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Luisa is the strong one, never faltering, never failing. Luisa knows her purpose well: to help the family and their community to carry all the heavy things no one else can shoulder. That was her role, but she was also only human, with so much pressure contained, even in the strongest container, it will always be bound to eventually burst.
It was Mirabel who stopped that cycle of constant pressure.
She just understood that the moment she saw her Abuela blame her hermanita Mirabel for the cracks in the house, for Tío Bruno disappearance, for her losing her gift, all because of Mirabel. Of course, Luisa didn't believe it for a second, it wasn't Mirabel's fault, it was hers, because she couldn't be strong enough. Oh Mirabel, her chiquita who always received Abuela's passive-aggressive comments with the faintest of smiles that painfully hid an unspoken pain, probably deeper than it appeared, a pain that no one really bothered to fully acknowledge, nor even her mom Julieta. A pain and loneliness that probably no one really understood, not until Bruno.
The difference now is that this time Abuela wasn't subtle in her accusations against the brunette, except that this time, Mirabel decided that she had enough, so she told Abuela her truths, she recognized what everyone was so afraid to recognize, breaking the cycle, the pressure exploded, the cracks grew…this time, there was no turning back.
Proof of this was the casita beginning to crumble in front of their eyes and her younger sister that had run after the candle, deciding that the miracle was more important than her life, and Luisa didn’t understand it, she didn’t even move, she just followed by inertia the casita shoves that led her out, to safety. But Mirabel as stubborn as she was had stayed inside and what's worse…she didn't run after her.
She could only watch helplessly as the house fell on her sister. Many thoughts crossed her mind at that moment, many mixed feelings and regrets, and the biggest of all? How deeply she failed her as her sister.
When the dust settled Luisa couldn't move from her spot, even though her conscience screamed at her to run in search of her sister, her legs felt heavier than lead, heavier than anything else Luisa ever had to carry, she just stood there. Suddenly, her mamá started screaming for Mirabel; apparently, she had found her unharmed but the minor quickly ran away, probably feeling all the guilt on her, for the fall of the house, and the loss of their gifts. Luisa felt her heart tighten with guilt and regret. She thought that she could carry the burdens of her family, so that everyone could be happier, so that everyone would feel more relieved of that constant pressure, if only she could have shouldered all of that for them. How could she have failed so miserably?
Two weeks had passed since the casita collapsed, and in that time the Madrigal family has come to establish a routine. Schedules were established for each member (except Antonio, who was still too young) to help with the reconstruction along with the volunteers of the town, and despite the quite demanding task of rebuilding a house of its magnitude, and even more having to do it without their gifts, the Madrigal suddenly found themselves with a lot of free time on their hands; Alma made sure to never overload her family with work again, and honestly, everyone was quite pleased. Luisa reflected how everyone seemed to have found something to do for themselves in their free time, everyone but herself.
Of course, she was relieved too at the lack of pressure, but she also felt numb, dull, her shoulders eternally tense from the invisible pressure she's been feeling practically all her life, the thought of doing more than just helping her community was terrifying to her, makes her anxious, and she’s never anxious! what could happen if she let her guard down for a moment? She already failed Mirabel, her family, how could she allow herself to relax now?
For this reason, despite the fact that Abuela had established that today would be a day off for the Madrigal family and the village volunteers from her work of rebuilding the house. Luisa was walking around town, helping left and right in whatever way she could.
She started with Mrs. Martinez, helping her carry her groceries home, Mr. López asked for help carrying sacks of corn kernels, and helped Ms. Torres carry her school supplies for the next day's class, and so on she helped. She made an effort tirelessly to make herself busy, to distract herself of the feeling of guilt that even so continued to hover beneath her stomach, leaving her with a malaise that prevented her from eating properly, her mom Julieta had expressed her concern, and Luisa considered to collapse right there, into her mama’s arms. But she couldn't, she had to stay strong, but above all, she needed to start being a better sister, for Isabela and especially for Mirabel.
