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I'll Pretend It's Just An Accident

Summary:

Sometimes, Gerard gets too in his head.

It's up to his boyfriend to make it all go away.

Notes:

Honestly, I'm sorry.

Please be careful reading this - I don't want to trigger anyone so if you struggle with self-harm, suicide or anything similar, please don't feel you have to read this. Stay safe and I love you

Work Text:

“I understand if you want to leave,” Gerard whispered against his boyfriend’s tattooed forearm, “I won’t blame you or anything.” 

Sweet-smelling bubbles came up to his chest and stubbornly clung to his dangerously protruding collarbones. Dozens of thin, perfectly straight, red tiger stripes decorated his wrists and thighs, stinging blissfully from the lavender body wash his boyfriend had insisted on using to clean the dried blood away.  

“I don’t expect you to keep dealing with all this shit just because we’re together.” Gerard’s eyes were focused on the steamy mirror ahead, knowing that the look of disappointment in his boyfriend’s eyes would be too much to bear. “It isn’t normal. Fuck, it isn’t healthy for you to constantly be around this…this…patheticness.” His voice broke on the last word and a sob clawed its way up his throat. 

Beside him, Frank adjusted his position on the tiled floor. His long fingers stroked through his boyfriend’s impulsively bleached and cropped hair while he listened to the self-deprecating words leaving his mouth. They had been in this situation time and time again so now, Frank knew how to deal with a crisis. Not that that made it any easier. He hated having to hear all the god awful things that came out of his boyfriend’s mouth and, if he had the power, he’d kiss it all better. But lips can’t touch the chemicals in a brain. Lips can’t heal gashes made by a blade. 

In the bath, Gerard sobbed; his salty tears dripped into the steamy water and Frank’s heart broke into a million pieces. “Shh, you’re OK. I’m right here,” Frank cooed, struggling to stabilise his own voice. “I’ve got you, let it all out.” 

“B-but you shouldn’t be! You-you shouldn’t have to! I don’t want you to wake up one day and find me dead on the floor! Don’t you see that!” Gerard was becoming increasingly panicked and started to hyperventilate. 

Frank stripped off his t-shirt and pyjama pants and stepped into the bath behind Gerard, wrapping his strong arms around his pale waist. Instantly, Gerard leant back into his chest. Eventually, Gerard’s sobs subsided and instead he was quietly sniffling. Frank wiped the tears still running down his face and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. 

“Do you remember when I came down with the flu and you made me soup and looked after me?” Frank whispered into Gerard’s shoulder, his fingers stroking small circles onto his hips. 

Gerard nodded, breathing shakily. 

“Why did you do that?”

“Because I love you,” Gerard replied in a small voice, looking up through his eyelashes to see the button nose of Frank. 

“Exactly. Believe it or not, I love and care about you so fucking much. Why would I want to leave someone as amazing and brave and courageous and gorgeous as you just because they’re struggling? I won’t ever leave you, I promise.”

Gerard gave Frank a watery smile. “You’re so sweet.” 

Frank leant down and pressed a soft kiss to his boyfriend’s lips, “you’re sweeter. Now come on, I don’t want you turning into a prune.” 

Together, they climbed out of the bath and wrapped themselves in fluffy towels. Frank gently dabbed anti-bacterial cream onto the cuts decorating Gerard’s extremities and covered them in bandages, talking to him the entire time to distract him from the sight of the weeping slices. Frank helped him put soft pyjamas on and climbed into bed with him, spooning him from behind and pressing soft and light kisses to every inch of skin available. 

“I love you, honey.” 

“I love you too.”