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It really frustrated Marcy how easily words that seemed to have no discernible effect on others could send her spiraling hopelessly, especially coming from one of her lovely girlfriends.
Stupid. Dumb. Idiot. Words like these were spoken so casually, as if everyone else had an immunity to them. Anne and Sasha were no exception, especially when bantering with each other. Even then, it left Marcy uneasy, yet she felt she had no right to voice this discomfort. For one, what right did she have to police how her girlfriends teased each other? If Anne and Sasha were fine with it, maybe it wasn’t that big of a deal. And hey, they never called Marcy stupid. The worst that would happen would be light chastisement (“Please don’t take dumb risks like that, we care about you Marbles”) or as a way to reassure her when unhelpful thoughts made themselves known (“Of course we still love you Mar Mar, don’t pay those stupid thoughts any mind”).
Marcy knew that the “right” thing to do would be to have an honest conversation with Anne and Sasha about how she felt, instead of pretending like this didn’t matter to her. No more lies, hadn’t they agreed? And yet after…everything in Amphibia, this seemed like a grievance not worth troubling those who had so graciously forgiven her over. And even if she did bring it up, and they did apologize for such a minor offense, what would she say? “I forgive you”? As if she had any right to be the one handing out forgiveness to either of them.
Instead, she pushed these thoughts out of mind in favor of basking in a sunset stroll with Sasha. The blond had insisted that she, “needed some sappy one-on-one time with her Marshmallow” while Anne was off helping the Plantars with the spring harvest. This had earned Sasha some delighted giggles from Marcy, who agreed on the condition that they could check out a new ice cream shop while they were out.
Sasha asked how her recent work for the provisional Newtopian government had been going, listening intently as Marcy regaled her with every intricate detail of plans for the political and social restructuring taking place under Lady Olivia’s provisional rule. Despite the horrors that had been done to her there, somehow Marcy retained her love of info dumping about Amphibia’s workings down to every minutia. The details of mining operation shutdowns, ecological repair operations, elimination of the species based caste system, and reparations to various frog communities after years of extortion and unjust taxation policies spilled from Marcy’s lips only punctuated by her need for air. Sasha’s example to the toads of what it meant to do better, to repair the harm one caused as opposed to justifying it as necessary with flimsy, self-serving excuses, had made that last effort even remotely feasible, and Marcy was sure to remind her of this fact.
“Eh, you give me far too much credit Marbles. We all know that it’s you and Anne who really turned things around over there.” Sasha said, with a grin that almost hid her discomfort. Learning to forgive and love herself in spite of her mistakes was proving to be bitter work, taking months of therapy and lots of unlearning what she had been taught about deserving love. She had made progress, yet still often struggled to receive compliments from her girls without deflecting.
“I’m serious Sashy! Do you know how many times I hear about the ‘A Strength that Can’t Face One’s Faults is No True Strength’ speech you gave when some toads threatened to leave the rebellion? General Yunan quoted it in a meeting when some of the newts were pushing back on the reparations. I think someone even transcribed the whole thing and started distributing it; you’ll probably be in an Amphibian Motivational Speeches anthology someday!” exclaimed Marcy excitedly.
“Well, I think that ink would be better spent on recording the genius of Marcy Wu, the brilliant girl who at thirteen started designing the underpinnings of a new sociopolitical reality for an entire world!” Sasha gushed, pausing to strike a pose as if she was showing her girlfriend off to the rolling hills of Highland Park, or even the sun itself.
“Now who’s giving who too much credit? You know I’m not the only one working on this right? Getting rid of a despot making decisions unilaterally was kiiiind of the point.” Marcy pointed out. “Besides, it was ‘the genius of Marcy Wu’ that led to…him…being able to do so much damage in the first place. Some brilliance.” she muttered, her own self-deprecation and shame creeping into her voice.
Sasha promptly turned to face Marcy, grasping both of her hands at this point. “Hey, no one gets to talk about my incredible, genius girlfriend that way. I guarantee Anne would tell you the same thing if she were here. One dumb choice you made at thirteen doesn’t define you. I guarantee it won’t be the last dumb thing you do in your life, and you’ll still be a genius and we’ll still love you all the same.”
The feeling of Sasha’s hands grasping hers, a firm and comforting sensory reminder of how much the cheerleader turned warrior cherished her, was contrasted against the weight of what were surely meant as comforting words. Despite desperate attempts to reclaim her earlier mood, those words threatened to drag her under the tide of her own self-hatred.
