Chapter Text
Many say that parents don’t have a favorite. That is always said but Isabela knows better. Parents may perhaps love all their children equally, but there will always be those with whom they connect more, in her family this is no exception. Mirabel is her mom's favorite, and Luisa is dad's favorite. She can see it in the way mom smiles so, so tenderly at Mirabel and she always asks how she feels, she tucks her in at night and showers her with love, reminding her every day how special she is; she can see it in how his dad always deliberately seeks out Luisa for nothing more than to talk about her and her interests, so that she remembers that her strength is not all she had and he has always predicted when his daughter needed comfort.
Her parents had their favorites, and she wasn't one of them.
But she was okay with that, because she was Abuela's favorite. She was the first of all her grandchildren, the first in the second generation and for the few months before the arrival of her cousin Dolores, she was the blessing of her family. And for her Abuela, well, she has always been her favorite, even after the birth of her cousin Dolores and the birth of her sister Luisa, and this fact only became more real and tangible on the day of her ceremony, when she received her gift.
It was no secret to anyone that Abuela had a favorite, -to the consternation of her tíos- to confirm it, it was only necessary to observe the photographs of the day of the ceremony of each member of the family. And therein lies the irony, in these pictures you could also tell who had fallen from her Abuela's grace, Mirabel didn't get a photo, just as she didn't get a gift, and as for her Tío Bruno, well, the young girl doesn't have a doubt that if his ceremony photo were not a set with those of his sisters, the Abuela would have removed it, just as she removed the photographs of him that hung along the stairs that lead to the dark and abandoned door that is Tío Bruno's room.
On her part, during the well-spend first six years of her life, she always had the unconditional love of her Abuela, such a kind woman, who adored her; and she herself loved having her attention and her praise, the sweet look she received from her and so the lovely words. For this reason, she made an effort to give the best of herself, to make her family proud, not because it was required of her but because she wanted to, as such, Isabela never doubted of her abuela's unconditional love. Not until Mirabel.
When Mirabel was born, Abuela seemed to find a new light in her eyes. At the very moment Abuela held her in her arms with the look she gave her; as if it was a privilege to see her, and to see her grow were a delight.
Despite this, at first, she hadn’t noticed the displacement, thinking that the recent attention for her younger sister was due to the news of another baby, and by being the youngest of the family; Camilo also received almost the same amount of attention, after all.
And of course, she couldn't blame baby Mirabel for capturing all the adults' attention, because in fact, she herself was infatuated with her baby sister; she was very similar to her mamá and so cheerful and so curious and optimistic. During her first three years of life, Mirabel's relationship with her older sister was as close as her relationship with Camilo, but still very different; Camilo was her "twin" as they used to call each other, but Isabela was her hermana mayor, to whom she went -if her mother couldn't-, when she needed comfort, to whom she asked thousands of questions, who took her hand with her much smaller hand whenever they walked down the street together, who would ask her to make her flower crowns and would always ask her to make every plant that her impressionable young eyes saw, even if they were very exotic and unique unlike all the roses that Isabela’s used to make bloom to receive a smile from Abuela.
Mirabel was always delighted with whatever creation her hermana mayor created.
She always followed Isabela like a duckling with her mother duck and Mirabel doesn't remember it, but it was she who taught her to walk. Long story short, the sisters adored each other, and Abuela also adored seeing her two granddaughters so close. But as they grow up, when Isabela entered adolescence, she began to want more time for herself and not as much as Mirabel's "babysitter", and even more, she wanted to have back the attention that Abuela gave her when she was little, but the older Mirabel became and the closer the date of her ceremony was, the more attention she received from Abuela and the more Abuela forgot about her, now, she only gave her duties as "the oldest" while Mirabel continued to be pampered as the baby of the family, it was a shock for little Isabela, when for the first time in her life, she doubted of the love that her Abuela had for her, being replaced by Mirabel. The change frightened her. She imagines that it was since then that the ugly jealousy for her sister began.
