes.

I don’t realize I’m bent over them until I hear Catra’s voice so close to my ear. “Do you wanna hold them?”

I jerk back and hold up my hands. “No. No I’m, I’m good.”

Catra arches a brow. “What, my kid not good enough for you?”

“No!” I hold my hands behind my back. “I just…” I purse my lips. “I can’t take that from your Adora.”

Catra furrows her brow and I can tell that she’s thinking hard. And that she can probably see right through my lie. “She’ll still get to hold them for the first time. And Finn’s not going to remember that a woman who looked like their mother held them before their mom did.”

Finn gurgles like they agree.

“I…” I sigh. I’m not sure I’ll be able to explain it, but I know I won’t be able to resist the temptation if Catra keeps pushing. “I know this doesn’t make sense but I don’t… I don’t want to take it away from me either.”

From the look on her face, I know Catra doesn’t really believe me. Yet. “Uh huh. Want to try and explain that one?”

I take a deep breath and lift my chin. “The first time I hold Finn,” I say, my voice on the verge of breaking, “I want them to be my Finn.”

Catra’s smile starts small but grows big and soft. “Oh.”

I sigh and glance at the floor. After a second I sit down and start to trace patterns in the tile. “I don’t know if Glimmer told you this, but I… I dream about her all the time. Catra.” I lift my gaze and her smile is gone but she looks so warm. “I dream she and I are on the beach at Mystacor. That’s why I asked you about it…” I lift my finger. “She’s curled up next to me and purring and I just…” I let out a long, slow breath, “I just get to hold her again but there’s no Shadow Weaver or morning wake up call or war to break us apart. It’s—It’s my favorite dream. And I always wake up before I get to tell her I love her.”

Catra’s biting her lip. “Why didn’t you tell me that?”

“Which part?”

“Any of it,” she hisses through clenched teeth.

I can’t help but smile. “I kinda thought it was obvious.”

She shakes her head and sighs. “You’re such an idiot.”

“Yeah,” I breathe, looking from her little smile to Finn’s bright eyes and back again. “I know.”

She blinks a few times, like she’s fighting back tears, and brushes her fingers through Finn’s mane. “If you love her,” she meets my eyes, “why didn’t you go back for her?”

I pull my knees to my chest and rest my chin on top. I don’t have a good reason for her, and I wish I did. All I have is excuses, really dumb excuses that I can try and sell as explanations, but she deserves better. Still, it’s all I have.

“I… I almost did,” I admit, like it means something. “Once. Not long after the war ended….”

I pause, trying to decide what I should say and what I shouldn’t, what actually matters and what is just useless begging for forgiveness, but Catra won’t wait.

“What happened?” she asks, eyes open and gentle, ready to be hurt.

I clench my jaw. I’m not gonna be the one hurting her. “It doesn’t matter what happened – I should’ve gone. It’s just… it’s hard. ” I stare at my feet. “Light Hope has been saying for years that my attachments are compromising – that I’ll end up like Mara. But she lied about Mara. She lied about everything… Especially Catra. And then when I was leaving I ran into… well, see in my universe—”

Catra taps the top of my head, and I jerk it up.

“Cut to the chase Princess – I still don’t understand. Why didn’t you go?”

I frown. I remember what Shadow Weaver said to me that night, and the fear it forced into my heart. “She’s never going to understand. She’s never going to forgive you.”

And honestly how was I supposed to ask her to, after all this time?

“Catra hates me,” I murmur, voice breaking on the final word. But I clench my jaw. “I need a plan, a good one, and I was—”

“She doesn’t hate you.”

Catra readjusts Finn in her arms and brushes her hair, pulling it all to one side of her neck. Her face is so calm, so sure. But Catra was always a very good liar.

“Yes, she does,” I say.

But Catra shakes her head. “No, she doesn’t.”

Tears burn at the edges of my eyes. “You didn’t see the way she looked at me.”

Catra frowns and her eyes run all over my face. She stays quiet for a minute, then looks back at Finn and rubs her thumb over their cheek. “So what if she does?” she whispers. “I hated Adora. For a long time actually.” She gives me a little crooked grin and shrugs. “Didn’t mean I loved her any less.”