Dammit, she had been doing so well. The beautiful scenery, Sasha’s undivided attention to her interests, it had been enough to keep Marcy’s mind off of her earlier rumination. But one of those words, dumb, in reference to her own actions caused years of childhood bullying to resurface in Marcy’s mind. Kids who called her dumb for not getting a joke. Middle schoolers who whispered about that “dumb girl who couldn’t separate fantasy from reality”. Thinking about that last one, maybe her bullies had been right? Her desire to “live out the fantasy” had almost gotten the three of them killed, not to mention the immense trauma they all kept as souvenirs. Maybe there was no better word for it than dumb, and the only reason it bothered her so much was because her dumb brain was being recognized for how dumb it really was and apparently always would be? Oh great, now she was shaking. Just what she needed, a shutdown in the middle of what had been such a beautiful date. Once again, her dumb brain was being stu-
“Hey hey, Marbles what’s wrong? Oh shit, am I holding your hands too tightly? What can I do to help?” Sasha questioned, quickly realizing what was going on.
Marcy couldn’t speak to respond, but desperately shook her head and squeezed Sasha’s hands even tighter.
“Ok, no worries, I won’t let go. Do you wanna sit down?” That query earned Sasha a vigorous nod. “Ok Mar Mar, let’s sit down together nice and slow” Sasha said as she eased her visibly distressed girlfriend down onto the sidewalk.
At this point, visual stimuli was too much for Marcy. Eyes screwed shut, she started rocking back and forth rhythmically.
“There you go Mar Mar, you’re doing great. I’m right here.” Sasha encouraged.
Sasha’s loving voice, along with the stimming it was encouraging, eventually helped ground Marcy. In time, she was able to open her eyes, focusing her gaze down on the sidewalk they were sitting on.
Sasha looked at the girl, one of the loves of her life, wishing she could just know what had put her through such anguish. She knew better than to force Marcy to speak if she wasn’t ready though.
“Hey Marcy? I’m gonna ask some questions if that’s ok, to try and figure out how I can help. You don’t have to talk at all, and if any point you want me to shut up, just start shaking my hands up and down. Is that ok?”
Marcy nodded.
“Ok” Sasha said, after taking a calming breath. “Was this brought on by something sensory?”
Marcy shook her head, worried about how to communicate the complex feelings around what had lead to the shutdown with only binary answers.
“Gotcha. Did we walk too far? Is it exhaustion or strain related?” Another head shake from Marcy.
Sasha was at least glad that she was starting to narrow things down, though with those options out of the way she was left with a thornier question to ask.
“Was it something that I said?”
Silence. Marcy felt tempted to shake Sasha’s hands up and down, to just put an end to this conversation before her girlfriend learned what an insignificant slight it was that had completely dismantled her.
But before she could do so, she nodded her head, as if her body and heart had conspired against her mind. Tears started welling up in her eyes. And suddenly, the words started bursting from her lips like soda from a can that had been shaken far too many times.
“It was the word dumb! You said that my decision was dumb! God, I know that this is ridiculous, but every time I hear people use words like that it brings to mind every time that I was treated like an alien for being autistic! And with you and Anne, it’s even worse! You mostly use them on each other, but it leaves me feeling l’m watching you throw knives at each other for fun, like it’s a pillow fight or something! And then you use the knives to try and comfort or chastise me, and I’m left wondering if I’m just so broken that my dumb brain is telling me that harmless pillows are knives! And maybe this is what I deserve, if my dumb brain is what caused me to almost get the people I love the most killed! So great! Now you know how weak, oversensitive, and ridiculous I am.”
As the tears started running down her face, Marcy looked up to see tears in Sasha’s eyes as well.
“Can I give you a hug?”
Her anxious spiraling interrupted by the question, Marcy answered before her rumination could override what she truly wanted in that moment. “Yes please.”
Marcy felt herself being wrapped tightly in Sasha’s embrace, burying her face in the crook of Sasha’s neck. As Sasha began rubbing her back, the tears started flowing even harder, all of her resistance having broken down in the face of Sasha’s firm yet gentle touch. Marcy found comfort in the various sensations that holding her girlfriend provided; the rough texture of her denim jacket, the comforting pressure of her embrace, the softness of her skin against her face, all serving as reminders of Sasha’s steadfast love.