Then the tragedy happened.
She still remembers from time to time that day, the day Mirabel didn't receive her door, the day Bruno left, when nothing was ever the same again. The memory of that had always caused her various mixed emotions. When it first happened: Mirabel's door vanishing, leaving nothing but a bare wall, no doors illuminated with intricate designs with Mirabel in the center, no magical room in honor of her hermanita, no special gifts that allow Mirabel to help the community, which would allow her to make her family proud. Isabela was angry, even indignant: with the candle for not having given the girl a gift, with the casita for not even making her a room, and with Abuela for having cared more about the miracle and not about her mariposita crying, scared and confused.
At that moment, no childish jealousy mattered to her.
Hours later when her mamá finally got a sobbing Mirabel to sleep, she slipped into the nursery and cradled her hermanita in her arms, stroking her curls and kissing the top of her head, promising that she would never stop loving her, with or without a gift.
She was her mariposita, after all.
As simple as that.
Or so she thought.
She broke her promise so quickly that she was embarrassed. Bruno had disappeared and Mirabel had remained very eerily quiet since that day, despite her attempts to make her feel better, no matter what flowers she made bloom, her mariposita barely smiled. A month later the sky was still a precarious gray color reflecting Tía Pepa's state of mind. It was then that Abuela particularly approached her to explain the situation herself. Since her mamá Julieta was so affected herself by the recent events, that she hadn't had time to explain it to her.
What her Abuela said to her changed her perspective completely; it turns out that the situation was a bit more complicated than she imagined. Abuela confided to her, -at the age of eleven-, her concerns about the miracle, what the vanishing of Mirabel's door might mean, and what Bruno's departure might imply, to whom Abuela had apparently asked for a vision of Mirabel's future on the same day he disappeared. The woman had no trouble connecting the points and concluded that whatever Bruno saw wasn't good, not good for the family, for the Encanto, and he decided not to share it with the family, in the words of her Abuela "condemning us" and what is worse, that this danger somehow had to do directly with Mirabel, her mariposita, so that this wasn’t a failure of the miracle, but Mirabel's failure. She asked her not to say anything about this to anyone, not to the adults, much less to her parents, Abuela said that they wouldn’t understand (now she understands that it was because they wouldn’t have allowed Mirabel to be portrayed like that, because Mirabel was never guilty of anything, instead they were the ones who failed her…).
And she, an eleven-year-old girl, who didn't know any better, believed her. And when, in the months that followed, Abuela began to give her her full attention again, so it wasn't hard for her to simply accept the facts. With Abuela’s words, Isabela now knew that it was in them; the remaining Madrigal, in Abuela, in her, to correct Bruno and Mirabel’s failures.
She supposes today that the real reason why she decided to accept everything without question was because she had witnessed the change in her Abuela's behavior, when before, just a month ago, Abuela saw Mirabel as the "luz de sus ojos" now there was nothing but disappointment and underneath a look of poorly concealed disgust, so much so that her mami harshly complained to Abuela for her silent treatment towards Mirabel; she in her eleven years of life had never seen her mother so upset and angry before. The truth to be told is that she feared receiving the same look from her Abuela, she faced the terrible realization that, after all, her Abuela's love wasn’t entirely unconditional, because Mirabel didn’t obtain her gift, she couldn’t make herself useful for the Encanto, thus, she was unable to obtain Abuela’s love. After this new understanding, for the first time in her life, Isabela felt the weight of her own gift.
Thus, for eleven-year-old Isabela, that was the day that two members of the family fell into disgrace; they couldn't live up to Abuela's expectations, so it was natural that they would fall from her grace, as simple as that. For the Isabela of the present, 21-year-old, she could only think of that moment as the one in which she decided to turn her back on her mariposita, the little girl whom she swore to love forever.
And all of that weighed on her.
In the two and a half weeks that their gifts disappeared, the magical-no longer magical Madrigals had to adjust to the new circumstances. For some it was easier than others.