My heart beats a little louder.

“Even if you're right,” my voice shakes, “do I deserve that? I just left her behind.”

Catra sighs, and Finn gurgles, wrapping their tiny little hands around Catra’s fingers. Catra smiles down at them, and it’s soft and it’s sweet and it’s breaking my heart. “Yeah, well for once, she didn’t exactly ask you to stay…” She pulls her fingers free and brushes through the tufts of fur on Finn’s jaw. “And where do you get off thinking you don’t deserve love Princess?”

She looks up, glowering. “You deserve it more than anyone I’ve ever met except maybe my kit and my wife. And you have a lot in common with them both.”

I let her words sit there for a second, then I swallow hard. “Do you mean that?”

Her eyebrows soften and her lips pull into a smile. “Obviously… Adora, have you met you? Do you realize how good you are?”

She rolls her eyes. “But that doesn’t really matter – the universe doesn’t give you what you deserve, good or bad. It takes, and it takes, and it takes, and it takes.” She deflates a little and Finn reaches up and rests their hand over her heart. Then Catra’s looking down at her baby grasping their tiny little hand. “If it gives at all, it’s the thing you have the nerve to ask for. Even if you have to ask over, and over, and over again.”

I didn’t even notice my hand move, but I’m gripping the blanket that’s pulled over Catra’s legs. “What if—”

“Adora,” she cuts me off, leaning in, “what. Do. You. Want?”

“Catra.” Her name slips from my lips so easily. If that’s the question, I know she’s always been and always will be the answer. I want Catra and everything that means, especially her future. She is what I’ve been waiting for my whole life, and I’m done waiting.

Catra grins, “Has she run so far you won’t be able to find her?”

I narrow my eyes. “Never.”

Her eyes are soft and she looks so happy. “Good.”

Finn’s voice breaks through the gentle silence, fussing in their blanket and Catra turns her head quickly to attend to them. She brushes her claws through their mane and gives them a scritch behind the ears and immediately they calm down, closing their eyes and leaning into her palm.

I smile. “I used to do that with you,” I whisper. “I found you crying and batting at your ears once when you first got to the Horde and I helped scratch behind them and you just… stopped crying.”

Catra laughs a little. “If only it was always that simple.”

I sigh and I glance at Catra’s face. It’s calm, open. “I always wanted to knock down that door when you would cry in that closet and try scratching behind your ears. I knew it probably wouldn’t work but I just… I wanted to help.”

I push up onto my feet and Catra watches me, lips pursed.

“I’m sorry Catra,” I whisper, and her brow furrows. “I’m sorry I left you in the Horde and then again in the Crimson Waste.” She opens her mouth and I hold up my hand. “I’m sorry I came here and forced you to live through all those things you’re afraid of. I’m sorry Adora wasn’t here when Finn was born. I’m sorry you were alone.

“And I’m sorry I didn’t try to break into that closet.” I swallow, holding back tears – again. “I promised to look out for you, and I just sat outside the door.”

Catra blinks quickly and for a second, she’s quiet. I look at Finn and watch a little yawn stretch their mouth wide open.

“Do you know why Etheria chose you to be She-Ra?”

I blink, staring down at Catra’s brightly colored eyes and clenched jaw. “No,” I breathe. “Do you?”

She nods. “I figured it out pretty quickly actually. You’re the only one who ever seemed to have a hard time with it.”

I roll my eyes and huff. “Okay, well then why, genius?”

The corner of Catra’s lip tugs up. “Because you’re a force of nature, Adora. Once you or my Adora, or any Adora, have decided something there is no changing your course. You don’t give up. You will never give up.”

She pushes a strand of hair from her eyes. “It’s the universal constant. Adora is… tenacious?”

I snicker. “Was that a question?”

“I’m trying to decide if that’s the right word or if I should just go with stubborn.”

I laugh a little harder but soon it falls off and my heart fills with lead. “But I did give up.” I drop my gaze. “I was going back for her but then Shadow Weaver said… some things and I turned around and—”

“So, you’re not going to try again?” Catra says, eyebrow arched.