Sasha was the one to break the silence that had fallen over them, “Oh Marcy, I am so so sorry. You’re not being ridiculous at all, ok? I…I should’ve thought more about what I was saying. And not just today, I’m sorry for all of the times I’ve hurt you with words like that. I promise, I’m gonna delete those words from my vocabulary.”
“But everyone uses words like those! How could I expect you to change your vocabulary so drastically?” Marcy protested.
“Because they’re hurting you. That’s the only reason I need, ok? Besides, we both know that just because a word gets used a lot, doesn’t make it right.” Sasha responded, her gaze earnest and steadfast.
It pained Sasha, the realization that Marcy was mediating what she would bring up with her or Anne based on how supposedly reasonable it was. She knew that it was most likely a defense mechanism, learned over years of having one’s problems ignored or dismissed. It probably hurt less to bottle everything up inside than to reveal how one felt, only for those feelings to get trampled on. Assess which harms are most likely to be taken seriously, and only try to address those; it reminded Sasha of some math concept Marcy had been trying to help her understand. What was it called again? Oh yeah, expected value. Take each possible outcome, multiply the value of that outcome by the probability of it happening, and sum all of those up to calculate the predicted utility of a given action. It was so perfectly, so logically Marcy, that it would be adorable if it wasn’t completely heartbreaking. Marcy’s life must have taught her that only bringing up the most glaring instances of harm done to her had a positive expected value, and that trying to address anything else would only cause her more harm.
Sasha was determined to show Marcy that she had people in her life who would take all of her concerns seriously, that nothing was too minor to talk about. It probably wouldn’t happen over a single conversation, but now was the second best time to start undoing the damage of the past. She’d need help from another person though, someone who was currently in a different world pulling vegetables out of the ground.
“Would you be up for telling Anne how much this is bothering you? I think she’d wanna know, that this is causing you so much pain.”
Marcy scrunched her face, like her thoughts were running up against an invisible skybox in her mind. “I…I don’t know. I know that I should. Like, I know logically that telling her would probably make things better. It’s just…hard, for some reason”
“Vulnerability is hard, Mar Mar. I would know, like seriously.” Sasha deadpanned, thinking about the plethora of walls she had constructed around her own heart. “Would it help if I got the conversation started?”
Hard was an understatement. 100 percent-ing Vagabondia Chronicles was hard. Completing a Pokémon Platinum Nuzlock was hard. Telling one of the people who she had hurt the most, yet who eventually forgave and loved her, that she was doing something that was hurting her? She’d rather try to prove whether P=NP or not.
“Maybe? Could you just like, have the conversation for me?” Marcy asked, making her best puppy dog eyes as she looked at Sasha sheepishly.
“Marcy, I think it’s really important that you express how you feel, not me.” Sasha replied, a comforting smile carrying a hint of concern adorning her face. “I’m willing to help out though, like jumping in when you get stuck and stuff. And I’m not saying this needs to happen tonight or anything. I’m just suggesting that talking about it when you’re ready might help.”
Marcy slowly nodded, realizing that she couldn’t bottle this up forever.
“Ok, how’s this for a plan?” Sasha clapped her hands together, “I’ll carry you to that ice cream place and buy you two scoops of mint chocolate chip as way of apology—and before you start, I’m offering it because I want to and I love you, ok?—Then we can make our way back to Anne’s place, veg out, and play whatever games you want until she gets back. If you’re up for this conversation when that happens, I’ll get it started and have your back the whole time. If not, we’ll just hang out with Anne and not worry about it for tonight. How does that sound, babe?”
Marcy wiped the tears from her eyes, a light smile gracing her face. As much as she wanted to protest that being carried and doted on wasn’t necessary, it did sound nice. A break from walking, free ice cream, and having her wants and needs put first without question? After all of the emotional energy she had just expended, Marcy was too tired to spend energy debating whether or not she deserved such treatment.
Marcy giggled, her smile widening.
“How does it sound? Your plan sounds well considered and highly probable to succeed in making me feel better. I approve of this proposal. As for your choice in pet names, babe? C’mon, I expected you to be more creative than that Sashy.”
Sasha chuckled, raising her arms in mock defense “Okay okay, I hear you. It was a little generic and cheesy.”
As the seasoned warrior turned around to let her girlfriend climb onto her back, she offered “Tell you what? We can spend the rest of this walk brainstorming some more inventive pet names.”