Pepa felt much lighter than she had ever felt, free to feel all of her emotions, she chooses to ignore the discordant feeling of no longer having the annoying cloud that followed her everywhere, as if she was missing one limb; Julieta felt a new energy recovered, now that she didn't have to get up so early to cook for the whole town, although old habits are hard to break, and despite all the free time she had to interact properly with her husband and daughters, it still weighed on her chest every time someone got hurt, -even if it’s a little kitchen burn- and she wasn't able to help; she still refused to show her sorrow, the last thing she wanted was for Mirabel to feel guilty about it again.
Dolores felt quite disturbed by the sudden silence, it was a deafening silence, she felt anxious for not knowing everything that was happening in the Encanto, fearing that, by not hearing it, something could catch them off guard and hurt her family. Mariano was a great help, focusing Dolores’ attention on rediscovering the world in a different way with the soft and calm sounds of nature; Camilo sometimes found himself trying to transform into someone else, only to be disappointed, but on the positive side, he had the opportunity to rediscover himself and all the things he can do, not like anyone else but only by being himself; Antonio was seen around trying to communicate with the animals, looking down, until Mirabel gave him a couple of stuffed animals, he perked up a bit and even started playing with them with a couple of children from the town, like Juancho, Alejandra and Cecilia.
Bruno still looked uncomfortable around the family (except for Mirabel and the pequeño Antonio), he found overwhelming being surrounded by the town, bitterly thinking to himself that the town's sudden interest was due to the fact that he no longer had his bad luck gift, though his sisters assured him it was because they felt guilty and wanted to "redeem themselves." Other than that, Tío Bruno doesn't seem affected in any way by his lack of gift, Isabela thought it was because he had already gone ten years without using it anyway; the man probably also felt so little of his gift that he probably even felt relieved not to have it anymore.
And there was Luisa… oh Luisa, she was the one who most resented the loss of her gift, with all her self-esteem based on the recognition of the people, for her usefulness for the community thanks to her gift. Abuela, her parents and even Mirabel have gone out of their way to reassure Luisa that she is more than just her gift, that no one thinks of her as a loser or a disappointment. Isabela wished she could do something to support her sister, feeling terrible herself for not having seen before the burden she carried. Oh, how much guilt Isabela carried these last few weeks...
She wasn’t a good hermana mayor.
For none of her sisters. For a few days now, her two younger sisters formed a united front of mutual support, spent time together like never before, smiled and joked with each other, shared hobbies.
This is how Isabela saw them that morning.
The whole family was gathered in the casita that was taking more shape every day, the first floor was almost finished. Mirabel and Luisa were one next to the other, helping each other with the construction, the smallest offering to carry heavy loads for Luisa, while she smiled at Mirabel moved, they looked so happy together, happy without her. And Isabela, even though she knows she shouldn't, felt jealous. Not for Luisa, with whom she continued to have a good relationship over the years, but for Mirabel. Isabela believed that they had made progress in their relationship, so why hasn't Mirabel decided to spend time with her yet? After the fall of the house, the interactions between the two were reduced to dedicating sweet smiles and a good morning at breakfast, good night before going to bed.
And Isabela hated it; she hated how even that minimal daily interaction was the best they've had in years, she hates how for Mirabel that seems to be enough, she hates seeing how her hermanita's eyes lit up every time she smiled and greeted her, as if that simple gesture It have made her day, as if it was more than she could have expected from the eldest. How did she let them come to this? She wasn't any fool, she knew why Mirabel didn't speak to her, why she didn't get close to her, how could she want to do it? After how she's treated her all these years.