I furrow my brow. “Of course I am, but—”

“Adora, you didn’t give up, you switched tactics. My Adora did too.” She sounds so certain, and I’m hanging on her every word. “You were waiting on her, but sooner or later you were going to get tired of waiting and you were gonna go back anyway.”

My heart gets lighter and something about what she says feels… true.

“How do you know?”

“Because I know you. Mostly.”

She does. Just like I know her. Just like someday I’ll know the baby in her arms.

I take a deep breath and glance at the clock on the wall. “If Entrapta’s timing is right, I should be leaving in about a half hour. So I should probably be getting to the lab.”

Catra nods, and even though I half expected her to be beaming at the prospect of having her Adora back, she looks a little sad to say goodbye. “Yeah. Um… thank you, again.” She looks down at Finn to find they’ve fallen fast asleep. “I owe you one. But I will likely never have the chance to pay you back.”

I grin. “I kinda hope not.”

She looks at me a second longer then holds out her hand. I take it and she pulls me close. She looks up into my eyes and hers are stern and serious.

“What you want matters, Adora. Don’t forget that, please.”

I tentatively put my hand on her cheek. “I won’t.”

I bend down and press a quick kiss to her forehead. When I pull away there are tears in her eyes, and I can feel them in mine.

“Thank you,” I breathe, “for reminding me. And waking me up.”

She nods and I let my hand drop. Just before I go to say my goodbye a thought pops into my head. “Oh!” Catra straightens. “I was going to ask – why Finn? It’s a cute name but, I mean, they’re not a fish…”

Catra’s smirk grows slow and sweet on her face. “Huh… you really never went inside that closet.”

“Are you ready?” Entrapta cries from the other side of the room. I glance at her and then back at the large empty ring in front of me.

“Ready.” I murmur, probably just loud enough for her to hear. But she doesn’t need to hear me, she just needs to see.

I take one step forward and raise my right arm.

In the hours I waited for Catra to wake back up I’d thought long and hard about She-Ra. I thought about when I first transformed, what I was thinking, what I was feeling. I thought about how sometimes it was different; sometimes I just became She-Ra by choice and sometimes she sort of exploded out of me. I thought about the times She-Ra’s power would slip from my grasp – the crippling self-doubt that would weigh me down and break me. I thought about when I’d glowed and what I was thinking when I finally transformed. And I thought about what Razz had said, about Etheria choosing me.

Catra said it too. And she said it was because I never gave up. Because I was stubborn.

I think she’s right.

Shadow Weaver and Light Hope said Catra was a distraction, an attachment, and that she made me lose focus, made me lose She-Ra. But they were wrong. They are wrong.

She-Ra doesn’t need me to be focused, she needs me to be certain. She needs me to know and to choose and decide. And nothing makes me more certain than Catra.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes. Behind them, all I can see is mismatched gold and blue, and the sweetest smirk in all the universes. All I see is home. It’s time to go home.

“For the honor of Grayskull!”

Chapter Text

Catra of the Waste

I don’t know what happened after Adora said those damn magic words but whatever it was threw me on my ass and turned her into a fucking rainbow.

Yeah, Adora’s a rainbow. She’s floating about ten feet in the air, hair and skirt floating out behind her in some gentle breeze that for sure isn’t real, and she’s a fucking rainbow.

After the light show at the Crystal thingy I kinda thought she’d scream. I figured that hurt, this has to right? But she’s not screaming. She’s not grunting or shaking or anything. She seems totally fine. And other than the really loud ringing noise, which is at just the right pitch to be tolerable, nothing seems… wrong.

After a minute the rainbow starts to fade into a single toned glow and the loud ringing starts to get quieter. Slowly Adora’s lowered, and her hair stops flying. I watch and she descends to her knees, and her arms come in to cross over her chest.

It takes me a second, but pretty soon I realize that there isn’t any overhead light anymore. The Heart’s gone, it’s been extinguished. All of the magic’s in Adora now, and she is glowing brighter than the day moon.

I should make sure she’s okay, try and comfort her or something, but I think I’m still in shock.

What—what just happened? What did I say? What did I do? What was I thinking?