Marcy climbed onto Sasha’s back, wrapping her arm tightly around the girl’s neck. Making their way to the ice cream shop, proposing and discussing various pet names, both girls felt the elation from earlier in their date return to them.
-
Two scoops of ice cream and several hours of Vagabondia Chronicles (while cuddling with Sasha) later, Marcy was feeling completely emotionally recharged. So much so, that she had almost forgotten her earlier shutdown and the ensuing emotional conversation with one of her girlfriends. Engrossed with her current play through, she almost missed the sound of the door to the room she shared with Anne opening.
“Anne!” both girls exclaimed, looking away from the TV with glee at their one and only Anne, back from her time Amphibia.
“Hey girls.” Anne replied with a smile, “How was your sappy one-on-one time?”
“Great! Sashy carried me around Highland Park, the views of the hills and the sunset you can get around there are sooo pretty, and the new ice cream place is really good! I’d advocate adding it to the rotation!” Marcy’s voice was filled with glee, omitting the reason that she had been carried in the first place.
“Oooh, Sasha carried you did she? How chivalrous!” Anne gushed.
“Yeah, I guess…” Sasha said, her face reddening at the memory of their date. “How was the harvest?”
“Ugh. Annoying, that’s for sure.”
Sasha gave her a sympathetic look, “Wanna vent about it?”
“Oh you know, just the fact that Wartwood is one of the only agricultural regions that still has…you know…agriculture after the war. The increased demand for our crops is great for the family’s income, but comes with increased pressure. Long story short, Hop Pop was stricter than usual, which I get, while Polly goofed off even more than usual in rebellion. Sprig and I kind of got caught in the middle, and if it hadn’t been for Frobo I’m not sure if we would have been able to finish.” Anne finished with a sigh.
“I’m sorry Anna-banana, that sounds super frustrating.” Marcy said, reaching out to caress Anne’s hand.
“Thanks, I’m just glad to be done and home with my lovely girlfriends.” Anne returned to gushing over her girls, leaning over to plant a kiss on each of their lips, “And I get to take a break from worrying about the dumb politics of Amphibian food supply”
Marcy winced as the words left Anne’s mouth, a fact that didn’t escape Sasha’s notice. Marcy felt Sasha’s hand grasp her own in a show of comfort, as the former cheerleader mouthed to ask Do you want to talk about it now? Leave it for later?
Marcy, reading Sasha’s lips, gathered her courage and nodded in the affirmative. She figured that with the momentum of having already spoken with Sasha about it today, along with her being present to support, doing it now was the best option she could think of. It was like jumping off the hi-dive into a pool, right? You just had to jump.
“Hey Anne? Could we talk about something? It’s about…language.” Sasha asked, trying to give some frame for the conversation so as to not cause their girlfriend unnecessary anxiety after a long day.
Anne blinked, unsure of where this was going, but getting the sense that this wasn’t going to be about literature homework, “Um, yeah of course! Can I take a second to, like, grab some water and a snack? I’m feeling a little peckish after all that inter dimensional travel.”
“Yeah, totally! Take whatever time you need, we’ll be up here when you’re ready.” Sasha replied, giving Marcy’s hand a gentle squeeze.
Anne nodded, “Thanks, I’ll be back in like 15 minutes or so!”
Once Anne left the room, Sasha turned to Marcy, “Just making sure, you know you don’t have to do this now right? Let us know if you want to bail at any point.”
Marcy looked awkwardly at the floor, “Thanks Sasha, I really do appreciate it. But I feel like if I don’t do it today, I’ll never do it, you know? And I think Anne deserves to know how I’m feeling. No more lies, right?”
Sasha caressed the back of Marcy’s hand with her thumb, “Sure, but also this is about how you’ve been hurt, not just what Anne or I deserve or what our feelings on the matter are.”
Marcy weakly nodded, visibly acquiescing to Sasha’s point but clearly not internalizing it.
At that point, Anne returned to the room with a glass of water in hand.
“How was your snack?” Sasha figured a little small talk never hurt.
“Great! Just killed some leftover spring rolls.” Anne replied with a satisfied smile, taking a seat on the couch next to her girlfriends, “So, what’s up?”
“So, today when I was out with Marcy, I learned that some of the words that we’ve been using have been hurting her. Insults that are based on intelligence / ability, to be more specific.” Sasha started, worried that she was sounding overly clinical or sterile.
Anne looked thoughtfully, pausing before responding, “Ok, could you give me an example?"