So, what if she's been all week trying to figure out the courage to talk to her sister? So, what if during that time of internal conflict, she has been deliberately avoiding her? She of course didn't want Mirabel to feel that she was avoiding her because she had done something wrong, so she always made sure to smile at her every morning at breakfast before running away and taking refuge in the endless tasks that the villagers had for her. She may not have her super strength anymore, but Luisa was still trusted for the town to ask her many favors.
Her thoughts were interrupted when her eyes met the sight of the same person who occupied her thoughts daily, walking around the town was Mirabel, or well, there she was trying to make her way through the bunch of townspeople who entrusted her lots of embroidery requests. This particular scenario did not surprise Luisa.
Since a week or so Tía Pepa has praised her embroidery and boasted about it to the family and pretty much the whole town, and since then she has been receiving many requests for personalized embroidery in exchange for some money.
The young Madrigal was at first uncomfortable by the sudden attention she received, used to only her parents and Antonio recognizing and congratulating her embroidery, but all of Pepa's encouraging smiles motivated her to accept their requests with pleasure, and hopefully with the money raised she could buy a new sewing machine, since the one she had had been destroyed under the rubble of the casita.
However, at that moment, Mirabel looked somewhat overwhelmed by the people.
Luisa then remembered an occasion, a couple of years ago, when the chores from the citizens became excessive and began to overburden her, her hermanita had taken it upon herself to confront them about it.
13-year-old Mirabel was walking through the town late in the morning, she was hungry and was on her way to her mother's food stand to steal one or more arepa’s from the stand, when suddenly she saw her sister Luisa surrounded by a crowd; normally this wouldn’t attract her attention, but Mirabel, always observant, noticed her sister's tense shoulders, and the grimace on her face that she tried to pass off as a smile, she was clearly uncomfortable. So, the teenage got infuriate and ran towards them screaming for her sister, but the older Madrigal was distracted by all the villagers who wanted to talk to her at the same time, the brunette frowned at this, and even more so when, approaching, she heard how all the fuss was due to all these dozens of people asking her older sister for favors. The brunette struggled to make her way through the crowd, until she was right in front of her sister.
"Luisa, what's going on here?! Today is supposed to be your day off!" Mirabel shouted, trying to be heard above the cacophony of people, who seemed to be in a shouting contest about who has the most demanding problem that Luisa should attend to first.
“Oh well, yes, but the townspeople needed my help, so…”
"Oh, por favor! You've been helping everyone in this town all day, I'm sure they can do some things themselves.” She said the last bit with a glare at the people around her, who all cowered in their place. 'What's wrong with these people? Why do they bother her hermana so much even knowing that it is her day off? '
"Luisa, the donkeys..." Mr. Martinez interrupted with his shrill nasal and annoying voice. Mirabel immediately recognized him, he always asked Luisa to carry the donkeys as if her sister was a damn pack donkey herself! she let out a frustrated growl, facing the man.
“Again with the donkeys?! Why don't you fix the stupid fence yourself for once so they stop coming out?!” she exclaimed irritated surprising the man, Luisa, the bunch of villagers present and the few passers-by who listened; some rushed to their own business and others stood curious about the situation; It wasn't like Mirabel at all to draw attention to herself like that.
"Mirabel, it's really not a problem, I can handle it." As soon as she said this her right eye twitched, Mirabel caught this angrily.
“Luisa, your eye! your eye never twitches; this is really a problem!” She crossed her arms, sulking, which Luisa found adorable.
"Mirabel, it's fine, I'm very busy, after this I have to help the Hernández and the Ramírez, Morales..." she began to list last names, to the brunette's great frustration.
“Stop, wait a second, did all these people ask for your help? even knowing it's your day off?!" Luisa smiled nervously, dismissing her accusation carelessly.
"Oh...some did, others didn't but i offered, but that's fine, I like to help, I want to help, it's what is expected of me" Immediately, the crowd gathered there began to rant about all the issues for which they need help from Luisa, that ranged from “move the church, again” to “get my cat down from the tree”.