I kissed her cheek. I told her… how I felt. That’s the kind of confession I save for the end of the line. Was I really so sure Adora wasn’t going to make it? That I wouldn’t? Or, did I just expect her to disappear through a portal as soon as the Heart was destroyed? Did I think everything was just gonna *snap* go back to normal?

“Catra?”

I pull myself back to Etheria. She’s standing right in front of me, holding out her hand, and just… glowing.  “Come on,” she smiles, “we’re almost done.”

I glance from her hand to her face, squinting against the light, hesitant. Slowly I put my hand in hers. “What the hell else is there?”

She pulls me to my feet. “Well, Glimmer and Bow might still need our help and—” She’s cut off as the dark cavern shudders around us.

I look around at walls I can barely make out thanks to the day moon standing next to me; blinding me. “And this place is gonna collapse any second, right?”

“More or less.”

I give one quick nod and turn back the way we came. “Then what are we waiting for?”

I bolt back to the tunnel, Adora on my heels.

We’re maybe thirty yards in when I remember the wounds on my stomach. They’re burning, but it’s not nearly as bad as before. For several minutes it’s tolerable, but pretty soon my breathing is getting shallow, and my jaw is clenched. Then I take a misstep.

Adora notices immediately.

“Catra!” She grabs me by my wrist and pulls me to a stop. “You’re still hurt.”

I wince and shake off her hand. She frowns. “It’s fine, Adora. We’ll deal with it later.”

“But I can heal you,” she says, grabbing my hand again. Again, I pull away.

“We don’t have time. We have to get to Bow and Glimmer.”

Her sad little frown shifts into a stubborn glare and she drops her arms to her sides. “Fine. But we’re doing this my way.”

“What does that—” I scream as she reaches underneath me, looping an arm under my legs and one around my back. She picks me up off the ground and then she’s running again.

“Put me down!” I scream pushing against her chest, but she’s strong and she just tightens her grip.

“No.” Her voice is hard and clipped.

“What the hell Adora?” I cry. “I can do it myself!”

“Don’t you get it!?” Adora shouts, finally looking down into my eyes, jaw clenched. “Catra…” her voice softens and she sighs. “I won’t risk losing you. You’re too important.”

For a second, I go rigid in her arms.

She sighs again and looks away. “There are people who need and care about you. So don’t—don’t try to make it hard to love you. They’re just going to do it anyway, and all you’ll do is hurt them.”

My breath catches, and Adora keeps running.

I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore, but I can’t help it. Scorpia’s proof. This Adora is proof. I just keep doing it.

I pull myself tighter, tracing the tips of my claws against one another. “Do you…” I can barely get my voice above a whisper, “do you think I—”

But I can’t say it and we’re back to the Elemental’s chamber.

And the damn thing is burned to a fucking crisp.

“Holy shit,” I breathe and I swear Adora almost drops me.

Its long, charred body is snaked around the room and the tongues that previously ravaged my leg are basically ash. The only thing seemingly untouched by flames are its shattered glass eyes and two rows of sharp teeth.

Glimmer and Bow are leaning up against the wall nearest us, pressed up against each other, Glimmer with her head on Bow’s shoulder and his arm around her waist. They’re breathing heavily and are covered in scorch marks and probably burns, but they have these little relieved smiles on their faces and they light up when they see us.

Bow straightens and throws up his free arm. “Guys! Glimmer knows how to make fire! Like out of magic! It’s amazing ! Oh. You’re glowing!”

Adora rolls her eyes. “I do that a lot. But Glimmer, controlling fire!”

Glimmer lifts her head and shrugs. “Eh, Aunt Casta’s been teaching me some stuff. I thought it would be useful.” She closes her eyes and sighs. “Best thing? Doesn’t drain my magic.”

“That’s amazing, Glimmer!” Adora says, beaming, still holding me to her chest. Then the cavern around us shudders and her face falls a little. “You wouldn’t happen to have saved enough magic left to teleport us all to the surface, would you?”

Bow and Glimmer run to our sides, and my eyes dart down to their now clasped hands.

“Hope so,” Glimmer chirps, grabbing Adora’s arm and pulling in close. She scrunches up her face and in a second everything blinks out of existence, and when it comes back it’s covered in a cloud of purple and pink.

And I’m gonna puke.