It was at this point that Marcy worked up the courage to jump in.
“Yeah, I mean ‘dumb’, ’stupid’, and ‘idiot’ are the main three that get the most airtime. It’s just, I got called those so much growing up. And I know people are like ‘But Marcy, you’re clearly super smart!’, but there’s all these other ways of being ‘smart’ that I apparently was super bad at? And that justified me being treated like an outcast or an alien, by some logic. Because my brain is different. And so when Sasha tells me not to worry about ‘a dumb choice I made’, or you talk about ‘the dumb politics of Amphibian food supply’, which I’m helping manage, it just feels like I’m being told again that my different brain is the problem. And I know you didn’t mean to blame me when venting about the situation in Amphibia right now, or at least I have some confidence in that interpretation. Like, 90%, no more like 93% confidence in that interpretation. But the 7% of me that isn’t sure just kinda works overtime at making me feel terrible about myself. And then when you use them on each other or other people, I wonder if the insult is to be compared to someone like me. And it just…I know, this isn’t like the r-slur or anything. But sometimes it feels like death by a thousand paper cuts, you know? I mean, not death, that’s a little extreme. But it still doesn’t feel great? And I don’t mean to say that I don’t ever want to be criticized, Olm knows that’s not true. I just think that being specific, like calling my choices at 13 ‘selfish’ or something is a lot more accurate and feels better than the class of descriptors that boil down to ‘brain bad’. Am I making sense? I’ve probably been talking too long, sorry.” Marcy finished, surprised at herself. She thought that she would struggle to put her feelings into words, but it turns out that she had plenty of thoughts about this that were itching to be expressed.
There was a silence following Marcy’s string of thoughts and feelings, as all three girls processed in their own way.
Anne was suddenly hit by memories from throughout her childhood, all of how other kids treated Marcy. The number of times she had defended her, saying “Marcy’s smarter than you’ll ever be!”. Of course words like the one she had used would hit a tender spot in Marcy’s heart. And given what had transpired in Amphibia, Marcy’s relationship to the concept of intelligence itself was probably pretty fraught. Sure, Marcy had made a pretty big mistake, one that had hurt the three of them greatly. But that was a thing she did, not because of how or who she was. Anne winced at the fact that her and Sasha’s words had been putting salt in that emotional wound, however unknowingly.
“Wow, I can’t believe that I didn’t realize sooner. Marcy I am so so sorry, thank you for bringing this up. I really should’ve been more attentive to the words I was using.”
“I mean, it’s fine really, it’s no big de—“
“Marcy Wu, please don’t use the title of my song to dismiss your own feelings, ok? If it bothered you this much, then it most certainly was a big deal, no matter what anyone else might say.”
Marcy felt a weight drop from her shoulders. Of course Anne didn’t think she was weird or oversensitive, this was Anne Boonchuy we were talking about. Now though, Marcy was left with a feeling of…awkwardness? How does one accept an apology?
“Argh, this is the part that’s so weird about talking about my feelings. Like, what am I supposed to say in response to an apology that doesn’t sound super conceited? ‘I forgive you’? ‘Thank you’? Ugh it just feels so out of place.” Marcy ruffled her own hair in frustration, hoping to shake off the sense of awkwardness that she was feeling.
Anne and Sasha shared a look that was hard to decipher, “Marcy, neither of those sound conceited? I mean, ‘thank you’ is usually my go to if it’s actually a good apology, because I’m genuinely thankful that the person is trying to repair the harm they caused. And you’ve heard me tell both of you that I forgive you right? Like, I’ve had to say that one a lot in order for it to sink in, apparently.” Anne replied, rolling her eyes at that last bit as she remembered the first few months after the war had ended.
“Yeah, and like, I think ‘thank you’ is a really good alternative to ‘I forgive you’ if you haven’t actually forgiven the person yet. You can love someone and still need time to forgive them. In fact, sometimes not forgiving someone can be an act of love too! Ya know, like ‘I love you enough to expect better of you, and I’ll be ready to forgive you when you get there’, or like ‘I can’t forgive you right now, I don’t know if I ever can, but I still care about you and I care enough to be honest about my feelings’, or something like that.” Sasha added on, her gaze lowering to the floor as her thoughts drifted to her own journey of self-betterment.