Finally, Mirabel had enough, and turning to the crowd she shouted.
"Shut up!" People were immediately silent, dumbfounded “That's enough, what the hell is wrong with you? Are you not ashamed of yourselves? Why are you all constantly overwhelming my sixteen-year-old sister with your absurd demands? Luisa is not your workhorse!” At this all those present gasped in horror.
“You abuse her nobility and her inability to say no because you don't want to do anything yourself! but none of you care! She deserves a break, don't you think?” with all said, the villagers looked completely embarrassed and repentant, they were so used to leaving things to Luisa, because they knew that she would not disappoint them, that they forgot about her as a person, wasn’t? This realization embarrassed them terribly, so they apologized to Luisa, several señoras even sobbed their apologies, and quickly dispersed to attend to their own business by themselves, nothing was really that important anyway.
For a while after that, her chores slowed down considerably and she felt like she could breathe a little more. Mirabel of course got in trouble with Abuela, who was livid to find out about her nieta Mirabel yelling at the villagers, but her hermanita stood her ground, smiled at her, reassured Luisa and assured her that it was okay to say 'no' sometimes, regardless of Abuela's opinion, their mamá Julieta supported her daughter's intervention, and so Abuela relented about the situation. Luisa never forgot her intervention, but at the time she didn't dare to thank her, thinking that doing so would be admitting that she was carrying too much weight, and yes, maybe it was exhausting but it was nothing she couldn't handle, so, why would she have had to ask for help?
Luisa came back to reality, with her gaze still glued to her hermanita overwhelmed by the attention of the people, noticing how now the roles had been reversed. Luisa couldn’t thank Mirabel for everything she has done for her. Now her chiquita needed her, she might as well start making amends by returning the favor. Therefore, Luisa confidently walked towards her sister and the crowd.
"Okay, okay, guys, give my sis some space, please." Luisa stood between the brunette and the other people around her, Mirabel turned to see her with a grateful smile, went to her side and the older one placed her hand on Mirabel’s shoulder, while the other hand rested on her own waist in a clenched fist, as she spoke to the little crowd in the most confident voice she could muster.
"In case you didn't knew, today is our day off to rebuild the casita, and Mirabel here needs to relax from her errands and chores, so we're going to spend a ‘día de hermanas’ precisely for that purpose." Luisa didn’t miss her sister out of the corner of her eye; with her eyes widening in surprise at Luisa's last statement, but she simply pretended not to have seen it, and she also pretended that she didn’t feel that pang of guilt in her chest again.
"I'm sure any other day she'll be happy to serve you." With the latter said, Luisa pulled her sister unceremoniously across the plaza, ignoring any protests the villagers might have had, and also the protests of Mirabel, who didn't understand why her sister, having been avoiding her all this time, suddenly wants to spend time with her. ‘Oh Mirabel, when was the last time we spent time together?’
“Eh…Luisa, what is this all about? And what do you mean by having a 'día de hermanas'?" Luisa smiled at Mirabel, feeling sorry for having avoided her the last few days, but that’s okay, this was her chance, to apologize, to make amends for everything she was wrong about, and for, hopefully to reconnect with her chiquita.
"Well, I've been distant with you for a while, in case you've noticed... and there's an explanation for that, it's not that you've done anything wrong!" Luisa reassured her sister, afraid of having made her feel that she did something wrong, Mirabel only nodded, acknowledging that she had indeed noticed it. They finally reached the main square, and sat down on benches side by side. Mirabel hurriedly placed her hand on her sister's arm, caressing her and giving her a concerned look that reminded Luisa of her mother.
“Luisa, is everything alright? Is there something you want to talk to me about?" The older one sighed deeply, preparing to say everything she had pressed into her chest from the moment the casita collapsed...
Mirabel has been staring at her for almost a full minute, and Luisa belatedly realized that it was because she still hadn't said anything, 'Oh wow this is harder than I thought' 'why is it suddenly so hard to bring everything I feel out into the light.?!’