I roll out of Adora’s arms, land hard on my knees, and start heaving. My arms shake as I try to hold myself up and my head gets light. Nothing comes out of course, because I haven’t eaten in who knows how long, but fuck if it doesn’t hurt.

After a minute I realize that someone is holding back my hair and rubbing my back. When I finally stop shaking and look up I expect to see Adora, with that little wrinkle in her brow. Instead it’s Glimmer who’s brushing my hair back with her fingers and holding it in a knot at the back of my neck.

And Bow, on my other side, is rubbing circles on my back and looking at me with a gentle little smile.

“You okay?” he asks, his voice soft. I swallow and give him a slow nod. I move back to kneel and look up at Adora.

There’s a tiny pinch in her brow, just like I thought there’d be, but she’s almost smiling. “See?” she whispers, and I bite my lip as my stomach does one last flip.

I look around, and notice Bow and Glimmer doing the same thing. We’re near the Fright Zone, in the dry, hilly desert, and based on the light on the horizon, it’s almost moonrise.

“What now?” Bow asks, looking to Adora, shoulders slumping, and I get it. It feels like we’ve been running on adrenaline for so long, and it’s finally leaving our system. Like we’re bleeding out.

Adora straightens and the sword appears in her hands. “We restore Etheria.”

I almost laugh. What the fuck does that mean? And how is she gonna do that anyway? A chant? A dance? Something with sparkles for sure.

But I don’t laugh, because Adora’s brow is set in a hard line and she’s almost smirking.

“Adora…” I mutter, as she starts to walk away, down the small hill we’d landed on and into the basin that’s surrounded on all sides by small hills like this that climb into jagged cliffs.

She makes her way to the center, pacing herself, breathing evenly. Then she stops, rolls back her shoulders and the glow that has been emanating off her starts to get brighter, if that’s even possible.

She raises her sword, in both hands and yells.

“Adora!” I cry, rising to my feet as she stabs the sword into the ground.

And then everything erupts into gold.

A wave of light pulses out of the sword, and in its wake, under the blanket of the fading night sky and the rising day moon, I can see wild grass and flowers. I can feel it under my feet, the soft fibers replacing hard dirt. The light moves past where Glimmer, Bow, and I are standing and climbs the walls of the cliffs, leaving moss, ivy, and vines. In a second everything is different – everything’s alive.

And where Adora pierced the ground with her sword there is now a large, glorious tree.

It’s growing before our eyes, branches reaching higher into the sky by the second, leaves getting fuller, bark getting thicker. And when it finally shudders to a stop Adora holds out her arm and the sword that must have been right at its heart returns to her hand.

My heart is pounding, and my mouth is dry. I can hear birds. I can hear the buzz of bugs and all kinds of wildlife and the way it’s softened by the plant growth that it burrows in. I reach down and dig my claws into the ground. I pull up dirt, real, soft, wet, dirt, and grass and roots.

The very core of Etheria is different now. We destroyed the Heart, literally the planet’s core. And now all the magic that had been kept locked away is free. You can feel it.

Adora turns around and smiles at us, dropping her hand and letting the sword go wherever the hell it goes when she’s not using it. She takes a couple steps forward and looks around. Then she puts her hands on her hips and cocks them.

“I mean, I think it’s an improvement.”

Then she shifts back into true Adora. With the red vest and the hair poof and the little half ponytail, and I can’t help it. I laugh.

“You’re such an idiot!” I cry out, shaking the dirt off my hand.

We’re done. We did it. We destroyed the Heart. We returned the magic to Etheria. Adora can go home now.

Bow cheers, throwing his hand in the air and jumping up in the air, and Glimmer laughs.

“Wow,” she breathes, pressing a hand to her forehead, “the hard part’s really over!”

Adora laughs and starts walking from the tree back towards the hill. “For you guys. I still…” her smile slips, “ya know. But yeah!” And then the smile is back. “No more destroying planet-destroying weapons!”

“That’s a relief!” Bow says, dropping to the grass with his legs crossed. “Not sure I could do that again.”

Adora laughs again but this time something weird happens and it’s like… it’s like the sound cuts out halfway through.