Anne, eyes shining with pride, gave Sasha a playful jab in the arm “Look at you! Someone’s clearly been paying attention in therapy. That was really well put, thank you Sasha! Not forgiving someone can be an act of love, I’m gonna remember that one!” she finished, crushing Sasha in a hug and rubbing cheeks with her beautiful girlfriend who was so much more emotionally mature now wow like seriously when did that happen?
“Ugh” Sasha groaned, “Thank you, thank you, I get it and believe me, I don’t mind all this praise and affection, but maybe let’s get back to the conversation at hand?”
Anne released her hold on the girl, “Right, good point. So has this helped at all, Marcy?”
Marcy’s gaze darted around the room, as she tried to collect her nervously skittering thoughts and turn them into words.
“I…I guess I don’t feel like I…like I have the right to forgive, you know?”
Marcy paused, waiting to see if either of her girlfriends had anything to interject. Taking their silence and attentive gazes as signs to keep going, Marcy elaborated.
“I mean I get it, if I’m the one harmed then logically only I’m the one who can forgive whoever harmed me, right? But when it comes to you two, it’s like, I don’t know, maybe it’s that I don’t have the right to not forgive you? After everything my actions put you through? Like, the idea of me arbitrating forgiveness for two people who forgave me for almost getting them killed, and definitely getting them traumatized? It’s—it’s almost laughable, isn’t it?”
Anne and Sasha shared a look of deep concern. Sasha had suspected something like this, both due to her earlier conversation with Marcy and the fact that these were feelings she often struggled with as well. Hearing it uttered by someone other that herself allowed her to realize how completely incorrect that line of thinking was, but she lacked the ability to effectively rebut it with words. She attempted to plead to Anne with a look in her direction, hoping that the hero of Heart would be able to shoot down this flawed logic better than she could. Anne gave her a nod, quiet determination filling her eyes.
“Marcy, no. No no no no no no no.”
Anne’s words came out a mixture of compassionate, horrified, and firm. Part of her had worried that this had been how Marcy was feeling, even before the three of them had started dating. She knew that Sasha and Marcy felt guilty for their various mistakes, and she was worried that deep down, that might keep them from telling her when she messed up. The last thing she wanted was to be pedestalized; that wouldn’t lead to healthy relationships, romantic or otherwise. She had been relieved to find that for the most part, her girlfriends didn’t hold her up as some kind of angel who could do no wrong. That was part of why she treasured the way they teased each other after all! Or the way they were honest in telling her when they thought she had messed up with the Plantars, or her parents. But Marcy’s statement had confirmed that when it came to things that hurt her, her behavior was quite different.
Taking a deep breath, Anne prepared to respond to Marcy’s self-hating musings.
“Look, I’m glad that you’ve taken what you did seriously, and you’ve grown so much from working to learn from that mistake. But Mar Mar? There isn’t some harm scoreboard between us, where the harm I do to you cancels out the harm you do to me. I mean first of all, that doesn’t account for the difference between harm that you’ve worked to repair, and harm that hasn’t been addressed. Clearly those are different, right?”
Marcy reluctantly nodded, she had to admit that those were significantly different. Feeling that she was making good progress, Anne continued.
“Secondly, I don’t want to hurt you. Me hurting you doesn’t right any wrongs, it just adds new wrongs into the world. And I know, I know you’ve had your concerns, your feelings devalued and dismissed for so long, and I’m so so sorry that you’ve been made to feel this way. It’s not your fault, not one bit. It just…makes me sad that you could ever think that telling me that I’m hurting you would be wrong. Or that having any expectations of me to repair the harm I caused is wrong. And I swear that I’m gonna stick by you and show that your needs do deserve to be taken seriously, that people should take accountability for how they’ve hurt you. So again, Marcy Wu, my love, I am sorry. And I am going to do better moving forward, promise.”
The words slowly began to sink in for Marcy, as she began to fully realize how accustomed to minimizing her own feelings she had become. I mean, she had known that it was something she struggled with. But just how used to not getting apologies had she become? Now, as tears of relief began to run down her face, she realized that pretending that she wasn’t hurting while limiting her expectations in an attempt to avoid getting hurt even worse, is something she wouldn’t have to do with Anne and Sasha. And then maybe, she could learn to hold everyone to that standard.
Taking a deep breath, Marcy extended her arms, offering to embrace the girls she loved so dearly. As they took her up on that offer, she held them close to her and smiled, feeling self-imposed restraints begin to lift.
“Thank you both, and I forgive you”