As Luisa silently struggled to get her words out of her mouth, Mirabel watched her worriedly, noticing how her face, her shoulders, her entire body in general tensed more and more, seeming about to explode. Mirabel waited patiently for her older sister to open up to her, positioning herself behind her, and placing her hands on Luisa's shoulders, disconcerting her.
"Mira? What are you-” Luisa breaking off as she suppressed a satisfying moan as the younger began to massage her tense shoulders, she doesn't think she realized how tense they really were until that moment. They stayed in quiet silence for a couple of minutes until Luisa felt comfortable enough to finally confess.
"You've probably noticed that I've been…avoiding you" Mirabel nodded, aware of it "It wasn't anything you did or anything, it's just that…I felt ashamed"
"You lost me" she said, not understanding Luisa's words. The older one on the other hand hunched over, feeling once again the weight of her emotions pressing down on her. She knew that if she didn't let go of everything at once, she would spiral down again and it would be very difficult for her to come clean.
“I…I…I'm so sorry Mirabel, I failed you as a sister, I wasn't there for you when you needed me. I thought I had done my best to carry the burdens of this family, but I was wrong, back at home, just before it collapsed, I didn't protect you from Abuela then or before…” 'oh…so that’s what it is all about' Mirabel smiled sadly at her sister. She gave her shoulders a squeeze before sitting back down next to her, facing her.
"You can't blame yourself for that, that wasn't your load to carry"
“Except it was, I am your big sister after all. I should have protected you.” Mirabel felt her words, the ugly resentment hidden within her agreed with her words 'yes, you should'.
“Maybe, but you can't expect to carry everything by yourself,” she said instead.
"It's what you've been doing all this time," Luisa declared dryly, not accusingly but sadly, surprising Mirabel. Her gaze was flat, and her eyes were devious, filled with regret. “I wish I had noticed before how lonely you felt, how much weight you have been carrying by yourself, you always give and give and give, but you never receive anything in return. I'm sorry for abandoning you chiquita, I should have paid more attention to you ” Mirabel smiled at her sister, appreciating her apology, but feeling that, once again, Luisa was being too hard on herself. 'Oh god, I'm becoming my mom'
“Oh Luisa, you have always been so, so strong, and I am not talking about any physical strength, you have always given your best effort to help the community, the family, and even with all the pressure that was imposed on you, you continued to maintain such a kind heart, and despite our distance, you were still a great sister, I don't blame you for not having time for me” and she said it with all her heart, she missed her sister every day, but she still thought of her as a great person, an example to follow.
“That doesn't excuse my actions. I should have had time for you, you are my sister, it was the least you deserved from me, but even in that I failed, that only makes me a loser " she infuriated on herself, Mirabel didn't agree with her self-reproaching, not entirely.
“Luisa, you are not a loser, how could you think of having time for me when you didn't even have time for yourself? Luisa, you have to learned that you are more than the gift you were given, you don't need to be strong all the time, not with me, If you make a mistake, It’s fine, a solution can be found. I don’t need you to be strong, I need you to be my sister. It doesn't matter if I'm your support, it's fine, that’s what being sisters is all about” Luisa's shoulders began to tremble, as she suppressed a sob, she covered her face with her hands, lamenting.
"Look at you, I was supposed to be consoling you here but now the roles were suddenly reversed" Mirabel perked up, getting up from her seat, she took her hands away from her sister's face and squeezed them tightly.
"That's right, that's how a family works! Just like you said, one cannot expect to give, give and give without receiving anything in return, we must help each other, be there for each other" Luisa smiled, Mirabel acted like if she had discovered the black thread, 'perhaps she did, with how disastrous this family is…' Luisa thought to herself, causing the small smile that had blossomed to fade into a very sad look.
"Mirabel, how is it that this family was so broken without us realizing it?" The brunette sighed, having asked herself that question almost daily. She normally wouldn't be a guru on family problems, but so much time to herself reflecting on her family, by being on the outside looking in, it wasn't hard for her to come up with an answer.