All these tumultuous feelings ended up making her feel a horrible pit of guilt in her stomach, her throat tightened into a lump seeing her two younger sisters together, right in front of her. They were so close to her yet so far. Isabela furiously slammed the cement mix against the bricks, frowning. She was in a bad mood, jealousy at this point so familiar swirling wildly inside her, the annoying lump in her throat that left her breathless every time she saw her two sisters enjoying themselves without her and rightly so, 'because she didn't deserve to be with them, she didn't deserve to feel jealous or want for once in her life the attention of her hermanita Mirabel, because she brought all this to herself' and so the guilt settled and formed a permanent home within her chest, which made her feel dizzy, the irritation she felt for not being able to temper her emotions, so many frustrations and remorse together left her wanting to scream, tear her hair out and even cry at the same time. She was ready, predisposed to explode at anyone who next decided it was a good idea to talk to her right then and there.
"Isa!" She heard someone calling her, not far from her, the person was coming closer, excited, breathless and completely unconscious "Isa, I know you're busy but I was talking to Luisa and I wanted to...!"
"What?! what do you want mujer?! I'm busy here, don't you see?!” Isabela yelled turning to her, finally finding a target to vent all of her pent-up anger on. The attacked felt as if she had received a punch in her stomach, taking her breath away and feeling a flip in her heart. She continued hesitantly and scared.
"Ah...no, I, s-sorry, it's just that I had made you a..." Isabela interrupted, still unaware of the person she was attacking.
“I'm not in the mood to listen to you right now! Go bother someone else, why don't you go back to Luisa and continue licking her shoes like a puppy in need of attention and stop distracting me from my work?" She spat out the words with venom, her ugly jealousy spilling from her lips. Some people around them stopped making repairs to watch the scene unfold in front of them, completely bewildered. As well as several members of the family, her parents and tíos and her hermana Luisa in the background, all with their mouths open at Isabela's sudden outburst. It was not the first time that the sisters fought, but it was never as bad like that, besides they never thought that now after all that happened, Isabela would continue to act this way towards Mirabel; Julieta felt strongly disappointed.
They knew that what was to come wasn’t going to end well.
Apparently, some habits take time to break. And she couldn't help but lash out at her hermanita when her own burdens become too much, like she used to...
“Ey…y-you…what's your problem with me?! There's no need to be so…tan perra!” Mirabel lashed out, hiding the hurt tone behind her raised voice and clenching her fists, her eyes stinging. The older one gasped at her words.
"Excuse me?!"
"I just wanted to talk to you for a moment, is that too much to a-ask?" the brunette's voice broke at the end, gripping the straps of the big bag she was carrying on her tightly.
“Dios, how can you be so oblivious?! Learn to read the mood for once! I don't want you here, so why don't you just leave?" Now Mirabel is the one who gasped, not a gasp as dramatic, long and drawn out as Isabela's, but a choppy one, very low, which could barely be heard by her. Silence fell on the place, everyone holding their breath waiting for the next thing to happen. Mirabel approached a little more, looking directly at her, the difference in height became apparent and yet… A flat, crashing sound rang out. Isabela's face turned to the side and she felt a burning on her cheek. Isabela didn’t react, disconcerted, confused with what had happened, until she came out of her stupor.
'Oh...Mirabel slapped me'
Isabela's eyes began to water, not because of repressed indignation, nor because of the pain on her cheek, but because of the pain that she felt in her heart when she realized that she had once again unjustly lashed out at her Mirabel. Her own words replaying in her head over and over again. 'Oh god, no… I'm sorry, I'm sorry' she wanted to plead, but her words were pressed against her throat, her body felt cold and felt ashamed of herself. ‘I have failed you again, lo lamento tanto…’
Mirabel choked back a sob, wiping away her tears furiously, her sudden anger gone leaving nothing but a feeling of hopelessness, of deep sadness, she didn't understand why her sister lashed out at her like that again, she thought they had moved on in their relationship, but as she could see, she was wrong. She felt herself crying right there, embarrassed, and so that for no one to see her break down, yelled a “I hate you” at Isabela and ran off. Without listening to the pleas of Luisa and her daddy, telling her not to run away, not to leave them again...
At that moment, both Mirabel and Isabela had a single thought in mind:
'Why did I/she have to be like this?'.