“Adora?” I say, taking a step towards her.

“Yeah?” she asks, coming to a stop at the base of the hill, held in place by my stare.

And that’s when I see a patch of her vest fade out of sight.

“Adora, you're disappearing.”

Adora’s head snaps down to look at her hands. For a very long second, we’re all quiet, all of us looking for holes in Adora. Then she clenches her hands, and whispers, “They did it… I’m going home.”

She looks back up and smiles at me, and I know the smile’s for me because it’s soft and tender like Adora would look at me when I was sad when we were kids. And my heart starts to hurt.

“Thank you,” she says. She glances at Bow and Glimmer. “You guys are everything to me. I could never have done any of this without you.” And then she’s looking at me again, and there’s that smile. “Thank you for looking out for me.” She lets out a shaky breath. “Thank you for being my friends.”

“Adora?” Glimmer asks, and more of Adora is fading now. Glimmer’s voice goes up in pitch. “Adora!”

“Say ‘Hi,’ to her for me?” Adora smiles. “And tell her that I love her. She should know that.”

“Who?” Bow asks, as Adora becomes a wisp, barely visible at all.

“Adora,” she says, and then she’s gone, the sound of her last words carried on the wind.

We’re quiet and Glimmer and Bow just stare at the spot where Adora disappeared. I don’t know if they’re waiting for it or if they’re lost or confused. But I know what happens next.

And I don’t want to be around for it.

I take a very slow step back, and then another, grateful for the grass softening the sound of my footfalls. And then for the third fucking time in the last hour I am blinded by light.

Bow and Glimmer cry out as a burst of light appears at the foot of the hill, where Adora was standing seconds before, and in those seconds where they can’t see and are completely out of it, I dart for the cliffs behind us.

Never in my life have I been more grateful for my nearly perfect memory.

I run for the cliffs behind us and immediately start to climb. I move fast, biting my lip against the agonizing stretch of my stomach, until I reach a crack near the top. Here I hesitate. I don’t have time to hesitate, but I do. My plan was – to the top and run, but… But maybe strategically that’s not the best idea. If I were to run, right away, I’d be out in the open, easy to spot, easy to follow, especially while I’m wounded. And Sparkles and Arrow Boy might try and follow. But if I hide, wait them out…

Yes. Strategically this is the better move.

Strategically.

I tuck myself into the crack, pulling a handful of vines over to hang in front of the opening and turn back to watch.

The light has dimmed and Glimmer and Bow are dropping their arms. As the light continues to fade, a tall, beautiful woman, in a white jumpsuit, with platinum blonde hair and light blue eyes that seem to glow appears. And I would recognize that smile anywhere.

Adora.

As She-Ra, but still Adora. My Adora.

I bite my lip. Fuck, she looks hot.

Then the idiot ruins it. Somehow she loses her balance, standing still, and her leg is up, her arms are out and she’s shouting, “Whoa, whoa, whoa!” and then with a grunt she falls to the ground.

But when she falls she loses whatever concentration she needs to be She-Ra and she’s just Adora.

Just… Adora.

I close my eyes and press farther back into the crack. Adora, the girl I’ve been in love with my entire fucking life. Adora, who can send my heart racing one second but who always knew how to calm me down. Adora – all I’ve ever wanted.

And here she is – fallen on her ass, laughing like she’s never found anything as funny in her entire life, looking more beautiful than I have ever seen or could’ve imagined.

Glimmer squeals and Bow starts laughing too and they run down the hill and tackle Adora flat on her back.

I watch as they hold each other and laugh and cry and something inside me burns and stings. I don’t know what it’s called but I know I fought a war for it.

“Oh, Adora,” Glimmer sighs, “we missed you.”

“So much,” Bow says, and then, pretty abruptly, he sits up. “Wait…” He looks back at the top of the hill and then all around. “Where’d Catra go?”

I watch Adora bolt upright and Glimmer pound her fist into the ground.

“Catra’s here?” Adora breathes, and her tone… I don’t know what it means. She doesn’t sound upset, just… confused.

Glimmer sits up. “She was!” Her eyes scrape over the cliff walls, and for a second, I worry she might actually find me. Then she jumps to her feet and cups her mouth with her hands. “This wasn’t part of the plan!”