“We all strive to maintain the status quo, we all try our best to contribute in one way or another to the family and the community, and we forgot about ourselves, all that mattered was fulfilling the role that was pigeonholed to us and by losing ourselves, we also lost the bond that united us as a family” A long silence followed her admission, assimilating the words spoken.
"I forgot about you…" she said crudely. The youngest remained silent, waiting to hear more of what Luisa had to say. Their relationship in general has been good, but they were never really that close, not close enough to tell their dirty secrets, or their most intimate feelings and regrets, much less heard it coming from her sister Luisa, who has always made an effort to keep a firm front.
“All this time I thought that giving all of myself to the community, for the family, was the right thing to do, but in the end, I just ended up putting the expectations of others over my own family” tears began to accumulate in Luisa’s eyes while turning to see the brunette, who felt her heart break at the sight of her sister looking so broken, her own eyes began to itch.
“Mirabel, I want you to know that no responsibility, no obligation to the town, or any stupid candle is worth more than you. I love you so much chiquita, por favor perdóname for failing to show it to you” Luisa immediately pulled her into a tight hug, which was not bone-crushing as they used to be, but still surrounded Mirabel with her warmth, the younger hugged her back just as strongly. At this point, Luisa began to sob on her younger sister's shoulder, regardless of the bewildered looks from passersby.
"It's okay, Luisa, it's okay, I forgive you, and I love you too, very much." Mirabel pulled away from the hug, taking Luisa's face in her hands and tenderly wiping away her tears. The sisters smiled. Luisa sighed more relaxed, feeling the pressure running out of her body.
"Do you know what you need, sis?" Mirabel blurted out, suddenly, in an airy tone.
"What?" Mirabel leaned towards her, as if she were going to reveal a secret to her.
"You need to find a hobby" Luisa snorted at her statement, seemingly out of nowhere "Don't think I didn't realize that you keep trying to help people, even in your free time"
“You make it sound so easy, you have so many hobbies yourself! But I… haven't had time for that in a long time. It's just…in my life, all I've ever known was this…pressure. And now that I'm free of it, I feel…empty, like doing anything other than helping the community is a waste of time and I'm letting everyone down, and I know I shouldn't feel that way but I can't help it. I honestly don’t know what to do."
Mirabel watched her for a few moments, feeling bad for her sister, clearly the self-esteem issue that her older sister had on her hands was one that she couldn't solve with just a few words of encouragement, she reminded herself to talk about this with her mom and Abuela, but she hoped that there was still something she could do, anything, to make her feel better. And it was probably because of the emotional atmosphere that she felt free to confess something about herself. She might as well help her sister see more for herself, 'starting by getting her a hobby'
"You know what? In the beginning, the reason why I started with my hobbies…embroidering clothes, playing the accordion, guitar, taking care of the children of the village, I…I just wanted to attract the attention of the family, since I didn’t have a gift, I wanted to make them see that I could also be useful, that I was as special and talented as the rest of the family, I wanted you to make you proud…”
"Mirabel..."
“But still, well, I would say that I eventually owned my hobbies, I learned to really appreciate them instead of just using them as a means to an end, so I started to enjoy doing something just for myself, and not for anyone else. Maybe you can try it too.”
"Oh Mirabel, I'm so sorry you felt you had to prove yourself, you're amazing just the way you are." Luisa cried, suddenly pulling Mirabel into another tight hug as she ranted
“Y’know, you can also lean on me. You don't have to overexert yourself to prove your worth as a member of the family, as you said yourself, we are a family and we should support each other!” the older moved away from their embrace to face the brunette, looking at her determinated.
“I promise I won't leave you behind again, I want to spend more time with you, and that we can feel like really close sisters again. Maybe… maybe you can help me find a hobby, y’know, figure it out together?” Luisa smiled hopefully while the youngest felt like a dream, this was what she always wanted: an opportunity to be closer to her sisters again, like they used to be years ago. Mirabel hugged her sister.
"Oh Luisa, I missed you" Luisa gave her a kiss on her forehead.
"I missed you too, chiquita, and I’ll do it better, I promise".