I feel myself flush, and shame, at least I think it’s shame, floods my chest. Again, I hesitate. My hand inches forward and my fingers poke through the curtain of vines. I consider it – going out there, reuniting with Adora and gallivanting off into the moonrise.

But that’s not what would happen, is it? Adora wouldn’t smile when she saw me. She’d look at me like she did during the war. And even if Glimmer took my hand and Bow spoke for me, she’d be skeptical. Why should she trust me? I’m not good, I’ve never been good. She knows that. She knows me.

And she doesn’t ache to hold me close like I do her.

I pull my hand back.

“Wait,” Adora stands and crosses her arms. “Like Catra, Catra?” Glimmer turns and her shoulders fall. “Why was she even here in the first place?”

Glimmer sighs. “Oh, Adora, we have a lot to catch you up on.”

Adora frowns, her lower lip jutting out just enough that I can make it out from here. Then Bow claps her on the shoulder. “Don’t worry,” he smiles at her, “it’s a fun story! Well… maybe a little angsty, but it’s got its share of,” Bow thrusts his arm forward and drops his voice, “ adventure !”

That manages to get a laugh out of Adora, but after just a second or two she’s looking all around the basin, looking at the flowers and grass and vines like she’s looking for something .

And I can’t help but hope she’s looking for—

I won’t let myself think it.

But I hear the other Adora’s voice in my head, and it’s loud and it bounces off the walls of my skull.

“In every universe, Catra.”

What if… what if she meant it? What if she’s right?

In another universe there is a Catra who is pregnant with a kit named Finn and married to an Adora. She has the life I dreamt up when I was eight years old and hiding in a closet. I know she had the same dream, just like I know she’s happy. Because she loves Adora and Finn more than she has ever loved her own life. Just like I do.

I chose to follow some alternate universe version of Adora out of my empire in the Crimson Waste to go on some harebrainedmission to send her back home into the arms of an alternate universe version of myself, and the dream of a child that I’ll never have. I risked my own life, my own fucking sanity, and my own damn bleeding heart, for an Adora I barely know and a Finn I never will. Why?

Because I love them. I cannot help but love them, and if I love them then Other Catra must adore them.

If I can’t be happy like that, Finn, and Adora and some Other Catra have to.

I take a deep breath as Adora’s gaze runs over my hiding spot.

Maybe, I muse, Adora wants it too.  

I decided in that stupid hologram cave that I’d been wrong when I let Adora go in the Waste. I should’ve told her how I felt then, and maybe I should now. If she’s looking for me… maybe…

Glimmer wraps her arms around Adora and Bow and pulls them in tight. Bow laughs and Adora’s eyes fall away from the cliff face. “Come on guys,” Glimmer says, “let’s go home.”

There’s a second’s length of pause, and maybe I’m imagining it, but in that second the hope in my chest grows astronomical. My heart is beating wildly and I’m seconds from throwing myself out of my hiding spot and screaming Adora’s name from the top of the cliff.

“Yeah,” Adora gives a short nod, fiddling with the buckle on her belt, “let’s go back to Bright Moon.”

I fall back into the crack.

“We’re gonna have to walk.”

“Run out of teleports again?”

“Get that smug grin off your face, you have no idea what we were dealing with.”

“Can you at least get us out of this pit?”

“Um, hope so.”

“You got this, Glimmer!”

I hear the softest tinkling of bells and then they’re too far away for me to make out words.

I watch the daymoon rise up above the walls of the “pit” and cross the sky. I stare vacantly through the vines until twilight is brushing the sky periwinkle, and the entire time all I can think is this.

Every universe my fucking ass.

“Darling! Where have you been?”

I look up from the dirt floor at the threshold of my “throne room” to see Double Trouble leaning up against my large, ridiculous, metal chair. They’re looking at me with their own large yellow eyes and toothy grin.

I sigh and run my hand down my face. It took me almost two whole days to get back to the Valley of the Lost, and this is the last thing I need right now. I’m tired, hungry, and thirsty and I hurt literally from tip to tail. But I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, and the only thing I want to drink is the bottle of “fire water” I have hidden in the back paneling of that fucking chair Double Trouble is leaning on. “What are you doing here?”

They straighten. “I’m here to report, kitten. I did just get back from a mission after all. A few days ago in fact, but when I arrived you were nowhere to be found.”

I huff, walking into the room. “I was busy.”

“Oh, I know!” They clap their hands. “Scorpia managed to give me a faint idea before she left. But I’m sure the story only gets juicier. I’d just love to hear it.”

I move to the opposite side of the chair, ducking down behind it, and start tapping the panels with my claw. “You won’t get to.”

“Kitten, don’t be coy.”

Finally, there’s a gentle click and the panel right by the tip of Double Trouble’s tail pops out just a little. I scoot closer on my knees and pull the panel down to reach inside.

“Not very talkative today?”

“Am I ever?” I ask, pulling the bottle of whiskey out of the little compartment and pushing it closed again.

Double Trouble sighs. “ Fine .” They hold out their hand and I give it a hesitant glance.

Then I take it, and they pull me to my feet.

They drop my hand quickly and reach into the hidden pocket at their waist. “Scorpia sent this.”

What they pull out is a lavender envelope with my name written on it in chunky capital letters. They hold it up between their fingers and for once, they aren’t smiling.

My breath catches and my grip on the bottle in my hands gets tighter. “What is that?”

Double Trouble rolls their eyes. “How would I know, darling? It’s not like I read it.”

I narrow my eyes. “But you did.”

I expect the corners of their mouth to turn up a little like they usually do when I accuse them of reading my mail or impersonating me in the valley, but this time they don’t.

“What does it say?” I breathe.

They just raise a brow. “What do you think it says, Kitten?” Then they shove the letter into my arms.

I clutch it tight.

And now it’s not Double Trouble standing in front of me, but Scorpia. And she looks… she looks…

Happy.

“Wildcat! You’ll never believe it!” she says and I take a step back. “But I’m gonna be a princess! A real princess! Oh man, don’t know why I spent all those years hanging out with you in the desert. Bright Moon’s amazing. And Perfuma? Perfuma’s amazing! I think I’m in love. Much more than I ever was with you.”

“She,” my voice is hoarse, “she wouldn’t say that.”

Scorpia’s eyes blink green. “She may as well have.” They put their pincers on their hips. “You know what she did say?”

I do, but I’m not ready to hear it.

“She’s staying in Bright Moon,” they say, and then their mouth does turn up a little at the corners. “She’s not coming back.”

I don’t wince. I don’t gasp and my eyes don’t go wide. I close them. I drop my chin, close my eyes, and breathe.

“Awww, Kitten,” Double Trouble takes my chin between their fingers and lifts it up. I open my eyes to see their scaly green skin and bright yellow eyes that look so much like mine. “You did it again, didn’t you? You drove her away?”

I clench my jaw. “Get out.” I hiss.

“Darling, I’m just telling you—”

I rip my face out of their hand and unsheathe my claws. “I said,” my voice is barely louder than a whisper, “get. Out.”

Their eyes get wide but in less than a second, they’ve turned and are headed for the door.

But the asshole always has to have the last word.

“Did you really expect her to last out here? With you for company?”

And then they're gone.

I stand in silence for several seconds, then, moving slow and careful, I climb into my chair. I curl in on myself, holding the bottle and letter to my chest like they’re the child I’ll never have and I start to sing.

“When I met my dear girl, I was young and a fool. Thought to travel the world, wont to break every rule. When I left my dear girl back at home for to stay, I ne’er even dreamt that she would away…”

I don’t know why I know this song. I don’t even know if I know all the words right or if I just filled them in with what made sense. But in moments like this, when all I want to feel is like someone cares, I like to believe I had a mother who sang it to me, and that maybe she cared.

“My heart beats out of time for my girl left behind. She glows bright as the day moon, still she’s not for to find.”

I wonder if Angella sang Glimmer lullabies. I wonder if she would’ve taught some to me. I wonder if in the other universe she already has. I wonder if soon, Glimmer and Catra will be singing Finn lullabies together.

“I am lost, I’m alone, I am dreaming of her. In the dark empty spaces, I search and I search.”